November 16, 2017 • 8 mins
Dear Steve I've been married 20 plus years and have two almost adult kids. I've been faithful devoted trying to hold things together for my family. I didn't want them to have to live a lifestyle I would have had to give them had I left my husband
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
We gotta get to the letter, all right, Buckle up,
hold on tight, we got it for you. It is Strawberry.
Let him subject trapped in a marriage, Dear Steve. I've
been married twenty plus years and have two almost adult kids.
I've been faithful, devoted, trying to hold things together for
my family. I didn't want them to have to live
(00:21):
a lifestyle I would have had to give them had
I left my husband. Now I'm at a point in
my life where to just look at my husband can
turn my stomach. Never having been very compatible, I do
the best I could, and I'm sure he feels the same.
Lots of sacrifices on my part, living with his family,
living near his family, taking care of his parents until
(00:42):
they passed, now taking care of him because he has
developed a debilitating illness and will never work again, and
hasn't in the last ten years. I've met a man,
not intentionally, not with any forethought. He was just there
and always seems to be there when I need a
shoulder to cry or a token of attention. He's married,
(01:02):
and although he's been very supportive, I doubt that he
has any romantic inclinations towards me anyway. But the feelings
I have for him really show up what I don't
feel for my husband any longer. My feelings for him
went through trial by fire, and there is little left
but ashes. Now that the kids are on the verge
of adulthood and he has no one else, I don't
(01:25):
feel I can leave him alone. Yet I can't deal
with these feelings I have towards someone else. I feel
like a hypocrite, adulteress and a home record even though
I've done, I've never done anything to encourage this man
away from his family. I don't know what to do,
but the guilt and hypocrisy are eating away at my soul.
(01:46):
Not happy with anything or anyone help me, Steve Dear
not happy? Yeah, you know what, you sound like a
woman who's just fed up. You've gone through a lot.
You've done what any good wife would do and be
on your marriage vows. Say though that, uh, you know
you should stay married through sickness and health, and you
(02:07):
are doing that. You're tired, though, you're unhappy, you're depressed,
you feel trapped, and this man has come along. When
you're very, very vulnerable, and it's easy to fall and
develop feelings for people when you're in that kind of
open state like that, and that's what happened. And now
you're sprung on this other man. This other man has
taken full advantage of you and you're in a full
(02:27):
blown affair now it sounds like it seems and uh
that's why. Um, you know you have this guilt and stuff.
You feel this way. You feel like a hypocrite, you
feel like an adulterous and a home record. Um, there's
only a couple of things you really can do. For starters,
stop seeing this guy. You know, you gotta stop seeing
him because you're still married. Okay, you could stop seeing
(02:48):
him and try to work it out with your husband.
You know, you didn't say that you didn't love him.
You just said you're sick and tired of him, you know.
Or you can leave your husband. You can leave him.
I mean, those are really your only options, Steve. That's after.
She has a real problem, she really really, I'll get
(03:10):
into it when we come back. She has a real,
real problem. I'm not sure I don't have it yet
exactly what to say to her. I think you're correcting
your answer. Thh, Shirley, Really, I think you're very correct.
I think She's guilt written though in two ways, and
so I'll get into it best I can. It's just
my opinion, just like these are just Sherley's opinions. All
(03:33):
we have time, No, we won't have time. Of course
we won't become of course would be just the show.
The letter is posted, by the way, so if you
want to check it out, if you want to comment
or send us an email, you can go to Steve
Harvey dot com, click on Strawberry letter and get to
type in. That's it twelve minutes after. We'll be back
(03:54):
with Steve's response right after this. But come on, Steve,
come on, let's get to it. Part two of your
response to today's Here we go. Uh subject trapped in
the marriage? Help me, Steve, Well, Steve can't help you,
God can. I can tell you that in this letter
because you're in quite a position. Steve really can't help you.
(04:15):
God can really. I think Shirley's advice solidly is you
have to leave this man alone. But on the other hand,
do I sympathize with what you're saying? Yeah, And all
the other women who can sympathize with you what you're saying,
I'm sure they are and then they are married women
who are going get your hands off my man while
(04:35):
you over there with this man's with this other woman's husband.
It's gonna go both ways. Um, the over there with
the other husband. You know that's out of line. I
don't have to explain that to you. That's morally not
the correct way to go about life. And sure you
know that you're an adult, that's why you have these
confused feelings. But on the other hand, lady, I can't
(04:56):
sympathize with you because you have sacrificed yourself for twenty
plus years. You stayed in the manage that you really
didn't want to stay in. You never work compatible with him.
You sacrifice yourself with him, his parents. Now he's sick.
Now he ain't worked in ten years. I don't where
his paper coming from. So you might be supporting the
whole show, and he's just sitting over there and might
still be talking to you crazy, and you're taking care
(05:18):
of him and everything about him, and he kind of
talking to you crazy. Y'all ain't compatible. Most people that
ain't compatible talk to each other crazy, because when you
ain't happy with the person, you're gonna talk crazy. When
you see him. Now, the sight of your husband turning
your stomach, that's gonna be hard to do the rest
of your life. Look over there and somebody turning your store.
And now he's sick. Now I don't know what illness
(05:40):
he got, but he ain't worked in ten years and
ain't gonna ever work again. But is he's sitting over
there complaining. Say, man, that's gonna be tough for you
to stay in that situation. Now, what you could do
is divorce. You could do that, and people say, well, Steve,
the Bible says, and the vile say, through sick and
it's and in health. Yeah, do. But people get divorced
(06:02):
all the time. And then people leave for lesser reasons.
Somebody was cheating on somebody, somebody, financial problems came up,
They just ain't compatible. What are people leave for all
the reasons? Well, now that he's sick, you feel guilty
and you don't think you could leave. But here's a
real problem. Though you met a man not intentionally, not
(06:23):
with any forethought. He was just there and was always
there when you needed a shoulder. The crown or token
attention problem is he married and although he's been very supportive,
you say, in the letter. I doubt that he has
any romantic inclinations towards me anyway. Okay, lady, come on, now,
come on now, let's get this back into reality. He
(06:45):
got something towards you, and you got something towards him.
Let's be grown now, you know, I mean, what is
it he'd asked for you? You You attracted to the man.
A matter of fact, you're developing feelings for the man.
So you've grown. Ain't nowhere else to go. I don't
know how sick own boy is at your house, but
he's so sick that he ain't bringing no heat. He
ain't frying no bacon at the house. You're gonna have
(07:06):
to get your bacon fry. Maybe. Well, like I said,
you got to be able sisily to some at least
warming or something gotta happen to the bacon. You gotta
at least take it out the slab and lay it
out there, get some fire on it or something. But
you can't eat the breaking raw. Ain't nobody can eat
(07:28):
raw bacon. You got to get this bacon cooked. Now
you might not be getting your bacon cook. And if
he do try to cook your bacon, the sight of
him makes you sick to your stomach. So the bacon
process ain't even good baking when you get it. Y'all
just over there now. So now I sympathize with you.
(07:48):
Where you got to do something? Now you have found
this romance. Now the dude married. Now, can I tell
you that this ain't going to go nowhere? Can you
not find another dude that ain't married to develop these
feelings faults because you're in the married dude ain't going nowhere?
Then you says you don't. Uh, You've done nothing to
(08:10):
keep him away, to encourage him, And I feel like
a hypocrite adulteress and a home record, even though I've
never done anything to encourage this man away from his family. Oh,
yes you have. You're needing him. Him. Knowing you need
him is to draw card away from the family. All right,
thank you, Steve. You know we got to get out
(08:31):
of here. You're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show.
We gotta get to the letter, all right, Buckle up,
hold on tight, we got it for you. It is Strawberry.
Let him subject trapped in a marriage, Dear Steve. I've
been married twenty plus years and have two almost adult kids.
I've been faithful, devoted, trying to hold things together for
my family. I didn't want them to have to live
(00:21):
a lifestyle I would have had to give them had
I left my husband. Now I'm at a point in
my life where to just look at my husband can
turn my stomach. Never having been very compatible, I do
the best I could, and I'm sure he feels the same.
Lots of sacrifices on my part, living with his family,
living near his family, taking care of his parents until
(00:42):
they passed, now taking care of him because he has
developed a debilitating illness and will never work again, and
hasn't in the last ten years. I've met a man,
not intentionally, not with any forethought. He was just there
and always seems to be there when I need a
shoulder to cry or a token of attention. He's married,
(01:02):
and although he's been very supportive, I doubt that he
has any romantic inclinations towards me anyway. But the feelings
I have for him really show up what I don't
feel for my husband any longer. My feelings for him
went through trial by fire, and there is little left
but ashes. Now that the kids are on the verge
of adulthood and he has no one else, I don't
(01:25):
feel I can leave him alone. Yet I can't deal
with these feelings I have towards someone else. I feel
like a hypocrite, adulteress and a home record even though
I've done, I've never done anything to encourage this man
away from his family. I don't know what to do,
but the guilt and hypocrisy are eating away at my soul.
(01:46):
Not happy with anything or anyone help me, Steve Dear
not happy? Yeah, you know what, you sound like a
woman who's just fed up. You've gone through a lot.
You've done what any good wife would do and be
on your marriage vows. Say though that, uh, you know
you should stay married through sickness and health, and you
(02:07):
are doing that. You're tired, though, you're unhappy, you're depressed,
you feel trapped, and this man has come along. When
you're very, very vulnerable, and it's easy to fall and
develop feelings for people when you're in that kind of
open state like that, and that's what happened. And now
you're sprung on this other man. This other man has
taken full advantage of you and you're in a full
(02:27):
blown affair now it sounds like it seems and uh
that's why. Um, you know you have this guilt and stuff.
You feel this way. You feel like a hypocrite, you
feel like an adulterous and a home record. Um, there's
only a couple of things you really can do. For starters,
stop seeing this guy. You know, you gotta stop seeing
him because you're still married. Okay, you could stop seeing
(02:48):
him and try to work it out with your husband.
You know, you didn't say that you didn't love him.
You just said you're sick and tired of him, you know.
Or you can leave your husband. You can leave him.
I mean, those are really your only options, Steve. That's after.
She has a real problem, she really really, I'll get
(03:10):
into it when we come back. She has a real,
real problem. I'm not sure I don't have it yet
exactly what to say to her. I think you're correcting
your answer. Thh, Shirley, Really, I think you're very correct.
I think She's guilt written though in two ways, and
so I'll get into it best I can. It's just
my opinion, just like these are just Sherley's opinions. All
(03:33):
we have time, No, we won't have time. Of course
we won't become of course would be just the show.
The letter is posted, by the way, so if you
want to check it out, if you want to comment
or send us an email, you can go to Steve
Harvey dot com, click on Strawberry letter and get to
type in. That's it twelve minutes after. We'll be back
(03:54):
with Steve's response right after this. But come on, Steve,
come on, let's get to it. Part two of your
response to today's Here we go. Uh subject trapped in
the marriage? Help me, Steve, Well, Steve can't help you,
God can. I can tell you that in this letter
because you're in quite a position. Steve really can't help you.
(04:15):
God can really. I think Shirley's advice solidly is you
have to leave this man alone. But on the other hand,
do I sympathize with what you're saying? Yeah, And all
the other women who can sympathize with you what you're saying,
I'm sure they are and then they are married women
who are going get your hands off my man while
(04:35):
you over there with this man's with this other woman's husband.
It's gonna go both ways. Um, the over there with
the other husband. You know that's out of line. I
don't have to explain that to you. That's morally not
the correct way to go about life. And sure you
know that you're an adult, that's why you have these
confused feelings. But on the other hand, lady, I can't
(04:56):
sympathize with you because you have sacrificed yourself for twenty
plus years. You stayed in the manage that you really
didn't want to stay in. You never work compatible with him.
You sacrifice yourself with him, his parents. Now he's sick.
Now he ain't worked in ten years. I don't where
his paper coming from. So you might be supporting the
whole show, and he's just sitting over there and might
still be talking to you crazy, and you're taking care
(05:18):
of him and everything about him, and he kind of
talking to you crazy. Y'all ain't compatible. Most people that
ain't compatible talk to each other crazy, because when you
ain't happy with the person, you're gonna talk crazy. When
you see him. Now, the sight of your husband turning
your stomach, that's gonna be hard to do the rest
of your life. Look over there and somebody turning your store.
And now he's sick. Now I don't know what illness
(05:40):
he got, but he ain't worked in ten years and
ain't gonna ever work again. But is he's sitting over
there complaining. Say, man, that's gonna be tough for you
to stay in that situation. Now, what you could do
is divorce. You could do that, and people say, well, Steve,
the Bible says, and the vile say, through sick and
it's and in health. Yeah, do. But people get divorced
(06:02):
all the time. And then people leave for lesser reasons.
Somebody was cheating on somebody, somebody, financial problems came up,
They just ain't compatible. What are people leave for all
the reasons? Well, now that he's sick, you feel guilty
and you don't think you could leave. But here's a
real problem. Though you met a man not intentionally, not
(06:23):
with any forethought. He was just there and was always
there when you needed a shoulder. The crown or token
attention problem is he married and although he's been very supportive,
you say, in the letter. I doubt that he has
any romantic inclinations towards me anyway. Okay, lady, come on, now,
come on now, let's get this back into reality. He
(06:45):
got something towards you, and you got something towards him.
Let's be grown now, you know, I mean, what is
it he'd asked for you? You You attracted to the man.
A matter of fact, you're developing feelings for the man.
So you've grown. Ain't nowhere else to go. I don't
know how sick own boy is at your house, but
he's so sick that he ain't bringing no heat. He
ain't frying no bacon at the house. You're gonna have
(07:06):
to get your bacon fry. Maybe. Well, like I said,
you got to be able sisily to some at least
warming or something gotta happen to the bacon. You gotta
at least take it out the slab and lay it
out there, get some fire on it or something. But
you can't eat the breaking raw. Ain't nobody can eat
(07:28):
raw bacon. You got to get this bacon cooked. Now
you might not be getting your bacon cook. And if
he do try to cook your bacon, the sight of
him makes you sick to your stomach. So the bacon
process ain't even good baking when you get it. Y'all
just over there now. So now I sympathize with you.
(07:48):
Where you got to do something? Now you have found
this romance. Now the dude married. Now, can I tell
you that this ain't going to go nowhere? Can you
not find another dude that ain't married to develop these
feelings faults because you're in the married dude ain't going nowhere?
Then you says you don't. Uh, You've done nothing to
(08:10):
keep him away, to encourage him, And I feel like
a hypocrite adulteress and a home record, even though I've
never done anything to encourage this man away from his family. Oh,
yes you have. You're needing him. Him. Knowing you need
him is to draw card away from the family. All right,
thank you, Steve. You know we got to get out
(08:31):
of here. You're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show.
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