STD Cicadas

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
I have scientific news start the show this morning. Guys,
here's the headlight. Are you ready? I want you all
to be very, very vigilant out here in these streets. Okay,
hyper sexual zombie cicadas with STDs are flying around.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
I'm cutting down the.

Speaker 1 (00:17):
Trees in my house same way, zombie. No this is
this is a real headline. Hyper Sexual zombie cicadas with STDs.

Speaker 2 (00:29):
Flying around this place is crazy. Man, I'm ready.

Speaker 1 (00:33):
Lord, So let me look at the sun today, right right?
You know what, I'm just gonna look up until I
can't see anything anymore.

Speaker 2 (00:45):
Don't do it, don't do it.

Speaker 1 (00:47):
Don't do it. I'm just gonna fly my airplane until
I touch the sun.

Speaker 2 (00:54):
Scared out here.

Speaker 1 (00:57):
So cicadas, you know, the bugs, right, and they live
in trees and they make those noises in the summertime,
usually at night. Right. I guess it's there all the time.
I don't know, but a bunch of zombie cicadas with
the fungal disease that makes them hyper sexual will descend
on the East Coast this summer. I have that same disease.
It makes me hyper sexual. I don't have the SCD

(01:17):
part though. These cicadas are infected with a sexually transmitted
fungal pathogen that makes their genitals fall off, and it
places their entire backside with a chalky white stub shut off.
A professor of forest psychology at West Virginia University said,
the infected cicadas can still go around and do their
normal activities. It basically amounts of flying around and mating

(01:39):
with other cicadas because the fungus causes production of a
stamina boosting substances is the X files remix. Yes, it
also causes sexually frustrated cicadas to try and mate with
twice as many partners as normal. So for meals, for example,
they'll continue to try and with females unsuccessfully because again

(02:01):
their back end is a fungus. They'll also pretend to
be females to get males to come to those and
that doubles the number of cicadas that an infected individual
comes in contact with. Wow. Wow, so your stuff falls
off and you still need to get some, so you
just pretend like it's supposed to be that way.

Speaker 2 (02:21):
It's not supposed to be here because this is wild wow,
rapid up cicadas.

Speaker 1 (02:29):
I'm very concerned. So the expert urged, this is the
this is the line of the story. Are you ready.
The expert urged people not to kill or eat the bugs,
but instead take photos that researchers can continue to gather data.
So we have to actually issue a statement. Don't eat them.
Don't eat I don't know if you eat cicadas anyway,

(02:51):
but don't eat the ones with STU Yeah, don't eat
the ones that have the hypersexual zombie cicada std fungal stump.

Speaker 2 (03:00):
How does a cicada act like a woman? Like? How
does it? How does like a male cicada? You know,
try to trick like, what would they do?

Speaker 1 (03:07):
Do they do? You do whatever? It takes makeup? But
you're hyper sexual trying to get in there.

Speaker 2 (03:14):
You go, Hey, it's me, I'm just a woman. Cicada.

Speaker 1 (03:17):
Yeah, you look and then you touch it, and then
you've got it and then your stuff falls off. We
get it. Well, if you're a cicada, okay, but I
don't say that they touch one, So why are you
touching cicada?

Speaker 2 (03:29):
Don't if it flds on me or something. Oh god,
he's gonna be stressed for.

Speaker 1 (03:35):
Full up on cheaters, adding a new excuse to the list.
Someone texted, yeah, I got the I got that hyper
sexual zombie cicada thing. That's so funny if you're nu
away from me. So bugs on Piagres. Somebody said, I
don't know. I read that story this morning. I was like, well,
I mean, it's my job to inform the public about
about health matters that concern you and us. So anyway,

(03:56):
be careful. Uh, look out for the cicadas that are
with knubs that are trying to run into everybody.

Speaker 2 (04:03):
Right, No,