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April 4, 2024 13 mins

Dear Steve and Shirley, I'm a forty seven year old married man and this is my second marriage. I have a twenty one year old daughter from my first marriage, and my wife has a twelve year old and an eight year old. We're living in a house. We're living in my house, which is four bedrooms and three bathrooms, and it's busting at the seams. My daughter just moved in and she has a one year old son. My wife's children split time between our house and their father's house. I wish they could go live with him full time, but my wife wants them to live with her, which is understandable. I think they should be with their dad.....................................................

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Episode Transcript

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Speaker 1 (00:00):
It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if
you need advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more,
please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com
and click submit Strawberry Letter. We'll try to help you
if we can. We could be reading your letter live
on the air, just like we're going to read this
one right here, right now.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
You never know.

Speaker 1 (00:22):
It could be yours.

Speaker 2 (00:23):
It could be yours. It could be yours. Michael, up
and hold on tight. We got it for you here.
It is Strawberry Letter.

Speaker 1 (00:30):
Yes it can, Yes it can. Thank you, nephew, Thank you, nephew. Subject.
This is not the blended family that I expected. Dear
Stephen Shirley, I'm a forty seven year old married man
and this is my second marriage. I have a twenty
one year old daughter from my first marriage, and my
wife has a twelve year old and an eight year old.

We're living in a house. We're living in my house,
which is four bedrooms and three bathrooms, and it's busting
at the seams. My daughter just moved in and she
has a one year old son. My wife's children split
time between our house and their father's house. I wish
they could go live with him full time, but my
wife wants them to live with her, which is understandable.

I think they should be with their dad. Here's why
my wife's mother has just moved in with us. She's
staying in the den that's next door to our bedroom,
so that has shut down our sex life. She's supposed
to be waiting for an apartment and a senior living complex,
but it looks like she's getting settled in here. My
wife bought her a dresser and a chair for our

den so she can be comfortable. Some of the grown
people need to move, starting with my daughter and her child.
I'm only telling you guys this because I don't know
how to handle the process of elimination. I would pay
for my daughter to move, but she needs help with
the baby, and I'd have to pay for that too.
My mother in law is rearranging my kitchen and being

a busy body. I was being intimate with my wife
and my mother in law tapped on the wall and
we felt like school kids that got in trouble for
making out. It's too too much going on in my house.
This is not the type of blended family that I expected.
My house is almost paid for, so I'm not moving.
How do I get rid of these extra people in

my house? Okay, this is a mess, But I got
to ask you if you and your wife talked before
any of this stuff happened, because you seem surprised at
what's going on in your own house. If you and
your wife are on the same page, you know this
marriage is not going to work. And the one thing
you cannot be is uncomfortable in your own home, and

you are that. You have to find out about the
senior apartment. Your mother in law is waiting on talk
to your wife about it. Why is this taking so long?
Then you're going to know for sure if she's trying
to stay in your house permanently or if she's really
trying to move. It sounds like she's trying to stay,
all right, That's what it sounds like. She can take
the dresser in the chair that you're I've got for her,

she can take that to her new place. Secondly, is
your daughter in school? Is she working? If not, you
got to talk to her about her future and her
next move. That's something you should also be talking to
your ex wife about because it's her child too, and
maybe she can help with the grandson, since that's a
major problem. And if you can afford to get your
daughter and your grandson an apartment, like you say, then

tell her you can help her. But you guys have
to have some sort of plan here. You are the
man of this house. You need peace in your house.
You and your new wife can call a family meeting
after you've talked, to discuss how things will go moving forward. Now,
these two step kids, they're going to be coming over
every two weeks and that's not going to change even
though you say you want them to live with your father.

You knew she had kids when you married her, so
you might as well just lean on into that. But
this other stuff, you're just going to have to start
picking it away, one by one, step by step.

Speaker 2 (03:55):
Steve, this is not what a blended family is though.
Now the dude that wrote the letter, I'm on your side,
just want you to be clear about that. I understand
the dilemma that you have a blended family. I thought
should be if a man and a woman get married

and each one of them have kids, that's a blended family. Correct.
What has happened here is your grown daughter has a
child who has moved back into your house, and then

her mother has moved into your house. Now this was
your house originally, bro, and you had a four bedroom
house with three baths, and it's busting at the seams. Well,
because you got two people in there that ain't supposed
to be in there. You got your grandchild that's in there,

daughter that's in there who came back home, but she
twenty one, and then her mama is there. Now you
done have to give up your den, which is well
probably why you watch TV. You done have to put
a dress in there in a chair. Ain't no bathroom
in the den. So now you got this old woman
got to cut through the house somewhere to go to

the bathroom. The den is next to your bedroom. And
when y'all in there getting it on, she can't take it.
She knocking on the wall. He hey, but now you
in your house, so I'm on your side. The only
solution you have for this is, and this is really

a simple letter, you and your wife gonna have to
come to the conclusion. Now you can't get rid of
these two boys that she had because you knew that
when you married her. You can't wish they would go
live with their daddy because the mama not giving up
her children. She just said that. So that's where the
and the family is. Your problem is your twenty one

year old daughter you' do bene brought back in the
house with her child. Now she got a room in
one of the bathrooms. Them two boys, they got to
have their bathroom by theyself because you don't want in
that bathroom now with them two boys in there. Then
you and your wife got a bathroom. So now that

means that the mama is sharing the bathroom with somebody,
either them boys or that girl with that baby. They
won't hug on grandma.

Speaker 1 (06:40):
Yes, we'll have part two of your response coming up
at twenty three minutes after the hour of today's Strawberry letter.
Subject this is not the blended family I expected. We'll
get back into it right after this. You're listening Morning show,
All right, Come on, Steve, let's recap today's Strawberry letter.
The subject is this is not the blended family I expected.

Speaker 2 (07:03):
No, this is not a blended family. A blended family
is when you marry a woman that has children, and
you have children, and you all live together and you
try to blend the family. That's a traditional blead blended family.
You have that except your child and move back into
the house. She twenty one with a baby. So now
there's your grown daughter and a grandbaby that's living there,

and you got the woman your wife's two biological children
living there and her Mameter moved in and she's staying
in the den. She't then bought her dresser and a
chair so she could be more comfortable. Guess you got
tired of walking past the den looking at her sitting
on the edge of the bed like she in prison.

That's an ugly ass sight. Every time you walk past
the den, you're looking in there, your mother in law
sitting up in there like she in prison. Ain't no
where to sit in prison. But then there's no living room,
so she in jail and she back is starting to
curve a little bit, so you know, or you be

hunched over all the time, hard to sit up straight,
hard hell good pasture on a bed. So that's what
your problem is though, So you don't have the traditional
blended family. What you have at your house, it's called
the family reunion. That's what you have, y'all at Pearl's
house for three days and making pallettes on the floor. Brother,

you forty seven. You got a folk bedroom house with
three bathrooms in it and it's completely overrun. I don't
have nothing for you except this. You say you can't
put your daughter out because she need help moving. If
you give her help, movie, she gonna need help with
the baby. You're stuck here. Who got to go? The
old inmate sitting up in the in the den, she

got to go. Yeah, she got to go. She knocking
on the wall your house. Hey, what y'all doing in there?

Speaker 1 (09:03):
Rearranging the kitchen?

Speaker 2 (09:05):
She and not doing the most. She take all the
big ass house coach and the moomoo dresses. And she
needs to get on down there to that assistant living place.
You need to call down there and pay the extra money,
get her times, get her spot moved up. She needs
to be down there with Pearl and jol Dene Oscar

Barnabas there claw that she need to get down there
with people with them names. So ms, Betty got to go.
That's the show I'm going to ask you. And so
that's really your only solution. Any questions on this, lady,
any questions from me?

Speaker 1 (09:51):
Well, he said that he could afford Steve to take
care of his daughter to get I would.

Speaker 2 (09:57):
Pay for peace. Bye, please get out, p S. I
got money for peace. Okay, Yeah, they're just gonna have
tot met together. If she if it was you and
somebody was knocking on your wall, or what would you say?
Would you do? I come out of the bedroom and asked,
excuse me, would you be clothed?

Speaker 1 (10:19):

Speaker 2 (10:21):
I'm gonna come out there with the tie over my shoulder.

Speaker 1 (10:26):
Not around your waist.

Speaker 2 (10:32):
She's waiting and everything. What's the problem in the doorway?
Not only okay? Hey, hey, what's happening.

Speaker 1 (10:42):
The door?

Speaker 2 (10:44):
Hey? Miss j what you need? You ain't want nothing?
High you get on back in here? Shut the door.
Y'are too loud? Okay, y'all down? Yeah, we like it
loud up in here. Cut your TV up?

Speaker 1 (11:07):
Can she give me another chair to match the one
she bought me? I need to uhuh.

Speaker 2 (11:12):
You listen to me. You got TV in now. You
can go from this bunk, this chair, you can sit
on that dresser. Put your foot up on the dresser.
Use that as an artum. Okay, wow, if you'll keep
up all this knowing I'm gonna have to leave. That's
what we're hoping for.

Speaker 1 (11:33):
Bye. I hope you don't mind to rearrange the kitchen
the way I like it.

Speaker 2 (11:40):
You ain't gonna have to arrange no kitchen. I've already
made arrangements down there, sunny Brook, sunny Brook, down there,
take and take you Friday. And guess what that chair
and that dresser and that bunk, all that's yours. We
already got you. We already got you pre we got
you pre uh furnished. She set up missus Jones. You

got a cot, dresser and a chair, and you can
take that TV too. But I don't know anybody make
potter pin toes and the skin of the corn bread
candy down there with you. I'm gonna give you Mike
away and already signed you up for Friday night Bingo.

It's Saturday night, Quilton. So you got some activities coming
on and they're gonna play pickleball on Tuesdays.

Speaker 1 (12:38):
Daddy, I want to go out with my friends. Can
you watch the baby?

Speaker 2 (12:43):
I don't, I don't, I don't babysit. Baby. You take
take that baby on down to the club with you,
and don't stand by the speaker your grandson unless he
smokes cigars and know how to barbecue. Bill been helped.

Speaker 1 (13:02):
Poat your comments on Today Strawberry Letter. It's Steve Harvey
FM on Instagram and Facebook. Check out the Strawberry Letter
podcast on free iHeartRadio app Free Never sounded so good.
You can download it today. Coming up at forty six
minutes to after the hour, it's Junior and Sports Talk.

Speaker 2 (13:18):
Right after this, you're listening to Steve Harvey Morning Show
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