September 23, 2025 • 20 mins
Max has been in a relationship for the past 6 months and it's going great except for one thing... she has IBS. Fred and the crew weigh in on Max's relationship problems!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The show is on, is stay or go? All right?
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Max is here, turning to a likely source for advice. Hi, Max,
how you doing? Hey?
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Hey, I'm all right. How are you guys?
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Oh my gosh, Max here, we are to help you,
so Staigo, you can hit us up Fred Shirt radio
dot com, you can d m us and all the
different socials which Max did. What's going on with your
with your girlfriend?
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (00:27):
I appreciate your guys' help.
Speaker 4 (00:29):
And I know it's gonna sound harsh what I'm about
to say, so just you know, no no judging.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
So if this is about Jimmy Kimble, hang up. If
this is about Jimmy Kimble, hang up, I'm not We're
just I'm not doing it Max. I'm not doing it
with you. Max. I'm not doing it with you. I
just want to be clearing me. Okay, good, all right,
because I'm not doing it with gay.
Speaker 4 (00:48):
No, No, you don't need to it's not about.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
That, Okay.
Speaker 4 (00:51):
So I started dating a girl about five six months ago,
and I really like her. I'm not going to say
her name just out of you know, respect for her privacy.
But there's one issue I'm running into over and over again, and.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
That is actually her health. I don't know how to say. Okay,
she has she has severe I B S.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
Okay, okay, and that I don't mean to laugh, but
it affects pretty much every aspect of her life, and
now it's kind of affecting mine since we've been together
all these Now, why did.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
You call my name out? Why would you do that?
I was looking at Jason, who was laughing at this.
Called you called him out because I'm signing in trouble.
Did I look over kicking out of and then she
calls him out? Okay, I think the same. Well I
was gonna say, Jason, Jason has this issue. Okay.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
So so she I don't even know how to appropriately
describe I B S. It's so she needs to access
a bathroom room regularly needs and this is this is
not a fun thing. And I feel bad for anybody
who encounters a Kiki and Jason. Okay, So she has
this issue.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
And you know that. So why is this a problem
for you?
Speaker 4 (02:13):
Exactly just like you said, it's not fun. See's the
bathroom everywhere we go, everywhere we go, every place we go.
She's got to figure out where's the closest bathroom every
place we eat, You've got to know the menu ahead
of time, make sure she can eat something there. And
there's just a lot of places we can't go together,
Like we can't I can't take her to whatever, the
theme park festival. So it's because of the bathroom situation,
(02:36):
and we can't travel so many places, and so it's
just becoming a lot.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
I don't know as the months go on, and I
and I feel bad.
Speaker 4 (02:45):
I really like her, but you know, I know there's obviously,
like there's no cure for ibs. You know, the only
things you can do to prevent flare ups. And I
just you know, there's a lot comes with it, and
I didn't expect it and it would be the rest
of my life. And I just don't know, Like I
don't know if I'm I'm.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Okay, so far enough. Yeah no, So I'm sorry to interrupt
you with Max.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
So, you're your girlfriend has this this condition that that's
limiting to her lifestyle in a lot of ways. Not
people live with this and and they deal with it.
But you're saying that for you, the limitations may sort
of you are already are a burden to you, or
may forever be a burden to you. I hate to
use the word burden, but you know, for whatever reason,
(03:32):
for various reasons, rather you think it's holding you back,
and so you're asking yourself, and you're being honest and transparent.
Is this something that I want to deal with for
the rest of my life? Like, do everywhere we go?
Do I want to have to consider these things? Do
I want to be limited to where we can go
and what we can do? And and you know things
you brought up theme parks and festivals and things like that,
(03:53):
and so you're asking yourself, this is just something I
can commit to you for the rest of my life.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
Because you got it exactly so terrible. But that's what
I'm asking.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Yeah, And I think the reason that this is not,
I meant is not an easy thing right to consider,
but I think there is. It's not coming to you naturally.
I'm beginning to my gut tells me that the answer
is no, you can't and you're not going to. And
there's your answer. I hate to say it. That's just
me being honest. The fact that you're considering this, the
fact that you wrote us, the fact that you're calling
and I'm not judging you for this. I mean again,
(04:22):
I appreciate the transparency. I feel like the fact that
you're thinking about this is already saying to me, this
isn't something that you want to deal with and you
want someone to tell you it's okay.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
Oh I mean god, maybe I mean I really like
or I like spending time with her.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
It just kind of.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Affects everywhere we go because I wonder, I wonder if
if you were just head over heel. And again, I
don't know, I've never dealt with this before, but I
wonder if you were, you know, if you were sure
about this relationship, and you were sure about every aspect
of it, then maybe I don't know, my gut tells
me that you wouldn't see this as a barrier. That
means that you would eliminate her from your life or
(05:02):
and the relationship.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
That's what you're talking this is not.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Is it really something to leave off because you need
a little alone time in the bathroom? And see, I
don't know the answer eight five five five nine three five.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (05:12):
I've not minimizing ibs. Oh yeah, I think.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
It's really severe like that.
Speaker 5 (05:16):
Yeah, I think so, Yeah, Well, I'm not minimized.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
I don't I don't know. I don't know. I've never
dealt with this. I've never known anyone to be super communicative,
and I know I've know people who have dealt with it.
No one's ever fully communicated to me their issues or
said to me, hey, we can't do X y Z
because of it. But it sounds to me like the
cost benefit doesn't work for you. That's what that's that's
what my gut is telling me about this situation.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
And it's really severe. Ibs. I think there's different levels
of it. She's got really severe. Okay, all right, well
let me again.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
There are people out there listening who have perspective on this,
who either deal with it or have dealt with it,
and I'd rather hear from them because I don't. I
don't have enough information to really be able to speak
on this. But I think that if you weren't really
sort of strongly contemplating ending the relationship, then I don't
think that this phone call would even take place. That's
(06:11):
that's that's what I'm and I'm not judging you for that.
That's just that's where I am on this. It's you
wouldn't call us and have this conversation with us. If
that were becausetherwise, I think you would just we wouldn't
have to talk about it. It would just be it's
something that you'd have to deal with and that that's
a shame. But that's that's where I'm at. Let me
take some phone calls, Max, have a good day, thanks
for calling.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Thank you. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
I mean, look, and again, this is this is his
it's his life and his feeling and and and he
has every right to live his life how he wants to.
I just think he's looking for validation because I think
we've probably all encountered folks in our lives who have
different situations that are limiting or complicated, and we have
to make a decision if it's something that we want
(06:52):
to deal with, you know, together, And I think if
the answer is yes, then you just do it. If
the answer is maybe or no, then you start asking
other people what you should do, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Because you don't know, right, you would think you'd be organic.
I guess that's where I'm getting it.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Like like what you said, like if it's something you
would you wouldn't even question it.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
It would just be something that you would accept and
like keep it moving. I guess that's what I That's
what I mean, judgment or Shade's exactly.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Everyone has their preferences and what they can deal with
and what they can exactly. But he's calling up here,
you know, looking for some feedback, and my feedback is
you're asking us because you already know.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
Hey Donna, hy Hey Donna. Okay, So I have to
be honest.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
It says on the screen Donna in parentheses has IBS.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
So yes, I just you're I'm.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Not going to call you IBS Donna, but you know
that's what it says on the screen, and it might
forever unless we are RecA part that says has IBS.
So I just want to say thank you for your
freeing candid and we really appreciate that about you.
Speaker 4 (07:47):
Donna.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Okay, Okay, good.
Speaker 6 (07:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (07:50):
So I have IBS and IBD.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
So I have cron disease as well.
Speaker 8 (07:55):
And so it's been severe. It's a severe saying it's
something you have to deal with. But honestly, I feel
like he should go for her sake. I'm married, I've
had I've been with my husband since high school. He's
seen it all, through everything I've gone through, and he's
always been supportive. So if this dude isn't able to
(08:16):
be supportive and is worried about having him find a
different restaurant for a different bathroom, that's just crazy.
Speaker 6 (08:23):
And she honestly she does not he did not deserve her.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Okay, yeah, because I want to.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
I hope you don't and you can tell us, but
I hope no, you don't feel that we're trivializing this
at all. You know, his perspective is that this is
limiting to him and I and my thought is that
he's focused more on how this limits him than how
much he values her, and that tells me everything I
need to know about what he thinks about this relationship.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
No, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 8 (08:51):
I feel like a lot of people, I mean, I
don't I don't get offendedive people minimize it or trivialize it,
but I feel like a lot of people.
Speaker 6 (08:59):
Don't understand the severity of it.
Speaker 8 (09:01):
Sure, and like he was even saying, there are different
levels to it, So she might have something that's to
per severe, whereas like some people might just have a
stomach ache.
Speaker 6 (09:08):
Every once in a while. But if he's not willing to.
Speaker 8 (09:11):
Work through that or like deal with there, it's really Honestly,
it's really not that hard, Like finding a bathroom.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
It's easy.
Speaker 8 (09:19):
I look at the menus before we go anywhere, and
if it's something that I can't have, like my husband's.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Willing to like adapt to it. Okay, there's so many options.
Speaker 8 (09:29):
So if this is a deal breaker or a possible
deal breaker for.
Speaker 6 (09:33):
Him, he just should go and not even waste her time.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
There you go.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Hey, Donad, thank you and thanks for calling in for
the transparency and authenticity. Appreciate that. Yeah we have today, Yeah,
you do appreciate it. See it again, Like, I don't
know anything about this. So the fact that you're calling
and a lot of people are texting and you know,
being very transparent about their journey with the two, I don't.
I don't, I don't know. I've not dealt with this.
So I'd rather hear from you, is it, Reeve? Yes, Hey,
(09:58):
good morning, welcome. So you heard the guy max on
waiting by the phone or excuse me on U stare go.
This guy, you know, he's been dating a woman and
she has IBS and he feels it's very limiting to
her and he's not sure if he can do it
for the rest of his life if he can not
go to festivals. In this case, it was an example
that he used her in theme parks. Apparently, you know,
it's a big problem.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
What do you think?
Speaker 7 (10:18):
Okay, I found it really interesting. My girlfriend has chronic
health issues. So for me, like I was just hearing him,
I was like, oh wow, it sounds like he's really
not ready to be in a relationship at all. Because
for me, to love someone is to consider them, to
consider them like always, and it just sounds like he
(10:39):
doesn't want to consider her. And it's like I can
appreciate that it's dis aicole or whatever, but you know,
I don't know. It sounds like he just wants someone
that's like less curious, more about flaying whatever.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
But yeah, I mean, I feel like everybody comes with
something right. And I'm not going to list things because
I'm not I'm not equating one with another, but we
all we all come with things right, and I think
we all as we're dating and meeting people, we have
to make the determination whether those things are things that
we want to deal with or we don't, and that's
our choice. And he might be missing out on an
amazing person because he feels inconvenienced. That's on him, I guess.
(11:16):
But better that he identify that and move on and
let her move on and find somebody else. Then I
suppose continue to tread water on this because he's obviously
thinking about it.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
What's that I said?
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Yeah there, Reeve, thank you for calling him, for listening.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Have a great day.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
Yeah you too, Joanna, Hi, Joanna, Hey, good morning.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
So you this dude's already got one foot out the door.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
You think, absolutely in two seconds of hearing his story,
I'm like, he's already at the door. He just wants
us to tell him it's okay. Not to be fair.
As someone in my safeties and who's single, I always
ask about chronic illnesses before I get too far into it.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Oh do you Okay?
Speaker 2 (11:59):
So you know a couple of dates and you're like, hey,
so what about anything deadly going on?
Speaker 4 (12:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (12:05):
No, kind of sort of like if they're like got
a whole list of meds that they're on and they're sick,
and yeah, I don't want I don't want to deal with.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
That, Okay. I mean that's you're right.
Speaker 7 (12:16):
I suppose you got to like get into that before you.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
Fall in love with him. But if he's already been
dating her and he's feeling like this, then he doesn't
love her enough.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
I can't believe I'm the one making this argument, because
I tend to be a little sort of not cold,
but unemotional about things. But you know, who's to say, Joanna,
you don't fall in love with someone who also happens
to have these issues, like you're preventing yourself from.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
You ask first?
Speaker 2 (12:39):
But but is that how love works? I'm asking. I
don't hate all people. I don't know, but I mean,
is is that how it works? Like? I can't fall
in love with you because you you you might die?
Speaker 3 (12:52):
Yeah, you just remove yourself from the acquaintance.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Okay, well, I mean, hey, that's you're right. I guess
the way that I understand love would be that I
fall in love and then those are challenges that we overcome.
But maybe that's a Hallmark movie. Maybe that's something I
saw with Rebecca Remains Demos or something with them.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Have you been burned by this to fall in love? No?
Speaker 3 (13:10):
Not at all?
Speaker 1 (13:11):
Okay, yes them? Yeah again, this is her right? I mean,
you fall in love with you now you're about that?
Speaker 4 (13:17):
That?
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Oh my god, Ye that's terrible. That's an awful thing.
That's bad luck.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
Before you fall in love.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
She had dealt with this already, and she don't.
Speaker 7 (13:26):
Know what maybe I have.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
I have been burned, but in just like family and
personal life, not so much as a partner.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Okay, yeah, you feel like people were taken from you
or something. No, there's always more of the story here,
and I appreciate you calling. You have a good day.
You know, I can understand that. You know, you fall
in love, you felt like somebody was taken from you early,
and or you felt I don't know, like like you
were shorted in some way, and then you don't want
to deal with that again. So you you sort of
block that. You prevent that from happening in your.
Speaker 5 (13:55):
Life because like if you have been a caretaker, it's
a lot, and so maybe people would be a little
gunhy about going into that situation again.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
My mom loves my dad deeply, Like they have a
wonderful thirty five years. They've been through ups and downs
and whatever. But my mom would tell you in front
of him, he's twelve or twelve years older than she is,
and now you know that she's her age and he's
his age. She would tell you, if she had to
do over again, she wouldn't choose somebody who's that much
older because she's having to sort of you know, everyone's
(14:25):
getting older now, and it's happening for him faster because
he's older. Again, This is no slam on him, and
she's not slamming it when she's saying it. But you know,
when people look back on life, I think it's like, well,
I probably would have chosen someone my age or younger
even I mean, that's not how love works. I guess
It's the point I was making to her is you
fall in love with who you fall in love with.
But you know, odds are she's going to be present
(14:47):
for his aging process before hers, and that's hard to watch. Yeah,
So I see what she's saying. It just sounds a
little harsh.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
Hi Jenna, Hi, Hi, good morning.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
So you you've been in this situation before I have.
Speaker 6 (15:05):
Yeah, And I actually feel like such a horrible person
with what I'm going to say after all of these No, nobody.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Should feel like a horrible person like, yeah, this might
be one of our last years. You know, for one
reason or another, either the raps coming from one place
or it's coming from another I don't know, but no,
I mean, look, I wanted to be really clear here,
Like this guy called he was transparent, people are calling,
They're being honest. Everyone's entitled to whatever their limitations are
(15:34):
or however they want to live their life. And even
if it doesn't sound good. I never want to make
anyone feel bad. Well I shouldn't say anyone. Occasionally I
want to make you feel bad for being a moron,
but not you, Jenna.
Speaker 6 (15:44):
Go ahead, yeah, so, I mean so I definitely feel
like after what I was listening to, like love is
not enough all the time, and like there's so many
different fish in the sea, and there's so many different
situations that fit for different people.
Speaker 7 (16:01):
So for me, you know, like I.
Speaker 6 (16:04):
Mean, I'm a single mom, I'm dating, and I don't know,
I'm a foodie, Like I love going out to restaurants
and eating like all different types of food. And like
the guy who you know, I was just went on
some dates with he could only eat like chicken fingers
and mazzarellistics, and you know, like I just don't know
(16:24):
if that's what I want for the rest of my life.
And I think that's okay to be Like, no, that's just.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Not what I want.
Speaker 7 (16:34):
So yeah, his.
Speaker 6 (16:38):
Stuff was limiting, and I mean I didn't take it,
like I kind of cut it off at the beginning
because I knew that wasn't right for me. But I
don't know just I mean, I think he is looking
for validation, so I want to validate him, and just
being like, if this doesn't work for your lifestyle, just
that's okay, Like there is going to be somebody else
who works for her lifestyle and your lifestyle and for me,
(16:58):
just the fact that he could only eat off the
kid's menu, you know.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Just and Jenna, I don't I'm not putting I said
this earlier, I'll say it again and people still won't
hear it. But I'm not I'm not putting all these
things on the same level, like it's different health versus
versus lifestyle versus whatever. I'm not saying these are all
the same. But how how would you feel? And I'm
sure it's happened to you where you've met men since
you're dating and you're a single mom who has said, hey,
(17:24):
I don't I don't necessarily I like you, but I
don't necessarily want what comes with your obligation as a parent.
I mean, how does that make you feel, because because
you're sort of saying the same thing.
Speaker 6 (17:36):
Thank you so much for just letting me know, because
I get it, you know, like I want someone who
wants all of those things. But just like the girl
who I was just listening to, like, yeah, maybe prerequisites
are smart, especially when you're like a little bit older.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
So you're not being a hypocrite about this, Jenna, You're
being You're open minded about the fact that people need
different things for their lives.
Speaker 6 (17:59):
Yeah, one hundred percent, you know, And I would much
rather someone be like, Listen, I like you who you are,
but I'm not ready to, you know, step in and
for me. Listen, I've got a great situation, you know,
So I'm not looking for some of this stuff and
being dad. But I one hundred percent like that comes
with you know stuff, So I am much more Just
(18:20):
let me know, because again, there are just too many
fish in the sea.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Because Jen, I think about this as a single guy
in my in my mid forties. It's like, I'm probably
not having kids of my own. The demographic, there's a
demographic of people that I would date who have been
married and have kids, And I think about that like,
I'm not opposed to one or the other.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
I was that kid, right, I was adopted.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
I was that kid at one point my my dad
chowse to marry my mom and then take us all
in as his family and treat us as his own. So,
I mean, I've been through this, but I think about it,
like my life would change drastically if I fell in
love with someone who had a kid, But like, would
I limit myself from falling in love with that person?
I would like to believe no, But I mean if
I'm married or dated somebody or was with someone as
(19:01):
a partner who didn't, then my life looks completely different.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
So I don't know it's right.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
But am I a bad person if I choose not
to date the person with a kid? And I don't
think I'm a bad person, but I mean, you say
it out loud, it kind of sounds bad.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
But listen, no, we all have choices, right may Yeah, Jenna,
thank you. I appreciate you. Have a good day you too.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Oh well, Oh okay, I misread that someone said I
thought I said my wife has cancer, I'm leaving her?
You know, it was what if she gets cancer? Will
he leave her? Is what? It says I misread that.
I was like, oh, oh my, we're taking this call
so I can thought destroy this human being.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
But I'm not going. I don't have to because is
that what it said? Perfect?
Speaker 5 (19:43):
I think the difference is like this guy is getting
into something knowing what comes with this person. And if
you are in love with someone and marriage to them
for years and they get cancer, it's a different story.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
And I agree with the last caller. Love is not
always enough.
Speaker 5 (19:58):
You can have love, but there can a lot of
things that come with a person that it just doesn't
work for long term.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
And that's also okay, you know, just
The show is on, is stay or go? All right?
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Max is here, turning to a likely source for advice. Hi, Max,
how you doing? Hey?
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Hey, I'm all right. How are you guys?
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Oh my gosh, Max here, we are to help you,
so Staigo, you can hit us up Fred Shirt radio
dot com, you can d m us and all the
different socials which Max did. What's going on with your
with your girlfriend?
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (00:27):
I appreciate your guys' help.
Speaker 4 (00:29):
And I know it's gonna sound harsh what I'm about
to say, so just you know, no no judging.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
So if this is about Jimmy Kimble, hang up. If
this is about Jimmy Kimble, hang up, I'm not We're
just I'm not doing it Max. I'm not doing it
with you. Max. I'm not doing it with you. I
just want to be clearing me. Okay, good, all right,
because I'm not doing it with gay.
Speaker 4 (00:48):
No, No, you don't need to it's not about.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
That, Okay.
Speaker 4 (00:51):
So I started dating a girl about five six months ago,
and I really like her. I'm not going to say
her name just out of you know, respect for her privacy.
But there's one issue I'm running into over and over again, and.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
That is actually her health. I don't know how to say. Okay,
she has she has severe I B S.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
Okay, okay, and that I don't mean to laugh, but
it affects pretty much every aspect of her life, and
now it's kind of affecting mine since we've been together
all these Now, why did.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
You call my name out? Why would you do that?
I was looking at Jason, who was laughing at this.
Called you called him out because I'm signing in trouble.
Did I look over kicking out of and then she
calls him out? Okay, I think the same. Well I
was gonna say, Jason, Jason has this issue. Okay.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
So so she I don't even know how to appropriately
describe I B S. It's so she needs to access
a bathroom room regularly needs and this is this is
not a fun thing. And I feel bad for anybody
who encounters a Kiki and Jason. Okay, So she has
this issue.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
And you know that. So why is this a problem
for you?
Speaker 4 (02:13):
Exactly just like you said, it's not fun. See's the
bathroom everywhere we go, everywhere we go, every place we go.
She's got to figure out where's the closest bathroom every
place we eat, You've got to know the menu ahead
of time, make sure she can eat something there. And
there's just a lot of places we can't go together,
Like we can't I can't take her to whatever, the
theme park festival. So it's because of the bathroom situation,
(02:36):
and we can't travel so many places, and so it's
just becoming a lot.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
I don't know as the months go on, and I
and I feel bad.
Speaker 4 (02:45):
I really like her, but you know, I know there's obviously,
like there's no cure for ibs. You know, the only
things you can do to prevent flare ups. And I
just you know, there's a lot comes with it, and
I didn't expect it and it would be the rest
of my life. And I just don't know, Like I
don't know if I'm I'm.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Okay, so far enough. Yeah no, So I'm sorry to interrupt
you with Max.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
So, you're your girlfriend has this this condition that that's
limiting to her lifestyle in a lot of ways. Not
people live with this and and they deal with it.
But you're saying that for you, the limitations may sort
of you are already are a burden to you, or
may forever be a burden to you. I hate to
use the word burden, but you know, for whatever reason,
(03:32):
for various reasons, rather you think it's holding you back,
and so you're asking yourself, and you're being honest and transparent.
Is this something that I want to deal with for
the rest of my life? Like, do everywhere we go?
Do I want to have to consider these things? Do
I want to be limited to where we can go
and what we can do? And and you know things
you brought up theme parks and festivals and things like that,
(03:53):
and so you're asking yourself, this is just something I
can commit to you for the rest of my life.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
Because you got it exactly so terrible. But that's what
I'm asking.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Yeah, And I think the reason that this is not,
I meant is not an easy thing right to consider,
but I think there is. It's not coming to you naturally.
I'm beginning to my gut tells me that the answer
is no, you can't and you're not going to. And
there's your answer. I hate to say it. That's just
me being honest. The fact that you're considering this, the
fact that you wrote us, the fact that you're calling
and I'm not judging you for this. I mean again,
(04:22):
I appreciate the transparency. I feel like the fact that
you're thinking about this is already saying to me, this
isn't something that you want to deal with and you
want someone to tell you it's okay.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
Oh I mean god, maybe I mean I really like
or I like spending time with her.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
It just kind of.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Affects everywhere we go because I wonder, I wonder if
if you were just head over heel. And again, I
don't know, I've never dealt with this before, but I
wonder if you were, you know, if you were sure
about this relationship, and you were sure about every aspect
of it, then maybe I don't know, my gut tells
me that you wouldn't see this as a barrier. That
means that you would eliminate her from your life or
(05:02):
and the relationship.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
That's what you're talking this is not.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Is it really something to leave off because you need
a little alone time in the bathroom? And see, I
don't know the answer eight five five five nine three five.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (05:12):
I've not minimizing ibs. Oh yeah, I think.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
It's really severe like that.
Speaker 5 (05:16):
Yeah, I think so, Yeah, Well, I'm not minimized.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
I don't I don't know. I don't know. I've never
dealt with this. I've never known anyone to be super communicative,
and I know I've know people who have dealt with it.
No one's ever fully communicated to me their issues or
said to me, hey, we can't do X y Z
because of it. But it sounds to me like the
cost benefit doesn't work for you. That's what that's that's
what my gut is telling me about this situation.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
And it's really severe. Ibs. I think there's different levels
of it. She's got really severe. Okay, all right, well
let me again.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
There are people out there listening who have perspective on this,
who either deal with it or have dealt with it,
and I'd rather hear from them because I don't. I
don't have enough information to really be able to speak
on this. But I think that if you weren't really
sort of strongly contemplating ending the relationship, then I don't
think that this phone call would even take place. That's
(06:11):
that's that's what I'm and I'm not judging you for that.
That's just that's where I am on this. It's you
wouldn't call us and have this conversation with us. If
that were becausetherwise, I think you would just we wouldn't
have to talk about it. It would just be it's
something that you'd have to deal with and that that's
a shame. But that's that's where I'm at. Let me
take some phone calls, Max, have a good day, thanks
for calling.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Thank you. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
I mean, look, and again, this is this is his
it's his life and his feeling and and and he
has every right to live his life how he wants to.
I just think he's looking for validation because I think
we've probably all encountered folks in our lives who have
different situations that are limiting or complicated, and we have
to make a decision if it's something that we want
(06:52):
to deal with, you know, together, And I think if
the answer is yes, then you just do it. If
the answer is maybe or no, then you start asking
other people what you should do, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Because you don't know, right, you would think you'd be organic.
I guess that's where I'm getting it.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Like like what you said, like if it's something you
would you wouldn't even question it.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
It would just be something that you would accept and
like keep it moving. I guess that's what I That's
what I mean, judgment or Shade's exactly.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Everyone has their preferences and what they can deal with
and what they can exactly. But he's calling up here,
you know, looking for some feedback, and my feedback is
you're asking us because you already know.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
Hey Donna, hy Hey Donna. Okay, So I have to
be honest.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
It says on the screen Donna in parentheses has IBS.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
So yes, I just you're I'm.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Not going to call you IBS Donna, but you know
that's what it says on the screen, and it might
forever unless we are RecA part that says has IBS.
So I just want to say thank you for your
freeing candid and we really appreciate that about you.
Speaker 4 (07:47):
Donna.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Okay, Okay, good.
Speaker 6 (07:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (07:50):
So I have IBS and IBD.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
So I have cron disease as well.
Speaker 8 (07:55):
And so it's been severe. It's a severe saying it's
something you have to deal with. But honestly, I feel
like he should go for her sake. I'm married, I've
had I've been with my husband since high school. He's
seen it all, through everything I've gone through, and he's
always been supportive. So if this dude isn't able to
(08:16):
be supportive and is worried about having him find a
different restaurant for a different bathroom, that's just crazy.
Speaker 6 (08:23):
And she honestly she does not he did not deserve her.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Okay, yeah, because I want to.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
I hope you don't and you can tell us, but
I hope no, you don't feel that we're trivializing this
at all. You know, his perspective is that this is
limiting to him and I and my thought is that
he's focused more on how this limits him than how
much he values her, and that tells me everything I
need to know about what he thinks about this relationship.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
No, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 8 (08:51):
I feel like a lot of people, I mean, I
don't I don't get offendedive people minimize it or trivialize it,
but I feel like a lot of people.
Speaker 6 (08:59):
Don't understand the severity of it.
Speaker 8 (09:01):
Sure, and like he was even saying, there are different
levels to it, So she might have something that's to
per severe, whereas like some people might just have a
stomach ache.
Speaker 6 (09:08):
Every once in a while. But if he's not willing to.
Speaker 8 (09:11):
Work through that or like deal with there, it's really Honestly,
it's really not that hard, Like finding a bathroom.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
It's easy.
Speaker 8 (09:19):
I look at the menus before we go anywhere, and
if it's something that I can't have, like my husband's.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Willing to like adapt to it. Okay, there's so many options.
Speaker 8 (09:29):
So if this is a deal breaker or a possible
deal breaker for.
Speaker 6 (09:33):
Him, he just should go and not even waste her time.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
There you go.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Hey, Donad, thank you and thanks for calling in for
the transparency and authenticity. Appreciate that. Yeah we have today, Yeah,
you do appreciate it. See it again, Like, I don't
know anything about this. So the fact that you're calling
and a lot of people are texting and you know,
being very transparent about their journey with the two, I don't.
I don't, I don't know. I've not dealt with this.
So I'd rather hear from you, is it, Reeve? Yes, Hey,
(09:58):
good morning, welcome. So you heard the guy max on
waiting by the phone or excuse me on U stare go.
This guy, you know, he's been dating a woman and
she has IBS and he feels it's very limiting to
her and he's not sure if he can do it
for the rest of his life if he can not
go to festivals. In this case, it was an example
that he used her in theme parks. Apparently, you know,
it's a big problem.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
What do you think?
Speaker 7 (10:18):
Okay, I found it really interesting. My girlfriend has chronic
health issues. So for me, like I was just hearing him,
I was like, oh wow, it sounds like he's really
not ready to be in a relationship at all. Because
for me, to love someone is to consider them, to
consider them like always, and it just sounds like he
(10:39):
doesn't want to consider her. And it's like I can
appreciate that it's dis aicole or whatever, but you know,
I don't know. It sounds like he just wants someone
that's like less curious, more about flaying whatever.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
But yeah, I mean, I feel like everybody comes with
something right. And I'm not going to list things because
I'm not I'm not equating one with another, but we
all we all come with things right, and I think
we all as we're dating and meeting people, we have
to make the determination whether those things are things that
we want to deal with or we don't, and that's
our choice. And he might be missing out on an
amazing person because he feels inconvenienced. That's on him, I guess.
(11:16):
But better that he identify that and move on and
let her move on and find somebody else. Then I
suppose continue to tread water on this because he's obviously
thinking about it.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
What's that I said?
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Yeah there, Reeve, thank you for calling him, for listening.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Have a great day.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
Yeah you too, Joanna, Hi, Joanna, Hey, good morning.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
So you this dude's already got one foot out the door.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
You think, absolutely in two seconds of hearing his story,
I'm like, he's already at the door. He just wants
us to tell him it's okay. Not to be fair.
As someone in my safeties and who's single, I always
ask about chronic illnesses before I get too far into it.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Oh do you Okay?
Speaker 2 (11:59):
So you know a couple of dates and you're like, hey,
so what about anything deadly going on?
Speaker 4 (12:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (12:05):
No, kind of sort of like if they're like got
a whole list of meds that they're on and they're sick,
and yeah, I don't want I don't want to deal with.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
That, Okay. I mean that's you're right.
Speaker 7 (12:16):
I suppose you got to like get into that before you.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
Fall in love with him. But if he's already been
dating her and he's feeling like this, then he doesn't
love her enough.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
I can't believe I'm the one making this argument, because
I tend to be a little sort of not cold,
but unemotional about things. But you know, who's to say, Joanna,
you don't fall in love with someone who also happens
to have these issues, like you're preventing yourself from.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
You ask first?
Speaker 2 (12:39):
But but is that how love works? I'm asking. I
don't hate all people. I don't know, but I mean,
is is that how it works? Like? I can't fall
in love with you because you you you might die?
Speaker 3 (12:52):
Yeah, you just remove yourself from the acquaintance.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Okay, well, I mean, hey, that's you're right. I guess
the way that I understand love would be that I
fall in love and then those are challenges that we overcome.
But maybe that's a Hallmark movie. Maybe that's something I
saw with Rebecca Remains Demos or something with them.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Have you been burned by this to fall in love? No?
Speaker 3 (13:10):
Not at all?
Speaker 1 (13:11):
Okay, yes them? Yeah again, this is her right? I mean,
you fall in love with you now you're about that?
Speaker 4 (13:17):
That?
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Oh my god, Ye that's terrible. That's an awful thing.
That's bad luck.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
Before you fall in love.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
She had dealt with this already, and she don't.
Speaker 7 (13:26):
Know what maybe I have.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
I have been burned, but in just like family and
personal life, not so much as a partner.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Okay, yeah, you feel like people were taken from you
or something. No, there's always more of the story here,
and I appreciate you calling. You have a good day.
You know, I can understand that. You know, you fall
in love, you felt like somebody was taken from you early,
and or you felt I don't know, like like you
were shorted in some way, and then you don't want
to deal with that again. So you you sort of
block that. You prevent that from happening in your.
Speaker 5 (13:55):
Life because like if you have been a caretaker, it's
a lot, and so maybe people would be a little
gunhy about going into that situation again.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
My mom loves my dad deeply, Like they have a
wonderful thirty five years. They've been through ups and downs
and whatever. But my mom would tell you in front
of him, he's twelve or twelve years older than she is,
and now you know that she's her age and he's
his age. She would tell you, if she had to
do over again, she wouldn't choose somebody who's that much
older because she's having to sort of you know, everyone's
(14:25):
getting older now, and it's happening for him faster because
he's older. Again, This is no slam on him, and
she's not slamming it when she's saying it. But you know,
when people look back on life, I think it's like, well,
I probably would have chosen someone my age or younger
even I mean, that's not how love works. I guess
It's the point I was making to her is you
fall in love with who you fall in love with.
But you know, odds are she's going to be present
(14:47):
for his aging process before hers, and that's hard to watch. Yeah,
So I see what she's saying. It just sounds a
little harsh.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
Hi Jenna, Hi, Hi, good morning.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
So you you've been in this situation before I have.
Speaker 6 (15:05):
Yeah, And I actually feel like such a horrible person
with what I'm going to say after all of these No, nobody.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Should feel like a horrible person like, yeah, this might
be one of our last years. You know, for one
reason or another, either the raps coming from one place
or it's coming from another I don't know, but no,
I mean, look, I wanted to be really clear here,
Like this guy called he was transparent, people are calling,
They're being honest. Everyone's entitled to whatever their limitations are
(15:34):
or however they want to live their life. And even
if it doesn't sound good. I never want to make
anyone feel bad. Well I shouldn't say anyone. Occasionally I
want to make you feel bad for being a moron,
but not you, Jenna.
Speaker 6 (15:44):
Go ahead, yeah, so, I mean so I definitely feel
like after what I was listening to, like love is
not enough all the time, and like there's so many
different fish in the sea, and there's so many different
situations that fit for different people.
Speaker 7 (16:01):
So for me, you know, like I.
Speaker 6 (16:04):
Mean, I'm a single mom, I'm dating, and I don't know,
I'm a foodie, Like I love going out to restaurants
and eating like all different types of food. And like
the guy who you know, I was just went on
some dates with he could only eat like chicken fingers
and mazzarellistics, and you know, like I just don't know
(16:24):
if that's what I want for the rest of my life.
And I think that's okay to be Like, no, that's just.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Not what I want.
Speaker 7 (16:34):
So yeah, his.
Speaker 6 (16:38):
Stuff was limiting, and I mean I didn't take it,
like I kind of cut it off at the beginning
because I knew that wasn't right for me. But I
don't know just I mean, I think he is looking
for validation, so I want to validate him, and just
being like, if this doesn't work for your lifestyle, just
that's okay, Like there is going to be somebody else
who works for her lifestyle and your lifestyle and for me,
(16:58):
just the fact that he could only eat off the
kid's menu, you know.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Just and Jenna, I don't I'm not putting I said
this earlier, I'll say it again and people still won't
hear it. But I'm not I'm not putting all these
things on the same level, like it's different health versus
versus lifestyle versus whatever. I'm not saying these are all
the same. But how how would you feel? And I'm
sure it's happened to you where you've met men since
you're dating and you're a single mom who has said, hey,
(17:24):
I don't I don't necessarily I like you, but I
don't necessarily want what comes with your obligation as a parent.
I mean, how does that make you feel, because because
you're sort of saying the same thing.
Speaker 6 (17:36):
Thank you so much for just letting me know, because
I get it, you know, like I want someone who
wants all of those things. But just like the girl
who I was just listening to, like, yeah, maybe prerequisites
are smart, especially when you're like a little bit older.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
So you're not being a hypocrite about this, Jenna, You're
being You're open minded about the fact that people need
different things for their lives.
Speaker 6 (17:59):
Yeah, one hundred percent, you know, And I would much
rather someone be like, Listen, I like you who you are,
but I'm not ready to, you know, step in and
for me. Listen, I've got a great situation, you know,
So I'm not looking for some of this stuff and
being dad. But I one hundred percent like that comes
with you know stuff, So I am much more Just
(18:20):
let me know, because again, there are just too many
fish in the sea.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Because Jen, I think about this as a single guy
in my in my mid forties. It's like, I'm probably
not having kids of my own. The demographic, there's a
demographic of people that I would date who have been
married and have kids, And I think about that like,
I'm not opposed to one or the other.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
I was that kid, right, I was adopted.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
I was that kid at one point my my dad
chowse to marry my mom and then take us all
in as his family and treat us as his own. So,
I mean, I've been through this, but I think about it,
like my life would change drastically if I fell in
love with someone who had a kid, But like, would
I limit myself from falling in love with that person?
I would like to believe no, But I mean if
I'm married or dated somebody or was with someone as
(19:01):
a partner who didn't, then my life looks completely different.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
So I don't know it's right.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
But am I a bad person if I choose not
to date the person with a kid? And I don't
think I'm a bad person, but I mean, you say
it out loud, it kind of sounds bad.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
But listen, no, we all have choices, right may Yeah, Jenna,
thank you. I appreciate you. Have a good day you too.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Oh well, Oh okay, I misread that someone said I
thought I said my wife has cancer, I'm leaving her?
You know, it was what if she gets cancer? Will
he leave her? Is what? It says I misread that.
I was like, oh, oh my, we're taking this call
so I can thought destroy this human being.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
But I'm not going. I don't have to because is
that what it said? Perfect?
Speaker 5 (19:43):
I think the difference is like this guy is getting
into something knowing what comes with this person. And if
you are in love with someone and marriage to them
for years and they get cancer, it's a different story.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
And I agree with the last caller. Love is not
always enough.
Speaker 5 (19:58):
You can have love, but there can a lot of
things that come with a person that it just doesn't
work for long term.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
And that's also okay, you know, just
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