October 28, 2025 • 16 mins
A listener just had a baby and is struggling to maintain a healthy/ loving relationship with her husband. Fred and the crew debate.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the pread show.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Dame is taking over Las Vegas this January for his
seven night President Adoby Live at Park MGM. And we've
got a trip for two to the January twenty fifth
show to night Hotel State at Park MGM January twenty
fourth through the twenty sixth and round trip airfare. Text
dusk to three seven three three seven now for a
chance to win. A confirmation text will be sent standard
(00:22):
message of data rates may apply.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
All thanks to Live Nation, stay or go.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
By the way, Daddy Bob Chairman did text me back.
He did invent MTV and spring break. And as for
liability a little looser times back then, No pun intended
because I asked him. I was like, how did you
like sleep at night when you were doing this stuff?
Because I you know now you couldn't only that you
could do it, you had a near one. I have
just signed waivers and yeah, you'd have fifty lawyers out there.
(00:49):
And is social distancing and masks and rap people in
late next time his allergies right, Oh god, I mean,
what kind of candy do we have always for the
kids that don't eat candy?
Speaker 1 (01:01):
What are we doing here? You know, are the right right,
how much is babysitting? What do we do? I got
to pay for prep time? That's crazy?
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Why is?
Speaker 1 (01:13):
That's another thing?
Speaker 4 (01:14):
Is?
Speaker 2 (01:14):
And you know what, I think you should flip the
script on these babysitter types, like if you know and look,
I like this, I understand that it's not five bucks
an hour anymore, ten or fifteen or you know whatever,
and it's a big responsibility and you will and if
you get somebody good. I also have heard it can
be very competitive, where like people will find a good
babysitter and they don't want to tell their friends about
her because they want to make sure that she's available. Yeah,
(01:37):
that's real on like Saturday nights for them, And so
a lot of them will pay even more to make
sure that they're the preferred house, right Exactly, you can
flip the script and be like, hey, if I'm paying
a premium rate, like so let's say thirty bucks, people
seem to agree on the text that in our little
focus group here, that that thirty bucks is a premium
rate for a babysitter. If I'm paying that, what language
(01:59):
do you speak?
Speaker 5 (02:00):
What?
Speaker 6 (02:00):
Like?
Speaker 1 (02:01):
What? What what are you bringing to the table here?
Speaker 2 (02:03):
You know?
Speaker 1 (02:04):
Like what what are we? Are you an artist? Are
you do you?
Speaker 2 (02:06):
I mean, come on, like, okay, you're prepping for what
to teach my kid how to speak you know Mandarin? Okay, great,
let's do it. Like that's amazing, I'm all for it.
That's thirty bucks an hour, that's real.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
It's expensive. You guys, stay safe out there.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Honestly, if I ever had a kid, and I don't
think it's happening, but if I ever had a kid,
we were saying this off the air, like I would
absolutely if I had babysitters or help or whatever, if
I if I could afford that, then I would. Those
people would bring something to the table that I well,
in addition to like knowing how to deal with children
they like and keeping them safe and things like that
that I don't know how to feed them and things
I don't know how to do, they would have to
(02:43):
I mean a language like like different sort of perspective,
and I would almost be do you speak to little
Freddie and whatever whatever your native tongue is, Like, that's
the that you guys can interact like that, because yes,
because I want my kid to be waste more than
I am here and I don't I think speaking more
than one language is almost has become like the way
(03:05):
it needs it should be the way it is in
the world.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
So say ergo.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
This is a note that we got and this woman
does not want to be on the air, but she
wanted us to read this entire email. So I want
to know what you guys think. We're debating some relationship
dramming here. I feel like this is pretty relatable eight five, five, five,
nine one one oh three five. Unfortunately, I think people
can relate to this, but it says Dear Fred's show.
I'm struggling to decide if I should stay with my
husband of three years together for nine and would love
(03:30):
some insight. We started having problems about two years ago,
and I feel like we just can't seem to stay
in a happy place. I did start going to therapy
shortly after the problem started, and eventually he did too.
We even started doing couples sessions in addition to our
individual sessions. They seem to help for a bit, at
least in the sense that we'd fix the problem, but
then after a few weeks we'd be having the same
(03:53):
arguments all over again. We just had a baby in
March and he was two months early, so that led
to a five week nick U stay for him and
a Ronald McDonald house stay for us. To say that
that tested our relationship would be an understatement. I guess
part of me really hoped that he would finally step
up to be the man I wanted and needed once
he became a father. Don't get me wrong, he is
(04:13):
not a bad person. But I feel like I'm putting
all my energy into saving our relationship, but despite me asking,
he's not doing the same. I never wanted a broken
family for my baby, but I know that I also
don't want him to grow up in a home full
of anger and arguments. I've contemplated staying until my baby
is a year old, but even that has started to
feel like an impossible challenge. I'm starting to wonder if
(04:35):
we're even compatible anymore. But I don't know what the
right answer is. I would love all of your input.
Thanks for your time. First of I don't know none
of us fortunately have any experience in all of that.
You've got a relationship that with struggles, You've got a
kid now, a kid that was sick. I mean, I
know that that is incredibly stressful for relationships. And so
(04:58):
you add that challenge to all of this, and it's like,
you know, what person am I getting?
Speaker 6 (05:01):
Right? Like?
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Am I We're so stressed out? You know, we're trying
to take care of our baby, and so I mean,
you separate that from all of this. But they were
having problems before that. Again, I don't know that it's
fair to judge people when they're under pressure, but they're
both under pressure, and and she doesn't feel supported. And
I don't know how he feels because we haven't heard
his side of it. But eight five, five, five, nine
one oh three five I'm curious what would you guys
(05:23):
do in this situation? I mean, this woman, you know,
she doesn't feel like she's connecting with their partner anymore,
and you know they have gone to therapy and they
at least she's tried. It seems. I don't know what
comes to mind. You're the married one, what would you do?
Speaker 1 (05:38):
I am a married woman.
Speaker 7 (05:40):
Honestly, you said the situation is a little bit different,
and you know there's they were they have.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
A child, right, and then there was some health stuff
going on.
Speaker 7 (05:48):
But I do feel like the first I say, almost
two years of being postpartum as a woman is already
just extremely difficult, and I think it's difficult for both parties, right,
Like you're not going to connect as much. You're not
going to feel the same as you did, like you know,
when you first met or even when you first like
got married or whatever. It might be just because there's
so much going on the first year for sure, but
(06:09):
I almost extended to two years of post baby life.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Life is different.
Speaker 7 (06:13):
They're going through a lot of stuff right now too,
and they did with their own child. So I feel
like if both parties want to, like, exactly like in
therapy discussed this, do you want to be in this relationship?
Do you want to work through this? Because if you don't,
then one person's already out the door whatever. Then I
would say this isn't gonna work. But I feel like
it's so hard when you are freshly postpartum to really
(06:35):
like make that choice, right which is to feel like, oh,
do I want to be in this relationship or not?
Because they say it's the hardest. The challenges relationships and
marriages a lot.
Speaker 8 (06:42):
And they were having problems beforehand, and I think she's
just looking for some effort. It's interesting.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 8 (06:48):
That's hard if you're already having existing issues. We know,
kids don't fix anything, They make them more difficulty.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
That's what I mean.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Like the problem was there, and then they introduce a kid,
and then you introduce some of the biological things that
occur anyway, and then on top of that, you introduce
the stress of the kid being early and those challenges.
Speaker 8 (07:05):
Yeah, I would say, like you said, have a conversation
where it's just a blacker white question, do you want
to save this?
Speaker 2 (07:13):
You know?
Speaker 8 (07:13):
And both parties answer, And then if there is no
emotional or physical abuse, I say, then try to maybe
work through it a little bit more, because it would
be a very difficult time to go through a separation
as well, and it is hard on both parties. But
she said that getting to the end of the year
even sounds difficult for her right now, which makes me wonder,
(07:36):
you know, what else is going on?
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Yeah, Hey Jen, Hello, good morning, Hi Jen, good morning.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
So you you heard this scenario and stayergo and you're
saying stay.
Speaker 6 (07:45):
Why I say stay? So my husband and I are
actually going through almost the sac same thing. Like it's crazy,
insaying how many couples are going through this right now?
So what's helping us is actually reading that book The
Five Languages. It's a popular one and it teaches people
what your partner's language might be, and it could be
(08:06):
like two different languages, like he's seaking one and she's
speaking another, and they're just not on the same page.
So getting an insight like that and actually writing something
down like Okay, well this would make me feel loved
or this would make me feel hurd or open, and
then they both do the same thing and it's like,
oh okay, something might click and they understand each other better.
And the whole thing with the baby and the Nike
(08:26):
you we actually had that too, and it's really hard,
and having a new baby is puts so much stress
on a relationship. But you have to like try and
look at all your options to see what helps you
guys reconnect and understand each other because communication is so
important and if they're like speaking totally different languages towards
each other, it's never gonna help.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
The language thing is temporarily better to your point, and
the love language thing is really impactful because you're right,
I mean, I could be communicating, you know in a way,
or I could be sharing my affection with you in
a way that isn't as useful as as a different way.
You know, maybe I'm a gift giver or maybe I'm
a time spent person in your words of affirmation person
and so here I think I'm putting in the effort,
(09:08):
but it's not landing with you. It's not resonating with
you the way I wanted to because I'm not connecting
with you in a way that would be more productive.
Speaker 6 (09:16):
Yes, it's so real. How that is like that My
husband and I were completely different too, so like we're
trying so hard. I have to like were ready to
post it notes now like I felt this such and
such way, and then it will come back to it later.
Because he's a talker and he's the more the physical
touch with I think most guys are, and I'm the
quality time type of person. So it's they might just
(09:38):
have very different things. So I think she should stay
for now and really look at all the options. So
I'm curious to know it's the therapist that they've been
going to even suggest to that or you know, brought
something like that to their attention.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Yeah, thank you, Jen, I appreciate it, and I hope
everything gets better. No, thanks, good, Yeah, I glad you
called it. And there are a few people on the
text saying and you do hear this sometimes like if
things are going so poor, then why have a child? Well,
I mean there are lots of variables there, like did
they mean to have the child and then yeah, this, sir,
I've heard of scenarios where things are going terribly and
it's like, well, let's let's make a kid and then
(10:10):
that'll bring us closer together. Now that's not necessarily great logic.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
I wouldn't.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
I wouldn't say let's add a really really stressful element
to something that's already not working.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
But I don't know.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
I mean, I think there are people that just relationships
are hard. And I'm saying this mostly based on what
I know what I'm not firsthand, but relationship. I think
we would all agree relationships are hard, and so I
think maybe some people just assume that it's going to
be challenging and then they still go about their goals
of creating a family. And maybe maybe for her, the
(10:40):
idea of divorcing him really wasn't on the forefront until recently,
you know, so it's like, well, I'm not going to
leave him. We're gonna work through this. It's a hard time,
we're going to get past it. But then as issues compound,
it gets worse. So I don't know that it's as
simple as why go and have a kid when things
aren't going well.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
I don't know that that. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
We don't know enough to say if that was the
logic or not. Hey Emily, Hey, hi Emily, you hear
this day?
Speaker 6 (11:05):
Orgo?
Speaker 1 (11:05):
What do you think?
Speaker 3 (11:07):
I think that she needs to take all the energy
she's spending worrying about her marriage and everything else and
just focus on the child. They didn't. It doesn't sound
like they were in a solid place before the child.
It's not going to get better. And like, honestly, she
didn't list any reason for being with him, you know,
and I yours can It could be she needs health
insurance or x y Z, but it's like, you know,
(11:30):
why is one to enhance your life, not someone that's
going to make it more stressful.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
Well, in fairness, if she's going to do that, Emily,
if she's not, if she's just going to sort of
abandon any effort towards the relationship, then she should leave
it right because that's not going to help anything. If
she just says, all right, I'm going to pretending this
guy's not even there and focus on my kid, well,
then then leave right.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
No, yeah, I said leave like she should focus on
health relationship and just focus on the child.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Yeah, yeah, because yeah, Okay, I get what you're saying.
Thank you, Emily, you have a good day. Yeah, fine,
glad you called? Hey Ki, Hi Katie, Hi, are you hi?
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Good morning? So sadly you've been in this situation, but
you're saying stay.
Speaker 9 (12:09):
Yes, absolutely, would tell me mom. We So we have
my husband and I have been together or we've been
married for ten years together, almost fourteen, four kids, lots
of stress. We almost lost our two months or our
baby when she was two months old TRFB. So we
were at the university for a few weeks. We just
(12:33):
dealt with a two months stay at Riley with my
nine year old for crones.
Speaker 7 (12:38):
Okay, So we've had.
Speaker 9 (12:39):
A lot of a lot of stressful situations with our kids.
Health wise. Money's tight. We both work full time, but
supporting four kids is difficult. But you're going to have
a lot of these stressful situations in your marriage and
you kind of just have to look at each other
and say is it worth it? And you just have
(13:00):
to stop and say, you know, I love you, you love me.
At the end of the day, that's all we need.
We're going to just work through it.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
Yeah, yeah, I mean it takes a lot of strength.
You know. There are people saying in the text. One says,
does he do have his half of the parenting? If
he doesn't now, he never will. Do you think that's true?
I mean, is it if the effort is there? I mean,
is that what we're looking for. We're looking for the effort.
Even you we disconnect, You're.
Speaker 9 (13:27):
You're going to put into it what you want to
put into it. So if he's not wanting to put
that effort towards it, then maybe stop and you know,
look at what you are dealing with. But I mean,
it's a fifty to fifty thing, especially when you have
kids and when you're both working. Everyone has to work now,
and if he's not putting toward his effort and he hasn't,
(13:48):
then you kind of need to, you know, look at
that and say, maybe this isn't worth it.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
She did say his effort is lacking.
Speaker 8 (13:55):
That's what she told me. And she's asked multiple times
she feels like she's putting in more effort for the relationship.
Speaker 9 (14:01):
Then yes, well then I mean you can have that
conversation with him, and if he doesn't seem to get it,
then that would definitely be something that I would kind
of look into a little bit further.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Well, Katie, thank you for listening, for sharing, and good luck.
Speaker 6 (14:16):
Thank you you too.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Yeah, I have a good day.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
And again, you know, if he were unwilling to get
any sort of outside help, be it you know, therapy
or faith based or whatever it is, then you could say, well,
he maybe he's depressed or he has some sort of
something going on with him that if that's rectified, then
that might improve the situation, because sometimes you know, you
can get in your own head to where everything seems
daunting and then you're not really maybe feeling like you're
(14:39):
being productive or valuable to anyone. But it sounds like
he's done some of that. So he has made an effort.
I don't know how much, but it's not as though
he's living this way and then saying why, well, I'm
not going to do anything about it, which we do
here sometimes in this thing, Hey, Laurie, you went through
something similar, and you say go. We've had stay and
(15:00):
we've had go from people who know this. Unfortunately, why
why go?
Speaker 4 (15:06):
Because he's not going to change, and how do we
know we can hope?
Speaker 3 (15:11):
Well, I went through it.
Speaker 4 (15:14):
I hoped that when the Whitehurst, that when the.
Speaker 5 (15:18):
Baby came, he would step up, you know, be there.
And he was sometimes sometimes he was great, and then
he would go back to doing what.
Speaker 4 (15:28):
He wanted to do and not be in there. And
it was fighting. And I tried to five years to
make it work. But the same thing. He'll get you know,
he's going to step up, He's going to step up.
He was a great guy. He's still a great guy.
We're still friends. We co parented together, but the unhappiness
(15:51):
never went away. We tried, you know, working it out,
and we tried working it out, and he would get
better for a little bit, and then he would just
fly right back into his ways of doing what he
wanted to do. And he was a great husband and
a great father when he wanted to be.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
So no consistence, but no consistency.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Well, Laurie, I'm sorry, but I appreciate their perspective. Have
a good day too. I'm not sure we've helped much
because you get a lot of people who've been through
this calling in and it's about fifty to fifty go, stay, go.
I'm looking at all these right now, a lot of
go and then a lot of stay. You've committed almost
nine years to this, so or ten years to this,
so you got to stick with it, you got to
(16:35):
write it out, and you got a lot of this.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Love is not all you need. Yeah, Yeah,
This is the pread show.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Dame is taking over Las Vegas this January for his
seven night President Adoby Live at Park MGM. And we've
got a trip for two to the January twenty fifth
show to night Hotel State at Park MGM January twenty
fourth through the twenty sixth and round trip airfare. Text
dusk to three seven three three seven now for a
chance to win. A confirmation text will be sent standard
(00:22):
message of data rates may apply.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
All thanks to Live Nation, stay or go.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
By the way, Daddy Bob Chairman did text me back.
He did invent MTV and spring break. And as for
liability a little looser times back then, No pun intended
because I asked him. I was like, how did you
like sleep at night when you were doing this stuff?
Because I you know now you couldn't only that you
could do it, you had a near one. I have
just signed waivers and yeah, you'd have fifty lawyers out there.
(00:49):
And is social distancing and masks and rap people in
late next time his allergies right, Oh god, I mean,
what kind of candy do we have always for the
kids that don't eat candy?
Speaker 1 (01:01):
What are we doing here? You know, are the right right,
how much is babysitting? What do we do? I got
to pay for prep time? That's crazy?
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Why is?
Speaker 1 (01:13):
That's another thing?
Speaker 4 (01:14):
Is?
Speaker 2 (01:14):
And you know what, I think you should flip the
script on these babysitter types, like if you know and look,
I like this, I understand that it's not five bucks
an hour anymore, ten or fifteen or you know whatever,
and it's a big responsibility and you will and if
you get somebody good. I also have heard it can
be very competitive, where like people will find a good
babysitter and they don't want to tell their friends about
her because they want to make sure that she's available. Yeah,
(01:37):
that's real on like Saturday nights for them, And so
a lot of them will pay even more to make
sure that they're the preferred house, right Exactly, you can
flip the script and be like, hey, if I'm paying
a premium rate, like so let's say thirty bucks, people
seem to agree on the text that in our little
focus group here, that that thirty bucks is a premium
rate for a babysitter. If I'm paying that, what language
(01:59):
do you speak?
Speaker 5 (02:00):
What?
Speaker 6 (02:00):
Like?
Speaker 1 (02:01):
What? What what are you bringing to the table here?
Speaker 2 (02:03):
You know?
Speaker 1 (02:04):
Like what what are we? Are you an artist? Are
you do you?
Speaker 2 (02:06):
I mean, come on, like, okay, you're prepping for what
to teach my kid how to speak you know Mandarin? Okay, great,
let's do it. Like that's amazing, I'm all for it.
That's thirty bucks an hour, that's real.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
It's expensive. You guys, stay safe out there.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Honestly, if I ever had a kid, and I don't
think it's happening, but if I ever had a kid,
we were saying this off the air, like I would
absolutely if I had babysitters or help or whatever, if
I if I could afford that, then I would. Those
people would bring something to the table that I well,
in addition to like knowing how to deal with children
they like and keeping them safe and things like that
that I don't know how to feed them and things
I don't know how to do, they would have to
(02:43):
I mean a language like like different sort of perspective,
and I would almost be do you speak to little
Freddie and whatever whatever your native tongue is, Like, that's
the that you guys can interact like that, because yes,
because I want my kid to be waste more than
I am here and I don't I think speaking more
than one language is almost has become like the way
(03:05):
it needs it should be the way it is in
the world.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
So say ergo.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
This is a note that we got and this woman
does not want to be on the air, but she
wanted us to read this entire email. So I want
to know what you guys think. We're debating some relationship
dramming here. I feel like this is pretty relatable eight five, five, five,
nine one one oh three five. Unfortunately, I think people
can relate to this, but it says Dear Fred's show.
I'm struggling to decide if I should stay with my
husband of three years together for nine and would love
(03:30):
some insight. We started having problems about two years ago,
and I feel like we just can't seem to stay
in a happy place. I did start going to therapy
shortly after the problem started, and eventually he did too.
We even started doing couples sessions in addition to our
individual sessions. They seem to help for a bit, at
least in the sense that we'd fix the problem, but
then after a few weeks we'd be having the same
(03:53):
arguments all over again. We just had a baby in
March and he was two months early, so that led
to a five week nick U stay for him and
a Ronald McDonald house stay for us. To say that
that tested our relationship would be an understatement. I guess
part of me really hoped that he would finally step
up to be the man I wanted and needed once
he became a father. Don't get me wrong, he is
(04:13):
not a bad person. But I feel like I'm putting
all my energy into saving our relationship, but despite me asking,
he's not doing the same. I never wanted a broken
family for my baby, but I know that I also
don't want him to grow up in a home full
of anger and arguments. I've contemplated staying until my baby
is a year old, but even that has started to
feel like an impossible challenge. I'm starting to wonder if
(04:35):
we're even compatible anymore. But I don't know what the
right answer is. I would love all of your input.
Thanks for your time. First of I don't know none
of us fortunately have any experience in all of that.
You've got a relationship that with struggles, You've got a
kid now, a kid that was sick. I mean, I
know that that is incredibly stressful for relationships. And so
(04:58):
you add that challenge to all of this, and it's like,
you know, what person am I getting?
Speaker 6 (05:01):
Right? Like?
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Am I We're so stressed out? You know, we're trying
to take care of our baby, and so I mean,
you separate that from all of this. But they were
having problems before that. Again, I don't know that it's
fair to judge people when they're under pressure, but they're
both under pressure, and and she doesn't feel supported. And
I don't know how he feels because we haven't heard
his side of it. But eight five, five, five, nine
one oh three five I'm curious what would you guys
(05:23):
do in this situation? I mean, this woman, you know,
she doesn't feel like she's connecting with their partner anymore,
and you know they have gone to therapy and they
at least she's tried. It seems. I don't know what
comes to mind. You're the married one, what would you do?
Speaker 1 (05:38):
I am a married woman.
Speaker 7 (05:40):
Honestly, you said the situation is a little bit different,
and you know there's they were they have.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
A child, right, and then there was some health stuff
going on.
Speaker 7 (05:48):
But I do feel like the first I say, almost
two years of being postpartum as a woman is already
just extremely difficult, and I think it's difficult for both parties, right,
Like you're not going to connect as much. You're not
going to feel the same as you did, like you know,
when you first met or even when you first like
got married or whatever. It might be just because there's
so much going on the first year for sure, but
(06:09):
I almost extended to two years of post baby life.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Life is different.
Speaker 7 (06:13):
They're going through a lot of stuff right now too,
and they did with their own child. So I feel
like if both parties want to, like, exactly like in
therapy discussed this, do you want to be in this relationship?
Do you want to work through this? Because if you don't,
then one person's already out the door whatever. Then I
would say this isn't gonna work. But I feel like
it's so hard when you are freshly postpartum to really
(06:35):
like make that choice, right which is to feel like, oh,
do I want to be in this relationship or not?
Because they say it's the hardest. The challenges relationships and
marriages a lot.
Speaker 8 (06:42):
And they were having problems beforehand, and I think she's
just looking for some effort. It's interesting.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 8 (06:48):
That's hard if you're already having existing issues. We know,
kids don't fix anything, They make them more difficulty.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
That's what I mean.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Like the problem was there, and then they introduce a kid,
and then you introduce some of the biological things that
occur anyway, and then on top of that, you introduce
the stress of the kid being early and those challenges.
Speaker 8 (07:05):
Yeah, I would say, like you said, have a conversation
where it's just a blacker white question, do you want
to save this?
Speaker 2 (07:13):
You know?
Speaker 8 (07:13):
And both parties answer, And then if there is no
emotional or physical abuse, I say, then try to maybe
work through it a little bit more, because it would
be a very difficult time to go through a separation
as well, and it is hard on both parties. But
she said that getting to the end of the year
even sounds difficult for her right now, which makes me wonder,
(07:36):
you know, what else is going on?
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Yeah, Hey Jen, Hello, good morning, Hi Jen, good morning.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
So you you heard this scenario and stayergo and you're
saying stay.
Speaker 6 (07:45):
Why I say stay? So my husband and I are
actually going through almost the sac same thing. Like it's crazy,
insaying how many couples are going through this right now?
So what's helping us is actually reading that book The
Five Languages. It's a popular one and it teaches people
what your partner's language might be, and it could be
(08:06):
like two different languages, like he's seaking one and she's
speaking another, and they're just not on the same page.
So getting an insight like that and actually writing something
down like Okay, well this would make me feel loved
or this would make me feel hurd or open, and
then they both do the same thing and it's like,
oh okay, something might click and they understand each other better.
And the whole thing with the baby and the Nike
(08:26):
you we actually had that too, and it's really hard,
and having a new baby is puts so much stress
on a relationship. But you have to like try and
look at all your options to see what helps you
guys reconnect and understand each other because communication is so
important and if they're like speaking totally different languages towards
each other, it's never gonna help.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
The language thing is temporarily better to your point, and
the love language thing is really impactful because you're right,
I mean, I could be communicating, you know in a way,
or I could be sharing my affection with you in
a way that isn't as useful as as a different way.
You know, maybe I'm a gift giver or maybe I'm
a time spent person in your words of affirmation person
and so here I think I'm putting in the effort,
(09:08):
but it's not landing with you. It's not resonating with
you the way I wanted to because I'm not connecting
with you in a way that would be more productive.
Speaker 6 (09:16):
Yes, it's so real. How that is like that My
husband and I were completely different too, so like we're
trying so hard. I have to like were ready to
post it notes now like I felt this such and
such way, and then it will come back to it later.
Because he's a talker and he's the more the physical
touch with I think most guys are, and I'm the
quality time type of person. So it's they might just
(09:38):
have very different things. So I think she should stay
for now and really look at all the options. So
I'm curious to know it's the therapist that they've been
going to even suggest to that or you know, brought
something like that to their attention.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Yeah, thank you, Jen, I appreciate it, and I hope
everything gets better. No, thanks, good, Yeah, I glad you
called it. And there are a few people on the
text saying and you do hear this sometimes like if
things are going so poor, then why have a child? Well,
I mean there are lots of variables there, like did
they mean to have the child and then yeah, this, sir,
I've heard of scenarios where things are going terribly and
it's like, well, let's let's make a kid and then
(10:10):
that'll bring us closer together. Now that's not necessarily great logic.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
I wouldn't.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
I wouldn't say let's add a really really stressful element
to something that's already not working.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
But I don't know.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
I mean, I think there are people that just relationships
are hard. And I'm saying this mostly based on what
I know what I'm not firsthand, but relationship. I think
we would all agree relationships are hard, and so I
think maybe some people just assume that it's going to
be challenging and then they still go about their goals
of creating a family. And maybe maybe for her, the
(10:40):
idea of divorcing him really wasn't on the forefront until recently,
you know, so it's like, well, I'm not going to
leave him. We're gonna work through this. It's a hard time,
we're going to get past it. But then as issues compound,
it gets worse. So I don't know that it's as
simple as why go and have a kid when things
aren't going well.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
I don't know that that. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
We don't know enough to say if that was the
logic or not. Hey Emily, Hey, hi Emily, you hear
this day?
Speaker 6 (11:05):
Orgo?
Speaker 1 (11:05):
What do you think?
Speaker 3 (11:07):
I think that she needs to take all the energy
she's spending worrying about her marriage and everything else and
just focus on the child. They didn't. It doesn't sound
like they were in a solid place before the child.
It's not going to get better. And like, honestly, she
didn't list any reason for being with him, you know,
and I yours can It could be she needs health
insurance or x y Z, but it's like, you know,
(11:30):
why is one to enhance your life, not someone that's
going to make it more stressful.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
Well, in fairness, if she's going to do that, Emily,
if she's not, if she's just going to sort of
abandon any effort towards the relationship, then she should leave
it right because that's not going to help anything. If
she just says, all right, I'm going to pretending this
guy's not even there and focus on my kid, well,
then then leave right.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
No, yeah, I said leave like she should focus on
health relationship and just focus on the child.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Yeah, yeah, because yeah, Okay, I get what you're saying.
Thank you, Emily, you have a good day. Yeah, fine,
glad you called? Hey Ki, Hi Katie, Hi, are you hi?
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Good morning? So sadly you've been in this situation, but
you're saying stay.
Speaker 9 (12:09):
Yes, absolutely, would tell me mom. We So we have
my husband and I have been together or we've been
married for ten years together, almost fourteen, four kids, lots
of stress. We almost lost our two months or our
baby when she was two months old TRFB. So we
were at the university for a few weeks. We just
(12:33):
dealt with a two months stay at Riley with my
nine year old for crones.
Speaker 7 (12:38):
Okay, So we've had.
Speaker 9 (12:39):
A lot of a lot of stressful situations with our kids.
Health wise. Money's tight. We both work full time, but
supporting four kids is difficult. But you're going to have
a lot of these stressful situations in your marriage and
you kind of just have to look at each other
and say is it worth it? And you just have
(13:00):
to stop and say, you know, I love you, you love me.
At the end of the day, that's all we need.
We're going to just work through it.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
Yeah, yeah, I mean it takes a lot of strength.
You know. There are people saying in the text. One says,
does he do have his half of the parenting? If
he doesn't now, he never will. Do you think that's true?
I mean, is it if the effort is there? I mean,
is that what we're looking for. We're looking for the effort.
Even you we disconnect, You're.
Speaker 9 (13:27):
You're going to put into it what you want to
put into it. So if he's not wanting to put
that effort towards it, then maybe stop and you know,
look at what you are dealing with. But I mean,
it's a fifty to fifty thing, especially when you have
kids and when you're both working. Everyone has to work now,
and if he's not putting toward his effort and he hasn't,
(13:48):
then you kind of need to, you know, look at
that and say, maybe this isn't worth it.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
She did say his effort is lacking.
Speaker 8 (13:55):
That's what she told me. And she's asked multiple times
she feels like she's putting in more effort for the relationship.
Speaker 9 (14:01):
Then yes, well then I mean you can have that
conversation with him, and if he doesn't seem to get it,
then that would definitely be something that I would kind
of look into a little bit further.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Well, Katie, thank you for listening, for sharing, and good luck.
Speaker 6 (14:16):
Thank you you too.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Yeah, I have a good day.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
And again, you know, if he were unwilling to get
any sort of outside help, be it you know, therapy
or faith based or whatever it is, then you could say, well,
he maybe he's depressed or he has some sort of
something going on with him that if that's rectified, then
that might improve the situation, because sometimes you know, you
can get in your own head to where everything seems
daunting and then you're not really maybe feeling like you're
(14:39):
being productive or valuable to anyone. But it sounds like
he's done some of that. So he has made an effort.
I don't know how much, but it's not as though
he's living this way and then saying why, well, I'm
not going to do anything about it, which we do
here sometimes in this thing, Hey, Laurie, you went through
something similar, and you say go. We've had stay and
(15:00):
we've had go from people who know this. Unfortunately, why
why go?
Speaker 4 (15:06):
Because he's not going to change, and how do we
know we can hope?
Speaker 3 (15:11):
Well, I went through it.
Speaker 4 (15:14):
I hoped that when the Whitehurst, that when the.
Speaker 5 (15:18):
Baby came, he would step up, you know, be there.
And he was sometimes sometimes he was great, and then
he would go back to doing what.
Speaker 4 (15:28):
He wanted to do and not be in there. And
it was fighting. And I tried to five years to
make it work. But the same thing. He'll get you know,
he's going to step up, He's going to step up.
He was a great guy. He's still a great guy.
We're still friends. We co parented together, but the unhappiness
(15:51):
never went away. We tried, you know, working it out,
and we tried working it out, and he would get
better for a little bit, and then he would just
fly right back into his ways of doing what he
wanted to do. And he was a great husband and
a great father when he wanted to be.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
So no consistence, but no consistency.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Well, Laurie, I'm sorry, but I appreciate their perspective. Have
a good day too. I'm not sure we've helped much
because you get a lot of people who've been through
this calling in and it's about fifty to fifty go, stay, go.
I'm looking at all these right now, a lot of
go and then a lot of stay. You've committed almost
nine years to this, so or ten years to this,
so you got to stick with it, you got to
(16:35):
write it out, and you got a lot of this.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Love is not all you need. Yeah, Yeah,
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