September 23, 2024 • 16 mins
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's Kiki's courting all right, So all rise, the honorable
ki Kaalik is here.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Just Tiki, please take it away.
Speaker 3 (00:07):
All right, let's get in the courtroom. The gabble has
been hit, it says Heikiki. My name is Maria. I'm
sending you this because I've hit a rough patch with
my best friends. For the last few years. I've been
the only single, childless friend in the group. All of
my best friends are either married or have kids or both.
Over the years, I've spent thousands of dollars on my friends,
(00:31):
their kids and their milestones. I've paid for bachelorette parties, weddings,
baby showers, baptisms, and so on. And I feel like,
even though I'm not getting married or having a baby,
my milestone should be celebrated too. For example, I recently
got out of a toxic two year relationship, and I
decided to plan a trip to celebrate this milestone. It
(00:52):
hurt me to see that my friends aren't taking it
serious at all. One of them even responded in our
group chat saying that I can't see you expect people
to take a trip because I had a breakup. She
also said people have real life stuff going on and
to expect them to pay for a trip and take
time away from their families is insane.
Speaker 4 (01:11):
Yeah, Kiki, that really hurt me. What should I do?
I feel her?
Speaker 5 (01:17):
And I considered taking a bachelorette with my best friend
Hillary just to make my friends pay because I've paid
for them.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Come on now, so I feel her as you Yeah,
what do you think I mean? Well, first off, girl,
you gotta go on your trip. Go on your trip.
I don't care who comes along. Go on your trip.
Because as a single, childless person in my family, Okay,
I have learned you got to live for you.
Speaker 4 (01:38):
You gotta do what's best for you. You have to
live for you.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
And I do think you should speak up and tell
your friends how this is making you feel, because some
people just don't know. They just live life and they
just feel like, you know, whatever is happening in their
life is what is sufficient, and that's not always true.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
But I do think even with.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
My friends who are married and have kids, I do
extend them a little extra grace because they don't have
the freedom to just get up and book a trip
when I want to go somewhere. They don't have the
freedom to just go do you know some some things
that I still have the freedom to do. Uh, So
it works both ways. And I think as a good friend,
you will consider your single friends like you will still
(02:16):
be like, you know what, she has paid for bachelorette party.
She has been there for my weddings and my kids' birthdays.
If she wants to go on a trip, let me
sacrifice or do what I can to make.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Yeah, kik, I do agree with that.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
As a guy who is always the single guy and
always seems to be you know, I've been to everybody
else's at least first wedding, if not second, in some
cases second wedding already. I've been to all their kids crap,
I've been to you know, all of that. But so
that part I get. But just because I break up
with somebody and want and want to go on a
trip does not mean that everybody has. That is not
the same as getting married. That is not the same
(02:55):
as my kids var mitzvah. Okay, I'm sorry, but like
if the whole world isn't willing to drop everything to
go to Cabo with you because you just broke up
with somebody, I'm sorry, but that is not the same
as coming to my wedding.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
It's not it's not the same. But why do we
have to compare? You know, Like I've been there for you,
just be there for me. I may never get married, Okay,
it's looking rough. I may never have a baby, you know,
but I still deserve to be celebrated as somebody who
is special in your life. And I feel like we
can't compare because there is no comparison to grandkids. Like
(03:32):
in my family, my brothers have given grandchildren. I don't
care if I want to if I was an egot,
I want a greatful you know what I meant radio
music award. Yeah, never compare to given the family grandchildren,
you know, but it's not fair to make me compare
to that.
Speaker 4 (03:49):
It's just you celebrate my wins.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
I celebrate your win.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
Leaving a toxic relationship as hard as hell.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
That is a win.
Speaker 6 (03:55):
That is a milestone. And like even though I married
and have kids, like, I still feel like I want
to celebrate your milestones. If when Caylein buys her house
or kind of whatever you end up buying, I'm going
to celebrate that for you.
Speaker 5 (04:03):
You'll be ninety seven, I'll be al, I'll be eighty
five years old.
Speaker 6 (04:06):
That's okay. My friend Tatia I holst the podcast with her.
She has no kids, she's childless, and she's not married,
but she's getting horror PhD.
Speaker 4 (04:14):
Yes, she has a.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Masking with you. Guys.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
You're talking about a house, You're talking about a PhD.
You're talking about a wedding and a child, right, not
talking about I just got dumped. Let's go on vacation
for a week, because that's not necessarily feasible. I mean,
trust me, even if I were getting let's say I
we're getting married next weekend or in two weeks, right,
and I said, guys, I'm getting married, it would be
(04:38):
a huge ask of all of you and most people
in my life to figure out how to get there
in two weeks. You know. Then that's what we're talking about.
On a breakup trip, we're talking about. I don't even
think it's the fact that they don't want to support her.
I think it's the fact that single people, and I'm
one of them, have to understand and it's frustrating that
it takes a little more effort to get stuff done
in a relationship when there's another person involved in there's kids,
(05:01):
and all the rest of it. So like you guys
are citing graduations and all these big milestones that we
have months of advanced for advanced notice of, and that
are like conventionally bigger deals. But I don't think she
can just disown all of her friends or thinks she's
not getting a fair deal because they won't drop everything
to go on a vacation that maybe they can't afford,
that they can't justify that they can't get coverage for.
(05:23):
I mean, I mean, when's the last time you tried
to plan a vacab Look at this rule.
Speaker 4 (05:27):
I was gonna say, Yeah, you.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Know, we've got married people, We've got people in relationships,
we have people with kids, we have people with you know,
various work schedules and obligations. It takes it takes weeks
and weeks and weeks to get everyone together at one
time because everyone's got different suquing on. So, like, it
better be a big deal if you're asking me to
get a babysit of for my kids for a week, So.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
If you plan it in advance, isn't okay to celebrate?
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Yeah, I think that's better. Okay, I think that's better.
But that's but I don't think that. That doesn't sound
like that's what's going on. It sounds like she's like,
I broke up with somebody now I have no obligations.
I want to pick up and go somewhere. Look that's me, right,
that's my life. If I want to go to Bermuda tomorrow,
I can do. I don't have to ask anybody. But
I can't get mad at my friends if they all
can't drop everything and go with me.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
That's true.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
And you also can't compare it to my kid's birth.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
Oh god, I may never give birth, so like, let
me have a win, celebrate me bro birth.
Speaker 5 (06:24):
Single and bachelorettes are not necessary, by the way, So
like we can't compare that to a childbirth. A bachelorette
is like we could do without it. We just do
it because we love you. So that's not something that
you have to do either. Fair Well, I'm.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Curious eight five five five nine one three five whether
you're the single person like like Camlin has been for
a long time. She's a boyfriend now, but and I am.
I mean, I do feel like I get left out
of a lot of the family oriented stuff in my
friend's lives because I'm the only one who you know,
isn't married and doesn't have kids. And when I when
I ask about it, they say, well, dude, I wouldn't
(06:58):
think you'd want to come to that, you know, And
it's like, well, I don't really want to come to that.
But if that's the only way that I get to
see all of you at once, because that's how you're
all getting together, is you know, one of your kid's
birthday parties or whatever, well then I'm going to go.
But like I guess, I can't expect people who have
multiple lives they're responsible for, and multiple lives they have
(07:19):
to work around to be as flexible with things as
I can be. And trust me, it's frustrating. And I
do think that sometimes, you know, people in relationships have
to stretch a little bit more than they're willing to.
But I can't expect them to do it at the
drop of a hat. I don't think that's realistic.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
Well, that's true.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
If somebody texts and say, what if she has a
break up every two years, and that's a good point
to trip.
Speaker 4 (07:40):
Every time you leave it.
Speaker 7 (07:42):
Of course that's not a toxic though, and I want
her for leaving well, I also think, like I do,
think that there are times where you have to stand
up in your relationship and say, hey, this is important
to Fred, or this is important to somebody, and I
got to do it.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
But like, at the same time, imagine going home and
trying to justify to your husband or wife, Hey, sorry,
I gotta go to kankun next week because well, Fred
got dumbed. I'm sorry. Like, to me, that's a big deal.
To me, it makes perfect sense. But honestly, try and
slide that one through the board of directors because it's
probably not going to happen. I mean, realistically, it's not
(08:16):
going to Wait, let me get this straight. You want
me to watch the kids for a week, you want
to take a week off vacation. You're not gonna go
to work for a week so that you can go
do it. Unfortunately, even if it does mean something to me,
I don't know how flexible a lot of people are
going to be for something like that, especially if they're
not invited.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (08:35):
My best friend has two little girls and she's in
Singapore right now simply because one of our friends is
working there for a month and her husband's with the kids.
Speaker 4 (08:42):
That They lay out their calendar at the.
Speaker 5 (08:44):
Beginning of each year and say, guys weekend, girls weekend.
Speaker 4 (08:46):
We can tag team this. I don't know.
Speaker 5 (08:48):
If you're a good friend, you'll be there if it
means something to someone, if you can that's what I think.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Well, I guess I'm just I try and be sympathetic
to the fact that my life is a little bit
easier to manage in some ways. Uh then his others,
and I try not to be disappointed when my friends
can't necessarily match the energy. But I also here on
the other side, Hey, what if I never get married?
Speaker 8 (09:14):
What you know?
Speaker 2 (09:15):
I want?
Speaker 1 (09:16):
I want something all about me. But I think the
key is maybe just planning it. But hey, Melissa, Hi, Hi,
Hey Melissa, good morning. What do you want to say?
And Kiki's cord.
Speaker 8 (09:28):
My thing is, what if what if you go on
the trip? What if you do whatever you have to
do to.
Speaker 9 (09:32):
Make it and go on the trip and then they
get back together?
Speaker 4 (09:36):
Oh wow, it is toxic, right, you're trying to have
a nice.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Yeah, I just are you married, Melissa?
Speaker 9 (09:48):
I am?
Speaker 2 (09:49):
How easy would it be for you?
Speaker 1 (09:51):
And it may be really easy, but how easy would
it be for you to just go to your husband
and go, hey, look, so and so and I are
going on a vacation. Basically, U, you're not invited, and
we're going here pretty soon because we're celebrating a breakup.
You know, would that go over?
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Okay?
Speaker 9 (10:06):
Oh no, definitely not.
Speaker 8 (10:07):
Definitely a lot of planning to go behind, especially they
have a daughter, so we gotta kick that drop off.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
All. It's just a lot, and I recognize it. It's
a lot. Melissa, thank you, have a good day.
Speaker 6 (10:20):
You can't thank you.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Yeah, I don't know. Let me see here, Mary Jay, Hi,
Mary Jay, good morning, Good.
Speaker 9 (10:27):
Morning, my hand Fred Hey ki hikay.
Speaker 8 (10:32):
Okay.
Speaker 9 (10:34):
I kind of think that girlfriends need to find some
more friends. Okay, she's single, she's not really, you know,
they're kind of like laughing at her. Oh she's you know,
she's just you know, she's no kids, no husband, or
just get some single friends. Don't be you know, sad,
and just get single friends, because hey, we're living it
up anyway.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Okay, we're not.
Speaker 9 (10:54):
We're not committed to anything, which is a good and bad. Okay,
just get some single friends. Don't worry about it, like
you said.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Can keep going the truth.
Speaker 9 (11:02):
I went this year for my birthday, I did everything
alone this year. Oh no, I mean they just hope.
You know, it's okay. You know, it's not that bad.
Just find some single friends half of us.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Thank you, Mary Jay, I'm Mary Jay. We'll go Like, yeah,
you call me. I'm always down to go. I just
I recognize that it's just part of the deal that
my friends aren't.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
That's flexible. But you know that's who.
Speaker 10 (11:27):
Like as a married person with kids, right, Like, do
you invite those friends out?
Speaker 9 (11:32):
Like?
Speaker 2 (11:32):
You know what I'm saying, That's what I feel like
I miss out on a lot.
Speaker 10 (11:35):
Is like, yeah, I have friends that don't even contact
me anymore because they know I'm married with kids, so
so they know I don't have time, but there's never
an invite anymore. I just see it on social media like,
oh they just did this and I didn't get an
invite for it, you know.
Speaker 4 (11:47):
And that doesn't feel good.
Speaker 6 (11:49):
No, it does, not know And also too, I feel
like just because you have kids and you're married or whatever,
like I know a lot of single people who are
too twenty times busier than me, you know what I mean,
I'm like.
Speaker 4 (11:57):
They ain't going either to can't cool? I can bite
them off for dinner.
Speaker 6 (12:01):
It takes three months, yes, and they're not even no kids,
nothing right, jeeh.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
I find that I do a lot of stuff by
myself because I'm tired of waiting for other people to
do it with me, or because it doesn't work, or
because whatever.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
I mean.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
But you're right, I guess I don't call my married
friends that often because I don't plan. And I know
that about myself. Like if I know, if I want
to make a plan for three weeks from now, then
I'll call them and it'll probably happen. But I don't
really do that. I don't I'm thinking about this weekend now,
you know what I mean, and I don't know, or
maybe Friday. I'm like, I want to go do this.
(12:33):
And if I call my married friends for the most
part and go, what are you doing right now? Like
they can't just drop everything and come hang out with
me the way that they used to. And I've just
had to accept that it's just the way that it is.
You never know unless you ask. That's that's my keys.
I was like, you just assume he's busy. The answer
might always be, hey, I can't because I'm busy. But
it doesn't hurt to ask that same friend that gets tired, right,
(12:54):
exactly exactly the same way that the same way that
I understand why people don't ask me to do stuff
a lot of times because I say no, is the
same reason I don't call a lot of them a
lot of times because they say no. And so it's
so I'm with you, Kalin, like it's it's like, how
many times do I have to how many times?
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Why?
Speaker 1 (13:09):
I know you're the busier one, So you probably need
to tell me the next time you can hang out.
Speaker 10 (13:14):
But that conversation could also lead to some something planned
in the future. You know what I'm saying, not just
the spontaneous Hey, I gotta I'm fore this weekend. Like
if that friend says no, I got, you know, soccer
practice with the kids, But hey, next week and I'm free,
that conversation could happen where you guys could actually.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Hang out in the future.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Yeah, that's assuming I'm gonna plan, which I'm not cal
What did you want to say me?
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (13:38):
Oh sorry, I thought you.
Speaker 5 (13:39):
I don't know if you're going to call her. That
was what I was saying. That it just gets really tiring.
I stop asking those people that say no all the
time just because and then if you want to go,
you can reciprocate.
Speaker 4 (13:49):
I mean, like, you know, you can hit me up too.
But after I.
Speaker 5 (13:53):
Get like a few no's, I'm like, I'm tired, you know.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
Yeah, so you're a fellows person and you get over it,
do you think? And I think I do too.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 8 (14:06):
Yeah, I'm overlooked a lot because I'm single. And what
I find myself doing is showing up to so much
stuff for my friends. They have things, like you said,
at all of those events, and I have nothing. So
when I do have something, I expect you to be there,
no matter how small it may be to you. Yes,
because I know you guys mentioned like what if you
break up again in two years, what if they get divorced,
I'd have made time to come to that wedding period.
(14:28):
So it's just all and even with my birthday because
I'm a Christmas baby, you know, I hear, oh I
got the kids and.
Speaker 6 (14:33):
The kids gifts.
Speaker 8 (14:34):
It's like that doesn't matter I came to your sommer birthday.
You have to show up for your friends, no matter what.
Speaker 4 (14:39):
That's their mouthstone Yep.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
I agree.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
I think A trip a last minute trip was kind
of what it sounded like Kiki was describing. I think
that's a different kind of ass than coming to my
birthday party that you know is happening every year, you
know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
I think that's that's nobody.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
If you got to go to everybody else's birthday and
they're not coming to yours, that's messed up. But if
you're not going to go on my little you know,
uh whatever, break up fast this weekend, it's a big moment.
Speaker 4 (15:11):
What ill myself doing?
Speaker 8 (15:13):
Look what I tell myself doing? So something forget make
myself feel better about all this is I tick in
truth what I go to. I don't go to everything anymore,
and that makes me feel okay. So I don't go
to every little thing that they have.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
I don't go all right, you are no. I think
that's and I tend to be the same way. Have
a great day.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
Thank you guy. I love you.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
I love you too, love you too. All right, Well
there you have it problem. I mean, I I do
think your relationship has a bit unconventional though, because I
kind of think you just tell tim what you're gonna do,
and that's what happens. I don't think that's necessarily how
everybody is. And then once you have kids, you can't
really do that. And here here, I'm a guy. I'm
(15:54):
a guy with no kids and I'm and it's frustrating,
but I have to respect it because it's true.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
But it's all about being a good friend.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
Are you a good friend or not, whether I have
kids or not, whether I got a dog.
Speaker 4 (16:05):
Or not a cat.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
Like, if I need you to support me and you
have the opportunity to support me, just return the energy
because I've supported you through everything and whether how like
you said, no matter how small it is to you,
it's big to me. And I don't ask for a lot.
So can you just make the sacrifice to support me.
I'm already out here single, right, I mean?
Speaker 5 (16:27):
And then we got gender reveals, which, like you gotta
be excited either way, no matter the gender.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
You know, that's not necessary either, but I'm going.
Speaker 4 (16:33):
To that a new thing baby show gender review. We're
having a party.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
It's like, I think three of your whatever parties equal
one of my single fest and can't cool right now?
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Fredshell? Next, what else
It's Kiki's courting all right, So all rise, the honorable
ki Kaalik is here.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Just Tiki, please take it away.
Speaker 3 (00:07):
All right, let's get in the courtroom. The gabble has
been hit, it says Heikiki. My name is Maria. I'm
sending you this because I've hit a rough patch with
my best friends. For the last few years. I've been
the only single, childless friend in the group. All of
my best friends are either married or have kids or both.
Over the years, I've spent thousands of dollars on my friends,
(00:31):
their kids and their milestones. I've paid for bachelorette parties, weddings,
baby showers, baptisms, and so on. And I feel like,
even though I'm not getting married or having a baby,
my milestone should be celebrated too. For example, I recently
got out of a toxic two year relationship, and I
decided to plan a trip to celebrate this milestone. It
(00:52):
hurt me to see that my friends aren't taking it
serious at all. One of them even responded in our
group chat saying that I can't see you expect people
to take a trip because I had a breakup. She
also said people have real life stuff going on and
to expect them to pay for a trip and take
time away from their families is insane.
Speaker 4 (01:11):
Yeah, Kiki, that really hurt me. What should I do?
I feel her?
Speaker 5 (01:17):
And I considered taking a bachelorette with my best friend
Hillary just to make my friends pay because I've paid
for them.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Come on now, so I feel her as you Yeah,
what do you think I mean? Well, first off, girl,
you gotta go on your trip. Go on your trip.
I don't care who comes along. Go on your trip.
Because as a single, childless person in my family, Okay,
I have learned you got to live for you.
Speaker 4 (01:38):
You gotta do what's best for you. You have to
live for you.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
And I do think you should speak up and tell
your friends how this is making you feel, because some
people just don't know. They just live life and they
just feel like, you know, whatever is happening in their
life is what is sufficient, and that's not always true.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
But I do think even with.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
My friends who are married and have kids, I do
extend them a little extra grace because they don't have
the freedom to just get up and book a trip
when I want to go somewhere. They don't have the
freedom to just go do you know some some things
that I still have the freedom to do. Uh, So
it works both ways. And I think as a good friend,
you will consider your single friends like you will still
(02:16):
be like, you know what, she has paid for bachelorette party.
She has been there for my weddings and my kids' birthdays.
If she wants to go on a trip, let me
sacrifice or do what I can to make.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Yeah, kik, I do agree with that.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
As a guy who is always the single guy and
always seems to be you know, I've been to everybody
else's at least first wedding, if not second, in some
cases second wedding already. I've been to all their kids crap,
I've been to you know, all of that. But so
that part I get. But just because I break up
with somebody and want and want to go on a
trip does not mean that everybody has. That is not
the same as getting married. That is not the same
(02:55):
as my kids var mitzvah. Okay, I'm sorry, but like
if the whole world isn't willing to drop everything to
go to Cabo with you because you just broke up
with somebody, I'm sorry, but that is not the same
as coming to my wedding.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
It's not it's not the same. But why do we
have to compare? You know, Like I've been there for you,
just be there for me. I may never get married, Okay,
it's looking rough. I may never have a baby, you know,
but I still deserve to be celebrated as somebody who
is special in your life. And I feel like we
can't compare because there is no comparison to grandkids. Like
(03:32):
in my family, my brothers have given grandchildren. I don't
care if I want to if I was an egot,
I want a greatful you know what I meant radio
music award. Yeah, never compare to given the family grandchildren,
you know, but it's not fair to make me compare
to that.
Speaker 4 (03:49):
It's just you celebrate my wins.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
I celebrate your win.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
Leaving a toxic relationship as hard as hell.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
That is a win.
Speaker 6 (03:55):
That is a milestone. And like even though I married
and have kids, like, I still feel like I want
to celebrate your milestones. If when Caylein buys her house
or kind of whatever you end up buying, I'm going
to celebrate that for you.
Speaker 5 (04:03):
You'll be ninety seven, I'll be al, I'll be eighty
five years old.
Speaker 6 (04:06):
That's okay. My friend Tatia I holst the podcast with her.
She has no kids, she's childless, and she's not married,
but she's getting horror PhD.
Speaker 4 (04:14):
Yes, she has a.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Masking with you. Guys.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
You're talking about a house, You're talking about a PhD.
You're talking about a wedding and a child, right, not
talking about I just got dumped. Let's go on vacation
for a week, because that's not necessarily feasible. I mean,
trust me, even if I were getting let's say I
we're getting married next weekend or in two weeks, right,
and I said, guys, I'm getting married, it would be
(04:38):
a huge ask of all of you and most people
in my life to figure out how to get there
in two weeks. You know. Then that's what we're talking about.
On a breakup trip, we're talking about. I don't even
think it's the fact that they don't want to support her.
I think it's the fact that single people, and I'm
one of them, have to understand and it's frustrating that
it takes a little more effort to get stuff done
in a relationship when there's another person involved in there's kids,
(05:01):
and all the rest of it. So like you guys
are citing graduations and all these big milestones that we
have months of advanced for advanced notice of, and that
are like conventionally bigger deals. But I don't think she
can just disown all of her friends or thinks she's
not getting a fair deal because they won't drop everything
to go on a vacation that maybe they can't afford,
that they can't justify that they can't get coverage for.
(05:23):
I mean, I mean, when's the last time you tried
to plan a vacab Look at this rule.
Speaker 4 (05:27):
I was gonna say, Yeah, you.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Know, we've got married people, We've got people in relationships,
we have people with kids, we have people with you know,
various work schedules and obligations. It takes it takes weeks
and weeks and weeks to get everyone together at one
time because everyone's got different suquing on. So, like, it
better be a big deal if you're asking me to
get a babysit of for my kids for a week, So.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
If you plan it in advance, isn't okay to celebrate?
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Yeah, I think that's better. Okay, I think that's better.
But that's but I don't think that. That doesn't sound
like that's what's going on. It sounds like she's like,
I broke up with somebody now I have no obligations.
I want to pick up and go somewhere. Look that's me, right,
that's my life. If I want to go to Bermuda tomorrow,
I can do. I don't have to ask anybody. But
I can't get mad at my friends if they all
can't drop everything and go with me.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
That's true.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
And you also can't compare it to my kid's birth.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
Oh god, I may never give birth, so like, let
me have a win, celebrate me bro birth.
Speaker 5 (06:24):
Single and bachelorettes are not necessary, by the way, So
like we can't compare that to a childbirth. A bachelorette
is like we could do without it. We just do
it because we love you. So that's not something that
you have to do either. Fair Well, I'm.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Curious eight five five five nine one three five whether
you're the single person like like Camlin has been for
a long time. She's a boyfriend now, but and I am.
I mean, I do feel like I get left out
of a lot of the family oriented stuff in my
friend's lives because I'm the only one who you know,
isn't married and doesn't have kids. And when I when
I ask about it, they say, well, dude, I wouldn't
(06:58):
think you'd want to come to that, you know, And
it's like, well, I don't really want to come to that.
But if that's the only way that I get to
see all of you at once, because that's how you're
all getting together, is you know, one of your kid's
birthday parties or whatever, well then I'm going to go.
But like I guess, I can't expect people who have
multiple lives they're responsible for, and multiple lives they have
(07:19):
to work around to be as flexible with things as
I can be. And trust me, it's frustrating. And I
do think that sometimes, you know, people in relationships have
to stretch a little bit more than they're willing to.
But I can't expect them to do it at the
drop of a hat. I don't think that's realistic.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
Well, that's true.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
If somebody texts and say, what if she has a
break up every two years, and that's a good point
to trip.
Speaker 4 (07:40):
Every time you leave it.
Speaker 7 (07:42):
Of course that's not a toxic though, and I want
her for leaving well, I also think, like I do,
think that there are times where you have to stand
up in your relationship and say, hey, this is important
to Fred, or this is important to somebody, and I
got to do it.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
But like, at the same time, imagine going home and
trying to justify to your husband or wife, Hey, sorry,
I gotta go to kankun next week because well, Fred
got dumbed. I'm sorry. Like, to me, that's a big deal.
To me, it makes perfect sense. But honestly, try and
slide that one through the board of directors because it's
probably not going to happen. I mean, realistically, it's not
(08:16):
going to Wait, let me get this straight. You want
me to watch the kids for a week, you want
to take a week off vacation. You're not gonna go
to work for a week so that you can go
do it. Unfortunately, even if it does mean something to me,
I don't know how flexible a lot of people are
going to be for something like that, especially if they're
not invited.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (08:35):
My best friend has two little girls and she's in
Singapore right now simply because one of our friends is
working there for a month and her husband's with the kids.
Speaker 4 (08:42):
That They lay out their calendar at the.
Speaker 5 (08:44):
Beginning of each year and say, guys weekend, girls weekend.
Speaker 4 (08:46):
We can tag team this. I don't know.
Speaker 5 (08:48):
If you're a good friend, you'll be there if it
means something to someone, if you can that's what I think.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Well, I guess I'm just I try and be sympathetic
to the fact that my life is a little bit
easier to manage in some ways. Uh then his others,
and I try not to be disappointed when my friends
can't necessarily match the energy. But I also here on
the other side, Hey, what if I never get married?
Speaker 8 (09:14):
What you know?
Speaker 2 (09:15):
I want?
Speaker 1 (09:16):
I want something all about me. But I think the
key is maybe just planning it. But hey, Melissa, Hi, Hi,
Hey Melissa, good morning. What do you want to say?
And Kiki's cord.
Speaker 8 (09:28):
My thing is, what if what if you go on
the trip? What if you do whatever you have to
do to.
Speaker 9 (09:32):
Make it and go on the trip and then they
get back together?
Speaker 4 (09:36):
Oh wow, it is toxic, right, you're trying to have
a nice.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Yeah, I just are you married, Melissa?
Speaker 9 (09:48):
I am?
Speaker 2 (09:49):
How easy would it be for you?
Speaker 1 (09:51):
And it may be really easy, but how easy would
it be for you to just go to your husband
and go, hey, look, so and so and I are
going on a vacation. Basically, U, you're not invited, and
we're going here pretty soon because we're celebrating a breakup.
You know, would that go over?
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Okay?
Speaker 9 (10:06):
Oh no, definitely not.
Speaker 8 (10:07):
Definitely a lot of planning to go behind, especially they
have a daughter, so we gotta kick that drop off.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
All. It's just a lot, and I recognize it. It's
a lot. Melissa, thank you, have a good day.
Speaker 6 (10:20):
You can't thank you.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Yeah, I don't know. Let me see here, Mary Jay, Hi,
Mary Jay, good morning, Good.
Speaker 9 (10:27):
Morning, my hand Fred Hey ki hikay.
Speaker 8 (10:32):
Okay.
Speaker 9 (10:34):
I kind of think that girlfriends need to find some
more friends. Okay, she's single, she's not really, you know,
they're kind of like laughing at her. Oh she's you know,
she's just you know, she's no kids, no husband, or
just get some single friends. Don't be you know, sad,
and just get single friends, because hey, we're living it
up anyway.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Okay, we're not.
Speaker 9 (10:54):
We're not committed to anything, which is a good and bad. Okay,
just get some single friends. Don't worry about it, like
you said.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Can keep going the truth.
Speaker 9 (11:02):
I went this year for my birthday, I did everything
alone this year. Oh no, I mean they just hope.
You know, it's okay. You know, it's not that bad.
Just find some single friends half of us.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Thank you, Mary Jay, I'm Mary Jay. We'll go Like, yeah,
you call me. I'm always down to go. I just
I recognize that it's just part of the deal that
my friends aren't.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
That's flexible. But you know that's who.
Speaker 10 (11:27):
Like as a married person with kids, right, Like, do
you invite those friends out?
Speaker 9 (11:32):
Like?
Speaker 2 (11:32):
You know what I'm saying, That's what I feel like
I miss out on a lot.
Speaker 10 (11:35):
Is like, yeah, I have friends that don't even contact
me anymore because they know I'm married with kids, so
so they know I don't have time, but there's never
an invite anymore. I just see it on social media like,
oh they just did this and I didn't get an
invite for it, you know.
Speaker 4 (11:47):
And that doesn't feel good.
Speaker 6 (11:49):
No, it does, not know And also too, I feel
like just because you have kids and you're married or whatever,
like I know a lot of single people who are
too twenty times busier than me, you know what I mean,
I'm like.
Speaker 4 (11:57):
They ain't going either to can't cool? I can bite
them off for dinner.
Speaker 6 (12:01):
It takes three months, yes, and they're not even no kids,
nothing right, jeeh.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
I find that I do a lot of stuff by
myself because I'm tired of waiting for other people to
do it with me, or because it doesn't work, or
because whatever.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
I mean.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
But you're right, I guess I don't call my married
friends that often because I don't plan. And I know
that about myself. Like if I know, if I want
to make a plan for three weeks from now, then
I'll call them and it'll probably happen. But I don't
really do that. I don't I'm thinking about this weekend now,
you know what I mean, and I don't know, or
maybe Friday. I'm like, I want to go do this.
(12:33):
And if I call my married friends for the most
part and go, what are you doing right now? Like
they can't just drop everything and come hang out with
me the way that they used to. And I've just
had to accept that it's just the way that it is.
You never know unless you ask. That's that's my keys.
I was like, you just assume he's busy. The answer
might always be, hey, I can't because I'm busy. But
it doesn't hurt to ask that same friend that gets tired, right,
(12:54):
exactly exactly the same way that the same way that
I understand why people don't ask me to do stuff
a lot of times because I say no, is the
same reason I don't call a lot of them a
lot of times because they say no. And so it's
so I'm with you, Kalin, like it's it's like, how
many times do I have to how many times?
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Why?
Speaker 1 (13:09):
I know you're the busier one, So you probably need
to tell me the next time you can hang out.
Speaker 10 (13:14):
But that conversation could also lead to some something planned
in the future. You know what I'm saying, not just
the spontaneous Hey, I gotta I'm fore this weekend. Like
if that friend says no, I got, you know, soccer
practice with the kids, But hey, next week and I'm free,
that conversation could happen where you guys could actually.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Hang out in the future.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Yeah, that's assuming I'm gonna plan, which I'm not cal
What did you want to say me?
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (13:38):
Oh sorry, I thought you.
Speaker 5 (13:39):
I don't know if you're going to call her. That
was what I was saying. That it just gets really tiring.
I stop asking those people that say no all the
time just because and then if you want to go,
you can reciprocate.
Speaker 4 (13:49):
I mean, like, you know, you can hit me up too.
But after I.
Speaker 5 (13:53):
Get like a few no's, I'm like, I'm tired, you know.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
Yeah, so you're a fellows person and you get over it,
do you think? And I think I do too.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 8 (14:06):
Yeah, I'm overlooked a lot because I'm single. And what
I find myself doing is showing up to so much
stuff for my friends. They have things, like you said,
at all of those events, and I have nothing. So
when I do have something, I expect you to be there,
no matter how small it may be to you. Yes,
because I know you guys mentioned like what if you
break up again in two years, what if they get divorced,
I'd have made time to come to that wedding period.
(14:28):
So it's just all and even with my birthday because
I'm a Christmas baby, you know, I hear, oh I
got the kids and.
Speaker 6 (14:33):
The kids gifts.
Speaker 8 (14:34):
It's like that doesn't matter I came to your sommer birthday.
You have to show up for your friends, no matter what.
Speaker 4 (14:39):
That's their mouthstone Yep.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
I agree.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
I think A trip a last minute trip was kind
of what it sounded like Kiki was describing. I think
that's a different kind of ass than coming to my
birthday party that you know is happening every year, you
know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
I think that's that's nobody.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
If you got to go to everybody else's birthday and
they're not coming to yours, that's messed up. But if
you're not going to go on my little you know,
uh whatever, break up fast this weekend, it's a big moment.
Speaker 4 (15:11):
What ill myself doing?
Speaker 8 (15:13):
Look what I tell myself doing? So something forget make
myself feel better about all this is I tick in
truth what I go to. I don't go to everything anymore,
and that makes me feel okay. So I don't go
to every little thing that they have.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
I don't go all right, you are no. I think
that's and I tend to be the same way. Have
a great day.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
Thank you guy. I love you.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
I love you too, love you too. All right, Well
there you have it problem. I mean, I I do
think your relationship has a bit unconventional though, because I
kind of think you just tell tim what you're gonna do,
and that's what happens. I don't think that's necessarily how
everybody is. And then once you have kids, you can't
really do that. And here here, I'm a guy. I'm
(15:54):
a guy with no kids and I'm and it's frustrating,
but I have to respect it because it's true.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
But it's all about being a good friend.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
Are you a good friend or not, whether I have
kids or not, whether I got a dog.
Speaker 4 (16:05):
Or not a cat.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
Like, if I need you to support me and you
have the opportunity to support me, just return the energy
because I've supported you through everything and whether how like
you said, no matter how small it is to you,
it's big to me. And I don't ask for a lot.
So can you just make the sacrifice to support me.
I'm already out here single, right, I mean?
Speaker 5 (16:27):
And then we got gender reveals, which, like you gotta
be excited either way, no matter the gender.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
You know, that's not necessary either, but I'm going.
Speaker 4 (16:33):
To that a new thing baby show gender review. We're
having a party.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
It's like, I think three of your whatever parties equal
one of my single fest and can't cool right now?
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Fredshell? Next, what else
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