August 12, 2025 • 19 mins
Kelsea is in an amazing 1.5 year relationship with her boyfriend and she has no complaints about him... except when he's angry he's an entirely different person... Fred and the crew weigh in!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the Fread Show. Let's get you Hotel, a
trip for Tunisie, Jennifer Lopez her brand new Las Vegas residency.
Jennifer Lopez off All Night Live in Las Vegas March thirteenth,
twenty twenty six at the Coliseum at Caesar's Palace. Text
dance to three seven three three seven right now for
a chance to win two tickets to the March thirteenth
(00:20):
show at two Night Hotel's Day March twelve through the fourteenth,
added the Flamingo Hotel Casino Las Vegas and brown Javert Fair.
A confirmation text will be sent DENNERD message and data
rates may apply. All thanks to Live Nation. Tickets are
on sale now at ticketmaster dot com for all shows
running December thirtieth through January third, and March sixth through
the twenty eighth. This day or go Okay, you guys,
(00:43):
sething going on? You want us to talk about you? Well,
He'll be on the phone for part of it, so
it's not all behind your back. You can hit us
up on all the different social search for The Fread
Show and Fred Show Radio dot com. I gotta pull
out my phone because you know my outlook doesn't work.
Why would it? Hey, Kelsey, how you.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Doing good about yourself?
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Kelsey doing all right? Welcome to the program here. So
you have been in a relationship for a year and
a half and it says here that you think your
boyfriend's wonderful. Okay, great, well thanks for calling. I mean,
what are we talking about here? Your boyfriend's wonderful, You're
and a half a nice run, So what's the issue?
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Okay? So I'm going to say it again. He's really great.
He's very loving, very helpful around the house.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Here's a big butt coming, There's a big butt coming.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
He gets angry, okay, Like I mean, you know his
sports seems losing angry or you know his I don't know,
he stuffed his toe angry or you ran out of
fish ticks, its angry? You know, Like what kind of
angry are we talking about here?
Speaker 2 (01:57):
So I would definitely say he has anger issues. Heels,
He's punched a ball or two. Okay, sometimes he'll throw
things and it's it's a lot. And it's not like
he's ever hit me or anything like. I don't think
he would ever do that. But it's just kind of
(02:20):
terrifying to be around.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Him.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Is he mad at you or is he mad about
other things? Or it? Does it matter?
Speaker 2 (02:29):
It doesn't matter, it's just the way that he expresses
whatever he's feeling is not healthy. It's scary, okay.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
And do you feel in danger? I mean you say
that you don't think he would hit you, but like,
do you feel do you feel at risk by this
behavior or is it just scary because of how quickly
it ramps up in the way that he sort of
you know, it's communicated, I guess or manifest.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Yeah, I don't feel like I'm in danger, but it's
just stressful having to witness it and be around it.
And that's just how he is when he's upset.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
And has it always been this way the whole year
and a half or is this something that you're only
now seeing. Maybe he was able to sort of keep
it under wraps for a while.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Well, I mean I would say like the first few months,
like I hadn't really seen that side of him. But
you know, a few months in that's when you.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Start to see, right, you're not really dating the real
person for about six months I found that if you
make it that far, yeah, you're only seeing you're seeing
what they want you to see. So this is more
likely what you would be dealing with if you were
with him forever. A lot of texts already coming in.
(03:46):
You got to you gotta run, like you gotta go
the other way, Like this is a huge red flag. Now,
do you have any idea where this is coming from?
Speaker 4 (03:54):
Like?
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Is it where this why it ramps up so quickly?
I mean, is it?
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Like?
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Is it? Do you feel like he's really stressed out?
Do you feel like it's some sort of childhood trauma?
Do you think it's anxiety or I mean, you know,
is this something that a medical professional could address? Is
he willing to go to therapy? I mean, have you
talked about any of this with him? Have you said, hey,
I watch you go from zero to one hundred so
quickly and it really concerns me? Or does that just
cause him to go zero to one hundred.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
I'm I'm a little scared to talk to him about it, and.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
That's a problem. Flag beak grid flag. Yeah, she's scared. Yeah,
because I don't think anything's gonna change unless you communicate
to him that you are concerned about it, and if
you already feel trepidation about sharing it, with him or
sharing your thoughts with him. Then that's the problem, because
how is it ever going to be resolved. Do you
guys live together?
Speaker 2 (04:49):
We don't, not yet.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Huh. But you say he's wonderful. I mean, so every
other aspect of the relationship you're happy with, except when
he gets angry, he gets really ang.
Speaker 5 (05:01):
Yeah, huh yeah, And that's what's that's what's difficult here,
is he's actually really wonderful. It's just he's got a
short fuse and his emotional regulation just isn't good when
he's mad.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Yeah, I mean, it's overwhelming on the text, like it's
blowing up eight five five five three five you can
call him text the same number. It's it's overwhelming that
you have to move on. And I know that's easy
for other people to say. Unfortunately, it sounds like a
lot of people have lived through this before, though, and
so they're they're they're coming, you know, they're they're talking
to you, or they're they're giving this advice from their perspective,
and and maybe some of these people have seen it
(05:42):
through a little bit longer and it's been bad. Uh.
This is above my pay grade, though, which is why
I think when you have a bunch of strangers tell
you what to do eight five five three five. Fortunately,
this is not one that I've encountered before. I've encountered
people that drink way too much and then their behavior
become extremely erratic and dangerous, and that's a problem, But
(06:04):
I've never encountered anybody who gets just just hair pin
trigger angry. But if you can't talk to him about it,
I guess that's the first sign that I mean, how
do you expect it to be any different if you
don't feel comfortable talking to him about it and thus
coming up with some kind of a resolution, him getting
(06:25):
some kind of help. I mean, I guess I don't
know what. I don't know what to tell you. If
you can't talk to him about it like that to
me says everything.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
I mean, I could try to talk to him, I
just I haven't yet.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
Hmmm. I'm gonna take some phone calls on this, Kelsey.
I want you to listen, because I do think that
a lot of people out there, you know, something about
our show is when we talk about stuff, and people
can call from their perspectives and a lot of people
have lived this before, So maybe someone will say something
that's helpful to you or that inspires you to know
what to do next. But I wish you the best,
you know, be safe. Please Okay, yeah, thank you, thank you,
(07:03):
thank you. Have a good day. Yeah. People are saying,
I do feel like she's she's looking for validation to leave.
That's what I think. She's looking for someone to tell
her to leave. And I agree with that. A bunch
of texts like that, Hey Jessica, good morning.
Speaker 6 (07:16):
Good morning, how are you?
Speaker 1 (07:17):
And I was kind of serious to start the day.
But nonetheless, I think people out there may have lived
this before and might have some perspective to offer. This
woman is concerned because she's been with a guy for
a year and a half and she says he's a
great guy. Maybe she's saying next week, doesn't get mad,
but she says he's a great guy. He said he
has a temper and it hasn't really necessarily come out
(07:37):
at her, but it comes out, you know, punching walls
and you know, really sort of over the top, and
it's scary. What do you think.
Speaker 6 (07:46):
Well, I'm kind of on the other end of this.
I married this person. We dated for about four years,
and unfortunately I had unknown resolve unresolved childhood traumas, and
I thought this was no normal and we got married,
we have some kids, and I finally threw my therapist
(08:07):
have taken a standards and I'm not doing this anymore.
You have to go to therapy, you have to be
on medication. It have gotten better, but he still has
never said this is a problem, like he always says,
I'm working on myself. If he's never really come out
and said that, you know, I have this problem. I
have anger issues of fatality issues, like it's really hard.
(08:30):
It's really hard. So if I could go back in time,
sad to say, I love my children, but I would
not have played with it.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
It's such an interesting thing, Jessica, because I guess I
never really understood this until recently, and I've I've been
alive for a while. But you are saying that you
grew up seeing this or experiencing this, and so as
obvious as it sounds, you know, you just thought that
was how everybody was, and at some point what you
had an awakening, like you just said, wait a minute,
(08:57):
this isn't how, this is not how every relationship is.
It was modeled for you, and so now it's like, no,
hold on, I don't want to live this way. Is
that what happened? How did you come to that spot
where you realize, Okay, no, this isn't how it's supposed
to be.
Speaker 6 (09:11):
Well, I started going to therapy and I explained all
my situations to my therapist and she's and I mean
I've been with her for probably about four years now.
I've been married for seventeen. But yeah, she's just like,
this is not normal, and she kind of, you know,
let me see that it's not okay that he yells
at loud and throws things, and you know, I've actually
(09:33):
had to call the police, and I feel like that
that was kind of like an awaking me for him, Like, Okay,
she's not dealing with this anymore. This is not going
to be okay. Like I have to change. And my
kids are now experiencing, you know, problems because they witnessed this,
and so we're having to go through therapy with them
and you know, unresolved trauma. And I mean it's big.
(09:56):
Like she, like I said, if I could go back
in time, I wouldn't. I would have left him.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
Do you see a world Jessica where he I mean
he recognizes it and actually makes big steps towards changing it,
or do you think it's a lost cause.
Speaker 6 (10:10):
Well, my therapist says, I still have hope. So if
I still have hope, then there's you know, I shouldn't
leave yet He's actively working on it, and he has
gotten better. And I know that people in a piece
of situations often say, you know, like, oh, but he's
gotten so much better since then, But he has, and
so I'm trying to focus on that. And I've laid
out to him what I need in this marriage for
(10:32):
it to work. And we're actually we have a couple
of therapy tomorrow, so I'm going to present.
Speaker 7 (10:38):
Him with that.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
But that's what you're doing, Jessa. Takes a lot of
courage because everyone on here saying roun and I know
why they're saying that, because it's dangerous. There could be dangerous.
It sounds like you're fighting for it and you know,
giving this guy opportunity to change, uh, And that takes
a lot of courage. So good for you.
Speaker 6 (10:54):
Thanks, Thanks, I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
You have a good day, Jessica.
Speaker 6 (10:57):
Thanks you too.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
It's amazing how like you can not to make it
about me, but like you. You can experience something growing up,
you can know what it was, you can and then
and then you can be triggered by that behavior all
your life until one day you just say and it
happened for me recently. It's like wait a minute, no,
like no, I'm not you're not You're not gonna do that.
(11:19):
And then you you connect it with the thing that happened,
you know, early on in your life, and you're like, well,
that's why that triggers me. But now I'm taking a
stand like no, not no, like I'm not going to
be treated that way by anybody. And unfortunately sometimes it
takes over correction to then come to the place where
you just avoid it entirely. But that that makes me sad.
It makes me sad that this woman got herself into
a marriage thinking this is this is how it, this
(11:41):
is just how it is right because it's what she
saw and it and it doesn't have to be that way.
Hey Becky, good morning.
Speaker 6 (11:47):
It's good morning.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
How are you doing I Becky, Okay, so you're not
a total random you are a therapist. You know, we
did not check your licensure, but we'll go with it.
You hear this, what do you think.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
A person doesn't have emotional regulation, which is really control
of their emotions. Right now the relationship as relationship coach,
I will tell her, he's only going to get to
know you. He's going to become familiar, which once you
can he becomes familiar with you, he's going to feel
comfortable lashing out.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
You.
Speaker 4 (12:19):
And you don't know where that lashing is going to
go to indefinitely if he's behaving like that, asis well,
adverse childhood traumas have come in those experiences. So if
he doesn't have control of it, you have an individual
with unmanagemental health issues. They may manage it.
Speaker 7 (12:39):
What a faz with alcohol?
Speaker 1 (12:41):
You never know in your experience, Becky, you for your life? Okay,
all right, so she says, go now in your experience, though,
have you ever seen where people can be rehabilitated from this?
Like if the guy is really opened, if he accepts
the fact that this is really happening, and he wants
to save his family, and he goes to the right
person and he leans into the process. I mean, does
(13:01):
it have to be a go.
Speaker 8 (13:04):
No, it doesn't have to be a goal. But she's
afraid to address him, and and he's he hasn't taken
responsibility for his actions, because if he took responsibility for
his actions, you think it is when you look at
an individual you care about and you see how you've wounded.
Speaker 4 (13:22):
Them, or you see how you've brought them to fear,
you try to comfort them in that, whatever means it takes.
You would try to you know what, I'm going to
talk to somebody about this. You should be your own advocate.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Yeah, and that's yeah, that's not happening. Becky, Thank you.
Have a good day, you too. Yeah. I mean I'm
not naive to the fact this is happening a lot,
but my god is the text is blowing up with
people who, unfortunately can relate to this very scenario. Hey Monica, Hi,
good morning, Hi Monica. Yeah. So, if you're just joining,
and I know you're not, but if you're just tuning in,
stare go this woman you know he loves your boyfriend
(14:00):
says he's a great guy, but things go zero to
sixty with the anger. He gets very angry, very quickly,
and well it's not directed at her yet it concerns her,
but she's not willing to talk to him about it,
and she's wondering if she needs to get out. It
sounds like if she's not willing to talk about it,
then there's nothing left to talk about. Like she's got
to go.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
Yeah, she has to absolutely go. And as out listening, the.
Speaker 6 (14:23):
Fact that she says that I don't think.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
He'll hit me, Oh, she's not certain. I've been married
with my husband for over eighteen years and I can
say he will not hit me. There's a difference between
being angry simply.
Speaker 9 (14:37):
Just you know, the temple of angry old you know,
I'm hungry or I've lost the game. But the fact
that she cannot say he won't hit me, and even
listening to her talks, she sounds very scared to get
the words out.
Speaker 6 (14:51):
All the red flags are there.
Speaker 10 (14:53):
She has to go.
Speaker 6 (14:54):
She's setting herself up for a.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
Lifetime a failure, and one she brings kids into the mix,
it's gotta be even harder to leave. So I hope
that she's listening, but she needs to go.
Speaker 7 (15:05):
Yeah, needs to go.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Yeah, thank you, Bonica, have a good day.
Speaker 7 (15:10):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
I think it sometimes gets you into a value proposition too.
Some people think that they just don't they don't deserve
to have it all. And I'm not sure if that's
what she's thinking. But you know, for some people, it's well,
they just stay in it because it's like, well, you know,
he's nice most of the time.
Speaker 4 (15:22):
Yeah, you make excuse excuses, and you see potential and
you and.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
When it's good, it's probably really good, you know what
I mean.
Speaker 10 (15:28):
Like when they make up, it probably feels great, but
then it happens again.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
It's a cycle. Yeah, maya, hi, Hi, good morning, Hey,
good morning. Stay or go? What do you think when
you hear this it's kind of overwhelming today?
Speaker 10 (15:41):
Yeah, she needs to go, definitely. I sadly was in
a similar situation and he was throwing things and screaming
on stop until one day he drew something towards me
and smashed my face.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, and.
Speaker 10 (15:56):
He said he would never hit me, he would never
do anything like that, but one day it happened.
Speaker 6 (16:01):
He was so remorseful.
Speaker 10 (16:04):
I'm so sorry, But you know what, I walked away good.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Yes, yeah, a lot of strength and I'm sorry it
came to that. But so for you, when you hear this, it's, well,
it's not happening yet, but you know, we're on the trajectory.
It's escalating and so you hear this and you think, well,
you know, we're certainly headed in the wrong direction. As
far as he may not, he may say that, or
you may feel that now, but it's but since they've Matt,
it's gotten so much worse. So it's possible that it
(16:30):
turns on her.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
See.
Speaker 10 (16:32):
The scary thing about this is that God forbade it
turns on her, and then when she walks away like
myself now, if I hear a man yelling or loud
noises or anything smashing, I jump. And I was in
therapy for three years because of him. I'm much better now,
but I still get triggered.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
Yeah, I can imagine. Yeah, that's stuff that Steph lingers
very strong. Yeah, thank you, Maya, Thanks for sharing. Have
a good day.
Speaker 10 (16:56):
Thank you you too.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
All Right, I was gonna move on. I got time
for one more though, Albert, goodmore.
Speaker 7 (17:01):
Good morning. How you guys doing this guys all the time?
Speaker 1 (17:03):
And this guy kind of heavy, But I maybe it's
something that people need to hear because it obviously resonates
with people. But you are calling because you were this guy.
In some ways, I'm not saying this guy because I
don't know what you were, and I don't know what
he is, but but you were the angry guy. Yes, So.
Speaker 7 (17:21):
Childhood trauma all of that aside. There were issues in
our marriage and I became very angry and hateful and
verbally would lash out and things like that. Unfortunately, my
kids also saw me acting like that, and I knew
I needed to get better. I knew I wanted to
(17:42):
be better, but I was just in my own little
world with that hate and anger for so long that
that that was my normal. And it took for my
ex wife to actually go through with the whole divorce
process for me to you know, hit rock bottom man realize, hey,
I need to change. I need to you know, work
(18:05):
on myself and get rid of this anger that's built up.
So I'm in a much better place now. But and
I'm not trying to victim blame or anything like that,
but I feel now that I can think clearly about
how I behaved and how my anger was and what
I put my ex and the kids through. I'm a
(18:25):
little ashamed that, you know, my ex stayed with me
for as long as she did, because I kind of hope,
you know, she would have left that situation before it
got to that point.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
I hear you saying that you're accepting your behavior, and
you look back and think, how on earth would someone
stay with me through that, which is something you weren't
able to see at the time.
Speaker 7 (18:47):
Correct.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Yeah, And so here's here's a guy in a situation go. Yeah,
he's telling this woman to go from his perspective, use
I need to relationships say I'm going to stay for
the kids. I'm going to stay and work it out
for the kids. If you are in a use of relationship,
the best thing you can do for your kids is
to leave. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
And abuse can be emotional and it can be burner.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
It doesn't have to be physical. Yep. I appreciate you calling, man,
because you know, we really we had only heard from
you from the other side. So and the fact that
you can say that now and you could admit that
you were that person, and I appreciate that, it's valuable.
Have a good day, man, Yeah, I have a good one.
Speaker 7 (19:23):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
And then we did get a text it to Taylor
Swift announced an album. So just so you know, uh,
did you guys know Tailor Swifts announced very heavy, very
heavy topic. But Taylor Swift announced an album, So
This is the Fread Show. Let's get you Hotel, a
trip for Tunisie, Jennifer Lopez her brand new Las Vegas residency.
Jennifer Lopez off All Night Live in Las Vegas March thirteenth,
twenty twenty six at the Coliseum at Caesar's Palace. Text
dance to three seven three three seven right now for
a chance to win two tickets to the March thirteenth
(00:20):
show at two Night Hotel's Day March twelve through the fourteenth,
added the Flamingo Hotel Casino Las Vegas and brown Javert Fair.
A confirmation text will be sent DENNERD message and data
rates may apply. All thanks to Live Nation. Tickets are
on sale now at ticketmaster dot com for all shows
running December thirtieth through January third, and March sixth through
the twenty eighth. This day or go Okay, you guys,
(00:43):
sething going on? You want us to talk about you? Well,
He'll be on the phone for part of it, so
it's not all behind your back. You can hit us
up on all the different social search for The Fread
Show and Fred Show Radio dot com. I gotta pull
out my phone because you know my outlook doesn't work.
Why would it? Hey, Kelsey, how you.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Doing good about yourself?
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Kelsey doing all right? Welcome to the program here. So
you have been in a relationship for a year and
a half and it says here that you think your
boyfriend's wonderful. Okay, great, well thanks for calling. I mean,
what are we talking about here? Your boyfriend's wonderful, You're
and a half a nice run, So what's the issue?
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Okay? So I'm going to say it again. He's really great.
He's very loving, very helpful around the house.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Here's a big butt coming, There's a big butt coming.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
He gets angry, okay, Like I mean, you know his
sports seems losing angry or you know his I don't know,
he stuffed his toe angry or you ran out of
fish ticks, its angry? You know, Like what kind of
angry are we talking about here?
Speaker 2 (01:57):
So I would definitely say he has anger issues. Heels,
He's punched a ball or two. Okay, sometimes he'll throw
things and it's it's a lot. And it's not like
he's ever hit me or anything like. I don't think
he would ever do that. But it's just kind of
(02:20):
terrifying to be around.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Him.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Is he mad at you or is he mad about
other things? Or it? Does it matter?
Speaker 2 (02:29):
It doesn't matter, it's just the way that he expresses
whatever he's feeling is not healthy. It's scary, okay.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
And do you feel in danger? I mean you say
that you don't think he would hit you, but like,
do you feel do you feel at risk by this
behavior or is it just scary because of how quickly
it ramps up in the way that he sort of
you know, it's communicated, I guess or manifest.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Yeah, I don't feel like I'm in danger, but it's
just stressful having to witness it and be around it.
And that's just how he is when he's upset.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
And has it always been this way the whole year
and a half or is this something that you're only
now seeing. Maybe he was able to sort of keep
it under wraps for a while.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Well, I mean I would say like the first few months,
like I hadn't really seen that side of him. But
you know, a few months in that's when you.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Start to see, right, you're not really dating the real
person for about six months I found that if you
make it that far, yeah, you're only seeing you're seeing
what they want you to see. So this is more
likely what you would be dealing with if you were
with him forever. A lot of texts already coming in.
(03:46):
You got to you gotta run, like you gotta go
the other way, Like this is a huge red flag. Now,
do you have any idea where this is coming from?
Speaker 4 (03:54):
Like?
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Is it where this why it ramps up so quickly?
I mean, is it?
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Like?
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Is it? Do you feel like he's really stressed out?
Do you feel like it's some sort of childhood trauma?
Do you think it's anxiety or I mean, you know,
is this something that a medical professional could address? Is
he willing to go to therapy? I mean, have you
talked about any of this with him? Have you said, hey,
I watch you go from zero to one hundred so
quickly and it really concerns me? Or does that just
cause him to go zero to one hundred.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
I'm I'm a little scared to talk to him about it, and.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
That's a problem. Flag beak grid flag. Yeah, she's scared. Yeah,
because I don't think anything's gonna change unless you communicate
to him that you are concerned about it, and if
you already feel trepidation about sharing it, with him or
sharing your thoughts with him. Then that's the problem, because
how is it ever going to be resolved. Do you
guys live together?
Speaker 2 (04:49):
We don't, not yet.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Huh. But you say he's wonderful. I mean, so every
other aspect of the relationship you're happy with, except when
he gets angry, he gets really ang.
Speaker 5 (05:01):
Yeah, huh yeah, And that's what's that's what's difficult here,
is he's actually really wonderful. It's just he's got a
short fuse and his emotional regulation just isn't good when
he's mad.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Yeah, I mean, it's overwhelming on the text, like it's
blowing up eight five five five three five you can
call him text the same number. It's it's overwhelming that
you have to move on. And I know that's easy
for other people to say. Unfortunately, it sounds like a
lot of people have lived through this before, though, and
so they're they're they're coming, you know, they're they're talking
to you, or they're they're giving this advice from their perspective,
and and maybe some of these people have seen it
(05:42):
through a little bit longer and it's been bad. Uh.
This is above my pay grade, though, which is why
I think when you have a bunch of strangers tell
you what to do eight five five three five. Fortunately,
this is not one that I've encountered before. I've encountered
people that drink way too much and then their behavior
become extremely erratic and dangerous, and that's a problem, But
(06:04):
I've never encountered anybody who gets just just hair pin
trigger angry. But if you can't talk to him about it,
I guess that's the first sign that I mean, how
do you expect it to be any different if you
don't feel comfortable talking to him about it and thus
coming up with some kind of a resolution, him getting
(06:25):
some kind of help. I mean, I guess I don't
know what. I don't know what to tell you. If
you can't talk to him about it like that to
me says everything.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
I mean, I could try to talk to him, I
just I haven't yet.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
Hmmm. I'm gonna take some phone calls on this, Kelsey.
I want you to listen, because I do think that
a lot of people out there, you know, something about
our show is when we talk about stuff, and people
can call from their perspectives and a lot of people
have lived this before, So maybe someone will say something
that's helpful to you or that inspires you to know
what to do next. But I wish you the best,
you know, be safe. Please Okay, yeah, thank you, thank you,
(07:03):
thank you. Have a good day. Yeah. People are saying,
I do feel like she's she's looking for validation to leave.
That's what I think. She's looking for someone to tell
her to leave. And I agree with that. A bunch
of texts like that, Hey Jessica, good morning.
Speaker 6 (07:16):
Good morning, how are you?
Speaker 1 (07:17):
And I was kind of serious to start the day.
But nonetheless, I think people out there may have lived
this before and might have some perspective to offer. This
woman is concerned because she's been with a guy for
a year and a half and she says he's a
great guy. Maybe she's saying next week, doesn't get mad,
but she says he's a great guy. He said he
has a temper and it hasn't really necessarily come out
(07:37):
at her, but it comes out, you know, punching walls
and you know, really sort of over the top, and
it's scary. What do you think.
Speaker 6 (07:46):
Well, I'm kind of on the other end of this.
I married this person. We dated for about four years,
and unfortunately I had unknown resolve unresolved childhood traumas, and
I thought this was no normal and we got married,
we have some kids, and I finally threw my therapist
(08:07):
have taken a standards and I'm not doing this anymore.
You have to go to therapy, you have to be
on medication. It have gotten better, but he still has
never said this is a problem, like he always says,
I'm working on myself. If he's never really come out
and said that, you know, I have this problem. I
have anger issues of fatality issues, like it's really hard.
(08:30):
It's really hard. So if I could go back in time,
sad to say, I love my children, but I would
not have played with it.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
It's such an interesting thing, Jessica, because I guess I
never really understood this until recently, and I've I've been
alive for a while. But you are saying that you
grew up seeing this or experiencing this, and so as
obvious as it sounds, you know, you just thought that
was how everybody was, and at some point what you
had an awakening, like you just said, wait a minute,
(08:57):
this isn't how, this is not how every relationship is.
It was modeled for you, and so now it's like, no,
hold on, I don't want to live this way. Is
that what happened? How did you come to that spot
where you realize, Okay, no, this isn't how it's supposed
to be.
Speaker 6 (09:11):
Well, I started going to therapy and I explained all
my situations to my therapist and she's and I mean
I've been with her for probably about four years now.
I've been married for seventeen. But yeah, she's just like,
this is not normal, and she kind of, you know,
let me see that it's not okay that he yells
at loud and throws things, and you know, I've actually
(09:33):
had to call the police, and I feel like that
that was kind of like an awaking me for him, Like, Okay,
she's not dealing with this anymore. This is not going
to be okay. Like I have to change. And my
kids are now experiencing, you know, problems because they witnessed this,
and so we're having to go through therapy with them
and you know, unresolved trauma. And I mean it's big.
(09:56):
Like she, like I said, if I could go back
in time, I wouldn't. I would have left him.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
Do you see a world Jessica where he I mean
he recognizes it and actually makes big steps towards changing it,
or do you think it's a lost cause.
Speaker 6 (10:10):
Well, my therapist says, I still have hope. So if
I still have hope, then there's you know, I shouldn't
leave yet He's actively working on it, and he has
gotten better. And I know that people in a piece
of situations often say, you know, like, oh, but he's
gotten so much better since then, But he has, and
so I'm trying to focus on that. And I've laid
out to him what I need in this marriage for
(10:32):
it to work. And we're actually we have a couple
of therapy tomorrow, so I'm going to present.
Speaker 7 (10:38):
Him with that.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
But that's what you're doing, Jessa. Takes a lot of
courage because everyone on here saying roun and I know
why they're saying that, because it's dangerous. There could be dangerous.
It sounds like you're fighting for it and you know,
giving this guy opportunity to change, uh, And that takes
a lot of courage. So good for you.
Speaker 6 (10:54):
Thanks, Thanks, I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
You have a good day, Jessica.
Speaker 6 (10:57):
Thanks you too.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
It's amazing how like you can not to make it
about me, but like you. You can experience something growing up,
you can know what it was, you can and then
and then you can be triggered by that behavior all
your life until one day you just say and it
happened for me recently. It's like wait a minute, no,
like no, I'm not you're not You're not gonna do that.
(11:19):
And then you you connect it with the thing that happened,
you know, early on in your life, and you're like, well,
that's why that triggers me. But now I'm taking a
stand like no, not no, like I'm not going to
be treated that way by anybody. And unfortunately sometimes it
takes over correction to then come to the place where
you just avoid it entirely. But that that makes me sad.
It makes me sad that this woman got herself into
a marriage thinking this is this is how it, this
(11:41):
is just how it is right because it's what she
saw and it and it doesn't have to be that way.
Hey Becky, good morning.
Speaker 6 (11:47):
It's good morning.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
How are you doing I Becky, Okay, so you're not
a total random you are a therapist. You know, we
did not check your licensure, but we'll go with it.
You hear this, what do you think.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
A person doesn't have emotional regulation, which is really control
of their emotions. Right now the relationship as relationship coach,
I will tell her, he's only going to get to
know you. He's going to become familiar, which once you
can he becomes familiar with you, he's going to feel
comfortable lashing out.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
You.
Speaker 4 (12:19):
And you don't know where that lashing is going to
go to indefinitely if he's behaving like that, asis well,
adverse childhood traumas have come in those experiences. So if
he doesn't have control of it, you have an individual
with unmanagemental health issues. They may manage it.
Speaker 7 (12:39):
What a faz with alcohol?
Speaker 1 (12:41):
You never know in your experience, Becky, you for your life? Okay,
all right, so she says, go now in your experience, though,
have you ever seen where people can be rehabilitated from this?
Like if the guy is really opened, if he accepts
the fact that this is really happening, and he wants
to save his family, and he goes to the right
person and he leans into the process. I mean, does
(13:01):
it have to be a go.
Speaker 8 (13:04):
No, it doesn't have to be a goal. But she's
afraid to address him, and and he's he hasn't taken
responsibility for his actions, because if he took responsibility for
his actions, you think it is when you look at
an individual you care about and you see how you've wounded.
Speaker 4 (13:22):
Them, or you see how you've brought them to fear,
you try to comfort them in that, whatever means it takes.
You would try to you know what, I'm going to
talk to somebody about this. You should be your own advocate.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Yeah, and that's yeah, that's not happening. Becky, Thank you.
Have a good day, you too. Yeah. I mean I'm
not naive to the fact this is happening a lot,
but my god is the text is blowing up with
people who, unfortunately can relate to this very scenario. Hey Monica, Hi,
good morning, Hi Monica. Yeah. So, if you're just joining,
and I know you're not, but if you're just tuning in,
stare go this woman you know he loves your boyfriend
(14:00):
says he's a great guy, but things go zero to
sixty with the anger. He gets very angry, very quickly,
and well it's not directed at her yet it concerns her,
but she's not willing to talk to him about it,
and she's wondering if she needs to get out. It
sounds like if she's not willing to talk about it,
then there's nothing left to talk about. Like she's got
to go.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
Yeah, she has to absolutely go. And as out listening, the.
Speaker 6 (14:23):
Fact that she says that I don't think.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
He'll hit me, Oh, she's not certain. I've been married
with my husband for over eighteen years and I can
say he will not hit me. There's a difference between
being angry simply.
Speaker 9 (14:37):
Just you know, the temple of angry old you know,
I'm hungry or I've lost the game. But the fact
that she cannot say he won't hit me, and even
listening to her talks, she sounds very scared to get
the words out.
Speaker 6 (14:51):
All the red flags are there.
Speaker 10 (14:53):
She has to go.
Speaker 6 (14:54):
She's setting herself up for a.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
Lifetime a failure, and one she brings kids into the mix,
it's gotta be even harder to leave. So I hope
that she's listening, but she needs to go.
Speaker 7 (15:05):
Yeah, needs to go.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Yeah, thank you, Bonica, have a good day.
Speaker 7 (15:10):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
I think it sometimes gets you into a value proposition too.
Some people think that they just don't they don't deserve
to have it all. And I'm not sure if that's
what she's thinking. But you know, for some people, it's well,
they just stay in it because it's like, well, you know,
he's nice most of the time.
Speaker 4 (15:22):
Yeah, you make excuse excuses, and you see potential and
you and.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
When it's good, it's probably really good, you know what
I mean.
Speaker 10 (15:28):
Like when they make up, it probably feels great, but
then it happens again.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
It's a cycle. Yeah, maya, hi, Hi, good morning, Hey,
good morning. Stay or go? What do you think when
you hear this it's kind of overwhelming today?
Speaker 10 (15:41):
Yeah, she needs to go, definitely. I sadly was in
a similar situation and he was throwing things and screaming
on stop until one day he drew something towards me
and smashed my face.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, and.
Speaker 10 (15:56):
He said he would never hit me, he would never
do anything like that, but one day it happened.
Speaker 6 (16:01):
He was so remorseful.
Speaker 10 (16:04):
I'm so sorry, But you know what, I walked away good.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Yes, yeah, a lot of strength and I'm sorry it
came to that. But so for you, when you hear this, it's, well,
it's not happening yet, but you know, we're on the trajectory.
It's escalating and so you hear this and you think, well,
you know, we're certainly headed in the wrong direction. As
far as he may not, he may say that, or
you may feel that now, but it's but since they've Matt,
it's gotten so much worse. So it's possible that it
(16:30):
turns on her.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
See.
Speaker 10 (16:32):
The scary thing about this is that God forbade it
turns on her, and then when she walks away like
myself now, if I hear a man yelling or loud
noises or anything smashing, I jump. And I was in
therapy for three years because of him. I'm much better now,
but I still get triggered.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
Yeah, I can imagine. Yeah, that's stuff that Steph lingers
very strong. Yeah, thank you, Maya, Thanks for sharing. Have
a good day.
Speaker 10 (16:56):
Thank you you too.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
All Right, I was gonna move on. I got time
for one more though, Albert, goodmore.
Speaker 7 (17:01):
Good morning. How you guys doing this guys all the time?
Speaker 1 (17:03):
And this guy kind of heavy, But I maybe it's
something that people need to hear because it obviously resonates
with people. But you are calling because you were this guy.
In some ways, I'm not saying this guy because I
don't know what you were, and I don't know what
he is, but but you were the angry guy. Yes, So.
Speaker 7 (17:21):
Childhood trauma all of that aside. There were issues in
our marriage and I became very angry and hateful and
verbally would lash out and things like that. Unfortunately, my
kids also saw me acting like that, and I knew
I needed to get better. I knew I wanted to
(17:42):
be better, but I was just in my own little
world with that hate and anger for so long that
that that was my normal. And it took for my
ex wife to actually go through with the whole divorce
process for me to you know, hit rock bottom man realize, hey,
I need to change. I need to you know, work
(18:05):
on myself and get rid of this anger that's built up.
So I'm in a much better place now. But and
I'm not trying to victim blame or anything like that,
but I feel now that I can think clearly about
how I behaved and how my anger was and what
I put my ex and the kids through. I'm a
(18:25):
little ashamed that, you know, my ex stayed with me
for as long as she did, because I kind of hope,
you know, she would have left that situation before it
got to that point.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
I hear you saying that you're accepting your behavior, and
you look back and think, how on earth would someone
stay with me through that, which is something you weren't
able to see at the time.
Speaker 7 (18:47):
Correct.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Yeah, And so here's here's a guy in a situation go. Yeah,
he's telling this woman to go from his perspective, use
I need to relationships say I'm going to stay for
the kids. I'm going to stay and work it out
for the kids. If you are in a use of relationship,
the best thing you can do for your kids is
to leave. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
And abuse can be emotional and it can be burner.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
It doesn't have to be physical. Yep. I appreciate you calling, man,
because you know, we really we had only heard from
you from the other side. So and the fact that
you can say that now and you could admit that
you were that person, and I appreciate that, it's valuable.
Have a good day, man, Yeah, I have a good one.
Speaker 7 (19:23):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
And then we did get a text it to Taylor
Swift announced an album. So just so you know, uh,
did you guys know Tailor Swifts announced very heavy, very
heavy topic. But Taylor Swift announced an album, So
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