Radio Blogs: Fred's Plane Dilemma

After traveling for ten days, Fred is fed up with the lack of airplane etiquette travelers have.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
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(00:41):
they talk better than they sit. Tell me. These are
the radio blogs on the Fred Show jun for running
in our diaries, except we say them lovely called them blogs.
A rare blog appearance by yours truly to your blog.
I don't know if it's a South American thing or
what it is, but I was traveling last week seeing
the sights in South America, and I don't know what

(01:02):
it is, and I hope this has not become a
thing in the United States. But do we not all
agree When an airplane lands and you pull into the
gate and he goes sting the little flight, the fastest
sebow sign comes off and everyone people stand up. A
lot of people will stand up. You know, they're no
far back, They'll stand up. Okay, you're not going anywhere

(01:23):
for ten minutes at least. But what I noticed on
every flight that I took, and I think there were
four that involved predominantly South Americans, I'm sorry, I'm picking
on you. I am because it was a trend, the
flight of the fastest ebows that would come off, and
people from the back would jet down the aisle. There

(01:44):
was no order. Everybody knows that we go row by
row every other everybody knows, but no, not that. It
was just just it was just a complete free for
all that now the aisle's only so big, the door's
only so everyone is eventually going to get off the plane,
but the most orderly way to do it. And I

(02:04):
thought it was a human standard, not a regional standard,
but a human standard that we start with row one
and we end in the back, and sometimes they would
have people going off of both sides, Like a couple
of places I went, they would board and deep board
from the back and the front of the plane. So
at that point we'd started the back and started the front.
But if you're in row ten, you don't somehow get

(02:26):
to get off before row one. That's just not how
this works. And it has nothing to do with first
class or anthing. Because these flights, I'm thinking I didn't
have that. It was just one thing. But I mean
I would stand up and I was in row like eight,
and the guy from row twenty seven is already trying
to barrel people down to get out of the plane
and the door's not't even open yet. What are we doing? Guys?
What are we doing? Do we not understand there's a

(02:47):
world standard we need the United Nations? Because I think
we do. I mean, these are the kind of things
that we need to really be discussing.

Speaker 2 (02:56):
Were you in a window seat or an ou seat.

Speaker 1 (02:58):
I was in a window seat, but that had nothing
to do with it. It was really more like wait
and then like people will just barrel like I literally
had to at some point just stick my non ass
out in the aisle to get up, because if I
didn't like budge in that, no one's gonna let me
off the airplane. You should have tripped. But what are
we doing, guys, we live in a society. The other thing,

(03:18):
you know, that drives me crazy. And I realized some
airports are small and it's unavoidable. But if you're in row,
or if you're in group seven, you're not getting There
is no possible way that you are boarding before groups
one through six. They won't let you out on.

Speaker 2 (03:36):
What do you mean if you just sache up there,
sometimes you can just you know.

Speaker 1 (03:43):
And it's never in the history of boarding passes worked. Yeah,
it has.

Speaker 2 (03:47):
If you have the higher one and I'm with you,
I'm like, you're plus the one at the club.

Speaker 1 (03:51):
Okay, but that's different. That's different. If you're in group
seven and you're by yourself, you're not getting on before
the platinum one k million miles I get to fly
the plane status. Guys, you're just not. You're not because
the computer will half the time like well even because
sometimes you'll get somebody who maybe doesn't speak the language
very well whatever and they don't understand. So they'll go

(04:12):
up and they'll go right, and then they'll go, no,
you gotta go, you gotta go in the back because
there's a process here or whatever. But if you're in
group six, why are you blocking me with my little
credit card from group four? Like there's just no need.
There's no need because it's like everybody just swarms the
gate door and I and it's just not it's not
going to help you.

Speaker 2 (04:32):
Now that I don't understand when you have an assigned
seat too, because it's what I mean, no matter when
you get on this plane, you're going to the same seat.

Speaker 1 (04:39):
So that part, you know, I don't know, I've overhead
been spaced. And when I understand, I understand the need
to want to get on the plane, but I also
think you have to realize that there's okay. So yeah,
you might be the first in group seven to get
on okay, great, and everybody everybody in groups one through six,
eh you which is that? Which is the all of
the plane point I don't understand, like we don't need

(05:03):
it and something else. Just one more thing, you know,
the babies and the people that need extra time or
old people are disabled, people find military absolutely active. Let
them on the plane. Give them a drink, give them
a lot of drinks, give them a mistake, give them
lap dance. Give them a lap dance. Doesn't bother me.
But you know, if you're like, let's say you're group

(05:24):
two or something, so you're like, oh good, I'm grouped two.
This is excellent because I got my little credit card
and it makes me so I get a little bit upset. No,
I know, I get to go before everybody. Okay, great,
this is awesome. Group two is group four, or five
or six, Group six is group twelve because okay, you know,
military babies, old people, people need more time. Great, excellent,

(05:45):
let them on. That's no problem. That doesn't even count.
That's group zero. And then it's if you travel a
ridiculous amount, you can get on now. If you travel
slightly less than a ridiculous amount, you can get on now.
If you have a certain credit card, you can get
on now. If you're in first class, you can get
on now. If your group two, you can get on now. Yeah,
so just wonder. Fifteen minutes later, I here, I thought

(06:07):
I was gonna like, I thought, he finally this is
so exciting. No, it wasn't that way. So guys. It's
a very it's a very frustrating process. But I mean,
how about everyone just sits your ass down until it's
actually your turn. Relax, fight amongst your own group, right,
you know, don't we agree? Yes? Yeah, sure, I want

(06:31):
to be on there first. Yeah, so bad. Well, one
time they didn't let us. I still understand what I'm
wrong there. I don't know. They were like, oh, you
have to have the baby with you. You can't just
be like, I have a baby. That was the baby
has to be present. That that was the point of
the deal.

Speaker 2 (06:51):
All right, let'son learned that every time, Ma, you don't
have a husband or a baby.

Speaker 1 (06:58):
Well, and you know I've already I've already got on
this this rampage before. But I have a friend who
flies for an airline that used to have open seating policy,
and they used to let people in wheelchairs on first
and he said to me, uh, then they changed that policy.
But he said to me, I'm a healer. And I said,
what do you mean you're a healer? He goes, you
should see the number of people who require a wheelchair

(07:21):
at the takeoff location. And then when we land in Vegas, miraculously,
three quarters of those people can walk no problem because
they already got their their you know, window seat in
the first five rows or their exit seat or whatever,
and they don't have any issue getting off the plane.
But they miraculously between Toledo and Vegas, they healed themselves.

(07:43):
And you should be ashamed of yourself if you do
something like that, if you do something like that like
special see for you unctuately, people need that because they
need the time and they cannot they cannot walk or
they cannot move easily, and sadly that's the they would
probably wish they could be, you know, getting on the
plane later, and they wouldn't care, So don't abuse it.