October 22, 2025 • 10 mins
Kaelin's friend has been using ChatGPT to help her text people back on dating apps!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the Freas Show. Each time.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Celebrate the holiday season with Mariah Carey's Christmas Time in
Las Vegas this November twenty eight through December thirteenth, Adobe
Live and Park MGM, and you could be going a
trip for two to the December twelfth show at two
Night's Day at Park MGM December twelfth through to fourteenth
and round trip airfare. Text Vegas to five seven seven
(00:23):
three nine right now for a chance to win. A
confirmation text will be sent standard message and data rates
may apply.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
It's all thanks to Live Nation. I'm looking at this.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
You said that your friend Hillary Hot Hillary Yeah, is
using chat GPT to communicate with men.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Yes, she's literally letting AI answer men from the dating
apps for her, like what.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Are we doing?
Speaker 4 (00:48):
I love this.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
I would love to try this.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
I just don't know, so like, okay, because I have
my Chat GPT pulled up and I was trying to
simulate what this would look like.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
So so a guy will be like, hello, Hey, how
you doing, and.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Then she has to type that in chat GPT to
see how to respond like I'm doing okay.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Honestly probably, but no, what if you said to Chad
because she's actually in Arizona right now, in your hood, Fred,
So she is still sleeping, so I can't ask her.
But why don't you say to Chad, Hey, a girl
said this to me, What should I say back? I mean,
I think she's got the high covered. But moving on
from there.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
I think, I hope, so I hope.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
So let me let me see the last time that
I talked to someone on a dating app, and if
there's any kind of prompt that I could type in
here that would okay, Well, someone said good morning, someone said, hey,
there a couple high theirs. I mean, there's like nothing,
there's nothing here to work with. I don't know what
I'm typing in. How do I talk to a woman
(01:51):
on the dating apps? Okay, how do we do that?
Speaker 1 (01:56):
All right? Chad's thinking about him? Good question.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
This is the part of the CHATSBT that annoys me
is all of like the pleasantries, that's excellent, and then
a bunch of stuff.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Just tell me how to do it? Good question.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
This is one of the most common and most fixable
challenges in dating apps. Here's a breakdown of how to
talk to women on dating apps in a way that
actually sparks interesting connection.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
This is great.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Start with her not you don't open with hey or
what's up? Everybody does that show genuine interest. Look at
something specific from her profile, a hobby, something like that
you hike? Really that's elite? What's your favorite trail? Ooh okay,
all right? I keep it light and playful as opposed
(02:39):
to what like you talking about Israel and Guyza in
the first message, you know.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Like, hey, what do you think about trump Man?
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Like? Probably not avoid deep or heavy topics and they
give examples to them. You seem like you'd either dominate
at trivia night or get distracted by the snacks.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
Which is it?
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Like I did a train Chad like Paulina said, you
need to train him.
Speaker 5 (03:05):
You need to make a little boy on the side
because you get to make all these diferent persona side by. Yeah,
so you have to create the bot that's going to be.
Speaker 4 (03:10):
Doing certain tasks. So that's all hollering at girls.
Speaker 5 (03:13):
You need to make like you know, like like Fred's
I don't know women or something, and like put it
on the side and then feed that one only so
it gets stronger.
Speaker 4 (03:22):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (03:23):
What does that even mean?
Speaker 2 (03:25):
You?
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Like, what are you saying? I don't I don't know
what you're saying a bunch of words. I don't understand.
Speaker 5 (03:31):
AI, and I'm teaching you all about it. So basically
what you do is you're going to create a persona,
and in this persona, you're going to feed it more
and more every day so that it grows so scared.
Speaker 4 (03:41):
So what do you feed it? Like you wake up
and be like, feed it is crazy?
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Right?
Speaker 4 (03:44):
How do you feed it?
Speaker 5 (03:46):
Your examples apply to this woman for me, or apply
to this person for me, like feed it and sound
like me.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
I'm Fred, so it has to get to know you.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
How are you talking like sound a player persona for
Fred for sure?
Speaker 5 (03:58):
And make sure to let them Like Ted, i'd be like, hey,
I'm kind of cool with it, Like don't be corny,
like you have to tell it though I know you
have to tell it.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Don't be corny, don't be that's what you tell it
for all your dating app masquerading, but you do.
Speaker 5 (04:10):
No, just like my emails, because like Jack can be
very corny, Like I would never say that.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Well, I'm noticing that he's being corny here or she
here being corny right now? Match her energy? Avoid job
interview vibes. I get that, build a flirty rhythm, move
off the app naturally. After some back and forth with
good Vibes, suggests moving to text or a quick coffee drink.
(04:34):
You're fun to talk to. You want to grab a
drink and see if I real life banter holds up, dude,
I'm dry, like I'm so drum bone dry right now,
Like this is unbelievable.
Speaker 4 (04:44):
Feed it, make sure it talks.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Like, okay, hold on now, it says, if you want,
I can write a few example openers for different types
of women.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Oh indeed, I would like that. I would like that.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
I would very much like that. I mean, it's ridiculous perfect.
This is where things get fun. Here are some custom
opener examples that you could actually use this. I'm supposed
to be you, I'm supposed to be I don't know.
This might be better than my own game. I don't know,
so uh for the funnier, playful woman, if you if
(05:18):
I hold them, I feel like you'd roast me in
a group chat and I'd secretly enjoy it.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Accurate.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
That's kind of cute, except for like the secretly enjoy right,
Like something about roasting you in the group chat some
a massacres.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
I like to be dominated. That's what that really means,
which isn't true? You like you look like the kind
of person who laughs at your own jokes, which I respect.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
I don't know if that's it. I mean that might make.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
First of all, how do I know if you're the funny,
playful one if I've never met you or spoken to you.
Second of all, if someone said to me in an
opening line, you look like someone who laughs at your
own jokes, first all, I'd say, yes, you're right, But
then I would I don't know that I would necessarily
think you were you were being nice to me, you know,
because I mean, I might think that's not necessarily a
good thing, if you laugh at your own jokes. But
(06:09):
the adventurous or outdoorsy type. Serious question, if we went
was it with hiking in this thing?
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Serious question?
Speaker 2 (06:14):
If we went hiking, would you judge me for bringing
snacks labeled emergency chips?
Speaker 4 (06:19):
I don't ever see that?
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Literally?
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Never what the bookish, thoughtful, creative one.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
This is for the different types of women.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Your profile gives off main character in a Sophia Coppola
movie Energy Coppola, Sophia Coppola movie Energy. Okay, you listed
three artists. I like, are you trying to emotionally damage
me or test my taste? Tell these are bad? You
need to tell your friend Hillary. Hillary's better off coming
up with this stuff on our own.
Speaker 4 (06:47):
She's really not well.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (06:51):
I feel Hillary on that.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Yeah, she's shy, Like she's just a little shy, and
that's me.
Speaker 6 (06:55):
I have no game, Like if I was trying to
hollow or make a new friend, I really have no game.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
So I need chat GPT to tell me what to say.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
But none of this would work on you.
Speaker 4 (07:05):
I don't know. I would try it, like probably.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
It, man. But if I'm hitting on you, Kiki and
I said any of this stuff, you'd be like you're
you're cheesy man, Like you're totally goofy for this.
Speaker 4 (07:15):
I would pace your response into my chat GPT. Just
let our machines talk to each other.
Speaker 5 (07:21):
Yeah, yeah, people do that with emails all day.
Speaker 6 (07:23):
Oh, Chad, going back and forth. You yep, you'll chat
the ambitious or career driven type. You strike me as
someone who sets alarms even on weekends. True or false?
Speaker 4 (07:34):
Jason? Yeah, so that would work on yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Right? Oh yeah, the animal lover or soft hearted type.
If your dog likes me, does that mean I automatically
get a second date? That's not bad, that's not bad.
But wait a minute, why do I mean your dog
on a first date? That's presumptuous.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
Yeah, I would be like the fact that you think
you would even come around.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Her, right, that's what I mean. Like, so you think
you're coming to the house on the first day? Yes, yes, sploute, I.
Speaker 4 (08:04):
Was gonna let you figure that one out.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Yeah, I was working on them. Would you like me
to write this is chat, Chipetina? Would you like me
to write follow up messages too? Like what to say?
Speaker 2 (08:13):
After she replies yeah, yes, I would, Actually yes I would.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
But be cool?
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Yeah, but but be cool, man, I'm gonna put that.
But be cool. Okay, here we go. You look like okay,
so here we go.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
You.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Oh, we had a little role play here. You look
like the kind of person who laughs at your own jokes.
Obviously someone has to laugh at them. Okay, now that's
not good at comeback, that's not good. That's not a
good comeback. If we went hiking, would you judge me
for bringing snacks labeled emergency chips?
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Only if you don't share the chips.
Speaker 4 (08:50):
You keep trying to take me hiking. I'm thinking that
you're trying to kill me.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
I've seen a lot of daylines where they pushed the
person off the cliff. I don't know they slipped they
and then you know, Now I'm at home with your
dog who doesn't like me.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
It's weird. Like it's weird. I don't, I'm not, I'm not. No.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
I think your friend needs to come up with it,
maybe like a higher a dating coach or something, because
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Well, I'm all she can afford. So I try to
write her messages for her too with Chad. But yeah,
she said, she literally puts the message in and just
sen to whatever Chad. So she must have a sidebot,
like Paulina said, I didn't know we had means and sides.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
I had no idea exactly how to create. Well, you
want you want people you know to talk to you
for the chat? Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
See this is the fifteen dollar version of chat GPT.
By the way, I mean I paid fifteen bucks a
month for this. I wonder if the two hundred dollars
version like actually goes over there and like negotiates.
Speaker 4 (09:38):
For you or something like it better for two hundred.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
For two hundred bucks a month, I need to ask
my rich friend because he's the guy, the only guy
I know.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
I didn't even know there was a.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Two hundred dollars a month chat GPT, but there is,
and if you go into subscriptions, it's there. I'm not
doing it, but I also would love to know, like,
what exactly is that thing doing for two hundred dollars
a month that this I don't mean, what is that
Google can't do?
Speaker 3 (09:59):
Like?
Speaker 1 (09:59):
I need to understand
This is the Freas Show. Each time.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Celebrate the holiday season with Mariah Carey's Christmas Time in
Las Vegas this November twenty eight through December thirteenth, Adobe
Live and Park MGM, and you could be going a
trip for two to the December twelfth show at two
Night's Day at Park MGM December twelfth through to fourteenth
and round trip airfare. Text Vegas to five seven seven
(00:23):
three nine right now for a chance to win. A
confirmation text will be sent standard message and data rates
may apply.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
It's all thanks to Live Nation. I'm looking at this.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
You said that your friend Hillary Hot Hillary Yeah, is
using chat GPT to communicate with men.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Yes, she's literally letting AI answer men from the dating
apps for her, like what.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Are we doing?
Speaker 4 (00:48):
I love this.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
I would love to try this.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
I just don't know, so like, okay, because I have
my Chat GPT pulled up and I was trying to
simulate what this would look like.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
So so a guy will be like, hello, Hey, how
you doing, and.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Then she has to type that in chat GPT to
see how to respond like I'm doing okay.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Honestly probably, but no, what if you said to Chad
because she's actually in Arizona right now, in your hood, Fred,
So she is still sleeping, so I can't ask her.
But why don't you say to Chad, Hey, a girl
said this to me, What should I say back? I mean,
I think she's got the high covered. But moving on
from there.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
I think, I hope, so I hope.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
So let me let me see the last time that
I talked to someone on a dating app, and if
there's any kind of prompt that I could type in
here that would okay, Well, someone said good morning, someone said, hey,
there a couple high theirs. I mean, there's like nothing,
there's nothing here to work with. I don't know what
I'm typing in. How do I talk to a woman
(01:51):
on the dating apps? Okay, how do we do that?
Speaker 1 (01:56):
All right? Chad's thinking about him? Good question.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
This is the part of the CHATSBT that annoys me
is all of like the pleasantries, that's excellent, and then
a bunch of stuff.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Just tell me how to do it? Good question.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
This is one of the most common and most fixable
challenges in dating apps. Here's a breakdown of how to
talk to women on dating apps in a way that
actually sparks interesting connection.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
This is great.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Start with her not you don't open with hey or
what's up? Everybody does that show genuine interest. Look at
something specific from her profile, a hobby, something like that
you hike? Really that's elite? What's your favorite trail? Ooh okay,
all right? I keep it light and playful as opposed
(02:39):
to what like you talking about Israel and Guyza in
the first message, you know.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Like, hey, what do you think about trump Man?
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Like? Probably not avoid deep or heavy topics and they
give examples to them. You seem like you'd either dominate
at trivia night or get distracted by the snacks.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
Which is it?
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Like I did a train Chad like Paulina said, you
need to train him.
Speaker 5 (03:05):
You need to make a little boy on the side
because you get to make all these diferent persona side by. Yeah,
so you have to create the bot that's going to be.
Speaker 4 (03:10):
Doing certain tasks. So that's all hollering at girls.
Speaker 5 (03:13):
You need to make like you know, like like Fred's
I don't know women or something, and like put it
on the side and then feed that one only so
it gets stronger.
Speaker 4 (03:22):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (03:23):
What does that even mean?
Speaker 2 (03:25):
You?
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Like, what are you saying? I don't I don't know
what you're saying a bunch of words. I don't understand.
Speaker 5 (03:31):
AI, and I'm teaching you all about it. So basically
what you do is you're going to create a persona,
and in this persona, you're going to feed it more
and more every day so that it grows so scared.
Speaker 4 (03:41):
So what do you feed it? Like you wake up
and be like, feed it is crazy?
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Right?
Speaker 4 (03:44):
How do you feed it?
Speaker 5 (03:46):
Your examples apply to this woman for me, or apply
to this person for me, like feed it and sound
like me.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
I'm Fred, so it has to get to know you.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
How are you talking like sound a player persona for
Fred for sure?
Speaker 5 (03:58):
And make sure to let them Like Ted, i'd be like, hey,
I'm kind of cool with it, Like don't be corny,
like you have to tell it though I know you
have to tell it.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Don't be corny, don't be that's what you tell it
for all your dating app masquerading, but you do.
Speaker 5 (04:10):
No, just like my emails, because like Jack can be
very corny, Like I would never say that.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Well, I'm noticing that he's being corny here or she
here being corny right now? Match her energy? Avoid job
interview vibes. I get that, build a flirty rhythm, move
off the app naturally. After some back and forth with
good Vibes, suggests moving to text or a quick coffee drink.
(04:34):
You're fun to talk to. You want to grab a
drink and see if I real life banter holds up, dude,
I'm dry, like I'm so drum bone dry right now,
Like this is unbelievable.
Speaker 4 (04:44):
Feed it, make sure it talks.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Like, okay, hold on now, it says, if you want,
I can write a few example openers for different types
of women.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Oh indeed, I would like that. I would like that.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
I would very much like that. I mean, it's ridiculous perfect.
This is where things get fun. Here are some custom
opener examples that you could actually use this. I'm supposed
to be you, I'm supposed to be I don't know.
This might be better than my own game. I don't know,
so uh for the funnier, playful woman, if you if
(05:18):
I hold them, I feel like you'd roast me in
a group chat and I'd secretly enjoy it.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Accurate.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
That's kind of cute, except for like the secretly enjoy right,
Like something about roasting you in the group chat some
a massacres.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
I like to be dominated. That's what that really means,
which isn't true? You like you look like the kind
of person who laughs at your own jokes, which I respect.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
I don't know if that's it. I mean that might make.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
First of all, how do I know if you're the funny,
playful one if I've never met you or spoken to you.
Second of all, if someone said to me in an
opening line, you look like someone who laughs at your
own jokes, first all, I'd say, yes, you're right, But
then I would I don't know that I would necessarily
think you were you were being nice to me, you know,
because I mean, I might think that's not necessarily a
good thing, if you laugh at your own jokes. But
(06:09):
the adventurous or outdoorsy type. Serious question, if we went
was it with hiking in this thing?
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Serious question?
Speaker 2 (06:14):
If we went hiking, would you judge me for bringing
snacks labeled emergency chips?
Speaker 4 (06:19):
I don't ever see that?
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Literally?
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Never what the bookish, thoughtful, creative one.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
This is for the different types of women.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Your profile gives off main character in a Sophia Coppola
movie Energy Coppola, Sophia Coppola movie Energy. Okay, you listed
three artists. I like, are you trying to emotionally damage
me or test my taste? Tell these are bad? You
need to tell your friend Hillary. Hillary's better off coming
up with this stuff on our own.
Speaker 4 (06:47):
She's really not well.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (06:51):
I feel Hillary on that.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Yeah, she's shy, Like she's just a little shy, and
that's me.
Speaker 6 (06:55):
I have no game, Like if I was trying to
hollow or make a new friend, I really have no game.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
So I need chat GPT to tell me what to say.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
But none of this would work on you.
Speaker 4 (07:05):
I don't know. I would try it, like probably.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
It, man. But if I'm hitting on you, Kiki and
I said any of this stuff, you'd be like you're
you're cheesy man, Like you're totally goofy for this.
Speaker 4 (07:15):
I would pace your response into my chat GPT. Just
let our machines talk to each other.
Speaker 5 (07:21):
Yeah, yeah, people do that with emails all day.
Speaker 6 (07:23):
Oh, Chad, going back and forth. You yep, you'll chat
the ambitious or career driven type. You strike me as
someone who sets alarms even on weekends. True or false?
Speaker 4 (07:34):
Jason? Yeah, so that would work on yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Right? Oh yeah, the animal lover or soft hearted type.
If your dog likes me, does that mean I automatically
get a second date? That's not bad, that's not bad.
But wait a minute, why do I mean your dog
on a first date? That's presumptuous.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
Yeah, I would be like the fact that you think
you would even come around.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Her, right, that's what I mean. Like, so you think
you're coming to the house on the first day? Yes, yes, sploute, I.
Speaker 4 (08:04):
Was gonna let you figure that one out.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Yeah, I was working on them. Would you like me
to write this is chat, Chipetina? Would you like me
to write follow up messages too? Like what to say?
Speaker 2 (08:13):
After she replies yeah, yes, I would, Actually yes I would.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
But be cool?
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Yeah, but but be cool, man, I'm gonna put that.
But be cool. Okay, here we go. You look like okay,
so here we go.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
You.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Oh, we had a little role play here. You look
like the kind of person who laughs at your own jokes.
Obviously someone has to laugh at them. Okay, now that's
not good at comeback, that's not good. That's not a
good comeback. If we went hiking, would you judge me
for bringing snacks labeled emergency chips?
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Only if you don't share the chips.
Speaker 4 (08:50):
You keep trying to take me hiking. I'm thinking that
you're trying to kill me.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
I've seen a lot of daylines where they pushed the
person off the cliff. I don't know they slipped they
and then you know, Now I'm at home with your
dog who doesn't like me.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
It's weird. Like it's weird. I don't, I'm not, I'm not. No.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
I think your friend needs to come up with it,
maybe like a higher a dating coach or something, because
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Well, I'm all she can afford. So I try to
write her messages for her too with Chad. But yeah,
she said, she literally puts the message in and just
sen to whatever Chad. So she must have a sidebot,
like Paulina said, I didn't know we had means and sides.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
I had no idea exactly how to create. Well, you
want you want people you know to talk to you
for the chat? Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
See this is the fifteen dollar version of chat GPT.
By the way, I mean I paid fifteen bucks a
month for this. I wonder if the two hundred dollars
version like actually goes over there and like negotiates.
Speaker 4 (09:38):
For you or something like it better for two hundred.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
For two hundred bucks a month, I need to ask
my rich friend because he's the guy, the only guy
I know.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
I didn't even know there was a.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Two hundred dollars a month chat GPT, but there is,
and if you go into subscriptions, it's there. I'm not
doing it, but I also would love to know, like,
what exactly is that thing doing for two hundred dollars
a month that this I don't mean, what is that
Google can't do?
Speaker 3 (09:59):
Like?
Speaker 1 (09:59):
I need to understand
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If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist
It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.