Stay Or Go: Food Addiction Is Real

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Fread Show is on. It's stay or go. Daniel
is here.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Good morning, Daniel, Welcome to the program Guarding Daniel. All right,
let's hear about it. What's going on in your relationship?
Little group therapy going on right now, the Fread Show.
We're here for you. Well, unlikely.

Speaker 3 (00:19):
I'm just I just I'm not quite sure what to
do because I'm kind of at the end of my rope.

Speaker 4 (00:25):
With this thing.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
Okay, all right, wait, wait, fill us in, please give
us the backstory.

Speaker 5 (00:31):
Okay, Well, a few years ago, my wife was diagnosed
with a pretty serious heart issue and she underwent a
huge surgery and you know, by the grace of God,
you know, everything was okay. You know, the surgery went
well and things were looking up right, Okay, right, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:54):
Yeah, So it's just dumb ter send the story. Is
that what happened?

Speaker 6 (00:58):
Well?

Speaker 3 (00:59):
No, no, so well, the doctors recommended that she makes
some some lifestyle changes, you know, changing you know, what
she eats, exercising, moving around more, and this is kind
of where the issue is. So and despite doctor's orders,
she has not been active and has not been eating

(01:22):
well at all. And it's been kind of a point
of contention between us, and about a week or so ago,
the last straw was we got into a little bit
of an argument about it, and she promised that she
would do better. And then the very next day after
our argument, I found a fast food wrapper in her car.

(01:47):
So I'm really just trying to tread lightly with the
whole situation because I don't want to come off as
you know, controlling and you know, or shaming her or
anything like that. But I it really, it really hurts
me to see her body, to see her treating her
body like this, and especially when you know, when we
went through the surgery and she was given, you know,
a whole new lease on life, and I just, you know,

(02:11):
and I want her to be around, you know, for
for our kids and potentially future grandkids. And I just
like I don't know what to do because, like I said,
I don't want to be controlling, but at the same time,
what do I do in this situation.

Speaker 1 (02:27):
Well, she kind of imagines as you do.

Speaker 2 (02:28):
She owes it to you, and she owes it to
your family, especially if you cared for her when she
wasn't well and helped her heal. I mean, I think
she owes that effort to you guys, right, I mean
it's part of being a family, it's part of having kids,
it's part of being a spouse. Right, is that you
you try, But it sounds like the problem here is
deeper than just that. Like it sounds like maybe it's

(02:51):
some form of addiction, or it's psychological or something that
is beyond you know, something that maybe you can handle
it yourself. I mean, if you considered seeing maybe she
would see a counselor or you guys go together and
talk about it, because you know, maybe this is beyond
just a normal conversation.

Speaker 3 (03:09):
Yeah, I would be totally open for that. I just
think getting her to do it would be would be
really difficult, like that first, Like there, it would almost
need like an intervention or something like that.

Speaker 2 (03:19):
Yeah, put her on that show. No, don't do that.
Well maybe I don't know, yes, Rufio.

Speaker 7 (03:23):
I mean I feel this guy on this one because.

Speaker 8 (03:25):
I have had health issues this past couple of years
and it honestly, you know, and Jess was really concerned
for me, and I feel like you need to threaten
her a little bit, and like threaten her like that
you're done, like you're gonna leave, Like it's gonna be
over if you don't change your lifestyle because it's serious
and that and that's what happened to me. Like, you know,

(03:47):
my mom died at sixty seven years old, and like
the heart problems running my family, so I had She's like,
you need to take this seriously because you need to
be around for like we have kids, we want you know,
more grandkids and stuff like that. So you have to
you have to kind of like threaten them in a
positive way.

Speaker 9 (04:03):
You know.

Speaker 7 (04:04):
It's like and if she won't.

Speaker 8 (04:05):
Do that after you say, hey, if you don't do this,
I'm done, then then it's time to go.

Speaker 7 (04:10):
Like she you have to you have to force the issue.

Speaker 8 (04:13):
And and and get her to change her ways because
you want to round for the long haul.

Speaker 9 (04:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (04:19):
I just I know though if I if I.

Speaker 3 (04:21):
Leave her alone up to her own devices though, but
that's that's just not going to be a good situation
for her.

Speaker 2 (04:27):
Yeah, I mean I think you have You've sounds like
maybe you've tried being supportive. You tried to, you know,
help her get through this process of this really serious surgery,
and you could have lost her and your kids could
have lost her. And I think now it's time that
she puts in some effort. But again, it's not as
simple as I don't think just going to some people

(04:47):
and being like, hey, I need you to stop eating
like this, I need you to be more healthy, I
need you to do and to exercise and whatever. I
don't think it's necessarily that simple. Well, it might be
really frustrating the same way, and again I'm not a professional,
but the same way that you might look at someone
who's addicted to alcohol or something else and say, just stop,
just stop with it. It really isn't that easy, which
is why you may need a little bit more help

(05:09):
then you can provide. And yeah, I mean, I think
maybe some tough love is in order, but I don't know.
Surely some people out there have encountered this. So I'm
going to take some phone calls eight five five three five.
We're gonna talk about you behind your back, but look,
well actually it's not really behind your back, as you
can still listen. But nonetheless, we wish you the very
best and thank you for sharing this. I hope it
works out.

Speaker 3 (05:28):
Good luck man, Yeah, thank you, I appreciate it, all.

Speaker 1 (05:31):
Right, Thank you.

Speaker 2 (05:32):
Marissa hold On of SEG Marissa, Yes, what do you
want to say, go ahead?

Speaker 9 (05:39):
Well, I'm in her corner for the reason. I think
he should leave, because what a jerk this woman overcame
debt honey? Who cares that she wants a big.

Speaker 6 (05:46):
Mak Let her live?

Speaker 4 (05:48):
Life is short.

Speaker 9 (05:49):
I understand if he wants her to be healthy for
their family, but she deserves so much better than that,
a man that will support or overcome those challengs, not
complain about it anymore.

Speaker 8 (05:57):
I mean, Marissa a whole on a second, she got
a second chance at life and she's ruining.

Speaker 2 (06:02):
That right, Like, don't you think so? He he should
just let her Like, she has a family, she has
a husband, she has kids, she has obligations, and so
he should just let her go, just lutter, not encourage
her to be more healthy, not push her, not challenge her.
He should just essentially let her kill herself, because then
what does that say about him?

Speaker 9 (06:23):
Well, he should support her, I think, but maybe in
different ways. I mean, I understand if someone to call
the radio, but go to a couple of counseling together,
maybe meal prep together, but you call him to complain
about her. I mean, she deserves better than that.

Speaker 10 (06:36):
Show her better?

Speaker 2 (06:36):
Is he complaining or is he at wits end? I mean,
I'm challenging you here a little bit, Marissa, because I
feel like he doesn't know what to do, which a
lot of people wouldn't know what to do because they don't. Clearly,
he doesn't want to hurt her, and he doesn't want
to make her alienate her and make her feel like
she's not valued the way she is. But she has
to make changes because it's really not about in some ways,

(06:59):
if you have kids, forget about your spouse, it's not
about you anymore, right, right?

Speaker 9 (07:06):
And that's it's true. I have a family member who's
actually in a very similar boat.

Speaker 11 (07:09):
But we kind of had almost the.

Speaker 9 (07:11):
Intervention where we got together and gave him the support
he needed. And I think that's what needs to happen
move forward. And if he doesn't want to more support
than that, than think your decisions have to be made.

Speaker 2 (07:20):
Marissa, with all due respect, how is that any different
than what we just said, Like, he's not a Jersey.

Speaker 7 (07:25):
Yeah alone, let him live his life.

Speaker 12 (07:28):
You just said that, yeah, okay, and then everyone has.

Speaker 2 (07:31):
That she is entitled to her opinion. I just think,
you know, I think we're all saying the same thing here.
But Marissa, thank you, have a good day you too. Yeah,
I don't know. She came in hot with the whole
He's a jerk thing. Honestly, I think he's a jerk
if he does nothing. I think he's a jerk if
he if he doesn't express any concern whatsoever. Right, And
I think he's a jerk if he doesn't offer solutions
for her.

Speaker 1 (07:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 13 (07:51):
Yeah, I don't think calling a radio station is anyone's
like first thing that they do.

Speaker 7 (07:54):
Like it sounds like he's tried everything.

Speaker 13 (07:56):
I mean, we want you to call please, but that
should be your first option. He's exhausted everything, and he's
kind of needing that, you know, that advice.

Speaker 2 (08:05):
Well, And I mean there's a large cross section of
folks that listen of the thirteen. You know, people from
our our audience of thirteen are massive audience of thirteen.

Speaker 1 (08:14):
You know they have someone's been.

Speaker 7 (08:15):
Through this before, you know, is fair name you call.

Speaker 2 (08:18):
Up here and have a concern, Maybe someone listening goes, no,
wait a minute, I went through this, and I have
an idea. Hey Jennifer, good morning, Yes, Hi, Hi, what
do you want to say?

Speaker 7 (08:28):
Hi?

Speaker 2 (08:29):
Oh?

Speaker 11 (08:29):
I just wanted to say that.

Speaker 12 (08:30):
I think that maybe the conversation that they should have
should be that he's going to ask, how can I
support you?

Speaker 3 (08:38):
Like, what can we do?

Speaker 11 (08:39):
Do we meal prep? Do we do something to try
and make this work better for the both of us? So,
I think a lot of.

Speaker 12 (08:48):
Times women as mothers feel overwhelmed and so it's easy
to make a choice to get a quick meal. And
if she's feeling attacked because of that, it's it's a
harder conversation versus if if she's feeling supported, what are
we going to do to try and make better decisions? Yeah,

(09:10):
so's like, how can we meal prep? How can we
work together to make this a better situation for everybody?

Speaker 1 (09:20):
Yeah? Man, Jennifer, thank you, have a good day.

Speaker 14 (09:24):
You're welcome.

Speaker 2 (09:24):
And Scott has a good point here. Hey Scott, good morning,
Good morning Scott. So the question you have is, you know,
is he leading by example? Is he is he in it?

Speaker 1 (09:34):
Wather?

Speaker 15 (09:36):
Yeah, I mean there's a couple of questions. So is
he is he eating the right stuff around her and
with her? Is he supporting her in that sense? Because
if he's not, she's not going to either. So I
mean he has a lot to do with that however,
I mean, it really comes down to you know, not
just that, but it's also you know, first of all,
it sounds like she needs some therapy in that sense.

(09:59):
And yeah, I mean I feel like he sounds like
it's his responsibility as well, which we can only do
so much for our significant others. I mean, it really
it comes down to her and if he does that,
believe her, he should not feel as bad as it
sounds like he does about it.

Speaker 2 (10:14):
Yeah, I mean, if he does everything he can, and
it doesn't sound like he's done everything he can yet,
but it sounds like he wants to and he's looking
for the ideas. So Scott, thank you man. Have a
good day. Uh, Natalia, good morning, Natalia, how.

Speaker 4 (10:27):
Are you good?

Speaker 1 (10:29):
Hey, so you've been in this situation.

Speaker 10 (10:32):
Yeah, so I've actually been the one that was pretty
overweight and kind of lost like that turn in my life.
And my husband for years was like thebe we need
to get it together, like and he tried.

Speaker 3 (10:46):
He tried all the.

Speaker 10 (10:47):
Right things, saying all the right things, let's go to
the gym together. He was really big in the kickboxing.

Speaker 4 (10:52):
And it took me, it was on me.

Speaker 10 (10:55):
To say, you know what, it's time to turn my life.
He could say all the right things, it comes down
to what when I was ready. There was a point
in my life where I was like I'm done, Like
I have a family, I need to get healthy, and
the encouragement and the support is what is the best thing.
So it's hard on him because now looking back, I

(11:18):
understand how hard it was to my husband. But he
just has to keep biting and keep pushing and just
keeping positive.

Speaker 14 (11:24):
And there's gonna be one day.

Speaker 10 (11:25):
Where she's like I'm done, like I have to change
my life. Yeah, and it'll happen, but he just has
to be supportive and just keep pushing through.

Speaker 15 (11:34):
It's so hard.

Speaker 10 (11:35):
Like now, looking back, I feel so bad for my husband.

Speaker 14 (11:37):
He tried and tried and tried, but at.

Speaker 10 (11:40):
The end of the day, like it really doesn't matter
until she gets that mentality of like, okay, it's.

Speaker 14 (11:45):
Time to change.

Speaker 1 (11:47):
Yeah it.

Speaker 14 (11:49):
Me.

Speaker 10 (11:50):
My son was five and he got to the point
where he was able to vocalize like Mommy, your tummy's big,
or like it was those things that finally made me realize,
like this is not healthy, Like this is not the
life I want. If my son notices it, other people
in the world are going to notice and that that
did it makes me feel good.

Speaker 2 (12:10):
Yeah yeah, Natalia, thank you for calling, thanks for sharing.
I appreciate you.

Speaker 3 (12:14):
Yep, thank you.

Speaker 2 (12:15):
The other thing is, in a situation like this, you
got to I mean, I understand she's going with the problem,
but he has to feel like, what am I not
worth it? I'm not worth you trying. Our kids aren't
worth you trying. Our family's not worth you trying.

Speaker 15 (12:29):
What.

Speaker 16 (12:30):
No, it's okay to feel like that, but it's really
not about him. It's all about her, and he just
has to, like you said, be supportive in that. But
I wouldn't internalize like what am I not worth it?
Because it's not that easy. It's really not that easy
for her or anybody dealing with addiction. Like I grew
up in a house full of addiction, and I would
be like, you don't love us enough to stop doing
what you're doing. But it's not about me. It's not

(12:51):
about you as the person. It's about the person with
the addiction. That's their own personal battle and all you
can really do is support them through their journey and
hope that they change.

Speaker 1 (13:00):
I think you're right.

Speaker 2 (13:00):
I just I don't think it's unnatural or unreasonable to
have those feelings and to start to develop a resentment.

Speaker 1 (13:06):
Oh yeah, for sure, you know, and I know that
you have.

Speaker 2 (13:09):
To sort of check that because of the points that
you've made, because it's bigger than that. But that being said,
that's why maybe a professional is necessary here because it's
just going to get worse and he's probably going to
become more resentful and she's probably going to become more resistant.

Speaker 13 (13:24):
Yeah, and this situation is more severe because there was
a life saving surgery.

Speaker 7 (13:28):
I mean, it's not just necessarily like these.

Speaker 1 (13:30):
Are doctors orders.

Speaker 13 (13:31):
If you had something else going on and a doctor
said here's your prescription medication and your spouse wasn't taking it,
you know, this I think elevates the situation that she
almost lost her life.

Speaker 2 (13:41):
And I can relate to this story, by the way,
because I've had someone in my life. You have a
really really really close call and you think, okay, and
this person was scared, you know, and you say, Okay,
this is going to open their eyes. They're going to
change everything, Yeah, because they don't want to do this again.
And then when they don't, then it a lot I
understand it's bigger than me, and it's bigger than you know,

(14:01):
family or friends. But at the same time, you're like,
what is it going to take then.

Speaker 8 (14:06):
Especially if something happens and he has to live with that,
Like he's got to be like I could have done more.

Speaker 7 (14:10):
You know what I'm saying, Like, even though you did everything,
you gotta try.

Speaker 1 (14:13):
Yeahah, you gotta try to live.

Speaker 7 (14:15):
With that that doubt, like I could have done more,
I should have done more.

Speaker 1 (14:18):
But he's done a lot. He's doing what he can.

Speaker 16 (14:20):
And sometimes people just have to hear rock bottom before
they wake up.

Speaker 2 (14:24):
Yeah, that's true. Hey Albert, you say go good morning, Albert.

Speaker 4 (14:28):
Yeah, I say go good morning, listening to you guys
on my way home from work, so thank you, But
I say, definitely go. I was kind of in that situation,
but I was alone with the issue, and my ex
wife at that time gave me that proposition. I need
to get the help that I need to or she's

(14:51):
set up with it. It's not good for the kids
to be around me and see me basically destroying myself.
And as parents, our kids always come first. They should.
As soon as you become a parent, your kid is
your number one priority, and you should do everything in
your power to be there for your kids as long
as possible. So there might be another underlying issue with

(15:15):
this woman where she does need some kind of counseling,
but unfortunately, until she hits rock bottom herself, she's just
going to bring him and the family down and it's
going to be an ugly situation, and he should think
about his kids and not put him in that position

(15:35):
and just do what's best for him and the kids
and let her hit rock bottom and get the help
she needs.

Speaker 2 (15:41):
At that point, I hear you, Albert, but I also
I don't think he's done everything yet.

Speaker 1 (15:44):
I think there's more to do.

Speaker 2 (15:45):
I think that's part of the reason he called here
because he didn't know what to do next. And a
lot of people are calling in who have been part
of this. So I don't know that it's I don't
know that he's done everything he can do yet to
just walk away and be like, forget about it, because
I don't know that that. I don't know that him
walking the way he changes anything. I think there's another
level of intervention that needs to take place here. It's
more serious than that.

Speaker 4 (16:07):
I agree with you at that point, A little bit,
but his focus should be the kids. Yeah, that's you
really want his kids to see all of that going on.

Speaker 8 (16:18):
But even if you have kids, yes, you're they're your
number one priority. If you love someone, if you if
you love that person so much, you're never going to
give up on that person, like you you married into
that vow and.

Speaker 7 (16:29):
You would die for that person.

Speaker 8 (16:31):
And I just feel like you're just giving up if
you just say, all right, I'm just gonna think about
the kids and forget about you.

Speaker 1 (16:36):
That's just Yeah, that's a tough situation to be in.
I'm not sure if we're there yet, but I don't know.

Speaker 2 (16:41):
Thank you, Albert, Albert's been there, so I appreciate you, Albert,
thank you for calling.

Speaker 1 (16:44):
Uh Hey Stacy, Hi Stacy.

Speaker 4 (16:46):
Good morning, Good morning.

Speaker 1 (16:48):
How are you hey? Doing well?

Speaker 2 (16:50):
If you just tuned in stare go this this guy
calls because he's concerned his wife had a very serious
heart surgery and he was hoping that would change her
life and her lifestyle, that she you know, she got
kind of a sex at least on life, and it
hasn't and she really hasn't changed things, and he's concerned
about it. She's hiding food and hiding, you know, things
she shouldn't be eating, and they have kids and a family,
and he's worried about it, doesn't know what to do.

Speaker 1 (17:10):
What do you think.

Speaker 11 (17:13):
I think he has argue, made this decision and he
wants to go, and I think that's why he called
the radio. I had a Willmaker heart attack at thirty
eight years old to stunt placements. I had no cholesterol.

Speaker 14 (17:28):
Problems, I was active and eating really healthy. They think
it was related to stress. But regardless of me, I
was in a situation for twenty marriage, twenty years a guy.

Speaker 11 (17:41):
Who was really controlling. In college, he didn't want to
eat lunch with me because I had.

Speaker 14 (17:45):
A turkey sandwich of salad and a brownie.

Speaker 11 (17:48):
And he couldn't handle watching me eat that.

Speaker 14 (17:50):
And so once I had a heart attack, he told
everybody was because of diet an exercise, but his family
thought he was dying an exercise and it had nothing
to do with that.

Speaker 11 (18:00):
So she, you know, my kids still thought it.

Speaker 14 (18:03):
Was giant exercise. But there's eating concerned issues and control
issues in that family. So I don't know.

Speaker 11 (18:09):
I think he's much more complicated than that, I think,
but I do.

Speaker 14 (18:12):
Think like that other lady. If he's already called the
radio station, it's not that he does not want to
help her.

Speaker 11 (18:18):
He's made that division, you know.

Speaker 14 (18:19):
I think so. I think he's just so many more details.
I think he should go because I agree with this
other lady.

Speaker 1 (18:24):
All Right, Dacy, thank you, And I know it's not popular.
That's you take appreciates you have a good day.

Speaker 2 (18:31):
Yeah, Heather, Hi, Hi guys, Hey Heather, good morning.

Speaker 1 (18:36):
What did you want to say, stare go?

Speaker 14 (18:39):
H Well, I wanted to.

Speaker 6 (18:39):
Say stay, but I also wanted to say that make
it a team effort, that you're you're in this, you're
a family, You're a husband and wife's team. Work out together,
make the giant changes together, and don't don't go in
wake up Monday morning and say I'm going to spend
three hours in the gym every day this week.

Speaker 11 (18:57):
How about date week.

Speaker 6 (18:59):
One day one, let's take a ten minute walk, next day,
ten minute walk, and just improve and grow from there.

Speaker 14 (19:05):
But don't leave.

Speaker 6 (19:06):
She needs your support. That's what families are for. Just
make small changes and make it a team effort.

Speaker 1 (19:11):
Right, It doesn't all have to happen in one day. Yeah,
just gradual.

Speaker 2 (19:15):
And I suppose you know, I have noticed, even with
my own health, that it's sort of a slippery slope,
like you add this step and then you see results,
and you add the next step, and then the next step,
and before long you're kind of on on track. And
it doesn't feel completely and totally overwhelming, and it is
something you can do together.

Speaker 1 (19:31):
So I like that. I like the outlook, Heather.

Speaker 6 (19:34):
Set yourself up for success. Don't make these huge life
changes on a Monday.

Speaker 5 (19:39):
Morning, you know, make small, small tank.

Speaker 6 (19:41):
I've been I've been strength training for seven years now,
and it's almost become like a lifestyle for me. So
it's not it's not even a second bot. I wake up,
I work out.

Speaker 3 (19:50):
I actually listen to you guys. I'm one of the
thirteen you guys in the morning.

Speaker 1 (19:53):
When it work out, then.

Speaker 7 (19:55):
You guys, we're just sorry.

Speaker 2 (19:56):
Sitting right, Does that help you work out hard?

Speaker 1 (20:02):
No one, They were all just sitting around drinking puffee,
talking smack.

Speaker 2 (20:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (20:05):
Okay, well good, Well least heaven Heather will live forever.

Speaker 3 (20:07):
So that's good.

Speaker 1 (20:08):
Thank you, Heather.

Speaker 4 (20:10):
A good day.

Speaker 2 (20:11):
Listening to us motivates people to be healthy. What as
we do stories about all the food that we eat,
and all the food that I order, and oh God,