November 19, 2025 • 13 mins
The Strawberry Letter heard on The Steve Harvey Morning Show Wednesday, November 19th, 2025. Subject: "When I Look, I Find"
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if
you need advice and relationships, work, sex, parenting, and more,
please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HAARBFM dot com
and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your
letter live on the air, just like we're going to
read this one right here, right now, and you never know,
it could be yours.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
It could be yours. Buckle up and hold on tight.
We got it.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
Point you hear it is Strawberry.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Let up, Thank you, nephew. Subject. When I look, I
find dear Stephen Shirley. I've been divorced for five years
and I'm starting to date again. I've been eager to
find a new guy for years, but as luck would
have it, I've been picking men that are just like
my cheating ex husband. The last guy I met seemed
(00:45):
like he was going to be a good prospect. But
we've only been together for four months and he's already
shown me that one woman isn't enough for him. He
started out sending me flowers and taking me on nice dates.
We had sex after our fourth date, and he got
up and went home right after we were intimate. He
said that he really needed to use his own restroom
at his own home. That almost caused an argument as
(01:09):
he left my house in the middle of the night.
He used that same excuse whenever he was supposed to
spend the night at my house. We'd always eat dinner
at my house or go out to eat and have
sex later on. Right after sex, he was out the
door and headed home to use a bathroom and take
a shower on Friday night. When he did that, I
decided to ride by his house after he had been
(01:31):
home a while. He was there sitting on his front
steps with a woman. I slowed up and blew the horn.
He jumped up and came over to my car, asking
why I was at his house unannounced. I told him
I was suspicious that he was dating other people. He
told me that we aren't exclusive and I'm too messy
to ever be his girl. He said he wasn't cheating
(01:52):
because I was never his girl. I'm grateful that I
got in my car and rode by his house. When
I look, I find is it best to look and
be aware or act like you don't know what a
man is up to? Why is it a lose lose
situation for women trying to date. Wow, I guess because
(02:12):
dating has changed so much over the years, just like
everything else in the world. I mean, there's no courting
or like getting to know you period anymore. People nowadays
get love bombed in the first couple of weeks, where
the men whine and dine you, they call you every day,
they spend quality time with you.
Speaker 4 (02:31):
The sin you.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
Flowers like this guy did all of that.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Then after that two week time frame, after you've slept
with him or whatever, it's a short time time frame,
two weeks or whatever.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
It's usually just over the.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Phone call stop, the attenantive tentive ness stops and he
starts ghosting you or whatever. I get that you've been
divorced for five years and you want to be in
a relationship. You said you were eager to be in
a relationship, but you still have to take your time
to see if these guys are even worth it. What
you don't want is to come off as desperate. I mean,
(03:04):
men can smell that kind of stuff a mile away
and they go in for the kill. I say, you're
not ready to date. You got to find out who
you are, get your confidence up. I think you need
to decide what you want what kind of man you want,
Then you know you won't keep ending up in these
same type situations with these men.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
Work on your confidence, work on self love.
Speaker 5 (03:26):
Steve Well said Shirley, I agree with what you're saying.
Here's the part for me with women, Thank you. You
get with these men that you really don't know. You
get with these men that you have no clarification of
what you have with this man. You get with these
men and you assume, and when you meet a man,
(03:48):
you forget that. When you meet this man, what do
you think he's been doing up intil the day y'all met?
Speaker 2 (03:56):
What's your thought?
Speaker 5 (03:58):
Stop meeting men thinking they free and clear. Ain't nobody
free and clear. Everybody you meet in this world is
connected to somebody somewhere some way. There are no free
and clear people who you've been divorced five years. You
meet a man, what you thought he was doing when
you met him sitting at the house. Everybody you meet
(04:22):
comes with a past. Your job is to uncover as
much of the past as you can to determine if
you can fit into a future with them. That is
the real deal. It ain't no lose lose for a
woman out here, Dayton. Stop jumping to conclusions. Stop Alte.
(04:45):
I wrote a book in two thousand and nine. I'm
thinking about writing another book because dating has changed. I'm
thinking about really really pulling the covers back on this
one too. But I wrote a long time ago a
ninety day rule that applies, but y'all don't because y'all
Instagram now and everything is instant.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
So here we go.
Speaker 5 (05:08):
You've been met, divorced five years, and starting to date again.
Sureley said it best. I've been eager to find a
new guy for years, but as luck would have it,
I keep picking men that are just like my cheating
next husband. Really, well, let's find out about this guy.
Last guy met seemed like he was gonna be a
good prospect. But we've only been together four months and
(05:32):
he's already showed me that one woman ain't enough for him. Okay,
he started out sending me flowers and taking me on
nice dates. We had sex after our fourth date. Okay,
when was the fourth date? How much time do was it?
Two weeks? Was it ten days? Was it a month?
(05:54):
And why, ladies, do you not understand when you first
meet a man that you are meeting his representative you're
not meeting who he really is when you first meet him.
You're meeting his representative. Then after a while, you get
to know who he is. We had sex after our
fourth date. He got up and went home. Right after
(06:16):
we were intimate. He said he really needed to use
his own restroom at his own house. Now that right there,
I can understand. I respect that, and that right there,
you didn't give him enough credit for that. It's some
people that have got to get up and go to
the bathroom.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
Hang up, and that when we come back, hang.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Up, got to get out this house.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
You can't know this of Steve's response.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
At twenty three minutes after the hour, Today's Strawberry Letters
subject is.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
When I look, I find. We'll get back into it.
Right after this.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
You're listening Steve Harvey Morning Show.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
It's meet Miko Mini plus, the small AI robot that
talks to your kids and turns curiosity into learning.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
And the deal is big right now at Costco. It's
seventy nine to ninety nine originally one forty nine ninety
nine screen.
Speaker 4 (07:14):
Light, super fun and built for reading, math, science, and
creative storytelling.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
I deal for ages five to ten. Price and availability
may vary.
Speaker 4 (07:23):
Get Miko Mini Plus today at Costco.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
And for older kids see Miko three on the Miko
website and Amazon. All right, come on, Steve, let's recap
today's strawberry letter. The subject is when I look I find.
Speaker 5 (07:38):
Okay, Ladies, I've talked to you about this letter, and
you've got to be smarter when you're dating. Dating has
changed over the years, but you still have to be smart.
And the ninety day rule that I had before is
should still apply. But it don't cause y'all done got
around that. Y'all done let me and talk you into
(07:58):
a y'all Instagram people, So y'all don't do that no more.
Stop assuming of men, Stop dating men you don't know
what you're and stop expecting them to treat you the
way you treat them. Stop and when you meet a man,
first thing you must know is he comes.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
With a past and a history.
Speaker 5 (08:16):
Secondly, know this nobody you meet is unconnected. Everybody is
connected to somebody. Ain't nowhere in the world. You done
met this man, found him to be attractive, and you
the only one. Stop thinking you've met a man that
ain't got nobody?
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Why would he do that? What man?
Speaker 5 (08:39):
You know that can have sex, can perform sexually, and
is not.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
Where he stayed, what country he live in?
Speaker 5 (08:51):
All right, So you done met this guy and you
mad because he just like your ex cheating husband. So
you met this guy after the fourth date y'all had.
I don't know how long that was, but obviously you
didn't know him well enough, and after four months he
didn't show you. The one woman ain't enough for him.
He started out sending you flowers, going on nice dates.
That's because you were meeting his representative. I tried to
(09:12):
explain that to you. We had sex after that fourth date.
He got up went home right after we were intimate.
He said he really needed to use his own restroom
at his own home. Come on, now, you gotta get
his man credit for this right here, I've been.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
There, you must.
Speaker 5 (09:31):
I'm telling you one of the worst nights of my
life when I dated this creole girl and my stomach
was tore up from eating creole food with him, and
I knew to go home and her parents weren't home,
and she said.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Come on in. I should have took my home, but
I went up in her house.
Speaker 5 (09:46):
And what I go up in that folk called my
stomach was cutting and it went on up in there,
and I used a bathroom at her mama's house.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
We never dated again after that.
Speaker 5 (09:56):
When a man tells you that he got to go
home to his own bad bathroom, respect that, because if
you make him go to the bathroom in there, something
finn to go home when he shut that door, that
he not gonna be able to open that door for
awhile I'm just telling you anyway, that almost caused an argument.
(10:21):
As he left my house in the middle of the night.
He used the same excuse. Whenever we were supposed to
spend the night in my house, we'd always eat.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Dinner at my house and go out to eat and
have sex later on.
Speaker 5 (10:33):
Right after sex, he was out the door, headed home
to use the bathroom and.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Take a shower or go.
Speaker 5 (10:41):
I still ain't mad at that, because until you are
in that room, after he come out that bathroom, you
really don't know why he got to get home. So
I ain't mad at this. Right here on Friday night,
when he did that, I decided to ride by his
house after he had been home for a while. He
(11:01):
was there sitting on the front steps with a woman.
I slowed up and blew the horn. He ran out
there and asked you why he.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Was at his house unannouncement.
Speaker 5 (11:10):
I told him I was suspicious that he was dating
other people. He told me we ain't exclusive, and I'm
too messy to ever be his girl. How did you
think y'all was exclusive because you met a man and
had sex with him. What made you think y'all was exclusive?
(11:33):
Did you ask were you exclusive? Or did you assume?
Did he ever tell you y'all were exclusive?
Speaker 2 (11:41):
Well?
Speaker 5 (11:41):
Now he ever sitting on the steps with the girl.
He said he wasn't cheating because I was never his girl. Wow,
But because you slept with him, you thought you was
his girl. No, you was another person he was having
(12:03):
sex with. That's who you were. That's not his fault.
That's you not getting clarity on what you have with
a man. Stop thinking because you done gave him some
sex that he is going to give you exclusivity. That
(12:26):
is not how it works. I am telling you that
right now. That's just not how it works. And you
got to stop expecting that. And it's sad. It's so sad. Now,
let me tell you something. You know why they sitting
outside on them steps because he didn't went in there
(12:51):
and used the bathroom, and they still can't go in
that house.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
That's why they was got on them steps.
Speaker 5 (12:57):
I'll tell you that right now, sitting out on them steps,
cause I'm.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Telling you ain't Kate.
Speaker 5 (13:01):
Nobody he'd have went home and used the bathroom.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
Now that woman that came by, they outside on.
Speaker 5 (13:07):
The steps because they cannot go in that house.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Because he'd have been in there using the bathroom. So
I rest my case.
Speaker 5 (13:15):
What I think he's still strong with that bathroom line.
But that is the reason they sitting on them steps.
Can't nobody go in that house.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
On today's Strawberry Letter on the Instagram at faith.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Thank you Lord, Thank you Lord, Thank you Lord.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
And check us out on the Strawberry Letter podcast.
Speaker 5 (13:42):
He got a bathroom problem. That's probably why he ain't
got no girl.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
You right now Sports Talk right after this, you're listening
to the Steve Harvey Morning Show.
It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if
you need advice and relationships, work, sex, parenting, and more,
please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HAARBFM dot com
and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your
letter live on the air, just like we're going to
read this one right here, right now, and you never know,
it could be yours.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
It could be yours. Buckle up and hold on tight.
We got it.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
Point you hear it is Strawberry.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Let up, Thank you, nephew. Subject. When I look, I
find dear Stephen Shirley. I've been divorced for five years
and I'm starting to date again. I've been eager to
find a new guy for years, but as luck would
have it, I've been picking men that are just like
my cheating ex husband. The last guy I met seemed
(00:45):
like he was going to be a good prospect. But
we've only been together for four months and he's already
shown me that one woman isn't enough for him. He
started out sending me flowers and taking me on nice dates.
We had sex after our fourth date, and he got
up and went home right after we were intimate. He
said that he really needed to use his own restroom
at his own home. That almost caused an argument as
(01:09):
he left my house in the middle of the night.
He used that same excuse whenever he was supposed to
spend the night at my house. We'd always eat dinner
at my house or go out to eat and have
sex later on. Right after sex, he was out the
door and headed home to use a bathroom and take
a shower on Friday night. When he did that, I
decided to ride by his house after he had been
(01:31):
home a while. He was there sitting on his front
steps with a woman. I slowed up and blew the horn.
He jumped up and came over to my car, asking
why I was at his house unannounced. I told him
I was suspicious that he was dating other people. He
told me that we aren't exclusive and I'm too messy
to ever be his girl. He said he wasn't cheating
(01:52):
because I was never his girl. I'm grateful that I
got in my car and rode by his house. When
I look, I find is it best to look and
be aware or act like you don't know what a
man is up to? Why is it a lose lose
situation for women trying to date. Wow, I guess because
(02:12):
dating has changed so much over the years, just like
everything else in the world. I mean, there's no courting
or like getting to know you period anymore. People nowadays
get love bombed in the first couple of weeks, where
the men whine and dine you, they call you every day,
they spend quality time with you.
Speaker 4 (02:31):
The sin you.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
Flowers like this guy did all of that.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Then after that two week time frame, after you've slept
with him or whatever, it's a short time time frame,
two weeks or whatever.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
It's usually just over the.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Phone call stop, the attenantive tentive ness stops and he
starts ghosting you or whatever. I get that you've been
divorced for five years and you want to be in
a relationship. You said you were eager to be in
a relationship, but you still have to take your time
to see if these guys are even worth it. What
you don't want is to come off as desperate. I mean,
(03:04):
men can smell that kind of stuff a mile away
and they go in for the kill. I say, you're
not ready to date. You got to find out who
you are, get your confidence up. I think you need
to decide what you want what kind of man you want,
Then you know you won't keep ending up in these
same type situations with these men.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
Work on your confidence, work on self love.
Speaker 5 (03:26):
Steve Well said Shirley, I agree with what you're saying.
Here's the part for me with women, Thank you. You
get with these men that you really don't know. You
get with these men that you have no clarification of
what you have with this man. You get with these
men and you assume, and when you meet a man,
(03:48):
you forget that. When you meet this man, what do
you think he's been doing up intil the day y'all met?
Speaker 2 (03:56):
What's your thought?
Speaker 5 (03:58):
Stop meeting men thinking they free and clear. Ain't nobody
free and clear. Everybody you meet in this world is
connected to somebody somewhere some way. There are no free
and clear people who you've been divorced five years. You
meet a man, what you thought he was doing when
you met him sitting at the house. Everybody you meet
(04:22):
comes with a past. Your job is to uncover as
much of the past as you can to determine if
you can fit into a future with them. That is
the real deal. It ain't no lose lose for a
woman out here, Dayton. Stop jumping to conclusions. Stop Alte.
(04:45):
I wrote a book in two thousand and nine. I'm
thinking about writing another book because dating has changed. I'm
thinking about really really pulling the covers back on this
one too. But I wrote a long time ago a
ninety day rule that applies, but y'all don't because y'all
Instagram now and everything is instant.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
So here we go.
Speaker 5 (05:08):
You've been met, divorced five years, and starting to date again.
Sureley said it best. I've been eager to find a
new guy for years, but as luck would have it,
I keep picking men that are just like my cheating
next husband. Really, well, let's find out about this guy.
Last guy met seemed like he was gonna be a
good prospect. But we've only been together four months and
(05:32):
he's already showed me that one woman ain't enough for him. Okay,
he started out sending me flowers and taking me on
nice dates. We had sex after our fourth date. Okay,
when was the fourth date? How much time do was it?
Two weeks? Was it ten days? Was it a month?
(05:54):
And why, ladies, do you not understand when you first
meet a man that you are meeting his representative you're
not meeting who he really is when you first meet him.
You're meeting his representative. Then after a while, you get
to know who he is. We had sex after our
fourth date. He got up and went home. Right after
(06:16):
we were intimate. He said he really needed to use
his own restroom at his own house. Now that right there,
I can understand. I respect that, and that right there,
you didn't give him enough credit for that. It's some
people that have got to get up and go to
the bathroom.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
Hang up, and that when we come back, hang.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Up, got to get out this house.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
You can't know this of Steve's response.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
At twenty three minutes after the hour, Today's Strawberry Letters
subject is.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
When I look, I find. We'll get back into it.
Right after this.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
You're listening Steve Harvey Morning Show.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
It's meet Miko Mini plus, the small AI robot that
talks to your kids and turns curiosity into learning.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
And the deal is big right now at Costco. It's
seventy nine to ninety nine originally one forty nine ninety
nine screen.
Speaker 4 (07:14):
Light, super fun and built for reading, math, science, and
creative storytelling.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
I deal for ages five to ten. Price and availability
may vary.
Speaker 4 (07:23):
Get Miko Mini Plus today at Costco.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
And for older kids see Miko three on the Miko
website and Amazon. All right, come on, Steve, let's recap
today's strawberry letter. The subject is when I look I find.
Speaker 5 (07:38):
Okay, Ladies, I've talked to you about this letter, and
you've got to be smarter when you're dating. Dating has
changed over the years, but you still have to be smart.
And the ninety day rule that I had before is
should still apply. But it don't cause y'all done got
around that. Y'all done let me and talk you into
(07:58):
a y'all Instagram people, So y'all don't do that no more.
Stop assuming of men, Stop dating men you don't know
what you're and stop expecting them to treat you the
way you treat them. Stop and when you meet a man,
first thing you must know is he comes.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
With a past and a history.
Speaker 5 (08:16):
Secondly, know this nobody you meet is unconnected. Everybody is
connected to somebody. Ain't nowhere in the world. You done
met this man, found him to be attractive, and you
the only one. Stop thinking you've met a man that
ain't got nobody?
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Why would he do that? What man?
Speaker 5 (08:39):
You know that can have sex, can perform sexually, and
is not.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
Where he stayed, what country he live in?
Speaker 5 (08:51):
All right, So you done met this guy and you
mad because he just like your ex cheating husband. So
you met this guy after the fourth date y'all had.
I don't know how long that was, but obviously you
didn't know him well enough, and after four months he
didn't show you. The one woman ain't enough for him.
He started out sending you flowers, going on nice dates.
That's because you were meeting his representative. I tried to
(09:12):
explain that to you. We had sex after that fourth date.
He got up went home right after we were intimate.
He said he really needed to use his own restroom
at his own home. Come on, now, you gotta get
his man credit for this right here, I've been.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
There, you must.
Speaker 5 (09:31):
I'm telling you one of the worst nights of my
life when I dated this creole girl and my stomach
was tore up from eating creole food with him, and
I knew to go home and her parents weren't home,
and she said.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Come on in. I should have took my home, but
I went up in her house.
Speaker 5 (09:46):
And what I go up in that folk called my
stomach was cutting and it went on up in there,
and I used a bathroom at her mama's house.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
We never dated again after that.
Speaker 5 (09:56):
When a man tells you that he got to go
home to his own bad bathroom, respect that, because if
you make him go to the bathroom in there, something
finn to go home when he shut that door, that
he not gonna be able to open that door for
awhile I'm just telling you anyway, that almost caused an argument.
(10:21):
As he left my house in the middle of the night.
He used the same excuse. Whenever we were supposed to
spend the night in my house, we'd always eat.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Dinner at my house and go out to eat and
have sex later on.
Speaker 5 (10:33):
Right after sex, he was out the door, headed home
to use the bathroom and.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Take a shower or go.
Speaker 5 (10:41):
I still ain't mad at that, because until you are
in that room, after he come out that bathroom, you
really don't know why he got to get home. So
I ain't mad at this. Right here on Friday night,
when he did that, I decided to ride by his
house after he had been home for a while. He
(11:01):
was there sitting on the front steps with a woman.
I slowed up and blew the horn. He ran out
there and asked you why he.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Was at his house unannouncement.
Speaker 5 (11:10):
I told him I was suspicious that he was dating
other people. He told me we ain't exclusive, and I'm
too messy to ever be his girl. How did you
think y'all was exclusive because you met a man and
had sex with him. What made you think y'all was exclusive?
(11:33):
Did you ask were you exclusive? Or did you assume?
Did he ever tell you y'all were exclusive?
Speaker 2 (11:41):
Well?
Speaker 5 (11:41):
Now he ever sitting on the steps with the girl.
He said he wasn't cheating because I was never his girl. Wow,
But because you slept with him, you thought you was
his girl. No, you was another person he was having
(12:03):
sex with. That's who you were. That's not his fault.
That's you not getting clarity on what you have with
a man. Stop thinking because you done gave him some
sex that he is going to give you exclusivity. That
(12:26):
is not how it works. I am telling you that
right now. That's just not how it works. And you
got to stop expecting that. And it's sad. It's so sad. Now,
let me tell you something. You know why they sitting
outside on them steps because he didn't went in there
(12:51):
and used the bathroom, and they still can't go in
that house.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
That's why they was got on them steps.
Speaker 5 (12:57):
I'll tell you that right now, sitting out on them steps,
cause I'm.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Telling you ain't Kate.
Speaker 5 (13:01):
Nobody he'd have went home and used the bathroom.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
Now that woman that came by, they outside on.
Speaker 5 (13:07):
The steps because they cannot go in that house.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Because he'd have been in there using the bathroom. So
I rest my case.
Speaker 5 (13:15):
What I think he's still strong with that bathroom line.
But that is the reason they sitting on them steps.
Can't nobody go in that house.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
On today's Strawberry Letter on the Instagram at faith.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Thank you Lord, Thank you Lord, Thank you Lord.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
And check us out on the Strawberry Letter podcast.
Speaker 5 (13:42):
He got a bathroom problem. That's probably why he ain't
got no girl.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
You right now Sports Talk right after this, you're listening
to the Steve Harvey Morning Show.
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