October 21, 2025 • 8 mins
Fred asks if it's okay to congratulate a woman on being engaged!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the Fred Show each time. Celebrate the holiday
season with Mariah Carey's Christmas Time in Las Vegas this
November twenty eight through December thirteenth, Adobe Live at Park MGM,
and you could be going a trip or two to
the December twelfth show at two Night's Day at Park
MGM December twelfth through the fourteenth and round trip airfare.
(00:21):
Text touch to five seven seven three nine right now
for a chance to win. A confirmation text will be
sent standard message and data rates may apply. It's all
thanks to Live Nation. But I want to know what
you think about this one. This is the thing now
that we're never supposed to do Kiki. And for the
people who are getting tired of the Kiki wedding content, well,
hang on tight. She's not getting married till at least
(00:41):
twenty seventh, which means we're gonna milk this for everything
is worth. We're getting at least two years out of this.
Not to mention the fact that I could meet someone
and get married before Keikey's gonna book her a venue,
but it doesn't matter at a Can experts say that
you should never congratulate a woman on her engagement? What
because the wording congratulations implies that the woman's value is
(01:04):
now confirmed only by being married. A better response is
to wish her well or express support without framing the
milestone as an achievement that needs congratulating. Medican experts say
the word congratulations may inadvertently reinforce gendered expectations around marriage,
rather than recognizing a personal decision or relationship commitment. The
(01:27):
experts claim that it's time to rethink common social responses
and consider more thoughtful, neutral language when someone gets engaged,
I want to talk to you, guys, but eight five
five five nine one one three five you can call
in text the same number. Be nice to Bellahamin. I
can't say congratulations anymore that you are are are engaged
(01:48):
to be married. And I feel like for me, where
I would be coming from and where I have come
from in congratulating somebody for getting married, is it's like
anything else that's a big accomplishment or not even accomplishment.
That's that's probably the wrong word. Big big event, right,
I mean, you know it's I think it's a big
deal for whether it lasts or doesn't last, for two
(02:09):
people to be together and decide that they want to
you know, join in some sort of formal union or whatever.
And most people when they get engaged or excited, I
think they would see it as a celebration. And I
typically associate the word congratulations with some form of celebratory thing.
So are we offended?
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Now?
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Am I devaluing Kiki by saying congratulations for being engaged?
I guess if you want to be a pessimist, you
could spin it and say, oh, congratulations, he finally did it.
But like no one that's what they said. Well I did,
but that was funny. I was kidding. I wasn't I
(02:45):
wasn't mean serious. I don't think anyone really means that either.
If they say it.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
It doesn't mean. This is a case of taking stuff
too far. We take stuff too far, like you know,
you know when you are purposely trying to offend someone,
you know, when you're trying to be shady. So if
my friend tells me congratulations on my engagement, what kind
of weirdo would I be if I took that statement
and said, oh, you're trying to do mean you're trying
(03:12):
to devourue me because you said congratulations, Like, come on,
we just takes some way too far. As a society
and I am tired of it.
Speaker 4 (03:20):
Well, I got you a sympathy card because you know,
the streets are losing a good one. Thank you, and
you know one you know what, for the rest of
your life.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
Yeah, but would you be offended by this?
Speaker 4 (03:30):
No, I'm big funny now. I literally don't care about anything,
and I'm so sick of people caring about everything because
I'm exhausted.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
It's possible to inadvertently offend someone. I mean, like, if
you are there are lots of ways you could do
it right. There are lots of ways that you could
say something that you mean to be benign. And but
like now, conventionally we're not allowed to congratulate someone for
getting engaged because we may make it because someone could
interpret it as that, right, but they're lucky that the
(04:02):
guy did it, or that somehow they're I don't if
anything doesn't. Wouldn't it be fair to say that your
value in that relationship was just leveled up, you know,
because the person and again, and that doesn't mean you
were leveled up, but it means like, wow, we're taking
regardless of this terms, we're taking this relationship to another level.
(04:22):
I want to be with this person for the rest
of my life, whether it's the guy proposing to the
guy or the girl or whatever, and then the girl
saying yes. In this case male female dynamic, everyone here
is consenting. Everyone here is you know what I mean.
It's not like it's all He finally asked that I
was forced to say yes.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
I mean, I just like about this yesterday, Like sometimes
we just have to make peace with people putting their
own filter on things. Like I said, congratulations to you
right now. If you took that and you put your
filter on it and said key, key said, I'm nothing
without a man.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
That's your problem.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Like, that's not only me.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
I cannot I can't worry about how you took that.
I know my attention. I know I didn't come, you know,
with any type of undercutting. It was just a simple congratulations.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
We all, I should say, put our own filter on things.
But everyone has to do the work on themselves to
say what is my filter and what is real exactly
for sure, because you know, we all grew up different.
But yeah, no, I agree. I say that all the time,
like we're all just interpreting things the way that we
have experienced other things.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
Yeah, that's a very real thing, Kalin, because and that's
another thing I think is like more societal. But like,
at what point am I not responsible for you interpreting
something entirely differently than I intended it? Like you know,
if I say to you something and then you you
like if I say to you, congratulations for getting Engagedkiki,
and and and you decide what that means is, oh,
(05:50):
you know, I had no value until this man proposed
to me. And that's why you're congratulating me because now
you see that someone someone like wanted me enough to whatever.
If you go down that road and then you get mad,
like that's that's one hundred percent on you, all right,
Like that's like ninety nine percent of people who say that,
don't I don't even know if one hundred percent of
people don't mean that, Like I don't, well, we don't
(06:13):
have that.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
You know, there's there's that in the family who you
come to dinner Thanksgiving dinner and they're like single again,
huh or you know, oh no, maybe that's no.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
That's pretty different. That's not that's not even that's not
even cryptic.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
But I'm saying so when she says congratulations on land
and a man I pick up all the shape, right.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
Yeah, you don't have shame because he wants to throw
it in there.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Yeah, well there's context, right, because that's a person who
you know has said these things in the past. Like
if someone's not been mean to you most of the
time and then they say something that that could be
spun either way, Isn't it kind of our responsibility? Shit,
isn't like a nice thing to do to just go
ahead and take the positive spin on it as opposed
to just because if you're walking around just waiting to
be offended by everybody or have your feelings hurt by everybody,
(06:58):
then people are gonna stop talking you exactly.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
That's the truth.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Yeah, it is the truth.
Speaker 4 (07:03):
I think it's our moral responsibility to do the work
on ourselves to like understand how we're processing things. I mean,
unfortunately not everyone does that, which is why we have issues. Also, Hey,
if something hit you the wrong way, it's not what
you say, it's how you say. You can be like, hey,
you know, what do you mean by that?
Speaker 3 (07:18):
Or what?
Speaker 4 (07:19):
Like, we you can have a conversation like we're just
yelling at everyone all the time.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Well, I mean if I say to Kiki, if I go, man, congratulations,
finally you're worth something.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Right, you know?
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Like, Okay, well, then that's exactly what I meant. Apparently,
But if I say congratulations for you know whatever, I
don't know where you came up with. Oh, finally somebody
sees value in me, and finally you ignore that is
just crazy.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
That's your own insecurities, just and like you got to
own that.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
I'm sorry you do. Like, I can't feel bad for
that because because you know, unless unless I'm known to
be terrible to you, and then maybe you could spin
it that way and they would on me. I suppokes,
because I haven't been nice to you. But Rebecca, good morning.
Just Rebecca remains stamos, Hey did did you?
Speaker 3 (08:07):
Or not?
Speaker 1 (08:10):
Rebecca? On a second, where's Rebecca? Why can't I hear Rebecca? Rebecca?
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Hell?
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Maybe she can't hear me.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
I don't know. I just share that I was rewatching
Gilmore Girls in a few weeks ago. When Richard and
Emily renew their vows, Luke says congratulations to Emily and
she goes, oh, no, you never say congratulations to bride.
You okay, best wishes, you only congratulate the group.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
Oh is that where this is all coming up from.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
I have no idea, but as soon as you started
talking about this, I was like, wait a minute. I
had never heard that before when I was watching the episode.
I've been doing it all wrong all my life. I
don't know.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
Thank you, Rebecca. I don't know. I feel like I
don't know what I'm allowed to say anymore. When I'm not,
it almost looks worse for me to be like Kiki.
I wish you well
This is the Fred Show each time. Celebrate the holiday
season with Mariah Carey's Christmas Time in Las Vegas this
November twenty eight through December thirteenth, Adobe Live at Park MGM,
and you could be going a trip or two to
the December twelfth show at two Night's Day at Park
MGM December twelfth through the fourteenth and round trip airfare.
(00:21):
Text touch to five seven seven three nine right now
for a chance to win. A confirmation text will be
sent standard message and data rates may apply. It's all
thanks to Live Nation. But I want to know what
you think about this one. This is the thing now
that we're never supposed to do Kiki. And for the
people who are getting tired of the Kiki wedding content, well,
hang on tight. She's not getting married till at least
(00:41):
twenty seventh, which means we're gonna milk this for everything
is worth. We're getting at least two years out of this.
Not to mention the fact that I could meet someone
and get married before Keikey's gonna book her a venue,
but it doesn't matter at a Can experts say that
you should never congratulate a woman on her engagement? What
because the wording congratulations implies that the woman's value is
(01:04):
now confirmed only by being married. A better response is
to wish her well or express support without framing the
milestone as an achievement that needs congratulating. Medican experts say
the word congratulations may inadvertently reinforce gendered expectations around marriage,
rather than recognizing a personal decision or relationship commitment. The
(01:27):
experts claim that it's time to rethink common social responses
and consider more thoughtful, neutral language when someone gets engaged,
I want to talk to you, guys, but eight five
five five nine one one three five you can call
in text the same number. Be nice to Bellahamin. I
can't say congratulations anymore that you are are are engaged
(01:48):
to be married. And I feel like for me, where
I would be coming from and where I have come
from in congratulating somebody for getting married, is it's like
anything else that's a big accomplishment or not even accomplishment.
That's that's probably the wrong word. Big big event, right,
I mean, you know it's I think it's a big
deal for whether it lasts or doesn't last, for two
(02:09):
people to be together and decide that they want to
you know, join in some sort of formal union or whatever.
And most people when they get engaged or excited, I
think they would see it as a celebration. And I
typically associate the word congratulations with some form of celebratory thing.
So are we offended?
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Now?
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Am I devaluing Kiki by saying congratulations for being engaged?
I guess if you want to be a pessimist, you
could spin it and say, oh, congratulations, he finally did it.
But like no one that's what they said. Well I did,
but that was funny. I was kidding. I wasn't I
(02:45):
wasn't mean serious. I don't think anyone really means that either.
If they say it.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
It doesn't mean. This is a case of taking stuff
too far. We take stuff too far, like you know,
you know when you are purposely trying to offend someone,
you know, when you're trying to be shady. So if
my friend tells me congratulations on my engagement, what kind
of weirdo would I be if I took that statement
and said, oh, you're trying to do mean you're trying
(03:12):
to devourue me because you said congratulations, Like, come on,
we just takes some way too far. As a society
and I am tired of it.
Speaker 4 (03:20):
Well, I got you a sympathy card because you know,
the streets are losing a good one. Thank you, and
you know one you know what, for the rest of
your life.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
Yeah, but would you be offended by this?
Speaker 4 (03:30):
No, I'm big funny now. I literally don't care about anything,
and I'm so sick of people caring about everything because
I'm exhausted.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
It's possible to inadvertently offend someone. I mean, like, if
you are there are lots of ways you could do
it right. There are lots of ways that you could
say something that you mean to be benign. And but
like now, conventionally we're not allowed to congratulate someone for
getting engaged because we may make it because someone could
interpret it as that, right, but they're lucky that the
(04:02):
guy did it, or that somehow they're I don't if
anything doesn't. Wouldn't it be fair to say that your
value in that relationship was just leveled up, you know,
because the person and again, and that doesn't mean you
were leveled up, but it means like, wow, we're taking
regardless of this terms, we're taking this relationship to another level.
(04:22):
I want to be with this person for the rest
of my life, whether it's the guy proposing to the
guy or the girl or whatever, and then the girl
saying yes. In this case male female dynamic, everyone here
is consenting. Everyone here is you know what I mean.
It's not like it's all He finally asked that I
was forced to say yes.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
I mean, I just like about this yesterday, Like sometimes
we just have to make peace with people putting their
own filter on things. Like I said, congratulations to you
right now. If you took that and you put your
filter on it and said key, key said, I'm nothing
without a man.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
That's your problem.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Like, that's not only me.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
I cannot I can't worry about how you took that.
I know my attention. I know I didn't come, you know,
with any type of undercutting. It was just a simple congratulations.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
We all, I should say, put our own filter on things.
But everyone has to do the work on themselves to
say what is my filter and what is real exactly
for sure, because you know, we all grew up different.
But yeah, no, I agree. I say that all the time,
like we're all just interpreting things the way that we
have experienced other things.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
Yeah, that's a very real thing, Kalin, because and that's
another thing I think is like more societal. But like,
at what point am I not responsible for you interpreting
something entirely differently than I intended it? Like you know,
if I say to you something and then you you
like if I say to you, congratulations for getting Engagedkiki,
and and and you decide what that means is, oh,
(05:50):
you know, I had no value until this man proposed
to me. And that's why you're congratulating me because now
you see that someone someone like wanted me enough to whatever.
If you go down that road and then you get mad,
like that's that's one hundred percent on you, all right,
Like that's like ninety nine percent of people who say that,
don't I don't even know if one hundred percent of
people don't mean that, Like I don't, well, we don't
(06:13):
have that.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
You know, there's there's that in the family who you
come to dinner Thanksgiving dinner and they're like single again,
huh or you know, oh no, maybe that's no.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
That's pretty different. That's not that's not even that's not
even cryptic.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
But I'm saying so when she says congratulations on land
and a man I pick up all the shape, right.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
Yeah, you don't have shame because he wants to throw
it in there.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Yeah, well there's context, right, because that's a person who
you know has said these things in the past. Like
if someone's not been mean to you most of the
time and then they say something that that could be
spun either way, Isn't it kind of our responsibility? Shit,
isn't like a nice thing to do to just go
ahead and take the positive spin on it as opposed
to just because if you're walking around just waiting to
be offended by everybody or have your feelings hurt by everybody,
(06:58):
then people are gonna stop talking you exactly.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
That's the truth.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Yeah, it is the truth.
Speaker 4 (07:03):
I think it's our moral responsibility to do the work
on ourselves to like understand how we're processing things. I mean,
unfortunately not everyone does that, which is why we have issues. Also, Hey,
if something hit you the wrong way, it's not what
you say, it's how you say. You can be like, hey,
you know, what do you mean by that?
Speaker 3 (07:18):
Or what?
Speaker 4 (07:19):
Like, we you can have a conversation like we're just
yelling at everyone all the time.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Well, I mean if I say to Kiki, if I go, man, congratulations,
finally you're worth something.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Right, you know?
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Like, Okay, well, then that's exactly what I meant. Apparently,
But if I say congratulations for you know whatever, I
don't know where you came up with. Oh, finally somebody
sees value in me, and finally you ignore that is
just crazy.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
That's your own insecurities, just and like you got to
own that.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
I'm sorry you do. Like, I can't feel bad for
that because because you know, unless unless I'm known to
be terrible to you, and then maybe you could spin
it that way and they would on me. I suppokes,
because I haven't been nice to you. But Rebecca, good morning.
Just Rebecca remains stamos, Hey did did you?
Speaker 3 (08:07):
Or not?
Speaker 1 (08:10):
Rebecca? On a second, where's Rebecca? Why can't I hear Rebecca? Rebecca?
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Hell?
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Maybe she can't hear me.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
I don't know. I just share that I was rewatching
Gilmore Girls in a few weeks ago. When Richard and
Emily renew their vows, Luke says congratulations to Emily and
she goes, oh, no, you never say congratulations to bride.
You okay, best wishes, you only congratulate the group.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
Oh is that where this is all coming up from.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
I have no idea, but as soon as you started
talking about this, I was like, wait a minute. I
had never heard that before when I was watching the episode.
I've been doing it all wrong all my life. I
don't know.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
Thank you, Rebecca. I don't know. I feel like I
don't know what I'm allowed to say anymore. When I'm not,
it almost looks worse for me to be like Kiki.
I wish you well
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