Radio Blogs: Kaelin Comes Clean!

Kaelin shares a secret that has eaten her a alive for 15 years! Find out her secret!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Dear blug.

Speaker 2 (00:01):
So I consider myself a fairly open human. I'm kind
of an oversharer, and so I don't have a lot
of secrets, right, not a lot of secrets with this one.
And sometimes I wish I could hold more water and
you know, be secretive and mysterious, but I'm just not.
But there is something that I did in my past
while I was in college that has haunted me.

Speaker 1 (00:22):
Ever since, and it's what do you do?

Speaker 2 (00:24):
It's something and I know it's not I might be
building it up to where it seems like it's not
that big of a deal to you guys, or maybe
it will, but it's something that's really bothered me.

Speaker 1 (00:33):
I never owned up for it for how long? Noo,
twenty years since I was eighteen, so.

Speaker 3 (00:38):
Not twenty almost twenty years.

Speaker 1 (00:40):
Yeah, I'm thirty three, so fifteen years a while.

Speaker 2 (00:43):
But like, if you're close to me, you know I've
talked about it because I'm like, I've always planned on
coming clean about it, but I don't know how What
did you do? Okay, So when I was a freshman
in college, I was stupid and I was drunk, and
I somehow pretty sure I broke my roommate's computer. Okay,

(01:03):
I the screen, so it like still worked, but I
think I cracked the screen and I don't remember if
I like dropped something on it or whatever. And at
the time, I panicked because I was like, oh my gosh,
like I'm a dumb college kid. I don't have enough
money to fix this. Like I was panicking. I'm like,
my parents are going to kill me, like my like
full disclosure, they were going through something at home, and

(01:24):
so it was just like I was just like, oh
my god, I can't I can't do this. So I
lied and said I didn't know how it happened.

Speaker 1 (01:30):
It's and it has eaten me alive my entire life.
Sent them. And recently I had dinner because I was roommates.

Speaker 2 (01:38):
She was my friend, she still has my friend, and
we had dinner and we had were having some drinks
and I always plan like, okay, like maybe she'll be
a little drunk.

Speaker 1 (01:46):
When I tell her, maybe she'll be you know.

Speaker 2 (01:48):
I always fantasized about coming clean about this because I
felt so bad and it was fine. Her parents like
paid to get a fixed and it was fine and
they had the money to do so, but it was
still really wrong.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
And it ate me alive and it's not good to do.

Speaker 2 (01:58):
So I come clean and I like fantasized about this
moment for years, and she goes, I don't even remember that.
Oh my gosh, like I have been thinking about this
every day since it happened, and I'm so sorry and
I'm a mad person. She's like, I truly don't remember
that happening, but like, thanks for saying that, and it

(02:18):
just it wasn't what I envisioned.

Speaker 4 (02:21):
Yeah, that sounds like me. I have to stop myself
from doing it. I've done it recently. I think I've
done it in this room where I'm like, I'm really
sorry that I did this, and it was like, oh,
now that you pointed it out that, oh, I guess
I can see why you why you would apology, but
I didn't even think of it that way. So I
called myself out. It's like, well, I'm sorry I said
that that way, and it's like, oh, and the person

(02:43):
one hundred percent of the time, the person's like, oh,
I didn't even think of it that way, but oh,
thanks for the apology. Then like no, wait a minute,
well wait a minute, why no, no, if you.

Speaker 3 (02:52):
Didn't think of it. Then it doesn't.

Speaker 1 (02:53):
It didn't happen, and then I felt so goofy. I'm like, oh,
I do not even bring this up, but like literally
I thought about it every day since it happened.

Speaker 2 (03:01):
I'm like, you're a bad person, Like you shouldn't have
done that, and you lied, but it been.

Speaker 5 (03:06):
Something to you, So I think, like that's all that
matters that I think you overcame, like the fear of
saying something and you said, like that stands for something.
It doesn't matter how maybe the other person didn't care.
I feel like every friendship, relationship, whatever, you've probably done
things that you thought were unsavor that the other person
doesn't care about or forgot about.

Speaker 2 (03:24):
Yeah, what I mean Like I could cry right now,
Like I feel free.

Speaker 3 (03:29):
It was worth it exactly.

Speaker 1 (03:32):
That is like my deep dark secret.

Speaker 2 (03:34):
And I know I realized it's not a lot to
other people, but it's something that I've really lived with
being like you're not a good person.

Speaker 4 (03:39):
Well you know, I was on the mel Robin's algorithm
for a minute. I did read and let them book.

Speaker 1 (03:46):
Yes me too.

Speaker 3 (03:47):
Did you finish it?

Speaker 5 (03:48):
Almost you didn't read It's like twenty minutes left.

Speaker 3 (03:52):
I'll get there and didn't read it. You listened to it,
which is totally different.

Speaker 4 (03:55):
It's nice you can't say I read a book if
you listened to it.

Speaker 3 (04:00):
I think it's two different things.

Speaker 4 (04:02):
I don't know, but anyway, she said something about this,
and I'm paraphrasing, but this applies to this in much
more deeper issues. But if a grown up is upset
with you about something and they can't communicate to you
what they're upset about, then you don't have to feel
bad about it. Now, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't.
You can't like say I shouldn't maybe you know why
they're upset because you did a thing, and it doesn't

(04:24):
mean you can't reflect on that and say I shouldn't
do that, I shouldn't do it again. It doesn't mean
maybe you shouldn't apologize. But if you're unsure why another
adult is mad at you, so like, let's say you know,
you don't know if this person was harboring any resentment
for breaking their computer fifteen years ago, and if they haven't,
if they're not acting any kind of way towards you,
and they haven't communicated that towards you, it's very nice

(04:45):
that you apologize, but it's very well possible they don't
even know what you're talking about.

Speaker 3 (04:48):
And in this case, they.

Speaker 2 (04:49):
Don't like I should up in her wedding, like I
was a fraud standing up there.

Speaker 4 (04:53):
You brought her computer, you were, And it's not even
that your apology, is it. It's not even that you
shouldn't apologize. It's that like you carried that for that
long and it turns out that person didn't care. So
I guess what I'm saying is it really was a
waste of your energy to carry that. So like as
a person who overthinks and has anxiety, and you know

(05:14):
who thinks everybody hates them all the time, and I
think people, I actually think people take advantage of that.
I think people know that I'll beat myself up, so
they punish me that way. But if you don't tell
me why you're angry at me as a grown up,
and I'm not sure how can I feel I can
beat myself up indefinitely about it, or I can say,
you know what, when you're ready to actually communicate what

(05:34):
your issue is, so I can apologize, or I can
rectify whatever the thing is.

Speaker 1 (05:39):
Otherwise it's not fair.

Speaker 4 (05:41):
We all know the thing where we've called the person
and gone, oh my god, I'm so sorry I did
this thing and they're.

Speaker 3 (05:45):
Like, you did right, I didn't even know you did that.

Speaker 4 (05:48):
You're like, ah, I mean I didn't you know. So
in this case, it's just a you know, a much
more minor example of like, you held onto that for
so long and this person did not care.

Speaker 2 (06:00):
Yeah, maybe she did at the time, but yeah, it
was she was like girl past the bread.

Speaker 1 (06:04):
I was like, oh my god.

Speaker 2 (06:05):
I thought we'd embrace, and she'd be like, I've been wondering,
I think the thing where we beat ourselves up for
something and it turns out that the thing that we
thought isn't even the thing.

Speaker 4 (06:14):
Oh oh, but I kind of agree with that. It's
it's not to say that if you do something bad
that you're not accountable for it, but like if you're not,
if someone's not talking to you, you don't know why and
they won't talk about it, it's like that's kind of
on you then.

Speaker 1 (06:25):
Right, we have to be able to communicate.

Speaker 4 (06:27):
How do you expect an apology from me if you
don't even tell me which thing it is I supposedly did.

Speaker 1 (06:32):
That changed my life. That mentality. I did, like, my
husband is the king of that. He won't tell me
what the issue is. And I've just started just living
my life. And I said, okay, will you figure it out.
I'm going to go for a walk.

Speaker 2 (06:41):
I'm a runner now because you guys are wondering, I'm
gonna go for a run and get a coffee.

Speaker 1 (06:44):
Live my life.

Speaker 4 (06:45):
Well, there we go. She read a book but she's
listening to it. She's a runner, but she walks. Well,
I run, I ran a track star, I got a BB.
It's hard. It's hard to run. The BB's hard. I
actually I believe that it is the hardesting keep with
big big boobs running too.

Speaker 3 (06:59):
I'll go with big boobs running yesterday.

Speaker 4 (07:02):
And you know, obviously I noticed her right away, but
I actually thought I was like that, actually no, because
because you were walking, so no, you were this person
was actually running. But but like one mob was going
one way and the other was going to the other.

Speaker 3 (07:16):
These were big boobs and it's like, I'm just going.

Speaker 1 (07:19):
Guy could see his hand motion of the boobs going.

Speaker 4 (07:21):
But I really, I actually really legitimately fell for this
person because I'm I'm fighting for my life out there. Yeah,
you know, six and forty pounds man like just trotting
around wanting to die right with a very good looking
fit black man going.

Speaker 3 (07:36):
Run run once you want two one two.

Speaker 4 (07:39):
He's like trying to get my cadence. And I'm like, dah,
but I seen this, and I'm like, that has to
be painful like that, that would really I'm surprised she
didn't like throw thrown to the side.

Speaker 2 (07:49):
Oh yeah, well she sounds like she needs a better
sports bar. But yeah, if you don't know the pain
of running down the stairs with no bron or something,
you know, I'll never know that.

Speaker 4 (07:56):
You'll never know exactly why that's I know, I get it, Yeah,
I get it. But I realized that your your situation
was not all that deep. But I do think the
same rules apply, which is that I think we tend
to beat ourselves up for stuff. And it's like, hey,
if you want apology, if you want to make something right,
if there's a problem, then tell me what it is.

(08:16):
Otherwise I'm not good. I can't harbor on it. I can't,
I can't, I can't dwell on it because I don't
know what I'm Because that's the worst when you go
and apologize for a bunch of stuff, and it's like, oh,
I didn't know you did any of that. Oh no,
I wasn't even mad, or I was mad about something
totally different, and you're like, oh God, well great now
I'm a total peace. I'm even worse now than I
thought I was waiting by the phone. You've got to

(08:39):
hear this. Kicky doesn't remember doing it, even though you
didn't twenty five minutes ago.

Speaker 3 (08:46):
But it's next friend show.