Stay Or Go: The Joint Bank Account

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Three five Kiss FM, Chicago's number one hit music station.
The Fresh Show is on. It's Stay or Go all right,
Kelly is here? Hi, Kelly, Good morning, Good morning Kelly.
What's going on in your life, in your relationship? You're
a newlywed. Congratulations, I am.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
Thank you so much. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:24):
So, my husband and I.

Speaker 2 (00:25):
Have been married for just over a year and we've
got a baby on the way. Things are actually going
really well. You know, I love my husband, but we
have kind of an issue that's really starting to concern
me and I could really use your advice.

Speaker 3 (00:42):
Hmm.

Speaker 1 (00:43):
Yeah, you know, this is where you should turn. Anytime
you have a difficult decision to make, you should turn
to us. I mean who else who else would you
turn to? Obviously, So congratulations on the on the marriage,
Congratulations on the baby.

Speaker 2 (00:54):
What is the issue though, Well, so, he won't give
a joint bank account, and every time that we've talked
about it, he just says, you know, his money is
his and my money is mine, and if I ever
need money for the baby or anything, you know, I'll
just pay for it and ask him for the money
back or you know whatever. But I mean, I just

(01:17):
I don't understand why he won't. Just get a joint
bank account just seems like the most rational thing to
do here, especially before.

Speaker 4 (01:24):
The baby gets here.

Speaker 2 (01:25):
And I'm just tired of fighting, and I just i
just want some advice, Like what should I do?

Speaker 1 (01:30):
I mean, so you split the bills, I assume, or
you have some sort of arrangement where you pay this
and he pays that and and that works.

Speaker 2 (01:40):
Yeah, but I mean that's before baby gets here and
you know other things. I just think we should be
able to have a joint account for both of us
to put into and both of us be able to
take from as needed.

Speaker 1 (01:52):
Why is that so important to you? Because I suppose
if things are working and you guys keep your finances separate,
I mean I don't. I'm I'm trying to understand the
psychology here, Like do you feel to have more money
than you and you feel like you know, he could
run away with it? Is it? Is it that it
would help you to feel like there's a just something

(02:12):
that you're both contributing to that money is coming out of.
I mean, what is it for you? Like? Why is
that so important?

Speaker 2 (02:18):
I mean, I just want a joint account. You know,
I came into this marriage of first, you know, with
my account and then and his account, and you know
we were together for a while, but this is part
of us being like joining together as a as a family,
and we should have you know, something that reflects that,
and that can't be you know that that's to me.

(02:42):
It seems like a lack of trust or something like
that on his side. And you know, he does make
more money than me, and he's certainly going to be
making more money than me when I'm you know, on
maternity believe, and you know, I don't know how long
it will be before I go back to work.

Speaker 1 (02:53):
So now, Kelly, I don't mean to be critical of you.
I don't know you, of course, but uh, I'm just
going to ask the question, as you did call up here,
is do you have a good hold on your finances?
Like do you have debt? Do you are you a spender?
I mean, is there any reason that would preclude him
from saying this is a great idea, let's put all
our money together, Like does he have any sort of

(03:16):
if you're being self aware, does he have any basis
for saying I'm more responsible with money than Kelly is.

Speaker 2 (03:23):
Other than the fact that he makes more. Now honestly,
I think it's a control thing and it's starting to
hurt my feelings.

Speaker 1 (03:31):
Okay, so then what is what is the alternative? If
he were to say to you, we're keeping our finances separate,
that's what I'm comfortable with. Do you leave him? Or
are you just angry? I mean, what sort of what?
What's the recourse?

Speaker 2 (03:44):
And that's kind of what I'm calling you guys. I mean,
I guess should I say or should I go? I mean,
I don't know if that's uh.

Speaker 1 (03:51):
Well, we get to make it out. That's wow. Oh good, Okay,
no pressure or anything, all right? Eight five nine one
three five is our number. You can call him text
the same number. What was that? Were we going to say?

Speaker 2 (04:04):
Well? I mean, I obviously don't want to leave, but
I mean I do think that joint finances is something
that's big enough to be, you know, a leaving offense
or you know, I don't want to give him an ultimatum,
but I feel strongly enough about this that if you
won't sit and talk to me about it, then you know,
I will make other arrangements.

Speaker 1 (04:26):
So all the money that you guys make together, all
of it should go into one account and you both
should have access, and that's what you want, that's what
makes you feel better.

Speaker 2 (04:35):
I personally think that we should have a joint account,
that's like a shared account, and that's what I've been
asking for. But he doesn't even want to do that.
He just wants to keep it his and his, you know,
and mine and mine. I'm like, why don't we just
have a central, you know, even seven account, especially for
you know, for the baby and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 (04:55):
And he's not even.

Speaker 2 (04:56):
Open to it.

Speaker 1 (04:56):
So I would love your advice.

Speaker 2 (04:58):
I'd love to hear what your audience have to say.

Speaker 1 (04:59):
I keep the radio on that I heard app on
and we're gonna a heart app. I don't like I
became Southern right there. And then I want to talk
about you now behind your back and come up with
a solution. And then you have to do what we say.
So good luck to you, Kelly, hmm, thank you, thank
you for calling. I don't know, Kiki. I mean, you're single,
even though you've lived with the man. He's lived with you,
that's right, for six years. Do you see a world

(05:21):
where you combine your finances into one.

Speaker 4 (05:23):
Yes, especially if we have a baby.

Speaker 5 (05:25):
And I'm going on maternity leave and I may need
extra help from him or whatever. I don't want to
have to ask you every single time I need to
buy formula, Like, let's let's put it, let's get an
account together where we can pay our bills out of
we can pay for child expenses. And if I'm expressing
that to you and that's you are absolutely shutting it
down to me, that's a major RIF flag because what

(05:47):
are you doing?

Speaker 1 (05:49):
Yeah, that's why I asked the question about her spending,
because it's like, you know, some of some people save
a lot, and some people were raised to spend in
a certain way, and then some people have a different
perspective on it. And short of being in massive debt,
I don't know that any one is right or wrong.
But I mean, if I were to get with somebody
who's like I get paid, I spend it all, that's

(06:12):
fine if it as long as some of that's going
to the stuff that we decide worth, you know, allocating
to one another. But if you want to spend all
your money, fine, but you don't get to spend all
my money too, Because I feel better at night knowing
that I'm saving a certain percentage or whatever. I don't
you know what I mean? So, like, people can have
different philosophies about money, and as long as everybody's contributing

(06:33):
what you know to what you agreed to as a couple,
then I guess I think having separate accounts might actually
be more healthy because it's like, again, if hey, look,
if we're splitting this and you're paying for that, and
I'm paying for this, and then you want to go
spend the rest of it, I mean, I guess that's
up to you. But again, that doesn't mean that you

(06:53):
get to adapt that spending to also my money, because well,
my you know, my psychology and the way that I
need to save and structure things and the money I
need to have in the bank that matters too.

Speaker 5 (07:05):
Yeah, But I think if we both agree on what
we're going to put into this account and what it's for,
and we both stick to stick to that, then I
don't see there's an issue. I think it's okay for
him to have a separate account. But your wife is
telling you she wants to have something that you shared.

Speaker 1 (07:19):
One yes, and I agree with that. Well, yeah, I'm
fine with a shared account, but she's saying she wants
commingling of all the funds. I did ask that question.
I said, the only way you're happy is if everybody
puts everything together into one and that's what she wants.

Speaker 5 (07:31):
Well, see, I would, I would tell her that we're
putting everything together and then keep a separate.

Speaker 6 (07:37):
Yes, she'd be even okay with just a shared account.

Speaker 1 (07:40):
And he doesn't even want to do that. But at
the end, I asked her, I said, so you want
all the money commingled, and she said, yes, So are
you're okay? Yeah, So I suppose some form of account
where we both contribute X amount of dollars and then
we both have access to it. That's a nice that's
a nice compromise. Yeah, sure, but you know, then we
got Paulina over here, who's going to go buy chains
and medallions with it? Right?

Speaker 4 (08:00):
Why do you think I don't have a joint account.

Speaker 1 (08:02):
Yeah, he doesn't trust me. See, But that's the thing.
Hobby is a hobby more of like a he's more
of a like structured saver. And yes, he's you're not
and you know, and I'm not calling you out. These
are things you've said on the air before. No, but
I just I just mean, don't you think That's probably
why he's not all in on a joint account, because
if all your money went into one, then you guys
have a little bit of a different philosophy on spending.

Speaker 4 (08:25):
Yes and no.

Speaker 7 (08:25):
Because for us, what we're doing is keeping separate accounts,
you know, before marriage accounts, and I have access to them.
I can see things I want to, which I think
is very fair in marriage. I'm married to you, but
I just don't we don't need to combine them, in
my opinion, because I just feel like I'm not going
to be able to contribute, not even nearly as much
as he does, because he is better with money and
I'm still paying off debt from right, you know, ten
fifteen years ago, So I'm kind of cleaning that up

(08:47):
first before we do anything joints. But however, I do
want to do with joint savings or something for like
the rainy days that probably will come in the future that.

Speaker 4 (08:54):
You can't predict for.

Speaker 6 (08:56):
Yeah, like that's where all our tax returns and stuff
that we get as gifts go into a joint savings account.
But as far as regular accounts now, we both Jess
and I have separate accounts. I mean, it's for our situation.
It works because I pay majority of the bills. So
it's just like and she saves her money, you know
what I'm saying, So she we use her money for
whatever vacations and this and that and whatever the kids

(09:18):
need and stuff and groceries. So I mean it works
out because, like I said, I would be in Pauline's
both too.

Speaker 1 (09:24):
Like I am a spender, So.

Speaker 6 (09:29):
I think Jess wouldn't trust me if we had a
joint account because then her money would.

Speaker 1 (09:32):
Be disap because I would be spending it. Yeah, somebody texted,
if you're legally married, the money is now fifty to
fifty years to be careful with that. That's not entirely true.
People think that that's not entirely true. If I come
into a marriage with a whole bunch of money or
family money or something that doesn't automatically become half yours.

(09:53):
What becomes half yours is what happens once we get married.
What we earn together, that becomes half yours. But just so,
this dude have a million dollars in the bank and
he doesn't want her to know that, which, by the way,
I don't know why they're married if they're keeping things
like that from each other. Yes, but you know it.
I know people who would say, you have X amounts saved, great,
we can now spend this on a house. We can

(10:13):
now do this, we can now do that, And my
comfort level might be no, we can't. That's me. So
there you go. And so maybe he knows that about her,
Maybe he loves her and he wants to be with
her obviously and they got married whatever, But maybe they
have vastly different ideas of what a nest egg is
and what security looks like. And there kind of can
be a right answer, I guess, because some people will

(10:37):
just spend everything they've got and that's fine, but are
you really thinking about what happens when everything crumbles? And
I don't know that people necessarily want to look at
it that way.

Speaker 4 (10:46):
That's why you gotta lie a little bit.

Speaker 1 (10:48):
Okay, just a little bit.

Speaker 5 (10:49):
It's not hurting anybody, you know, Hey, babe, let me
put this is what I'm gonna put into our joint account.
And what I got on the side is just between
me and the Lord. Nobody else needs to know.

Speaker 8 (10:58):
You know.

Speaker 5 (10:59):
Like even if I at the lot, like if I
went at the casino, you never you never tell everything.

Speaker 1 (11:04):
But like, if we are commingling funds into one account
and you know how much I make, then you're gonna
know how much isn't there and you're gonna be, well,
what happened to the other? You know, several thousand dollars?
Where's that? You know that? I don't know.

Speaker 6 (11:16):
That's why, like Key said, like something that's not You
don't just have a joint account where you could see
each other stuff. You have an account where I was like,
all right, I'm gonna put one thousand dollars a month
into there. Yeah, don't worry about the other about three.

Speaker 1 (11:30):
Grand that I got. Then I'm making it on the
side over here. Oh you're making money like that?

Speaker 6 (11:34):
No?

Speaker 1 (11:34):
Yeah, not at all.

Speaker 6 (11:36):
No, damn well we put three thousand dollars this in
the whole year, about four grand.

Speaker 1 (11:43):
Hey, Sarah, good morning, Welcome to the show.

Speaker 9 (11:46):
Hi, good morning.

Speaker 1 (11:48):
So what what say you on this? Do you think
that people it should be in relationships, should be just
commingling all the funds they just put it all together,
like this woman is saying, would make her comfortable, or
do you believe in some kind of a split situation?

Speaker 8 (12:05):
Well, I mean every marriage is different. But I've been
married to my husband for five years. We keep our
ourcouse separate. I have access to his money whenever I
need it. He has access Tomi whenever he needs it.
He makes more money than I.

Speaker 9 (12:19):
Do, but it's like mortgagees stay, the bills are paid.

Speaker 8 (12:21):
I paid all I pay all the kids stuff, and
we rarely find about money, so it works for us.

Speaker 1 (12:27):
Yeah, Okay, there go, fair enough, there you go. That's
what I wonder is is she being fair saying I'm
gonna be I don't know. I would consider leaving if
I don't have access to all of his money too.
And I don't mean to make her a villain or something,
because he also sounds a little controlling talking about like
like it's a corporation, Like go buy stuff for the kid,
and I'll reimburse you. Like that sounds a little That

(12:51):
sounds a little corporate for me, which is good for
him for reimbursing that.

Speaker 8 (12:57):
That's great for whatever we need.

Speaker 1 (12:59):
That's cool that but that company reimburses people for stuff.
Thank you, Sarah, you have a good day. That likes nice?
Where'd you call?

Speaker 7 (13:06):
Like, I'm not like your child not going to go
to a hobby and be like, hey, can you pay
me back for this?

Speaker 4 (13:10):
Like I'd rather just go on the account. We do
have a joint. I didn't say this.

Speaker 7 (13:13):
We have a joint credit card because I want those
three points, you know, shout out to the airlines. But
like that's the only thing we have joints. I think
he regretted it one time because you know, I did
over use it. But that's kind of what we're using
at the moment, is the credit cards joint. But who
pays it? What do you think the provider protector and
provider hobby.

Speaker 1 (13:30):
See, yeah, this is a someone's saying in the text.
These are discussions that you should be proactive about. These
are things that you need to iron out before you
get married.

Speaker 4 (13:37):
That's true, that's fair.

Speaker 1 (13:38):
But I think it has a lot to do with,
you know, how you were brought up. I mean, you know, Kishi,
you said it. It's like, if we have ten thousand
dollars in the bank, we have ten thousand dollars to spend.
It's like I would argue, if we have ten thousand
dollars in the bank, we have five thousand dollars to spend.
That's how But again I don't know. You know, I
guess my way means that if I get canned, then
I have a little bit more to live on. But
you could also argue that I could maybe have a

(14:01):
little more in life than I'm willing to have. I mean,
it's again, you could argue both sides of it. I mean,
I don't know that with money, it's ever really a
bad thing to be overly conservative. But you could also say, well,
what good is it if you've got a whole ton
of money and then you're dead, right, So there's got
to be a happy medium. But like, you know, to
Paulina's point and say, oh, look, we got all this money,
I'm going to go buy Cuban links and then here
we are, and then Jason goes and gets him instead.

(14:22):
So because you know he's got a lot of money,
what do you guys do he just pays for everything. Yes,
that's the other reason. I really don't know how either
of you are broke. That's something I don't understand. Yeah, I.

Speaker 10 (14:36):
See when you have on at checks right, Well, when
you have a lot of debt, you don't make a
lot of money if you're broke.

Speaker 1 (14:44):
That's how that works. I just feel like if my
minds were being paid, I would have a lot more money.

Speaker 10 (14:48):
It's the asking for me, because no matter how down
bad I am and how many mex Out credit cards
I am, I will not ask that man for a
single cent. Maybe it's my pride. I don't know what
it is, but I can never come like, can you
give me a thousand dollars? Like I have never and
I just can never do that. If he wants, he's

(15:09):
you know, paying the bills in the house that he
built and bought and whatever. I'm so grateful, but I
cannot physically sit there and ask him.

Speaker 1 (15:16):
Even if it's for something that you need for both
of you. Correct.

Speaker 10 (15:19):
I would rather get another credit card and start more
than ask him for cash. So that's the party that
triggers me because I could never And the fact that
he's like, yeah, just ask me if you need like
that is wild to me interesting because it's it's like
a power dynamic holds it over you, like yeah, like
it's yeah like that.

Speaker 1 (15:39):
I'm sorry, Yeah, no that's not Yeah, that's great. Huh.
I've seen it my couch, Jason, because like, would you
like my I already had my therapy this week, would
you like, would you like my therapy next week? Sure, girl,
we're in therapy. We're working through that. But yeah, no,
the money, the money, it's a very real, very very
I mean to understand of the century, but the money

(16:01):
thing is a very real thing, especially if you didn't
grow and I swear that your parents and your upbringing
is what sort of instills this in you. And if
you didn't grow up a certain kind of way, then
I think it can be it can be really difficult
for people to find. Yeah, and again is a power dynamic.
If one person makes more than the other, if one
person pays more than the other. I think it's got
to be a careful balance of not making someone feel

(16:23):
less than because you live in their house. I mean,
they allowed you to live in their house. Like he
he well, he didn't actually about you and you less myself. Yeah,
but he never asked you to leave, right. But I
think that's why too, Like he already does so much.
Like I just couldn't sit there and be like, oh,
give me this so I can go shopping, right Like,
That's why it's like, Okay, I can handle the few
things that I have to like take care of from himself.

(16:44):
You know, yeah, fair enough. There's also a transparency thing
here too, though. It's like I wonder why he doesn't
want her to know how much he's got.

Speaker 4 (16:52):
That's sure, right?

Speaker 1 (16:54):
Again, is it because she's going to spend it? Is
it because she's going to try and outlive their lifestyle?
Or is it because he's being shady and he's spending
in on other things that he doesn't want her to
know about.

Speaker 10 (17:03):
I mean, you can like another woman, I was like
waiting Kiki every week the person is cheated.

Speaker 1 (17:08):
I was like, Hello, where's keeky? Their family? Which is
why I would love to know, Like, that's why I
asked the question. And I don't know if she's being
honest in now, but I would love to know, like
all your viewpoints on saving and spending the same, because
I would venture to say the answer is no. Now,
that doesn't mean that he's right or she's wrong. It
doesn't mean that he's not controlling. It's a lot of
things here. But like again, if I marry somebody who

(17:28):
just wants to spend, I might be a little bit
more inclined to say, you know what, let's have a
shared account. Each of us will contribute this much each
month and then that money have at it. You know what,
do what you need to do. I think that's the
solution here in the meantime, I'm keeping this money over here.
Hey Antonio Ni Hi Antoni, what do you think?

Speaker 3 (17:50):
Well, my wife and I we have separate accounts. We
don't want our depth to be, you know, affecting our
money that we make separately. But one thing I have
done is I've better her to my bank account so
if anything happens to me, she still has access to it.
So like I'm hiding any transactions from her either. You know,
everything's visible there, so she still has access.

Speaker 1 (18:10):
To my account. It's a good man, no, no good
you know my secret meals would be over too. Had
a good day, glad you call man. Hey Caitlin, Hello,
good morning, Hi Kaitlyn, good morning. How do you guys
do it? The money stuff in your relationship?

Speaker 9 (18:32):
So we keep things separate. I will say, I think
it's really important that she at least is able to
see how much he has in the savings and what
kind of you know, investments and whatnot he has.

Speaker 1 (18:41):
We have showed each other.

Speaker 9 (18:43):
What we have, but you know, we kept things separate.
W we were dating, we kept things separate we were engaged,
and when we got married, we're like, why change it, Like,
finances is the number one cause of the divorce, and
this has worked for us, so let's just keep it
going how we're doing. And it's worked out really well.

Speaker 2 (18:56):
We have zero fights.

Speaker 1 (18:57):
Okay, finances works for you, Thank you, Caitlin. Yeah, yeah,
that would be weird, Like imagine if I actually know
somebody who this happened to on a much smaller scale.
But he married into a very, very wealthy family, Like
he was a I won't say what he did, but
he worked for the city and he made not a
ton of money, and he married somebody who had a

(19:18):
trust fund worth hundreds of millions of dollars, Like she
had a ton of money, and it didn't really make
any sense for him to do the job he was
doing because there was just so much money that whatever.
But every time he wanted to go to them all,
or every time he wanted to buy new shoes, or
if he had a suggestion for a vacation or something,

(19:38):
he had to go to her and be like, can
I have the money to do this, honey kind of thing.
It got to the point where the patriarch of the family,
the guy who made all the money actually put him
on the payroll and gave him a job to quote
unquote job to do, so that he basically had money
in his pocket to do something with it was his own.
Like what if you wanted to buy her a gift?

(19:58):
Like it was a legitimate thought about this, but like
what she had all the money, what if he wanted
to go buy or ring. He had to literally go
and say, honey, I need ten thousand dollars to go
buy you this or that. Because they decided together that
he wasn't going to do this job that paid X
because they had all the money they needed and they
were going to raise the kids together and do all
these different things. But I'd never really thought about that before,

(20:18):
Like you got all the money in the world, but
you got a power dynamic going there, where like now
he's got to ask for permission to do stuff, and
that's not cool, or at least he felt that. I
don't know if that was true. It's a good family, right,
Well here's twenty thousand. Yeah, oh I tried to marry in.

Speaker 4 (20:36):
It, right, she got a system?

Speaker 1 (20:42):
Yeah right, well no, trust me, right, all of a
sudden Jason straight so extremely interested. Well, didn't have to
ask for permission, but the Entertainer Report will do it.
Next sho is Shelley hundred and fifty bucks after that
Fred show