April 14, 2025 • 57 mins
Ashlyn sits down with actress Skye Marshall just in time for the finale of her Critics’ Choice-nominated turn in CBS’ “Matlock.” Skye gets candid, sharing the life experiences that built her career— from prom queen to boot camp, vision boards to farting crystals— and the constants we’ll carry with us forever: moms, dreams, and memories.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:08):
Welcome back, everybody to another episode of Wide Open with
Ashland Harris. I'm here today with our special guest, Sky Marshall.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Welcome to the podcast. I'm so excited.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
To have you.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
I am thrilled to be here.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
And for those of you who don't know who Sky is,
besides being an incredible human and friend, recent friend, which
I feel like I've known you my whole.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Life, but that's just the Yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
I remember like you took my breath away and I
was like, oh my gosh, she does look like a
unicorn in real life and it was like, oh it hurt,
Like it was like this envy.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
I didn't like that feeling.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
It was like, oh gee, we had brunch together and
I was like, she's never leaving.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
My life and never runch lasted four hours.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
It sure did with a lot of drinking.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
So cheers to Wide Open. Congratulations, thank you.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
And to you too, which we're going to dive into
because because you are absolutely crushing it and I am
so proud. I'm so proud to be able to turn
the TV on and see you with Kathy Baits like,
what are we talking about now?
Speaker 3 (01:11):
I'm still pinching myself when people say you and Kathy
Bates and like yeah, like I.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
It's unreal. It's like hitting the lottery.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Sky is starring right now in the new series on
CBS Matt Walck, which you've been on, This is US
Shameless nine to one one. Gosh, I helped me out.
There's so many Gray's Anatomy, Good Sam, good Sam, girl,
but this is this is different. This feels different. Yes,
(01:43):
so update me, tell me what's going on. Clearly it's
been incredibly successful. You got a nomination. You guys all
got a nomination.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
I got my first nomination from the critics, and a
lot of people like I was like wait what.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
And there's already they're like yes, second season, which nowadays
it's like.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
It's a big deal, huge after the second episode usually
they want to ride it out and they want to
see like beginning, middle, end before they issue that season
two and after the second episode of eighteen, Like that
was unreal, So don't I.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Like before we jump into what it's like to star
with Kathy Bates, which is fucking incredible because she is
that likely she is, how did it start? Who is
Sky as a young girl? What made this like so
spec Like what was your upbringing. What was your life like,
because no one just gets to this, Yeah, without an
(02:41):
insane journey.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
You're right.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
It is the origin story that creates incredible artists, incredible athletes,
people that have that option to choose fight or flight,
and they fight. That fight was put in them at
a very young age, whether they were actively fighting at
a young age, or they watched their mother or they
(03:05):
watched their father have to fight. And that's where it
began for me. I grew up daughter of a doctor
in a small town in Virginia. I was the Huxtable family.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
You know.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
My mom was the perfect mom, stay at home, We
did the country clubs, the four age camp, the girl Scouts.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
You know.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
It was that picture perfect.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
American dream that my dad and my mom always wanted
to accomplish for themselves.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
And they did it.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
And then when I was twelve years old, I came
home from that private school in my uniform and the
house was full of people and I did not know
who these people were. I was just told to get
in the car, and I got in my mom's car
(03:57):
with my two siblings and we left.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Wow, it's weird. It's still in you. It never leaves it.
It never leaves you.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
And uh, yeah, we left Virginia and we had to
go to Chicago, where my mom grew up, and so
we were in the bottom, like we were in the hood.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
Girl scouts turning to gangs.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
Uh, ballet turn to hip hop, private school turning to
public school. I later realized and found out that all
those people in the house was the I R. S.
And they were there to confiscate everything, and the only
thing they couldn't take was the clothes on our backs,
my mom's clothes and my mom's car because it was
paid off under her name and so my mom. I
(04:45):
never shared this with anybody. Damn, this is the problem
with doing podcast with your friends. I immediately go wide
open and I appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Yeah, it's all good with me. I understand that.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
And that's that's why I'm just like feeling myself just
share because I'm like, screw it. And so, yeah, I
had to find find this new version of myself because
it is the most jarring experience when for a young
black girl to now be in a black neighborhood and
(05:19):
they're calling you white because of the way we spoke
and how we dress, and you know, growing up in
the predominantly white community.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
They didn't treat us like we were.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
The only black people, right because it was like we
were we were equals.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
On the social ladder.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
I didn't know I was dark skin versus light skin, right, Like,
it was all these things that I was like having
to learn. You know, my mom wasn't putting all the
stuff in my hair, Like my hair was clean, so
it was good hair. I later realized it I had,
you know, it was just it was as at a
young age trying to like figure out, like how do
(05:57):
I fit in and learned this new dialect. And so
the dialect that I had to learn was the polar
opposite of what my mom wanted for me. Right, So
now I had to sound like I grew up on
the street. That's not something that you tend to like
reach as a goal. But you're in survival mode.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Well, especially as a young twelve year old little girl.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
Absolutely like yeah, And so in survival mode, I had
to rewind a lot of the work that my parents
had did that the private school and all of that.
And my mom understood because we were in Chicago in
the nineties, you know, and.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
I did.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
I figured it out. I learned how to fit in
so that I was no longer bullied. And then from
there I learned how to really love the culture. I
learned how to see where they were trying to break
out of. I learned how those survival tactics were going
(06:57):
to help me in the long run, and how both
sides of that coin riches in the rags equally made
who I am today. But I will definitely give the
rags the credit of creating the gumption and the fight
in the in the will power that definitely gave me
(07:20):
that that no school, no IVY League could have provided
the school of hard knocks. Like you know, it's not
a game, no right, and everybody in the neighborhood is
your antie, everybody's your uncle. Everybody will whip you and
get you back to that house in time Forcarfiew, you
(07:41):
know what I mean. It was the first time I
really felt that village where perfection was not the goal,
it was being able to just cover each other and
look out for each other. And so from there I
one of the things that I remember my mom saying
to me was, you know, don't depend on a man,
(08:06):
want one, but don't depend on one, And so go
out there and get yours, get what you want.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Don't be an accessory to somebody else's vision.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Say that again, Don't be.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
An accessory to somebody else's vision. That is power, right,
because she knew what she was creating, and she knew
I was going to be on a lot of.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
Boys and girls vision board as a partner. Right, don't
let them manifest. You generate what you want. Meet somebody
in that space where they're building their dream, you're building
your dream, and together you meet each other and you
have so much in common. And so for me, I
was like, Okay. One of the things my mom had
(08:49):
that she was able to fall back on was a diploma.
It was a college degree because at that time that
meant everything.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
And so I went to college. I went to Hampton.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
University and I did not stay because we had no money.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
I was like, that was that freshman year. That was cool.
But about that debt.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
I remember I thought that Sally May was a person
that lived down the street and wanted to just take
your money. Yes, like I imagine Sally made it be
this absolute bitch.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
And I wanted nothing to do with her ass.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
And yeah, but like I would hear my mom and
my dad talk about debt in college and how much
his medical school paid for and all those things when
I was young, because I was a nosy little girl.
So I would like listen to all of their conversations
the worst. It all makes sense later in life, and
so that's what drove me to then enlist in the
Air Force.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
And so I was active duty Air Force. I know, wild.
Speaker 3 (09:54):
Yeah. I went from prom to boot camp, like I
graduated high school prom queen, and then here.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
I was going to the Air Force.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
Everybody was like, I'm sorry, she did what Mmmm? I
had no one's permission. A lot of the decisions in
my life did not come with permission from other people.
And so that's where I also had to rely on
what I like to call my inner compass. And I'll
get into that a little later of like what that
(10:26):
means for me. And so I was just like, okay,
I'm gonna go to the military. All right, let me
go do the ASVAP tessk Okay, what did I score?
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Oh? I scored high.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Oh I qualified for the Air Force. Okay, I'm going
to the Air Force. And so I went to the
Air Force. And this was a year before nine to eleven.
So at that time, everybody was going into the military
to pay for college.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
And then a year later, shit got real, Oh it
really did.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
And I was like, can I the customer service of
the Air Force because about that, I'm not really trying
to serve my country, like I was just trying to
like get my newpaper.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
I just wanted to. I mean, I just don't want
to know. I don't really mess with y'all like that,
to like go toe to toe.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
With like, no, I'm out, And it didn't really didn't
work that way.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Didn't work that way.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
So once I got my term completed honorably discharge, I
then went to college, got my degree. But now Uncle
Sam was my sugar daddy. He paid for all my books,
thank goodness. No, he paid for all my books. He
put me through college and I graduated marketing Communications, minor
in theater.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Yeah you did minor in theater.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Why because theater was a part of my life. Like
I said, the ballet turned to hip hop. So I
was a dancer for a long time. Even when I
was at Hampton University, I danced with a marching band.
And you know that's like a thing at those historical
colleges like the dances that come out with the man
Oh my gosh. So being a performer was always a
(11:51):
part of my life, but it was as a dance ensemble.
And so I was great at teamwork, falling in formation, choreography, timing, beats,
hitting your marks.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
But nowhere did I ever think I would be an actor.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
I then came here to New York City after I
graduated college, and I got hired at this big marketing
firm called BGB New York. And I loved it the
first year, and then the second year.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Towards the end of it.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
Something just kept me up at night and I didn't
know what it was, but it was a discomfort of
not belonging again. And it didn't make sense because I
was like, but I did all the things, like I
went to college, I got the degree, Military paid for it,
(12:48):
I don't have any debt. I got hired at this
firm in New York because I've always wanted to be
a Kerry Brashaw. So like, we're getting there, we're closed.
Why do I hate it? Like this isn't this doesn't
make sense. And I sat with it, and you know,
I talked to my mom about it. I was like, Mom,
(13:10):
I don't know what I'm twenty seven about to be
twenty eight, and I don't know what I want to
do with the rest of my life. I literally donated
all of my twenties to this journey and I don't
like it.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
And that was a hard pill to swallow.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
And so my mom, you know, she said to me,
you know, well, then that's what you need to ask
God for. You know, you need to ask God for
guidance and to reveal and you know, whatever it is,
you just have to be obedient.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
You can't question it. You have to. And you know
I joke, I say, you know, at that time, I
wasn't you know, I didn't have a relationship God. I
was a fan of his work. I thought it was great.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
I was like palm trees, you know, all this is amazing,
like whining, but it wasn't like habitual prayer. I didn't
have any kind of lifestyle around that. I'm still not religious.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Well you are very, but I am very expiritual. And
that's what I love this said.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
And I mean, if by fire crystals will come out,
I'm pretty sure I would. You would be like the
clank clank clank plane plane right, rub that shit together, generate.
But yeah, but that was the beginning of where when
she said that to me, I was like, Okay, I
have to believe in something bigger than me. Not I'm
not going to subscribe to all the rules and regulations
(14:40):
of my mom's religion, but I'm going to.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
A la carte. Yeah, and that by the way, And
that's what I did.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
I'm like, Okay, I like what the Jews are doing here,
like what the Christians are doing their Buddhas stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
That's cool. Like I just started pulling from like what
made s for me?
Speaker 3 (15:01):
And I did? I just started talking and I did
not know how to prayer. I was just kind of like,
what am I supposed to do? And where am I
supposed to do it? And who am I supposed to?
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Like? What am I looking?
Speaker 2 (15:17):
You know, It's like Brendan Brown, the where would you
have me go? What would you have me do? What
would you have me saying? To whom? Right? It was
the rawest like surrender prayer.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
And two weeks of that practice, I woke up before
my alarm clock and it was I'm not lying to.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
You, Ashley. It was as clear as day.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
It was this trailer version that I'll never forget of
me in Los Angeles acting, and I remember I woke up.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
And I was like, what is That's dumb? This weird
thing sucked? Well, that took it real left turn, come.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
On, no, I and I woke up and I like
opened my eyes and I tried to hold on to
every little snippet that I can remember, which is why
it looks like a trailer because I just kind of
remember grabbing things that I could remember, and.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
I sat with it.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
Until my discomfort just made me laugh, and I was
just like no. And then once your discomfort makes you
laugh right laugh in my pain, next thing, you know,
here comes the ego. Yep, and the egos like, no,
you're about to be twenty eight this year, like the
economy just crashed a year ago, honey, Like CEOs are
(16:35):
second nick to keep big jobs.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Like what are you doing?
Speaker 3 (16:37):
You're about to just like leave corporate to go play
make believe. And I hated LA at this time, like
I was a concrete like jungle girl, I'm not going
to Los Angeles, like my ego came up with all
of the reasons why it would not work, and then
I was flooded. It was just like everywhere I went,
(16:58):
either somebody was like, oh my god, you're so funny.
Have you ever thought about being an actor? Or like
I'd be on like the advertisements of Los Angeles or
California would be on my bus or on my subway.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
And then eventually.
Speaker 3 (17:09):
My my corporate, my corporate bestie, she popped up like
over the cubicle and was just like, Oh my god,
don't hate me, but I have something I tell here.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
I was like what.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
She was like, I'm moving to LA and I was like,
the signs were.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
There and this is all within like two months from
the dream. So from that having that dream to two
months later, I said to her, I was like, Kristin,
do me a favor.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
Look for a two bedroom apartment. I'm going with you.
And she was just like, huh what, Like I was
just sharing. I was like, I will explain it in
the car.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
I love it, and I did. I packed up and
I left and I went to La. Kristin gets the
apartment for us, and I land there at night. I
wake up in the morning and I realized, oh my gosh,
I'm on Radford and I am across the street from
CBS studios and there's New York cabs, New York police cars.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
For a second, I was like, did I leave?
Speaker 3 (18:06):
But it was like I was like, oh my goodness,
I've never seen a studio lot before in my life,
and so I could see just a little bit over
the wall and all this action going on. And that
was the first time I built a vision board and
it was CBS lead. I've always wanted to be on
a procedural drama like I was a Law and Order,
(18:26):
Gray's Anatomy Girls.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Yeah, and so I.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
Was just like procedural drama, CBS like, this is it.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
This is the vision. Stay tuned.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
We'll be right back after this.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
When it's time to be specific.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
That was the hardest part for me because next thing,
you know, I'm like, I want to be a lead.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
I want to.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
Find that partner that my mom always encouraged me to
be with who also respects and loves what I do
for a living. Now I want this amount of money
annually and then you're deserving feelings kicking. And when I
looked at it, I was like, at first, you're like amp,
(19:27):
and you like got it.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
I know my vision, I know where I'm going.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
I know what I want, and then you lay down
and that little voice comes in and it's like, girl,
you ain't even got an agent, you don't even have credits.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
Got inner self talk, Man, it is alright.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
And I was just like, oh, here, this is where
the work begins.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
And as an artist, as a human being with a
goal and a dream and a vision, you will always
be confronted by your deserving feelings of set gold dream.
And I think at that time, especially being in Los
Angeles where it's very centered around health and wellness, I mean,
(20:16):
you could rob a chick with a loaf of bread
like lively, no, stop and take whatever you want, like
just please let me go right Like.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
It's just.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
Oh my gosh, I shouldn't talk best about la right now.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
But anyway, I know you know what I'm saying. Right Like,
I was like, okay, I have to sit with this.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
I have to have the emotional maturity to sit in
the discomfort of this conversation with myself. And what did
not work for me is calling that voice negative. I
also didn't agree with toxic positivity either. For me, that
(21:02):
voice was became my to do list. And so when
I would stare at that vision, and it would pop
up like you don't even have an agent.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
I'd be like, all right, why should we go get
an agent?
Speaker 3 (21:15):
Then? Or I get it and then I come back,
you don't even have a real fine, I'll go pay
somebody to make one.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Right.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
I started using that voice as like my to do list,
like what are the things that are coming up for
me that are telling me why I don't deserve this
thing because I what hmm, oh you you uh, you.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Know you're not as fit as used to be. Okay,
I'll go to the gym here, right. It was it
became this conversation with myself where it's like, okay, let's
put it on the table and let's decide what we're
going to lean into or what is bullshit? And once
I became comfortable with that voice and not trying to
like push it away and shut it down, that's where
it no longer felt negative.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
It's somehow came this drive. I started just putting myself
out there. And then by the time I looked at
that board before before COVID hit, my deserving feelings were
completely aligned.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
I said, oh, I deserve this.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
I went to an event, and at this event, I
met somebody that I was a massive fan of, and
it was Sophia Bush.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
I was like, and I fan her face like aggressively.
This is because I'm from Chicago.
Speaker 3 (22:36):
Wild, I'm from Chicago, and I wanted her part that
she had on Chicago Bed.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
I wanted that part.
Speaker 3 (22:43):
I didn't want that experience once I later found out,
but I wanted that part. And when I saw her,
I lit up and I just went to tell her like, look,
I'm from Chicago and I want to let you know
you were authentic, like I believed everything and I know
you're not from the shot, but you killed it. And
she was so grateful and like in a appreciative and
kind Two weeks later, again, all I've done is just
(23:05):
like build up these credits. But I didn't have an
agent yet. Two weeks later, I see Good Sam pop
up and Sophia Bush as the lead, and I decided
to message the creator, the showrunner, the writer, the creator
of the pilot, and I just asked her if she
(23:28):
saw if there was anything in there for me, and
I ended up booking it after doing a chemistry read
with Sophia and I was like, do I tell her?
And I'm like, I just want to let you know
that I was the girl that totally fangirls you to
your face two weeks ago and then she was like,
oh my god, it is you and I was like,
(23:48):
so this is insane that we're having this moment. But
if I didn't sit with that voice, I would not
have been in that room to then get the next
and those and two of those producers. One of those
producers is the writer creator of Mattlock.
Speaker 4 (24:10):
Oh my gosh, So I brought you through this whole
story which is much longer, but that was the girl
who then became the teenager, who then became the young
adult who tried to do check all the things off
the list, and then I had to throw that list
(24:31):
away because I had this vision.
Speaker 3 (24:33):
I had this dream because I asked, and then I
had to really sit with myself.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
Now, the hard part.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
For me, as far as accomplishing any of these goals
has been too emotionally for you for yourself of that
past and I I have not done that yet, but
I use my work to do it.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
I love infractions.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
I love that, and with that, I think this is
important because this is what you're getting at. This podcast
is about being wide open This podcast is about sharing
your scars. This podcast is about the resilience we as
(25:27):
humans in terms of our journey go through that make
us or break us.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
With that.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Story of which you said so beautifully, I ask every
person on this podcast, there is a moment in your
life that breaks you wide open? With that beautiful story
you just shared, what was that defining moment in your
life that changed everything. It's heavy hard to pick one, no,
(26:05):
I know, but we all have that one moment that
we can still feel, see, touch, smell.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
Interesting enough, that moment did not happen until August of
twenty twenty four. Wow, tell me so, I'm still very
much in it. This fuck twenty Yeah, twenty twenty four
(26:52):
it really fucked me up. Yeah, because it had been
a year of unprecedent events, just every single month happening
to me.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
At the same time that I was.
Speaker 3 (27:12):
Living out this all of my wildest dreams, Mattlocke, getting married,
and buying my mother a house, all of those things
happen in twenty twenty four.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
But at the same time I had my first experience.
Speaker 3 (27:32):
Of of like someone trying to.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Attack me.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
While I was at a spa, Like I'm laying down
totally zend out, thinking that this is a place to
surrender and relax, to have to like switch into gears
(28:06):
that had never happened to me before in my life.
I lost two dogs, three friends, and then in August,
while I was at work, I had been compartmentalizing all
of this because my job cannot stop for my personal life.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
The show must go on. And I had worked so hard.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
For this, and while the show was being so accommodating,
like letting me fly out and fly to go to
a funeral and come back in and go right back
to work, there were no days off.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
But then.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
One of my girlfriends, who was at my wedding and
she hosted my bridle shower in June, died in July
and she was forty nine. Chance, who was twenty seven,
died on a motorcycle. And then in August, my brother
(29:22):
I was told had brain cancer and that was it.
And while I was filming, they were like, Sky, we
need you to you know, and you have to turn
your phone off, and which felt like I was turning
off like my family because they needed me, because I'm
very much like the one to kind of help if
you will from afar and I was walking to set,
(29:47):
and immediately I had like that Charlie Brown syndrome. It
was just like, wah wah wah, wah wah wah, they're
all talking to me. I am like, and I said,
I said it to myself, like this is where I break.
Like I've had it together for so long, probably since
I was twelve, Like I had it together for so long.
(30:12):
And while all of these events were happening during twenty
twenty four, I kept asking, what is this meant to
teach me?
Speaker 2 (30:21):
Like, what is this meant to teach me? Because I'm
feeling really.
Speaker 3 (30:25):
Guilty about celebrating, but then I also feel ungrateful for
grieving while I'm doing all of these amazing events.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
And I was just stuck.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
That I felt myself really for the first time, be
inauthentic and it felt so gross.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
I was coming to work.
Speaker 3 (30:48):
I was doing this like while crying during my bathroom breaks, you.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
Know, or it's the silent struggle, Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
That people don't.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
Don't know what what you're going through. When the cameras
are off, when everyone goes home, you have no idea
what someone is experiencing, no at all any given moment.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
And yeah, that day when like I just couldn't hear
anyone talking to me. I just collapsed in front of
my whole crew and they had never seen me. No
one had ever seen like that. And yeah, I just
(31:41):
I just dropped and I had no words. And this
amazing director, Hannally, she came and she scooped me up
off the ground and like rushed me away from the
whole crew because it's just all glass. And she just
kept saying to me, take what you need, like, take
(32:04):
what you need. And I looked at her and I
was like, I can't take what I need. Yeah, I
need a week off. You think I can get that? No, No,
I cannot take what I need. And so, yes, from
the outside it looks really glamorous, yes, like we're getting
incredible ratings and the show is an absolute hit, but
(32:29):
what you see behind my character when the nomination came in,
it was like I had to show it. You know,
I have to sometimes therapeutically heal myself through the characters
that I'm playing, just so I can get it out.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
Because otherwise it just feels like you're choking.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Tell me more about that, because I did I know
that you had that moment in this series where your
real and raw emotion came through. And I think it's
important for people to know that and see that and
normalize the pain in which we suffer alone and behind
closed doors. And you know, even as someone like me,
(33:16):
you're my friend and I love you dearly, and I'm
connecting with you any way I can. I don't know
your struggles and your bravery to share it and normalize
it is really important because it's helpful for all of
us to understand that we can only carry so much
pain for so long. And I think it's really interesting
(33:39):
how we find outlets to heal ourselves through our creative work.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
Absolutely, and.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
You did that on this series, and I loved you
spoke to me about a few moments that you had
with Kathy, you know, when the show launched and you
both are sitting in Times Square and you're literally holding
each other sobbing or you're putting yourself. You know, in
(34:11):
this character that you say, there was a moment where
a mother lost a child, and the real you came
out in that character, and the real you was healed
in that moment through the lens of who you're portraying.
Speaker 3 (34:35):
Absolutely, because the brain doesn't know that you're playing make
believe doesn't know. And so if you're talking to me
and I decide to like actively listen, the brain will
naturally start bringing up imagery of things that you may
have in connection to what they're sharing, and then next thing,
you know, you decide do I want.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
To let this out.
Speaker 3 (35:00):
In? There is no acting with Kathy Bays. No, there
is no acting with Kathy Bays. She's so raw and
real and grounded that even when I know what Kathy
the human being is going through, even when she's talking
(35:22):
to me through the dialogue of Mattie Mattlock, I know,
I know we're still human beings behind these characters.
Speaker 2 (35:34):
And the same for me.
Speaker 3 (35:37):
You know, as our relationships as our relationship on Mattlock,
as our characters are growing, so was the relationship between
Kathy bas and myself was also growing. And so a
lot of those moments were very real and she knew
what I was going through as well. Yeah, which the
(36:01):
second half of the season is where that's where I start.
I stop as Sky Marshall like kind of getting a
grip on my personal emotions that I was experiencing to
where it does really start coming outum more in the character.
(36:23):
And so yeah, when people are like, oh my god,
that person's performance, like when I see my peers getting
awards and things, or if I'm watching a show and
I'm like, oh, they meant that, like, oh, that's a
real moment that happened to be captured on camera, and
the dialogue supports that moment that happens a lot between
(36:44):
Kathy and I.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
But that question, no one's ever asked me that question
where if there was a breaking point, and that twenty
twenty four, it was just this what is this trying
to teach me? And that was me.
Speaker 3 (37:00):
I'm like, I'm the teacher's pet, Like god, I'm your favorite,
Like what are you teaching me?
Speaker 1 (37:06):
Here?
Speaker 3 (37:07):
I'll learn right, I can figure this one out, like
I got it.
Speaker 2 (37:11):
Let me ask the.
Speaker 3 (37:12):
Angel cards, let me dependulum, like I was always going
to get to the answer, and instead of like getting
an answer, I was just getting more grief on top
of grief on top of grief to where I was
just like I was like, oh, am I to be
knocked to my knees because here we go. And that
was the first time I was literally brought to my
(37:33):
knees and I had to surrender, and I am still
I'm still processing what is it meant to teach me?
Speaker 2 (37:43):
I'm still I'm still figuring that all out.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
This is wide open and I'm your host, Ashlyn Harris.
Speaker 2 (37:53):
We'll be right back.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
Do you think that that pain that you were carrying,
that breaking point you spoke about, which thank you for sharing,
and that there's power in that did that role, you know,
playing the character Olympia. Do you think the pain that
(38:27):
you were experiencing during that time, which could have broke
you and made you worse in terms of your performance, right,
but the resilience that you have had to learn since
a twelve year old little girl made you that great
for this show.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
That's an extraordinary question.
Speaker 3 (38:51):
And yes, I ah, strangely enough, yeah, I think I
needed Kathy Bates, But honestly I definitely did. Yeah, because
she absolutely is. She has this incredible way to be
(39:11):
your friend, your teacher, your mother, a student.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
You know, she's.
Speaker 3 (39:22):
She's like no one I've ever met before. But she
did give me, she did give me that that daily
motherly embrace. And while I am living out my wildest
(39:45):
dreams with my mom having like dementia, she doesn't she
she doesn't know that's me. When I turned on that.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
Look, she's she still has the light inside of her.
Speaker 3 (40:07):
And my mom was the woman who would put red
towels out on the floor. She never missed an award show,
never that she would invite people over. And this was
while I was a kid, and you know, here I
was like, Mom, I'm nominated for a Critic's Choice award
(40:32):
and She's just.
Speaker 2 (40:32):
Like, oh, that sounds fun, and I'm just like, oh.
Speaker 3 (40:35):
My god, yeah, like this is unbelievable. Or the fact
that since twelve, my biggest goal was to buy my
mom a house, to put her back in a.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
House for all the sacrifices, for.
Speaker 3 (40:53):
Everything she's ever done for me, And it was not
her fault that she lost that house. It was my
job to put her back in a house. And the
day I walked her in the house, it was just
like okay, you know, And so I had to let
go of this response that I had always waited for,
(41:18):
that I had anticipated from a lot of the accomplishments
that she and I worked so hard for me to fulfill.
And you know, it kind of made me a little
shut down to where I was like, do your job,
learn your lines. Do your job, do your job, and
learn your lines. Do your job, learn your lines. But
(41:39):
Kathy sees through all of that. And so Kathy would
just touch you and be like, how's your mom, And
I'm like, she's met my mom. She's had my mom
and her trailer. And when my mom saw her, she
was like I think she thought she was like, oh,
mate of hers or something like that, would come in
to school in the bars like she knew she like
she was just like she was obsessed with Kathy. Yeah,
(42:01):
And so I was like, I please spark something here,
and she did. My mom was lit up and I
have a photo that like captured it all. But yeah,
Kathy gave me that mother energy of I'm proud of you,
great work. We would have like a killer scene and
(42:22):
she would just like grab my hand.
Speaker 2 (42:26):
It It filled a large fraction.
Speaker 3 (42:31):
It can never feel the full, but it feeled a
large fraction of that void.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
And what I want to tell you as a friend
who adores and loves you dearly, even if your mom
can't tell you the things she wants could or can't
let you know and the way you're used to that
(42:56):
she's so proud of you. She sees you, she knows,
she is with you. She's with you every day on set.
She is proud of you. Everyone's proud of you. You're
getting me, amosh.
Speaker 3 (43:14):
Because you're a mom and you know what it's like
to sacrifice. You have sacrificed so much for your family.
Speaker 2 (43:23):
Well, what I'll say is this the universe.
Speaker 1 (43:27):
What I've learned through the last year and a half
is the universe pushes people into our lives when we
need it the most. Mine was my magical Unicorn that
you absolutely know who is a dear Frontier who has
changed my life for the better. I'm glad you got
(43:50):
that gift because I do think when you needed it
the most, she was sent to you. And I hope
that heals you in some some small way through this
really hard season.
Speaker 2 (44:09):
It does, she does, and she knows it, and you
know that's what.
Speaker 3 (44:20):
That's what the experience was with she and I in
Times Square, Yeah, you know.
Speaker 2 (44:29):
Where I'm just.
Speaker 3 (44:30):
Literally holding her and she's holding me and we're both crying.
It wasn't because of the Billboard. It was the fact
that Kathy too has had so many trials and tribulations
and wins in her life that never did she think
(44:52):
that she would be a poster girl at seventy six? Yeah,
you know, when when is the last time you've known
Kathy Bates to be number one on the call sheet
and the poster girl. Yeah, you know, since misery, and
so for her to have this massive accomplishment that she
(45:12):
always wanted for herself and me seeing all of the
obstacle courses that she experienced while filming season one and
all of the obstacles that I had that she saw
me experience during season one. She and I always had
each other and we always held each other up. We
would take space away from everyone if we needed to.
(45:35):
We would over rehearse if we needed to, like lock in.
And so in that moment in Times Square, it was
the fact that we had finished the first season.
Speaker 2 (45:48):
I had about two It just a grace stressed out.
I was stress but it was like we did it. Yeah,
we did it. And you know.
Speaker 3 (46:01):
I wouldn't have that part if it wasn't for Kathy,
because she is executive producer. But she was my final
round of auditioning where I had to do a chemistry
read with her, and there were multiple other actresses in
the waiting room that went in there before me and
went in there after me. And as soon as I
walked in the room and I saw her, I just said,
(46:21):
can I hug you?
Speaker 2 (46:23):
And that is you? No, that is you a so.
Speaker 3 (46:26):
A like forbidden Oh I love move to make and
a chemistry read with like an a lister or even
casting director. You're not supposed touch anybody. Yeah, And I
went in and I just said can I hug you?
Because I was like, in my mind, I'm like, if
she can feel me before she hears me, then she'll
feel that I've worked so hard to get to this
(46:49):
very moment. And by the time she and I were done,
I said to them, I said, look, I've already won.
Speaker 2 (46:54):
I got to fly Delta one from New York to
Ada for fifteen minutes. I already have a bottle on
God Speak amongst the celle good luck. But I've already won.
Like I literally said that to them.
Speaker 3 (47:08):
I was just like, out of all the choices in
my life, I got to fly to la to act
with Kathy.
Speaker 2 (47:15):
Bays for fifteen minutes, like and I'm not stressing about this.
And I was told that.
Speaker 3 (47:22):
When I left, she just turned around and was like
it's her right and I.
Speaker 2 (47:27):
Saw the sign in sheet.
Speaker 3 (47:28):
I was the only unknown actor, and so there is
so much more to being an artist.
Speaker 2 (47:36):
There's so much more to being brave. But my goodness.
Speaker 3 (47:44):
With growth comes the stage of being a cocoon. And
science has said that the caterpillar is in this cocoon
fighting for its life, like it feels like it's gonna
and it wants out of this and only until it
is completely exhausted and it gives up all hope that
(48:08):
it just stops fighting only to become a butterfly surrender.
And so that's what twenty twenty four was for me.
I was in this caterpillar and while I knew that
it was half absolutely incredible. We have lives that are
(48:30):
extremely challenging, and as you know, you have to sacrifice
so much. You miss out on baby showers, weddings, anniversaries, funerals,
the dinner parties. You miss out on the community and
they have to understand this part. And so going into
season two, I feel more of that butterfly effect. I
(48:56):
feel the butterfly now, and yes say that if it
wasn't for not just Kathy, but the rest of my cast,
they were I called them my emotional support actors.
Speaker 2 (49:08):
They carried me through all of those stages. And I have.
Speaker 3 (49:17):
Found ways to communicate with my friends that have died
just in my heart.
Speaker 1 (49:23):
Yeah, and you carry them with and I carry them with.
Speaker 3 (49:27):
Me if I see a hummingbird or a butterfly or
you know, I kind of give them my dentities. And
so processing loss.
Speaker 2 (49:40):
Was the big lesson for me.
Speaker 3 (49:42):
Being able to let things come and go as they please.
Stop being the controller who wants to, you know, like,
just let things come and go, allow the flow.
Speaker 1 (49:57):
That's important. That guy is so important because you ca
we can't control timing of grief.
Speaker 2 (50:02):
Oh, you can't say it again.
Speaker 1 (50:05):
You cannot control timing of grief. You have to surrender
to the moment and let it flow out of you.
Speaker 2 (50:14):
And just be yes.
Speaker 1 (50:15):
Because the more we pack that down, the more we disassociate,
the more we pretend it's not a part of who
we are and our movement and how we show up
in the world. We're not growing as humans, we're not
sharing our scars, we're not being vulnerable. And that's what
(50:39):
makes life so fucking precious is our ability to connect,
our ability to show up for each other, our ability
to have grief together. But we have to be vulnerable
enough in moments where we can't control, and we embrace it.
(51:03):
And I think your vulnerability to share I appreciate it.
I'm grateful for it. I'm grateful for our friendship. And
what I love so much about what you say and
how you move is this notion of being enough. That
twelve year old who had to go through a very
(51:24):
very hard time and transition, you were always enough, And
in moments where it brings you to your knees, you
are humble enough to surrender, but you're strong enough to
get back up. And that's the difference between allowing something
(51:46):
to consume you and break you or make you resilient
and roll your fucking sleeves up and say I was
meant for this life. Hell, and you were meant for
this life. And I'm grateful to call you a friend.
Thanks for coming on wide open, Thanks for sharing your
scars and your story and your vulnerability. And a lot
(52:11):
of people will learn from this conversation and a lot
of people will feel safe knowing someone like you is
willing to share something so deep. So thank you, Thank
you for coming.
Speaker 2 (52:27):
I love you, I love you.
Speaker 1 (52:30):
So what's what's next? Tell tell the listeners, tell the viewers.
What's next. We're filming season two?
Speaker 3 (52:37):
Yes, we're not filming season two until probably I'm guessing June. Okay.
Speaker 2 (52:45):
And so I decided that what's next for.
Speaker 3 (52:48):
Me is me.
Speaker 2 (52:50):
I need to rest.
Speaker 3 (52:53):
I need to be with my friends and my husband.
Like now that I know what that seven months of
filming is, like, I just want to pour into everyone
that I love. I mean, hell, I came to your
birthday dinner and left my husband in the car.
Speaker 2 (53:06):
I was that I was inside. You know, he had
some scripts to read anywhere. I was like, read your scripts.
I'm gonna go.
Speaker 3 (53:15):
But I'm not missing Ashley's birthday dinner, right, And see,
I am going out of my way to make sure
that I show up for my friends, my family, my husband, myself.
Speaker 2 (53:27):
I want to I want to find like a really
great retreat.
Speaker 1 (53:30):
Let's go strip please, yes, planet, but like let's do it.
Speaker 3 (53:33):
But like a real, real, like raw wellness retreat of
just like facilitating tears and building growth and connection. Like
I just want to go back to the woods, you.
Speaker 2 (53:45):
Know what I mean, Like I just want to like
make up away hair or back. I just want to
go into the woods.
Speaker 3 (53:51):
And just like be off the grid because I know
what's coming. But right now, you know, I'm just my
heart is just aching for la and I'm just gonna
patiently wait to see what comes down the queue work wise,
but very patiently, because no one saw this coming. And
(54:12):
with my industry, you know the world having to deal
with COVID, but then my industry dealing with two strikes
and now this wildfire. It's taken such a toll on
so many people in my community and my industry that
I am patient. I do not need to rush to
somebody else's set to do anything. And also I go
(54:33):
to Chicago one week every month to just sit on
a couch with my mom.
Speaker 2 (54:38):
I love and caregive for her. Put my scrubs back on. Yeah,
she's amazing. She's an edible arrangement.
Speaker 3 (54:44):
Well, she's really funny, Like even though she's so far
in avnure, she's really fun She's like a really funny,
like three four year old.
Speaker 2 (54:53):
But like we throw the ball, we be coloring.
Speaker 3 (54:57):
Yeah, seriously, she's she's so picky about her food, you know,
but it's my mom, and the roles have reversed. But
I would not want anything to change in this state.
She's made it past eighty and I am happy to
be her caregiver right now. And so that's my priority
(55:20):
is family, friends, and myself.
Speaker 1 (55:22):
Well I love that. And what I love about you
is you're always my first message about cleansing rooms. Oh yeah, salts,
crystals and burning sage, like you are my soul sister
that I will ever.
Speaker 2 (55:39):
I will always. Which what is it?
Speaker 1 (55:43):
The some date is coming up on my Yeah, are
wet salt before? And you know, someone walks into our door.
I need to cleanse all the things. It's Sophia and
I we you know, I'm putting salt in every fluck
corner of our home and for the new year. And
I'm like, this is what Sky would do. So we're here,
(56:06):
we're we're spiritual people. Now we're throwing fucking soul all
over these.
Speaker 2 (56:10):
Health believe it is real.
Speaker 1 (56:12):
And now my kids are like, you know, Mama, what
is this. You're supposed to like leave it for fifteen days.
I'm like, these kids are gonna eat every corner immediately.
Speaker 2 (56:23):
Yeah, the babies.
Speaker 1 (56:25):
Well, I wish you have nothing spell but love and success.
And I love that I get a front row seat.
Speaker 2 (56:33):
Thank you. Thanks for watching everyone else.
Speaker 1 (56:36):
Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for another beautiful
conversation with the one and only Sky Marshall. We'll see
you next time. Wide Open with Ashland Harris is an
iHeart women's sports production. You can find us on the
iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
(56:58):
Our producers are Carmen Borca Correo, Emily Maronoff, and Lucy Jones.
Production assistants from Malia Aguidello. Our executive producers are Jesse Katz,
Jenny Kaplan and Emily Rudder. Our editors are Jenny Kaplan
and Emily Rudder and I'm your host Ashlyn Harris
Welcome back, everybody to another episode of Wide Open with
Ashland Harris. I'm here today with our special guest, Sky Marshall.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Welcome to the podcast. I'm so excited.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
To have you.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
I am thrilled to be here.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
And for those of you who don't know who Sky is,
besides being an incredible human and friend, recent friend, which
I feel like I've known you my whole.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Life, but that's just the Yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
I remember like you took my breath away and I
was like, oh my gosh, she does look like a
unicorn in real life and it was like, oh it hurt,
Like it was like this envy.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
I didn't like that feeling.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
It was like, oh gee, we had brunch together and
I was like, she's never leaving.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
My life and never runch lasted four hours.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
It sure did with a lot of drinking.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
So cheers to Wide Open. Congratulations, thank you.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
And to you too, which we're going to dive into
because because you are absolutely crushing it and I am
so proud. I'm so proud to be able to turn
the TV on and see you with Kathy Baits like,
what are we talking about now?
Speaker 3 (01:11):
I'm still pinching myself when people say you and Kathy
Bates and like yeah, like I.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
It's unreal. It's like hitting the lottery.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Sky is starring right now in the new series on
CBS Matt Walck, which you've been on, This is US
Shameless nine to one one. Gosh, I helped me out.
There's so many Gray's Anatomy, Good Sam, good Sam, girl,
but this is this is different. This feels different. Yes,
(01:43):
so update me, tell me what's going on. Clearly it's
been incredibly successful. You got a nomination. You guys all
got a nomination.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
I got my first nomination from the critics, and a
lot of people like I was like wait what.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
And there's already they're like yes, second season, which nowadays
it's like.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
It's a big deal, huge after the second episode usually
they want to ride it out and they want to
see like beginning, middle, end before they issue that season
two and after the second episode of eighteen, Like that
was unreal, So don't I.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Like before we jump into what it's like to star
with Kathy Bates, which is fucking incredible because she is
that likely she is, how did it start? Who is
Sky as a young girl? What made this like so
spec Like what was your upbringing. What was your life like,
because no one just gets to this, Yeah, without an
(02:41):
insane journey.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
You're right.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
It is the origin story that creates incredible artists, incredible athletes,
people that have that option to choose fight or flight,
and they fight. That fight was put in them at
a very young age, whether they were actively fighting at
a young age, or they watched their mother or they
(03:05):
watched their father have to fight. And that's where it
began for me. I grew up daughter of a doctor
in a small town in Virginia. I was the Huxtable family.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
You know.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
My mom was the perfect mom, stay at home, We
did the country clubs, the four age camp, the girl Scouts.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
You know.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
It was that picture perfect.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
American dream that my dad and my mom always wanted
to accomplish for themselves.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
And they did it.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
And then when I was twelve years old, I came
home from that private school in my uniform and the
house was full of people and I did not know
who these people were. I was just told to get
in the car, and I got in my mom's car
(03:57):
with my two siblings and we left.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Wow, it's weird. It's still in you. It never leaves it.
It never leaves you.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
And uh, yeah, we left Virginia and we had to
go to Chicago, where my mom grew up, and so
we were in the bottom, like we were in the hood.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
Girl scouts turning to gangs.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
Uh, ballet turn to hip hop, private school turning to
public school. I later realized and found out that all
those people in the house was the I R. S.
And they were there to confiscate everything, and the only
thing they couldn't take was the clothes on our backs,
my mom's clothes and my mom's car because it was
paid off under her name and so my mom. I
(04:45):
never shared this with anybody. Damn, this is the problem
with doing podcast with your friends. I immediately go wide
open and I appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Yeah, it's all good with me. I understand that.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
And that's that's why I'm just like feeling myself just
share because I'm like, screw it. And so, yeah, I
had to find find this new version of myself because
it is the most jarring experience when for a young
black girl to now be in a black neighborhood and
(05:19):
they're calling you white because of the way we spoke
and how we dress, and you know, growing up in
the predominantly white community.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
They didn't treat us like we were.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
The only black people, right because it was like we
were we were equals.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
On the social ladder.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
I didn't know I was dark skin versus light skin, right, Like,
it was all these things that I was like having
to learn. You know, my mom wasn't putting all the
stuff in my hair, Like my hair was clean, so
it was good hair. I later realized it I had,
you know, it was just it was as at a
young age trying to like figure out, like how do
(05:57):
I fit in and learned this new dialect. And so
the dialect that I had to learn was the polar
opposite of what my mom wanted for me. Right, So
now I had to sound like I grew up on
the street. That's not something that you tend to like
reach as a goal. But you're in survival mode.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Well, especially as a young twelve year old little girl.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
Absolutely like yeah, And so in survival mode, I had
to rewind a lot of the work that my parents
had did that the private school and all of that.
And my mom understood because we were in Chicago in
the nineties, you know, and.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
I did.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
I figured it out. I learned how to fit in
so that I was no longer bullied. And then from
there I learned how to really love the culture. I
learned how to see where they were trying to break
out of. I learned how those survival tactics were going
(06:57):
to help me in the long run, and how both
sides of that coin riches in the rags equally made
who I am today. But I will definitely give the
rags the credit of creating the gumption and the fight
in the in the will power that definitely gave me
(07:20):
that that no school, no IVY League could have provided
the school of hard knocks. Like you know, it's not
a game, no right, and everybody in the neighborhood is
your antie, everybody's your uncle. Everybody will whip you and
get you back to that house in time Forcarfiew, you
(07:41):
know what I mean. It was the first time I
really felt that village where perfection was not the goal,
it was being able to just cover each other and
look out for each other. And so from there I
one of the things that I remember my mom saying
to me was, you know, don't depend on a man,
(08:06):
want one, but don't depend on one, And so go
out there and get yours, get what you want.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Don't be an accessory to somebody else's vision.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Say that again, Don't be.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
An accessory to somebody else's vision. That is power, right,
because she knew what she was creating, and she knew
I was going to be on a lot of.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
Boys and girls vision board as a partner. Right, don't
let them manifest. You generate what you want. Meet somebody
in that space where they're building their dream, you're building
your dream, and together you meet each other and you
have so much in common. And so for me, I
was like, Okay. One of the things my mom had
(08:49):
that she was able to fall back on was a diploma.
It was a college degree because at that time that
meant everything.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
And so I went to college. I went to Hampton.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
University and I did not stay because we had no money.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
I was like, that was that freshman year. That was cool.
But about that debt.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
I remember I thought that Sally May was a person
that lived down the street and wanted to just take
your money. Yes, like I imagine Sally made it be
this absolute bitch.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
And I wanted nothing to do with her ass.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
And yeah, but like I would hear my mom and
my dad talk about debt in college and how much
his medical school paid for and all those things when
I was young, because I was a nosy little girl.
So I would like listen to all of their conversations
the worst. It all makes sense later in life, and
so that's what drove me to then enlist in the
Air Force.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
And so I was active duty Air Force. I know, wild.
Speaker 3 (09:54):
Yeah. I went from prom to boot camp, like I
graduated high school prom queen, and then here.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
I was going to the Air Force.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
Everybody was like, I'm sorry, she did what Mmmm? I
had no one's permission. A lot of the decisions in
my life did not come with permission from other people.
And so that's where I also had to rely on
what I like to call my inner compass. And I'll
get into that a little later of like what that
(10:26):
means for me. And so I was just like, okay,
I'm gonna go to the military. All right, let me
go do the ASVAP tessk Okay, what did I score?
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Oh? I scored high.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Oh I qualified for the Air Force. Okay, I'm going
to the Air Force. And so I went to the
Air Force. And this was a year before nine to eleven.
So at that time, everybody was going into the military
to pay for college.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
And then a year later, shit got real, Oh it
really did.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
And I was like, can I the customer service of
the Air Force because about that, I'm not really trying
to serve my country, like I was just trying to
like get my newpaper.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
I just wanted to. I mean, I just don't want
to know. I don't really mess with y'all like that,
to like go toe to toe.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
With like, no, I'm out, And it didn't really didn't
work that way.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Didn't work that way.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
So once I got my term completed honorably discharge, I
then went to college, got my degree. But now Uncle
Sam was my sugar daddy. He paid for all my books,
thank goodness. No, he paid for all my books. He
put me through college and I graduated marketing Communications, minor
in theater.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Yeah you did minor in theater.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Why because theater was a part of my life. Like
I said, the ballet turned to hip hop. So I
was a dancer for a long time. Even when I
was at Hampton University, I danced with a marching band.
And you know that's like a thing at those historical
colleges like the dances that come out with the man
Oh my gosh. So being a performer was always a
(11:51):
part of my life, but it was as a dance ensemble.
And so I was great at teamwork, falling in formation, choreography, timing, beats,
hitting your marks.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
But nowhere did I ever think I would be an actor.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
I then came here to New York City after I
graduated college, and I got hired at this big marketing
firm called BGB New York. And I loved it the
first year, and then the second year.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Towards the end of it.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
Something just kept me up at night and I didn't
know what it was, but it was a discomfort of
not belonging again. And it didn't make sense because I
was like, but I did all the things, like I
went to college, I got the degree, Military paid for it,
(12:48):
I don't have any debt. I got hired at this
firm in New York because I've always wanted to be
a Kerry Brashaw. So like, we're getting there, we're closed.
Why do I hate it? Like this isn't this doesn't
make sense. And I sat with it, and you know,
I talked to my mom about it. I was like, Mom,
(13:10):
I don't know what I'm twenty seven about to be
twenty eight, and I don't know what I want to
do with the rest of my life. I literally donated
all of my twenties to this journey and I don't
like it.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
And that was a hard pill to swallow.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
And so my mom, you know, she said to me,
you know, well, then that's what you need to ask
God for. You know, you need to ask God for
guidance and to reveal and you know, whatever it is,
you just have to be obedient.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
You can't question it. You have to. And you know
I joke, I say, you know, at that time, I
wasn't you know, I didn't have a relationship God. I
was a fan of his work. I thought it was great.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
I was like palm trees, you know, all this is amazing,
like whining, but it wasn't like habitual prayer. I didn't
have any kind of lifestyle around that. I'm still not religious.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Well you are very, but I am very expiritual. And
that's what I love this said.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
And I mean, if by fire crystals will come out,
I'm pretty sure I would. You would be like the
clank clank clank plane plane right, rub that shit together, generate.
But yeah, but that was the beginning of where when
she said that to me, I was like, Okay, I
have to believe in something bigger than me. Not I'm
not going to subscribe to all the rules and regulations
(14:40):
of my mom's religion, but I'm going to.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
A la carte. Yeah, and that by the way, And
that's what I did.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
I'm like, Okay, I like what the Jews are doing here,
like what the Christians are doing their Buddhas stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
That's cool. Like I just started pulling from like what
made s for me?
Speaker 3 (15:01):
And I did? I just started talking and I did
not know how to prayer. I was just kind of like,
what am I supposed to do? And where am I
supposed to do it? And who am I supposed to?
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Like? What am I looking?
Speaker 2 (15:17):
You know, It's like Brendan Brown, the where would you
have me go? What would you have me do? What
would you have me saying? To whom? Right? It was
the rawest like surrender prayer.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
And two weeks of that practice, I woke up before
my alarm clock and it was I'm not lying to.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
You, Ashley. It was as clear as day.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
It was this trailer version that I'll never forget of
me in Los Angeles acting, and I remember I woke up.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
And I was like, what is That's dumb? This weird
thing sucked? Well, that took it real left turn, come.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
On, no, I and I woke up and I like
opened my eyes and I tried to hold on to
every little snippet that I can remember, which is why
it looks like a trailer because I just kind of
remember grabbing things that I could remember, and.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
I sat with it.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
Until my discomfort just made me laugh, and I was
just like no. And then once your discomfort makes you
laugh right laugh in my pain, next thing, you know,
here comes the ego. Yep, and the egos like, no,
you're about to be twenty eight this year, like the
economy just crashed a year ago, honey, Like CEOs are
(16:35):
second nick to keep big jobs.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Like what are you doing?
Speaker 3 (16:37):
You're about to just like leave corporate to go play
make believe. And I hated LA at this time, like
I was a concrete like jungle girl, I'm not going
to Los Angeles, like my ego came up with all
of the reasons why it would not work, and then
I was flooded. It was just like everywhere I went,
(16:58):
either somebody was like, oh my god, you're so funny.
Have you ever thought about being an actor? Or like
I'd be on like the advertisements of Los Angeles or
California would be on my bus or on my subway.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
And then eventually.
Speaker 3 (17:09):
My my corporate, my corporate bestie, she popped up like
over the cubicle and was just like, Oh my god,
don't hate me, but I have something I tell here.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
I was like what.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
She was like, I'm moving to LA and I was like,
the signs were.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
There and this is all within like two months from
the dream. So from that having that dream to two
months later, I said to her, I was like, Kristin,
do me a favor.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
Look for a two bedroom apartment. I'm going with you.
And she was just like, huh what, Like I was
just sharing. I was like, I will explain it in
the car.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
I love it, and I did. I packed up and
I left and I went to La. Kristin gets the
apartment for us, and I land there at night. I
wake up in the morning and I realized, oh my gosh,
I'm on Radford and I am across the street from
CBS studios and there's New York cabs, New York police cars.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
For a second, I was like, did I leave?
Speaker 3 (18:06):
But it was like I was like, oh my goodness,
I've never seen a studio lot before in my life,
and so I could see just a little bit over
the wall and all this action going on. And that
was the first time I built a vision board and
it was CBS lead. I've always wanted to be on
a procedural drama like I was a Law and Order,
(18:26):
Gray's Anatomy Girls.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Yeah, and so I.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
Was just like procedural drama, CBS like, this is it.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
This is the vision. Stay tuned.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
We'll be right back after this.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
When it's time to be specific.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
That was the hardest part for me because next thing,
you know, I'm like, I want to be a lead.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
I want to.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
Find that partner that my mom always encouraged me to
be with who also respects and loves what I do
for a living. Now I want this amount of money
annually and then you're deserving feelings kicking. And when I
looked at it, I was like, at first, you're like amp,
(19:27):
and you like got it.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
I know my vision, I know where I'm going.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
I know what I want, and then you lay down
and that little voice comes in and it's like, girl,
you ain't even got an agent, you don't even have credits.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
Got inner self talk, Man, it is alright.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
And I was just like, oh, here, this is where
the work begins.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
And as an artist, as a human being with a
goal and a dream and a vision, you will always
be confronted by your deserving feelings of set gold dream.
And I think at that time, especially being in Los
Angeles where it's very centered around health and wellness, I mean,
(20:16):
you could rob a chick with a loaf of bread
like lively, no, stop and take whatever you want, like
just please let me go right Like.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
It's just.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
Oh my gosh, I shouldn't talk best about la right now.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
But anyway, I know you know what I'm saying. Right Like,
I was like, okay, I have to sit with this.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
I have to have the emotional maturity to sit in
the discomfort of this conversation with myself. And what did
not work for me is calling that voice negative. I
also didn't agree with toxic positivity either. For me, that
(21:02):
voice was became my to do list. And so when
I would stare at that vision, and it would pop
up like you don't even have an agent.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
I'd be like, all right, why should we go get
an agent?
Speaker 3 (21:15):
Then? Or I get it and then I come back,
you don't even have a real fine, I'll go pay
somebody to make one.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Right.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
I started using that voice as like my to do list,
like what are the things that are coming up for
me that are telling me why I don't deserve this
thing because I what hmm, oh you you uh, you.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Know you're not as fit as used to be. Okay,
I'll go to the gym here, right. It was it
became this conversation with myself where it's like, okay, let's
put it on the table and let's decide what we're
going to lean into or what is bullshit? And once
I became comfortable with that voice and not trying to
like push it away and shut it down, that's where
it no longer felt negative.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
It's somehow came this drive. I started just putting myself
out there. And then by the time I looked at
that board before before COVID hit, my deserving feelings were
completely aligned.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
I said, oh, I deserve this.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
I went to an event, and at this event, I
met somebody that I was a massive fan of, and
it was Sophia Bush.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
I was like, and I fan her face like aggressively.
This is because I'm from Chicago.
Speaker 3 (22:36):
Wild, I'm from Chicago, and I wanted her part that
she had on Chicago Bed.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
I wanted that part.
Speaker 3 (22:43):
I didn't want that experience once I later found out,
but I wanted that part. And when I saw her,
I lit up and I just went to tell her like, look,
I'm from Chicago and I want to let you know
you were authentic, like I believed everything and I know
you're not from the shot, but you killed it. And
she was so grateful and like in a appreciative and
kind Two weeks later, again, all I've done is just
(23:05):
like build up these credits. But I didn't have an
agent yet. Two weeks later, I see Good Sam pop
up and Sophia Bush as the lead, and I decided
to message the creator, the showrunner, the writer, the creator
of the pilot, and I just asked her if she
(23:28):
saw if there was anything in there for me, and
I ended up booking it after doing a chemistry read
with Sophia and I was like, do I tell her?
And I'm like, I just want to let you know
that I was the girl that totally fangirls you to
your face two weeks ago and then she was like,
oh my god, it is you and I was like,
(23:48):
so this is insane that we're having this moment. But
if I didn't sit with that voice, I would not
have been in that room to then get the next
and those and two of those producers. One of those
producers is the writer creator of Mattlock.
Speaker 4 (24:10):
Oh my gosh, So I brought you through this whole
story which is much longer, but that was the girl
who then became the teenager, who then became the young
adult who tried to do check all the things off
the list, and then I had to throw that list
(24:31):
away because I had this vision.
Speaker 3 (24:33):
I had this dream because I asked, and then I
had to really sit with myself.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
Now, the hard part.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
For me, as far as accomplishing any of these goals
has been too emotionally for you for yourself of that
past and I I have not done that yet, but
I use my work to do it.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
I love infractions.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
I love that, and with that, I think this is
important because this is what you're getting at. This podcast
is about being wide open This podcast is about sharing
your scars. This podcast is about the resilience we as
(25:27):
humans in terms of our journey go through that make
us or break us.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
With that.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Story of which you said so beautifully, I ask every
person on this podcast, there is a moment in your
life that breaks you wide open? With that beautiful story
you just shared, what was that defining moment in your
life that changed everything. It's heavy hard to pick one, no,
(26:05):
I know, but we all have that one moment that
we can still feel, see, touch, smell.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
Interesting enough, that moment did not happen until August of
twenty twenty four. Wow, tell me so, I'm still very
much in it. This fuck twenty Yeah, twenty twenty four
(26:52):
it really fucked me up. Yeah, because it had been
a year of unprecedent events, just every single month happening
to me.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
At the same time that I was.
Speaker 3 (27:12):
Living out this all of my wildest dreams, Mattlocke, getting married,
and buying my mother a house, all of those things
happen in twenty twenty four.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
But at the same time I had my first experience.
Speaker 3 (27:32):
Of of like someone trying to.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Attack me.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
While I was at a spa, Like I'm laying down
totally zend out, thinking that this is a place to
surrender and relax, to have to like switch into gears
(28:06):
that had never happened to me before in my life.
I lost two dogs, three friends, and then in August,
while I was at work, I had been compartmentalizing all
of this because my job cannot stop for my personal life.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
The show must go on. And I had worked so hard.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
For this, and while the show was being so accommodating,
like letting me fly out and fly to go to
a funeral and come back in and go right back
to work, there were no days off.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
But then.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
One of my girlfriends, who was at my wedding and
she hosted my bridle shower in June, died in July
and she was forty nine. Chance, who was twenty seven,
died on a motorcycle. And then in August, my brother
(29:22):
I was told had brain cancer and that was it.
And while I was filming, they were like, Sky, we
need you to you know, and you have to turn
your phone off, and which felt like I was turning
off like my family because they needed me, because I'm
very much like the one to kind of help if
you will from afar and I was walking to set,
(29:47):
and immediately I had like that Charlie Brown syndrome. It
was just like, wah wah wah, wah wah wah, they're
all talking to me. I am like, and I said,
I said it to myself, like this is where I break.
Like I've had it together for so long, probably since
I was twelve, Like I had it together for so long.
(30:12):
And while all of these events were happening during twenty
twenty four, I kept asking, what is this meant to
teach me?
Speaker 2 (30:21):
Like, what is this meant to teach me? Because I'm
feeling really.
Speaker 3 (30:25):
Guilty about celebrating, but then I also feel ungrateful for
grieving while I'm doing all of these amazing events.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
And I was just stuck.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
That I felt myself really for the first time, be
inauthentic and it felt so gross.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
I was coming to work.
Speaker 3 (30:48):
I was doing this like while crying during my bathroom breaks, you.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
Know, or it's the silent struggle, Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
That people don't.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
Don't know what what you're going through. When the cameras
are off, when everyone goes home, you have no idea
what someone is experiencing, no at all any given moment.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
And yeah, that day when like I just couldn't hear
anyone talking to me. I just collapsed in front of
my whole crew and they had never seen me. No
one had ever seen like that. And yeah, I just
(31:41):
I just dropped and I had no words. And this
amazing director, Hannally, she came and she scooped me up
off the ground and like rushed me away from the
whole crew because it's just all glass. And she just
kept saying to me, take what you need, like, take
(32:04):
what you need. And I looked at her and I
was like, I can't take what I need. Yeah, I
need a week off. You think I can get that? No, No,
I cannot take what I need. And so, yes, from
the outside it looks really glamorous, yes, like we're getting
incredible ratings and the show is an absolute hit, but
(32:29):
what you see behind my character when the nomination came in,
it was like I had to show it. You know,
I have to sometimes therapeutically heal myself through the characters
that I'm playing, just so I can get it out.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
Because otherwise it just feels like you're choking.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Tell me more about that, because I did I know
that you had that moment in this series where your
real and raw emotion came through. And I think it's
important for people to know that and see that and
normalize the pain in which we suffer alone and behind
closed doors. And you know, even as someone like me,
(33:16):
you're my friend and I love you dearly, and I'm
connecting with you any way I can. I don't know
your struggles and your bravery to share it and normalize
it is really important because it's helpful for all of
us to understand that we can only carry so much
pain for so long. And I think it's really interesting
(33:39):
how we find outlets to heal ourselves through our creative work.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
Absolutely, and.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
You did that on this series, and I loved you
spoke to me about a few moments that you had
with Kathy, you know, when the show launched and you
both are sitting in Times Square and you're literally holding
each other sobbing or you're putting yourself. You know, in
(34:11):
this character that you say, there was a moment where
a mother lost a child, and the real you came
out in that character, and the real you was healed
in that moment through the lens of who you're portraying.
Speaker 3 (34:35):
Absolutely, because the brain doesn't know that you're playing make
believe doesn't know. And so if you're talking to me
and I decide to like actively listen, the brain will
naturally start bringing up imagery of things that you may
have in connection to what they're sharing, and then next thing,
you know, you decide do I want.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
To let this out.
Speaker 3 (35:00):
In? There is no acting with Kathy Bays. No, there
is no acting with Kathy Bays. She's so raw and
real and grounded that even when I know what Kathy
the human being is going through, even when she's talking
(35:22):
to me through the dialogue of Mattie Mattlock, I know,
I know we're still human beings behind these characters.
Speaker 2 (35:34):
And the same for me.
Speaker 3 (35:37):
You know, as our relationships as our relationship on Mattlock,
as our characters are growing, so was the relationship between
Kathy bas and myself was also growing. And so a
lot of those moments were very real and she knew
what I was going through as well. Yeah, which the
(36:01):
second half of the season is where that's where I start.
I stop as Sky Marshall like kind of getting a
grip on my personal emotions that I was experiencing to
where it does really start coming outum more in the character.
(36:23):
And so yeah, when people are like, oh my god,
that person's performance, like when I see my peers getting
awards and things, or if I'm watching a show and
I'm like, oh, they meant that, like, oh, that's a
real moment that happened to be captured on camera, and
the dialogue supports that moment that happens a lot between
(36:44):
Kathy and I.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
But that question, no one's ever asked me that question
where if there was a breaking point, and that twenty
twenty four, it was just this what is this trying
to teach me? And that was me.
Speaker 3 (37:00):
I'm like, I'm the teacher's pet, Like god, I'm your favorite,
Like what are you teaching me?
Speaker 1 (37:06):
Here?
Speaker 3 (37:07):
I'll learn right, I can figure this one out, like
I got it.
Speaker 2 (37:11):
Let me ask the.
Speaker 3 (37:12):
Angel cards, let me dependulum, like I was always going
to get to the answer, and instead of like getting
an answer, I was just getting more grief on top
of grief on top of grief to where I was
just like I was like, oh, am I to be
knocked to my knees because here we go. And that
was the first time I was literally brought to my
(37:33):
knees and I had to surrender, and I am still
I'm still processing what is it meant to teach me?
Speaker 2 (37:43):
I'm still I'm still figuring that all out.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
This is wide open and I'm your host, Ashlyn Harris.
Speaker 2 (37:53):
We'll be right back.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
Do you think that that pain that you were carrying,
that breaking point you spoke about, which thank you for sharing,
and that there's power in that did that role, you know,
playing the character Olympia. Do you think the pain that
(38:27):
you were experiencing during that time, which could have broke
you and made you worse in terms of your performance, right,
but the resilience that you have had to learn since
a twelve year old little girl made you that great
for this show.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
That's an extraordinary question.
Speaker 3 (38:51):
And yes, I ah, strangely enough, yeah, I think I
needed Kathy Bates, But honestly I definitely did. Yeah, because
she absolutely is. She has this incredible way to be
(39:11):
your friend, your teacher, your mother, a student.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
You know, she's.
Speaker 3 (39:22):
She's like no one I've ever met before. But she
did give me, she did give me that that daily
motherly embrace. And while I am living out my wildest
(39:45):
dreams with my mom having like dementia, she doesn't she
she doesn't know that's me. When I turned on that.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
Look, she's she still has the light inside of her.
Speaker 3 (40:07):
And my mom was the woman who would put red
towels out on the floor. She never missed an award show,
never that she would invite people over. And this was
while I was a kid, and you know, here I
was like, Mom, I'm nominated for a Critic's Choice award
(40:32):
and She's just.
Speaker 2 (40:32):
Like, oh, that sounds fun, and I'm just like, oh.
Speaker 3 (40:35):
My god, yeah, like this is unbelievable. Or the fact
that since twelve, my biggest goal was to buy my
mom a house, to put her back in a.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
House for all the sacrifices, for.
Speaker 3 (40:53):
Everything she's ever done for me, And it was not
her fault that she lost that house. It was my
job to put her back in a house. And the
day I walked her in the house, it was just
like okay, you know, And so I had to let
go of this response that I had always waited for,
(41:18):
that I had anticipated from a lot of the accomplishments
that she and I worked so hard for me to fulfill.
And you know, it kind of made me a little
shut down to where I was like, do your job,
learn your lines. Do your job, do your job, and
learn your lines. Do your job, learn your lines. But
(41:39):
Kathy sees through all of that. And so Kathy would
just touch you and be like, how's your mom, And
I'm like, she's met my mom. She's had my mom
and her trailer. And when my mom saw her, she
was like I think she thought she was like, oh,
mate of hers or something like that, would come in
to school in the bars like she knew she like
she was just like she was obsessed with Kathy. Yeah,
(42:01):
And so I was like, I please spark something here,
and she did. My mom was lit up and I
have a photo that like captured it all. But yeah,
Kathy gave me that mother energy of I'm proud of you,
great work. We would have like a killer scene and
(42:22):
she would just like grab my hand.
Speaker 2 (42:26):
It It filled a large fraction.
Speaker 3 (42:31):
It can never feel the full, but it feeled a
large fraction of that void.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
And what I want to tell you as a friend
who adores and loves you dearly, even if your mom
can't tell you the things she wants could or can't
let you know and the way you're used to that
(42:56):
she's so proud of you. She sees you, she knows,
she is with you. She's with you every day on set.
She is proud of you. Everyone's proud of you. You're
getting me, amosh.
Speaker 3 (43:14):
Because you're a mom and you know what it's like
to sacrifice. You have sacrificed so much for your family.
Speaker 2 (43:23):
Well, what I'll say is this the universe.
Speaker 1 (43:27):
What I've learned through the last year and a half
is the universe pushes people into our lives when we
need it the most. Mine was my magical Unicorn that
you absolutely know who is a dear Frontier who has
changed my life for the better. I'm glad you got
(43:50):
that gift because I do think when you needed it
the most, she was sent to you. And I hope
that heals you in some some small way through this
really hard season.
Speaker 2 (44:09):
It does, she does, and she knows it, and you
know that's what.
Speaker 3 (44:20):
That's what the experience was with she and I in
Times Square, Yeah, you know.
Speaker 2 (44:29):
Where I'm just.
Speaker 3 (44:30):
Literally holding her and she's holding me and we're both crying.
It wasn't because of the Billboard. It was the fact
that Kathy too has had so many trials and tribulations
and wins in her life that never did she think
(44:52):
that she would be a poster girl at seventy six? Yeah,
you know, when when is the last time you've known
Kathy Bates to be number one on the call sheet
and the poster girl. Yeah, you know, since misery, and
so for her to have this massive accomplishment that she
(45:12):
always wanted for herself and me seeing all of the
obstacle courses that she experienced while filming season one and
all of the obstacles that I had that she saw
me experience during season one. She and I always had
each other and we always held each other up. We
would take space away from everyone if we needed to.
(45:35):
We would over rehearse if we needed to, like lock in.
And so in that moment in Times Square, it was
the fact that we had finished the first season.
Speaker 2 (45:48):
I had about two It just a grace stressed out.
I was stress but it was like we did it. Yeah,
we did it. And you know.
Speaker 3 (46:01):
I wouldn't have that part if it wasn't for Kathy,
because she is executive producer. But she was my final
round of auditioning where I had to do a chemistry
read with her, and there were multiple other actresses in
the waiting room that went in there before me and
went in there after me. And as soon as I
walked in the room and I saw her, I just said,
(46:21):
can I hug you?
Speaker 2 (46:23):
And that is you? No, that is you a so.
Speaker 3 (46:26):
A like forbidden Oh I love move to make and
a chemistry read with like an a lister or even
casting director. You're not supposed touch anybody. Yeah, And I
went in and I just said can I hug you?
Because I was like, in my mind, I'm like, if
she can feel me before she hears me, then she'll
feel that I've worked so hard to get to this
(46:49):
very moment. And by the time she and I were done,
I said to them, I said, look, I've already won.
Speaker 2 (46:54):
I got to fly Delta one from New York to
Ada for fifteen minutes. I already have a bottle on
God Speak amongst the celle good luck. But I've already won.
Like I literally said that to them.
Speaker 3 (47:08):
I was just like, out of all the choices in
my life, I got to fly to la to act
with Kathy.
Speaker 2 (47:15):
Bays for fifteen minutes, like and I'm not stressing about this.
And I was told that.
Speaker 3 (47:22):
When I left, she just turned around and was like
it's her right and I.
Speaker 2 (47:27):
Saw the sign in sheet.
Speaker 3 (47:28):
I was the only unknown actor, and so there is
so much more to being an artist.
Speaker 2 (47:36):
There's so much more to being brave. But my goodness.
Speaker 3 (47:44):
With growth comes the stage of being a cocoon. And
science has said that the caterpillar is in this cocoon
fighting for its life, like it feels like it's gonna
and it wants out of this and only until it
is completely exhausted and it gives up all hope that
(48:08):
it just stops fighting only to become a butterfly surrender.
And so that's what twenty twenty four was for me.
I was in this caterpillar and while I knew that
it was half absolutely incredible. We have lives that are
(48:30):
extremely challenging, and as you know, you have to sacrifice
so much. You miss out on baby showers, weddings, anniversaries, funerals,
the dinner parties. You miss out on the community and
they have to understand this part. And so going into
season two, I feel more of that butterfly effect. I
(48:56):
feel the butterfly now, and yes say that if it
wasn't for not just Kathy, but the rest of my cast,
they were I called them my emotional support actors.
Speaker 2 (49:08):
They carried me through all of those stages. And I have.
Speaker 3 (49:17):
Found ways to communicate with my friends that have died
just in my heart.
Speaker 1 (49:23):
Yeah, and you carry them with and I carry them with.
Speaker 3 (49:27):
Me if I see a hummingbird or a butterfly or
you know, I kind of give them my dentities. And
so processing loss.
Speaker 2 (49:40):
Was the big lesson for me.
Speaker 3 (49:42):
Being able to let things come and go as they please.
Stop being the controller who wants to, you know, like,
just let things come and go, allow the flow.
Speaker 1 (49:57):
That's important. That guy is so important because you ca
we can't control timing of grief.
Speaker 2 (50:02):
Oh, you can't say it again.
Speaker 1 (50:05):
You cannot control timing of grief. You have to surrender
to the moment and let it flow out of you.
Speaker 2 (50:14):
And just be yes.
Speaker 1 (50:15):
Because the more we pack that down, the more we disassociate,
the more we pretend it's not a part of who
we are and our movement and how we show up
in the world. We're not growing as humans, we're not
sharing our scars, we're not being vulnerable. And that's what
(50:39):
makes life so fucking precious is our ability to connect,
our ability to show up for each other, our ability
to have grief together. But we have to be vulnerable
enough in moments where we can't control, and we embrace it.
(51:03):
And I think your vulnerability to share I appreciate it.
I'm grateful for it. I'm grateful for our friendship. And
what I love so much about what you say and
how you move is this notion of being enough. That
twelve year old who had to go through a very
(51:24):
very hard time and transition, you were always enough, And
in moments where it brings you to your knees, you
are humble enough to surrender, but you're strong enough to
get back up. And that's the difference between allowing something
(51:46):
to consume you and break you or make you resilient
and roll your fucking sleeves up and say I was
meant for this life. Hell, and you were meant for
this life. And I'm grateful to call you a friend.
Thanks for coming on wide open, Thanks for sharing your
scars and your story and your vulnerability. And a lot
(52:11):
of people will learn from this conversation and a lot
of people will feel safe knowing someone like you is
willing to share something so deep. So thank you, Thank
you for coming.
Speaker 2 (52:27):
I love you, I love you.
Speaker 1 (52:30):
So what's what's next? Tell tell the listeners, tell the viewers.
What's next. We're filming season two?
Speaker 3 (52:37):
Yes, we're not filming season two until probably I'm guessing June. Okay.
Speaker 2 (52:45):
And so I decided that what's next for.
Speaker 3 (52:48):
Me is me.
Speaker 2 (52:50):
I need to rest.
Speaker 3 (52:53):
I need to be with my friends and my husband.
Like now that I know what that seven months of
filming is, like, I just want to pour into everyone
that I love. I mean, hell, I came to your
birthday dinner and left my husband in the car.
Speaker 2 (53:06):
I was that I was inside. You know, he had
some scripts to read anywhere. I was like, read your scripts.
I'm gonna go.
Speaker 3 (53:15):
But I'm not missing Ashley's birthday dinner, right, And see,
I am going out of my way to make sure
that I show up for my friends, my family, my husband, myself.
Speaker 2 (53:27):
I want to I want to find like a really
great retreat.
Speaker 1 (53:30):
Let's go strip please, yes, planet, but like let's do it.
Speaker 3 (53:33):
But like a real, real, like raw wellness retreat of
just like facilitating tears and building growth and connection. Like
I just want to go back to the woods, you.
Speaker 2 (53:45):
Know what I mean, Like I just want to like
make up away hair or back. I just want to
go into the woods.
Speaker 3 (53:51):
And just like be off the grid because I know
what's coming. But right now, you know, I'm just my
heart is just aching for la and I'm just gonna
patiently wait to see what comes down the queue work wise,
but very patiently, because no one saw this coming. And
(54:12):
with my industry, you know the world having to deal
with COVID, but then my industry dealing with two strikes
and now this wildfire. It's taken such a toll on
so many people in my community and my industry that
I am patient. I do not need to rush to
somebody else's set to do anything. And also I go
(54:33):
to Chicago one week every month to just sit on
a couch with my mom.
Speaker 2 (54:38):
I love and caregive for her. Put my scrubs back on. Yeah,
she's amazing. She's an edible arrangement.
Speaker 3 (54:44):
Well, she's really funny, Like even though she's so far
in avnure, she's really fun She's like a really funny,
like three four year old.
Speaker 2 (54:53):
But like we throw the ball, we be coloring.
Speaker 3 (54:57):
Yeah, seriously, she's she's so picky about her food, you know,
but it's my mom, and the roles have reversed. But
I would not want anything to change in this state.
She's made it past eighty and I am happy to
be her caregiver right now. And so that's my priority
(55:20):
is family, friends, and myself.
Speaker 1 (55:22):
Well I love that. And what I love about you
is you're always my first message about cleansing rooms. Oh yeah, salts,
crystals and burning sage, like you are my soul sister
that I will ever.
Speaker 2 (55:39):
I will always. Which what is it?
Speaker 1 (55:43):
The some date is coming up on my Yeah, are
wet salt before? And you know, someone walks into our door.
I need to cleanse all the things. It's Sophia and
I we you know, I'm putting salt in every fluck
corner of our home and for the new year. And
I'm like, this is what Sky would do. So we're here,
(56:06):
we're we're spiritual people. Now we're throwing fucking soul all
over these.
Speaker 2 (56:10):
Health believe it is real.
Speaker 1 (56:12):
And now my kids are like, you know, Mama, what
is this. You're supposed to like leave it for fifteen days.
I'm like, these kids are gonna eat every corner immediately.
Speaker 2 (56:23):
Yeah, the babies.
Speaker 1 (56:25):
Well, I wish you have nothing spell but love and success.
And I love that I get a front row seat.
Speaker 2 (56:33):
Thank you. Thanks for watching everyone else.
Speaker 1 (56:36):
Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for another beautiful
conversation with the one and only Sky Marshall. We'll see
you next time. Wide Open with Ashland Harris is an
iHeart women's sports production. You can find us on the
iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
(56:58):
Our producers are Carmen Borca Correo, Emily Maronoff, and Lucy Jones.
Production assistants from Malia Aguidello. Our executive producers are Jesse Katz,
Jenny Kaplan and Emily Rudder. Our editors are Jenny Kaplan
and Emily Rudder and I'm your host Ashlyn Harris
Host
Ashlyn Harris
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