November 20, 2025 • 36 mins
Two-time Emmy and Three-time NAACP Image Award-winning, television Executive Producer Rushion McDonald interviewed Marsha Evans.
Purpose of the Interview
- To highlight Marsha Evans’ work as a licensed professional counselor and founder of Willow Tree Counseling and Educational Center.
- To explore strategies for navigating life’s complex stages, breaking generational patterns, and building authentic relationships.
- To provide actionable insights for entrepreneurs and individuals on self-awareness, fear management, and relationship dynamics.
Key Takeaways
-
Understanding Complexity
- Life stages vary in complexity for each person—middle school for some, adulthood for others.
- Evans emphasizes listening and identifying what balance, peace, or contentment means for each individual.
-
Early Awareness and Discipline
- At age 12, Evans set a goal to earn a scholarship, showing intentionality and discipline.
- Athletics taught her teamwork, problem-solving, and resilience, shaping her leadership style.
-
Reading the Room
- Start by reading yourself—know your energy and intentions.
- Authenticity and confidence are key to building relationships and leveraging opportunities.
-
Fear and Family Systems
- Fear often originates from family systems and generational patterns, not just personal experiences.
- Example: Parents’ limited worldview can project fear of the unknown onto children.
- Recognizing these patterns helps individuals break cycles and pursue their own paths.
-
Generational Patterns & Healing
- Evans uses Genograms (visual family trees) to identify psychological and behavioral patterns across three generations.
- Acceptance of parents and family history is crucial for personal and professional growth.
- Rejecting parents = rejecting life and success; honor them while creating new narratives.
-
Practical Steps for Change
- Build a relationship with yourself through solitude, meditation, yoga, and movement.
- Reduce stress (cortisol levels) to improve clarity and decision-making.
- Examine your money story—how family attitudes toward money shape your financial behavior.
-
Relationships
- Romantic: Partners often mirror unresolved childhood issues; do inner work to avoid projecting.
- Professional: Maintain boundaries; emotional needs should not be placed on workplace relationships.
- Personal: Define roles clearly; avoid expecting friends to fill parental gaps.
-
Consistency and Authenticity
- Success requires consistency with yourself before expecting it from others.
- Ask: Are your goals truly yours or influenced by societal expectations?
Notable Quotes
- “I become a visitor in your world and start listening to your story.”
- “Reading the room starts with reading yourself.”
- “Fear is often not yours—it comes from your family system.”
- “You can’t reject your parents; when you reject your mother, you reject life.”
- “Consistency with yourself is key to achieving the results you desire.”
- “Your partner cannot carry the burden of your parents.”
- “People are divorced from themselves—I teach them how to get married to themselves.”
#SHMS #STRAW #BEST
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, I'm Rashan McDonald. I host this weekly Money Making
Conversation Masterclass show. The interviews and information that this show
provides offer everyone I'm talking about you. It's time to
stop reading other people's success stories and start living your
own now. If you want to be a guest on
my show, Money Making Conversations Masterclass, please visit our website,
Moneymaking Conversations dot com and click to be a guest button.
(00:22):
If you're a small business owner, entrepreneur, motivational speaker, influencer,
or a nonprofit now let's get started. My guests, the
visionary founder of Willow Tree Counselor and an educational center, and
a licensed professional counselor with over seventeen years of experience
guiding women, children and families through life's most complex stages.
(00:43):
Please welcome to Money Making Conversation Masterclass. Marsha Evans. How
you doing, Marsha, I'm good.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Thanks for having me.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Okay, when I say complex stages, what does that mean?
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Well, let's think about developmental stages. Let's think about life.
Have you had complex stages?
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Well, so they can vary the My complexity because I'm
a Type A and I get up at two o'clock,
three o'clock and people look at like crazy. I tell
people I get two hours of sleep. They go, are you?
Are you ready to go into the grade real early? Right?
So that's what I'm saying. It varies in your world
when you use the word complexity, like how do you
(01:19):
make that comparison to each individual that you work with? Right?
Speaker 2 (01:24):
So what I do is I become a listener. I'm
a listener. So what happens in that space is I
become a visitor in your world and we start listening.
I start listening to your story and what are some
things that are your norm? And then what are some
things that are complex that really has you trying to
figure out life? What does that look like? So sometimes
(01:45):
people can say middle school age is complex, and other
people be like middle school wasn't, but my twenties were.
And so what I do is just kind of look
at what are you looking for? Is it definition? Is
it balance? Is it peace? Is it contentment? Or do
you want chaos? And so sometimes people like chaos, and
so we really look at how complex is it and
(02:06):
how can we find tools to make it balance and
to make it peaceful and to make it content For
the person because what's balanced for you may not be
balanced for me.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Right, That's why I'm trying to find out the complexity
of life that people have to deal with. Now, your personality,
I want to go back a little bit, because you
come across as a person who's really engaged in this process,
which means that you seem to be constantly aware of
your friends or your relationships. Now, you went to an HBCU, Yes, okay,
(02:40):
walk we through your personality in high school and then
at the college.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
So I'm going to go a little bit back to
at twelve, I knew I wanted to have a scholarship
to pay for school, okay, And I was determined because
my parents were fronting all the money for AAU, for basketball,
for soccer. I played soccer, played softball, the girl scout,
all those things, and I just wanted to reward them
(03:07):
and pay for school. So at twelve, I was very intentional.
I set my dreams, I set my goals, and I
was aware at that age, and so I was aware
of what's going on with you, my mom, my brother.
How can I be a people pleaser? How can I
hold the space for everybody?
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (03:25):
And so what I also did was I understood that
what I did today impacted tomorrow. And I had to
understand if I wanted to go to college to play basketball,
there was a certain way I had to carry myself.
And I had to read other people of did they
have the same destination or the same place they want
to end up that I wanted to end up. And
(03:47):
so I just started reading people. But it was lonely.
It was solitude. But I enjoy solitude because you get
to learn a lot about yourself and other people.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
So athletics played a major role in your personality. Yes, yeah, why.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
It taught me about discipline, It taught me about there
was a finish line. So everybody wanted state championship, might
have want an MVP. It was team It was teamwork.
It was problem solving, it was conflict resolution. It was
there were other people that were better than me, and
how could I become better than them? Or how could
I work on my weaknesses to become my strengths.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Okay, great, Just the background of Marshavins. She's a person
who has a gift fath lessonism, thought provoking. You read
the room, that classic statement, read the room. What is
in reading the room, the power of relationships in your
in your life, and advice you would give to people
because this is an entrepreneurial show, small business, nonprofits, and
(04:47):
a lot of people missed reading the room, which means
they miss out on relationship buildings.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Yes, so reading the room, you got to first read yourself, okay.
And in reading yourself, what are you looking for? What
do you need? So you have to read the room
of what energy are you putting out there? Because if
you're not aware of your own energy, then you can
misread or not take advantage of the opportunities that are
(05:16):
in the room. Okay, So I think you've got to
start with yourself and what your relationship with yourself is,
because sometimes people don't want to read the room because
they're anxious, they don't want to come off like a
brown noser, or they don't know how to step to
the person that they that might help them navigate the space,
(05:37):
and they don't have they're not confident in that. And
so reading the room is who are the people you
need to talk to? And how about being authentically you?
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Okay? Cool? Now before we get an interviewed Marsha Evans
right from Virginia in Hampton State former athlete was well
aware that she wanted to incentive her life so her
parents didn't have to worry about the financial commitment to
a post education. Why are you on the show?
Speaker 2 (06:09):
I want people to realize that they are the ones
that are holding themselves back, and they just have to
look internally and figure out what are the things that
are holding them back, because it can come back. It
can go back to their family system. And when they
understand what's in their family system that may be holding
(06:30):
them back, then they can get the tools. They can
get the compass that puts them forward to where they
want to go in their business and the relationships and
be successful.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Let's talk about that because a lot of people up.
I worked at IBM and I wanted to be a
stand up comedy. I pursue the career is the stand
up comedy. Of course, when I started telling my friends
I wanted to quit IBM to pursue stand up comedy,
they was like, especially at the time. Now people you
know in the area of to day, you know you
have social media, you have youtuboe, you have all these platforms.
(07:01):
You can kind of tell people that they might go,
oh yeah, I watch YouTube but when I was doing it,
it was just we had four channels, ABC, NBC, CBS,
and I think show Time was kind of percolating there
because at the time, I was named the Funniest comic
in Texas, which means I was one of the fifty
(07:22):
funniest comics in the country for three years in a row.
So I thought it's time to take my Where's national
maybe the next Eddie Murphy. But fear played a role,
and it plays a role in that mass of that decision.
And with that being said, when you start talking about complexities,
fear plays a role in that's a major component of
(07:44):
that complex system that you're talking.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
About, right, it is, And so you know what it's fear.
So can I ask you a question? Yes, okay, so fear.
So if I one of the things I was wondering
is how did fear look like in your family system?
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Well, first of all, I've come from a very from
the hood. Okay, my father, third grade education, six sisters,
two brothers. So my father didn't even want me to
go to college. He wanted my sister to go to
college because he felt that in his world, right, just
give a job. Yeah, And when I didn't want that path.
(08:23):
It almost like rejected my thought philosophies.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
There you go, so rejecting your thought philosophy. And so
when we think about the family system, right, dad didn't
want you to go to college, right, right, and so
you were going against the family system what Dad had
for you. You were going against that. But also that created
guilt and shame, and there's fear because you're doing something
different than what your family system wants. And so getting
(08:48):
people to understand, hey, sometimes fear is not yours. It's
coming from your family system because you're doing something different
than your what your family system wants you to do
or what they're projecting how to keep their family system
from continued to procreate.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Well, isn't it tied to like I want? Just it's
an ugly word, but I gotta say ignorance.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Yes it is. But that if we think about it,
if you thinking about your fear, the fear of the unknown, right,
so if we think if we followed your dad's guidance,
he knows that that particular, he knows what it's going
to yield. So he knows that you can go get
a job. He knows that Okay, he knows that you
(09:34):
can take care of your family because he has, so
even if it's ignorance, he knows the outcome of that,
but he doesn't know the outcome of you doing something different.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
And that moves forward to meet with Sean McGaugh. I
remember Steve Harvey and I who were Elie Reed, had
this big event in New York and he wants to
come there and meet Barack Obama before Barack Obama became
Barack Obama, you know, and and it was like, you know,
(10:07):
money raising for him to get launched, and everybody was there,
jay Z be honest, it was like who's who room
and then uh and so. But in this in the
whole room, you're an opportunity to take a photo with Barack.
And I remember always said, are you gonna take a
photo with it? He's not gonna win a name like
Barack Obama in our world.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Barack Obama is.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Going to be president in this country, would never elect
and Staves just looked at me, go, man, you so silly?
I go, hey, brother, I'm just being truth. And so
that was a level of I want to say the
word ignorance because I was like that already made a
decision that that a lot of times people do. They
will stop you based on the color your skin, based
(10:53):
on your height, based on your agenda and stereo type
your success story. And that's what I did for BARACKO,
which eventually became back the next president of the United States.
But hey, Risa has no photos of Barack Obama that
I could have had. But guess what, fast forward, I'm
in the White House and photos all over my house
(11:14):
of being over office with Barack Obama. I could have
told the story to him to say, you, brother, I
think you gonna get here because of Barack Obama. But
you have to understand that you can't let people stop
defining your dreams.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
Right.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Is that part of your practice?
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Yes, it is, it is, And so what it is
is also looking back right when you talked about yourself
of your like, I'm not taking a picture of him, right,
But it's also how society teaches us. How do people
around us? How you know I got into NYU for
grad school. My mom said, can't you just be okay
with getting in? And I said, huh, I want to go.
(11:49):
There's something there for me. But I was being different
than the family and the system that I came from.
And so you have to, really I believe that you
have to have a relationship with yourself so you know
your internal compass and know what you want to do
and why not, Because like I wanted, people were saying
(12:12):
you didn't want to go overseas and play basketball. No,
I just wanted basketball to pay for my college education.
And people say you still playing basketball. No, the yoga
Matt is my basketball pint. And so you have to
always have a really good relationship with self and make
sure you're not being influenced by the outside as much
(12:34):
because now, more so than ever, we're plugged into a
plug that's not ours.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Now we talk about generational patterns, you know, there's something
that you wanted to discuss spoken and unspoken, and we
kind of have went that little bit with my father
and me, but there are patterns in everybody's family. And now,
before we go into further, how does one get in
touch with you, Marsha Evans?
Speaker 2 (12:56):
So they can find me on Marshall Listens dot com
or they can go on my YouTube channel, Marshall Listens.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
But Marshall, what is Marshall listens dot com? What is that?
Speaker 2 (13:04):
So Marshall Listens dot Com is all about my wellness,
about wellness and what's the importance of building a wellness team,
being able to be in relationship with yourself. A lot
of people are divorced from themselves, and I teach people
how to get married to themselves and start dating themselves
so they can be successful in every aspect of their lives.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Okay, cool, Now the unspoken and unspoken, the generational patterns. Okay,
I'm coming to you. What's the process?
Speaker 2 (13:33):
So what we do? We start having story time, right,
so I become a visitor in your world. Then second,
we do a geniogram. So geniogram is a visual family tree.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
We say we you're not a one woman operation.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
No, I'm not, okay, So what we'll do but and
so in the session, just like this.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
It's you and I okay, okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
So we'll do a genio graham, and a genial graham
will go back three generations, so it'll include you, your parents,
and your grandparents.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
And so what we do is we look at the
psychological hereditary Yes.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Can as your question, is this something you figured out
or this something that's out there in the books.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
It's out there?
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Okay, Okay, it's out there. But I've never heard it,
but again I'm being educated.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Yeah it's out there. It's fine. No, no, no, it's
out there. And so what we do is look at
major events, we look at deaths, we look at births,
and we pay attention to the themes that are there, so
that are there in generational themes that are passing down.
So a lot of times people are like, oh, my
mama gave me my good looks. Okay, Well, if your
mom gave you your good looks, what else did she
(14:42):
give you? What else? You know was that, hey, she
had issues with her mother and she doesn't know how
to communicate. And so then is that showing up in
your relationship with your daughter. And so one of the
things that I've done, I had a complicated relationship with
my mother, and I realize I've been in business with
for myself since two thousand an eight. Once I accepted
my mom where she was as my mom, because she
(15:04):
gave me the best gift possible, which is life, my
company and my business started flourishing because I started accepting me,
because I'm a part of her. Once I started accepting her,
then life started. I was a tomboy growing up, and
(15:28):
so I was a tomboy growing up. But I rejected
my mom because I said, if this is how a
woman's going to be, I don't know if I want
any parts of that. And so as I started accepting her,
I started accepting me. And as I started accepting me,
then I was able to step into my truths and
(15:49):
connect with people that I couldn't connect with before. Yeah,
and so I started recognizing those patterns. And through a geniogram,
you can recognize the patterns that you can see. So
things that are in your blind spot now becomes into
your visual trajectory now.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
And hearing you explain your process, it's kind of like
what doctors do when they come and go in past
history of cancer, past history of disease, exactly want to
know your daughter, not so much all your parents or
or your sisters or your siblings. So they kind of
like get a pattern that, Okay, you might be a
(16:25):
person that may we need to look into this because
your family history. So you take it from a mental
or a.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Lifestyle, so it's psychological and then it's psychological, and then
it's looking at the events that have taken place. So
for example, my mother's father passed when she was five. Okay,
my grandmother there were some issues, a major event that
happened when she was twelve. My niece had a similar
event at twelve. So it's looking at some of the
(16:57):
things that are happening generationally that you know when people
talk about generational curses, it's looking at things that are
happening in a generational way of what's stopping you, what's
in your way. So it's the same thing doctors do,
but it's looking at what are some of the things
that are happening in your family that are seeming to
repeat itself. And you take it like that because a
(17:18):
lot of people think, hey, they're a puzzle, but they're
really a piece of the puzzle.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Don't go anywhere. We will be right back with more
insights from Money Making Conversation MASTIC Class. Welcome back to
Money Making Conversation Masteric Class hosted by me Rashawn McDonald.
Let's get back into it. Patterns do create duplicate patterns.
(17:45):
In other words, if you're in an abusive parenting relationship,
that can carry over to you how you allow a
man or a woman to treat you. Correct?
Speaker 2 (17:57):
Yes, correct? So if that so your first relationships that
you have is with your parents or the person that's
raising you. And so if that parent was an emotionally
abusive relationship, which is exactly, then you're going to see
that as acceptable in your nervous system, your autonomic nervous system,
(18:18):
it's already programmed your body that that's right or you
can navigate that chaos. You'll know how to navigate it.
Even if you are communicating to people that that wasn't right,
your body is saying something else. So your body keeps
the score. So what I also do if somebody comes
in like that, we will then look at holistic modalities
to how do we heal the body from another? How
(18:42):
do we heal the body so it's not carrying that good.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
But that being said, what are some of the practical
steps someone could take to identify and shift limiting beliefs
inherit it from their family system.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
So one of the things I think is really important
is giving time to yourself, sitting in solitude and really
being in a relationship with yourself. I think that we
are in a world that we're constantly moving, and people
don't like to sit by themselves and listen to themselves,
and so I think one of it.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Is really themselves. What does that mean?
Speaker 2 (19:20):
So we all have a frequency in a language. So
you've picked up my language before I even said anything, right,
and I picked up yours, and before we we already connected.
We already connected it, so we didn't have to So
from a soul level, we already connected. And so a
lot of people don't know their internal or their personal language,
(19:44):
and so it's getting them to start being in community
with themselves. That's one thing. But if somebody doesn't like that,
they don't have to do it because they're fearful of
what they may hear or see or come to grips with.
One of the things I recommend is guided meditation. You
can get on a yoga, matt movement, because it really
(20:07):
is getting back in, getting in their body and understanding
what their body has been holding. Once they get in
their body, we can go to therapy if they want to,
They can go to yoga, they can start dancing in
terms of like movement, so they can start getting informed.
But I also thinks being able to have conversations with
(20:27):
their family members, sitting down with those things and understanding.
But the big thing is reducing their quarters all levels
so they can understand what's going on in their bodies.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
You know, it's really interesting because I can read people immediately.
That's my gift. You know. I can just know how
far I can take a conversation. I know how far
I can joke. And immediately when you came into my presence,
I immediately went okay. Just the way you walk, the
(20:58):
way you all those things tell a story to me.
And I just have natural like you've been trained. I've
just through life have going okay. This two plus two
is four four eight, and I get these patterns who experience.
I get to read people. But that is an art,
that is a skill that people learn how to when
(21:19):
they said and I'm going back to what I said
earlier on reading the room because in my platform, money
Making Conversations, Master Cliss, people go to meetings, they're competing
for RFPs, They're in all these different sessions and conferences,
and they walk away because they have not understood or
mastered the art of reading the room or how to
(21:41):
develop relationships. Can you help somebody with that?
Speaker 2 (21:45):
I can help somebody with that, and I want to
because when I met you and I heard about you,
you get up at four o'clock in the morning. Yeah,
four thirty, four thirty, and you said there was something
that you said that was profound. You have a date
with yourself every morning. You're consistent with yourself. Absolutely, that
is important. Consistency. If we're looking for consistency for other
(22:08):
people and you're not consistent with yourself, you're not going
to get the results that you want. You probably when
you said, hey, you eight two plus two is four,
and you can. I can help people figure that out.
But they have to be consistent with themselves right in
order to get the results that they desire. But they
also have to ask themselves the results that they want.
(22:29):
Is it the results that they that's internally programmed and
written on their hearts, or is it the results that
society saying, Hey, I want you to do this, because
then you'll be famous and you'll look this way, but
you'll be you'll be shallow, right, And.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
I would tell you this that I want to have.
When I don't get that I want to have, my
whole day is messed up, and I'm trying to recapture
it or reclaim it. You know, like sometimes you go, okay,
I get up a shit, you know, I get up
at six and I'm like, Okay, I'm scrambling because I'm
behind because the time that I was with myself, I
(23:06):
figured out what I was going to do in six,
not waking up at six trying to figure out what
I'm doing at six. And so all I will do
prep or might even emails and our stuff, and I'll
just program them to go out at eight o'clock. So
sometimes I send my four people, go you up before?
Were you crazy? You know, well kind of you?
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Did you read.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
You crazy? And so with that being said, you know,
it's all about how to recognize considers money making conversations masterclass,
How recognizing your family's money story empowered to build a
new narrative of abundance, which is kind of like churchy
and success.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
Yes, so one of the things is getting people to
understand looking at let's just start with their parents. What
was their relationship with money? Did they talk about money,
did they share?
Speaker 1 (23:57):
No?
Speaker 2 (23:59):
And so if you're not having if that wasn't what
was happening in the household, then one needs to examine
what is their relationship like with money because it goes
back to their first relationship with their parents. If they
weren't talking about money, if they were a struggle. Then
that is the foundation of money and what the concept
(24:20):
of money is with a person. So once you can
look at that, because a lot of people won't look back,
they'll be like, oh, money, this, money that. But it's
looking back and saying what's the foundation of it? And
how do you just say, Okay, this is what my
dad or my mom had to do with money, but
I can do something different. But it's honoring them. It's
not saying you're better, because when you're better, you're excluding
(24:43):
your family system that you come from. You can't say, oh,
I'm better than them because I'm doing this. They just
set the foundation. And a lot of times people don't
want to do that of honoring people. It's like using
the word ignorant. They're ignorant. Well, if they didn't have
the information, it'd be one thing. And so once you
can start accepting, but you got to look back accepting
(25:07):
they did this that way, and you can say thank
you dad or mom for doing this, and I honor
what you do. I'm going to do something different. And
once you can start doing that and really putting it
and digesting it in your system, then things can open up.
But one thing You can't reject your parents, right, you can't.
(25:27):
You have to honor them. And when you can honor them,
because mom is the face of life and if you
reject your mother, you reject life, which you reject success.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
And so I have a whole thought about your maturity.
I want to go back to that because it's very engaging,
because you're very mature, because you are mature. But that
same maturity I think was twelve thirteen fifty and that's
kind of scary. But let's talk about the process of
who you are. You know, I'm talking to Marshall Evans.
(25:57):
She's a visionary founder, a willed free counselor and the
Education Center and the licensed Professional counselor with over seventeen
years of experience, a guy in women, children and families
through life's most complex stages. Now, when you say twelve,
I always admire people who get it. People always saw
(26:21):
things in me that I rejected. I will tell you this, honestly,
I didn't accept who Rashan McDonald was until I was
in my forties. I ran from the process that there
were unique abilities that I had. I don't know why,
and I think it comes back from the fact that
you know my best friends in high school, Michelle Roberts
(26:44):
and REGIEA. Roddy. They probably didn't think about any but
those two names are locked in mind. I would go
to the grave, one with the rise, one with the
Purduding University. They knew exactly what they wanted to do.
I graduated from high school equally academically trained as they were,
and I wanted to be a forklift driver. And guess what,
I got a job as a forklift driver. Here they
(27:05):
went the riots, some scholars said, with the Purduer scholars,
and they were my best friends. And my teachers are
all that talented to me, And I often wondered why
I didn't see it in myself? Can you help me?
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Yeah? So one of those things is kind of I
ask you a question, what were you fearful of?
Speaker 1 (27:27):
I wasn't so much fearful. I just didn't understand who
I was. My father, you know, my mom, she challenged
me to well, actually my parents allowed me to be me, okay,
in a sense that my father didn't push me okay, okay,
(27:48):
And I grew up with six sisters. But I just
knew that everybody saw more in me and put and
demanded more in me, and I was always smart enough
to take the quick route.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
Okay, were you the oldest boy? And so dad did
he have any brothers?
Speaker 1 (28:12):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
I don't even know my father's background. So there's a
lot of unknown. And so if you came to me
and you said, hey, Marsha right, not finding yourself fine,
being able to stand in your truth that way, what
would life look like? There's the not necessarily the fear
of the unknown, but you don't know how to navigate
(28:33):
that part of life. And did you see anybody who
navigated that part of life? And if you didn't see
anybody that navigated that part of life that you could
reach out in touch, then being a forklift driver was
easier because you knew what that looked like. The one
thing I have to say about you is when you
put your mind to something, you complete it and you're
(28:54):
diligent and nobody gets in the way of that. And
so there was something in you and timing you had
to live life a little bit longer and more to
then come out. And I think that is the thing
that I work with people of how do you step
into this world as you authentically you and find your tribe,
and I think that's when it's hard for people to
(29:15):
go read the room and what we talked about because
they're not them. They can't find themselves. They need to
be able to be in a relationship with themselves and
be able to, like you said, be authentically you. You
didn't find yourself until all of you until forty in
your forties.
Speaker 1 (29:34):
Okay, now I'm one question. I want to ask you
about relationships. We kind of like talked about it. But
relationships have so many levels. You know, you have the romantic,
the professional, and the personal, and they all have to
be handled differently. Let's break them up, the romantic the romantic.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
What do you want to know about the romantic.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
From a standpoint of how do you fit in and
how your personality can make a relationship because that's a
disaster based on you not understanding who you are. As
the word complexity, Yes, you're right, So.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
Relationships are complex, especially romantic because in the romantic sense
it's a mirror. So those relationships nowadays people are like
if they're toxic, leave But the best and the best
relationships actually may look toxic as long as there's not
emotional physical abuse because it's bringing those things up that
(30:36):
we can tuck away in our platonic and professional relationships.
So I'll give you an example, and my relationship, my
partner had really pulled, had pulled something that made me
emotionally irritated, and I responded in a way that I
was little Marsia. And I recognize that the last time
(30:59):
I like that was with my mom when I was
nine years old, and it happened twice. And so through
my own healing work, I said, Hm, I'm in my forties,
I'm not nine. Why am I projecting this onto my
partner when he's not my mom? And that's not fair.
So I had to look in myself and I had
(31:21):
to nurture the little girl and me do my inner
work and mother me. So I didn't bring that into
my romantic relationship. And a lot of people don't know
how to do that. They make their partner carry the
burden that their parents couldn't carry. And so you can't
let your partner, your fiance, your spouse, you can't let
(31:44):
them carry the burden of your mother or your father,
and saying you got to be like my mom or
my dad, because that is a burden that your parents
couldn't even carry and so that's really important to them
to get for them to understand your parents can't, your
partner can't carry the burdens of your professional professional Yeah,
(32:12):
you got to be consistent and you got to treat
people the way you want to be treated. And it's
the same thing with that. Sometimes people will expect their
professional relationships to be similar to their parents or understanding
as a family. They can't tell everybody professionally, they're all
(32:35):
their business to their professional relationships, but there's a certain
boundary that they need. But they have to ask themselves
if they have those boundaries within themselves.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
So now now they're boundaries because you know, the professional relationship.
In the romantic relationship, different boundaries because there's intimacy there right, Okay,
Now the professional relationship, there's no intimacy and in fact
is against the human resources rule. Okay. So that means
(33:07):
that certain people who need emotional support can't always get
it in that professional relationship. Where do they go.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
Well, they can, they can. It's a fine line. I
think it's a fine line. It depends on what industry
they're in. So if you're in an engineering or a
scientific where they kind of think black and white. No,
you can't do that. You might need to use your
EAP benefits and go get counseling right, or you need
(33:35):
to be able to have emotional outlet. I think in
all relationships you can't put everything on one So in
the professional relationship, your emotional needs are not going to
be met in that professional space, and so you have
to the complexities. Going back to complexities, it can be
very complex, but in the professional place, you can't maybe
(33:56):
expect your manager to emotionally hold you down. Maybe when
you're going through something, you can just be very objective
in saying, hey, I'm having a family emergency and then
discuss your emotional issues or the emotional complexities that you're
navigating with somebody in your personal relationship that you're in
a personal relationship or a romantic relationship with.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
You said it personal, Yes, let's close it out with
the personal thought process, which I don't want to because
it's you kind of like answer some of them. But
it is a personal relationship which tends to be into
the best friends people you hang out with, and sometimes
you might feel you've been boxed out and you can
feel like a person in that relationship is your relationship
(34:40):
and then they start look like they're being shared. You
can be offended by that, right.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
So the personal relationships, I think we got to identify
what each relationship means to us. So what my relationship
may mean to you may not mean the same to
you to me. And when we can identify those things
and be able to have open communications. So there was
(35:06):
a lot of friends when maybe in my twenties and thirties,
that I was their best friend. They weren't my best
friend because I am usually holding the space for people.
But also I didn't want to be vulnerable, so they weren't.
They were like, oh when I could cut them off,
they were like, how can you do that? And I said,
(35:28):
I wasn't as close to you as you were close
to me, But I had to work through that and
be vulnerable. So sometimes we have to look at our
personal relationships and see what parts of our lives do
they take what parts in our story do they take up?
Do they say, Okay, well our mom didn't give us this,
(35:50):
So this person's going to be a motherly figure and
when they step out of that role, I'm going to
try to put them back into that space. But that's
not their role. They're here to be a friend, and
so it's just really taking inventory. I'm usually like I've
been the mother or the supportive one, but when I
step out of it, people don't like that.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
Her name is Marcia Evans, founder of Willtree Counselor and
Education Center. It's based where.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
It's based in Fairfax, Virginia.
Speaker 1 (36:19):
And we can do services provided online. Yes okay. And
licensed professional counselor with over seventeen years of experience HBCU graduate.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
Yes, it's Virginia State not Hampton State.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
Oh big difference. Okay, But friend, thank you for coming
on Money Making Conversation master Class.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
This has been Money Making Conversation master Class with me
Rashaun McDonald. Thanks to our guest and our audience. Visit
Moneymakingconversation dot com to listen. Are registered to be a
guest on my show. Keep leading with your gifts, Keep winning,
Hi, I'm Rashan McDonald. I host this weekly Money Making
Conversation Masterclass show. The interviews and information that this show
provides offer everyone I'm talking about you. It's time to
stop reading other people's success stories and start living your
own now. If you want to be a guest on
my show, Money Making Conversations Masterclass, please visit our website,
Moneymaking Conversations dot com and click to be a guest button.
(00:22):
If you're a small business owner, entrepreneur, motivational speaker, influencer,
or a nonprofit now let's get started. My guests, the
visionary founder of Willow Tree Counselor and an educational center, and
a licensed professional counselor with over seventeen years of experience
guiding women, children and families through life's most complex stages.
(00:43):
Please welcome to Money Making Conversation Masterclass. Marsha Evans. How
you doing, Marsha, I'm good.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Thanks for having me.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Okay, when I say complex stages, what does that mean?
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Well, let's think about developmental stages. Let's think about life.
Have you had complex stages?
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Well, so they can vary the My complexity because I'm
a Type A and I get up at two o'clock,
three o'clock and people look at like crazy. I tell
people I get two hours of sleep. They go, are you?
Are you ready to go into the grade real early? Right?
So that's what I'm saying. It varies in your world
when you use the word complexity, like how do you
(01:19):
make that comparison to each individual that you work with? Right?
Speaker 2 (01:24):
So what I do is I become a listener. I'm
a listener. So what happens in that space is I
become a visitor in your world and we start listening.
I start listening to your story and what are some
things that are your norm? And then what are some
things that are complex that really has you trying to
figure out life? What does that look like? So sometimes
(01:45):
people can say middle school age is complex, and other
people be like middle school wasn't, but my twenties were.
And so what I do is just kind of look
at what are you looking for? Is it definition? Is
it balance? Is it peace? Is it contentment? Or do
you want chaos? And so sometimes people like chaos, and
so we really look at how complex is it and
(02:06):
how can we find tools to make it balance and
to make it peaceful and to make it content For
the person because what's balanced for you may not be
balanced for me.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Right, That's why I'm trying to find out the complexity
of life that people have to deal with. Now, your personality,
I want to go back a little bit, because you
come across as a person who's really engaged in this process,
which means that you seem to be constantly aware of
your friends or your relationships. Now, you went to an HBCU, Yes, okay,
(02:40):
walk we through your personality in high school and then
at the college.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
So I'm going to go a little bit back to
at twelve, I knew I wanted to have a scholarship
to pay for school, okay, And I was determined because
my parents were fronting all the money for AAU, for basketball,
for soccer. I played soccer, played softball, the girl scout,
all those things, and I just wanted to reward them
(03:07):
and pay for school. So at twelve, I was very intentional.
I set my dreams, I set my goals, and I
was aware at that age, and so I was aware
of what's going on with you, my mom, my brother.
How can I be a people pleaser? How can I
hold the space for everybody?
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (03:25):
And so what I also did was I understood that
what I did today impacted tomorrow. And I had to
understand if I wanted to go to college to play basketball,
there was a certain way I had to carry myself.
And I had to read other people of did they
have the same destination or the same place they want
to end up that I wanted to end up. And
(03:47):
so I just started reading people. But it was lonely.
It was solitude. But I enjoy solitude because you get
to learn a lot about yourself and other people.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
So athletics played a major role in your personality. Yes, yeah, why.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
It taught me about discipline, It taught me about there
was a finish line. So everybody wanted state championship, might
have want an MVP. It was team It was teamwork.
It was problem solving, it was conflict resolution. It was
there were other people that were better than me, and
how could I become better than them? Or how could
I work on my weaknesses to become my strengths.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Okay, great, Just the background of Marshavins. She's a person
who has a gift fath lessonism, thought provoking. You read
the room, that classic statement, read the room. What is
in reading the room, the power of relationships in your
in your life, and advice you would give to people
because this is an entrepreneurial show, small business, nonprofits, and
(04:47):
a lot of people missed reading the room, which means
they miss out on relationship buildings.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Yes, so reading the room, you got to first read yourself, okay.
And in reading yourself, what are you looking for? What
do you need? So you have to read the room
of what energy are you putting out there? Because if
you're not aware of your own energy, then you can
misread or not take advantage of the opportunities that are
(05:16):
in the room. Okay, So I think you've got to
start with yourself and what your relationship with yourself is,
because sometimes people don't want to read the room because
they're anxious, they don't want to come off like a
brown noser, or they don't know how to step to
the person that they that might help them navigate the space,
(05:37):
and they don't have they're not confident in that. And
so reading the room is who are the people you
need to talk to? And how about being authentically you?
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Okay? Cool? Now before we get an interviewed Marsha Evans
right from Virginia in Hampton State former athlete was well
aware that she wanted to incentive her life so her
parents didn't have to worry about the financial commitment to
a post education. Why are you on the show?
Speaker 2 (06:09):
I want people to realize that they are the ones
that are holding themselves back, and they just have to
look internally and figure out what are the things that
are holding them back, because it can come back. It
can go back to their family system. And when they
understand what's in their family system that may be holding
(06:30):
them back, then they can get the tools. They can
get the compass that puts them forward to where they
want to go in their business and the relationships and
be successful.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Let's talk about that because a lot of people up.
I worked at IBM and I wanted to be a
stand up comedy. I pursue the career is the stand
up comedy. Of course, when I started telling my friends
I wanted to quit IBM to pursue stand up comedy,
they was like, especially at the time. Now people you
know in the area of to day, you know you
have social media, you have youtuboe, you have all these platforms.
(07:01):
You can kind of tell people that they might go,
oh yeah, I watch YouTube but when I was doing it,
it was just we had four channels, ABC, NBC, CBS,
and I think show Time was kind of percolating there
because at the time, I was named the Funniest comic
in Texas, which means I was one of the fifty
(07:22):
funniest comics in the country for three years in a row.
So I thought it's time to take my Where's national
maybe the next Eddie Murphy. But fear played a role,
and it plays a role in that mass of that decision.
And with that being said, when you start talking about complexities,
fear plays a role in that's a major component of
(07:44):
that complex system that you're talking.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
About, right, it is, And so you know what it's fear.
So can I ask you a question? Yes, okay, so fear.
So if I one of the things I was wondering
is how did fear look like in your family system?
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Well, first of all, I've come from a very from
the hood. Okay, my father, third grade education, six sisters,
two brothers. So my father didn't even want me to
go to college. He wanted my sister to go to
college because he felt that in his world, right, just
give a job. Yeah, And when I didn't want that path.
(08:23):
It almost like rejected my thought philosophies.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
There you go, so rejecting your thought philosophy. And so
when we think about the family system, right, dad didn't
want you to go to college, right, right, and so
you were going against the family system what Dad had
for you. You were going against that. But also that created
guilt and shame, and there's fear because you're doing something
different than what your family system wants. And so getting
(08:48):
people to understand, hey, sometimes fear is not yours. It's
coming from your family system because you're doing something different
than your what your family system wants you to do
or what they're projecting how to keep their family system
from continued to procreate.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Well, isn't it tied to like I want? Just it's
an ugly word, but I gotta say ignorance.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Yes it is. But that if we think about it,
if you thinking about your fear, the fear of the unknown, right,
so if we think if we followed your dad's guidance,
he knows that that particular, he knows what it's going
to yield. So he knows that you can go get
a job. He knows that Okay, he knows that you
(09:34):
can take care of your family because he has, so
even if it's ignorance, he knows the outcome of that,
but he doesn't know the outcome of you doing something different.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
And that moves forward to meet with Sean McGaugh. I
remember Steve Harvey and I who were Elie Reed, had
this big event in New York and he wants to
come there and meet Barack Obama before Barack Obama became
Barack Obama, you know, and and it was like, you know,
(10:07):
money raising for him to get launched, and everybody was there,
jay Z be honest, it was like who's who room
and then uh and so. But in this in the
whole room, you're an opportunity to take a photo with Barack.
And I remember always said, are you gonna take a
photo with it? He's not gonna win a name like
Barack Obama in our world.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Barack Obama is.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Going to be president in this country, would never elect
and Staves just looked at me, go, man, you so silly?
I go, hey, brother, I'm just being truth. And so
that was a level of I want to say the
word ignorance because I was like that already made a
decision that that a lot of times people do. They
will stop you based on the color your skin, based
(10:53):
on your height, based on your agenda and stereo type
your success story. And that's what I did for BARACKO,
which eventually became back the next president of the United States.
But hey, Risa has no photos of Barack Obama that
I could have had. But guess what, fast forward, I'm
in the White House and photos all over my house
(11:14):
of being over office with Barack Obama. I could have
told the story to him to say, you, brother, I
think you gonna get here because of Barack Obama. But
you have to understand that you can't let people stop
defining your dreams.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
Right.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Is that part of your practice?
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Yes, it is, it is, And so what it is
is also looking back right when you talked about yourself
of your like, I'm not taking a picture of him, right,
But it's also how society teaches us. How do people
around us? How you know I got into NYU for
grad school. My mom said, can't you just be okay
with getting in? And I said, huh, I want to go.
(11:49):
There's something there for me. But I was being different
than the family and the system that I came from.
And so you have to, really I believe that you
have to have a relationship with yourself so you know
your internal compass and know what you want to do
and why not, Because like I wanted, people were saying
(12:12):
you didn't want to go overseas and play basketball. No,
I just wanted basketball to pay for my college education.
And people say you still playing basketball. No, the yoga
Matt is my basketball pint. And so you have to
always have a really good relationship with self and make
sure you're not being influenced by the outside as much
(12:34):
because now, more so than ever, we're plugged into a
plug that's not ours.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Now we talk about generational patterns, you know, there's something
that you wanted to discuss spoken and unspoken, and we
kind of have went that little bit with my father
and me, but there are patterns in everybody's family. And now,
before we go into further, how does one get in
touch with you, Marsha Evans?
Speaker 2 (12:56):
So they can find me on Marshall Listens dot com
or they can go on my YouTube channel, Marshall Listens.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
But Marshall, what is Marshall listens dot com? What is that?
Speaker 2 (13:04):
So Marshall Listens dot Com is all about my wellness,
about wellness and what's the importance of building a wellness team,
being able to be in relationship with yourself. A lot
of people are divorced from themselves, and I teach people
how to get married to themselves and start dating themselves
so they can be successful in every aspect of their lives.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Okay, cool, Now the unspoken and unspoken, the generational patterns. Okay,
I'm coming to you. What's the process?
Speaker 2 (13:33):
So what we do? We start having story time, right,
so I become a visitor in your world. Then second,
we do a geniogram. So geniogram is a visual family tree.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
We say we you're not a one woman operation.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
No, I'm not, okay, So what we'll do but and
so in the session, just like this.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
It's you and I okay, okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
So we'll do a genio graham, and a genial graham
will go back three generations, so it'll include you, your parents,
and your grandparents.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
And so what we do is we look at the
psychological hereditary Yes.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Can as your question, is this something you figured out
or this something that's out there in the books.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
It's out there?
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Okay, Okay, it's out there. But I've never heard it,
but again I'm being educated.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Yeah it's out there. It's fine. No, no, no, it's
out there. And so what we do is look at
major events, we look at deaths, we look at births,
and we pay attention to the themes that are there, so
that are there in generational themes that are passing down.
So a lot of times people are like, oh, my
mama gave me my good looks. Okay, Well, if your
mom gave you your good looks, what else did she
(14:42):
give you? What else? You know was that, hey, she
had issues with her mother and she doesn't know how
to communicate. And so then is that showing up in
your relationship with your daughter. And so one of the
things that I've done, I had a complicated relationship with
my mother, and I realize I've been in business with
for myself since two thousand an eight. Once I accepted
my mom where she was as my mom, because she
(15:04):
gave me the best gift possible, which is life, my
company and my business started flourishing because I started accepting me,
because I'm a part of her. Once I started accepting her,
then life started. I was a tomboy growing up, and
(15:28):
so I was a tomboy growing up. But I rejected
my mom because I said, if this is how a
woman's going to be, I don't know if I want
any parts of that. And so as I started accepting her,
I started accepting me. And as I started accepting me,
then I was able to step into my truths and
(15:49):
connect with people that I couldn't connect with before. Yeah,
and so I started recognizing those patterns. And through a geniogram,
you can recognize the patterns that you can see. So
things that are in your blind spot now becomes into
your visual trajectory now.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
And hearing you explain your process, it's kind of like
what doctors do when they come and go in past
history of cancer, past history of disease, exactly want to
know your daughter, not so much all your parents or
or your sisters or your siblings. So they kind of
like get a pattern that, Okay, you might be a
(16:25):
person that may we need to look into this because
your family history. So you take it from a mental
or a.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Lifestyle, so it's psychological and then it's psychological, and then
it's looking at the events that have taken place. So
for example, my mother's father passed when she was five. Okay,
my grandmother there were some issues, a major event that
happened when she was twelve. My niece had a similar
event at twelve. So it's looking at some of the
(16:57):
things that are happening generationally that you know when people
talk about generational curses, it's looking at things that are
happening in a generational way of what's stopping you, what's
in your way. So it's the same thing doctors do,
but it's looking at what are some of the things
that are happening in your family that are seeming to
repeat itself. And you take it like that because a
(17:18):
lot of people think, hey, they're a puzzle, but they're
really a piece of the puzzle.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Don't go anywhere. We will be right back with more
insights from Money Making Conversation MASTIC Class. Welcome back to
Money Making Conversation Masteric Class hosted by me Rashawn McDonald.
Let's get back into it. Patterns do create duplicate patterns.
(17:45):
In other words, if you're in an abusive parenting relationship,
that can carry over to you how you allow a
man or a woman to treat you. Correct?
Speaker 2 (17:57):
Yes, correct? So if that so your first relationships that
you have is with your parents or the person that's
raising you. And so if that parent was an emotionally
abusive relationship, which is exactly, then you're going to see
that as acceptable in your nervous system, your autonomic nervous system,
(18:18):
it's already programmed your body that that's right or you
can navigate that chaos. You'll know how to navigate it.
Even if you are communicating to people that that wasn't right,
your body is saying something else. So your body keeps
the score. So what I also do if somebody comes
in like that, we will then look at holistic modalities
to how do we heal the body from another? How
(18:42):
do we heal the body so it's not carrying that good.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
But that being said, what are some of the practical
steps someone could take to identify and shift limiting beliefs
inherit it from their family system.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
So one of the things I think is really important
is giving time to yourself, sitting in solitude and really
being in a relationship with yourself. I think that we
are in a world that we're constantly moving, and people
don't like to sit by themselves and listen to themselves,
and so I think one of it.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Is really themselves. What does that mean?
Speaker 2 (19:20):
So we all have a frequency in a language. So
you've picked up my language before I even said anything, right,
and I picked up yours, and before we we already connected.
We already connected it, so we didn't have to So
from a soul level, we already connected. And so a
lot of people don't know their internal or their personal language,
(19:44):
and so it's getting them to start being in community
with themselves. That's one thing. But if somebody doesn't like that,
they don't have to do it because they're fearful of
what they may hear or see or come to grips with.
One of the things I recommend is guided meditation. You
can get on a yoga, matt movement, because it really
(20:07):
is getting back in, getting in their body and understanding
what their body has been holding. Once they get in
their body, we can go to therapy if they want to,
They can go to yoga, they can start dancing in
terms of like movement, so they can start getting informed.
But I also thinks being able to have conversations with
(20:27):
their family members, sitting down with those things and understanding.
But the big thing is reducing their quarters all levels
so they can understand what's going on in their bodies.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
You know, it's really interesting because I can read people immediately.
That's my gift. You know. I can just know how
far I can take a conversation. I know how far
I can joke. And immediately when you came into my presence,
I immediately went okay. Just the way you walk, the
(20:58):
way you all those things tell a story to me.
And I just have natural like you've been trained. I've
just through life have going okay. This two plus two
is four four eight, and I get these patterns who experience.
I get to read people. But that is an art,
that is a skill that people learn how to when
(21:19):
they said and I'm going back to what I said
earlier on reading the room because in my platform, money
Making Conversations, Master Cliss, people go to meetings, they're competing
for RFPs, They're in all these different sessions and conferences,
and they walk away because they have not understood or
mastered the art of reading the room or how to
(21:41):
develop relationships. Can you help somebody with that?
Speaker 2 (21:45):
I can help somebody with that, and I want to
because when I met you and I heard about you,
you get up at four o'clock in the morning. Yeah,
four thirty, four thirty, and you said there was something
that you said that was profound. You have a date
with yourself every morning. You're consistent with yourself. Absolutely, that
is important. Consistency. If we're looking for consistency for other
(22:08):
people and you're not consistent with yourself, you're not going
to get the results that you want. You probably when
you said, hey, you eight two plus two is four,
and you can. I can help people figure that out.
But they have to be consistent with themselves right in
order to get the results that they desire. But they
also have to ask themselves the results that they want.
(22:29):
Is it the results that they that's internally programmed and
written on their hearts, or is it the results that
society saying, Hey, I want you to do this, because
then you'll be famous and you'll look this way, but
you'll be you'll be shallow, right, And.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
I would tell you this that I want to have.
When I don't get that I want to have, my
whole day is messed up, and I'm trying to recapture
it or reclaim it. You know, like sometimes you go, okay,
I get up a shit, you know, I get up
at six and I'm like, Okay, I'm scrambling because I'm
behind because the time that I was with myself, I
(23:06):
figured out what I was going to do in six,
not waking up at six trying to figure out what
I'm doing at six. And so all I will do
prep or might even emails and our stuff, and I'll
just program them to go out at eight o'clock. So
sometimes I send my four people, go you up before?
Were you crazy? You know, well kind of you?
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Did you read.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
You crazy? And so with that being said, you know,
it's all about how to recognize considers money making conversations masterclass,
How recognizing your family's money story empowered to build a
new narrative of abundance, which is kind of like churchy
and success.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
Yes, so one of the things is getting people to
understand looking at let's just start with their parents. What
was their relationship with money? Did they talk about money,
did they share?
Speaker 1 (23:57):
No?
Speaker 2 (23:59):
And so if you're not having if that wasn't what
was happening in the household, then one needs to examine
what is their relationship like with money because it goes
back to their first relationship with their parents. If they
weren't talking about money, if they were a struggle. Then
that is the foundation of money and what the concept
(24:20):
of money is with a person. So once you can
look at that, because a lot of people won't look back,
they'll be like, oh, money, this, money that. But it's
looking back and saying what's the foundation of it? And
how do you just say, Okay, this is what my
dad or my mom had to do with money, but
I can do something different. But it's honoring them. It's
not saying you're better, because when you're better, you're excluding
(24:43):
your family system that you come from. You can't say, oh,
I'm better than them because I'm doing this. They just
set the foundation. And a lot of times people don't
want to do that of honoring people. It's like using
the word ignorant. They're ignorant. Well, if they didn't have
the information, it'd be one thing. And so once you
can start accepting, but you got to look back accepting
(25:07):
they did this that way, and you can say thank
you dad or mom for doing this, and I honor
what you do. I'm going to do something different. And
once you can start doing that and really putting it
and digesting it in your system, then things can open up.
But one thing You can't reject your parents, right, you can't.
(25:27):
You have to honor them. And when you can honor them,
because mom is the face of life and if you
reject your mother, you reject life, which you reject success.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
And so I have a whole thought about your maturity.
I want to go back to that because it's very engaging,
because you're very mature, because you are mature. But that
same maturity I think was twelve thirteen fifty and that's
kind of scary. But let's talk about the process of
who you are. You know, I'm talking to Marshall Evans.
(25:57):
She's a visionary founder, a willed free counselor and the
Education Center and the licensed Professional counselor with over seventeen
years of experience, a guy in women, children and families
through life's most complex stages. Now, when you say twelve,
I always admire people who get it. People always saw
(26:21):
things in me that I rejected. I will tell you this, honestly,
I didn't accept who Rashan McDonald was until I was
in my forties. I ran from the process that there
were unique abilities that I had. I don't know why,
and I think it comes back from the fact that
you know my best friends in high school, Michelle Roberts
(26:44):
and REGIEA. Roddy. They probably didn't think about any but
those two names are locked in mind. I would go
to the grave, one with the rise, one with the
Purduding University. They knew exactly what they wanted to do.
I graduated from high school equally academically trained as they were,
and I wanted to be a forklift driver. And guess what,
I got a job as a forklift driver. Here they
(27:05):
went the riots, some scholars said, with the Purduer scholars,
and they were my best friends. And my teachers are
all that talented to me, And I often wondered why
I didn't see it in myself? Can you help me?
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Yeah? So one of those things is kind of I
ask you a question, what were you fearful of?
Speaker 1 (27:27):
I wasn't so much fearful. I just didn't understand who
I was. My father, you know, my mom, she challenged
me to well, actually my parents allowed me to be me, okay,
in a sense that my father didn't push me okay, okay,
(27:48):
And I grew up with six sisters. But I just
knew that everybody saw more in me and put and
demanded more in me, and I was always smart enough
to take the quick route.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
Okay, were you the oldest boy? And so dad did
he have any brothers?
Speaker 1 (28:12):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
I don't even know my father's background. So there's a
lot of unknown. And so if you came to me
and you said, hey, Marsha right, not finding yourself fine,
being able to stand in your truth that way, what
would life look like? There's the not necessarily the fear
of the unknown, but you don't know how to navigate
(28:33):
that part of life. And did you see anybody who
navigated that part of life? And if you didn't see
anybody that navigated that part of life that you could
reach out in touch, then being a forklift driver was
easier because you knew what that looked like. The one
thing I have to say about you is when you
put your mind to something, you complete it and you're
(28:54):
diligent and nobody gets in the way of that. And
so there was something in you and timing you had
to live life a little bit longer and more to
then come out. And I think that is the thing
that I work with people of how do you step
into this world as you authentically you and find your tribe,
and I think that's when it's hard for people to
(29:15):
go read the room and what we talked about because
they're not them. They can't find themselves. They need to
be able to be in a relationship with themselves and
be able to, like you said, be authentically you. You
didn't find yourself until all of you until forty in
your forties.
Speaker 1 (29:34):
Okay, now I'm one question. I want to ask you
about relationships. We kind of like talked about it. But
relationships have so many levels. You know, you have the romantic,
the professional, and the personal, and they all have to
be handled differently. Let's break them up, the romantic the romantic.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
What do you want to know about the romantic.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
From a standpoint of how do you fit in and
how your personality can make a relationship because that's a
disaster based on you not understanding who you are. As
the word complexity, Yes, you're right, So.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
Relationships are complex, especially romantic because in the romantic sense
it's a mirror. So those relationships nowadays people are like
if they're toxic, leave But the best and the best
relationships actually may look toxic as long as there's not
emotional physical abuse because it's bringing those things up that
(30:36):
we can tuck away in our platonic and professional relationships.
So I'll give you an example, and my relationship, my
partner had really pulled, had pulled something that made me
emotionally irritated, and I responded in a way that I
was little Marsia. And I recognize that the last time
(30:59):
I like that was with my mom when I was
nine years old, and it happened twice. And so through
my own healing work, I said, Hm, I'm in my forties,
I'm not nine. Why am I projecting this onto my
partner when he's not my mom? And that's not fair.
So I had to look in myself and I had
(31:21):
to nurture the little girl and me do my inner
work and mother me. So I didn't bring that into
my romantic relationship. And a lot of people don't know
how to do that. They make their partner carry the
burden that their parents couldn't carry. And so you can't
let your partner, your fiance, your spouse, you can't let
(31:44):
them carry the burden of your mother or your father,
and saying you got to be like my mom or
my dad, because that is a burden that your parents
couldn't even carry and so that's really important to them
to get for them to understand your parents can't, your
partner can't carry the burdens of your professional professional Yeah,
(32:12):
you got to be consistent and you got to treat
people the way you want to be treated. And it's
the same thing with that. Sometimes people will expect their
professional relationships to be similar to their parents or understanding
as a family. They can't tell everybody professionally, they're all
(32:35):
their business to their professional relationships, but there's a certain
boundary that they need. But they have to ask themselves
if they have those boundaries within themselves.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
So now now they're boundaries because you know, the professional relationship.
In the romantic relationship, different boundaries because there's intimacy there right, Okay,
Now the professional relationship, there's no intimacy and in fact
is against the human resources rule. Okay. So that means
(33:07):
that certain people who need emotional support can't always get
it in that professional relationship. Where do they go.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
Well, they can, they can. It's a fine line. I
think it's a fine line. It depends on what industry
they're in. So if you're in an engineering or a
scientific where they kind of think black and white. No,
you can't do that. You might need to use your
EAP benefits and go get counseling right, or you need
(33:35):
to be able to have emotional outlet. I think in
all relationships you can't put everything on one So in
the professional relationship, your emotional needs are not going to
be met in that professional space, and so you have
to the complexities. Going back to complexities, it can be
very complex, but in the professional place, you can't maybe
(33:56):
expect your manager to emotionally hold you down. Maybe when
you're going through something, you can just be very objective
in saying, hey, I'm having a family emergency and then
discuss your emotional issues or the emotional complexities that you're
navigating with somebody in your personal relationship that you're in
a personal relationship or a romantic relationship with.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
You said it personal, Yes, let's close it out with
the personal thought process, which I don't want to because
it's you kind of like answer some of them. But
it is a personal relationship which tends to be into
the best friends people you hang out with, and sometimes
you might feel you've been boxed out and you can
feel like a person in that relationship is your relationship
(34:40):
and then they start look like they're being shared. You
can be offended by that, right.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
So the personal relationships, I think we got to identify
what each relationship means to us. So what my relationship
may mean to you may not mean the same to
you to me. And when we can identify those things
and be able to have open communications. So there was
(35:06):
a lot of friends when maybe in my twenties and thirties,
that I was their best friend. They weren't my best
friend because I am usually holding the space for people.
But also I didn't want to be vulnerable, so they weren't.
They were like, oh when I could cut them off,
they were like, how can you do that? And I said,
(35:28):
I wasn't as close to you as you were close
to me, But I had to work through that and
be vulnerable. So sometimes we have to look at our
personal relationships and see what parts of our lives do
they take what parts in our story do they take up?
Do they say, Okay, well our mom didn't give us this,
(35:50):
So this person's going to be a motherly figure and
when they step out of that role, I'm going to
try to put them back into that space. But that's
not their role. They're here to be a friend, and
so it's just really taking inventory. I'm usually like I've
been the mother or the supportive one, but when I
step out of it, people don't like that.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
Her name is Marcia Evans, founder of Willtree Counselor and
Education Center. It's based where.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
It's based in Fairfax, Virginia.
Speaker 1 (36:19):
And we can do services provided online. Yes okay. And
licensed professional counselor with over seventeen years of experience HBCU graduate.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
Yes, it's Virginia State not Hampton State.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
Oh big difference. Okay, But friend, thank you for coming
on Money Making Conversation master Class.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
This has been Money Making Conversation master Class with me
Rashaun McDonald. Thanks to our guest and our audience. Visit
Moneymakingconversation dot com to listen. Are registered to be a
guest on my show. Keep leading with your gifts, Keep winning,
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