April 29, 2025 • 24 mins
Can neighbors put whatever they want in their front yard... even if it's ugly? And is cheating justifiable when your partner did it first? Listen now!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Morality Monanitu is that you ready?
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (00:02):
Okay, this comes from our friends had read it, and
he says, I bought a house a couple of years ago,
but I go through hundreds of these.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
I mean I truly curate these. Okay, I want you
to know.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
Really, I don't just take the first we mean, really, business,
there's thousands of them. Well, I don't keep them in business,
I'm saying, I don't just pick the first one I see.
I'm going to read a bunch of them to find
the one that I think is appropriate.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
I got you. That's good, you know.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
I mean that's like Kiki, she goes through thousands of cases.
Speaker 4 (00:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
Man, it's hard it is to pick the ones worthy
of your courtroom. I bought a house a couple of
years ago, and I've been working on making it look nicer.
I spent a lot of time redoing the front gardens,
trying to make it look neat and nice. A few
weeks ago, rather, I was at a greenhouse buying some
plants for the garden, and I saw two yard flamingos
(00:49):
marked down on clearance. I knew that they belonged in
my garden. They're not everyone's cup of tea, but I
think they're a lot of fun. So I set them
up when I got home, and a couple days or
my neighbor was knocking on my door and she was
demanding I take down my flamingos because they're ugly and
lowering the property value of the neighborhood, the neighbors said.
(01:09):
I told her I am not taking them down because
I like them and the property value isn't going to
be hurt by two yard flamingos. I also live in Hoa,
and as far as I'm aware, there are no town
ordinances about yard flamingos. She's posted pictures of my house,
the street that I live on, and a closeup of
my flamingos in our town's Facebook page to complain about them.
(01:31):
Some people agreed I should take them down. After that,
another neighbor came over to tell me to get rid
of them. My mom also agreed that I should take
them down to keep the peace with my neighbor. I
like them. I smile when I see them when I
pull my driveway. I have no plans to take them down.
Should I take down the yard flamingos, I'm well, okay,
(01:52):
So we have a case. Here we have an issue
of a person who apparently can put whatever they want
in their front yard. And I'm sure there are people
listening who it's the same way now. I'm also sure
there are people listening who live in an hoa, which means,
you know, some people get elected and they decide that
they're like you know, the police, and they come around
and they get to tell you what to do or
you can't do this, you can't do that.
Speaker 5 (02:12):
I'm on the you are, Yeah, I'm the treasurer.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Stop it.
Speaker 6 (02:17):
I like when you look at me, stop, Hey, I
don't play about my bag or my hoa.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Stop. They put you in charge of the money.
Speaker 5 (02:24):
I think nobody wanted to do it, like.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
You think nobody wanted to do it either as well.
Speaker 5 (02:29):
I'm on it though.
Speaker 6 (02:30):
I stepped up and I said, I'll be your girl.
I don't even live there anymore, and I'll be your girl,
and you of the money for the ho you are
I am. Now, you're a smart lady, but like you
can't get you to tell us what number the showdown
is every day?
Speaker 5 (02:45):
Right, and so.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Money be missing, money being up and down. How much
money we have it depends on the day.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (02:50):
See money moves around for a reason.
Speaker 6 (02:52):
And if you guys might see a new fence at
the hoa at the new property.
Speaker 5 (02:56):
Mind your business. If you do, mind your business.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
If you don't, that's actually not allowed to use Venmo
because she was trying to money launder.
Speaker 5 (03:03):
Using it or her credit card. I'll love her husband.
Yeah it's a husband's credit card.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Oh wow, that's okay. All right.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
So you like yard flamingos, you put yard flamingos up.
You want them in your yard. There is no one
that can tell you that you cannot have them. However,
your neighbors all apparently think they're ugly, and even your
mom is like, it's not worth it to make all
the neighbors mad. What do you do? What do you do?
(03:33):
Do you keep them up? I might suggest maybe the
backyard or something where everyone doesn't have to look at them,
because is it really worth I mean, you bought these
things on clearance. It wasn't like it was your life
ambition to have a yard with garden or with flamingos
in them, or garden homes or whatever your thing is,
So why not put them somewhere where everyone doesn't have
(03:54):
to look at them and they're not an ice sore,
and then your neighbors don't hate you.
Speaker 7 (03:57):
No, you're not gonna tell me what color to paint
my house, how to have my If I want my flamingos,
I own this heer yard, I'm gonna have my flamingos.
I do also feel envious of the woman who's biggest
problem is her neighbor's lawn flamingos. Right, Like, go out
and find a real problem in your life. That's ridiculous, right,
that's my that's my experience.
Speaker 6 (04:15):
Yeah, you work really hard to save up for this
house or whatever it is, like, and you're gonna tell
me I can out my clear and flamingos up.
Speaker 5 (04:20):
But that makes me so angry.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
Yeah, I feel like, but if they're that ugly that
everybody seems to agree, then I might say, is it
really worth it? Is it really worth it? Is this
the hill you want to die on with your neighbors?
Speaker 5 (04:33):
Is this the hill they want to die on?
Speaker 4 (04:35):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (04:35):
But I mean, whether it's fair or not, if the
entire neighborhood turns on you, you have a problem, whether
it's right or not.
Speaker 5 (04:41):
I'd be like, are you guys okay?
Speaker 4 (04:43):
Right?
Speaker 5 (04:43):
I don't know.
Speaker 8 (04:43):
You can't control everybody, and everybody doesn't have to be
the same.
Speaker 9 (04:47):
M M.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
This is my house.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
Is this any different than a person who doesn't take
very good care of their lawn? Is this any different
than a person who doesn't take very good care of
their house? And you do? Is this any different than that?
I mean creating an eyesore? Right, So if people don't.
Speaker 5 (05:03):
Like it, even then I don't care. Like it's your lawn.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Okay, wonderful, right,
thank you.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
I want to see your front line have what was
in your front.
Speaker 8 (05:13):
Yard a couple of bushes, and I keep my lawn trimmed,
and that's it. I don't I'm not getting jazzy with it.
But if I wanted to get jazzy with it, I
would I pay these property taxes?
Speaker 1 (05:25):
That's right?
Speaker 9 (05:25):
Girl?
Speaker 1 (05:26):
Do you have an hi? A No, man, they won't
let you get away with anything.
Speaker 5 (05:30):
No, we won't.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
No, she won't.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
Hey, Jessica, Hey, you say, go buy more?
Speaker 1 (05:39):
I absolutely do you know what? It's my yard?
Speaker 6 (05:42):
I pay for this stuff.
Speaker 5 (05:43):
I'm buying more.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
Go off.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
I mean, I guess, I guess you don't mean I'm
not much of a rule follower, but I also would
be like, Okay, is this really worth it? Because if
everyone's ganging up on me and it's it's an untenable situation.
You do not want the whole neighborhood against you. You
simply don't. It's bad.
Speaker 9 (06:02):
It's you know, it's more worth it to do it then,
because you know what I didn't do nothing put up
with you?
Speaker 1 (06:09):
All right, all right, fair enough, thank you, Jessica.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
If you remember, Jason's having an issue in his backyard
with his coy pond, which just sounds so boogy to say,
and you've got pterodactyl birds flying down trying to eat
the koi fish, right, so you put up. You've tried
many different things, and what you what you've landed on
is one of those if you like, drive by like
an auto parts store, the place that they're still tires
(06:34):
or whatever, Like the big tall looking thing with.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
The than on the bottom of it.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
Yeah, and it's sort of like it looks like it's
having convulsions or whatever.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Yeah, is it working? It seems to be working. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
That being said, all your neighbors get to see this
guy dancer.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Yeah, if you look at.
Speaker 10 (06:49):
Luckily it's in our backyard and not in front of
our house, which would be wild. But yeah, I'm sure
everyone that has a backyard near ours is like what
the hell you know?
Speaker 3 (06:59):
And so has a problem with it. I know you
If someone has a problem with that, you're going to
consider their problem, you know what.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
I don't know.
Speaker 10 (07:06):
I feel like there's I am a people pleaser, but
like you don't own a lot of things in life, right,
like and if you can get to a point where
you own your own property, like I feel like within
the law, like you you should be able to do
what you want. Like if you're talking about like your
house being like run down or busted, or your.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
Low running a meth operation or something, you shouldn't do that.
Speaker 10 (07:27):
Like your lawn being unkept or something like that, Like
those are ordinances against that, like the village will but
like just some decorations like that's it's not against any rules.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
I have flamingos in front of my my meth RV cooking.
Speaker 10 (07:42):
The flamingos are not the problem at that point all
it's the meth.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
Yeah, But I like them, and I like the myths.
Who are you going to take them from? Me, let's
do a headlights next in two minutes, Red Show.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
The show is on.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
It's stay or go? All right, Page is here? Good morning, Page?
How you doing?
Speaker 1 (08:01):
Welcome?
Speaker 9 (08:03):
I'm saying good morning. I'm okay.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
How are you?
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Page?
Speaker 3 (08:06):
I'm doing all right, except for the fact that now
I have to apparently buy my mom a trip around
the world or something.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
I don't know, And now everybody's.
Speaker 9 (08:13):
Texting that sounds expensive.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
Everybody texting up, You're going on, No, everybody knows you
got to do this. I'm like, and what do you
get mom for Mother's Day? A card? Don't let me,
don't let me find out. Don't let me find out
that y'all need get mom a tack or tape parade
or something. I'm mothers that y'all tell me to sen
it to Italy.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
It's wow. So what's going on with you? And stayre go?
I understand that you're having an issue with your boyfriend?
Speaker 9 (08:38):
Yeah, I am. So we've been dating for three years,
and you know, it's three years, so there's lots of
good moments, bad moments, I'm sure you know, but I
really just think that we could be together forever. He's
just he's comfortable, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (08:57):
Okay, all right, so three years together, you see a
few So what you're going is because there's an issue.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
So what's the issue?
Speaker 9 (09:04):
Yeah, well, two years ago I cheated on him, which
I feel awful about. But it was one night. I
never did it again. It was at a work conference
and it was like this happy hour and a dinner
and honestly, I was drunk and I don't want to
give an excuse about it, but it's honestly my biggest regret,
(09:27):
and I don't think it was really had any meaning
to it. And I told him about it, and I
thought we worked through it and he did forgive me,
but it didn't come up again because it's not something
I really want to bring.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
Up, right, And in fairness, if you guys work through
something and then this forgiveness, you don't get to just
throw that in there.
Speaker 9 (09:48):
You know.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
It's not like every year when you guys get in
a fight, Yeah, a big blowout. And by the way,
when you cheated on me, because it's like, well, I mean,
if we really forgave me that, we don't get to
just keep you know. And I'm sure some men, but
in my experienced women are very very good at keeping
an inventory of all the things I've ever done that
upset you so that we can bring them all up
(10:10):
as bomb boom.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Every it's like, oh really, I'm gonna oh you think
you won this one? Remember that time he cheated on me?
Boom you remember that one time?
Speaker 3 (10:20):
It was my birthday and you and you gave me
a suitcase two weeks before you didn't give me a
gift of my boom anyway. So okay, all right, So
so it was forgiven but correct.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
That's when I thought, why are we talking? Yeah?
Speaker 9 (10:36):
Well, three months ago he came clean that his work
wife scenario that he has with his wife or work wife,
not me, that it's been a bit flirty and the
text had been kind of intimate, and that they also
made out in his car one night.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Oh wow, okay, And the work wive's thing like, so
this woman is on his team or sits next to him,
or has an office next to him, or you've heard
this works work life, which I don't really love.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
I don't know, I don't know. I don't like when
people brag about that.
Speaker 9 (11:09):
Your wife, this woman is not your wife, you.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
Know, I mean, you're basically saying to me, when you
say that, like, I spend way more time with this
person and get along with them most of the time
better than you.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 9 (11:21):
It's like I've also known him for longer, you know,
she just joined not so long ago.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
For we ain't equal. Okay, we ain't equal.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
I got to sleep in bed with you and listen
to your farts or whatever, and this lady, you know
what I mean, So like we ain't equal. Okay, So
this year's having it got inappropriate?
Speaker 1 (11:39):
Now? Was that as far as it went? They just
kissed her? Was it more?
Speaker 4 (11:43):
Well?
Speaker 9 (11:44):
You know, he said that there's no more contact between them.
I don't know. I mean, they work together, but he
says that there's none.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Just that.
Speaker 9 (11:55):
I think it's wrong.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
And so did he like leave jobs or something? Because
how is it that they don't have contact if they
work together? Like did he how was he able to
cut her off? I guess is my question? Like he
was able to cut it completely off?
Speaker 9 (12:09):
He says that he's actively avoiding her. Okay, I genuinely,
I'm not in the office, so I don't know. I
don't have link a camera in the office launching all right, So.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
We're going to take him at his word.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
I guess then, I guess, so you did your deal
and and I guess you moved on. He had this
inappropriate thing with his coworker, and he claims that he's
now has he has boundaries, and he came to you
to come clean because you knew it was inappropriate. Okay,
So I assume that you're going to show him the
same grace, right.
Speaker 9 (12:38):
Yeah, But he's saying that what he did was wrong,
but what I did was worse, and that it's incomparable,
and that it's not even really bad what he did,
and that I don't really deserve a full, true apology
because what he did wasn't so bad comparatively, and it's
kind of keeping score. It's just very like take for
(13:02):
cat to me.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
So because you had a full on sexual well I
shouldn't say relationship experience with another person years ago, now,
this thing that he did, in his opinion, is not
so bad and it's like, you know, you should get
over this quickly because well, you did this to me, right, right?
Speaker 9 (13:20):
So again, is that is that okay? Or if he
makes out with somebody else, it's okay because I slept
with somebody, it's very It doesn't feel good to me,
especially since we talked through it and there was apologies
made and it's never happened again and it never will.
So I don't like it.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
And you're finding you're finding in his in his sort
of I mean, he did come clean to you and
ask for your forgiveness, I guess, but you're finding his
kind of laissez fair attitude like this what I mean,
what hey, but it was nowhere near as bad as
what you did, which I don't know. I might argue,
and this may be unpopular, but a one time i'm
(14:00):
one off physical interaction while drinking with a dude you know,
at a work conference that you've never seen again, that
might not I mean, it's bad, but I might argue
that an ongoing emotional affair with someone you see every day,
that's almost deeper and in some ways worse.
Speaker 4 (14:17):
Now.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
I know that we're not keeping score here, but for
him to be like mine's not as bad as yours,
I don't necessarily think that's true.
Speaker 9 (14:25):
I don't either, and I but I also don't want
to keep score. I don't think that that works in
a relationship.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
And so what are you wondering here, like, can I
stay with a guy who this is how we're going
to do stuff like? Or I guess my other question
would be, as long as he doesn't sleep with someone,
every is everything he does that that's not nice to
you or not good for the relationship. Is he going
to throw that one out?
Speaker 1 (14:46):
You know? Are is he doing the thing I was
just talking.
Speaker 9 (14:49):
To my birthday? Would he say, oh, well.
Speaker 5 (14:51):
You slept with somebody.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
Yeah, you shouldn't have gotten with that guy.
Speaker 9 (14:55):
Will saying oh, well, you slept with somebody. I don't
like it, girl, because they can be pushed to something further.
And then if I need a small mistake, is he
going to say, well, you know, let's think about when
you like slept with somebody. I guess this mistake is
not so bad, but you know, it's piling up. I
don't I.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
Don't like how Sorry I left the towel on the ground,
but you shouldn't have slept with that guy three years
you know. It's like, yeah, and you're right, But at
the same time, if you're gonna move on, then you've
got to move on. And I under and I know
that's easier said than done, much easier said than done.
But if that takes months or years or whatever, it
is fine. But like I think, once you get to
the point of relationship where you guys have moved past
(15:35):
whatever the issue is, so long as that behavior doesn't return,
then that then we're done with that. We work through that.
You cannot just continue to bring that up. And it
sounds like as opposed to just taking complete ownership of
what he did.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
That was wrong.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
It's why I know it was wrong, but yours was wronger,
which yeah, I don't know. I might argue his was
worse if we're going to play that game, which I
don't think you were willing to or were trying to play.
But hey, you having an ongoing emotional relationship, and you
wrote in the email, but you fail to mention by
the way that this woman at work, the work wife
(16:11):
is married to another man. You wrote that in the email,
So so he was having an extra amount of affair
as well.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Knowingly it's a lot going on. So and this dude
is his hands are not cleaner. I don't know one's.
Speaker 5 (16:25):
Hands separate ways. So you think at this point.
Speaker 9 (16:28):
And I'd like them to be clean, I would.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
I don't know if you have to break up with
him yet, But I think you have to have a
firm conversation.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
And Keithy doesn't agree with this. I just look on
her face.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
I think you have to have a firm conversation where
you're like, look, I messed up. I acknowledge that I
came to you. You didn't catch me. I came clean.
You forgave me. I'm sure that was hard. We moved on.
Now you did this.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
That's bad. You need to say that's bad. You need
to own it.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
I need to feel like you understand you made a
mistake independent of what I did, and then we're moving on.
And if you don't think he can do that, then
this relationship will never work. If he realizes, okay, fine,
look I can't. You're right, I'm trying to compare these things.
They're independent things, they're mutually exclusive. I should have done it,
and so I'm sorry. Well, and if you forgive me,
(17:14):
then we're moving on together and hopefully this never happens again.
Short of that, then this dude is going to make
excuses forever.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
You're right, I.
Speaker 9 (17:23):
Really need to just sit him down and say this
is what's really bothering me. I think I've probably avoided
the conversation and.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Kiki, you don't think you just just oh, no, she
needs to go.
Speaker 8 (17:33):
They're three years in, they're playing this tiff for tag game.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
She cheated, he cheated.
Speaker 5 (17:37):
They sleeping with people at work.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
This messy.
Speaker 8 (17:39):
She needs to go.
Speaker 5 (17:40):
Absolutely, this is a boyfriend. Gir get another one, Okay.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
I mean it is interesting that there was the infidelity
and that hurt him, I'm sure deeply, as it would anybody,
and it was a huge problem, and that you guys
work through it and then he goes and does it
like I would think there would be an additional sensitivity
to that kind of behavior, like it was so bad
for me, now.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
I'm gonna go do it.
Speaker 3 (18:03):
It's almost like he knew that he thought he had
a pass or something. It's like in his mind it
was like, I can try this out over here because
if I get caught it, well, remember yeah I did that.
Speaker 5 (18:14):
She was not gonna go anywhere because, like you said,
you did it, now I didn't. We're even kind of thing.
That's how he's gonna see it forever.
Speaker 4 (18:19):
Page.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
I'm gonna take some phone calls on this and have
the radio on of the iHeart app whatever, and and
let's see what happens. But thank you for sharing. And
it's a tough one. Good luck, thank you eight five
three five.
Speaker 8 (18:32):
I am she's not innocent either, you know, like she
she made her mistakes. But it seems like this guy
has kind of been just sitting around plotting on his
time to get her back. And he got his lick back,
and now it's just like, okay, both be outs and
MESSI and cheating.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
So you need to leave each other.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
And I think you got choices here, like if you
were if you were betrayed in some way, you either
move past, work through it, move past it, forgive and
then it's not like it never happened. But as far
as like ammunition is concerned, it's not fair game anymore.
But at the same time, I said, you could also
just leave too, you know, so if he thought that
(19:09):
he had to pass somewhere down the line, then he's
then then he should have just laughed, Like if that's
the way he.
Speaker 5 (19:14):
Thinks that, Like, can you ever forget?
Speaker 1 (19:16):
You have to forget. I don't think you forget.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
You have to forgive, yeah, And you can't just throw
it in everywhere, of course, like you forgot the bananas
at the storeting you know you can't.
Speaker 6 (19:28):
But maturing is also like realizing exactly you can't forgive, Like,
for example, I would not be able to move past day,
like I bring it up every five minutes. I know
I would, So butturing, I think for me would be
realizing I can't be in this relationship anymore. As much
as it hurts, I can't do it. You know you've
betrayed me.
Speaker 10 (19:43):
Yeah, Chasey red quiet here, Yeah, I mean you you can't.
I've had experience with this, and you can't. If you're
going to get over it, you have. You're not gonna
forget it ever, but you have to sort of look
past it in order to progress, right, if that's what
you choose to do. But just like what you're saying,
like you can't bring it up again, you can't talk
(20:03):
about it again like people did what they did.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
You chose what you chose.
Speaker 10 (20:07):
And if it was early on in a relationship and
now we're farther down the line and now he decides
to do it, like to me, that's a bigger issue
because now we have so much more invested. You know,
if it's years or however long in between and now
you're choosing to do it, so like now we're taking
huge steps back. So I don't I don't know if
it's possible to continue.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Well, I don't love the whole.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
Well, mine's not as bad as yours, because honestly, we
could get into that if you want to.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Like honestly, I.
Speaker 10 (20:33):
Mean, cheating is cheating to me at the end of
the day, Like you're right, matter who it's with or
what the stipulation is.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
But I don't think he's gonna like the way I don't.
Speaker 3 (20:38):
I don't like that argument because he's like, well, actually,
let's let's brete this down. You know, how long was
yours going on? What were you talking about? Were you
talking about this relationship? Were you talking about that relationship?
You know, this is an ongoing thing. This person's still around,
this person still, you know what I mean? As opposed
to again, should I have slept with someone? No, I
don't know where Steve lives now, you know, I ain't
talking to Steve anymore. I hope his name isn't I hope.
(21:01):
I don't know if it's Steve, Carl Craig. What's your
kid name?
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Jose?
Speaker 3 (21:05):
It was Jose Aldo Hi, good morning Aldo. Now you
want the cheater, but you're on the phone high What
do you want to say?
Speaker 4 (21:12):
When does it end? I mean, if allegedly or assumedly,
this relationship is moving towards you know, a marriage. When
does the kissy face with a coworker? When does that
become not okay? When does the relationship become so involved
that it's not okay?
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (21:31):
And when does this cycle stop? You know, like, Okay,
he got his So are we done now? I mean,
is this the last time we're ever going to talk
about this kind of thing?
Speaker 4 (21:39):
Or no? Right, Either you're vested in the relationship and
you aren't. I mean, it's sort of like that simple
if you're not playing catch up or something. Either you
do wherever you do, it's either helping the relationship or
its hurting the relationship.
Speaker 3 (21:53):
And why would you have any interest in keeping that
as a card? Like why if you've forgiven which I
don't think he has, why would you have any interest
in keeping something that's really going to hurt someone as
a card to use?
Speaker 1 (22:04):
You know what I mean? Like you would you wouldn't
want to.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
I wouldn't want to put somebody through what you've been
through if you really cared.
Speaker 4 (22:10):
He hadn't forgiven. If this guy hid forgiven that he
even brings it up, you know, or anything, because I mean,
what's his game plan? Okay, now I've done this, Now
what can I do? I'm continuing, you know, with this,
with this co work ger. We don't know if he's
continuing or not, but you know, I sort of suspect,
especially if he doesn't see the problem, if he doesn't
(22:33):
see what he did, if he doesn't recognize it.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
That's a big one for me too from doing it again.
I agree, I agree. Thank you all though, thanks for listening,
for calling. Okay, thank you, have a good day, Christina. Christina,
you're saying he's not over it.
Speaker 5 (22:46):
No, he's not.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
He had not forgiven her. He might have said he
forgave her, but he haven't, and he's still hold it
over her head and he's not over it at all,
and he's also using it to.
Speaker 9 (22:58):
You know, manipulate her.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Now now he's saying, no, it's okay that I do
this stuff because you did it, and it's not.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
Yeah, totally different, So it's over.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
They got to go, yeah, yeah, absolutely, because he's trying
to make excuses for himself, and it's like if he
has like basically a relationship with his work life, yeah,
which is very different.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
So yeah, yeah, I think so too. Yeah, thank you, Christina,
have a good day.
Speaker 5 (23:21):
Yeah you too.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
Someone texts you this is not a tough one friend.
They have to go the separate ways. I guess the
reason I'm saying it's tough is because you're going to
have to make an assessment. Is this is this how
it's always going to be? Or is this he screwed
up and he's having a hard time owning it and
we have to work through this together and he hasn't
fully forgiven me, And is this a guy?
Speaker 4 (23:42):
You know?
Speaker 3 (23:42):
Can we make it through this after three years? And
then are we done with this? And there's a lot
of things, a lot of presuppositions you have to make.
There's a lot of stuff that you got to decide.
And my guess would be that between the repeat offense,
the like the I guess what's the word I'm looking
for sort of the uh, what is it when you
(24:04):
the reoffending at least from him to her? And but
really for me, it's the lack of ownership and the comparison.
It's like is this how you're going to operate now? Like, well,
mine's not as bad as yours because I didn't, you know,
put the thing in the thing. It's like, no, that's worse, right,
that's worse or as bad. So why are we doing that?
Speaker 5 (24:22):
Tiff for town is never gonna work.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
Yeah, so that I guess that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
Is do you walk? Do you walk?
Speaker 3 (24:28):
Because you screwed up and you kind of planted the seed,
but yet he forgave you. So I guess you just
have to ask yourself, are we gonna do? We need
to burn this whole thing down, because you know what
I mean, That's why I think it's hard. I agree,
let it burn the Entertainment Report and show me his
Kiki and Dana a tiebreaker.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
Next on The Fred Show,
Morality Monanitu is that you ready?
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (00:02):
Okay, this comes from our friends had read it, and
he says, I bought a house a couple of years ago,
but I go through hundreds of these.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
I mean I truly curate these. Okay, I want you
to know.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
Really, I don't just take the first we mean, really, business,
there's thousands of them. Well, I don't keep them in business,
I'm saying, I don't just pick the first one I see.
I'm going to read a bunch of them to find
the one that I think is appropriate.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
I got you. That's good, you know.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
I mean that's like Kiki, she goes through thousands of cases.
Speaker 4 (00:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
Man, it's hard it is to pick the ones worthy
of your courtroom. I bought a house a couple of
years ago, and I've been working on making it look nicer.
I spent a lot of time redoing the front gardens,
trying to make it look neat and nice. A few
weeks ago, rather, I was at a greenhouse buying some
plants for the garden, and I saw two yard flamingos
(00:49):
marked down on clearance. I knew that they belonged in
my garden. They're not everyone's cup of tea, but I
think they're a lot of fun. So I set them
up when I got home, and a couple days or
my neighbor was knocking on my door and she was
demanding I take down my flamingos because they're ugly and
lowering the property value of the neighborhood, the neighbors said.
(01:09):
I told her I am not taking them down because
I like them and the property value isn't going to
be hurt by two yard flamingos. I also live in Hoa,
and as far as I'm aware, there are no town
ordinances about yard flamingos. She's posted pictures of my house,
the street that I live on, and a closeup of
my flamingos in our town's Facebook page to complain about them.
(01:31):
Some people agreed I should take them down. After that,
another neighbor came over to tell me to get rid
of them. My mom also agreed that I should take
them down to keep the peace with my neighbor. I
like them. I smile when I see them when I
pull my driveway. I have no plans to take them down.
Should I take down the yard flamingos, I'm well, okay,
(01:52):
So we have a case. Here we have an issue
of a person who apparently can put whatever they want
in their front yard. And I'm sure there are people
listening who it's the same way now. I'm also sure
there are people listening who live in an hoa, which means,
you know, some people get elected and they decide that
they're like you know, the police, and they come around
and they get to tell you what to do or
you can't do this, you can't do that.
Speaker 5 (02:12):
I'm on the you are, Yeah, I'm the treasurer.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Stop it.
Speaker 6 (02:17):
I like when you look at me, stop, Hey, I
don't play about my bag or my hoa.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Stop. They put you in charge of the money.
Speaker 5 (02:24):
I think nobody wanted to do it, like.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
You think nobody wanted to do it either as well.
Speaker 5 (02:29):
I'm on it though.
Speaker 6 (02:30):
I stepped up and I said, I'll be your girl.
I don't even live there anymore, and I'll be your girl,
and you of the money for the ho you are
I am. Now, you're a smart lady, but like you
can't get you to tell us what number the showdown
is every day?
Speaker 5 (02:45):
Right, and so.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Money be missing, money being up and down. How much
money we have it depends on the day.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (02:50):
See money moves around for a reason.
Speaker 6 (02:52):
And if you guys might see a new fence at
the hoa at the new property.
Speaker 5 (02:56):
Mind your business. If you do, mind your business.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
If you don't, that's actually not allowed to use Venmo
because she was trying to money launder.
Speaker 5 (03:03):
Using it or her credit card. I'll love her husband.
Yeah it's a husband's credit card.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Oh wow, that's okay. All right.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
So you like yard flamingos, you put yard flamingos up.
You want them in your yard. There is no one
that can tell you that you cannot have them. However,
your neighbors all apparently think they're ugly, and even your
mom is like, it's not worth it to make all
the neighbors mad. What do you do? What do you do?
(03:33):
Do you keep them up? I might suggest maybe the
backyard or something where everyone doesn't have to look at them,
because is it really worth I mean, you bought these
things on clearance. It wasn't like it was your life
ambition to have a yard with garden or with flamingos
in them, or garden homes or whatever your thing is,
So why not put them somewhere where everyone doesn't have
(03:54):
to look at them and they're not an ice sore,
and then your neighbors don't hate you.
Speaker 7 (03:57):
No, you're not gonna tell me what color to paint
my house, how to have my If I want my flamingos,
I own this heer yard, I'm gonna have my flamingos.
I do also feel envious of the woman who's biggest
problem is her neighbor's lawn flamingos. Right, Like, go out
and find a real problem in your life. That's ridiculous, right,
that's my that's my experience.
Speaker 6 (04:15):
Yeah, you work really hard to save up for this
house or whatever it is, like, and you're gonna tell
me I can out my clear and flamingos up.
Speaker 5 (04:20):
But that makes me so angry.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
Yeah, I feel like, but if they're that ugly that
everybody seems to agree, then I might say, is it
really worth it? Is it really worth it? Is this
the hill you want to die on with your neighbors?
Speaker 5 (04:33):
Is this the hill they want to die on?
Speaker 4 (04:35):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (04:35):
But I mean, whether it's fair or not, if the
entire neighborhood turns on you, you have a problem, whether
it's right or not.
Speaker 5 (04:41):
I'd be like, are you guys okay?
Speaker 4 (04:43):
Right?
Speaker 5 (04:43):
I don't know.
Speaker 8 (04:43):
You can't control everybody, and everybody doesn't have to be
the same.
Speaker 9 (04:47):
M M.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
This is my house.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
Is this any different than a person who doesn't take
very good care of their lawn? Is this any different
than a person who doesn't take very good care of
their house? And you do? Is this any different than that?
I mean creating an eyesore? Right, So if people don't.
Speaker 5 (05:03):
Like it, even then I don't care. Like it's your lawn.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Okay, wonderful, right,
thank you.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
I want to see your front line have what was
in your front.
Speaker 8 (05:13):
Yard a couple of bushes, and I keep my lawn trimmed,
and that's it. I don't I'm not getting jazzy with it.
But if I wanted to get jazzy with it, I
would I pay these property taxes?
Speaker 1 (05:25):
That's right?
Speaker 9 (05:25):
Girl?
Speaker 1 (05:26):
Do you have an hi? A No, man, they won't
let you get away with anything.
Speaker 5 (05:30):
No, we won't.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
No, she won't.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
Hey, Jessica, Hey, you say, go buy more?
Speaker 1 (05:39):
I absolutely do you know what? It's my yard?
Speaker 6 (05:42):
I pay for this stuff.
Speaker 5 (05:43):
I'm buying more.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
Go off.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
I mean, I guess, I guess you don't mean I'm
not much of a rule follower, but I also would
be like, Okay, is this really worth it? Because if
everyone's ganging up on me and it's it's an untenable situation.
You do not want the whole neighborhood against you. You
simply don't. It's bad.
Speaker 9 (06:02):
It's you know, it's more worth it to do it then,
because you know what I didn't do nothing put up
with you?
Speaker 1 (06:09):
All right, all right, fair enough, thank you, Jessica.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
If you remember, Jason's having an issue in his backyard
with his coy pond, which just sounds so boogy to say,
and you've got pterodactyl birds flying down trying to eat
the koi fish, right, so you put up. You've tried
many different things, and what you what you've landed on
is one of those if you like, drive by like
an auto parts store, the place that they're still tires
(06:34):
or whatever, Like the big tall looking thing with.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
The than on the bottom of it.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
Yeah, and it's sort of like it looks like it's
having convulsions or whatever.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Yeah, is it working? It seems to be working. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
That being said, all your neighbors get to see this
guy dancer.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Yeah, if you look at.
Speaker 10 (06:49):
Luckily it's in our backyard and not in front of
our house, which would be wild. But yeah, I'm sure
everyone that has a backyard near ours is like what
the hell you know?
Speaker 3 (06:59):
And so has a problem with it. I know you
If someone has a problem with that, you're going to
consider their problem, you know what.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
I don't know.
Speaker 10 (07:06):
I feel like there's I am a people pleaser, but
like you don't own a lot of things in life, right,
like and if you can get to a point where
you own your own property, like I feel like within
the law, like you you should be able to do
what you want. Like if you're talking about like your
house being like run down or busted, or your.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
Low running a meth operation or something, you shouldn't do that.
Speaker 10 (07:27):
Like your lawn being unkept or something like that, Like
those are ordinances against that, like the village will but
like just some decorations like that's it's not against any rules.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
I have flamingos in front of my my meth RV cooking.
Speaker 10 (07:42):
The flamingos are not the problem at that point all
it's the meth.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
Yeah, But I like them, and I like the myths.
Who are you going to take them from? Me, let's
do a headlights next in two minutes, Red Show.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
The show is on.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
It's stay or go? All right, Page is here? Good morning, Page?
How you doing?
Speaker 1 (08:01):
Welcome?
Speaker 9 (08:03):
I'm saying good morning. I'm okay.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
How are you?
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Page?
Speaker 3 (08:06):
I'm doing all right, except for the fact that now
I have to apparently buy my mom a trip around
the world or something.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
I don't know, And now everybody's.
Speaker 9 (08:13):
Texting that sounds expensive.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
Everybody texting up, You're going on, No, everybody knows you
got to do this. I'm like, and what do you
get mom for Mother's Day? A card? Don't let me,
don't let me find out. Don't let me find out
that y'all need get mom a tack or tape parade
or something. I'm mothers that y'all tell me to sen
it to Italy.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
It's wow. So what's going on with you? And stayre go?
I understand that you're having an issue with your boyfriend?
Speaker 9 (08:38):
Yeah, I am. So we've been dating for three years,
and you know, it's three years, so there's lots of
good moments, bad moments, I'm sure you know, but I
really just think that we could be together forever. He's
just he's comfortable, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (08:57):
Okay, all right, so three years together, you see a
few So what you're going is because there's an issue.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
So what's the issue?
Speaker 9 (09:04):
Yeah, well, two years ago I cheated on him, which
I feel awful about. But it was one night. I
never did it again. It was at a work conference
and it was like this happy hour and a dinner
and honestly, I was drunk and I don't want to
give an excuse about it, but it's honestly my biggest regret,
(09:27):
and I don't think it was really had any meaning
to it. And I told him about it, and I
thought we worked through it and he did forgive me,
but it didn't come up again because it's not something
I really want to bring.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
Up, right, And in fairness, if you guys work through
something and then this forgiveness, you don't get to just
throw that in there.
Speaker 9 (09:48):
You know.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
It's not like every year when you guys get in
a fight, Yeah, a big blowout. And by the way,
when you cheated on me, because it's like, well, I mean,
if we really forgave me that, we don't get to
just keep you know. And I'm sure some men, but
in my experienced women are very very good at keeping
an inventory of all the things I've ever done that
upset you so that we can bring them all up
(10:10):
as bomb boom.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Every it's like, oh really, I'm gonna oh you think
you won this one? Remember that time he cheated on me?
Boom you remember that one time?
Speaker 3 (10:20):
It was my birthday and you and you gave me
a suitcase two weeks before you didn't give me a
gift of my boom anyway. So okay, all right, So
so it was forgiven but correct.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
That's when I thought, why are we talking? Yeah?
Speaker 9 (10:36):
Well, three months ago he came clean that his work
wife scenario that he has with his wife or work wife,
not me, that it's been a bit flirty and the
text had been kind of intimate, and that they also
made out in his car one night.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Oh wow, okay, And the work wive's thing like, so
this woman is on his team or sits next to him,
or has an office next to him, or you've heard
this works work life, which I don't really love.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
I don't know, I don't know. I don't like when
people brag about that.
Speaker 9 (11:09):
Your wife, this woman is not your wife, you.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
Know, I mean, you're basically saying to me, when you
say that, like, I spend way more time with this
person and get along with them most of the time
better than you.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 9 (11:21):
It's like I've also known him for longer, you know,
she just joined not so long ago.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
For we ain't equal. Okay, we ain't equal.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
I got to sleep in bed with you and listen
to your farts or whatever, and this lady, you know
what I mean, So like we ain't equal. Okay, So
this year's having it got inappropriate?
Speaker 1 (11:39):
Now? Was that as far as it went? They just
kissed her? Was it more?
Speaker 4 (11:43):
Well?
Speaker 9 (11:44):
You know, he said that there's no more contact between them.
I don't know. I mean, they work together, but he
says that there's none.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Just that.
Speaker 9 (11:55):
I think it's wrong.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
And so did he like leave jobs or something? Because
how is it that they don't have contact if they
work together? Like did he how was he able to
cut her off? I guess is my question? Like he
was able to cut it completely off?
Speaker 9 (12:09):
He says that he's actively avoiding her. Okay, I genuinely,
I'm not in the office, so I don't know. I
don't have link a camera in the office launching all right, So.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
We're going to take him at his word.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
I guess then, I guess, so you did your deal
and and I guess you moved on. He had this
inappropriate thing with his coworker, and he claims that he's
now has he has boundaries, and he came to you
to come clean because you knew it was inappropriate. Okay,
So I assume that you're going to show him the
same grace, right.
Speaker 9 (12:38):
Yeah, But he's saying that what he did was wrong,
but what I did was worse, and that it's incomparable,
and that it's not even really bad what he did,
and that I don't really deserve a full, true apology
because what he did wasn't so bad comparatively, and it's
kind of keeping score. It's just very like take for
(13:02):
cat to me.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
So because you had a full on sexual well I
shouldn't say relationship experience with another person years ago, now,
this thing that he did, in his opinion, is not
so bad and it's like, you know, you should get
over this quickly because well, you did this to me, right, right?
Speaker 9 (13:20):
So again, is that is that okay? Or if he
makes out with somebody else, it's okay because I slept
with somebody, it's very It doesn't feel good to me,
especially since we talked through it and there was apologies
made and it's never happened again and it never will.
So I don't like it.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
And you're finding you're finding in his in his sort
of I mean, he did come clean to you and
ask for your forgiveness, I guess, but you're finding his
kind of laissez fair attitude like this what I mean,
what hey, but it was nowhere near as bad as
what you did, which I don't know. I might argue,
and this may be unpopular, but a one time i'm
(14:00):
one off physical interaction while drinking with a dude you know,
at a work conference that you've never seen again, that
might not I mean, it's bad, but I might argue
that an ongoing emotional affair with someone you see every day,
that's almost deeper and in some ways worse.
Speaker 4 (14:17):
Now.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
I know that we're not keeping score here, but for
him to be like mine's not as bad as yours,
I don't necessarily think that's true.
Speaker 9 (14:25):
I don't either, and I but I also don't want
to keep score. I don't think that that works in
a relationship.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
And so what are you wondering here, like, can I
stay with a guy who this is how we're going
to do stuff like? Or I guess my other question
would be, as long as he doesn't sleep with someone,
every is everything he does that that's not nice to
you or not good for the relationship. Is he going
to throw that one out?
Speaker 1 (14:46):
You know? Are is he doing the thing I was
just talking.
Speaker 9 (14:49):
To my birthday? Would he say, oh, well.
Speaker 5 (14:51):
You slept with somebody.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
Yeah, you shouldn't have gotten with that guy.
Speaker 9 (14:55):
Will saying oh, well, you slept with somebody. I don't
like it, girl, because they can be pushed to something further.
And then if I need a small mistake, is he
going to say, well, you know, let's think about when
you like slept with somebody. I guess this mistake is
not so bad, but you know, it's piling up. I
don't I.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
Don't like how Sorry I left the towel on the ground,
but you shouldn't have slept with that guy three years
you know. It's like, yeah, and you're right, But at
the same time, if you're gonna move on, then you've
got to move on. And I under and I know
that's easier said than done, much easier said than done.
But if that takes months or years or whatever, it
is fine. But like I think, once you get to
the point of relationship where you guys have moved past
(15:35):
whatever the issue is, so long as that behavior doesn't return,
then that then we're done with that. We work through that.
You cannot just continue to bring that up. And it
sounds like as opposed to just taking complete ownership of
what he did.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
That was wrong.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
It's why I know it was wrong, but yours was wronger,
which yeah, I don't know. I might argue his was
worse if we're going to play that game, which I
don't think you were willing to or were trying to play.
But hey, you having an ongoing emotional relationship, and you
wrote in the email, but you fail to mention by
the way that this woman at work, the work wife
(16:11):
is married to another man. You wrote that in the email,
So so he was having an extra amount of affair
as well.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Knowingly it's a lot going on. So and this dude
is his hands are not cleaner. I don't know one's.
Speaker 5 (16:25):
Hands separate ways. So you think at this point.
Speaker 9 (16:28):
And I'd like them to be clean, I would.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
I don't know if you have to break up with
him yet, But I think you have to have a
firm conversation.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
And Keithy doesn't agree with this. I just look on
her face.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
I think you have to have a firm conversation where
you're like, look, I messed up. I acknowledge that I
came to you. You didn't catch me. I came clean.
You forgave me. I'm sure that was hard. We moved on.
Now you did this.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
That's bad. You need to say that's bad. You need
to own it.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
I need to feel like you understand you made a
mistake independent of what I did, and then we're moving on.
And if you don't think he can do that, then
this relationship will never work. If he realizes, okay, fine,
look I can't. You're right, I'm trying to compare these things.
They're independent things, they're mutually exclusive. I should have done it,
and so I'm sorry. Well, and if you forgive me,
(17:14):
then we're moving on together and hopefully this never happens again.
Short of that, then this dude is going to make
excuses forever.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
You're right, I.
Speaker 9 (17:23):
Really need to just sit him down and say this
is what's really bothering me. I think I've probably avoided
the conversation and.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Kiki, you don't think you just just oh, no, she
needs to go.
Speaker 8 (17:33):
They're three years in, they're playing this tiff for tag game.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
She cheated, he cheated.
Speaker 5 (17:37):
They sleeping with people at work.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
This messy.
Speaker 8 (17:39):
She needs to go.
Speaker 5 (17:40):
Absolutely, this is a boyfriend. Gir get another one, Okay.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
I mean it is interesting that there was the infidelity
and that hurt him, I'm sure deeply, as it would anybody,
and it was a huge problem, and that you guys
work through it and then he goes and does it
like I would think there would be an additional sensitivity
to that kind of behavior, like it was so bad
for me, now.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
I'm gonna go do it.
Speaker 3 (18:03):
It's almost like he knew that he thought he had
a pass or something. It's like in his mind it
was like, I can try this out over here because
if I get caught it, well, remember yeah I did that.
Speaker 5 (18:14):
She was not gonna go anywhere because, like you said,
you did it, now I didn't. We're even kind of thing.
That's how he's gonna see it forever.
Speaker 4 (18:19):
Page.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
I'm gonna take some phone calls on this and have
the radio on of the iHeart app whatever, and and
let's see what happens. But thank you for sharing. And
it's a tough one. Good luck, thank you eight five
three five.
Speaker 8 (18:32):
I am she's not innocent either, you know, like she
she made her mistakes. But it seems like this guy
has kind of been just sitting around plotting on his
time to get her back. And he got his lick back,
and now it's just like, okay, both be outs and
MESSI and cheating.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
So you need to leave each other.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
And I think you got choices here, like if you
were if you were betrayed in some way, you either
move past, work through it, move past it, forgive and
then it's not like it never happened. But as far
as like ammunition is concerned, it's not fair game anymore.
But at the same time, I said, you could also
just leave too, you know, so if he thought that
(19:09):
he had to pass somewhere down the line, then he's
then then he should have just laughed, Like if that's
the way he.
Speaker 5 (19:14):
Thinks that, Like, can you ever forget?
Speaker 1 (19:16):
You have to forget. I don't think you forget.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
You have to forgive, yeah, And you can't just throw
it in everywhere, of course, like you forgot the bananas
at the storeting you know you can't.
Speaker 6 (19:28):
But maturing is also like realizing exactly you can't forgive, Like,
for example, I would not be able to move past day,
like I bring it up every five minutes. I know
I would, So butturing, I think for me would be
realizing I can't be in this relationship anymore. As much
as it hurts, I can't do it. You know you've
betrayed me.
Speaker 10 (19:43):
Yeah, Chasey red quiet here, Yeah, I mean you you can't.
I've had experience with this, and you can't. If you're
going to get over it, you have. You're not gonna
forget it ever, but you have to sort of look
past it in order to progress, right, if that's what
you choose to do. But just like what you're saying,
like you can't bring it up again, you can't talk
(20:03):
about it again like people did what they did.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
You chose what you chose.
Speaker 10 (20:07):
And if it was early on in a relationship and
now we're farther down the line and now he decides
to do it, like to me, that's a bigger issue
because now we have so much more invested. You know,
if it's years or however long in between and now
you're choosing to do it, so like now we're taking
huge steps back. So I don't I don't know if
it's possible to continue.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Well, I don't love the whole.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
Well, mine's not as bad as yours, because honestly, we
could get into that if you want to.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Like honestly, I.
Speaker 10 (20:33):
Mean, cheating is cheating to me at the end of
the day, Like you're right, matter who it's with or
what the stipulation is.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
But I don't think he's gonna like the way I don't.
Speaker 3 (20:38):
I don't like that argument because he's like, well, actually,
let's let's brete this down. You know, how long was
yours going on? What were you talking about? Were you
talking about this relationship? Were you talking about that relationship?
You know, this is an ongoing thing. This person's still around,
this person still, you know what I mean? As opposed
to again, should I have slept with someone? No, I
don't know where Steve lives now, you know, I ain't
talking to Steve anymore. I hope his name isn't I hope.
(21:01):
I don't know if it's Steve, Carl Craig. What's your
kid name?
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Jose?
Speaker 3 (21:05):
It was Jose Aldo Hi, good morning Aldo. Now you
want the cheater, but you're on the phone high What
do you want to say?
Speaker 4 (21:12):
When does it end? I mean, if allegedly or assumedly,
this relationship is moving towards you know, a marriage. When
does the kissy face with a coworker? When does that
become not okay? When does the relationship become so involved
that it's not okay?
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (21:31):
And when does this cycle stop? You know, like, Okay,
he got his So are we done now? I mean,
is this the last time we're ever going to talk
about this kind of thing?
Speaker 4 (21:39):
Or no? Right, Either you're vested in the relationship and
you aren't. I mean, it's sort of like that simple
if you're not playing catch up or something. Either you
do wherever you do, it's either helping the relationship or
its hurting the relationship.
Speaker 3 (21:53):
And why would you have any interest in keeping that
as a card? Like why if you've forgiven which I
don't think he has, why would you have any interest
in keeping something that's really going to hurt someone as
a card to use?
Speaker 1 (22:04):
You know what I mean? Like you would you wouldn't
want to.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
I wouldn't want to put somebody through what you've been
through if you really cared.
Speaker 4 (22:10):
He hadn't forgiven. If this guy hid forgiven that he
even brings it up, you know, or anything, because I mean,
what's his game plan? Okay, now I've done this, Now
what can I do? I'm continuing, you know, with this,
with this co work ger. We don't know if he's
continuing or not, but you know, I sort of suspect,
especially if he doesn't see the problem, if he doesn't
(22:33):
see what he did, if he doesn't recognize it.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
That's a big one for me too from doing it again.
I agree, I agree. Thank you all though, thanks for listening,
for calling. Okay, thank you, have a good day, Christina. Christina,
you're saying he's not over it.
Speaker 5 (22:46):
No, he's not.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
He had not forgiven her. He might have said he
forgave her, but he haven't, and he's still hold it
over her head and he's not over it at all,
and he's also using it to.
Speaker 9 (22:58):
You know, manipulate her.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Now now he's saying, no, it's okay that I do
this stuff because you did it, and it's not.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
Yeah, totally different, So it's over.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
They got to go, yeah, yeah, absolutely, because he's trying
to make excuses for himself, and it's like if he
has like basically a relationship with his work life, yeah,
which is very different.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
So yeah, yeah, I think so too. Yeah, thank you, Christina,
have a good day.
Speaker 5 (23:21):
Yeah you too.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
Someone texts you this is not a tough one friend.
They have to go the separate ways. I guess the
reason I'm saying it's tough is because you're going to
have to make an assessment. Is this is this how
it's always going to be? Or is this he screwed
up and he's having a hard time owning it and
we have to work through this together and he hasn't
fully forgiven me, And is this a guy?
Speaker 4 (23:42):
You know?
Speaker 3 (23:42):
Can we make it through this after three years? And
then are we done with this? And there's a lot
of things, a lot of presuppositions you have to make.
There's a lot of stuff that you got to decide.
And my guess would be that between the repeat offense,
the like the I guess what's the word I'm looking
for sort of the uh, what is it when you
(24:04):
the reoffending at least from him to her? And but
really for me, it's the lack of ownership and the comparison.
It's like is this how you're going to operate now? Like, well,
mine's not as bad as yours because I didn't, you know,
put the thing in the thing. It's like, no, that's worse, right,
that's worse or as bad. So why are we doing that?
Speaker 5 (24:22):
Tiff for town is never gonna work.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
Yeah, so that I guess that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
Is do you walk? Do you walk?
Speaker 3 (24:28):
Because you screwed up and you kind of planted the seed,
but yet he forgave you. So I guess you just
have to ask yourself, are we gonna do? We need
to burn this whole thing down, because you know what
I mean, That's why I think it's hard. I agree,
let it burn the Entertainment Report and show me his
Kiki and Dana a tiebreaker.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
Next on The Fred Show,
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