Ain’t No Sunshine When She Gone

Dear Steve and Shirley, I’m a 58 year old pastor and I’m single. My wife of 25 years cheated on me in my own house so it was a major embarrassment to me and my church. We tried to work it out but after a few months of another pastor counseling us, she let it be known that she was not interested in staying with me. It was a double whammy because she also left town right after she told me she didn’t want me. My life is at a standstill because she doesn’t want a divorce.........................

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if
you need advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more,
please submit your Strawberry Letter to stefarfm dot com and
click submit Strawberry Letter. Okay, we could be reading your
letter live on the air, just like we're gonna read
this one right here, right now, and you never know
it could be yours, right yours. Buckle up and hold

(00:24):
on tight. We got it for you. Here it is
Strawberry Letter. Thank you, nephew. Subjects Ain't no sunshine when
She's gone. Dear Stephen Shirley, I'm a fifty eight year
old pastor and I'm single. My wife of twenty five
years cheated on me in my own house, so it
was a major embarrassment to me and my church. We

(00:45):
try to work it out, but after a few months
of another pastor counseling us, she let it be known
that she was not interested in staying with me. It
was a double whammy because she also left town right
after she told me she didn't want me. My life
is at a standstill because she doesn't want a divorce.
Sometimes when I call her, she'll talk to me like

(01:06):
she still loves me. Other times she ignores my calls
and she will text me that she can't talk right now.
I think she is going through something and just needs
time away from me to get her life back on track.
My pastor friend that counseled us as advised me to
start the divorce process and move on with my life.
But I'm holding out hope that she returns to me.

(01:29):
My eighty two year old father's favorite song is ain't
no sunshine when she's gone, and that is how I
feel every day. My parents have been married for close
to sixty years, and I want that same type of love.
If my wife needs a little time, that's just fine.
God can fix her heart, and I do believe that
she will come back to me. Some say I'm foolish,

(01:51):
but I say I am optimistic. Some say I shouldn't
take her back after she has done who knows what
with other men, but I'm all for forgiveness and redemption.
I have dealt with the shame and I still am
able to face my congregation. I often hear them laughing
and teasing me behind my back, but I'm telling you,

(02:11):
there ain't no sunshine when she's gone. I need your
honest advice on this one. Am I holding out hope
for a woman that won't ever come back to me? Well,
you're a pastor and a god fearing man of faith,
so I cannot in good faith tell you there's not
a chance that she'll come back to you, because I

(02:35):
truly believe that God can perform miracles in the most
unbelievable situation, and this is one of those situations. This
is unbelievable. Amen. Amen. Normally I would tell you to
watch what she does, not what she says. She's already
moved on, moved away. She's playing with you, toying with you.
You said that in the letter. I would say, you're

(02:56):
wasting your time and you need to let her go.
You should let her go because she's certainly no longer
interested in being married to you. She's cheated on you,
she's lied, she's humiliated you in front of your church members,
and she keeps playing with you, like you said, and
you need to move on, you do. But even with

(03:17):
all of that, you still love her and you want
her back. You believe that God will make a way.
So who am I to argue with you and your faith.
I'm believing God for seemingly impossible things myself right now,
and only God knows how those things will end up. So,
as the man of God you are, I say, keep
being faithful, because He truly can turn things around in

(03:39):
your favor. I've seen it happen. I'm sure you have to.
I'm sure you have too. This is between you and God.
He can change your wife's heart. He can, he can
do it, he can do everything, he can do whatever, anything.
So I'm gonna be with you. I'm gonna believe with you. Okay,
look to him, Steve. Yeah, well that's Sharley's else. I

(04:01):
knew you were gonna say that. Yeah, I'm back now. Well, Pastor,
I'm just gonna put it to you like this. Now.
You may be a fifty eight year old pastor, but
you rode in on this show. Your letter is to
the Strawberry letter now Shirley's advice. You can follow it

(04:23):
if you want to. My answer completely different. Ain't no
sunshine when she's gone? Well, hell, what was it doing
when she was there? See you know y'all kill me, y'all? Okay, Pastor,
here we go. Now, you fifty eight. Obviously I hadn't
been in some situations. You ain't. I'm sixty five, you
fifty eight. You're pastor, I ain't. But look a here,

(04:46):
though I'm single, you fifty eight year old pastor single,
Your wife of twenty five years cheated on me in
my own house. What so now? Based on that line,
what is the rest of the It's letter full? I'm confused, bro.

(05:07):
I love to talk to you as a pastor, but
you didn't write the letter as a pastor. You wrote
the letter just as a regular dude man, as we
all are. Because when you're not pastoring the rest of
the time, you one of us man cheated on you
in your own house. It was a major embarrassment to

(05:28):
me and my church. How to church find out about it?
Who told that? See this, y'all just gotta be a
little church man. I just walked in Praise Lord Saints.
Last night was Saturday. I walked in the house last
night and my wife was in there with Deacon Roosevelt.

(05:51):
I just wanted y'all to know what happened. And God
is good. Well, God is good, but she ain't. We
tried to work it out, but after a few months
of another past accounting us, she let it be known
she was not interested in staying with me. Okay, cool bye.
It was a double whammy because she also left town

(06:13):
right after she told me she didn't want me. Bye bye.
Damn doc, What else you need? My life is out
of standstill because she don't want a divorce. What Man,
I'm confused. But when I come back, I'm not gonna
be confused. Pastor, I'm sorry. My answer is not gonna

(06:35):
be like Sherley's answer. Man, Man, here we go, all right, Steve.
Hang on. We'll have part two of Steve's response coming
up at twenty three minutes after the hour. The subject
is ain't no sunshine when she's gone. We'll get back
into it right after that. You're listening, all right, Come on, Steve,

(06:56):
Let's recap today's strawberry letter. The subject is, ain't no
sunshine when she's gone? Well, all right, here's the subject,
ain't no sunshine when she's gone? Well, if it ain't
no sunshine when she's gone, how was it when she
was there? Well, let's get into the letter to find out.
I'm a forty eight fifty eight year old past and

(07:16):
i'm single. My wife of twenty five years cheated on
me in my own house. What is the rest of
this letter for this right there the end? My wife
of twenty five years, that that's why you single? I'm single?

(07:36):
Now you twenty five years? You cheat on me in
my own house. Where's the police report? How is that
not attached to the damn letter? Because the dude that
come into my house all pardoner, I got some fu hell,
I got something fu heil. I won't be the woman,

(07:59):
but I'll tell you what. I'm gonna stump you dog
for coming up in my house, though not for being
with my wife. For coming up in my house thinking
I'm that punk ass dude. You could walk through with
that men, So that's what I'm talking about. She out
though I don't care nothing about that. It was a
major embarrassment to me in my church. We tried to
work it out, but after a few months of another

(08:21):
passive counselor, she let it be known she was not
interested in staying with me. Okay, it was a double
woman because she also left town right after that. She
told me she didn't want me. Okay, okay, dog, what
else you need? My life is at a standstill because
she don't want a divorce. But y'all to you single
though your life ain't ain't no standstill. Sometimes when I

(08:45):
call it, she'll talk to me like she still loved me.
Other Times she ignores my call and she would text
me that she can't talk right now. Why you think
that is passing? Huh? You text your wife and she
tells you she can't talk right now, y'all? Ain't she
ain't take your kids with her? What's she doing? Man?

(09:06):
Come on? I think she's going through something and just
needs some time away from me to get her life
back on track. She took the time away. She didn't move,
she left town. She told you and the pastor she
don't want you. Dog? What is What is you analyzing
it for? Yeah? Dog, going through something. She just needs

(09:30):
some time away. She didn't took some time. My pastor,
friend and counsel us advised me to start the divorce
process and move on with my life. But I'm holding
out hope that she returns to me. For what what
you want her back for? Lady to your father's favorite song,
is ain't no sunshine? When she's gone? Do your favorite

(09:50):
song on to be? But what's the weather like when
she's home? Ain't no sunshine when she's gone. Your song
ought to be was the weather like when she's home. See,
And that's how I feel every day. My parents have
been married for close to sixty years. My parents have

(10:12):
been married close to sixty years, and I want that
same type of love. You don't have that type of love.
Your dad ain't walked in the house and saw your
mama sleeping with somebody else in their house. I got
you want that type of love, but you don't have
that type. Man. If my wife needs a little time,
that's just fine. God can fix her heart, and I

(10:33):
do believe she will come back to me. God can
fix her heart, and she want a heart fix. She
ain't asking for forgiveness. She out there with another dude. Man.
Some say I'm foolish a damn food, but I say
I'm often missing you, stupid as Some say I shouldn't

(10:55):
take her back. She don't want you back. Doc, where
are you going with this? Some say I I shouldn't
take her back, she don't want you back after what
she's done with who knows what with other men. But
I'm all for forgiveness and redemption. Dogs. This ain't your congregation.

(11:17):
This your wife, pimp, This is your wife. Kind man,
what's wrong with you? What scriptures you read? I have
dealt with the shame, and I'm still able to face
my congregation. Often hear them laughing and teasing me behind
my back. Everybody punking you, dog, your wife punking you.

(11:38):
The congregation jokes. Oh, I'll be up in the pool pit.
Do we're not having sermon this morning? Well, I'm doing
a set. I'll be at that point that people talking
about outfitch dresses, haircuts. I'll be doing everything cause that
you drove up in. You ain't fit to be laughing
teasing me behind my back. But I'm telling you, there
ain't no sunshine when she's gone. But it was a hurricane,

(12:02):
tornado and thunderstorm when she home. Though, I need your
honored advice on this one. Am I holding out hope
for a woman that won't ever come back to me?
She don't want you, dog, she'd have told you two
three times. Now. She get out there and find out
this world ain't what she thinking? Is she gonna come

(12:22):
crawling back and you, like an old food, gonna take
her back? Woman that slept with somebody in your house?
Oh man, look, I ain't saying you can't forgive a
woman for cheating. That's not what I'm not saying. I'm
not forgiving you for sleeping in my own house, though
we're not letting that go. You just disrespectful to me

(12:43):
all the way round. But you're just punking me all
the way round the board. Now, I'm sorry, past, that's
my answer wrote if you. I'm not the other path
to this counseling, all right. Steve coming on Today's Strawberry
Letter and Steve harbism on Instagram and Facebook, and check
out the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand now. Coming up

(13:05):
at forty six minutes after the hour, we'll hear from
Junior with Sports Talk that's coming up right after this.
You're listening to this Dave Harvey Morning Show