May 13, 2025 • 20 mins
Amanda and her boyfriend have been dating for 6 months and don't have many problems. However, on the weekends her boyfriend drinks and turns into a different person. Fred and the crew discuss what they think she should do!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Fred Show is on. It's stay or go. It's gone
too far, Bella, It's gone too far. We obtained an
actual photograph of Bella Hamine, our intern who if you
missed it a few minutes ago. She believes that she
should be honored as the first daughter of her hometown
in California because her dad is the part time mayor.
(00:21):
And if you go to our instagram, Fred Show Radio,
you're gonna see that this is an image that she
posted herself. This is unbelievable. She had a full on
photo shoot and everything. The haters are going to say
it's photoshop because of the hands, but she has manley hands.
She has manly hands, shoulders, and she's part black, which
(00:45):
a lot of people didn't know. I didn't know that
about it. But man talk about taking his shine away
from her dad who's doing the hard work. This is crazy.
This is the image Fred Show Radio was like. Last
we grew on this esteemed panel for this international radio conference.
They flew us to Toronto. We're on this panel and
this dude has been listening. We said more than a dude.
(01:06):
He's a he too, is an esteemed European radio manager.
Yeah right, big, big time guy and apparently he'd been
listening to our show for weeks and like picking out
moments and then use it for this this slideshow kind
of presentation thing and the question and answer in front
of all these radio people from all over the world.
And one of the images he found was of Kiki's
(01:26):
cord and Kiki has three hands in the image. He's
has three hands and one's white or two might be white.
I'm not even sure. But okay, here we are. You know,
it's like, miss you should know. You know, if you came,
you're thinking you were going to get secrets. The secret
is we don't have any money for a graphic designer.
That's the secret. We don't have to say something. We do.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
We do what we can photographers, none of the videographers.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
But I had to just say it. I had to
say just I had to get it out of the
way and say, guys, we're aware that Kiki has three
hands in this that's that's what we're working with in
the United States. Guys, Hey, Amanda, good morning, Well, hi Amanda,
welcome to the show. Welcome to Stay or Go. We
appreciate your note. What's going on with this boyfriend of yours?
(02:14):
Is his name? Well, what I'm gonna say his name,
but he's been around for six months, this boyfriend.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Yes, yeah, we've been dating for about six months.
Speaker 4 (02:25):
And you know, as a disclaimer, he's not a heavy
drinker like whatsoever.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
But you know, he does like to go out over
the weekend.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
On his days off, and he does usually getting he
gets really drunk.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Okay, so what Okay, So the guy, this guy even dating,
he doesn't drink, Like, so what is like not during
the week he doesn't drink, but then when he goes
out he beings drinks. Is that the story?
Speaker 4 (02:55):
Yeah? I mean, well, the thing is that he just
turns into a different person when he starts drinking. And
he's you know, he really is such a kind and
considerate boyfriend, but you know, on the weekends when he drinks,
he's just not as sweet and he starts like picking
fights with me and even like just people around in
(03:17):
the bar.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
It's just really weird.
Speaker 4 (03:19):
Like he gets like overly protective, like he like he
thinks that guys are flirting with me when they're not.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
He's a tough guy when he's drinking.
Speaker 4 (03:32):
I mean, that's the thing is like I know him
as this big softy. But you know, there are times
like where he's even like left me at the bar
and he's gone home like without me, without telling me,
and it seems like he's he found a reason to
be like really mad.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
I don't know, but the whole.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
Thing is that he doesn't even remember leaving me, you know,
Like I did talk to him about it. It's just
that he explain that he I don't know if this
is an excuse or not, but he said that he
probably did that because he knows his limits and he
was getting too drunk.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Yeah, but that's you know, you would say that. I mean,
you're his partner. So if that were the case, and
I realized when you're drinking, you're not necessarily in your
right mind. But that's something you would say to your partner.
You wouldn't leave your partner somewhere. I mean, that's something.
I'm the thing of the iris exit when I have
met a little bit too much or whatever, when it's time,
I usually to sneak out, but I don't have anybody
(04:30):
with me. I don't leave anybody where we were. You
can't do that, right, Like, at.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
Least let me know that you know, you need to
go home or something, because I know he would be
so modified did that to him, you know, But like
I said, I mean, he he it's not just about
like checking out boxes. But he really is such a
great boyfriend outside of when he drinks. He's like it
(04:56):
seems like he's perfect for me other than that, And
I don't know, it's just it's not like I would
say he's cross ried of having a huge drinking problem
because he only drinks like once or twice a weekend.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Yeah, but if he's drinking and again not an alcohol
substance abuse counselor, but if he's drinking to that level
once or twice a week, that's still a problem. I mean,
the problem isn't necessarily And again, someone who's welcome to
call and correct me on this eight five five five
nine one oh three five. I don't think it's the frequency.
I don't think it's if you drink every day or
(05:31):
if you just get hammered twice a week. It sounds
like he may have a problem with alcohol. And I
think the question is, I mean, have you have you
said to him? And again, I don't know that I'm
qualified to give this advice, but I'm gonna try I mean,
have you said you have you had this conversation with him? Hey,
I'm concerned about your drinking. I'm concerned about your behavior
when you drink. I mean, have you have you had
(05:52):
like a like a kind sort of constructive conversation about that.
Speaker 5 (05:57):
I have I've had.
Speaker 4 (05:59):
I would say, yeah, like a few very light conversations
around it. And I think, you know, he gets a
little bit defensive, like I'm attacking him for all like
the good things that he does do for me, And
so I don't think he really like understands how it
affects me and like other people, because he doesn't remember,
(06:21):
you know. So yeah, it's kind of like tricky.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Yeah. I hate to say this, but my gut tells
me you got to go. My gut tells me that
it's it's you're early in this relationship. It's going to
be a difficult thing. It's going to be difficult thing
to mitigate. I don't know if it's your job to
save this guy. You know, he gets to fend mean you.
I think you can tell him, you know, in a caring,
loving way. Hey, this this concerns me. I care about you.
(06:51):
I like you, you know, but you don't seem to
be acknowledging what is a serious problem here, And someone
texted that Ben's drinking is a form of alcohol. Is
I mean, I think again it's I don't think you
have to get hammered every day to be to have
a problem. I think you can get If you're getting
hammered consistently in any frequency, that's probably an issue, especially
(07:12):
if he's doing it to to sort of mask other issues,
insecurities or whatever. I don't know. I mean, this could
be something you deal with the entire length of your relationship.
This may never go away.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Yeah, that would really thinks.
Speaker 4 (07:29):
I really like him so much and I really care
for him, so it's it's really hard to end it just.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
Like that, you know. But yeah, I totally hear what
you're saying.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
I've dealt with this a little bit in my life,
and all I can tell you is that this is
a decision that the person using the substance, they have
to make that decision. Like you can beg him, you can,
you can, you know, ultimatums, you can do all this
different stuff, But ultimately, I think it's just going to
cause a divide. I feel like if you're saying to
him look, I really care about you, and you are
(08:03):
a lot of things that I want, But this is
a problem and in order for this relationship to continue,
you're going to need to manage this somehow. And he's
telling you all I don't know, or he's used it
making excuse you why to remember? Okay, Well, then don't
drink as much you might, you know what I mean?
I think the only real option here is for him
to stop drinking or manage the drinking, or get some
(08:24):
help or do something if he wants to save the relationship.
If he's not willing to do any of that, then
I don't know that this changes, right, I.
Speaker 4 (08:32):
Mean, what do you think if you know he says,
you know, change shouldn't happen overnight, Like you have to
just like trust me with it, like let me, you know, take.
Speaker 3 (08:42):
Care of it. And then it kind of it's like
a ball, It seems like a ball.
Speaker 4 (08:46):
Then is in my court to like let him deal
with it and try not to like micromanage these actions.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
Well, you bring it up.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
If he's getting defensive when you bring it up, it
doesn't even sound like he's really acknowledging that there's an issue.
Speaker 4 (09:07):
Yeah, I feel like he I feel like he knows.
I think he's like it feels vulnerable.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Okay, But again, I mean this, this is going to
affect your life too. And so if he's serious about
this relationship and it's and it really is becoming a problem,
whether it's the way he acts, it's about the way
he treats you, or leaving you places of it about
your safety. You know, again, I think you're in you
have You have every right to communicate your concern. You
have every right to wish of him that he changes
(09:36):
his behavior. You can offer him help, you can offer
him support. But I mean, if he's not going to
do any of that and deny it, I don't know.
He may not be as perfect as you think. And
I'm again I'm not I'm not advocating you just dump
the guy and leave him. But I mean, if you
express your care and you express your concern, ultimately he
has to make the decision. If he's telling you he
doesn't have a problem, that's I think that says a lot.
Speaker 6 (09:56):
Yep.
Speaker 4 (09:57):
Yeah, No, you have a point there, Especially with leading
and stuff, it's like becomes more of a safety issue.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Yeah, I mean, the text is blowing up, it's overwhelmingly.
You've got to go run a lot of people, you know,
sharing their personal experience. I mean, it's hundreds of texts already. Unfortunately,
this is something that I think affects a lot of people.
But let me take some phone calls. Maybe there are
some people more qualify, anyone's more qualified than me to
be giving you advice on this, because again, this is
(10:25):
not something to play with. You know, this is a
this could be a disease, this could be you know,
a dependency that he needs real help with. And I
don't I don't want to say anything that you know,
I shouldn't say because I'm certainly not an expert. But
let me take some calls and and see people have
to say, and keep the radio one, and man, I
wish you the best. Thank you for sharing that with us.
Good luck? Yeah, yeah, eight five five five, one one
(10:47):
oh three five. Nick, you're a you're a mental health therapist.
Speaker 7 (10:50):
I am, I am. How's everybody doing today?
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Good morning? So you hear this story? What what what
comes to mind?
Speaker 7 (10:57):
What comes to mind is not immediately you like leave. Obviously,
he is like struggling, and what he's struggling with is
impacting their relationship and he clearly needs some form of
therapy to address these concerns. Because Fred, I agree with you,
it's not necessarily about the frequency. It's also about like
(11:18):
how much you're drinking in that two day period that
he's getting blackout drunk. That could qualify as like a
potential binge eatings or binge drinking disorder, and that definitely
needs to be addressed. So I think maybe putting the
relationship on like a probation and saying, hey, if within
this six month time period you don't seek help or
(11:40):
make any changes, and we don't communicate what you're doing
to make these changes, then I can't be with you anymore.
This has become unsafe.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Yeah, man, good advice. Thank you, Nick, thanks for listening.
Speaker 7 (11:51):
Have a good day anytime you guys to love you.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Yeah, I love you too. I mean, it's said, you
don't want to leave someone who care about, who you
think has all these qualities, You don't want to just
leave them. But again, if I know anything about this,
and sadly it's in my family and it's been part
of my life. Unfortunately, it's the kind of thing where
the person having the issue and I don't mean to
I don't mean to isolate that person, but that person,
(12:15):
in my experience, has to make the decision that they
want that for their life and that people that they
matter and that the people around them matter enough. But
like again, you can threaten, you might threaten your whole relationship.
I'm gonna leave you if well, guess what, If you
don't leave, then then then your threats don't mean anything anymore.
Oh yeah, you know, ultimatums aren't going to work. And
(12:36):
if you're going to leave, then leave, you know what
I mean. And you can offer so much support, but
then if they don't want to take the support, this
could be an issue for a very long time. Hey Bianca, Yes, hi, Hi,
good morning. So this resonates with you, this story.
Speaker 5 (12:50):
Oh yes, I've been in a seventeen year relationship. I
have a child, blended family. He's a great guy. I mean,
don't mean he's a family guy. But seventeen years weekend
drinker doesn't get better. Definitely needs some kind of therapy there.
You know, It's just it's a hard situation. You're six
(13:13):
months and you know you have your whole life ahead
of you. It's sometimes it's not worth it now, It's
gotten better through the years, but you don't want to
wait seventeen years for it to get better, you know
what I mean. Like he's like he has really calmed
down through the years, but you know it was hardy,
nothing but heartache and heartbreak and coming and going into
(13:36):
the house, and then when you have children, it just
makes it even worse because it's just like you just
feel stuck and I'm a product of a divorce, you know,
divorced parents, and you know, I've been through relationships and whatnot,
and it's just it's a hard you want to make up.
I say, Oh, he's a teddy bear, he's this, he's
a family guy. He does great things, very successful, very this,
(14:01):
very that. But it's you know, you're willing to spend
the rest of your time with somebody who just constantly
drinks on the weekend. It's it's it's never going to change,
and they're never going to change, and you know, there's
deeper issues there.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
There's deeper, deeper issues there, Beyonca.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
You what you're saying resonates with me a little bit,
and I think probably other people in the room who
are the product of a divorced family because because I
know Caitlin Is, I am Paulina was. It's like, I
think if I were married and I had kids, I
can tell you that I would, and I think in
some ways it maybe is preventive of me getting into
a serious relationship. I don't want to be to someone
(14:39):
else what my parents were to each other at that time,
you know. I mean like, I don't want to. I
don't want to. I don't want to be in a
situation where I get divorced. I don't want to be
in a situation where I have kids and I break
up the family or the family is broken up by
my actions are someone else's. And so I think I
would be inclined to stick with things and behaviors and
mannerisms that are unhealthy. And I think this is trapped
(15:00):
a lot of people fall into where it's like, well,
I don't want to break up for the kids, I
don't want to divorcely, But it's like, hey, how long
can you live like that?
Speaker 4 (15:07):
You know?
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Yeah, it's very hard.
Speaker 5 (15:10):
You know, I cheat her in my own head here
and there. It's kind of like, but I stuck around
this long? Yeah, why am I going to leave?
Speaker 6 (15:16):
Now?
Speaker 1 (15:17):
You know?
Speaker 5 (15:17):
But I mean, like I said, through the years that
has gotten a lot better, but you know, you do
suffer through. I suffer through a lot of years in
between where I'm like, hey, you know, what the heck
am I doing? You know, like, this is not right
and it's not and it's not fair if you're bringing
you know, other little people into the world and they
see that, yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Yeah, you know, well they see that mom or dad
isn't happy. And I know you think you're doing the
right thing, but sadly, you know, this stuff does permeate.
And look, I thank you for sharing. Very brave of you, Bianca,
and I appreciate you calling and for offering your perspective.
Have a good morning.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
Thank you too.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Yeah, sadly this is I mean, a lot of these
calls are the same. It's almost universally go yeah, so yeah, Molly, Hi,
good morning. Hi, how are you?
Speaker 5 (16:01):
Hey?
Speaker 1 (16:01):
You say good, thanks for calling for listening. So just
said Recapa and Stair go hear. This woman called and
she's been with the guy for six months. She thinks
he's perfect in every way except and these are my words,
but he binge drinks on the weekend and he gets combative,
not with her, but with other people. He leaves her places,
doesn't communicate well when he's reached his limits, and you know,
she's wondering, is this something that I need to overlook
(16:23):
or that I can overlook? And I mean overwhelmingly people
are saying no.
Speaker 6 (16:29):
Right, she absolutely needs to go. So my reasoning is
that since they've only been together for six months, if
the relationship does get any longer, and let's say they
have kids, or they get married, or something happens at
his job and then there's more stressors or his life,
he might start drinking more. And with the if he's
already being mister macho man at the bar, like, he's
(16:52):
probably going to be physically abusive towards her and she
definitely does not need that in her life.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Yeah, and I hate that she feels that he's perfect
in every way except for this. And I don't know
the guy, but that's a big this, you know what
I mean, He's perfect in every way except he's a
binge drinker and he and it seems like it's somebody
that he wants to deny and and doesn't isn't going
to be able to adjust easily that that Unfortunately, that
means you might deserve more he might not be as
(17:18):
perfect as you think. Yeah, oh, that's a big issue.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
And then if you bring children into the mix, a
lot of people are saying, you know, they stay for
the kids. The worst thing you can do is say
these situations for your kids.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
I agree.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
The kids are traumatized because they're scared of dad on
the weekend.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Yeah, I agree. I agree. It's a it's a serious
and it's a sad situation. But you know, six months
might be it might be more than enough to know
that this is what you're up against and it's sad.
Thank you, Mollie, thanks for calling. Have a good day.
Speaker 6 (17:46):
Thanks love you guys.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
I love you too. I only got time for one more. Sophia,
you're a therapist as well. Good morning. Hi.
Speaker 8 (17:53):
Yes, I'm so glad that I got through because I'm
never a caller in for the radio, but I felt
like I needed to be because I actually have I
am a therapist. But I also have firsthand experience within
my family of this happening where my brother in law
became somebody that was a drinker, and unfortunately is he
(18:14):
took it out on my sister and he became physically abusive,
and it is very sad situation. One night he drank
too much, he became abusive, and she almost.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
Died because of the situation.
Speaker 8 (18:28):
So this is just like in my gut, like you
need to go, Like there is no waiting for them
to get help. You're you're so new in the relationship,
you're going to find another guy that texts every box
and there is no this that you have to kind
of roll out. But it's just it's the beginning signs
of abuse. If he's already doing it in public, just
(18:50):
when he's gets home, it's going to become even worse
because there's no audience.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
She needs to go.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
Ye, so good day, keep for calling. Yeah, I hate
to say it them. And in my personal experience too,
I think sometimes people need to hit rock bottom. Sometimes
they need to either stand to lose or lose everything
absolutely before they can come to the Sadly, some people
that that's not enough either. But you know, again, the
threats aren't going to do anything unless you actually follow
through with it. And the truth is if if he
(19:18):
feels for you what you feel for him, then maybe
he looks in the mirror and says, this is a
change I need to make if I want to be
with this person, and if he doesn't make that change,
I think that you then learned in six months what
you didn't need to take ten years to learn.
Speaker 4 (19:31):
Right.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
Absolutely, yes, he has to want something more than he
wants to drink. Yeahstly it sounds like it. And thanks
for the actual professionals for calling, because I mean it's
unfortunately we've all lived many of us in this room
have lived there. Yes, but at the same time, I
don't claim to, you know, know exactly the path to take.
But all right, we'll get back to smut. The Entertainer
(19:52):
Report is up next and eight hundred bucks show Bizkiiky
in the Showdown thirty and four is uh, how do
you say love Rena Junior? How do you say Junior
Lavane Lorena Jugnor? Because Shelley is love Rena. We'll go
with that shot. I think he just called her a home.
But anyway, it's like we'll play that Fred show is
(20:13):
a
Fred Show is on. It's stay or go. It's gone
too far, Bella, It's gone too far. We obtained an
actual photograph of Bella Hamine, our intern who if you
missed it a few minutes ago. She believes that she
should be honored as the first daughter of her hometown
in California because her dad is the part time mayor.
(00:21):
And if you go to our instagram, Fred Show Radio,
you're gonna see that this is an image that she
posted herself. This is unbelievable. She had a full on
photo shoot and everything. The haters are going to say
it's photoshop because of the hands, but she has manley hands.
She has manly hands, shoulders, and she's part black, which
(00:45):
a lot of people didn't know. I didn't know that
about it. But man talk about taking his shine away
from her dad who's doing the hard work. This is crazy.
This is the image Fred Show Radio was like. Last
we grew on this esteemed panel for this international radio conference.
They flew us to Toronto. We're on this panel and
this dude has been listening. We said more than a dude.
(01:06):
He's a he too, is an esteemed European radio manager.
Yeah right, big, big time guy and apparently he'd been
listening to our show for weeks and like picking out
moments and then use it for this this slideshow kind
of presentation thing and the question and answer in front
of all these radio people from all over the world.
And one of the images he found was of Kiki's
(01:26):
cord and Kiki has three hands in the image. He's
has three hands and one's white or two might be white.
I'm not even sure. But okay, here we are. You know,
it's like, miss you should know. You know, if you came,
you're thinking you were going to get secrets. The secret
is we don't have any money for a graphic designer.
That's the secret. We don't have to say something. We do.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
We do what we can photographers, none of the videographers.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
But I had to just say it. I had to
say just I had to get it out of the
way and say, guys, we're aware that Kiki has three
hands in this that's that's what we're working with in
the United States. Guys, Hey, Amanda, good morning, Well, hi Amanda,
welcome to the show. Welcome to Stay or Go. We
appreciate your note. What's going on with this boyfriend of yours?
(02:14):
Is his name? Well, what I'm gonna say his name,
but he's been around for six months, this boyfriend.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Yes, yeah, we've been dating for about six months.
Speaker 4 (02:25):
And you know, as a disclaimer, he's not a heavy
drinker like whatsoever.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
But you know, he does like to go out over
the weekend.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
On his days off, and he does usually getting he
gets really drunk.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Okay, so what Okay, So the guy, this guy even dating,
he doesn't drink, Like, so what is like not during
the week he doesn't drink, but then when he goes
out he beings drinks. Is that the story?
Speaker 4 (02:55):
Yeah? I mean, well, the thing is that he just
turns into a different person when he starts drinking. And
he's you know, he really is such a kind and
considerate boyfriend, but you know, on the weekends when he drinks,
he's just not as sweet and he starts like picking
fights with me and even like just people around in
(03:17):
the bar.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
It's just really weird.
Speaker 4 (03:19):
Like he gets like overly protective, like he like he
thinks that guys are flirting with me when they're not.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
He's a tough guy when he's drinking.
Speaker 4 (03:32):
I mean, that's the thing is like I know him
as this big softy. But you know, there are times
like where he's even like left me at the bar
and he's gone home like without me, without telling me,
and it seems like he's he found a reason to
be like really mad.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
I don't know, but the whole.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
Thing is that he doesn't even remember leaving me, you know,
Like I did talk to him about it. It's just
that he explain that he I don't know if this
is an excuse or not, but he said that he
probably did that because he knows his limits and he
was getting too drunk.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Yeah, but that's you know, you would say that. I mean,
you're his partner. So if that were the case, and
I realized when you're drinking, you're not necessarily in your
right mind. But that's something you would say to your partner.
You wouldn't leave your partner somewhere. I mean, that's something.
I'm the thing of the iris exit when I have
met a little bit too much or whatever, when it's time,
I usually to sneak out, but I don't have anybody
(04:30):
with me. I don't leave anybody where we were. You
can't do that, right, Like, at.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
Least let me know that you know, you need to
go home or something, because I know he would be
so modified did that to him, you know, But like
I said, I mean, he he it's not just about
like checking out boxes. But he really is such a
great boyfriend outside of when he drinks. He's like it
(04:56):
seems like he's perfect for me other than that, And
I don't know, it's just it's not like I would
say he's cross ried of having a huge drinking problem
because he only drinks like once or twice a weekend.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Yeah, but if he's drinking and again not an alcohol
substance abuse counselor, but if he's drinking to that level
once or twice a week, that's still a problem. I mean,
the problem isn't necessarily And again, someone who's welcome to
call and correct me on this eight five five five
nine one oh three five. I don't think it's the frequency.
I don't think it's if you drink every day or
(05:31):
if you just get hammered twice a week. It sounds
like he may have a problem with alcohol. And I
think the question is, I mean, have you have you
said to him? And again, I don't know that I'm
qualified to give this advice, but I'm gonna try I mean,
have you said you have you had this conversation with him? Hey,
I'm concerned about your drinking. I'm concerned about your behavior
when you drink. I mean, have you have you had
(05:52):
like a like a kind sort of constructive conversation about that.
Speaker 5 (05:57):
I have I've had.
Speaker 4 (05:59):
I would say, yeah, like a few very light conversations
around it. And I think, you know, he gets a
little bit defensive, like I'm attacking him for all like
the good things that he does do for me, And
so I don't think he really like understands how it
affects me and like other people, because he doesn't remember,
(06:21):
you know. So yeah, it's kind of like tricky.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Yeah. I hate to say this, but my gut tells
me you got to go. My gut tells me that
it's it's you're early in this relationship. It's going to
be a difficult thing. It's going to be difficult thing
to mitigate. I don't know if it's your job to
save this guy. You know, he gets to fend mean you.
I think you can tell him, you know, in a caring,
loving way. Hey, this this concerns me. I care about you.
(06:51):
I like you, you know, but you don't seem to
be acknowledging what is a serious problem here, And someone
texted that Ben's drinking is a form of alcohol. Is
I mean, I think again it's I don't think you
have to get hammered every day to be to have
a problem. I think you can get If you're getting
hammered consistently in any frequency, that's probably an issue, especially
(07:12):
if he's doing it to to sort of mask other issues,
insecurities or whatever. I don't know. I mean, this could
be something you deal with the entire length of your relationship.
This may never go away.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Yeah, that would really thinks.
Speaker 4 (07:29):
I really like him so much and I really care
for him, so it's it's really hard to end it just.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
Like that, you know. But yeah, I totally hear what
you're saying.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
I've dealt with this a little bit in my life,
and all I can tell you is that this is
a decision that the person using the substance, they have
to make that decision. Like you can beg him, you can,
you can, you know, ultimatums, you can do all this
different stuff, But ultimately, I think it's just going to
cause a divide. I feel like if you're saying to
him look, I really care about you, and you are
(08:03):
a lot of things that I want, But this is
a problem and in order for this relationship to continue,
you're going to need to manage this somehow. And he's
telling you all I don't know, or he's used it
making excuse you why to remember? Okay, Well, then don't
drink as much you might, you know what I mean?
I think the only real option here is for him
to stop drinking or manage the drinking, or get some
(08:24):
help or do something if he wants to save the relationship.
If he's not willing to do any of that, then
I don't know that this changes, right, I.
Speaker 4 (08:32):
Mean, what do you think if you know he says,
you know, change shouldn't happen overnight, Like you have to
just like trust me with it, like let me, you know, take.
Speaker 3 (08:42):
Care of it. And then it kind of it's like
a ball, It seems like a ball.
Speaker 4 (08:46):
Then is in my court to like let him deal
with it and try not to like micromanage these actions.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
Well, you bring it up.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
If he's getting defensive when you bring it up, it
doesn't even sound like he's really acknowledging that there's an issue.
Speaker 4 (09:07):
Yeah, I feel like he I feel like he knows.
I think he's like it feels vulnerable.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Okay, But again, I mean this, this is going to
affect your life too. And so if he's serious about
this relationship and it's and it really is becoming a problem,
whether it's the way he acts, it's about the way
he treats you, or leaving you places of it about
your safety. You know, again, I think you're in you
have You have every right to communicate your concern. You
have every right to wish of him that he changes
(09:36):
his behavior. You can offer him help, you can offer
him support. But I mean, if he's not going to
do any of that and deny it, I don't know.
He may not be as perfect as you think. And
I'm again I'm not I'm not advocating you just dump
the guy and leave him. But I mean, if you
express your care and you express your concern, ultimately he
has to make the decision. If he's telling you he
doesn't have a problem, that's I think that says a lot.
Speaker 6 (09:56):
Yep.
Speaker 4 (09:57):
Yeah, No, you have a point there, Especially with leading
and stuff, it's like becomes more of a safety issue.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Yeah, I mean, the text is blowing up, it's overwhelmingly.
You've got to go run a lot of people, you know,
sharing their personal experience. I mean, it's hundreds of texts already. Unfortunately,
this is something that I think affects a lot of people.
But let me take some phone calls. Maybe there are
some people more qualify, anyone's more qualified than me to
be giving you advice on this, because again, this is
(10:25):
not something to play with. You know, this is a
this could be a disease, this could be you know,
a dependency that he needs real help with. And I
don't I don't want to say anything that you know,
I shouldn't say because I'm certainly not an expert. But
let me take some calls and and see people have
to say, and keep the radio one, and man, I
wish you the best. Thank you for sharing that with us.
Good luck? Yeah, yeah, eight five five five, one one
(10:47):
oh three five. Nick, you're a you're a mental health therapist.
Speaker 7 (10:50):
I am, I am. How's everybody doing today?
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Good morning? So you hear this story? What what what
comes to mind?
Speaker 7 (10:57):
What comes to mind is not immediately you like leave. Obviously,
he is like struggling, and what he's struggling with is
impacting their relationship and he clearly needs some form of
therapy to address these concerns. Because Fred, I agree with you,
it's not necessarily about the frequency. It's also about like
(11:18):
how much you're drinking in that two day period that
he's getting blackout drunk. That could qualify as like a
potential binge eatings or binge drinking disorder, and that definitely
needs to be addressed. So I think maybe putting the
relationship on like a probation and saying, hey, if within
this six month time period you don't seek help or
(11:40):
make any changes, and we don't communicate what you're doing
to make these changes, then I can't be with you anymore.
This has become unsafe.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Yeah, man, good advice. Thank you, Nick, thanks for listening.
Speaker 7 (11:51):
Have a good day anytime you guys to love you.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Yeah, I love you too. I mean, it's said, you
don't want to leave someone who care about, who you
think has all these qualities, You don't want to just
leave them. But again, if I know anything about this,
and sadly it's in my family and it's been part
of my life. Unfortunately, it's the kind of thing where
the person having the issue and I don't mean to
I don't mean to isolate that person, but that person,
(12:15):
in my experience, has to make the decision that they
want that for their life and that people that they
matter and that the people around them matter enough. But
like again, you can threaten, you might threaten your whole relationship.
I'm gonna leave you if well, guess what, If you
don't leave, then then then your threats don't mean anything anymore.
Oh yeah, you know, ultimatums aren't going to work. And
(12:36):
if you're going to leave, then leave, you know what
I mean. And you can offer so much support, but
then if they don't want to take the support, this
could be an issue for a very long time. Hey Bianca, Yes, hi, Hi,
good morning. So this resonates with you, this story.
Speaker 5 (12:50):
Oh yes, I've been in a seventeen year relationship. I
have a child, blended family. He's a great guy. I mean,
don't mean he's a family guy. But seventeen years weekend
drinker doesn't get better. Definitely needs some kind of therapy there.
You know, It's just it's a hard situation. You're six
(13:13):
months and you know you have your whole life ahead
of you. It's sometimes it's not worth it now, It's
gotten better through the years, but you don't want to
wait seventeen years for it to get better, you know
what I mean. Like he's like he has really calmed
down through the years, but you know it was hardy,
nothing but heartache and heartbreak and coming and going into
(13:36):
the house, and then when you have children, it just
makes it even worse because it's just like you just
feel stuck and I'm a product of a divorce, you know,
divorced parents, and you know, I've been through relationships and whatnot,
and it's just it's a hard you want to make up.
I say, Oh, he's a teddy bear, he's this, he's
a family guy. He does great things, very successful, very this,
(14:01):
very that. But it's you know, you're willing to spend
the rest of your time with somebody who just constantly
drinks on the weekend. It's it's it's never going to change,
and they're never going to change, and you know, there's
deeper issues there.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
There's deeper, deeper issues there, Beyonca.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
You what you're saying resonates with me a little bit,
and I think probably other people in the room who
are the product of a divorced family because because I
know Caitlin Is, I am Paulina was. It's like, I
think if I were married and I had kids, I
can tell you that I would, and I think in
some ways it maybe is preventive of me getting into
a serious relationship. I don't want to be to someone
(14:39):
else what my parents were to each other at that time,
you know. I mean like, I don't want to. I
don't want to. I don't want to be in a
situation where I get divorced. I don't want to be
in a situation where I have kids and I break
up the family or the family is broken up by
my actions are someone else's. And so I think I
would be inclined to stick with things and behaviors and
mannerisms that are unhealthy. And I think this is trapped
(15:00):
a lot of people fall into where it's like, well,
I don't want to break up for the kids, I
don't want to divorcely, But it's like, hey, how long
can you live like that?
Speaker 4 (15:07):
You know?
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Yeah, it's very hard.
Speaker 5 (15:10):
You know, I cheat her in my own head here
and there. It's kind of like, but I stuck around
this long? Yeah, why am I going to leave?
Speaker 6 (15:16):
Now?
Speaker 1 (15:17):
You know?
Speaker 5 (15:17):
But I mean, like I said, through the years that
has gotten a lot better, but you know, you do
suffer through. I suffer through a lot of years in
between where I'm like, hey, you know, what the heck
am I doing? You know, like, this is not right
and it's not and it's not fair if you're bringing
you know, other little people into the world and they
see that, yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Yeah, you know, well they see that mom or dad
isn't happy. And I know you think you're doing the
right thing, but sadly, you know, this stuff does permeate.
And look, I thank you for sharing. Very brave of you, Bianca,
and I appreciate you calling and for offering your perspective.
Have a good morning.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
Thank you too.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Yeah, sadly this is I mean, a lot of these
calls are the same. It's almost universally go yeah, so yeah, Molly, Hi,
good morning. Hi, how are you?
Speaker 5 (16:01):
Hey?
Speaker 1 (16:01):
You say good, thanks for calling for listening. So just
said Recapa and Stair go hear. This woman called and
she's been with the guy for six months. She thinks
he's perfect in every way except and these are my words,
but he binge drinks on the weekend and he gets combative,
not with her, but with other people. He leaves her places,
doesn't communicate well when he's reached his limits, and you know,
she's wondering, is this something that I need to overlook
(16:23):
or that I can overlook? And I mean overwhelmingly people
are saying no.
Speaker 6 (16:29):
Right, she absolutely needs to go. So my reasoning is
that since they've only been together for six months, if
the relationship does get any longer, and let's say they
have kids, or they get married, or something happens at
his job and then there's more stressors or his life,
he might start drinking more. And with the if he's
already being mister macho man at the bar, like, he's
(16:52):
probably going to be physically abusive towards her and she
definitely does not need that in her life.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Yeah, and I hate that she feels that he's perfect
in every way except for this. And I don't know
the guy, but that's a big this, you know what
I mean, He's perfect in every way except he's a
binge drinker and he and it seems like it's somebody
that he wants to deny and and doesn't isn't going
to be able to adjust easily that that Unfortunately, that
means you might deserve more he might not be as
(17:18):
perfect as you think. Yeah, oh, that's a big issue.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
And then if you bring children into the mix, a
lot of people are saying, you know, they stay for
the kids. The worst thing you can do is say
these situations for your kids.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
I agree.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
The kids are traumatized because they're scared of dad on
the weekend.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Yeah, I agree. I agree. It's a it's a serious
and it's a sad situation. But you know, six months
might be it might be more than enough to know
that this is what you're up against and it's sad.
Thank you, Mollie, thanks for calling. Have a good day.
Speaker 6 (17:46):
Thanks love you guys.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
I love you too. I only got time for one more. Sophia,
you're a therapist as well. Good morning. Hi.
Speaker 8 (17:53):
Yes, I'm so glad that I got through because I'm
never a caller in for the radio, but I felt
like I needed to be because I actually have I
am a therapist. But I also have firsthand experience within
my family of this happening where my brother in law
became somebody that was a drinker, and unfortunately is he
(18:14):
took it out on my sister and he became physically abusive,
and it is very sad situation. One night he drank
too much, he became abusive, and she almost.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
Died because of the situation.
Speaker 8 (18:28):
So this is just like in my gut, like you
need to go, Like there is no waiting for them
to get help. You're you're so new in the relationship,
you're going to find another guy that texts every box
and there is no this that you have to kind
of roll out. But it's just it's the beginning signs
of abuse. If he's already doing it in public, just
(18:50):
when he's gets home, it's going to become even worse
because there's no audience.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
She needs to go.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
Ye, so good day, keep for calling. Yeah, I hate
to say it them. And in my personal experience too,
I think sometimes people need to hit rock bottom. Sometimes
they need to either stand to lose or lose everything
absolutely before they can come to the Sadly, some people
that that's not enough either. But you know, again, the
threats aren't going to do anything unless you actually follow
through with it. And the truth is if if he
(19:18):
feels for you what you feel for him, then maybe
he looks in the mirror and says, this is a
change I need to make if I want to be
with this person, and if he doesn't make that change,
I think that you then learned in six months what
you didn't need to take ten years to learn.
Speaker 4 (19:31):
Right.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
Absolutely, yes, he has to want something more than he
wants to drink. Yeahstly it sounds like it. And thanks
for the actual professionals for calling, because I mean it's
unfortunately we've all lived many of us in this room
have lived there. Yes, but at the same time, I
don't claim to, you know, know exactly the path to take.
But all right, we'll get back to smut. The Entertainer
(19:52):
Report is up next and eight hundred bucks show Bizkiiky
in the Showdown thirty and four is uh, how do
you say love Rena Junior? How do you say Junior
Lavane Lorena Jugnor? Because Shelley is love Rena. We'll go
with that shot. I think he just called her a home.
But anyway, it's like we'll play that Fred show is
(20:13):
a
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