July 15, 2025 • 19 mins
Serena is frustrated with her husband after he expressed he is jealous of the attention she gives to her newborn.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the Freas Show.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Let's get you Hotel A true for tun to see
Jennifer Lopez her brand new Las Vegas residency. Jennifer Lopez
Up All Night Live in Las Vegas March thirteenth, twenty
twenty six at the Coliseum at Caesar's Palace. Text Palace
to three seven three three seven right now for a
chance to win two tickets to the March thirteenth show
at two night hotels day March twelfth through the fourteenth
(00:24):
at Keith Flamingo Hotel Casino, Las Vegas and Brown tre
Fair Fair. A confirmation text will be sent Dennert message
and data rates may apply.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
All thanks to Live Nation.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Tickets are on stale now at ticketmaster dot com for
all shows running December thirtieth through January third, and March
sixth through the twenty eighth. It's stay or go all right,
Serena is here? Good morning, Serena. Welcome. Hi.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
How's it going doing great? Serena?
Speaker 2 (00:49):
What's going on in Sierrago? This is I mean, the
headline here is that you just had a baby.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
What two months ago?
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Yeah, two months ago, a little baby boy.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Yeahgula.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Since that's exciting you and your husband's in a little
biac So what what?
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Well and tell the story, Serena.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
So you had this baby, which is wonderful, and your
husband he's acting not acting right about this.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
He's not And listen, you know, just to be clear,
I'm not, you know, considering leaving my husband. But lately,
you know, he told me he doesn't want the baby
sleeping in our room anymore.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
And you know.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
That's tough because you know, we had the baby two
months ago and he says that if I cared about
our relationship at all, I'll move the baby into his
own room.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Okay, so you know, and that is I'm sorry to
rupt you, but is it the disruption? Is this sleeping disruption?
Is it?
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Like? What is his issue? Why does he want the
baby in the room?
Speaker 3 (01:47):
No, I you know, I'm not totally sure. Like he
just like gets visibly upset, like I think, you know,
he thinks I'm hogging the baby. And he gets visibly
upset when, you know, when I kiss the baby and
hug the baby, and he says, you never cuddle me
as much as him.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
He's jealous of the baby.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Well, she's jealous of the baby.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
I mean, what does he what does he expect you
to do exactly two months postpartuim is he expect you
to I guess at this point just to banish the child,
but the child in another room, like we didn't do this.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Oh my god, it's all I know.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
I know, I don't know. You know, he's saying that,
like ever since I gave birth, all I wanted to
be as a mom and not a wife. And you
know that's pretty intense. And he also gets upset because
you know, we decided I decided to breastfeed, even though
we had originally talked about not doing it.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
That was an issue for him.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
That was a really big issue for him.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Affect him.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
I'm asking that question, Uh, Paulina as a mom, I'm
asking that question.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Honestly, I don't know the answer. But how does it
negatively affect him?
Speaker 4 (02:52):
It showed in first and foremost mom can make that choice.
So and I congrats on doing that because the full
time job to breastfeed. The only issue well, and I
mean this quote is that he might not be able
to feed the baby at night via bottle or whatever. Right,
because sometimes they say mom wants to rest, how is
dad going to feed the baby?
Speaker 1 (03:07):
But that you guys can figure.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
That all out later your baby, or is too much
just more time, so mom has to dedicate to the baby.
As if if there were it was model feeding, then
I suppose anybody could feed the baby.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Correct, Okay, right?
Speaker 3 (03:20):
You know, so it's just like you know, he says,
I treat him like an absentee father because I don't
tell him when the baby's getting a bath or when
you know, when he's going down for a nap, like
I make the decisions myself. But obviously I'm you know,
I'm not doing that on the purpose.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
And I have a feeling that someone texted this, but
this has something to do with intimacy as well, which
you're two months postpartum, so I mean, aren't we a
little again, I'm not going to get too detailed about that,
but don't we wait a little longer than that anyway?
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Isn't it? Is it sixty days?
Speaker 4 (03:50):
Well, typically six weeks you have a good checkof you
go to a checkop, but they kind of clear you
or what not, depending you know, if you have c section,
if you have the vaginal birth. But in two months
you can still be in diapers. So I don't understand
what his.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Way, So we're not even really there yet, not there
yet necessarily not Yeah, so you.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
Know, and obviously we're both just exhausted and I'm really
trying my best. And I just never imagined in a
million years he'd react like this.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
I don't mean to be insensitive, Serena, but what did
he think was going to happen? I mean, you and
I realized it's an adjustment, but he's you know, you guys,
I assume discussed having children and you and you and
you conceived one, and for the last nine months you've
been you know, pregnant, you know, baking this this, this
little guy and now meybe. So I would think that
(04:36):
the transition would be sort of happening, right, like, Okay,
we're adding to the family. There's going to be a
new obligation here, that's going to be someone something dividing
our attention a little bit.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
We have another.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
But I guess I don't understand why he's surprised that
you have to raise the kid and that you can't
just put the kid in another room and pay attention
to me all the time, Like it's it's very much
me behavior.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
Yeah, totally, And you know, like you said, It's not
like we just decided to do this overnight. You know,
this was a discussion, this was many months of talking
about it, and obviously the baby needs more right now
at this stage, and like it's just temporary.
Speaker 5 (05:15):
It goes by so quickly, and I just he just
can't see that, and I think he's taking it really personally,
and I did not expect to set off from him,
and I just I just don't know what to do.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
I'm sorry to be negative, but this is him making
this about him. He's not being considerate of you. He's
not being considerate of what you're going through. He's not
being considerate of what the child needs.
Speaker 6 (05:37):
It.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Clearly isn't ready to make the adjustment that he's going
to have to share your attention now with another human.
He's acting like this is a surprise, like he wasn't
involved in the process of making the kid the postpartum.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
I don't know the answer either.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
But I mean, I get that someone just said mental
health as well as a new debt. I don't know
if that means that a man's mental health his wild Look,
this is a transition, for sure, but making her feel
bad about tending to the child I think is really
the wrong way to go.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
I agree.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
I mean, listen, everyone's world is upside down right now,
right especially you as a brand new mom.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Just everything you're going through.
Speaker 4 (06:18):
I mean, you are in the thick of it, and
I feel like if anything the husband has to your
husband has to be so supportive of anything that you
need in that moment. And because he's not, he's focused
on his I don't even know what he's focused on.
If he just wants you, you know, intimately, or whatever
like that that needs put to the side. I'm sorry
you guys, well, once again, have all the amazing sex
and all the amazing times together and dance and all
of that, but right now, I think like your focus
(06:39):
should be truly both on the baby get.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Two months out, honestly, and and not that his needs
don't matter. I don't mean to just dump on this guy,
but two months after having a baby, he needs to
be focused on what's best for you and the baby
and his needs can be met down the road. And yeah,
and I don't think his needs are going to any
closer to being met when he's just like the baby,
(07:04):
these are not This is not a good sign for me.
And again I don't have any experience in any of this,
but it just doesn't feel right to me, and the
texts are overwhelmingly in favor of this is really bad.
And I'm sorry to say that to you because I
know you just had a baby with this guy, but
this is really not the kind of supportive, you know,
selfless behavior that you would hope from someone after what
(07:26):
you just went through. But let me take some phone
calls on this and see if you know. And by
the way, you're welcome to feel differently about it, and
maybe you can enlighten us in some ways because the
men in the room here have never had a baby,
so I don't I admittedly do not know. To me though,
my thought is it feels bad.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Yeah, I feel so. I feel so bad for you, mama.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
Yeah, And you know again, I'm not like thinking about
leaving him, but just like, I just feel like this
confirms everything that I've sort of been thinking, and you know,
I don't want to lose myself or my marriage. You know.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Well, good luck to you, and let's see what some
people have to here. And I appreciate you sharing and
all the best. Have a great day. Thanks you too,
y serena maternal mental health professional. Men go through postpartum
mood changes and postpartum depression. It's a maternal mental I'm
a maternal mental health professional.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Okay, so that may be what he's experiencing.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
But it doesn't necessarily change the negative effect it's having
on her and the pressure it's adding to what has
to be done. It's not a choice to care for
the baby, correct, So you know, it's not like she
can just go I'll do a little less of that.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Hey, Julie, good morning, Good morning.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
Hi Julie, So you just heard this this situation, but
this woman is is experiencing sort of a negative reaction
from her husband that all of a sudden, there's this
this new being that she's having to devote so much
attention to.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
What do you think when you hear tell the story.
Speaker 7 (08:53):
It's your reminiscent. We have three kids and they do
get jealous, and that's the bottom line. And he's going
to have to figure out You're gonna have to talk
to somebody and deal with his emotions because this is
a newborn. They need they need the parents. There's no
one taking care of the baby, and he's just going
(09:15):
to have to step up a little bit and do
what's best for the family right now. Now, I'm not
saying that marriage doesn't come first, but you know, dude
needs to wait four months. Yeah, you know, with that
extra special attention that he really is craving, that's all.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
It's funny you mentioned that, Julie, because a lot, a lot,
a lot a lot of years ago. I think it
had to do with him a politician, cheating on his
wife or something, and someone brought this up.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
This was a long time ago.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
I heard this, and and the person hosting the debate
was saying, you know, people say, when it comes to marriage,
most people will answer the question when asked, you know,
what's the most important part of your family, they'll say, well,
the kids. My kids are the most important thing to me.
And because that sounds right, but or it sounds harsh
to say that my spouse is the most important thing.
But the fact of the matter is, this person was arguing,
(10:04):
that's the right answer. My spouse is the most important
thing in the relationship, because if that's not solid, then
my kids, who come to it at a close second,
will not necessarily have a good upbringing. Mike, I would
think the asterisk to that would be when the kid
is literally an infant and the mom is literally post
part part of I mean, it's like, you can wait,
(10:25):
you can wait sixty ninety days for us to get
this together. This this baby relies on me for absolutely everything.
It's not a choice, it's not a preference. It is
a mandate, right, Like if we don't do it, it's
not happening. Correct, So your husband can be the most
important thing to you once we get this baby, like
you know, with a with a hard heads, once its
(10:49):
skull forms tolling you. Yes, right, I guess that's where
I'm at with this. But Julie, thank you for calling.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Thank you, have a good day.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
It's like, guy, you know, this isn't a this isn't
a ten year old. You know, it's like I'd rather
drive the kid to practice and have sex with you.
Like that's that that would indicate something I think a
lot deeper. This is, Hey, I'm going through all this
stuff emotionally and physically and and and we're figuring figuring
out how to raise a human and you're worried about
whether you're getting coddled enough.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
It takes two years for a mom to really get
back to her quote normal self, I'm gonna say that,
so I'm not even there yet myself, so I can't
even imagine how she feels.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Again, I don't mean to be like anti male here.
I just I think a lot of guys listening now
would have who've been through this. I gotta think they're thinking, like, dude,
it's not about you right now, Like it's it can't
be about you right now.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Emily, Hi, Hi, Hi? What do you think?
Speaker 7 (11:46):
So?
Speaker 8 (11:46):
I have two babies. I had two babies under and
under two years, and I think I've rest both of them.
And the breasting issue is the thing that like really
sticks out to me is like sticky, I'm asageuation. I
really don't understand what his problem with her breastfeeding is.
What I love to say, though, is while I think
(12:09):
this is like a weird situation and he's definitely putting
a lot of unnecessary like anxiety on a new mom,
I am sympathetic to the fact that, like having a
baby is an adjustment for both partners, and there is
definitely a point where you want to kick the baby
out of your room because you're ready to have some
space back. But two months plus part of him is
(12:31):
not that time. Maybe four to six months is a more.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
I That's what I'm saying is right now would not
be the time to put pressure. I don't think on
the relationship to make it about you, because I just
feel like there's so much adjustment going on, and I
don't think it's necessarily personal. I don't think, but I
think I think that one way it could create a
tremendous amount of divide is by behaving this way right now,
right right.
Speaker 8 (12:58):
And I think that a lot of time, we actually,
more often than not, we are very focused in that
nine months of growing a baby on the needs that
the baby will have, but there's not a lot of
support about like what a new mom needs, especially a
breastfeeding mom, or women with their hormones and postpart of
issues and how to be like partners in that situation.
(13:21):
And so I do think there are ways to move
past it. Like when I was pregnant with our second baby,
our first daby was had just turned one, and we
decided to do some couple of counseling courses that are
about like bringing home baby, that like focus less on
the like how to feed and diaper and take care
of your baby and more on like how to be
(13:42):
partners in that idea. Yeah, there's one specifically by the Gotman.
They're like pretty famous couple counselors, and it's called bringing
Home Baby. So, like, I do think there's ways to
work past it, but he has to be willing to
like listen and hear her.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Yeah, yeah, it is good. Good points. Thank you for calling,
Thanks for listening, have a good day. Thank you, appreciate you, Julian. Julian,
were not considering his feelings really.
Speaker 6 (14:14):
Now because Y're focusing more on him. I want to
be intimate with him. I had a baby too, and
the father of my daughter was really involved with the child.
I tell him when I'm going to feed the baby,
I tell him when the baby's going to sleep, and
everything else in between.
Speaker 8 (14:31):
It's the community.
Speaker 6 (14:32):
I believe her issue is of no one had to
communicate with the father, of putting him involved actively in
the baby's child. And when I had my first baby,
I was very insecure.
Speaker 9 (14:44):
Because I will call her father through the trauma that
I've been with all the time. But I do understand
when you said that it's an intimate issue and everything.
But she did mention of him feeling absent in the
child's life.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
You know that's fair.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
If that's fair much, maybe and someone text right, Julian,
I'm so someone texted maybe maybe he hasn't bonded with
the child yet. I think for me it was the
comment about you don't cuddle me, you've never cuddled me
as much as you've cuddled him.
Speaker 6 (15:14):
Well, my daughter will feel like that. But at the
same time, I.
Speaker 9 (15:22):
Had my daughter in certain plays.
Speaker 8 (15:26):
In a toy band.
Speaker 6 (15:27):
I apologize, my English is my second language.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
No, you're fine.
Speaker 6 (15:31):
My daughter in a in a play band by the
by the bed, so he wasn't.
Speaker 8 (15:37):
She wasn't in the bed with us.
Speaker 6 (15:40):
So maybe other than putting the child in it on
his own roomb, maybe you know, put a little band
or something next to next to her or something in
the womb and that and whatnot. But at the same time,
she they just had a baby within too much. So
maybe he will probably do some research and see a
way to make her feel better with him being in
(16:04):
the in the intimate say as well, because at the
time is not really sex really is more but they're
sitting together and talking.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Yeah, thank you, Julie. I appreciate the budget. Have a
good day, of course, thanks for listening. I think for me,
it's the sixty days. You know, if we're talking about
this after three years, you know my needs are being met.
You're not paying attention to me. We're not you know,
our partnership is falling apart. Like okay, okay, Like the
kid's a little bit more independent. It's been years of
this now, you know he doesn't feel like he's part
(16:33):
of the process. I mean, all that is fair, but
I mean we are. It is just so new and
we're to your point, we're still physically healing from what happened.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Yeah, Kathy, Hi, Kathy.
Speaker 10 (16:45):
Hi, good morning, Hey, good morning.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
And just to recap here, this woman, Serena Colton, she
just had a baby sixty days ago and her husband's
not adjusting well. Essentially, he's throwing a temper tantrum, saying, hey,
you're not paying enough attention to me. I want the
baby out of the room. I want to be cuddled more,
I want to be he held. But whatever he wants,
he wants all the things that baby's getting. But I
don't know that she's necessary. I mean, maybe she's choosing
to do this, but at the same time, I think
(17:08):
she kind of has to write.
Speaker 10 (17:12):
Yeah, and something similar happened to me. I was married,
had a baby, so excited the whole time and everything,
but then he got really insecure after the baby was born, because, yeah,
you don't go out to dinner every night, you know,
you don't have all that free time for yourself.
Speaker 7 (17:26):
And he ended up, you know, it drove a wedge
between us.
Speaker 10 (17:30):
He ended up having an affair, and then when we
were splitting up, she said that it was the lack
of attention and more attention on the baby, and it's just,
you know, like hindsight, it was all just a lot
of insecurity, like you're so jealous of a little baby,
like a sweet little baby.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
Well, it's all just gaslighting, right, because he's again I've
said it fifty times in the last fifteen minutes, what
are you supposed to do, especially in these really early stages,
what are you supposed to do? Just okay, you know what,
baby's crying and needs to eat, and it requires me
to do everything, you know, let me make sure that
I hold you a little longer.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
I don't, don't and it's just a tough spot to
put her in.
Speaker 10 (18:06):
Yeah, it's like I'm sorry, time to put your big
boy pants on, like you're a dad now, like it's
time to provide and you know, intimacy will come later.
Right now, it's all about your baby. You cannot make
it about you. And like I said, just a lot
of insecurity.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Yeah, yeah, I think so. Thank you, Kathy, and I'm
sure that happened to you, but thanks for sharing.
Speaker 10 (18:23):
It was all for the best.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
There you go, have a good day. Did you have
any final thoughts?
Speaker 4 (18:29):
I do, because people are saying, you know, maybe dad
doesn't feel like he's bonding with baby. I think mom could, okay,
maybe give him like hey, do bathrough those things like that.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
People have to understand it.
Speaker 4 (18:38):
Two months postpartum, you feel like you don't want to
be away from your baby, like it's I don't know
if it's just like this. I call it a primal feeling,
Like I feel like I just like I had to
grab her all the time as somebody was holding her.
I needed her back instantly. So like we have to
give grace to the mom to understand that these are
her hormones.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
This is how she's feeling, you know what I mean.
We're talking about a chemical reaction. We're talking about human
chemical reacty, we're not. It's not necessary early all a choice, correct,
So is my understanding at least so Yeah,
This is the Freas Show.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Let's get you Hotel A true for tun to see
Jennifer Lopez her brand new Las Vegas residency. Jennifer Lopez
Up All Night Live in Las Vegas March thirteenth, twenty
twenty six at the Coliseum at Caesar's Palace. Text Palace
to three seven three three seven right now for a
chance to win two tickets to the March thirteenth show
at two night hotels day March twelfth through the fourteenth
(00:24):
at Keith Flamingo Hotel Casino, Las Vegas and Brown tre
Fair Fair. A confirmation text will be sent Dennert message
and data rates may apply.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
All thanks to Live Nation.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Tickets are on stale now at ticketmaster dot com for
all shows running December thirtieth through January third, and March
sixth through the twenty eighth. It's stay or go all right,
Serena is here? Good morning, Serena. Welcome. Hi.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
How's it going doing great? Serena?
Speaker 2 (00:49):
What's going on in Sierrago? This is I mean, the
headline here is that you just had a baby.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
What two months ago?
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Yeah, two months ago, a little baby boy.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Yeahgula.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Since that's exciting you and your husband's in a little
biac So what what?
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Well and tell the story, Serena.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
So you had this baby, which is wonderful, and your
husband he's acting not acting right about this.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
He's not And listen, you know, just to be clear,
I'm not, you know, considering leaving my husband. But lately,
you know, he told me he doesn't want the baby
sleeping in our room anymore.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
And you know.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
That's tough because you know, we had the baby two
months ago and he says that if I cared about
our relationship at all, I'll move the baby into his
own room.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Okay, so you know, and that is I'm sorry to
rupt you, but is it the disruption? Is this sleeping disruption?
Is it?
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Like? What is his issue? Why does he want the
baby in the room?
Speaker 3 (01:47):
No, I you know, I'm not totally sure. Like he
just like gets visibly upset, like I think, you know,
he thinks I'm hogging the baby. And he gets visibly
upset when, you know, when I kiss the baby and
hug the baby, and he says, you never cuddle me
as much as him.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
He's jealous of the baby.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Well, she's jealous of the baby.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
I mean, what does he what does he expect you
to do exactly two months postpartuim is he expect you
to I guess at this point just to banish the child,
but the child in another room, like we didn't do this.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Oh my god, it's all I know.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
I know, I don't know. You know, he's saying that,
like ever since I gave birth, all I wanted to
be as a mom and not a wife. And you
know that's pretty intense. And he also gets upset because
you know, we decided I decided to breastfeed, even though
we had originally talked about not doing it.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
That was an issue for him.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
That was a really big issue for him.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Affect him.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
I'm asking that question, Uh, Paulina as a mom, I'm
asking that question.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Honestly, I don't know the answer. But how does it
negatively affect him?
Speaker 4 (02:52):
It showed in first and foremost mom can make that choice.
So and I congrats on doing that because the full
time job to breastfeed. The only issue well, and I
mean this quote is that he might not be able
to feed the baby at night via bottle or whatever. Right,
because sometimes they say mom wants to rest, how is
dad going to feed the baby?
Speaker 1 (03:07):
But that you guys can figure.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
That all out later your baby, or is too much
just more time, so mom has to dedicate to the baby.
As if if there were it was model feeding, then
I suppose anybody could feed the baby.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Correct, Okay, right?
Speaker 3 (03:20):
You know, so it's just like you know, he says,
I treat him like an absentee father because I don't
tell him when the baby's getting a bath or when
you know, when he's going down for a nap, like
I make the decisions myself. But obviously I'm you know,
I'm not doing that on the purpose.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
And I have a feeling that someone texted this, but
this has something to do with intimacy as well, which
you're two months postpartum, so I mean, aren't we a
little again, I'm not going to get too detailed about that,
but don't we wait a little longer than that anyway?
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Isn't it? Is it sixty days?
Speaker 4 (03:50):
Well, typically six weeks you have a good checkof you
go to a checkop, but they kind of clear you
or what not, depending you know, if you have c section,
if you have the vaginal birth. But in two months
you can still be in diapers. So I don't understand
what his.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Way, So we're not even really there yet, not there
yet necessarily not Yeah, so you.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
Know, and obviously we're both just exhausted and I'm really
trying my best. And I just never imagined in a
million years he'd react like this.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
I don't mean to be insensitive, Serena, but what did
he think was going to happen? I mean, you and
I realized it's an adjustment, but he's you know, you guys,
I assume discussed having children and you and you and
you conceived one, and for the last nine months you've
been you know, pregnant, you know, baking this this, this
little guy and now meybe. So I would think that
(04:36):
the transition would be sort of happening, right, like, Okay,
we're adding to the family. There's going to be a
new obligation here, that's going to be someone something dividing
our attention a little bit.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
We have another.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
But I guess I don't understand why he's surprised that
you have to raise the kid and that you can't
just put the kid in another room and pay attention
to me all the time, Like it's it's very much
me behavior.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
Yeah, totally, And you know, like you said, It's not
like we just decided to do this overnight. You know,
this was a discussion, this was many months of talking
about it, and obviously the baby needs more right now
at this stage, and like it's just temporary.
Speaker 5 (05:15):
It goes by so quickly, and I just he just
can't see that, and I think he's taking it really personally,
and I did not expect to set off from him,
and I just I just don't know what to do.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
I'm sorry to be negative, but this is him making
this about him. He's not being considerate of you. He's
not being considerate of what you're going through. He's not
being considerate of what the child needs.
Speaker 6 (05:37):
It.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Clearly isn't ready to make the adjustment that he's going
to have to share your attention now with another human.
He's acting like this is a surprise, like he wasn't
involved in the process of making the kid the postpartum.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
I don't know the answer either.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
But I mean, I get that someone just said mental
health as well as a new debt. I don't know
if that means that a man's mental health his wild Look,
this is a transition, for sure, but making her feel
bad about tending to the child I think is really
the wrong way to go.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
I agree.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
I mean, listen, everyone's world is upside down right now,
right especially you as a brand new mom.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Just everything you're going through.
Speaker 4 (06:18):
I mean, you are in the thick of it, and
I feel like if anything the husband has to your
husband has to be so supportive of anything that you
need in that moment. And because he's not, he's focused
on his I don't even know what he's focused on.
If he just wants you, you know, intimately, or whatever
like that that needs put to the side. I'm sorry
you guys, well, once again, have all the amazing sex
and all the amazing times together and dance and all
of that, but right now, I think like your focus
(06:39):
should be truly both on the baby get.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Two months out, honestly, and and not that his needs
don't matter. I don't mean to just dump on this guy,
but two months after having a baby, he needs to
be focused on what's best for you and the baby
and his needs can be met down the road. And yeah,
and I don't think his needs are going to any
closer to being met when he's just like the baby,
(07:04):
these are not This is not a good sign for me.
And again I don't have any experience in any of this,
but it just doesn't feel right to me, and the
texts are overwhelmingly in favor of this is really bad.
And I'm sorry to say that to you because I
know you just had a baby with this guy, but
this is really not the kind of supportive, you know,
selfless behavior that you would hope from someone after what
(07:26):
you just went through. But let me take some phone
calls on this and see if you know. And by
the way, you're welcome to feel differently about it, and
maybe you can enlighten us in some ways because the
men in the room here have never had a baby,
so I don't I admittedly do not know. To me though,
my thought is it feels bad.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Yeah, I feel so. I feel so bad for you, mama.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
Yeah, And you know again, I'm not like thinking about
leaving him, but just like, I just feel like this
confirms everything that I've sort of been thinking, and you know,
I don't want to lose myself or my marriage. You know.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Well, good luck to you, and let's see what some
people have to here. And I appreciate you sharing and
all the best. Have a great day. Thanks you too,
y serena maternal mental health professional. Men go through postpartum
mood changes and postpartum depression. It's a maternal mental I'm
a maternal mental health professional.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Okay, so that may be what he's experiencing.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
But it doesn't necessarily change the negative effect it's having
on her and the pressure it's adding to what has
to be done. It's not a choice to care for
the baby, correct, So you know, it's not like she
can just go I'll do a little less of that.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Hey, Julie, good morning, Good morning.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
Hi Julie, So you just heard this this situation, but
this woman is is experiencing sort of a negative reaction
from her husband that all of a sudden, there's this
this new being that she's having to devote so much
attention to.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
What do you think when you hear tell the story.
Speaker 7 (08:53):
It's your reminiscent. We have three kids and they do
get jealous, and that's the bottom line. And he's going
to have to figure out You're gonna have to talk
to somebody and deal with his emotions because this is
a newborn. They need they need the parents. There's no
one taking care of the baby, and he's just going
(09:15):
to have to step up a little bit and do
what's best for the family right now. Now, I'm not
saying that marriage doesn't come first, but you know, dude
needs to wait four months. Yeah, you know, with that
extra special attention that he really is craving, that's all.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
It's funny you mentioned that, Julie, because a lot, a lot,
a lot a lot of years ago. I think it
had to do with him a politician, cheating on his
wife or something, and someone brought this up.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
This was a long time ago.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
I heard this, and and the person hosting the debate
was saying, you know, people say, when it comes to marriage,
most people will answer the question when asked, you know,
what's the most important part of your family, they'll say, well,
the kids. My kids are the most important thing to me.
And because that sounds right, but or it sounds harsh
to say that my spouse is the most important thing.
But the fact of the matter is, this person was arguing,
(10:04):
that's the right answer. My spouse is the most important
thing in the relationship, because if that's not solid, then
my kids, who come to it at a close second,
will not necessarily have a good upbringing. Mike, I would
think the asterisk to that would be when the kid
is literally an infant and the mom is literally post
part part of I mean, it's like, you can wait,
(10:25):
you can wait sixty ninety days for us to get
this together. This this baby relies on me for absolutely everything.
It's not a choice, it's not a preference. It is
a mandate, right, Like if we don't do it, it's
not happening. Correct, So your husband can be the most
important thing to you once we get this baby, like
you know, with a with a hard heads, once its
(10:49):
skull forms tolling you. Yes, right, I guess that's where
I'm at with this. But Julie, thank you for calling.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Thank you, have a good day.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
It's like, guy, you know, this isn't a this isn't
a ten year old. You know, it's like I'd rather
drive the kid to practice and have sex with you.
Like that's that that would indicate something I think a
lot deeper. This is, Hey, I'm going through all this
stuff emotionally and physically and and and we're figuring figuring
out how to raise a human and you're worried about
whether you're getting coddled enough.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
It takes two years for a mom to really get
back to her quote normal self, I'm gonna say that,
so I'm not even there yet myself, so I can't
even imagine how she feels.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Again, I don't mean to be like anti male here.
I just I think a lot of guys listening now
would have who've been through this. I gotta think they're thinking, like, dude,
it's not about you right now, Like it's it can't
be about you right now.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Emily, Hi, Hi, Hi? What do you think?
Speaker 7 (11:46):
So?
Speaker 8 (11:46):
I have two babies. I had two babies under and
under two years, and I think I've rest both of them.
And the breasting issue is the thing that like really
sticks out to me is like sticky, I'm asageuation. I
really don't understand what his problem with her breastfeeding is.
What I love to say, though, is while I think
(12:09):
this is like a weird situation and he's definitely putting
a lot of unnecessary like anxiety on a new mom,
I am sympathetic to the fact that, like having a
baby is an adjustment for both partners, and there is
definitely a point where you want to kick the baby
out of your room because you're ready to have some
space back. But two months plus part of him is
(12:31):
not that time. Maybe four to six months is a more.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
I That's what I'm saying is right now would not
be the time to put pressure. I don't think on
the relationship to make it about you, because I just
feel like there's so much adjustment going on, and I
don't think it's necessarily personal. I don't think, but I
think I think that one way it could create a
tremendous amount of divide is by behaving this way right now,
right right.
Speaker 8 (12:58):
And I think that a lot of time, we actually,
more often than not, we are very focused in that
nine months of growing a baby on the needs that
the baby will have, but there's not a lot of
support about like what a new mom needs, especially a
breastfeeding mom, or women with their hormones and postpart of
issues and how to be like partners in that situation.
(13:21):
And so I do think there are ways to move
past it. Like when I was pregnant with our second baby,
our first daby was had just turned one, and we
decided to do some couple of counseling courses that are
about like bringing home baby, that like focus less on
the like how to feed and diaper and take care
of your baby and more on like how to be
(13:42):
partners in that idea. Yeah, there's one specifically by the Gotman.
They're like pretty famous couple counselors, and it's called bringing
Home Baby. So, like, I do think there's ways to
work past it, but he has to be willing to
like listen and hear her.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Yeah, yeah, it is good. Good points. Thank you for calling,
Thanks for listening, have a good day. Thank you, appreciate you, Julian. Julian,
were not considering his feelings really.
Speaker 6 (14:14):
Now because Y're focusing more on him. I want to
be intimate with him. I had a baby too, and
the father of my daughter was really involved with the child.
I tell him when I'm going to feed the baby,
I tell him when the baby's going to sleep, and
everything else in between.
Speaker 8 (14:31):
It's the community.
Speaker 6 (14:32):
I believe her issue is of no one had to
communicate with the father, of putting him involved actively in
the baby's child. And when I had my first baby,
I was very insecure.
Speaker 9 (14:44):
Because I will call her father through the trauma that
I've been with all the time. But I do understand
when you said that it's an intimate issue and everything.
But she did mention of him feeling absent in the
child's life.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
You know that's fair.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
If that's fair much, maybe and someone text right, Julian,
I'm so someone texted maybe maybe he hasn't bonded with
the child yet. I think for me it was the
comment about you don't cuddle me, you've never cuddled me
as much as you've cuddled him.
Speaker 6 (15:14):
Well, my daughter will feel like that. But at the
same time, I.
Speaker 9 (15:22):
Had my daughter in certain plays.
Speaker 8 (15:26):
In a toy band.
Speaker 6 (15:27):
I apologize, my English is my second language.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
No, you're fine.
Speaker 6 (15:31):
My daughter in a in a play band by the
by the bed, so he wasn't.
Speaker 8 (15:37):
She wasn't in the bed with us.
Speaker 6 (15:40):
So maybe other than putting the child in it on
his own roomb, maybe you know, put a little band
or something next to next to her or something in
the womb and that and whatnot. But at the same time,
she they just had a baby within too much. So
maybe he will probably do some research and see a
way to make her feel better with him being in
(16:04):
the in the intimate say as well, because at the
time is not really sex really is more but they're
sitting together and talking.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Yeah, thank you, Julie. I appreciate the budget. Have a
good day, of course, thanks for listening. I think for me,
it's the sixty days. You know, if we're talking about
this after three years, you know my needs are being met.
You're not paying attention to me. We're not you know,
our partnership is falling apart. Like okay, okay, Like the
kid's a little bit more independent. It's been years of
this now, you know he doesn't feel like he's part
(16:33):
of the process. I mean, all that is fair, but
I mean we are. It is just so new and
we're to your point, we're still physically healing from what happened.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Yeah, Kathy, Hi, Kathy.
Speaker 10 (16:45):
Hi, good morning, Hey, good morning.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
And just to recap here, this woman, Serena Colton, she
just had a baby sixty days ago and her husband's
not adjusting well. Essentially, he's throwing a temper tantrum, saying, hey,
you're not paying enough attention to me. I want the
baby out of the room. I want to be cuddled more,
I want to be he held. But whatever he wants,
he wants all the things that baby's getting. But I
don't know that she's necessary. I mean, maybe she's choosing
to do this, but at the same time, I think
(17:08):
she kind of has to write.
Speaker 10 (17:12):
Yeah, and something similar happened to me. I was married,
had a baby, so excited the whole time and everything,
but then he got really insecure after the baby was born, because, yeah,
you don't go out to dinner every night, you know,
you don't have all that free time for yourself.
Speaker 7 (17:26):
And he ended up, you know, it drove a wedge
between us.
Speaker 10 (17:30):
He ended up having an affair, and then when we
were splitting up, she said that it was the lack
of attention and more attention on the baby, and it's just,
you know, like hindsight, it was all just a lot
of insecurity, like you're so jealous of a little baby,
like a sweet little baby.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
Well, it's all just gaslighting, right, because he's again I've
said it fifty times in the last fifteen minutes, what
are you supposed to do, especially in these really early stages,
what are you supposed to do? Just okay, you know what,
baby's crying and needs to eat, and it requires me
to do everything, you know, let me make sure that
I hold you a little longer.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
I don't, don't and it's just a tough spot to
put her in.
Speaker 10 (18:06):
Yeah, it's like I'm sorry, time to put your big
boy pants on, like you're a dad now, like it's
time to provide and you know, intimacy will come later.
Right now, it's all about your baby. You cannot make
it about you. And like I said, just a lot
of insecurity.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Yeah, yeah, I think so. Thank you, Kathy, and I'm
sure that happened to you, but thanks for sharing.
Speaker 10 (18:23):
It was all for the best.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
There you go, have a good day. Did you have
any final thoughts?
Speaker 4 (18:29):
I do, because people are saying, you know, maybe dad
doesn't feel like he's bonding with baby. I think mom could, okay,
maybe give him like hey, do bathrough those things like that.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
People have to understand it.
Speaker 4 (18:38):
Two months postpartum, you feel like you don't want to
be away from your baby, like it's I don't know
if it's just like this. I call it a primal feeling,
Like I feel like I just like I had to
grab her all the time as somebody was holding her.
I needed her back instantly. So like we have to
give grace to the mom to understand that these are
her hormones.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
This is how she's feeling, you know what I mean.
We're talking about a chemical reaction. We're talking about human
chemical reacty, we're not. It's not necessary early all a choice, correct,
So is my understanding at least so Yeah,
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