July 28, 2025 • 56 mins
On this episode, Ashlyn gets wide open with YouTube star, model, and actor Gigi Gorgeous. Fresh off some big news, the two get vulnerable in a conversation that spans knowing yourself, caring for the queer community, and experiencing huge life events in the public eye.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Hi everyone, and welcome to another week of Wide Open
with Ashlyn Harris. I am your host, and I am
so excited to tell you the beautiful guest we have today.
I mean, I could say a million things, but let's
just start with culturally, like, you're a pioneer, fearless, creator,
symbol of resilience, advocate, artists, you fucking name it, Gigi gorgeous.
(00:33):
Welcome to the show, babe.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Oh, thank you so much for having me. I'm so
excited to be here. Sports.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Yes, I mean speaking of when I was taking the
deep dive, you were like a fantastic swimmer, diver, diver. Oh,
come on, tell me everything very different.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Everyone says swimmer. They're like, oh my god, did you
wear like swimmers caps? I'm like, oh, that wasn't a swimmer.
I was a diver, so diver. I did high high
platform I think it's called and springboard diving. And I was,
oh my god, okay, girl, get into this. This is
(01:15):
my little plaque from when I won national championship.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Work.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Look at my body, bitch, get it, I mean into
it my body. Have you ever seen a fifteen year
old with a ten pack?
Speaker 1 (01:32):
I mean, I wish I had it myself.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
I have no words I did.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
If you got a honey flaunted me.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Well, yeah, so swimming and diving is very different. I
was never a good swimmer, to be honest, I you know,
going fast and all that stuff was never my thing.
I prefer diving.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Yeah, I'm trying to teach my little kids right now
how to swim. And I'm like, I'm like, oh my god, yeah,
two little, yummy, beautiful kids.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Congrat thank you.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
It's fun. It's super fun. And I can't wait to
dive into all things with you, because honestly, you've, like
I'm in so, I'm just in awe of your bravery
and the way you've really like lived so many lives publicly,
and to live that in front of, especially with your
(02:28):
following like millions and millions of people, I just have
to say, like, your bravery encourage to be exactly fucking
who you are and not ask questions is so infectious.
And like, I know this is the first time we're meeting,
but like I feel like I know you because I've
seen so much of you and you've lived so much
of your truth publicly, and with that comes like so
(02:51):
much scrutiny and so much shame and so much like,
oh my god, am I really doing this to myself?
And you like choose to do it, and you choose
to show up and do it over and over again.
So I have to say, like I'm really like grateful
for that type of bravery because we need it in
our community.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Oh my god, well that was so nice. I don't
even know what to say, because half the time I
don't even feel that way. Like I don't feel very brave,
I don't feel very strong. I doubt myself a lot
of the time, and I always, you know, the inner
voices get to you, and I don't feel very brave,
(03:30):
very strong. But when I do put myself out there
or I do film, I do feel that way, and
you know that's what people see. So a lot of
the time it might seem like that, but like a
lot of the time I'm not, and I'm just like
alone and quiet and just you know, rotting in bed
(03:50):
just like the rest of us.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
I love that. I love, But who who is Gigi
as a kid? Like before you know, every every one
knows you as this like og icon, like YouTuber, like
you were the original, like you started this like buzz
of I mean, honey, I am here to be your
(04:14):
like hype woman. Do you know what I mean? Like
that's what we do. Hell, But honestly, who were you
before this? Why? Like why did you choose it? What
was it?
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Like?
Speaker 1 (04:24):
What was the calling? Like? What was that about?
Speaker 2 (04:28):
You know what's so funny? I feel like you can
definitely speak to this as a mother because when I
was young, I was like a performer, like I was
like my mom. I remember I had this memory, this
very vivid memory, and I think it might have been
several times, but I remember this one night. My mom
loved throwing dinner parties, so we would have you know,
(04:51):
and like me and my I have two brothers, one younger,
one older, and we would be summoned upstairs. Do not
come downstairs. The kids are upstairs. It's family night. You know,
we're drinking alcohol, we're having fun adult conversations. It's fine.
It wasn't a very big house, but we were like
we could hear, but we would be like, you know,
(05:12):
door like closed. And my mom at one point in
the night called me down this one night and she
was like, do your thing, And I knew what she
meant because I knew what made her laugh a lot.
And it was when I would come to the table.
I don't know what I would do. I would do
like a little like you know, skit and then I
(05:34):
would drop to the floor like behind the table, and
she would bust out laughing because she liked like slapstick humor.
And yeah, it's like it's like childlike whimsy or something
like they say. So like I was very much that,
like an entertainer always, and my mom saw that immediately
(05:56):
and was like, this is what my child likes, this
is what I like. And we laughed together, and I
think that that's like the best remedy for any like
awkwardness or weirdness, you know, like laughter, Like if you
can laugh with somebody, it kind of relieves everything. Yeah,
(06:18):
so that's how we bonded a lot of the time.
And I don't know what made me think of that
just now, but yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
You were just always an entertainer, and like that was
I love because you do talk openly and honestly about
how much your mom and that relationship did impact you,
and like, yeah, I'm wondering, I can imagine two parts
being raised by a really powerful person who made you
feel strong enough and comfortable, comfortable enough and brave enough
(06:48):
to do so. But also the fact that you were
a competitive athlete, and I assume that had a lot
of that, you know, sports impact, I mean statistically just
everything about the way you move, because it gives you
this inner confidence and this belief and this understanding that
(07:11):
I can really do this and I can achieve greatness
and I have the ability, and you just see the
world differently. And I'm wondering if that like relates to
your story at all, Like do you find that that's
true or not at all?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Oh? Absolutely true. I mean absolutely I can relate with
that what you're saying. I literally just got chills. Anybody
that's watching. I don't know if you could tell through
my spray tend.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
But yes, so there is I love it.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
My mom So I trained as a diver for you know,
almost ten years of my life, and my mom would
drive me to practice every single day. It was six
hours a day. Was it four hours a day, six hours,
six days a week. It was basically every day. Yeah,
basically every day. And she actually ended up being which
(08:06):
I don't think people know, she was the president of
my dive camp, my dive team. She ended up becoming
that because she was so involved and a lot of
the time I didn't really have the communication skills to
really tell her how I was feeling, what I was
going through. And you know, the drive there and the
(08:30):
drive back were twenty thirty minutes each way, and a
lot of the time towards the end, when I was
really unhappy and I had a lot of hormones going
through my body, I had no idea what was going on.
We wouldn't speak and that's something that I regret so
much because I'll never get that time back. And it
wasn't her fault. It wasn't my fault. It was just
(08:54):
the timing of the world. Yeah, we didn't know how
to do it together. In that moment, I was done
with diving. I was done with competing in that way,
in that sport. And she probably fucking hated me. I
was a teenager that was probably terrible. Like let's be real,
(09:17):
like you yeah, exactly, we did, but like to be real,
she probably was like, yo, I can't with her.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
You know, I love it though.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
That's yeah, but it isn't. It is important to speak
on that because you know, I think that there's a
lot of the times, there's a lot of you know,
pressure on athletes. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves,
you know, more than anyone even sees. I feel like
a lot of the times people are like, oh, they're
killing it, They're fine, they're amazing. It's like, no, I'm
(09:50):
dying inside. Like I you know, like I literally hate
myself even though I did the best thing ever. I'm
national champion, everything, Like I can't deal with myself right now.
To be a parent in that, in that world of
your child must be so hard. Yeah. So I have
a lot of sympathy for her now thinking back on that,
(10:13):
because I was only really thinking about myself.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
But that's like also like you have to give yourself
grace in a lot of those moments. Like I lived
that same experience and my parents drove me all over
the place. And what I loved so much about the
way my dad showed up is when I was struggling
and maybe didn't have the words, he would sit in
the silence with me, and that in itself was enough.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
So did you feel better?
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Yeah? And my dad knew like I was competitive, and
he knew that I was like, you know, I was
the only girl on an all boys team, and there
was like all these things, and I was always different.
I never wanted to wear my hair up, and I
wanted to like look like a boy, and I wanted
to like fit in, and I didn't want to wear
the clothes other girls wore. And he would just like
(11:04):
sit in the stillness with me and not necessarily always
have to have the words yea and like as a mom, now,
I totally get that, and sometimes I don't always want
to hear everyone think they know exactly what to say
in the moment. So sometimes like even though you might
have felt that way, I think sitting in the silence
(11:25):
is so much more moving and this point of connection
that sometimes words can't even say.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Yeah, just human body there, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
It really is. And with that, I'm curious, when did
you feel like you first could really just feel seen
in your body and who you wanted to be. Is
that when you started, you know, getting on on YouTube
and really creating content to express like who you were
or was it long before that?
Speaker 2 (11:59):
I think? Okay, so my first I have two answers
for this, So my first Okay, so my first where
I first realized like who I was and felt completely
you know, secure in my vessel was when I was
like really really young and yeah, like I just felt
(12:20):
like I could like put on my mom's high heels
and I could talk to my girlfriends, and it was
before the bullying. It was I don't know what age
this was, but it was probably like first second grade,
and I just felt like so confident, so fun, like
so me and then you know, life society, the bullies
(12:45):
come on in and they fucking suck, and then you
like shrink within yourself and you're like, oh, this is wrong.
I shouldn't be doing this. I feel bad about myself,
like is this right? And then I think the second
time that I felt myself was when I reached out
to people online social media and I got some feedback
(13:09):
that was positive, and I was like, I'm not crazy,
Like I am so validated within myself. I can wear makeup,
I can have fun, and I can express myself in
a way that's natural and it's going to come out
some way or the other. But it's just you know,
it's it's gonna come out, so it's coming out now
(13:32):
and it feels good, and then you know you, yeah,
I think that's that's the second time that I was validated.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
But I also think what people don't realize for us
is I didn't see people like.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Me, so neither neither did I that.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
You know, so you think about you know who is when.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
I asked you a question? Yeah, sorry, I hate to
like interview these No, let's go.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
No, same, I can't help myself. Who was your first
like person that you saw yourself in or related to
or looked up to?
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Like, I think that's a great question. I I thought
like when I was a kid, the people I saw
on TV were Michael Jordan, Shaquille O'Neill, uh, you know,
Tony Hawk, like all of these people that were the
(14:30):
greatest of the greats and sports. But there were men
because I didn't see women on TV. Take the queerness
out of it, right, just because I just saw men
on TV, and I just so I thought for me
to be that exceptional, I had to look that way.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
So now like transition.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
Not like transition. But I cut my hair short and
I wore men's clothes, I played on on men's teams.
I hung out at the skate park with all the guys,
and like I didn't like at recess, I was playing
football with all the guys and all the girls just
made fun of me all the time, but then when
(15:13):
I would approach them, then they were terrified of me.
So it was like my ability to be so good
at sports made everyone like fear me because I was
different and I looked different. But the thing is I
was just gay. I was literally just gay, and I
just didn't see people like me, so I couldn't put
(15:34):
a name to it. I just was a tomboy and
I wanted to be my mother.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Have any other girls like from your past come forth
and been like we were attracted to you, like we
liked you? No, Do you think that they they feel bad?
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
I don't really. I don't talk to that many of
my childhood.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
I don't either. But do you think.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Listen, I think everyone's on a spectrum, Like that's my personal.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Opinion for the answers, Yes, I would hope. So I
think so I were intimidated, and you fear things that
you don't understand. So like you probably were like, oh
my god, she is so hot. I just don't know
how to, you know, control this, but like I'm attracted
to her or whatever.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
I have no idea, but I do. I will I
think the beauty of what you have done, and like,
you know, I started social media when it became a thing,
and have I choose to do this, Like I really
want visibility in our community because I don't want young
kids to have the same childhood of constantly like I
(16:48):
always was, like moving from group to group because I
never could find my footing. Like I never felt like
I truly belonged because I didn't belong in my own skin.
If I would have saw someone like me or been
introduced or understood and saw two women on TV or
queer people on TV, I'd.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Be like.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
I kind of like that a lot. You know, I
just didn't have it.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Yeah, Yeah, I think it's so tough to look back
and say, like, oh, I felt so unseen everyone everyone,
Even now with the woke culture of social media, everyone
is still feeling that way if you are the only
trans or only gay person in your high school in
(17:37):
a small town or whatever, Like it's so hard to
see anyone else because everyone else is so closeted within
their own beliefs, even if it isn't queerness. Everyone is
so scared to be loud and proud and authentic and
who they are, even though there's are like silly buzz
(18:00):
It's like it's such everything everyone it is. Everyone is
so scared to be unapologetically themselves that it makes the
ones who need it the most the most scared.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
It also breeds hate. When you can't be yourself, you
become obsessive about the people who can, and you want
to destroy them because you don't have it in yourself
to live that type of truth and vulnerability, so you
want to just destroy it. And it breeds hate.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
It does it?
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Does?
Speaker 2 (18:37):
It scary? It's scary out there.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
Man, and you've like really lived it, like you've like
been on this fucking journey, I know. I mean, yeah,
it's wild, It's absolutely wild.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
I will say one more thing also about this before
we move on. I feel like a lot of athletes
themselves into their sport because of not a loss of
identity or self worth or you know, giving to the
(19:13):
world for a lack of better term. But I really
do relate with that because I felt like that was
my whole identity and it was it almost was all
encompassing and consuming of me. And it was a bad
choice because it set me back. And I think that
a lot of people do that. Like, I think it
was great, you know, don't get me wrong, Obsessed was
(19:37):
a really good facet to my life. But it can
become a little bit cumbersome to be so consumed with
something that you're not really all that in love with.
And then it becomes your identity where there's another identity
(19:59):
with in you, but then that's the front facing identity,
and it gets to be a little bit scary. And
I see people actually, and I've talked to people and
they can't get out, they're too far in. And then
now it's this that, you know, this cycle where they're
going to have to somebody is going to have to
(20:20):
break it, either them or their coach or their sponsor
or whoever, and it will end somehow, but it's it's
a scary path to go on. And I think that
that also relates with athletes and other you know, ventures
of life.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
I totally agree. I totally agree with stay tuned. I'll
be back in just a moment. After this brief message
from our sponsors, when did you really feel your queerness
like you started to own it? Because like you have
(20:56):
lived this journey of coming out several different times and
several different forms and I think that's incredible, because what
I hate about Western culture and American society is like
everyone's got to fit into this tiny, little fucking box
and we have to make sure like, hello, I am
(21:16):
a different human now than I was six months ago,
let alone six years ago, let alone a decade ago.
So it's like, am I not allowed to evolve and
change with a world that's changing so fast and it's
so rapid, And it's like, I it is so crazy
the scrutiny even in our own community, where they're like, oh,
(21:41):
you have to be this way, you can't choose to
be this, And I mean, I'm watching it now with
a lot of queer women who are choosing to dabble
and date men, and all of a sudden, now the
whole queer community is and I'm gonna probably get destroyed
for this, but it's like, who's who fucking cares if
one week you choose to date this person and then
(22:01):
the next week you choose to date that. If I
want to be this person and then I want to
change my name next week to this person or my
gender or my SEXU who fucking cares? Yeah, who fucking cares?
Speaker 2 (22:14):
I agree? Hot take? I think labels are out. I've
come out so many times. I came out as gay, trans, lesbian.
I was going to say non binary, never did that. No,
not asexual.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
There's still time, there's still time money.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
I think labels are out. I think people can change,
just like you said, Like back in the day, it
was okay, hello world, I am transgender, Hello world, I
am pan sexual. Now even towards the end, I think
my last coming out was pan sexual because I just
(22:56):
realized that I was in love with the person, not
the gender. It wasn't a male or female vibe. Yeah,
and my ex husband, you know, was was female transition male.
It's like, well, so what am I? You know? And
I was like, wow, I'm done coming out. And then
now everyone's so woke that there's no coming out. It's
(23:19):
like you come out as gay, like oh, sweetie, you're
just clear, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, honey, ah,
you'll see. And I think that that's like special because
there's no binary on what you come out as, right,
and it's we're all human, Like, who gives a fuck?
If your best friend was uh a lesbian and then
(23:42):
started dating a guy, who gives a fuck? Is she happy?
Is she healthy? Let her move on? We're done now, Like,
who gives a fuck?
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Yeah, so we have to normalize that a little bit
because we just were not there and we like want
everyone to like make sure that you're this way, and
if you're this way, you have to stay this way.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
And then once you're in a box, because we're scared
of you.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
Yeah, exactly exactly, And you know what you have lived.
You know, these are very personal transformations in life, and
you've lived them so publicly. What do you do You
ever regret it? Do you ever think, oh, that people
are really getting this wrong about me in the process,
(24:28):
or do you not even care? You're like, you know what,
I'm putting it out there, I'm putting it in a
box and I'm like moving on. I don't care what
you say about me. This is me. And if it
makes you uncomfortable, guess what you can unsubscribe?
Speaker 2 (24:41):
Unsubscribed for sure. I feel like, yeah, I mean I
guess once you put anything out there, it's kind of like, wow,
we kind of put a period on that, mm hmm, right,
like anything. So yeah, once it's out there, it's out there.
But yeah, there are some regrets for sure. I mean
I'm human. Yeah, it's like very much. I don't know,
(25:06):
maybe more critical thinking could have gone into something.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
I mean, but when you think back to you're so young,
like this whole like you're young now, but I got
to live.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
You took the words right out of my mouth. Where
the youngest we're going to be right now? I make
a mistake today, then I was young. Sorry? You know
about how about you? How do you feel about like
announcing stuff and regrets?
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Yeah, I've learned now because you know, I had a
very public divorce and I have been in the public
eye and people really have a lot of opinions about me.
And I think that's the hardship of being open and
honest and real and vulnerable. And I've learned now I
(25:58):
have to protect my peace. I have to learn that
share less, not share less. I think you have to
protect what's sacred while sharing what's honest. And I I
guess I you know, I've turned my comments off because
I think I am learning as I get older. You know,
(26:23):
I am, I am a human and I hurt just
like any human hurts, and I read comments that penetrate
and for me, I have now said I'm not going
to abandon my community. As someone who didn't have visibility
growing up, it is so vital and so important. I
have a long history of, you know, being an advocate
(26:46):
for mental health and drug addiction because I know what
it's like to mask and stuff down and not feel.
And that is a reflection on other people's expectations of
who I'm supposed to be instead of just living exactly
in the moment of who I want to be. So
I protect my peace in a way that I don't
(27:09):
read bs. I don't believe it. What I've learned about
tabloids is they will run with anything. What I've learned
about friends and a cancel culture is not everyone will
have your back and see the way you see the world.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
It's giving fair weather friends. Yes, yes, I was going
to ask you also, so being a public facing figure
for so long, so many years being out there, they say,
and I think that this might be outdated and wrong,
but you build a thick skin. Because I've said that
(27:46):
for a very long time. I'm like, oh, I've built
as I've heard it all a thousand times, don't worry
about it. But it still does hurt. So where's your
skin at.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
I'm covered in tattoos. So if that tells you any Yeah,
you know what, I'm an impath. I am a sensitive
little bunny, and I think.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
That's what you're saying.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
I am a libra. Okay, scale, Yeah, so I I
love being sensitive and I love exactly who I am,
and I don't have to harden because we live in
a hard world. I actually am this soft because of
the trauma I've experienced and the work I've done two
(28:38):
give more to this world than it gave me. Let's
say that.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
I love the Okay, so you said you turned your
comments off correct, Yeah, okay, on everything? Yeah, okay, I
love and respect that so much. I feel like I'm
almost there because people are just so terrible, and I've
been terrible. I've been this for like, I don't know,
almost twenty years. I feel fifteen years and I'm almost there.
(29:05):
But I feel like the skin got thick and then
it thinned out, like I was unbreakable five ten years ago,
and now I'm like really feeling it. Well, you're also.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
Going through a lot, you know, Like I am almost
It's almost been over two years now since my divorce,
and like out of anyone, like the things that came
my way and the way I was having to navigate
it like I was broken and I was in shambles.
(29:43):
And you know, as an athlete who felt feels like
they really failed, the way I look at it now
is completely different than I look I was feeling it
when I was in the thick of it. And you know,
now as I continue to like build up the pieces
and build back up like who I want to be
in this next phase of my life, I am a
(30:05):
different human. I am a better human. And I didn't
fail because of the pain I experience. And now I
see the world in a like it's almost like I
see the world in a different color. Now gives you.
It gave me so much clarity and perspective, And it's hard. Yeah,
And I think sometimes you have to sit in the
(30:26):
heart and the grief and the uncomfortable like parts of
it that are going to shape you into someone incredible
you haven't even met yet. Yeah, and that's something you
hold on. You have to hold on too.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
Yeah. Was there a moment that felt powerful in the
fact that you didn't fail.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
Yeah, because at the root of my decision, I was
choosing me and I hadn't I didn't do that for
a really long time time. I think that was the
most brave and powerful decision I could have ever made
for myself and my kids.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
Oh my god, no, no, you're like preaching. I feel
like I'm not very extremely extremely religious, but I'm at
church right now.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
Oh yeah, girl on your podcast, but like I am here,
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
You know, I feel a lot of that because my
divorce was it was announced not long ago, but it's
been months. You know, it's very public, but I'm still
going through waves of that, and I think it really
it's very special to hear you speak on that because
(31:44):
every day is another journey. It's your choice to choose
happiness and choose reality and positivity. And there's always there's
always voices. There's always little voices in your head, and
there's all always people on your phone and even friends
of yours and you know, people on your team. There's
(32:06):
always stuff. But it's nice to know like you chose
your own happiness. And I think that's very relatable to
everyone in any way. And I wish I could have
shook myself like a few months ago, because it was
just messy, massy, messy and sad, sad, sad.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
But yeah, I guess you got to live in that
you have to and you'll find one day beauty in
it that you know, maybe can't see right now. And
you know, I think being vulnerable and talking about it
in a adult way, like people are so quick to
pick sides. People are so quick to throw shade on
(32:49):
one person or this person this, there's person's fault, that
person's fault. A marriage doesn't end when it's just one
person's fault, Like that just doesn't exist. Like both parties
play a role in everything, and it's okay, Like not
everything is meant for forever, even if you go into
(33:10):
it with the expectation this is forever time.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
Who doesn't Who doesn't?
Speaker 1 (33:16):
People change experience, like life is ever changing, and we
either grow together or we grow apart. And that is
just the complexity of life. It doesn't mean one person
is at fault or one person failed. It is just life.
And we we keep it pushing and we learn from
(33:37):
it and we try to be better for it. And
we always carry this like these people with us because
they've been a huge part of our life. And I don't,
you know, it's just it's it's hard. There's no other
way than than it being hard, and I hope you're okay,
and I hope that it gets easier. Like as someone
(33:58):
who's gone through it, it's not that time heals, because
you'll always feel it, but like you just learn to
cope with it, and you learn to have the tools
to do so without being angry, because so much anger
gets thrown into the fire at the beginning because people
are hurt and we are emotional beings exactly.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
It's almost it's almost as if you should be hurt. Yeah,
that's how I was made out to feel, like, be angry.
Why aren't you angrier? I'm like, I'm just sad. Yeah,
Like literally, like I'm not angry. I mean, maybe a
little frustrated whatever, but not angry. I also feel like
there is there's this construct once you are divorced that
(34:47):
you're just never going to see that person again. Like
you just said, you know, honor the time that you
had together, respect the time. It was a gorgeous time.
And that's a lot of the feedback that I'm getting,
as Wow, you guys have so much respect for each other.
That is so nice. I'm like, yeah, duh, Like we
(35:07):
shared some of life's most beautiful moments together. What do
I hate the person now? No, but people just expect
you to and then it almost makes you feel like
should I be more mad? But I am not.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
Like I'm curious though with this and I and you
can be very honest with me, because you know your
personal life has become such a topic of conversation. Do
you view social media and the ability to be so
open and do you view it differently now that you
(35:41):
became a target of it or do you do not?
Speaker 2 (35:48):
I think I view it differently for sure, but it
definitely is not as pure as it used to be.
It used to be very childlike, share whatever, say whatever,
(36:08):
And there are moments of that now, But before it
was always like that. It was always fun, always free,
and then it did change over time. And I don't
think that that was just necessarily my relationship to it.
I think that that was the world's generation of social
(36:30):
media growing and evolving and stuff. But you know, it
kind of ran in tandem. Yeah, so you know, it's
kind of a perfect storm.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
This is wide open and I'm your host, Ashlyn Harris.
Thanks for listening. We'll be right back. How would you
say this moment and time? Because it really is a
moment of time. Nothing, it's not a forever thing. How
do you think it has changed you, Like, not just
(37:04):
the romantic love, but the love you've learned to give
yourself through this process. Like, what is the biggest thing
that it's changed in you?
Speaker 2 (37:14):
I think, Oh, God.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
Hello, we're going to We're going deep. I know, and
I'm here to hold I know, and I'm here to
hold you through the process. But I do think it's
so important, Like if you're not learning from it, then
you're not being true to you or yourself or all
of the experiences you're unfortunately having to go through right now.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
Fortunately. Yes, yeah, no, I you know what I feel like,
I what I've really learned from this if I really
take a step back and think on it, I think
that I've learned how to be by myself health. I
haven't been by myself for almost a decade, and I
(38:06):
can truly be alone, like and I think that that's
it's a gift. It's maybe not the best at some times,
but like I can go to bed, I can just
be by myself and there's no noise, it's just me.
It's how it used to be, and I'm relearning how
(38:29):
to be by myself and in my head and physically,
And I think that that's it's been very very special
because I didn't think that I could do that. Yeah,
after getting divorced, I did not know that I can
do that.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
Yeah, And I think that's because it's so new for
you to be able to reflect already as such a
testament to like the growth you're already doing and with that, like,
I'll take it a step further. Have you learned anything
in grief, especially someone who had like your identity has
(39:10):
required so much letting go and becoming and you've dealt
with so much grief, you know, with the passing of
your mom. I'm curious, Gigi, what have you learned about grief?
Speaker 2 (39:25):
Grief? Grief does not go. You are not free of grief.
My mom passed when I was nineteen, and that is
still with me. You know. Some days are harder than others.
Some days it comes up, some days I'm I'm happy
that she's at peace. And then grief of a relationship
(39:46):
is a whole different beast, and when you're in the
thick of it, it can take you know, I think
they say, what the half of the time that you
were together that's what it takes for you to get
over it.
Speaker 1 (39:59):
I never heard, but yeah, oh really no.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
Yeah, I mean, yeah, that's what I've heard. I guess
on like TikTok or whatever. I'm still long ways away
from getting over it. But yeah, I think that grief
it just comes in waves. Like I think there's like
seven stages of grief. It's like anger, pain, denial, regret,
(40:23):
There's a bunch of stuff that comes with it. And
I think what I've learned about grief with death and
the death of relationship and it's seemingly death of a person,
is that you only sleep with you at night. You
only live in your own head. You only get ready
(40:44):
and shower and go to things by yourself, regardless of
who you're with. Yes, so you cannot attach and this
might be unhealthy, but you cannot attach your stuff onto
someone else because you only live with you. That person
could die, that person could leave you, that person could
(41:05):
do whatever. So I think it's important to know like
you are you, like you are one of one. You
are important, and you are powerful, and you are your vehicle.
And I yeah, I not that I put that into
effect as good as I could have as of now,
but like I keep telling myself that every day, Like,
(41:28):
no matter who I have over whatever, friend, whoever's you know,
hanging out, it's like they could they have their own life,
Like I am me, like, you got to be your
best friend?
Speaker 1 (41:39):
Yes, yes, And we don't prioritize that enough.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
I don't think either, because being alone is scary. It's
seems scary. They like market it as being scary, like
you need a boyfriend, you need a whatever. It's like, hmm,
well we're kind of all alone at the end of
the day.
Speaker 1 (41:57):
Now, well we come here, we come into this world alone,
we go out alone. So you better even if.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
Yeah, even if you have someone sleeping beside you, you
could still feel alone.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
Yeah, absolutely that you know I feel at my core. Yeah,
And I want to go to the because I do.
I'm I'm a believer in speaking things into existence, and
I want joy and happiness and hope for you moving
forward in a time that feels so hard. So I
(42:28):
do want to shift because I do think it's important
and I want I'm curious because you've been at the
intersection of culture and queer identity for god over a decade.
Now what gives you hope? Right? Now, because I know
in our community, especially in the trans community, we're not
(42:48):
in a great time and we're we're it's but I
don't want to talk about that. I want to talk
about what gives you hope, Gigi right now.
Speaker 2 (42:58):
My Canadian passport.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
I am obsessed with you that also.
Speaker 2 (43:07):
You know what. Okay, So on the reel, on the reel,
I feel like politics and society it's like a pendulum.
I forget who said this that I forgot, I forget
who said this first, but it stuck with me, and
it's like it will always sway back, it will always
sway forward. And I feel like we've been in a
(43:29):
swayed back moment for a while, and I think people
are realizing how strong our community is, and they realize
the power that we have, and they're scared about it,
you know, people in power. So I think that they're
just they're getting a little smarter. They realize that we're everything, yeah,
(43:51):
and that's intimidating to them. So I think that eventually
it will swing back and we will get a little
bit more acknowledgment and rights and equality and everything that
we deserve because we have been extremely proud and loud,
but I think that people in government they're just a
little scared and maybe some you know, skeletons are going
(44:13):
to come out of their closet that they're a little
bit scared about. So wow, let's just how about you.
What's what's bringing you?
Speaker 1 (44:23):
I'm hopeful right now, like I is. I see the
world like I'm so. I love life. I love being
able to sit here with you a human. I have
only followed from Afar and have these like beautiful, open,
honest conversations, Like I want people to stop with this
(44:48):
side of politics and this side of politics, and we're
always trying to conform people to see the world through
our lens, and I just want us to put it
down for a second and just love your neighbor and
have the conversations and continue building the bridges. And right
now that this it has just gotten so far out
(45:12):
of touch and we have to continue showing what's possible.
And that is like me being hopeful and like I
want to be positive and I want to live a
happy world. And I want my two black and brown
children to feel seen and loved and care for. And
(45:32):
is that so complicated?
Speaker 2 (45:35):
You know? Not? We over complicate things, Yes, speaking about children.
I forget where I heard this, but I think it's
important for anybody listening to here because I think that
as a society we do overcomplicate things, and it is
left or right. What do you believe in with taxi car,
(45:56):
da da whatever? I think at the end of the day,
if you are trans, if you are queer, if whatever,
whatever your case may be. I think to break it
down to the bare minimum is think like a child.
Are they nice to you? Do they treat you right?
(46:18):
Do they care for you? Do they make you feel good?
Like all of that, and then there's nothing else. Who
cares that they're trans? Who cares who they have sex with?
Who cares? Are they a good person? But they don't
steal from you, They're not mean to you, like just
bare bear, bare minimum, Like think about it on like
(46:41):
a play school, like a playground, recess moment, like how
do you feel about that person? Like, oh, they make
me feel less than they make me feel they're mean
to me. I don't fuck with them, you know, like
you and I right now, like I feel seen, I
feel heard. You're really nice. You make me laugh, like
(47:01):
I feel loved, like just like silly nice stuff like that. Yeah,
I don't fuck with people who.
Speaker 1 (47:07):
Are mean to me, and nor should you.
Speaker 2 (47:10):
Has nothing to do with that, has nothing to do
with what they identify as.
Speaker 1 (47:14):
I love that. I love that, and I've loved this conversation.
And I could sit here all day and talk to
you and interesting. Okay. So I always ask this question
to tie everything together, the same question, and like, I'm
going to change it because I can, and this is
my show, and.
Speaker 2 (47:29):
I always ask the original.
Speaker 1 (47:32):
The original is, like, what moment in your life has
like really split you wide open and like really changed
it all for you? But for someone who's lived so
outward and like you know, like that so much of
your life, You've shared some of the best moments and
the hardest moments and the small moments in between. And
I want to change it. I want to hand you
(47:53):
the mic, and I want you to share something that
like to you in this moment of time. What does
it mean to be wide open?
Speaker 2 (48:06):
To be wide open? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (48:08):
What does it mean right now? Being wide open? What
does it mean to you?
Speaker 2 (48:13):
Being wide open? Right now? To me? I think for
a long time, especially in relationships where you are unhappy,
Let's say you aren't like a fully yourself so being
wide open right now is me choosing every single day
to wake up and just be fully Gigi, fully me,
(48:38):
fully me to my friends, fully me to friends I
don't want to be around, fully me to family, I
don't want to talk to, fully me to family I
want to talk to and just being me. Because for
a long time, if anyone has been in a long
(48:58):
term relationship or in a divorce or anything, you kind
of become someone who you aren't in many ways, which
is tough to say, but it's true. I mean, it's
a defense mechanism. You just kind of turn into someone
you're like actually not. So I think just being wide
(49:19):
open right now to me means being fully who I
am inside of my heart all of the time, or
at least trying to.
Speaker 1 (49:30):
Yeah, I mean, and just like we said, like, we're
all a work in progress and every minute we're evolving
and changing and we have to give people permission to
do so. So with that, thank you so much, Gig.
You are such a light and you were just so incredible.
We didn't even talk about beauty and makeup and all
(49:53):
of the things I wanted to with you because I'm.
Speaker 2 (49:55):
Let me say, I thank God, there's just so much
more to talk about. And you're such a cell mind.
Speaker 1 (50:02):
Yeah, you're just such a light and think you I
ask you one question, Yeah, tell me ask any to
ask away.
Speaker 2 (50:08):
What's keeping you? What's making you feel wide open? Right now?
Speaker 1 (50:12):
I am trying to live for me to be wide
open and honest with you. Right now, I'm trying to
find joy and happiness and peace in the most small,
still moments. Because of the way I functioned as a
(50:35):
high performing athlete, I'm always like seeking this, like I
just want to be exceptional and I just want to win,
and i want to be the best at everything, and
I'm always chasing greatness, and I think it puts blinders
on where life moves so fast and I'm still chasing
(50:57):
something that doesn't necessarily exist, and and I achieve it.
It doesn't have meaning, it doesn't move me. I'm trying
to be so still and finding so much beauty in
the most simple moments of life.
Speaker 2 (51:13):
But does that scare you. I'm not a mother, so
I can't speak to this. But does that scare you
because it's boring.
Speaker 1 (51:20):
I don't find it boring. I find it being like
I'm truly in my body enough now that the smallest
moments I find so much joy in, such as like
taking my kids to I took my kids to the
(51:41):
beach because my three year old, I asked, what did
you What do you want for your birthday, babe? And
he was like, I want to go to the beach
and just watching them walk and collect sand glass and
sand fleas and seashells and the joy and excite of
just jumping into waves. And it's just like it's the
(52:04):
most simple things in life and it's beauty.
Speaker 2 (52:10):
It was just that's probably gonna be a core memory
for that.
Speaker 1 (52:12):
Yeah, And it's so much purpose and I don't want
to miss a moment. I think time is such a
crook and it happens so fast. It's one thing money
can't buy. I have no idea when my expiration date is,
and damn do I want to live it to the fullest.
And that means I need to be in every moment,
(52:35):
the good, the bad, the great, the not so great,
the grief, the love, the fucking all of it in between.
But I'm seeking peace for the first time, Like I.
Speaker 2 (52:47):
Just love that love that.
Speaker 1 (52:49):
Yeah, I just got peace and ease, and I want
that for you too. That's what my my hope is you.
I hope I wish you peace and ease in a
time that feels probably really hard.
Speaker 2 (53:03):
Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 1 (53:04):
Yeah, well, thank you for coming on the show, Gigi,
and please let the listeners know where they can find you,
what you're working on, what you want the audience to
tune into anything going on right now?
Speaker 2 (53:17):
Oh god, well, thank you so much for having me.
It was really a nice conversation. And you're fab Radio
knew what they knew, what they were doing with you.
Speaker 1 (53:26):
You're a sweetheart.
Speaker 2 (53:27):
I'm GGI gorgeous everywhere basically, I don't know if any
other platform has any other handle, but just gg gorgeous.
And right now I'm actually working on something so exciting.
So I'm doing Airbnb brought back their Airbnb experiences, and
I am teaching makeup classes. So if you go to
(53:50):
the link in my bio, I think there's two more.
I've done three. It's downtown LA. It's one hundred dollars
that you walk away with like three hundred and fifty
dollars worth. Products like that are yeah, and it's really fun.
We get to chill, you get like at night, there's
like a photo shoot at the end you get like
retouched images. It's really cute. But that's I love this
(54:13):
my latest.
Speaker 1 (54:14):
Yeah, I love that. And and just to share a
small little token, I did Airbnb experiences last night and
had a chef come over, so we are this. Airbnb
needs to be sponsoring this episode because I tell you
what the experiences are. It's good.
Speaker 2 (54:32):
I want dinner tonight, screamer from the roup buy my
makeup class, but also food.
Speaker 1 (54:39):
Yeah, all of it. Well, Gigi, thank you so much
and good luck with everything. I'm sure this is not
the last time. Now I'm going to book you for
makeup classes because I need a few tips, so I'm going.
Speaker 2 (54:50):
To have you. You're gorgeous, naturally, You're very sweet. You
already know well. Love you love this pod.
Speaker 1 (54:57):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (54:58):
Me on and it was so fun and easy. Don't
make me sound stupid.
Speaker 1 (55:02):
No, you're beautiful, you're smart, you're intelligent, and you got
this next phase. Honey, You're gonna do great things as
you always do. So thank you everyone. Thank you, Gigi,
thank you for tuning in all of our listeners out there,
and appreciate you coming on Wide Open, Wide Open with
(55:26):
Ashlin Harris is an iHeart women's sports production. You can
find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you get your podcasts. Our producers are Carmen Borca Correo,
Emily Maronov, and Lucy Jones. Production assistants from Malia Aguidello.
Our executive producers are Jesse Katz, Jenny Kaplan and Emily Rudder.
(55:50):
Our editors are Jenny Kaplan and Emily Rudder and I'm
Your Host Ashlyn Harris
Hi everyone, and welcome to another week of Wide Open
with Ashlyn Harris. I am your host, and I am
so excited to tell you the beautiful guest we have today.
I mean, I could say a million things, but let's
just start with culturally, like, you're a pioneer, fearless, creator,
symbol of resilience, advocate, artists, you fucking name it, Gigi gorgeous.
(00:33):
Welcome to the show, babe.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Oh, thank you so much for having me. I'm so
excited to be here. Sports.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Yes, I mean speaking of when I was taking the
deep dive, you were like a fantastic swimmer, diver, diver. Oh,
come on, tell me everything very different.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Everyone says swimmer. They're like, oh my god, did you
wear like swimmers caps? I'm like, oh, that wasn't a swimmer.
I was a diver, so diver. I did high high
platform I think it's called and springboard diving. And I was,
oh my god, okay, girl, get into this. This is
(01:15):
my little plaque from when I won national championship.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Work.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Look at my body, bitch, get it, I mean into
it my body. Have you ever seen a fifteen year
old with a ten pack?
Speaker 1 (01:32):
I mean, I wish I had it myself.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
I have no words I did.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
If you got a honey flaunted me.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Well, yeah, so swimming and diving is very different. I
was never a good swimmer, to be honest, I you know,
going fast and all that stuff was never my thing.
I prefer diving.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Yeah, I'm trying to teach my little kids right now
how to swim. And I'm like, I'm like, oh my god, yeah,
two little, yummy, beautiful kids.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Congrat thank you.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
It's fun. It's super fun. And I can't wait to
dive into all things with you, because honestly, you've, like
I'm in so, I'm just in awe of your bravery
and the way you've really like lived so many lives publicly,
and to live that in front of, especially with your
(02:28):
following like millions and millions of people, I just have
to say, like, your bravery encourage to be exactly fucking
who you are and not ask questions is so infectious.
And like, I know this is the first time we're meeting,
but like I feel like I know you because I've
seen so much of you and you've lived so much
of your truth publicly, and with that comes like so
(02:51):
much scrutiny and so much shame and so much like,
oh my god, am I really doing this to myself?
And you like choose to do it, and you choose
to show up and do it over and over again.
So I have to say, like I'm really like grateful
for that type of bravery because we need it in
our community.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Oh my god, well that was so nice. I don't
even know what to say, because half the time I
don't even feel that way. Like I don't feel very brave,
I don't feel very strong. I doubt myself a lot
of the time, and I always, you know, the inner
voices get to you, and I don't feel very brave,
(03:30):
very strong. But when I do put myself out there
or I do film, I do feel that way, and
you know that's what people see. So a lot of
the time it might seem like that, but like a
lot of the time I'm not, and I'm just like
alone and quiet and just you know, rotting in bed
(03:50):
just like the rest of us.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
I love that. I love, But who who is Gigi
as a kid? Like before you know, every every one
knows you as this like og icon, like YouTuber, like
you were the original, like you started this like buzz
of I mean, honey, I am here to be your
(04:14):
like hype woman. Do you know what I mean? Like
that's what we do. Hell, But honestly, who were you
before this? Why? Like why did you choose it? What
was it?
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Like?
Speaker 1 (04:24):
What was the calling? Like? What was that about?
Speaker 2 (04:28):
You know what's so funny? I feel like you can
definitely speak to this as a mother because when I
was young, I was like a performer, like I was
like my mom. I remember I had this memory, this
very vivid memory, and I think it might have been
several times, but I remember this one night. My mom
loved throwing dinner parties, so we would have you know,
(04:51):
and like me and my I have two brothers, one younger,
one older, and we would be summoned upstairs. Do not
come downstairs. The kids are upstairs. It's family night. You know,
we're drinking alcohol, we're having fun adult conversations. It's fine.
It wasn't a very big house, but we were like
we could hear, but we would be like, you know,
(05:12):
door like closed. And my mom at one point in
the night called me down this one night and she
was like, do your thing, And I knew what she
meant because I knew what made her laugh a lot.
And it was when I would come to the table.
I don't know what I would do. I would do
like a little like you know, skit and then I
(05:34):
would drop to the floor like behind the table, and
she would bust out laughing because she liked like slapstick humor.
And yeah, it's like it's like childlike whimsy or something
like they say. So like I was very much that,
like an entertainer always, and my mom saw that immediately
(05:56):
and was like, this is what my child likes, this
is what I like. And we laughed together, and I
think that that's like the best remedy for any like
awkwardness or weirdness, you know, like laughter, Like if you
can laugh with somebody, it kind of relieves everything. Yeah,
(06:18):
so that's how we bonded a lot of the time.
And I don't know what made me think of that
just now, but yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
You were just always an entertainer, and like that was
I love because you do talk openly and honestly about
how much your mom and that relationship did impact you,
and like, yeah, I'm wondering, I can imagine two parts
being raised by a really powerful person who made you
feel strong enough and comfortable, comfortable enough and brave enough
(06:48):
to do so. But also the fact that you were
a competitive athlete, and I assume that had a lot
of that, you know, sports impact, I mean statistically just
everything about the way you move, because it gives you
this inner confidence and this belief and this understanding that
(07:11):
I can really do this and I can achieve greatness
and I have the ability, and you just see the
world differently. And I'm wondering if that like relates to
your story at all, Like do you find that that's
true or not at all?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Oh? Absolutely true. I mean absolutely I can relate with
that what you're saying. I literally just got chills. Anybody
that's watching. I don't know if you could tell through
my spray tend.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
But yes, so there is I love it.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
My mom So I trained as a diver for you know,
almost ten years of my life, and my mom would
drive me to practice every single day. It was six
hours a day. Was it four hours a day, six hours,
six days a week. It was basically every day. Yeah,
basically every day. And she actually ended up being which
(08:06):
I don't think people know, she was the president of
my dive camp, my dive team. She ended up becoming
that because she was so involved and a lot of
the time I didn't really have the communication skills to
really tell her how I was feeling, what I was
going through. And you know, the drive there and the
(08:30):
drive back were twenty thirty minutes each way, and a
lot of the time towards the end, when I was
really unhappy and I had a lot of hormones going
through my body, I had no idea what was going on.
We wouldn't speak and that's something that I regret so
much because I'll never get that time back. And it
wasn't her fault. It wasn't my fault. It was just
(08:54):
the timing of the world. Yeah, we didn't know how
to do it together. In that moment, I was done
with diving. I was done with competing in that way,
in that sport. And she probably fucking hated me. I
was a teenager that was probably terrible. Like let's be real,
(09:17):
like you yeah, exactly, we did, but like to be real,
she probably was like, yo, I can't with her.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
You know, I love it though.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
That's yeah, but it isn't. It is important to speak
on that because you know, I think that there's a
lot of the times, there's a lot of you know,
pressure on athletes. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves,
you know, more than anyone even sees. I feel like
a lot of the times people are like, oh, they're
killing it, They're fine, they're amazing. It's like, no, I'm
(09:50):
dying inside. Like I you know, like I literally hate
myself even though I did the best thing ever. I'm
national champion, everything, Like I can't deal with myself right now.
To be a parent in that, in that world of
your child must be so hard. Yeah. So I have
a lot of sympathy for her now thinking back on that,
(10:13):
because I was only really thinking about myself.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
But that's like also like you have to give yourself
grace in a lot of those moments. Like I lived
that same experience and my parents drove me all over
the place. And what I loved so much about the
way my dad showed up is when I was struggling
and maybe didn't have the words, he would sit in
the silence with me, and that in itself was enough.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
So did you feel better?
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Yeah? And my dad knew like I was competitive, and
he knew that I was like, you know, I was
the only girl on an all boys team, and there
was like all these things, and I was always different.
I never wanted to wear my hair up, and I
wanted to like look like a boy, and I wanted
to like fit in, and I didn't want to wear
the clothes other girls wore. And he would just like
(11:04):
sit in the stillness with me and not necessarily always
have to have the words yea and like as a mom, now,
I totally get that, and sometimes I don't always want
to hear everyone think they know exactly what to say
in the moment. So sometimes like even though you might
have felt that way, I think sitting in the silence
(11:25):
is so much more moving and this point of connection
that sometimes words can't even say.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Yeah, just human body there, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
It really is. And with that, I'm curious, when did
you feel like you first could really just feel seen
in your body and who you wanted to be. Is
that when you started, you know, getting on on YouTube
and really creating content to express like who you were
or was it long before that?
Speaker 2 (11:59):
I think? Okay, so my first I have two answers
for this, So my first Okay, so my first where
I first realized like who I was and felt completely
you know, secure in my vessel was when I was
like really really young and yeah, like I just felt
(12:20):
like I could like put on my mom's high heels
and I could talk to my girlfriends, and it was
before the bullying. It was I don't know what age
this was, but it was probably like first second grade,
and I just felt like so confident, so fun, like
so me and then you know, life society, the bullies
(12:45):
come on in and they fucking suck, and then you
like shrink within yourself and you're like, oh, this is wrong.
I shouldn't be doing this. I feel bad about myself,
like is this right? And then I think the second
time that I felt myself was when I reached out
to people online social media and I got some feedback
(13:09):
that was positive, and I was like, I'm not crazy,
Like I am so validated within myself. I can wear makeup,
I can have fun, and I can express myself in
a way that's natural and it's going to come out
some way or the other. But it's just you know,
it's it's gonna come out, so it's coming out now
(13:32):
and it feels good, and then you know you, yeah,
I think that's that's the second time that I was validated.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
But I also think what people don't realize for us
is I didn't see people like.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Me, so neither neither did I that.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
You know, so you think about you know who is when.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
I asked you a question? Yeah, sorry, I hate to
like interview these No, let's go.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
No, same, I can't help myself. Who was your first
like person that you saw yourself in or related to
or looked up to?
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Like, I think that's a great question. I I thought
like when I was a kid, the people I saw
on TV were Michael Jordan, Shaquille O'Neill, uh, you know,
Tony Hawk, like all of these people that were the
(14:30):
greatest of the greats and sports. But there were men
because I didn't see women on TV. Take the queerness
out of it, right, just because I just saw men
on TV, and I just so I thought for me
to be that exceptional, I had to look that way.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
So now like transition.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
Not like transition. But I cut my hair short and
I wore men's clothes, I played on on men's teams.
I hung out at the skate park with all the guys,
and like I didn't like at recess, I was playing
football with all the guys and all the girls just
made fun of me all the time, but then when
(15:13):
I would approach them, then they were terrified of me.
So it was like my ability to be so good
at sports made everyone like fear me because I was
different and I looked different. But the thing is I
was just gay. I was literally just gay, and I
just didn't see people like me, so I couldn't put
(15:34):
a name to it. I just was a tomboy and
I wanted to be my mother.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Have any other girls like from your past come forth
and been like we were attracted to you, like we
liked you? No, Do you think that they they feel bad?
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
I don't really. I don't talk to that many of
my childhood.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
I don't either. But do you think.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Listen, I think everyone's on a spectrum, Like that's my personal.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Opinion for the answers, Yes, I would hope. So I
think so I were intimidated, and you fear things that
you don't understand. So like you probably were like, oh
my god, she is so hot. I just don't know
how to, you know, control this, but like I'm attracted
to her or whatever.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
I have no idea, but I do. I will I
think the beauty of what you have done, and like,
you know, I started social media when it became a thing,
and have I choose to do this, Like I really
want visibility in our community because I don't want young
kids to have the same childhood of constantly like I
(16:48):
always was, like moving from group to group because I
never could find my footing. Like I never felt like
I truly belonged because I didn't belong in my own skin.
If I would have saw someone like me or been
introduced or understood and saw two women on TV or
queer people on TV, I'd.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Be like.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
I kind of like that a lot. You know, I
just didn't have it.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Yeah, Yeah, I think it's so tough to look back
and say, like, oh, I felt so unseen everyone everyone,
Even now with the woke culture of social media, everyone
is still feeling that way if you are the only
trans or only gay person in your high school in
(17:37):
a small town or whatever, Like it's so hard to
see anyone else because everyone else is so closeted within
their own beliefs, even if it isn't queerness. Everyone is
so scared to be loud and proud and authentic and
who they are, even though there's are like silly buzz
(18:00):
It's like it's such everything everyone it is. Everyone is
so scared to be unapologetically themselves that it makes the
ones who need it the most the most scared.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
It also breeds hate. When you can't be yourself, you
become obsessive about the people who can, and you want
to destroy them because you don't have it in yourself
to live that type of truth and vulnerability, so you
want to just destroy it. And it breeds hate.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
It does it?
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Does?
Speaker 2 (18:37):
It scary? It's scary out there.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
Man, and you've like really lived it, like you've like
been on this fucking journey, I know. I mean, yeah,
it's wild, It's absolutely wild.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
I will say one more thing also about this before
we move on. I feel like a lot of athletes
themselves into their sport because of not a loss of
identity or self worth or you know, giving to the
(19:13):
world for a lack of better term. But I really
do relate with that because I felt like that was
my whole identity and it was it almost was all
encompassing and consuming of me. And it was a bad
choice because it set me back. And I think that
a lot of people do that. Like, I think it
was great, you know, don't get me wrong, Obsessed was
(19:37):
a really good facet to my life. But it can
become a little bit cumbersome to be so consumed with
something that you're not really all that in love with.
And then it becomes your identity where there's another identity
(19:59):
with in you, but then that's the front facing identity,
and it gets to be a little bit scary. And
I see people actually, and I've talked to people and
they can't get out, they're too far in. And then
now it's this that, you know, this cycle where they're
going to have to somebody is going to have to
(20:20):
break it, either them or their coach or their sponsor
or whoever, and it will end somehow, but it's it's
a scary path to go on. And I think that
that also relates with athletes and other you know, ventures
of life.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
I totally agree. I totally agree with stay tuned. I'll
be back in just a moment. After this brief message
from our sponsors, when did you really feel your queerness
like you started to own it? Because like you have
(20:56):
lived this journey of coming out several different times and
several different forms and I think that's incredible, because what
I hate about Western culture and American society is like
everyone's got to fit into this tiny, little fucking box
and we have to make sure like, hello, I am
(21:16):
a different human now than I was six months ago,
let alone six years ago, let alone a decade ago.
So it's like, am I not allowed to evolve and
change with a world that's changing so fast and it's
so rapid, And it's like, I it is so crazy
the scrutiny even in our own community, where they're like, oh,
(21:41):
you have to be this way, you can't choose to
be this, And I mean, I'm watching it now with
a lot of queer women who are choosing to dabble
and date men, and all of a sudden, now the
whole queer community is and I'm gonna probably get destroyed
for this, but it's like, who's who fucking cares if
one week you choose to date this person and then
(22:01):
the next week you choose to date that. If I
want to be this person and then I want to
change my name next week to this person or my
gender or my SEXU who fucking cares? Yeah, who fucking cares?
Speaker 2 (22:14):
I agree? Hot take? I think labels are out. I've
come out so many times. I came out as gay, trans, lesbian.
I was going to say non binary, never did that. No,
not asexual.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
There's still time, there's still time money.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
I think labels are out. I think people can change,
just like you said, Like back in the day, it
was okay, hello world, I am transgender, Hello world, I
am pan sexual. Now even towards the end, I think
my last coming out was pan sexual because I just
(22:56):
realized that I was in love with the person, not
the gender. It wasn't a male or female vibe. Yeah,
and my ex husband, you know, was was female transition male.
It's like, well, so what am I? You know? And
I was like, wow, I'm done coming out. And then
now everyone's so woke that there's no coming out. It's
(23:19):
like you come out as gay, like oh, sweetie, you're
just clear, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, honey, ah,
you'll see. And I think that that's like special because
there's no binary on what you come out as, right,
and it's we're all human, Like, who gives a fuck?
If your best friend was uh a lesbian and then
(23:42):
started dating a guy, who gives a fuck? Is she happy?
Is she healthy? Let her move on? We're done now, Like,
who gives a fuck?
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Yeah, so we have to normalize that a little bit
because we just were not there and we like want
everyone to like make sure that you're this way, and
if you're this way, you have to stay this way.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
And then once you're in a box, because we're scared
of you.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
Yeah, exactly exactly, And you know what you have lived.
You know, these are very personal transformations in life, and
you've lived them so publicly. What do you do You
ever regret it? Do you ever think, oh, that people
are really getting this wrong about me in the process,
(24:28):
or do you not even care? You're like, you know what,
I'm putting it out there, I'm putting it in a
box and I'm like moving on. I don't care what
you say about me. This is me. And if it
makes you uncomfortable, guess what you can unsubscribe?
Speaker 2 (24:41):
Unsubscribed for sure. I feel like, yeah, I mean I
guess once you put anything out there, it's kind of like, wow,
we kind of put a period on that, mm hmm, right,
like anything. So yeah, once it's out there, it's out there.
But yeah, there are some regrets for sure. I mean
I'm human. Yeah, it's like very much. I don't know,
(25:06):
maybe more critical thinking could have gone into something.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
I mean, but when you think back to you're so young,
like this whole like you're young now, but I got
to live.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
You took the words right out of my mouth. Where
the youngest we're going to be right now? I make
a mistake today, then I was young. Sorry? You know
about how about you? How do you feel about like
announcing stuff and regrets?
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Yeah, I've learned now because you know, I had a
very public divorce and I have been in the public
eye and people really have a lot of opinions about me.
And I think that's the hardship of being open and
honest and real and vulnerable. And I've learned now I
(25:58):
have to protect my peace. I have to learn that
share less, not share less. I think you have to
protect what's sacred while sharing what's honest. And I I
guess I you know, I've turned my comments off because
I think I am learning as I get older. You know,
(26:23):
I am, I am a human and I hurt just
like any human hurts, and I read comments that penetrate
and for me, I have now said I'm not going
to abandon my community. As someone who didn't have visibility
growing up, it is so vital and so important. I
have a long history of, you know, being an advocate
(26:46):
for mental health and drug addiction because I know what
it's like to mask and stuff down and not feel.
And that is a reflection on other people's expectations of
who I'm supposed to be instead of just living exactly
in the moment of who I want to be. So
I protect my peace in a way that I don't
(27:09):
read bs. I don't believe it. What I've learned about
tabloids is they will run with anything. What I've learned
about friends and a cancel culture is not everyone will
have your back and see the way you see the world.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
It's giving fair weather friends. Yes, yes, I was going
to ask you also, so being a public facing figure
for so long, so many years being out there, they say,
and I think that this might be outdated and wrong,
but you build a thick skin. Because I've said that
(27:46):
for a very long time. I'm like, oh, I've built
as I've heard it all a thousand times, don't worry
about it. But it still does hurt. So where's your
skin at.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
I'm covered in tattoos. So if that tells you any Yeah,
you know what, I'm an impath. I am a sensitive
little bunny, and I think.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
That's what you're saying.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
I am a libra. Okay, scale, Yeah, so I I
love being sensitive and I love exactly who I am,
and I don't have to harden because we live in
a hard world. I actually am this soft because of
the trauma I've experienced and the work I've done two
(28:38):
give more to this world than it gave me. Let's
say that.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
I love the Okay, so you said you turned your
comments off correct, Yeah, okay, on everything? Yeah, okay, I
love and respect that so much. I feel like I'm
almost there because people are just so terrible, and I've
been terrible. I've been this for like, I don't know,
almost twenty years. I feel fifteen years and I'm almost there.
(29:05):
But I feel like the skin got thick and then
it thinned out, like I was unbreakable five ten years ago,
and now I'm like really feeling it. Well, you're also.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
Going through a lot, you know, Like I am almost
It's almost been over two years now since my divorce,
and like out of anyone, like the things that came
my way and the way I was having to navigate
it like I was broken and I was in shambles.
(29:43):
And you know, as an athlete who felt feels like
they really failed, the way I look at it now
is completely different than I look I was feeling it
when I was in the thick of it. And you know,
now as I continue to like build up the pieces
and build back up like who I want to be
in this next phase of my life, I am a
(30:05):
different human. I am a better human. And I didn't
fail because of the pain I experience. And now I
see the world in a like it's almost like I
see the world in a different color. Now gives you.
It gave me so much clarity and perspective, And it's hard. Yeah,
And I think sometimes you have to sit in the
(30:26):
heart and the grief and the uncomfortable like parts of
it that are going to shape you into someone incredible
you haven't even met yet. Yeah, and that's something you
hold on. You have to hold on too.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
Yeah. Was there a moment that felt powerful in the
fact that you didn't fail.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
Yeah, because at the root of my decision, I was
choosing me and I hadn't I didn't do that for
a really long time time. I think that was the
most brave and powerful decision I could have ever made
for myself and my kids.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
Oh my god, no, no, you're like preaching. I feel
like I'm not very extremely extremely religious, but I'm at
church right now.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
Oh yeah, girl on your podcast, but like I am here,
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
You know, I feel a lot of that because my
divorce was it was announced not long ago, but it's
been months. You know, it's very public, but I'm still
going through waves of that, and I think it really
it's very special to hear you speak on that because
(31:44):
every day is another journey. It's your choice to choose
happiness and choose reality and positivity. And there's always there's
always voices. There's always little voices in your head, and
there's all always people on your phone and even friends
of yours and you know, people on your team. There's
(32:06):
always stuff. But it's nice to know like you chose
your own happiness. And I think that's very relatable to
everyone in any way. And I wish I could have
shook myself like a few months ago, because it was
just messy, massy, messy and sad, sad, sad.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
But yeah, I guess you got to live in that
you have to and you'll find one day beauty in
it that you know, maybe can't see right now. And
you know, I think being vulnerable and talking about it
in a adult way, like people are so quick to
pick sides. People are so quick to throw shade on
(32:49):
one person or this person this, there's person's fault, that
person's fault. A marriage doesn't end when it's just one
person's fault, Like that just doesn't exist. Like both parties
play a role in everything, and it's okay, Like not
everything is meant for forever, even if you go into
(33:10):
it with the expectation this is forever time.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
Who doesn't Who doesn't?
Speaker 1 (33:16):
People change experience, like life is ever changing, and we
either grow together or we grow apart. And that is
just the complexity of life. It doesn't mean one person
is at fault or one person failed. It is just life.
And we we keep it pushing and we learn from
(33:37):
it and we try to be better for it. And
we always carry this like these people with us because
they've been a huge part of our life. And I don't,
you know, it's just it's it's hard. There's no other
way than than it being hard, and I hope you're okay,
and I hope that it gets easier. Like as someone
(33:58):
who's gone through it, it's not that time heals, because
you'll always feel it, but like you just learn to
cope with it, and you learn to have the tools
to do so without being angry, because so much anger
gets thrown into the fire at the beginning because people
are hurt and we are emotional beings exactly.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
It's almost it's almost as if you should be hurt. Yeah,
that's how I was made out to feel, like, be angry.
Why aren't you angrier? I'm like, I'm just sad. Yeah,
Like literally, like I'm not angry. I mean, maybe a
little frustrated whatever, but not angry. I also feel like
there is there's this construct once you are divorced that
(34:47):
you're just never going to see that person again. Like
you just said, you know, honor the time that you
had together, respect the time. It was a gorgeous time.
And that's a lot of the feedback that I'm getting,
as Wow, you guys have so much respect for each other.
That is so nice. I'm like, yeah, duh, Like we
(35:07):
shared some of life's most beautiful moments together. What do
I hate the person now? No, but people just expect
you to and then it almost makes you feel like
should I be more mad? But I am not.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
Like I'm curious though with this and I and you
can be very honest with me, because you know your
personal life has become such a topic of conversation. Do
you view social media and the ability to be so
open and do you view it differently now that you
(35:41):
became a target of it or do you do not?
Speaker 2 (35:48):
I think I view it differently for sure, but it
definitely is not as pure as it used to be.
It used to be very childlike, share whatever, say whatever,
(36:08):
And there are moments of that now, But before it
was always like that. It was always fun, always free,
and then it did change over time. And I don't
think that that was just necessarily my relationship to it.
I think that that was the world's generation of social
(36:30):
media growing and evolving and stuff. But you know, it
kind of ran in tandem. Yeah, so you know, it's
kind of a perfect storm.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
This is wide open and I'm your host, Ashlyn Harris.
Thanks for listening. We'll be right back. How would you
say this moment and time? Because it really is a
moment of time. Nothing, it's not a forever thing. How
do you think it has changed you, Like, not just
(37:04):
the romantic love, but the love you've learned to give
yourself through this process. Like, what is the biggest thing
that it's changed in you?
Speaker 2 (37:14):
I think, Oh, God.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
Hello, we're going to We're going deep. I know, and
I'm here to hold I know, and I'm here to
hold you through the process. But I do think it's
so important, Like if you're not learning from it, then
you're not being true to you or yourself or all
of the experiences you're unfortunately having to go through right now.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
Fortunately. Yes, yeah, no, I you know what I feel like,
I what I've really learned from this if I really
take a step back and think on it, I think
that I've learned how to be by myself health. I
haven't been by myself for almost a decade, and I
(38:06):
can truly be alone, like and I think that that's
it's a gift. It's maybe not the best at some times,
but like I can go to bed, I can just
be by myself and there's no noise, it's just me.
It's how it used to be, and I'm relearning how
(38:29):
to be by myself and in my head and physically,
And I think that that's it's been very very special
because I didn't think that I could do that. Yeah,
after getting divorced, I did not know that I can
do that.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
Yeah, And I think that's because it's so new for
you to be able to reflect already as such a
testament to like the growth you're already doing and with that, like,
I'll take it a step further. Have you learned anything
in grief, especially someone who had like your identity has
(39:10):
required so much letting go and becoming and you've dealt
with so much grief, you know, with the passing of
your mom. I'm curious, Gigi, what have you learned about grief?
Speaker 2 (39:25):
Grief? Grief does not go. You are not free of grief.
My mom passed when I was nineteen, and that is
still with me. You know. Some days are harder than others.
Some days it comes up, some days I'm I'm happy
that she's at peace. And then grief of a relationship
(39:46):
is a whole different beast, and when you're in the
thick of it, it can take you know, I think
they say, what the half of the time that you
were together that's what it takes for you to get
over it.
Speaker 1 (39:59):
I never heard, but yeah, oh really no.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
Yeah, I mean, yeah, that's what I've heard. I guess
on like TikTok or whatever. I'm still long ways away
from getting over it. But yeah, I think that grief
it just comes in waves. Like I think there's like
seven stages of grief. It's like anger, pain, denial, regret,
(40:23):
There's a bunch of stuff that comes with it. And
I think what I've learned about grief with death and
the death of relationship and it's seemingly death of a person,
is that you only sleep with you at night. You
only live in your own head. You only get ready
(40:44):
and shower and go to things by yourself, regardless of
who you're with. Yes, so you cannot attach and this
might be unhealthy, but you cannot attach your stuff onto
someone else because you only live with you. That person
could die, that person could leave you, that person could
(41:05):
do whatever. So I think it's important to know like
you are you, like you are one of one. You
are important, and you are powerful, and you are your vehicle.
And I yeah, I not that I put that into
effect as good as I could have as of now,
but like I keep telling myself that every day, Like,
(41:28):
no matter who I have over whatever, friend, whoever's you know,
hanging out, it's like they could they have their own life,
Like I am me, like, you got to be your
best friend?
Speaker 1 (41:39):
Yes, yes, And we don't prioritize that enough.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
I don't think either, because being alone is scary. It's
seems scary. They like market it as being scary, like
you need a boyfriend, you need a whatever. It's like, hmm,
well we're kind of all alone at the end of
the day.
Speaker 1 (41:57):
Now, well we come here, we come into this world alone,
we go out alone. So you better even if.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
Yeah, even if you have someone sleeping beside you, you
could still feel alone.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
Yeah, absolutely that you know I feel at my core. Yeah,
And I want to go to the because I do.
I'm I'm a believer in speaking things into existence, and
I want joy and happiness and hope for you moving
forward in a time that feels so hard. So I
(42:28):
do want to shift because I do think it's important
and I want I'm curious because you've been at the
intersection of culture and queer identity for god over a decade.
Now what gives you hope? Right? Now, because I know
in our community, especially in the trans community, we're not
(42:48):
in a great time and we're we're it's but I
don't want to talk about that. I want to talk
about what gives you hope, Gigi right now.
Speaker 2 (42:58):
My Canadian passport.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
I am obsessed with you that also.
Speaker 2 (43:07):
You know what. Okay, So on the reel, on the reel,
I feel like politics and society it's like a pendulum.
I forget who said this that I forgot, I forget
who said this first, but it stuck with me, and
it's like it will always sway back, it will always
sway forward. And I feel like we've been in a
(43:29):
swayed back moment for a while, and I think people
are realizing how strong our community is, and they realize
the power that we have, and they're scared about it,
you know, people in power. So I think that they're
just they're getting a little smarter. They realize that we're everything, yeah,
(43:51):
and that's intimidating to them. So I think that eventually
it will swing back and we will get a little
bit more acknowledgment and rights and equality and everything that
we deserve because we have been extremely proud and loud,
but I think that people in government they're just a
little scared and maybe some you know, skeletons are going
(44:13):
to come out of their closet that they're a little
bit scared about. So wow, let's just how about you.
What's what's bringing you?
Speaker 1 (44:23):
I'm hopeful right now, like I is. I see the
world like I'm so. I love life. I love being
able to sit here with you a human. I have
only followed from Afar and have these like beautiful, open,
honest conversations, Like I want people to stop with this
(44:48):
side of politics and this side of politics, and we're
always trying to conform people to see the world through
our lens, and I just want us to put it
down for a second and just love your neighbor and
have the conversations and continue building the bridges. And right
now that this it has just gotten so far out
(45:12):
of touch and we have to continue showing what's possible.
And that is like me being hopeful and like I
want to be positive and I want to live a
happy world. And I want my two black and brown
children to feel seen and loved and care for. And
(45:32):
is that so complicated?
Speaker 2 (45:35):
You know? Not? We over complicate things, Yes, speaking about children.
I forget where I heard this, but I think it's
important for anybody listening to here because I think that
as a society we do overcomplicate things, and it is
left or right. What do you believe in with taxi car,
(45:56):
da da whatever? I think at the end of the day,
if you are trans, if you are queer, if whatever,
whatever your case may be. I think to break it
down to the bare minimum is think like a child.
Are they nice to you? Do they treat you right?
(46:18):
Do they care for you? Do they make you feel good?
Like all of that, and then there's nothing else. Who
cares that they're trans? Who cares who they have sex with?
Who cares? Are they a good person? But they don't
steal from you, They're not mean to you, like just
bare bear, bare minimum, Like think about it on like
(46:41):
a play school, like a playground, recess moment, like how
do you feel about that person? Like, oh, they make
me feel less than they make me feel they're mean
to me. I don't fuck with them, you know, like
you and I right now, like I feel seen, I
feel heard. You're really nice. You make me laugh, like
(47:01):
I feel loved, like just like silly nice stuff like that. Yeah,
I don't fuck with people who.
Speaker 1 (47:07):
Are mean to me, and nor should you.
Speaker 2 (47:10):
Has nothing to do with that, has nothing to do
with what they identify as.
Speaker 1 (47:14):
I love that. I love that, and I've loved this conversation.
And I could sit here all day and talk to
you and interesting. Okay. So I always ask this question
to tie everything together, the same question, and like, I'm
going to change it because I can, and this is
my show, and.
Speaker 2 (47:29):
I always ask the original.
Speaker 1 (47:32):
The original is, like, what moment in your life has
like really split you wide open and like really changed
it all for you? But for someone who's lived so
outward and like you know, like that so much of
your life, You've shared some of the best moments and
the hardest moments and the small moments in between. And
I want to change it. I want to hand you
(47:53):
the mic, and I want you to share something that
like to you in this moment of time. What does
it mean to be wide open?
Speaker 2 (48:06):
To be wide open? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (48:08):
What does it mean right now? Being wide open? What
does it mean to you?
Speaker 2 (48:13):
Being wide open? Right now? To me? I think for
a long time, especially in relationships where you are unhappy,
Let's say you aren't like a fully yourself so being
wide open right now is me choosing every single day
to wake up and just be fully Gigi, fully me,
(48:38):
fully me to my friends, fully me to friends I
don't want to be around, fully me to family, I
don't want to talk to, fully me to family I
want to talk to and just being me. Because for
a long time, if anyone has been in a long
(48:58):
term relationship or in a divorce or anything, you kind
of become someone who you aren't in many ways, which
is tough to say, but it's true. I mean, it's
a defense mechanism. You just kind of turn into someone
you're like actually not. So I think just being wide
(49:19):
open right now to me means being fully who I
am inside of my heart all of the time, or
at least trying to.
Speaker 1 (49:30):
Yeah, I mean, and just like we said, like, we're
all a work in progress and every minute we're evolving
and changing and we have to give people permission to
do so. So with that, thank you so much, Gig.
You are such a light and you were just so incredible.
We didn't even talk about beauty and makeup and all
(49:53):
of the things I wanted to with you because I'm.
Speaker 2 (49:55):
Let me say, I thank God, there's just so much
more to talk about. And you're such a cell mind.
Speaker 1 (50:02):
Yeah, you're just such a light and think you I
ask you one question, Yeah, tell me ask any to
ask away.
Speaker 2 (50:08):
What's keeping you? What's making you feel wide open? Right now?
Speaker 1 (50:12):
I am trying to live for me to be wide
open and honest with you. Right now, I'm trying to
find joy and happiness and peace in the most small,
still moments. Because of the way I functioned as a
(50:35):
high performing athlete, I'm always like seeking this, like I
just want to be exceptional and I just want to win,
and i want to be the best at everything, and
I'm always chasing greatness, and I think it puts blinders
on where life moves so fast and I'm still chasing
(50:57):
something that doesn't necessarily exist, and and I achieve it.
It doesn't have meaning, it doesn't move me. I'm trying
to be so still and finding so much beauty in
the most simple moments of life.
Speaker 2 (51:13):
But does that scare you. I'm not a mother, so
I can't speak to this. But does that scare you
because it's boring.
Speaker 1 (51:20):
I don't find it boring. I find it being like
I'm truly in my body enough now that the smallest
moments I find so much joy in, such as like
taking my kids to I took my kids to the
(51:41):
beach because my three year old, I asked, what did
you What do you want for your birthday, babe? And
he was like, I want to go to the beach
and just watching them walk and collect sand glass and
sand fleas and seashells and the joy and excite of
just jumping into waves. And it's just like it's the
(52:04):
most simple things in life and it's beauty.
Speaker 2 (52:10):
It was just that's probably gonna be a core memory
for that.
Speaker 1 (52:12):
Yeah, And it's so much purpose and I don't want
to miss a moment. I think time is such a
crook and it happens so fast. It's one thing money
can't buy. I have no idea when my expiration date is,
and damn do I want to live it to the fullest.
And that means I need to be in every moment,
(52:35):
the good, the bad, the great, the not so great,
the grief, the love, the fucking all of it in between.
But I'm seeking peace for the first time, Like I.
Speaker 2 (52:47):
Just love that love that.
Speaker 1 (52:49):
Yeah, I just got peace and ease, and I want
that for you too. That's what my my hope is you.
I hope I wish you peace and ease in a
time that feels probably really hard.
Speaker 2 (53:03):
Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 1 (53:04):
Yeah, well, thank you for coming on the show, Gigi,
and please let the listeners know where they can find you,
what you're working on, what you want the audience to
tune into anything going on right now?
Speaker 2 (53:17):
Oh god, well, thank you so much for having me.
It was really a nice conversation. And you're fab Radio
knew what they knew, what they were doing with you.
Speaker 1 (53:26):
You're a sweetheart.
Speaker 2 (53:27):
I'm GGI gorgeous everywhere basically, I don't know if any
other platform has any other handle, but just gg gorgeous.
And right now I'm actually working on something so exciting.
So I'm doing Airbnb brought back their Airbnb experiences, and
I am teaching makeup classes. So if you go to
(53:50):
the link in my bio, I think there's two more.
I've done three. It's downtown LA. It's one hundred dollars
that you walk away with like three hundred and fifty
dollars worth. Products like that are yeah, and it's really fun.
We get to chill, you get like at night, there's
like a photo shoot at the end you get like
retouched images. It's really cute. But that's I love this
(54:13):
my latest.
Speaker 1 (54:14):
Yeah, I love that. And and just to share a
small little token, I did Airbnb experiences last night and
had a chef come over, so we are this. Airbnb
needs to be sponsoring this episode because I tell you
what the experiences are. It's good.
Speaker 2 (54:32):
I want dinner tonight, screamer from the roup buy my
makeup class, but also food.
Speaker 1 (54:39):
Yeah, all of it. Well, Gigi, thank you so much
and good luck with everything. I'm sure this is not
the last time. Now I'm going to book you for
makeup classes because I need a few tips, so I'm going.
Speaker 2 (54:50):
To have you. You're gorgeous, naturally, You're very sweet. You
already know well. Love you love this pod.
Speaker 1 (54:57):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (54:58):
Me on and it was so fun and easy. Don't
make me sound stupid.
Speaker 1 (55:02):
No, you're beautiful, you're smart, you're intelligent, and you got
this next phase. Honey, You're gonna do great things as
you always do. So thank you everyone. Thank you, Gigi,
thank you for tuning in all of our listeners out there,
and appreciate you coming on Wide Open, Wide Open with
(55:26):
Ashlin Harris is an iHeart women's sports production. You can
find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you get your podcasts. Our producers are Carmen Borca Correo,
Emily Maronov, and Lucy Jones. Production assistants from Malia Aguidello.
Our executive producers are Jesse Katz, Jenny Kaplan and Emily Rudder.
(55:50):
Our editors are Jenny Kaplan and Emily Rudder and I'm
Your Host Ashlyn Harris
Host
Ashlyn Harris
Popular Podcasts
Fudd Around And Find Out
UConn basketball star Azzi Fudd brings her championship swag to iHeart Women’s Sports with Fudd Around and Find Out, a weekly podcast that takes fans along for the ride as Azzi spends her final year of college trying to reclaim the National Championship and prepare to be a first round WNBA draft pick. Ever wonder what it’s like to be a world-class athlete in the public spotlight while still managing schoolwork, friendships and family time? It’s time to Fudd Around and Find Out!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.