March 28, 2024 • 13 mins
Dear Steve and Shirley, I've been married for four years, but we have been together six years. My husband charmed me and I was head over heels in love with him. He was always considerate and very loving, but over the years he's become distant in everything that we do. He stopped dating me after the pandemic. We had just got married, and when the world opened back up, he never resumed his duties as my husband. Now we make love and he gets in the shower and then goes to sleep on the sofa. He said it's because I don't like to sleep with the TV on. But I will compromise if he'll stay in the bed with me. I even tried to lure him back in for sex twice in one night, but he said he was tired. When we go out for dinner, we don't have much to talk about, so we talk about whatever's topical on social media.............................................................................
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if you
need advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more,
please submit your Strawberry Letter to STEVEARBFM dot com and
click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your letter
live on the air, just like we're going to read
this one right here, right now, and you never know,
it could be yours.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
It could be yours. Buckle up and hold on tight.
We got it for you here. It is Strawberry Letter.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Thank you, nephew. Subject to my husband and part time lover,
Stephen Shirley. I've been married for four years, but we
have been together six years. My husband charmed me and
I was head over heels in love with him. He
was always considerate and very loving, but over the years
he's become distant in everything that we do. He stopped
dating me after the pandemic. We had just got married,
(00:50):
and when the world opened back up, he never resumed
his duties as my husband. Now we make love and
he gets in the shower and then goes to sleep
on the sofa. He said it's because I don't like
to sleep with the TV on. But I will compromise
if he'll stay in the bed with me. I even
tried to lure him back in for sex twice in
one night, but he said he was tired. When we
(01:12):
go out for dinner, we don't have much to talk about,
so we talk about whatever's topical on social media. We
talked about starting a family, and he told me he
wants to put it on hold for at least another year.
Whenever he's on the phone with his boys, he's his
usual talkative self, but if he's with me, he barely speaks.
He still does the husband stuff, like he will kiss
(01:33):
me when he comes in, and he still rubs my
feet and gives me compliments. There is a disconnect somewhere though.
He's doing just enough in the bedroom to please me,
but I'm not sure it's good for him. I'm scared
to ask him because I don't want to know the answer.
What if he tells me he's over the marriage. I
did not think we survived being locked down together for
(01:55):
a year, but we did. Why is he being a
part time lover? Now? Is my marriage over? Yeah? Your
husband is just going through the motions, and you know what,
I'll say this about your marriage. It doesn't have to
be over, But you are right, there is a disconnect somewhere.
I'm sure if you think back, you can remember just
when it started changing. The pandemic intensified everything, and it
(02:19):
was a maker to break it time for a lot
of marriages during a pandemic, Some couples just couldn't survive
being up under each other all day, every day. And
it sounds like your husband grew apart and the intimacy
in your marriage is gone. He's not interested in getting
it back. You guys only have four years under your belt,
(02:39):
six years altogether, you say, and while you're willing to
work on it, he doesn't seem to be. So you
can't be afraid to ask him these hard questions if
you want the answers. That's where the work comes in
in a marriage. I definitely suggest counseling for you too,
if he's open to it. He's still there, he's still
going through the motions. He's still doing some of the
(03:00):
husbandly things you say, like rubbing your feet and kissing
you when he comes in. He's still even making love
to you. So you got to tell him how you feel.
You need to find out where he is and possibly
save your marriage if it can be saved. You know
you always should try that, so don't be afraid to
ask him.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Steve, you know my husband in part time love is
a subject.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
At the end of the letter, the letter asked a question,
is my marriage over? I don't know, sound like something wrong?
Though it sounds like based on the letter, something is wrong. Ah, lady,
(03:57):
you know all of is.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Let's just get to it.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
You know I could go through this letter line by
line and show you what I've discovered in all this here,
you know, here's the part when now when y'all make love,
he get in the shower and he go to sleep
on the sofa, he said, because I don't like sleep
with the TV on. Then you said, but I'll compromise
(04:20):
if he'll stay in bed with me. I even tried
to lure him back in for sex twice in one night,
but he say he tied. Well, lady, I don't know that.
Then you said, you start talked about starting a family,
and he told you, let's put that off for another year.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Is my marriage over?
Speaker 3 (04:42):
When he's over on the phone with his boys, he's
his usual talking hisself, but he's with me, he barely speaks.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Is my marriage over?
Speaker 3 (04:57):
He became distant in everything that we do. He stopped
dating me in the pandemic. Is my marriage over?
Speaker 2 (05:09):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
We ain't we go out to dinner, or we don't
have much to talk about, so we talk about whatever's
topical on social media. Is my marriage over? I mean,
I'm just reading lines out the letter. It sounds like
sound like a rap to me. But the problem you have,
(05:31):
ma'am is I'm scared to ask because I don't want
to know the answer. You can't put your head in
the sand. I don't understand that part of it. I'm
scared to ask because I don't want to know the answer.
Seemed to me like you already know the answer, you
(05:53):
just don't want to hear it. So with the rest
of this letter, I'm going going to do a reenactment.
Shirley and Carlor will ask me a series of questions
that a wife would normally ask her husband, and I'm
gonna show you the answer you probably getting, which will
(06:16):
answer the question is my marriage over? These questions will
be about anything from finanswers to the children, to going
out to dinner, to public relations, anything, and I will
answer a way your husband is asking you and you
tell me, is your marriage over? We'll do that when
(06:39):
we come back right after this.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
All right, at twenty three minutes after the hour, Today's
Strawberry letter, subject my husband and part time lover. We'll
get back into it with reenactment right after this. You're
listening to morning show. All right, Come on, Steve, let's
recap today's Strawberry letter. The subject is my husband and
part time lover.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
Well, we have a problem. This woman been married four years,
being together six. She's asking us is her marriage over?
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Now?
Speaker 3 (07:09):
Everything will changed after the pandemic. H he make love
to her now he getting the shy and he goes
sleep on sofa. She then tried to lure him back
with six twice. He don't come back in there.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
He tied.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
When they're on the phone talking with his boys. He
is usual talking hisself. When he talked to her, he
shut down. When they go to dinner. They ain't got
nothing to talk about himself was topical on social media.
He don't do that. He still kissing when he come
in the house, but it's total disconnect. The lady says
she's afraid to ask because I don't want to know
the else. What if he tells me he's over the marriage.
(07:45):
Then she said, I don't think we'd be survived being
locked down together for a year talking about the pandemic.
But they did survive it, but everything changed after that.
So did you survive it? I'm not sure so. Now,
since this letter is so obvious to me, what I've
decided to do is ask Shirley and Carl Hm to
ask me any questions, and I'm gonna be the husband
(08:07):
that's in the letter, and I will answer the letter
based on how I think this man has been acting.
He's aloof he's distant, he's disconnected. Ladies and gentlemen, let
us begin with the wives questioning the husband.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Honey, you want dinner.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Ninet hungry already? Eight? I ate yesterday, but.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Surely you're hungry now. I can fixture.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Whatever you like.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
We got steak, we got shrimp, we got chicken. Whatever
you want, honey.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Yeah, I don't eat that no more. I gave up chicken, steak, shrimp,
all that. I'm just letting it go.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Good night.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
So you're vegan now.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Now, ain't a vegan right now? I just don't eat
that no more.
Speaker 4 (08:58):
Right So you want to do a double date? Hang
out with our friends. You know who we normally go
out with.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Oh yeah who who what? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're going.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
While we was gonna go to dinner and then afterwards
get some cocktails or something like that, you know normal.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
Oh no, no, no, no, no, I want to do that.
I gotta go work a you're busy. Yeah, I gotta
go work tomorrow tomorrow night. I know you gotta work
during the day, but I'm talking about tomorrow night.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Let's go kick it. Yeah, tomorrow night. That's why I
say I gotta go work tomorrow.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
So you gotta work during the day and at night
you working.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
No, I gotta rest at night because I'm gonna go
to work tomorrow the next day, tomorrow. What you know,
I just said tomorrow. You ain't listening to.
Speaker 4 (09:42):
Me, so you so we can't hang out? Well, we
need something together time.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
What's going on?
Speaker 3 (09:48):
I don't like hanging you know what I mean that
It bothered me. No, I was watching I was watching
a Clean Eastwood movie the other day, Uh, hanging loose
at high noon. And ever since they hug in these
wood they shot him down out that tree, I ain't
been able to hang out no more.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
I don't know what it.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Is about that baby. Isn't that baby so cute? Look
at him?
Speaker 3 (10:14):
I told you, I told her, I see what you're
going with this here? I told you we need have
no damn baby right now? I told you that.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
Well why not? I mean, why not? We don't?
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Okay, okay, because you see how you just was falling
all over that baby right there.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
Yeah, he's so cute. I don't want to split that
time fawn over me.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
I do fawn over you.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
At least for another year.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
But a baby would be such a beautiful addition to
our family.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
Not right now?
Speaker 1 (10:44):
Well why not?
Speaker 2 (10:45):
I told you a year.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
We have the time, We have the time, We got
a work in order, everything, our careers are going. Well,
why not a baby? I want a baby, honey?
Speaker 2 (10:56):
Why are you pressuring me? Why you all bote me
about this baby?
Speaker 1 (11:01):
We just want to increase our family, that's all. That's
all it is. Just have a beautiful little baby.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
That ain't I don't feel that way, sister pandemic.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
I don't want to Let's plan our Let's plan our vacation,
summer vacations. You want to go, you want to go
to the Caribbean, you want to go to Mexico.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
You want to go to Europe? Where you want to go? Africa?
Where you want to go?
Speaker 3 (11:30):
You know what what I was thinking about going down there?
Speaker 2 (11:35):
The ymc A got a the package, the ymc A.
Speaker 4 (11:42):
What does I have to do with our vacation, our summer?
Speaker 2 (11:45):
No, they got a family vacant. That's why I want
to go.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
You know, just wake up, go down there every day,
you know, workout, swim, come on back.
Speaker 4 (11:54):
But that's not what I want to do. I want
us to go somewhere.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
Oh here we go again. Oh it's about you now,
Oh hey, nowhere.
Speaker 4 (12:04):
You don't want to go anyway.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
When you you told me about failing vacation, I told
you where I want to go.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
That's right back on where you want to go. That
ain't what I want to do. You lower your tone.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
Oh nah, I.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
Can't say nothing. See all this here at the pandemic.
I used to talk for the pandemic, pandemic. Now here,
come damn COVID. Now all of a sudden, I got
shut up.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Those four years ago. What are you talking about? The pan.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
We're gonna stack all this money up now, he won't
just go blow through it? Right now we got this
money stacked though. We were saying, you want to just
go blow through the money.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
No, we were saving it for a reason to buy
a new home, our dream home.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
We're not gonna buy no house right now because we
ain't finna have the baby right now.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Damn.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
I guess our marriage is over. If you don't divorce me,
I'm definitely divorced. Oh yeah. You Post your comments on
Today's Strawberry Letter at Steve Harvey FM on Instagram and Facebook.
Check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on the free iHeartRadio app.
Downloaded today, coming up at forty six minutes after the
(13:18):
hour of Sports Talk with Junior. Right after this, you're
listening to Harvey Morning Show.
It's time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if you
need advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more,
please submit your Strawberry Letter to STEVEARBFM dot com and
click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your letter
live on the air, just like we're going to read
this one right here, right now, and you never know,
it could be yours.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
It could be yours. Buckle up and hold on tight.
We got it for you here. It is Strawberry Letter.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Thank you, nephew. Subject to my husband and part time lover,
Stephen Shirley. I've been married for four years, but we
have been together six years. My husband charmed me and
I was head over heels in love with him. He
was always considerate and very loving, but over the years
he's become distant in everything that we do. He stopped
dating me after the pandemic. We had just got married,
(00:50):
and when the world opened back up, he never resumed
his duties as my husband. Now we make love and
he gets in the shower and then goes to sleep
on the sofa. He said it's because I don't like
to sleep with the TV on. But I will compromise
if he'll stay in the bed with me. I even
tried to lure him back in for sex twice in
one night, but he said he was tired. When we
(01:12):
go out for dinner, we don't have much to talk about,
so we talk about whatever's topical on social media. We
talked about starting a family, and he told me he
wants to put it on hold for at least another year.
Whenever he's on the phone with his boys, he's his
usual talkative self, but if he's with me, he barely speaks.
He still does the husband stuff, like he will kiss
(01:33):
me when he comes in, and he still rubs my
feet and gives me compliments. There is a disconnect somewhere though.
He's doing just enough in the bedroom to please me,
but I'm not sure it's good for him. I'm scared
to ask him because I don't want to know the answer.
What if he tells me he's over the marriage. I
did not think we survived being locked down together for
(01:55):
a year, but we did. Why is he being a
part time lover? Now? Is my marriage over? Yeah? Your
husband is just going through the motions, and you know what,
I'll say this about your marriage. It doesn't have to
be over, But you are right, there is a disconnect somewhere.
I'm sure if you think back, you can remember just
when it started changing. The pandemic intensified everything, and it
(02:19):
was a maker to break it time for a lot
of marriages during a pandemic, Some couples just couldn't survive
being up under each other all day, every day. And
it sounds like your husband grew apart and the intimacy
in your marriage is gone. He's not interested in getting
it back. You guys only have four years under your belt,
(02:39):
six years altogether, you say, and while you're willing to
work on it, he doesn't seem to be. So you
can't be afraid to ask him these hard questions if
you want the answers. That's where the work comes in
in a marriage. I definitely suggest counseling for you too,
if he's open to it. He's still there, he's still
going through the motions. He's still doing some of the
(03:00):
husbandly things you say, like rubbing your feet and kissing
you when he comes in. He's still even making love
to you. So you got to tell him how you feel.
You need to find out where he is and possibly
save your marriage if it can be saved. You know
you always should try that, so don't be afraid to
ask him.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Steve, you know my husband in part time love is
a subject.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
At the end of the letter, the letter asked a question,
is my marriage over? I don't know, sound like something wrong?
Though it sounds like based on the letter, something is wrong. Ah, lady,
(03:57):
you know all of is.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Let's just get to it.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
You know I could go through this letter line by
line and show you what I've discovered in all this here,
you know, here's the part when now when y'all make love,
he get in the shower and he go to sleep
on the sofa, he said, because I don't like sleep
with the TV on. Then you said, but I'll compromise
(04:20):
if he'll stay in bed with me. I even tried
to lure him back in for sex twice in one night,
but he say he tied. Well, lady, I don't know that.
Then you said, you start talked about starting a family,
and he told you, let's put that off for another year.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Is my marriage over?
Speaker 3 (04:42):
When he's over on the phone with his boys, he's
his usual talking hisself, but he's with me, he barely speaks.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Is my marriage over?
Speaker 3 (04:57):
He became distant in everything that we do. He stopped
dating me in the pandemic. Is my marriage over?
Speaker 2 (05:09):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
We ain't we go out to dinner, or we don't
have much to talk about, so we talk about whatever's
topical on social media. Is my marriage over? I mean,
I'm just reading lines out the letter. It sounds like
sound like a rap to me. But the problem you have,
(05:31):
ma'am is I'm scared to ask because I don't want
to know the answer. You can't put your head in
the sand. I don't understand that part of it. I'm
scared to ask because I don't want to know the answer.
Seemed to me like you already know the answer, you
(05:53):
just don't want to hear it. So with the rest
of this letter, I'm going going to do a reenactment.
Shirley and Carlor will ask me a series of questions
that a wife would normally ask her husband, and I'm
gonna show you the answer you probably getting, which will
(06:16):
answer the question is my marriage over? These questions will
be about anything from finanswers to the children, to going
out to dinner, to public relations, anything, and I will
answer a way your husband is asking you and you
tell me, is your marriage over? We'll do that when
(06:39):
we come back right after this.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
All right, at twenty three minutes after the hour, Today's
Strawberry letter, subject my husband and part time lover. We'll
get back into it with reenactment right after this. You're
listening to morning show. All right, Come on, Steve, let's
recap today's Strawberry letter. The subject is my husband and
part time lover.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
Well, we have a problem. This woman been married four years,
being together six. She's asking us is her marriage over?
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Now?
Speaker 3 (07:09):
Everything will changed after the pandemic. H he make love
to her now he getting the shy and he goes
sleep on sofa. She then tried to lure him back
with six twice. He don't come back in there.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
He tied.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
When they're on the phone talking with his boys. He
is usual talking hisself. When he talked to her, he
shut down. When they go to dinner. They ain't got
nothing to talk about himself was topical on social media.
He don't do that. He still kissing when he come
in the house, but it's total disconnect. The lady says
she's afraid to ask because I don't want to know
the else. What if he tells me he's over the marriage.
(07:45):
Then she said, I don't think we'd be survived being
locked down together for a year talking about the pandemic.
But they did survive it, but everything changed after that.
So did you survive it? I'm not sure so. Now,
since this letter is so obvious to me, what I've
decided to do is ask Shirley and Carl Hm to
ask me any questions, and I'm gonna be the husband
(08:07):
that's in the letter, and I will answer the letter
based on how I think this man has been acting.
He's aloof he's distant, he's disconnected. Ladies and gentlemen, let
us begin with the wives questioning the husband.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Honey, you want dinner.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Ninet hungry already? Eight? I ate yesterday, but.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Surely you're hungry now. I can fixture.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Whatever you like.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
We got steak, we got shrimp, we got chicken. Whatever
you want, honey.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Yeah, I don't eat that no more. I gave up chicken, steak, shrimp,
all that. I'm just letting it go.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Good night.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
So you're vegan now.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Now, ain't a vegan right now? I just don't eat
that no more.
Speaker 4 (08:58):
Right So you want to do a double date? Hang
out with our friends. You know who we normally go
out with.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Oh yeah who who what? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're going.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
While we was gonna go to dinner and then afterwards
get some cocktails or something like that, you know normal.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
Oh no, no, no, no, no, I want to do that.
I gotta go work a you're busy. Yeah, I gotta
go work tomorrow tomorrow night. I know you gotta work
during the day, but I'm talking about tomorrow night.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Let's go kick it. Yeah, tomorrow night. That's why I
say I gotta go work tomorrow.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
So you gotta work during the day and at night
you working.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
No, I gotta rest at night because I'm gonna go
to work tomorrow the next day, tomorrow. What you know,
I just said tomorrow. You ain't listening to.
Speaker 4 (09:42):
Me, so you so we can't hang out? Well, we
need something together time.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
What's going on?
Speaker 3 (09:48):
I don't like hanging you know what I mean that
It bothered me. No, I was watching I was watching
a Clean Eastwood movie the other day, Uh, hanging loose
at high noon. And ever since they hug in these
wood they shot him down out that tree, I ain't
been able to hang out no more.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
I don't know what it.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Is about that baby. Isn't that baby so cute? Look
at him?
Speaker 3 (10:14):
I told you, I told her, I see what you're
going with this here? I told you we need have
no damn baby right now? I told you that.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
Well why not? I mean, why not? We don't?
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Okay, okay, because you see how you just was falling
all over that baby right there.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
Yeah, he's so cute. I don't want to split that
time fawn over me.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
I do fawn over you.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
At least for another year.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
But a baby would be such a beautiful addition to
our family.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
Not right now?
Speaker 1 (10:44):
Well why not?
Speaker 2 (10:45):
I told you a year.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
We have the time, We have the time, We got
a work in order, everything, our careers are going. Well,
why not a baby? I want a baby, honey?
Speaker 2 (10:56):
Why are you pressuring me? Why you all bote me
about this baby?
Speaker 1 (11:01):
We just want to increase our family, that's all. That's
all it is. Just have a beautiful little baby.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
That ain't I don't feel that way, sister pandemic.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
I don't want to Let's plan our Let's plan our vacation,
summer vacations. You want to go, you want to go
to the Caribbean, you want to go to Mexico.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
You want to go to Europe? Where you want to go? Africa?
Where you want to go?
Speaker 3 (11:30):
You know what what I was thinking about going down there?
Speaker 2 (11:35):
The ymc A got a the package, the ymc A.
Speaker 4 (11:42):
What does I have to do with our vacation, our summer?
Speaker 2 (11:45):
No, they got a family vacant. That's why I want
to go.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
You know, just wake up, go down there every day,
you know, workout, swim, come on back.
Speaker 4 (11:54):
But that's not what I want to do. I want
us to go somewhere.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
Oh here we go again. Oh it's about you now,
Oh hey, nowhere.
Speaker 4 (12:04):
You don't want to go anyway.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
When you you told me about failing vacation, I told
you where I want to go.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
That's right back on where you want to go. That
ain't what I want to do. You lower your tone.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
Oh nah, I.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
Can't say nothing. See all this here at the pandemic.
I used to talk for the pandemic, pandemic. Now here,
come damn COVID. Now all of a sudden, I got
shut up.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Those four years ago. What are you talking about? The pan.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
We're gonna stack all this money up now, he won't
just go blow through it? Right now we got this
money stacked though. We were saying, you want to just
go blow through the money.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
No, we were saving it for a reason to buy
a new home, our dream home.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
We're not gonna buy no house right now because we
ain't finna have the baby right now.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Damn.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
I guess our marriage is over. If you don't divorce me,
I'm definitely divorced. Oh yeah. You Post your comments on
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