November 11, 2025 • 16 mins
Mary and her husband have been together for over 20 years and have only ever been with each other and her husband asked if they could open up their relationship.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the Freas Show.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Dane is taking over Las Vegas this January for his
seven night Presidents Adobe Live at Park MGM, and we've
got a trip for two to the January twenty fifth
show to Night Hotel State Park MGM January twenty fourth
through the twenty sixth and round trip airfare. Text forever
to three seven three three seven now for a chance
to win. A confirmation text will be said. Standard message
(00:23):
of data rates may apply. All thanks to Live Nation.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Breast show is on What Stay or Go? She has
a song.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Dottium or like our boss is trying to like maneuver
something and Nope, I just went ahead and did it. Hi, Mary,
how you doingday?
Speaker 3 (00:42):
I'm okay. How are you guys doing?
Speaker 2 (00:44):
I don't know how you can be just okay at
that new Hillary Duff song, But okay, that's fine, So
whatever I mean, I'm all fired up. For me. It's
like so Yesterday all over again, Like it's just the
same kind of feels.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Nonetheless, what's going on with you and your husband?
Speaker 2 (00:58):
You guys are high school sweet you've been together for
twenty years and he wrote us a note because you
want to be on Stay or Go? So that we
can talk about you and decide, you know, how you
should live out the rest of your life. So tell
us at the end of this, we will give you
the pathway to follow to live the rest of your life.
Because everyone who comes on stay orgo agrees to do
(01:19):
exactly what we tell them, So go ahead.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
So we openly talk about this all the time. We
neither one of us.
Speaker 4 (01:30):
Have been with anybody else, and you know, since we've
been together since high school, and we talk about the
fact that it's just been us, and we always talk
about this.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Okay. Recently though, while we were talking about it like usual,
he kind of shocked me because he asked if I
would ever be interested in opening up our relationship.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Why are you talking about? Like what is the context? Like,
is you just like, oh, I wonder what it would
be like since we've only been with each other, Like
I wonder what other people you know? I wonder if
it's different or is it like kind of in a
cent or is it or is it coming you know,
from your perspective, because you don't really know necessarily where
it's coming from within him? But for you, is it
is it your curiosity? Like do you wonder, Hey, it
(02:17):
could be better, it could be different. So you're satisfied,
you're you're not having this conversation because you're unfulfilled in
some way.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
Yeah, I I honestly talk about it, and we joke
about it, and I thought he was joking that he
was actually being serious, and it's it's not something I've
ever considered, but I told him I would think about it,
because what else am I going to say?
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Well, yes, I guess for me, I'm just curious why
that conversation because you said earlier like that, you guys
talk about it a lot, like the idea of and
then and now all of a sudden, it's why, you know,
one step further in that conversation. So I just wonder,
is that I don't know what it's like to be
with only one person, so I wouldn't even know how
to have a conversation like that. But I just I
was curious, like what the impetus was. But nonetheless, this
(03:07):
time he says, you, well, what if we what if
we uh, you know, what if I stepped out? What
if you stepped out? I assume it's what he's talking about,
like that you guys would individually go maybe do other things.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Yeah, like maybe this would add to our relationship because
we've been together so long and and I just talked
about it, but I really I don't want to share him.
I mean, I feel stuck because I don't want to
lose him, but I can't stay and tell him I
(03:37):
don't want an open relationship, right, I mean.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Yeah, you can.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Like this is all very confusing to me, Like when
I hear about situations where one person wants and believe
it or not, I know more than one person who's
kind of secretly in an open relationship, and oftentimes he's
only one person that really wants it, and the other
one went for it because they wanted to appease their
partner in some way, even though they're very in comfortable
with it. And in fact, at least two of the
(04:03):
situations I'm aware of, that relationship is ending because the
person was uncomfortable they did it anyway, and then that
wound up being the thing that sort of you know,
created the whole thing. It was like, well, I'll do
this for you because maybe adding some spice or some variety,
maybe that adds some spice and variety to our lives
or whatever. And it turns out no, the person who
didn't want to do it was.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Always uncomfortable with it.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
So no, I don't think in the confines of a relationship,
of a marriage, or any form of committed relationship, that
you have to agree to something or risk losing someone.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
But how do you.
Speaker 5 (04:33):
Stay knowing they want that the whole That would be
in the back of my mind for the rest of
our relationship.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
But within relationships, don't people ask for a lot of
things and maybe you do some of them and maybe
you don't.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
I mean, do you get the idea that he's really
committed to this or is it just like he just
threw it out there as a curiosity? And if you
were to say no, do you really believe that he
would resent you if you said no?
Speaker 3 (04:55):
If I don't go along with it, I do feel
like he would.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
This is really tough, you know. It's like I don't
want to share him, but.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
You don't have to. My thing is I don't think
you don't have to agree to anything you don't want
to do. And if he's going to leave you over
this now all of a sudden after twenty years.
Speaker 6 (05:11):
But he might cheat, you know what I'm saying like
he's telling her he wants a variety, he wants to
try to other things, and if she doesn't agree to it,
she can run the risk of him cheating.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
On hearing him.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Or I would like to give him the benefit of
the doubt and say that he's being transparent because he
wants to do this something up and up, and if
she says no, he'll respect his wife. I would like
to believe that after twenty years. I feel like if
he were going to cheat, he doesn't have to communicate anything.
He can just go cheat. So I don't know that
one necessarily leads to another. I mean no, I would
(05:44):
say that you have to protect your piece, and if
you don't want to do it, then you say no.
And if he cheats on you or leaves you, then
I think that as painful as that would be, that
tells you absolutely everything you need to know, doesn't it.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Yeah, I guess I just wanted to know if anyone
had been with someone as long as we've been together,
and if they experienced this, and if they went for
it or it was a bad idea.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Okay, well, let me take some whole calls on what
to do, because this is where it comes in. You
don't really have to do what we tell you.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
I mean, you should because we're usually right, especially especially
usually me, I'm usually the most right, but because I'm
the voice of reason. But but the thing is, there
are people listening out there, I'm sure who have been
through something like this, and then who will call and
and and share their their perspective. So I'm going to
take some calls have the radio. One, thank you for listening.
We wish you the very best and thanks for sharing.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Two.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
Thanks guys.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Eight five three five mile.
Speaker 7 (06:37):
Hi, good morning.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
Hi.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
So your theory. By the way, just to recap if
someone's just joining in. This woman Mary has been with
her husband now for twenty years. They were high school sweethearts,
so the entire you know, span of the relationship is
twenty years they've only been with each other, and she'd
mentioned that they talk occasionally about what it would be
like openly, you know, to be with other people, and finally,
in this one conversation recently, he said, well, what if
(07:00):
we just open the relationship. She doesn't want to do it,
but she's afraid if she doesn't do it that he'll
leave her. There'll be repercussions or resentment or what do
you think?
Speaker 7 (07:10):
So from my understanding, they joked about it before.
Speaker 8 (07:14):
I think he stepped out of the marriage already.
Speaker 7 (07:18):
I really do, based.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
On what.
Speaker 5 (07:22):
I mean.
Speaker 7 (07:22):
Here's the thing. If he brings it up here and
there jokingly, I feel like it's not a joke. I
kind of feel like he already stepped out of the
marriage and he keeps trying to push it to see like, hey,
maybe do you want to give it a try to
kind of, you know, ease his guilt and maybe he
wants to do it again twenty years together and you're
(07:42):
bringing it up now.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
But do people telegraph their their I mean, I guess
people project all the time. But I mean, again, if
he's willing to be that communicative about it, is he
really telling on himself in that way?
Speaker 1 (07:56):
I mean, I feel like.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
If you're going to really because I think if you're
going to cheat you I don't have to tell you
about it. I don't have to, I don't have to try.
And I guess I could manipulate you into it. But
if I'm already doing it, then why don't need your
permission now?
Speaker 1 (08:09):
To Jesus guilt?
Speaker 7 (08:10):
He doesn't need permission. It's a narcissistic thing where he
feels like, I'm going to tell you a little bit,
but not enough to rat on me, do you know
what I mean?
Speaker 2 (08:18):
So, there's no way that this guy, after twenty years,
actually respects his wife and is having an open communication
about something that he would like to try and running
the risk that she says, no, there's no way, but
that's possible.
Speaker 7 (08:32):
She needs to leave. I'm sorry, No, don't sorry.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
I'm just I'm playing Devil's advocate here. I yeah, but yeah,
I would like to believe after twenty years in open communication,
and it sounds like she admitted that they've had a
lot of communication about things that are sort of taboo topics,
I'd like to believe that it's not that cut and dry.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
But all right, thank you, Maya, I have a good day,
me too.
Speaker 7 (08:53):
Bye.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
I mean, this is a pretty overwhelming thought that he's
already doing it. Hey, Shelley, Yeah, Hi, Hey, good morning.
You say go because he's already at it.
Speaker 8 (09:04):
You know what, I think that he might have met someone.
I really do, and you know what, open herself up,
do what makes her heart feel good? You know, if
she doesn't feel comfortable with it. Go just let him go.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
Yeah, I don't think she has to agree to anything.
And I think if the relationship is if the relationship
is contingent on her allowing him to be with other
people or introducing other people into their relationship, then that
relationship is highly fractured in my opinion.
Speaker 8 (09:35):
In my opinion as well, And you know what, she
is never going to trust him after this. The trust
line is broken. She's going to be miserable. You will
be missing out on a great opportunity for herself.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Maybe.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
But I also don't want to encourage people not to
communicate the things that they might want to do. And
granted that's an extreme one, but I mean, wouldn't you
rather that your partners say hey, I thought about this,
or would you consider this rather than and never talk
about it and then keep it inside.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
I mean, I mean, you know, I.
Speaker 8 (10:05):
Agree with the communication. I'm one hundred percent with the
on communication. But my opinion is her trust is now
altered and she's not gonna trust him whether they communicate.
She tells him no, she's always going to wonder.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Okay, fair enough, thank you, sheelly have a good day,
Oh you too. By And I got a bunch of
calls to get to.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
But like Paulina, so if Hobby comes to you and
says he wants to do X y Z, whether it's
an activity or a specific thing or bringing other people
in or whatever, do you feel like, I mean, you
have a good marriage. Do you feel like if you
say no, that that automatically means he'll just go do
it with someone else? Or do you feel like he
would should be able to come to you and say, hey,
I'm thinking about this, this would be hot, and then
(10:47):
you say no, and then all right, well that kind
of sucks, but then you're still married.
Speaker 9 (10:52):
Yeah, that did happen to us, And it wasn't a
question of like can we do this? It was just like, oh,
what do you think of something like this? My hot
take on the like kind of what essentially opening up
your marriage?
Speaker 5 (11:03):
Right?
Speaker 1 (11:03):
So like seeing other people?
Speaker 9 (11:04):
My hot take on that is like I would almost
feel like, why, like are you not satisfied with us
in the bedroom? Like I'm also a little insecure sized
aart thinking a little deeper, I'm like, are you not
attracted to me?
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Like?
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Do you not want me? Do you not want this marriage?
I get a little deep with it, okay, So.
Speaker 9 (11:18):
Like it could be as simple as like I just
want to, you know, spice things up, whatever the reasoning
is for this couple, Like I would feel some type
of way, but I think, what do you shut it down?
Speaker 1 (11:26):
And your partner's like, okay, that sucks, but it is
what it is.
Speaker 9 (11:29):
I think that's like fine, I don't think Hobby's going
to go off and do things.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
I don't see that. Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
I don't know that one leads to the other. But
I agree with you, it might be hard to unring
that bell.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
It is it is, it is.
Speaker 9 (11:39):
It makes you kind of question like okay, like like
why would you want that?
Speaker 1 (11:43):
What would you just mean? And that's how I think,
and I think a lot of women do well.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
I'm afraid that if you say, oh my god, absolutely not,
you've probably shut down all communication on that topic and
maybe some others moving forward, like if you shame some
and granted adding another person's different than I want to.
I want you to do XYZ between the two of us.
But you know, I guess it's a tough spot to
be in because depending how you answer, how you react,
you know that could that could really change trajectory of things.
Speaker 7 (12:10):
You know, whatever.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
Right, what's your name?
Speaker 3 (12:16):
All? Right?
Speaker 5 (12:19):
Now?
Speaker 2 (12:19):
When you called the radio station, Hey, Kim, I know
that you don't want to miss a word of the
things that we're saying because they're usually you know, dead on.
But you can't have the radio one because this is
his delay, Kim, What did you want to say?
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Good morning?
Speaker 5 (12:35):
So I think she should stay. Twenty years is a
long time he's been talking and adding it as spice.
But you have to be very very confident in yourself
and in your marriage. I've been married a very long
time and we have talked about it numerous times, and
(13:00):
one time we went to Vegas and it happened. I
don't know if you're talking about an open relationship adding
a person to it, but I don't think she should leave.
I think he's talking to her. It's communication. It doesn't
(13:22):
mean that he's already done it. You guys are sitting
there saying, oh, he's in it, he's doing it.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
I don't think some people are saying that, Tim, Yes,
I don't think that necessarily means that he's done it.
I think it means he's curious about it. But which
could have its own problems, Kim, I have to be nosy.
Was at the beginning of something that you guys started
doing in your relationship or was that just a one
off thing?
Speaker 5 (13:46):
No, it was a one off thing and we talk
about doing it other times. But it's we thought about
swinging way back in the day, probably be married ten years,
but it wasn't. It was something we said to each
other that added spice to our relationship. But I have
(14:08):
to say, you know, I'm I trust him. I don't
think he would ever ever do something like that without me.
And that's where your relationship has to be. Yeah, it
has to be where you're trusting, even not swinging or
or open or one time. You guys have to trust
(14:29):
each other, and obviously they do they're married twenty years.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
But Kim's down for it. Kim, you were down for
this woman. She's not. She doesn't want to.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Do it, and she's what I don't know, And thank
you for calling, Kim. I appreciate you have a great day.
What I don't know is is, though, is there no
Why is she so trepidacious about saying no to him? Like?
Why is she so convinced? Saying no to him leads
to something bad, like that's what That's the part of
this that's interesting for me is she's I think she
(15:00):
should be able to say no and then okay, and
he can be disappointed, but that's the end of it.
Speaker 6 (15:05):
But you you would think about this, like if your
partner came to you and had that request and you
said no. I know, in the back of your mind
you would be like, okay, but that's something she wants
to do, and you would think about that over and
over again, like, I know I said no, but does
that mean they're not going to do it?
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Yeah? Maybe?
Speaker 2 (15:22):
But if I say no and then we move on
from it, I hope that that our marriage continues and
that we have a functioning relationship and all the other
things I get with you would mess with me. But
I also I don't know that I would assume it's
already happening. I don't know that I would assume everything's over.
I'd like to believe people can say a lot of
things in a marriage and they're not just going to
leave when you don't agree with it.
Speaker 6 (15:42):
Yeah no, But having you know another person is a
different type of thing. But I wish I could be
like Kim, you know, Kim was down. She's like, let's
go to Vegas, let's get it off. That's how you
want it to be. You want to be on the
same type of time with your partner. But if one
of you is like, oh no, I don't want to
do it, then that leaves the other person like, man,
I really want to.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Do this, but this I will tell you this much, Kiky.
In one hundred percent of the examples that I'm aware of,
and it's more than one, one of the people didn't
want to do it but gave in to a piece
the other person and it still didn't work because I
don't know that that's something that you I feel like
you're either into it or you're not, and if you're not,
I don't know that you can be convinced by actually
doing it.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
So that's a tricky one. No, we didn't solve this
person's problem.
This is the Freas Show.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Dane is taking over Las Vegas this January for his
seven night Presidents Adobe Live at Park MGM, and we've
got a trip for two to the January twenty fifth
show to Night Hotel State Park MGM January twenty fourth
through the twenty sixth and round trip airfare. Text forever
to three seven three three seven now for a chance
to win. A confirmation text will be said. Standard message
(00:23):
of data rates may apply. All thanks to Live Nation.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Breast show is on What Stay or Go? She has
a song.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Dottium or like our boss is trying to like maneuver
something and Nope, I just went ahead and did it. Hi, Mary,
how you doingday?
Speaker 3 (00:42):
I'm okay. How are you guys doing?
Speaker 2 (00:44):
I don't know how you can be just okay at
that new Hillary Duff song, But okay, that's fine, So
whatever I mean, I'm all fired up. For me. It's
like so Yesterday all over again, Like it's just the
same kind of feels.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Nonetheless, what's going on with you and your husband?
Speaker 2 (00:58):
You guys are high school sweet you've been together for
twenty years and he wrote us a note because you
want to be on Stay or Go? So that we
can talk about you and decide, you know, how you
should live out the rest of your life. So tell
us at the end of this, we will give you
the pathway to follow to live the rest of your life.
Because everyone who comes on stay orgo agrees to do
(01:19):
exactly what we tell them, So go ahead.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
So we openly talk about this all the time. We
neither one of us.
Speaker 4 (01:30):
Have been with anybody else, and you know, since we've
been together since high school, and we talk about the
fact that it's just been us, and we always talk
about this.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Okay. Recently though, while we were talking about it like usual,
he kind of shocked me because he asked if I
would ever be interested in opening up our relationship.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Why are you talking about? Like what is the context? Like,
is you just like, oh, I wonder what it would
be like since we've only been with each other, Like
I wonder what other people you know? I wonder if
it's different or is it like kind of in a
cent or is it or is it coming you know,
from your perspective, because you don't really know necessarily where
it's coming from within him? But for you, is it
is it your curiosity? Like do you wonder, Hey, it
(02:17):
could be better, it could be different. So you're satisfied,
you're you're not having this conversation because you're unfulfilled in
some way.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
Yeah, I I honestly talk about it, and we joke
about it, and I thought he was joking that he
was actually being serious, and it's it's not something I've
ever considered, but I told him I would think about it,
because what else am I going to say?
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Well, yes, I guess for me, I'm just curious why
that conversation because you said earlier like that, you guys
talk about it a lot, like the idea of and
then and now all of a sudden, it's why, you know,
one step further in that conversation. So I just wonder,
is that I don't know what it's like to be
with only one person, so I wouldn't even know how
to have a conversation like that. But I just I
was curious, like what the impetus was. But nonetheless, this
(03:07):
time he says, you, well, what if we what if
we uh, you know, what if I stepped out? What
if you stepped out? I assume it's what he's talking about,
like that you guys would individually go maybe do other things.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Yeah, like maybe this would add to our relationship because
we've been together so long and and I just talked
about it, but I really I don't want to share him.
I mean, I feel stuck because I don't want to
lose him, but I can't stay and tell him I
(03:37):
don't want an open relationship, right, I mean.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Yeah, you can.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Like this is all very confusing to me, Like when
I hear about situations where one person wants and believe
it or not, I know more than one person who's
kind of secretly in an open relationship, and oftentimes he's
only one person that really wants it, and the other
one went for it because they wanted to appease their
partner in some way, even though they're very in comfortable
with it. And in fact, at least two of the
(04:03):
situations I'm aware of, that relationship is ending because the
person was uncomfortable they did it anyway, and then that
wound up being the thing that sort of you know,
created the whole thing. It was like, well, I'll do
this for you because maybe adding some spice or some variety,
maybe that adds some spice and variety to our lives
or whatever. And it turns out no, the person who
didn't want to do it was.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Always uncomfortable with it.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
So no, I don't think in the confines of a relationship,
of a marriage, or any form of committed relationship, that
you have to agree to something or risk losing someone.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
But how do you.
Speaker 5 (04:33):
Stay knowing they want that the whole That would be
in the back of my mind for the rest of
our relationship.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
But within relationships, don't people ask for a lot of
things and maybe you do some of them and maybe
you don't.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
I mean, do you get the idea that he's really
committed to this or is it just like he just
threw it out there as a curiosity? And if you
were to say no, do you really believe that he
would resent you if you said no?
Speaker 3 (04:55):
If I don't go along with it, I do feel
like he would.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
This is really tough, you know. It's like I don't
want to share him, but.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
You don't have to. My thing is I don't think
you don't have to agree to anything you don't want
to do. And if he's going to leave you over
this now all of a sudden after twenty years.
Speaker 6 (05:11):
But he might cheat, you know what I'm saying like
he's telling her he wants a variety, he wants to
try to other things, and if she doesn't agree to it,
she can run the risk of him cheating.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
On hearing him.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Or I would like to give him the benefit of
the doubt and say that he's being transparent because he
wants to do this something up and up, and if
she says no, he'll respect his wife. I would like
to believe that after twenty years. I feel like if
he were going to cheat, he doesn't have to communicate anything.
He can just go cheat. So I don't know that
one necessarily leads to another. I mean no, I would
(05:44):
say that you have to protect your piece, and if
you don't want to do it, then you say no.
And if he cheats on you or leaves you, then
I think that as painful as that would be, that
tells you absolutely everything you need to know, doesn't it.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Yeah, I guess I just wanted to know if anyone
had been with someone as long as we've been together,
and if they experienced this, and if they went for
it or it was a bad idea.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Okay, well, let me take some whole calls on what
to do, because this is where it comes in. You
don't really have to do what we tell you.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
I mean, you should because we're usually right, especially especially
usually me, I'm usually the most right, but because I'm
the voice of reason. But but the thing is, there
are people listening out there, I'm sure who have been
through something like this, and then who will call and
and and share their their perspective. So I'm going to
take some calls have the radio. One, thank you for listening.
We wish you the very best and thanks for sharing.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Two.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
Thanks guys.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Eight five three five mile.
Speaker 7 (06:37):
Hi, good morning.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
Hi.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
So your theory. By the way, just to recap if
someone's just joining in. This woman Mary has been with
her husband now for twenty years. They were high school sweethearts,
so the entire you know, span of the relationship is
twenty years they've only been with each other, and she'd
mentioned that they talk occasionally about what it would be
like openly, you know, to be with other people, and finally,
in this one conversation recently, he said, well, what if
(07:00):
we just open the relationship. She doesn't want to do it,
but she's afraid if she doesn't do it that he'll
leave her. There'll be repercussions or resentment or what do
you think?
Speaker 7 (07:10):
So from my understanding, they joked about it before.
Speaker 8 (07:14):
I think he stepped out of the marriage already.
Speaker 7 (07:18):
I really do, based.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
On what.
Speaker 5 (07:22):
I mean.
Speaker 7 (07:22):
Here's the thing. If he brings it up here and
there jokingly, I feel like it's not a joke. I
kind of feel like he already stepped out of the
marriage and he keeps trying to push it to see like, hey,
maybe do you want to give it a try to
kind of, you know, ease his guilt and maybe he
wants to do it again twenty years together and you're
(07:42):
bringing it up now.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
But do people telegraph their their I mean, I guess
people project all the time. But I mean, again, if
he's willing to be that communicative about it, is he
really telling on himself in that way?
Speaker 1 (07:56):
I mean, I feel like.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
If you're going to really because I think if you're
going to cheat you I don't have to tell you
about it. I don't have to, I don't have to try.
And I guess I could manipulate you into it. But
if I'm already doing it, then why don't need your
permission now?
Speaker 1 (08:09):
To Jesus guilt?
Speaker 7 (08:10):
He doesn't need permission. It's a narcissistic thing where he
feels like, I'm going to tell you a little bit,
but not enough to rat on me, do you know
what I mean?
Speaker 2 (08:18):
So, there's no way that this guy, after twenty years,
actually respects his wife and is having an open communication
about something that he would like to try and running
the risk that she says, no, there's no way, but
that's possible.
Speaker 7 (08:32):
She needs to leave. I'm sorry, No, don't sorry.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
I'm just I'm playing Devil's advocate here. I yeah, but yeah,
I would like to believe after twenty years in open communication,
and it sounds like she admitted that they've had a
lot of communication about things that are sort of taboo topics,
I'd like to believe that it's not that cut and dry.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
But all right, thank you, Maya, I have a good day,
me too.
Speaker 7 (08:53):
Bye.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
I mean, this is a pretty overwhelming thought that he's
already doing it. Hey, Shelley, Yeah, Hi, Hey, good morning.
You say go because he's already at it.
Speaker 8 (09:04):
You know what, I think that he might have met someone.
I really do, and you know what, open herself up,
do what makes her heart feel good? You know, if
she doesn't feel comfortable with it. Go just let him go.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
Yeah, I don't think she has to agree to anything.
And I think if the relationship is if the relationship
is contingent on her allowing him to be with other
people or introducing other people into their relationship, then that
relationship is highly fractured in my opinion.
Speaker 8 (09:35):
In my opinion as well, And you know what, she
is never going to trust him after this. The trust
line is broken. She's going to be miserable. You will
be missing out on a great opportunity for herself.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Maybe.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
But I also don't want to encourage people not to
communicate the things that they might want to do. And
granted that's an extreme one, but I mean, wouldn't you
rather that your partners say hey, I thought about this,
or would you consider this rather than and never talk
about it and then keep it inside.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
I mean, I mean, you know, I.
Speaker 8 (10:05):
Agree with the communication. I'm one hundred percent with the
on communication. But my opinion is her trust is now
altered and she's not gonna trust him whether they communicate.
She tells him no, she's always going to wonder.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Okay, fair enough, thank you, sheelly have a good day,
Oh you too. By And I got a bunch of
calls to get to.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
But like Paulina, so if Hobby comes to you and
says he wants to do X y Z, whether it's
an activity or a specific thing or bringing other people
in or whatever, do you feel like, I mean, you
have a good marriage. Do you feel like if you
say no, that that automatically means he'll just go do
it with someone else? Or do you feel like he
would should be able to come to you and say, hey,
I'm thinking about this, this would be hot, and then
(10:47):
you say no, and then all right, well that kind
of sucks, but then you're still married.
Speaker 9 (10:52):
Yeah, that did happen to us, And it wasn't a
question of like can we do this? It was just like, oh,
what do you think of something like this? My hot
take on the like kind of what essentially opening up
your marriage?
Speaker 5 (11:03):
Right?
Speaker 1 (11:03):
So like seeing other people?
Speaker 9 (11:04):
My hot take on that is like I would almost
feel like, why, like are you not satisfied with us
in the bedroom? Like I'm also a little insecure sized
aart thinking a little deeper, I'm like, are you not
attracted to me?
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Like?
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Do you not want me? Do you not want this marriage?
I get a little deep with it, okay, So.
Speaker 9 (11:18):
Like it could be as simple as like I just
want to, you know, spice things up, whatever the reasoning
is for this couple, Like I would feel some type
of way, but I think, what do you shut it down?
Speaker 1 (11:26):
And your partner's like, okay, that sucks, but it is
what it is.
Speaker 9 (11:29):
I think that's like fine, I don't think Hobby's going
to go off and do things.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
I don't see that. Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
I don't know that one leads to the other. But
I agree with you, it might be hard to unring
that bell.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
It is it is, it is.
Speaker 9 (11:39):
It makes you kind of question like okay, like like
why would you want that?
Speaker 1 (11:43):
What would you just mean? And that's how I think,
and I think a lot of women do well.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
I'm afraid that if you say, oh my god, absolutely not,
you've probably shut down all communication on that topic and
maybe some others moving forward, like if you shame some
and granted adding another person's different than I want to.
I want you to do XYZ between the two of us.
But you know, I guess it's a tough spot to
be in because depending how you answer, how you react,
you know that could that could really change trajectory of things.
Speaker 7 (12:10):
You know, whatever.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
Right, what's your name?
Speaker 3 (12:16):
All? Right?
Speaker 5 (12:19):
Now?
Speaker 2 (12:19):
When you called the radio station, Hey, Kim, I know
that you don't want to miss a word of the
things that we're saying because they're usually you know, dead on.
But you can't have the radio one because this is
his delay, Kim, What did you want to say?
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Good morning?
Speaker 5 (12:35):
So I think she should stay. Twenty years is a
long time he's been talking and adding it as spice.
But you have to be very very confident in yourself
and in your marriage. I've been married a very long
time and we have talked about it numerous times, and
(13:00):
one time we went to Vegas and it happened. I
don't know if you're talking about an open relationship adding
a person to it, but I don't think she should leave.
I think he's talking to her. It's communication. It doesn't
(13:22):
mean that he's already done it. You guys are sitting
there saying, oh, he's in it, he's doing it.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
I don't think some people are saying that, Tim, Yes,
I don't think that necessarily means that he's done it.
I think it means he's curious about it. But which
could have its own problems, Kim, I have to be nosy.
Was at the beginning of something that you guys started
doing in your relationship or was that just a one
off thing?
Speaker 5 (13:46):
No, it was a one off thing and we talk
about doing it other times. But it's we thought about
swinging way back in the day, probably be married ten years,
but it wasn't. It was something we said to each
other that added spice to our relationship. But I have
(14:08):
to say, you know, I'm I trust him. I don't
think he would ever ever do something like that without me.
And that's where your relationship has to be. Yeah, it
has to be where you're trusting, even not swinging or
or open or one time. You guys have to trust
(14:29):
each other, and obviously they do they're married twenty years.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
But Kim's down for it. Kim, you were down for
this woman. She's not. She doesn't want to.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Do it, and she's what I don't know, And thank
you for calling, Kim. I appreciate you have a great day.
What I don't know is is, though, is there no
Why is she so trepidacious about saying no to him? Like?
Why is she so convinced? Saying no to him leads
to something bad, like that's what That's the part of
this that's interesting for me is she's I think she
(15:00):
should be able to say no and then okay, and
he can be disappointed, but that's the end of it.
Speaker 6 (15:05):
But you you would think about this, like if your
partner came to you and had that request and you
said no. I know, in the back of your mind
you would be like, okay, but that's something she wants
to do, and you would think about that over and
over again, like, I know I said no, but does
that mean they're not going to do it?
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Yeah? Maybe?
Speaker 2 (15:22):
But if I say no and then we move on
from it, I hope that that our marriage continues and
that we have a functioning relationship and all the other
things I get with you would mess with me. But
I also I don't know that I would assume it's
already happening. I don't know that I would assume everything's over.
I'd like to believe people can say a lot of
things in a marriage and they're not just going to
leave when you don't agree with it.
Speaker 6 (15:42):
Yeah no, But having you know another person is a
different type of thing. But I wish I could be
like Kim, you know, Kim was down. She's like, let's
go to Vegas, let's get it off. That's how you
want it to be. You want to be on the
same type of time with your partner. But if one
of you is like, oh no, I don't want to
do it, then that leaves the other person like, man,
I really want to.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Do this, but this I will tell you this much, Kiky.
In one hundred percent of the examples that I'm aware of,
and it's more than one, one of the people didn't
want to do it but gave in to a piece
the other person and it still didn't work because I
don't know that that's something that you I feel like
you're either into it or you're not, and if you're not,
I don't know that you can be convinced by actually
doing it.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
So that's a tricky one. No, we didn't solve this
person's problem.
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