Stay or Go: Sick Of Swift!

Scott is conflicted with his relationship because he believes its falling apart all because his girlfriend is a massive Swiftie!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's stay or go. Scott is here, I Scott, good morning, Hey,
good morning, Scott, welcome. Thanks for hitting this up. There's
a lot of places you can get ahold of us,
fred shiw Radio and the social search for the Fred
Show fredshow radio dot com. And so you're having an
issue with your girlfriend of about six years. So what's

(00:20):
going on? I can't wait to hear about this.

Speaker 2 (00:24):
Yeah, Well, like you said, we've been together six years,
and like, I don't know, lately, I'm feeling a lot
of pressure to like propose, but I'm just not ready.

Speaker 1 (00:32):
So sounds familiar.

Speaker 3 (00:33):
I guess.

Speaker 2 (00:34):
I guess they're just fun. I kind of want your
opinion on that, Like, do you think it's too long
or do you think it's like I shouldn't worry about it?

Speaker 1 (00:41):
Well, okay, you should worry, all right. I need a
little more information. I need I need a lot more information.
I mean, right, so that's been six years, right, what
do you think? Okay? Well, I mean we were talking
about this earlier, but you know, whether it's kiky and
almost eight years of whatever, it was seven and a
half and then you you know, sort of joking about

(01:06):
since the day that I met you where is my proposal?
Or you know, it's Kaylin who's been with someone for
a little while and isn't in any hurry whatsoever. I mean,
there's a lot of context here. So six years is
she pressuring you? Like?

Speaker 3 (01:17):
Is she?

Speaker 1 (01:18):
Is she fairly so beginning to ask or has she
been asking? Hey, where's this going? I mean it's because
maybe people are together forever and never get married and
they're okay with that, and then maybe people are together
for three months and they're like, hey, where's the ring?
I mean I've kind of encountered both. What what's happening here?

Speaker 2 (01:37):
Oh yeah, this is gonna sound kind of silly, so
like normally like she's never really brought it up or
really even seem to like worry too much either, but
like she's a giant swifties. So with the last couple
of weeks, like with all the big news and stuff,
like you get really caught the marriage buck, I'd say.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
Get out of here, get out of it. Has she
actually did that? Like she said, well, you know, you know,
Travis and Taylor are engaged, so I mean that hasn't
actually come up?

Speaker 2 (02:08):
Oh well, I was sitting next to her when she
saw the news on her phone and she like started
like crying and being like so emotionable, like I don't know,
like and then yeah, so like the last couple of
weeks kind of just been like talking about our future
and like you know what things look like.

Speaker 1 (02:26):
Down the line and things you got to be kiddo.
I was emotionable too.

Speaker 4 (02:30):
I get it, but.

Speaker 1 (02:32):
It's something to be It's one thing to be emotionable
like Scott's grow up friend. To be emotionable, that's one thing.
But then but to put the pressure on because because
she's swifty and because she got engaged. I mean, it's
like I'll look at her life, Well what about you
slack her?

Speaker 3 (02:46):
Right?

Speaker 1 (02:47):
I mean is that that's not fair? But here's the thing.
So she's indicated to you that she wants to be
married to you. How long has she been talking like that?
Of the six years you've been together, just recently.

Speaker 2 (02:59):
On like it's something we've kind of talked about, Like
I feel like we both always wanted to get married,
but like this, like like I said, as marriage bug,
like that's brand new. Like I'm honestly it makes me
like I'm ready to fight Travis Kelcey, Like I may
not be as big as him or as strong as him.
But like I'm ready to go.

Speaker 1 (03:18):
I'm telling you, I wonder how many people are in
this situation where you know, she she sort of inspired
within a bunch of folks, men, women, whomever, Like no, no,
I want that too, proposed to me in the backyard.
What are you doing?

Speaker 3 (03:33):
So?

Speaker 1 (03:33):
Okay? What's your position though? I mean, are you what's
the do you want to be married? Why are you
not proposing? I mean, and again I don't say it
in the judgmental way. I mean, you have every right
to live your life however you want. But what, Yeah,
what is the hold up?

Speaker 2 (03:47):
I mean, there's a few reasons, but plat out, I'm
just not ready, Like it's something I want to do
in the future, but like I don't know, Like I
don't see why it's a problem for like everyone to
take their own path, Like like, yeah, six years, but
if we're not ready after six years, then why rush?
Like I don't know, Like I'm still trying to figure
out my career a little bit, and you know, like
there's no way where we can afford like the wedding

(04:09):
i'd want to give her, or the ring i'd want
to give her yet, so like, I guess that's one
of the stuff I'm working on.

Speaker 1 (04:14):
But so she wants to be married, how long do
you think that those things are going to take? Like
how the time frame? Yeah, you're thinking before we get
the career and the money things sorted out. I mean
the year. I mean, how long are we thinking? Because
I mean, you know, at some point I do understand
that I don't No one should be rushed, and no

(04:34):
one should do anything that they're uncomfortable doing or they
don't feel compelled to do. But and here's my question,
everybody else eight five, five, five, nine, one one three five,
at what juncture is it fair for a person who
wants to be married to say this is enough time?
And yeah, I can hear people now going, well, there
isn't one, and I would normally agree with that. But
if you're somebody who wants to get married, maybe you

(04:56):
want to have kids, there is and you want to
be married when you have if those are things that
are important to you, there is kind of a time frame.
It's a little bit of a finite thing. You know,
you can't necessarily do this when you're fifty, you know,
you can't necessarily you can, but you know, I mean,
if you're are you gonna be the gun for twenty
years before you feel comfortable? And then at that point
have things passed you by somewhat? I mean, how long

(05:18):
is it gonna take?

Speaker 3 (05:19):
Bro? I don't know?

Speaker 2 (05:22):
And I totally get what you're saying, like we're well,
still relatively young, but like, I don't know, I'm just
not ready. It might be a year, it might be
another two years. I don't know, but I definitely get
what you're saying.

Speaker 1 (05:33):
Because the worst thing is if you know, I want
to be married to you and I'm getting emotionable about it,
and then and then we keep you know, we keep
this going for another two, three, four years, and then
we're ten years in and then you're like, eh, actually
I don't want to do this anymore. And now it's like, well, okay,
I invested a lot of time in this aspiration that

(05:53):
is not coming to fruition. And you might say, well,
then good, I'm glad it didn't because it wasn't supposed to.
But that's still a lot of time to spend on something.
So I mean, or she can meet her husband tomorrow. Yeah,
what would you do if she meant someone else and said, hey,
this guy's more serious than you are. How would that
make you feel?

Speaker 5 (06:11):
That be heartbreaking?

Speaker 2 (06:13):
Yeah, I'd be very emotionable and it'd be heartbreaking. And
I don't think we've ever had commitment issues, like we're
both like, you know, we both know how committed we
are to each other, and you know how serious we
are about each other. It's just it's just like the
marriage part itself, like I'm not ready for. It's not
the relationship that makes me not ready. It's like I said,

(06:33):
it's more like just like the timing and the wedding
and the I don't know all that kind of stuff,
like I'm just not ready for.

Speaker 1 (06:41):
Well, if you're not ready, don't do it. But I
think at some point if you don't get ready, and
this isn't the threat, but I think at some point
if you don't get ready, then you might expect that
she'll find someone who is. And again, don't do anything
that you don't feel comfortable doing, because that's I think
where bad things start to happen. But if you're not
compelled to do it within five, six, seven years, I mean,
and I don't know, but then again, you got Jason

(07:02):
over here fourteen years and I don't know, maybe it
happens now, maybe maybe you feel like it's beginning to happen,
or it's more a realm of possible in the realm
of possibility than it was. Yeah, I think it's a
lost cause. But I also never mind I was being optimistic.
I don't know. I never like actually expressed like, hey,
this is really important to me. I want to do

(07:22):
it because I don't feel that way. It would be
nice if it did, but it's not a deal breaker
for me. It sounds like for her it might be. Yeah,
and our kids a factor here? Do you guys want
both one kids?

Speaker 3 (07:36):
Again?

Speaker 2 (07:36):
Like if the situations right, kind.

Speaker 1 (07:38):
Of a situation right, it's not like got a well,
I know.

Speaker 5 (07:41):
It's a lot of a kid in this world.

Speaker 1 (07:43):
Six years. I mean the situation seems we're six years right,
is I'm sorry, I.

Speaker 2 (07:48):
Don't want to have a kid if I can't feed it,
you know, like like I.

Speaker 6 (07:52):
Don't know's you know, I don't know if money for
a wedding, you just got to play.

Speaker 1 (08:05):
Money around. Let me take some phone calls, Scott and
I look, I appreciate you and thanks you being a
good spport about this and have the radio and we'll
see what people have to say. Have a good day,
all right. I'm really torn on this. I'm really intorn
on this because I don't want people to do anything
they're not ready to do. And I am a proponent
of situations where people can be together forever and not

(08:26):
necessarily get married legally or in a church or whatever,
and live very happy lives. You know, people think, well,
if I get married, you won't cheat or she won't. No,
they will try it. Let me assure you, Let me
assure you. That doesn't seem to stop anybody. But it's
just like, how about just be happy?

Speaker 3 (08:41):
Right?

Speaker 1 (08:42):
But but if here's where here's where I'm on the
other side of this. If your goals differ, you know,
and your level of comfort and priorities differ, how long
do you live in that sort of middle ground? I mean, Kiki, realistically,
and it's easy for you to say now because you're engaged,
but realistically, how much longer were you going to give
big tim because you want to be married?

Speaker 6 (09:00):
Right until I met my husband, Like I was that
serious about that?

Speaker 1 (09:04):
You were not? I were not really looking for all people?
Stop it? Right, now with you with your skits to live.

Speaker 6 (09:10):
This is not a skit or a lie. If you
are in a relationship with a good woman and you
all have built something together, and she has been clear
about her desires to be married if you can, If
you are not making attempts to prepare yourself for that,
you are in the way of her husband. And so
I was very clear to Big Tim about I love you,
where have We are great friends, we have a great relationship.

(09:31):
I want to be married, okay, And if you are
going to prepare yourself to do that, then I am
actively out here letting the world know that I'm single.
I mean a man that is serious about his goals
and can get it together, then we may be in trouble.

Speaker 1 (09:46):
You got serious years that I watched many many, many
many men try we all have, and you didn't give
any of them the time of day.

Speaker 6 (09:54):
Right because I was in love with Tim.

Speaker 1 (09:56):
And so you weren't really looking to replace him.

Speaker 6 (09:59):
I may that clear to him, because that is what's
that's gonna happen. I'm gonna sit there for twenty five
years and still be talking about I'm single.

Speaker 7 (10:07):
No, I feel like men also know, and I'm no man.

Speaker 1 (10:12):
But I know I'm not a man right now, happen.
I have been with a man, A couple, A couple
of men. Yes, pull up a chair. I like to
hear more about this. I would talk to you really quick.
I think men know that they want to marry a woman,
like right away.

Speaker 6 (10:31):
I've heard this.

Speaker 1 (10:32):
I know you.

Speaker 7 (10:33):
You know, because you have. I don't think met the
woman you're like. I want to be with her like
I had, but I was very wrong, so well up
in there too exactly be honest with you.

Speaker 1 (10:43):
The ones where I think I really want to be
with you, I should probably just go the other way.
I should do the opposite of what my brain tells
me to do.

Speaker 7 (10:50):
I hear you. But I do feel like men know
instantly if they want to block this in. I mean,
I call me crazy, but I do feel like, if
you're gonna make it happen, you're making it happen. The
six year thing, like you're just wasting all of our time.

Speaker 1 (11:00):
Now I see that I'm really in the middle of this,
because if it takes ten years and you guys, everyone
gets there and then it's this wonderful thing and it
lasts forever, then that's all good if it takes ten
years and it dissolves and it's not you don't it's
just not that cutting dry and this whole thing where
the moment I saw her, I knew, not the moment,
it's not quite not for everybody.

Speaker 7 (11:21):
Three months, Okay, I think in three months, Like if
I call Shane right now, he will tell me, I'm Shane.

Speaker 1 (11:26):
He wanted to marry her before.

Speaker 7 (11:27):
He loves Hale and he's had all the relationships.

Speaker 1 (11:33):
And I hears you not feeling.

Speaker 3 (11:36):
Amusing.

Speaker 1 (11:36):
Shane is an example do not have.

Speaker 7 (11:38):
He loves her, and I'm trying to point that out.
I guarantee you he did not feel that way about
other girlfriends the way he feels about you.

Speaker 1 (11:45):
I can promise you that.

Speaker 7 (11:46):
And it shows and his actions and who he is
as a man, like he would marry you yesterday, you know,
and because he knew.

Speaker 1 (11:53):
Okay, Serena, yes, hi Hi. So this dude not a
mask over the fact that Taylor Swift is putting pressure
on his six year relationship. But that's what's happening. And
now all of a sudden, he knew his girlfriend wanted
to get married after six years they've been together. But
now it's like, wait a minute, they did it, so

(12:15):
now where are we at with this? And it seems
like it's intensifying. Now what does one do in this situation?

Speaker 8 (12:21):
Well, I know my husband's listening because he listens to
every morning. And I gave him an ultimatum. I said,
we've been together eight years, we have three kids, my
last name, Okay, I want to get married, and he's like, well,
marriage is just a piece.

Speaker 3 (12:37):
Of paper, and so I don't care.

Speaker 4 (12:40):
I want to get married.

Speaker 3 (12:41):
You have a year to propose, and we get married
in our ten year anniversary. That's exactly what we did.

Speaker 1 (12:46):
Period. Yeah, and you've got kids in their life together
and it's a little more substantial than just But I
never like it, Serena different. I don't like an ultimatum.
I don't like it because I feel like, then in
the back of your mind, it's like, would you ever
have done it if I hadn't just said you're doing it?
And I hope it works out. It looks sounds like
it is and maybe he needed a little shove and again,

(13:07):
you guys have a life together and a lot to
speak for it. But I hate an ultimatum in these situations.
I hate it.

Speaker 8 (13:13):
Yeah, I get it, But at the same time, I'm like,
I have already invested eight years and I'm not you
know what, it's either now or never, because I will
find someone else.

Speaker 1 (13:24):
And the case thing is important because and not that
you should definitely get married because you have kids, you shouldn't,
but this guy's going to be a part of your
life forever anyway, So I understand why that is an
interesting dynamic. But I hate it when people are like,
you got one year because even if that, even if
that person intended to do it, I feel like forever
it would be like if I had not said to

(13:45):
you you have one year, then would you have done it?
And then that's in the back of your mind And
that's not fair to anybody. But hey, I'm glad it
worked out for you. And what's your husband's name?

Speaker 3 (13:54):
Irving.

Speaker 1 (13:55):
Shout out to you, man, blink twice. If you're okay, Irving,
have a good day. Yeah. Oh, she's brilliant and she's hot.
She listens to this show. One of the smartest people
that was ever in mind. Right, Oh my god, they
both how could she? She should have been begging him?
He listens to Well, if you listen to this show,
then you're brilliant. Hi Samantha, except the people who hate

(14:16):
on this, but do you have fine? Hi Samantha, Hi,
good morning, Hey Sarah. What do you think? Good morning?

Speaker 3 (14:23):
Well?

Speaker 4 (14:24):
I think it's interesting that this guy is calling in
to get a decision because I really think it's the girl.
I think that she should go. And he may be
like a lovely man, but I do think he's wasting
her time. I think after six years, like other people
have said, you know, if you want to be with
somebody for marriage, and if he wants to stay with
somebody's long term without getting married, that's totally okay. And

(14:47):
also I have to add that I too, am a
huge swiftie, and I think that maybe she kind of
had an itch that was scratched when she thought Taylor
Swift get engaged because she's ben fifty and she sees like,
oh wow, love is real. Maybe this can kind of,
you know, be my story too. I don't really think
that's unrealistic. It probably just showed her that, you know,

(15:11):
I can have a love story like this too, even
if it's just getting engaged and being married.

Speaker 1 (15:15):
And having paid just go and buy her all seven
CDs of Life of a Showgirl. Make sure they'll show
up one a day and that'll buy them another year.
You know, she'll be distracted listening to all seven CDs
even though they're all the same. Samantha, thank you, have
a good day too. Yeah, and the kids thing is
that it's a big factor. Someone said she's wasting her
good child bearing years on him. I mean, yeah, again,

(15:37):
not a reason to force a marriage, but that's that's
a real thing. You know, if you want to be
married to someone and have a family, things get more
complicated this time goes on. Not impossible, but there's there'd
be a lot of resentment there. I would think if
you invest all that time and then it doesn't happen,
I'm gonna say three as years. It's kind of that, sorry, Jason.

(15:58):
It's kind of that gray area we're kind of transitioning into, like, Okay,
we've made a life together now after three years, like
I've seen, we've probably traveled to this is this doesn't
ply to you at all. We've probably traveled together. Like
you know, I know if you're stinky, I know you know.
I have a good idea what I'm working with here.

(16:18):
You've had ups and downs, Like I think we're in
that kind of area. It's like, you know, that's what
we kind of got to say. This is foreverthing or
a long term thing or not not six months or
and again this is me just generalizing because Paulina over
here thinks every guy just looks at the woman and so.

Speaker 3 (16:36):
You wont cow me.

Speaker 1 (16:38):
I'm wrong, though.

Speaker 7 (16:39):
They are men know when they're somebody, you know, don't
let a man waste your time. I'm gonna just leave that.

Speaker 1 (16:44):
Don't men say that. I don't think it's that simple.
I really don't think it's that simple. I think a
lot of people have said that to other people and
they're divorced.

Speaker 7 (16:52):
Okay, possibly, but I'm not saying you look at a
woman you're like, I'm gonna marry you tomorrow.

Speaker 1 (16:55):
But I think if you just you just know, you're
like I know people who have done that, Paulina, and
they're still together and have been together for twenty years.
I know people who have done that and they're not
together anymore. I don't think that it's I simply don't
think it's that simple. There are men listening right now,
going Nope. I was compelled and there are men listening
right now? Who are going? I was compelled and now
I'm paying galimony. Well, married to the gamble.

Speaker 6 (17:13):
And some people just are ready when they're ready. Some
men just marry whatever is in front of them when
they're ready.

Speaker 1 (17:18):
That that part too, can't have that. Hey, Jane, that's
a bad idea. Oh no, sorry, Mike. Now I want
to talk to mikeather Man. That we'll get to Jane.

Speaker 3 (17:27):
Mike.

Speaker 1 (17:27):
Sorry, Mike, how you doing? Male perspective?

Speaker 5 (17:29):
Go? Yeah, what's up? Guys?

Speaker 3 (17:31):
So?

Speaker 5 (17:32):
I mean, like my dad told me when I married
my wife back in twenty fifteen, we are engaged in
twenty fourteen. I was scared. He's like yeah, he says,
you're the provider, You're the protector, You're the shield. Now
you've got to protect her and provide for for the
rest of your life. I was like, I'm scared to death.
And he's like, good, and he says, can you imagine
her with someone else? I said no, if she walked

(17:53):
away from me, that would end my world. And I said,
he says, then she's the one for you.

Speaker 1 (17:57):
So we married.

Speaker 5 (17:58):
And listen, man, when you're married and the wedding and
all that stuff that doesn't make the marriage.

Speaker 1 (18:02):
Man.

Speaker 5 (18:02):
That's all for the parents and everybody else. That's all
for her, you know what I mean. That doesn't make
the marriage. Man. You know what, if you love her,
if you ask yourself this question for man to man,
I'm talking to the guy. If you can see her
walking away from you, she's not the one. It's as
simple as that. So you either do it. You know,
she might not even want a big wedding or a
big ring. You know, big ring. My wife didn't, but

(18:22):
I still gave it to her, you know what I mean.
So you gotta either crap or get off the pot, man,
one or the other.

Speaker 1 (18:31):
By the way, I don't I think you're right. I
don't think it will ever not be scary. Scared then no, right.

Speaker 5 (18:41):
Okay, you married or you marry her. You have kids.
That's where the real scaries come in.

Speaker 3 (18:45):
Andy.

Speaker 5 (18:45):
I know Paulina knows exactly what I'm talking about, because
when you're a parent, you're constantly afraid.

Speaker 1 (18:49):
I'm worried.

Speaker 3 (18:50):
That's very true.

Speaker 1 (18:55):
Thank you, Mike, have a good day. Appreciate that good perspective. Yeah,
was always cold.

Speaker 7 (19:00):
I really do like you.

Speaker 1 (19:04):
Jane, Hi, Jane, Why am I wrong?

Speaker 3 (19:06):
Jane ahead, Hi, Fred, I normally think your advice is
really really great.

Speaker 1 (19:11):
Thank you. It is, but it's fantastic.

Speaker 3 (19:16):
But yeah, but I'm a mental health counselor, and at
this I kind of hear you mixing up two different
sets of each. There is a difference between a demand
and a saying of what your needs and wants and
goals are in the world and that this is what's
appropriate for me. And so my Kiki had said, this

(19:40):
is my life goal, this is why I'm dating this way.
So I'm just putting in my cards on the table.

Speaker 1 (19:47):
So there you go. But Janet, I don't think we're
saying the same thing.

Speaker 3 (19:53):
But I don't say that your trauma no no, no,
no trauma.

Speaker 1 (19:58):
History with what an ultimatum is inherently a demand. Yes,
it is an ultimatum by definition is saying between.

Speaker 3 (20:08):
But there's a difference between saying this is my life
goal and this is not, you know, ultimatum. It's it's
it's not really an ultimatum. It's saying no.

Speaker 1 (20:19):
But we're saying the same thing. If I come to you,
Jane and say here are the things that are important
to me, that's I agree with you. That is different
than me coming and saying if you don't marry me
by the end of the year, I'm gone. Those are
two different things because one's a threat and the other
is an expression.

Speaker 3 (20:39):
But the thing is, it's we're not talking about We're
talking about a major life goal and a major life situation,
and you're giving somebody time to make a decision.

Speaker 1 (20:50):
But you're not in an ultimatum. In an ultimatum, you're
saying it's this or that if I express my need,
and you don't need to a.

Speaker 3 (20:57):
Mixing of I think it's a mixing of intertations of
what is being said and how it's being said. But
it is extremely important in a dating situation to say
this is my need, this is my wife.

Speaker 1 (21:09):
I agree with you.

Speaker 3 (21:10):
Well, I am dating I think I agree with you.
It's really going on here.

Speaker 1 (21:14):
Yeah. No, this guy's not being given an ultimatum. No, no, no.
An ultimatum is separate from this. He's this isn't a
conversation they're having. I'm saying I don't like an ultimatum.
I don't like an ultimatum in any situation. And you
hear about it sometimes, like the woman who called earlier
and said if you don't marry me by the end
of the year, I'm gone. I don't like that. That's pressure,
that's what it's a man though.

Speaker 7 (21:33):
I think that's the choice.

Speaker 1 (21:35):
You're giving them the choice. Are you in it? Are
you out right?

Speaker 3 (21:37):
Like? How exactly?

Speaker 1 (21:39):
That's not why I just say, hey, look, I would
like to be married to you. I need to be
married to you soon, you know, or I need to
I don't know. It's just if you don't or else.

Speaker 3 (21:47):
Nobody it's articulated. Nobody is an articulate. If you Fred,
you're like one of the most articulate people in the world. Oh,
Joso say it average. The average people will not say
it that way.

Speaker 1 (22:00):
Yeah, well the other way. And I respect your perspective
as a mental health cancer. It's just a threat for me.
The threat is dangerous and I don't like it, and
I don't think it's the right way because I feel you're.

Speaker 3 (22:13):
Threat I am I.

Speaker 1 (22:16):
Want wants to be written in any context though nobody
wants to be threatened.

Speaker 6 (22:20):
But you got to tell him it's not a threat.

Speaker 1 (22:22):
It's a promise to Jane. I appreciate you, thank you
for calling. I have a good day. No, I hear
what she's saying. I just don't want I don't want
to be confused. Absolutely express what's important to you