July 15, 2024 • 12 mins
Dear Steve and Shirley, I’ve been married for 7 years. I’m 43 and my husband is 38, but he acts like the world owes him something and always has a chip on his shoulder. He is argumentative and a wanna-be thug. He grew up in a rough area and he had to make it out of the hood on his own, but he won’t acknowledge that he’s in a much better place spiritually and financially now. He will preach a good sermon on Sunday, but Monday thru Saturday, he curses, drinks and he’s a womanizing thug.....................
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if you need
advice and relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting and more. Please
submit your Strawberry Letter to STEVEHARVEYFM dot com and click
submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your letter live
on the air, just like we're going to read this
one right here, right now.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
See that. Buggle up and hold on tight. We got
it for you here. It is a Strawberry letter.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Nephew's subject my husband is a thug and a prominent pastor. Okay,
Dear Stephen Shirley, I've been married for seven years. I'm
forty three and my husband is thirty eight. But he
acts like the world owes him something and always has
a chip on his shoulder.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
He is argumented in and I want to be thug.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
He grew up in a rough area and he had
to make it out of a hood on his own.
But he won't acknowledge that he's in a much better
place spiritually and financially now. He will preach a good
sermon on Sunday, but Monday through Saturday, he curses, drinks
and and he's a womanizing thug. He curses like a
sailor and he loves to brag about fighting and who's
(01:06):
behind he could whip if he had the chance.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
He's cheated on me twice.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
The second time it happened, I checked out of the marriage.
I would love to divorce him, but I can't because
he is my sole source of income. I got laid
off in April of last year, and I'm having a
hard time finding a full time job. He stands in
the pulpit on Sundays while I sit amongst the two
or more women he slept.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
With at the church.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
A few Sundays ago, a female church member approached me
and said my husband made inappropriate remarks to her.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
I told her that she should tell her husband.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
A couple of days later, my husband came home and
said he got into a verbal altercation with the lady's husband,
and I acted surprised.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
My husband was flustered and embarrassed.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
I'm thinking all of the men in the church need
to know what he's up to. The two church members
he slept with or married, and I think their husband
should know what my husband has been doing. Should I
start a war at the church or leave vengeance up
to the Lord, Well, I'll say no, definitely, don't start
a war at the church and the first lady. You know,
the Bible does say vengeance is mine. You know that
(02:17):
vengeance is mine saith the Lord, so you already know
the answer to that. The question is what are you
going to do? I mean, I'm trying to figure out
how you're still with him. He's a hypocrite. He's supposed
to be a changed man, and you know all of
that practice what he preaches every Sunday. And you know,
of course, I'm not saying that he should be perfect, because.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
You know he's still a man, of course, but.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Nothing in the letter says that he's a man of
God except for that he goes Sunday and preaches and
preaches a good sermon. But after that money through Saturday,
you know he's all in this thug life or whatever
he's been trying to do. You say, he's a womanizing thug,
but then you're dependent upon him financially, so.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
That makes it hard for you to leave. He's a cheater.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
You've been humiliated every Sunday when you see these women's faces.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Your man is sexually.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
Harassing women at the church, and just wrong. He's just
wrong on every level. I mean, you can't change him.
But I guess, you know, I guess you should be
planning your escape. I mean I say escape because you've
got to get away from him at least for a
little while.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
You got to do something.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
I mean, he's not showing any signs of stopping, he's
not showing any signs of remorse or anything, and he's
being very disrespectful and self destructive, you know, really trying
not to. I do ask you this, Try not to
make any emotional decisions like telling the husbands. You know,
like you said at the end of the letter, let
God handle that. You just continue to look for a
(03:56):
job because you know something is going to give eventually.
See if you have any friends or family members you
can trust that maybe can help you. And in the meantime,
maybe you could suggest counseling. I doubt if he'll go,
maybe you can suggest that. But definitely you have to
change your situation pattern what you're doing, so to start
saving up if you can, you know, get a little
(04:19):
part time job or something you're looking for full time.
But you got to get out of there because this
is not healthy, especially for you.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
Steve.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
You know this letter right here, it starts off as
a major conflict, just the subject. My husband is a
thug and a prominent pastor.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
What okay, let's just deal with it.
Speaker 4 (04:45):
He's a pastor part because he's really not a thug.
He's really really not's nothing in this letter he does
is thuggish. I'm just but but he's supposed to be
a pastor, So let's get with the conflict right away.
He acts like the world all owes him. First of all,
you took forty three and he thirty eight. What did
he say to you to.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Get you in the first place?
Speaker 4 (05:06):
I don't even understand this here, but that ain't what
the letter's about. But let me show you the conflict
of him being a prominent pastor. First thing, he acts
like the world owes him something. Here's another one. He
always has a chip on his shoulder. Here's another one,
he's argumented. And last but not least, he's a wanna
(05:29):
be thug. How the hell did he get to be
the pastor? I mean, just these four qualities right here?
How did he become a prominent pastor? He grew up
in the in the rough air, had to make it
out the hood on his own.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
How many you know, how many of us got that
story three on this show, three on this show that
Damn everybody I know.
Speaker 4 (05:54):
That's anything. Damn there got that story. Tell all us
on the show, got that story. So what is he
talking about? He don't acknowledge that he's in a much
better place spiritually.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
What I can't tell you. I'm just let it just
too much. All right, here we go.
Speaker 4 (06:16):
He will preach a good sermon on Sunday, boe Monday
through Saturday. He cusses, he drinks, and he's a womanizing thug. Okay,
now let's let's let's go back. He's your husband and
you're putting up with the cussing, the drinking, and the womanizing.
He cusses like a sailor, loves a brag about fighting.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Hold on and who's behind? He could whoop if he
had a chance.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
We'll have part two of Steve's response coming twenty three
minutes after the hour, subject my husband is a thug
and a prominent pastor.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
We'll get back into it right after this. You're listening
hard morning show. All right, Come on, Steve, let's recap
today's Strawberry letter.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
The subject my husband is a thug and a prominent pastor.
Speaker 4 (07:03):
All right, the prominent pastor has these following qualities. The world.
Oh he acts like the world. Owe in something. He
always got a chip on his shoulder. He's argumented, and
he's a wanna be thug. You're married to him. He
worked his way out the hood, but he won't acknowledge
that he's in a better place because he wants to
hold up this little thug.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
Mentality for some dumb ass reason.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
He'll preach a good sermon on Sunday, but Monday through
Saturday he cusses, drinks and he's a womanizing thug. So
he has a lot of women. And obviously you know
this cusses like a sailor. He loves a brag about
fighting and who's behind. He could whoop if he had
a chance. You always got the chance to jump on somebody.
(07:47):
If that opportunity is available. Twenty four seven, You just
going over there, start to fight, if that's what you
want to do. He just talking, He running his damn mom.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Hein's whooping.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
Nobody asks, But this dude right here is worse than that. Now,
you said he's cheated on me twice. The second time
it happened, you checked out the marriage. Then you say,
I would love to divorce him, but I can't because
he's my sole source of income. Okay, now we have
to deal with this part for a second, so I
(08:19):
understand that. I mean, look, don't think I don't.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
So I got it.
Speaker 4 (08:23):
You You ain't got no means of taking care of
yourself and everything.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
I get it. I'm not naive to that. But now
let's go with what.
Speaker 4 (08:32):
You have to swallow to have this roof over your
head and a car to drive. He acts like the
world owe him something. He's argumented, got a chip on
his shoulder. He's sleeping with women at the church. You
know about it, and you got to deal with all
(08:53):
that if you want to keep having the key to
that house.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
I just don't. Is it worth it? Is it worth it?
You know?
Speaker 4 (09:03):
I would love to divorce him, but I can't because
he's my sole source of inqu I got laid off
in April last year, having a hard time finding full
time job. He stands in the pool pitch on Sundays
while I sit amongst the two or more women he
slept with at church. Woo you you bad girl. You're
(09:25):
a bad girl.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Man.
Speaker 4 (09:26):
You use a bad girl, and you gotta swallow a lot. Look,
I don't know where your relatives at. I don't know
who you could move in with temporarily. I don't know
if you think you're walking away from something and leaving
it to somebody else. But you ain't got nothing though.
I mean, he's doggish, man, This dude is doggish.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
But here the one that got it.
Speaker 4 (09:48):
A few sundays ago, female churchmen approached me and said,
my husband made an inappropriate.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Remark to her. You told her you should tell her husband.
Speaker 4 (09:58):
A couple days later, my husban came home, said he
got into a verbal altercation with the lady's husband and
acted surprised what happened to all that ass whooping he
was gonna do?
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Remember that, Remember that.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
You know, if you really wanted to whoop somebody ass,
this was the perfect opportunity. Dude up in your face
accusing you of something, you probably gonna act like you
didn't do.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
So you're gonna act like you didn't say it.
Speaker 4 (10:29):
You got to because you the pastor because you can't
admit it, because you know if you admit you did
what you said, you know this dude gonna light into you.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
So your little husband is a little coward.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
Now my husband was flustered and embarrassed once again? What
happened to this ass whooping he been wanting to do?
See the man approached you? Now you flustered in the back.
Where is all these ass whoopers?
Speaker 2 (10:54):
A man? When you come home? Give me one? Come on,
Jack Johnson, show me something. All right?
Speaker 4 (11:03):
I'm thinking of all the men in the church that
need to know what he's up to. The two church
members he slept with, a married and I think that
husband should know what my husband has been doing. Okay, now,
your husband has been talking about whooping a lot of
people's behind.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
But if you go to these.
Speaker 4 (11:24):
Women husband and tellingness heiger, he's sure gonna be involved
in asked what was there?
Speaker 2 (11:30):
And he ain't gonna want neither one of them.
Speaker 4 (11:32):
But they gonna do something to your husband, see you,
They gonna do something to him.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
Man.
Speaker 4 (11:38):
So I agree with Shirley. I don't think you should
say it to them. I think the bigger problem for
you is what you gonna do. I think that's the
bigger problem. I think your situation you should start focusing
on you. You've already checked out the marriage. It ain't
much of a marriage. What you're willing to lose. You
(12:00):
don't have you don't have.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
No.
Speaker 4 (12:03):
He's disrespectful, he's misleading, he's overbearing, he's the bully pul pit.
He's abusive to you. He treats you any kind of way.
And if I were you, I would just find a
way to remove myself from that situation. All you've got
to do is gone bout your business. You ain't got
(12:23):
to do nothing. You can't stand in the pul pit
claim to be God's man and be doing what you want.
You might be getting away with it to them people,
but you ain't getting away from God. You walk away
from this, Go set yourself up, Go stay at the
relative's house. Get out of that situation. Because the London
Bridge is falling down.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Yep, all right, post your comments, Thank you Steve and
Today's Strawberry Letter at Steve Harvey FM on Instagram and Facebook.
Check out the Strawberry Letter podcast done demand. You're listening
Steve Harvey Morning Show
Time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if you need
advice and relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting and more. Please
submit your Strawberry Letter to STEVEHARVEYFM dot com and click
submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your letter live
on the air, just like we're going to read this
one right here, right now.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
See that. Buggle up and hold on tight. We got
it for you here. It is a Strawberry letter.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Nephew's subject my husband is a thug and a prominent pastor. Okay,
Dear Stephen Shirley, I've been married for seven years. I'm
forty three and my husband is thirty eight. But he
acts like the world owes him something and always has
a chip on his shoulder.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
He is argumented in and I want to be thug.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
He grew up in a rough area and he had
to make it out of a hood on his own.
But he won't acknowledge that he's in a much better
place spiritually and financially now. He will preach a good
sermon on Sunday, but Monday through Saturday, he curses, drinks
and and he's a womanizing thug. He curses like a
sailor and he loves to brag about fighting and who's
(01:06):
behind he could whip if he had the chance.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
He's cheated on me twice.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
The second time it happened, I checked out of the marriage.
I would love to divorce him, but I can't because
he is my sole source of income. I got laid
off in April of last year, and I'm having a
hard time finding a full time job. He stands in
the pulpit on Sundays while I sit amongst the two
or more women he slept.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
With at the church.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
A few Sundays ago, a female church member approached me
and said my husband made inappropriate remarks to her.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
I told her that she should tell her husband.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
A couple of days later, my husband came home and
said he got into a verbal altercation with the lady's husband,
and I acted surprised.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
My husband was flustered and embarrassed.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
I'm thinking all of the men in the church need
to know what he's up to. The two church members
he slept with or married, and I think their husband
should know what my husband has been doing. Should I
start a war at the church or leave vengeance up
to the Lord, Well, I'll say no, definitely, don't start
a war at the church and the first lady. You know,
the Bible does say vengeance is mine. You know that
(02:17):
vengeance is mine saith the Lord, so you already know
the answer to that. The question is what are you
going to do? I mean, I'm trying to figure out
how you're still with him. He's a hypocrite. He's supposed
to be a changed man, and you know all of
that practice what he preaches every Sunday. And you know,
of course, I'm not saying that he should be perfect, because.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
You know he's still a man, of course, but.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Nothing in the letter says that he's a man of
God except for that he goes Sunday and preaches and
preaches a good sermon. But after that money through Saturday,
you know he's all in this thug life or whatever
he's been trying to do. You say, he's a womanizing thug,
but then you're dependent upon him financially, so.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
That makes it hard for you to leave. He's a cheater.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
You've been humiliated every Sunday when you see these women's faces.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Your man is sexually.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
Harassing women at the church, and just wrong. He's just
wrong on every level. I mean, you can't change him.
But I guess, you know, I guess you should be
planning your escape. I mean I say escape because you've
got to get away from him at least for a
little while.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
You got to do something.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
I mean, he's not showing any signs of stopping, he's
not showing any signs of remorse or anything, and he's
being very disrespectful and self destructive, you know, really trying
not to. I do ask you this, Try not to
make any emotional decisions like telling the husbands. You know,
like you said at the end of the letter, let
God handle that. You just continue to look for a
(03:56):
job because you know something is going to give eventually.
See if you have any friends or family members you
can trust that maybe can help you. And in the meantime,
maybe you could suggest counseling. I doubt if he'll go,
maybe you can suggest that. But definitely you have to
change your situation pattern what you're doing, so to start
saving up if you can, you know, get a little
(04:19):
part time job or something you're looking for full time.
But you got to get out of there because this
is not healthy, especially for you.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
Steve.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
You know this letter right here, it starts off as
a major conflict, just the subject. My husband is a
thug and a prominent pastor.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
What okay, let's just deal with it.
Speaker 4 (04:45):
He's a pastor part because he's really not a thug.
He's really really not's nothing in this letter he does
is thuggish. I'm just but but he's supposed to be
a pastor, So let's get with the conflict right away.
He acts like the world all owes him. First of all,
you took forty three and he thirty eight. What did
he say to you to.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Get you in the first place?
Speaker 4 (05:06):
I don't even understand this here, but that ain't what
the letter's about. But let me show you the conflict
of him being a prominent pastor. First thing, he acts
like the world owes him something. Here's another one. He
always has a chip on his shoulder. Here's another one,
he's argumented. And last but not least, he's a wanna
(05:29):
be thug. How the hell did he get to be
the pastor? I mean, just these four qualities right here?
How did he become a prominent pastor? He grew up
in the in the rough air, had to make it
out the hood on his own.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
How many you know, how many of us got that
story three on this show, three on this show that
Damn everybody I know.
Speaker 4 (05:54):
That's anything. Damn there got that story. Tell all us
on the show, got that story. So what is he
talking about? He don't acknowledge that he's in a much
better place spiritually.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
What I can't tell you. I'm just let it just
too much. All right, here we go.
Speaker 4 (06:16):
He will preach a good sermon on Sunday, boe Monday
through Saturday. He cusses, he drinks, and he's a womanizing thug. Okay,
now let's let's let's go back. He's your husband and
you're putting up with the cussing, the drinking, and the womanizing.
He cusses like a sailor, loves a brag about fighting.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Hold on and who's behind? He could whoop if he
had a chance.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
We'll have part two of Steve's response coming twenty three
minutes after the hour, subject my husband is a thug
and a prominent pastor.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
We'll get back into it right after this. You're listening
hard morning show. All right, Come on, Steve, let's recap
today's Strawberry letter.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
The subject my husband is a thug and a prominent pastor.
Speaker 4 (07:03):
All right, the prominent pastor has these following qualities. The world.
Oh he acts like the world. Owe in something. He
always got a chip on his shoulder. He's argumented, and
he's a wanna be thug. You're married to him. He
worked his way out the hood, but he won't acknowledge
that he's in a better place because he wants to
hold up this little thug.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
Mentality for some dumb ass reason.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
He'll preach a good sermon on Sunday, but Monday through
Saturday he cusses, drinks and he's a womanizing thug. So
he has a lot of women. And obviously you know
this cusses like a sailor. He loves a brag about
fighting and who's behind. He could whoop if he had
a chance. You always got the chance to jump on somebody.
(07:47):
If that opportunity is available. Twenty four seven, You just
going over there, start to fight, if that's what you
want to do. He just talking, He running his damn mom.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Hein's whooping.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
Nobody asks, But this dude right here is worse than that. Now,
you said he's cheated on me twice. The second time
it happened, you checked out the marriage. Then you say,
I would love to divorce him, but I can't because
he's my sole source of income. Okay, now we have
to deal with this part for a second, so I
(08:19):
understand that. I mean, look, don't think I don't.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
So I got it.
Speaker 4 (08:23):
You You ain't got no means of taking care of
yourself and everything.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
I get it. I'm not naive to that. But now
let's go with what.
Speaker 4 (08:32):
You have to swallow to have this roof over your
head and a car to drive. He acts like the
world owe him something. He's argumented, got a chip on
his shoulder. He's sleeping with women at the church. You
know about it, and you got to deal with all
(08:53):
that if you want to keep having the key to
that house.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
I just don't. Is it worth it? Is it worth it?
You know?
Speaker 4 (09:03):
I would love to divorce him, but I can't because
he's my sole source of inqu I got laid off
in April last year, having a hard time finding full
time job. He stands in the pool pitch on Sundays
while I sit amongst the two or more women he
slept with at church. Woo you you bad girl. You're
(09:25):
a bad girl.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Man.
Speaker 4 (09:26):
You use a bad girl, and you gotta swallow a lot. Look,
I don't know where your relatives at. I don't know
who you could move in with temporarily. I don't know
if you think you're walking away from something and leaving
it to somebody else. But you ain't got nothing though.
I mean, he's doggish, man, This dude is doggish.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
But here the one that got it.
Speaker 4 (09:48):
A few sundays ago, female churchmen approached me and said,
my husband made an inappropriate.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Remark to her. You told her you should tell her husband.
Speaker 4 (09:58):
A couple days later, my husban came home, said he
got into a verbal altercation with the lady's husband and
acted surprised what happened to all that ass whooping he
was gonna do?
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Remember that, Remember that.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
You know, if you really wanted to whoop somebody ass,
this was the perfect opportunity. Dude up in your face
accusing you of something, you probably gonna act like you
didn't do.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
So you're gonna act like you didn't say it.
Speaker 4 (10:29):
You got to because you the pastor because you can't
admit it, because you know if you admit you did
what you said, you know this dude gonna light into you.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
So your little husband is a little coward.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
Now my husband was flustered and embarrassed once again? What
happened to this ass whooping he been wanting to do?
See the man approached you? Now you flustered in the back.
Where is all these ass whoopers?
Speaker 2 (10:54):
A man? When you come home? Give me one? Come on,
Jack Johnson, show me something. All right?
Speaker 4 (11:03):
I'm thinking of all the men in the church that
need to know what he's up to. The two church
members he slept with, a married and I think that
husband should know what my husband has been doing. Okay, now,
your husband has been talking about whooping a lot of
people's behind.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
But if you go to these.
Speaker 4 (11:24):
Women husband and tellingness heiger, he's sure gonna be involved
in asked what was there?
Speaker 2 (11:30):
And he ain't gonna want neither one of them.
Speaker 4 (11:32):
But they gonna do something to your husband, see you,
They gonna do something to him.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
Man.
Speaker 4 (11:38):
So I agree with Shirley. I don't think you should
say it to them. I think the bigger problem for
you is what you gonna do. I think that's the
bigger problem. I think your situation you should start focusing
on you. You've already checked out the marriage. It ain't
much of a marriage. What you're willing to lose. You
(12:00):
don't have you don't have.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
No.
Speaker 4 (12:03):
He's disrespectful, he's misleading, he's overbearing, he's the bully pul pit.
He's abusive to you. He treats you any kind of way.
And if I were you, I would just find a
way to remove myself from that situation. All you've got
to do is gone bout your business. You ain't got
(12:23):
to do nothing. You can't stand in the pul pit
claim to be God's man and be doing what you want.
You might be getting away with it to them people,
but you ain't getting away from God. You walk away
from this, Go set yourself up, Go stay at the
relative's house. Get out of that situation. Because the London
Bridge is falling down.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Yep, all right, post your comments, Thank you Steve and
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