November 29, 2018 • 14 mins
Dear Steve and Shirley, I am a 32 year old single mom of a 16 year old and I still live at home with my 84 year old father. I have never moved out because I never wanted my daughter to suffer through any hardships or go without having the things she wants and needs. My dad takes good care of us, so that helps me save money. Here’s the problem… I’ve been dating a man for 4 years and we have a great relationship, but he is pressuring me to move in with him, with my daughter........
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Buckle up, hold on tight. Here it is stob baby letter,
Thank you nephew. Subjects torn between my daddy and my man.
Here's Stephen Shirley. I am a thirty two year old
single mom of a sixteen year old and I still
live at home with my eighty four year old father.
I have never moved out because I never wanted my
(00:21):
daughter to suffer through any hardships or go without having
the things she wants and needs. My dad takes good
care of us, so that helps me save money. Here's
a problem. I've been dating a man for four years
and we have a great relationship, but he is pressuring
me to move in with him with my daughter. Financially,
(00:41):
I am not ready to start splitting the expenses with
him because I have a few small bills to pay
off first. My boyfriend keeps telling me that it's not
a problem because he will take care of all the bills.
I'm not married to him, and I need to be
sure if I can take care of myself and my
daughter if things don't work out with this man. There's
also a bigger issue that we need to work out
(01:04):
through before I move in with him. He has told
me that if we move in together, my dad will
not be able to come over to our place to visit.
He stated that my dad has always been rude to
him and makes him feel uncomfortable, and he will not
tolerate it in his own home. He also said, my
dad will not be welcome at our family gatherings and
(01:27):
outings now my dad, Now, my dad has not been
the kindest person to my boyfriend and my family, but
he is still my dad. I don't think I should
be considering moving in with my boyfriend if this is
something that we won't compromise on. It seems that he
may be a little too controlling, especially if he will
be paying all of the bills. What do you think
(01:48):
I should do? Stay or go? Stay? I think you
should stay with your dad or get your own place
if you can afford it. I mean, why would you
want to go somewhere with someone who feels this way
about your eighty four year old dad. You're not married
to this man. You didn't mention that he proposed to
you or anything. You're not engaged to him, and he
(02:10):
could be very much controlling. You've been with him for
four years now, you say, and he's promising that he'll
take care of your small bills, your few small bills
if you move in with him. I'm just thinking, in
four years, why why hasn't he helped you already? I mean,
that could be one of the reasons your dad doesn't
(02:30):
like him. I just say, you're a mother. You have
a sixteen year old daughter. You have to be an
example for her. I don't think you would once you're
your sixteen year old. I mean your daughter, you know,
when she becomes of age. Of course, in a situation
like this, I don't think there's any benefit for you
right now to move in with this guy. I mean,
you're thirty two years old, so you have to move
(02:51):
out one day soon, hopefully and be on your own.
But you should certainly want it to be with the
right guy, with the right situation, and and uh that
would be someone who would at least try to work
it out with your dad, I mean, not shut him
out in a vengeful way like this guy's doing. I
don't think he should turn your he should be turning
his back on your dad. That is your dad, after all.
(03:14):
I think you should stay where you are for now.
You've been saving money, save money to move out on
your own Steve. Um, this is a no goal for me.
This is an absolute no goal. Um, I don't, I don't.
I don't see what. You're thirty thirty two years old,
you got sixteen year old daughter you live with, You're
(03:36):
eighty four year old father. This man that came along,
you've been dating for four years. Now, if y'all gonna
move in, why don't y'all get married? He just wants
you to move in, right, I didn't see marriage on here.
You're right, And then you stay with your father because
you didn't want your daughter to suffer, and your father
takes get care of you in four years. I agree
(03:57):
with Shirley. This dude ain't helped you in four years
with these little bills. Damn. I mean most men. I'm sorry, man,
but if you're listening as a man and you're talking
a man, I ain't gonna help her with her bills.
Well you don't have to, But can I tell you
something technically we're supposed to. I don't know where this
(04:18):
got lost in the good old days, but it's obviously
lost because you all get together now and want to
keep everything separate. You join together with a person to
become one. If you don't want to become one. Quit
joining with these damn people. Damn that is dude down
here wants you to pull up ranks. Then in here
(04:40):
he come with his funk ass. Don't tell you after Now,
your daddy didn't put it in all the hard work,
you and your daughter. Now when y'all get together, your
damn daddy can't come over here, can't come over to
our play. Is it? Dad been rude to him? Shelley
hit it on the head. She didn't, She said, your
(05:01):
daddy's because let me explain something to you. Eighty foe, No,
eighty four year old man. He knows some stuff. He
got a feeling about your boyfriend. First of all four
years of coming through that he don't like to do
because he know he ain't about nothing because he eighty
(05:22):
four and he know how he should be active and
he ain't seeing that. So now he don't like him.
Eighty folk knows something you don't, and it's something about
this boy he don't like. And he ain't gonna turn
his daughter and his little princess over to these dude
that's what he don't like him. Now, your boyfriend, no,
(05:43):
he don't like him, and he feel uncomfortable with him
not liking him. Now, he don't want him over at
the house because he said he make him feel uncomfortable
when he comes. You know why he make him feel
uncomfortable because he's shady and old dudes know it, and
they ain't in to play that game with you in
the house. He said your dad would not be welcome
(06:04):
at our family gatherings and outings. Hey, man, your daddy
eighty four. This dude can't pull his man who had
pants up a little bit tighter for however long your
daddy got left and at least just be cordial to
the man. He might not be the greatest to you,
but but he might not be the greatest to him,
(06:26):
but to you and that girl, he'd been y'all's everything.
And if he can't honor and respect the fact that
this man then lived eighty four years and then took
care of you when obviously you had the baby at sixteen,
he put you out, he embraced you. Come on, girl,
I got you and huh, now, man, this is not
(06:49):
the dude and he just want to move you in.
You're scared to go, And the reason you're scared to
go because you don't feel secure with him. Oh that's right,
you don't feel secure with this guy. Man, it's this
strawberry got letter going this smooth. You know why, because
JA here insecure. I just felt like, you know, no time.
(07:14):
It just you know, I've been doing this strawberry letter
for years with Shelley. We just be doing it. Her response,
my response, and all of a sudden I noticed all
my damn response. I gotta stop and address something. Hold
on a bit of black bound. Get part two of
your response. Thirty two year old woman got a sixteen
year old baby, been living at home with an eighty
(07:37):
four year old father because she didn't want to move out,
because she wanted her daughter to suffer. My dad take
good care of him, so that helps her save the
money problems she got. She'd been dating this man for
four years. She said, they got a great relationship. But
he's pressuring me to move in with him with my daughter. Now.
The ladies say she ain't ready to do that financially
(07:59):
because she because she ain't ready to start splitting expenses
with him, because she got a few small bills to
pay off. And my boyfriend keep telling her dad ain't
no problem. See what's gonna make it a difference for you. Now,
you could have been helping this girl with her financial problem,
but you didn't. Now you're gonna come move in and
(08:22):
I'm gonna help you. See, this is a dude that
always wants something for something, So you gotta look at
what this is. And your father, he hadn't told you
that he don't want that y're eighty four, You old
daddy to come nowhere near his house. He ain't welcome.
He can't come in there because he made him feel uncomfortable.
(08:43):
You know why, they're eighty four year old man make
it feel uncomfortable because eighty four, No, eighty four knows
some things. And he hadn't read this dude, and he
don't like the way head. He ain't got enough sens
to honor the fact that this is your a for
your old daddy. And how much ever longer he got,
(09:03):
at least let y'all have y'all time together. But that
don't suit what he want. So his standar trifling, non compromising,
self centered. He won't all it go his way. Well
that's not how it works. So now you even said
(09:27):
your dad ain't been the kindest person to your boyfriend
because your daddy. No. Now, I don't think I should
be considering moving in with my boyfriend. And this is
something that he won't compromise on. You shouldn't. So now
you can't have relationship with your daddy who has always
had his arms open to you and your daughter to
have relationship, and this dude wants you to sever that relationship.
Who wants that to happen? Man? What decent man? So
(09:52):
you got to ask yourself a couple of questions about
your boyfriend. Why won't he do anything to make me happy?
You've been for four years? Why don't he marry you?
Why don't he help you with your bills? Now? What
is it about him that your daddy know that he
don't like about it? Now? Why is it he don't
(10:14):
want your daddy over to the house no more? And
don't want your daddy coming to no family gatherers? This
is eighty four year old man that's been holding the
family down his entire adult male life. Now hit this dude. Come,
this is not a good relationship to get into. If
I were you, I would say no. And if he can't,
(10:37):
at least treat your father DC. Even if your father
is a little rude. He old. So it's okay, Yeah,
you get a pass. Yeah, I'm tell you right now,
you're lucky. Wasn't my daddy slick Harvey. Let me explain
something to you. My father man, he didn't something about
(10:57):
see old duds at their house. They don't gonna play.
They don't change nothing that their house. Tommy, your daddy
was the same way. This is his house. My daddy
was the same way. This is his house. Come in
here fixing nothing for you. If he don't like you,
(11:17):
you're gonna find out about it if you come in
his house. I had a friend of mine that my
daddy didn't like. He couldn't come past the kitchen. What
do you mean, Jeffrey Overhill, jeff stay there by that
Doughey could make it in. No, Jeffrey could not come
(11:43):
in my house because you know we're a little small house.
You come through the back door. When you open the
door to refrigerator, you could touch refrigerator when you open
the door to the left and behind it. I mean
you could touch the stove to the left and refrigerator
was behind the door. When Jeffrey come in, he come
in the kitchen, he could shut the door. Couldn't hangers
ass out there kitchen because he ain't like Jeffrey. He's
(12:05):
still oh okay, yeah, my dad had or somebody like that.
He ain't like one of my potts. He always get
my pot to two spoons, say click these spoons together,
and and and you know, my friend be like, what, mister,
what I'm doing this? I didn't know where you had
my damn high keeps the spoon click, keep them keep
clicking them damn spoon right there. I bet I better
(12:30):
hear them spoons every time I'm walking here. Old school
is just funny, isn't it. Jeffrey Gil stayed by the
damn dog. I'm talking about maybe if four friends come over,
Jeffrey come in and he knew, you know, my friend
laugh at eight? Gil, stay there, stay doren, mister Harvey here,
(12:52):
I'm right here. Hey, mister Harvey. How miss Harvey? Hey,
mitter you stay your ass by that though we're being
there for ten minutes, they'd be waiting, know me anything.
He could not come past that dope. Man. Don't walk
past in frigerator. That was this mark like Jeffrey's parents.
Did they know his parents? No? No, Jeffrey Jeffrey lived
(13:13):
one hundred fourteen. My dad ain't talking nobody over over there.
You know, we don't go far a man. My daddy
was clear, we want twelve street people. We want twelve
street pick. We don't go there one fourteen. I don't
know what they're doing round bike over there. You can
(13:38):
go over there, but there ain't me, nobody, Mama, dad
over there. I don't know them. People don't know what
they're doing over there. That's funny. It's the truth. They
had us. We don't go around now. We're one hundred
twelfth street people were hundred twelve streets people. I know
(14:00):
the I know how they keep the yard. I know
how the garbage can look. I know when they put
sent the trash out on the curve. I know these people. Yeah,
I don't like what they garbage can't look over they
all being at all up and here the hell of
a reason, not to lack of fam way, your damn
garbage can't trade. They got dance on they can. They
(14:26):
ain't got no ain't got no lead what they lead?
All right, listen, guys, we you can email us or
instagram us your thoughts on today's Strawberry letter. We gotta
get out of people bas your damn garbage. Can't. Steve
Harvey FM, You're listening show,
Buckle up, hold on tight. Here it is stob baby letter,
Thank you nephew. Subjects torn between my daddy and my man.
Here's Stephen Shirley. I am a thirty two year old
single mom of a sixteen year old and I still
live at home with my eighty four year old father.
I have never moved out because I never wanted my
(00:21):
daughter to suffer through any hardships or go without having
the things she wants and needs. My dad takes good
care of us, so that helps me save money. Here's
a problem. I've been dating a man for four years
and we have a great relationship, but he is pressuring
me to move in with him with my daughter. Financially,
(00:41):
I am not ready to start splitting the expenses with
him because I have a few small bills to pay
off first. My boyfriend keeps telling me that it's not
a problem because he will take care of all the bills.
I'm not married to him, and I need to be
sure if I can take care of myself and my
daughter if things don't work out with this man. There's
also a bigger issue that we need to work out
(01:04):
through before I move in with him. He has told
me that if we move in together, my dad will
not be able to come over to our place to visit.
He stated that my dad has always been rude to
him and makes him feel uncomfortable, and he will not
tolerate it in his own home. He also said, my
dad will not be welcome at our family gatherings and
(01:27):
outings now my dad, Now, my dad has not been
the kindest person to my boyfriend and my family, but
he is still my dad. I don't think I should
be considering moving in with my boyfriend if this is
something that we won't compromise on. It seems that he
may be a little too controlling, especially if he will
be paying all of the bills. What do you think
(01:48):
I should do? Stay or go? Stay? I think you
should stay with your dad or get your own place
if you can afford it. I mean, why would you
want to go somewhere with someone who feels this way
about your eighty four year old dad. You're not married
to this man. You didn't mention that he proposed to
you or anything. You're not engaged to him, and he
(02:10):
could be very much controlling. You've been with him for
four years now, you say, and he's promising that he'll
take care of your small bills, your few small bills
if you move in with him. I'm just thinking, in
four years, why why hasn't he helped you already? I mean,
that could be one of the reasons your dad doesn't
(02:30):
like him. I just say, you're a mother. You have
a sixteen year old daughter. You have to be an
example for her. I don't think you would once you're
your sixteen year old. I mean your daughter, you know,
when she becomes of age. Of course, in a situation
like this, I don't think there's any benefit for you
right now to move in with this guy. I mean,
you're thirty two years old, so you have to move
(02:51):
out one day soon, hopefully and be on your own.
But you should certainly want it to be with the
right guy, with the right situation, and and uh that
would be someone who would at least try to work
it out with your dad, I mean, not shut him
out in a vengeful way like this guy's doing. I
don't think he should turn your he should be turning
his back on your dad. That is your dad, after all.
(03:14):
I think you should stay where you are for now.
You've been saving money, save money to move out on
your own Steve. Um, this is a no goal for me.
This is an absolute no goal. Um, I don't, I don't.
I don't see what. You're thirty thirty two years old,
you got sixteen year old daughter you live with, You're
(03:36):
eighty four year old father. This man that came along,
you've been dating for four years. Now, if y'all gonna
move in, why don't y'all get married? He just wants
you to move in, right, I didn't see marriage on here.
You're right, And then you stay with your father because
you didn't want your daughter to suffer, and your father
takes get care of you in four years. I agree
(03:57):
with Shirley. This dude ain't helped you in four years
with these little bills. Damn. I mean most men. I'm sorry, man,
but if you're listening as a man and you're talking
a man, I ain't gonna help her with her bills.
Well you don't have to, But can I tell you
something technically we're supposed to. I don't know where this
(04:18):
got lost in the good old days, but it's obviously
lost because you all get together now and want to
keep everything separate. You join together with a person to
become one. If you don't want to become one. Quit
joining with these damn people. Damn that is dude down
here wants you to pull up ranks. Then in here
(04:40):
he come with his funk ass. Don't tell you after Now,
your daddy didn't put it in all the hard work,
you and your daughter. Now when y'all get together, your
damn daddy can't come over here, can't come over to
our play. Is it? Dad been rude to him? Shelley
hit it on the head. She didn't, She said, your
(05:01):
daddy's because let me explain something to you. Eighty foe, No,
eighty four year old man. He knows some stuff. He
got a feeling about your boyfriend. First of all four
years of coming through that he don't like to do
because he know he ain't about nothing because he eighty
(05:22):
four and he know how he should be active and
he ain't seeing that. So now he don't like him.
Eighty folk knows something you don't, and it's something about
this boy he don't like. And he ain't gonna turn
his daughter and his little princess over to these dude
that's what he don't like him. Now, your boyfriend, no,
(05:43):
he don't like him, and he feel uncomfortable with him
not liking him. Now, he don't want him over at
the house because he said he make him feel uncomfortable
when he comes. You know why he make him feel
uncomfortable because he's shady and old dudes know it, and
they ain't in to play that game with you in
the house. He said your dad would not be welcome
(06:04):
at our family gatherings and outings. Hey, man, your daddy
eighty four. This dude can't pull his man who had
pants up a little bit tighter for however long your
daddy got left and at least just be cordial to
the man. He might not be the greatest to you,
but but he might not be the greatest to him,
(06:26):
but to you and that girl, he'd been y'all's everything.
And if he can't honor and respect the fact that
this man then lived eighty four years and then took
care of you when obviously you had the baby at sixteen,
he put you out, he embraced you. Come on, girl,
I got you and huh, now, man, this is not
(06:49):
the dude and he just want to move you in.
You're scared to go, And the reason you're scared to
go because you don't feel secure with him. Oh that's right,
you don't feel secure with this guy. Man, it's this
strawberry got letter going this smooth. You know why, because
JA here insecure. I just felt like, you know, no time.
(07:14):
It just you know, I've been doing this strawberry letter
for years with Shelley. We just be doing it. Her response,
my response, and all of a sudden I noticed all
my damn response. I gotta stop and address something. Hold
on a bit of black bound. Get part two of
your response. Thirty two year old woman got a sixteen
year old baby, been living at home with an eighty
(07:37):
four year old father because she didn't want to move out,
because she wanted her daughter to suffer. My dad take
good care of him, so that helps her save the
money problems she got. She'd been dating this man for
four years. She said, they got a great relationship. But
he's pressuring me to move in with him with my daughter. Now.
The ladies say she ain't ready to do that financially
(07:59):
because she because she ain't ready to start splitting expenses
with him, because she got a few small bills to
pay off. And my boyfriend keep telling her dad ain't
no problem. See what's gonna make it a difference for you. Now,
you could have been helping this girl with her financial problem,
but you didn't. Now you're gonna come move in and
(08:22):
I'm gonna help you. See, this is a dude that
always wants something for something, So you gotta look at
what this is. And your father, he hadn't told you
that he don't want that y're eighty four, You old
daddy to come nowhere near his house. He ain't welcome.
He can't come in there because he made him feel uncomfortable.
(08:43):
You know why, they're eighty four year old man make
it feel uncomfortable because eighty four, No, eighty four knows
some things. And he hadn't read this dude, and he
don't like the way head. He ain't got enough sens
to honor the fact that this is your a for
your old daddy. And how much ever longer he got,
(09:03):
at least let y'all have y'all time together. But that
don't suit what he want. So his standar trifling, non compromising,
self centered. He won't all it go his way. Well
that's not how it works. So now you even said
(09:27):
your dad ain't been the kindest person to your boyfriend
because your daddy. No. Now, I don't think I should
be considering moving in with my boyfriend. And this is
something that he won't compromise on. You shouldn't. So now
you can't have relationship with your daddy who has always
had his arms open to you and your daughter to
have relationship, and this dude wants you to sever that relationship.
Who wants that to happen? Man? What decent man? So
(09:52):
you got to ask yourself a couple of questions about
your boyfriend. Why won't he do anything to make me happy?
You've been for four years? Why don't he marry you?
Why don't he help you with your bills? Now? What
is it about him that your daddy know that he
don't like about it? Now? Why is it he don't
(10:14):
want your daddy over to the house no more? And
don't want your daddy coming to no family gatherers? This
is eighty four year old man that's been holding the
family down his entire adult male life. Now hit this dude. Come,
this is not a good relationship to get into. If
I were you, I would say no. And if he can't,
(10:37):
at least treat your father DC. Even if your father
is a little rude. He old. So it's okay, Yeah,
you get a pass. Yeah, I'm tell you right now,
you're lucky. Wasn't my daddy slick Harvey. Let me explain
something to you. My father man, he didn't something about
(10:57):
see old duds at their house. They don't gonna play.
They don't change nothing that their house. Tommy, your daddy
was the same way. This is his house. My daddy
was the same way. This is his house. Come in
here fixing nothing for you. If he don't like you,
(11:17):
you're gonna find out about it if you come in
his house. I had a friend of mine that my
daddy didn't like. He couldn't come past the kitchen. What
do you mean, Jeffrey Overhill, jeff stay there by that
Doughey could make it in. No, Jeffrey could not come
(11:43):
in my house because you know we're a little small house.
You come through the back door. When you open the
door to refrigerator, you could touch refrigerator when you open
the door to the left and behind it. I mean
you could touch the stove to the left and refrigerator
was behind the door. When Jeffrey come in, he come
in the kitchen, he could shut the door. Couldn't hangers
ass out there kitchen because he ain't like Jeffrey. He's
(12:05):
still oh okay, yeah, my dad had or somebody like that.
He ain't like one of my potts. He always get
my pot to two spoons, say click these spoons together,
and and and you know, my friend be like, what, mister,
what I'm doing this? I didn't know where you had
my damn high keeps the spoon click, keep them keep
clicking them damn spoon right there. I bet I better
(12:30):
hear them spoons every time I'm walking here. Old school
is just funny, isn't it. Jeffrey Gil stayed by the
damn dog. I'm talking about maybe if four friends come over,
Jeffrey come in and he knew, you know, my friend
laugh at eight? Gil, stay there, stay doren, mister Harvey here,
(12:52):
I'm right here. Hey, mister Harvey. How miss Harvey? Hey,
mitter you stay your ass by that though we're being
there for ten minutes, they'd be waiting, know me anything.
He could not come past that dope. Man. Don't walk
past in frigerator. That was this mark like Jeffrey's parents.
Did they know his parents? No? No, Jeffrey Jeffrey lived
(13:13):
one hundred fourteen. My dad ain't talking nobody over over there.
You know, we don't go far a man. My daddy
was clear, we want twelve street people. We want twelve
street pick. We don't go there one fourteen. I don't
know what they're doing round bike over there. You can
(13:38):
go over there, but there ain't me, nobody, Mama, dad
over there. I don't know them. People don't know what
they're doing over there. That's funny. It's the truth. They
had us. We don't go around now. We're one hundred
twelfth street people were hundred twelve streets people. I know
(14:00):
the I know how they keep the yard. I know
how the garbage can look. I know when they put
sent the trash out on the curve. I know these people. Yeah,
I don't like what they garbage can't look over they
all being at all up and here the hell of
a reason, not to lack of fam way, your damn
garbage can't trade. They got dance on they can. They
(14:26):
ain't got no ain't got no lead what they lead?
All right, listen, guys, we you can email us or
instagram us your thoughts on today's Strawberry letter. We gotta
get out of people bas your damn garbage. Can't. Steve
Harvey FM, You're listening show,
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