October 7, 2024 • 35 mins
This week, Kat dives into the topic of burnout, exploring what it is and how it affects different areas of life. While burnout is commonly associated with work, she highlights that it can also arise from other sources. She helps listeners recognize the signs of burnout, from physical and emotional exhaustion to a sense of detachment. Kat also shares tips and strategies for alleviating burnout, focusing on how to prioritize self-care, set boundaries, and restore balance.
Follow Kat on Instagram: @KatVanburen
Follow the podcast Instagram: @YouNeedTherapyPodcast
Click HERE to see the You Need Therapy merch!
Have a question, concern, guest idea, something else? Reach Kat at: Kathryn@youneedtherapyodcast.com
Heard about Three Cords Therapy but don’t know what it is? Click here to visit the website, or check it out on Instagram: @threecordstherapy
Produced by: @HoustonTilley
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
I started to realize that not being an expert isn't
a liability, it's a real gift. If we don't know
something about ourselves at this point in our life, it's
probably because it's uncomfortable to know.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
If you can die before you die, then you can
really live. There's a wisdom at death's door. I thought
I was insane. Yeah, and I didn't know what to
do because there was no internet.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
I don't know, man, I'm like, I feel like everything
is hard.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
Hey, y'all, my name is Kat. I'm a human first
and a licensed therapist second. And right now I'm inviting
you into conversations that I hope encourage you to become
more curious and less judgmental about yourself, others, and the
world around you. Welcome to You Need Therapy. Hi guysome
(01:00):
to a new episode of You Need Therapy Podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
My name is Kat.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
I am the host, and quick reminder before we get
started that although I am a therapist, this podcast is
called You Need Therapy. This is not server as a
replacement or a substitute for any actual mental health services. However,
we always hope that it can help you in some way.
You might be able to tell but I'm getting over
a little cold, and I'm honestly unsure if it is
(01:25):
because the weather is starting to change, because I usually
go through a little cold every time that happens, which
is so annoying, or it is my body's way of saying, hey,
we were overwhelmed and exhausted and we are out of
gas and steam.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
So give us a break.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
So I did that, and I gave myself a break
yesterday and took a day off, which was surprisingly harder
than I imagined it to be. And we're gonna kind
of talk about some themes around that. So I don't
know if I have talked about this story on here before.
I'm sure I have, and if not, maybe it's me
trying to keep some of my personal struggles personal. But
(02:07):
I think it's also relatable, so I'm gonna share it.
I am a kind of person who has like a
bagelion hobbies. I jump around hobby to hobby, and I
have a tendency of getting pretty good at the hobby
and then just getting tired of it and moving on.
And I still do each thing to some degree, but
I kind of move on from being like almost obsessed
(02:29):
with it.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
I'm also the kind of person.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Who I see something and I immediately think to myself, oh,
I can do that, or I can make that, which
I can't, and if I can, sometimes I more recently
have to learn sometimes it's not worth it. And just
because I can do something or figure something out on
my own, it doesn't mean I need to or have
to or if that's the best decision for me. Now,
(02:53):
some spaces I end up doing it anyway because it's fun.
In some spaces I have to say, Catherine, we can
pay somebody to do that.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
So those are.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Two things about me, and that leads to what was
happening in twenty sixteen. So those like chunky beaded bracelets
became very popular, and also they were like pretty expensive,
like almost thirty dollars for a bracelet or twenty dollars
for a bracelet. I don't remember what it was back then,
and I thought to myself, I can make those. I
(03:23):
can do that. So I got really into making jewelry,
became a hobby, and then I thought to myself, this
could be a business. I could sell this stuff, and
I created a jewelry business. I hosted parties at people's
houses where people would come and shop and look at
all the stuff and buy things. I had booths that
(03:45):
like craft fares. I had booths at festivals. If you're
in Nashville, I had a booth at Tomato fest. And
somebody I was dating at the time had a big
fall festival every year, and I had a booth at
his festival. So I just started this business and tried
to do it the right way because one of my fears,
which I think a lot of people can relate to,
(04:06):
is I don't want to go to jail for something
that I accidentally did or didn't really know I was
doing wrong. And I think there's a difference between going
to jail and getting a fine. But this is the
younger me who was just very scared of just getting
in trouble in general. So when I started doing all
these festivals and kind of selling to more than just
(04:26):
my friends and family, I got a business license and
I got a business tax license so I could buy
wholesale supplies. And then my hope at that point one
day was to like sell my stuff to boutiques and
stores and stuff like that. Spoiler, I never did that,
So I got all that I had a whole business.
(04:47):
I even got my jewelry in this. It was some
kind of magazine for Williamson County, which is a county
in Tennessee where I grew up, kind of like their
lifestyle magazine or something, but I had like a whole
feature in that. I started making some traction, but I
also very soon was like, I don't really want to
(05:09):
do this as a business, Like this is not fun.
I was coming home from work every day and then
shutting myself in my room and making jewelry on my floor.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
It was just exhausting.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
I wasn't actually making money because I was spending so
much money on the products. And then I kind of
went really hard and then got burnt out and just
stopped and I closed it. I think the year after
that I opened it, and I since then have gotten
bills and letters and notices every single year sent to
(05:39):
my house. And I was unaware of a lot of
this stuff the first time that it started happening. I've
had police officers show up at my office, at my house,
at my parents' house trying to serve me papers for
like a delinquent tax that I didn't pay, which, you know,
knowing me and what I said earlier, this scared the
crap out of me. I thought I was going to
(06:01):
go to jail because I didn't pay some tax I
didn't know about.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Well, since the.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
First time that has started happening, I would call. I
would say I thought I closed this, which I need
to do, and each year I would get some form
of Okay, you need to do this and then you'll
be done, or if you do this, you'll be done,
or oh, okay, you did this, you're good to go.
And I guess all the stars weren't aligning with who
needed to talk to who, and maybe I did something
(06:26):
for one department but not for another department. But it
was very frustrating because every year this happens, and then
every year I try really hard to get it solved,
and then every year after I get these notices again.
So the past couple, well, I think the past year.
Last year, I just was like, I don't have the
energy for this. When they send me the bill that
I needed to pay, I just paid it, even though
(06:48):
like this is not a business that's running. It's not
like it's not a thing, but it was almost not
worth the energy and the headache and the anxiety that
I had around figuring this out because it wasn't as
simple as making one phone call, because one phone call
led to like five other phone calls. And also there
was this did I actually do it right? Because every
year they tell me I'm doing it right, and then
(07:10):
a lot of times you're leaving voicemails for people and
then they're calling you back, and then you're missing them
calling you back, and it's a whole thing.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Anyway, I'm sharing all.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Of this with you because this year I said I'm
gonna take care of this, and I avoided it for
like a month, and then I was like, I'm gonna
take care of this. I'm gonna call. So I called again.
They told me what to do. After I played phone
tag for literally a week, and by the time I
got ahold of the right person, this issue had escalated,
(07:40):
so I had to call another person, and YadA, YadA, YadA. Anyway,
it was probably three weeks of me making phone calls,
getting calls back, calling that person. That person's having me
call this person. That person doesn't know what I'm talking about.
I'm explaining that that person kind of thinks I sound stupid, which.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
I probably did sound stupid.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
I didn't what I was talking about it's very confusing,
and this story is probably confusing, but I'm telling it
you it because this week I figured it out. This
week I put all of this to rest, and this
week I have written confirmation that everything is figured out.
I don't have to pay this enormous fee to the
(08:19):
Williamson County Courts. And I felt really proud of myself.
I asked for help where I needed help. I made
phone calls when I felt, really think I felt when
I was making these phone calls a little bit of shame,
but also just confusion and overwhelm that I didn't understand
what I was calling about, and nobody really took the
(08:41):
time to explain it to me, and people I don't know.
When you work in a certain area, you just assume
that everybody knows what you're talking about. But I need
things in like very simple terms, because I don't know
much about business tax license and property taxes and all
this stuff. It's a confusing area for me. I don't
know a lot about it, and that's okay. A lot
of people don't know a lot about being a therapist
(09:01):
because they're not therapists, and that's okay, and that's something
I have to continue to remind myself. But I'm telling
you the story because it left me exhausted. When it
was over, I was so happy to have it done,
but I felt so exhausted. And I think that's where
maybe it was a combination. It wasn't like may being exhausted,
or the weather it was a combat a perfect storm,
(09:22):
or my body was like you need to breathe.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Even though this wasn't.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
A lot of tasking, like sit down and work really hard,
it was emotionally exhausting, and it was just this ongoing,
never ending thing that I felt like every time I
opened it up, it was gonna be It's not like
I make this calling, it's over. It's I make this
call and they're gonna tell me what call to make next.
And then they're gonna tell me what call to make next.
And then they're gonna tell me what call to make next,
(09:46):
and then they're gonna give me a form.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
Then I just submit that form.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
The I'm gonna have to have another form and I
have to call somebody about that form. So it was
just exhausting, and when you're in it, it almost says like, Okay,
I just gotta like jump in it. And do it
and then I'm when it's I can celebrate, But it
was as soon as it was over, it was like, oh,
I don't even have an energy to celebrate. And dealing
(10:08):
with this task over here also has made it hard
for me to enjoy other parts of my life just
because I was thinking about it, or there's something else
I needed to do, or it felt unfinished. It just
seeped into other parts of my life and it just
got me thinking about this time of year and how
it breeds a lot of burnout, and it breeds just
(10:31):
a lot of exhaustion that turns into burnout, and so
we're gonna talk about burnout today. I don't believe that
that story or situation has burnt me out, but it
led to exhaustion that I think is impacting some other
areas of my life. And I think when we're in
the midst of being exhausted getting to that point, we
(10:52):
don't realize it a lot of times until we are there.
I think about the way I started working when I
have I had like a lot of energy and excitement
about being a new therapist and learning new things and
climbing the ladder, and you know, when you're in that
space and you're new and you're fresh and you're excited.
You can be doing things that are going to lead
(11:13):
you to be done for really fast, and it's hard
to recognize that because you're a lot of times enjoying
the stuff that you're doing. When I started working as
a therapist, I was working multiple jobs, and especially when
I started as a private practice therapist, I worked multiple jobs.
I was trying to soak up any opportunity I could,
(11:34):
lots of networking and it was fun and exciting and thrilling,
and I felt like I was getting somewhere and I
was on my own, and you know, I was doing
good work and everything was fun and exciting. But I
didn't realize that as I was doing that, I was
setting myself up to just run out of gas way
before I reached my destination.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
And a lot of times.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
You don't realize that you've run out of gas until
you take a break. And that is so interesting to
me because a lot of times vacations in those situations
end up not being relaxing because you finally take a
break and then the idea of getting back into that
quote unquote hustle sounds so daunting that you just want
(12:20):
to quit it all. I don't know if anybody's ever
experienced that, but when we're on that cusp of burnout,
the vacation while if when we do take time off,
it probably is good to have that wake up call,
but it doesn't bring us the relaxing effect that we're
looking for. Just like the break, it brings us the
idea that, like, I can't go back into that fire.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
And I believe that the.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Work culture in our country is a breeding ground for
burnout in a lot of different areas. And we don't
have individually the ability to change that for every circumstance,
but we do have the ability to recognize when a
culture is it's good for us, when a culture is
bad for us, and there are things that we can
do that can help us from getting to the point
(13:06):
where we just want to like quit it all, especially
when it's something that we've loved for so long or
we've wanted for so long. I think a lot of
times people jump ship because they get burnt out of
things when it could have been something you were in
for the long haul if you allowed it to be
more of this gradual process versus jumping in the fire.
(13:27):
And staying in that fire for way too long and
going back to my jewelry business. I think that's part
of what happened there, is like I went headfirst into
that and it was like, go go, go, go go,
I'm gonna make something of this. And then I was like,
I don't want to do this anymore. This is too much,
And instead of gradually creating that process. Who knows I
could have a jewelry business now today that is sold
(13:47):
in stores all over the place versus be a therapist.
I don't know, And I think that in that circumstance
that worked out the way it needed to work out.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
But I recognize how I turned.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
Something that I really was enjoying and I started doing
for fun. Part of the reason I was doing that
for fun turned into like a dreaded task, and I
went years without creating any kind of fun jewelry from myself.
Just recently brought stuff back out, mainly to play with
my nieces. But I think a lot of times we
get in those situations and we put ourselves in this
(14:21):
survival mode that we don't need to be in, and
you can't operate there for a long time. You can't
and maintain health. You can operate there for a long time,
but your health is going to shift and change. And
so we're going to talk about today what burnout is,
how it affects our health, and just some little tips
to bring us out of that space, which they might
not be these oh my god, that's going to change
(14:41):
my life. They're little things that work well if you
do them. And that's a lot of times, like solutions
to some of the ways we cope toxically in our culture.
The solutions to those are often solutions that we are like, oh,
that doesn't sound as exciting or as wow factor or
(15:02):
as big or grand, and they're not. They take longer
to work, but they are going to work longer than
some of these unhealthy coping skills that we find when
we're in spaces of stress. So let's talk about what
burnout is. So burnout's different than just stress. Burnout would
(15:26):
be a state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion brought
on by repeated, prolonged stress. So it's stress on steroids
kind of thing, and a lot of it is brought
on by work stuff. But you can be burnout in
any areas. You can be burnout with taking care of
your home, taking care of your kids, I don't know,
taking care of another family member, taking care of your partner.
(15:49):
You can be burnt out in a hobby. You can
be burnt out in volunteer opportunities. It can happen anywhere,
but again, it's a state of emotional, mental, and physical
exhaustion where you are experiencing a long, prolonged, no break
period of stress. Like I said, it can happen in
a lot of areas. It can happen from being overworked.
(16:11):
It can come on because it feels like you don't
have control in certain areas. It can happen because you're
not balancing work life or certain relationships or able to
delegate tasks in certain areas of your life. It can
happen because you feel a lack of support in some
area of your life where you're then doing it all
(16:32):
without thinking, blinking, or taking a break. And when this
is happening, a lot of times we feel dread about work,
about things that we used to really love about our jobs.
We feel a lot of anger or we're super irritable
when that's not our personality, and maybe we become very
cynical about certain things, especially things that we used to
(16:53):
be really excited about and loved digging into. And I
will give you an example of this. When I started
working as a therapist, I started in the addiction and
eating disorder world, and then when I started as a
private practice therapist, I also was starting as an eating
disorder dietician. And this was in the rise too of
using Instagram for marketing and stuff like that, and I
(17:18):
was this like fighter. I wanted to be this advocate
in this person who was constantly fighting the online media
issues around body image and body positivity and eating disorders
and all that stuff. And I was headed first in
that all the time, and I was one of those
people who wanted to talk about it all the time,
who always wanted to go out and find a solution.
(17:39):
I wanted to be on the front lines, but I
always was on the front lines. And because social media
was also something that was just part of my life,
not just a work thing, it felt like I was
constantly battling those things all of the time as a
clinician and a practitioner, not just as a human being.
And I got to a point where I thought to myself,
(18:00):
I can't do this anymore. I can't care about this
stuff anymore. And I became very cynical in the sense
of like, oh, nothing's ever going.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
To change, So what's the point?
Speaker 1 (18:08):
And that was kind of a wake up call of
this is a thing you really care about, this is
something that is dear to your heart. It's something that
you do believe we can make change in. You need
to break. You need to let somebody else step in
front and be in the front lines, and maybe you
need to maybe piggyback off of some of those people
doing that work and allow people to help you out
for a little bit and take some of the weight
(18:30):
off your shoulders and then get back in that fight
where it seems appropriate for you. And I think it
didn't have to be a I don't care anymore.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
This is stupid.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
What's the point it had to be, Hey, I need
somebody else to carry the heavier load for a little bit.
And so if you've ever experienced something like that, it's
a sign of burnout. Like I've worked myself to the
point where I can't care anymore about this, even though
this is a value to me and this is something
that I do care about and I didn't want to
lose that. When we're feeling burnout, the smallest tasks can
(19:03):
feel super overwhelming. This could be literally just making an
Instagram post thinking about what I was talking about a
second ago. It can be just sending an email. Like
all these things feel exhausting and dreadful and hard, when
previously you would be excited to do them, or it
would be like, oh yeah, I can get that done,
or it would be a fun task.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
It's almost that.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Feeling of you're running on empty but there isn't an
end in sight, so I have to keep going even
though I have no energy. And when there's no end
in sight, it feels like you're almost in a jail
cell or there's no space to come up for air,
which is a haunting and a daunting and a terrible feeling.
(19:46):
And giving yourself an opportunity for air, giving yourself an
end insight is so helpful when it comes to feeling
like you are at the end of your rope. Knowing
that there is a deadline or an end or a
break can be so helpful to help us almost rejuvening
ourselves when we're feeling burnt out. It's very interesting, but
(20:09):
as we're really exhausted, it also leads to difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness.
Maybe we have like mental fatigue and we don't feel
as sharp. And it's not because we've become dumb or
stupid or we've lost all of our knowledge. It's that
our brain is just so tired. It's working at a
different level. Prolonged stress impairs our decision making, It impairs
(20:32):
our focus. And I think a lot of people think,
including me, at times, we think, oh, we can just
push through this, or I am this smart, or I
have this amount of knowledge in my brain, so it
doesn't matter. I can just push through this. But our
bodies have limits, and I want people to hear that
our bodies have limits. Being burnt out is not like
(20:52):
a character flaw on you. It's not you being weak.
It's not you having enough of something. It is your
body's way of or bonding to prolonged stress where it
no longer can operate at the same level that you've
been operating before. It's a experience that we have little
control over. We cannot keep pushing. It's going to make
(21:14):
things worse. Think about if you broke your leg. Your
leg is broken, so you can run on that leg,
but it's gonna be really painful, and you're not going
to be as fast and you're not gonna be as
good at running right, So you can't help it that
you broke your leg.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
It's broken, so.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
We need to heal it so you can go back
and start running on it. You can't just push through
that stuff and expect your body to act as if
it's fully healed and altogether. And with all that stuff,
you're also gonna lose motivation. You're gonna lose purpose, like
I was saying earlier, with feeling like I just didn't
want to fight that fight anymore, Like if I was
(21:51):
telling myself that it didn't matter as much to me,
or I didn't care, couldn't bring myself to go to
events or watch videos or just immersed in things that
really were important to me. I'm talking about how burnout
affects you mentally. It's also gonna affect you physically, So
you're gonna have chronic fatigue as well, just body wise,
(22:11):
where you're just lethargic or tired. Maybe you can't work
out or do the same kind of workouts that you
are used to doing. Maybe you can't run as far
as fast as you used to because your body is
just an overdrive. You might have trouble sleeping. You might
have issues like headaches or just tension in your muscles
because you're putting all that stress and energy somewhere, and
(22:32):
your immune system can also be weakened, which was why
I'm sitting here being like, did I just get this
because of weather change or did I get this because
I need a break right now? If you find yourself
catching every cold that is happening and that's not usually you,
then maybe your immune system is weak because you are
using so much energy and your body can't catch up
(22:53):
and it needs a break so it can build back
up that immune system. So it's gonn effect you mentally.
It's going to affect you physically. It's also going to
affect you emotionally. You might have just emotional withdrawal or
you're just kind of pulling into yourself. You can feel
disconnected from your friends, from your family. You might not
want to go to social functions or engage in those
(23:15):
ways that you used to really want to engage in,
or you get done at the end of the day
and you just don't feel like going to things that
you normally would be excited about because you don't have
the energy for it. So you can see how even
if we think that burnout might be just from work,
or it's just from this part of my life, or
just from this part of my life, it's going to
end up affecting every single part of our life. It's
(23:37):
going to affect our mental health, our physical health, our
emotional health, our relationships, are enjoyment in life as a whole,
or enjoyment in different parts of our lives. It just
is going to seep into every single aspect if you
do not pay.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
Attention to it.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
So I'm just going to give you now some simple
tips to use and think about if you find yourself
experiencing this now or save them in your back pocket,
because a lot of us are going to experience this
at some point of our life, and most of us
can't just quit our jobs or quit the thing that
is causing us this burnout, but we can evaluate what's
going on and see where we can make new or
(24:20):
different decisions. And if you're working in a system that
does not allow for air to be breathed, I think
talking about this with safe people who can help you
find an exit plan could be really helpful. Knowing you
are moving towards something better can be more helpful than
you think, even if you're still in that system. It
gives us the idea that end is in sight. And
(24:40):
so I just say that because I know a lot
of people are going to think, well, I can't do
any of that stuff the space where I'm burnt out,
I don't have options. Well, even talking about it with
somebody can help. And I think a lot of times
the option or the things that I'm going to ask
you to do, they feel impossible, but really it's just different,
(25:00):
and there's going to be a consequence or there's going
to be some kind of shift, and we have to
evaluate what's more important feeling burnt out and this being
my life or experiencing this shift or consequence in my life,
which might be uncomfortable. So things to do if you're
experiencing burnout, Allow yourself to take breaks, and I mean
(25:21):
like breaks like time off, but also frequent and short
breaks throughout your day so you can recharge and just
breathe and experience a second where you're not hustling all
the time. It can be five ten minutes, it can
be little walks throughout the day. It can be you
going and getting a cup of coffee and drinking it,
not in front of a computer screen or getting a
(25:43):
glass of water and drinking it talking to a friend
versus while you're typing out your computer. Another thing is
set clear boundaries. A lot of times this happens because
we're overworking ourselves and not setting boundaries, and we think
that boundaries can exist, But boundaries can't exist. We just
have to be the ones that are in charge of them.
If somebody is getting something out of us and it's
(26:03):
working for them, they're most likely not going to be
the one that says, hey, let's set a boundary and
let's make my life harder because you're not going to
be doing this thing for me. So it has to
be something that you are in charge of.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
And also it.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Might come with somebody else having to take responsibility for things.
That's okay, you don't have to do it all, and
you don't have to do.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
It all all of the time.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
That also goes into like delegating, prioritize. Not everything it
has to be done right now, Not everything has to
be done at one hundred and ten percent level, which
is really hard for people. I think that just because
I can do it to this level doesn't mean it's
necessary or I should be doing it to this level.
So delegate, prioritize. Look at where I want to spend
(26:47):
my energy versus I have to spend this amount of
energy on everything. You don't have infinite energy, you don't
have infinite time, and so how do I want to
use that? And where can I ask for help? Make
space for personal time. This is very important. Schedule the
personal time. I mean, I was telling that story about
me making jewelry, which again at first was personal time,
(27:10):
but then it became like this dreaded thing that I
have to go make these things after work, where I
wasn't able to engage with my friends and do things
that we would do regularly, like go to workout classes together,
go to happy hours after work. I was missing out
on things that were really important to me. And so
for you, schedule things. Put a standing note in your
calendar where you are going to do something for yourself
(27:32):
or something with friends at this time every day and
you are unavailable. Prioritize rest, prioritize sleep, make it a
non negotiable. I think a lot of people can stay
up so late working on things because they feel like
they need to.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
They have to this, it's not an option.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
But if we are going to do that for a
prolonged period of time, it's only going to get worse.
Chronic burnout often leads to sleep deprivation, and we do
not operate super well and super healthy when our bodies.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
Do not have sleep.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Quality sleep is essential, and so if we're not getting that,
that is really a red flag and we should not
be long term sacrificing quality sleep for these other things
that are less important. It might feel like they're more important,
but your sleep has a lot to do with your
over all health. And that also goes into like prioritizing
(28:24):
engaging in physical activity. It doesn't have to be the
most intense, crazy workouts, but just allowing yourself to feel
that and give your body something that it craves and
wants and desires and making that a priority is really important.
And I love this one, but you have to have
some boundaries with it. Creating and cultivating a hobby, a
creative hobby, so something that you do just for fun. Recently,
(28:47):
I think if you guys follow me Instagram, you can
see that I've been painting and it's something I do
when I want to. It's not turning into anything else.
It's something that I do when I want to do it,
when it feels good. And I actually yes. When I
was exhausted and kind of giving myself that day off,
I picked up a canvas and I started painting again
because I remember, this allows me to feel good and
(29:09):
free and it's fun. It's just for the sake of fun.
And along with that is creating self care rituals like rituals,
not just routines.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
Rituals.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
Self care is a very powerful way to reduce stress
and also recharge energy. So developing a personal routine dedicated
to relaxation and nurturing yourself can help maintain a lot
of balance in your life. A lot of people will
do this at night. A lot of people do it
in the morning. You can also have something you do
in the afternoon. But creating something that works for you.
(29:42):
It can also be a weekly routine or a ritual,
like every Saturday, I go on this hike, or every
Sunday I do these.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
Things in the morning.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
I love on the weekends, allowing myself to do my
skincare and a face mask and lay on the couch
and do things like that. And so self care rituals
that feel really really good. There's two more that I
think are really important. One is unplugged from social media.
I think we tell ourselves the lie all the time
that we won't be able to survive without social media
(30:12):
or we need it or we have to have it.
And even if your job revolves around social media, there
are ways for you to unplug from it. Personally, we
survived without it before, we can survive without it moving forward.
I think I mentioned this last week. I recently learned
that Woody Harrelson doesn't have a cell phone. He survives,
(30:32):
and I do know that he has a certain amount
of privilege that allows him probably to not have a
cell phone. I'm not asking you to not have a phone,
but I am asking you to really evaluate how important
this thing is for you and if you really need it,
and if it's hurting you or helping you. I recently
deleted some social media apps from my phone and it's
been a game changer and it has actually allowed me
(30:53):
to put my phone down so often, not even to
pick something else up, but just to lay there and
breathe instead of between sessions me like scrolling on Instagram
or something like that, I just will either get something
done instead of pushing it off for later that's going
to overwhelm me. Or I lay down for two minutes
and breathe and at a tape before sessions and it
(31:13):
has been so wonderful. And then the last one practice gratitude.
Which I say this knowing some people will be like, yeah,
I want want gratitude whatever.
Speaker 2 (31:25):
But gratitude is a really big deal.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
And if we are not noticing the things that we
have in our life that are good, that we enjoy,
then a lot of times we don't know that they're
there because the negative aspects of our lives pop out
so much more loudly. I don't like that that's the
fact of life, but that is a fact of life.
And even thinking about how like when we hear negative things,
(31:48):
they make a seven times bigger impact on us than
positive things about ourselves. So see how more tuned into
the ick we are. Times more so if we are
not making an effort to look at and pay attention
to the things in our lives that are going well
(32:09):
that we like, that we appreciate, a lot of times
just aren't going to see them. We don't know that
they're there and then it feels like all we are
soaking and is the ick. So when we're burnt out
a lot of times we're going to be focused on
what's going wrong. Practicing gratitude helps us shift our perspective
to what is going right and what we have the
(32:29):
power to change and to pay attention to and to
live in too. So start a gratitude journal right down,
three things every day that you're grateful for. It can
be that simple, and see how that shifts the way
that you start your day. Maybe it shifts the way
that you approach different tasks you have, where it shifts
the way that you prioritize things. So it could be
(32:51):
part of that self care ritual where I Am waking
up every day, I'm having a cup of tea, I'm
doing my gratitude journal, and then I'm moving on with
my day. With that start, it sounds actually wonderful and
like a big, warm hug you could give to yourself.
So those are just some tips, and like I said,
they're not going to be like, oh my God, that's
going to change my life the first time I do it,
(33:11):
but they can start to shift things for you, and
you want to be able to engage in things that
you can do long term that are going to maybe
take longer to start working, but will last and be
able to stay with you longer. We are in this
cultural where we want a quick fix that's big and
bold and huge and grand that's actually going to probably
(33:33):
lead more to the burnout or burnout in another area,
or lead to some kind of disaster in a different area,
because it's not something that can last. Think about how
we turn to drugs, alcohol, big adrenaline pushes or experiences
when we want to feel better in a lot of
areas in our lives. Well, if we keep doing that
over and over and over and over and over again,
(33:55):
it's going to lead to more toxicity versus if we
do these less exciting, less I think, huge grand things,
they are actually going to slowly give us more of
what we need and last longer. So I hope that
was helpful in some ways this time of year. I
just think that we I don't know, we start at
the beginning of the year with so much excitement and
(34:17):
energy for these new tasks and these new goals and
these new things that we're going to do, and then
we kind of put our head down and go head
first for months and then we wake up kind of
at the end of the year, nearing the end of
the year.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
Saying I'm exhausted.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
Why do I feel so exhausted Because we never came
up for air, We never allowed ourselves space to come
up for air. So maybe in the fall we don't
wait until winter. We start in the fall coming up
for air. So we maybe don't have to give things up.
I don't have to give up my jewelry business and
then fight this tax war for six years.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
We can just.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
Actually maintain it at a level that works for us
versus steals joy energy segment from our lives.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
So again, I hope that was helpful.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
If you have any questions, feedback, comments, feel free to
send those to me Katherine at unitherapy podcast dot com.
You can follow me kat van Buren on Instagram and
at You Need Therapy Podcast.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
Until I talk to you.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
Guys again on Wednesday for couch Talks.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
I hope you have the day you need to have
I started to realize that not being an expert isn't
a liability, it's a real gift. If we don't know
something about ourselves at this point in our life, it's
probably because it's uncomfortable to know.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
If you can die before you die, then you can
really live. There's a wisdom at death's door. I thought
I was insane. Yeah, and I didn't know what to
do because there was no internet.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
I don't know, man, I'm like, I feel like everything
is hard.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
Hey, y'all, my name is Kat. I'm a human first
and a licensed therapist second. And right now I'm inviting
you into conversations that I hope encourage you to become
more curious and less judgmental about yourself, others, and the
world around you. Welcome to You Need Therapy. Hi guysome
(01:00):
to a new episode of You Need Therapy Podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
My name is Kat.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
I am the host, and quick reminder before we get
started that although I am a therapist, this podcast is
called You Need Therapy. This is not server as a
replacement or a substitute for any actual mental health services. However,
we always hope that it can help you in some way.
You might be able to tell but I'm getting over
a little cold, and I'm honestly unsure if it is
(01:25):
because the weather is starting to change, because I usually
go through a little cold every time that happens, which
is so annoying, or it is my body's way of saying, hey,
we were overwhelmed and exhausted and we are out of
gas and steam.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
So give us a break.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
So I did that, and I gave myself a break
yesterday and took a day off, which was surprisingly harder
than I imagined it to be. And we're gonna kind
of talk about some themes around that. So I don't
know if I have talked about this story on here before.
I'm sure I have, and if not, maybe it's me
trying to keep some of my personal struggles personal. But
(02:07):
I think it's also relatable, so I'm gonna share it.
I am a kind of person who has like a
bagelion hobbies. I jump around hobby to hobby, and I
have a tendency of getting pretty good at the hobby
and then just getting tired of it and moving on.
And I still do each thing to some degree, but
I kind of move on from being like almost obsessed
(02:29):
with it.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
I'm also the kind of person.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Who I see something and I immediately think to myself, oh,
I can do that, or I can make that, which
I can't, and if I can, sometimes I more recently
have to learn sometimes it's not worth it. And just
because I can do something or figure something out on
my own, it doesn't mean I need to or have
to or if that's the best decision for me. Now,
(02:53):
some spaces I end up doing it anyway because it's fun.
In some spaces I have to say, Catherine, we can
pay somebody to do that.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
So those are.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Two things about me, and that leads to what was
happening in twenty sixteen. So those like chunky beaded bracelets
became very popular, and also they were like pretty expensive,
like almost thirty dollars for a bracelet or twenty dollars
for a bracelet. I don't remember what it was back then,
and I thought to myself, I can make those. I
(03:23):
can do that. So I got really into making jewelry,
became a hobby, and then I thought to myself, this
could be a business. I could sell this stuff, and
I created a jewelry business. I hosted parties at people's
houses where people would come and shop and look at
all the stuff and buy things. I had booths that
(03:45):
like craft fares. I had booths at festivals. If you're
in Nashville, I had a booth at Tomato fest. And
somebody I was dating at the time had a big
fall festival every year, and I had a booth at
his festival. So I just started this business and tried
to do it the right way because one of my fears,
which I think a lot of people can relate to,
(04:06):
is I don't want to go to jail for something
that I accidentally did or didn't really know I was
doing wrong. And I think there's a difference between going
to jail and getting a fine. But this is the
younger me who was just very scared of just getting
in trouble in general. So when I started doing all
these festivals and kind of selling to more than just
(04:26):
my friends and family, I got a business license and
I got a business tax license so I could buy
wholesale supplies. And then my hope at that point one
day was to like sell my stuff to boutiques and
stores and stuff like that. Spoiler, I never did that,
So I got all that I had a whole business.
(04:47):
I even got my jewelry in this. It was some
kind of magazine for Williamson County, which is a county
in Tennessee where I grew up, kind of like their
lifestyle magazine or something, but I had like a whole
feature in that. I started making some traction, but I
also very soon was like, I don't really want to
(05:09):
do this as a business, Like this is not fun.
I was coming home from work every day and then
shutting myself in my room and making jewelry on my floor.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
It was just exhausting.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
I wasn't actually making money because I was spending so
much money on the products. And then I kind of
went really hard and then got burnt out and just
stopped and I closed it. I think the year after
that I opened it, and I since then have gotten
bills and letters and notices every single year sent to
(05:39):
my house. And I was unaware of a lot of
this stuff the first time that it started happening. I've
had police officers show up at my office, at my house,
at my parents' house trying to serve me papers for
like a delinquent tax that I didn't pay, which, you know,
knowing me and what I said earlier, this scared the
crap out of me. I thought I was going to
(06:01):
go to jail because I didn't pay some tax I
didn't know about.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Well, since the.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
First time that has started happening, I would call. I
would say I thought I closed this, which I need
to do, and each year I would get some form
of Okay, you need to do this and then you'll
be done, or if you do this, you'll be done,
or oh, okay, you did this, you're good to go.
And I guess all the stars weren't aligning with who
needed to talk to who, and maybe I did something
(06:26):
for one department but not for another department. But it
was very frustrating because every year this happens, and then
every year I try really hard to get it solved,
and then every year after I get these notices again.
So the past couple, well, I think the past year.
Last year, I just was like, I don't have the
energy for this. When they send me the bill that
I needed to pay, I just paid it, even though
(06:48):
like this is not a business that's running. It's not
like it's not a thing, but it was almost not
worth the energy and the headache and the anxiety that
I had around figuring this out because it wasn't as
simple as making one phone call, because one phone call
led to like five other phone calls. And also there
was this did I actually do it right? Because every
year they tell me I'm doing it right, and then
(07:10):
a lot of times you're leaving voicemails for people and
then they're calling you back, and then you're missing them
calling you back, and it's a whole thing.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Anyway, I'm sharing all.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Of this with you because this year I said I'm
gonna take care of this, and I avoided it for
like a month, and then I was like, I'm gonna
take care of this. I'm gonna call. So I called again.
They told me what to do. After I played phone
tag for literally a week, and by the time I
got ahold of the right person, this issue had escalated,
(07:40):
so I had to call another person, and YadA, YadA, YadA. Anyway,
it was probably three weeks of me making phone calls,
getting calls back, calling that person. That person's having me
call this person. That person doesn't know what I'm talking about.
I'm explaining that that person kind of thinks I sound stupid, which.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
I probably did sound stupid.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
I didn't what I was talking about it's very confusing,
and this story is probably confusing, but I'm telling it
you it because this week I figured it out. This
week I put all of this to rest, and this
week I have written confirmation that everything is figured out.
I don't have to pay this enormous fee to the
(08:19):
Williamson County Courts. And I felt really proud of myself.
I asked for help where I needed help. I made
phone calls when I felt, really think I felt when
I was making these phone calls a little bit of shame,
but also just confusion and overwhelm that I didn't understand
what I was calling about, and nobody really took the
(08:41):
time to explain it to me, and people I don't know.
When you work in a certain area, you just assume
that everybody knows what you're talking about. But I need
things in like very simple terms, because I don't know
much about business tax license and property taxes and all
this stuff. It's a confusing area for me. I don't
know a lot about it, and that's okay. A lot
of people don't know a lot about being a therapist
(09:01):
because they're not therapists, and that's okay, and that's something
I have to continue to remind myself. But I'm telling
you the story because it left me exhausted. When it
was over, I was so happy to have it done,
but I felt so exhausted. And I think that's where
maybe it was a combination. It wasn't like may being exhausted,
or the weather it was a combat a perfect storm,
(09:22):
or my body was like you need to breathe.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Even though this wasn't.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
A lot of tasking, like sit down and work really hard,
it was emotionally exhausting, and it was just this ongoing,
never ending thing that I felt like every time I
opened it up, it was gonna be It's not like
I make this calling, it's over. It's I make this
call and they're gonna tell me what call to make next.
And then they're gonna tell me what call to make next.
And then they're gonna tell me what call to make next,
(09:46):
and then they're gonna give me a form.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
Then I just submit that form.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
The I'm gonna have to have another form and I
have to call somebody about that form. So it was
just exhausting, and when you're in it, it almost says like, Okay,
I just gotta like jump in it. And do it
and then I'm when it's I can celebrate, But it
was as soon as it was over, it was like, oh,
I don't even have an energy to celebrate. And dealing
(10:08):
with this task over here also has made it hard
for me to enjoy other parts of my life just
because I was thinking about it, or there's something else
I needed to do, or it felt unfinished. It just
seeped into other parts of my life and it just
got me thinking about this time of year and how
it breeds a lot of burnout, and it breeds just
(10:31):
a lot of exhaustion that turns into burnout, and so
we're gonna talk about burnout today. I don't believe that
that story or situation has burnt me out, but it
led to exhaustion that I think is impacting some other
areas of my life. And I think when we're in
the midst of being exhausted getting to that point, we
(10:52):
don't realize it a lot of times until we are there.
I think about the way I started working when I
have I had like a lot of energy and excitement
about being a new therapist and learning new things and
climbing the ladder, and you know, when you're in that
space and you're new and you're fresh and you're excited.
You can be doing things that are going to lead
(11:13):
you to be done for really fast, and it's hard
to recognize that because you're a lot of times enjoying
the stuff that you're doing. When I started working as
a therapist, I was working multiple jobs, and especially when
I started as a private practice therapist, I worked multiple jobs.
I was trying to soak up any opportunity I could,
(11:34):
lots of networking and it was fun and exciting and thrilling,
and I felt like I was getting somewhere and I
was on my own, and you know, I was doing
good work and everything was fun and exciting. But I
didn't realize that as I was doing that, I was
setting myself up to just run out of gas way
before I reached my destination.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
And a lot of times.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
You don't realize that you've run out of gas until
you take a break. And that is so interesting to
me because a lot of times vacations in those situations
end up not being relaxing because you finally take a
break and then the idea of getting back into that
quote unquote hustle sounds so daunting that you just want
(12:20):
to quit it all. I don't know if anybody's ever
experienced that, but when we're on that cusp of burnout,
the vacation while if when we do take time off,
it probably is good to have that wake up call,
but it doesn't bring us the relaxing effect that we're
looking for. Just like the break, it brings us the
idea that, like, I can't go back into that fire.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
And I believe that the.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Work culture in our country is a breeding ground for
burnout in a lot of different areas. And we don't
have individually the ability to change that for every circumstance,
but we do have the ability to recognize when a
culture is it's good for us, when a culture is
bad for us, and there are things that we can
do that can help us from getting to the point
(13:06):
where we just want to like quit it all, especially
when it's something that we've loved for so long or
we've wanted for so long. I think a lot of
times people jump ship because they get burnt out of
things when it could have been something you were in
for the long haul if you allowed it to be
more of this gradual process versus jumping in the fire.
(13:27):
And staying in that fire for way too long and
going back to my jewelry business. I think that's part
of what happened there, is like I went headfirst into
that and it was like, go go, go, go go,
I'm gonna make something of this. And then I was like,
I don't want to do this anymore. This is too much,
And instead of gradually creating that process. Who knows I
could have a jewelry business now today that is sold
(13:47):
in stores all over the place versus be a therapist.
I don't know, And I think that in that circumstance
that worked out the way it needed to work out.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
But I recognize how I turned.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
Something that I really was enjoying and I started doing
for fun. Part of the reason I was doing that
for fun turned into like a dreaded task, and I
went years without creating any kind of fun jewelry from myself.
Just recently brought stuff back out, mainly to play with
my nieces. But I think a lot of times we
get in those situations and we put ourselves in this
(14:21):
survival mode that we don't need to be in, and
you can't operate there for a long time. You can't
and maintain health. You can operate there for a long time,
but your health is going to shift and change. And
so we're going to talk about today what burnout is,
how it affects our health, and just some little tips
to bring us out of that space, which they might
not be these oh my god, that's going to change
(14:41):
my life. They're little things that work well if you
do them. And that's a lot of times, like solutions
to some of the ways we cope toxically in our culture.
The solutions to those are often solutions that we are like, oh,
that doesn't sound as exciting or as wow factor or
(15:02):
as big or grand, and they're not. They take longer
to work, but they are going to work longer than
some of these unhealthy coping skills that we find when
we're in spaces of stress. So let's talk about what
burnout is. So burnout's different than just stress. Burnout would
(15:26):
be a state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion brought
on by repeated, prolonged stress. So it's stress on steroids
kind of thing, and a lot of it is brought
on by work stuff. But you can be burnout in
any areas. You can be burnout with taking care of
your home, taking care of your kids, I don't know,
taking care of another family member, taking care of your partner.
(15:49):
You can be burnt out in a hobby. You can
be burnt out in volunteer opportunities. It can happen anywhere,
but again, it's a state of emotional, mental, and physical
exhaustion where you are experiencing a long, prolonged, no break
period of stress. Like I said, it can happen in
a lot of areas. It can happen from being overworked.
(16:11):
It can come on because it feels like you don't
have control in certain areas. It can happen because you're
not balancing work life or certain relationships or able to
delegate tasks in certain areas of your life. It can
happen because you feel a lack of support in some
area of your life where you're then doing it all
(16:32):
without thinking, blinking, or taking a break. And when this
is happening, a lot of times we feel dread about work,
about things that we used to really love about our jobs.
We feel a lot of anger or we're super irritable
when that's not our personality, and maybe we become very
cynical about certain things, especially things that we used to
(16:53):
be really excited about and loved digging into. And I
will give you an example of this. When I started
working as a therapist, I started in the addiction and
eating disorder world, and then when I started as a
private practice therapist, I also was starting as an eating
disorder dietician. And this was in the rise too of
using Instagram for marketing and stuff like that, and I
(17:18):
was this like fighter. I wanted to be this advocate
in this person who was constantly fighting the online media
issues around body image and body positivity and eating disorders
and all that stuff. And I was headed first in
that all the time, and I was one of those
people who wanted to talk about it all the time,
who always wanted to go out and find a solution.
(17:39):
I wanted to be on the front lines, but I
always was on the front lines. And because social media
was also something that was just part of my life,
not just a work thing, it felt like I was
constantly battling those things all of the time as a
clinician and a practitioner, not just as a human being.
And I got to a point where I thought to myself,
(18:00):
I can't do this anymore. I can't care about this
stuff anymore. And I became very cynical in the sense
of like, oh, nothing's ever going.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
To change, So what's the point?
Speaker 1 (18:08):
And that was kind of a wake up call of
this is a thing you really care about, this is
something that is dear to your heart. It's something that
you do believe we can make change in. You need
to break. You need to let somebody else step in
front and be in the front lines, and maybe you
need to maybe piggyback off of some of those people
doing that work and allow people to help you out
for a little bit and take some of the weight
(18:30):
off your shoulders and then get back in that fight
where it seems appropriate for you. And I think it
didn't have to be a I don't care anymore.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
This is stupid.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
What's the point it had to be, Hey, I need
somebody else to carry the heavier load for a little bit.
And so if you've ever experienced something like that, it's
a sign of burnout. Like I've worked myself to the
point where I can't care anymore about this, even though
this is a value to me and this is something
that I do care about and I didn't want to
lose that. When we're feeling burnout, the smallest tasks can
(19:03):
feel super overwhelming. This could be literally just making an
Instagram post thinking about what I was talking about a
second ago. It can be just sending an email. Like
all these things feel exhausting and dreadful and hard, when
previously you would be excited to do them, or it
would be like, oh yeah, I can get that done,
or it would be a fun task.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
It's almost that.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Feeling of you're running on empty but there isn't an
end in sight, so I have to keep going even
though I have no energy. And when there's no end
in sight, it feels like you're almost in a jail
cell or there's no space to come up for air,
which is a haunting and a daunting and a terrible feeling.
(19:46):
And giving yourself an opportunity for air, giving yourself an
end insight is so helpful when it comes to feeling
like you are at the end of your rope. Knowing
that there is a deadline or an end or a
break can be so helpful to help us almost rejuvening
ourselves when we're feeling burnt out. It's very interesting, but
(20:09):
as we're really exhausted, it also leads to difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness.
Maybe we have like mental fatigue and we don't feel
as sharp. And it's not because we've become dumb or
stupid or we've lost all of our knowledge. It's that
our brain is just so tired. It's working at a
different level. Prolonged stress impairs our decision making, It impairs
(20:32):
our focus. And I think a lot of people think,
including me, at times, we think, oh, we can just
push through this, or I am this smart, or I
have this amount of knowledge in my brain, so it
doesn't matter. I can just push through this. But our
bodies have limits, and I want people to hear that
our bodies have limits. Being burnt out is not like
(20:52):
a character flaw on you. It's not you being weak.
It's not you having enough of something. It is your
body's way of or bonding to prolonged stress where it
no longer can operate at the same level that you've
been operating before. It's a experience that we have little
control over. We cannot keep pushing. It's going to make
(21:14):
things worse. Think about if you broke your leg. Your
leg is broken, so you can run on that leg,
but it's gonna be really painful, and you're not going
to be as fast and you're not gonna be as
good at running right, So you can't help it that
you broke your leg.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
It's broken, so.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
We need to heal it so you can go back
and start running on it. You can't just push through
that stuff and expect your body to act as if
it's fully healed and altogether. And with all that stuff,
you're also gonna lose motivation. You're gonna lose purpose, like
I was saying earlier, with feeling like I just didn't
want to fight that fight anymore, Like if I was
(21:51):
telling myself that it didn't matter as much to me,
or I didn't care, couldn't bring myself to go to
events or watch videos or just immersed in things that
really were important to me. I'm talking about how burnout
affects you mentally. It's also gonna affect you physically, So
you're gonna have chronic fatigue as well, just body wise,
(22:11):
where you're just lethargic or tired. Maybe you can't work
out or do the same kind of workouts that you
are used to doing. Maybe you can't run as far
as fast as you used to because your body is
just an overdrive. You might have trouble sleeping. You might
have issues like headaches or just tension in your muscles
because you're putting all that stress and energy somewhere, and
(22:32):
your immune system can also be weakened, which was why
I'm sitting here being like, did I just get this
because of weather change or did I get this because
I need a break right now? If you find yourself
catching every cold that is happening and that's not usually you,
then maybe your immune system is weak because you are
using so much energy and your body can't catch up
(22:53):
and it needs a break so it can build back
up that immune system. So it's gonn effect you mentally.
It's going to affect you physically. It's also going to
affect you emotionally. You might have just emotional withdrawal or
you're just kind of pulling into yourself. You can feel
disconnected from your friends, from your family. You might not
want to go to social functions or engage in those
(23:15):
ways that you used to really want to engage in,
or you get done at the end of the day
and you just don't feel like going to things that
you normally would be excited about because you don't have
the energy for it. So you can see how even
if we think that burnout might be just from work,
or it's just from this part of my life, or
just from this part of my life, it's going to
end up affecting every single part of our life. It's
(23:37):
going to affect our mental health, our physical health, our
emotional health, our relationships, are enjoyment in life as a whole,
or enjoyment in different parts of our lives. It just
is going to seep into every single aspect if you
do not pay.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
Attention to it.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
So I'm just going to give you now some simple
tips to use and think about if you find yourself
experiencing this now or save them in your back pocket,
because a lot of us are going to experience this
at some point of our life, and most of us
can't just quit our jobs or quit the thing that
is causing us this burnout, but we can evaluate what's
going on and see where we can make new or
(24:20):
different decisions. And if you're working in a system that
does not allow for air to be breathed, I think
talking about this with safe people who can help you
find an exit plan could be really helpful. Knowing you
are moving towards something better can be more helpful than
you think, even if you're still in that system. It
gives us the idea that end is in sight. And
(24:40):
so I just say that because I know a lot
of people are going to think, well, I can't do
any of that stuff the space where I'm burnt out,
I don't have options. Well, even talking about it with
somebody can help. And I think a lot of times
the option or the things that I'm going to ask
you to do, they feel impossible, but really it's just different,
(25:00):
and there's going to be a consequence or there's going
to be some kind of shift, and we have to
evaluate what's more important feeling burnt out and this being
my life or experiencing this shift or consequence in my life,
which might be uncomfortable. So things to do if you're
experiencing burnout, Allow yourself to take breaks, and I mean
(25:21):
like breaks like time off, but also frequent and short
breaks throughout your day so you can recharge and just
breathe and experience a second where you're not hustling all
the time. It can be five ten minutes, it can
be little walks throughout the day. It can be you
going and getting a cup of coffee and drinking it,
not in front of a computer screen or getting a
(25:43):
glass of water and drinking it talking to a friend
versus while you're typing out your computer. Another thing is
set clear boundaries. A lot of times this happens because
we're overworking ourselves and not setting boundaries, and we think
that boundaries can exist, But boundaries can't exist. We just
have to be the ones that are in charge of them.
If somebody is getting something out of us and it's
(26:03):
working for them, they're most likely not going to be
the one that says, hey, let's set a boundary and
let's make my life harder because you're not going to
be doing this thing for me. So it has to
be something that you are in charge of.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
And also it.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Might come with somebody else having to take responsibility for things.
That's okay, you don't have to do it all, and
you don't have to do.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
It all all of the time.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
That also goes into like delegating, prioritize. Not everything it
has to be done right now, Not everything has to
be done at one hundred and ten percent level, which
is really hard for people. I think that just because
I can do it to this level doesn't mean it's
necessary or I should be doing it to this level.
So delegate, prioritize. Look at where I want to spend
(26:47):
my energy versus I have to spend this amount of
energy on everything. You don't have infinite energy, you don't
have infinite time, and so how do I want to
use that? And where can I ask for help? Make
space for personal time. This is very important. Schedule the
personal time. I mean, I was telling that story about
me making jewelry, which again at first was personal time,
(27:10):
but then it became like this dreaded thing that I
have to go make these things after work, where I
wasn't able to engage with my friends and do things
that we would do regularly, like go to workout classes together,
go to happy hours after work. I was missing out
on things that were really important to me. And so
for you, schedule things. Put a standing note in your
calendar where you are going to do something for yourself
(27:32):
or something with friends at this time every day and
you are unavailable. Prioritize rest, prioritize sleep, make it a
non negotiable. I think a lot of people can stay
up so late working on things because they feel like
they need to.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
They have to this, it's not an option.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
But if we are going to do that for a
prolonged period of time, it's only going to get worse.
Chronic burnout often leads to sleep deprivation, and we do
not operate super well and super healthy when our bodies.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
Do not have sleep.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Quality sleep is essential, and so if we're not getting that,
that is really a red flag and we should not
be long term sacrificing quality sleep for these other things
that are less important. It might feel like they're more important,
but your sleep has a lot to do with your
over all health. And that also goes into like prioritizing
(28:24):
engaging in physical activity. It doesn't have to be the
most intense, crazy workouts, but just allowing yourself to feel
that and give your body something that it craves and
wants and desires and making that a priority is really important.
And I love this one, but you have to have
some boundaries with it. Creating and cultivating a hobby, a
creative hobby, so something that you do just for fun. Recently,
(28:47):
I think if you guys follow me Instagram, you can
see that I've been painting and it's something I do
when I want to. It's not turning into anything else.
It's something that I do when I want to do it,
when it feels good. And I actually yes. When I
was exhausted and kind of giving myself that day off,
I picked up a canvas and I started painting again
because I remember, this allows me to feel good and
(29:09):
free and it's fun. It's just for the sake of fun.
And along with that is creating self care rituals like rituals,
not just routines.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
Rituals.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
Self care is a very powerful way to reduce stress
and also recharge energy. So developing a personal routine dedicated
to relaxation and nurturing yourself can help maintain a lot
of balance in your life. A lot of people will
do this at night. A lot of people do it
in the morning. You can also have something you do
in the afternoon. But creating something that works for you.
(29:42):
It can also be a weekly routine or a ritual,
like every Saturday, I go on this hike, or every
Sunday I do these.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
Things in the morning.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
I love on the weekends, allowing myself to do my
skincare and a face mask and lay on the couch
and do things like that. And so self care rituals
that feel really really good. There's two more that I
think are really important. One is unplugged from social media.
I think we tell ourselves the lie all the time
that we won't be able to survive without social media
(30:12):
or we need it or we have to have it.
And even if your job revolves around social media, there
are ways for you to unplug from it. Personally, we
survived without it before, we can survive without it moving forward.
I think I mentioned this last week. I recently learned
that Woody Harrelson doesn't have a cell phone. He survives,
(30:32):
and I do know that he has a certain amount
of privilege that allows him probably to not have a
cell phone. I'm not asking you to not have a phone,
but I am asking you to really evaluate how important
this thing is for you and if you really need it,
and if it's hurting you or helping you. I recently
deleted some social media apps from my phone and it's
been a game changer and it has actually allowed me
(30:53):
to put my phone down so often, not even to
pick something else up, but just to lay there and
breathe instead of between sessions me like scrolling on Instagram
or something like that, I just will either get something
done instead of pushing it off for later that's going
to overwhelm me. Or I lay down for two minutes
and breathe and at a tape before sessions and it
(31:13):
has been so wonderful. And then the last one practice gratitude.
Which I say this knowing some people will be like, yeah,
I want want gratitude whatever.
Speaker 2 (31:25):
But gratitude is a really big deal.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
And if we are not noticing the things that we
have in our life that are good, that we enjoy,
then a lot of times we don't know that they're
there because the negative aspects of our lives pop out
so much more loudly. I don't like that that's the
fact of life, but that is a fact of life.
And even thinking about how like when we hear negative things,
(31:48):
they make a seven times bigger impact on us than
positive things about ourselves. So see how more tuned into
the ick we are. Times more so if we are
not making an effort to look at and pay attention
to the things in our lives that are going well
(32:09):
that we like, that we appreciate, a lot of times
just aren't going to see them. We don't know that
they're there and then it feels like all we are
soaking and is the ick. So when we're burnt out
a lot of times we're going to be focused on
what's going wrong. Practicing gratitude helps us shift our perspective
to what is going right and what we have the
(32:29):
power to change and to pay attention to and to
live in too. So start a gratitude journal right down,
three things every day that you're grateful for. It can
be that simple, and see how that shifts the way
that you start your day. Maybe it shifts the way
that you approach different tasks you have, where it shifts
the way that you prioritize things. So it could be
(32:51):
part of that self care ritual where I Am waking
up every day, I'm having a cup of tea, I'm
doing my gratitude journal, and then I'm moving on with
my day. With that start, it sounds actually wonderful and
like a big, warm hug you could give to yourself.
So those are just some tips, and like I said,
they're not going to be like, oh my God, that's
going to change my life the first time I do it,
(33:11):
but they can start to shift things for you, and
you want to be able to engage in things that
you can do long term that are going to maybe
take longer to start working, but will last and be
able to stay with you longer. We are in this
cultural where we want a quick fix that's big and
bold and huge and grand that's actually going to probably
(33:33):
lead more to the burnout or burnout in another area,
or lead to some kind of disaster in a different area,
because it's not something that can last. Think about how
we turn to drugs, alcohol, big adrenaline pushes or experiences
when we want to feel better in a lot of
areas in our lives. Well, if we keep doing that
over and over and over and over and over again,
(33:55):
it's going to lead to more toxicity versus if we
do these less exciting, less I think, huge grand things,
they are actually going to slowly give us more of
what we need and last longer. So I hope that
was helpful in some ways this time of year. I
just think that we I don't know, we start at
the beginning of the year with so much excitement and
(34:17):
energy for these new tasks and these new goals and
these new things that we're going to do, and then
we kind of put our head down and go head
first for months and then we wake up kind of
at the end of the year, nearing the end of
the year.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
Saying I'm exhausted.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
Why do I feel so exhausted Because we never came
up for air, We never allowed ourselves space to come
up for air. So maybe in the fall we don't
wait until winter. We start in the fall coming up
for air. So we maybe don't have to give things up.
I don't have to give up my jewelry business and
then fight this tax war for six years.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
We can just.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
Actually maintain it at a level that works for us
versus steals joy energy segment from our lives.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
So again, I hope that was helpful.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
If you have any questions, feedback, comments, feel free to
send those to me Katherine at unitherapy podcast dot com.
You can follow me kat van Buren on Instagram and
at You Need Therapy Podcast.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
Until I talk to you.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
Guys again on Wednesday for couch Talks.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
I hope you have the day you need to have
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.