April 3, 2025 • 13 mins
The Strawberry Letter Subject for Thursday, April 3rd, 2025: “It’s A Problem When I Do It” A woman is upset by the double standards in her marriage. The biggest one being that he keeps using their credit card for frivolous things, but when she does it, there’s a problem all of a sudden. Listen to Shirley & Steve’s responses…
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if
you need advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more,
please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HAARVEFM dot com
and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your
letter live on the air, just like we're going to
read this one right here, right now, and you never know,
it could be yours.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
It could be yours. Michael Up, hold on tight, we
got it for you here. It is Strawberry Letter.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
All right, nephew, thank you. Subject, it is a problem
when I do it. Dear Stephen Shirley, I'm sick of
my husband controlling stuff when it comes to me and
my happiness. But he never deprives himself of anything, not
even other women. We've been together for seven years and
married for four years. He paid off all three of
(00:47):
my major credit cards, and we got a credit card
together that we plan to use for trips and major purchases.
He has been ordering limited edition Jordan's on the card
whenever he wants to, but if I use the card
to order, hey, he has a fit. My hair is
just as important, if not more important, than the latest shoes.
(01:08):
He tries to justify everything if it's something he wants.
He always compares me to women on TV and pictures
on social media. He thinks he's being helpful if he
tells me that I should visit a popular dermatologist that
he saw on social media. If I ask him what's
wrong with my face, he says that he didn't mean
any harm. One day, I decided to pay him back,
(01:29):
and I pointed out a man that had a big,
huge bulge, big bulge in the front of his khakis.
I told my husband he should ask the guy what
kind of pants he was wearing, because they fit him
very nicely. My husband said that I was implying that
he was a small man down there and his feelings
were so hurt. He can't take it when I treat
(01:50):
him as bad as he treats me. I've found screenshots
of other women saved on his phone, and he talks
to his female friends in my presence, although we had
agreed that we shouldn't talk to our old friends of
the opposite sex. He does so many other things that
prove that our marriage is one sided. He said, he's
the king, but this queen has had enough. Why is
(02:13):
my husband so comfortable doing what he wants to do
because he just is. That's all I mean. He's a
typical dish it but can't take it type person. He's
living in his perfect world and he thinks he's too
good to deal with your flaws. In other words, he's
too busy criticizing you to see himself in a different
(02:34):
lighter to get himself together. He's playing a dangerous game, though,
because his ego is very fragile. We know that fragile egos,
they can't take it when you he can't definitely take it.
When you mentioned the other man's pants and how good
the other man looked in them, he was crushed by that.
He was crushed. But I got to tell you that
(02:56):
this tit for tat stuff that you guys are doing,
it could get really, really ugly. And I can't understand
how you let this go this far. You guys have
known each other for seven years, married for four, especially
the cheating. You wrote it like you know, it was
so matter of factly. After seven years of marriage, I
think you should be able to say anything and everything
(03:18):
to your husband, you know, including exactly how you feel
about his criticisms and put downs.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
Steve, Wow, this whole letter to me is about a
person who doesn't and understand their power, because I want
to encourage women, and a lot of women don't need
what I'm about to say because they do it anyway.
(03:45):
But you got to understand your power. The subject is
this problem when I do it. This lady said that
she's sick of her husband controlling everything when it comes
to me and my happiness. But he don't deprive self
of any gun, not even other women.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Now, let's stop right here.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
He don't deprive himself of nothing, not even other women.
Speaker 4 (04:14):
Now.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
I was really expecting to hear more in this letter
about that, because that's like crazy that you married but
you don't have to deprive yourself of other women. I'm
very interested in this theory, very interested in knowing more
about this, because how does this work? We being together
(04:38):
seven married for folk, paid off all three of my
major credit cards, and y'all got a credit card together
that were planning on using for trips and major purchases.
All right, But he been ordering limited edition Jordan's on
the card whenever he wants. But if I use the
card to order hair, he gotta fit. My hair is
(05:03):
just as important, if not more important. Than the latest shoe.
Let's stop right here. I must agree you have my full,
undivided one support. Hair is way more important than some Jordan's, right,
(05:25):
Ain't no doubt about it.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
I ain't seen no Jordan's look better than a woman's hair.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
I ain't seen the pair yet.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Now I must uh what you say when you are clarify,
I want to love, stipulate, point out, reate, reiterate, org
say this with the stipulation, I don't know the proper
word to use. And the dude that's listening to the
show that criticizes me, you know, I don't know what
(05:57):
the word is.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
So he it is.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
Anyway, I don't own a single pair of Jordan's.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Let me just put that out there. I don't have any.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
Hair, so I have I'm not biased, yeah, in any way,
I ain't got no Jordan's and I ain't got no hair,
so I am totally totally impartial to this letter. But
I must agree that if I had to pick Jordan's
a half dog going it, I'm gonna have some hell,
(06:33):
and especially on my woman.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
So let's just get.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
That out the way and we'll be back with how
I really feel about this letter.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
Okay, all right, Steve will have part two of your
response coming up at twenty three minutes after the hour.
Today's Strawberry Letters subject it's the problem when I do it.
We'll get back into it right after this. You're listening
to Steve Harvey Morning Show.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
You can't let the urge to sing your favorite songs
while you're driving distract you from that truck drifting toward
your lane or that lane splitting biker creeping up beside you. Fortunately,
every Honday offers advanced safety features that can alert you
to potential dangers around you.
Speaker 4 (07:17):
That's right, because Hondai is always working to ensure the
road doesn't get you. Hondai vehicles have won over one
hundred and twenty iih's top safety awards from two thousand
and six to twenty twenty four as of December twenty
twenty four.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
All right, come on, Steve, let's recap today's Strawberry letter,
the subject it's a problem when I do it.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Yeah, it is a problem.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
It is a problem when you do it because you're
not exacting your power here.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Alright, I'm explaining this to you.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
Your husband is controlling y'all, got your credit cards paid?
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Off your big three major cars.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
Y'all got one credit card together, decided y'all was gonna
take trips and do major purchases together.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
He doing on the car what he wanted to do.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
You order the latest unlimited Jordan's all the time, and
you ain't got a problem with that. But then when
you order hair, he got a problem with that. You
saying your hair is just as important. I agree with
you now to let you know how impartial I am
in this letter. Let's be clear about this. Let me
set this straight for the record, so you know I'm
not on one side or the other. I ain't got
(08:22):
no Jordan's and I ain't got no.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Hair, So he's straight down the middle of Ooh, I.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Can speak on it. I think the hair is more
important now. He tries to justify everything if it's important
to something that he wants. He always compares me to
women on TV and pictures on social media. He thinks
he's being helpful if he tells me I should visit
(08:50):
a popular dermatologist that he saw on social media, Well,
why don't you flip it? Why don't you carry your
little bumpy face down there too, because I'm pretty sure
your skin is more smooth than here. See you not
exacting your power. Now, he said something in this letter.
(09:11):
Let me just go to the last line and then
read this letter. The last line, he says, he is
the king. That's why he doing what he want to do.
But you're saying, but his queen has had enough. Why
is my husband so comfortable doing what he wants to do?
Because you ask the queen, are not exacting your power? Lady,
(09:34):
if you understood the game of chest a little bit,
maybe you can understand where I'm coming from. The most
powerful peace on the board is the queen. When you
lose your queen, you're making the game hard on you.
You can still be the king, but you don't have
the ultimate protector because the queen is gone. The queen
(09:58):
can move parallel, well horizontal. The queen can move diagonally.
Can the queen move diagonal? Now I'm not diagon A
queen can move, yeah, a queen can move diagonal.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
A queen can move parallel, horizontal, vertical.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
A queen can move forward back, which she can capture
in any direction. That's the only piece on the board
that has that power. Because the queen is the most
powerful piece on the board. You since to have given
up your power, so you let him tell you he
the king, but without the.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Queen, his chances of winning are hampered.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
You need your power back. He compares you to women
on TV and pictures on social media. Then go get
you one of you.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
See, I'm gonna teach you how to talk like a queen.
He thinks he's being helpful.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
He tempts you, tell me all to visit the popular
dermatologists he saw on TV. Eat you take your bumpy
face down there too, And he always comparing you to
women on TV and social media. Bring up one of them.
Help us one more time and see what happened to you.
Then you decided to pay him back. One day you
(11:10):
showed a man that had a big bulge in front
of his khakis. I told my husband he should have
asked that guy what kind of pants he's wearing, because
it fit him very nicely. My husband said, I was
implying that he's a small man down there, and.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
His feelings were so hurt. The truth hurts.
Speaker 3 (11:27):
Going to church hurts sometimes, especially when you think that
the sermon is about you. Then you asked the queen
should have said, well, I ain't saying you small, but
you ain't him though, ah swinging thinking, oh yes, switchy, twitchy,
(11:49):
oh yeah, get it, got it. You gotta start acting
like the queen. You got to let him know you
got some moves too. My husband said that I was
applying that he's a man down there and this fields hurt.
He can't take it when I treat him as bad
as he treats me. Stop accepting bad treatment, Ladies, I
say this to you all the time. You can train
a man how to treat you. All you got to
(12:11):
do is stop accepting bad behavior. Martin Luther King said,
a man can't ride your back like unless you bend over.
Stop bending over? What's wrong with you? You're the queen. I
found screenshots of other women saved on his phone. Take
his phone, take the SIM card out, throw it in
the fireplace, crack the phone and give it back to him.
(12:36):
And you know why you did that, because I'm tired
of seeing these other women on your phone. That gets
you a better phone than ain't got all.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
These women on this one, Okay, And.
Speaker 3 (12:46):
Then show him your phone.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
What's on her phone?
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Men?
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Men?
Speaker 3 (12:56):
Yeah, pictures of men muscular because he he ain't all
that I'm tell you that right now, he talks to
female friends in my presence. See you letting too much happen. Yeah,
you're allowing too much to happen. You're not talking nobody
in my face. What is wrong with you? You don't
command no respect, demand no respect, So you gets no respect.
(13:18):
When are you gonna start commanding and demanding. I'm telling
you you have to exact your power as a queen, period.
And we agree that we shouldn't talk to our old
friends of the opposite second, all right, he said, he
the king and I'm the queen.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
When you're gonna act.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
Like Post your comments on Today's Strawberry Letter at Steve
Harvey FM on Instagram and Facebook, and check out the
Strawberry Letter podcast on the free iHeartRadio app where free
never sounded so good, and you can download it. Today
you're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show
It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if
you need advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more,
please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HAARVEFM dot com
and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your
letter live on the air, just like we're going to
read this one right here, right now, and you never know,
it could be yours.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
It could be yours. Michael Up, hold on tight, we
got it for you here. It is Strawberry Letter.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
All right, nephew, thank you. Subject, it is a problem
when I do it. Dear Stephen Shirley, I'm sick of
my husband controlling stuff when it comes to me and
my happiness. But he never deprives himself of anything, not
even other women. We've been together for seven years and
married for four years. He paid off all three of
(00:47):
my major credit cards, and we got a credit card
together that we plan to use for trips and major purchases.
He has been ordering limited edition Jordan's on the card
whenever he wants to, but if I use the card
to order, hey, he has a fit. My hair is
just as important, if not more important, than the latest shoes.
(01:08):
He tries to justify everything if it's something he wants.
He always compares me to women on TV and pictures
on social media. He thinks he's being helpful if he
tells me that I should visit a popular dermatologist that
he saw on social media. If I ask him what's
wrong with my face, he says that he didn't mean
any harm. One day, I decided to pay him back,
(01:29):
and I pointed out a man that had a big,
huge bulge, big bulge in the front of his khakis.
I told my husband he should ask the guy what
kind of pants he was wearing, because they fit him
very nicely. My husband said that I was implying that
he was a small man down there and his feelings
were so hurt. He can't take it when I treat
(01:50):
him as bad as he treats me. I've found screenshots
of other women saved on his phone, and he talks
to his female friends in my presence, although we had
agreed that we shouldn't talk to our old friends of
the opposite sex. He does so many other things that
prove that our marriage is one sided. He said, he's
the king, but this queen has had enough. Why is
(02:13):
my husband so comfortable doing what he wants to do
because he just is. That's all I mean. He's a
typical dish it but can't take it type person. He's
living in his perfect world and he thinks he's too
good to deal with your flaws. In other words, he's
too busy criticizing you to see himself in a different
(02:34):
lighter to get himself together. He's playing a dangerous game, though,
because his ego is very fragile. We know that fragile egos,
they can't take it when you he can't definitely take it.
When you mentioned the other man's pants and how good
the other man looked in them, he was crushed by that.
He was crushed. But I got to tell you that
(02:56):
this tit for tat stuff that you guys are doing,
it could get really, really ugly. And I can't understand
how you let this go this far. You guys have
known each other for seven years, married for four, especially
the cheating. You wrote it like you know, it was
so matter of factly. After seven years of marriage, I
think you should be able to say anything and everything
(03:18):
to your husband, you know, including exactly how you feel
about his criticisms and put downs.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
Steve, Wow, this whole letter to me is about a
person who doesn't and understand their power, because I want
to encourage women, and a lot of women don't need
what I'm about to say because they do it anyway.
(03:45):
But you got to understand your power. The subject is
this problem when I do it. This lady said that
she's sick of her husband controlling everything when it comes
to me and my happiness. But he don't deprive self
of any gun, not even other women.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Now, let's stop right here.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
He don't deprive himself of nothing, not even other women.
Speaker 4 (04:14):
Now.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
I was really expecting to hear more in this letter
about that, because that's like crazy that you married but
you don't have to deprive yourself of other women. I'm
very interested in this theory, very interested in knowing more
about this, because how does this work? We being together
(04:38):
seven married for folk, paid off all three of my
major credit cards, and y'all got a credit card together
that were planning on using for trips and major purchases.
All right, But he been ordering limited edition Jordan's on
the card whenever he wants. But if I use the
card to order hair, he gotta fit. My hair is
(05:03):
just as important, if not more important. Than the latest shoe.
Let's stop right here. I must agree you have my full,
undivided one support. Hair is way more important than some Jordan's, right,
(05:25):
Ain't no doubt about it.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
I ain't seen no Jordan's look better than a woman's hair.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
I ain't seen the pair yet.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Now I must uh what you say when you are clarify,
I want to love, stipulate, point out, reate, reiterate, org
say this with the stipulation, I don't know the proper
word to use. And the dude that's listening to the
show that criticizes me, you know, I don't know what
(05:57):
the word is.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
So he it is.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
Anyway, I don't own a single pair of Jordan's.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Let me just put that out there. I don't have any.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
Hair, so I have I'm not biased, yeah, in any way,
I ain't got no Jordan's and I ain't got no hair,
so I am totally totally impartial to this letter. But
I must agree that if I had to pick Jordan's
a half dog going it, I'm gonna have some hell,
(06:33):
and especially on my woman.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
So let's just get.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
That out the way and we'll be back with how
I really feel about this letter.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
Okay, all right, Steve will have part two of your
response coming up at twenty three minutes after the hour.
Today's Strawberry Letters subject it's the problem when I do it.
We'll get back into it right after this. You're listening
to Steve Harvey Morning Show.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
You can't let the urge to sing your favorite songs
while you're driving distract you from that truck drifting toward
your lane or that lane splitting biker creeping up beside you. Fortunately,
every Honday offers advanced safety features that can alert you
to potential dangers around you.
Speaker 4 (07:17):
That's right, because Hondai is always working to ensure the
road doesn't get you. Hondai vehicles have won over one
hundred and twenty iih's top safety awards from two thousand
and six to twenty twenty four as of December twenty
twenty four.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
All right, come on, Steve, let's recap today's Strawberry letter,
the subject it's a problem when I do it.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Yeah, it is a problem.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
It is a problem when you do it because you're
not exacting your power here.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Alright, I'm explaining this to you.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
Your husband is controlling y'all, got your credit cards paid?
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Off your big three major cars.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
Y'all got one credit card together, decided y'all was gonna
take trips and do major purchases together.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
He doing on the car what he wanted to do.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
You order the latest unlimited Jordan's all the time, and
you ain't got a problem with that. But then when
you order hair, he got a problem with that. You
saying your hair is just as important. I agree with
you now to let you know how impartial I am
in this letter. Let's be clear about this. Let me
set this straight for the record, so you know I'm
not on one side or the other. I ain't got
(08:22):
no Jordan's and I ain't got no.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Hair, So he's straight down the middle of Ooh, I.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Can speak on it. I think the hair is more
important now. He tries to justify everything if it's important
to something that he wants. He always compares me to
women on TV and pictures on social media. He thinks
he's being helpful if he tells me I should visit
(08:50):
a popular dermatologist that he saw on social media, Well,
why don't you flip it? Why don't you carry your
little bumpy face down there too, because I'm pretty sure
your skin is more smooth than here. See you not
exacting your power. Now, he said something in this letter.
(09:11):
Let me just go to the last line and then
read this letter. The last line, he says, he is
the king. That's why he doing what he want to do.
But you're saying, but his queen has had enough. Why
is my husband so comfortable doing what he wants to do?
Because you ask the queen, are not exacting your power? Lady,
(09:34):
if you understood the game of chest a little bit,
maybe you can understand where I'm coming from. The most
powerful peace on the board is the queen. When you
lose your queen, you're making the game hard on you.
You can still be the king, but you don't have
the ultimate protector because the queen is gone. The queen
(09:58):
can move parallel, well horizontal. The queen can move diagonally.
Can the queen move diagonal? Now I'm not diagon A
queen can move, yeah, a queen can move diagonal.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
A queen can move parallel, horizontal, vertical.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
A queen can move forward back, which she can capture
in any direction. That's the only piece on the board
that has that power. Because the queen is the most
powerful piece on the board. You since to have given
up your power, so you let him tell you he
the king, but without the.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Queen, his chances of winning are hampered.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
You need your power back. He compares you to women
on TV and pictures on social media. Then go get
you one of you.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
See, I'm gonna teach you how to talk like a queen.
He thinks he's being helpful.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
He tempts you, tell me all to visit the popular
dermatologists he saw on TV. Eat you take your bumpy
face down there too, And he always comparing you to
women on TV and social media. Bring up one of them.
Help us one more time and see what happened to you.
Then you decided to pay him back. One day you
(11:10):
showed a man that had a big bulge in front
of his khakis. I told my husband he should have
asked that guy what kind of pants he's wearing, because
it fit him very nicely. My husband said, I was
implying that he's a small man down there, and.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
His feelings were so hurt. The truth hurts.
Speaker 3 (11:27):
Going to church hurts sometimes, especially when you think that
the sermon is about you. Then you asked the queen
should have said, well, I ain't saying you small, but
you ain't him though, ah swinging thinking, oh yes, switchy, twitchy,
(11:49):
oh yeah, get it, got it. You gotta start acting
like the queen. You got to let him know you
got some moves too. My husband said that I was
applying that he's a man down there and this fields hurt.
He can't take it when I treat him as bad
as he treats me. Stop accepting bad treatment, Ladies, I
say this to you all the time. You can train
a man how to treat you. All you got to
(12:11):
do is stop accepting bad behavior. Martin Luther King said,
a man can't ride your back like unless you bend over.
Stop bending over? What's wrong with you? You're the queen. I
found screenshots of other women saved on his phone. Take
his phone, take the SIM card out, throw it in
the fireplace, crack the phone and give it back to him.
(12:36):
And you know why you did that, because I'm tired
of seeing these other women on your phone. That gets
you a better phone than ain't got all.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
These women on this one, Okay, And.
Speaker 3 (12:46):
Then show him your phone.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
What's on her phone?
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Men?
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Men?
Speaker 3 (12:56):
Yeah, pictures of men muscular because he he ain't all
that I'm tell you that right now, he talks to
female friends in my presence. See you letting too much happen. Yeah,
you're allowing too much to happen. You're not talking nobody
in my face. What is wrong with you? You don't
command no respect, demand no respect, So you gets no respect.
(13:18):
When are you gonna start commanding and demanding. I'm telling
you you have to exact your power as a queen, period.
And we agree that we shouldn't talk to our old
friends of the opposite second, all right, he said, he
the king and I'm the queen.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
When you're gonna act.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
Like Post your comments on Today's Strawberry Letter at Steve
Harvey FM on Instagram and Facebook, and check out the
Strawberry Letter podcast on the free iHeartRadio app where free
never sounded so good, and you can download it. Today
you're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show
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