Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Tied. These are the radio blogson the like her writing in our diaries,
except we say them aloud. Wecall them blogs. Around this time,
Kalin's got one go, dear blogs. So my mom told me that
we have a family wedding coming upsoon, which I was on her invitation,
and she's slow at everything, soI was very annoyed because she was
late to the game, telling me, but I'm not sure I want to
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go. And here's why. Sothis side of the family, every single
time there's a wedding, someone getsseriously injured. Every single time. So
let me walk you through the letme walk you through. Okay. So
at the last one, two ofmy uncles were walking outside. It was
in like northern Michigan, so itwas one of those like barn vibes,
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and my uncle didn't see that therewas like he was on the grass and
there's like a concrete like ledge anda drop down. Okay, it was
dark. He steps down with oneleg and shatters his pelvits. Oh my
god, literally in an accident thatonly like race car our drivers get.
So he had to be airlifted fromthe wedding. Okay, the wedding before
that, my aunt slipped in thelobby of the hotel broke both her arms.
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Oh my god. It was herson's wedding, so she had to
give the speech like this. Herhusband was wiping her butt all week and
she was literally walking around like thiswith two casts. And then the wedding
before that, my other aunt gotpicked up by my cousin's boyfriend and he
dropped her and she broke her rest. And so I'm scared. I don't
want to go, Like do wejust get like an ambulance that's just like
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parked outside. I mean, areyou guys hammered all the time? At
was like is that are you likea drunk ass family or what's the deal?
I mean, we do enjoy agood cockshail, but like the one
accident happened before the wedding. Theother accident my uncle doesn't drink, so
not really, so I don't Idon't know. I mean, yeah,
I'm hammered for sure, but that'swhy I'm scared. I'm very klutzy,
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so I don't know. And whenI was dating my axe, he was
like, what's going on like allthese weddings, Like there's serious cob,
I feel like you're going to goin though, Kaylin like hypersensitive to the
idea that you might be injured,and I think that almost draws injury to
you. Scared it's an Arizona andlike you talk about how you like fell
on a cactus. I was three, but yeah I was three. I
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didn't know how to ride a bike, but yeah, no I did,
So that could happen to you.If you can go to this wedding,
get drunk and decide to ride asmall child's bike without training wheels and no
experience riding a bike, it couldhappen to you. You could fall on
a cactus. It could well,I'm scared, so I'm like literally thinking
about it because I'm superstitious. I'mlike, I don't know who's going to
get hurt next time. Falling ona cactus is very undesirable. By the
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way, I don't recommend it.And I think the method that they use
to get the little pricklies out isthe same one now they did then,
which is put a piece of tapeover them and go go Really, I'm
pretty sure that's the way they stilldo it, but that's how they did
it then. I had a wholelittle pricklies in me. It was a
little cactus, a little cat die, and they like like the it's like,
yeah, it's like all these littlepricklies and they're not even real deep,
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you know, but they I mean, I don't know. Yeah,
they put a piece of like Idon't duct tape or guerrilla tape or whatever
the hell it is madic. I'mnot sure it's the medical version, which
means it's like the same exact tapefor fifty million dollars, and they go,
they all come out, Wait,how'd you fall into a cactus?
Like, did y'all just like playin cactus? No? I was literally
riding my I was riding my bidy. Well. First of all, I've
always my parents were like, goplaying in the cactus field, stupid kids,
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Like, I don't know. Youguys used to have like desert party
in my school when I grew up. There was like tumbleweeds and yeah,
oh yeah, wild you're in theWest. We had to pump our own
water out of the well out themiddle desert. Yeah. Yeah, we
worked out woods in a hat.I carried a six change or what are
they what are the guns called?Like, yeah, six shooter sho I
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carried a six shooter, japs everything. Yeah, my parents were upset with
me. We'd have a duel.I'm gone, yeah, exactly, it
would be ten paces. And thenmy MoMA got I'm just kidding. Go
playing the field. Did you guyshave a lawn or just we have a
lawn? Okay, yeah you did? N Yeah the grass? Well yeah,
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remember like it's the it's the golfcourse cap somehow, it's the golf
course capital of the world. Oh, on a golf course. Did you
get by a ball? Ever?No, I was never hit by a
ball. I don't think, ormaybe I was, and that's why I
can't remember. He got hit ridinghis bike, and that's how he fell
in They a golf ball riding mybike is a three year old. I
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fell into the cactus. But myparents were like, go go learn how
to ride your bike in the cactusfield. You'll never Yeah, why were
you so close? Though? Myparents are always just throwing me to the
fire. It's like the catus field. Yeah, go go ride your goal
and how to ride you here,training wheels are off, Little Christopher,
go ride in the cactus field.You'll probably fall once, but you won't
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fall again, I still don't knowhow it happened. I was on the
sidewalk in my neighborhood and you know, the little desert landscaping in somebody's house.
There was a little cactus on theside to the sidewalk, you know,
like this is how people design theirhomes, I guess. And so
I'm riding along and I didn't haveThey took the training wheels off, and
I was doing okay, but Iwasn't like great, and I was on
the sidewalk and everything, and thenfall over and of course I fall the
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direction into the cactus, not thedirection away from the gut this and um,
yeah, I had cactus in myarm. And they took me to
the emergency room and they're like,oh, we'll get this out and no
worries. That was the noise itmade. Never forget. But yeah,
yeah, my parents were. Youknow, it was hard in these streets
of well, you know the dustysaloon, you know. So so my
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dad would go and get his brownliquor after work, ride his horse up
there, tied up, had tocome out and investigate, you know,
And there was the bandits right takingthe bags of money robber exactly, little
ball guys everywhere. Hi Paul,I'll know what to do right looking for
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Maud Bart, Maud mart wanted,wanted, Christopher's father. You'll play in
the cactus field side. You'll feelbetter them