September 15, 2025 • 45 mins
This week, Ashlyn sits down with YouTuber, actress, comedian, and author Lilly Singh. As you can tell from those titles, Lilly has accomplished a lot in her career. But this conversation reaches far beyond her accolades and gets to the heart of who she is beyond her work. Lilly talks about what she’s learned in her 15 years in the public eye, how she maintains confidence in the face of criticism, and who she looks to for inspiration these days. Plus, she tells us about the labor of love that is her new movie, Doin It, a raunchy sex-comedy that Lilly wrote, produced, and stars in.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:09):
Hi everyone, and welcome back to another episode of Wide
Open with Ashland Harris. Today, I'm sitting down with someone
who has redefined what it means to take up space,
Lily saying, welcome to.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
The show.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
To talk to you.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Yes, I mean, if you don't know who Lily is,
let me explain. You started your career you as a
YouTuber and you blew it out of the water. Let's
just say you're one of the ogs, is what I
like to say.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Not only that you became a late.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Night TV show host, one of one, you're acting, you're producing,
you're directing, and you have an upcoming film doing it. Lily,
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 3 (00:54):
Thank you so much. You wake me up. Let's go.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
You know what, cheers to that.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Here we are. We are really just cheers to the queers.
I'm having a beer because I can and I'm of age.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
So and you can do whatever you want.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Maybe I can do whatever the fuck I want.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
And here we are.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Well, thanks for coming on. I am so obsessed with you.
We've been I guess what do you call that these days?
Internet friends?
Speaker 3 (01:18):
Internet always We've met once, we've been Internet friends, but
I've been dying to get to know you better because
I feel like we're.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Your hype on the sidelines of every sports game, whether
it's soccer, basketball, or anything in between, is one of one.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
I mean, the energy is electric.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
That means a lot to me. I do really ride
myself in my energy and my book to hype people up.
I feel like you're a really good cheerleader.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
And hello, you are now in the ownership group of
the new Toronto w NBA team.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
Yes, Toronto time but which is a dream for me.
So I, as you know, part owner of Angel City,
which is the LA women's soccer team. Love, but I'm
from Toronto originally Toronto. I'm writer by Toronto and this
is Canada's first of your vay team, you know as
the on We have one NBA team as well. So
if I wasn't a part of this, I would be devasting.
(02:14):
Oh my god. Yes, I'm a part owner of the
Toronto Tempo and my official title is the Chief Hype Officer.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Yeah, where's the sign? Where's the sign in the back
of your office? I need it?
Speaker 3 (02:24):
No, what I actually do have when it's over there somewhere,
I will this My new gallery wall has oh right there,
that's a little she making money moves.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Honey, No, come on, we love a gallery wall. I
mean you're in good company. Serena Williams, Hello.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
I know. I mean those love play sports. Just associate
with sports. That's what I do.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Well, be easy. I see you working out on that Instagram.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
I see you hitting the way sinking.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
I pay attention. Okay, if you're a hype woman too, No,
I'm sure I.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Work out a little something. So I don't want to
be able to like lift a girl. You know, That's
what I'm saying. So I literally work out so I
can lift a girl.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Can Can you put that on my my grave?
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Please?
Speaker 3 (03:11):
When I'm gone.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
That's all I want. I work out to lift the girl.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
That's it. Hell no physical, but not literally. I just
want to lift a girl.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
I love your energy like it's it's so good.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
So tell me Lily.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
For people who don't know you, you grew up, You're from Canada.
I think that is what nowadays in this political climate,
we call the golden ticket.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
I'd love one too.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
You should all line up to marry outside my house
every day. There should be a line of people. You know.
When I first moved to la in twenty fifteen, a
really hard time about being Canadian, made fun of a lot,
and now I'm like, you can single file line up
outside my house to marry me, to try to become
a Canadian citizen. Yes. I was born in Toronto, Canada
(03:54):
to amazing parents are Indian immigrants, and somehow, some way,
in the end of my university career, I decided to
upload a YouTube video. You know, growing up I always
wanted to entertain I was like in the middle of
the dance circle. I loved watching movies and TV shows.
I just loved entertainment. Never thought I could actually do
because you're going out growing up in a small town.
(04:14):
You're like, how am I gonna do this? No casting
directors here, I don't know anything about this. Discovered YouTube
in twenty ten, uploaded a YouTube video, thought nothing of it.
Seventy people watched it, and I was like, I don't
know seventy people, so clearly this is working and it
snowballed into this career that I was not at all
prepared for. And how did that shape you? Because you
were pretty.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Young, right, So, like you say, you always wanted to
be in entertainment, Like was that the hot did you
want to be in like Hollywood, did you want to
be on TV or just anything entertainment? You wanted to
grab people's attention, make them laugh, and slowly you started
realizing you can make a career out of this, or
like where was the shift?
Speaker 3 (04:53):
No, I think I had the dream of being entertainment,
but I never felt realistic, like I have a degree
in psychology. I was very ready to live this very
in your life that everyone had set out for me.
I didn't actually think I could get into entertainment. And
then when I started making YouTube douse, the shift came
in the lack of gatekeepers around YouTube and I could
talk about whatever I want to talk about. That for
the first time, I felt liberated to like make the
(05:15):
things I thought were funnier, like have the discussions I
thought were really important that I wasn't seeing on TV,
especially from people that looked like me. And so the
shift came from like this liberating like I can do
whatever I want and talk about whatever I want and
people are actually gravitating towards it, which is really cool.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
I love that, And like who was Lily as a kid?
Like like how did you move? How'd you take up space?
Because you are such a beautiful personality and so well
rounded because you don't take yourself so serious, like I
feel like the entertainment where all people are like and
you kind of like poke holes at it a little bit,
which makes me laugh.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
Yeah. I literally posted on my story this morning that
I literally got full glammed to do this virtual interview,
and I was like, zoom, Literally there's probably accult record.
Use why did I pay and hundreds of dollars? Why
Because I'm a fool, Because this industry is foolish, because
it really is. Anyways, all this is thing. Yes, I don't.
I try not to take it all too seriously, mostly
because you'll go crazy. You'll go insane. If you take
(06:11):
it too seriously, you'll go insane. Well who was I
as a kid? Well, I'm gonna answer this question, and
then as soon as I'm done answering, you're gonna be like,
and you didn't know you were a gay? Telling you're
thirty and trust me, I know I was a huge
comboy growing up, always every opportunity going against the grain,
Like didn't want to wear the clothes people wanted me
to wear, didn't want to do the degree people wanted
(06:33):
me to do, didn't have the career people wanted me
to have, don't have the sexuality I've won't expected me
to have, Just constantly challenging and going against the grain.
Like I want to paint my room red. My mom says,
you can't page your room red. Now it's my mission
to paint my room red. Like I was just that
kid through and through, like very opinionated, wanted things to
be the way she wanted them to be. And that's
(06:55):
kind of still how I am, to be honest.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
And you, I mean, I didn't know you as a kid,
but like it seems like you haven't changed a bit,
and I love that about you because you're just real.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
Really yeah, but real and raw.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
But do you think that's the difference between growing up
through social media and just sharing who you are, no
strings attached, kind of like take it or leave it,
subscribe or unsubscribe, and really growing up in the La
Hollywood industry. I think that really there is a big
difference there because that's maybe the reason why you can
(07:29):
poke fun a little bit of like the entertainment space
and you know the bullshit that kind of comes with it.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
It's a little bit of a.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Circus if you've ever been a part of it.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
I don't know how I'll do it, but I see
a little bit of it now and I'm like, Hello,
I'm fascinated.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
By people that were born and raised now because I
always think that I'm like, you were really raised in
this environment where things that I think are so extraordinary
you think are so normal. I think growing up in
Toronto really has helped me come at it from a
point of view that's like, you know, La is a bubble.
It's I don't get a wrong. I actually love LA.
I think it's like my second home, and I really
really love the people here. But it is a bubble
(08:07):
and it is important to leave every once in a
while because when you leave LA and I go back
home to my hometown of Toronto, when I talk to
my friends and I say things like Roku and Hulu
and ted Lasso, They're like, I actually don't know what
you're talking about.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
No.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
I dressed up as Ted Lasso for Halloween three years
ago and none of my friends in Toronto knew who
it was. They're like, what are you talking about? They're like, what,
they don't have Hulu there, they don't. I'm like, you know,
the show directed by so and so, and they're like, literally, no, no,
what are you talking. So you realize that this is
not this is just a bubble that we live in,
and it's a lovely bubble, but it's important to leave
this bubble every people.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
I agree and with that, because you know, you did
bring a very beautiful diversity component to media, because like
I my first year i played what used to be
the WPS was in Western New York. So the only
place for us to go when you live like the
Rochester area, Buffalo area.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
Was Toronto.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
But what I knew about Toronto at a very very
early age is it's beautifully diverse and the food is
fucking phenomenal, Oh my.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
God, everything.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
And I don't necessarily think probably when you were doing,
like you know, your roots in YouTube, that media was
very diverse. You kind of blew that door wide open.
You were the first for a lot of things. Did
you realize when you were doing that at that age
the significance and the impact you were having on the
(09:39):
platform in the landscape of media and diversity or No,
So in.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
The moment when I was doing it, of course, I
used to it comments that were like, oh my god,
I've never seen someone that looks like you're talking about this.
I feel so seen and so I think to a degree,
but not really. I think recently it has become a
parent to me, you know, not really lovely things happened,
which is that my fans are kind of grown up
with me. I started making you twoas in twenty ten
and for that entire you know, for the five six
(10:06):
years following up until like, I don't know, probably even
just two years ago, when people approach me on the
streets and be like, oh my god, I love you.
Can I get a selfie? Can I get a selfie? Like?
I want you so lovely? And I love that interaction
to but the interaction's actually changed over the past two years.
When people approach me, they're very vocal about I just
want to let you know that I actually, like completely
changed my career path because I saw you do entertainment
(10:30):
or like I came out to my parents and I
never thought I would do that because you paved the
path for someone like me coming up. So I think
I've been really lucky and that people have shared these
really awesome, vulnerable stories and I can see now the
impact of like representation you know, representations become such a buzzword, yes,
but it's real, Like when you can see someone else
(10:50):
doing it, it makes it easier to have the conversation
with yourself. It makes it easier for you to have
conversation with your parents, with your community, to be like, look,
there is a little bit of a road. Now, we've
seen it happen now, and so I didn't realize it
completely then, but I'm so grateful that I get to
realize it now. And I really don't take that lightly.
I won't lie. You mentioned that I've been the first
at a lot of things, and I know when I say
(11:12):
that people like, that's so awesome, that's so cool. It
is it's also really hard and scary. It's really carrying
a lot of a burden that you're not prepared and
you don't know how to carry it. But I'm happy
I've done it because I think a lot of people
have been able to make more authentic choices because they
sell me authentic choices.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Yeah, And I think that's another segue into what I
think is so impressive about Lily, is like, you've really
re defined yourself over and over and over, and you've
done it so honestly and openly. Do you feel as
you've grown with your audience and you've grown up, you know,
(11:51):
really in people's homes, like people feel like they know
you through what you've created through your content.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Is there ever.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
A time when you're like, man, I just wish that
was different, or I wish I could have maybe taken
that back, or maybe that's too much. And I want
to be like sacred with this type of privacy because
I know you came out was it Twitter. I think
there's a lot there of openness that people are so
(12:21):
scared to do. But I'm curious, as you've lived it
and you've reinvented yourself over and over and over, was
there ever times when you were like, man, I just
shouldn't have done that, or ah, that might have been
too much?
Speaker 3 (12:35):
Totally? Yes, absolutely. I mean I am a pretty open person.
I've always been really open about mental health while things
I'm going through in my life. But I do also
think timing is important and if I could go back,
though I don't hella believe in regrets, if I could,
I could just would tweak a little tweak on something,
it would definitely be around late night, you know, late
night was. There was so many eyeballs on me. I'm
(12:56):
such an historic thing. I chose to come out before
my late night show, and at that time, I know
what I was thinking. I had just come out to myself.
It was like a truth I was going through. These
two things coincided in terms of time in a very
complex way, and I was like, oh, it wouldn't be
so lovely during the show. I could be my most
authentic self and I could like talk about this openly.
(13:19):
I don't know if that was the most mentally healthy
thing to do, because what had happened was everyone just
tied my sexuality to that show, and people were not
people to watch the show without commenting on my sexuality,
and so they became like synonymous with each other in
a way that was real, really tough, because the late
night show was already really hard to do. Ninety six
episodes in three months is already really hard to do.
It's already really tough. To throw in a huge personal
(13:42):
monkey wrench is probably not the best thing to have done.
I could have probably just like dealt with Late Night
and dealt with that separately. I don't again, I don't
fault myself for doing that I know, I felt compelled
to do it because it felt stressful to have it
within me. And if I could go back and probably
probably tweaked that a little bit, you know, just because
I just feel like when I did my monologues, I
remember like, because before the late night show, people would
(14:03):
say things to me like all the Indians are counting
on you, all the queers are counting on you, all
the women are counting on you. I'm like, there's a
lot of people that are counting on me. And so
I would feel stressing, you know. I would do the
monologues and I would get comments from people that were like,
we get it, you're queer, we get it, Like stop
talking about being bisexual, and people would be jabbing holes
in me. And I remember there was one day that
I went back into my green room and I literally
(14:25):
made a list being like how many times should I
mention being a woman? How many times should I not
mention being queer? Like it was getting crazy. This is bad,
this is in a bad, not healthy situation right now.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Well, it also is hard. And I think this is
the thing that most people don't realize. And when I
say this, I want to be very clear and specific
in terms of the divide. There are people who grow
up in Hollywood who can act out other characters. There
are people in Hollywood who have openly acted out their
lives on the screen like YouTube or social media or.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Whatever they came.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
It opens a massive floodgate for a lot of judgment,
And there's a big difference there. What do you have
like over twelve twelve million people viewing your content all
the time? Like that opens so many doors of hate judgment,
And it's so brave just to say I'm just going
(15:22):
to be me, even though I'm going to take so
much scrutiny and whatever comes with that wave of social
hate and keyboard warriors. And I do think there is
a big difference. And I know now you're, you know,
really in the entertainment space of acting and producing and
developing a lot of stuff, which you've always been a
(15:44):
creative and clearly very good at it. Do you feel
like one is harder than the other or one has
really been a little more difficult for you because you
have given so much, so many people access to who you.
Has that been hard on partners? Has that been hard
on your family? Like I'm just curious because I don't
(16:06):
I've never had that type of weight on my back
or following, but I can imagine it's a lot to carry.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
Yeah, and I think you really hit the nail on
the head with that. There is a safety, definitely that
because I've been able to do both. I've been able
to go on set and play a character. But there
is safety behind dialogue, yes, and someone else writing those
words and being on set and getting to do things
over multiple times, you know what I mean? Yeah, there
is no safety really, and being live, we're talking from
(16:35):
your point of view, We're talking about your life experience.
There is no dialogue, there's no script there. And so
I do think that they're liberating in different ways, and
I think that they are beautiful in different ways that
I love both equally, but definitely, when I'm on set
as a character, I don't feel the level of anxiety
I feel when I do something live or as myself,
because I'm like, that's the character. Whatever you're saying is
about the character. That's not not me. If you hate
(16:59):
that character, that makes me a good actress. Actually, you
know what I mean. If you hate, really you're commenting
on me who I am. It's very, very different, and
so yeah, of course I And you know, I'm a
pretty open person and a lot of parts of my
life are public. I've also made very active efforts to
make certain things private. So I've never had a public relationship.
I have not been public about like some intimate family
(17:20):
stuff because that's not my story to tell, and I
still want to be a full human. I'm so open
with things like mental health and what I think will
help people, but it has been a constant chance of
like is this something I'm going to share with everyone
or is there not anything? Will be surprised to learn
that I do actually have a lot of private elements
in my life. I've been I'm really proud.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
Of the fact that I have that, and talk to
me about that, because I do think we live in
a really hard world where we want to share ourselves
and our story and we want to connect with people,
because we live in a really fragmented world where you know,
this has become life and social media has become life.
(17:58):
How do you protect your backsies? Like what are your
what is your safety net? Like? Where do you draw
the line as someone who's been so open and vulnerable
where you're not willing to uh really dive into that
because you are open about mental health, and I know
a lot of young people in this especially our queer community,
(18:21):
are just being targeted relentlessly right now. And I'm curious,
for someone who's really lived out loud on a lot
of these platforms, what advice could you share with a
lot of our younger queer kids who might be struggling
with the way people are showing up and hating on them.
(18:42):
Because I'm sure as long as you've been in this space,
you've probably dealt with it all.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
Oh, I have definitely don't at all. Well, there's a
few questions there. One is about boundaries. I have a
lot of I'm a nerdy person. I like do a
lot of mental health practices. I have a lot of
virtuals in my life. I do a lot of things.
That always said that my job is ten percent entertainment
and ninety percent mental. I really do believe that, like
(19:09):
big part of my job is making sure I'm good
up here so I can be good up here. And so,
like avid avid believer in therapy, I consistently go to
therapy a journal almost every single day. I have like
a nightly routine that is full of self compassions, well,
I have a lot of practice in my life. I'll
give you an example, which is this show right here.
When I was part of the Muppets Mayhem. You know,
(19:29):
the Muppets has a really intense fan base, and when
I was announced, there was a lot of feelings about
someone that looks like me being in part of the Muppets,
and I remember that being really devastating. I talked to
my therapist about and I was like, this show was
not even out yet. I don't even know how to
deal with this. One of the things I did around
the Muppets that I actually have kept true to me
through all my projects is when a project comes out,
(19:50):
I have a rule that I tell my team which
is for at least five days, I don't want to
hear a single review, a single article. I don't want
I actually delete social media off my phone. I actually
want to take those five days to celebrate this thing
without any other noise, because I think timing is really important.
You know, when you're already in a vulnerable state, it's
almost self harm for you to then go seek out
(20:12):
people and things that are gonna make you distraw. Same
thing with coming out, same things like if you're going
through a sensor like, don't go seek out in that moment.
Give yourself the five days to be like, yeah, let
me process this is myself, let me celebrate, this is myself.
When me live this is myself, and you become much
more resilient to taking in that noise. After about five days,
I would say, And so I I also delete Instagram.
(20:34):
I don't have tik talk on my phone. I haven't
had it for years. Instagram, I like, I delete it
all the time. If I find myself like I'm out
with friends and I find myself scrolling and out being present,
I just delete. Yeah, Like you're gone for the day,
I'm gonna just delete you for the next two days.
I really it. It's not permanent on your phone, y'all.
You can read download at any time, but just it's
the second you get into the muscle memory of like,
(20:55):
oh I'm feel how did I even I want to
go check the weather? How am I on Instagram? Right now?
It's just a rabbit hole. Another trick you can do.
Now we're getting really nerdy. You're going to see how
type I am move where it is on the home screen,
because really, it's just your muscle memory. Going and clicking
and you don't even realize and to secalizing it. Wait,
what's happening? Just getting yourself out of that rhythm again.
(21:18):
That's so true.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
I think I need to try this a little bit.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
I need to be better at it.
Speaker 3 (21:24):
I think we.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Probably all do, truthfully. I'm like, it is such, it's
a formative habit. Habit for me, I'll just pick the
phone up and start scrolling, and I'm like, I.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
Think I was just supposed to text a.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Friend and now I'm knee deep and an hour just
of my life.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
Was just rated. It's just a habit muscle. Sure, stay tuned.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
I'll be back in just a moment after this brief
message from our sponsors.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
I think often we're not.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
Thinking for ourselves anymore. We have people like projecting and
giving us advice or like, you know, you really inherit
like other people's opinions of you, and we absorb it
so quickly because now there's so many ways to see
how people see you and how you receive that. And
(22:14):
I do think it's really important that we don't have
safe enough boundaries anymore to really think for ourself.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
Like everyone now is like chat, GBT and it's it's.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
Just like we're always looking for this outer layer of
acceptance and we don't trust ourselves anymore.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
We don't go within.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
And I love when you talk about meditation and journaling.
Speaker 3 (22:36):
I just think we've.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
Really got away with a lot of practices that cleanse
our soul, cleanse our mind, and truthfully, you're right. Like
I say this in sport too, everyone's good at the top.
The thing that separates you because ten percent is really athletic,
it's a gift, it's performative. It's your performance and your
(22:58):
technical ability.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
It will get you so far.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
But you're the mental aspect, like it's everything, because if
you're not good, your performance isn't good. That means you're
not showing up for your team. You're not like it
just becomes a absolute nightmare.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
I'll leave not often say because something you said it
reminded me of something you know. Yet a few days ago,
I had like a really intense day. I had three
auditions and I had like a bunch of priz and
I was like, ooh, this is a day. And after
it was done, I felt really good about I think
I really showed up and I'm proud of the work.
I did today, But it's not because I thought I
was a good actress at the auditions and I was
(23:34):
talking to a friend about an actor. I'm like, if
I do an audition, ten percent of that audition is
me being prepared and me executing the lines and acting.
The reason I actually am good with this day is
because mentally this audition what it means to me, that's
where the work is. That's where the work went into it.
It's the It's not tied to my worth. This is
not the make or break of me. I will not
(23:55):
view this as the make or break of me. I
will not let this dictate the rest of my day.
I will not let this impact how I treat the
other people in my life. This is not going to
be final. That ninety percent is what makes me show
up to that audition better than I could show up
if I didn't have that nine percent. So when you
walk into an audition and you're like, I have to
get this or I'm a piece of crap. If I
don't get this, I'm a piece of shit. I'm bad,
(24:16):
I'm not talented. No one's gonna like me. You're not
gonna show up the best version of yourself so all
that other stuff is what makes me a better actress. Actually, great, Chiney.
I love that to me, learning the lines into executing.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
It's so so true, and it's so important to make
sure people who are listening know that because I think
we do really live in a culture that, especially Western culture,
is so cut through throat, and everyone's willing to just
shit on anyone at any given moment. Like there used
to be like a softer, like landing spot of how
(24:50):
you presented information to people, especially like as an athlete,
it was like the criticism was productive criticism. Now in
this land escape, it's like, let's shit and bury everyone,
cancel culture.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
We hate like this.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
I'm like, it's love to grow.
Speaker 3 (25:07):
No one's to make the mistakes they are in this moment.
They can't evolve beyond this moment.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
I'm like, i mean, God, bless all these content creators,
because lately I'm like, I don't know if I want
to share anything because people are just ready to chomp
and eat and spit you out. And I'm like, it's
a cruel world out there, and I've got a little
sensitive heart a lot.
Speaker 3 (25:26):
From Actually, here's the younger generation of women are really
inspiring to me actually because I, through an abundance of therapy,
have learned as much as I am outspoken, and I
like to stand it for myself. I am a people pleaser.
I've been raised to be a people pleaser. I'm unlearning
it now, but through a lot of my life it
(25:47):
was like, let me not ruffle the feathers, let me
not disagree, like let me just do go out of
my way over extend always. There is two people I'm
gonna tell you, actually can't tell you three. There'll be three,
so tell it. Tell me every Imman Vallani, who plays
Miss Marvel, did an interview, came out and it rocked
my world. And we grew up in the same town,
(26:07):
were from the same place, so we have a lot
of similarities. It was an interview and the reporter was
being a little bit of a jerk and she said,
you know, the box office has been rough for the Marvels, Like,
what do you think about that? And Iman literally looked
at him and said, that's for Bob Eiger, that's not
for me. And I was like, you can do that,
you because she's just like I'm here to act. The
box office is not about me. That's not my responsibility.
(26:30):
Me never would never have thought like that. I'd been like, yeah,
it's my fault. I gotta do.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Better, totally take it off the chin.
Speaker 3 (26:37):
Yeah it's me. Second, queen. I'm gonna give a shout
out to Jenna Ortega. There is a video that literally
made me emotional when I saw it online. It is
a video when they're promoting promoting Beetle Juice Beetle Juice,
where their Winona Ryder and Jenna or Tak are walking
towards press. Anda's wearing sunglasses and the press keeps yelling,
take off her glasses, take off your glasses, and you
(26:58):
can tell she doesn't want to. They keep all the
ad her take off her glasses, and she's about to
go take off her glasses and Jenna just looks at
her and you you just see your mouth that you
can't hear. It just goes, no, you don't have to,
and then she doesn't and there's no. She just said
it so calmly, like it was so so normal for
Jena to take and just go, you don't have to
do that. Me. I want to take the glasses, said
(27:22):
those glasses on fire. I would be like, what else
do you want to do? Tell me how can I
make you happy? Pressed? What do you want? You know
what I mean? Like Blue my mine and the third
que too. And there's not even a specific example. It's
just everything she does. Renee Wrap needs to never go
to media training. She needs to never get pr trained.
(27:43):
She and every interview is just like I'm gonna say
exactly what I want to say, and it might be
it might be problematic, and it might not be. This
is who I am, this is what you're gonna get,
and I just respect it so much and I'm so
envious of it because that's how I'm trying to be.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
I agree, I say that, but then I float right
back into It's like Sophia always says this, like I'm
like a little cinnamon roll, but like I look the
way I look.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
I have all this jewelry and all these tattoos.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
By in the same way, I'm like, I want to
please everything and everyone, and I don't want to ruffle feathers.
I hate like anything that's like confrontational or contentional, Like
I just don't like it.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
I've gotten a little better at confrontation, but I'm still
a people pleaser. I feel it all the time. If
I set a boundary of any type, my brain is losing.
I'm losing my mind. I'm like, how do you sept
this boundary? They're gona think your mean? They're gonnaink you're mean.
You need to be nice, you need to make them
like you. That's still going in there. But I think
what all three of these women have in common is
they're like, it's not on me to make you like me. No,
(28:40):
that's what I want to do, you know what I'm saying.
So I really learned something from these younger the younger girls,
that's been awesome.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
It's it's so lovely that this younger generation. I don't
say this lightly, they have access to so much representation,
and especially because we're part of the queer community, and
it is so important, and it's so especially for safety,
for people feeling like their life is worth living. The
(29:06):
impact you've made on your community, for young people who
look like you is so beautiful and so impactful. Do
you carry that weight and that responsibility lightly when you
show up in this space and this new woman of
who you are and claiming your sexual identity and all
these things, do you ever feel the weight of what
(29:29):
you have to carry because of the way you look,
or are you gladly carrying that badge of honor knowing
when you were a young girl you didn't have that
and you didn't get to see people like you move
the way you do.
Speaker 3 (29:42):
Yeah, that's a really great question, and I'm going to
try my very best. You gati a very honest answer,
which is I'm on from one to the other. So
I think when I first came out, and when I
first started making YouTube videos, I was carrying it with
a badge of honor. Like I know, there's not many
other people that look like me that are queer. I
know there's not many other things you can watch with
someone that looks like me. I'm carrying with the badge
of honor. I love my culture till this day. I
(30:04):
love my culture. And I used to carry I used
to carry and carrying Late Night show. Great, I got
to do this, a short historic thing. I'm carrying with
the badge of honor. Yes, I'm the first. Yes, I
did it. Yes, Indian queer byself. Of all these yes,
it says yes. However, now I think you're right, we
are in a place where there is more diverse. I mean,
there's still a lot of work to be done. Don't
get me wrong, I'm happy that there's more instances of
(30:25):
diversity and even take away everything if I if I
just take away every other person's expectations and take away
the industry for myself, I have kind of grown tired
now of carrying that way. It's and it's exhausting, and
I've done it for a decade, and now when I
(30:46):
do things or say things, I don't want it to
be the South Asian woman, the queer one that says it.
It's just Lily. It's just Lily that's freeing it. And
so I'm kind of trying to unsubscribe from this idea
of taking on that burden because I'm during late night
and I've talked about this in therapy a lot. Which
was when those people came up to me and said
those things like a million people are counting on you,
(31:06):
and a billion Indians are counting on you, and all
the queers are counting on you. I was like, yep, cool,
totally makes sense. Now I need to figure out how
to make them all proud. Not even for a second
did I not take on that burden. I didn't even
know that was an option. I just was like, open
to your burden, place it on me. And now I'm
in my era of actually, no, I don't receive that.
I don't have to make a billion people proud. I
(31:29):
don't represent all billion Indians out there. I don't represent
all women. I am just me and I'm representing my
life experience. So I think it was necessary when I
first started to carry that burden, and I'm sure to
some degree I still will carry, but I'm trying to
actively get better at not that's not mine to care
anymore because I'm a human and that's too much for
(31:50):
one human to carry.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Yeah, And I think received and noted, and I think
that you're humanizing what you have to care and the
volume you have to carry through the creative work you've
been doing for over a decade. And it's both and yes,
and and all of the things in between. This is
(32:15):
wide open, and I'm your host, Ashlyn Harris. Thanks for listening.
Speaker 3 (32:18):
We'll be right back.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
I asked this question to every person on the podcast.
You know, sports contexts wide open, wide open. But I
do feel that in our industry we are so much
more than what we do. Like even though at the
core of your start and you know your fame, you
(32:43):
or YouTuber, and it has opened so many beautiful doors
for you to live. This beautiful life also comes with
a lot of things people don't understand unless they've lived it.
But I always ask this, what moment in your life
has really split you wide open, that really has changed
the landscape of everything, that made you take a pause
(33:05):
and sit back and really zoom out and be like,
nothing will ever be the same after this. What was
that moment for you?
Speaker 3 (33:13):
That's a really good question, and I think it's gonna
have My answer is going to relate to something you
just said. But you also might low key drag me
because I am gonna mention chat gibto space, say space,
Honny cool. So for a lot of my life, a
lot of my life, I'm thirty six, I would say
for them up until two years ago, for thirty four
(33:34):
years of my life. If you were to ask me
who I am to describe myself, it would be a
very specific way I would do it. Oh, you know,
I claim up on YouTube I'm an actress, this many followers.
It's how people other people also describe me. And the
top of every you know, we're so used to describing
ourselves through what we do, like our accolades, what we
(33:54):
do for work, what we can offer, what we can give.
That's how I've justcribed. I never knew a different way.
My therapist would take a shot. Every time I say therapist,
everybody I reference my therapist a lot. I'm obsessed. There
you go saying. She tried to make me understand, she
said when she's like, you are not what you do,
(34:16):
And I fundamentally did not understand that. I like wasn't
even trying to stubborn, and I was like, what what
do you mean?
Speaker 1 (34:22):
Then?
Speaker 3 (34:22):
Who am I? She like, you are a whole, full
person that without all these things that you do. And
I left that therapy session being like the first time
mean my therapist disagreed because I don't know what the
hell she's talking about. I don't really Growing up, it
was like who I was was the person that got
good grades. That's how you got loved, Like you got
a good job, you did your chores like that. Who
am I outside of these things? And so then I
(34:45):
I do. I will say I do use chat GUPT
for certain things, and of all the things I've ever
used Chattopauty for I'm going to tell you one use
that has rocked my world, which I talked to Chattuoputine.
I was like, my therapist said, I'm not what I do,
and I think I need to fire her now because
she doesn't know you're talking about and chat Chipeta was like, no,
you're not what you do, and so I was like
really exploring this idea of like who am I Then,
(35:07):
so out of frustration, I said to chattchipet, if you
think that I am someone without referencing all the things
I do, I want you to tell me who I
am and do not use a single accolade or a
single accomplishment. And then it did, Actually it did, and
(35:29):
that moment I sobbed, and it rocked my world because
it said, based on the conversations we've had, you're a
great friend. You had this with a friend and you
wanted to help them. You're a great dog mom, You're
so dedicated to growth, you asked me for journal prompts
all the time. And it described me in this way
that I've never been described as before. That moment got
(35:50):
me wide open because fince that moment, I was what
I've been sleeping on all of these facets of who
I am because I've been so fixated on the accomplishments.
But like, a really great accomplishment is also the fact
that you're a great friend, Lily, You're a great daughter.
You surprise people, you go above and beyond for them,
You make people feel safe, and you make them feel
comfortable opening up to you. Like, those are really great
(36:12):
accomplishments that you'll never get into work for you know,
no one will never introduce you like that when you
walk into a stage, but that really matters. And so
just learning why actually I'm in a different way has
been really really honestly terrifying and liberating and exciting at
the same time.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
That's beautiful though, and I do think it's important, and
I think people need to think about that more often
because we do tie our like so much of our
self worth. And how many likes did this post get? Oh,
it's not hitting what it's like, it's all the wrong things,
and we have to get back to those roots of
(36:49):
who we are outside of all this noise and all
this bullshit and so superficial, but like, at our core,
who are we as beans? And that is exactly it, because.
Speaker 3 (36:59):
It Also, that's how you show up. Now, how many
people listening to this? I just want to just if
you're listening to this, just be real with me for
a second. In a relationship, when you love, your version
of loving is doing things for people. You're like, I
need to do this. I need to overextending to show
them what I can bring to the table. That is
a trauma response, Like it is a trauma response because
we believe love has to be earned because we've been earning.
(37:22):
Let me blow your mind and tell you don't have
to earn love and care. Every human being deserves love
and care, but we've been conditioned to feel that we
need to earn it. When a new baby is born,
that baby has done nothing, but you love that baby,
right and you want to take care of that baby.
So when did you want to learn that?
Speaker 1 (37:38):
This is why you're a New York Times bestseller? I
think I don't know, but you should be writing more.
Speaker 3 (37:45):
Probably a nerd. I'm also obsessed with self growth a
nerd and being a student for life. So I'm really nerds.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
But it's beautiful and it's real, and it's just it's
like we don't talk about it enough, Like we sit
in an interview and people want to ask the dumbest
fucking questions that no one cares about, Like.
Speaker 3 (37:59):
Ken, Yeah, I'm like, what's your trauma? Like I want
to get into some ship immediately all the time.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
I'm obsessed with you. But like, on a plane, are
you that person? Because I need to know right now
when you set, Like if I'm sitting.
Speaker 3 (38:14):
Next to you talk to someone on a plane.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
Are you putting are you putting those headphones on? Like
the Knight's put in your hood.
Speaker 3 (38:22):
Were sitting by my fire pit, the vibes are vibing,
We're gonna get into some shit on a plane though
I'm trying to sleep. I'm the headphones.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
Okay, Okay, thank god, because that's where I that's the
only place I draw the line.
Speaker 2 (38:31):
People always starting to talk to I'm like, headphones.
Speaker 3 (38:34):
Uber settings, no conversation, those turn off. Those are my
turn off times I'm obsessed with you.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
Okay, let's pivot.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
That's actually that's I thank you for that. I think
that's beautifully said, and I think more people need to
have real, open, honest we're all communication like that instead
of superficial bullshit that's doesn't go anywhere, and no one
really cares.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
But I do want to.
Speaker 1 (39:01):
Talk about your work because you are such a you're
creative lily, and you do a really fucking good.
Speaker 2 (39:06):
Job at all the things.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
I mean, if anyone fall, I mean, if anyone everyone
follows you. You're always on a fucking plane, You're always working.
But I'm like, girl, do you come up for air?
You need to be coming up for air?
Speaker 3 (39:18):
I do, okay, gouds, I just don't always show it
if I'm not all right.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
Well, the last few minutes, I do want to talk
about this project that's coming out, and uh it's it's
a film called Doing It, And I would love for
you to tell us a little bit about the movie
and what's the story behind it, and yeah, give the
audience and the viewers something to be excited to tune
into in September totally.
Speaker 3 (39:44):
So if you're listening to this, maybe you're from a
different culture that I am. Maybe there you'll find similarities.
Though sex is very taboo in South Asian culture, it's
happening a lot of cultures, almost every culture, I would say,
especially for a woman. So I was like, why don't
I just make the raunchiest sex comedy with the South
Asian lens, because you know, I like to go against
(40:05):
the grain and I like to stir some stuff up,
and so doing it is a raunchy sex comedy. I
erode it, produced it and starring it, and wow, it
is a What it's about is a thirty year old
virgin finds herself teaching sex at high school. And so
it's a commentary on sex education and how it's still
so whack and a lot of schools don't support and
(40:26):
a lot of parents don't want it. It's a commentary
on how shame is so used against women and how
so many women, even older women, don't know about pleasure,
don't know about their bodies. We're never taught about their bodies.
We're never taught they can enjoy sex. We're never taught
about different types of sex and sex. And we're not
talking about taught about queerness. Everyone looks it feels the
same way, and so it's really just me kind of
(40:49):
reclaiming my sexual journey. I had a very sexual journey.
I think if I had this movie growing up, I
would have been on a lot better shape. I would
have loved myself more. I would have known my body
more and so it's just a very real and I
will also say it's very female forward, which is very real.
I love that Love and the Virgin is not the
butt of the joke. She is not. It is not
(41:11):
that movie. It is about a woman on a journey
to unlearned shame reclaim her sexual life. And I just
feel like, listen, it's don't get me wrong, I'm terrified
my parents have not seen it. I'm still an Indian girl. This.
At the end of the day, my aunties and uncles
are gonna be pissed like I'd be doing some ash and.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Oh, I can't wait to watch this. I can't wait
to watch because I'm.
Speaker 3 (41:31):
Also actually and I'm strained in the movie. Did you
know this?
Speaker 2 (41:35):
I'm sorry plot twist, No, I did not know this.
Speaker 3 (41:39):
Avoid being like, oh yeah, so it's yeah, it's an adventure.
It's an adventure, sure, but it comes up to Pember
nineteenth and I'm just gonna keep it real because I
feel like you're really real and I feel like your
listeners are also gonna be really real. So I'm gonna
say this how it needs to be said. This movie
was hard as hell to make. It was an independent
independent film. It's seven years. The second my face was
(42:02):
attached to this film, every executive in Hollywood called it niche.
It's too niche now because it has me in it.
So I'm going to say that any support that people
show this film, it will not be wasted. This is
not a big budget Hollywood movie. This is a small
independent movie that I have given my sanity, blood, sweat
and tears too. So if you have any capacity to
support on September nineteenth, please do because it's it's been
(42:26):
a lab.
Speaker 1 (42:27):
And everyone go out and where can everyone get this
in the nine theaters?
Speaker 3 (42:34):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (42:35):
Okay, well, okay, girls, I see you. Everyone go check
it out.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
And uh, you know what you're You are exactly what
I thought you would be, you know. I I yeah,
but like I've heard so many endearing, sweet things about you,
and truthfully, and I don't like I I I like
wait to meet people and really sit with people and
(43:01):
hear people for who they are. You know, and you're
a beautiful person.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
I appreciate you taking the time.
Speaker 3 (43:06):
Thank you, and also thank you for like a dope
conversation that was of course it does it feels like
just people connecting.
Speaker 1 (43:13):
I appreciate that, and that's what it's about. We're here
to bridge the gap between you know, the sport, the entertainment,
the you know, be an actual human Imagine that. Wow,
we're actually human beings who have real feelings and being
able to share that through storytelling is so beautiful. So Lily,
thank you so much for taking the time today lifting girls.
(43:34):
Cheers to the next time I'm in LA with you,
because I think we're just like right around the corner
from each other.
Speaker 3 (43:40):
So let's hang out and listen.
Speaker 1 (43:43):
For those of you who don't know, Lily throws the
most banana party of the fucking decade, even though it's yearly.
Am I getting an invite?
Speaker 3 (43:54):
That's the question? Absolutely? Okay, all right, cheers to that.
I'm going to see when it rock an Indian outfit
because you'd actually like amazing and one I'm saying, like
I wear the Dude ones or Therodyns one sometimes. Yeah,
we need to talk about this.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
Because can you dress me?
Speaker 3 (44:09):
Can you dress me? Yes? Okay?
Speaker 1 (44:11):
Well, my fortieth birthday is October nineteenth, Okay, so it
feels like a very it's it feels like a very
big month that we're going to be celebrating noted so
I can't wait, So everyone please go check out Lily's
new movie coming out Doing It and thank you so
much for being here. Thanks everyone for tuning in on
(44:31):
another episode of Wide Open with Ashland Harris and we'll
see you next week. Wide Open with Ashland Harris is
an iHeart women's sports production. You can find us on
the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
(44:55):
Our producers are Carmen Borca Coreo, Emily Marinov, and Lucy Jones.
Production assistants from Malia Aguidello. Our executive producers are Jesse Katz,
Jenny Kaplan and Emily Rudder. Our editors are Jenny Kaplan
and Emily Rudder and I'm your host, Ashlyn Harris
Hi everyone, and welcome back to another episode of Wide
Open with Ashland Harris. Today, I'm sitting down with someone
who has redefined what it means to take up space,
Lily saying, welcome to.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
The show.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
To talk to you.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Yes, I mean, if you don't know who Lily is,
let me explain. You started your career you as a
YouTuber and you blew it out of the water. Let's
just say you're one of the ogs, is what I
like to say.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Not only that you became a late.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Night TV show host, one of one, you're acting, you're producing,
you're directing, and you have an upcoming film doing it. Lily,
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 3 (00:54):
Thank you so much. You wake me up. Let's go.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
You know what, cheers to that.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Here we are. We are really just cheers to the queers.
I'm having a beer because I can and I'm of age.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
So and you can do whatever you want.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Maybe I can do whatever the fuck I want.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
And here we are.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Well, thanks for coming on. I am so obsessed with you.
We've been I guess what do you call that these days?
Internet friends?
Speaker 3 (01:18):
Internet always We've met once, we've been Internet friends, but
I've been dying to get to know you better because
I feel like we're.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Your hype on the sidelines of every sports game, whether
it's soccer, basketball, or anything in between, is one of one.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
I mean, the energy is electric.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
That means a lot to me. I do really ride
myself in my energy and my book to hype people up.
I feel like you're a really good cheerleader.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
And hello, you are now in the ownership group of
the new Toronto w NBA team.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
Yes, Toronto time but which is a dream for me.
So I, as you know, part owner of Angel City,
which is the LA women's soccer team. Love, but I'm
from Toronto originally Toronto. I'm writer by Toronto and this
is Canada's first of your vay team, you know as
the on We have one NBA team as well. So
if I wasn't a part of this, I would be devasting.
(02:14):
Oh my god. Yes, I'm a part owner of the
Toronto Tempo and my official title is the Chief Hype Officer.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Yeah, where's the sign? Where's the sign in the back
of your office? I need it?
Speaker 3 (02:24):
No, what I actually do have when it's over there somewhere,
I will this My new gallery wall has oh right there,
that's a little she making money moves.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Honey, No, come on, we love a gallery wall. I
mean you're in good company. Serena Williams, Hello.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
I know. I mean those love play sports. Just associate
with sports. That's what I do.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Well, be easy. I see you working out on that Instagram.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
I see you hitting the way sinking.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
I pay attention. Okay, if you're a hype woman too, No,
I'm sure I.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Work out a little something. So I don't want to
be able to like lift a girl. You know, That's
what I'm saying. So I literally work out so I
can lift a girl.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Can Can you put that on my my grave?
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Please?
Speaker 3 (03:11):
When I'm gone.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
That's all I want. I work out to lift the girl.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
That's it. Hell no physical, but not literally. I just
want to lift a girl.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
I love your energy like it's it's so good.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
So tell me Lily.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
For people who don't know you, you grew up, You're from Canada.
I think that is what nowadays in this political climate,
we call the golden ticket.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
I'd love one too.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
You should all line up to marry outside my house
every day. There should be a line of people. You know.
When I first moved to la in twenty fifteen, a
really hard time about being Canadian, made fun of a lot,
and now I'm like, you can single file line up
outside my house to marry me, to try to become
a Canadian citizen. Yes. I was born in Toronto, Canada
(03:54):
to amazing parents are Indian immigrants, and somehow, some way,
in the end of my university career, I decided to
upload a YouTube video. You know, growing up I always
wanted to entertain I was like in the middle of
the dance circle. I loved watching movies and TV shows.
I just loved entertainment. Never thought I could actually do
because you're going out growing up in a small town.
(04:14):
You're like, how am I gonna do this? No casting
directors here, I don't know anything about this. Discovered YouTube
in twenty ten, uploaded a YouTube video, thought nothing of it.
Seventy people watched it, and I was like, I don't
know seventy people, so clearly this is working and it
snowballed into this career that I was not at all
prepared for. And how did that shape you? Because you
were pretty.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Young, right, So, like you say, you always wanted to
be in entertainment, Like was that the hot did you
want to be in like Hollywood, did you want to
be on TV or just anything entertainment? You wanted to
grab people's attention, make them laugh, and slowly you started
realizing you can make a career out of this, or
like where was the shift?
Speaker 3 (04:53):
No, I think I had the dream of being entertainment,
but I never felt realistic, like I have a degree
in psychology. I was very ready to live this very
in your life that everyone had set out for me.
I didn't actually think I could get into entertainment. And
then when I started making YouTube douse, the shift came
in the lack of gatekeepers around YouTube and I could
talk about whatever I want to talk about. That for
the first time, I felt liberated to like make the
(05:15):
things I thought were funnier, like have the discussions I
thought were really important that I wasn't seeing on TV,
especially from people that looked like me. And so the
shift came from like this liberating like I can do
whatever I want and talk about whatever I want and
people are actually gravitating towards it, which is really cool.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
I love that, And like who was Lily as a kid?
Like like how did you move? How'd you take up space?
Because you are such a beautiful personality and so well
rounded because you don't take yourself so serious, like I
feel like the entertainment where all people are like and
you kind of like poke holes at it a little bit,
which makes me laugh.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
Yeah. I literally posted on my story this morning that
I literally got full glammed to do this virtual interview,
and I was like, zoom, Literally there's probably accult record.
Use why did I pay and hundreds of dollars? Why
Because I'm a fool, Because this industry is foolish, because
it really is. Anyways, all this is thing. Yes, I don't.
I try not to take it all too seriously, mostly
because you'll go crazy. You'll go insane. If you take
(06:11):
it too seriously, you'll go insane. Well who was I
as a kid? Well, I'm gonna answer this question, and
then as soon as I'm done answering, you're gonna be like,
and you didn't know you were a gay? Telling you're
thirty and trust me, I know I was a huge
comboy growing up, always every opportunity going against the grain,
Like didn't want to wear the clothes people wanted me
to wear, didn't want to do the degree people wanted
(06:33):
me to do, didn't have the career people wanted me
to have, don't have the sexuality I've won't expected me
to have, Just constantly challenging and going against the grain.
Like I want to paint my room red. My mom says,
you can't page your room red. Now it's my mission
to paint my room red. Like I was just that
kid through and through, like very opinionated, wanted things to
be the way she wanted them to be. And that's
(06:55):
kind of still how I am, to be honest.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
And you, I mean, I didn't know you as a kid,
but like it seems like you haven't changed a bit,
and I love that about you because you're just real.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
Really yeah, but real and raw.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
But do you think that's the difference between growing up
through social media and just sharing who you are, no
strings attached, kind of like take it or leave it,
subscribe or unsubscribe, and really growing up in the La
Hollywood industry. I think that really there is a big
difference there because that's maybe the reason why you can
(07:29):
poke fun a little bit of like the entertainment space
and you know the bullshit that kind of comes with it.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
It's a little bit of a.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Circus if you've ever been a part of it.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
I don't know how I'll do it, but I see
a little bit of it now and I'm like, Hello,
I'm fascinated.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
By people that were born and raised now because I
always think that I'm like, you were really raised in
this environment where things that I think are so extraordinary
you think are so normal. I think growing up in
Toronto really has helped me come at it from a
point of view that's like, you know, La is a bubble.
It's I don't get a wrong. I actually love LA.
I think it's like my second home, and I really
really love the people here. But it is a bubble
(08:07):
and it is important to leave every once in a
while because when you leave LA and I go back
home to my hometown of Toronto, when I talk to
my friends and I say things like Roku and Hulu
and ted Lasso, They're like, I actually don't know what
you're talking about.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
No.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
I dressed up as Ted Lasso for Halloween three years
ago and none of my friends in Toronto knew who
it was. They're like, what are you talking about? They're like, what,
they don't have Hulu there, they don't. I'm like, you know,
the show directed by so and so, and they're like, literally, no, no,
what are you talking. So you realize that this is
not this is just a bubble that we live in,
and it's a lovely bubble, but it's important to leave
this bubble every people.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
I agree and with that, because you know, you did
bring a very beautiful diversity component to media, because like
I my first year i played what used to be
the WPS was in Western New York. So the only
place for us to go when you live like the
Rochester area, Buffalo area.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
Was Toronto.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
But what I knew about Toronto at a very very
early age is it's beautifully diverse and the food is
fucking phenomenal, Oh my.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
God, everything.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
And I don't necessarily think probably when you were doing,
like you know, your roots in YouTube, that media was
very diverse. You kind of blew that door wide open.
You were the first for a lot of things. Did
you realize when you were doing that at that age
the significance and the impact you were having on the
(09:39):
platform in the landscape of media and diversity or No,
So in.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
The moment when I was doing it, of course, I
used to it comments that were like, oh my god,
I've never seen someone that looks like you're talking about this.
I feel so seen and so I think to a degree,
but not really. I think recently it has become a
parent to me, you know, not really lovely things happened,
which is that my fans are kind of grown up
with me. I started making you twoas in twenty ten
and for that entire you know, for the five six
(10:06):
years following up until like, I don't know, probably even
just two years ago, when people approach me on the
streets and be like, oh my god, I love you.
Can I get a selfie? Can I get a selfie? Like?
I want you so lovely? And I love that interaction
to but the interaction's actually changed over the past two years.
When people approach me, they're very vocal about I just
want to let you know that I actually, like completely
changed my career path because I saw you do entertainment
(10:30):
or like I came out to my parents and I
never thought I would do that because you paved the
path for someone like me coming up. So I think
I've been really lucky and that people have shared these
really awesome, vulnerable stories and I can see now the
impact of like representation you know, representations become such a buzzword, yes,
but it's real, Like when you can see someone else
(10:50):
doing it, it makes it easier to have the conversation
with yourself. It makes it easier for you to have
conversation with your parents, with your community, to be like, look,
there is a little bit of a road. Now, we've
seen it happen now, and so I didn't realize it
completely then, but I'm so grateful that I get to
realize it now. And I really don't take that lightly.
I won't lie. You mentioned that I've been the first
at a lot of things, and I know when I say
(11:12):
that people like, that's so awesome, that's so cool. It
is it's also really hard and scary. It's really carrying
a lot of a burden that you're not prepared and
you don't know how to carry it. But I'm happy
I've done it because I think a lot of people
have been able to make more authentic choices because they
sell me authentic choices.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Yeah, And I think that's another segue into what I
think is so impressive about Lily, is like, you've really
re defined yourself over and over and over, and you've
done it so honestly and openly. Do you feel as
you've grown with your audience and you've grown up, you know,
(11:51):
really in people's homes, like people feel like they know
you through what you've created through your content.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Is there ever.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
A time when you're like, man, I just wish that
was different, or I wish I could have maybe taken
that back, or maybe that's too much. And I want
to be like sacred with this type of privacy because
I know you came out was it Twitter. I think
there's a lot there of openness that people are so
(12:21):
scared to do. But I'm curious, as you've lived it
and you've reinvented yourself over and over and over, was
there ever times when you were like, man, I just
shouldn't have done that, or ah, that might have been
too much?
Speaker 3 (12:35):
Totally? Yes, absolutely. I mean I am a pretty open person.
I've always been really open about mental health while things
I'm going through in my life. But I do also
think timing is important and if I could go back,
though I don't hella believe in regrets, if I could,
I could just would tweak a little tweak on something,
it would definitely be around late night, you know, late
night was. There was so many eyeballs on me. I'm
(12:56):
such an historic thing. I chose to come out before
my late night show, and at that time, I know
what I was thinking. I had just come out to myself.
It was like a truth I was going through. These
two things coincided in terms of time in a very
complex way, and I was like, oh, it wouldn't be
so lovely during the show. I could be my most
authentic self and I could like talk about this openly.
(13:19):
I don't know if that was the most mentally healthy
thing to do, because what had happened was everyone just
tied my sexuality to that show, and people were not
people to watch the show without commenting on my sexuality,
and so they became like synonymous with each other in
a way that was real, really tough, because the late
night show was already really hard to do. Ninety six
episodes in three months is already really hard to do.
It's already really tough. To throw in a huge personal
(13:42):
monkey wrench is probably not the best thing to have done.
I could have probably just like dealt with Late Night
and dealt with that separately. I don't again, I don't
fault myself for doing that I know, I felt compelled
to do it because it felt stressful to have it
within me. And if I could go back and probably
probably tweaked that a little bit, you know, just because
I just feel like when I did my monologues, I
remember like, because before the late night show, people would
(14:03):
say things to me like all the Indians are counting
on you, all the queers are counting on you, all
the women are counting on you. I'm like, there's a
lot of people that are counting on me. And so
I would feel stressing, you know. I would do the
monologues and I would get comments from people that were like,
we get it, you're queer, we get it, Like stop
talking about being bisexual, and people would be jabbing holes
in me. And I remember there was one day that
I went back into my green room and I literally
(14:25):
made a list being like how many times should I
mention being a woman? How many times should I not
mention being queer? Like it was getting crazy. This is bad,
this is in a bad, not healthy situation right now.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Well, it also is hard. And I think this is
the thing that most people don't realize. And when I
say this, I want to be very clear and specific
in terms of the divide. There are people who grow
up in Hollywood who can act out other characters. There
are people in Hollywood who have openly acted out their
lives on the screen like YouTube or social media or.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Whatever they came.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
It opens a massive floodgate for a lot of judgment,
And there's a big difference there. What do you have
like over twelve twelve million people viewing your content all
the time? Like that opens so many doors of hate judgment,
And it's so brave just to say I'm just going
(15:22):
to be me, even though I'm going to take so
much scrutiny and whatever comes with that wave of social
hate and keyboard warriors. And I do think there is
a big difference. And I know now you're, you know,
really in the entertainment space of acting and producing and
developing a lot of stuff, which you've always been a
(15:44):
creative and clearly very good at it. Do you feel
like one is harder than the other or one has
really been a little more difficult for you because you
have given so much, so many people access to who you.
Has that been hard on partners? Has that been hard
on your family? Like I'm just curious because I don't
(16:06):
I've never had that type of weight on my back
or following, but I can imagine it's a lot to carry.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
Yeah, and I think you really hit the nail on
the head with that. There is a safety, definitely that
because I've been able to do both. I've been able
to go on set and play a character. But there
is safety behind dialogue, yes, and someone else writing those
words and being on set and getting to do things
over multiple times, you know what I mean? Yeah, there
is no safety really, and being live, we're talking from
(16:35):
your point of view, We're talking about your life experience.
There is no dialogue, there's no script there. And so
I do think that they're liberating in different ways, and
I think that they are beautiful in different ways that
I love both equally, but definitely, when I'm on set
as a character, I don't feel the level of anxiety
I feel when I do something live or as myself,
because I'm like, that's the character. Whatever you're saying is
about the character. That's not not me. If you hate
(16:59):
that character, that makes me a good actress. Actually, you
know what I mean. If you hate, really you're commenting
on me who I am. It's very, very different, and
so yeah, of course I And you know, I'm a
pretty open person and a lot of parts of my
life are public. I've also made very active efforts to
make certain things private. So I've never had a public relationship.
I have not been public about like some intimate family
(17:20):
stuff because that's not my story to tell, and I
still want to be a full human. I'm so open
with things like mental health and what I think will
help people, but it has been a constant chance of
like is this something I'm going to share with everyone
or is there not anything? Will be surprised to learn
that I do actually have a lot of private elements
in my life. I've been I'm really proud.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
Of the fact that I have that, and talk to
me about that, because I do think we live in
a really hard world where we want to share ourselves
and our story and we want to connect with people,
because we live in a really fragmented world where you know,
this has become life and social media has become life.
(17:58):
How do you protect your backsies? Like what are your
what is your safety net? Like? Where do you draw
the line as someone who's been so open and vulnerable
where you're not willing to uh really dive into that
because you are open about mental health, and I know
a lot of young people in this especially our queer community,
(18:21):
are just being targeted relentlessly right now. And I'm curious,
for someone who's really lived out loud on a lot
of these platforms, what advice could you share with a
lot of our younger queer kids who might be struggling
with the way people are showing up and hating on them.
(18:42):
Because I'm sure as long as you've been in this space,
you've probably dealt with it all.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
Oh, I have definitely don't at all. Well, there's a
few questions there. One is about boundaries. I have a
lot of I'm a nerdy person. I like do a
lot of mental health practices. I have a lot of
virtuals in my life. I do a lot of things.
That always said that my job is ten percent entertainment
and ninety percent mental. I really do believe that, like
(19:09):
big part of my job is making sure I'm good
up here so I can be good up here. And so,
like avid avid believer in therapy, I consistently go to
therapy a journal almost every single day. I have like
a nightly routine that is full of self compassions, well,
I have a lot of practice in my life. I'll
give you an example, which is this show right here.
When I was part of the Muppets Mayhem. You know,
(19:29):
the Muppets has a really intense fan base, and when
I was announced, there was a lot of feelings about
someone that looks like me being in part of the Muppets,
and I remember that being really devastating. I talked to
my therapist about and I was like, this show was
not even out yet. I don't even know how to
deal with this. One of the things I did around
the Muppets that I actually have kept true to me
through all my projects is when a project comes out,
(19:50):
I have a rule that I tell my team which
is for at least five days, I don't want to
hear a single review, a single article. I don't want
I actually delete social media off my phone. I actually
want to take those five days to celebrate this thing
without any other noise, because I think timing is really important.
You know, when you're already in a vulnerable state, it's
almost self harm for you to then go seek out
(20:12):
people and things that are gonna make you distraw. Same
thing with coming out, same things like if you're going
through a sensor like, don't go seek out in that moment.
Give yourself the five days to be like, yeah, let
me process this is myself, let me celebrate, this is myself.
When me live this is myself, and you become much
more resilient to taking in that noise. After about five days,
I would say, And so I I also delete Instagram.
(20:34):
I don't have tik talk on my phone. I haven't
had it for years. Instagram, I like, I delete it
all the time. If I find myself like I'm out
with friends and I find myself scrolling and out being present,
I just delete. Yeah, Like you're gone for the day,
I'm gonna just delete you for the next two days.
I really it. It's not permanent on your phone, y'all.
You can read download at any time, but just it's
the second you get into the muscle memory of like,
(20:55):
oh I'm feel how did I even I want to
go check the weather? How am I on Instagram? Right now?
It's just a rabbit hole. Another trick you can do.
Now we're getting really nerdy. You're going to see how
type I am move where it is on the home screen,
because really, it's just your muscle memory. Going and clicking
and you don't even realize and to secalizing it. Wait,
what's happening? Just getting yourself out of that rhythm again.
(21:18):
That's so true.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
I think I need to try this a little bit.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
I need to be better at it.
Speaker 3 (21:24):
I think we.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Probably all do, truthfully. I'm like, it is such, it's
a formative habit. Habit for me, I'll just pick the
phone up and start scrolling, and I'm like, I.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
Think I was just supposed to text a.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Friend and now I'm knee deep and an hour just
of my life.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
Was just rated. It's just a habit muscle. Sure, stay tuned.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
I'll be back in just a moment after this brief
message from our sponsors.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
I think often we're not.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
Thinking for ourselves anymore. We have people like projecting and
giving us advice or like, you know, you really inherit
like other people's opinions of you, and we absorb it
so quickly because now there's so many ways to see
how people see you and how you receive that. And
(22:14):
I do think it's really important that we don't have
safe enough boundaries anymore to really think for ourself.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
Like everyone now is like chat, GBT and it's it's.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
Just like we're always looking for this outer layer of
acceptance and we don't trust ourselves anymore.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
We don't go within.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
And I love when you talk about meditation and journaling.
Speaker 3 (22:36):
I just think we've.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
Really got away with a lot of practices that cleanse
our soul, cleanse our mind, and truthfully, you're right. Like
I say this in sport too, everyone's good at the top.
The thing that separates you because ten percent is really athletic,
it's a gift, it's performative. It's your performance and your
(22:58):
technical ability.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
It will get you so far.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
But you're the mental aspect, like it's everything, because if
you're not good, your performance isn't good. That means you're
not showing up for your team. You're not like it
just becomes a absolute nightmare.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
I'll leave not often say because something you said it
reminded me of something you know. Yet a few days ago,
I had like a really intense day. I had three
auditions and I had like a bunch of priz and
I was like, ooh, this is a day. And after
it was done, I felt really good about I think
I really showed up and I'm proud of the work.
I did today, But it's not because I thought I
was a good actress at the auditions and I was
(23:34):
talking to a friend about an actor. I'm like, if
I do an audition, ten percent of that audition is
me being prepared and me executing the lines and acting.
The reason I actually am good with this day is
because mentally this audition what it means to me, that's
where the work is. That's where the work went into it.
It's the It's not tied to my worth. This is
not the make or break of me. I will not
(23:55):
view this as the make or break of me. I
will not let this dictate the rest of my day.
I will not let this impact how I treat the
other people in my life. This is not going to
be final. That ninety percent is what makes me show
up to that audition better than I could show up
if I didn't have that nine percent. So when you
walk into an audition and you're like, I have to
get this or I'm a piece of crap. If I
don't get this, I'm a piece of shit. I'm bad,
(24:16):
I'm not talented. No one's gonna like me. You're not
gonna show up the best version of yourself so all
that other stuff is what makes me a better actress. Actually, great, Chiney.
I love that to me, learning the lines into executing.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
It's so so true, and it's so important to make
sure people who are listening know that because I think
we do really live in a culture that, especially Western culture,
is so cut through throat, and everyone's willing to just
shit on anyone at any given moment. Like there used
to be like a softer, like landing spot of how
(24:50):
you presented information to people, especially like as an athlete,
it was like the criticism was productive criticism. Now in
this land escape, it's like, let's shit and bury everyone,
cancel culture.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
We hate like this.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
I'm like, it's love to grow.
Speaker 3 (25:07):
No one's to make the mistakes they are in this moment.
They can't evolve beyond this moment.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
I'm like, i mean, God, bless all these content creators,
because lately I'm like, I don't know if I want
to share anything because people are just ready to chomp
and eat and spit you out. And I'm like, it's
a cruel world out there, and I've got a little
sensitive heart a lot.
Speaker 3 (25:26):
From Actually, here's the younger generation of women are really
inspiring to me actually because I, through an abundance of therapy,
have learned as much as I am outspoken, and I
like to stand it for myself. I am a people pleaser.
I've been raised to be a people pleaser. I'm unlearning
it now, but through a lot of my life it
(25:47):
was like, let me not ruffle the feathers, let me
not disagree, like let me just do go out of
my way over extend always. There is two people I'm
gonna tell you, actually can't tell you three. There'll be three,
so tell it. Tell me every Imman Vallani, who plays
Miss Marvel, did an interview, came out and it rocked
my world. And we grew up in the same town,
(26:07):
were from the same place, so we have a lot
of similarities. It was an interview and the reporter was
being a little bit of a jerk and she said,
you know, the box office has been rough for the Marvels, Like,
what do you think about that? And Iman literally looked
at him and said, that's for Bob Eiger, that's not
for me. And I was like, you can do that,
you because she's just like I'm here to act. The
box office is not about me. That's not my responsibility.
(26:30):
Me never would never have thought like that. I'd been like, yeah,
it's my fault. I gotta do.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Better, totally take it off the chin.
Speaker 3 (26:37):
Yeah it's me. Second, queen. I'm gonna give a shout
out to Jenna Ortega. There is a video that literally
made me emotional when I saw it online. It is
a video when they're promoting promoting Beetle Juice Beetle Juice,
where their Winona Ryder and Jenna or Tak are walking
towards press. Anda's wearing sunglasses and the press keeps yelling,
take off her glasses, take off your glasses, and you
(26:58):
can tell she doesn't want to. They keep all the
ad her take off her glasses, and she's about to
go take off her glasses and Jenna just looks at
her and you you just see your mouth that you
can't hear. It just goes, no, you don't have to,
and then she doesn't and there's no. She just said
it so calmly, like it was so so normal for
Jena to take and just go, you don't have to
do that. Me. I want to take the glasses, said
(27:22):
those glasses on fire. I would be like, what else
do you want to do? Tell me how can I
make you happy? Pressed? What do you want? You know
what I mean? Like Blue my mine and the third
que too. And there's not even a specific example. It's
just everything she does. Renee Wrap needs to never go
to media training. She needs to never get pr trained.
(27:43):
She and every interview is just like I'm gonna say
exactly what I want to say, and it might be
it might be problematic, and it might not be. This
is who I am, this is what you're gonna get,
and I just respect it so much and I'm so
envious of it because that's how I'm trying to be.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
I agree, I say that, but then I float right
back into It's like Sophia always says this, like I'm
like a little cinnamon roll, but like I look the
way I look.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
I have all this jewelry and all these tattoos.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
By in the same way, I'm like, I want to
please everything and everyone, and I don't want to ruffle feathers.
I hate like anything that's like confrontational or contentional, Like
I just don't like it.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
I've gotten a little better at confrontation, but I'm still
a people pleaser. I feel it all the time. If
I set a boundary of any type, my brain is losing.
I'm losing my mind. I'm like, how do you sept
this boundary? They're gona think your mean? They're gonnaink you're mean.
You need to be nice, you need to make them
like you. That's still going in there. But I think
what all three of these women have in common is
they're like, it's not on me to make you like me. No,
(28:40):
that's what I want to do, you know what I'm saying.
So I really learned something from these younger the younger girls,
that's been awesome.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
It's it's so lovely that this younger generation. I don't
say this lightly, they have access to so much representation,
and especially because we're part of the queer community, and
it is so important, and it's so especially for safety,
for people feeling like their life is worth living. The
(29:06):
impact you've made on your community, for young people who
look like you is so beautiful and so impactful. Do
you carry that weight and that responsibility lightly when you
show up in this space and this new woman of
who you are and claiming your sexual identity and all
these things, do you ever feel the weight of what
(29:29):
you have to carry because of the way you look,
or are you gladly carrying that badge of honor knowing
when you were a young girl you didn't have that
and you didn't get to see people like you move
the way you do.
Speaker 3 (29:42):
Yeah, that's a really great question, and I'm going to
try my very best. You gati a very honest answer,
which is I'm on from one to the other. So
I think when I first came out, and when I
first started making YouTube videos, I was carrying it with
a badge of honor. Like I know, there's not many
other people that look like me that are queer. I
know there's not many other things you can watch with
someone that looks like me. I'm carrying with the badge
of honor. I love my culture till this day. I
(30:04):
love my culture. And I used to carry I used
to carry and carrying Late Night show. Great, I got
to do this, a short historic thing. I'm carrying with
the badge of honor. Yes, I'm the first. Yes, I
did it. Yes, Indian queer byself. Of all these yes,
it says yes. However, now I think you're right, we
are in a place where there is more diverse. I mean,
there's still a lot of work to be done. Don't
get me wrong, I'm happy that there's more instances of
(30:25):
diversity and even take away everything if I if I
just take away every other person's expectations and take away
the industry for myself, I have kind of grown tired
now of carrying that way. It's and it's exhausting, and
I've done it for a decade, and now when I
(30:46):
do things or say things, I don't want it to
be the South Asian woman, the queer one that says it.
It's just Lily. It's just Lily that's freeing it. And
so I'm kind of trying to unsubscribe from this idea
of taking on that burden because I'm during late night
and I've talked about this in therapy a lot. Which
was when those people came up to me and said
those things like a million people are counting on you,
(31:06):
and a billion Indians are counting on you, and all
the queers are counting on you. I was like, yep, cool,
totally makes sense. Now I need to figure out how
to make them all proud. Not even for a second
did I not take on that burden. I didn't even
know that was an option. I just was like, open
to your burden, place it on me. And now I'm
in my era of actually, no, I don't receive that.
I don't have to make a billion people proud. I
(31:29):
don't represent all billion Indians out there. I don't represent
all women. I am just me and I'm representing my
life experience. So I think it was necessary when I
first started to carry that burden, and I'm sure to
some degree I still will carry, but I'm trying to
actively get better at not that's not mine to care
anymore because I'm a human and that's too much for
(31:50):
one human to carry.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Yeah, And I think received and noted, and I think
that you're humanizing what you have to care and the
volume you have to carry through the creative work you've
been doing for over a decade. And it's both and yes,
and and all of the things in between. This is
(32:15):
wide open, and I'm your host, Ashlyn Harris. Thanks for listening.
Speaker 3 (32:18):
We'll be right back.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
I asked this question to every person on the podcast.
You know, sports contexts wide open, wide open. But I
do feel that in our industry we are so much
more than what we do. Like even though at the
core of your start and you know your fame, you
(32:43):
or YouTuber, and it has opened so many beautiful doors
for you to live. This beautiful life also comes with
a lot of things people don't understand unless they've lived it.
But I always ask this, what moment in your life
has really split you wide open, that really has changed
the landscape of everything, that made you take a pause
(33:05):
and sit back and really zoom out and be like,
nothing will ever be the same after this. What was
that moment for you?
Speaker 3 (33:13):
That's a really good question, and I think it's gonna
have My answer is going to relate to something you
just said. But you also might low key drag me
because I am gonna mention chat gibto space, say space,
Honny cool. So for a lot of my life, a
lot of my life, I'm thirty six, I would say
for them up until two years ago, for thirty four
(33:34):
years of my life. If you were to ask me
who I am to describe myself, it would be a
very specific way I would do it. Oh, you know,
I claim up on YouTube I'm an actress, this many followers.
It's how people other people also describe me. And the
top of every you know, we're so used to describing
ourselves through what we do, like our accolades, what we
(33:54):
do for work, what we can offer, what we can give.
That's how I've justcribed. I never knew a different way.
My therapist would take a shot. Every time I say therapist,
everybody I reference my therapist a lot. I'm obsessed. There
you go saying. She tried to make me understand, she
said when she's like, you are not what you do,
(34:16):
And I fundamentally did not understand that. I like wasn't
even trying to stubborn, and I was like, what what
do you mean?
Speaker 1 (34:22):
Then?
Speaker 3 (34:22):
Who am I? She like, you are a whole, full
person that without all these things that you do. And
I left that therapy session being like the first time
mean my therapist disagreed because I don't know what the
hell she's talking about. I don't really Growing up, it
was like who I was was the person that got
good grades. That's how you got loved, Like you got
a good job, you did your chores like that. Who
am I outside of these things? And so then I
(34:45):
I do. I will say I do use chat GUPT
for certain things, and of all the things I've ever
used Chattopauty for I'm going to tell you one use
that has rocked my world, which I talked to Chattuoputine.
I was like, my therapist said, I'm not what I do,
and I think I need to fire her now because
she doesn't know you're talking about and chat Chipeta was like, no,
you're not what you do, and so I was like
really exploring this idea of like who am I Then,
(35:07):
so out of frustration, I said to chattchipet, if you
think that I am someone without referencing all the things
I do, I want you to tell me who I
am and do not use a single accolade or a
single accomplishment. And then it did, Actually it did, and
(35:29):
that moment I sobbed, and it rocked my world because
it said, based on the conversations we've had, you're a
great friend. You had this with a friend and you
wanted to help them. You're a great dog mom, You're
so dedicated to growth, you asked me for journal prompts
all the time. And it described me in this way
that I've never been described as before. That moment got
(35:50):
me wide open because fince that moment, I was what
I've been sleeping on all of these facets of who
I am because I've been so fixated on the accomplishments.
But like, a really great accomplishment is also the fact
that you're a great friend, Lily, You're a great daughter.
You surprise people, you go above and beyond for them,
You make people feel safe, and you make them feel
comfortable opening up to you. Like, those are really great
(36:12):
accomplishments that you'll never get into work for you know,
no one will never introduce you like that when you
walk into a stage, but that really matters. And so
just learning why actually I'm in a different way has
been really really honestly terrifying and liberating and exciting at
the same time.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
That's beautiful though, and I do think it's important, and
I think people need to think about that more often
because we do tie our like so much of our
self worth. And how many likes did this post get? Oh,
it's not hitting what it's like, it's all the wrong things,
and we have to get back to those roots of
(36:49):
who we are outside of all this noise and all
this bullshit and so superficial, but like, at our core,
who are we as beans? And that is exactly it, because.
Speaker 3 (36:59):
It Also, that's how you show up. Now, how many
people listening to this? I just want to just if
you're listening to this, just be real with me for
a second. In a relationship, when you love, your version
of loving is doing things for people. You're like, I
need to do this. I need to overextending to show
them what I can bring to the table. That is
a trauma response, Like it is a trauma response because
we believe love has to be earned because we've been earning.
(37:22):
Let me blow your mind and tell you don't have
to earn love and care. Every human being deserves love
and care, but we've been conditioned to feel that we
need to earn it. When a new baby is born,
that baby has done nothing, but you love that baby,
right and you want to take care of that baby.
So when did you want to learn that?
Speaker 1 (37:38):
This is why you're a New York Times bestseller? I
think I don't know, but you should be writing more.
Speaker 3 (37:45):
Probably a nerd. I'm also obsessed with self growth a
nerd and being a student for life. So I'm really nerds.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
But it's beautiful and it's real, and it's just it's
like we don't talk about it enough, Like we sit
in an interview and people want to ask the dumbest
fucking questions that no one cares about, Like.
Speaker 3 (37:59):
Ken, Yeah, I'm like, what's your trauma? Like I want
to get into some ship immediately all the time.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
I'm obsessed with you. But like, on a plane, are
you that person? Because I need to know right now
when you set, Like if I'm sitting.
Speaker 3 (38:14):
Next to you talk to someone on a plane.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
Are you putting are you putting those headphones on? Like
the Knight's put in your hood.
Speaker 3 (38:22):
Were sitting by my fire pit, the vibes are vibing,
We're gonna get into some shit on a plane though
I'm trying to sleep. I'm the headphones.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
Okay, Okay, thank god, because that's where I that's the
only place I draw the line.
Speaker 2 (38:31):
People always starting to talk to I'm like, headphones.
Speaker 3 (38:34):
Uber settings, no conversation, those turn off. Those are my
turn off times I'm obsessed with you.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
Okay, let's pivot.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
That's actually that's I thank you for that. I think
that's beautifully said, and I think more people need to
have real, open, honest we're all communication like that instead
of superficial bullshit that's doesn't go anywhere, and no one
really cares.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
But I do want to.
Speaker 1 (39:01):
Talk about your work because you are such a you're
creative lily, and you do a really fucking good.
Speaker 2 (39:06):
Job at all the things.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
I mean, if anyone fall, I mean, if anyone everyone
follows you. You're always on a fucking plane, You're always working.
But I'm like, girl, do you come up for air?
You need to be coming up for air?
Speaker 3 (39:18):
I do, okay, gouds, I just don't always show it
if I'm not all right.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
Well, the last few minutes, I do want to talk
about this project that's coming out, and uh it's it's
a film called Doing It, And I would love for
you to tell us a little bit about the movie
and what's the story behind it, and yeah, give the
audience and the viewers something to be excited to tune
into in September totally.
Speaker 3 (39:44):
So if you're listening to this, maybe you're from a
different culture that I am. Maybe there you'll find similarities.
Though sex is very taboo in South Asian culture, it's
happening a lot of cultures, almost every culture, I would say,
especially for a woman. So I was like, why don't
I just make the raunchiest sex comedy with the South
Asian lens, because you know, I like to go against
(40:05):
the grain and I like to stir some stuff up,
and so doing it is a raunchy sex comedy. I
erode it, produced it and starring it, and wow, it
is a What it's about is a thirty year old
virgin finds herself teaching sex at high school. And so
it's a commentary on sex education and how it's still
so whack and a lot of schools don't support and
(40:26):
a lot of parents don't want it. It's a commentary
on how shame is so used against women and how
so many women, even older women, don't know about pleasure,
don't know about their bodies. We're never taught about their bodies.
We're never taught they can enjoy sex. We're never taught
about different types of sex and sex. And we're not
talking about taught about queerness. Everyone looks it feels the
same way, and so it's really just me kind of
(40:49):
reclaiming my sexual journey. I had a very sexual journey.
I think if I had this movie growing up, I
would have been on a lot better shape. I would
have loved myself more. I would have known my body
more and so it's just a very real and I
will also say it's very female forward, which is very real.
I love that Love and the Virgin is not the
butt of the joke. She is not. It is not
(41:11):
that movie. It is about a woman on a journey
to unlearned shame reclaim her sexual life. And I just
feel like, listen, it's don't get me wrong, I'm terrified
my parents have not seen it. I'm still an Indian girl. This.
At the end of the day, my aunties and uncles
are gonna be pissed like I'd be doing some ash and.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Oh, I can't wait to watch this. I can't wait
to watch because I'm.
Speaker 3 (41:31):
Also actually and I'm strained in the movie. Did you
know this?
Speaker 2 (41:35):
I'm sorry plot twist, No, I did not know this.
Speaker 3 (41:39):
Avoid being like, oh yeah, so it's yeah, it's an adventure.
It's an adventure, sure, but it comes up to Pember
nineteenth and I'm just gonna keep it real because I
feel like you're really real and I feel like your
listeners are also gonna be really real. So I'm gonna
say this how it needs to be said. This movie
was hard as hell to make. It was an independent
independent film. It's seven years. The second my face was
(42:02):
attached to this film, every executive in Hollywood called it niche.
It's too niche now because it has me in it.
So I'm going to say that any support that people
show this film, it will not be wasted. This is
not a big budget Hollywood movie. This is a small
independent movie that I have given my sanity, blood, sweat
and tears too. So if you have any capacity to
support on September nineteenth, please do because it's it's been
(42:26):
a lab.
Speaker 1 (42:27):
And everyone go out and where can everyone get this
in the nine theaters?
Speaker 3 (42:34):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (42:35):
Okay, well, okay, girls, I see you. Everyone go check
it out.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
And uh, you know what you're You are exactly what
I thought you would be, you know. I I yeah,
but like I've heard so many endearing, sweet things about you,
and truthfully, and I don't like I I I like
wait to meet people and really sit with people and
(43:01):
hear people for who they are. You know, and you're
a beautiful person.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
I appreciate you taking the time.
Speaker 3 (43:06):
Thank you, and also thank you for like a dope
conversation that was of course it does it feels like
just people connecting.
Speaker 1 (43:13):
I appreciate that, and that's what it's about. We're here
to bridge the gap between you know, the sport, the entertainment,
the you know, be an actual human Imagine that. Wow,
we're actually human beings who have real feelings and being
able to share that through storytelling is so beautiful. So Lily,
thank you so much for taking the time today lifting girls.
(43:34):
Cheers to the next time I'm in LA with you,
because I think we're just like right around the corner
from each other.
Speaker 3 (43:40):
So let's hang out and listen.
Speaker 1 (43:43):
For those of you who don't know, Lily throws the
most banana party of the fucking decade, even though it's yearly.
Am I getting an invite?
Speaker 3 (43:54):
That's the question? Absolutely? Okay, all right, cheers to that.
I'm going to see when it rock an Indian outfit
because you'd actually like amazing and one I'm saying, like
I wear the Dude ones or Therodyns one sometimes. Yeah,
we need to talk about this.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
Because can you dress me?
Speaker 3 (44:09):
Can you dress me? Yes? Okay?
Speaker 1 (44:11):
Well, my fortieth birthday is October nineteenth, Okay, so it
feels like a very it's it feels like a very
big month that we're going to be celebrating noted so
I can't wait, So everyone please go check out Lily's
new movie coming out Doing It and thank you so
much for being here. Thanks everyone for tuning in on
(44:31):
another episode of Wide Open with Ashland Harris and we'll
see you next week. Wide Open with Ashland Harris is
an iHeart women's sports production. You can find us on
the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
(44:55):
Our producers are Carmen Borca Coreo, Emily Marinov, and Lucy Jones.
Production assistants from Malia Aguidello. Our executive producers are Jesse Katz,
Jenny Kaplan and Emily Rudder. Our editors are Jenny Kaplan
and Emily Rudder and I'm your host, Ashlyn Harris
Host
Ashlyn Harris
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