June 5, 2020 • 10 mins
Way, way, waaaay back in the innocent days of September 2019, Joe Biden told a harrowing tale from his days as a lifeguard at a Delaware public pool, involving a rusty straight-razor, a chain-wrapped fist...and bad dude named CornPop and his gang.
In this Armstrong & Getty Select Cut Podcast, Jack & Joe revisit Biden's epic tale.
Why? Because they can (and it's funny, dammit)!
In this Armstrong & Getty Select Cut Podcast, Jack & Joe revisit Biden's epic tale.
Why? Because they can (and it's funny, dammit)!
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
When you're ready to ride Metro, we want you to
know we're ready for you. Here are just a few
of the people at Metro to tell you how we're
doing our part to keep riders safe. Cleaning before you're found,
Hans out of the station, no mask, no Metro need one.
We have a few extras at Metro. We're doing our
(00:23):
part to keep the DC area moving. Find out more
at well mata dot com slash doing our part. It
was September when the grand reopening of the Somewhere Other
pool was taking place in the particulars are not that important,
so it was last year, but they invited Joe Biden
(00:44):
to speak, and not only did he say, congratulations on
the pool. Over enough, everybody's gonna swim and have a
good time. He decided horseplay, and he decided to relate
to the crowd, which was full of children, A couple
of charming tales. In putting this now legendary yarn from
I learned a lot, and I learned that, uh, it
(01:07):
makes a difference. That was the driving board area we got,
I think we gotta. He was a lifeguard. He was
a lifeguard. He was a lifeguard at a pool in
the forties. I don't know. I learned that. Uh, it
makes a difference. This was the driving board area, and
I was one of the guards and there were a
lot of there's a three meter board and you fell
(01:27):
off sideways. You landed on the depths, the dark cement
over there, and Cornpop was a bad dude, and you
just introduced a new character. I wonder, I wonder if
he'd referenced him earlier, but done based on his debates
not necessary, good point. And you fell off sideways, You
(01:47):
landed on the depths, the dark cement over there, and
Cornpop was a bad dude, and he ran a bunch
of bad boys, and I did he. And back in
those days and shot, things have changed. One of the
things had to use. If you use palmaide your hair,
you had to wear a bathy cap. And already anybody
(02:10):
under the age of sixty five is I have no
idea what you're talking about palmaide bathing cap. I'm a
dapper damn man. Wow, So if you're wearing palmaide, you
need a bathing cap. Two phrases that nobody under seventy
would really. Certainly, if you're a kid, you got no
idea what they're talking about right, Oh ho, palm aide
(02:33):
and bathing cap. She ain't heard nothing yet, and I did.
And back in those days and shot things have changed.
One of the things you had to use. If you
use palmaide your hair, you had to wear a bathy
cap and throw you's up on the board. Wouldn't listen
to me, I said, hey, Esther, you off the board,
off them up and drag you off. Well, yeah, I
(02:54):
mean if you're new to it. Very obscure reference to
swimming theme movie star and Olympian Esther Williams of Like
the And yeah, when was Esther Williams? Heyday, God, I
how did I end up watching I've seen several Esther Williams.
That's how bored I was on a snowy Saturday afternoon
(03:16):
in Wisconsin, apparently as a kid with two channels. Yeah,
getting and Esther Williams movies on. And there's always some
reason for her to swim. Why she'd be solid a
crime and end up synchronized swimming, or or there'd be
an adventure of with spies and they'd end up synchronized swimming.
But anyway, she she wore a bathing cap, a swimming cap,
(03:38):
that's part of her synchronized swimming like a flowered one generally.
So some guy was on the diving board and he said, hey, Esther,
and that would be an insult. Yes, call her famous
swimming chicken, right, which Uncle Joe does not explain to
these because everybody knows four year olds to forty year
olds around him. And so he's up on the board,
wouldn't listen. I said, hey, Esther, you off the board,
(04:00):
come up and drag you off. Well, he came off,
and he said, I'll meet you outside my car. This
was mostly days, were all public housing. Behind it my
car there was a gate on here. I parked my
car outside the gate and I he said, I'll be
waiting for you. Here's right, burr. Three guys and straight razors.
Not a joke. Hang, I'm here with my five year old.
(04:23):
You're gonna tell a nice fight story, right, So as
you mentioned straight razor, I might with my young kids.
Just say, let's go get a concession. We're going, let's
get some screens, let's run to get ice cream. He's
about to talk about a razor fight man, and I
he said, I'll be waiting for you. Here's right, burr.
Three guys and straight razors. Not a joke. There's a
(04:44):
guy named bill Wright Mouse, the only white guy, and
he did all the pools. He was the mechanic. And
I said, well, am I gonna do? He said, come
down here in the basement where mechanics where where we're
all the pool pill there is you know the chain
he used to be at chain that went across the
defend and he cut off a six foot left the chain.
He fulled up. He said, you walk out with that chain.
(05:07):
And you walked in the car and say you may
cut me, man, but I'm gonna wrap this chain around
your head. Okay, Hold, holy crap, Holy crap. Wow? How
old is he? Did he say how old he was
(05:28):
as a lifeguard? Was he a high school kid? I
don't know, you know whether he was sixteen or twenty? No,
I know he went to college in the law school,
so he must have been a high school older teenager. Wow,
you're going to you're gonna fight guys with razors and chains,
and you're gonna take a chain. That's just insane. I
(05:49):
want to hear more about this maintenance guy. This guy's
got stories. I got an idea for you. The chain
a good week, you can put a chain across the
defense instead of the floaty thing you take that take
a leg to this chain. There was a chain in
the pool to mark where you got to the deep end.
Get the chain wrapped around the stack. Yet so Clarie
in his eyes, they been forgive me a chain to
(06:12):
go fight the razor. Guys hope I die, they die
and not me. I guess is what you hope anywhere?
I'll see it work tomorrow if they don't. You know,
hit an artery guy again in front of little kids.
You know, the chain used to be a chain that
went across the defend. And he cut off a six
ft and left the chain. You fold up and said
you walk out with that chain. And you walked to
(06:33):
the car and say you may cut me man, but
I'm gonna wrap this chain around your head. I said,
you're kidding me. He said no, if you don't, don't
come back. And he was right. So I walked out
with the chain and I walked up to my car,
and then that those days you used to remember the
straight res you and bang him on the curb, getting rusty,
(06:53):
put him in the rain barrel, getting rusty. Quick note
for all your children less thing, especially the idea there
was if the razors bent and rusty, it would inflict
more terrible wounds on the person you were slicing open.
But the way he said it, because you say that
sort of thing with a crowd, especially as a politician,
to get everybody nod in their head with yeah, I
(07:15):
remember too, and then you nudge the person. I get
you remember those days. He's just like us. Whoa Joe Biden?
If this is remotely true, he is so much harder
a human than I am. He's not. I'm not even
the same universe. It's undoubtedly true. It's like he grew
up in a different country. Straight razor fights were the norm.
Right him on a curb, you bang him on, Leave
(07:40):
him on the rain barrel. I'm sorry, the rain barrel.
That's another good one. The youngsters, and that's that those
days used to remember the straight race. You'd bang him
on the curb, getting rusty, put him in the rain barrel,
getting rusty. I looked at him, but I was smart
then I said. First of all, I said, well, I
tell you at the board. You get off the board,
(08:01):
I'll kick you out again. But I shouldn't have called
you Esther Williams. I apologize for that. I apologize, but
I didn't know that apology is gonna work. He said,
you apologize to me. I said, I apologize, but I'm
not for throwing out. But I apologize to what I said.
He said, Okay, close a straight razors and my heart
began to beat again. Came out there with this apology chain.
(08:24):
I never failed me. I hope you accept my apology.
If you don't, I'm gonna rip your head off, the
spit down your windpipe. Your choice, your choice, oh boy.
And in the in the old guy who a picture
being like seventy and smoking a cigarette. And if you
don't do it, if you don't rep it around his head,
(08:45):
don't come back, right did you rip his head off
of your cheen? Now? I apologize? He said, it was cool. Yeah,
I don't come back. He love you, showing me caushed
the chemical his eyes. No, no, kids, gotta be sure
his video of this, and we saw how the kids
(09:05):
reacted when the story was over. Yay, yeah, good. Nobody
got n or chained. That isn't the craziest stories ever.
I know the facts of it are fascinating, the telling
of it is bizarre and obviously wildly inappropriate. Apologize for that,
(09:27):
You're forgiven kind. I hope there's more of those between
now and November. Oh man. I wonder if his advisors
came to a said, listen, Joe, your stories about the
old days. Can we like go over those a couple
of times before you offer him to the public, especially
little children. God did he grew up in a hood
where they had knife fights regularly? Remember how you had
to slaughter your own hogs. Wait, take him into the
(09:50):
kitchen when you're ready to ride Metro. We want you
to know we're ready for you. Here are just the
few of the people at Metro to tell you how
we're doing our part to keep writers safe. We clean
you like never before. How feel a great clean you'll
found hand sound of sounds of statist no mask, no
(10:12):
Metro need one. We have a few extras at Metro.
We're doing our part to keep the DC area moving.
Find out more at wilmata dot com slash doing our
part
When you're ready to ride Metro, we want you to
know we're ready for you. Here are just a few
of the people at Metro to tell you how we're
doing our part to keep riders safe. Cleaning before you're found,
Hans out of the station, no mask, no Metro need one.
We have a few extras at Metro. We're doing our
(00:23):
part to keep the DC area moving. Find out more
at well mata dot com slash doing our part. It
was September when the grand reopening of the Somewhere Other
pool was taking place in the particulars are not that important,
so it was last year, but they invited Joe Biden
(00:44):
to speak, and not only did he say, congratulations on
the pool. Over enough, everybody's gonna swim and have a
good time. He decided horseplay, and he decided to relate
to the crowd, which was full of children, A couple
of charming tales. In putting this now legendary yarn from
I learned a lot, and I learned that, uh, it
(01:07):
makes a difference. That was the driving board area we got,
I think we gotta. He was a lifeguard. He was
a lifeguard. He was a lifeguard at a pool in
the forties. I don't know. I learned that. Uh, it
makes a difference. This was the driving board area, and
I was one of the guards and there were a
lot of there's a three meter board and you fell
(01:27):
off sideways. You landed on the depths, the dark cement
over there, and Cornpop was a bad dude, and you
just introduced a new character. I wonder, I wonder if
he'd referenced him earlier, but done based on his debates
not necessary, good point. And you fell off sideways, You
(01:47):
landed on the depths, the dark cement over there, and
Cornpop was a bad dude, and he ran a bunch
of bad boys, and I did he. And back in
those days and shot, things have changed. One of the
things had to use. If you use palmaide your hair,
you had to wear a bathy cap. And already anybody
(02:10):
under the age of sixty five is I have no
idea what you're talking about palmaide bathing cap. I'm a
dapper damn man. Wow, So if you're wearing palmaide, you
need a bathing cap. Two phrases that nobody under seventy
would really. Certainly, if you're a kid, you got no
idea what they're talking about right, Oh ho, palm aide
(02:33):
and bathing cap. She ain't heard nothing yet, and I did.
And back in those days and shot things have changed.
One of the things you had to use. If you
use palmaide your hair, you had to wear a bathy
cap and throw you's up on the board. Wouldn't listen
to me, I said, hey, Esther, you off the board,
off them up and drag you off. Well, yeah, I
(02:54):
mean if you're new to it. Very obscure reference to
swimming theme movie star and Olympian Esther Williams of Like
the And yeah, when was Esther Williams? Heyday, God, I
how did I end up watching I've seen several Esther Williams.
That's how bored I was on a snowy Saturday afternoon
(03:16):
in Wisconsin, apparently as a kid with two channels. Yeah,
getting and Esther Williams movies on. And there's always some
reason for her to swim. Why she'd be solid a
crime and end up synchronized swimming, or or there'd be
an adventure of with spies and they'd end up synchronized swimming.
But anyway, she she wore a bathing cap, a swimming cap,
(03:38):
that's part of her synchronized swimming like a flowered one generally.
So some guy was on the diving board and he said, hey, Esther,
and that would be an insult. Yes, call her famous
swimming chicken, right, which Uncle Joe does not explain to
these because everybody knows four year olds to forty year
olds around him. And so he's up on the board,
wouldn't listen. I said, hey, Esther, you off the board,
(04:00):
come up and drag you off. Well, he came off,
and he said, I'll meet you outside my car. This
was mostly days, were all public housing. Behind it my
car there was a gate on here. I parked my
car outside the gate and I he said, I'll be
waiting for you. Here's right, burr. Three guys and straight razors.
Not a joke. Hang, I'm here with my five year old.
(04:23):
You're gonna tell a nice fight story, right, So as
you mentioned straight razor, I might with my young kids.
Just say, let's go get a concession. We're going, let's
get some screens, let's run to get ice cream. He's
about to talk about a razor fight man, and I
he said, I'll be waiting for you. Here's right, burr.
Three guys and straight razors. Not a joke. There's a
(04:44):
guy named bill Wright Mouse, the only white guy, and
he did all the pools. He was the mechanic. And
I said, well, am I gonna do? He said, come
down here in the basement where mechanics where where we're
all the pool pill there is you know the chain
he used to be at chain that went across the
defend and he cut off a six foot left the chain.
He fulled up. He said, you walk out with that chain.
(05:07):
And you walked in the car and say you may
cut me, man, but I'm gonna wrap this chain around
your head. Okay, Hold, holy crap, Holy crap. Wow? How
old is he? Did he say how old he was
(05:28):
as a lifeguard? Was he a high school kid? I
don't know, you know whether he was sixteen or twenty? No,
I know he went to college in the law school,
so he must have been a high school older teenager. Wow,
you're going to you're gonna fight guys with razors and chains,
and you're gonna take a chain. That's just insane. I
(05:49):
want to hear more about this maintenance guy. This guy's
got stories. I got an idea for you. The chain
a good week, you can put a chain across the
defense instead of the floaty thing you take that take
a leg to this chain. There was a chain in
the pool to mark where you got to the deep end.
Get the chain wrapped around the stack. Yet so Clarie
in his eyes, they been forgive me a chain to
(06:12):
go fight the razor. Guys hope I die, they die
and not me. I guess is what you hope anywhere?
I'll see it work tomorrow if they don't. You know,
hit an artery guy again in front of little kids.
You know, the chain used to be a chain that
went across the defend. And he cut off a six
ft and left the chain. You fold up and said
you walk out with that chain. And you walked to
(06:33):
the car and say you may cut me man, but
I'm gonna wrap this chain around your head. I said,
you're kidding me. He said no, if you don't, don't
come back. And he was right. So I walked out
with the chain and I walked up to my car,
and then that those days you used to remember the
straight res you and bang him on the curb, getting rusty,
(06:53):
put him in the rain barrel, getting rusty. Quick note
for all your children less thing, especially the idea there
was if the razors bent and rusty, it would inflict
more terrible wounds on the person you were slicing open.
But the way he said it, because you say that
sort of thing with a crowd, especially as a politician,
to get everybody nod in their head with yeah, I
(07:15):
remember too, and then you nudge the person. I get
you remember those days. He's just like us. Whoa Joe Biden?
If this is remotely true, he is so much harder
a human than I am. He's not. I'm not even
the same universe. It's undoubtedly true. It's like he grew
up in a different country. Straight razor fights were the norm.
Right him on a curb, you bang him on, Leave
(07:40):
him on the rain barrel. I'm sorry, the rain barrel.
That's another good one. The youngsters, and that's that those
days used to remember the straight race. You'd bang him
on the curb, getting rusty, put him in the rain barrel,
getting rusty. I looked at him, but I was smart
then I said. First of all, I said, well, I
tell you at the board. You get off the board,
(08:01):
I'll kick you out again. But I shouldn't have called
you Esther Williams. I apologize for that. I apologize, but
I didn't know that apology is gonna work. He said,
you apologize to me. I said, I apologize, but I'm
not for throwing out. But I apologize to what I said.
He said, Okay, close a straight razors and my heart
began to beat again. Came out there with this apology chain.
(08:24):
I never failed me. I hope you accept my apology.
If you don't, I'm gonna rip your head off, the
spit down your windpipe. Your choice, your choice, oh boy.
And in the in the old guy who a picture
being like seventy and smoking a cigarette. And if you
don't do it, if you don't rep it around his head,
(08:45):
don't come back, right did you rip his head off
of your cheen? Now? I apologize? He said, it was cool. Yeah,
I don't come back. He love you, showing me caushed
the chemical his eyes. No, no, kids, gotta be sure
his video of this, and we saw how the kids
(09:05):
reacted when the story was over. Yay, yeah, good. Nobody
got n or chained. That isn't the craziest stories ever.
I know the facts of it are fascinating, the telling
of it is bizarre and obviously wildly inappropriate. Apologize for that,
(09:27):
You're forgiven kind. I hope there's more of those between
now and November. Oh man. I wonder if his advisors
came to a said, listen, Joe, your stories about the
old days. Can we like go over those a couple
of times before you offer him to the public, especially
little children. God did he grew up in a hood
where they had knife fights regularly? Remember how you had
to slaughter your own hogs. Wait, take him into the
(09:50):
kitchen when you're ready to ride Metro. We want you
to know we're ready for you. Here are just the
few of the people at Metro to tell you how
we're doing our part to keep writers safe. We clean
you like never before. How feel a great clean you'll
found hand sound of sounds of statist no mask, no
(10:12):
Metro need one. We have a few extras at Metro.
We're doing our part to keep the DC area moving.
Find out more at wilmata dot com slash doing our
part
Hosts And Creators
Joe Getty
Jack Armstrong
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