A Search for Meaning and Purpose with Guest Myrna Denham Porter

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Episode Transcript

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The following is a paid podcast.I Heart Radio's hosting of this podcast constitutes
neither an endorsement of the products offeredor the ideas expressed. Welcome to Becoming
the Journey. This show will bea series of conversations that will inspire listeners
along their life's journey. This show'smission is to cultivate a community of mentorship

(00:21):
by sharing our experiences in our life'sjourney. Nobody's journey is a straight line,
so no matter where you are inyours, this show is for you.
Meet Grace Lavray. Welcome listeness.This is Becoming the Journey. Becoming,
as you well know, is ashow of conversations about experiences and knowledge

(00:41):
that can inform you or be thatAha moment while you are struggling. You
can message us on Instagram at Becomingthe Journey and share with us how many
guests resonated with you. My guesttoday is Myrna Denham Porter. mRNA is
the author of The Blue House.She is number six of a family of

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sixteen lived on a farm at theedge of the Canadian Prairie, which is
an isolated area of Saskatchewan. Herfamily barely scraped by at the age of
fourteen, Myrna left Saskatchewan to begina journey of purpose. After working several
years as a flight attendant until shemarried and after her boys began to attend

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school, she obtained a nursing degreeand later a master's in clinical social work.
After a bout with cancer, sheco founded Wellness Place. She is
a mentor and supporter of the careKa r E Program at Palm Desert Charter
Middle School and an advocate for ErupeCollege. Welcome Erna, Well, thank

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you, glad to be with you. I have to tell you I'm so
impressed with I don't know if thisbook has impressed me more that you came
from poverty and a dysfunctional situation fromhome as much as it did that created

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this hope and this purpose and wisdomthat you would get throughout the whole book.
So the first question I'm going toask you is for our listeners,
why the blue House? Why didyou call it the blue House? Well,
that's a very good question. Imore most im Torking read the doors

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that I've found out doors and thenext to the Canadian prairie. Ah,
if guys were extremely blue in Canada, extremely blue. I always remember enjoying
that the falm was blue and themood within the house was blue, so
we thought that that would be agreat title, and that's fantastic. But

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don't let anybody think that the BlueHouse was this wonderful. Inside that blue
house, it was two bedrooms.Am I correct? Pretty much? Pretty
much Cheddre a very cold area ofdeath one which catching by the way,
I turned me. I'm out inCalifornia, where I have a little bit

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of gallaxy, so my voice isnot totally perfect. But I left home
when I was fourteen because there wasno high school to go to in those
days. So I went to townone hundred miles away, one hundred miles
away and worked a fanantics for threeyears, and then my mom came from

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the United States, and in mylast year of high school, well,
I was going into my last yearrageful and said, I think you better
come to the United States than Iwith me. So I came to the
United States when I was seventeen.But I left my home where I grew
up with at fourteen. So whenyou left it fourteen until you moved to

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the US at the age of seventeen, where did you live at a young
age well, it was very interestingprocess. And I always always still regardless
how we just dirtal orientation is andthat there was a higher power or a
good and I call it a godlooking out for me because there's were so

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many situations where I think and Ijust I would say my mother put me
at risk. All the adored her. I basically I could get to a
town of one hundred one hunard milesaway with fourteen hundred people there, they
had a good high school. NowI intended you with my grandmother, which

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I wasn't looking forward to. ButI got a call from a registered hearist
in the town and she sad,I'm a registered nurse. I work full
time. I have four children underfour, and I benuthed them help.
Would you consider talking to me aboutliving with while you go to high school?

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And so I lived and I wasthere nanny with them and they're nanny
and I went through nanny for threeyears and to me, that step up,
I enjoyed it. I knew howto cook, I knew how to
clean, I knew how to takecare of children because I was the sixth
of sixteen children and I was themother basically, and my family of origin

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when I was six, So butyou were still in Canada. Yes,
I was. The first three yearsof high school I was in Canada then.
To be honest with you, tobe frank with you, and to
be honest with myself, the highschools are very difficult in Canada, and

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I did not have the background,and I knew that if I stayed to
Finniss my high school, I mightthought make it also And all I could,
thank God, was living in adusty level town and working in a
dime store for the rest of mylife. So I was fortunate. I
came to the US. I stayedwith my aunt. I finished my nast

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year of high school and it wasvery simful, and got my diploma and
integrated into the school at school oftwo thousand, where I'd never lived in
a town larger than fourteen hundred,and later at twenty one, I became
a United Flight Attennic. So let'sgo back a little bit. When you

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just you just said that your momencouraged you leave because of the schooling.
But but weren't there other reasons?You did not come from a family where
your dad was a role model.You know what great? No one is
all good, nor all that.I don't believe he had some good qualities.

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He has some good value, buthe would not he was not.
But let's just say there the Rodand Spoiler child in that era with something
as people complied with, I believe, and we asked them difficulty and my
personality quite frankly with more independent andthey used to call me Dummer as a

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child, and I basically would notput myself in that position. You'll be
physically harmed. Now some of myother sisters did. Is that announce here
the catequates for you, right,yes, absolutely, because later on we're
going to talk a little bit aboutwhen you get further into the book,

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your marriage to Stu and um andthen you know and how perhaps having a
dad good or bad. I'm surehe had amazing qualities, and you mentioned
that in the book that he taughtyou values and responsibility, but how sometimes

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it's a pattern that you kind offollow because you don't know anything else.
So now you know, I meanmoved to the United States, you go
to college the first in your family, I think, well, first,
yeah, for sure, you knowI did not go to college. I

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didn't. I was fortunate the requirementthat night didn't they won when I was
hired, but united with two yearsof college, they hired me anyway because
I think they am d stood thatthe educational my system was was quite different.
He died. I did not goto college until my youngest son.

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Well, I took a course ortwo, but until my youngest son went
to nursery school. And then Istarted curiously going to the local college and
I got my r in and thenwent to work for it once a year.
It didn't work within my family becauseI had to there were children and

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had to workshift. And then Iwent back to my bachelor's degree and continued
with my master's and went into tribeof practice count join where I could call
my own hours. But I didn'tdo that, and my whole family was
streamely support of me. I haveto say that my husband wasn't more than

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it support. He picked up thepieces for me and other words on Saturday
sometimes Sundays where I had to inpapers to tetra and took care of the
children. And what he said tome and again, no one is perfect.
And if you read the book,he had his own fafe if you
read the book, and in herehe told me that I don't care if

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you vote college in those states,most women didn't yok a college during my
r when I go ahead and waitedCounty high school, but he said,
I don't care, but do youyou need to do this, And it
was the best thing that ever happenedto me because it really increased my self

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esteem. And he had been awhen I met, and there was a
pH kids university struggle, and soof course I was running into not only
but women lived that PhDs are gettingtheir PhD. So I felt very badly
about this that I have not evengone to college. They watched me and

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they became good too too, inhigh school and in college. I think,
well, yes, sure you saidan example without a doubt. But
when you when you were fourteen andyou left, okay, did you have
this in mind? Is this somethingthat you always wanted to achieve? Is

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someday go to college? Did youknow you wanted to be a nurse.
Did you know you wanted to getinto social work? When when did you
reach that? Well, that momentin all grace and that era, my
uh, women were either bred nursesor they were teachers. In fact,

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I went to my husband grew upin growth point Chikin and I went to
exceptive reunion. Every woman in hisclouds except one was either a nurse I
believe I'm correct here, or youknow, a teacher. But that's where

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we well, and that era youcould really didn't go into bed. But
I thought I'm dead, I'm becamedoctors excepter. But Garry Hugh, right,
well, just so you know,it wasn't just that era. I
mean I was the first in myfamily and my extended family, my cousins
to to go to college. Um, and I didn't get into nursing and

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I didn't get into her teaching.Um I am in the financial evere year
OLDO. My my h What Ireally wanted to be was a child psychologist.
But we won't get into my issues. Um. So, So it
wasn't that you always had this thatyou know, I want to be a

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nurse or want It was just apath you chose because it won well my
my thinking of course, of course, lived there. I worked. The
woman that I was a nanny forwas the register nurse, and she worked
for a time. My sister,my oldest sister, was the nurse.

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I so, but was of themodel I suppose that I followed and it
was a you know that that wasthe most difficult, incasing for me.
Ums. I was on a bookclub, the Zoom, and they asked
me, remember for the book club, what was the most difficult thing on

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your journey towards socioeconomic a higher socioeconomicstatus or medal? I had been.
The most difficult was to getting myeducational ability up to up to the levels
to six feet And it was becauseifts you've read my book We Bathe.

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They lived in the community five miles. School in the winter at good weather
would be tixty bow. My fatherwas not educationally oriented and my mother was.
And when we needed to school somany days. And this is is
that the teachers were solving no morethan correspondence teachers, if you know what

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I need. So even as postglade, I stopped and my little death
right up the front, and I'mlooking at this teacher and I'm thinking,
what if she teasing us? Interesting? I think some of them are you
know how we respond your life?And I think there's more and more there

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if you're coming out on this ourdisposition, personality are focused, it's inherited.
If it seems to be more andmore coming out on it and some
of its environmental and no one cannever start matter all flou thought it haply
do think think? Don't you thinkgetting into that field and then going for

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social work kind of you were preparedto be that someone that cared because in
a family of sixteen children, um, and then caring for three three villains,
didn't it kind of prepare you?I mean maybe that was maybe it's

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not inherited, maybe just it wasyour path. Well, I think that
a factor. Uh. I thinkI'm not your and un ambove you,
but I will tell you that Ioffer with skin Pilot at the fage and

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for the south of twenty thirtin years, in a way I'm my sisters.
I think with him, I'm verycaring, I'm very supportive because I do
kind of big things for them.I doubt and that, but I'm not
a person that it's there like manyof the women I know who is constantly

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caring, caring, caring four others. And I believe in mice case because
I was a mother is sick.I left home, Okay, Carol,
you know three four thousand, nunderfour and I really adored them, by
the way, But maybe I've beena little been a little bit of them

(16:52):
buried out my ky. If thatmakes sense, yes, no, it
absolutely does. But I too wantto give you credit for the calling that
you had. You know, beinga nurse is not an easy task,
and we and even social work sowell, it's interesting at my masters that

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though the breeze true without too muchwork. Well, I have a son
that an m D. And hetold me once and probably if I would
have been younger, I would havedone that. I to get through anatomy,
theology and all those courses. It'sjust working in the hospital to become
an MD. MD and the harderI'll skip about parts or meeting anatomy.

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There's a all of people, Ithink, all individual students in the nursing
from those in the hard course.And once I got through those and ended
up with straight a's and the USthe real booster for me for myself with
seeing and then you know, fromthere I managed to graduated with the fourth

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point of origin by master level andI am I think I grabbed create or
something. It wasn't is difficult.Once I got my youth, I speif
that's just faith right, So youhave let's I'm gonna say this delicately.

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You are in the fourth quarter ofyour life, as soon I might have
a hundred years to live. Um, why this I don't feel it?
No, and I didn't say youdid. I'm just saying, then get
out and and and which amazes mebecause you sat down and you wrote this

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book, your journey. I'm justgonna ask one simple question, and that
is why. Well, I thinkyour audience might be interested in in in
another thing also, which I findkind of fascinating. The book was published
after I turned ad and my cowriter who pushed me to write this doctor

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schnata and transcribed for me. Hehad been on a respirator one of the
first cases of covers for fifty fourdates and recovered him. And it's one
of my best friends out there hereman and he he acter care program,
has the care program, which Ithe port and as he said, I've

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been one of his enters, whichI find interesting because I'm so impreshed with
demands. Did I get to offtrack or no? I I think what
I'm getting out of that is youspoke with this gentleman about your journey,
which and let me remind my listeners, you come from poverty. You came

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from poverty in an extremely rural areaof Canada. You had just about the
bare necessities. There's a part inyour book where it says you slept in
no sheets with bid bugs. Whereum, it could not have been an
easy journey for you to the ageof thirteen. So and again, I

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will go back to for as goodas a relationship you might have had with
your mom and dad, they weredifficulties. And you know, those things
probably have stayed with you. Andwe'll talk a little bit about that going
on. So and I yeah,yeah, pardon it for a graphicing,

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but I want you out here thatquite know why did you like them?
A little more? Go ahead?Appropriately, I have it. I have
a five randkids. I'm proud ofthem. I'm hoping there'll be great contributors
to society, and I think theywill. I they're all college graduate and

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I am a wonderful relationship with them, and I am still they have bought
up with quite a bit of wealth, and I wanted them to understand that
not all of us started that way, and that they this is all they
know because I'm quite frankly by allowedthe type of plaints that their father have

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done so well, you know,and I wanted them to know that not
bite is not that way for allpeople. And that was relievely my molivation
for writing his fook. I'm believefor my grand Sheldon to know what life
I think value is good hap lean. In our family, we didn't have

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money. We were extremely poor.No, we didn't have a lot of
faith. It's cathartic. Now Youneyright, it's cathartic. M Well,
I yet up the book. Whatit's so casolicus? You might think because

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I have I had seven sisters.I have five sisters that I'm extremely close
to. In fact, they werejust at my house for a reunion and
some of them move in Canada.No one lives in the up and we
has had our own therapy grouped forthe last thirty or forty years where we
talked, talk, talk and acknowledgedwhat went on within our family. And

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when they tell you something, Iguess that the therapist and as a person
that its benefited from it. Itreally is kind of important can not keep
everything inside, but could connect withthe group that had fumed through the same
experience that you have in life,whether the cancer. And that's why I

(23:06):
had started as Counter Sports Center withmy Hope co founder Any Murphy, because
we had no place to go whenwe were fit fifty eight years old and
diagnosed with cancer and being told isidenif I had a fifty to fifty tent
to live yet my husband once againwith reporting I had supported friends. I

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lived in the community for fifty fortyfifty years. But the experience on being
diagnosed with cancer, it's more withthe experience of being diagnosed with cancer,
it was more fulpful to be withothers had experienced staff thin situation. I

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agree with you, it is itis definitely support mentorship and any anyone who
has already experienced that. I too, am a survivor. By the way,
before I kind of yes, Andwhen I was diagnosed, I internalized

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a lot. Uh guess I shouldnot have. But then while I was
going through radiation therapy, I meta girl who we just struck up a
conversation and it was the first timetalking to her about it because she was
going through the same thing that Iactually felt relief. So I get that,

(24:34):
I understand, and then there aretimes and you can correct me if
I'm wrong, because your support group, your your close support group or your
sisters, and I don't know ifthey went through it, but there are
times where you you you have asupport group that are going through it that

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maybe sometimes you get negative vibes thatyou just don't want to hear at that
time. I don't know if thatmakes sense. But again again I apologize
that I'm interrupting your life. Idon't know you, you're none at your
show. Well, I didn't gainmy support from my sister or my councer

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experience my support and talking through whatweve all we all, all the girls
and our family went through with ourfather. Was what where I gained a
lot of support and you might even'tsay resolution to that difficult part of my

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childhood, our childhood. None ofmy sisters there an the oldest, my
youngest sisters fifteen years younger than Iam. And then no, no,
I struggled because whatnot? There werecontroversion, NonStop of center with follow an

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hour hour and a half away.And so that's why we raise the money
and built account the supports under culturewhich is also a sense of purpose and
and an impact out of him.Yes, without a doubt and brotten her
leave me. You know what reallyI can't count stress enough. It doesn't

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matter how old we are, finda sense of purpose. I found so
much purpose I was diosed. Iremember imple message by my mother and every
cloud there's excuse to say, andthat's a yummy. My co founder came

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and he said she was considering this, and we went after and I was
going through chemotherapies and radiation and Iwas out there speaking to rating money out
which Union five as we recovered,as I recovered with a year or two
ahead of me, without my purposeand with a beautiful purpose a that I

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found of my diagnosis. And tome, out of people will feel different
to me, uh that with Godand as for me, I needed to
be there to help others and andI felt the same way. Um,

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I think it humbled me. Nobodywants to hear that six lettered word.
UM. It did humble me alot. And and the time lived my
life today believing that I should alwaysbe humbled um and constantly doing things that
humble me even more because there arepeople that are worse off than me.

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And UM, but I find Idon't know if I find that in a
lot of people. I mean certainlypeople I'm close to have the same values
as me. But um, doyou find being as having as much wisdom
as you have right now? Imean at your age and you did say

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your age. Um, how doyou do you find the younger generation has
those same values? Has that ourhumble are as giving as or do you
have to discover it? Find it? Discover it? Do we all know

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that we can do it? Ordo we have to experience before we can
get that? Boy, that's atricky question. I think the loaded a
question. It's a loaded question,and I think we do have to experience
to appreciate where others are coming fromso that we can be empowered. Who

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helps out? I do believe that, Um, it doesn't matter what it
is. It's very difficult to understandanother person situation unless you've been through it
and experience the pains I'm going throughit. So have I again? Have

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I answered your question? Yes?And I think I am hoping that after
experiencing COVID young people. I mean, I don't know, the statistics doesn't
don't show it by young people,you know, realize them they have experienced
something devastating and that they can definitelydo something better. Better about that?

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You're listening to Becoming the Journey onw R seven ten iHeartRadio. Let's continue
my conversation with my guest Murmur porterUm these good for you talked about your
dad, Okay, and I'm goingto go back to that because sure,
but I birth complete conversation we're havingabout the younger generation. Yes you can,

(30:33):
I which can only do what wecan do, and we can only
be the role model. And Ibelong to a bottle steady group and I
they need the role modeled, therole model, and for my grand's children,
and I think for other people andnot the situation. I'm not so

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sure that this group I'm hearing Ihave grandchildren between twenties three or four to
thirty, and I'm hearing either aredifferent about a different direction they're taking.
And I have hope, great hopewith the trauma that their experience, you

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know, being alone during COVID etcetera, et cetera, will bring them
to a different level. And soI got to long with Lunch Marble with
Marble its respond and my one grandsound who was twenty six, about the
book, and I don't have thatin Sunday right now, but one of

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his comments were about forgive. Aswithin the book, I spoke about it's
better for you to for your soulis at peace if you're able to forgive.
And of course that taking me alight of time to learn with my
father, and people know that readthe book though honest he wrote about it,

(32:13):
and he spoke about his need forgiven, and he understood what he was
saying, and he wrote about everyaspect of my book and with the whole
touching. And really that's one ofthe reasons that I pointed out for the
public that I got it an influenceother young people his age, but also

(32:37):
I got some feedback from people myage who felt that learning thing from the
book. So I put it offvery never too old to learn, um
writing, Yeah, I'm actually gonnaI'm actually gonna read a passage in your
book which really touched me. Andand it goes to what you're saying,

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what right now? And it sayscountly ere countless years ago, I separated
myself from the poverty, the tornfloroplastic curtains, and the degradation in violence
of the Blue House. When Ileft my home for good, I did
not know that the scars from atraumatized childhood would be with me for many
years, and that my soul wouldonly be healed after I learned to forgive.

(33:24):
I did not understand that my choiceto hold on to the hurt,
anger and blame I felt for myfather would affect my intimate relationships. I
did not know that my internal angerwould be more damaging to me than to
him. It was transformative. Whendid that happen? I'm so glad you

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brought that up. And you know, ah, some people may not sap
that, an I guess that suchthat an yeah, ah, if I
did not become a therapist. Ofcourse two years after that, and you
know, I was probably forty thatis hand about my graduate degree, and

(34:08):
they'd even older anyway, So Ididn't know. The truth is but I
went home actually when I was thirty, Hugh and by the way, my
HUD's bunny. I didn't want togo home ever. And we had two

(34:30):
little children. I had been marriedfor seven years. My husband had me,
you know, not my my evenfather and I he said, we're
going, we need to do it. We bought a new station wagon.
I was set. Doubts displayed inthe back of the station wagon. We
drove fifteen nine yards miles and Iwas I know, I was thirty two,

(34:52):
and it beside me. It wasa wedding or my parents just given
anniversary maydie. And my father askedme to dance. And I danced with
him, and I was gracious,and he said, I'm so proud of
you. And I said, Isaid thank you. And in my hand

(35:16):
I said I could care a lot. But you know, at the end,
at the end of the book,the book gets told here by me.
At the end of the book,they said, Pathod that my true

(35:37):
grant son and my nephew from Californiaonly um good at the grave and beautiful
to catch one fairy with the blueskies above. And my mother's father were
there. They were looking at theirgrave. And that's when I really God

(36:00):
and man had a difficulty situation.He was marked, he was illiterate,
he was poor, that he wasa competed in our entrepreneur and and so
I get that. Sure, Icame to the realization that again and many

(36:21):
times, that people are not perfect, and he made some mistake. I'm
going to read another passage that itsays in some strange way I did.
I it's an amazing book, anda lot of it is impressed impressed me

(36:44):
because I am a firm believer thatwe are coolly are either the way we're
raised in spite of how we're raised, and it depends on how you look
back. And this one passage reallygot to me, and it says,
in some strange way, you beginto feel a deepening empathy towards your parents
as you wonder what their inner liveswere like in their final years. Were

(37:07):
they content with the course their liveshad taken and with the outcome? Had
bitterness overtaken them as it does somany near the end, or did they
find a sweetness of soul that cannot only make life bearable but bring a
rich, precious sense of life's fleetingquality. It isn't that that's sort of

(37:30):
like a self or But it's notyour parents doing that. You're questioning it
for yourself. Correct. I'm notquite sure I understand. I'll take again,
you don't know the answers to thosequestions as far as your parents are

(37:51):
concerned, But thinking of those questionsand and developing a sort of empathy towards
your powers, aren's knowing like youjust said before, where your dad came
from, you know, his strugglesand whatnot. But thinking about how they
might have felt in the end,doesn't that make you start to question or

(38:15):
shouldn't we question what our role isright now from now until the end?
Oh? Absolutely, I think weall into question what our role is and
and really and our guts. AndI'm not the perfect child out I would

(38:35):
say to my children, I'm notnot for the poster shot. I'm sort
of like Meryl Strength. After all, I have children and he's dead.
Had one point, after all,I know they are not he was announce
that the problem dead, they're soft. Yeah, the world's great, it's
actress. Then after all, I'mnot so great. I have four children

(38:57):
to tell me I'm not great exactly. Um yeah, but yeah, I
all look, the last journey we'regonna take, okay, is the journey
to the grave side. And Ialways, I always like to say that

(39:21):
it's it's that moment between that birthand that death, which is the dash.
You know when you when you lookat a gravestone, it says the
date you were born, the dateyou died with a dash. It is
that dash that is our lives andis what what we do with that dash
so um, so, yes,we should constantly question ourselves. Um how

(39:47):
important was go ahead? I think? Uh? I believed a couple of
my brandon addressed that the books forthem made me question just that that's that

(40:09):
if they're thinking about what are theydoing with their lives? They're younger than
I am, but tenent in here, but what are they doing with their
life? What's the purpose? Andhowdy it would the old love? How
do you forgiveness? And so inreality, that's another reason I'm going I

(40:29):
hope I've influenced some people. Noteveryone's going to appreciate when I say,
I understand, but too, let'sdo that. Look at your life are
you? Are you living life asa as a good role model? And

(40:49):
for me, that role model isbased on based on Christian values I learned
in my child telling you and wenever went to church because there weren't no
churches. But have read Bibe onit, but a very basic you know,
okay care viters, No, howdo you can you have values without

(41:14):
having Christian values? Boy? Doctor, good question, I promaly, no,
I don't know. I'd be interestedand deep you well, certainly there's

(41:35):
a lot of people out there thathave never read with value it but I
mean biblee but or know what thevalue or they're atheists or they're agnostic,
whatever it is. They don't believein a god, they don't believe in
a high paller. But can theystill be kind and have values and be
humbled and and and you know,just honest what the fact they're I would

(42:00):
just like, don't very I don'tthink everyone that can fitter for themselves,
and all of them agnostics and they'veacknowledged it. I think they're very deep
people. So yes, yes,I would have to fity out. Would
not judge people be facts they believethat they are not fiften Ye know that

(42:27):
that is truly my hope. Iwill accept anyone's belief or non belief.
But just being an good kind personis probably what I believe is is what
it's all about. Um, youtalk a little bit about letting go you

(42:50):
you had somewhat of a tumultuous ormaybe maybe that's the wrong word. You
can you can change it for me, Um with your with your husband of
many many years. Um, wasthat a pattern? Feuzy Well? I
loved to address this questions because thatmany of you straded people h and by

(43:22):
not adds I said earlier, noone any accrueting you and I no one
is all and no one is allabout and and yes to coming throughout the
year I didn't have with him.I was just relationship with night husband.

(43:43):
But I was one and I realizedthat need this sphonimic because ad Mike youngest
son and m so I'm not proudI'm taught about. Yeah. He addressed
me the day after my husband diedand said, why didn't you lead?
It? Treated you poorly and heloved you. Now, I never forgot

(44:07):
that I'm the one that had thatlimit on the kind of actions that took
place here and there in my relationshipand I and you, and where does
that come from? I am?I am certain that how you are with

(44:30):
your father and your relationship puts yourfather. And again people are entitled to
disagree, but from my perspective,you tend to be attracted. Now,
my husband was never physically abusing onbut deverbally addution and it tend to be
attracted to that kind of person andin minds you, I needed that limit

(44:55):
on that and I struggled with it, but I not was the nineteen watch
seventies. I had to two littlechildren, and I justed came to found
me first, and he and Hawd. He grew older, he mellowed,

(45:20):
and we didn't have a my family. And I did have a confrontation with
him, don't did you did yourchildren witness that? Belle? You know,
I even talked to about them aboutit in the book, and I
just said they didn't care? Betterwas there? My oldest son, by
the way, was the one thatreally pushed for the book. Huh and

(45:43):
us they said they didn't care andwant say either reason they didn't care if
the cudget was all embarrassingly public tome? Right and that and that that's
my question, like they did theywitness the I don't know how to abuse

(46:05):
in abuse, by the way,it comes in many different ways, variable,
emotional, whatever, But did asthey were growing up? Correct?
And he outed that did they breakthe cycle? Because apparently did they break
that cycle? I? I?I. So that appears at this point

(46:28):
they've been married for both of them, they were married a year apart,
and they're been married for thirty ormore years right now. But it appears
to me that they've done pretty well. But at this point, I am
quite sure under they don't tell methe things that that have to they had

(46:49):
to have, that was their Theyhas to have some issue in their marriage.
They just didn't stop doing you out. I don't. I don't know,
but that was the role model.So I don't know. I count
out through that and maybe I don'teven want to answered. But at disclined
in they are marriages, it appearsthe thing they're looking pretty good. Okay,

(47:16):
um, because I know for afact in many relationships going generationally,
that cycle never breaks. Oh honey, I always have a saying I always
had saying good well again bye,I take the responsibilities. Finally I needed

(47:42):
to put the factory. Y're plainlyand simply believe you, not put up
about and very hurtful to tell thetruth. It's not easy. It just
me that follow a late us andI've learned, which means we're never too
old to learn no um. AndI've often said to I've often said to

(48:10):
some of my friends who are incertain relationships will show certain patterns of being
in those kinds of relationships, andI've said to them, You've got to
ask that person, what is itin me that you like? So much
because that's what you need to changein your because that's the attraction. So
um, and it's not easy.It's definitely not not easy too. So

(48:34):
you've you know, you've forgiven,You've had to reach a point in your
life where you've had to forgive yourdad. And and in a way,
did you find that after the passingof your of your husband that you needed
to forgive him? Oh? Absolutely, I think God put that in the

(48:57):
book That's not God's Blessed and andand out that graveside that when I came
to forgiveness from him as well,it might and you know it didn't strange
secret if I know that if Ihad, I probably had a well for
sure I had a part in it. I accepted it, you know,

(49:22):
but and and you changed it.I'm a pretty independent person. Um,
I could have done dead or inthe marriage, no doubt about it.
Right. So I'm not I'm notit seemed from him. I'm just saying,
when in relationships we be tied,whether we're gonna stay in it or

(49:44):
not, because it's not all blackand white, how much value it did,
and that this person brings your lightand and what are the negatives?
And of the positives. I thinkthat's my view all right. Before I
close, I want to read onemore passage from Mrnie's book, The Blue

(50:06):
House, and it says, bytelling the stories engraved on my heart,
I also hope to offer a modelof success for those who were not born
with a silverspoon in their mouth,and perhaps to remind those who were born
to affluence that success is comprised ofmuch more than material wealth. The truly
wealthy person lives from the richness oftheir values. At my heart's core,

(50:30):
I believe that with the proper support, guidance, and mentoring, it is
possible for every single child living tosucceed. Thank you for listening to Becoming
the Journey. Listen on w Rseven ten iHeartRadio or wherever you listen to
your podcasts. You can subscribe forfree, follow us on Instagram at Becoming

(50:54):
the Journey and let us know howwe're doing. A five starry view on
Apple Podcasts really helps. Thank youso much, mRNA. I wish you
the best for Thank you so muchfor having me and Myrna's book can be
found on Amazon. I think everyoneit's a simple read. It's a great

(51:15):
read. Check it out. Okay, thank you. You have been listening
to Becoming the Journey, hosted byGrace Lavrey. Tune in weekly to hear
more conversations that will inspire listeners alongtheir life's journey. The proceeding was a
paid podcast. I Heeartradio's hosting ofthis podcast constitutes neither an endorsement of the

(51:37):
products offered or the ideas expressed