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April 30, 2024 28 mins

Do you sometimes feel the tension between telling the truth about what happened to you and staying “positive”? Or maybe you’ve given up on staying positive altogether since your story includes tragedy or despair. In this episode, I come at this question head-on. I share an experience from my childhood that I’ve never talked about publicly before and discuss how I personally have used a tool like writing to tell the story the true way, without letting it crush me. 

NOTE: This episode includes explicit language and also topics not suitable for children, specifically childhood sexual abuse. Keep this in mind if you are feeling too sensitive for that topic today or if you have little ears nearby. 

Pre-order Write Your Story and download your free resources HERE!


Find Dr. Kim D’Eramo on Instagram: @drkimderamo

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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Pick up the pieces of your life, pull them back
together with the word to write all the beauty and
piece and the magic that you'll start too fun when
you write your story.

Speaker 2 (00:13):
You got the.

Speaker 1 (00:13):
Words and said, don't you think it's time to let
them out and write them down and cover what it's
all about and write your story. Write you, Write your Story.

Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hi, and welcome back to the Write Your Story Podcast.
I'm Ali Fallon, I'm your host, and on today's episode,
I want to talk about this idea of balancing the
quote unquote truth of your story with this idea of
rewriting the story or controlling the narrative, because there definitely
is a dance that has to happen here. The reason
I want to address this topic is this has come

up a lot in the last couple of weeks as
I've been doing interviews for Write Your Story, as I've
been talking to a lot of you about your experience
with this material and this cond and it's a really
very important topic to address because there isn't one hard
and fast answer to this. This is not like a
black and white issue, and I think sometimes when in

the world of self help, when we make this issue
black and white, we really do people a disservice. Like
most of the content that I hear out there about
quote unquote manifestation or positive thinking, I don't think it's
intended this way, but because of the way it's delivered,
it leans toward toxic positivity, it leans towards spiritual bypassing.
And especially for anybody listening who has complicated situations in

your life, traumatic experiences, any kind of PTSD, any kind
of mental health issue. Basically I'm describing everybody at this point,
anybody who has lived through the pandemic the last couple
of years of our human existence. For anybody who falls
into that category, it can be really complicated to say,
like just speak positive, Like just say it the positive

way and things are going to go your way. It's
more complicated than that, because we're also human and there
are things that happened to us that when the data
comes in, like when the experience falls on your body,
it doesn't feel positive at all. In fact, it feels
quite negative. And so what do we do with that.
You can't just change your mind and say, well, no,
that was great, I'm so glad that that happened in

my life. You know, I'm so glad that I was
like held at gunpoint, or that I was betrayed in
that horrific way, or that I went through that divorce.
You can't really say that before you believe it or
before you feel it and just have it be true.
There's like a whole journey that has to be walked
in order to get there. So I want to talk
about that, and I want to really dive into that
subject and hopefully bring up a few important points. I

don't have any like hard and fast, clear answers, but
I definitely want to dig into the topic and maybe
give you a few helpful questions that you can ask yourself,
and some good journal prompts that you could use to
write through some of those questions that you're asking yourself
as you write your story. Before I do that, I
want to share a couple of announcements announcement maybe two.
The main announcement I want to make is that we

are one week away, exactly from write your Story being
out in the world, which is so exciting. I've been
counting down to this moment for months and months and
really a couple of years now, so I'm so excited
that this book is going to be out. The books
are going to be shipped you know, any day now.
I mean some of you, depending on the retailer where
you ordered them, some of you may have early copies

in your hand. It's very possible that that's the case
if you don't know that it will be coming any
day now. And this is an exciting moment for me,
for the book, for you, for everyone who is excited,
you know, to read. And also another thing to keep
in mind is that if you haven't ordered your copy
yet and you're wanting to get in on the pre
order bonuses, now is the time to do it, because

the pre order bonuses are going to go away as
soon as the book is out, and so if you
want to get those bonuses, there's over sixteen hundred dollars
worth of pre order bonuses that are available on the
website when you order the book ahead of time. So yeah,
even if you order the book now, you may get
the book. I don't know, like kind of instantly. Every
retailer does it differently, so some may already be fulfilling

orders and some may wait until a seventh But you
could order it now and have it in a week
or at the most, and you can also get those
pre order bonuses. So here's how you do it. First,
go to your favorite retailer wherever you order books, and
order the book. If you're an independent bookstore girly like
I am, go to your indie bookstore and tell them

that you want them to carry a copy of the book,
because not every independent bookstore will have it, but if
you go in and you request it, they will order
it for you. So they'll order a couple of copies
if you go request it. And that's actually really really
helpful for an author too. If you ever have an
author that you want to support, a really helpful thing
you can do is go into your independent bookstore in
your town and tell them, like, I'd love to have

a copy of this book, could you order it for me?
And they'll order a few copies want someone requests it.
And you can also do that at your local library.
That's another really helpful thing to do for an author
is go in and say, you know, I'd love to
check this book out from the library, could you please
carry it? And they'll order a couple of copies too,
So you think about that, Like, you know, publishers don't
have the manpower or the resources to call every single

independent book store in the country and make sure that
they're carrying the book. But if you're a listener a reader,
and you're a loyal fan and you want to be
really helpful to an author, you can go in personally
and request it and it's super, super helpful to an author.
So if you order books from your indie bookstore, I
love it. I'm that kind of a person too. I
go into Parnassis here in Nashville all the time and
that's where I buy most of my books. If you

are an Amazon girly, that's also totally awesome. I told
my husband, I don't know, like maybe two years ago,
right after Charlie was born, I was like, I want
to stop ordering as much from Amazon. I want to
start supporting local businesses. And he was like, yeah, I
mean that's nice, but we also have two tiny kids
at home, so maybe like ordering you know, baby wipes
and pacifiers that you need at the last minute, or

like coffee. He's like, cut yourself some slack. You can
just order from Amazon. So nothing wrong with Amazon. Let's
thank God for overnight delivery and quick delivery. If that's
where you order from, then feel free to grab the
book there too, or if you order from somewhere else
like Walmart or Target or Brenson Noble or whatever, order
the book wherever you order books, and then once you

have your order number, you can take it to write
yourstory dot com slash book and you can upload your
receipt there, and then you'll get an email that will
prompt you through the process for downloading your free resources,
so you'll get access to all of those right away.
I hope you enjoy I hope you find it really
helpful and enriching and edifying and inspiring. And I can't

wait to hear more about how you experience reading the
book and how you experience using the resources. Come find
me on Instagram and Ali Fallon tell me about it there.
You can subscribe here, give us a five star review,
leave a review for me, let me know how it's
been helpful for you there, and that would be such
a huge gift and very much appreciated. The other announcement
that I wanted to make that I wasn't sure I

was going to make, but I am because it applies
to our conversation today is I've been reading a book,
an early copy of a book that I got called
Rift by Kate West Rift, a memoir of breaking away
from Christian patriarchy. This is an early advanced copy of
the book that I got from Kate's publicist who reached
out to me to ask if I would want her
to be a guest on our show. And to be

totally honest, I haven't taken any guests through pr or
through publicy at all. The only way that I've brought
guests into the Writer Story podcast thus far has been
people who I organically or naturally bump into on the
street like that. For example, I had that on the
show because I was at his album release party and
he said something so compelling and so profound that I

was like, we need to have you on the podcast.
You need to talk about that. And his episode has
had such a huge impact on so many of you,
and I've loved hearing more about that and hearing about
your takeaways from my conversation with him. Then I also
had Elizabeth Bennett on the show. I had her on
the show because I saw her as a healer twice
and had such a profound explsperience with her that I
was like, I need to get you on the show.

What you're teaching me, and what you're talking about is
exactly appropriate to what I talk about on the Write
Your Story podcast, So please come on the show. So
that's how I've had guests come on the show in
the past, and I've not had any guests come through
publicity or through PR, although this is a lot of
how podcast guests are booked in this world. Is you
have a I have this. I'm a PR person who's

reaching out to different podcasts and TV shows for me saying, like,
you know, Ali Fallon's coming out with this book, it's
called Write Your Story?

Speaker 3 (08:29):
Do you want to have her on the show.

Speaker 2 (08:30):
So when I got this email from Kate West's publicist,
I was really intrigued, because, you know, a memoir of
breaking away from Christian patriarchy. I'm sure you can imagine
if you've been a listener here for a while, why
maybe I would have some things in common with this author.
And so I had never heard of Kate West before,
but I got the copy of her book. I took

it with me last weekend on a trip that I
took to Dallas to go see a friend of mine
get married, which I talked about on an episode last
week and I'm going to have her come on the show.
But I wanted to bring this up because it's such
a great example of this balance that we strike between
telling the truth and telling the story in a different way,

a new way, an elevated way, telling the story in
a positive way, telling the story in an empowered way.
There's this dance between telling the story the way it
actually happened, making sure that the details are true to
what actually took place, and also owning the story for ourselves.
Telling the story as if we're the hero of the story.
Telling the story is if we get to decide how

this story gets resolved, Telling the story as if we're
in the driver's seat. You know, I'm the one who
is the creator of my own experience, and Kate does
such a good job of doing that in this book.
I'm going to bring her on the show. I'm going
to have a whole conversation with her. I'm dying to
hear more from her about what it was like for
her to write about her experiences, because you know, if
you've read the book educated, I would say her experiences

weren't as abusive as Tara Westover's experiences were, weren't as
physically overtly abusive, but the abuse is definitely still there,
and the abuse is really reminiscent actually of the abuse
that I write about, and indestructible and definitely abuse that
I experienced growing up too. That's much more covert abuse.

It's not like, you know, I wasn't like punched in
the face or like whipped with a belt. But the manipulation,
the control, the gas lighting, the threats of going to
hell on a tiny little body like a child are
equally as compelling to a child's body and get equally
lodged inside of a child's body and make it really

hard for that child to grow up and become a
high functioning adult. So I'm excited to chat with Kate.
I'm excited to hear more about what it was like
writing the story. I imagine she probably experienced some PTSD
and also I'm guessing that it was probably really healing
for her to write this story as well, So I'm
excited to talk with her more about what that was like.

Speaker 3 (10:56):
The book is not out yet.

Speaker 2 (10:57):
Honestly, you could go right now wherever you buy books
and you could find out the release date and then
stay tuned because I'll have her come on the show.
But I want to talk about this concept of telling
the truth versus telling a better story. One concept that

I want to state very clearly is that telling a
better story never involves obscuring the details, So it never
involves changing the physical reality that took place. Now, sometimes
when you're telling a better story in your life, you'll
have a different viewpoint on the same physical experience. It's

like the rose colored glasses thing that I was talking
about on last week's episode, that when you put a
different filter on something, sometimes you see it differently. But
even that term rose colored glasses is not necessarily a
complimentary term. It's not something you would say, like, oh,
that person has rose colored glasses. It's usually something that
we use to say that person has rose colored glasses
is and they don't see things the way that it's

actually taking place. So there is some nuance here that
putting a filter on an experience that obscures the actual
experience isn't necessarily healing. In fact, sometimes it can be
the opposite of healing if it doesn't allow you to
like fully experience the experience, to fully integrate the experience,
to fully accept and receive and surrender to the experience.

Then it's not helpful, it's not healing, to quickly rewrite
the experience so that you don't have to feel the
pain of it. When I talk about writing your story,
when I suggest that you rewrite your narrative, I'm never
suggesting that you delete details from your life that actually
took place. I'm never suggesting that you obscure the details
to make it seem not as bad as it was.
In fact, part of writing your story, in my opinion,

is about going back into the pain, back into the trauma,
back into the heartbreak, back into the betrayal, back into
the divorce, back into the rift, as Kate West talks about,
and almost reliving it from a new vantage point where
you can fully receive the pain, you can fully integrate
the experience. As a five year old, as a twelve.

Speaker 3 (13:12):
Year old, you couldn't. How could you.

Speaker 2 (13:14):
Your only option was to associate, to leave your body,
to have other coping mechanisms to survive the horrific abuse.
But now as a grown up, now you're more evolved.
Now you have more strategies, Now you have more skills,
Now you have more stability, more sturdiness, and now you
can go back into the cave and slay the dragon

in a way that you couldn't when you were five.
You can go back into the cave and relive the
experience and fully surrender to it and integrate it and
move it through your body. In fact, one of the
guides that I mentioned on last week's episode, the guide
that I mentioned really on last week's episode. Her name's
doctor Kim Deramo. If you're interested in learning more about her,
you can go find her on Instagram. I think her
Instagram handles like doctor Kim d or maybe doctor Kim Deramo,

and I'll link that in the show notes and you
can learn more about the work that she does. But
one of the really powerful paradigm shifts that she has
taught me is about trauma. And I'm not a trauma therapist.
She's not a trauma therapist. So I'm not trying to
trump anything that you've learned about trauma or from your
own therapist. All I'm offering is a helpful redefinition of

trauma that's been really profound and powerful for me. So
take it for you as it's helpful for you, and
leave whatever doesn't fit. But what she helped me to
see about trauma is that trauma is an experience that
I had that I wasn't able to fully receive or
surrender to at the time that I had it. I
didn't have the resources. I didn't have the inner well

when I was sexually abused as a child. I didn't
have the inner well of resources to know how to
receive that experience and how to fully move through it.
So when I had that experience, I dissociated. When I
had that experience, I split off from my own body.
When I had that experience, I performed in order to
get attention and approval. Those were the things that I
did in order to survive that experience, and they were

absolutely fucking brilliant of me to do. Excuse my language,
but that's that's how I feel about it. It was
absolutely brilliant of me to do at the time that
I did it. And yet now as an adult, I
can either keep using those coping mechanisms. I can keep
being a grown up who people pleases and performs to
get attention and you know, needs people to see me

and jumps through all the hoops and pretzles myself into
knots to make people happy. Or I can let go
of that coping mechanism, and I can allow myself to
go back into the pain and to fully experience it
and receive it all over again with a different vantage point.
I can go back into the pain and I can
I can go like, this has nothing to do with you,
sweet girl. Just let it happen, let it all in.

This is not about you. This says nothing about who
you are. And there's a way for me to sort
of take in the experience differently than I was able
to take it in when I was five or twelve
or seventeen or twenty six. So that's really what trauma is.
Trauma's an experience that gets trapped in your body. The
way out of it is to allow the trauma to

actually move through your body and to exit it. It's
like energy, you know, everything is energy. Think of like
a wave crashing in an ocean. If you stop that
wave of energy, it becomes just pent up inside of
your body. Another great analogy is like a pressure cooker.
When that lit is on, it's just pent up and
it's just sort of rattling and shaking and vibrating at

this crazy frequency. And then when you let the pressure out,
it just goes ssh and that is what can happen
for us with our trauma. When we allow our trauma
to move through our body, then that crazy shaking vibration
feeling we have inside of our bones can leave our
bones because we've opened the valve and we've let it leave.

But in order to do that, it requires an incredible
amount of trust, surrender, strength, courage, a willingness to let
go of control, a willingness to let go of the
coping mechanisms that saved our lives at one point. It
also requires support and stability, sometimes from outside of us.

Doctor Kim is a great example of someone who has
been an outside version of support and stability that I
needed to do what I did. I couldn't have done
what I did without her. My trauma therapists have also
been support and stability outside of me that I needed.
I couldn't have done what I did without them on
site workshops, which I've talked about. I went to a
living center program actually went twice, and the therapist there

and the other people in my group were very supportive
to me, and I needed them. My husband is an
example of someone who's incredibly supportive to me, who has
his own inter well of resources that he shares with me.
And Matt has like this certain I've heard his friends
describe him like an oak tree, like he's just steady
and sturdy. And that has been such an amazing, miraculous
gift to me because I've been able to lean on

his sturdiness when it feels like that pressure cooker is
vibrating at that insane rate. I've been able to lean
into his sturdiness as almost like I want to say, crutch,
but it's not in a bad way, Like lean into
that sturdiness so that I could release the energy that
was stuck inside of my body. And Matt has been
a huge resource to me. So each of us are

resourced in different ways. And you may be listening to
this thinking, oh, I don't have those kinds of resources
that you have, but you do. Look around. Your guides
are out there. You may not have connected with them yet,
some of them you might not be connected with personally.
I hope that I've been a guide to you. I
hope that this podcast is a guide to you, that
the book Write Your Story is a guide to I
hope on Instagram that that's the role that I can

play is to be a guide to anybody who's watching
and listening and tuning in. I hope that you, as
you pay close attention, that you'll be able to see
the guides that are present in your life. And the
more that you ask for help, the more that that
help will rush in for you too. Kim Dramo came
into my life because I started asking for help. I
started saying like, I can't do this alone, I need help,
I need someone to help me. I need someone to

help me. And sure enough, within weeks, she showed up
in my life experience and she's been a huge guide
to me. So start paying attention to the way that
guides show up in your life. And if you feel
like you need more guides and you don't have them yet,
then ask for help. Say in a prayer, I need help.
I can't do this by myself. I need help. Please
help me, and surrender to that help and allow that

help to come into your experience.

Speaker 3 (19:19):
So as the trauma.

Speaker 2 (19:20):
Moves through your body like that, it gives you an
ability to have the same experience but from a different
vantage point. I don't know if that makes sense, but
you have the same experience but from a different vantage point.
So I'm going to use this example and I will
put a trigger warning because I feel like it's a
little unfair to talk about childhood sexual abuse in a

podcast without giving people a little bit of a heads up.
So I'm going to use this example and I will
put a trigger warning because I feel like it's a
little unfair to talk about childhood sexual abuse a podcast

without giving people a little bit of a heads up,
especially if you listen to this podcast around little kids
or whatever. But this is how it has worked for me,
is imagining going back into the experiences that I had
as a young girl, and I was sexually abused as
a little girl from the time I was four until
I was seven, and then you know, growing up that
abuse was tragic and traumatic, but it was beyond that.

It was also that married with growing up in Evangelicalism,
in Christianity, where so much of my value and my
worth was put on my virginity, my purity, saving myself
for marriage, waiting for marriage, only giving myself to my husband.
You know, you have this one precious gift to give away,
and there's only one time to give it away, and once.

Speaker 3 (20:43):
To give it away, it's gone for good.

Speaker 2 (20:45):
It's like that messaging, that narrative over the top of
this experience that I had as a child was deeply,
deeply traumatizing for me. And so going back and almost
reliving those experiences, realizing that I'm not the four year
old anymore, being the angel in the room with the
four year old saying to her, you know, something's about

to happen to you, and it's going to be really
hard to take this in. But this is not about you.
This has nothing to do with you. This says nothing
about you. And then I would sit with her too,
when she's in church and she's twelve years old and
she's listening to the pastors say whatever he's saying about
sex and purity, and I would just say, what he's
going to say is going to be really hard for

you to hear, and this has nothing to do with you.
This has nothing. This says nothing about you or you're worth.
He's going to say words, and they're just words, you know,
which as a twelve year old, that's not the experience
you're having. It's not just words. Do you see this
delicate balance that I'm striking here between the details that
took place that are tragic they're horrific. They are not
just words to a twelve year old brain. In fact,

they're deeply traumatic and wounding to a twelve year old.
But the way that I've evolved as a woman spiritually
and where I am at forty years old, I can
sit with that twelve year old girl and I can
tell her this has nothing to do with you.

Speaker 3 (21:58):
These are just words. They mean nothing. And when I
give that.

Speaker 2 (22:01):
Twelve year old that guide in the room, it does
change the way that we together experience the input, experience
the data, because although she might be traumatized by it,
I am not. And you'll notice this is why Esther
Hicks work has been speaking so deeply to me, because
there is this gap between my physical being who's sitting

there or the twelve year old in the chair, and
my broader being who knows this has nothing to do
with you. This says nothing about you. This man who's
speaking on the stage is literally parroting words that have
been given to him that he doesn't have any idea,
you know, like he's not at all in touch with
or in alignment with what's really really true in the
broader sense. What's really true in the broader sense, is
that there is a love that blankets us, all that

you could not find your way out of even if
you tried. You are covered, my child, And so I
tell her that. I sit next to her and I
tell her that, and I live through those experiences and
when whenever those experiences pop up, you know, I'm a
guide in her story, and I sort of sit next
to her as an angel and talk her through what
she's experienced. And I'm telling you, you know, doesn't change
the data that came in. It doesn't change the physical

details of what took place, but it does change my
experience of it. It changes how I file it, It
changes how I categorize it, it changes how it moves
through my system. It's like letting the steam out of
that pressure cooker and it's just like sh you know,
it's not charged in my body anymore. And I feel
much more stable, much more grounded, much more able to

make decisions from that aligned place, to know who I
really am, to know what I'm really about, to know
what I'm worth, to know that I matter, and to
tell the story in a different kind of way. It
doesn't mean that I change the details of a story.
It just means that when I tell the details of
the story, I don't make them mean what I used
to make them mean. And that's the difference here, that's
the gap, is that the details of the story don't change,

but the meaning changes. The energy with which I tell
them changes. And I need to point out here this
is the point I really want to drive home more
than anything else, is that there's not a morality to this.
So if when you tell your story there's an incredible
charge to it, I just want you to know you're
doing it right. You're in exactly the right spot. If

when you tell the story of your abuse or your divorce,
or you're growing up in Christian patriarchy, or your coming
out story like Jonathan talked about a few weeks ago,
or whatever story you're telling, when you sit down and
you tell that story, if there's an incredible charge to it,
and if you still feel angry and bitter and lost
and anxious and concerned and furious and what and rage

and whatever, it's perfect. You're doing it perfectly. There's no
morality to this. It's not like you're a better person
when or you're going to create a better life for
yourself when you get to this. Some obscure place in
the future where you're telling a quote unquote better story.
Tell the story the way that it needs to be told,
the way your body's telling you to tell it right now.

Tell the details exactly how it took place. Let yourself
feel that wave of emotion, of rage, of sadness, of despair,
of loss, of devastation, whatever it is that you're feeling.
And notice how so telling the story that way opens
you up. It's like a portal. It opens you up
to new possibilities, to a new way of being, to
a different way of communicating about what took place. It

is a slow process, but it is an evolutionary process.
It is impossible to not evolve and to continually tell
your story to yourself. It's impossible to continually tell you
the story to yourself and to not evolve. You cannot
do it. You just will. And you don't have to
orchestrate that. You don't have to tie up all the
details perfectly. You don't have to make it happen. You

don't have to rainbow wash it and tell it a
better way. You just tell it the way that it happened,
and your body will naturally guide you through a process.
Of upgrading the meaning, upgrading the moral, telling it in
a more empowered way, telling it in a way that
feels more aligned with your broader being. And over time,
the story will be shaped, the story will come out

in a new kind of way, and you won't have
that same charge in your body that you used to
have when you tell it. You won't vibrate in the
same kind of way that you use to vibrate when
you tried to say the words. The words will lose
their meaning in a way. And I mean that in
the best way ever. You know, ten years ago, if
I would have tried to tell you that I was

sexually abused as a child, I wouldn't have been able
to say the words. And now I can say the
words and genuinely have no earthquake happen in my body.
And that just speaks to the fact that I've said
the truth. I've said the true words. I've said it
out loud a bunch of times. I've told close personal friends,
I've told safe people, I've told my therapist, I've done emdr.
I've told the story over and over again. I've shaped
the story and shifted the story. I've told it in

a different way, and I'm a new woman now and
I have a new view. It's not rose colored glasses.
It's not rainbow washing something that is horrific. It's just
going like that thing happened, and it says nothing about me.
It does not even touch my value or my worth.
This is lofty, but I'm going to say it anyway.

I hope that's what right your story does for you.

Speaker 3 (27:00):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (27:00):
I'm not a therapist. I'm not a trauma therapist. I
have no credentials along those lines. All I have is
a story to share. All I have is what I've
written for you, and write your story. I really hope
that that's what it can do for you, That it
can free you of that earthquake that lives inside of
your body, that you feel like maybe will never go away,
that's going to just be with you forever, like I

talked about with my anxiety, or with this experience that
I had as a child, or with my divorce or whatever.
I hope that as you use these tools, that it
allows you to go into the cave to slay the
dragons as the evolved, powerful, incredible grown person that you are.
I hope that it allows you to experience your story

in a different kind of way, and I hope it
really allows it to move through your body for the
first time, so that you can live freer and with
more joy, and so that you can really experience the
infinite capacity that you have as a creative human being.

Speaker 3 (27:59):
That's what I hope for you. That's what I hope
for the book.

Speaker 2 (28:01):
So please go order it. Go pre order it. It's
going to be out in a week. We're going to
be celebrating big time when it comes out. I can't
wait to hear more about the experiences you have with
the book, with writing your story, So come tell me
about it on Instagram at Ali Fallon. I'll see you
over there and I'll see you next week. I want
to write your Story podcast
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