April 15, 2025 • 17 mins
Cassie is frustrated with her husband of three years because he is constantly playing video games and ignoring her. Fred and the crew weigh in and what Cassie should do!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Fred Show is on. It's stay or go.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
All right, Cassie. Hi, Cassie, good morning, Good morning. Still
trying to get over the grilled cheese sandwich.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
I gotta eat when I get home. That sounds good though.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
I mean that's probably what it will be, but there's
no protein in that. But this isn't about me. This
is about you, Cassie. What's going on with this? This
is your husband, right, this is three years you've been
married and as a man.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Yeah, so I've been married three years, but we've actually
been together for seven. So I feel like I've known
him enough by now, and I'm just so freaking frustrated.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Yeah, I got your note here from Fred Show Radio
dot com. So all right, what's the issue? You're frustrated?
Because what what is this guy doing? Let's handle this
right now. We're going to solve this problem for you.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
Good, I hope. So's I'm losing my mind. So he
stays up all night to play video games and people
tell me I should be grateful because he doesn't drink
or do drugs, but he be screaming at people till
four in the morning, and I can't get any sleep
and he can't get any sleep, and he spends all
his money and time on it. And he doesn't buy
(01:10):
me flowers, but he'll buy a sixty dollars video game.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Oh boy.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
So he's got his head set on and he's yelling
at you know, some kid in Tacoma, Washington. You know
he's playing Madden or whatever. Those death games are, the
shooting games Call of Duty COD.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Yeah, yeah, and I'm sure they're all eleven years old. Right,
I'm like, get some friends.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
I don't know yesterday or I don't know if it
was a tangent or on the air, but yeah, it's
a little weird that, you know, adults are playing against children.
And I get that kids are good at these games
and whatever, but I know it's a little strange. Okay,
So this dude's spending all this time so he doesn't
buy you flowers. He's not in bed next to you.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
He's not.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
I don't know, he's not paying enough attention to you.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
He's obsessed with these video games. It's bothering you.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
Yeah. And sometimes he'll carall in bed and I'll be like, okay,
it's been a while, maybe we'll have some you know,
some sexy time. And no, he just is too tired
from it, and I can't believe he's choosing that over me,
and I don't know it. It drives me crazy, and
it's it's really hurting our marriage.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Honestly, I've seen tiktoks and I don't know if they're
real or not, but I've seen tiktoks of women who
walk out completely naked in front of their men who
are playing video games.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
And these dudes don't even look up. They'd rather play
with their controllers.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
They don't even look up, and the woman's just standing there, like,
come hither, you know, Yeah, I assume you've said something
to him. I assume you've been like, yo, dude, you know,
I'm fine with this as a as a distraction or
as you know, in moderation, the same way you'd be
fine with him playing golf for whatever else whatever he does.
(02:46):
But come on, like, enough is enough. We can't spend
hours and hours. We have to like be a couple
and communicate it and spend time together. He can't always
be video games. I assume you've said that to.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
Him, Yeah, And I'll dress up and I don't know,
he just he just like I don't know, he's like
more in love with the video games than me. But yeah,
the other day about like sixty hours with a lingerie
and no, he wasn't having it.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
He was not interested, and he was mad because he
couldn't spend the sixty bucks to make his little Mario
Kart better or whatever.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Yeah, but what's his response?
Speaker 2 (03:16):
He's tired, Like when you say this to him, when
you say, like, hey man, what does he say to
you in response or does he have a response.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
Well, like I said, he says, Okay, he doesn't drink
and he doesn't do drugs, so he'll remind me of that.
And maybe I should be greatful because my girlfriends tell
me that, but I don't know. I feel like maybe
he's just gasolighting me. But I can't tell because I
don't know. I feel like it's an addiction in itself.
I feel like this is a problem.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Yeah, somebody texted, well, it's not he's out cheating, Okay,
But I mean that's a bit extreme, right, Like, yeah,
that's nice that he's not defiling your marriage, but he's
not lucky. He's not spending enough time with you. He's
not paying attention to you. Again, an hour here, an
hour there, maybe even an hour a day whatever, couple.
I don't know, a couple hours, but if you're sitting there,
you know, from the time you get home to whenever
(04:05):
playing these games, like what are you avoiding? You know,
because that's what I would argue, like what is it?
Why are you so intent on doing this? As it posted?
Why'd you get married? I mean, I know these are
you know, much broader questions, but it's this is a problem.
And I don't care if it's that or what other
other things that you could be doing any anything other
(04:26):
than paying attention to your significant other a little bit occasionally, right,
That's not too much.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
To ask, Cassie.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
Yeah, and definitely I'm glad you brought that up because
it definitely feels like he's cheating sometimes. But then again,
I feel like I'm just being selfish. But then again,
I don't know who he's talking to you on the games,
like is it a child or is it a woman?
Like I have no idea. He's just in there at
four am, so I don't know, but it does feel
a little bit like, you know, the significant other is
his freaking games.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Well, now hold on, Cassie, let us be the ones
to jump to the while let Ki keep you the
one to jump to the wild conclusions. Okay, I mean
I was just I was focused more on the fact
that he's playing the games, and now Kiki's probably gonna
take it to well, he's obviously talking to a woman. No, no,
on the headset, that's where you would go with this. Okay,
let me take some phone calls on this eight five, five, five, nine,
one one three five. Have the radio one, Cassie. Let's
(05:20):
see what people have to say. I'm sure there are
other people who have been through this or are going
through this, uh and may have something to say about it,
but I'm not sure.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
I mean, I wouldn't say.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Go no, but I would also say it's something that
needs to be rectified, because I mean, what's the point
of being in a in a relationship if there's no dialogue,
if there's no moderation, if he's not spending time with you.
And it doesn't have to be all the time, but
I mean, come on sometimes, right.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
Yeah, yeah, for sure, for sure, I mean at least
once a week. But he's got to get off the games,
he really does.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Let's see what the what folks have to say. Thank you, Cassie,
good luck have a good day.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Yeah, someone sitting on the sex lego building. You keep those,
you keep them. Keep lego out of your mouth.
Speaker 4 (06:06):
It's got that Sobrina Carboner skin gone.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
He keeps it out of your mouth. I don't. There
is no one at home, so I can do whatever
I want.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
I could eat my cheese sandwich on my legos, actually can,
because I can't get the grease on the legos and
oh it's smudges.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
It looks terrible. That would drive you crazy.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Yeah, oh no, I've read about this on people on
Reddit that some people use gloves to assemble the legos.
Some people they wash their hands every fifteen minutes because
the oils will get on the shiny parts of the
lego and it makes it duller.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
All right, yeah, all right, yeah, that's too far from me.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
I mean, so for the people who have gamers, the
significant others, I mean, how do you what would you
say to this?
Speaker 5 (06:43):
I had this situation, but it wasn't to this extreme,
and we weren't married, but we were living together and
my ex was a super gamer to the point where
I knew the names of the people on the game
that he would be talking to, Like I would walk
in the crib like what a war machine?
Speaker 6 (06:55):
That was one of his gamers.
Speaker 5 (06:57):
Yeah, that was on the game. And but and I
to some of the textors point like he's not out
in the street, you know, he's safely in your house
in the mills.
Speaker 6 (07:07):
He's still active. But it was like not to this extreme.
Speaker 5 (07:11):
So my suggestion to this lady would be, take talk
to your partner, take away the game for a week,
and just see how he adjusts. If he is like
sweating and he's like having withdrawals, then it's an addiction
and he needs to go talk to somebody about it.
If he can't go a week without it, then you
all have a big problem.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
I'm would say try that the whole he's not cheating thing,
or she's not cheating, but is not That is not
a good enough justification. Like I'm being negligent in my relationship,
I'm ignoring my partner, I'm not fulfilling my partner my
obligation as as as a member of this relationship.
Speaker 5 (07:49):
But I'm not cheating. So yeah, and I'm not drunk
or doing drugs, so to not be it's not a
malicious thing that he's doing. He is a malicious thing.
Yet he's doing. It's a hog that he's obsessed with.
And I think if you figure out that there may
be an issue that like a real addiction, then you
can work through that. I don't think she needs to
leave her marriage, is what people are saying. Like if
he was cheating, if he was at the bar, the
(08:11):
strip club every night, then yeah, you got a big,
big problem. But this man is playing video games in
the middle of the night, so maybe he was with
you all day. He just can't sleep, he can't go
to sleep. That may be another thing that he can
talk through with a therapist. I think it's an addiction there,
But I just I don't want her to leave her
marriage over this.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
You're right, I would have said there's malice, But I
also I would argue that if she's expressed a concern
and he doesn't adjust his behavior, then there's a problem. Yes,
and yeah it may not be rooted and hate, but
it also or dislike. But it's also he's ignoring her,
he's not concerned about her needs. It would sound like Amanda, Hi, Hi, Hey,
(08:53):
what do you want to say? Good morning, Welcome, thanks for.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Listening, good morning.
Speaker 4 (08:57):
I just wanted to say, I have a lot of
intake on it. My boyfriend also plays a lot of
video games, and so you know, he got me a
computer and everything. So we actually play video games together
because he was spending a lot of time on it,
and we have games that we play together, and so
we kind of made it like an US thing and
it's worked out so far. It's really fun.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
So basically you had to you had to go over
to his side. You had to either get into his
hobby or you were going to see him. I'm not
trying to minimize, you know what, what the compromise you
come up with. But it wasn't all play less and
do your thing. It was you can just do what
I'm doing.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
Yeah, because I like to leave by like example, So
I was like, well, if this is something he's into,
then I can be into it. So now he's the
one that comes to like Farmer's Markets with me, he'll
go out with me, because it's like a I started
a compromise, so I started the bend and so now
he bends back. So it's worked out pretty well and
we I actually have fun like those games that I
play by myself now and I'm just like, no, I'm
(09:53):
playing by myself.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Yeah, aways at the tables turn and Amanda, you know
Amanda Killer sixty nine sixty nine on on cod Wait wait,
wait till you become a champion and and you're not
paying attention to him anymore. We'll see how he likes
it then, exactly.
Speaker 4 (10:07):
And that's another thing I wanted to say too, is
if he's not, like, you know, wanting to spend time
with you, like, go spend time.
Speaker 7 (10:12):
With yourself, get all delled up, go.
Speaker 4 (10:14):
Take yourself to dinner. He'll see that and he'll be like, wait,
am I missing out on things?
Speaker 2 (10:18):
And he definitely is not a bad idea. Thank you, Amanda,
have a good day. What do you want to say?
Speaker 8 (10:24):
Pe, I'm going to get dragged to hell by the
gamer community, Like I know they're going to come for
me at this very moment.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Ahead.
Speaker 8 (10:32):
Well, but I say with my chest because I don't
understand this hobby, and somebody I think texted, no, I
really don't, and I have hobbies too. People probably look
at it and go, I don't understand why or whatever.
But someone texted us in saying that most gamers are
in their thirties. So now is this deeper like, is
this like a childhood thing, like you didn't get your
games when you were a kid, or you didn't get
to play enough when you were a kid.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
I do.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
It's a distraction. It's a diversion from real life. And
I don't think that's all bad in moderation, the same
way that I think people go all they get their
mind of stuff legos.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Yeah, well, I mean that's what I'm doing it. I'm
not doing it because I really need.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
A model of a car, you know, or whatever. I
just it's something i've found, it's something I can do.
That just I have to think about it and not
whatever else is going on. And that's like literally yesterday,
I'm putting this thing together and it's my phone's.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Going ding ding ding ding ding, and.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
I'm not paying any attention because I want to finish
that section of what I was doing. And that is
an okay thing for me, because otherwise that phone goes thing,
I grab it and I attend to that, and that
is that is a slippery slope.
Speaker 6 (11:31):
You ignored me, that's abuse.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
What did you ask me?
Speaker 6 (11:34):
YEA, I sent you, I was calling you, but you
was doing lego.
Speaker 9 (11:37):
You did not wo No, But yeah, that makes sense,
I guess because everyone's entitled to their their fun. I
guess if legos makes you happy and it's fun and
it distracts you from the world, cool, But I guess
the moderation is key, right for anything you do in life.
You're sitting all night like you're thirteen years old, like
your parents are, you know, like got the link it
over your head, parents are coming in and got your
(11:57):
game boy whatever.
Speaker 8 (11:58):
Like that's too much.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Yeah, I mean if you're not you know, bathing and
eating and going to work and your relationship and whatever else.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Hey, Jane, you live this thing. Good morning, j Yeah.
Speaker 7 (12:09):
I my first husband and he was in med school,
you name it. I mean, the whole world coming for
him and gonna look good. And he started gaming and
it was all the time. And you know, trial therapy.
You know, that's a big thing for her to do.
But if he won't do it, it's not going to
get me better. I mean, it's it's sad, but it
(12:32):
is an addiction. When it's like interfering with your life.
It's no different than the bottle. It's no different than
staying out all night. It's the same exact thing. It's
just been a different task. Yeah, it's not even a
good way. Addiction is addiction, and that's what's going on,
and she doesn't get me help. You know, she's looking
at three years now, she's looking at fifteen or twenty
(12:53):
because it's going to stop.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
You left your husband over this, It says.
Speaker 7 (12:57):
Yes, I did.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
Wow, Wow, I'm sorry that happened to you. But I mean,
I again, I think you're right. I mean it may
be different, you know, chemically or whatever. But if if
someone has behavior that's detrimental to your relationship and you
try and address it and it doesn't change, I don't
know what you're supposed to do.
Speaker 7 (13:16):
Yeah, it's either you can accept it for what it
is and stay, because all she can do is control
what she does. And she can either accept it and
hope it changes it may it may not, or she
can go.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (13:28):
I mean, if he's not gonna she can't make him
do anything. And if it's not, if the relationship isn't
worth it for him, then she, you know, needs decided
she wants to stay with him or not. You know
what happens if they have kids.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
Yeah, well fair enough, and then Gean, thank you, thanks
for calling, Thanks for starting to have a good day.
You know, if I could quote the great Mel Robbins
from the let Them theory, Yeah, rob Yeah, well she's
we tried to get her on and we were denied.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Busy as are Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
I took about five seconds and then to say not happening.
But she does kind of address this at the end
of the book, talking about you know, people's behavior, like
trying to get someone to work out was an example
she used, Like if you have a partner who just
lays on the couch all day and won't get in shape,
and you've tried to express that you care about their
health and well being whatever, first of all, you got
(14:19):
to model the proper behavior, which would be then to
maybe do some of these things that you want him
to do yourself. But you cannot ride people like you
simply cannot ride someone and give ultimatums and make threats
and the rest of it. It's like, you know, maybe
she does. I mean, maybe there's something too getting dulled
up and going out with her friends and not riding
him on it all I see you later, and going
(14:40):
out and living life and having a good time and
doing the things that she wants to do without him
and either he's going to see that and go, Okay,
wait a minute. You know she's not on me about this?
Why not you know why all of a sudden is
she not all over me about changing my behavior?
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Is she moving on?
Speaker 2 (14:57):
Is she? Do?
Speaker 1 (14:57):
I need to try harder? You know?
Speaker 2 (14:59):
And again, it's not about him, it's about you. But
at the same time, and if you do that long
enough and there's zero adjustment, zero change, zero motivation, then
you got to go. But I mean, I think you
start by again. If every day you come home you're like,
have a video game again, that's not going to motivate
anybody to change. Look at me, I'm basically a motivational speaker. Now,
thanks Mel Robbins. I'm gonna give a Ted talk soon. Hey, Kara,
(15:22):
let them Hello? Hi, how are you what? You Just
to recap I'm sorry to interrupt you, but just to
recap your stay go. This woman is married to a
guy who appears to be addicted to video games. He
cares more about the video games than he does about
spending time with her.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
What do you think I mean?
Speaker 7 (15:37):
Girl?
Speaker 10 (15:37):
Look, it does not matter if he's not in the clubs.
It does not matter if he's not cheating with her
and doing drugs. The end result is the same. He
is not chaining out with her like a married man
should be. And seriously, who takes a grown man seriously
who plays video games all day?
Speaker 6 (15:55):
And almost he lost me?
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Well, what do you mean video game all day?
Speaker 2 (16:00):
I wouldn't take a person seriously who plays video games
all day instead of attending their needs and the relationship
to God.
Speaker 10 (16:06):
Who could Now she can jump on the bandwagon and
get into video games with him, But then what happens
when they have kids? Yeah? I mean she's got two, three,
four kids with him included.
Speaker 7 (16:20):
Well, they don't make it a family thing the kids.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
Is he even involved in that process? You know, because
he's involved with her.
Speaker 10 (16:30):
Right now, How can he be involved with them?
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Yeah? I agree, girls gotta.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Go, Yeah, have a good day.
Speaker 11 (16:41):
I was with her, But I think it's okay to
sometimes take someone seriously who plays video games all day
and all night constantly. No, I'm with I think it's
okay to sometimes do that, Like it's okay to indulge
my issue, which is what she started with, is going well,
at least I'm not doing X, Y or Z. No,
that was what you committed to when we got into
a relationship. You the bars on the floor. You are
giving me the bare minimum you owe me that, so
(17:02):
to go. I'm not doing this, so I should be
allowed to do this. That is completely unfair and that's manipulation.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
I don't care if it's video games or working out.
I don't even care if it's a healthy activity. If
you're doing something all day and all night, you're obsessed.
Speaker 6 (17:16):
I could be worse, Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 11 (17:17):
But I'm saying you can have days where you do
that and indulge.
Speaker 5 (17:20):
I'm okay with that, true, because I mean it's like
your kid doing drug like mom. I could be a crackheads,
ribbing banks, right, robbanks.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
These days it's not arm Oh well, I don't know.
I'd much rather you do that, see what I'm saying. Yeah,
we're gonna move on to entertainment. Report is up next,
five hundred bucks with Kiki less than ten minutes to
eight if you can beat her in five questions. Friends
show back into and we're commercial freaks.
Fred Show is on. It's stay or go.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
All right, Cassie. Hi, Cassie, good morning, Good morning. Still
trying to get over the grilled cheese sandwich.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
I gotta eat when I get home. That sounds good though.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
I mean that's probably what it will be, but there's
no protein in that. But this isn't about me. This
is about you, Cassie. What's going on with this? This
is your husband, right, this is three years you've been
married and as a man.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Yeah, so I've been married three years, but we've actually
been together for seven. So I feel like I've known
him enough by now, and I'm just so freaking frustrated.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Yeah, I got your note here from Fred Show Radio
dot com. So all right, what's the issue? You're frustrated?
Because what what is this guy doing? Let's handle this
right now. We're going to solve this problem for you.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
Good, I hope. So's I'm losing my mind. So he
stays up all night to play video games and people
tell me I should be grateful because he doesn't drink
or do drugs, but he be screaming at people till
four in the morning, and I can't get any sleep
and he can't get any sleep, and he spends all
his money and time on it. And he doesn't buy
(01:10):
me flowers, but he'll buy a sixty dollars video game.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Oh boy.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
So he's got his head set on and he's yelling
at you know, some kid in Tacoma, Washington. You know
he's playing Madden or whatever. Those death games are, the
shooting games Call of Duty COD.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Yeah, yeah, and I'm sure they're all eleven years old. Right,
I'm like, get some friends.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
I don't know yesterday or I don't know if it
was a tangent or on the air, but yeah, it's
a little weird that, you know, adults are playing against children.
And I get that kids are good at these games
and whatever, but I know it's a little strange. Okay,
So this dude's spending all this time so he doesn't
buy you flowers. He's not in bed next to you.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
He's not.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
I don't know, he's not paying enough attention to you.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
He's obsessed with these video games. It's bothering you.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
Yeah. And sometimes he'll carall in bed and I'll be like, okay,
it's been a while, maybe we'll have some you know,
some sexy time. And no, he just is too tired
from it, and I can't believe he's choosing that over me,
and I don't know it. It drives me crazy, and
it's it's really hurting our marriage.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Honestly, I've seen tiktoks and I don't know if they're
real or not, but I've seen tiktoks of women who
walk out completely naked in front of their men who
are playing video games.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
And these dudes don't even look up. They'd rather play
with their controllers.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
They don't even look up, and the woman's just standing there, like,
come hither, you know, Yeah, I assume you've said something
to him. I assume you've been like, yo, dude, you know,
I'm fine with this as a as a distraction or
as you know, in moderation, the same way you'd be
fine with him playing golf for whatever else whatever he does.
(02:46):
But come on, like, enough is enough. We can't spend
hours and hours. We have to like be a couple
and communicate it and spend time together. He can't always
be video games. I assume you've said that to.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
Him, Yeah, And I'll dress up and I don't know,
he just he just like I don't know, he's like
more in love with the video games than me. But yeah,
the other day about like sixty hours with a lingerie
and no, he wasn't having it.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
He was not interested, and he was mad because he
couldn't spend the sixty bucks to make his little Mario
Kart better or whatever.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Yeah, but what's his response?
Speaker 2 (03:16):
He's tired, Like when you say this to him, when
you say, like, hey man, what does he say to
you in response or does he have a response.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
Well, like I said, he says, Okay, he doesn't drink
and he doesn't do drugs, so he'll remind me of that.
And maybe I should be greatful because my girlfriends tell
me that, but I don't know. I feel like maybe
he's just gasolighting me. But I can't tell because I
don't know. I feel like it's an addiction in itself.
I feel like this is a problem.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Yeah, somebody texted, well, it's not he's out cheating, Okay,
But I mean that's a bit extreme, right, Like, yeah,
that's nice that he's not defiling your marriage, but he's
not lucky. He's not spending enough time with you. He's
not paying attention to you. Again, an hour here, an
hour there, maybe even an hour a day whatever, couple.
I don't know, a couple hours, but if you're sitting there,
you know, from the time you get home to whenever
(04:05):
playing these games, like what are you avoiding? You know,
because that's what I would argue, like what is it?
Why are you so intent on doing this? As it posted?
Why'd you get married? I mean, I know these are
you know, much broader questions, but it's this is a problem.
And I don't care if it's that or what other
other things that you could be doing any anything other
(04:26):
than paying attention to your significant other a little bit occasionally, right,
That's not too much.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
To ask, Cassie.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
Yeah, and definitely I'm glad you brought that up because
it definitely feels like he's cheating sometimes. But then again,
I feel like I'm just being selfish. But then again,
I don't know who he's talking to you on the games,
like is it a child or is it a woman?
Like I have no idea. He's just in there at
four am, so I don't know, but it does feel
a little bit like, you know, the significant other is
his freaking games.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Well, now hold on, Cassie, let us be the ones
to jump to the while let Ki keep you the
one to jump to the wild conclusions. Okay, I mean
I was just I was focused more on the fact
that he's playing the games, and now Kiki's probably gonna
take it to well, he's obviously talking to a woman. No, no,
on the headset, that's where you would go with this. Okay,
let me take some phone calls on this eight five, five, five, nine,
one one three five. Have the radio one, Cassie. Let's
(05:20):
see what people have to say. I'm sure there are
other people who have been through this or are going
through this, uh and may have something to say about it,
but I'm not sure.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
I mean, I wouldn't say.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Go no, but I would also say it's something that
needs to be rectified, because I mean, what's the point
of being in a in a relationship if there's no dialogue,
if there's no moderation, if he's not spending time with you.
And it doesn't have to be all the time, but
I mean, come on sometimes, right.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
Yeah, yeah, for sure, for sure, I mean at least
once a week. But he's got to get off the games,
he really does.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Let's see what the what folks have to say. Thank you, Cassie,
good luck have a good day.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Yeah, someone sitting on the sex lego building. You keep those,
you keep them. Keep lego out of your mouth.
Speaker 4 (06:06):
It's got that Sobrina Carboner skin gone.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
He keeps it out of your mouth. I don't. There
is no one at home, so I can do whatever
I want.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
I could eat my cheese sandwich on my legos, actually can,
because I can't get the grease on the legos and
oh it's smudges.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
It looks terrible. That would drive you crazy.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Yeah, oh no, I've read about this on people on
Reddit that some people use gloves to assemble the legos.
Some people they wash their hands every fifteen minutes because
the oils will get on the shiny parts of the
lego and it makes it duller.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
All right, yeah, all right, yeah, that's too far from me.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
I mean, so for the people who have gamers, the
significant others, I mean, how do you what would you
say to this?
Speaker 5 (06:43):
I had this situation, but it wasn't to this extreme,
and we weren't married, but we were living together and
my ex was a super gamer to the point where
I knew the names of the people on the game
that he would be talking to, Like I would walk
in the crib like what a war machine?
Speaker 6 (06:55):
That was one of his gamers.
Speaker 5 (06:57):
Yeah, that was on the game. And but and I
to some of the textors point like he's not out
in the street, you know, he's safely in your house
in the mills.
Speaker 6 (07:07):
He's still active. But it was like not to this extreme.
Speaker 5 (07:11):
So my suggestion to this lady would be, take talk
to your partner, take away the game for a week,
and just see how he adjusts. If he is like
sweating and he's like having withdrawals, then it's an addiction
and he needs to go talk to somebody about it.
If he can't go a week without it, then you
all have a big problem.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
I'm would say try that the whole he's not cheating thing,
or she's not cheating, but is not That is not
a good enough justification. Like I'm being negligent in my relationship,
I'm ignoring my partner, I'm not fulfilling my partner my
obligation as as as a member of this relationship.
Speaker 5 (07:49):
But I'm not cheating. So yeah, and I'm not drunk
or doing drugs, so to not be it's not a
malicious thing that he's doing. He is a malicious thing.
Yet he's doing. It's a hog that he's obsessed with.
And I think if you figure out that there may
be an issue that like a real addiction, then you
can work through that. I don't think she needs to
leave her marriage, is what people are saying. Like if
he was cheating, if he was at the bar, the
(08:11):
strip club every night, then yeah, you got a big,
big problem. But this man is playing video games in
the middle of the night, so maybe he was with
you all day. He just can't sleep, he can't go
to sleep. That may be another thing that he can
talk through with a therapist. I think it's an addiction there,
But I just I don't want her to leave her
marriage over this.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
You're right, I would have said there's malice, But I
also I would argue that if she's expressed a concern
and he doesn't adjust his behavior, then there's a problem. Yes,
and yeah it may not be rooted and hate, but
it also or dislike. But it's also he's ignoring her,
he's not concerned about her needs. It would sound like Amanda, Hi, Hi, Hey,
(08:53):
what do you want to say? Good morning, Welcome, thanks for.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Listening, good morning.
Speaker 4 (08:57):
I just wanted to say, I have a lot of
intake on it. My boyfriend also plays a lot of
video games, and so you know, he got me a
computer and everything. So we actually play video games together
because he was spending a lot of time on it,
and we have games that we play together, and so
we kind of made it like an US thing and
it's worked out so far. It's really fun.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
So basically you had to you had to go over
to his side. You had to either get into his
hobby or you were going to see him. I'm not
trying to minimize, you know what, what the compromise you
come up with. But it wasn't all play less and
do your thing. It was you can just do what
I'm doing.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
Yeah, because I like to leave by like example, So
I was like, well, if this is something he's into,
then I can be into it. So now he's the
one that comes to like Farmer's Markets with me, he'll
go out with me, because it's like a I started
a compromise, so I started the bend and so now
he bends back. So it's worked out pretty well and
we I actually have fun like those games that I
play by myself now and I'm just like, no, I'm
(09:53):
playing by myself.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Yeah, aways at the tables turn and Amanda, you know
Amanda Killer sixty nine sixty nine on on cod Wait wait,
wait till you become a champion and and you're not
paying attention to him anymore. We'll see how he likes
it then, exactly.
Speaker 4 (10:07):
And that's another thing I wanted to say too, is
if he's not, like, you know, wanting to spend time
with you, like, go spend time.
Speaker 7 (10:12):
With yourself, get all delled up, go.
Speaker 4 (10:14):
Take yourself to dinner. He'll see that and he'll be like, wait,
am I missing out on things?
Speaker 2 (10:18):
And he definitely is not a bad idea. Thank you, Amanda,
have a good day. What do you want to say?
Speaker 8 (10:24):
Pe, I'm going to get dragged to hell by the
gamer community, Like I know they're going to come for
me at this very moment.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Ahead.
Speaker 8 (10:32):
Well, but I say with my chest because I don't
understand this hobby, and somebody I think texted, no, I
really don't, and I have hobbies too. People probably look
at it and go, I don't understand why or whatever.
But someone texted us in saying that most gamers are
in their thirties. So now is this deeper like, is
this like a childhood thing, like you didn't get your
games when you were a kid, or you didn't get
to play enough when you were a kid.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
I do.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
It's a distraction. It's a diversion from real life. And
I don't think that's all bad in moderation, the same
way that I think people go all they get their
mind of stuff legos.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Yeah, well, I mean that's what I'm doing it. I'm
not doing it because I really need.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
A model of a car, you know, or whatever. I
just it's something i've found, it's something I can do.
That just I have to think about it and not
whatever else is going on. And that's like literally yesterday,
I'm putting this thing together and it's my phone's.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Going ding ding ding ding ding, and.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
I'm not paying any attention because I want to finish
that section of what I was doing. And that is
an okay thing for me, because otherwise that phone goes thing,
I grab it and I attend to that, and that
is that is a slippery slope.
Speaker 6 (11:31):
You ignored me, that's abuse.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
What did you ask me?
Speaker 6 (11:34):
YEA, I sent you, I was calling you, but you
was doing lego.
Speaker 9 (11:37):
You did not wo No, But yeah, that makes sense,
I guess because everyone's entitled to their their fun. I
guess if legos makes you happy and it's fun and
it distracts you from the world, cool, But I guess
the moderation is key, right for anything you do in life.
You're sitting all night like you're thirteen years old, like
your parents are, you know, like got the link it
over your head, parents are coming in and got your
(11:57):
game boy whatever.
Speaker 8 (11:58):
Like that's too much.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Yeah, I mean if you're not you know, bathing and
eating and going to work and your relationship and whatever else.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Hey, Jane, you live this thing. Good morning, j Yeah.
Speaker 7 (12:09):
I my first husband and he was in med school,
you name it. I mean, the whole world coming for
him and gonna look good. And he started gaming and
it was all the time. And you know, trial therapy.
You know, that's a big thing for her to do.
But if he won't do it, it's not going to
get me better. I mean, it's it's sad, but it
(12:32):
is an addiction. When it's like interfering with your life.
It's no different than the bottle. It's no different than
staying out all night. It's the same exact thing. It's
just been a different task. Yeah, it's not even a
good way. Addiction is addiction, and that's what's going on,
and she doesn't get me help. You know, she's looking
at three years now, she's looking at fifteen or twenty
(12:53):
because it's going to stop.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
You left your husband over this, It says.
Speaker 7 (12:57):
Yes, I did.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
Wow, Wow, I'm sorry that happened to you. But I mean,
I again, I think you're right. I mean it may
be different, you know, chemically or whatever. But if if
someone has behavior that's detrimental to your relationship and you
try and address it and it doesn't change, I don't
know what you're supposed to do.
Speaker 7 (13:16):
Yeah, it's either you can accept it for what it
is and stay, because all she can do is control
what she does. And she can either accept it and
hope it changes it may it may not, or she
can go.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (13:28):
I mean, if he's not gonna she can't make him
do anything. And if it's not, if the relationship isn't
worth it for him, then she, you know, needs decided
she wants to stay with him or not. You know
what happens if they have kids.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
Yeah, well fair enough, and then Gean, thank you, thanks
for calling, Thanks for starting to have a good day.
You know, if I could quote the great Mel Robbins
from the let Them theory, Yeah, rob Yeah, well she's
we tried to get her on and we were denied.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Busy as are Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
I took about five seconds and then to say not happening.
But she does kind of address this at the end
of the book, talking about you know, people's behavior, like
trying to get someone to work out was an example
she used, Like if you have a partner who just
lays on the couch all day and won't get in shape,
and you've tried to express that you care about their
health and well being whatever, first of all, you got
(14:19):
to model the proper behavior, which would be then to
maybe do some of these things that you want him
to do yourself. But you cannot ride people like you
simply cannot ride someone and give ultimatums and make threats
and the rest of it. It's like, you know, maybe
she does. I mean, maybe there's something too getting dulled
up and going out with her friends and not riding
him on it all I see you later, and going
(14:40):
out and living life and having a good time and
doing the things that she wants to do without him
and either he's going to see that and go, Okay,
wait a minute. You know she's not on me about this?
Why not you know why all of a sudden is
she not all over me about changing my behavior?
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Is she moving on?
Speaker 2 (14:57):
Is she? Do?
Speaker 1 (14:57):
I need to try harder? You know?
Speaker 2 (14:59):
And again, it's not about him, it's about you. But
at the same time, and if you do that long
enough and there's zero adjustment, zero change, zero motivation, then
you got to go. But I mean, I think you
start by again. If every day you come home you're like,
have a video game again, that's not going to motivate
anybody to change. Look at me, I'm basically a motivational speaker. Now,
thanks Mel Robbins. I'm gonna give a Ted talk soon. Hey, Kara,
(15:22):
let them Hello? Hi, how are you what? You Just
to recap I'm sorry to interrupt you, but just to
recap your stay go. This woman is married to a
guy who appears to be addicted to video games. He
cares more about the video games than he does about
spending time with her.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
What do you think I mean?
Speaker 7 (15:37):
Girl?
Speaker 10 (15:37):
Look, it does not matter if he's not in the clubs.
It does not matter if he's not cheating with her
and doing drugs. The end result is the same. He
is not chaining out with her like a married man
should be. And seriously, who takes a grown man seriously
who plays video games all day?
Speaker 6 (15:55):
And almost he lost me?
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Well, what do you mean video game all day?
Speaker 2 (16:00):
I wouldn't take a person seriously who plays video games
all day instead of attending their needs and the relationship
to God.
Speaker 10 (16:06):
Who could Now she can jump on the bandwagon and
get into video games with him, But then what happens
when they have kids? Yeah? I mean she's got two, three,
four kids with him included.
Speaker 7 (16:20):
Well, they don't make it a family thing the kids.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
Is he even involved in that process? You know, because
he's involved with her.
Speaker 10 (16:30):
Right now, How can he be involved with them?
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Yeah? I agree, girls gotta.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Go, Yeah, have a good day.
Speaker 11 (16:41):
I was with her, But I think it's okay to
sometimes take someone seriously who plays video games all day
and all night constantly. No, I'm with I think it's
okay to sometimes do that, Like it's okay to indulge
my issue, which is what she started with, is going well,
at least I'm not doing X, Y or Z. No,
that was what you committed to when we got into
a relationship. You the bars on the floor. You are
giving me the bare minimum you owe me that, so
(17:02):
to go. I'm not doing this, so I should be
allowed to do this. That is completely unfair and that's manipulation.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
I don't care if it's video games or working out.
I don't even care if it's a healthy activity. If
you're doing something all day and all night, you're obsessed.
Speaker 6 (17:16):
I could be worse, Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 11 (17:17):
But I'm saying you can have days where you do
that and indulge.
Speaker 5 (17:20):
I'm okay with that, true, because I mean it's like
your kid doing drug like mom. I could be a crackheads,
ribbing banks, right, robbanks.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
These days it's not arm Oh well, I don't know.
I'd much rather you do that, see what I'm saying. Yeah,
we're gonna move on to entertainment. Report is up next,
five hundred bucks with Kiki less than ten minutes to
eight if you can beat her in five questions. Friends
show back into and we're commercial freaks.
The Fred Show On Demand News
Show Links
Official WebsitePopular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!