10 Takes with Kyle Brandt: Saquon now lives in my head

Halfway through the season and halfway through our takes:

• Dreaming about one play
• A team that's glitching in front of our eyes
• When an incompletion is breaking news
• Boring is worse than bad
• Abusing the best offseason acquisition?
• Homework before Monday Night Football

Back against the wall with just a few seconds to spare, but a job well done!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:11):
We're here. You did it. We just passed the halfway
mark of the NFL season, and the halfway mark of
ten takes with me Kyle Brant. What it doesn't say
in the title is the length of time I delivered
those ten takes. But if you've listened before, you know
that it's ten minutes, ten takes, and ten minutes. And
if I don't finish, there's a bomb that goes off
and it explodes in the middle of take seven or

(00:33):
eight or nine or whatever it is. But I bet
I finished. I always do it. I will today start
the clock take number one. I can't stop thinking about Saquon,
and I don't want to stop thinking about Saquon. I'm
sitting there on the couch watching the Eagles game like
anybody else. They throw it to Saquon, he does maybe
the coolest spin move I've ever seen, and then he

(00:55):
elevates backwards and jumps over another professional human being. I
didn't scream, I didn't stand up. I just sat there
in silence and soaked it in. And ten minutes later
I was still thinking about it. And then I went
out to dinner with my family and I walked a
dog and I read to my kids, and I was
still thinking about it. I had a dream about it
last night. I woke up thinking about it last night.
I woke up about thinking about this morning. I can't

(01:16):
stop thinking that Sequan did that. It really did happen, right,
I've seen it. I won't stop watching it. Understand. I
see a lot of football players do cool things, and
not just because I watched the NFL every week like
you do. In the Instagram algorithm, it's got a clause,
and to me, everything that they show me is football players,
high school players, college players, strange leagues I didn't even

(01:39):
know existed players. I've seen every cool highlight ever in history.
I have never ever seen someone backwards leap over another
defender because I don't think it's ever happened. I don't
think a high school player in some obscure state that
maybe doesn't have a lot of media coverage have done it.
I don't think there's any college program at three in
the morning on ESPN eight has done it. I don't

(02:00):
think it's happened because if it had, that clip would
have surfaced already. You can't even do what he did
in Madden. They wouldn't do it. It's not realistic. Madd
would never put that in there trying to be real.
You could never get one of these, you know, these
performers you put the little sensors all over their body
and act out the moves to do that move. I
just still can't believe it. And there are people who

(02:21):
could do that physically in the league, jump like that,
pull their legs up and jump over defender. It's not
that part of it. It's the mental part. It's the
fact that something in Saquon's brain in the middle of
that run sent a signal to his lower body that
said jump right now backwards, and his body was like,
no problem, rock and roll, and they did it. And

(02:42):
I still am not over it. I don't ever want
it back. I can remember that play for the rest
of my life. I think it's a thirteen yard gain
in kind of a forgettable Eagles Jaguars game, and sa
one was tackled right afterwards. I still can't stop thinking
about that. It was one of the most incredible things
I've ever seen. Take number two. The Bears are sick,
and by sick, I mean like ill, they're glitching. That

(03:06):
was a oh man, a listless nothing performance against a
Cardinals defense that is not even average. They've been below average,
and the Bear scored nine points, got their quarterback banged
up in the meanless snap at the end of the game,
and it felt like really your worst fears if you're
a Bears fan that did that. Jayden Daniels, hail Mary,

(03:30):
sicken us, and I mean like infect us. It feels
like when you were younger, especially, and you would install
lime wire into your parents' home computer, like the gateway
they have in their basement, the cowbox that it comes in,
or you install a lime wire or some sort of
you know, piracy app whatever it may be, napster, and

(03:52):
the computer's never the same, never, even if you delete
everything and just take it out because your mom's all
mad at you because you can't go to Facebook anymore,
and you still think. It's just still never the same,
It never quite works the same. You have to throw
it away and get a new gateway. And I just
feel like that, Hail Mary, if you were looking for
some sort of emotional recovery from them. No. I saw

(04:13):
a radio clip this morning, This is Monday Morning Now,
where DJ Moore is asked if Mattyberfluss has lost the
team and he said, I won't say no. Well, then
you're saying yes. Take number three, Jared Goff. Someone has
to at least force this guy to throw a few interceptions.
You know what, strike that a few incompletions before I
even think the Lions could lose a game. I got

(04:35):
to sit with Golf and interview Golf for the NFL
last week, and we were talking. Since he's a Bay
Area guy, I was like, do you remember when Barry
Bonds was chasing the home run record and he was
totally juiced out of his mind. But they would do
a thing in sports TV where they would do live
break ins to programming on ESPN or whatever it was
that whatever show you were watching, Barry Bonds was coming

(04:55):
up to bat and they would break in and show
it live because I didn't want to miss history. That's
how it is now with GoF But it's like when
he throws an incomplete pass, it's breaking news. Oh my god,
a pass from Jerry Goff actually hit the ground. Do
you know what he and I'm on Rossy and Brown
have done. I'm on Ross and he had set the
record for the most attempts to receiver of any kind

(05:16):
without any completion. He said, I'm on ros thirty straight times,
thirty passes to him, thirty completions, not a drop, not
an in completion, not one in the dirt, and out
went over his head. It's the all time record. It's
never been done like that before. That is the kind
of rhythm that golf is in, the kind of heat
check mode he is in. They went into Lambeau in
the rain and the streak didn't even end. I just

(05:36):
I don't know if I've ever seen a quarterback says
automatic as this. Right now, there's almost never incomplete passes.
Every time he throws this complete take them before. I'm
definitely behind schedule. The Cowboys are the only thing worse
than being bad under the reign of Jerry Jones. They
are boring. They're not interesting. I couldn't even bring myself
to talk without them in Good Morning Football today. You know,

(05:56):
you roll up your sleeves and do another round. And
what's wrong with the Cowboys? The Cowboys are dead, The
Cowboys suck. Whatever you want to say. He was so apathetic,
it was perfunctory. They lost again. I don't care. They're
not interesting. They have a terrible record, but I've seen
them with bad records. In my life, I've just never
been more bored watching a Cowboys team or talking about
a Cowboys team. The Colts lost last night. They're far

(06:19):
more interesting to me than the Cowboys. The Bengals are
sub five hundred, They've got some juice. They're way more
interesting than the Cowboys. The Jets have three wins, way
more interesting than the Cowboys. I'll tell you what. The
Panthers are more interesting than the Cowboys. Bryce Young is
back now playing quarterback, and they're going to Europe. Who
the hell knows. I'd rather watch a Panthers game than
a Cowboys game. There's not even like the hate watch

(06:39):
factor because now dak is it just sucks. Every Cowboys
season is exactly the same. It's fast and the furious.
It's big explosions and set pieces and the kind of
a shallow ending that leaves you feeling kind of gross.
If they're fast and the furious, this is their Tokyo drift,
like the weird part of the franchise that doesn't even
fit in. They had twelve wins last year. They are
so boring. I'm not going to talk them to get

(07:00):
them in this pod unless I abslutely have to, and
I might take number five. I love my sweet sweet
darling in Arizona Cardinals. It feels good to take a
ride on a team that no one cares about, and
when you pick them to make the playoffs, everyone calls
you're an idiot and you're smoking this and you should
be fired, and they could do your job better. The
Cardinals are alone in first place in the West. They've
won three in a row. They're playing inspired football. I

(07:23):
love the Cardinals. You guys listening didn't like the Cardinals
to begin this season. No one you know like the
Cardinals begin this season. I did, and Mina Kimes did.
I think we're the only two people who were on
the bandwagon or not letting anybody else on. Take number six.
Here come the Chargers, another team I felt highly of
in the offseason when they hired Jim Harby said they'll
win eleven games in the first season. Eleven. They don't

(07:44):
play a real great brand of football. They run and
they play defense kind of, and every once in a
while Herbert makes a hero play. It's not this amazing
shock and awe show that they put on. But they win,
and they faltered a little bit a few weeks ago.
But they're back. The Chargers will be in the playoffs.
They're going to show up and they're going to probably
play some Saturday mid day playoff game against the Texans, probably,

(08:10):
and I think they'll be there. I've seen enough. I
didn't even need to see it. Everywhere he wins, Jim Harbor,
everywhere he goes, Jim Harbo wins, and he wins almost immediately.
Moving on, I have a country and take on Derrick Henry.
Take number seven. He's leading the league in rushing. It's working.
It is the best offseason acquisition. It's even better than
Saquans to the Eagles. They got to slow down a

(08:31):
little bit. It's not just that he leads the league
in rushing. He leads the league in carries. No one
is carrying and touching the ball and getting tackled more
than Derek Kenry the entire league. He's going to be
thirty one when the playoffs start. They didn't get Derrick
Henry to do this in week nine or Week eight
or week ten. They didn't get him to win a
rushing title. They got him to beat the Chiefs. They
got him to get to the Super Bowl. It would

(08:52):
be very this era of Ravens football for Derrick Henry
to rush for eighteen hundred and fifty yards and everybody
celebrates them. And then in the divisional round against Kansas
City he has sixteen carries for thirty three yards and
some more loses. Again, slow it down, start tapering some
of those carries off. He should not lead the league
in carries. I know he's a genetic anomaly. I know
he is one of one. Slow down. I don't like

(09:15):
where this is going. Take number eight. Jamis is Jamis guys.
I said it last week. Everyone was freaking out. Jameis
was amazing. He threw all these touchdowns. He beat the Ravens.
We are going to feel the tectonic plates shift with
gravity kicking in and moving the earth next week when
Jamis performance sure enough, looked really bad through three interceptions
this week, I don't like it. I like Jamis, who

(09:36):
was a good guest. We've seen a lot of Jamis
Winston football. He's not going to suddenly just turn into
this all pro. He threw three interceptions they lost. I
knew it was coming. Take number nine. He want to
really fun YouTube before money at football, watch Mahomes versus
Baker Mayfield in College Texas Tech versus Oklahoma. It's one
of the greatest games ever played. Sixty six to fifty nine.
Baker Mayfield beats Mahomes. Mahomes threw for seven hundred and

(09:59):
thirty four yards in a loss. They're playing seta money
neet football. They're probably going to play the high lights
on ESPN of that game, and they should go to
YouTube and watch the game the condensed version. It is
so fun to watch. Take number ten. Youth basketball is
the most exhausting of all the youth sports to coach.
I've done the Little League, I've done flag football. They're
both emotionally taxing. Youth basketball. All it is is non

(10:21):
stop screaming for four quarters. Go there, go there, pass it,
shoot it, stop, grab it, rebound, pass, shoot stop, pat
you never stop yelling. Those people are the real heroes.
That's it. Ten minutes, ten takes. That's all we do here.

(10:41):
I touched on all kinds of things. We talked about
Tokyo Drift and Saquon and Jared Goff and youth basketball
and YouTube and all kinds of things. And I'm not
going to delay you any further. We're big if you're
hiding at the office in the bathroom right now listening
to a pod, God bless you. If you're not having
a smoke break, you should probably stop. But if you're
still smoking and you're still listening, fine, do whatever you
gotta do. It's going to be a nice, calm week

(11:03):
in the United State. It's of America. So everybody just
chill out, do whatever the hell you need to do.
And I'm glad what you felt you needed to do
was listen to ten takes in ten minutes with me.
Thank you, see you, Love you until next Monday. Bye bye.