September 24, 2024 • 19 mins
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Fread Show is on it stay or go all right,
Daniel is here.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
You can always hit us up by the way on
fredshow Radio dot com, Freendshaw Radio, on Instagram, v fread Show,
TikTok all the places, Daniel. Good morning, Good morning, Good morning, Fred, Daniel.
What's going on with this woman who you've been dating?
We're all ears. We can't wait to give you the
advice that will clearly set you on the right path. Well,
(00:27):
I can't promise you that, actually, but anyway, don't go ahead,
tell us what's going on?
Speaker 1 (00:32):
You're fine.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
So I recently started dating this girl.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
She right out.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
She seems awesome, she's similar interest. We agree on very
important issues more superficially. She's very attractive, you know. But
there's one thing about her that to me feels like
a red flag, and that she's never been in a
relationship never never never, Like she's okay, she's she's not
(01:05):
like a virgin or anything. She's definitely like dated people,
but none of those ever led into anything deeper in
just like like there was always like a reason, like
the guy treated her poorly or she just didn't like
the guy. And that leaves me a little anxious about
going further with her? Is this I don't know, does
(01:28):
this sound like enough of her red flag to anybody else?
Speaker 1 (01:31):
That's what I was gonna Daniel.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
You sound like you're in maybe you're I don't know,
late twenties, early thirty something like that. I assume she's
the same age. Yeah, yeah, okay, never in a relationship,
but she's done other stuff, so she's had, you know,
I don't know, a different interaction with man. Just never
do you think it's a commitment thing? I mean, is
there is that any component you just or simply she's
(01:55):
just never met the right guy. It kind of as
you described, Yeah, like.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
She's it was always someone treated her poorly, never met
the right guy. I just I'm just little word before
I go like invest myself deeper emotionally, like if someone's
if she's like flaky, you know, that's what I'm worried about.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Huh Okay, all right, Well, I'd love to take calls
on this eight five five five three five. You can
call and text the same number. You guys have any
questions for Daniel before we talk about him.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
Behind this back, I mean, I'm just gonna assume she's
of age you know, like because that's well, I.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Mean, yeah, I asked that question. She in her twenties
or thirties, and he said, yes, so yeah, no, she's
not seventeen. This isn't like a ditty freako party or whatever.
It's yeah, we're having We're not having a freak off
over here, at least I don't think so. So she's
of age, But otherwise you get the impression that she's
(02:53):
like a well rounded, sort of i don't know, grounded
an individual. Like you get the impression that she's flaky.
She's flaky in other ways.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
Uh not really, It's just I mean, this is the
only thing that's really come up that's like set up
like a red flag type of alarm for me. But
I mean, I mean, I'm just I've never experienced anyone
that's never been in any form of like a deeper relationship.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Like hmm, okay, all right, this one kind of has
me a little bit stuffed. Thank you, Daniel, have a
great dea, have the radio and we're gonna talk about
you behind your back.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
Now, Okay, appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Okay, good yeah, good talk. Yeah. Eight five.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
I don't necessarily think this is a problem. I mean
I haven't been in that many super long term relationships.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Are she's never been in a relationship, okay, right, I
mean I don't.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
I don't necessarily think that's I mean, look like if
you that's like a for me, that'd be like a
super trust is like like are you gonna be with
me or you're just gonna you know, be with me
for two weeks or.
Speaker 5 (03:53):
Whatever, Like I would have concerns, right exactly.
Speaker 4 (03:55):
Really, yeah, yeah, it's the concern I've never cheated on
anybody you've you've ever.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Seen with the opportunity.
Speaker 4 (04:02):
It's like it's like when you applied for a job
and they want you to have all this work history,
Like bro, just graduated college, give me a chance.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Thirties is like if.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
You look at my situation, I went to small high school, no,
I mean really didn't date that much, went to college,
dated a little bit, and then I got you know,
super career focused and moved around a whole bunch. So like,
I don't know, it just wasn't there wasn't really the
occasion necessarily, Nor do I think I met the right
person and it wasn't my priority.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
You know.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
That's another thing is everybody I think everyone in the
world assumes that you're supposed to date one person consistently
for a long time. You're supposed to be everyone's supposed
to be parted up, everyone's supposed to be in a
long term relationship, everyone's that's what everyone's supposed to do,
because that's what most people do. But maybe this woman
just hasn't that just hasn't been a priority for her.
Speaker 5 (04:46):
Yeah, no judgment on her, but I'm just saying for me,
if I was, you know, going on a date with someone,
I would be a little bit concerned. If you're in
your thirties and you haven't been able to hold down
a relationship.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Especially if you're looking for someone to be in a
relationship with, and this where's it was like, I've never
been in a relationship. That's like why not? Like well, also,
you're saying hold down a relationship. I mean, like, again,
that's a choice that she might be making. It's it's
not that she I mean, yes, is she could be
a cheater, she could be someone who's incapable of commitment,
(05:17):
she could be flaky. She could also just be somebody
who hasn't met the right person, just hasn't felt strongly.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Enough I gotta hear why, Like I want to.
Speaker 6 (05:25):
I would ask her if I was dating her and
be like why, you know, just curious having you been
in a long term or a serious relationship? Like was
it by a choice? Like is that where you're moving?
Were you in school? Were you like prioritizing other things?
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Right?
Speaker 5 (05:36):
There's also other issues that come with someone who hasn't
been in prior relationships, like communication tends to be an
issue you don't really know how to argue sometimes. I mean,
there's I think there'd be other issues that would I mean,
I don't know, just for me, it would be a concern.
I wouldn't stop dating someone, but it would definitely be
a concern.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
I mean, I guess I would also look at her friendships.
Does she have a does she have long term friendships?
Does she you know, outside of romantic relationships, Because if
she can, if she can carry on, you know, relationships
from high school or growing up or or else, you know,
then she's capable of it. She's just made the decision
to prioritize other things. And I don't necessarily think that's
(06:14):
a problem. Hey Mallory, good morning, Good morning him, Mallorie.
So this guy's concerned because he met a woman that
he likes a lot. She's just never and she's in
her late twenties early thirties, he implied, she's never been
in a relationship romantically, and he's not sure if that
should be a red flag or Now what do you think.
Speaker 7 (06:31):
Well, I'm thirty six and I'm in my first long
term relationship. We've been together for four years, and prior
to him, I'd only had kind of short term things.
And it really came down to just not being with
the right person and kind of having a little bit
lower self esteem and so only really entertaining those guys
(06:53):
that really weren't worth my time and just kind of
telling them to hit the road. Stats. That's really what
it came down to.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Yeah, I think that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
And this guy made you feel comfortable and this guy,
it all just kind of came together for you. It
clicked the guy you're with now, yes, yes, yeah, see,
I don't I don't know. I mean, and it's going well,
you haven't had any issue with commitment or uh. You
guys are able to communicate well and all those things.
It all kind of came together.
Speaker 7 (07:24):
Yes, we communicate well, we're able to talk through arguments,
not that we've had many. We're living together now, we
bought a house together, the engagement ring is coming, so yeah,
we're doing really well.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Yeah, well Kiki thinks the same thing, So just be careful.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
What's that was?
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Hopefully he's living in your house, you know, just make sure, Hey,
does this man live with you, Mallory or do you
live with them?
Speaker 1 (07:53):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 8 (07:54):
God, are both on the house?
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Okay, technicality, you have.
Speaker 7 (08:02):
A good day, okay.
Speaker 5 (08:04):
I also think that a guy would be like accused
of having commitment issues if he had never been in
a relationship by that age.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
I think it would be a different I don't know.
Speaker 5 (08:12):
I think people would treat it differently, which I don't
know if that's fair or not.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
But I don't know that's true. I get a hard
time all the time. I mean, people are constantly.
Speaker 5 (08:20):
I feel like I'm not judged constantly yeaheah, well get
judged harder.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Yeah maybe maybe so maybe that's true. You know, I
get judged all the time. It's like, well, there must
be something wrong with you. There must be you know,
you must not be able to you must you must
have Peter Pan syndrome. You must be capable of commitment.
You must, and it's like people have I'm telling you,
people have the hardest time in general understanding that some
people choose this life, some people choose the life I
(08:48):
am living. And it is so hard for people to
understand because I think the convention is you meet someone,
you date them long for you meet multiple people, or
one person you date for a long time, you get married,
you have kids, and you're you're partnered, and I don't know,
it's just that's never been a priority to me.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
I'm relationships. I've seen one too.
Speaker 5 (09:07):
Yeah, well, well I have that in last very long
but okay, I'm okay with that.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
And one of them was a god awful human being,
and then some of the other ones were, you know,
maybe not not great choices.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
But still it's a learning.
Speaker 8 (09:18):
I would be okay with that.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
You've had too, I've seen them right back to bed,
Yeah they were, Yeah, you came here, real hot, pandemic?
Speaker 7 (09:25):
What right?
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Well, And for the record, not everybody who's been with me,
I'm sure has amazing things to say, but at least
I don't think they would say that I didn't cheat
on them.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
I don't have commitment issues.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
I'm not a god awful human being, so I got
that going for me, those things. But I mean again,
it's like it's really mind Oh my god, you're forty
three years old. You you've never been married, like basically,
what's wrong with you? And it's like, well, I don't know,
maybe nothing, maybe a lot of things. The things that
are wrong with me might not have anything to do
with the fact that I've chosen, you know, to prioritize
myself and the.
Speaker 5 (09:53):
Marriage thing doesn't bother me at all.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
I think that's fine. Hey, Maggie, good morning, good morning.
How are you me?
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Hey, good morning, Thank you for calling and for listening.
Why don't you want to say this guy Daniel, he's
been dating somebody for white likes her, but she's never
been in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
But he's worried about.
Speaker 8 (10:08):
It, so I think he should stay.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
I have a thirty.
Speaker 7 (10:14):
Three year old cousin who has never been in a relationship,
and she would be devastated if that's why someone left.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Now, why do you think this Your cousin has never
been in a how would you describe to us your yes?
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Okay, okay, So I mean it would.
Speaker 4 (10:34):
Just be down and be like, oh, she's shy.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
She finally sound found someone she liked, and then just
because she didn't find the right person in the past is.
Speaker 7 (10:43):
Now her reason shouldn't get the next person.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
But if if she did meet somebody, you wouldn't you
wouldn't think that they need to be concerned about her
lack of relationship history.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
No, okay, thank you.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
Yeah, she's a little sheltered.
Speaker 4 (11:04):
But you know, I think everybody's got.
Speaker 8 (11:08):
Problems in life and good and bad, and trying to hook.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Your cousin up with friend is what's going on.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
I wouldn't say you're doing a great job, Maggie. We
gotta sell a little better.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
You know.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
When I say to you, like what's wrong with it?
Speaker 2 (11:26):
You're like, yeah, man, I mean anytime you say tell
me about this person and they go, Maggie, would you
date your cousin? Yeah, okay, I love you, mag you
(11:46):
have a good day, I'm.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Like, Maggie, what's the problem with this person? Is like, well,
I mean she shot right. I mean, I mean.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
I have anyone who's ever described is I don't know
that's a good thing. Hey, Julie, good morning, welcome to
the show.
Speaker 9 (12:08):
How are you.
Speaker 8 (12:09):
I'm doing great, Hi Fred, how are you, Hi.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Julie, Thank you for listening, for calling. So a person
who's not been in a really any relationships in this case, non,
I mean, do you look at that and say, red flag,
I can't do it?
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Or do you say maybe maybe sokay, yeah.
Speaker 8 (12:24):
Yeah, give her a chance?
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Why?
Speaker 8 (12:27):
I mean, you got a good thing going? Why not?
I mean, and I say that because I am. I
am happily married thirteen years and when I started dating
my husband, now, I hadn't been in a relationship and
I was like thirty six, and you know, I had friends,
(12:48):
I had a social life, I had a career, but
I just hadn't found the right guy. And you know,
I didn't have a lot of self confidence, so that
was probably.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
My biggest thing.
Speaker 8 (12:58):
But I mean I was a normal person and I
am a good communicator. So like all these red black things, like,
I mean, give her a chance. Not everybody prioritizes the
same and not everybody has the same experiences, So like
why just discounter.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Yeah, yeah, it makes sense.
Speaker 3 (13:15):
Thank you to You're good. You go.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
So Daniel, look, there is it's possible, you know, it's
possible that there's there's hope out there, Thank you, have
a good day, you too. I will say this much
for the like the people who are always, you know,
the people that are always in a relationship, like they're
always in a relationship, like they can't be alone, I
(13:39):
think the opposite can be true too. And I will say,
if I fall into any sort of red flag category,
it's that I've just become so familiar with being on
my own and doing my own thing, and you know,
kind of putting myself first. And you could argue that
it's selfish, but I mean, it's not selfish because I'm not.
It's not like there's someone else in my life who
is getting ignored because I'm putting my needs first. I'm
(14:00):
just choosing to put myself first. I think you can
become so familiar with that life that it does become
hard to figure out how you would incorporate someone else
and how you would go fifty to fifty the same
way that people. You know, there are people out there
who can't imagine being alone.
Speaker 5 (14:14):
Fred I would also have hesitation if somebody has never
had a period of being single. It's the same thing
if someone could not seem to be alone. I would
also have hesitation because I think that's so important.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
J Loo.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
I think that's I think that's valid. Yeah, I think
it's valin.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
But I also think, you know, look, for some people,
the awakening happens at eighteen, sixteen, twenty five, you know whatever.
For me, I'm only now, literally at forty years old,
I'm only now beginning to sort of say, you know what,
I can see it like, it makes sense to me.
And the truth is, I know that's late, but if
it had happened earlier, I maybe wouldn't it wouldn't have
(14:51):
worked because I hadn't come to that conclusion on my own.
And some people come to it earlier, some people come
to it later. I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing.
I mean, you know, a lot of questions we didn't ask,
what's she in school?
Speaker 9 (15:02):
You know?
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Was she you know, building up a career? Was she
you know? Is there trauma? Is she working on herself?
Is she you know?
Speaker 2 (15:10):
There's a million different things. But again, I think the
convention seems to be, well, you know, you meet someone,
you date them for a long time, it works out,
it doesn't, then you move on to the next one.
And yet you know, it's easy for people to look
at situations that aren't like that, and then decide that
it's a problem somehow because it's not like what they're
used to.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Rachel, Hi, Rachel, good morning, Good morning.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
Hey, So what do you think about somebody who if
you met someone today, I don't know, late twenties, early thirties,
they've never been in a relationship, would you worry about it?
Speaker 8 (15:42):
I wouldn't.
Speaker 9 (15:43):
So I'm forty three now and I met my husband
now husband at thirty seven. I had never been in
a relationship, never bought anyone home. I'm going to just
I was working on my career, didn't want to settle,
like I'd rather be by myself and be happy than
be in a relationship and be miserable.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Well yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
I mean I think you said it well and you
feel like everything clicked, And I mean, do you feel
like your sort of lack of experience ever caught up
to you in a negative way.
Speaker 9 (16:12):
And not that I can think of, And I think
you think the same thing.
Speaker 7 (16:15):
Like, we're very open.
Speaker 9 (16:16):
We haven't had a ton of arguments, but we do
disagree and we work through it like grown ups. And
I think that some of it is we're both so
much further in life that we learned how to have
those relationships, not romantically, but you know, like how to
deal with other people, like adults. I think that really
helped our relationship.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
To be honest, Well, let me ask you this. I
don't mean to get too personal, but you know, we're
kids a priority for you? Because I think that's another
thing I think that people seem to, you know, they
expedite the process, be it good or be it bad.
If you want a family, well then you know you
oftentimes you got to find somebody else to do that with.
Not always, but I mean if kids weren't a priority,
(16:53):
well then there really wasn't probably any hurry for you.
Speaker 9 (16:57):
To be honest, they really did want kids, but I
wasn't going to have kids with somebody that I didn't
love and I didn't want.
Speaker 8 (17:04):
To deal with.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Yeah, And I do think people they put the kids,
they put the family, they put the a lot of
things in front of you know, maybe picking the right person.
And sometimes maybe that's why I had, you know, half
of marriages end in divorce or whatever, because it's like,
well I want a family, and I want kids, and
I want security, and I want someone to come home
to every night. But yet the fifth thing on the
(17:26):
list is I really hope they're like the ideal person
for me and and I think maybe we if we
flip that whole thing around, people might be happier.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
But I don't know. What do I know. I'm forty
three and.
Speaker 9 (17:39):
Singles, so I agree with you, and here I am yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Well, good, Rachel, Well thank you for context for Sharon,
have a good day. It is am I the only
one who has like minimal I guess I am. I'm
the only one who has like minimal relationship experience in
the room. Yeah, well, I mean, but you're married and
Kiki's almost maybe someone there long terms.
Speaker 4 (18:00):
Yeah they are long term, but it's only two and
I don't see the issue, you know, like she just
hasn't had a lot of experience, and it's not a
lot of good being out here. I mean, girl, you know,
everyone has to have a first some point, at some point.
Speaker 6 (18:15):
If it's at you know, sixteen, or if it's at
thirty six. I think that's okay. Because for my relationships,
they've all been really short. That's to the point that
I don't consider that. I'm not to be mean, but
I'm just like looking back at it now, it's like
that was a whole lot of nothing. Like it was
a relationship, but like compared to my marriage, like was
it you know what I mean? It hits there for
you're like, okay, you really were nothing. I was gonna
say the bad words. You're really nothing, you know.
Speaker 8 (18:37):
What I mean.
Speaker 6 (18:37):
So like looking back at it, my husband is said
about me and be like she didn't have long term experience.
Speaker 5 (18:42):
I didn't for sure, But you guys have now all
been in long term relationships, which I think like today, Yeah,
because one.
Speaker 6 (18:48):
Man gave me that opportunity. As far as like we are,
you know, we were a match. It worked out good
for sure.
Speaker 8 (18:53):
You know.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
The other guys were good. Jason was having sex with
women before I was too. He's a fan, and he's younger,
and he's gay. So that's you know that we have
a lot of problems. I have a lot of problems.
Never mind, I forget everything I said. I have a
lot of problems. The entertainero for three hundred bucks
The Fread Show is on it stay or go all right,
Daniel is here.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
You can always hit us up by the way on
fredshow Radio dot com, Freendshaw Radio, on Instagram, v fread Show,
TikTok all the places, Daniel. Good morning, Good morning, Good morning, Fred, Daniel.
What's going on with this woman who you've been dating?
We're all ears. We can't wait to give you the
advice that will clearly set you on the right path. Well,
(00:27):
I can't promise you that, actually, but anyway, don't go ahead,
tell us what's going on?
Speaker 1 (00:32):
You're fine.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
So I recently started dating this girl.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
She right out.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
She seems awesome, she's similar interest. We agree on very
important issues more superficially. She's very attractive, you know. But
there's one thing about her that to me feels like
a red flag, and that she's never been in a
relationship never never never, Like she's okay, she's she's not
(01:05):
like a virgin or anything. She's definitely like dated people,
but none of those ever led into anything deeper in
just like like there was always like a reason, like
the guy treated her poorly or she just didn't like
the guy. And that leaves me a little anxious about
going further with her? Is this I don't know, does
(01:28):
this sound like enough of her red flag to anybody else?
Speaker 1 (01:31):
That's what I was gonna Daniel.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
You sound like you're in maybe you're I don't know,
late twenties, early thirty something like that. I assume she's
the same age. Yeah, yeah, okay, never in a relationship,
but she's done other stuff, so she's had, you know,
I don't know, a different interaction with man. Just never
do you think it's a commitment thing? I mean, is
there is that any component you just or simply she's
(01:55):
just never met the right guy. It kind of as
you described, Yeah, like.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
She's it was always someone treated her poorly, never met
the right guy. I just I'm just little word before
I go like invest myself deeper emotionally, like if someone's
if she's like flaky, you know, that's what I'm worried about.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Huh Okay, all right, Well, I'd love to take calls
on this eight five five five three five. You can
call and text the same number. You guys have any
questions for Daniel before we talk about him.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
Behind this back, I mean, I'm just gonna assume she's
of age you know, like because that's well, I.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Mean, yeah, I asked that question. She in her twenties
or thirties, and he said, yes, so yeah, no, she's
not seventeen. This isn't like a ditty freako party or whatever.
It's yeah, we're having We're not having a freak off
over here, at least I don't think so. So she's
of age, But otherwise you get the impression that she's
(02:53):
like a well rounded, sort of i don't know, grounded
an individual. Like you get the impression that she's flaky.
She's flaky in other ways.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
Uh not really, It's just I mean, this is the
only thing that's really come up that's like set up
like a red flag type of alarm for me. But
I mean, I mean, I'm just I've never experienced anyone
that's never been in any form of like a deeper relationship.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Like hmm, okay, all right, this one kind of has
me a little bit stuffed. Thank you, Daniel, have a
great dea, have the radio and we're gonna talk about
you behind your back.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
Now, Okay, appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Okay, good yeah, good talk. Yeah. Eight five.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
I don't necessarily think this is a problem. I mean
I haven't been in that many super long term relationships.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Are she's never been in a relationship, okay, right, I
mean I don't.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
I don't necessarily think that's I mean, look like if
you that's like a for me, that'd be like a
super trust is like like are you gonna be with
me or you're just gonna you know, be with me
for two weeks or.
Speaker 5 (03:53):
Whatever, Like I would have concerns, right exactly.
Speaker 4 (03:55):
Really, yeah, yeah, it's the concern I've never cheated on
anybody you've you've ever.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Seen with the opportunity.
Speaker 4 (04:02):
It's like it's like when you applied for a job
and they want you to have all this work history,
Like bro, just graduated college, give me a chance.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Thirties is like if.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
You look at my situation, I went to small high school, no,
I mean really didn't date that much, went to college,
dated a little bit, and then I got you know,
super career focused and moved around a whole bunch. So like,
I don't know, it just wasn't there wasn't really the
occasion necessarily, Nor do I think I met the right
person and it wasn't my priority.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
You know.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
That's another thing is everybody I think everyone in the
world assumes that you're supposed to date one person consistently
for a long time. You're supposed to be everyone's supposed
to be parted up, everyone's supposed to be in a
long term relationship, everyone's that's what everyone's supposed to do,
because that's what most people do. But maybe this woman
just hasn't that just hasn't been a priority for her.
Speaker 5 (04:46):
Yeah, no judgment on her, but I'm just saying for me,
if I was, you know, going on a date with someone,
I would be a little bit concerned. If you're in
your thirties and you haven't been able to hold down
a relationship.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Especially if you're looking for someone to be in a
relationship with, and this where's it was like, I've never
been in a relationship. That's like why not? Like well, also,
you're saying hold down a relationship. I mean, like, again,
that's a choice that she might be making. It's it's
not that she I mean, yes, is she could be
a cheater, she could be someone who's incapable of commitment,
(05:17):
she could be flaky. She could also just be somebody
who hasn't met the right person, just hasn't felt strongly.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Enough I gotta hear why, Like I want to.
Speaker 6 (05:25):
I would ask her if I was dating her and
be like why, you know, just curious having you been
in a long term or a serious relationship? Like was
it by a choice? Like is that where you're moving?
Were you in school? Were you like prioritizing other things?
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Right?
Speaker 5 (05:36):
There's also other issues that come with someone who hasn't
been in prior relationships, like communication tends to be an
issue you don't really know how to argue sometimes. I mean,
there's I think there'd be other issues that would I mean,
I don't know, just for me, it would be a concern.
I wouldn't stop dating someone, but it would definitely be
a concern.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
I mean, I guess I would also look at her friendships.
Does she have a does she have long term friendships?
Does she you know, outside of romantic relationships, Because if
she can, if she can carry on, you know, relationships
from high school or growing up or or else, you know,
then she's capable of it. She's just made the decision
to prioritize other things. And I don't necessarily think that's
(06:14):
a problem. Hey Mallory, good morning, Good morning him, Mallorie.
So this guy's concerned because he met a woman that
he likes a lot. She's just never and she's in
her late twenties early thirties, he implied, she's never been
in a relationship romantically, and he's not sure if that
should be a red flag or Now what do you think.
Speaker 7 (06:31):
Well, I'm thirty six and I'm in my first long
term relationship. We've been together for four years, and prior
to him, I'd only had kind of short term things.
And it really came down to just not being with
the right person and kind of having a little bit
lower self esteem and so only really entertaining those guys
(06:53):
that really weren't worth my time and just kind of
telling them to hit the road. Stats. That's really what
it came down to.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Yeah, I think that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
And this guy made you feel comfortable and this guy,
it all just kind of came together for you. It
clicked the guy you're with now, yes, yes, yeah, see,
I don't I don't know. I mean, and it's going well,
you haven't had any issue with commitment or uh. You
guys are able to communicate well and all those things.
It all kind of came together.
Speaker 7 (07:24):
Yes, we communicate well, we're able to talk through arguments,
not that we've had many. We're living together now, we
bought a house together, the engagement ring is coming, so yeah,
we're doing really well.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Yeah, well Kiki thinks the same thing, So just be careful.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
What's that was?
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Hopefully he's living in your house, you know, just make sure, Hey,
does this man live with you, Mallory or do you
live with them?
Speaker 1 (07:53):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 8 (07:54):
God, are both on the house?
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Okay, technicality, you have.
Speaker 7 (08:02):
A good day, okay.
Speaker 5 (08:04):
I also think that a guy would be like accused
of having commitment issues if he had never been in
a relationship by that age.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
I think it would be a different I don't know.
Speaker 5 (08:12):
I think people would treat it differently, which I don't
know if that's fair or not.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
But I don't know that's true. I get a hard
time all the time. I mean, people are constantly.
Speaker 5 (08:20):
I feel like I'm not judged constantly yeaheah, well get
judged harder.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Yeah maybe maybe so maybe that's true. You know, I
get judged all the time. It's like, well, there must
be something wrong with you. There must be you know,
you must not be able to you must you must
have Peter Pan syndrome. You must be capable of commitment.
You must, and it's like people have I'm telling you,
people have the hardest time in general understanding that some
people choose this life, some people choose the life I
(08:48):
am living. And it is so hard for people to
understand because I think the convention is you meet someone,
you date them long for you meet multiple people, or
one person you date for a long time, you get married,
you have kids, and you're you're partnered, and I don't know,
it's just that's never been a priority to me.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
I'm relationships. I've seen one too.
Speaker 5 (09:07):
Yeah, well, well I have that in last very long
but okay, I'm okay with that.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
And one of them was a god awful human being,
and then some of the other ones were, you know,
maybe not not great choices.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
But still it's a learning.
Speaker 8 (09:18):
I would be okay with that.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
You've had too, I've seen them right back to bed,
Yeah they were, Yeah, you came here, real hot, pandemic?
Speaker 7 (09:25):
What right?
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Well, And for the record, not everybody who's been with me,
I'm sure has amazing things to say, but at least
I don't think they would say that I didn't cheat
on them.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
I don't have commitment issues.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
I'm not a god awful human being, so I got
that going for me, those things. But I mean again,
it's like it's really mind Oh my god, you're forty
three years old. You you've never been married, like basically,
what's wrong with you? And it's like, well, I don't know,
maybe nothing, maybe a lot of things. The things that
are wrong with me might not have anything to do
with the fact that I've chosen, you know, to prioritize
myself and the.
Speaker 5 (09:53):
Marriage thing doesn't bother me at all.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
I think that's fine. Hey, Maggie, good morning, good morning.
How are you me?
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Hey, good morning, Thank you for calling and for listening.
Why don't you want to say this guy Daniel, he's
been dating somebody for white likes her, but she's never
been in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
But he's worried about.
Speaker 8 (10:08):
It, so I think he should stay.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
I have a thirty.
Speaker 7 (10:14):
Three year old cousin who has never been in a relationship,
and she would be devastated if that's why someone left.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Now, why do you think this Your cousin has never
been in a how would you describe to us your yes?
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Okay, okay, So I mean it would.
Speaker 4 (10:34):
Just be down and be like, oh, she's shy.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
She finally sound found someone she liked, and then just
because she didn't find the right person in the past is.
Speaker 7 (10:43):
Now her reason shouldn't get the next person.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
But if if she did meet somebody, you wouldn't you
wouldn't think that they need to be concerned about her
lack of relationship history.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
No, okay, thank you.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
Yeah, she's a little sheltered.
Speaker 4 (11:04):
But you know, I think everybody's got.
Speaker 8 (11:08):
Problems in life and good and bad, and trying to hook.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Your cousin up with friend is what's going on.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
I wouldn't say you're doing a great job, Maggie. We
gotta sell a little better.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
You know.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
When I say to you, like what's wrong with it?
Speaker 2 (11:26):
You're like, yeah, man, I mean anytime you say tell
me about this person and they go, Maggie, would you
date your cousin? Yeah, okay, I love you, mag you
(11:46):
have a good day, I'm.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Like, Maggie, what's the problem with this person? Is like, well,
I mean she shot right. I mean, I mean.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
I have anyone who's ever described is I don't know
that's a good thing. Hey, Julie, good morning, welcome to
the show.
Speaker 9 (12:08):
How are you.
Speaker 8 (12:09):
I'm doing great, Hi Fred, how are you, Hi.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Julie, Thank you for listening, for calling. So a person
who's not been in a really any relationships in this case, non,
I mean, do you look at that and say, red flag,
I can't do it?
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Or do you say maybe maybe sokay, yeah.
Speaker 8 (12:24):
Yeah, give her a chance?
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Why?
Speaker 8 (12:27):
I mean, you got a good thing going? Why not?
I mean, and I say that because I am. I
am happily married thirteen years and when I started dating
my husband, now, I hadn't been in a relationship and
I was like thirty six, and you know, I had friends,
(12:48):
I had a social life, I had a career, but
I just hadn't found the right guy. And you know,
I didn't have a lot of self confidence, so that
was probably.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
My biggest thing.
Speaker 8 (12:58):
But I mean I was a normal person and I
am a good communicator. So like all these red black things, like,
I mean, give her a chance. Not everybody prioritizes the
same and not everybody has the same experiences, So like
why just discounter.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Yeah, yeah, it makes sense.
Speaker 3 (13:15):
Thank you to You're good. You go.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
So Daniel, look, there is it's possible, you know, it's
possible that there's there's hope out there, Thank you, have
a good day, you too. I will say this much
for the like the people who are always, you know,
the people that are always in a relationship, like they're
always in a relationship, like they can't be alone, I
(13:39):
think the opposite can be true too. And I will say,
if I fall into any sort of red flag category,
it's that I've just become so familiar with being on
my own and doing my own thing, and you know,
kind of putting myself first. And you could argue that
it's selfish, but I mean, it's not selfish because I'm not.
It's not like there's someone else in my life who
is getting ignored because I'm putting my needs first. I'm
(14:00):
just choosing to put myself first. I think you can
become so familiar with that life that it does become
hard to figure out how you would incorporate someone else
and how you would go fifty to fifty the same
way that people. You know, there are people out there
who can't imagine being alone.
Speaker 5 (14:14):
Fred I would also have hesitation if somebody has never
had a period of being single. It's the same thing
if someone could not seem to be alone. I would
also have hesitation because I think that's so important.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
J Loo.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
I think that's I think that's valid. Yeah, I think
it's valin.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
But I also think, you know, look, for some people,
the awakening happens at eighteen, sixteen, twenty five, you know whatever.
For me, I'm only now, literally at forty years old,
I'm only now beginning to sort of say, you know what,
I can see it like, it makes sense to me.
And the truth is, I know that's late, but if
it had happened earlier, I maybe wouldn't it wouldn't have
(14:51):
worked because I hadn't come to that conclusion on my own.
And some people come to it earlier, some people come
to it later. I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing.
I mean, you know, a lot of questions we didn't ask,
what's she in school?
Speaker 9 (15:02):
You know?
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Was she you know, building up a career? Was she
you know? Is there trauma? Is she working on herself?
Is she you know?
Speaker 2 (15:10):
There's a million different things. But again, I think the
convention seems to be, well, you know, you meet someone,
you date them for a long time, it works out,
it doesn't, then you move on to the next one.
And yet you know, it's easy for people to look
at situations that aren't like that, and then decide that
it's a problem somehow because it's not like what they're
used to.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Rachel, Hi, Rachel, good morning, Good morning.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
Hey, So what do you think about somebody who if
you met someone today, I don't know, late twenties, early thirties,
they've never been in a relationship, would you worry about it?
Speaker 8 (15:42):
I wouldn't.
Speaker 9 (15:43):
So I'm forty three now and I met my husband
now husband at thirty seven. I had never been in
a relationship, never bought anyone home. I'm going to just
I was working on my career, didn't want to settle,
like I'd rather be by myself and be happy than
be in a relationship and be miserable.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Well yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
I mean I think you said it well and you
feel like everything clicked, And I mean, do you feel
like your sort of lack of experience ever caught up
to you in a negative way.
Speaker 9 (16:12):
And not that I can think of, And I think
you think the same thing.
Speaker 7 (16:15):
Like, we're very open.
Speaker 9 (16:16):
We haven't had a ton of arguments, but we do
disagree and we work through it like grown ups. And
I think that some of it is we're both so
much further in life that we learned how to have
those relationships, not romantically, but you know, like how to
deal with other people, like adults. I think that really
helped our relationship.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
To be honest, Well, let me ask you this. I
don't mean to get too personal, but you know, we're
kids a priority for you? Because I think that's another
thing I think that people seem to, you know, they
expedite the process, be it good or be it bad.
If you want a family, well then you know you
oftentimes you got to find somebody else to do that with.
Not always, but I mean if kids weren't a priority,
(16:53):
well then there really wasn't probably any hurry for you.
Speaker 9 (16:57):
To be honest, they really did want kids, but I
wasn't going to have kids with somebody that I didn't
love and I didn't want.
Speaker 8 (17:04):
To deal with.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Yeah, And I do think people they put the kids,
they put the family, they put the a lot of
things in front of you know, maybe picking the right person.
And sometimes maybe that's why I had, you know, half
of marriages end in divorce or whatever, because it's like,
well I want a family, and I want kids, and
I want security, and I want someone to come home
to every night. But yet the fifth thing on the
(17:26):
list is I really hope they're like the ideal person
for me and and I think maybe we if we
flip that whole thing around, people might be happier.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
But I don't know. What do I know. I'm forty
three and.
Speaker 9 (17:39):
Singles, so I agree with you, and here I am yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Well, good, Rachel, Well thank you for context for Sharon,
have a good day. It is am I the only
one who has like minimal I guess I am. I'm
the only one who has like minimal relationship experience in
the room. Yeah, well, I mean, but you're married and
Kiki's almost maybe someone there long terms.
Speaker 4 (18:00):
Yeah they are long term, but it's only two and
I don't see the issue, you know, like she just
hasn't had a lot of experience, and it's not a
lot of good being out here. I mean, girl, you know,
everyone has to have a first some point, at some point.
Speaker 6 (18:15):
If it's at you know, sixteen, or if it's at
thirty six. I think that's okay. Because for my relationships,
they've all been really short. That's to the point that
I don't consider that. I'm not to be mean, but
I'm just like looking back at it now, it's like
that was a whole lot of nothing. Like it was
a relationship, but like compared to my marriage, like was
it you know what I mean? It hits there for
you're like, okay, you really were nothing. I was gonna
say the bad words. You're really nothing, you know.
Speaker 8 (18:37):
What I mean.
Speaker 6 (18:37):
So like looking back at it, my husband is said
about me and be like she didn't have long term experience.
Speaker 5 (18:42):
I didn't for sure, But you guys have now all
been in long term relationships, which I think like today, Yeah,
because one.
Speaker 6 (18:48):
Man gave me that opportunity. As far as like we are,
you know, we were a match. It worked out good
for sure.
Speaker 8 (18:53):
You know.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
The other guys were good. Jason was having sex with
women before I was too. He's a fan, and he's younger,
and he's gay. So that's you know that we have
a lot of problems. I have a lot of problems.
Never mind, I forget everything I said. I have a
lot of problems. The entertainero for three hundred bucks
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