June 24, 2025 • 21 mins
Jaime is having issues in her marriage after finding out her husband drove and paid for his coworker's lunch without ever telling her... Fred and the crew weigh in on whether or not this is appropriate!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the Fred Show.
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Speaker 1 (00:31):
Stay or Go.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
A lot of people don't know that I'm the guy
playing those big drums with the big you know, with
the sticks with the big sad thing on the end
of it.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Boom boom. A lot of people don't know I'm the
guy sure the harpist not on that track.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
No, No, I mean I'm a studio artist, and I've
been known to a session artist.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
I've been known to do a lot of different things.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
On this one, I'm the boom boom guy. Yes, every
time you hear boom boom, you eight right on Alexplorin
that that's really kind of my thing.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
A lot of people don't know that.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Yeah, yeah, thanks for keeping that a secret because there
was a non disclosure and stuff because I think the
guy who actually plays the bongos, who was sick that day,
he don't want people to know. Hey, Jamie, good morning.
I don't know what the instrument's called, but I play it.
You just hand me one. I just can do it.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Jamie. Hi, welcome, so welcome to stair Go.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Thank you for your note to us Fredshire Radio on
the Socials Fredshire Radio dot com.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
You can get us that way too.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
You are married, right, yes, okay, you're married and you
recently got into your husband's car and what happened?
Speaker 3 (01:38):
So I got into my husband's car and I saw
that another woman had connected to his bluetooth.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
No boy, And how did you see that? Because it said, like,
you know, big Movie, Big Moby Pauline his car phone
or I don't know, like what people people name their phone, right,
so like sometimes people are funny about it. But so
how did you know because said someone's iPhone or something.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Yeah, I went to connect my phone so I could
play some music when we were going to the store,
and I saw that Stephanie's iPhone was the one to
last connect to his car.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Okay, did he loan his car out? I mean about
who's Stephanie? Okay, Helen, I don't mean to bury the
lead here. Who's Stephanie? Do we know?
Speaker 3 (02:24):
I didn't know until I asked my husband. I had
never heard of a Stephanie. He had never mentioned a Stephanie,
and so when I asked him who Stephanie is, he
immediately told me that it was his coworker, and he
explained that they went one day to go get lunch
and she wanted to play music on the way.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Okay, I mean, if Caylen and I left here to
go to breakfast right now, we drove somewhere, that would
not necessarily be an uncommon thing for Cayln to want
to do. Because Caylen actually has great music taste and
she takes over the ox court, I don't have a
problem with it because she does a good job. Some
people take over the ox cord and I'm like, like,
my bluetooth doesn't I'm not looking at you. I'm just
(03:05):
saying like I have friends who I'm like, yeah, my
bluetooth doesn't work, you know, or somebody so like the fact,
but Cala and I aren't doing anything like anymore. I
mean we obviously, we obviously used to, but that was
everyone's speculation.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
But so that wouldn't.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Be I guess if I were seeing someone they got
in my car and I said, Kaylin's iPhone on my car,
I don't that wouldn't mean anything, right. That would mean
that she was in the car with me and wanted
to control the music.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
That's what that would mean. But you were saying you
didn't know who.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
This woman was, and you don't know why she's connecting
to the phone, and and and so what else concerns
you about this? Or could the car phone to the
car rather?
Speaker 3 (03:45):
I mean, even though he was honest right away, it's
just to me, it's unacceptable behavior to have another woman
in your car if you're married. I just don't think that's.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Wait what okay? Now? Wait whoa wha wha whah.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
Doesn't he could have driven herself to lunch. She drove
herself to work. She clearly has a ride, So I
don't understand why she had a ride with my husband.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Do we not care about the planet?
Speaker 4 (04:08):
Lunch?
Speaker 2 (04:09):
We don't care about the environment, Jamie, I mean, come on,
not really that Jamie, not Jamie.
Speaker 5 (04:14):
No, really, like, Jamie, don't play your.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
Husband is not allowed to have other women in the car.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Well, let me had this in because this was the
other thing that really upset me was that he also
paid for her lunch. So not only did he have
her in his car playing music for him, but then
he went ahead and paid for his lunch.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
Like is this a date?
Speaker 6 (04:39):
Now?
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Okay, well, now that you bring up the music and
the lunch, okay, well, now now come on.
Speaker 4 (04:46):
I would also pay for my lunch. And still nothing's happening.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
I don't think either one of those things speak to anything.
What are you doing your stretches again?
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Over there? No KICKI go, huh because cheating.
Speaker 5 (05:03):
Now, now, we're not gonna just act like Stephanie's feelings
aren't valid.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
That's she's right, She's not.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
Right.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
You're exactly right. Stephanie the coworker is getting free lunch
and control the music. Her feelings are fallids. You're exactly right.
Jamie is the wise Jamie. So we're talking to and
Jamie is the one saying that this is inappropriate, and
I think that that is crazy talk.
Speaker 5 (05:28):
I think Jamie's feelings are valid, though, she knows her husband,
and there's a reason she feels this way about him
having another woman in the car.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Yeah, why do you feel that way? Is there a reason?
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Like because you wrote in your note to us that
you've never suspected this guy of cheating. So again, I
feel like there's a common theme in a lot of
these things that we talk about when it comes to
cheating her in fidelity, and it's it's trust, it's context,
it's history. Like, so, the guy has a female coworker
he goes to lunch with. You've never suspected him of cheating, Jamie,
(06:00):
So why are we now saying that he is out
of nowhere?
Speaker 1 (06:04):
That's not fair to.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
Him because it sends the wrong message to his coworker,
Like I don't think he's cheating, but in her mind like, Okay,
you just got a ride with him. He's all letting
you pick some music and buying your lunch. It's just
it's a terrible way to be if you're married. I
feel like it sends the wrong message to her.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
I think I gotta be honest with you, Jamie.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
If I were married or in a relationship and my
wife found out that, I was like, no, you can't
get your bluetooth? Are you trying to control my radio
station out? Jami's been trying to connect your trying to
connect your phone in my radio station. If my wife
found out that I a girlfriend of whomever, that I
I made to her drive a separate car and then
(06:49):
wouldn't pay for her lunch, all because I was afraid,
and all under the pretense that my wife would be upset.
If I did any of that, I would think that
anyone I would be with be like, you're an idiot,
Like that's ridiculous. And I'm not Again, I'm not saying Jamie,
that you're an idiot or that you're being ridiculous. But
I guess what I'm saying is, I don't think that
either one of those things inherently leads to cheating. I mean,
(07:15):
it's not like you found a hotel room key in
the car too, or like you know, condom wrappers or something.
I mean, I'm being serious, and whatever your concerns are
can be your concerns. But I don't think those two
things in and of themselves mean that someone is cheating.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
Yeah, I just don't want his coworker Stephanie to think
that he's interested in her, and I really think this
opens that door for her. I mean, oh, I'll just
take you to lunch and I'll drive you, Like it
just seems weird. I wouldn't do that with my coworker.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Did you get mad at him?
Speaker 3 (07:53):
I mean we talked about it and I had to
walk away because I felt like I was getting really
upset about it and it wasn't going to be productive.
So I guess yes, I'm kind of upset with.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Him because I'll tell you what happens then, is now
he's not gonna tell you about stuff like I don't
know that he stops going to lunch with a woman
he's not cheating with. Let's just assume he's not, because
you don't suspect him of him infidelity and you never have,
so let's just give him the benefit of the doubt
for a second and say he's not cheating. Now, he's
probably not gonna stop going to lunch with his teammate,
(08:25):
and so now he's not going to tell you because
he doesn't want to fight with you about it. And
I feel like sometimes you know, and this is from
the male perspective here, any You're right, I'm not in
a relationship.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
So maybe I got this all wrong.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
But if I'm being respectful and honest and transparent and
I'm not doing anything wrong, and then the person I'm
with tells me now all of a sudden, I can't
do that thing, then am I gonna stop doing that thing?
I mean, I'm gonna I'm gonna listen to you, and
I'm gonna take into consideration your you're needs and concerns.
But if I'm not doing anything wrong and it's a
normal activity, then maybe I keep doing it and just
don't tell you anymore because I don't feel like an argument.
(09:00):
And I think sometimes that's what happens when we get
upset about things that might not be sinister. Is that
then we want to know why there's not more transparency
in relationships. But it's because you're sort of penalizing the
guy for not necessarily doing anything wrong.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
Yeah, but it's not like he just straight up told
me you went to lunch with that girl. I had
to find out because of her phone being logged into
his car.
Speaker 4 (09:24):
That's a good point, you know.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
If he would have been like, hey, I went out
to lunch with Stephanie today, or hey, I'm going out
to lunch with my coworker. It would be different than
me having to find out.
Speaker 7 (09:35):
So you want him to tell you every time he
does something with another woman.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
Yeah, so that we can have a conversation, because I
would have told him this is unacceptable to do before
he did it, and then this wouldn't be a problem.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
Well maybe that's a man. Maybe that's why he didn't
tell you. And again, Jamie, I'm not coming down on you,
but like I get it, that's a fair that's a
fair request. Have you made that request before? Have you
said to him, Hey, if you're going to hang out
with any women that aren't me, I need to know
about it. Have you said that to him? Well? No,
I know because by the way, I know we're all
laughing because in fairness, that sounds kind of ridiculous to
(10:07):
say out loud.
Speaker 8 (10:08):
One.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
But if if you said that, here are my concerns,
and that he didn't you know, he wasn't receptive to communication,
that's one thing. But I would imagine you've never said
that to him, right, I mean, we.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
Had conversations about going and hanging out with women outside
of work, but we never talked about coworkers. I guess
I should have included that because I wasn't comfortable with
him going out with like his little girlfriends when we
first got together, because some of them were kind of
into him at scenes. So like we had that conversation
of how I wasn't comfortable with him going out with
them alone. But I didn't think I needed to worry
(10:45):
about coworkers. I thought he'd be professional at work.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
Yeah, I hmm, yeah, I don't know, Jamie. Let me
take some phone calls on it. I've said enough on
the topic, but eight five five three five, Jamie, thank
you for the call, and I honestly no judgment here.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
I wish you the best.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
I'd be careful maybe with some of this, because it's
like it seems a little controlling, and it seems a
little bit like you're giving this guy, you're penalizing him,
when in fact he may have done nothing wrong. I
mean again, like if I go out with people from work,
or I go out with clients, or I go out
with you know whomever, and they're female, and I don't
(11:21):
run that by you before I go out with you,
that doesn't mean I'm cheating. It means I'm doing my job.
It means I'm it means I'm being a good teammate.
It means I'm bonding with the people I work with
every day and spend a lot of time with. I
don't think that inherently means that there's infidelity. But let
me take some calls and we'll see it. Maybe people
think I'm dead asro Thank you, Jamie, have.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
A good day.
Speaker 4 (11:40):
Thank you you as well.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Yeah, all right, she's gone out. What do we really think?
Speaker 8 (11:44):
She's been hurt before and I think she needs therapy
and I think she needs to work through stuff. Oh,
because it just sounds like if you have that heart
of a you know, opinion about your partner hanging out
with people, Like every time another man gets in my car,
I have to let my boy my friend.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
No, oh, there's a man entering my car. You better
like that's.
Speaker 8 (12:03):
Crazy, Like, I'm sorry, that's a little over the line. Yeah,
I just I don't know.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
I think it's just yeah, like what there's a common
theme in all of these and it's trust, Like if
you don't trust him, even though you said, she said herself,
I've never believed that he was cheating on me. I
have no reason to believe that he's cheating. Well, then
we got to have trust because this is a slippery slope.
Now he's not gonna tell you about Stephanie, and before
long you're gonna start finding things now that he's not
(12:30):
telling you because he doesn't want to get yelled at
and more penalized. He's not doing anything wrong, so he's
protecting himself and he's protecting a relationship from unnecessary arguments.
But then you're gonna accuse him of lying or omission,
and then it's going to lead to you believing that
he's hiding something. But he's not really hiding anything. He
just doesn't want to fight.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
That's true.
Speaker 7 (12:47):
It's such a trust thing because in my past relationships
I would have felt that way, but like now, I
mean just the other day my boyfriend needed a plus
one for some dinner and he couldn't find someone and
I couldn't go, and I literally was like, oh, just
take one of my friends. Like that's how trusting I
feel now. So I think that's a good point.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
Yeah, Michelle, Hi, Hey, good morning. What do you think there? Go?
Speaker 6 (13:11):
I think go? I think Dan, if Stephanie is such
a good friend of the husband, then why did she
not know about Stephanie? Pryor to and I'm going to lunch.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Thank you.
Speaker 6 (13:23):
My friends at work. My husband knows about them, so
it wouldn't be a surprise if he found out we
was out to lunch. I think that when you don't
communicate day to day's stuff with your partner, it can
look like you're hiding something, which you probably are.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
Now that's the jump, Michelle, What do you do?
Speaker 6 (13:41):
Michelle, I'm working corporate.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
So let me ask you anything like this, Like when
I got up this, I got plans. You know, I'm
traveling today, but like, I don't know. Yesterday I got up,
I came to work and we did our show. And
then it's not uncommon for us to be like, hey,
you want to grab lunch or go to go to breakfast,
or hey let's go do whatever, Hey whatever, And there's
no forethought, no planning, nothing. And people keep saying on
(14:06):
the text that the radio show example is not fair
because we're all close in friends in.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
The back, But that's no everywhere.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
That's no different than people people listening have exposure to
our relationship. But the fact is, there are any business
out there, there are friendships that exist between men and
women in the office that are not crossing the line.
And maybe I didn't know, Michelle, that I was going
to go to breakfast, so I did not tell you
because I didn't want you to know.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
I didn't tell you because I didn't know.
Speaker 6 (14:32):
I understand that, but I think that the wife should
have already known that her husband is good friends with
a coworker named Stephanie, so that it doesn't seem un
warranton for them to be going out to lunch.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Yeah, that's fair.
Speaker 6 (14:47):
Such good. If I'm such good friends with a man
at my corporated job, my husband knows about them and
knows their name because I'm talking about them and telling
them about what we do at work and different things
like that.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
That's fair. That's fair. Thank you so much, Michelle. Have
a good day. I'm glad you called. Yeah, I love
you too, YEA.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
My whole thing when we get into this kind of
topic is I just don't want people to feed into
a narrative that wasn't there before that then leads to
a whole bunch of other issues, when really the issue
is that you're not trusting for some reason, and let's
talk about that. Let's talk about why you don't trust
for whatever reason we don't have to talk about Stephanie
or anything else, because I will say, the more that
you start to control someone's behavior or criticize benign behavior,
(15:31):
then the more it starts to feed into this narrative
that something's going on. Because again, if I'm not doing
anything wrong and you're telling me I'm doing something wrong,
and now you're limiting my ability to make friendships at work,
then I'm going to stop telling you because I don't
want to fight with you when I'm not doing anything wrong.
Speaker 5 (15:45):
That's not right though, But I think the issue here
is being surprised. Right, So we communicate every day when
we go home, Hey, how was your day?
Speaker 4 (15:52):
What'd you do? That would be something that you would
bring up in a conversation.
Speaker 5 (15:55):
I shouldn't get in your car and connect my bluetooth
and see Stephanie.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
Who is Stephani?
Speaker 5 (16:01):
Because now now I got all kinds of things going
on in my mind, not that you've done anything wrong,
but you just didn't communicate that with me, And I'm like,
why why wasn't this communicated? Why you know you didn't
think that was something to bring up. So that's all
it is. It's not the being in the car or
the paying for lunch. It's just because I go out
with my male friends all the time, and you know,
we go to lunch or whatever. But surprising. I just
(16:22):
don't like being surprised or left out. Who is Stephanie?
Speaker 1 (16:24):
You know what? Understanding? I understand, like why do I
to know who this person is? That's fair. But I also.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Think that maybe when I if that happened, and I
have a good explanation, and I tell you who Stephanie
is and why, then then that's the end of it.
Because again, if you don't have any reason to doubt me.
The worst thing in the world is when you're not
doing anything wrong and someone's telling you you're doing something wrong.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
That's terrible in a relationship. Hey, Maya, how you doing?
Good morning? Hi? What do you think?
Speaker 2 (16:55):
By the way, the woman who called Jamie was upset
because she got her husband's car a woman her phone
was connected to the bluetooth or had been connected to
the bluetooth, and when she asked her husband, it was, oh,
that's my coworker. We went to lunch, I bought her lunch,
and she connected her phone in my car to listen
to a song. And now Jamie's saying that all of
that was out of bounds. What do you think.
Speaker 9 (17:15):
I'm gonna have to say with wife, it's wrong what
he did. I'm sorry. I'm not saying he necessarily is cheating,
but it's if you're married, you have no business going
to lunch with a woman coworker. You just don't want
to do it. Yeah, I'm sorry. It's just it's a
respect thing. You should respect your wife. And the way
(17:36):
that she found out. I mean, if you came home
and said, hey, I went out to lunch, you know,
with my female coworker, that's different. But the way that
she found out, I think it's just it's not it's
so disrespectful.
Speaker 4 (17:47):
What if it slipped his mind? Like is that possible?
Speaker 1 (17:50):
Because there's nothing to it, right, I mean.
Speaker 9 (17:54):
How does it twit your mind?
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Though?
Speaker 9 (17:55):
How is your day? Honey? Oh I went to lunch
with my coworker. Oh? I mean, I don't know.
Speaker 4 (17:59):
If it's you don't think about it, I don't know.
Speaker 9 (18:04):
I just I don't think.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
It just makes me.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
It makes me sad, Maya, It does make me a
little sad that that's and you're allowed to have whatever
boundaries you want and establish them and by the way,
if you communicate that, which she admits she never did.
She never said you can't go to lunch with I'm
uncomfortable with you having lunch one on one with female coworkers.
If you have gone to your husband, Maya and said, hey,
this is what I need from you, and he agrees
to it, and then he does it anyway, that's the thing,
(18:27):
I guess if you both agree to it, But like,
wouldn't you agree that it kind of sucks that if
you have a husband that he's out there not able
to make the same kind of friendships and the same
I have the same kind of bonding experience with his
coworkers because his wife says, no, you know what, we live.
Speaker 9 (18:43):
In a different world. Now. It's sad, it really is,
But I just I find it to be a little
bit disrespectful.
Speaker 8 (18:50):
Just okay, that.
Speaker 9 (18:51):
She found out. I feel if she came home and
told her, I feel she would feel differently about it,
do you know what I mean? But the way that
she found out, fo's what okay?
Speaker 1 (19:02):
All right, fair enough, fair enough?
Speaker 2 (19:03):
There could be more communication and then that that that
also takes away from this sort of obscurity of it. Yeah,
I got it and thank you, Maya, I have a
good day. I'm glad you called. I guess I'm team
being a relationship and team. I'm there because I trust
the person and team. I'm not going to ride ride
them and make rules for them that they can then
walk them walk into traps all the time for doing
things that are normal.
Speaker 4 (19:22):
Yeah, but team communicate as well, that's all.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
So if Hobby had lunch with a female firefighter and
didn't and didn't necessarily announce to you that he was
doing it ahead of time.
Speaker 4 (19:31):
That would bother me.
Speaker 10 (19:32):
Just tell you because we communicate with him, and I
have a relationship where we've established communication. I'll say, oh,
I'm going to lunch with Fred and Jason whatever. I'll
tell him because it's just how we talk. Maybe that's
the thing when every marriage is the same. Rightly, Cayen
made a point we might have forgot. Maybe you don't
go home and debrief right and have like a whole
meeting of how your day was.
Speaker 4 (19:50):
Me and my husband, my husband and I we have that.
Speaker 10 (19:52):
I think it's important to communicate, especially because that's kind
of how we've built our relationship.
Speaker 4 (19:56):
It's always been very open communicators.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
Great, Yeah, yeah, yeah, is Jim Sarah, Hi, good morning,
good morning.
Speaker 11 (20:03):
How are you.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
I do well?
Speaker 2 (20:04):
So you take the other side. You're saying stay, I'm
saying stay.
Speaker 11 (20:09):
I don't think this is something that you get rid
of your husband for. But I do think that if
this is an issue that she has, she just needs
to be honest. And sometimes it's what we do for
each other. We have to take in how other people
feel and know that it's something that bothers her and
maybe something that he just has to do to make
(20:31):
her comfortable.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
Okay, I don't think.
Speaker 11 (20:35):
It's something I don't think it's something we we get
rid of our spouse for.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
Yeah, yeah, I agree, I agree. Thank you, Stephanie. I
have a good day. Like I'll be honest with you.
Like my someone just texted, what happened to being a gentleman? Well,
my mom taught me that. You know, basically, it's a
nice thing to do as And again this gets into
don't don't at me for gender roles and all this stuff.
But I was raised if I take you guys to lunch,
(21:01):
that I should, I should make the move to pay
for it. And I'm not doing anything with any of you.
It's just a nice thing to do, right, and I
like doing it. And so whether there's a sexual relationship
or not, if I go to lunch with a friend
of mine who's a female, I buy lunch. And if
that's objectionable to somebody, fine, and I would I would
do it if I were married, I would still buy
you guys lunch or dinner if we went out, because
(21:22):
I think it's a nice thing to do and it
was what I was taught and it has nothing to
do with sex.
Speaker 10 (21:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
I think that's the problem is immediately when it comes
to men and women and gestures, we immediately jump to sex.
Speaker 4 (21:33):
Why because y'all nasty
This is the Fred Show.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
We have your chance to win a trip for two
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(00:24):
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Speaker 1 (00:31):
Stay or Go.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
A lot of people don't know that I'm the guy
playing those big drums with the big you know, with
the sticks with the big sad thing on the end
of it.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Boom boom. A lot of people don't know I'm the
guy sure the harpist not on that track.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
No, No, I mean I'm a studio artist, and I've
been known to a session artist.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
I've been known to do a lot of different things.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
On this one, I'm the boom boom guy. Yes, every
time you hear boom boom, you eight right on Alexplorin
that that's really kind of my thing.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
A lot of people don't know that.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Yeah, yeah, thanks for keeping that a secret because there
was a non disclosure and stuff because I think the
guy who actually plays the bongos, who was sick that day,
he don't want people to know. Hey, Jamie, good morning.
I don't know what the instrument's called, but I play it.
You just hand me one. I just can do it.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Jamie. Hi, welcome, so welcome to stair Go.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Thank you for your note to us Fredshire Radio on
the Socials Fredshire Radio dot com.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
You can get us that way too.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
You are married, right, yes, okay, you're married and you
recently got into your husband's car and what happened?
Speaker 3 (01:38):
So I got into my husband's car and I saw
that another woman had connected to his bluetooth.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
No boy, And how did you see that? Because it said, like,
you know, big Movie, Big Moby Pauline his car phone
or I don't know, like what people people name their phone, right,
so like sometimes people are funny about it. But so
how did you know because said someone's iPhone or something.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Yeah, I went to connect my phone so I could
play some music when we were going to the store,
and I saw that Stephanie's iPhone was the one to
last connect to his car.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Okay, did he loan his car out? I mean about
who's Stephanie? Okay, Helen, I don't mean to bury the
lead here. Who's Stephanie? Do we know?
Speaker 3 (02:24):
I didn't know until I asked my husband. I had
never heard of a Stephanie. He had never mentioned a Stephanie,
and so when I asked him who Stephanie is, he
immediately told me that it was his coworker, and he
explained that they went one day to go get lunch
and she wanted to play music on the way.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Okay, I mean, if Caylen and I left here to
go to breakfast right now, we drove somewhere, that would
not necessarily be an uncommon thing for Cayln to want
to do. Because Caylen actually has great music taste and
she takes over the ox court, I don't have a
problem with it because she does a good job. Some
people take over the ox cord and I'm like, like,
my bluetooth doesn't I'm not looking at you. I'm just
(03:05):
saying like I have friends who I'm like, yeah, my
bluetooth doesn't work, you know, or somebody so like the fact,
but Cala and I aren't doing anything like anymore. I
mean we obviously, we obviously used to, but that was
everyone's speculation.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
But so that wouldn't.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Be I guess if I were seeing someone they got
in my car and I said, Kaylin's iPhone on my car,
I don't that wouldn't mean anything, right. That would mean
that she was in the car with me and wanted
to control the music.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
That's what that would mean. But you were saying you
didn't know who.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
This woman was, and you don't know why she's connecting
to the phone, and and and so what else concerns
you about this? Or could the car phone to the
car rather?
Speaker 3 (03:45):
I mean, even though he was honest right away, it's
just to me, it's unacceptable behavior to have another woman
in your car if you're married. I just don't think that's.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Wait what okay? Now? Wait whoa wha wha whah.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
Doesn't he could have driven herself to lunch. She drove
herself to work. She clearly has a ride, So I
don't understand why she had a ride with my husband.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Do we not care about the planet?
Speaker 4 (04:08):
Lunch?
Speaker 2 (04:09):
We don't care about the environment, Jamie, I mean, come on,
not really that Jamie, not Jamie.
Speaker 5 (04:14):
No, really, like, Jamie, don't play your.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
Husband is not allowed to have other women in the car.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Well, let me had this in because this was the
other thing that really upset me was that he also
paid for her lunch. So not only did he have
her in his car playing music for him, but then
he went ahead and paid for his lunch.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
Like is this a date?
Speaker 6 (04:39):
Now?
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Okay, well, now that you bring up the music and
the lunch, okay, well, now now come on.
Speaker 4 (04:46):
I would also pay for my lunch. And still nothing's happening.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
I don't think either one of those things speak to anything.
What are you doing your stretches again?
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Over there? No KICKI go, huh because cheating.
Speaker 5 (05:03):
Now, now, we're not gonna just act like Stephanie's feelings
aren't valid.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
That's she's right, She's not.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
Right.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
You're exactly right. Stephanie the coworker is getting free lunch
and control the music. Her feelings are fallids. You're exactly right.
Jamie is the wise Jamie. So we're talking to and
Jamie is the one saying that this is inappropriate, and
I think that that is crazy talk.
Speaker 5 (05:28):
I think Jamie's feelings are valid, though, she knows her husband,
and there's a reason she feels this way about him
having another woman in the car.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Yeah, why do you feel that way? Is there a reason?
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Like because you wrote in your note to us that
you've never suspected this guy of cheating. So again, I
feel like there's a common theme in a lot of
these things that we talk about when it comes to
cheating her in fidelity, and it's it's trust, it's context,
it's history. Like, so, the guy has a female coworker
he goes to lunch with. You've never suspected him of cheating, Jamie,
(06:00):
So why are we now saying that he is out
of nowhere?
Speaker 1 (06:04):
That's not fair to.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
Him because it sends the wrong message to his coworker,
Like I don't think he's cheating, but in her mind like, Okay,
you just got a ride with him. He's all letting
you pick some music and buying your lunch. It's just
it's a terrible way to be if you're married. I
feel like it sends the wrong message to her.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
I think I gotta be honest with you, Jamie.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
If I were married or in a relationship and my
wife found out that, I was like, no, you can't
get your bluetooth? Are you trying to control my radio
station out? Jami's been trying to connect your trying to
connect your phone in my radio station. If my wife
found out that I a girlfriend of whomever, that I
I made to her drive a separate car and then
(06:49):
wouldn't pay for her lunch, all because I was afraid,
and all under the pretense that my wife would be upset.
If I did any of that, I would think that
anyone I would be with be like, you're an idiot,
Like that's ridiculous. And I'm not Again, I'm not saying Jamie,
that you're an idiot or that you're being ridiculous. But
I guess what I'm saying is, I don't think that
either one of those things inherently leads to cheating. I mean,
(07:15):
it's not like you found a hotel room key in
the car too, or like you know, condom wrappers or something.
I mean, I'm being serious, and whatever your concerns are
can be your concerns. But I don't think those two
things in and of themselves mean that someone is cheating.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
Yeah, I just don't want his coworker Stephanie to think
that he's interested in her, and I really think this
opens that door for her. I mean, oh, I'll just
take you to lunch and I'll drive you, Like it
just seems weird. I wouldn't do that with my coworker.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Did you get mad at him?
Speaker 3 (07:53):
I mean we talked about it and I had to
walk away because I felt like I was getting really
upset about it and it wasn't going to be productive.
So I guess yes, I'm kind of upset with.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Him because I'll tell you what happens then, is now
he's not gonna tell you about stuff like I don't
know that he stops going to lunch with a woman
he's not cheating with. Let's just assume he's not, because
you don't suspect him of him infidelity and you never have,
so let's just give him the benefit of the doubt
for a second and say he's not cheating. Now, he's
probably not gonna stop going to lunch with his teammate,
(08:25):
and so now he's not going to tell you because
he doesn't want to fight with you about it. And
I feel like sometimes you know, and this is from
the male perspective here, any You're right, I'm not in
a relationship.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
So maybe I got this all wrong.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
But if I'm being respectful and honest and transparent and
I'm not doing anything wrong, and then the person I'm
with tells me now all of a sudden, I can't
do that thing, then am I gonna stop doing that thing?
I mean, I'm gonna I'm gonna listen to you, and
I'm gonna take into consideration your you're needs and concerns.
But if I'm not doing anything wrong and it's a
normal activity, then maybe I keep doing it and just
don't tell you anymore because I don't feel like an argument.
(09:00):
And I think sometimes that's what happens when we get
upset about things that might not be sinister. Is that
then we want to know why there's not more transparency
in relationships. But it's because you're sort of penalizing the
guy for not necessarily doing anything wrong.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
Yeah, but it's not like he just straight up told
me you went to lunch with that girl. I had
to find out because of her phone being logged into
his car.
Speaker 4 (09:24):
That's a good point, you know.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
If he would have been like, hey, I went out
to lunch with Stephanie today, or hey, I'm going out
to lunch with my coworker. It would be different than
me having to find out.
Speaker 7 (09:35):
So you want him to tell you every time he
does something with another woman.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
Yeah, so that we can have a conversation, because I
would have told him this is unacceptable to do before
he did it, and then this wouldn't be a problem.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
Well maybe that's a man. Maybe that's why he didn't
tell you. And again, Jamie, I'm not coming down on you,
but like I get it, that's a fair that's a
fair request. Have you made that request before? Have you
said to him, Hey, if you're going to hang out
with any women that aren't me, I need to know
about it. Have you said that to him? Well? No,
I know because by the way, I know we're all
laughing because in fairness, that sounds kind of ridiculous to
(10:07):
say out loud.
Speaker 8 (10:08):
One.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
But if if you said that, here are my concerns,
and that he didn't you know, he wasn't receptive to communication,
that's one thing. But I would imagine you've never said
that to him, right, I mean, we.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
Had conversations about going and hanging out with women outside
of work, but we never talked about coworkers. I guess
I should have included that because I wasn't comfortable with
him going out with like his little girlfriends when we
first got together, because some of them were kind of
into him at scenes. So like we had that conversation
of how I wasn't comfortable with him going out with
them alone. But I didn't think I needed to worry
(10:45):
about coworkers. I thought he'd be professional at work.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
Yeah, I hmm, yeah, I don't know, Jamie. Let me
take some phone calls on it. I've said enough on
the topic, but eight five five three five, Jamie, thank
you for the call, and I honestly no judgment here.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
I wish you the best.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
I'd be careful maybe with some of this, because it's
like it seems a little controlling, and it seems a
little bit like you're giving this guy, you're penalizing him,
when in fact he may have done nothing wrong. I
mean again, like if I go out with people from work,
or I go out with clients, or I go out
with you know whomever, and they're female, and I don't
(11:21):
run that by you before I go out with you,
that doesn't mean I'm cheating. It means I'm doing my job.
It means I'm it means I'm being a good teammate.
It means I'm bonding with the people I work with
every day and spend a lot of time with. I
don't think that inherently means that there's infidelity. But let
me take some calls and we'll see it. Maybe people
think I'm dead asro Thank you, Jamie, have.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
A good day.
Speaker 4 (11:40):
Thank you you as well.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Yeah, all right, she's gone out. What do we really think?
Speaker 8 (11:44):
She's been hurt before and I think she needs therapy
and I think she needs to work through stuff. Oh,
because it just sounds like if you have that heart
of a you know, opinion about your partner hanging out
with people, Like every time another man gets in my car,
I have to let my boy my friend.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
No, oh, there's a man entering my car. You better
like that's.
Speaker 8 (12:03):
Crazy, Like, I'm sorry, that's a little over the line. Yeah,
I just I don't know.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
I think it's just yeah, like what there's a common
theme in all of these and it's trust, Like if
you don't trust him, even though you said, she said herself,
I've never believed that he was cheating on me. I
have no reason to believe that he's cheating. Well, then
we got to have trust because this is a slippery slope.
Now he's not gonna tell you about Stephanie, and before
long you're gonna start finding things now that he's not
(12:30):
telling you because he doesn't want to get yelled at
and more penalized. He's not doing anything wrong, so he's
protecting himself and he's protecting a relationship from unnecessary arguments.
But then you're gonna accuse him of lying or omission,
and then it's going to lead to you believing that
he's hiding something. But he's not really hiding anything. He
just doesn't want to fight.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
That's true.
Speaker 7 (12:47):
It's such a trust thing because in my past relationships
I would have felt that way, but like now, I
mean just the other day my boyfriend needed a plus
one for some dinner and he couldn't find someone and
I couldn't go, and I literally was like, oh, just
take one of my friends. Like that's how trusting I
feel now. So I think that's a good point.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
Yeah, Michelle, Hi, Hey, good morning. What do you think there? Go?
Speaker 6 (13:11):
I think go? I think Dan, if Stephanie is such
a good friend of the husband, then why did she
not know about Stephanie? Pryor to and I'm going to lunch.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Thank you.
Speaker 6 (13:23):
My friends at work. My husband knows about them, so
it wouldn't be a surprise if he found out we
was out to lunch. I think that when you don't
communicate day to day's stuff with your partner, it can
look like you're hiding something, which you probably are.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
Now that's the jump, Michelle, What do you do?
Speaker 6 (13:41):
Michelle, I'm working corporate.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
So let me ask you anything like this, Like when
I got up this, I got plans. You know, I'm
traveling today, but like, I don't know. Yesterday I got up,
I came to work and we did our show. And
then it's not uncommon for us to be like, hey,
you want to grab lunch or go to go to breakfast,
or hey let's go do whatever, Hey whatever, And there's
no forethought, no planning, nothing. And people keep saying on
(14:06):
the text that the radio show example is not fair
because we're all close in friends in.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
The back, But that's no everywhere.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
That's no different than people people listening have exposure to
our relationship. But the fact is, there are any business
out there, there are friendships that exist between men and
women in the office that are not crossing the line.
And maybe I didn't know, Michelle, that I was going
to go to breakfast, so I did not tell you
because I didn't want you to know.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
I didn't tell you because I didn't know.
Speaker 6 (14:32):
I understand that, but I think that the wife should
have already known that her husband is good friends with
a coworker named Stephanie, so that it doesn't seem un
warranton for them to be going out to lunch.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Yeah, that's fair.
Speaker 6 (14:47):
Such good. If I'm such good friends with a man
at my corporated job, my husband knows about them and
knows their name because I'm talking about them and telling
them about what we do at work and different things
like that.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
That's fair. That's fair. Thank you so much, Michelle. Have
a good day. I'm glad you called. Yeah, I love
you too, YEA.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
My whole thing when we get into this kind of
topic is I just don't want people to feed into
a narrative that wasn't there before that then leads to
a whole bunch of other issues, when really the issue
is that you're not trusting for some reason, and let's
talk about that. Let's talk about why you don't trust
for whatever reason we don't have to talk about Stephanie
or anything else, because I will say, the more that
you start to control someone's behavior or criticize benign behavior,
(15:31):
then the more it starts to feed into this narrative
that something's going on. Because again, if I'm not doing
anything wrong and you're telling me I'm doing something wrong,
and now you're limiting my ability to make friendships at work,
then I'm going to stop telling you because I don't
want to fight with you when I'm not doing anything wrong.
Speaker 5 (15:45):
That's not right though, But I think the issue here
is being surprised. Right, So we communicate every day when
we go home, Hey, how was your day?
Speaker 4 (15:52):
What'd you do? That would be something that you would
bring up in a conversation.
Speaker 5 (15:55):
I shouldn't get in your car and connect my bluetooth
and see Stephanie.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
Who is Stephani?
Speaker 5 (16:01):
Because now now I got all kinds of things going
on in my mind, not that you've done anything wrong,
but you just didn't communicate that with me, And I'm like,
why why wasn't this communicated? Why you know you didn't
think that was something to bring up. So that's all
it is. It's not the being in the car or
the paying for lunch. It's just because I go out
with my male friends all the time, and you know,
we go to lunch or whatever. But surprising. I just
(16:22):
don't like being surprised or left out. Who is Stephanie?
Speaker 1 (16:24):
You know what? Understanding? I understand, like why do I
to know who this person is? That's fair. But I also.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Think that maybe when I if that happened, and I
have a good explanation, and I tell you who Stephanie
is and why, then then that's the end of it.
Because again, if you don't have any reason to doubt me.
The worst thing in the world is when you're not
doing anything wrong and someone's telling you you're doing something wrong.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
That's terrible in a relationship. Hey, Maya, how you doing?
Good morning? Hi? What do you think?
Speaker 2 (16:55):
By the way, the woman who called Jamie was upset
because she got her husband's car a woman her phone
was connected to the bluetooth or had been connected to
the bluetooth, and when she asked her husband, it was, oh,
that's my coworker. We went to lunch, I bought her lunch,
and she connected her phone in my car to listen
to a song. And now Jamie's saying that all of
that was out of bounds. What do you think.
Speaker 9 (17:15):
I'm gonna have to say with wife, it's wrong what
he did. I'm sorry. I'm not saying he necessarily is cheating,
but it's if you're married, you have no business going
to lunch with a woman coworker. You just don't want
to do it. Yeah, I'm sorry. It's just it's a
respect thing. You should respect your wife. And the way
(17:36):
that she found out. I mean, if you came home
and said, hey, I went out to lunch, you know,
with my female coworker, that's different. But the way that
she found out, I think it's just it's not it's
so disrespectful.
Speaker 4 (17:47):
What if it slipped his mind? Like is that possible?
Speaker 1 (17:50):
Because there's nothing to it, right, I mean.
Speaker 9 (17:54):
How does it twit your mind?
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Though?
Speaker 9 (17:55):
How is your day? Honey? Oh I went to lunch
with my coworker. Oh? I mean, I don't know.
Speaker 4 (17:59):
If it's you don't think about it, I don't know.
Speaker 9 (18:04):
I just I don't think.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
It just makes me.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
It makes me sad, Maya, It does make me a
little sad that that's and you're allowed to have whatever
boundaries you want and establish them and by the way,
if you communicate that, which she admits she never did.
She never said you can't go to lunch with I'm
uncomfortable with you having lunch one on one with female coworkers.
If you have gone to your husband, Maya and said, hey,
this is what I need from you, and he agrees
to it, and then he does it anyway, that's the thing,
(18:27):
I guess if you both agree to it, But like,
wouldn't you agree that it kind of sucks that if
you have a husband that he's out there not able
to make the same kind of friendships and the same
I have the same kind of bonding experience with his
coworkers because his wife says, no, you know what, we live.
Speaker 9 (18:43):
In a different world. Now. It's sad, it really is,
But I just I find it to be a little
bit disrespectful.
Speaker 8 (18:50):
Just okay, that.
Speaker 9 (18:51):
She found out. I feel if she came home and
told her, I feel she would feel differently about it,
do you know what I mean? But the way that
she found out, fo's what okay?
Speaker 1 (19:02):
All right, fair enough, fair enough?
Speaker 2 (19:03):
There could be more communication and then that that that
also takes away from this sort of obscurity of it. Yeah,
I got it and thank you, Maya, I have a
good day. I'm glad you called. I guess I'm team
being a relationship and team. I'm there because I trust
the person and team. I'm not going to ride ride
them and make rules for them that they can then
walk them walk into traps all the time for doing
things that are normal.
Speaker 4 (19:22):
Yeah, but team communicate as well, that's all.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
So if Hobby had lunch with a female firefighter and
didn't and didn't necessarily announce to you that he was
doing it ahead of time.
Speaker 4 (19:31):
That would bother me.
Speaker 10 (19:32):
Just tell you because we communicate with him, and I
have a relationship where we've established communication. I'll say, oh,
I'm going to lunch with Fred and Jason whatever. I'll
tell him because it's just how we talk. Maybe that's
the thing when every marriage is the same. Rightly, Cayen
made a point we might have forgot. Maybe you don't
go home and debrief right and have like a whole
meeting of how your day was.
Speaker 4 (19:50):
Me and my husband, my husband and I we have that.
Speaker 10 (19:52):
I think it's important to communicate, especially because that's kind
of how we've built our relationship.
Speaker 4 (19:56):
It's always been very open communicators.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
Great, Yeah, yeah, yeah, is Jim Sarah, Hi, good morning,
good morning.
Speaker 11 (20:03):
How are you.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
I do well?
Speaker 2 (20:04):
So you take the other side. You're saying stay, I'm
saying stay.
Speaker 11 (20:09):
I don't think this is something that you get rid
of your husband for. But I do think that if
this is an issue that she has, she just needs
to be honest. And sometimes it's what we do for
each other. We have to take in how other people
feel and know that it's something that bothers her and
maybe something that he just has to do to make
(20:31):
her comfortable.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
Okay, I don't think.
Speaker 11 (20:35):
It's something I don't think it's something we we get
rid of our spouse for.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
Yeah, yeah, I agree, I agree. Thank you, Stephanie. I
have a good day. Like I'll be honest with you.
Like my someone just texted, what happened to being a gentleman? Well,
my mom taught me that. You know, basically, it's a
nice thing to do as And again this gets into
don't don't at me for gender roles and all this stuff.
But I was raised if I take you guys to lunch,
(21:01):
that I should, I should make the move to pay
for it. And I'm not doing anything with any of you.
It's just a nice thing to do, right, and I
like doing it. And so whether there's a sexual relationship
or not, if I go to lunch with a friend
of mine who's a female, I buy lunch. And if
that's objectionable to somebody, fine, and I would I would
do it if I were married, I would still buy
you guys lunch or dinner if we went out, because
(21:22):
I think it's a nice thing to do and it
was what I was taught and it has nothing to
do with sex.
Speaker 10 (21:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
I think that's the problem is immediately when it comes
to men and women and gestures, we immediately jump to sex.
Speaker 4 (21:33):
Why because y'all nasty
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Cold Case Files: Miami
Joyce Sapp, 76; Bryan Herrera, 16; and Laurance Webb, 32—three Miami residents whose lives were stolen in brutal, unsolved homicides. Cold Case Files: Miami follows award‑winning radio host and City of Miami Police reserve officer Enrique Santos as he partners with the department’s Cold Case Homicide Unit, determined family members, and the advocates who spend their lives fighting for justice for the victims who can no longer fight for themselves.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.