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July 5, 2024 13 mins

Dear Steve and Shirley, my husband of 22 years has made a lot of changes in the last 6 months. He’s been in the military since I met him and he retired last year, but he still hangs around with his co-workers. He has always cursed like a sailor because he was a sailor when he was younger. When we had our first child, I asked him to watch what he said around our daughter and he slacked up with using profanity.....................

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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if you need
advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more. Please
submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HAARBFM dot com and
click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your letter,
just like we're going to read this one right here,
right now. It could be yours. You never know, you

(00:21):
never know.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
Buckle app and hold on tight. We got a toy
you here. It is the Strawberry Letter subject. This drinking
and cussing has to stop. Dear Stephen Shirley, my husband
of twenty two years, has made a lot of changes
in the last six months. He's been in the military
since I met him, and he retired last year, but
he still hangs out with his co workers. He has

(00:43):
always cursed like a sailor because he was a sailor
when he was younger. When we had our first child,
I asked him to watch what he said around our
daughter after he slacked up with using profanity, and he
did slack up with using profanity. Now that he's retired,
I think he's frustrated and bored because he started using strong,

(01:04):
four letter words and he said the kids are old
enough to understand We have a seventeen year old and
a fifteen year old, and he curses at them like
they are his age. Not only do I have to
put up with his bad language, he put a bar
in the basement and bought all brands of alcohol, and
his former co workers pop up at our house and

(01:24):
they go downstairs and drink up all of my husband's liquor.
He gets very drunk, and usually he falls asleep in
the basement and I have to usher his friends out.
Money is not an issue with all of the alcohol,
but I get tired of his buddies drinking up his
premium liquor and they don't give him one cent to
buy more. I asked my husband if he's going through

(01:45):
something or if this is a midlife crisis, and he
told me that he's fine, but ready to let his
hair down a little because he's not working anymore. I
did not want to spend my retirement with a drunk,
foul mouth man.

Speaker 1 (01:58):
He's Here's the worst part. The last time we were
being intimate, he was drunk and he called me a
dirty name, and he kept cursing so loudly. I was
afraid our kids would hear it. How can I stop
him from being so crude. I need the drinking and
cussing to stop. Wow, well it doesn't look like it's
gonna stop for a while anyway. It sounds like your

(02:21):
husband needs a seriously different kind of hobby than, you know,
just being downstairs drinking with his friends. But he did
tell you he wanted to let his hair down a
little bit. Maybe this is not going to last forever,
but I see you want to cut it off now,
cut it off at the past before it gets any worse.
He did say, like I said, he wanted to let

(02:41):
his hair down a little because he's not working anymore.
And that's you know, you said it too. He's bored
and frustrated. But he also has to realize that this
is your house too. When you guys do have kids,
he needs to be mindful and respectful of his influence
on them. He was able to curb his cursing when
your daughter was little, so you know he can change

(03:02):
if he wants to. I say, you tell him you
need a break from all the company and the drinking
and the cursing, because it's getting out of control and
he's drinking way too much, maybe turning into an alcoholic
you know, let him know he's setting a horrible example
for the kids. He needs to find out something, find
something else to do. Tell him you don't want drunk sex.

(03:22):
You don't want that, and you don't want his old
coworkers just popping up at the house unannounced. Now are
you mad at that? Or are you mad at the
fact that they're drinking of all your husband's good liquor,
Because those are kind of two different issues. If they come,
you don't have to answer the door, especially if they
come unannounced, stop letting them in. If they do, just
don't answer the door. And if you do let them in,

(03:45):
hide the liquor. Hide the liquor. All right, that's what
you have to do, Steve.

Speaker 3 (03:51):
Well, this drinking and cussing has to stop. I'm gonna
just be upfront with you before we start. Just letter
I might can help you with the drinking.

Speaker 4 (04:03):
What are you saying?

Speaker 3 (04:05):
I don't want to be hypocritical. I think I can
possibly help you with this cussing. Cuss I know where
it comes from. Anyway, Your husband twenty two, that made
a lot of changes in the last six months, been
in the military since you met him. He retired last week,

(04:27):
but he still hangs around with his coworkers.

Speaker 4 (04:29):
Well, he missed his friends. Uh, they've they had relationships.

Speaker 3 (04:34):
You know, a lot of people once they stopped working,
you know, they missed the camaraderie at work, They missed
the relationships down at the job.

Speaker 4 (04:41):
They just as dudes, and he missed them, all right.

Speaker 3 (04:44):
So he's always cussed like a sailor, and he said
that's because he was. But marines cuss, army people cussed,
post office workers, cuss, pastors cuss. Media's Cus radio show
hosts cuss. Shu cuss. She acts like she don't, but
she probably do all that old mess right there. Who
the hell don't cuss anyway, anyway, let's just move on.

(05:08):
I can tell you for show, call him for real cuss.
So now we had our first child, I ask him
to watch what he said around her daughter, and he
slacked up. Well, now he's retired and he's frustrating the
board because he'd just started using folk letter words again what.

Speaker 4 (05:25):
He slacked up when the baby was young.

Speaker 3 (05:28):
But see now you say, we have a seventeen year
old and a fifteen year old and he cusses at
them like they his age. They probably heard these words before, ma'am.
Now if letting, if he's not cursing at his daughter,
that's a different thing.

Speaker 4 (05:44):
You know.

Speaker 3 (05:44):
Cussing at your little girls is wrong if you a man,
I just think it's wrong. I do not only do
I have to put up his bag language. He put
a bar in the basement. He bought all brands I
call his fomer. Coworkers pop up at the house and
they go downstairs and they drink up all my husband liquor.
He gets very drunk and usually falls asleep in the
basement and I have to usher his friends out. Now,

(06:06):
that's that's a little crazy. Your husband drinking that hard. Yeah,
that he falls asleep and they steal down there, that's
a problem.

Speaker 4 (06:15):
I have a solution for that though. When we come back.

Speaker 3 (06:18):
I asked my husband if he's going through something in
midlife christ He said, he fine, He just ready to
let his head down a little bit because he ain't
working no more.

Speaker 4 (06:26):
Well, I got that, But we gotta.

Speaker 3 (06:28):
Do something because y'all can't be that old, because the
kids ain't but seventeen and fifteen. So now he retired,
we got to come up with something else to do
size drinking.

Speaker 4 (06:38):
I got the rest when I come back.

Speaker 1 (06:40):
All right, thank you, Steve. Hang on, we'll have part
two of Steve's response coming up at twenty three minutes
after the hour. Today's Strawberry letter subjects the drinking and
the cussing has to stop. We'll get back into it
right after this. You're listening Steve Hardy Morning Show. All right,
come on, Steve, let's recap today's Strawberry letter. The subject
this drinking cussing has to stop.

Speaker 3 (07:02):
Well, here's a deal. Been married twenty two years, he's
always cussed. He then he didn't put a bar in
the basement. He miss his friends, those relationships. He then
started back to cussing again. And now the kids are
seventeen and fifteen, and you say he cussing at them
like they're his age. They probably heard all these words before.

(07:25):
Like I said before, as long as he's not cursing
at the daughter that way, I don't think that's cool
at all, because it sends a bad example to a
young lady. That is okay for a man to talk
to her that way, and it's not. And as fathers,
we have to be very very conscious the example that
we put in front of our daughters and our sons.

Speaker 4 (07:44):
But you really don't.

Speaker 3 (07:45):
Want a daughter to think that this is acceptable coming
from a person who's supposed to love her. That's an
unacceptable dog And that's what you got to get a
grip on that right there.

Speaker 4 (07:59):
Now.

Speaker 3 (07:59):
He respected her when she was young, but now that
they're older, I got that they old enough that they've
heard this. But you can't do that to your daughter. Man,
I'm telling you, it's a dangerous slope. You're creating something
in her that she don't need to be. She needs
to always look at her father as a protector, somebody

(08:19):
she can go to and want to, you know, hold
her father in high esteem. He could be losing that,
So point that out to him.

Speaker 4 (08:28):
Tell him.

Speaker 3 (08:28):
I said that that's cool. Steve said, you shouldn't do
it around your daughter, and you shouldn't. And most men
had agree with me and all. And we have daughters
on this show. Me and Tommy got daughters. And that
ain't how we talk, all right. Now, he to put
his body downstairs, and his workers pop over at the
house and they go downstairs, they drink up all your

(08:49):
husband's liquor. He get drunk, fall asleep, and then you
gotta USh his friends out. Money ain't an issue with
all alcohol, but I get tired his buddy drinking up
his premium looking in and they don't give him one
cent to buy more.

Speaker 4 (09:00):
So, now here's the deal with that.

Speaker 3 (09:05):
I think the solution is he get a knight with
his buddies downstairs. Pick the knight that is the night
for drinking, and then that makes it once a week
or once every two weeks, whatever y'all decide. But he
gets a knight to go down with his ball with
his buddies. They can't just pop up. I don't know

(09:26):
what y'all running over there. And this ain't camp, and
y'all ain't little kids coming over to me like, Hey,
we want to play video games and ride your bike.

Speaker 4 (09:34):
That ain't what this is.

Speaker 3 (09:35):
You got a family dog, and you can't have people
just popping up at your house. That's unacceptable because now
you're not only disrespecting your daughter, you're disrespecting your wife.

Speaker 4 (09:45):
So now you ask him if you're going through something.

Speaker 3 (09:47):
He said he ready to be tie now and he
won't let his hair down a little. I've been told
that you can retire from the military's earlier's thirty eight,
but you've been with him twenty two years, so he
must have been in the military for two years.

Speaker 4 (10:01):
So let's say y'all got married at.

Speaker 3 (10:02):
Twenty Let's say twenty twenty two, because the kids is
fifteen and seventeen. So let's say he forty forty four
years old. Okay, dog, so you ain't finna do nothing
except drink because you done retire. You got to do
something else. Dog, you may live another forty fifty years.

(10:23):
What this can't be it You need to get some hobbies.
I didn't want to spend my retirement with a drunk
firemouth man. Here's the worst part. Last time we were
being enterming. He was drunk and he called me a
dirty name, and he kept cussing so loudly. I was
afraid our kids was here. Well, they heard it.

Speaker 4 (10:42):
They heard it.

Speaker 1 (10:42):
He loud.

Speaker 3 (10:43):
You know, drunk people don't ever realize how loud they talk.
I don't know what happened, but I think drinking blocks
your hearing. That is for damn sure or symptom of
being drunk. I think it blocks your hearing. So I
know he talking a loud and they heard it. How

(11:04):
could I stop him from being so crude? I need
the drinking and cussing to stop. First of all, Shirley
said it right, you don't have to have drunk sex.
So you're drinking, we're not having sex. That'll cut back
on some of the drinking. And if you cuss me,
it's over, but not once again. I can help you

(11:25):
with the drinking. You know, sex and cussing is kind
of you know, let's go together, yeah, kind of kind
kind of handed hand.

Speaker 4 (11:39):
Really. Yeah, I'm just.

Speaker 3 (11:41):
Trying to figure out how we're going you know, I
got we're gonna stop cussing at the kids. When I'm
trying to figure out how we're gonna stop this while
we're having sex. You know what, what what are we
supposed to say? I mean, I do know substitute works
like oh, goody goodie. You know you can't, Kate, I
don't know what you're supposed to say while you're having it.

(12:03):
That replaces all sugar, honey ice. He oh, I don't
know how you replace that with uh.

Speaker 4 (12:16):
H cheapers? How about helping? Wow, this is swell, you
know it? Say? Yeah, I don't, I don't know. I don't.

Speaker 3 (12:28):
I don't know what we're doing right here, you know,
I don't I don't know how to do that. So
once again I can't help you. Right there, he needs
to stop the drink. And knowing you need to have
the guys have a knight that they can come over
and you know they coming and they leave. Uh, you
know you all could also implement, well he just put
that bar down there they come. Just just have a

(12:48):
knight that you can do it. And then just set
one bottle, two bottles out. This is what we're drinking
and then that's it. They can be premium liquor, but
once that's gone, it's over with, you know, when you
drinking five six bottles?

Speaker 2 (13:02):
All right?

Speaker 1 (13:02):
Steve, thank you. Post your comments on today's Strawberry Letter
at Steve Harvey FM on Instagram and Facebook. Check out
Strawberry Letter podcast on demand. You're listening to The Harvey
Morning Show
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