December 4, 2025 • 10 mins
Fred believes that couples who say they don't argue are lying!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the Bread Show. Zame is taking over Las
Vegas this January for his seven night residentsy A Dobe
live at Park MGM, and we've got a trip for
two to the January twenty fifth shoke to night Hotel,
State Park MGM January twenty fourth through the twenty sixth
and round trip airfare. Text Remember to three seven three
three seven now for a chance to win. A confirmation
(00:21):
text will be said. Standard message of data rates may
apply all thanks to Live Nation. Okay, I want to
talk to Sam. Sam, you and your husband you never fight.
You've never fought.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
We've definitely had small arguments, but so many of them
have have not happened because of how we try to
prevent them and so like we've never had a full
out screaming match at each other. We've never you know,
said horrible things to each other in the middle of
a fight. Like do we sometimes have the occasional you know,
(00:55):
we walk around each other and don't talk, maybe for
a couple minutes. But I mean, we just do a
really good job of preventatively avoiding the arguments from communicating.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Because as a guy who's conflict avoidant, right, like, I
don't like to get a knockdown drag outs. And it's
not because I don't know if you should or shouldn't.
It's that I find that when you when it gets
to that point, especially if someone feels like they're behind
in the argument, then things start to shift into an
area they don't need to go. And maybe it's because
I grew up and my mom, as amazing as she is,
(01:27):
she was the person who would she'd go for the jugular,
like if she wanted the argument to end, she'd say
the thing that had nothing to do with anything, and
then it's like, oh and the argument's over. You win,
But then you got to walk back the thing that
you said that had nothing to do with the thing,
Which is why I think I'm conflict avoidant and I
don't get into I try not to get in fights
like that because it winds up you have to undo
(01:48):
the fight before you get back to the issue, which
I hate. However, I'm not sure that my way is
healthy where you never have the fight and I get
you know, yes, in a perfect world, it's like you, guys, Sam,
where it's just you know, you're able to have this
sort of discipline to know when to separate and to
know how to argue and to know how to debate,
but really never a big fight.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
No.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
But I think it also comes down to him and
I both had really toxic relationships before this, where like
we did fight with prior you know, partners, and so
now that we've seen how horrible it gets, we knew
right off the bat that we didn't want to repeat that,
especially in front of our daughter. And so we've we've
done a lot of you know, communicating, talking how do
(02:32):
we fix this? And you know, do I want to
punch him in the face once in a while, one
hundred percent, But we learned that that's not really the
right way to do it, and it's it's worked out
really well for us.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
So good for you, guys. Thank you, Sam, have a
good day.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Thanks you guys.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Do love you, guys, Thank you for listening. I mean,
who am I to be? I may give that relationship
advice every day, and who am I to do it?
But I'm the first to admit I'm not very good
at any of that. But I don't know. Maybe for me,
this story jumps out because as happy as I am
about the Travis Kelcey and Taylor Swift thing, there's just
no doubt in my mind he's along for the ride.
And that's not to say she doesn't bring him a
(03:08):
lot in the relationship and that she hasn't changed his
life in a positive way in many ways, I'm sure,
but I contend that he's one of those guys that
just smiles and it's just in awe of her all
the time, and that makes me nervous. Yeah, he's happy
to be there, but there's a difference between it being
happy to be there and and and cowering. There's a
difference between you know, letting. I don't know. There's part
(03:30):
of me that that anytime someone should googoo goggon, they're
just looking at the stars the whole time. But we
never fight, and yeah, she's selling anything. It's part of
me that's like, Yeah, you can be the most amazing
person I've ever met, but I can still disagree with you,
and I can still sometimes see that you're not perfect.
And I wonder if the people who are in the
clouds don't they eventually come down from the clouds.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
Yeah, I feel like two years is still a honeymoon phase,
like I've been what I mean, Yeah, Yeah, so I
definitely think that they'll get there.
Speaker 5 (03:57):
I'm sure. I mean, she's a fire sign.
Speaker 4 (03:59):
I think he's libro, which the fact that I even
maybe know that is crazy.
Speaker 5 (04:03):
But no, they'll get there. But I've been in.
Speaker 4 (04:06):
Like I've been in a five year, a seven year,
and I will say the first two years are still
for me the honeymoon.
Speaker 5 (04:12):
So maybe they're just they'll get there. George and themal
I don't. I don't know.
Speaker 4 (04:16):
George basically said, like I'm old, I don't have it
in me, Like what am I gonna argue about.
Speaker 5 (04:20):
I'm in my sixties, so I don't know about them.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
But I can honestly tell you that I've been in
relationships before where the person I almost think had too
high of a regard for me, like like what like
I honestly I felt I felt like I could that
very often, but I felt like I could probably do
anything and this person was gonna be like, Okay, yeah,
(04:46):
that's all right. I mean it's like they saw so
much good in me or something. But I'm sorry, but
it was a little bit unattractive because it's like, at
what point, And I'm not saying I tested that because
I'm not that kind of person. And I really like
I don't know, I'm not I'm not a liar, I'm
not deceptive. I don't cheat on do stuff like that.
I wasn't like, well, I'm gonna go out and cheats
if I can get away with it. But I just
I thought like, I'm not that good of a dude,
(05:09):
like come on, like set it up for your really,
you know, like you're you matter too, And I knew that,
but sometimes I felt like that person maybe wasn't putting
themselves at enough of a priority as enough of a priority,
and it was kind of unattractive.
Speaker 5 (05:24):
Yeah, I'm with you there.
Speaker 4 (05:25):
I'm not attracted to someone who just agrees with me
all the time and doesn't have an opinion.
Speaker 5 (05:29):
I'm definitely not into that.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
But Kiki and Polina would be great with it.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
Yeah, I don't enjoy fighting. Like I don't enjoy it.
I don't think it's a good time. I'm like, why
are we doing this? Like just just agree with me?
Come on, man, you know, like it's so hard and
I don't ask what lie you know? So I don't
I don't enjoy fighting. It's actually like I don't like
it at all.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Well, I guess would be in a partnership both people
could eliminate. Like I said before, I'd say maybe a
quarter of the fights could be eliminated if somebody would
just shut up, which I'm not good at doing. However,
I also think that if you truly want every argument
in both of your relationships, every single one, I think
that at some point you might scratch your head and go,
(06:11):
why does this it's all I hate to say this,
but it's almost like where where what are they doing?
Like why does it? You know what I mean? Like,
where are you getting this outlet? Like why do I
just win everything? Why do you not care? You know?
Is it because like you don't, I don't know. It's
almost a bad thing.
Speaker 4 (06:28):
Yeah, I will say, if I start agreeing with everything
you do, then you know the relationship is about to
be over because I don't care anymore.
Speaker 5 (06:34):
I'm exhausted, or it's.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Like I'm cheating on you, and it's like I don't
want to fight with you because I'm trying to cover
up this other thing. So like, sure we'll go there
to do that. Yes, you're right about that, Yes I'm
sorry about that. But a bunch of texts about this,
by the way, and again, what the hell do I know.
But someone said, I'm a therapist and can tell you
that a lot of men are struggling with standing their
ground against their partner and they're fearful of being perceived
(06:58):
as toxic or abusive. Oh Fred, you definitely have okay
daddy energy. What does that mean? Okay, daddy, Okay Daddy,
I mean I got daddy issues. I don't know.
Speaker 4 (07:10):
I think it means that like she would be in
a relationship with you and just say like, okay, daddy,
Oh well that's hot. Yeah you're right, so she would
agree with you.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
I could shut my mouth a lot more. But I
also I also don't I would I would question myself
if everything someone did okay, because I feel like you're
trading off your value in some ways, and why are
you doing that? No, it's almost like do you have trauma,
(07:40):
like where you don't think you matter?
Speaker 6 (07:42):
Well, that's valid, but I was gonna say, like, what
if someone just doesn't like me?
Speaker 1 (07:45):
I'm very easy going.
Speaker 6 (07:46):
I really don't care if we have, you know, Chinese
or Mexican for dinner tonight?
Speaker 1 (07:49):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 6 (07:49):
Because sometimes, like I feel like even those things are
turned into arguments because then you don't feel hurt or seen.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
But like, what if I truly.
Speaker 6 (07:55):
Just want to eat and I don't care, But now
you think I'm a punk because I won't stand on it,
you know, But I get it if it's something bigger,
like you know, how are we going to raise our
children or something like you know where you want to
send them to school?
Speaker 1 (08:06):
That's that's a different conversation. But I don't know.
Speaker 6 (08:08):
I just feel like, what's the point of fighting when
you can just meet your partner halfway and everybody's happy
it's given.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Yeah, I'm say yeah, yeah, I mean that that does
make sense. Julie. Hi, So you have been together since
we're sixteen? Hell are you now, Julie.
Speaker 7 (08:23):
Fifty?
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Oh wow, I'm quick. Math, that's a long time. Forty yeah,
fifty gosh, what forty something years? And you've never you've
never fought at all. We've had disagreements, but we've never.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
Had a yelling, screaming fight.
Speaker 7 (08:44):
We've never had where we called each other names.
Speaker 5 (08:49):
I mean, we've just never done it.
Speaker 7 (08:51):
We've gotten quiet, sometimes walked away, but we don't fight.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Wow. Wow, Well, and you guys have been talk it
out almost as long as I've been alive. So good
for you. Congratulations. I mean, hey, you guys are just
more mature and maybe maybe certain people can just they
get lucky and they meet in their communications. Styles's match.
It looks like that's you, Julie. Thank you have a
good day. Ye thanks you. Yeah. Honestly, for me, the
thing that jumped out about this story was that he's
(09:17):
in the class. He is not being realistic. Eat. You're right,
he still is in a honeymoon phase and at some
point you're gonna wait and be like, yeah, Taylor, you're
pretty amazing, but your poop stinks too, girl, Jessica. Yeah,
hi Jessica. So you think appeasing and sort of like
giving in to your partner consistently would lead to more fights?
Speaker 7 (09:40):
Yeah, it was early on in mine and my husband's relationship.
But he would just be like, Okay, fine, I don't
want to fight anymore, and then we would have the
same fight over and over again, and I'm like, wait,
I thought when we stopped fighting, that meant you understood
and we would stop fighting about that, But he would
just continue to do it because he was just like whatever,
I don't care.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Yeah, because he didn't really want to do the thing.
He didn't. He maybe understood your point, but he wasn't
willing to give in, so there was no resolution, which
means you keep coming back to yeah, okay, all right,
fair enough, thank you, Jessica. Thanks. Well then that goes
back to Kiki and Paulina's point, which is, well, then
just just agree with me, and then we don't have
a problem. Hell and we never talk about it. Everything's
(10:21):
all good.
This is the Bread Show. Zame is taking over Las
Vegas this January for his seven night residentsy A Dobe
live at Park MGM, and we've got a trip for
two to the January twenty fifth shoke to night Hotel,
State Park MGM January twenty fourth through the twenty sixth
and round trip airfare. Text Remember to three seven three
three seven now for a chance to win. A confirmation
(00:21):
text will be said. Standard message of data rates may
apply all thanks to Live Nation. Okay, I want to
talk to Sam. Sam, you and your husband you never fight.
You've never fought.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
We've definitely had small arguments, but so many of them
have have not happened because of how we try to
prevent them and so like we've never had a full
out screaming match at each other. We've never you know,
said horrible things to each other in the middle of
a fight. Like do we sometimes have the occasional you know,
(00:55):
we walk around each other and don't talk, maybe for
a couple minutes. But I mean, we just do a
really good job of preventatively avoiding the arguments from communicating.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Because as a guy who's conflict avoidant, right, like, I
don't like to get a knockdown drag outs. And it's
not because I don't know if you should or shouldn't.
It's that I find that when you when it gets
to that point, especially if someone feels like they're behind
in the argument, then things start to shift into an
area they don't need to go. And maybe it's because
I grew up and my mom, as amazing as she is,
(01:27):
she was the person who would she'd go for the jugular,
like if she wanted the argument to end, she'd say
the thing that had nothing to do with anything, and
then it's like, oh and the argument's over. You win,
But then you got to walk back the thing that
you said that had nothing to do with the thing,
Which is why I think I'm conflict avoidant and I
don't get into I try not to get in fights
like that because it winds up you have to undo
(01:48):
the fight before you get back to the issue, which
I hate. However, I'm not sure that my way is
healthy where you never have the fight and I get
you know, yes, in a perfect world, it's like you, guys, Sam,
where it's just you know, you're able to have this
sort of discipline to know when to separate and to
know how to argue and to know how to debate,
but really never a big fight.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
No.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
But I think it also comes down to him and
I both had really toxic relationships before this, where like
we did fight with prior you know, partners, and so
now that we've seen how horrible it gets, we knew
right off the bat that we didn't want to repeat that,
especially in front of our daughter. And so we've we've
done a lot of you know, communicating, talking how do
(02:32):
we fix this? And you know, do I want to
punch him in the face once in a while, one
hundred percent, But we learned that that's not really the
right way to do it, and it's it's worked out
really well for us.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
So good for you, guys. Thank you, Sam, have a
good day.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Thanks you guys.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Do love you, guys, Thank you for listening. I mean,
who am I to be? I may give that relationship
advice every day, and who am I to do it?
But I'm the first to admit I'm not very good
at any of that. But I don't know. Maybe for me,
this story jumps out because as happy as I am
about the Travis Kelcey and Taylor Swift thing, there's just
no doubt in my mind he's along for the ride.
And that's not to say she doesn't bring him a
(03:08):
lot in the relationship and that she hasn't changed his
life in a positive way in many ways, I'm sure,
but I contend that he's one of those guys that
just smiles and it's just in awe of her all
the time, and that makes me nervous. Yeah, he's happy
to be there, but there's a difference between it being
happy to be there and and and cowering. There's a
difference between you know, letting. I don't know. There's part
(03:30):
of me that that anytime someone should googoo goggon, they're
just looking at the stars the whole time. But we
never fight, and yeah, she's selling anything. It's part of
me that's like, Yeah, you can be the most amazing
person I've ever met, but I can still disagree with you,
and I can still sometimes see that you're not perfect.
And I wonder if the people who are in the
clouds don't they eventually come down from the clouds.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
Yeah, I feel like two years is still a honeymoon phase,
like I've been what I mean, Yeah, Yeah, so I
definitely think that they'll get there.
Speaker 5 (03:57):
I'm sure. I mean, she's a fire sign.
Speaker 4 (03:59):
I think he's libro, which the fact that I even
maybe know that is crazy.
Speaker 5 (04:03):
But no, they'll get there. But I've been in.
Speaker 4 (04:06):
Like I've been in a five year, a seven year,
and I will say the first two years are still
for me the honeymoon.
Speaker 5 (04:12):
So maybe they're just they'll get there. George and themal
I don't. I don't know.
Speaker 4 (04:16):
George basically said, like I'm old, I don't have it
in me, Like what am I gonna argue about.
Speaker 5 (04:20):
I'm in my sixties, so I don't know about them.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
But I can honestly tell you that I've been in
relationships before where the person I almost think had too
high of a regard for me, like like what like
I honestly I felt I felt like I could that
very often, but I felt like I could probably do
anything and this person was gonna be like, Okay, yeah,
(04:46):
that's all right. I mean it's like they saw so
much good in me or something. But I'm sorry, but
it was a little bit unattractive because it's like, at
what point, And I'm not saying I tested that because
I'm not that kind of person. And I really like
I don't know, I'm not I'm not a liar, I'm
not deceptive. I don't cheat on do stuff like that.
I wasn't like, well, I'm gonna go out and cheats
if I can get away with it. But I just
I thought like, I'm not that good of a dude,
(05:09):
like come on, like set it up for your really,
you know, like you're you matter too, And I knew that,
but sometimes I felt like that person maybe wasn't putting
themselves at enough of a priority as enough of a priority,
and it was kind of unattractive.
Speaker 5 (05:24):
Yeah, I'm with you there.
Speaker 4 (05:25):
I'm not attracted to someone who just agrees with me
all the time and doesn't have an opinion.
Speaker 5 (05:29):
I'm definitely not into that.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
But Kiki and Polina would be great with it.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
Yeah, I don't enjoy fighting. Like I don't enjoy it.
I don't think it's a good time. I'm like, why
are we doing this? Like just just agree with me?
Come on, man, you know, like it's so hard and
I don't ask what lie you know? So I don't
I don't enjoy fighting. It's actually like I don't like
it at all.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Well, I guess would be in a partnership both people
could eliminate. Like I said before, I'd say maybe a
quarter of the fights could be eliminated if somebody would
just shut up, which I'm not good at doing. However,
I also think that if you truly want every argument
in both of your relationships, every single one, I think
that at some point you might scratch your head and go,
(06:11):
why does this it's all I hate to say this,
but it's almost like where where what are they doing?
Like why does it? You know what I mean? Like,
where are you getting this outlet? Like why do I
just win everything? Why do you not care? You know?
Is it because like you don't, I don't know. It's
almost a bad thing.
Speaker 4 (06:28):
Yeah, I will say, if I start agreeing with everything
you do, then you know the relationship is about to
be over because I don't care anymore.
Speaker 5 (06:34):
I'm exhausted, or it's.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Like I'm cheating on you, and it's like I don't
want to fight with you because I'm trying to cover
up this other thing. So like, sure we'll go there
to do that. Yes, you're right about that, Yes I'm
sorry about that. But a bunch of texts about this,
by the way, and again, what the hell do I know.
But someone said, I'm a therapist and can tell you
that a lot of men are struggling with standing their
ground against their partner and they're fearful of being perceived
(06:58):
as toxic or abusive. Oh Fred, you definitely have okay
daddy energy. What does that mean? Okay, daddy, Okay Daddy,
I mean I got daddy issues. I don't know.
Speaker 4 (07:10):
I think it means that like she would be in
a relationship with you and just say like, okay, daddy,
Oh well that's hot. Yeah you're right, so she would
agree with you.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
I could shut my mouth a lot more. But I
also I also don't I would I would question myself
if everything someone did okay, because I feel like you're
trading off your value in some ways, and why are
you doing that? No, it's almost like do you have trauma,
(07:40):
like where you don't think you matter?
Speaker 6 (07:42):
Well, that's valid, but I was gonna say, like, what
if someone just doesn't like me?
Speaker 1 (07:45):
I'm very easy going.
Speaker 6 (07:46):
I really don't care if we have, you know, Chinese
or Mexican for dinner tonight?
Speaker 1 (07:49):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 6 (07:49):
Because sometimes, like I feel like even those things are
turned into arguments because then you don't feel hurt or seen.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
But like, what if I truly.
Speaker 6 (07:55):
Just want to eat and I don't care, But now
you think I'm a punk because I won't stand on it,
you know, But I get it if it's something bigger,
like you know, how are we going to raise our
children or something like you know where you want to
send them to school?
Speaker 1 (08:06):
That's that's a different conversation. But I don't know.
Speaker 6 (08:08):
I just feel like, what's the point of fighting when
you can just meet your partner halfway and everybody's happy
it's given.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Yeah, I'm say yeah, yeah, I mean that that does
make sense. Julie. Hi, So you have been together since
we're sixteen? Hell are you now, Julie.
Speaker 7 (08:23):
Fifty?
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Oh wow, I'm quick. Math, that's a long time. Forty yeah,
fifty gosh, what forty something years? And you've never you've
never fought at all. We've had disagreements, but we've never.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
Had a yelling, screaming fight.
Speaker 7 (08:44):
We've never had where we called each other names.
Speaker 5 (08:49):
I mean, we've just never done it.
Speaker 7 (08:51):
We've gotten quiet, sometimes walked away, but we don't fight.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Wow. Wow, Well, and you guys have been talk it
out almost as long as I've been alive. So good
for you. Congratulations. I mean, hey, you guys are just
more mature and maybe maybe certain people can just they
get lucky and they meet in their communications. Styles's match.
It looks like that's you, Julie. Thank you have a
good day. Ye thanks you. Yeah. Honestly, for me, the
thing that jumped out about this story was that he's
(09:17):
in the class. He is not being realistic. Eat. You're right,
he still is in a honeymoon phase and at some
point you're gonna wait and be like, yeah, Taylor, you're
pretty amazing, but your poop stinks too, girl, Jessica. Yeah,
hi Jessica. So you think appeasing and sort of like
giving in to your partner consistently would lead to more fights?
Speaker 7 (09:40):
Yeah, it was early on in mine and my husband's relationship.
But he would just be like, Okay, fine, I don't
want to fight anymore, and then we would have the
same fight over and over again, and I'm like, wait,
I thought when we stopped fighting, that meant you understood
and we would stop fighting about that, But he would
just continue to do it because he was just like whatever,
I don't care.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Yeah, because he didn't really want to do the thing.
He didn't. He maybe understood your point, but he wasn't
willing to give in, so there was no resolution, which
means you keep coming back to yeah, okay, all right,
fair enough, thank you, Jessica. Thanks. Well then that goes
back to Kiki and Paulina's point, which is, well, then
just just agree with me, and then we don't have
a problem. Hell and we never talk about it. Everything's
(10:21):
all good.
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