July 29, 2025 • 19 mins
Kelly is conflicted after telling her husband she didn't want to have kids and has completely taken a 180 and now wants them, but her husband still doesn't... Fred and the crew weigh in on what Kelly should do!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the press show. Let's get you Hotel A
true for tud to see Jennifer Lopez her brand new
Las Vegas residency. Jennifer Lopez Up All Night Live in
Las Vegas March thirteenth, twenty twenty six at the Coliseum
at Caesar's Palace dext Palace to three seven three three
seven right now for a chance to win two tickets
to the March thirteenth show at two night Hotels Day
(00:22):
March twelfth through the fourteenth at Keith Flamingo Hotel Casino,
Las Vegas and Brown Trefair Fair. A confirmation text will
be sent. Dennered message and data rates may apply. All
thanks to Live Nation. Tickets are on sale now at
ticketmaster dot com for all shows running December thirtieth through
January third, and March sixth through the twenty eighth. The
Fresh Show is on is Stay or Go Hard Kelly?
(00:44):
Good morning to Kelly. How you doing, Welcome to the program, Kelly,
So you are you're a married woman, congratulating congratulations for
being a married woman. I don't know if you've made it.
Have you been married for a while, a couple of years,
something like that. That's a big accomplishment.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
We've been together a long time.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
I'm serious. I feel like being married for any period
of time like past maybe I don't know, twenty four
months is impressive for me. I've been being with someone
longer than six months is impressive. But anyway, nonetheless, this
is about kids, though. So what's going on with you
and your husband?
Speaker 3 (01:21):
Well?
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Okay, so you know, when we were younger, we both
agreed we just didn't want children, and so that was
our thing. But we've gotten a little older, and unfortunately
I'm one of the people that they kind of talk
about that I've changed my mind and I want kids.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Okay, So you you guys have this conversation. This is
and this is a very fundamental thing to talk about
in here. I am talking about relationships like I've ever
been successful in one. But nonetheless I have I can,
I can observe, I give great advice, I give excellent advice,
and I have great perspective. I just myself cannot really
(02:00):
seem to find very much success. But you have this
conversation ahead of time, Hey, kids, no kids. I think
talking about money ahead of time. I think talking about
you know, love, languages and that kind of thing. I
think there's all stuff to get ironed out before you
get married, so that you're on the same page, that
you don't commit to each other for life legally, and
then decide one person's like I want to spend all
(02:21):
of our money and the other person like I want
to save all of our money. Or I want to
have kids and I don't want to have kids, or
you know, these fundamental things. And now you guys are
latched together and you're going to be unhappy because you
view things differently. So you guys had the conversation before
you got married, no kids, that was what you determined.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Oh yeah, we definitely had this conversation, and I mean
I definitely didn't want them, and he didn't either. But
it's just we'd gotten older and I have changed my mind,
and I went and told them, though I, of course
we are really communicative, this is this is just one
of our busses. But I told them that I had
(02:59):
to change to hurt and he he was like, you know,
I appreciate you telling me, but I don't my mind
hasn't changed. So anyway, he still doesn't want kids, but
he did have a compromise, Well.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
A compromise that's exciting. What was it?
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (03:19):
What is it?
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Well, well, he said that if I wanted a kid
bad enough, he said, he would obviously contribute financially. But
he's not doing diapers, he's not doing feedings, like waking
up in the middle of the night, warming bottles, all
of the thing. I'm going to be doing all of them.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
So he'll help you make the kid, but you get
to raise it. And he's just he's and he'll give you,
he'll write a couple of bucks towards it, but he's
not going to be involved in like the hard work.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
I mean, you're right, but I want to.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Make sure I have this right.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
I'm not. I'm not.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
I mean, I think that's that's a wild take. But
I want to make sure I have this right. So
he's not telling you you're fine, we can have a kid.
I'm just not going to do the hard stuff. Yeah,
he's not.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
He's exactly. Yeah, he's not going to do any of that.
If I want, if we're going to do this, how.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Does that make you feel?
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Change my mind?
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Well, and that's fair, but how does that make you
feel because you're allowed to change your mind?
Speaker 3 (04:15):
Now?
Speaker 1 (04:15):
I mean, it's it's a pretty significant thing to to
then say, well, now I want to add a human
to our sort of existence. Now, I mean, but you
also have every right to change your mind. I suppose
he has every right to say. But we talked about
this and I've never wanted kids, and I don't want
them now. I think that's a weird compromise. But how
does this all make you feel?
Speaker 2 (04:37):
I mean at first it was like that is but
I mean again, I'm the one that made this decision
in my head. I changed my mind. And if he's
gonna he's not going anywhere, he's going to be financially supporting.
I mean, plus, you know what, what's the difference between
like having a kid on your own. You know, there's
plenty of single moms that do it every day. And
(04:59):
I'm thinking he's going to change his mind over time,
you know. And so I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
What do I do?
Speaker 4 (05:05):
I don't know?
Speaker 1 (05:08):
I mean, what are the options? Right? The options are you?
You do it this way? You know, you have your
kid with your partner who you love, and he's just
not involved very much. Somebody tells me he'll be okay.
Maybe he'd be okay with like some of the upside,
but doesn't soun like he doesn't want to be up
in the middle of the night changing diapers, He doesn't
want to do right, he doesn't want to hear you're
(05:30):
the nurturing part of it. Maybe okay, you could not
have a kid, which means then that you're not fulfilled
in this way because this is what you want and
that's a big deal. Or you could divorce him, uh
and then go find somebody who does want to have
a kid? Am I missing any options here? And I
know this all stops cut and dry and like very simplified,
(05:52):
But am I missing anything? Bill?
Speaker 2 (05:56):
That's it?
Speaker 3 (05:58):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
I don't really like this very much.
Speaker 5 (06:01):
And I only say that. And you can totally have
a kid on your own, that is not even the issue.
But I feel like, because you are married to somebody,
and that person, you know, is quote okay with this
idea and kind of treating it like almost like you're
bringing home a puppy or something like he's like, you
know what I mean, He's like, Oh, I'm not gonna
get up in the middle of the night and do
this and that like that's that's a single married mom
in my opinion, and I don't really like that.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
If you're gonna do it.
Speaker 5 (06:22):
On your own, I would just say do it fully
on your own, and like not even like truly I
have to leave this man because also too, so you're
gonna bring him a baby and there's gonna be a
man living there, but he's not involved. But he's a dad,
you know what I mean. It's like, who's that man
walking in the hallway, Like, you know what I mean?
How involved does he think he's gonna be? Like you're
the father and you also live here, and.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
I suppose he might change his mind once the kid's
there and he sees you working hard and doing all this,
he might decide, well, maybe I should be involved. It's
my offspring too. I guess there's a chance of that.
I just from the jump, I just don't like the
way that feels, you know, like, hey, yeah, you can
have the kid, but like I'll just I'm just sort
of here, don't don't, don't, don't encis me with it.
(07:01):
But for the people who are texting saying this guy's
a jerk, that that is a jerk, that's kind of
a jerky response by all means. But he did say
from the beginning. His truth was I don't want kids, right,
So that does not make him a bad guy. He
was very clear about that. So I mean for the
people who are like, this guy's terrible, I don't know.
(07:24):
I don't know if he's his response is not great,
but he's allowed to be a person who doesn't want
to have kids like that's not And and you guys
didn't talk about it and agree on that initially.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Yes, And I understand where he's at. That's why, because
we were hard knows. So I get where he's at.
So you know, that's why I'm struggling with this.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
And you're going to resent him.
Speaker 5 (07:49):
You're going to resent him when the baby's there middle
of the night. You're the one changing diapers, you're the
one doing all these things.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (07:54):
I feel like it's a terrible idea, and you're allowed
to change your mind. And Fred was right about that,
Like you guys were very clear in the beginning. You guys,
you know, grew in your marriage. Whatever you want different
things now. I think, I hate to say it, doesn't
that call for like some form of like I don't know, separation,
going your own ways, then living your life on your terms,
both of you doing what you both want.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
My crazy.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
I think even this is bigger than oh god, someone,
this is even bigger than the baby.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Someone texting, have the baby and then divorce him. Do
not do that, Yeah, do not do that. That is
the that's the worst. I love you, but that is
the worst advice, because you're still tied to the guy. No,
this is what you do either. You may have to
leave this dude. If you really want a kid, you
deserve a supportive partner who's in it with you, it
(08:39):
also wants the kid. Maybe give him a little bit
of time to marinate on this, but you I don't
think it's unfair. If this is really your calling and
really what you're drawn to do, and you feel very
strongly about it, you have one life. You deserve a
supportive partner with whom to do this. You may have
to go to shay him and say, look, I love you,
but we are now fractured. We are fundamentally on different
(09:02):
sides of this, and I don't want to do this
with somebody who's going to be absent minded. And maybe
if you have that conversation, he comes around because he
loves you, and maybe he can see it, and maybe
he does it. I actually know a couple. This is
a real story. I know a couple that had this
very thing happen. They decided no kids, no kids. And
I'm not going to get into too many details because
these people might know who I'm talking about. I don't
(09:22):
know people might know who I'm talking about. But let's
just say that he was willing to take on some
other responsibilities, but he did not want kids. He never did,
but he loved her. They got married. She says, you know,
in somewhere in years into the marriage, I want kids,
and he's like, I don't want kid. I told you
I really don't like I have my whole life planned out,
and I told you this. And at some point the
(09:45):
conversation was, if you need to leave me, I would
be heartbroken. But I understand. I'm not going to stand
in your way, but I'm not one hundred percent in this.
They wound up staying together and having a kid, and
everything is wonderful. But it wasn't the It wasn't it
kind of all didn't happen in order or as you know.
It kind of just happened, and that's a different story.
(10:07):
But nonetheless, everything works out fine, everyone's happy, and it
turns out. I think this guy would tell you that
it's the greatest thing that ever happened to him. But
if a guy's telling you right now, I don't want
it and I'm not going to be involved, that is
bad right like that, I can't imagine starting that way.
You know, do you really.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Think I could do it on my own?
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Of course you as someone wants to know how old
you are? By the way, how old are you in
your thirties?
Speaker 2 (10:34):
I'm in my thirties.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Okay, Yeah, you absolutely can do it on your own.
I mean, here's what I'll say. I don't know you.
People can do it on their own, and I believe
you're you're probably very capable of it. But I don't
think this is going to work. And it's it's heartbreaking.
But eight five, five, five, nine, one on three five
the text are going crazy. I would love to know
what people have to say about this though. I hate
to say this, but I think you you know, have
(10:57):
to have a very and it's not a mean conversation.
It's not you know, there's no lack of love. I
don't think it's spiteful or hateful. This guy didn't lie
to you. He told you the truth. But I think
it may it may be the kind of conversation where
you have to just say, look, I gotta do this
and so, and I want to do it with somebody
who either either is going to be an active participant
(11:18):
who wants to be there, or I'd rather do it
on my own. I know people who've done that too. Well, Kelly,
let me take some calls and have the radio one
and thank you for sharing this. I know it's very personal,
and good luck to you.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Well, thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Yeah, you got it. We appreciate you. I mean, yeah,
I don't know. I think she's gotta probably leave this guy.
Speaker 6 (11:39):
Yeah, from his perspective too, like he came into this
relationship like thinking one thing and now yeah, she gets
to choose her what she wants to do. But in
a way is also like blowing up his life, you know,
like now he may lose his marriage because of it,
and he had the same intentions from the jump.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Yeah, I don't like his response, but don't I don't
disagree with with him having a say in this and
having a vote and having a desire for his life too.
I mean again, the whole. I'll well, I'll knock you
up and then just be here. I don't like that,
but I also for the people like this guy is
such a d I he didn't have to want this. Yeah,
(12:18):
he didn't have to wun the jump. This is what
I want. She's the one switching up with Yeah, she
can do. But it's sad, but it happens.
Speaker 5 (12:24):
I think in marriages people just outgrow each other, not
because okay, but other things too, right, And I think
it's sad and it blows up everyone's life.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
And now you know you're divorced. But it is what
it is. Autumn, Good morning, Hi, welcome.
Speaker 7 (12:36):
Hi, I'm your fourteenth color.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Just so you guys know, Oh you're the fourteenth. You
know why that's impossible. We only have thirteen listeners, will
only ever have thirteen listeners. Right when we think we
got fourteen, someone moves to somewhere where they don't have
the Internet yet. It's crazy. Anyway, what do you think?
Speaker 7 (12:52):
So I just I'm thinking about the child. That's always
my number one is do you really want to raise
a child or have even a fifty percent chance of
like this child not having the father being around, like
in their life. So I just think that that's that's
what I would think about. I'd leave, I for sure leave,
especially if she really wants a baby, because you don't
(13:15):
know for sure if he's going to want to be around,
and you don't want to do that to the baby either,
you know.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Yeah, I agree, and and you know what it could
be like my friend who had a kid that he
wasn't expecting and and loves that kid more than anything
and it changed his life. If you're here right now,
he would tell you it's the greatest thing that ever
happened to you. I know he'd say that, but he
didn't see it. But you're taking a race, you're taking
a risk.
Speaker 7 (13:35):
He's an exception, he's not the rule. Right, isn't a movie?
Speaker 1 (13:39):
And I can't I can't with much confidence, Uh, engage
in that agreement, you know what I mean? Like that's
that doesn't feel good. My partner is gonna my partner
is willing to sleep with me, and you know whatever,
But but but he's not really willing to do this
with me.
Speaker 7 (13:57):
So sometimes you grow apart like that just is you'd
want different things and you grow in different directions, and
that's okay. And she shouldn't feel ashamed about that. But
if she doesn't want the same things, then I mean
it might be time to part ways.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Yeah. Maybe, So thank you autumn listener number. You say
fourteen and you're still thirty. But Hi, have a good day.
Speaker 7 (14:17):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
I love you mean it? Hi, Kelly, Good morning, Kelly. Hello, Hi,
Hi Kelly. What do you want to say?
Speaker 8 (14:27):
Hi?
Speaker 2 (14:27):
I want to say that she needs to go.
Speaker 7 (14:30):
This is so selfish. She should not bring a child
into this world knowing that their father wants nothing to
do with it. It's so cool.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Yeah, yeah, I don't think it's going to work under
the current arrangement, and I think it's a risk if
you do it within these the confides of this relationship,
because he's telling you he doesn't want to do it.
But thank you, Kelly. I'm glad you called. Have a
great day, you two, and thank you for listening. Brandon.
So you say stay, Why I.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Say stayed because he was honest from the very beginning.
He told her exactly what the situation was. While there's
a good chance that his mind will change when he
sees that precious young one and he holds it in
his hands. However, there's so many fathers who never were
(15:22):
honest from the beginning, who have a just who actually
never told their wives that, oh no, I'll do everything,
but then never do anything. Who who are married now
but never take care of the child in any way,
who perhaps live from the beginning.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
I think we're talking about it. He told two different things, Brandon.
Now we're talking about dead bee dad. We're talking about
people who want a kid but don't want to work
for it. This guy, and you don't find that out
until after the fact. This guy's telling you. He's telling
you right now. Hey, he's calling a shot, like, hey,
just heads up, I don't want to do this. Like
that's I think that's a little bit different, because good
enough if you have a kid and then yeah, yeah,
(16:02):
yeah kid, and then you don't want to raise it.
I mean, that's a different I think it's a different problem.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
That's true. But however, he is willing to take care
of in every way. But the amount of single moms
out there who have zero support whatsoever, have to do
it all on their.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
Own, well, not every way, not the emotional part.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
You know, he's saying, I want to be like a
hands offstage.
Speaker 5 (16:22):
So I wonder Okay, if she goes to a sperm
make and the kid doesn't hack quote unquote have a dad,
is that less painful than having a dad that's like
one foot in, one foot out the door, you know
what I mean?
Speaker 1 (16:31):
On the risk that he's somehow going to buy in
after the fact. But Brandon, I appreciate you, man, Thank
you so much for calling Katie. Katie, you say go,
she's got to go.
Speaker 7 (16:40):
Yes, I do, well. I think if they can find
a compromise, great, But I think the idea at hands
is a bad idea, and if that's the only idea,
she should go.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, So we got to vote for go.
Thank you, Katie. Yeah, Larry, vote for stay. Hi, Larry,
hellover there, Larry you stay? Why?
Speaker 8 (17:04):
So the reason why is that And I don't know
this gentleman's circumstances, but depending if he was an only
child or something like that, I had the same.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
Thing with my folks.
Speaker 8 (17:15):
So when my folks got married, my dad wanted to
have kids, but until we were like, I don't know,
seven or eight years old, he didn't really he wasn't
involved in our in our you know, raising us and
what have you. Thus he would do is probably wipe
a butt every now and then, but other than that,
he didn't do much. But as we got older, he
got more involved and active. And I think that has
(17:38):
a lot to do with it. Since we don't know
the gentleman's circumstances here and what his upbringing is. I
think that it's the same thing that maybe once this
child gets older, he may get more involved.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
And so we love Larry, but Larry, no, I hear
what you're saying, that's a risk. I mean, I hear
what you're saying. Does a chance he buys in over
time right or warms up to the idea, But that
now you have another human involved, and I think we
have to consider not only her needs, his needs, as
Jason pointed out, but also like how's this how's this
(18:11):
kid going to feel if dad is truly detached from
the process. Sample Jenny, good morning, Hey, good morning. I'm
gonna let you have the final say here. What do
you think? So?
Speaker 4 (18:22):
I think they both should try to work it out,
only because it's a little different. But I had a
friend or I have a friend who they both got married.
In all their lives, they said, you know, we don't
want kids both but when she turned forty I think
forty one, she accidentally got pregnant. They baby, and now
they're in love with this little boy now I think
(18:44):
eight years old, and he says it's the best thing
that's ever happened to their lives.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Yeah, I mean it's very possible.
Speaker 4 (18:52):
Yeah, once the baby's here, he could easily change his mind.
You never know.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
It's possible.
Speaker 4 (18:58):
Yeah, I don't know, but not guarantaking.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Yeah, it's a risk. I mean that's a risk. Yeah,
that's that's a big risk because you know he's telling
you his truth. It's almost like when people show you
who they are, you should believe them kind of thing.
I mean, I know that applies to different scenarios, but
it's like he's telling you. So then when when the
kid's five years old and he's like, I told you
I don't want any I don't want to do this,
(19:22):
you can't be mad at him, I guess because he's
as messed up as that is. He told you that.
So I don't know, Jenny, but thank you, thanks for calling.
You have a good day. Okay. Well, I don't think
we solve their problem, but anyway, ye
This is the press show. Let's get you Hotel A
true for tud to see Jennifer Lopez her brand new
Las Vegas residency. Jennifer Lopez Up All Night Live in
Las Vegas March thirteenth, twenty twenty six at the Coliseum
at Caesar's Palace dext Palace to three seven three three
seven right now for a chance to win two tickets
to the March thirteenth show at two night Hotels Day
(00:22):
March twelfth through the fourteenth at Keith Flamingo Hotel Casino,
Las Vegas and Brown Trefair Fair. A confirmation text will
be sent. Dennered message and data rates may apply. All
thanks to Live Nation. Tickets are on sale now at
ticketmaster dot com for all shows running December thirtieth through
January third, and March sixth through the twenty eighth. The
Fresh Show is on is Stay or Go Hard Kelly?
(00:44):
Good morning to Kelly. How you doing, Welcome to the program, Kelly,
So you are you're a married woman, congratulating congratulations for
being a married woman. I don't know if you've made it.
Have you been married for a while, a couple of years,
something like that. That's a big accomplishment.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
We've been together a long time.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
I'm serious. I feel like being married for any period
of time like past maybe I don't know, twenty four
months is impressive for me. I've been being with someone
longer than six months is impressive. But anyway, nonetheless, this
is about kids, though. So what's going on with you
and your husband?
Speaker 3 (01:21):
Well?
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Okay, so you know, when we were younger, we both
agreed we just didn't want children, and so that was
our thing. But we've gotten a little older, and unfortunately
I'm one of the people that they kind of talk
about that I've changed my mind and I want kids.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Okay, So you you guys have this conversation. This is
and this is a very fundamental thing to talk about
in here. I am talking about relationships like I've ever
been successful in one. But nonetheless I have I can,
I can observe, I give great advice, I give excellent advice,
and I have great perspective. I just myself cannot really
(02:00):
seem to find very much success. But you have this
conversation ahead of time, Hey, kids, no kids. I think
talking about money ahead of time. I think talking about
you know, love, languages and that kind of thing. I
think there's all stuff to get ironed out before you
get married, so that you're on the same page, that
you don't commit to each other for life legally, and
then decide one person's like I want to spend all
(02:21):
of our money and the other person like I want
to save all of our money. Or I want to
have kids and I don't want to have kids, or
you know, these fundamental things. And now you guys are
latched together and you're going to be unhappy because you
view things differently. So you guys had the conversation before
you got married, no kids, that was what you determined.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Oh yeah, we definitely had this conversation, and I mean
I definitely didn't want them, and he didn't either. But
it's just we'd gotten older and I have changed my mind,
and I went and told them, though I, of course
we are really communicative, this is this is just one
of our busses. But I told them that I had
(02:59):
to change to hurt and he he was like, you know,
I appreciate you telling me, but I don't my mind
hasn't changed. So anyway, he still doesn't want kids, but
he did have a compromise, Well.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
A compromise that's exciting. What was it?
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (03:19):
What is it?
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Well, well, he said that if I wanted a kid
bad enough, he said, he would obviously contribute financially. But
he's not doing diapers, he's not doing feedings, like waking
up in the middle of the night, warming bottles, all
of the thing. I'm going to be doing all of them.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
So he'll help you make the kid, but you get
to raise it. And he's just he's and he'll give you,
he'll write a couple of bucks towards it, but he's
not going to be involved in like the hard work.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
I mean, you're right, but I want to.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Make sure I have this right.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
I'm not. I'm not.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
I mean, I think that's that's a wild take. But
I want to make sure I have this right. So
he's not telling you you're fine, we can have a kid.
I'm just not going to do the hard stuff. Yeah,
he's not.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
He's exactly. Yeah, he's not going to do any of that.
If I want, if we're going to do this, how.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Does that make you feel?
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Change my mind?
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Well, and that's fair, but how does that make you
feel because you're allowed to change your mind?
Speaker 3 (04:15):
Now?
Speaker 1 (04:15):
I mean, it's it's a pretty significant thing to to
then say, well, now I want to add a human
to our sort of existence. Now, I mean, but you
also have every right to change your mind. I suppose
he has every right to say. But we talked about
this and I've never wanted kids, and I don't want
them now. I think that's a weird compromise. But how
does this all make you feel?
Speaker 2 (04:37):
I mean at first it was like that is but
I mean again, I'm the one that made this decision
in my head. I changed my mind. And if he's
gonna he's not going anywhere, he's going to be financially supporting.
I mean, plus, you know what, what's the difference between
like having a kid on your own. You know, there's
plenty of single moms that do it every day. And
(04:59):
I'm thinking he's going to change his mind over time,
you know. And so I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
What do I do?
Speaker 4 (05:05):
I don't know?
Speaker 1 (05:08):
I mean, what are the options? Right? The options are you?
You do it this way? You know, you have your
kid with your partner who you love, and he's just
not involved very much. Somebody tells me he'll be okay.
Maybe he'd be okay with like some of the upside,
but doesn't soun like he doesn't want to be up
in the middle of the night changing diapers, He doesn't
want to do right, he doesn't want to hear you're
(05:30):
the nurturing part of it. Maybe okay, you could not
have a kid, which means then that you're not fulfilled
in this way because this is what you want and
that's a big deal. Or you could divorce him, uh
and then go find somebody who does want to have
a kid? Am I missing any options here? And I
know this all stops cut and dry and like very simplified,
(05:52):
But am I missing anything? Bill?
Speaker 2 (05:56):
That's it?
Speaker 3 (05:58):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
I don't really like this very much.
Speaker 5 (06:01):
And I only say that. And you can totally have
a kid on your own, that is not even the issue.
But I feel like, because you are married to somebody,
and that person, you know, is quote okay with this
idea and kind of treating it like almost like you're
bringing home a puppy or something like he's like, you
know what I mean, He's like, Oh, I'm not gonna
get up in the middle of the night and do
this and that like that's that's a single married mom
in my opinion, and I don't really like that.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
If you're gonna do it.
Speaker 5 (06:22):
On your own, I would just say do it fully
on your own, and like not even like truly I
have to leave this man because also too, so you're
gonna bring him a baby and there's gonna be a
man living there, but he's not involved. But he's a dad,
you know what I mean. It's like, who's that man
walking in the hallway, Like, you know what I mean?
How involved does he think he's gonna be? Like you're
the father and you also live here, and.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
I suppose he might change his mind once the kid's
there and he sees you working hard and doing all this,
he might decide, well, maybe I should be involved. It's
my offspring too. I guess there's a chance of that.
I just from the jump, I just don't like the
way that feels, you know, like, hey, yeah, you can
have the kid, but like I'll just I'm just sort
of here, don't don't, don't, don't encis me with it.
(07:01):
But for the people who are texting saying this guy's
a jerk, that that is a jerk, that's kind of
a jerky response by all means. But he did say
from the beginning. His truth was I don't want kids, right,
So that does not make him a bad guy. He
was very clear about that. So I mean for the
people who are like, this guy's terrible, I don't know.
(07:24):
I don't know if he's his response is not great,
but he's allowed to be a person who doesn't want
to have kids like that's not And and you guys
didn't talk about it and agree on that initially.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Yes, And I understand where he's at. That's why, because
we were hard knows. So I get where he's at.
So you know, that's why I'm struggling with this.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
And you're going to resent him.
Speaker 5 (07:49):
You're going to resent him when the baby's there middle
of the night. You're the one changing diapers, you're the
one doing all these things.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (07:54):
I feel like it's a terrible idea, and you're allowed
to change your mind. And Fred was right about that,
Like you guys were very clear in the beginning. You guys,
you know, grew in your marriage. Whatever you want different
things now. I think, I hate to say it, doesn't
that call for like some form of like I don't know, separation,
going your own ways, then living your life on your terms,
both of you doing what you both want.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
My crazy.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
I think even this is bigger than oh god, someone,
this is even bigger than the baby.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Someone texting, have the baby and then divorce him. Do
not do that, Yeah, do not do that. That is
the that's the worst. I love you, but that is
the worst advice, because you're still tied to the guy. No,
this is what you do either. You may have to
leave this dude. If you really want a kid, you
deserve a supportive partner who's in it with you, it
(08:39):
also wants the kid. Maybe give him a little bit
of time to marinate on this, but you I don't
think it's unfair. If this is really your calling and
really what you're drawn to do, and you feel very
strongly about it, you have one life. You deserve a
supportive partner with whom to do this. You may have
to go to shay him and say, look, I love you,
but we are now fractured. We are fundamentally on different
(09:02):
sides of this, and I don't want to do this
with somebody who's going to be absent minded. And maybe
if you have that conversation, he comes around because he
loves you, and maybe he can see it, and maybe
he does it. I actually know a couple. This is
a real story. I know a couple that had this
very thing happen. They decided no kids, no kids. And
I'm not going to get into too many details because
these people might know who I'm talking about. I don't
(09:22):
know people might know who I'm talking about. But let's
just say that he was willing to take on some
other responsibilities, but he did not want kids. He never did,
but he loved her. They got married. She says, you know,
in somewhere in years into the marriage, I want kids,
and he's like, I don't want kid. I told you
I really don't like I have my whole life planned out,
and I told you this. And at some point the
(09:45):
conversation was, if you need to leave me, I would
be heartbroken. But I understand. I'm not going to stand
in your way, but I'm not one hundred percent in this.
They wound up staying together and having a kid, and
everything is wonderful. But it wasn't the It wasn't it
kind of all didn't happen in order or as you know.
It kind of just happened, and that's a different story.
(10:07):
But nonetheless, everything works out fine, everyone's happy, and it
turns out. I think this guy would tell you that
it's the greatest thing that ever happened to him. But
if a guy's telling you right now, I don't want
it and I'm not going to be involved, that is
bad right like that, I can't imagine starting that way.
You know, do you really.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Think I could do it on my own?
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Of course you as someone wants to know how old
you are? By the way, how old are you in
your thirties?
Speaker 2 (10:34):
I'm in my thirties.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Okay, Yeah, you absolutely can do it on your own.
I mean, here's what I'll say. I don't know you.
People can do it on their own, and I believe
you're you're probably very capable of it. But I don't
think this is going to work. And it's it's heartbreaking.
But eight five, five, five, nine, one on three five
the text are going crazy. I would love to know
what people have to say about this though. I hate
to say this, but I think you you know, have
(10:57):
to have a very and it's not a mean conversation.
It's not you know, there's no lack of love. I
don't think it's spiteful or hateful. This guy didn't lie
to you. He told you the truth. But I think
it may it may be the kind of conversation where
you have to just say, look, I gotta do this
and so, and I want to do it with somebody
who either either is going to be an active participant
(11:18):
who wants to be there, or I'd rather do it
on my own. I know people who've done that too. Well, Kelly,
let me take some calls and have the radio one
and thank you for sharing this. I know it's very personal,
and good luck to you.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Well, thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Yeah, you got it. We appreciate you. I mean, yeah,
I don't know. I think she's gotta probably leave this guy.
Speaker 6 (11:39):
Yeah, from his perspective too, like he came into this
relationship like thinking one thing and now yeah, she gets
to choose her what she wants to do. But in
a way is also like blowing up his life, you know,
like now he may lose his marriage because of it,
and he had the same intentions from the jump.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Yeah, I don't like his response, but don't I don't
disagree with with him having a say in this and
having a vote and having a desire for his life too.
I mean again, the whole. I'll well, I'll knock you
up and then just be here. I don't like that,
but I also for the people like this guy is
such a d I he didn't have to want this. Yeah,
(12:18):
he didn't have to wun the jump. This is what
I want. She's the one switching up with Yeah, she
can do. But it's sad, but it happens.
Speaker 5 (12:24):
I think in marriages people just outgrow each other, not
because okay, but other things too, right, And I think
it's sad and it blows up everyone's life.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
And now you know you're divorced. But it is what
it is. Autumn, Good morning, Hi, welcome.
Speaker 7 (12:36):
Hi, I'm your fourteenth color.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Just so you guys know, Oh you're the fourteenth. You
know why that's impossible. We only have thirteen listeners, will
only ever have thirteen listeners. Right when we think we
got fourteen, someone moves to somewhere where they don't have
the Internet yet. It's crazy. Anyway, what do you think?
Speaker 7 (12:52):
So I just I'm thinking about the child. That's always
my number one is do you really want to raise
a child or have even a fifty percent chance of
like this child not having the father being around, like
in their life. So I just think that that's that's
what I would think about. I'd leave, I for sure leave,
especially if she really wants a baby, because you don't
(13:15):
know for sure if he's going to want to be around,
and you don't want to do that to the baby either,
you know.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Yeah, I agree, and and you know what it could
be like my friend who had a kid that he
wasn't expecting and and loves that kid more than anything
and it changed his life. If you're here right now,
he would tell you it's the greatest thing that ever
happened to you. I know he'd say that, but he
didn't see it. But you're taking a race, you're taking
a risk.
Speaker 7 (13:35):
He's an exception, he's not the rule. Right, isn't a movie?
Speaker 1 (13:39):
And I can't I can't with much confidence, Uh, engage
in that agreement, you know what I mean? Like that's
that doesn't feel good. My partner is gonna my partner
is willing to sleep with me, and you know whatever,
But but but he's not really willing to do this
with me.
Speaker 7 (13:57):
So sometimes you grow apart like that just is you'd
want different things and you grow in different directions, and
that's okay. And she shouldn't feel ashamed about that. But
if she doesn't want the same things, then I mean
it might be time to part ways.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Yeah. Maybe, So thank you autumn listener number. You say
fourteen and you're still thirty. But Hi, have a good day.
Speaker 7 (14:17):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
I love you mean it? Hi, Kelly, Good morning, Kelly. Hello, Hi,
Hi Kelly. What do you want to say?
Speaker 8 (14:27):
Hi?
Speaker 2 (14:27):
I want to say that she needs to go.
Speaker 7 (14:30):
This is so selfish. She should not bring a child
into this world knowing that their father wants nothing to
do with it. It's so cool.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Yeah, yeah, I don't think it's going to work under
the current arrangement, and I think it's a risk if
you do it within these the confides of this relationship,
because he's telling you he doesn't want to do it.
But thank you, Kelly. I'm glad you called. Have a
great day, you two, and thank you for listening. Brandon.
So you say stay, Why I.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Say stayed because he was honest from the very beginning.
He told her exactly what the situation was. While there's
a good chance that his mind will change when he
sees that precious young one and he holds it in
his hands. However, there's so many fathers who never were
(15:22):
honest from the beginning, who have a just who actually
never told their wives that, oh no, I'll do everything,
but then never do anything. Who who are married now
but never take care of the child in any way,
who perhaps live from the beginning.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
I think we're talking about it. He told two different things, Brandon.
Now we're talking about dead bee dad. We're talking about
people who want a kid but don't want to work
for it. This guy, and you don't find that out
until after the fact. This guy's telling you. He's telling
you right now. Hey, he's calling a shot, like, hey,
just heads up, I don't want to do this. Like
that's I think that's a little bit different, because good
enough if you have a kid and then yeah, yeah,
(16:02):
yeah kid, and then you don't want to raise it.
I mean, that's a different I think it's a different problem.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
That's true. But however, he is willing to take care
of in every way. But the amount of single moms
out there who have zero support whatsoever, have to do
it all on their.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
Own, well, not every way, not the emotional part.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
You know, he's saying, I want to be like a
hands offstage.
Speaker 5 (16:22):
So I wonder Okay, if she goes to a sperm
make and the kid doesn't hack quote unquote have a dad,
is that less painful than having a dad that's like
one foot in, one foot out the door, you know
what I mean?
Speaker 1 (16:31):
On the risk that he's somehow going to buy in
after the fact. But Brandon, I appreciate you, man, Thank
you so much for calling Katie. Katie, you say go,
she's got to go.
Speaker 7 (16:40):
Yes, I do, well. I think if they can find
a compromise, great, But I think the idea at hands
is a bad idea, and if that's the only idea,
she should go.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, So we got to vote for go.
Thank you, Katie. Yeah, Larry, vote for stay. Hi, Larry,
hellover there, Larry you stay? Why?
Speaker 8 (17:04):
So the reason why is that And I don't know
this gentleman's circumstances, but depending if he was an only
child or something like that, I had the same.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
Thing with my folks.
Speaker 8 (17:15):
So when my folks got married, my dad wanted to
have kids, but until we were like, I don't know,
seven or eight years old, he didn't really he wasn't
involved in our in our you know, raising us and
what have you. Thus he would do is probably wipe
a butt every now and then, but other than that,
he didn't do much. But as we got older, he
got more involved and active. And I think that has
(17:38):
a lot to do with it. Since we don't know
the gentleman's circumstances here and what his upbringing is. I
think that it's the same thing that maybe once this
child gets older, he may get more involved.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
And so we love Larry, but Larry, no, I hear
what you're saying, that's a risk. I mean, I hear
what you're saying. Does a chance he buys in over
time right or warms up to the idea, But that
now you have another human involved, and I think we
have to consider not only her needs, his needs, as
Jason pointed out, but also like how's this how's this
(18:11):
kid going to feel if dad is truly detached from
the process. Sample Jenny, good morning, Hey, good morning. I'm
gonna let you have the final say here. What do
you think? So?
Speaker 4 (18:22):
I think they both should try to work it out,
only because it's a little different. But I had a
friend or I have a friend who they both got married.
In all their lives, they said, you know, we don't
want kids both but when she turned forty I think
forty one, she accidentally got pregnant. They baby, and now
they're in love with this little boy now I think
(18:44):
eight years old, and he says it's the best thing
that's ever happened to their lives.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Yeah, I mean it's very possible.
Speaker 4 (18:52):
Yeah, once the baby's here, he could easily change his mind.
You never know.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
It's possible.
Speaker 4 (18:58):
Yeah, I don't know, but not guarantaking.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Yeah, it's a risk. I mean that's a risk. Yeah,
that's that's a big risk because you know he's telling
you his truth. It's almost like when people show you
who they are, you should believe them kind of thing.
I mean, I know that applies to different scenarios, but
it's like he's telling you. So then when when the
kid's five years old and he's like, I told you
I don't want any I don't want to do this,
(19:22):
you can't be mad at him, I guess because he's
as messed up as that is. He told you that.
So I don't know, Jenny, but thank you, thanks for calling.
You have a good day. Okay. Well, I don't think
we solve their problem, but anyway, ye
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