Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if
you need advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more,
please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com
and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your
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read this one right here, right now, and you never know,
it could be yours.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
It could be yours. Buggle up and hold on tight.
We got it for you here it is Strawberry.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
Let up, all right, nephew, thank you? Subject.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Am I marrying a man or a child? Dear Stephen Shirley,
I'm getting married in eight months, and I can't help
but think that I'm marrying a little boy instead of
a man. We are both twenty six years old, and
although he handles business well in public, at home, he
doesn't help me do anything. I grew up in a
home with both of my parents, and they were partners
(00:48):
that helped each other do everything. My dad cooked clean,
went to all of my activities at school, and worked
a part time job so I could go to college.
My fiance was raised by his mom and his grandmom.
He was catered to his entire life. His mom even
bought most of his clothes until he and I got
engaged and I told her I could help him pick
(01:10):
out his clothes.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Now, luckily his mother.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
His mom has great style and he was always dressed nicely.
His grandma did all of the cooking, so he can
barely make his own sandwich. His mom even joked that
if I didn't start spoiling him, they would come over
and do it for me. I told his mom that
I didn't find that funny at all. My fiance moved
in with me a few weeks ago, and that's when
(01:35):
I noticed how needy he is. He doesn't want to
learn how to cook, and when I asked him to
sort his clothes for the laundry, he didn't know that
whites don't go on the washer with darks. He often
talks about us having children, but I can't imagine having
to take care of children while I'm raising a grown man.
I overheard him telling his mom that I put pressure
(01:57):
on him to clean, cook and do this and do that.
I don't want him to think I'm nagging him, but
he needs a crash course on being the man of
the house real fast. I never thought it would be
this big of a problem. Is it best to postpone
the wedding until he grows up? Yes, yes, it is. Yes,
most definitely, you cannot marry this man.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
You can't.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
If you do, these same problems that you've written Steve
and I about today will be going on in the marriage.
You're talking about a man who can't even pick his
own clothes.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
You said that.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
I really don't see what, if anything, you guys have
in common. You were raised differently. You had both parents
who set a good example for you and him. He
was raised by his mom and by his grandmother. He
didn't have a father to teach him how to be
a man or a husband. And please don't think you
can change him, because that's not going to happen.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
He is who he is.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
He doesn't see a need to change. He's already complaining
to his mom about you wanting him to cook and clean,
and that's not going to stop because you got papers.
It's only going to get worse. So yes, postponing or
calling this wedding off is an excellent idea, because I
don't think you guys are a good match at all.
Speaker 4 (03:13):
Steve Uh Let's go to the bottom of this letter.
The bottom of the letter says, is it best to
postpone the wedding till he grows up? Here's another part
of the letter at the bottom. I don't want him
to think I'm nagging, but he needs a crash course
on being the man of the house real fast. I
(03:36):
never thought it would be this big of a problem.
Is it best to postpone the wedding till he grows up? Well,
let me ask you a basic question right here, right now.
What are you marrying him for? What is the purpose
of this union?
Speaker 5 (03:57):
Now?
Speaker 4 (03:58):
Look, I don't tell people how to live their life.
I've done everything crazy. I don't tell people wait till
they get married because I have moved into I'm done,
tried it all. But when you move in and it
don't go right, I will refer you to something a
man told me in a premarital counseling course. He says, son,
(04:22):
the only thing that changes in people after they are
married is the appearance of their left hand third finger.
Everything you saw before, you gonna see after. Everything they
did before they will do after. So my question to you,
(04:44):
young lady, is what are you marrying him for? I
think they said they're both twenty six. Yeah, you're mature.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
He's not.
Speaker 4 (04:55):
You're marrying somebody. What traits did you want? And a
man that he's exhibiting to you? I don't see it
nowhere in the thing. He handles business well in public.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
What did that mean? At home? He doesn't help me
do anything.
Speaker 4 (05:15):
Then you talk about how you grew up in a
home with both your parents and they both split up the.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Chores and cleaned and washed.
Speaker 4 (05:23):
And your dad was at all your school activities, he cooked.
You know, my fiance was raised by his mom and
his grandmam. He was catered to his entire life.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Now, this is the part I don't understand.
Speaker 4 (05:38):
His mama bought most of his clothes until he and
I got engaged. Okay, now y'all twenty six and got engaged.
His mama bought his clothes up till then then you
fixed it up a little bit and said, well, his
mama got great taste. I told how I can take
(06:00):
care of it. Now what his mama bought his clothes
till he was twenty six. Then his grandmama did all
the cooking, so he can't even he can't even make
a sandwich.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
His mama joked that if you don't start spoiling him.
They gonna come over there and do it for you.
Told her that wasn't funny to you.
Speaker 4 (06:25):
Why are you marrying this boy?
Speaker 2 (06:28):
Because I ain't hurt nothing, manly? He do you know
what I think it is?
Speaker 4 (06:34):
I'll tell you what I think it is when we
come back.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
All right, all right, Steve, we'll have part two of
your response coming up at twenty three minutes after the hour.
Today's Strawberry letter subject, am I marrying a man or
a child. We'll get back into it right after this.
You're listening Steve Harvey Morning Show.
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website and Amazon. All right, come on, Steve, Let's recap
today's Strawberry letter. The subject is, am.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
I marrying a man? Or a child.
Speaker 4 (07:37):
And if you got to ask that question and then
write in a letter, then you already know the answer,
because if you was married a man, you wouldn't be
typing this letter. Just what why are you marrying this dude?
You know what this letter is, y'all. This letter is.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
A woman who wants a husband.
Speaker 4 (08:01):
And a man who needs a mother and a grandmother
and is hoping to find it in his wife. Because
this dude right here, man, his mama picked out his
clothes till he was twenty six. I've never heard that before,
(08:23):
and I've heard a lot of stuff, but I've never
heard a mama buy her son's clothes till he twenty six.
Then you say, well, good things. She had good taste
because he's always well dressed. Then you say he take
care of business out in public, but in private, is
something wrong with him? Well, I'll tell you what's wrong
with him. He don't do anything. You came from a
(08:45):
two parent home where your parents split all the responsibilities.
Your dad helped cook, clean, he was at all your
school activities. Your fiance was raised by his mom and
his grandmama. They did everything, and his grandmama cooked all
his meals. To the point where you say, your man
can't even make a sandwich. He was catered to his
entire life. And Dniel Mama told you, if you don't
(09:06):
start spoiling him, they gonna come over there and do
it for you. You said, I don't think that's funny
at all. They were serious. And so then here's the part.
He don't want to learn how to cook. And when
I ask him this, sawtage clothes for the launch because
they do. Oh, by the way, they've been living together
(09:27):
for three weeks. That's what produced this letter. He moved
in with her three weeks ago. He didn't know that
whites don't go in to wash it with dogs. Well,
that's easy. Let him do it one time and that'll
fix that.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
That's right, because.
Speaker 4 (09:42):
When all your draws is gray and green and they
was white, that's you. When your socks don't fit no
more you, When your blue jeans is now COOLOX member Coulos, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
(10:03):
you can fix that right there. When your T shirts
are all your T shirts that you put them on
and they show your navel, that that's when you love him.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
How to wash after that.
Speaker 4 (10:14):
He often talks about having children, but I can't imagine
taking care of children while I'm raising a grown man. Really,
so why are you even considering marrying him? If you're
trying to raise a grown man? And then you overheard
telling his mama that you put pressure on him to
clean and cook and do this and that. Now, I
(10:35):
don't want him to think I'm nagging, but he needs
a crash course on being man of the house. Okay,
and who and who finn to give it to it?
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Who?
Speaker 4 (10:45):
Who, young lady at gonna give him this crash course?
He done got the crash course he gonna get from
his mama and his grandmama. How you gonna get him
a crash course when you ain't never been a man? Now,
you done had a good example of it your father.
But you can't make a man be a man. I
can tell you that right now. You can take that
(11:06):
off your plate and of things to do. If you
meet a man, ladies and he's not a man, walk
away because there is nothing you can do to get
him to be one. A woman cannot make a man
be a man. A woman can help a man be
(11:26):
a better man. Okay, Okay, that's what you can do,
But you got to start with a man. Your husband
you married, married you because in hopes that you can
help him become a better man. But you married your
husband because he was already a man. Now you get
(11:48):
in there as a support system and try to make
him a better man. Same thing with a woman. You
marry a woman to make her a better woman.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
That's man.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
Y'all got to compliment each other, and they got nothing
going on right here. I don't even see why you
married his dude. They don't have nothing in comment. He
don't do nothing. He ain't got nothing in common with
your daddy, your brother. I never thought it would be
this big of a problem. Is it best to postpone
(12:25):
the wedding till he grows up? He's not going to
grow up. Do you know how far behind he is
right now? His mama been buying his clothes till he
twenty six. I'm just telling you right now, I've never
heard that before. I don't know no man who mama
bought their clothes till he was twenty six.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
Now.
Speaker 4 (12:45):
I know some men that lived at their mama house
till they were thirty something, but they was never in
a real relationship. Ain't no woman signing up for that
I don't know why you would sign up for this.
You know what I think you should do. I think
you should ask him to leave your house until he
grows up. And then while he over there growing up,
you need to go find somebody that's already grown. That's
(13:07):
my strong suggestion to you, because you finna waste your life.
You're going to spend years of misery with this boy.
This boy right here, he don't have it. He just
don't have it. And I know it's one. I don't
have a word from him. I don't know what he's
thinking of doing. But you do everything you put in
(13:27):
to let he ain't doing he ain't doing nothing. I'll
leave him. Why you weaping all right?
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Post your comments on today's Strawberry Strawberry Letter at Steve
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Strawberry Letter podcast on the free iHeartRadio app Free.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Never Sounded So Good. You can download it.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Today you're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show