May 12, 2025 • 52 mins
Ashlyn sits down with soccer legend Briana Scurry for a conversation on the realities of what mental health looks like off the field. From Olympian to ‘99er and beyond, Briana has been an advocate for marginalized groups her whole life– even after a shock concussion ended her season, and her career. She talks to Ashlyn about the long journey back to finding herself, and the monumental success she’s had along the way.
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Speaker 1 (00:08):
Heads up, We'll be talking about mental health challenges and
suicidal ideation in today's episode, Listener Discretion Advised. Hi everyone,
and welcome back to another week of Wide Open with
Ashland Harris.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
I'm so excited today.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
To introduce one of the most iconic goalkeepers of my
lifetime of US Soccer Federation, bry Scurry.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Welcome to this show, my friend. Oh my gosh, this
is like so fun for me. It's so good to see.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
You, Ash, great to see you too, Thanks so much
for having me. I'm happy we can do this. I'm
excited about it. So yeah, appreciate it.
Speaker 4 (00:51):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
I appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
And not that you need any introduction, but Briy, you
know you might've heard of like Olympics, World Cup. She
is emphasized like you are known as one of the
ninety nine ers. However, like I find that to be
so it's so funny to even say that, because you
(01:14):
your career and what you've done for the landscape of
the position for US soccer in general, you are iconic.
So I'm so excited to have you on the podcast
today because you have such a legacy of generosity to
continue showing up and paving the way for change when
it comes to women in sports, especially Black women in sports,
(01:39):
and it hits even deeper, and I would I would
hate not to say it.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
Now.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
I am raising a black female, strong child and I
love that I get to talk to her about you.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
Oh thank you. That's so sweet and.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
It is so important. So thank you. Welcome to the show.
How are you?
Speaker 1 (02:02):
What is going I saw you last week, but I'm like,
I know what's going on in your crazy life? Like
you don't stop, but you tell the listeners and whoever's
watching what's going on.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Where are you at right now?
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Before we dive in to all the juicy questions and
have a little fun.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
I am in a great place right now, really just
leaning into the bonus mom, being a great wife, being
on the road sometimes for business. Right now, I am
on the international speaker's circuit. So I talk about my
journey throughout my life to businesses, fortune, five hundred companies, colleges, universities,
(02:45):
different organizations, and so doing a lot of that stuff.
But some of the things that I absolutely love doing
and continuing to do is advocating, like you said, advocating
for mental health, advocating for representation, equity, quality, inclusion, all
these things. I feel like it's just something that that's
(03:09):
who I am, and I continue to do it, even
though I'm not necessarily advocating at that moment for myself personally,
but I feel like it's part of what we do.
Now you know, you're in the in the mix, and
so you're you're going to do that for the rest
of your life. And I'm actually very very proud of it,
and I'm I'm you know, it's a great honor of mine.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
So it's so good to see you, like in the
places that you should be in because you moved the
needle and you push us forward. And your story, your
fucking story is so good. It just is because there's
so much beauty and struggle. And you said something to
(03:52):
me that was so profound. Oh whenever it was last week,
you were like, just know that that little you know,
there's there's a base, that dark black basement.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
When you're ready, you're gonna have to walk through it.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
And I can't wait to really unpack a lot of
those type of topics because I think people don't realize
what we go through to get to the top, to
stay at the top, and then how quickly it all
can crumble. Yes, So before we even dive into that
whole heavy topic of what we sacrifice to be the
(04:32):
greatest versions of ourselves, I'm curious how all the listeners
out there exactly who you were as a kid, and
how you moved in the world, and how you played
every sport, and what were your goals and your dreams
and all the things that made your reality possible.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
Well, one of the things that is so intriguing about
the decisions that my parents made. So we lived in
Minneapolis proper Minneapolis, Minnesota, and that's where I was born,
in the city area. And then when I was roughly
six or seven years old, they moved out to the
suburbs of Dayton, Minnesota, which is literally two thousand people,
(05:14):
no street lights, very rule.
Speaker 4 (05:16):
We were the only family of color in the area.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
And because of that move, it gave me a lot
more opportunity in sport, and so I started playing you know,
different sports. I played volleyball, I played floor hockey, which
was really interesting back then. And then when I was
in fourth grade, so roughly ten years old or so,
I played tackle football. I was yeah, full pads, helmet,
(05:42):
the whole nine yards there was only only girl in
the league, in the entire league.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (05:47):
And I loved it. Loved it. Oh, I still I'm
thinking about it now.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
It's just I used to sleep with my helmet under
my arm and I just absolutely loved it. AD introduced
me to NFL football back in the day when it
was only on Sunday afternoon, and they let me play
my mom and dad. I said, you know, I want
to play tackle football, and they were like, okay, you
can play in the lightweight division.
Speaker 4 (06:13):
And I did for two years.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
And actually the replacement for when I could no longer
play football was football. So soccer came into my life
around twelve years old. And I guess the rest is history.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
As they say, well, I guess we can really say that.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
So you were a part of like the process of
really putting women's soccer and women's sports on the map.
Like I have heard so many beautiful stories about the
sacrifices and the things that you all had to do
to really make sure that ninety nine World Cup was monumental.
(06:53):
Like all the fucking hard work was literally before the tournament.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Everyone thinks, like when you lock into.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
A World Cup, like that is when the stress and
the hard work like really hits the peak and I'm like,
not really, not really, it's all all the stuff before it,
and you talk so beautifully about it. Did you know
the magnitude of what was going to come? And that
the nine World Cup?
Speaker 3 (07:21):
You know, I feel like for me, I understood it
to a degree because before the World Cup in ninety nine,
we had played in the Olympics in ninety six and
I wanted to be an Olympian since I was eight
years old. And so for me, seeing that dream become
reality in front of seventy six thousand people in Athens, Georgia,
(07:44):
and if you weren't at the game, you didn't see
the game because NBC did.
Speaker 4 (07:49):
Not cover it at all. So we felt like we
had something special.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
And so when the Women's World Cup Organizing Committee, we
were originally going to have that World Cup in regional
two to five thousand seeds stadiums, you know, just on
the northeastern part of the country, not not a real
international flavor event at all, and we decided, you know what,
that's not who we are. We can do better, and
(08:18):
fortunately the committee agreed, so we basically for the next
two years, so from like ninety seven ninety eight, we
basically went all over the country and connecting with different
clubs in different states and having clinics and you know,
shaking hands and letting the community.
Speaker 4 (08:37):
See us and inviting them to our World.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
Cup because we're going to be you know, in the
United States and ninety nine and have this tournament.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
You should come.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
And sure enough they showed up, and so we The
stadiums were changed to Giant Stadium, to Soldier Field, to
Palo Alto and the Rose Bowl and all of these
different stadiums even here in DC, and we packed the
house for our games. I mean, seventy six thousand, sixty
(09:07):
one thousand, seventy seven thousand, and it truly was a
golden time. But I feel like it grew so fast
and so deep compared to what we thought it was
going to be, at least in my opinion for myself,
what I thought, Wow, yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
And I think, you know, now, as you can sit
back and you can reflect being a black, queer woman
in that moment, do you really do you grasp not
only the magnitude of what I said, you guys accomplished
as a team, but you individually, like every I hear
(09:51):
it all the time. I remember Crystal Dunne talking about it,
the representation that you provided to the world. In my mind,
it just you didn't see it. Did you even place
it somewhere for yourself to realize what you were doing
(10:11):
in that moment, to show little girls that look like you,
what is possible?
Speaker 4 (10:18):
You know.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
It's so intriguing because it was almost pointed out to
me from the outside, because for me, I was just
doing my thing. Like my mom and dad raised me,
they were very supportive. They were like, honey, you can
do anything you set your mind to. And my dad's
words of wisdom were always be first. So I combined
(10:40):
those two things together into a predominantly white sport for men.
Also that soccer was and is, and I was like,
you know what, I want to do this and I'm
going to take it as far as I can take it.
And the cool thing is I had way more than
just my mom and dad as support the over the
(11:01):
course of my my my growing up and my playing.
I had great coaches who went to bat for me,
who had confidence and faith and saw something in me
that was special.
Speaker 4 (11:12):
And so for me, it only made sense.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
To just show up as the best version of myself
be authentic, and I was just out there and I
was like, here I am. You know, you got to
deal with me. And I never shied away from the
fact that I was gay. All my teammates knew it
the entire time I was on the team. I was
the only one that was out. And as it turns out,
(11:37):
I wasn't the only one that was gay, but I
was so imagine.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
That, you know, and I wasn't. I was.
Speaker 3 (11:45):
I felt like I would do a disservice to myself,
to my family, to the people who cared about me
if I did not show up one hundred percent authentically
me and just live in my dream and the ships
are going to fall where they may. But my soccer playing,
I felt like was somewhat anointed because of that, and
(12:07):
I had a lot of success. And so when we
were in Giant Stadium and playing in front of seventy
six thousand, and you had all these current and previous
newer players on the national team in the stands as
children watching us play. I'm so honored to have been
able to be someone that they saw that looked like them.
(12:30):
In the case of Crystal and given her the inspiration
that you know what I can too. I can do it,
she can do it as a gay woman. Also, that
whole environment back then was not the friendliest environment.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
I didn't care because I was going to be me here.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
I am deal with me or not, but I'm not
going anywhere, and I'm doing my thing. And so I
feel like now that I'm retired, and now that I
have an opportunity to talk to to former players like
you and Kristen and Tobin and Abby, I was seen
(13:10):
as someone who they looked up to. And for me,
that's the greatest honor. I mean, it's one thing to
be appreciated and honored by the by the feelings and
the inspiration that I give to younger people. But to
have peers like legit peers on the level you know,
teammates appreciate you is truly, it is truly amazing for me.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Stay tuned, we'll be right back after this.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
Well you also, Brah, you stayed so humble through that
entire period. And I can say the thing because I'm
unhinged and I truth, I don't give a shit.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
I don't think you. I think.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
If you would have been who you are now, you
would have gotten a lot more respect and a lot
more fucking money than who you were then. And it's
like hard for me to say that, but I'll just
say the thing, like you saved that p K to
(14:21):
even put that team in the position to be successful.
Forget the championship game. Let's go back one game you
wouldn't even be at the and that's okay. We're all
gonna play the Humble game a little bit, so let
me be your hype woman.
Speaker 4 (14:34):
Okay, but I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
The semi final game up, like we have this term
as goalkeepers, like you stand on your head, like you
play out of your mind. I don't even know how
many saves you had that game.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
You might know because you lived it a lot.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
But then last year, we're like celebrating the anniversary twenty
five anniversary of the ninety nine ers, and here I am,
I'm like, oh, rise, my favorite can't wait for that kit,
can't wait for that kit, and it doesn't fucking come,
no kid, no kit. Everyone else gets the kit redone
(15:10):
reissued she.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
But not the goalkeeper. And I'm like, when are y'all
gonna wake up? We're in twenty twenty five that we
still can't even buy.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Goalkeeper kits to support, celebrate, want to like sleep in
you know, as a kid, you're like, I just want
to be ry. You don't even get that opportunity because
they're not even selling any of our jerseys, right, But
how does that make you feel? As someone who has
this rich legacy of success and you didn't get what
(15:46):
you deserve then and now you're still not getting the
reps and benefits and rewards of all the fucking work
you've put in over decades.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Now.
Speaker 4 (15:58):
Ugh, there's so much there that you just said. There's
so much. Sorry I tell you so I know, I know,
I love it. I love it. It's very true.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
So I saw myself as a part of a team
when I was playing, and a very very vitally important
part of the team. From my understanding, unless a goalkeeper
plays incredibly well on the men's or the women's side,
(16:27):
you don't get a championship win. I mean there's always
going to be a time in a tournament where the
goalkeeper is going to have to stand or not, and
the team that has the goalkeeper that stands as a
team that ends up winning. So you're right in that
semi final game, which is this jersey right here. That's
the jersey from that game, because for me, that was
the most valuable game I played in and it had
(16:49):
nothing to do with the final of the tournament. But
I showed up and earned my keep on that day
and I had no less than seven emergency he saves
in that game, I mean back to back to back,
and was awarded Player of the Game, which I thought
was fantastic. And so going forward from there for the final, uh,
(17:11):
you know, doing my part as we all say, like
you said, you know, do do your thing. So my
job was to save one, and all my teammates jobs
was to make one. But getting to that, getting to
that shootout, a lot happened, as you know back then,
that was golden goal and thank goodness for Christine Lilly
(17:32):
heading that ball off the line.
Speaker 4 (17:33):
So when the moment.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
Came for that for that shootout, uh, you know, I thought,
after we were done and I made that save, I
did my job, and I was so excited and so
ready to just see how my life was going to
change after that. And it did change, but not nearly
as much as I thought. And so for the longest time,
(17:56):
I thought, like you said, that it was because I
was a goalkeeper. You know, goalkeepers have high level responsibility,
low level of glory. You know, a field player can
have seven chances and miss five and be a hero.
Speaker 4 (18:10):
I can't. You can't we go.
Speaker 3 (18:14):
It can't do it have to be perfect, perfect, perfect, exactly.
And so for the longest time I thought it was
the fact that I was a goalkeeper, and then a
few years later I realized that wasn't it at all.
It was either the color of my skin, my sexual orientation,
or both. And it was really, really sad ash when
(18:39):
I realized that, because I had never worried about what
I looked like, or who I loved, or any of
that stuff in terms of what I was going to
do in my life and what I could achieve and
what seeds i'd sew and and wait and then have
the harvest. But the media was just not ready. The
(19:01):
market wasn't ready for me. The market is very much
more ready for me now than it was back then.
And so now I am someone who is coveted, someone
who corporations want to work with because I can speak
to my journey and to things that I learned over
the course of many years being the one on the mountaintop,
(19:25):
but also being the one you know in the in
the rocks, in the jack the frocks below, having learns
from my failures, and so for me now I am.
Speaker 4 (19:34):
I feel like I am reaping.
Speaker 3 (19:38):
Seeds that I sowed twenty years ago, twenty five years ago,
thirty years ago, because now it's time. I was way
before my time, and I would love a jersey Nike,
thank you very much.
Speaker 4 (19:51):
Would love a jersey.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
But I feel like that's part of the reason why
I keep doing what I do ash but why I
keep sharing my journey with mental health. Why I keep sharing,
you know, my story and things that have overcome and
the obstacles and all of that, because I feel like
being authentically myself is important now as it's ever been,
(20:13):
and I feel people people are listening.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Absolutely, and that's so that perspective is so beautiful because
you know, I shared this with you the other day.
I feel that I'm in like a weird breakup, like
I'm newly retired and you and I had very different experiences,
like I.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
Was lucky enough to walk away at thirty seven. I
think I.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Held on a little too long because it's so hard
to say goodbye to your baby and your life that
you've created that really has changed you for the better.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
But I really am in this.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
It's hard for me to watch games, it's hard for
me to go to games.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
I'm in this real reflection moment with a lot of
therapy that I'm trying.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
To figure out, like did I love it? Do I
have a lot of trauma from it? Did? You know?
There's just I think there's just so much that's loaded
in what we do that people only get to.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
See the highs.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
I know that after the ninety nine World Cup, all
of these things happen and one podcasts, We're never going
to get through it. But you know, WUSA came about,
which is was the WUSA, which is a league we
were all dying for. It was the possibility that this
wouldn't be the sport, wouldn't be contingent on just every
(21:45):
four years for an Olympic or a World Cup, because
that's how we operated at the beginning.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
There was really nothing in between. But the US team
operated like a club team, which we were lucky enough
to do so. But this was the real, oh my gosh,
this could be a career, like a real job. And
then it lasted like two.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
Years right to change and change, you know, and then
it's like you go to the next league and you're
in all of these I'm watching you know, I'm watching
your games, and I'm at your games and I'm just like, this.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Is the coolest thing ever. And boom you get hit.
Speaker 4 (22:24):
You get hit.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
You didn't see it, and it changed your life forever.
Tell us, tell us about that moment.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
Yeah, I mean, similar to like you said earlier about
hanging on a little too long. It's hard to know
when to exit, and especially when you're in it as
an athlete high level.
Speaker 4 (22:48):
You know, highest level.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
You want to do that thing as long as you
possibly can, because it's part of you. It's not all
of you, not all of your identity, but it's a big, big,
huge chunk of it. For me, soccer was anointed on
the national team level. Internationally, For me, I had a
(23:12):
lot of success. I had a lot of self sabotage
in there too. I had some things not go my way.
I didn't win everything, but boy, I felt good about
my body of work, if you will, especially internationally speaking.
So when I retired and decided to just play club,
I admit my heart wasn't completely in it anymore. My
(23:34):
father had passed away in two thousand and four. I
just didn't feel the way I felt earlier. And so
the irony is that particular day, that morning of that game,
I had a weird feeling and I really couldn't put
my finger on it. I remember sitting on my bed
(23:55):
that morning in the hotel just being like trying to
shake that feeling off. I'm like, I don't know what's
going on. Something's weird, something's off, but I was trying
to just get past it. And sure enough, in that game,
I got hit and that was the last game I played.
Speaker 4 (24:08):
And so for me, the game, the game left me
when it needed to, and I felt it coming.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
And so when I stood up after getting hit, I
knew my life was different, radically different. And unfortunately, at
the time, I felt like I could probably still play,
and so I did for the next several minutes, and
I didn't even come out of the game until it
was halftime. And so I'm walking over to my to
(24:42):
my trainer and she's like, are you okay, And I'm
like kind of lean into the left and I said, no,
I'm not okay, And you know, you know, as an
athlete if you're okay or if you're not, and there's
no there's no messing around with that. And so I
was like, you know what, I'm not okay. And it
took first a couple of weeks. I took the baseline
test over and over again. Couldn't pass it, couldn't do it,
(25:05):
couldn't remember. Finally passed it because I took a duplicate,
didn't say anything, took the duplicate test, Finally passed it,
and then I realized there was at a point where
it was season ending and then it was career ending
pretty much in the same swoop. And so I haven't
played soccer since that. That was literally, you know, fifteen
years ago. But yeah, on that journey, ash, I was
(25:30):
so not me anymore. And people will talk about changes
that happened when you have a traumatic brain injury. Sometimes
that emotional piece gets disrupted. Everything gets disrupted.
Speaker 4 (25:44):
I mean you're literally it feels like you're.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
Being unplugged from your energy, feel from your life. Basically,
it affects everything. And so for me, it was a
really difficult road in part because of being misdiagnosed. So
back then, the general understanding about concussions was that it
just kind of rectifies itself over time. But I struggled,
(26:09):
and I knew it wasn't okay, and doctors didn't understand
what they understand now. So the misdiagnosis was a big
part of it. And then I was descending literally into
the depths of an emotional hell each day after day
after day. For the longest time. People thought, well, is
it because your career is over? Is that why you're depressed?
(26:30):
And I'm like, no, actually, that's not why. There's just
something really wrong here. I don't feel like myself. I
don't think about things like I used to. I'm struggling
with trying to focus. I mean, I was able to
focus on the panel of a ball in front of
ninety thousand fans in one hundred and seven degree rather
and a World Cup final penalty kicks shootout. If I
(26:54):
can't focus, there's a problem, yeah, exactly. So it was
like all this misdiagnosis, the doctors weren't listening to me,
and so there's so much wrapped up in there. It's
just insane. And so, you know, what was part of
the thing that healed me was eventually getting to the
(27:16):
point where I got the career I needed. Also, that's
actually when my wife came into my life, thank goodness.
And I don't feel like if I didn't talk about it,
if I didn't become an advocate for mental health for TBI,
That's what helped me get through. It was the talking
(27:39):
and the sharing and the being vulnerable. I mean, I
could say, I could tell you I was not nearly
as vulnerable before that hit as i've been after it.
And that's been a really liberating thing for me. And
so the fact that I'm able to advocate, I mean,
I was actually in front of Congress with regards to
TBI and mental health.
Speaker 4 (28:00):
That to me, it shows me.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
And so I have an obligation to share my journey
with people, the good, the bad, and the ugly, so
that they can understand that they're not alone. They can
understand that sometimes there's waves. And like talking to you
the other day about those dark rooms, that's okay, You're
okay having dark rooms. We all have them, but eventually
(28:27):
for self healing, you're gonna have to go in there.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
Yep, this is wide open, and I'm your host, Ashlyn Harris.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
We'll be right back. This is like a real, real question.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
And I don't know if you've been asked this, but
when did you feel whole enough to go back into
those dark rooms.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
It wasn't until the prospect of writing a book, which
came about in twenty nineteen, and I had to sit
down with myself and decide one question, Am I gonna
be real.
Speaker 4 (29:18):
Or am I not?
Speaker 3 (29:20):
And if the answer is no, then no book. If
the answer is yes, then guess what.
Speaker 4 (29:28):
You gotta go in that room.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
Because in order for me to write it, to describe it,
to truly get to the feeling place of these incidences
that happened that were so painful for me, I have
to be willing to go back to that state I
was in at the time. And it was the idea
(29:52):
of writing a book and wanting it to be truly
something that could help people, truly something that was revolution
and a body of work that was my magnum opus,
is what I called it. I had to be real,
ash and I am as vulnerable as I've ever been
in my life. And it's really freeing, actually, And why
(30:15):
is it freeing? Because I'm being authentic and I'm learning
from the difficulties I've had in my life. I am
stronger in the broken places.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Yeah, And I love that about you.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
And I've said that, I've said this so much, Bride,
that I feel more comfort and pain and suffering and
hardship and all the things that we were taught young
that you would think that makes you successful, But being honest,
being vulnerable are the ones that never mentioned when we
(30:52):
were younger. And I hope that by having these type
of conversations we give that freedom to young kids when
things feel too hard, because I do remember this vision
like it was yesterday. I walked off the field and
I was having a really hard time with the teammate
(31:14):
and I looked at one of my best friends and
I was sobbing on the corner of the locker room.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
No one could see me.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
There was these steps and I looked at her and
she's like, what's going on in your head right now?
And I said, I want to jump off of a bridge,
and I am breaking every moment I'm here.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
And first off, I've never told anyone.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
That story really outside of that moment, but it is
interesting because I was scared to share that because I
felt weak.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
I felt like I couldn't handle the.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Hardness of what it took to be great, and I
have a lot of trauma from it, and I think
that is the darker. When I'm ready, I have to
walk in and unpack, and I am nowhere near near
being whole.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
Enough to do it right now.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
And I just wish I had someone help me be
vulnerable and truthful in those moments that winning really wasn't
everything at all costs, because you lose yourself in the
process a lot, and then you have to spend decades
finding your joy again and your truth. We neglect so
(32:31):
much in the sports that we do, and I think
it's we need to really shift the narrative a lot,
because it's hard out there and the pressure at the
top the air is very thin, and it's one thing
to get there, it's a whole another thing to stay there.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
And you lived it for so long.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
So with that, I do have a question for you,
with all the things that have come with your career,
look back, the struggle, the pain, the mental toll, sacrifice.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
Was it worth it.
Speaker 4 (33:14):
I found my greatest love in my greatest pain.
Speaker 3 (33:23):
My journey has been two sides of the same coin,
one side where I've had incredible success and great achievement
and accolades and all of this stuff, and the other
side is all the pain, all the anger, all the misunderstanding,
(33:44):
all the things, the self sabotage and sabotage from within
and without. I walk that fine line every day.
Speaker 4 (33:55):
Still.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
What I learned was a couple of things. And I
so greatly appreciate you sharing with me and being honest
about it. Your situation is too hot right now in time,
and it could be years. If you go through, you
(34:22):
will come out the other side with a level of
appreciation that when you look back on it, it may
not be the worst thing that happened in your life.
It could transform into the best thing that's ever happened
in your life. And that for me was one lesson
that I learned. But at the time, you're in it,
(34:44):
which is why the saying you can't see the forest
for the trees, that's what that comes from. When you're
in it, you cannot see, And it just seems so
weird to say that and to think that.
Speaker 4 (34:56):
But when you're in it, you cannot.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
See, and it's not going to be until it's far
enough in the rear view to even be able to
pick it up and look at it.
Speaker 4 (35:12):
But I will say.
Speaker 3 (35:14):
There is going to be quite a level of salvation, appreciation, compassion,
understanding when you're ready to go through that room and
it all.
Speaker 4 (35:29):
Belongs to you. It is yours and it will always
be yours.
Speaker 3 (35:36):
I'm able to do what I do on stage speaking
about my most difficult moments because I have some distance
from them. Okay, there was a long time when I
didn't speak about feeling suicidal. It wasn't until recently, literally
the last two or three years, when I felt more
(35:59):
comfortable enough to actually speak about it on stage in
a way that would view it justice. But that time
was twenty thirteen. That's the year when I felt that way.
And it took me over ten years to get to
a point where I didn't feel stupid or weak or
(36:19):
ashamed for telling people about the time that I stood.
I stood on the railing from a waterfall, thinking about
going in, knowing I would die because I can't swim.
And the thing that kept me from doing that ash
(36:39):
is the thought that somebody would have to tell my.
Speaker 4 (36:43):
Mother that her baby was dead.
Speaker 3 (36:46):
Yea, That's what made me step back off of that ledge,
And so shortly after that, the deepest darkest of times.
Within the next six months, I met who was to
be my wife, right on the backside of that. So
that's what I mean about two sides of the coin. Right,
(37:10):
So when you're ready, I'm going to tell you right now,
I'm here for you. I will listen without judgment, without critique,
because you're asking for help and I am willing to
do the work with you and you will be in
(37:30):
that space, not by yourself.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
That's beautiful, Thanks, Briy. That means a lot, and I
will take that with me forever. And I do think
that's the difference between you and a lot of other
people is your ability to show up. And I do
think that is your superpower, not just standing between the pipes,
but your superpower is your ability to show up.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
And I am so grateful.
Speaker 1 (37:56):
And I told you the other day because I wasn't
able to share that story glory with you, which I'll
share it to everyone. When I played in DC for
the Washington Freedom, you would some days show up to
the practices and just stand behind the goal at the
top of the hill, and that was a really tough
(38:17):
time for me. But like your ability just to show
up and support and show that sense of compassion you're
speaking about is really life changing for a lot of people,
and is your superpower. And I hope that I will
be able to turn my pain into my superpower and
(38:37):
my gift and see the clarity of.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
The pain I've walked in this lifetime.
Speaker 1 (38:45):
To bring me so much joy in this second version,
in this second wind, and this second chance at being
real and happy and authentic. And with that, I'm curious,
because I do ask every person this question on the podcast,
what you know You've had so many moments that have
(39:09):
split you wide open in your life.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
What moment for you.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
Split you wide open that changed the direction of your
life forever that really just constantly you remember that moment
that was so meaningful and so impactful.
Speaker 3 (39:34):
In two thousand and four, my mom and dad lived
in Minnesota, in Minneapolis area, and I lived in Georgia.
I was still living in Atlanta, and at the time,
the league had folded, but I was still obviously with
the national team and we were traveling around and my
(39:57):
dad was ill. He was very, very sick that year,
and I worried about not being able to potentially come
home if I needed to in time, if he took
a turn for the worst. But the irony was That's
also when we were doing these barnstorming tours where we
would play different games against each other in different cities,
(40:20):
and we just so happened to be in Minneapolis, and
I was staying at home that night because I hadn't
seen my mom for a while, and my dad was
in the hospital and I see you. He'd been struggling
with his heart, and I remember seeing him that day
and he was sitting on his bed, laying it up
against the pillow, and he has this way where he
(40:43):
has his arm behind his head and I do the
same thing, and he's like, I'll see you later, honey,
And I was like, okay, Dad, I'd say around twelve
forty five am, the phone ring. It was the hospital.
He had coded and they said that we have to
(41:04):
get there right away. So I went with my mom
to the hospital in his room, and we saw him
there and he passed away at that moment.
Speaker 4 (41:16):
He hung in there long enough.
Speaker 3 (41:20):
That moment changed my life because as my father passed away,
what made me special in the game of soccer passed.
Speaker 4 (41:35):
Away with him, at least at a way I saw it.
Speaker 3 (41:40):
However, that incredible pain and he passed away on Father's
Day made me into an absolute just beast of a
goalkeeper for the next several months, and I was in
(42:03):
such emotional turmoil. On one hand, I was returning after
a long hiatus from the Olympics to be able to
play in my first Olympic Games in a while in
two thousand and four, and I was excited about that.
And then on the other hand, my father passed away
and I saw and I was in the room with him,
and I had these two emotional balls splitting, pulling me apart.
(42:30):
And for the next several months, I just I would
go into the locker room and I would just cry
and cry and cry, and bless my teammates, all they
would do is just pat me on my shoulder, give
me a hug because they knew why I was crying.
I never hit it, they knew what my dad meant. Fortunately,
(42:52):
because of that, my mom was able to come to
the Olympics that year, and I played out of my mind.
Speaker 4 (43:00):
I made saves. To this day, I can't explain.
Speaker 3 (43:04):
I had my father's spirit in that game with me
that moment. The fact that I was actually there in
the room when he passed is my greatest pain and
my greatest joy. Wow, because I was actually in the
(43:27):
room and I never thought I would be, And I
changed that day for the better through that really difficult
time and I speak about it sometimes, but not as
in depth as I just did. So I want to
say thank you to you for allowing me the space
(43:49):
to be able to share that with you.
Speaker 4 (43:50):
And thank you.
Speaker 1 (43:51):
Thank you for your vulnerability and that and I've always
got you, you know that. There's another thing that you
said that's very important for me to talk about because
it is impactful in a way that I hope to
get to. You said, my greatest save was my own life.
(44:16):
How long did it take.
Speaker 2 (44:17):
You to see life this way?
Speaker 4 (44:20):
Brian?
Speaker 2 (44:20):
To see all of these.
Speaker 1 (44:23):
Things that you've gone through to be this joyful human
you are today. You walk into any room and you
absolutely light it up.
Speaker 2 (44:32):
You are a light. You are magic, you are.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
And it's it's such a beautiful thing to say, because
you've saved a lot of things, and you've saved a
lot of people. But you said my greatest saved was
my own life. What did you mean by that?
Speaker 3 (44:52):
So when I was in the depths of my depression
and my difficulty with what I was going through with
my concussion, I didn't see myself.
Speaker 4 (45:06):
As me in the mirror anymore.
Speaker 3 (45:09):
There was a time when I was looking at a
picture of myself making that save, and I remember thinking.
Speaker 4 (45:16):
Who is that?
Speaker 3 (45:19):
I know that's me, but who is that? I felt
nothing like that woman who made that save at that
amazing time and that amazing way. I did not feel
like that person at all anymore.
Speaker 4 (45:34):
And I hit.
Speaker 3 (45:37):
Rock bottom in every single way, shape or form that
you can think of at the same time, to the
point where I wanted.
Speaker 4 (45:47):
To just end it.
Speaker 3 (45:51):
Because of my mom. Like I said earlier, I did not.
I didn't think I could go further without something dramatically changing.
What changed was this, A very good friend of mine
(46:12):
met this woman in an event and told her about
my plight, that I was dealing with the insurance company,
that they weren't paying me right, that I was really struggling,
and I needed certain amount of care, kind of care,
type of care, doctors, all these things.
Speaker 4 (46:30):
That person was Naomi.
Speaker 3 (46:34):
If Naomi doesn't open her mouth and tell Chrisa about
my plight, I don't even know if I'd be here
now talking to you, because eventually.
Speaker 4 (46:49):
I would have done it. I was saved by love. Wow,
love is what saved me.
Speaker 3 (46:59):
So when I say my greatest save was my own life,
it was my willingness to be honest with Naomi, her
willingness to do what she does really well, which is network,
and tell somebody that she thought could help me about
what it has happening, and for Chrisa to be willing
(47:22):
to say yes and to meet with me. And it
wasn't until over a year later that we understood how
we felt about each other. But that got the ball rolling,
got everything started. And so for me, I saved my
own life. Naomi saved my life and Chrisa saved my life.
(47:46):
And I do what I do now with the passion
and the privilege and the energy that I do it
with because I know.
Speaker 4 (47:57):
What a shit show looks like. I've seen it, I've
been it, yep.
Speaker 3 (48:02):
And it's because of that experience and that understanding that
I feel like I can help Yepple. And that's why
I've chosen to speak like I do and do and
do keynotes, because this is the best way I think
to reach the most people in an impactful way. And
every time I'm on stage, whether I'm talking to a
(48:23):
company fortune five hundred, or whether I'm talking to organization
soccer club who knows where, boys and girls.
Speaker 4 (48:29):
Club, whatever.
Speaker 3 (48:31):
I go in there with the intention of meeting somebody
where they are with my words and being the exact
thing they need to hear in that moment to help
them be and do what they need to do.
Speaker 4 (48:47):
And that's why I do what I do.
Speaker 2 (48:48):
That's beautiful.
Speaker 4 (48:49):
Thank you, Wow, thank you.
Speaker 2 (48:51):
The last question I'm gonna I could be here all
day with you. You are just right, You're just like
a You're like a giant gentle war.
Speaker 1 (49:00):
I'm hug every time I'm with you, Gosh, but I
will because you're in such a beautiful place and I'm
so genuinely happy to hear that and to see it.
And I have the last question I want to ask you,
is this, with where you are now and you have
(49:21):
so much living still to do and love to share,
if you could whisper one thing in your ear at
that ninety nine World Cup when you're standing in goal
like a fucking giant you were, and all the things
you've gone through and the pain and the controversy and
(49:44):
the mental health and the concussion and now finding love
on this side. If you could whisper one thing to
your younger self in that moment, what would it be.
Speaker 3 (49:57):
You have the mind of your father, you have the
heart of your mother. Times are going to be incredibly
difficult and dark, and you will feel like there is
no light. Just hang in there because the light is coming.
(50:19):
And this situation that you feel is heavier than you
can carry. You will see in the future that it
was your greatest moment.
Speaker 4 (50:30):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (50:35):
Thank you. You are special.
Speaker 1 (50:37):
You are special, Brian, and it is an absolute joy
to have you on, to call you a friend, to
be able to know I can pick this weird thing
up and call you at any time.
Speaker 2 (50:51):
And no, no, you've got my back.
Speaker 1 (50:55):
That I am I'm grateful for and I know this,
this will air, and this will touch a lot of
people who silently are struggling. And this is a message
of staying and it's beautiful because life is beautiful. It's hard,
it's challenging, it's unpredictable, yeah, but there's always beauty in it.
(51:18):
And you are an incredible testament to that. So thank
you for being on today, and thank you for being
vulnerable and wide open. And I hope I get to
share many more moments and stages with you, because I
have a lot to learn from your experience as well,
and for you to be so open about it brings
(51:39):
me comfort and knowing I don't have to carry the
shame either.
Speaker 3 (51:43):
So thanks Briy absolutely ashen, Thank you so much for
being willing to put yourself out there and for having
me on this show. And we together are going to
help a ton of people. And you don't know where
things are going to lead or who's listening or who's
going to help, but I'm grateful to you for being
willing to have me on and sharing this with you.
(52:06):
So thank you, and I'm ready when you're ready.
Speaker 1 (52:08):
Thanks Brian, and we'll see you all next week on
Wide Open. Wide Open with Ashlin Harris is an iHeart
women's sports production. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 2 (52:26):
Our producers are.
Speaker 1 (52:28):
Carmen Borca Correo, Emily Maronov, and Lucy Jones. Production assistants
from Malia Aguidello. Our executive producers are Jesse Katz, Jenny Kaplan,
and Emily Rudder. Our editors are Jenny Kaplan and Emily
Rudder and I'm your host, Ashlyn Harris
Heads up, We'll be talking about mental health challenges and
suicidal ideation in today's episode, Listener Discretion Advised. Hi everyone,
and welcome back to another week of Wide Open with
Ashland Harris.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
I'm so excited today.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
To introduce one of the most iconic goalkeepers of my
lifetime of US Soccer Federation, bry Scurry.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Welcome to this show, my friend. Oh my gosh, this
is like so fun for me. It's so good to see.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
You, Ash, great to see you too, Thanks so much
for having me. I'm happy we can do this. I'm
excited about it. So yeah, appreciate it.
Speaker 4 (00:51):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
I appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
And not that you need any introduction, but Briy, you
know you might've heard of like Olympics, World Cup. She
is emphasized like you are known as one of the
ninety nine ers. However, like I find that to be
so it's so funny to even say that, because you
(01:14):
your career and what you've done for the landscape of
the position for US soccer in general, you are iconic.
So I'm so excited to have you on the podcast
today because you have such a legacy of generosity to
continue showing up and paving the way for change when
it comes to women in sports, especially Black women in sports,
(01:39):
and it hits even deeper, and I would I would
hate not to say it.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
Now.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
I am raising a black female, strong child and I
love that I get to talk to her about you.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
Oh thank you. That's so sweet and.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
It is so important. So thank you. Welcome to the show.
How are you?
Speaker 1 (02:02):
What is going I saw you last week, but I'm like,
I know what's going on in your crazy life? Like
you don't stop, but you tell the listeners and whoever's
watching what's going on.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Where are you at right now?
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Before we dive in to all the juicy questions and
have a little fun.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
I am in a great place right now, really just
leaning into the bonus mom, being a great wife, being
on the road sometimes for business. Right now, I am
on the international speaker's circuit. So I talk about my
journey throughout my life to businesses, fortune, five hundred companies, colleges, universities,
(02:45):
different organizations, and so doing a lot of that stuff.
But some of the things that I absolutely love doing
and continuing to do is advocating, like you said, advocating
for mental health, advocating for representation, equity, quality, inclusion, all
these things. I feel like it's just something that that's
(03:09):
who I am, and I continue to do it, even
though I'm not necessarily advocating at that moment for myself personally,
but I feel like it's part of what we do.
Now you know, you're in the in the mix, and
so you're you're going to do that for the rest
of your life. And I'm actually very very proud of it,
and I'm I'm you know, it's a great honor of mine.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
So it's so good to see you, like in the
places that you should be in because you moved the
needle and you push us forward. And your story, your
fucking story is so good. It just is because there's
so much beauty and struggle. And you said something to
(03:52):
me that was so profound. Oh whenever it was last week,
you were like, just know that that little you know,
there's there's a base, that dark black basement.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
When you're ready, you're gonna have to walk through it.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
And I can't wait to really unpack a lot of
those type of topics because I think people don't realize
what we go through to get to the top, to
stay at the top, and then how quickly it all
can crumble. Yes, So before we even dive into that
whole heavy topic of what we sacrifice to be the
(04:32):
greatest versions of ourselves, I'm curious how all the listeners
out there exactly who you were as a kid, and
how you moved in the world, and how you played
every sport, and what were your goals and your dreams
and all the things that made your reality possible.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
Well, one of the things that is so intriguing about
the decisions that my parents made. So we lived in
Minneapolis proper Minneapolis, Minnesota, and that's where I was born,
in the city area. And then when I was roughly
six or seven years old, they moved out to the
suburbs of Dayton, Minnesota, which is literally two thousand people,
(05:14):
no street lights, very rule.
Speaker 4 (05:16):
We were the only family of color in the area.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
And because of that move, it gave me a lot
more opportunity in sport, and so I started playing you know,
different sports. I played volleyball, I played floor hockey, which
was really interesting back then. And then when I was
in fourth grade, so roughly ten years old or so,
I played tackle football. I was yeah, full pads, helmet,
(05:42):
the whole nine yards there was only only girl in
the league, in the entire league.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (05:47):
And I loved it. Loved it. Oh, I still I'm
thinking about it now.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
It's just I used to sleep with my helmet under
my arm and I just absolutely loved it. AD introduced
me to NFL football back in the day when it
was only on Sunday afternoon, and they let me play
my mom and dad. I said, you know, I want
to play tackle football, and they were like, okay, you
can play in the lightweight division.
Speaker 4 (06:13):
And I did for two years.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
And actually the replacement for when I could no longer
play football was football. So soccer came into my life
around twelve years old. And I guess the rest is history.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
As they say, well, I guess we can really say that.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
So you were a part of like the process of
really putting women's soccer and women's sports on the map.
Like I have heard so many beautiful stories about the
sacrifices and the things that you all had to do
to really make sure that ninety nine World Cup was monumental.
(06:53):
Like all the fucking hard work was literally before the tournament.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Everyone thinks, like when you lock into.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
A World Cup, like that is when the stress and
the hard work like really hits the peak and I'm like,
not really, not really, it's all all the stuff before it,
and you talk so beautifully about it. Did you know
the magnitude of what was going to come? And that
the nine World Cup?
Speaker 3 (07:21):
You know, I feel like for me, I understood it
to a degree because before the World Cup in ninety nine,
we had played in the Olympics in ninety six and
I wanted to be an Olympian since I was eight
years old. And so for me, seeing that dream become
reality in front of seventy six thousand people in Athens, Georgia,
(07:44):
and if you weren't at the game, you didn't see
the game because NBC did.
Speaker 4 (07:49):
Not cover it at all. So we felt like we
had something special.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
And so when the Women's World Cup Organizing Committee, we
were originally going to have that World Cup in regional
two to five thousand seeds stadiums, you know, just on
the northeastern part of the country, not not a real
international flavor event at all, and we decided, you know what,
that's not who we are. We can do better, and
(08:18):
fortunately the committee agreed, so we basically for the next
two years, so from like ninety seven ninety eight, we
basically went all over the country and connecting with different
clubs in different states and having clinics and you know,
shaking hands and letting the community.
Speaker 4 (08:37):
See us and inviting them to our World.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
Cup because we're going to be you know, in the
United States and ninety nine and have this tournament.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
You should come.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
And sure enough they showed up, and so we The
stadiums were changed to Giant Stadium, to Soldier Field, to
Palo Alto and the Rose Bowl and all of these
different stadiums even here in DC, and we packed the
house for our games. I mean, seventy six thousand, sixty
(09:07):
one thousand, seventy seven thousand, and it truly was a
golden time. But I feel like it grew so fast
and so deep compared to what we thought it was
going to be, at least in my opinion for myself,
what I thought, Wow, yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
And I think, you know, now, as you can sit
back and you can reflect being a black, queer woman
in that moment, do you really do you grasp not
only the magnitude of what I said, you guys accomplished
as a team, but you individually, like every I hear
(09:51):
it all the time. I remember Crystal Dunne talking about it,
the representation that you provided to the world. In my mind,
it just you didn't see it. Did you even place
it somewhere for yourself to realize what you were doing
(10:11):
in that moment, to show little girls that look like you,
what is possible?
Speaker 4 (10:18):
You know.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
It's so intriguing because it was almost pointed out to
me from the outside, because for me, I was just
doing my thing. Like my mom and dad raised me,
they were very supportive. They were like, honey, you can
do anything you set your mind to. And my dad's
words of wisdom were always be first. So I combined
(10:40):
those two things together into a predominantly white sport for men.
Also that soccer was and is, and I was like,
you know what, I want to do this and I'm
going to take it as far as I can take it.
And the cool thing is I had way more than
just my mom and dad as support the over the
(11:01):
course of my my my growing up and my playing.
I had great coaches who went to bat for me,
who had confidence and faith and saw something in me
that was special.
Speaker 4 (11:12):
And so for me, it only made sense.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
To just show up as the best version of myself
be authentic, and I was just out there and I
was like, here I am. You know, you got to
deal with me. And I never shied away from the
fact that I was gay. All my teammates knew it
the entire time I was on the team. I was
the only one that was out. And as it turns out,
(11:37):
I wasn't the only one that was gay, but I
was so imagine.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
That, you know, and I wasn't. I was.
Speaker 3 (11:45):
I felt like I would do a disservice to myself,
to my family, to the people who cared about me
if I did not show up one hundred percent authentically
me and just live in my dream and the ships
are going to fall where they may. But my soccer playing,
I felt like was somewhat anointed because of that, and
(12:07):
I had a lot of success. And so when we
were in Giant Stadium and playing in front of seventy
six thousand, and you had all these current and previous
newer players on the national team in the stands as
children watching us play. I'm so honored to have been
able to be someone that they saw that looked like them.
(12:30):
In the case of Crystal and given her the inspiration
that you know what I can too. I can do it,
she can do it as a gay woman. Also, that
whole environment back then was not the friendliest environment.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
I didn't care because I was going to be me here.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
I am deal with me or not, but I'm not
going anywhere, and I'm doing my thing. And so I
feel like now that I'm retired, and now that I
have an opportunity to talk to to former players like
you and Kristen and Tobin and Abby, I was seen
(13:10):
as someone who they looked up to. And for me,
that's the greatest honor. I mean, it's one thing to
be appreciated and honored by the by the feelings and
the inspiration that I give to younger people. But to
have peers like legit peers on the level you know,
teammates appreciate you is truly, it is truly amazing for me.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Stay tuned, we'll be right back after this.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
Well you also, Brah, you stayed so humble through that
entire period. And I can say the thing because I'm
unhinged and I truth, I don't give a shit.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
I don't think you. I think.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
If you would have been who you are now, you
would have gotten a lot more respect and a lot
more fucking money than who you were then. And it's
like hard for me to say that, but I'll just
say the thing, like you saved that p K to
(14:21):
even put that team in the position to be successful.
Forget the championship game. Let's go back one game you
wouldn't even be at the and that's okay. We're all
gonna play the Humble game a little bit, so let
me be your hype woman.
Speaker 4 (14:34):
Okay, but I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
The semi final game up, like we have this term
as goalkeepers, like you stand on your head, like you
play out of your mind. I don't even know how
many saves you had that game.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
You might know because you lived it a lot.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
But then last year, we're like celebrating the anniversary twenty
five anniversary of the ninety nine ers, and here I am,
I'm like, oh, rise, my favorite can't wait for that kit,
can't wait for that kit, and it doesn't fucking come,
no kid, no kit. Everyone else gets the kit redone
(15:10):
reissued she.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
But not the goalkeeper. And I'm like, when are y'all
gonna wake up? We're in twenty twenty five that we
still can't even buy.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Goalkeeper kits to support, celebrate, want to like sleep in
you know, as a kid, you're like, I just want
to be ry. You don't even get that opportunity because
they're not even selling any of our jerseys, right, But
how does that make you feel? As someone who has
this rich legacy of success and you didn't get what
(15:46):
you deserve then and now you're still not getting the
reps and benefits and rewards of all the fucking work
you've put in over decades.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Now.
Speaker 4 (15:58):
Ugh, there's so much there that you just said. There's
so much. Sorry I tell you so I know, I know,
I love it. I love it. It's very true.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
So I saw myself as a part of a team
when I was playing, and a very very vitally important
part of the team. From my understanding, unless a goalkeeper
plays incredibly well on the men's or the women's side,
(16:27):
you don't get a championship win. I mean there's always
going to be a time in a tournament where the
goalkeeper is going to have to stand or not, and
the team that has the goalkeeper that stands as a
team that ends up winning. So you're right in that
semi final game, which is this jersey right here. That's
the jersey from that game, because for me, that was
the most valuable game I played in and it had
(16:49):
nothing to do with the final of the tournament. But
I showed up and earned my keep on that day
and I had no less than seven emergency he saves
in that game, I mean back to back to back,
and was awarded Player of the Game, which I thought
was fantastic. And so going forward from there for the final, uh,
(17:11):
you know, doing my part as we all say, like
you said, you know, do do your thing. So my
job was to save one, and all my teammates jobs
was to make one. But getting to that, getting to
that shootout, a lot happened, as you know back then,
that was golden goal and thank goodness for Christine Lilly
(17:32):
heading that ball off the line.
Speaker 4 (17:33):
So when the moment.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
Came for that for that shootout, uh, you know, I thought,
after we were done and I made that save, I
did my job, and I was so excited and so
ready to just see how my life was going to
change after that. And it did change, but not nearly
as much as I thought. And so for the longest time,
(17:56):
I thought, like you said, that it was because I
was a goalkeeper. You know, goalkeepers have high level responsibility,
low level of glory. You know, a field player can
have seven chances and miss five and be a hero.
Speaker 4 (18:10):
I can't. You can't we go.
Speaker 3 (18:14):
It can't do it have to be perfect, perfect, perfect, exactly.
And so for the longest time I thought it was
the fact that I was a goalkeeper, and then a
few years later I realized that wasn't it at all.
It was either the color of my skin, my sexual orientation,
or both. And it was really, really sad ash when
(18:39):
I realized that, because I had never worried about what
I looked like, or who I loved, or any of
that stuff in terms of what I was going to
do in my life and what I could achieve and
what seeds i'd sew and and wait and then have
the harvest. But the media was just not ready. The
(19:01):
market wasn't ready for me. The market is very much
more ready for me now than it was back then.
And so now I am someone who is coveted, someone
who corporations want to work with because I can speak
to my journey and to things that I learned over
the course of many years being the one on the mountaintop,
(19:25):
but also being the one you know in the in
the rocks, in the jack the frocks below, having learns
from my failures, and so for me now I am.
Speaker 4 (19:34):
I feel like I am reaping.
Speaker 3 (19:38):
Seeds that I sowed twenty years ago, twenty five years ago,
thirty years ago, because now it's time. I was way
before my time, and I would love a jersey Nike,
thank you very much.
Speaker 4 (19:51):
Would love a jersey.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
But I feel like that's part of the reason why
I keep doing what I do ash but why I
keep sharing my journey with mental health. Why I keep sharing,
you know, my story and things that have overcome and
the obstacles and all of that, because I feel like
being authentically myself is important now as it's ever been,
(20:13):
and I feel people people are listening.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Absolutely, and that's so that perspective is so beautiful because
you know, I shared this with you the other day.
I feel that I'm in like a weird breakup, like
I'm newly retired and you and I had very different experiences,
like I.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
Was lucky enough to walk away at thirty seven. I
think I.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Held on a little too long because it's so hard
to say goodbye to your baby and your life that
you've created that really has changed you for the better.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
But I really am in this.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
It's hard for me to watch games, it's hard for
me to go to games.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
I'm in this real reflection moment with a lot of
therapy that I'm trying.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
To figure out, like did I love it? Do I
have a lot of trauma from it? Did? You know?
There's just I think there's just so much that's loaded
in what we do that people only get to.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
See the highs.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
I know that after the ninety nine World Cup, all
of these things happen and one podcasts, We're never going
to get through it. But you know, WUSA came about,
which is was the WUSA, which is a league we
were all dying for. It was the possibility that this
wouldn't be the sport, wouldn't be contingent on just every
(21:45):
four years for an Olympic or a World Cup, because
that's how we operated at the beginning.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
There was really nothing in between. But the US team
operated like a club team, which we were lucky enough
to do so. But this was the real, oh my gosh,
this could be a career, like a real job. And
then it lasted like two.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
Years right to change and change, you know, and then
it's like you go to the next league and you're
in all of these I'm watching you know, I'm watching
your games, and I'm at your games and I'm just like, this.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Is the coolest thing ever. And boom you get hit.
Speaker 4 (22:24):
You get hit.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
You didn't see it, and it changed your life forever.
Tell us, tell us about that moment.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
Yeah, I mean, similar to like you said earlier about
hanging on a little too long. It's hard to know
when to exit, and especially when you're in it as
an athlete high level.
Speaker 4 (22:48):
You know, highest level.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
You want to do that thing as long as you
possibly can, because it's part of you. It's not all
of you, not all of your identity, but it's a big, big,
huge chunk of it. For me, soccer was anointed on
the national team level. Internationally, For me, I had a
(23:12):
lot of success. I had a lot of self sabotage
in there too. I had some things not go my way.
I didn't win everything, but boy, I felt good about
my body of work, if you will, especially internationally speaking.
So when I retired and decided to just play club,
I admit my heart wasn't completely in it anymore. My
(23:34):
father had passed away in two thousand and four. I
just didn't feel the way I felt earlier. And so
the irony is that particular day, that morning of that game,
I had a weird feeling and I really couldn't put
my finger on it. I remember sitting on my bed
(23:55):
that morning in the hotel just being like trying to
shake that feeling off. I'm like, I don't know what's
going on. Something's weird, something's off, but I was trying
to just get past it. And sure enough, in that game,
I got hit and that was the last game I played.
Speaker 4 (24:08):
And so for me, the game, the game left me
when it needed to, and I felt it coming.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
And so when I stood up after getting hit, I
knew my life was different, radically different. And unfortunately, at
the time, I felt like I could probably still play,
and so I did for the next several minutes, and
I didn't even come out of the game until it
was halftime. And so I'm walking over to my to
(24:42):
my trainer and she's like, are you okay, And I'm
like kind of lean into the left and I said, no,
I'm not okay, And you know, you know, as an
athlete if you're okay or if you're not, and there's
no there's no messing around with that. And so I
was like, you know what, I'm not okay. And it
took first a couple of weeks. I took the baseline
test over and over again. Couldn't pass it, couldn't do it,
(25:05):
couldn't remember. Finally passed it because I took a duplicate,
didn't say anything, took the duplicate test, Finally passed it,
and then I realized there was at a point where
it was season ending and then it was career ending
pretty much in the same swoop. And so I haven't
played soccer since that. That was literally, you know, fifteen
years ago. But yeah, on that journey, ash, I was
(25:30):
so not me anymore. And people will talk about changes
that happened when you have a traumatic brain injury. Sometimes
that emotional piece gets disrupted. Everything gets disrupted.
Speaker 4 (25:44):
I mean you're literally it feels like you're.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
Being unplugged from your energy, feel from your life. Basically,
it affects everything. And so for me, it was a
really difficult road in part because of being misdiagnosed. So
back then, the general understanding about concussions was that it
just kind of rectifies itself over time. But I struggled,
(26:09):
and I knew it wasn't okay, and doctors didn't understand
what they understand now. So the misdiagnosis was a big
part of it. And then I was descending literally into
the depths of an emotional hell each day after day
after day. For the longest time. People thought, well, is
it because your career is over? Is that why you're depressed?
(26:30):
And I'm like, no, actually, that's not why. There's just
something really wrong here. I don't feel like myself. I
don't think about things like I used to. I'm struggling
with trying to focus. I mean, I was able to
focus on the panel of a ball in front of
ninety thousand fans in one hundred and seven degree rather
and a World Cup final penalty kicks shootout. If I
(26:54):
can't focus, there's a problem, yeah, exactly. So it was
like all this misdiagnosis, the doctors weren't listening to me,
and so there's so much wrapped up in there. It's
just insane. And so, you know, what was part of
the thing that healed me was eventually getting to the
(27:16):
point where I got the career I needed. Also, that's
actually when my wife came into my life, thank goodness.
And I don't feel like if I didn't talk about it,
if I didn't become an advocate for mental health for TBI,
That's what helped me get through. It was the talking
(27:39):
and the sharing and the being vulnerable. I mean, I
could say, I could tell you I was not nearly
as vulnerable before that hit as i've been after it.
And that's been a really liberating thing for me. And
so the fact that I'm able to advocate, I mean,
I was actually in front of Congress with regards to
TBI and mental health.
Speaker 4 (28:00):
That to me, it shows me.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
And so I have an obligation to share my journey
with people, the good, the bad, and the ugly, so
that they can understand that they're not alone. They can
understand that sometimes there's waves. And like talking to you
the other day about those dark rooms, that's okay, You're
okay having dark rooms. We all have them, but eventually
(28:27):
for self healing, you're gonna have to go in there.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
Yep, this is wide open, and I'm your host, Ashlyn Harris.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
We'll be right back. This is like a real, real question.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
And I don't know if you've been asked this, but
when did you feel whole enough to go back into
those dark rooms.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
It wasn't until the prospect of writing a book, which
came about in twenty nineteen, and I had to sit
down with myself and decide one question, Am I gonna
be real.
Speaker 4 (29:18):
Or am I not?
Speaker 3 (29:20):
And if the answer is no, then no book. If
the answer is yes, then guess what.
Speaker 4 (29:28):
You gotta go in that room.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
Because in order for me to write it, to describe it,
to truly get to the feeling place of these incidences
that happened that were so painful for me, I have
to be willing to go back to that state I
was in at the time. And it was the idea
(29:52):
of writing a book and wanting it to be truly
something that could help people, truly something that was revolution
and a body of work that was my magnum opus,
is what I called it. I had to be real,
ash and I am as vulnerable as I've ever been
in my life. And it's really freeing, actually, And why
(30:15):
is it freeing? Because I'm being authentic and I'm learning
from the difficulties I've had in my life. I am
stronger in the broken places.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Yeah, And I love that about you.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
And I've said that, I've said this so much, Bride,
that I feel more comfort and pain and suffering and
hardship and all the things that we were taught young
that you would think that makes you successful, But being honest,
being vulnerable are the ones that never mentioned when we
(30:52):
were younger. And I hope that by having these type
of conversations we give that freedom to young kids when
things feel too hard, because I do remember this vision
like it was yesterday. I walked off the field and
I was having a really hard time with the teammate
(31:14):
and I looked at one of my best friends and
I was sobbing on the corner of the locker room.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
No one could see me.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
There was these steps and I looked at her and
she's like, what's going on in your head right now?
And I said, I want to jump off of a bridge,
and I am breaking every moment I'm here.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
And first off, I've never told anyone.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
That story really outside of that moment, but it is
interesting because I was scared to share that because I
felt weak.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
I felt like I couldn't handle the.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Hardness of what it took to be great, and I
have a lot of trauma from it, and I think
that is the darker. When I'm ready, I have to
walk in and unpack, and I am nowhere near near
being whole.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
Enough to do it right now.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
And I just wish I had someone help me be
vulnerable and truthful in those moments that winning really wasn't
everything at all costs, because you lose yourself in the
process a lot, and then you have to spend decades
finding your joy again and your truth. We neglect so
(32:31):
much in the sports that we do, and I think
it's we need to really shift the narrative a lot,
because it's hard out there and the pressure at the
top the air is very thin, and it's one thing
to get there, it's a whole another thing to stay there.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
And you lived it for so long.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
So with that, I do have a question for you,
with all the things that have come with your career,
look back, the struggle, the pain, the mental toll, sacrifice.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
Was it worth it.
Speaker 4 (33:14):
I found my greatest love in my greatest pain.
Speaker 3 (33:23):
My journey has been two sides of the same coin,
one side where I've had incredible success and great achievement
and accolades and all of this stuff, and the other
side is all the pain, all the anger, all the misunderstanding,
(33:44):
all the things, the self sabotage and sabotage from within
and without. I walk that fine line every day.
Speaker 4 (33:55):
Still.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
What I learned was a couple of things. And I
so greatly appreciate you sharing with me and being honest
about it. Your situation is too hot right now in time,
and it could be years. If you go through, you
(34:22):
will come out the other side with a level of
appreciation that when you look back on it, it may
not be the worst thing that happened in your life.
It could transform into the best thing that's ever happened
in your life. And that for me was one lesson
that I learned. But at the time, you're in it,
(34:44):
which is why the saying you can't see the forest
for the trees, that's what that comes from. When you're
in it, you cannot see, And it just seems so
weird to say that and to think that.
Speaker 4 (34:56):
But when you're in it, you cannot.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
See, and it's not going to be until it's far
enough in the rear view to even be able to
pick it up and look at it.
Speaker 4 (35:12):
But I will say.
Speaker 3 (35:14):
There is going to be quite a level of salvation, appreciation, compassion,
understanding when you're ready to go through that room and
it all.
Speaker 4 (35:29):
Belongs to you. It is yours and it will always
be yours.
Speaker 3 (35:36):
I'm able to do what I do on stage speaking
about my most difficult moments because I have some distance
from them. Okay, there was a long time when I
didn't speak about feeling suicidal. It wasn't until recently, literally
the last two or three years, when I felt more
(35:59):
comfortable enough to actually speak about it on stage in
a way that would view it justice. But that time
was twenty thirteen. That's the year when I felt that way.
And it took me over ten years to get to
a point where I didn't feel stupid or weak or
(36:19):
ashamed for telling people about the time that I stood.
I stood on the railing from a waterfall, thinking about
going in, knowing I would die because I can't swim.
And the thing that kept me from doing that ash
(36:39):
is the thought that somebody would have to tell my.
Speaker 4 (36:43):
Mother that her baby was dead.
Speaker 3 (36:46):
Yea, That's what made me step back off of that ledge,
And so shortly after that, the deepest darkest of times.
Within the next six months, I met who was to
be my wife, right on the backside of that. So
that's what I mean about two sides of the coin. Right,
(37:10):
So when you're ready, I'm going to tell you right now,
I'm here for you. I will listen without judgment, without critique,
because you're asking for help and I am willing to
do the work with you and you will be in
(37:30):
that space, not by yourself.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
That's beautiful, Thanks, Briy. That means a lot, and I
will take that with me forever. And I do think
that's the difference between you and a lot of other
people is your ability to show up. And I do
think that is your superpower, not just standing between the pipes,
but your superpower is your ability to show up.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
And I am so grateful.
Speaker 1 (37:56):
And I told you the other day because I wasn't
able to share that story glory with you, which I'll
share it to everyone. When I played in DC for
the Washington Freedom, you would some days show up to
the practices and just stand behind the goal at the
top of the hill, and that was a really tough
(38:17):
time for me. But like your ability just to show
up and support and show that sense of compassion you're
speaking about is really life changing for a lot of people,
and is your superpower. And I hope that I will
be able to turn my pain into my superpower and
(38:37):
my gift and see the clarity of.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
The pain I've walked in this lifetime.
Speaker 1 (38:45):
To bring me so much joy in this second version,
in this second wind, and this second chance at being
real and happy and authentic. And with that, I'm curious,
because I do ask every person this question on the podcast,
what you know You've had so many moments that have
(39:09):
split you wide open in your life.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
What moment for you.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
Split you wide open that changed the direction of your
life forever that really just constantly you remember that moment
that was so meaningful and so impactful.
Speaker 3 (39:34):
In two thousand and four, my mom and dad lived
in Minnesota, in Minneapolis area, and I lived in Georgia.
I was still living in Atlanta, and at the time,
the league had folded, but I was still obviously with
the national team and we were traveling around and my
(39:57):
dad was ill. He was very, very sick that year,
and I worried about not being able to potentially come
home if I needed to in time, if he took
a turn for the worst. But the irony was That's
also when we were doing these barnstorming tours where we
would play different games against each other in different cities,
(40:20):
and we just so happened to be in Minneapolis, and
I was staying at home that night because I hadn't
seen my mom for a while, and my dad was
in the hospital and I see you. He'd been struggling
with his heart, and I remember seeing him that day
and he was sitting on his bed, laying it up
against the pillow, and he has this way where he
(40:43):
has his arm behind his head and I do the
same thing, and he's like, I'll see you later, honey,
And I was like, okay, Dad, I'd say around twelve
forty five am, the phone ring. It was the hospital.
He had coded and they said that we have to
(41:04):
get there right away. So I went with my mom
to the hospital in his room, and we saw him
there and he passed away at that moment.
Speaker 4 (41:16):
He hung in there long enough.
Speaker 3 (41:20):
That moment changed my life because as my father passed away,
what made me special in the game of soccer passed.
Speaker 4 (41:35):
Away with him, at least at a way I saw it.
Speaker 3 (41:40):
However, that incredible pain and he passed away on Father's
Day made me into an absolute just beast of a
goalkeeper for the next several months, and I was in
(42:03):
such emotional turmoil. On one hand, I was returning after
a long hiatus from the Olympics to be able to
play in my first Olympic Games in a while in
two thousand and four, and I was excited about that.
And then on the other hand, my father passed away
and I saw and I was in the room with him,
and I had these two emotional balls splitting, pulling me apart.
(42:30):
And for the next several months, I just I would
go into the locker room and I would just cry
and cry and cry, and bless my teammates, all they
would do is just pat me on my shoulder, give
me a hug because they knew why I was crying.
I never hit it, they knew what my dad meant. Fortunately,
(42:52):
because of that, my mom was able to come to
the Olympics that year, and I played out of my mind.
Speaker 4 (43:00):
I made saves. To this day, I can't explain.
Speaker 3 (43:04):
I had my father's spirit in that game with me
that moment. The fact that I was actually there in
the room when he passed is my greatest pain and
my greatest joy. Wow, because I was actually in the
(43:27):
room and I never thought I would be, And I
changed that day for the better through that really difficult
time and I speak about it sometimes, but not as
in depth as I just did. So I want to
say thank you to you for allowing me the space
(43:49):
to be able to share that with you.
Speaker 4 (43:50):
And thank you.
Speaker 1 (43:51):
Thank you for your vulnerability and that and I've always
got you, you know that. There's another thing that you
said that's very important for me to talk about because
it is impactful in a way that I hope to
get to. You said, my greatest save was my own life.
(44:16):
How long did it take.
Speaker 2 (44:17):
You to see life this way?
Speaker 4 (44:20):
Brian?
Speaker 2 (44:20):
To see all of these.
Speaker 1 (44:23):
Things that you've gone through to be this joyful human
you are today. You walk into any room and you
absolutely light it up.
Speaker 2 (44:32):
You are a light. You are magic, you are.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
And it's it's such a beautiful thing to say, because
you've saved a lot of things, and you've saved a
lot of people. But you said my greatest saved was
my own life. What did you mean by that?
Speaker 3 (44:52):
So when I was in the depths of my depression
and my difficulty with what I was going through with
my concussion, I didn't see myself.
Speaker 4 (45:06):
As me in the mirror anymore.
Speaker 3 (45:09):
There was a time when I was looking at a
picture of myself making that save, and I remember thinking.
Speaker 4 (45:16):
Who is that?
Speaker 3 (45:19):
I know that's me, but who is that? I felt
nothing like that woman who made that save at that
amazing time and that amazing way. I did not feel
like that person at all anymore.
Speaker 4 (45:34):
And I hit.
Speaker 3 (45:37):
Rock bottom in every single way, shape or form that
you can think of at the same time, to the
point where I wanted.
Speaker 4 (45:47):
To just end it.
Speaker 3 (45:51):
Because of my mom. Like I said earlier, I did not.
I didn't think I could go further without something dramatically changing.
What changed was this, A very good friend of mine
(46:12):
met this woman in an event and told her about
my plight, that I was dealing with the insurance company,
that they weren't paying me right, that I was really struggling,
and I needed certain amount of care, kind of care,
type of care, doctors, all these things.
Speaker 4 (46:30):
That person was Naomi.
Speaker 3 (46:34):
If Naomi doesn't open her mouth and tell Chrisa about
my plight, I don't even know if I'd be here
now talking to you, because eventually.
Speaker 4 (46:49):
I would have done it. I was saved by love. Wow,
love is what saved me.
Speaker 3 (46:59):
So when I say my greatest save was my own life,
it was my willingness to be honest with Naomi, her
willingness to do what she does really well, which is network,
and tell somebody that she thought could help me about
what it has happening, and for Chrisa to be willing
(47:22):
to say yes and to meet with me. And it
wasn't until over a year later that we understood how
we felt about each other. But that got the ball rolling,
got everything started. And so for me, I saved my
own life. Naomi saved my life and Chrisa saved my life.
(47:46):
And I do what I do now with the passion
and the privilege and the energy that I do it
with because I know.
Speaker 4 (47:57):
What a shit show looks like. I've seen it, I've
been it, yep.
Speaker 3 (48:02):
And it's because of that experience and that understanding that
I feel like I can help Yepple. And that's why
I've chosen to speak like I do and do and
do keynotes, because this is the best way I think
to reach the most people in an impactful way. And
every time I'm on stage, whether I'm talking to a
(48:23):
company fortune five hundred, or whether I'm talking to organization
soccer club who knows where, boys and girls.
Speaker 4 (48:29):
Club, whatever.
Speaker 3 (48:31):
I go in there with the intention of meeting somebody
where they are with my words and being the exact
thing they need to hear in that moment to help
them be and do what they need to do.
Speaker 4 (48:47):
And that's why I do what I do.
Speaker 2 (48:48):
That's beautiful.
Speaker 4 (48:49):
Thank you, Wow, thank you.
Speaker 2 (48:51):
The last question I'm gonna I could be here all
day with you. You are just right, You're just like
a You're like a giant gentle war.
Speaker 1 (49:00):
I'm hug every time I'm with you, Gosh, but I
will because you're in such a beautiful place and I'm
so genuinely happy to hear that and to see it.
And I have the last question I want to ask you,
is this, with where you are now and you have
(49:21):
so much living still to do and love to share,
if you could whisper one thing in your ear at
that ninety nine World Cup when you're standing in goal
like a fucking giant you were, and all the things
you've gone through and the pain and the controversy and
(49:44):
the mental health and the concussion and now finding love
on this side. If you could whisper one thing to
your younger self in that moment, what would it be.
Speaker 3 (49:57):
You have the mind of your father, you have the
heart of your mother. Times are going to be incredibly
difficult and dark, and you will feel like there is
no light. Just hang in there because the light is coming.
(50:19):
And this situation that you feel is heavier than you
can carry. You will see in the future that it
was your greatest moment.
Speaker 4 (50:30):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (50:35):
Thank you. You are special.
Speaker 1 (50:37):
You are special, Brian, and it is an absolute joy
to have you on, to call you a friend, to
be able to know I can pick this weird thing
up and call you at any time.
Speaker 2 (50:51):
And no, no, you've got my back.
Speaker 1 (50:55):
That I am I'm grateful for and I know this,
this will air, and this will touch a lot of
people who silently are struggling. And this is a message
of staying and it's beautiful because life is beautiful. It's hard,
it's challenging, it's unpredictable, yeah, but there's always beauty in it.
(51:18):
And you are an incredible testament to that. So thank
you for being on today, and thank you for being
vulnerable and wide open. And I hope I get to
share many more moments and stages with you, because I
have a lot to learn from your experience as well,
and for you to be so open about it brings
(51:39):
me comfort and knowing I don't have to carry the
shame either.
Speaker 3 (51:43):
So thanks Briy absolutely ashen, Thank you so much for
being willing to put yourself out there and for having
me on this show. And we together are going to
help a ton of people. And you don't know where
things are going to lead or who's listening or who's
going to help, but I'm grateful to you for being
willing to have me on and sharing this with you.
(52:06):
So thank you, and I'm ready when you're ready.
Speaker 1 (52:08):
Thanks Brian, and we'll see you all next week on
Wide Open. Wide Open with Ashlin Harris is an iHeart
women's sports production. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 2 (52:26):
Our producers are.
Speaker 1 (52:28):
Carmen Borca Correo, Emily Maronov, and Lucy Jones. Production assistants
from Malia Aguidello. Our executive producers are Jesse Katz, Jenny Kaplan,
and Emily Rudder. Our editors are Jenny Kaplan and Emily
Rudder and I'm your host, Ashlyn Harris
Host
Ashlyn Harris
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