December 22, 2025 • 53 mins
The festive, cozy, and moving chat continues in part two of Ashlyn and Sophia’s holiday extravaganza. From silly habits to deeply felt emotions, the couple reveals the joy their relationship has brought them over the years. This one’s for listeners who love love. Get ready to laugh and even shed a tear or two.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
We were having so much fun on our last episode,
I really needed to make it into a part two,
So we are back. Welcome back, everybody to part two
of Wide Open with the one and only beautiful my
favorite person in the world, Sophia bush Well, into the
(00:25):
holiday spirit. Do you love my sweater?
Speaker 2 (00:28):
I do? Honestly. When you unwrapped this, how did you
get this by me? Because did you get this made
when I was shooting in Canada? That's absolutely yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
I was like, if I'm going to an ugliss an
uglyss uglass, So if you wanted to know, I just
made up a word. If I'm going to an ugly
Christmas weater party, it's got to be chic. It's got
to be hello the family and me on it. And
also like, how cute for Christmas Day? I mean, actually,
I'm going to probably wear it every single day this
(01:03):
holiday season because why wouldn't I? Well, yeah, I'm obsessed
with being a mom and I'm obsessed with the kids,
and like here we are, and the title of this
episode should be have a lit Christmas honestly, so you're welcome.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
I borrowed this from Ocean, So yeah, I literally am
having a lit Christmas.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Speaking of Christmas, what is one gift you want to
give yourself that's not physical this year?
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Moving like physical or material? Not that a thing?
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yeah, just like, what is one gift I want to
give yourself?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
What I want to start giving myself at the top
of twenty twenty six is a certain amount of time
in the morning that is unbookable.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
It's just mine and your time. Block it out.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
But like, so we can go on a walk, we
can go work out, we can write, we can make
a crazy zee breakfast whatever. Like I find so often,
especially because the babies are so young and they're up
so early, We're like up and we're at it and
everything is slammed, and we get them to school and
we come home and we get on zooms and it's like,
(02:13):
I want time. Let's give ourselves time.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
I love that. Okay, what gift do you think we've
given each other this year? I'll answer Okay, First, for me,
I feel that safety has been the biggest gift this year.
I feel totally safe. My nervous system has finally regulated.
(02:42):
I'm not in this fight fight.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
We sleep through the night.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
I'm sleeping through the night. I'm like in my body
in a way I've never experienced. Don't you ever fucking
leave me? I mean we see like safety, I feel
I feel safe, and I don't know when the last
as a child, like I've just genuinely felt safe.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
That makes me want to cry.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Don't cry, but you can answer it. I love you.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
You're so far away, it's so weird.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
I'm like, I know, I'm surprised you haven't found your
way over here.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
I can't. The man is I have a frame. I'm
an actor. I know I have to stay in the frame,
but I don't like it. For the record, so.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
What gift do you think? I also think safety. We've
given each other a sense of peace and safety.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
I mean majorly. Yeah, I would say very similarly, my
my whole constitution has come down. And I just caught
myself saying like, oh, I don't want to use the
(03:55):
words settled, like settled down, because so many people settle
in the wrong way. And I don't mean that, I
mean like the speed of things, Like things were so
high strung for so long, and I just thought, like
that's me and it's it's actually not and it's really
(04:16):
incredible to come down, Like it's like there's just a
little less helium in the balloon. It's not overstretched anymore.
It's like right where it should be. It's still floating,
but it's close and it's nice. I agree with you,
But I did have a thought when you asked the
question before you told me safety is yours, and I
was going to say laughter, Oh, like I laugh every
(04:43):
single day with you. And there was a period in
my life where I thought, like, oh, I've just I've
been through too many circumstantial things to be as amused
as I used to be. And that isn't true. There's
so much humor in our home, and I'm really grateful
for it. I love that.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
It's very sweet. What gift would you say in this
moment you would want to give our listeners and our audience?
Who really you know? You have a podcast on iHeart.
I have a podcast with Women's Sports Network. So many
people show up every single.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
Week and freak all on.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
It's so cool and it's so special. And the things
that I get, like, I get so many letters about
people going through adversity or change or divorce and really
finding their why again and their value. What do you
want to give these people who show up religiously everywhere
(05:48):
we go, who have been so impacted by our story, Like,
what would be the one thing you want to give them?
Speaker 2 (05:55):
I think for me, so I've said this thing for
a really long time. You have to sign your own
permission slips because no one else say it again, you
have to sign your own permission slips.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
You hear that everyone here, that's y'all too, because.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
No one's going to sign it for you. But part
of what I've realized is the root of that aha
or idea or piece of knowledge for me, is that
it's never too late. We all get bamboozled by this
idea that we're on a clock, that we have to
achieve things by a certain time, Like oh my god,
(06:30):
oh my god, I'm running out of time. And time
will make you crazy. Time will make you say yes
to things you want to say no to, being worried about.
Time will make you settle down in the wrong circumstance
because you think it's time to do so, Like you'll
think you're running out of options or moments of inspiration
(06:50):
or the opportunity to change your life or fall in
love or whatever. And if there's anything I could give anyone,
I love and anyone out in the world do. I
don't know, but I send love to It's just knowing
that you you can always give yourself permission. You are
not too old. It is not too late. You are
(07:11):
not running out of time. The magic of time is
actually that every day you're smarter, hopefully than you were
the day before. Like it's gift. So it's not too late.
Sign your own permission slips. I love that anytime.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
So now we're gonna, like, you know, unbutton the caller
and do a little.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Are we getting out of our news anchorchiefs.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
We're getting out of it all, and we're gonna, like
do a rapid fire moment. Okay, so are you ready?
Speaker 2 (07:45):
I need the opposite thing of me as a person,
or what I'm good at is rapid. I'm long winded.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
You are long winded, but I need you to. Okay,
you get focused, yep, focus, focus Okay, Okay, who hogs
the blankets you because you don't move? Your vampire? I
do it sleeps like this. I do doesn't move.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
I don't. And when I feel myself roll over, I
roll back because I was told many years ago Jesus,
here we go. Listen to the two most important things
you can do for yourself. I know everyone wants to
roll their eyes because everyone wants to know gave Chris
Jenner a facelift and like kudos to her, she told
us she looks great. But the point is, like every
no one wants to hear that actual daily practice of
(08:30):
things make a difference, but they do the two most
important things you can do for your skin are sunscreen
and sleeping on your back. So I have literally trained
myself when I feel myself roll over at night and
squish my skin, I immediately go and I get on
my back and I put my head back so my
next stretch it like I don't fuck around.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
I hate it. And I am a face slot side
like stomach, which.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Doesn't mean make sense to me because like you just
look like that.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Well yeah I do, and I do absolutely nothing. I
know I am going against what you think healthy skin
looks like, sleeping like a vampire, vampire when you could
be cuddling with me and you're not.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
I do cuddle with you, but you also know you
fall asleep first. Now that you feel safe.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Now you're getting all the tea everyone, you're welcome, and
when you go into nights.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
I very gently roll you, and then I get into
I assume the vampire position. I protect my face.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Okay, fair, I love it. Who apologizes first?
Speaker 2 (09:35):
You do?
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Oh my god, I do. I can't. She runs me
through this ADHD loop. You do this loop, and I'm like,
what are we I don't even know what's going on. Well,
it's really distracting a little bit.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
I'm also deconstructing a lot of patterns. I'm doing the
work so I don't carry my past into our future
and sometimes obsessed with you. I love you, but sometimes
when like we have a tiff or something is hard.
First of all, you're the softest, mushiest person I know,
(10:10):
but I am more sensitive to conflict. Like you don't mind,
You're like did it said it?
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Move on?
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Like that's the athlete in you.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
I'm like a smushy actor who sits in my subconscious
about my feelings and also was taught to abandon my feelings.
So now that I'm not abandoning my feelings in my
real life, sometimes when I actually feel them, I'm really
overwhelmed and like, I need a minute. And I will
give you such props here because you've learned rather than
being like, what's going on? We're talking about this, Like,
(10:42):
you'll let me have a minute and then I can
express like I see this connection, I see why this
was hard for me. This had nothing to do with you,
or this is just hard for me as a person,
whether it's you or anyone else. I'm learning things.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
But yeah, yeah, you will give me space to process
my feelings before I'm ready to talk or apologize or whatever,
and you'll just be like, I'm really sorry. That was
really intense, and it's it's.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Really so it's are you ready to talk about this?
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Yeah? That's really generous though, because you you know that,
because you recover faster, you can be the leader and
say like are you ready to meet me in the
recovery space or no? And you do it with the
kids where like if there's been a really intense moment
they're learning a hard lesson, it's overwhelming for their little system.
(11:40):
They'll take a minute and then you'll say are you
ready to rejoin the group?
Speaker 1 (11:45):
Are you ready to rejoin the group? Or do you
need a hug?
Speaker 2 (11:48):
Yeah? Well always do you need a hug, but like,
are you ready to rejoin the group? Are you ready
for a reset and to try again with better words,
and you always offer a hug, and you do it
me too, and like there's a literal forty year spread
between the ocean, but like I need it also.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
I love it. You do great tears. He's a better cook.
Who's a better cook me?
Speaker 2 (12:12):
I am.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
You're a better cook than me.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
You are a better baker who.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Cooks more often.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
You're a much more consistent cook. But I make fancier
shit you do.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
I'll tell you what you want to be lean mean
fighting machine. Come into this house. Because every night it's vegetables,
greens and a roasted chicken. Yeah that's it, Yeah, home made.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
I'm up to the roasted chicken game a bit. Let's
be honest. I taught you some things. Now you do
it every day, which is gorge But like.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
When we want the chicken, okay, when I'm not, I'm.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
Actually really tonight, like adhd am I getting every day.
But like when you want the big pot of overnight chili, Yeah,
when you want the like pasta, the heavy Italian sausage
based pasta where I sneak in two boxes a spinach
and no one would know it.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
It's me m hm okay, so yeah, I agree with that.
Who's more or I'd say, you know, okay, okay, who's
more organized?
Speaker 2 (13:16):
This is gonna trip you out. I am more organized.
You are neater, cleaner, and more regimented.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
That is such a mind fuck. What does that even mean?
You are absolutely you're at putting things away with your
label maker. It takes you three years to get there.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
I'm aware. But every organizational system in this house, I
made it. Yes, you will upkeep.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
It, but I will go out. Everything goes in the trash.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
She throws things away, I don't.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
I donate them. Well, I donate them and they just poof,
they're gone. You She's like a super girl with piles.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
To be clear, I also make donation bags. You do,
and then what happens is I leave and you fill
them to the top. And then they leave a house
and I'm like, oh great, they went to Goodwill. Yeah
they went to the women's shelter.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
We love that. Who takes longer to get ready?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
You can get ready faster, but when you really like
take the time, you can get ready in a way
that I don't know how to.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Fair. I agree with that. Usually if it's a red
carpet look or not.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Yeah. The thing that sometimes makes me take longer is
because I'm really not good at doing my own doing
my hair.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Well, that's because you're like squirrel fly, I just papers.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
It's not my spiritual assic.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
I'm like focused on the desk.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
We have to go really hard for me.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
I know, it's like, oh, I got to go through
the kids socks. I'm like, we have to be out
of here on the train in thirty five minutes. Why
are you fucking going through?
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Oh got a Harry clothes in a box because they're
just taking up space in the closet. And she's like, ma'am,
are you okay?
Speaker 1 (15:02):
But I love that about you. But we keep it pushing.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Everything's organized by size.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
That part favorite thing we do together on a lazy morning.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Is this a lazy morning when the whole family's together
or a lazy morning when just were together, just us
stay in, stay in bed.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
I beg her to get out, though I do keep
I know ging you.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
But to wake up, go brush my teeth and then
run back and get back into the bed because we
almost never get to do it. It's so rare. Never,
Oh my god, back in bed. I made you do
it yesterday?
Speaker 1 (15:40):
You sure did Lazy Sundays.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
I love it. And then and what did I do yesterday?
I came out here and I made coffee and I
brought us coffee.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
In my bed.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
It was very you really to be clear, like she
really wanted to get up, she wanted to get out
of bed, and I was like, no, I'll make coffee
if you stay in the bed, and then we could
stay in the bed with the coffee and turn on
a show. It was very sweet.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Well enjoy that because it doesn't happen very I'm aware.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
I'm aware.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
I got I get screaming, Mama, gop get me. I'm like, girl, Oh,
I'm like, girl, just get out of your bed. You
can walk. I mean it startles me every morning. It's
a or I'm getting poked, or I wake up and
I look on a camera. My three year old son
(16:31):
is now crawling under the Christmas tree to figure out
a way to change it to the flashing flashing color. Yeah,
I mean, it's so manic. I'm like, it is three
o'clock in the morning. Why is ocean under the Christmas tree?
Speaker 2 (16:46):
He's perfect, He's perfect, and it's so wild to see
how different. They are like Sloan will wake up and
get a stuffy and like act this way, just maybe
get a book, turn on the little cloud, lay in
her bunk bed, hang out, and he's like trying to
figure out how to climb onto the light fixture that's
hanging from the scene.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Oh, he would swing from from fixture to Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
He's like full Indiana Jones at four am, and she's like,
let's have a tea party.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
I love it. Stay tuned. I'll be back in just
a moment after this brief message from our sponsors. What
is one word to describe our home right now?
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Happy?
Speaker 1 (17:35):
It's really happy, and it's really peaceful, and it's weirdly
very colorful, which is so weird for me.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
I'm so proud you used to live in a hospital.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Listen you the way you love trinkets and I love
sterile environments. We're very different, but we're blending. I'm like,
she want, can I tell them feel like a home?
And I'm like, don't stay too long. You want to like.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Live in a science lab, which is weird because I
do deeply love science. I want to know everything about
what's going on in the lab and like what they're discovering.
But I want to live in like cozy with memories
and stories. I have to tell the people, tell the people.
We do a lot of like trading back and forth.
I have you seen this and look at this and
half of its food that we want to make on
(18:21):
the weekends. You sent me I can't remember if it
was Arc Digest or Elle Decore, a gorgeous renovated Well
we talk about the chateaus all the time because that's
our retirement dream. But you sent me like a Victorian
home that had been redone in all moody costs.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
Home shows are fucking me up. I was so proud.
I was like, the home shows are really fucking me up.
Right to paint Eventually, I know. I was such a
stickler for modern all in and now I'm like watching
this like the ruins in the south of France and
the wine country and I'm like, oh, I could get
down with this.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Yes, this is my retirement, like my fantasy.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
So that means you need to work harder. Clearly I'm retired,
must be nice.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
I yeah, I don't know. When people talk about like
what would you do if you won the power Ball,
and they're like.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
We play the game all the time. Who doesn't like
My dream.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Is to be one of those couples on the Reno
shows who have acquired like a falling down I mean
preferably not falling down, but like a defunct chateau or
a like a gorgeous old historic home in Italy, and
renovate it and run it as like a business and
live there and just like I could just host pasta
(19:44):
making class every night.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
It says, you know what, I love that about you
and your Italian roots give me a lot of like
joy for you, but they're a little wonky with the
gay community, and I'm sticking to France.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Yeah, so here's what I will say is I think
that that terrible lady Tyrant there isn't gonna last forever
like our terrible manchild Tyrant won't last. So some day
I'd like to be there. But listen, twist my arm
sub alone France hate it?
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Okay, fine, do you one word that describes me?
Speaker 2 (20:15):
I can't say perfect? Why you think you're perfect for me?
Speaker 1 (20:19):
It's so sweet You're not perfect in my way? Yes,
in the best kind of shenans.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
It's hard to want to use it because I feel
like it's become such a buzzword, but I mean it
for you. You're authentic. That's very sweet, and interestingly, I
don't think people know how like soft and smushy you are. No,
because you're bold and you're sassy, and like when you
get excited or you're you're doing something you know, like
hosting or speaking, You're you're in your power, you're like encouraging,
(20:53):
you're doing something intense. But like in your life, you
are the softest, most tender, funny, like everybody gravitates towards
you in a room. Everybody wants to tell you their secrets.
Everybody calls you when they're in tears, and you're just
like the safest person. You're like home for so many people.
(21:14):
And I think people think of you as like a gladiator,
and you are. You have that in you, but that's
like such a small part of you as a whole human.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
That's a great way to articulate it, because I agree
I am a soft mushy but like when I play,
I'm hard and I'm in survival mode and it was, yeah,
it was my way to provide and I think people
get that a little twisted sometimes, but you have to
put armour on to.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
Do that absolutely, And that's why it's like I have
to put on an armor to be out in the world,
like with strangers, perceiving threats, figuring things out like but
who we are with our people, like in our homes,
I don't know. And I know that about myself. And
it's funny how long we were friends, but I didn't
(22:02):
know it about you in the way that I got
to know it when it happened to be, like you
were finally retired and I was finally on strike and
everyone was going through what they were going through, so
people were hanging out a lot more. And then I
was like, wait a second, help me, Like there's a
whole other thing to you.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
But I also think sport is performance. We are performing
for a group of people that people get lost in.
If I'm frail and fragile and small, my position is
to be big. Yeah, there's a whole performance piece that
comes with that that people do not clock into well,
especially as.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
A goalkeeper, like you're the last line of defense. You
have to be the grizzly bear, but you're like a
golden retriever.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
I am very much So besides the sheddy night, I
mean I am a snake right now, I'm shedding all
the old shit.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
But like, well, we're in the year.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
We're in the year, we are in the year. So
I'm gonna sh a little bit.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
And so what you're making me nervous.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Don't be nervous. But I want you to like I want.
It has been on you for quite some time, and
now I'm curious of how well you know me emotionally,
like intuitively, all the things, because we spend every second
of every day together, thank god, every second. If you
could help me see one thing about myself that I
(23:28):
still struggle to see, what would that be?
Speaker 2 (23:32):
I know you know you're a good person, but I
really wish that you understood the magnitude of your goodness you.
I've told people this for years. Being around you is
like standing in sunlight. You shift every room you go into,
(23:56):
and you shift the experience of every person who interacts
with you in a room that I have rarely seen
in my life. That's very sweet.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
I'm receiving that. Thank you.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
Your eyes are watering.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
You're a far wavery What is something you think I
underestimate about my own strength? Hmm?
Speaker 2 (24:23):
I think you underestimate your expertise. I know you know
it about sports, and I know you're sort of like
you have a foot on it in terms of culture
and what you see because you're very street smart. And
(24:43):
then you have this incredible education from college, and then
you have this incredible life experience. So you've got this trifecta.
But when I see you sit down with one of
the biggest creative directors in fashion or one of the
most powerful ethical CEOs and business and they are like,
(25:07):
holy shit, her brain, I I'm like, yeah, I live
with her. I know. I want for.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
You to.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
Know, obviously, with the humility that you do carry, you know,
despite seeming like such a gladiator on the outside, Like
I just want I want you to know how rare
your perception creativity and storytelling kind of like Wheelhouse actually is.
(25:47):
That's very sweet.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
I can't wait to watch all of this back. That's
what I'm asking, and I want to have it for
This is going to be heavy, It's going to be hard.
Oh God, if you could take one pain away from
my past that I carry still with me every day,
what would it be.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
I wish I could take the sadness you feel about
the time that you missed because all you knew was
how to turn your back on yourself to support other
people in the same way that I wish I could
give it to folks out there. I want you to
know you're exactly where you're supposed to be, and you're
(26:26):
not too late, and you didn't miss anything.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
What's something you feel I've healed that I don't give
myself enough credit for.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
As someone who was really taught to perform at a
level most of us will never understand. I really think
you are healing performing for other people before listening to yourself.
(27:11):
I think you're really changing that in a You're changing
it in a way that is moving both like through
the depths so honestly, but at speed that I don't
know a lot of people who've done that, and I
(27:31):
know I'm not the only person who sees that. I mean,
even when I think back to connecting you and Nia
so you could talk about your circumstances with your children,
she's like, Oh, I have gotten my shit together because
Ash has figured out fill in the blank. The things
you are able to do that are so impressive for
you as a human are also inspiring the women in
(27:53):
your life and the women in your ecosystems to treat
themselves that way as well. And I hope that you
know that you're doing great. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
What's one thing I've taught you about love? That I
show you every day.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
That it can be in every single moment of every
single day, and that it is not hard that came quick.
You have really made it clear to me and in
perpetual joy between us, that I am not hard to
love at all, and that you are not here?
Speaker 1 (28:36):
Are you? No?
Speaker 2 (28:38):
I and I easiest. You have to take a sip,
I think, or it's bad luck. Okay, really it's about
to be dinner and how I'm trying to.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
Get I know, when do you feel like I am
the most me in this world?
Speaker 2 (28:55):
The minute that we get the kids after school, like
the run in the door and the screaming and the
hugs yeah, and the what are we going to do
for dinner? And what game do you want to play?
That's first. The second image that comes to mind for
(29:18):
me is like right before you walk out on a
stage to inspire a bunch of people, and you look
back at me and you smile because like you're you're
in your space, and those those two parts of you,
like you're you're mothering and you're leading like that's those
(29:39):
are those are big temple pieces of who you are.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
Yeah, and I say this often. I've won a lot
in my life. Being a mom is by far my
greatest title.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
Well, it's the thing that you it's the thing that
you care about the most. And also now knowing you
not only the way that I do, but having learned
all the things I didn't know about you for all
the years we were friends, and I thought I knew
so much what you do to put motherhood first in
(30:11):
the ways it's seen and in so many of the
ways it's never been seen. But when the cameras are off,
most people don't like you are now. I don't say
this just because I love you, but like you're a
real one. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (30:27):
What's the truth do you think I'm like finally ready
to receive after the last few years of us being
together and dating.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
I think you are really settling into being looked at
like you are as special as you are. That was
hard for you for a while, and you receive it
(31:01):
and it makes me really happy for you. Thank you,
and it makes me feel really happy for me. I
love that with you, You're blessed.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
I am not. It's great. I think it's very sweet
answers and very yes, I am receiving it. I think
I never felt worthy enough to receive the kind of
care and generosity you bring to my life, into my
children's life. And I never thought I was enough to
(31:35):
be this worthy of the experience I'm having. And I'm
like sitting in it. And it's an act every day
to say, like, I'm worthy of this kind of love
and joy, and I think instead of deflecting it and
putting it on other people. And you know, I'm a servant.
I'm a server. I want to serve. That's what gives
(31:56):
me joy is serving other people. But at some point
I have to fill my cup up too, and I
think I'm learning that now. For me to be the
best partner and to be the best mom, and to
be the best sister and all these things, like, I
have to prioritize it too. I can't just always give, give, give, give, give,
(32:20):
where I'm left completely depleted and empty, where I'm crippled
by the experience, and I have to recharge because I
am a massive impath and it is meaningful for me
the way I show up. But also like I am
learning in real time I'm worthy enough to receive the
kind of joy and happiness I always imagine that I
(32:41):
didn't feel like was for me. And I think, if
that's not the greatest breakthrough this year has taught me,
I don't know what is. And I think that is profound. Yeah,
what is something you didn't know you needed in a
partner until you met me? You a woman?
Speaker 2 (33:03):
Yeah, you know what's interesting, It's it's realizing that in
our relationship, intimacy is not defined fractionally like most people say, like,
how's your intimacy meaning how's your sex life? Like, intimacy
is in everything. It's in every time we walk by
(33:24):
each other and you grab my hand or you touch
my back or I like I do the same. It's
it's in the way we make plans together. It's in
the way you speak with my mom separately of me,
and I speak with your mom separately of you. It's
in the way we build, It's in the way we
cook together. It's in like how we get groceries, Like,
(33:45):
it's it's in everything. And that's a big shift. And
I think that's where the this or that what was first?
What should have been can't necessarily always ever come to answer,
you know, the chicken and the egg question. But everything
(34:08):
is intimate and so everything is safe, and everything is
full of laughter, and everything is possibility. And for the
first time, truly in my adult life, I'm in a
relationship where one plus one equals three because there's you,
(34:29):
there's me, and then there's this additive thing that happens
with us. And I'm not trying to have that. I
have it. I'm not in a relationship with someone who
says they love being with a powerful woman and secretly
hates it. I'm not dealing with these undercurrents of who
feels emasculated, or who wants to compete, or who's keeping score.
(34:53):
Like I'm obsessed with you, you're obsessed with me. Like
we're winning together always and it's so refreshing and so fun.
And you know something else, all the things that I
eventually thought I wanted because they were byproducts of what
(35:13):
I do for a living, I'd be like, I'm the problem.
I make rom coms, I do the TV. We do
unrealistic stories. Like it's not unrealistic, it's just rare.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
I agree, And I didn't know I was deserving of
the rareness and like how special it is. I was
like that, shit's only in movies. Yeah, that's only in books. Yeah,
happy endings. This that I've never experienced or felt that
in a way that was believable. It just was like,
(35:50):
you know, I came from the you made your bed,
you lay in that type of mentality and suffering and
adapting and going with the flow and the growth mindset.
I've rehearsed it over and over and over.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
I think you can over This is probably not the
proper word, but this is how my brain thinks about it.
It's like you can over psychologize yourself. The sports psychology
is so helpful, but if you do it too much,
it becomes cancerous, like it's too much growth. You know.
(36:25):
I love no one's research more than Esther Parrel, and
I Esther Parrelled myself oh too. I was like, well,
you can't expect one person to be your everything. And
what we used to get from a village, we now
think we're going to get from one person. And so
it's okay if you don't have all these things in
your home. It's not okay to live in a home
without laughter. It's not okay to live in a home
where you go to separate rooms and don't speak once
(36:47):
you get home from work, Like it's not okay. I didn't.
I didn't know where the lesson ended. I lessened myself
into dead ends. And I think, unlike learning, that is
a really I had deal.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
I had this really powerful conversation with my brother when
we went to the surf ranch and I said this
to him. I said, what, you're accepting your choosing.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
Yeah, that's the hardest lesson.
Speaker 1 (37:15):
And that's the hardest lesson and the most real thing
that you can grapple with is like, you can't complain
about the unhappiness around you if you're accepting it because
you're choosing it. This is wide open and I'm your host,
Ashlyn Harris. Thanks for listening. We'll be right back. What
(37:43):
do you hope through the trauma and the life we've
lived and now being on the other side of what
you say is joy and laughter and love and peace.
What do you hope our home always represents? Because where
we're raising very like we're raising children who are black
(38:06):
and brown and they have been adopted under certain experience, like.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
The two there are two households, family two households filled
with moms, Like they check a lot of boxes. Yes,
we check a lot of boxes individually as families. What
I think is the most special about it is that
it's all more love, so much love. Yeah, And what
(38:35):
I hope for as long as I'm lucky enough to
call this my home, that it's just love on love.
It's go over the speed bump, go to the depth
of the lesson, even where it's hard, even where it's scary.
Realize how important it is, Realize how strong you are,
(38:58):
hold your humility, try your best again tomorrow, Just like
I want to be rooted in a real positivity, not
like a surface perfection, not a toxic positivity, not an
ignoring of things. I actually think on the other side
(39:19):
of like the deepest, darkest travels is the lightest, brightest future.
Like it's light and it's bright because it's real. And
I want that to be the pattern of choice for
us as individuals, for us as partners, for us as
a family, for us as a household. Like it's a
(39:46):
it's a depth that I think, if I were able
to talk to the version of myself I carry inside
of myself that's from ten years ago She probably would
have been really terrified to be told like, this is
what you're gonna have to do. This is how deep
you're going to have to dig. Now I know it's
like the key to a great life. Yeah, like what
(40:09):
I imagined. You know, we know again the rolodex of
information we have that our parents didn't have access to.
The human brain will choose the pain it knows over
the unknown, even if the unknown is pure, unadulterated joy. Yes,
so I think it's really important when you're afraid of
something to understand that that doesn't mean something's wrong with you,
(40:30):
and it doesn't mean you're incapable. It's literally your brain
trying to protect you.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
The brain will tell you some fucked up.
Speaker 2 (40:36):
It will tell you some real Also, the brain can
like be your worst bully. But I think this idea
like the unknown or the potential, Like I can't wait
to see where this expanded, humbled, hard worked, loved, excited,
(40:58):
grown version of you in twenty twenty six. Like, imagine,
imagine the leader you're going to be next year. Imagine
what's like you can't imagine it, you can actually have
what's beyond your wildest imagination. If you can take the leap.
(41:20):
I don't know if you saw, but this week we
have a wonderful mutual friend who sadly lost a friend
from growing up. Tig Nataro's friend John just passed away,
and Tig wrote this really beautiful reflection on their friendship
and on his life and on you know the way
he was the guy always who had the vinyl and
(41:41):
nobody had ever heard and like was that person. And
Tig was talking about this time in high school where
he was grounded but hadn't told anyone. So Tig went
over to his house and then his mom came home
and there's that panic moment of like, oh my god,
I have to get out of here. And Tig jumped
off the room of the second floor to like run
(42:02):
out of the house and said, like, wouldn't recommend it,
but also it was the most courageous thing I've ever done.
And now as an adult, anytime I have to do
something hard, I think, like, come on, like just jump
off the roof and I'll imagine it. And then the
thing that I haven't been able to say comes out
of my mouth, or the thing that I've been scared
to do, I'm doing and I think I didn't know
(42:26):
why reading that reflection stuck with me in the way
that it did, And I realize now it's because I'm
thinking about the end of the year, and I'm thinking
about the answers to so many of these questions for us,
for me, and it's that like sometimes you just have
to jump to know you can.
Speaker 1 (42:50):
It's powerful and profound, and I'm going to shift this
energy because it is so sweet and so lushy and
so heavy.
Speaker 2 (42:58):
Because we've been having the big talk to.
Speaker 1 (42:59):
The let's do a little holiday cheer.
Speaker 2 (43:02):
You mean you want to let people in on our yes,
our normal.
Speaker 1 (43:08):
To close out season one. Okay, because Christmas is lit
and colorful and taki and wild and messy and all
the fucking things in between.
Speaker 2 (43:18):
And I want to just say, Okay, you just.
Speaker 1 (43:21):
Said taki, it's fun, Christmas is fucking dacky, but you
but you don't like things.
Speaker 2 (43:27):
I refrained from doing full tinsel trees this year.
Speaker 1 (43:32):
What the fuck is tinsil trees?
Speaker 2 (43:34):
The hanging, the silver, it gets everywhere.
Speaker 1 (43:39):
That feels you said Christmas and Taki.
Speaker 2 (43:41):
Next year, I just want you to be prepared.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
The only tassels I know is the booby tassels like
you ever, like.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
You have ever worn a teddy tassel.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
I would gladly wear a titty tassel.
Speaker 2 (43:57):
We need to just like put you in the background
of the next to Move On rouge movie and see
what happened? You have too many tattoos? Yeah, or maybe not?
Maybe that's the vibe.
Speaker 1 (44:06):
I free the city tassels.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
Somebody called Christinagula.
Speaker 1 (44:11):
Okay, hot cocoa or muld wine mulled wine. I love
that real tree or fake tree, fake tree? I know,
we fuck with fake tree. We use so many fake trees.
Speaker 2 (44:24):
Listen. We also like when you have kids. Any fire
hazard is a numb I love a tree. I love
the way they smell, but it's too much maintenance. I
want to have the tree up for at least six weeks,
which is impossible to thee we talk too.
Speaker 1 (44:39):
Much, Okay, but also I'm seeing people cut down trees
and there's creatures in it. The possum.
Speaker 2 (44:45):
Now was that real video?
Speaker 1 (44:47):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (44:47):
AI is really confusing, I know, but normally I'm good
at spotting it, and that one felt pretty frickin' real
to me. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (44:54):
Okay, this is good for you. And I already know
the answer, but I don't know if everyone else does.
Your favorite Christ Smith's movie that you can quote almost
every line? I mean, it's embarrassing. What's the other one
that you made us tortured all of us to watch?
What with Nikki and Nia and Patrick and maybe Renee. Wait,
(45:16):
when we were up we were upstate, it was you
were like, honey, you've never watched this, it's so good,
and you were quoting every line. And I wanted to.
Speaker 2 (45:24):
Obviously not love actually because it was that movie. What
was it?
Speaker 1 (45:27):
We are gabbled here The Princess Bride.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
That is not a Christmas movie.
Speaker 1 (45:32):
I'm not saying it is. It's terrible, The Christmas Bride.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
I'm not away, jummy wife.
Speaker 1 (45:38):
See that's so funny. What was it? We're gabbled here
to day it's so good?
Speaker 2 (45:46):
And then my name is Nicoya.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
But this is what happens when you're with an after
come on, it's and now Sloan's running around k pop
is she knows every line to K pop is absolutely insane,
and we have to build stages for her to perform. Yeah,
and now we have Ocean running around into too two. Hey,
it's just chaotic and the.
Speaker 2 (46:07):
Best boys can be ballet dancers. I love it.
Speaker 1 (46:10):
They sure can best holiday smell pine cookies or a
wood burning fire.
Speaker 2 (46:18):
Wood burning fire, for me, that's it. Even like being
on a walk in the neighborhood and smelling it like
someone has a fire going. Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (46:27):
It's really confusing for me because every time we have
a bonfire upstate, you're like, ah, my hair smells like smoke?
Speaker 2 (46:34):
What it does? It's not that I don't love it,
It's that I just don't want to like take it
into the house, into the sheet.
Speaker 1 (46:41):
Okay, so we're talking about a wood fire that doesn't
make your hair smell, just not as bonfire.
Speaker 2 (46:46):
I love a bonfire. Also, I just have to stand
in the right place.
Speaker 1 (46:49):
Okay, do do you like I know the answer to this,
but not everyone does. Do I know the answer? Do
you like to wrap your gifts or bag your gifts?
Speaker 2 (47:01):
Tell the people she's so crazy.
Speaker 1 (47:04):
She has a rib she has one hundred ribbons. She
has Everything has to have a theme. So this year
ours is gold, champagne and red.
Speaker 2 (47:13):
Yeah, we have metallic gold matt red and then we
have a red and green.
Speaker 1 (47:19):
Plaid matching pajamas.
Speaker 2 (47:22):
An absolutely yes or no always, Oh my god, it's
the sweetest thing, especially like listen, you know we get older.
Speaker 1 (47:30):
We're a pajama type of family, so we go hard
on the paint.
Speaker 2 (47:33):
But also maybe there's like a milestone birthday, like you're fortieth.
I wanted to throw you the best party of your life.
I like, I don't know every year in between, once
you're in your decades, I don't think really matters. I
don't want stuff. I don't need like a big thing.
I'd rather have an experience, go somewhere. But like the
one thing if it's like the rule is no gifts,
(47:55):
but let's do pajamas. I love it. It's so sweet.
Speaker 1 (48:00):
Love a PJ party and cuttle puddle tonight in this home.
Do you like as an LA girl? Do you like
a beach sunny Christmas or a snowy white Christmas?
Speaker 2 (48:13):
Snowy white Christmas? I want to be in the woods.
I want to be in the mountain here. I want
to be on a lake.
Speaker 1 (48:17):
I do like water, I will say, stand in your feet.
Speaker 2 (48:23):
I not really. You love the beach, so I love
the beach.
Speaker 1 (48:26):
Hates it, I.
Speaker 2 (48:27):
Will say, now having seen sea turtles nesting on the beach.
I want to go to the beach all the time.
That was a profound experience for me, like full being
inter national geographic episode. But Renee, our Lovely Ozzie has
me really curious at least once in my life to
see Australian Christmas because they're in the Southern Hemisphere, which
(48:48):
means their Christmas is high summer. So she's like, what
do you mean we have a barbecue on the beach
on the water on Christmas Day? There's like a Santa
on a beach buggy and I'm like, what I have
to expect.
Speaker 1 (49:00):
I grew up in Florida my whole life. Well it's
not that great, but.
Speaker 2 (49:05):
We could go to Australia and then it's experience. And
then we see.
Speaker 1 (49:08):
Them wants to go to Florida, but we get it.
Speaker 2 (49:10):
Well that was ron.
Speaker 1 (49:13):
It's an app The queers aren't going to fall. What's
your favorite ornament on the tree right now? Out of
all the ones that you've purchased and made, because there's
a little bit of both, Well, what's your favorite?
Speaker 2 (49:29):
Someone just sent us really sweetly as a surprise. They
took a still of a photo from my birthday of
you and I and made it into a glass ornament,
and like it was the most unexpected and sweetest thing.
And now I want to get the mid of the kids.
Speaker 1 (49:46):
The ornaments are so sweet and our kids are bringing
them home every year from school. Oh my god, I
could sob And it's so tacky and so cheesy. It's
the only time I love it. No, it's because it's
like a short stint and then it's gone. No, I
couldn't live in the chaos.
Speaker 2 (50:03):
Well, we couldn't have it out all the time. No,
but it's really fun. More is more at Christmas.
Speaker 1 (50:08):
Night, which one of us is always last minute Christmas shopping.
Speaker 2 (50:16):
Okay, you can throw me under the bus, honey, I
don't care. Yeah, but here's the thing. You're better at
knowing when a gift or a holiday is approaching. I
see something that reminds me of someone, I'll save it
for two years if I don't get to see them,
if I'm gone. I collect things for people. I'm a
little bit like a magpie. I nest all year round,
(50:40):
so sometimes I have a plethora of things for someone,
and sometimes I'm in a panic the night before. But
you're more likely in a panic the night before I am.
Speaker 1 (50:48):
I am a last minute panicked running around freaking out. Yeah,
and I hate that about myself, but it's just that
is just me. I've got too many things to sort through.
Speaker 2 (51:01):
We've only got as much time in the day as
we have and it's never enough.
Speaker 1 (51:03):
So okay to tie everything in a bow. That's the
last rapid fire re questions and we're on our last sip. Okay,
So I'm going to say this to home, to healing,
to being brave enough to begin again.
Speaker 2 (51:17):
It's so sweet.
Speaker 1 (51:19):
Happy holidays everyone in Merry Christmas.
Speaker 2 (51:21):
Merry Christmas.
Speaker 1 (51:25):
All right, fam, that's our show. I don't know about you,
but my heart is very full. So thank you so
much for showing up with me, for being open, honest,
ridiculous at times, and brilliant as always, all the things
you are and I never want you to change. Ending
this season one feels exactly the way it should. It
(51:46):
feels like a reminder that even after the hardest years,
we get to rebuild, We get to redefine what home
looks like. We get to start again. We get to
laugh again, dream again, and love again. Everyone listening, thank
you for rocking with me through the first season of
Wide Open. Thank you for showing up, thank you for
(52:07):
sharing your own stories, for being a part of this
community we're building from the ground up. My hope is
this episode gives you permission to slow down, to breathe,
to receive whatever this season has for you. The holiday
can be heavy, but it can also be magic, and
it could be everything in between. So wherever you are
(52:30):
right now, I'm raising my glass to you, which we
just did, to growth, to healing, to honesty, to rest,
to joy, and to the courage it takes to start again.
I love you all. I'll see you all into new year.
Season two is coming in hot and you don't want
to miss it. So Happy New Year, Merry Christmas, and
(52:52):
thank you for getting Wide Open with me for this
last year. Happy Holidays everyone, Happy Holidays, Thanks for coming
on the show. I love you, I Love you. Wide
Open with Ashland Harris is an iHeart women's sports production.
(53:16):
You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts. Our producers are Carmen
Borca Correo, Emily Maronov, and Lucy Jones. Production assistants from
Malia Aguidello. Our executive producers are Jesse Katz, Jenny Kaplan,
and Emily Rudder. Our editors are Jenny Kaplan and Emily Rudder.
(53:40):
And I'm your Host Ashlyn Harris.
We were having so much fun on our last episode,
I really needed to make it into a part two,
So we are back. Welcome back, everybody to part two
of Wide Open with the one and only beautiful my
favorite person in the world, Sophia bush Well, into the
(00:25):
holiday spirit. Do you love my sweater?
Speaker 2 (00:28):
I do? Honestly. When you unwrapped this, how did you
get this by me? Because did you get this made
when I was shooting in Canada? That's absolutely yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
I was like, if I'm going to an ugliss an
uglyss uglass, So if you wanted to know, I just
made up a word. If I'm going to an ugly
Christmas weater party, it's got to be chic. It's got
to be hello the family and me on it. And
also like, how cute for Christmas Day? I mean, actually,
I'm going to probably wear it every single day this
(01:03):
holiday season because why wouldn't I? Well, yeah, I'm obsessed
with being a mom and I'm obsessed with the kids,
and like here we are, and the title of this
episode should be have a lit Christmas honestly, so you're welcome.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
I borrowed this from Ocean, So yeah, I literally am
having a lit Christmas.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Speaking of Christmas, what is one gift you want to
give yourself that's not physical this year?
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Moving like physical or material? Not that a thing?
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yeah, just like, what is one gift I want to
give yourself?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
What I want to start giving myself at the top
of twenty twenty six is a certain amount of time
in the morning that is unbookable.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
It's just mine and your time. Block it out.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
But like, so we can go on a walk, we
can go work out, we can write, we can make
a crazy zee breakfast whatever. Like I find so often,
especially because the babies are so young and they're up
so early, We're like up and we're at it and
everything is slammed, and we get them to school and
we come home and we get on zooms and it's like,
(02:13):
I want time. Let's give ourselves time.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
I love that. Okay, what gift do you think we've
given each other this year? I'll answer Okay, First, for me,
I feel that safety has been the biggest gift this year.
I feel totally safe. My nervous system has finally regulated.
(02:42):
I'm not in this fight fight.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
We sleep through the night.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
I'm sleeping through the night. I'm like in my body
in a way I've never experienced. Don't you ever fucking
leave me? I mean we see like safety, I feel
I feel safe, and I don't know when the last
as a child, like I've just genuinely felt safe.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
That makes me want to cry.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Don't cry, but you can answer it. I love you.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
You're so far away, it's so weird.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
I'm like, I know, I'm surprised you haven't found your
way over here.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
I can't. The man is I have a frame. I'm
an actor. I know I have to stay in the frame,
but I don't like it. For the record, so.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
What gift do you think? I also think safety. We've
given each other a sense of peace and safety.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
I mean majorly. Yeah, I would say very similarly, my
my whole constitution has come down. And I just caught
myself saying like, oh, I don't want to use the
(03:55):
words settled, like settled down, because so many people settle
in the wrong way. And I don't mean that, I
mean like the speed of things, Like things were so
high strung for so long, and I just thought, like
that's me and it's it's actually not and it's really
(04:16):
incredible to come down, Like it's like there's just a
little less helium in the balloon. It's not overstretched anymore.
It's like right where it should be. It's still floating,
but it's close and it's nice. I agree with you,
But I did have a thought when you asked the
question before you told me safety is yours, and I
was going to say laughter, Oh, like I laugh every
(04:43):
single day with you. And there was a period in
my life where I thought, like, oh, I've just I've
been through too many circumstantial things to be as amused
as I used to be. And that isn't true. There's
so much humor in our home, and I'm really grateful
for it. I love that.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
It's very sweet. What gift would you say in this
moment you would want to give our listeners and our audience?
Who really you know? You have a podcast on iHeart.
I have a podcast with Women's Sports Network. So many
people show up every single.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
Week and freak all on.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
It's so cool and it's so special. And the things
that I get, like, I get so many letters about
people going through adversity or change or divorce and really
finding their why again and their value. What do you
want to give these people who show up religiously everywhere
(05:48):
we go, who have been so impacted by our story, Like,
what would be the one thing you want to give them?
Speaker 2 (05:55):
I think for me, so I've said this thing for
a really long time. You have to sign your own
permission slips because no one else say it again, you
have to sign your own permission slips.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
You hear that everyone here, that's y'all too, because.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
No one's going to sign it for you. But part
of what I've realized is the root of that aha
or idea or piece of knowledge for me, is that
it's never too late. We all get bamboozled by this
idea that we're on a clock, that we have to
achieve things by a certain time, Like oh my god,
(06:30):
oh my god, I'm running out of time. And time
will make you crazy. Time will make you say yes
to things you want to say no to, being worried about.
Time will make you settle down in the wrong circumstance
because you think it's time to do so, Like you'll
think you're running out of options or moments of inspiration
(06:50):
or the opportunity to change your life or fall in
love or whatever. And if there's anything I could give anyone,
I love and anyone out in the world do. I
don't know, but I send love to It's just knowing
that you you can always give yourself permission. You are
not too old. It is not too late. You are
(07:11):
not running out of time. The magic of time is
actually that every day you're smarter, hopefully than you were
the day before. Like it's gift. So it's not too late.
Sign your own permission slips. I love that anytime.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
So now we're gonna, like, you know, unbutton the caller
and do a little.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Are we getting out of our news anchorchiefs.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
We're getting out of it all, and we're gonna, like
do a rapid fire moment. Okay, so are you ready?
Speaker 2 (07:45):
I need the opposite thing of me as a person,
or what I'm good at is rapid. I'm long winded.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
You are long winded, but I need you to. Okay,
you get focused, yep, focus, focus Okay, Okay, who hogs
the blankets you because you don't move? Your vampire? I
do it sleeps like this. I do doesn't move.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
I don't. And when I feel myself roll over, I
roll back because I was told many years ago Jesus,
here we go. Listen to the two most important things
you can do for yourself. I know everyone wants to
roll their eyes because everyone wants to know gave Chris
Jenner a facelift and like kudos to her, she told
us she looks great. But the point is, like every
no one wants to hear that actual daily practice of
(08:30):
things make a difference, but they do the two most
important things you can do for your skin are sunscreen
and sleeping on your back. So I have literally trained
myself when I feel myself roll over at night and
squish my skin, I immediately go and I get on
my back and I put my head back so my
next stretch it like I don't fuck around.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
I hate it. And I am a face slot side
like stomach, which.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Doesn't mean make sense to me because like you just
look like that.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Well yeah I do, and I do absolutely nothing. I
know I am going against what you think healthy skin
looks like, sleeping like a vampire, vampire when you could
be cuddling with me and you're not.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
I do cuddle with you, but you also know you
fall asleep first. Now that you feel safe.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Now you're getting all the tea everyone, you're welcome, and
when you go into nights.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
I very gently roll you, and then I get into
I assume the vampire position. I protect my face.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Okay, fair, I love it. Who apologizes first?
Speaker 2 (09:35):
You do?
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Oh my god, I do. I can't. She runs me
through this ADHD loop. You do this loop, and I'm like,
what are we I don't even know what's going on. Well,
it's really distracting a little bit.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
I'm also deconstructing a lot of patterns. I'm doing the
work so I don't carry my past into our future
and sometimes obsessed with you. I love you, but sometimes
when like we have a tiff or something is hard.
First of all, you're the softest, mushiest person I know,
(10:10):
but I am more sensitive to conflict. Like you don't mind,
You're like did it said it?
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Move on?
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Like that's the athlete in you.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
I'm like a smushy actor who sits in my subconscious
about my feelings and also was taught to abandon my feelings.
So now that I'm not abandoning my feelings in my
real life, sometimes when I actually feel them, I'm really
overwhelmed and like, I need a minute. And I will
give you such props here because you've learned rather than
being like, what's going on? We're talking about this, Like,
(10:42):
you'll let me have a minute and then I can
express like I see this connection, I see why this
was hard for me. This had nothing to do with you,
or this is just hard for me as a person,
whether it's you or anyone else. I'm learning things.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
But yeah, yeah, you will give me space to process
my feelings before I'm ready to talk or apologize or whatever,
and you'll just be like, I'm really sorry. That was
really intense, and it's it's.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Really so it's are you ready to talk about this?
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Yeah? That's really generous though, because you you know that,
because you recover faster, you can be the leader and
say like are you ready to meet me in the
recovery space or no? And you do it with the
kids where like if there's been a really intense moment
they're learning a hard lesson, it's overwhelming for their little system.
(11:40):
They'll take a minute and then you'll say are you
ready to rejoin the group?
Speaker 1 (11:45):
Are you ready to rejoin the group? Or do you
need a hug?
Speaker 2 (11:48):
Yeah? Well always do you need a hug, but like,
are you ready to rejoin the group? Are you ready
for a reset and to try again with better words,
and you always offer a hug, and you do it
me too, and like there's a literal forty year spread
between the ocean, but like I need it also.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
I love it. You do great tears. He's a better cook.
Who's a better cook me?
Speaker 2 (12:12):
I am.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
You're a better cook than me.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
You are a better baker who.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Cooks more often.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
You're a much more consistent cook. But I make fancier
shit you do.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
I'll tell you what you want to be lean mean
fighting machine. Come into this house. Because every night it's vegetables,
greens and a roasted chicken. Yeah that's it, Yeah, home made.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
I'm up to the roasted chicken game a bit. Let's
be honest. I taught you some things. Now you do
it every day, which is gorge But like.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
When we want the chicken, okay, when I'm not, I'm.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
Actually really tonight, like adhd am I getting every day.
But like when you want the big pot of overnight chili, Yeah,
when you want the like pasta, the heavy Italian sausage
based pasta where I sneak in two boxes a spinach
and no one would know it.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
It's me m hm okay, so yeah, I agree with that.
Who's more or I'd say, you know, okay, okay, who's
more organized?
Speaker 2 (13:16):
This is gonna trip you out. I am more organized.
You are neater, cleaner, and more regimented.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
That is such a mind fuck. What does that even mean?
You are absolutely you're at putting things away with your
label maker. It takes you three years to get there.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
I'm aware. But every organizational system in this house, I
made it. Yes, you will upkeep.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
It, but I will go out. Everything goes in the trash.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
She throws things away, I don't.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
I donate them. Well, I donate them and they just poof,
they're gone. You She's like a super girl with piles.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
To be clear, I also make donation bags. You do,
and then what happens is I leave and you fill
them to the top. And then they leave a house
and I'm like, oh great, they went to Goodwill. Yeah
they went to the women's shelter.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
We love that. Who takes longer to get ready?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
You can get ready faster, but when you really like
take the time, you can get ready in a way
that I don't know how to.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Fair. I agree with that. Usually if it's a red
carpet look or not.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Yeah. The thing that sometimes makes me take longer is
because I'm really not good at doing my own doing
my hair.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Well, that's because you're like squirrel fly, I just papers.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
It's not my spiritual assic.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
I'm like focused on the desk.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
We have to go really hard for me.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
I know, it's like, oh, I got to go through
the kids socks. I'm like, we have to be out
of here on the train in thirty five minutes. Why
are you fucking going through?
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Oh got a Harry clothes in a box because they're
just taking up space in the closet. And she's like, ma'am,
are you okay?
Speaker 1 (15:02):
But I love that about you. But we keep it pushing.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Everything's organized by size.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
That part favorite thing we do together on a lazy morning.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Is this a lazy morning when the whole family's together
or a lazy morning when just were together, just us
stay in, stay in bed.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
I beg her to get out, though I do keep
I know ging you.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
But to wake up, go brush my teeth and then
run back and get back into the bed because we
almost never get to do it. It's so rare. Never,
Oh my god, back in bed. I made you do
it yesterday?
Speaker 1 (15:40):
You sure did Lazy Sundays.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
I love it. And then and what did I do yesterday?
I came out here and I made coffee and I
brought us coffee.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
In my bed.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
It was very you really to be clear, like she
really wanted to get up, she wanted to get out
of bed, and I was like, no, I'll make coffee
if you stay in the bed, and then we could
stay in the bed with the coffee and turn on
a show. It was very sweet.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Well enjoy that because it doesn't happen very I'm aware.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
I'm aware.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
I got I get screaming, Mama, gop get me. I'm like, girl, Oh,
I'm like, girl, just get out of your bed. You
can walk. I mean it startles me every morning. It's
a or I'm getting poked, or I wake up and
I look on a camera. My three year old son
(16:31):
is now crawling under the Christmas tree to figure out
a way to change it to the flashing flashing color. Yeah,
I mean, it's so manic. I'm like, it is three
o'clock in the morning. Why is ocean under the Christmas tree?
Speaker 2 (16:46):
He's perfect, He's perfect, and it's so wild to see
how different. They are like Sloan will wake up and
get a stuffy and like act this way, just maybe
get a book, turn on the little cloud, lay in
her bunk bed, hang out, and he's like trying to
figure out how to climb onto the light fixture that's
hanging from the scene.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Oh, he would swing from from fixture to Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
He's like full Indiana Jones at four am, and she's like,
let's have a tea party.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
I love it. Stay tuned. I'll be back in just
a moment after this brief message from our sponsors. What
is one word to describe our home right now?
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Happy?
Speaker 1 (17:35):
It's really happy, and it's really peaceful, and it's weirdly
very colorful, which is so weird for me.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
I'm so proud you used to live in a hospital.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Listen you the way you love trinkets and I love
sterile environments. We're very different, but we're blending. I'm like,
she want, can I tell them feel like a home?
And I'm like, don't stay too long. You want to like.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Live in a science lab, which is weird because I
do deeply love science. I want to know everything about
what's going on in the lab and like what they're discovering.
But I want to live in like cozy with memories
and stories. I have to tell the people, tell the people.
We do a lot of like trading back and forth.
I have you seen this and look at this and
half of its food that we want to make on
(18:21):
the weekends. You sent me I can't remember if it
was Arc Digest or Elle Decore, a gorgeous renovated Well
we talk about the chateaus all the time because that's
our retirement dream. But you sent me like a Victorian
home that had been redone in all moody costs.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
Home shows are fucking me up. I was so proud.
I was like, the home shows are really fucking me up.
Right to paint Eventually, I know. I was such a
stickler for modern all in and now I'm like watching
this like the ruins in the south of France and
the wine country and I'm like, oh, I could get
down with this.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Yes, this is my retirement, like my fantasy.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
So that means you need to work harder. Clearly I'm retired,
must be nice.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
I yeah, I don't know. When people talk about like
what would you do if you won the power Ball,
and they're like.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
We play the game all the time. Who doesn't like
My dream.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Is to be one of those couples on the Reno
shows who have acquired like a falling down I mean
preferably not falling down, but like a defunct chateau or
a like a gorgeous old historic home in Italy, and
renovate it and run it as like a business and
live there and just like I could just host pasta
(19:44):
making class every night.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
It says, you know what, I love that about you
and your Italian roots give me a lot of like
joy for you, but they're a little wonky with the
gay community, and I'm sticking to France.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Yeah, so here's what I will say is I think
that that terrible lady Tyrant there isn't gonna last forever
like our terrible manchild Tyrant won't last. So some day
I'd like to be there. But listen, twist my arm
sub alone France hate it?
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Okay, fine, do you one word that describes me?
Speaker 2 (20:15):
I can't say perfect? Why you think you're perfect for me?
Speaker 1 (20:19):
It's so sweet You're not perfect in my way? Yes,
in the best kind of shenans.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
It's hard to want to use it because I feel
like it's become such a buzzword, but I mean it
for you. You're authentic. That's very sweet, and interestingly, I
don't think people know how like soft and smushy you are. No,
because you're bold and you're sassy, and like when you
get excited or you're you're doing something you know, like
hosting or speaking, You're you're in your power, you're like encouraging,
(20:53):
you're doing something intense. But like in your life, you
are the softest, most tender, funny, like everybody gravitates towards
you in a room. Everybody wants to tell you their secrets.
Everybody calls you when they're in tears, and you're just
like the safest person. You're like home for so many people.
(21:14):
And I think people think of you as like a gladiator,
and you are. You have that in you, but that's
like such a small part of you as a whole human.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
That's a great way to articulate it, because I agree
I am a soft mushy but like when I play,
I'm hard and I'm in survival mode and it was, yeah,
it was my way to provide and I think people
get that a little twisted sometimes, but you have to
put armour on to.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
Do that absolutely, And that's why it's like I have
to put on an armor to be out in the world,
like with strangers, perceiving threats, figuring things out like but
who we are with our people, like in our homes,
I don't know. And I know that about myself. And
it's funny how long we were friends, but I didn't
(22:02):
know it about you in the way that I got
to know it when it happened to be, like you
were finally retired and I was finally on strike and
everyone was going through what they were going through, so
people were hanging out a lot more. And then I
was like, wait a second, help me, Like there's a
whole other thing to you.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
But I also think sport is performance. We are performing
for a group of people that people get lost in.
If I'm frail and fragile and small, my position is
to be big. Yeah, there's a whole performance piece that
comes with that that people do not clock into well,
especially as.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
A goalkeeper, like you're the last line of defense. You
have to be the grizzly bear, but you're like a
golden retriever.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
I am very much So besides the sheddy night, I
mean I am a snake right now, I'm shedding all
the old shit.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
But like, well, we're in the year.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
We're in the year, we are in the year. So
I'm gonna sh a little bit.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
And so what you're making me nervous.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Don't be nervous. But I want you to like I want.
It has been on you for quite some time, and
now I'm curious of how well you know me emotionally,
like intuitively, all the things, because we spend every second
of every day together, thank god, every second. If you
could help me see one thing about myself that I
(23:28):
still struggle to see, what would that be?
Speaker 2 (23:32):
I know you know you're a good person, but I
really wish that you understood the magnitude of your goodness you.
I've told people this for years. Being around you is
like standing in sunlight. You shift every room you go into,
(23:56):
and you shift the experience of every person who interacts
with you in a room that I have rarely seen
in my life. That's very sweet.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
I'm receiving that. Thank you.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
Your eyes are watering.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
You're a far wavery What is something you think I
underestimate about my own strength? Hmm?
Speaker 2 (24:23):
I think you underestimate your expertise. I know you know
it about sports, and I know you're sort of like
you have a foot on it in terms of culture
and what you see because you're very street smart. And
(24:43):
then you have this incredible education from college, and then
you have this incredible life experience. So you've got this trifecta.
But when I see you sit down with one of
the biggest creative directors in fashion or one of the
most powerful ethical CEOs and business and they are like,
(25:07):
holy shit, her brain, I I'm like, yeah, I live
with her. I know. I want for.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
You to.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
Know, obviously, with the humility that you do carry, you know,
despite seeming like such a gladiator on the outside, Like
I just want I want you to know how rare
your perception creativity and storytelling kind of like Wheelhouse actually is.
(25:47):
That's very sweet.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
I can't wait to watch all of this back. That's
what I'm asking, and I want to have it for
This is going to be heavy, It's going to be hard.
Oh God, if you could take one pain away from
my past that I carry still with me every day,
what would it be.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
I wish I could take the sadness you feel about
the time that you missed because all you knew was
how to turn your back on yourself to support other
people in the same way that I wish I could
give it to folks out there. I want you to
know you're exactly where you're supposed to be, and you're
(26:26):
not too late, and you didn't miss anything.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
What's something you feel I've healed that I don't give
myself enough credit for.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
As someone who was really taught to perform at a
level most of us will never understand. I really think
you are healing performing for other people before listening to yourself.
(27:11):
I think you're really changing that in a You're changing
it in a way that is moving both like through
the depths so honestly, but at speed that I don't
know a lot of people who've done that, and I
(27:31):
know I'm not the only person who sees that. I mean,
even when I think back to connecting you and Nia
so you could talk about your circumstances with your children,
she's like, Oh, I have gotten my shit together because
Ash has figured out fill in the blank. The things
you are able to do that are so impressive for
you as a human are also inspiring the women in
(27:53):
your life and the women in your ecosystems to treat
themselves that way as well. And I hope that you
know that you're doing great. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
What's one thing I've taught you about love? That I
show you every day.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
That it can be in every single moment of every
single day, and that it is not hard that came quick.
You have really made it clear to me and in
perpetual joy between us, that I am not hard to
love at all, and that you are not here?
Speaker 1 (28:36):
Are you? No?
Speaker 2 (28:38):
I and I easiest. You have to take a sip,
I think, or it's bad luck. Okay, really it's about
to be dinner and how I'm trying to.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
Get I know, when do you feel like I am
the most me in this world?
Speaker 2 (28:55):
The minute that we get the kids after school, like
the run in the door and the screaming and the
hugs yeah, and the what are we going to do
for dinner? And what game do you want to play?
That's first. The second image that comes to mind for
(29:18):
me is like right before you walk out on a
stage to inspire a bunch of people, and you look
back at me and you smile because like you're you're
in your space, and those those two parts of you,
like you're you're mothering and you're leading like that's those
(29:39):
are those are big temple pieces of who you are.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
Yeah, and I say this often. I've won a lot
in my life. Being a mom is by far my
greatest title.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
Well, it's the thing that you it's the thing that
you care about the most. And also now knowing you
not only the way that I do, but having learned
all the things I didn't know about you for all
the years we were friends, and I thought I knew
so much what you do to put motherhood first in
(30:11):
the ways it's seen and in so many of the
ways it's never been seen. But when the cameras are off,
most people don't like you are now. I don't say
this just because I love you, but like you're a
real one. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (30:27):
What's the truth do you think I'm like finally ready
to receive after the last few years of us being
together and dating.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
I think you are really settling into being looked at
like you are as special as you are. That was
hard for you for a while, and you receive it
(31:01):
and it makes me really happy for you. Thank you,
and it makes me feel really happy for me. I
love that with you, You're blessed.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
I am not. It's great. I think it's very sweet
answers and very yes, I am receiving it. I think
I never felt worthy enough to receive the kind of
care and generosity you bring to my life, into my
children's life. And I never thought I was enough to
(31:35):
be this worthy of the experience I'm having. And I'm
like sitting in it. And it's an act every day
to say, like, I'm worthy of this kind of love
and joy, and I think instead of deflecting it and
putting it on other people. And you know, I'm a servant.
I'm a server. I want to serve. That's what gives
(31:56):
me joy is serving other people. But at some point
I have to fill my cup up too, and I
think I'm learning that now. For me to be the
best partner and to be the best mom, and to
be the best sister and all these things, like, I
have to prioritize it too. I can't just always give, give, give, give, give,
(32:20):
where I'm left completely depleted and empty, where I'm crippled
by the experience, and I have to recharge because I
am a massive impath and it is meaningful for me
the way I show up. But also like I am
learning in real time I'm worthy enough to receive the
kind of joy and happiness I always imagine that I
(32:41):
didn't feel like was for me. And I think, if
that's not the greatest breakthrough this year has taught me,
I don't know what is. And I think that is profound. Yeah,
what is something you didn't know you needed in a
partner until you met me? You a woman?
Speaker 2 (33:03):
Yeah, you know what's interesting, It's it's realizing that in
our relationship, intimacy is not defined fractionally like most people say, like,
how's your intimacy meaning how's your sex life? Like, intimacy
is in everything. It's in every time we walk by
(33:24):
each other and you grab my hand or you touch
my back or I like I do the same. It's
it's in the way we make plans together. It's in
the way you speak with my mom separately of me,
and I speak with your mom separately of you. It's
in the way we build, It's in the way we
cook together. It's in like how we get groceries, Like,
(33:45):
it's it's in everything. And that's a big shift. And
I think that's where the this or that what was first?
What should have been can't necessarily always ever come to answer,
you know, the chicken and the egg question. But everything
(34:08):
is intimate and so everything is safe, and everything is
full of laughter, and everything is possibility. And for the
first time, truly in my adult life, I'm in a
relationship where one plus one equals three because there's you,
(34:29):
there's me, and then there's this additive thing that happens
with us. And I'm not trying to have that. I
have it. I'm not in a relationship with someone who
says they love being with a powerful woman and secretly
hates it. I'm not dealing with these undercurrents of who
feels emasculated, or who wants to compete, or who's keeping score.
(34:53):
Like I'm obsessed with you, you're obsessed with me. Like
we're winning together always and it's so refreshing and so fun.
And you know something else, all the things that I
eventually thought I wanted because they were byproducts of what
(35:13):
I do for a living, I'd be like, I'm the problem.
I make rom coms, I do the TV. We do
unrealistic stories. Like it's not unrealistic, it's just rare.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
I agree, And I didn't know I was deserving of
the rareness and like how special it is. I was
like that, shit's only in movies. Yeah, that's only in books. Yeah,
happy endings. This that I've never experienced or felt that
in a way that was believable. It just was like,
(35:50):
you know, I came from the you made your bed,
you lay in that type of mentality and suffering and
adapting and going with the flow and the growth mindset.
I've rehearsed it over and over and over.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
I think you can over This is probably not the
proper word, but this is how my brain thinks about it.
It's like you can over psychologize yourself. The sports psychology
is so helpful, but if you do it too much,
it becomes cancerous, like it's too much growth. You know.
(36:25):
I love no one's research more than Esther Parrel, and
I Esther Parrelled myself oh too. I was like, well,
you can't expect one person to be your everything. And
what we used to get from a village, we now
think we're going to get from one person. And so
it's okay if you don't have all these things in
your home. It's not okay to live in a home
without laughter. It's not okay to live in a home
where you go to separate rooms and don't speak once
(36:47):
you get home from work, Like it's not okay. I didn't.
I didn't know where the lesson ended. I lessened myself
into dead ends. And I think, unlike learning, that is
a really I had deal.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
I had this really powerful conversation with my brother when
we went to the surf ranch and I said this
to him. I said, what, you're accepting your choosing.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
Yeah, that's the hardest lesson.
Speaker 1 (37:15):
And that's the hardest lesson and the most real thing
that you can grapple with is like, you can't complain
about the unhappiness around you if you're accepting it because
you're choosing it. This is wide open and I'm your host,
Ashlyn Harris. Thanks for listening. We'll be right back. What
(37:43):
do you hope through the trauma and the life we've
lived and now being on the other side of what
you say is joy and laughter and love and peace.
What do you hope our home always represents? Because where
we're raising very like we're raising children who are black
(38:06):
and brown and they have been adopted under certain experience, like.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
The two there are two households, family two households filled
with moms, Like they check a lot of boxes. Yes,
we check a lot of boxes individually as families. What
I think is the most special about it is that
it's all more love, so much love. Yeah, And what
(38:35):
I hope for as long as I'm lucky enough to
call this my home, that it's just love on love.
It's go over the speed bump, go to the depth
of the lesson, even where it's hard, even where it's scary.
Realize how important it is, Realize how strong you are,
(38:58):
hold your humility, try your best again tomorrow, Just like
I want to be rooted in a real positivity, not
like a surface perfection, not a toxic positivity, not an
ignoring of things. I actually think on the other side
(39:19):
of like the deepest, darkest travels is the lightest, brightest future.
Like it's light and it's bright because it's real. And
I want that to be the pattern of choice for
us as individuals, for us as partners, for us as
a family, for us as a household. Like it's a
(39:46):
it's a depth that I think, if I were able
to talk to the version of myself I carry inside
of myself that's from ten years ago She probably would
have been really terrified to be told like, this is
what you're gonna have to do. This is how deep
you're going to have to dig. Now I know it's
like the key to a great life. Yeah, like what
(40:09):
I imagined. You know, we know again the rolodex of
information we have that our parents didn't have access to.
The human brain will choose the pain it knows over
the unknown, even if the unknown is pure, unadulterated joy. Yes,
so I think it's really important when you're afraid of
something to understand that that doesn't mean something's wrong with you,
(40:30):
and it doesn't mean you're incapable. It's literally your brain
trying to protect you.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
The brain will tell you some fucked up.
Speaker 2 (40:36):
It will tell you some real Also, the brain can
like be your worst bully. But I think this idea
like the unknown or the potential, Like I can't wait
to see where this expanded, humbled, hard worked, loved, excited,
(40:58):
grown version of you in twenty twenty six. Like, imagine,
imagine the leader you're going to be next year. Imagine
what's like you can't imagine it, you can actually have
what's beyond your wildest imagination. If you can take the leap.
(41:20):
I don't know if you saw, but this week we
have a wonderful mutual friend who sadly lost a friend
from growing up. Tig Nataro's friend John just passed away,
and Tig wrote this really beautiful reflection on their friendship
and on his life and on you know the way
he was the guy always who had the vinyl and
(41:41):
nobody had ever heard and like was that person. And
Tig was talking about this time in high school where
he was grounded but hadn't told anyone. So Tig went
over to his house and then his mom came home
and there's that panic moment of like, oh my god,
I have to get out of here. And Tig jumped
off the room of the second floor to like run
(42:02):
out of the house and said, like, wouldn't recommend it,
but also it was the most courageous thing I've ever done.
And now as an adult, anytime I have to do
something hard, I think, like, come on, like just jump
off the roof and I'll imagine it. And then the
thing that I haven't been able to say comes out
of my mouth, or the thing that I've been scared
to do, I'm doing and I think I didn't know
(42:26):
why reading that reflection stuck with me in the way
that it did, And I realize now it's because I'm
thinking about the end of the year, and I'm thinking
about the answers to so many of these questions for us,
for me, and it's that like sometimes you just have
to jump to know you can.
Speaker 1 (42:50):
It's powerful and profound, and I'm going to shift this
energy because it is so sweet and so lushy and
so heavy.
Speaker 2 (42:58):
Because we've been having the big talk to.
Speaker 1 (42:59):
The let's do a little holiday cheer.
Speaker 2 (43:02):
You mean you want to let people in on our yes,
our normal.
Speaker 1 (43:08):
To close out season one. Okay, because Christmas is lit
and colorful and taki and wild and messy and all
the fucking things in between.
Speaker 2 (43:18):
And I want to just say, Okay, you just.
Speaker 1 (43:21):
Said taki, it's fun, Christmas is fucking dacky, but you
but you don't like things.
Speaker 2 (43:27):
I refrained from doing full tinsel trees this year.
Speaker 1 (43:32):
What the fuck is tinsil trees?
Speaker 2 (43:34):
The hanging, the silver, it gets everywhere.
Speaker 1 (43:39):
That feels you said Christmas and Taki.
Speaker 2 (43:41):
Next year, I just want you to be prepared.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
The only tassels I know is the booby tassels like
you ever, like.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
You have ever worn a teddy tassel.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
I would gladly wear a titty tassel.
Speaker 2 (43:57):
We need to just like put you in the background
of the next to Move On rouge movie and see
what happened? You have too many tattoos? Yeah, or maybe not?
Maybe that's the vibe.
Speaker 1 (44:06):
I free the city tassels.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
Somebody called Christinagula.
Speaker 1 (44:11):
Okay, hot cocoa or muld wine mulled wine. I love
that real tree or fake tree, fake tree? I know,
we fuck with fake tree. We use so many fake trees.
Speaker 2 (44:24):
Listen. We also like when you have kids. Any fire
hazard is a numb I love a tree. I love
the way they smell, but it's too much maintenance. I
want to have the tree up for at least six weeks,
which is impossible to thee we talk too.
Speaker 1 (44:39):
Much, Okay, but also I'm seeing people cut down trees
and there's creatures in it. The possum.
Speaker 2 (44:45):
Now was that real video?
Speaker 1 (44:47):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (44:47):
AI is really confusing, I know, but normally I'm good
at spotting it, and that one felt pretty frickin' real
to me. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (44:54):
Okay, this is good for you. And I already know
the answer, but I don't know if everyone else does.
Your favorite Christ Smith's movie that you can quote almost
every line? I mean, it's embarrassing. What's the other one
that you made us tortured all of us to watch?
What with Nikki and Nia and Patrick and maybe Renee. Wait,
(45:16):
when we were up we were upstate, it was you
were like, honey, you've never watched this, it's so good,
and you were quoting every line. And I wanted to.
Speaker 2 (45:24):
Obviously not love actually because it was that movie. What
was it?
Speaker 1 (45:27):
We are gabbled here The Princess Bride.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
That is not a Christmas movie.
Speaker 1 (45:32):
I'm not saying it is. It's terrible, The Christmas Bride.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
I'm not away, jummy wife.
Speaker 1 (45:38):
See that's so funny. What was it? We're gabbled here
to day it's so good?
Speaker 2 (45:46):
And then my name is Nicoya.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
But this is what happens when you're with an after
come on, it's and now Sloan's running around k pop
is she knows every line to K pop is absolutely insane,
and we have to build stages for her to perform. Yeah,
and now we have Ocean running around into too two. Hey,
it's just chaotic and the.
Speaker 2 (46:07):
Best boys can be ballet dancers. I love it.
Speaker 1 (46:10):
They sure can best holiday smell pine cookies or a
wood burning fire.
Speaker 2 (46:18):
Wood burning fire, for me, that's it. Even like being
on a walk in the neighborhood and smelling it like
someone has a fire going. Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (46:27):
It's really confusing for me because every time we have
a bonfire upstate, you're like, ah, my hair smells like smoke?
Speaker 2 (46:34):
What it does? It's not that I don't love it,
It's that I just don't want to like take it
into the house, into the sheet.
Speaker 1 (46:41):
Okay, so we're talking about a wood fire that doesn't
make your hair smell, just not as bonfire.
Speaker 2 (46:46):
I love a bonfire. Also, I just have to stand
in the right place.
Speaker 1 (46:49):
Okay, do do you like I know the answer to this,
but not everyone does. Do I know the answer? Do
you like to wrap your gifts or bag your gifts?
Speaker 2 (47:01):
Tell the people she's so crazy.
Speaker 1 (47:04):
She has a rib she has one hundred ribbons. She
has Everything has to have a theme. So this year
ours is gold, champagne and red.
Speaker 2 (47:13):
Yeah, we have metallic gold matt red and then we
have a red and green.
Speaker 1 (47:19):
Plaid matching pajamas.
Speaker 2 (47:22):
An absolutely yes or no always, Oh my god, it's
the sweetest thing, especially like listen, you know we get older.
Speaker 1 (47:30):
We're a pajama type of family, so we go hard
on the paint.
Speaker 2 (47:33):
But also maybe there's like a milestone birthday, like you're fortieth.
I wanted to throw you the best party of your life.
I like, I don't know every year in between, once
you're in your decades, I don't think really matters. I
don't want stuff. I don't need like a big thing.
I'd rather have an experience, go somewhere. But like the
one thing if it's like the rule is no gifts,
(47:55):
but let's do pajamas. I love it. It's so sweet.
Speaker 1 (48:00):
Love a PJ party and cuttle puddle tonight in this home.
Do you like as an LA girl? Do you like
a beach sunny Christmas or a snowy white Christmas?
Speaker 2 (48:13):
Snowy white Christmas? I want to be in the woods.
I want to be in the mountain here. I want
to be on a lake.
Speaker 1 (48:17):
I do like water, I will say, stand in your feet.
Speaker 2 (48:23):
I not really. You love the beach, so I love
the beach.
Speaker 1 (48:26):
Hates it, I.
Speaker 2 (48:27):
Will say, now having seen sea turtles nesting on the beach.
I want to go to the beach all the time.
That was a profound experience for me, like full being
inter national geographic episode. But Renee, our Lovely Ozzie has
me really curious at least once in my life to
see Australian Christmas because they're in the Southern Hemisphere, which
(48:48):
means their Christmas is high summer. So she's like, what
do you mean we have a barbecue on the beach
on the water on Christmas Day? There's like a Santa
on a beach buggy and I'm like, what I have
to expect.
Speaker 1 (49:00):
I grew up in Florida my whole life. Well it's
not that great, but.
Speaker 2 (49:05):
We could go to Australia and then it's experience. And
then we see.
Speaker 1 (49:08):
Them wants to go to Florida, but we get it.
Speaker 2 (49:10):
Well that was ron.
Speaker 1 (49:13):
It's an app The queers aren't going to fall. What's
your favorite ornament on the tree right now? Out of
all the ones that you've purchased and made, because there's
a little bit of both, Well, what's your favorite?
Speaker 2 (49:29):
Someone just sent us really sweetly as a surprise. They
took a still of a photo from my birthday of
you and I and made it into a glass ornament,
and like it was the most unexpected and sweetest thing.
And now I want to get the mid of the kids.
Speaker 1 (49:46):
The ornaments are so sweet and our kids are bringing
them home every year from school. Oh my god, I
could sob And it's so tacky and so cheesy. It's
the only time I love it. No, it's because it's
like a short stint and then it's gone. No, I
couldn't live in the chaos.
Speaker 2 (50:03):
Well, we couldn't have it out all the time. No,
but it's really fun. More is more at Christmas.
Speaker 1 (50:08):
Night, which one of us is always last minute Christmas shopping.
Speaker 2 (50:16):
Okay, you can throw me under the bus, honey, I
don't care. Yeah, but here's the thing. You're better at
knowing when a gift or a holiday is approaching. I
see something that reminds me of someone, I'll save it
for two years if I don't get to see them,
if I'm gone. I collect things for people. I'm a
little bit like a magpie. I nest all year round,
(50:40):
so sometimes I have a plethora of things for someone,
and sometimes I'm in a panic the night before. But
you're more likely in a panic the night before I am.
Speaker 1 (50:48):
I am a last minute panicked running around freaking out. Yeah,
and I hate that about myself, but it's just that
is just me. I've got too many things to sort through.
Speaker 2 (51:01):
We've only got as much time in the day as
we have and it's never enough.
Speaker 1 (51:03):
So okay to tie everything in a bow. That's the
last rapid fire re questions and we're on our last sip. Okay,
So I'm going to say this to home, to healing,
to being brave enough to begin again.
Speaker 2 (51:17):
It's so sweet.
Speaker 1 (51:19):
Happy holidays everyone in Merry Christmas.
Speaker 2 (51:21):
Merry Christmas.
Speaker 1 (51:25):
All right, fam, that's our show. I don't know about you,
but my heart is very full. So thank you so
much for showing up with me, for being open, honest,
ridiculous at times, and brilliant as always, all the things
you are and I never want you to change. Ending
this season one feels exactly the way it should. It
(51:46):
feels like a reminder that even after the hardest years,
we get to rebuild, We get to redefine what home
looks like. We get to start again. We get to
laugh again, dream again, and love again. Everyone listening, thank
you for rocking with me through the first season of
Wide Open. Thank you for showing up, thank you for
(52:07):
sharing your own stories, for being a part of this
community we're building from the ground up. My hope is
this episode gives you permission to slow down, to breathe,
to receive whatever this season has for you. The holiday
can be heavy, but it can also be magic, and
it could be everything in between. So wherever you are
(52:30):
right now, I'm raising my glass to you, which we
just did, to growth, to healing, to honesty, to rest,
to joy, and to the courage it takes to start again.
I love you all. I'll see you all into new year.
Season two is coming in hot and you don't want
to miss it. So Happy New Year, Merry Christmas, and
(52:52):
thank you for getting Wide Open with me for this
last year. Happy Holidays everyone, Happy Holidays, Thanks for coming
on the show. I love you, I Love you. Wide
Open with Ashland Harris is an iHeart women's sports production.
(53:16):
You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts. Our producers are Carmen
Borca Correo, Emily Maronov, and Lucy Jones. Production assistants from
Malia Aguidello. Our executive producers are Jesse Katz, Jenny Kaplan,
and Emily Rudder. Our editors are Jenny Kaplan and Emily Rudder.
(53:40):
And I'm your Host Ashlyn Harris.
Host
Ashlyn Harris
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