ENCORE PRESENTATION: ''Relaunch: Ignite Your Life'' with Hilary DeCesare

None

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
The following is a paid podcast.iHeartRadio's hosting of this podcast constitutes neither an
endorsement of the products offered or theideas expressed. Welcome to Becoming the Journey.
This show will be a series ofconversations that will inspire listeners along their
life's journey. This show's mission isto cultivate a community of mentorship by sharing

(00:21):
our experiences and our life's journey.Nobody's journey is a straight line, so
no matter where you are in yours, this show is for you. Meet
Grace Loverray, Hi listeners, thanksfor tuning into Becoming the Journey on wr
seventen iHeartRadio. My guest today isHillary de Cazar. She is the host

(00:43):
of the Relaunch podcast and Radio Americais the Relaunch Live. Hillary is an
award winning Silicon Valley CEO, internationalbest selling author, certified Master Neuroscience,
coach, and a loyal philanthropist.She's been featured on ABC, NBC,
Forbes, Coaches Counsel, and YahooFinance, just to name a few.

(01:08):
Doctor John Gray, the author ofMen Are From Mars, Women Are from
Venus, says about Hillary's book Relaunch, spark your heart to ignite your life,
I quote, a powerful accelerator fortransformation both personally and professionally. Welcome
Hillary, so great to be hereand I appreciate it. And just for

(01:33):
our listeners, we are actually atiHeart Studios. Okay, relaunch not an
easy undertaking. Explain relaunch well,as you said in this opening, it's
not a straight line, is it, And it's many times so circuit us
and relaunches can be not only thenegative, right the things that we think

(01:56):
about, Oh, you've got divorce, or you've got big impactful health issues,
You've got things that are happening inyour life, but they're also the
positives. There's also the marriages andthe promotions and the launching of businesses.
And when you think about all ofthe relaunches and you go back, and

(02:19):
I always like to have people goback through decades, right, start with
where you are and chronicle your relaunches, the significant ones, the ones that
are even like the micro the macro, and when you start to see all
that you've been through, the mostimportant part, and what I talk about
on my podcasts so often is thatwhen you can look at some of the

(02:46):
ones that you consider not as positiveand you can spin them and you can
look at them from a positive perspective, like what was the lesson learned?
And I've now probably had two twohundred interviews, and I ask the question,
either on air or off, I'llsay, if you could go back
and change something in that relaunch thatthey have discussed, would you, And

(03:12):
to date, I have never hadone person say I would go back and
change it. And so relaunching hasnow become because of the world relaunches that
we've had, because of professional relaunches, hybrid workplace relaunches, more people going
into entrepreneurship relaunches. It's now becomemore of a common word than it ever

(03:36):
has. And so what we're tryingto do, what I'm trying to do
in the mission is help people gothrough relaunches and feel a way, a
framework that you can use to successfully, to peacefully, to gracefully go through
them. So let's touch on afew of the things that you mentioned.

(03:59):
And while reading your book, Ikind of got the idea that relaunching is
relaunching ourselves by sinking mind, heartand body. You say, your higher
self, head, heart, higherself, right, But I think the
body is all part of all ofthat, and The first thing you touch
on is three HQ, and thatis heart head and higher self or what

(04:23):
you call the internal arsenal. Explain, explain what you mean, and you
can give me a small synopsis ofwhat heart head and then high your self
and how they all mingle. So, if you think about the sixties,
seventies, and eighties, it wasall about IQ, how intelligent you are,
very head driven, problem solving,steps, procedures, systems. And

(04:46):
then in the nineties it became allabout EQ emotional quotion. How emotionally connected
are you, What is the passionbehind what you're doing? How how connected
are you with the people around youthat you're working with. Well, then
we had the world change and allof a sudden, today's world it's not

(05:11):
about a new it's not about anew normal, it's about a new different.
Things have incredibly changed. And CherylSandberg wrote the book lean In And
although it has been proven that thephilosophy of lean in and even she's come
out and said this, and sheyou know again CEO of Facebook Meta or

(05:34):
COO excuse me, now, she'sofficially stepped down. But here's the most
important part of that. She putherself out there to say, this is
something that all women should be ableto do, is lean in, get
a seat at the table. Well, people did, and I being one
of them, and it didn't workout so great, right. We ended

(05:57):
up getting things that we didn't necessarilywant that didn't work out the way that
we thought they would. And that'swhy I thought about this. And after
working in the Silicon Valley at ahigh tech company for almost ten years and
then I literally have been coaching whatwas actually called twenty three years ago when
I started consulting, and I realizedthat where have we come? And as

(06:23):
you said, the body, thebody and the mind, and there's all
these different ways to kind of putit together, but where's the framework that
we can we can actually use inour daily lives. And as I was
writing this book relaunch, based onsome pretty significant relaunches that really changed my

(06:46):
world, I realized that three HQis head capturing that head element, your
identity, your belief systems, whetherthey're limiting or empowering beliefs. And then
you've got that heart segment of yourwhy, your passion, and you also

(07:08):
have emotional blocks there too that sometimeswe try to avoid and gloss over and
then there is this other thing.And let me tell you, when I
was at Oracle, we did nottalk about anything higher self. You do
not go down that path, right, And so when you start thinking higher
self, people would say, youknow, oh, it's spiritual or I

(07:30):
believe in God. I don't believein God. I believe this. I
believe that. And to me,the higher self is your best version of
you. It's where your energy isat its highest level. It's when you're
in alignment, when you just knowwhat I call the G zone. Your
G zone is your growth zone,your gratitude zone, your great zone,

(07:53):
and it's also that growth zone ofwhen you continue to be the best version
of you. And so today whatI am now out and so passionate about
is bringing the three HQ framework intopersonal and professional lives. And you can

(08:13):
use it every single day. Andthere's a super interesting, super fast I
call it the pocket tool that Iwould love to share with you, and
if you're up for it, runyou through it, and you certainly can
do that. I do have acomment, though, So you talk about
three HQ and I get it,and it's kind of head to heart and

(08:35):
then head to heart goes to yourhigher self. And I did not get
anything spiritual out of that, becauseusually when there's something spiritual, they talk
about your higher power. So tome, I looked at it as emotional
intelligence versus informational intelligence the mind andthe heart, but it all comes down
to human intelligence, which is reallyencompasses all of that. And I don't

(09:03):
know that was my thought process onit. I don't know how you feel
about that, But is that theway I should be thinking of? Oh?
I love that, especially in today'sworld where AI has become so important
in all of our lives, andhow are you going to use it in
the fear of you know, shouldI embrace this now? Can I be
a you know, there's always theinnovators and then there's the laggards that want

(09:26):
to, you know, kind ofslowly put their toe in the water.
And I have to say, intoday's world with AI, you have to
jump in fast because this thing islike a bullet train. It is taking
off. And so where I liketo go with three HQ is much like
what you said. That is itis this human intelligence. There is this

(09:50):
capacity in your head, especially asa business owner and entrepreneur. I know
you've recently gotten into franchise. Youknow this, you're learning steps that you
didn't know before, which means youhave to be open to new ways of
doing things right. And I'm seeingyou nod and you're like, okay,
yeah, absolutely. But when Ilook at AI, I'm looking at it

(10:16):
also from the head. It's it'smore steps that we're going to be learning.
But what it's also doing is it'sallowing you to use a form of
technology to ask yourself better questions.It gets you to keep thinking. And
so I've found with you know,the thousands of people that I've coached entrepreneurs,

(10:41):
that I actually have them while they'reon a call with me or one
on one coaching or group coaching.I'll have them on the computer as they're
actually like answering questions and saying,okay, put that in there. What
would be the question that you wouldask? And then of course you'd get
back and answer. But it makesyou think more. And so as you

(11:03):
talk about this human intelligence and you'vegot your heart, you've got intuition,
And I go back to my oracledays in the Silicon Valley where I never
trusted my intuition. Then it wasn'tsomething like I could ever say, well,
I just had that, you know, that gut feeling. I just
knew. I just had this,You know, I had this sense.

(11:26):
People would have looked at me likeshe's gone crazy. But now as I
teach people to actually lean into theirintuition, that I teach them to understand
it is a power source inside ofyou. Your three HQ is so incredible
because it's something you don't need totry to go somewhere else to figure out

(11:50):
off and say. In order toshow up in the physical world in the
visible sense, you need to goand be invisible first. And when you've
read the book, I talk aboutthe pause principle, the idea that we're
racing through everything, and so manytimes you hear things, right, you

(12:11):
hear this little voice that says,hey, maybe try this or do that,
but you're like, you don't listento it. Right, We think
that, oh, let me gocheck, let me go ask ten other
people what they think, and thenyou get caught up in this feeling of
being stuck or overwhelmed or underwhelmed,and you don't move forward versus you hear

(12:35):
that, and initially you start todo it very you know, like it
quietly and you're listening, and you'remaybe pausing in your office on a walk,
and you're just letting whatever comes inbe able to come in. And
people often ask, how do youstart to even incorporate three HQ into your

(12:56):
life? What is this framework?It seems like, oh gosh, there's
just there's so much. And Isay, first and foremost, you got
to tune in. Tune in isthe process, and it's actually a very
simple four step process. In thebook, I share that neurologically, neuroscience,
there is a sixty day process tocompletely eliminate a limiting belief. But

(13:22):
people today we want fast action,we want silver bullets, we want things
to happen now, and so thetune in process allows things to happen immediately.
And so can I take you throughthe process, absolutely, Okay,
go for it. So it's foursteps and everyone can become a master at

(13:43):
this. That's the best part.I keep it simple and I let you
become the master of you. Sostep one and Grace, I want you
to think about what is the biggestchallenge that you have right now in your
business. That is a good question. I think it probably is going out

(14:03):
of my comfort zone and working onthese franchises. I've been in the investment
world for many years, made tonsof investments, been on boards, and
but this is hands on and Iwill actually be operating something totally responsible.
And I think that is my biggestbusiness challenge right now. Oh I love

(14:28):
that and I just got chills foryou. Like growth, when you think
about it, comes from being uncomfortable, right, So kudos to you.
Now, there's sometimes in step onewhere let's say it's not a business challenge
per se as we think of challengesas the negative. What if challenges could
also be really exciting new adventures,pushing yourself the intention to do something really

(14:54):
well. So Step one can bea challenge that you think of in the
sense of I got a struggle andI got to work to get through it,
or it can be an intention.Step two is change your channel.
And what do I mean by that? What I mean is Einstein said,
you can't solve a problem at thelevel it was created at that energetic level.

(15:16):
When you're stuck, when you're feelingshame or blame, you're kind of
at a low vibrational level. There'sactually levels to emotions, there's vibrations,
and that could be at a twentyor a thirty on the vibrational scale,
fear is at one hundred. Butwhen you start to get above that,
which is where you need to beto make sure that you have a comfort

(15:39):
level, you're like fired up togo in and learn these new steps,
new procedures, new everything in thisfranchise business. Because you've had such great
success with the investment side, thefinance side, this is where you need
to realize, I got to changemy channel. I can't figure out and
solve my problem at a right Soin the step two, I change your

(16:03):
channel by having you tune in toa song that lights you up, to
a song that when you hear itgrace, you can't help but move your
body. So, is there asong that when you hear it you love
it? Is there like a genre? Is there a song specifically, what
would be your go to song rightnow that would light you up? Oh?

(16:26):
My god. I am an absolutemusic fanatic. So I've got so
many songs that just you know,for any different mood. And that's the
greatest part. And there's scientific there'sscientific data around the arts, around music.
And so let me just give youan example. And I just I've

(16:48):
done this probably five times today alreadyhad people go through this program so or
this tune in process. So let'sjust say you like the song happy?
Do you like that song? Okay, not really one of your favorites?
What would be one of your favorites? I just can't think right now.
You really caught me off guard here. And this is very good because I
mean, I've got so many songswhirling around in my head. I don't

(17:11):
really settle on one. There isone by a composer called Luke Sital Singh.
In fact, I love his songscalled It's Killing Me and and it's
it's so perfect. It is justa great song because the interpretation is is

(17:34):
that he missed out on something withthis person. But he's trying to explain
to her that even though he's happyand he's sharing time with his grandchildren and
he's moved on in his life andhe's gone out into the world and discovered
all different wonders, that his heartis still with her. And I just

(17:56):
thought it was a beautiful, Yes, I thought it was beautiful. So
It's killing me. I want youto literally think of it now. I
know you're gonna say singing no,I won't. I won't make you do
that. But here's the thing,Grace, if you are by yourself and
not in iHeart studio right now withall of us, I would say,

(18:17):
if you're by yourself, you putit on your phone, you put it
on your stereo, you stand upand you start moving. You change your
state by listening. All right,But since we're here and this is not
being recorded like you know live interms of a video on you, I
want you to shut your eyes andI want you to hear it's killing me.
And I want you to take itfrom your head to your toes,

(18:40):
move your body, change your state, get into it's killing me. Okay,
this is changing your channel, andyou have to do it for twenty
seconds, Grace. I don't thinkit's loud enough. Turn it up.
So now as you're letting it gothrough your body, you're moving your tapping

(19:00):
your foot. I can see yousmiling. You got your head bobbing away.
I mean, this is so good. Now we move into step three,
and step three is where you're goingto visualize. You are going to
create a mini movie in your mind, a mini movie in your mind,
and we're going to incorporate neuroscience intothis part of it. And the way

(19:25):
we're going to do it is Iwant you to see yourself really as I
call it a relaunch flip, theflip side of your challenge. When you
understand the processes you are starting tojust you go into it. You're like,
I'm doing it. Dumplings. It'sthe dumplings, Brooklyn, dumpling stuff.

(19:47):
Yes, and I wish you hadbrought some. I love a good
dumpling. But anyways, so Iwant you to now think of yourself and
you're walking in and it is humming, and things are happening for you.
You close your eyes. I wantyou to tune in again to its killing
me and I want you to thinkabout that image. Is there a color

(20:08):
that comes to mind right now?Is there a color you're saying blue?
Blue? I want you to tenexthat blue. I want you to intensify
that blue, make it so bright? Is it bright? Okay? Now
you're emotionally charging this mini movie ofyour mind. You are like giving it

(20:29):
a life of its own. Andnow the last part of part three in
this step is I'm going to askyou as you're closing your eyes, I'm
going to ask you to with theword click. You are going to open
and close your eyes very quickly,taking an internal picture in your mind,
an internal picture of what you're envisioningwith that blue and you're standing there and

(20:55):
things are happening, and your emotionsare going. Are you ready? You're
not focused on the outside, You'refocused on the inside. Click click click.
You have now just taken an imagein your mind. You've taken the
best picture you could ever have.You're going to put it in the photo
album that will always be available foryou. Now we're going to go to

(21:18):
step four and step four is againtune in. It's killing me. You're
leveling yourself up again. You're thinkingabout your photo album in your mind,
that photo. And then the laststep is your micro step, the micro
step that you can do right nowto lead yourself get into the momentum of

(21:40):
getting to that image. What wouldthat be that you could do right after
we are done with this show thatyou could move forward with, because remember
everything that you are thinking and creating, the universe loves momentum. When you
say, oh, I'll do ittomorrow, it's like like it just shuts

(22:04):
it down. So what can youdo by tuning back in. It's killing
me. I'm now looking at thatimage. What could you do right now
to move it forward? In amicroaction? Move forward the image of creation,
creation creating that image. I'm theQueen of creation, so let's hear

(22:25):
it. I'm constantly creating things inmy head and projecting. That is one
thing I do do. I tella story before it's even happening because it
kind of gives me an idea ofwhere I want to be. So I
don't know if that's being creative ornot. Oh no, it is.
You are lighting up your right sideof the brain. And I always do

(22:47):
that. I just you know.I read a book recently called Chattaby.
I think it's Ethan Cross, andhe tells you to come out of yourself
and become a third party in yourlife and talk to yourself that way.
And I constantly do that, andso I play both parts, the good
the bad, and I love thatbecause what you're doing with the mini movie

(23:11):
in your mind is that's exactly whatyou're able to do. You're able to
go back and say that's where I'mgoing to be. That's already existing,
that's already done, and when youcome at it from it's already done.
Then that micro step, which I'mstill going to push you on. Since
I am a coach, I wantto hear, what is that micro step

(23:34):
that you're going to take grace afteryou finished here, after something small that
would move you towards feeling not likeyou're overwhelmed by new steps and new procedures,
but like you got this. Whatcould you do? Well, I
know what I am gonna do.Okay, Well that's good enough for me.

(23:55):
That's it. I'm going out todinner with a friend I haven't seen
in many moons and just I'm trulylooking forward to that. And so that's
really pretty much. I don't knowif it's so creative. I might be
creative with the meal, but Ithink, all right, so I'm going
to keep going here because one ofthe things I do not ever let people

(24:18):
do is, especially when they're tuningin, start to tune out, and
you're starting to tune out with Igot dinner and I've got this person.
I want you to come back tome. And step four is a micro
step to get you closer to achievingthat picture in your mind. And that

(24:38):
picture was around the challenge. Theopposite of the challenge of you actually coming
into your store, getting on acall, doing something where you have that
level of confidence that you have withyour investments, with your finance, all
of that. What could you do? And now this is where this is
great. I want you to tuneback in to the song because again we're

(25:03):
elevating your energy because you can't solvea problem. You can't think of a
microstep if you are down at thatlower level. All right, okay,
so what would that be? Whatwould a microstep be towards feeling like you
really have mastered this franchise business.I just think feeling I've mastered it?

(25:33):
So could you when we're done,could you just take a moment a pause
and say how will it feel whenI actually have it? It's your vision
of vision too, right. Itwas a third step, and that's when
you can sit here and maybe whatyou do is you write down that this
is ultimately what I'm going for,this is what I want, this is

(25:56):
how I want to feel, thisis what success means to me. And
by doing that, you now aresaying, all right, this, I'm
taking that first step. And thentomorrow when you jump on a call to
discuss this, you tune back intothis exact same process, same song.
You look at that image and maybethe next time you do it, you

(26:19):
put a different image in there,you add to your photo album, and
you keep bringing back this thought ofabsolute success. And so the tune in
process again is step one, youlook at what's a challenge or an intention.
Step two, you change the channelby tuning into a song, letting

(26:40):
it wave through you for twenty seconds. Step three, you visualize that movie
of the mind. You intensify thecolors, the feelings, and then you
take that internal click image three times. And then the fourth step, microstep,
what is the one thing always tuningback into that song? Actually,

(27:00):
it's always kind of going back toa positive attitude. And that's probably what
you're saying right now. If mylisteners have just tuned in, or if
you're tuning in and you're not listeningbefore. I'm here with Hillary de Caesar,

(27:22):
okay, and we're talking about relaunchingourselves. Okay, I have a
question and maybe it's deep, Idon't know, but you're programming, okay,
or we're programming ourselves to relaunch.And I'm going to use the word

(27:44):
personality, because personality plays a veryimportant part in all this because we're programmed
from young to be who we are, or we accept how we're being programmed
to be who we are. Howdo we reach the younger people today to

(28:04):
help them to think more outside thebox, imagine be more emotionally diverse.
How do we go back there?I mean, we can take a forty
year old and say relaunch yourself andopen up a boutique. That's great stuff.

(28:25):
But what about the twelve year oldand the thirteen year old who's not
quite molded yet. To get themto learn how to constantly relaunch, because
it's not one relaunch, it's aconstant relaunch. And I often talk about
on the show about a self auditcoming from a financial background, and I

(28:51):
always say, you need to lookback at yourself, see what you did,
see what you should have done,examine it and just move forward with
it, learn from it and moveforward with it. So how do we
reach younger people? This is somethingthat I agree with you that everybody has

(29:12):
constant relaunches. Right, it's thechild who had parents get divorced, who
had health issues, who had youknow, some trauma that happened to them.
And as I explain in the book, trauma is in the eye of
the beholder, and so doesn't matterthe big the small, trauma can happen.

(29:33):
And so, how do we allowfor children, tweens, teens,
college students to be able to leveragethree HQ, to be able to move
away from the understanding that everything thatpeople are doing is based around your belief
system. Right, it's your parentsmight have said something to you. Your

(29:59):
money stories come from when you wereyoung, your relationship stories come from when
you were young. And right now, I'm actually creating a tune in course
for college students because I think itis so important that people have had such
a traumatic last few years that thatwe're all struggling. It's a mass struggle

(30:26):
across relaunches. When you think aboutconditioning, and you think about when you
have a pet, right and youtrain a pet to do, you know,
sit, go fetch the ball.That's what we've done with our children,
right, It's our belief system.We're putting them on you. It's

(30:47):
generational belief systems. And really whenkids start to realize and they wake up
is when they move to college.That's when they're like, wait a second,
I'm not just hearing this one wayof doing things. I'm getting exposure
to a lot more kids, alot more belief systems, And it's at

(31:11):
this point where I want these eighteento twenty two year olds to be able
to have a framework to fall backon, because it's it rocks people's worlds,
like all of a sudden, you'relike, wait a second, not
everyone believes that, like what's goingon? And so the best part of

(31:32):
why I came up with the pockettool tune in was because I wanted to
keep it super, super simple,super interesting and relevant. Right. I
mean, I'd say, I thinkI've only met a couple people who said
I hate music. I'm literally inlike the thousands of tune in processes I've
done, and I'm like, okay, pick a piece of art. I

(31:55):
can work with you there too.But and if they say I don't like
art, then I'm like, okay, you know, I'm done, Mike
drop and I'm Mike out of here. So probably an accountant, Yeah,
you'll have to. You're gonna haveto help me understand from the finance world,
what else I could use? Whatother But you know, it's super
important that we give kids the abilityto at their level where they are,

(32:21):
and the younger kids are still inthe homes of their parents, and the
parents are not going to be like, you know, hey, when my
when my mom died, my twodaughters decided to go out and get tattoos,
and they used to. My momlived in right near Disneyland, and
so they called her Grandma Disney.But my mom hated Disneyland. I know

(32:44):
everyone out there who loves Disneyland.How could any woman ever hate Disneyland?
But she did. And it wasthe biggest joke because we'd go and visit
her and the kids would be like, I want to see Grandma Disney.
Grandma Disney. Well, she endedup loving the name right for for the
that it gave her. But whenshe passed, and I talk about her
in the book, the girls wentand got tattoos, and I'm like,

(33:07):
that's a little aggressive, right,But it's what they did together as this
support system of remembering my mom.And it's that that, you know,
they had gone to college, sothey were you know, officially out of
like my home, but had theybeen, they would have been like,

(33:28):
can I do it? She's gonnaget mad, as you know, am
I going to be in trouble.And that's why I say college is really
the time to start to share withpeople, opening up their minds, that
it's okay to start thinking on yourown. It's okay to start challenging the
stories that you have been just livingby, and that none of us are

(33:51):
domesticated to such a degree that againthat's a story of how we you know,
this is just the way I am. I have friends that say,
oh, well, you know,we always eat pizza on Sunday, and
our family we always cook together andwe always eat too much, or oh
god, we get this group togetherand we all drink way too much.
It's like these stories that we havea family or about our businesses. Right,

(34:15):
Oh, Q three is terrible.It's always my worst quarter or my
business. It's a roller coaster.I get one good, one bad.
These stories need to be challenged throughoutall of our lives. And so I'm
super excited. I hired an internwho is right in the age space of

(34:36):
the college years, and I said, I want for your summer internship to
create the tune in course together willbring this out. And so at the
end of summer, you know,when loser draw it's coming out and it's
going to be not perfect, it'sgoing to be good enough. And that
is another thing that we try tomake sure people know that the relaunch process,

(35:01):
it's not about perfectionism. It's notabout procrastination, which is a form
of perfectionism. It's about momentum.It's about moving forward and realizing what's your
lifestyle of success that you're going for. Because yours, mine, his,
hers, everyone has a different foundation, and it's based on it's based on

(35:25):
childhood. I have a great storyif I can't just really quickly. I
had a client who came to meand he was very interested in selling his
business. And he said, youknow, I'm so excited I want to
sell it. And he had innumbers that I want to sell it for
one hundred million dollars or more.And you know that's my like, that's
what I've always wanted. And Isaid, okay, let's make it happen.
But what do you want to doonce you've done it, Like what's

(35:50):
the end goal? Like why,like what's the why behind it? He
said, well, you know,I really want to get a boat and
sail it around the world. I'mlike, wow, you love sailing And
he kind of paused. He's like, no, I don't. I don't
love sailing. I'm like, then, why would you want to get a

(36:10):
boat and have it go across theworld? Like why do you want to
do that? And he's like,that's a really interesting question. I've always
said this, but I've never thoughtabout my why behind it. And he
said, I got it when Iwas young. Bob, my dad's best
friend, came over and Bob hadsold his business and Bob bought a boat,
and he went and sailed it acrossthe world, you know, around

(36:32):
the world. And so I thoughtthat was the coolest thing. And then
he paused, and he was like, I don't want I don't want to
buy a boat and I don't wantto do this. And so I looked
at him and I said, whatdo you really want to do? And
he said I got to come backto you on that. I don't know
what I really want to do.And I said, what are you passionate
about? And he said, Ireally I think I want to go build

(36:57):
houses in Africa and like keep peoplewith water and all this stuff. I'm
like, okay, now that's something, and immediately he lit up. He
got that fire in his belly,and that's what we all want. We
want to be able to not feellike we're, well, I'm doing this

(37:17):
because this is the way it's alwaysbeen. Doesn't that come down to purpose?
Passion and purpose? Passion and purpose. I lived my life with purpose.
I just think that if I don'tdo something that has a purpose to
it, then it's meaningless to me. So I think purpose is extremely important.

(37:37):
And I know you talk about thatin your book. You've said in
your book that the journey that yourmom took is what made you write this
book and start this relaunch, andwhich tells me that the relaunch was more
more not what you were doing foryourself, but how you were influenced by

(37:58):
someone else to do that. Isthat important to be influenced by it,
to take it in from all placesand experiences of other people to sort of
form what your relaunch might look like. So when I was I had just
turned fifty, had a big birthdayup at our cabin's Silver Lake in the

(38:20):
Sierras, and my mom was therefour days after. I hadn't even seen
the pictures yet. I was still, like, you know, on a
high. And I get the callfrom my mom and she says Hilary,
I've got thirteen lesions, and itwas the flattest voice I've ever heard.
And I'm like, what does thatmean? Like, what are you talking
about? Mom? And I hadalready been through melanoma. I had been

(38:42):
through my grandparents were in a terrible, massive car crash and died when I
was twelve years old. And Ihad a near death experience, and you
know, my kids had been said. I mean, I had all these
divorce, you know, young mom, all these different things, and yet
at that moment it hit me.It felt like, you know, my
knees just came out and just crumbledto the ground. And the reason that

(39:06):
I had to write the book RelaunchSpark Your Heart, to Ignite Your Life,
is that it was the beginning.Like two months later, COVID hit
and all of a sudden, allI wanted to do, Elizabeth Gilbert,
you pray, love, get thehell out of Dodge, like move like,
let's do this, Let's go somewhere. I couldn't. I couldn't escape
this apartment in San Francisco in ahigh rise at that time. I couldn't

(39:31):
even go to you know, thewild right and start hiking around because at
that point you couldn't go anywhere thatthe parks were closed everything, and I'm
like, I was screaming in myhead. So it made me do a
full assessment on how my mom hadshaped who I became and where I started
to notice that I deviated, thatI tried to become my own self only

(39:55):
to kind of fall back into whoI want was, as you said,
personality. But then there's character,right, and a lot of times we've
got generations that come out and youfind that you know, you've got these
things that are innate within you thatoh my god, I sound like her,

(40:15):
I you know, do this mannerismlike her? And so what really
happened as I started to look backon our life and I had a lot
of time, right, we alldid in those you know, small rooms
that you're like looking around and you'relike huh. And so I got to
just start writing stories down and thestories turned into wow, now that I'm

(40:37):
not going to keep going with thatstory that was her story. I learned
a lot and three HQ came outof that because my mom did everything with
this heart center like push. There'sa story in there about we lived in
bel Air California, and you know, the outside perception is reality. The

(41:00):
outside everything looked great, but onthe inside of the house, my dad
and my stepdad had just lost hisjob and my mom needed felt like she
really needed to have the house painted, and my stepdad said, no money.
She's like no money, like nomoney. And I remember hearing from

(41:22):
around the corner and I was listeningand I'm like, what, we can't
even afford to paint the house.Well, what happened was she ended up
when I was visiting my dad andmy stepmom, she started to paint the
house. So I got home andshe was painting the outside of our house
and I remember pulling up and I'mlike, what has happened? This is

(41:45):
like the craziest thing. And yeah, from the outside, it was the
craziest thing. But that turned intoa huge life lesson for me, and
it brought me, not at thetime, to understanding that your head sometimes
takes over and you can't do that. People in this neighborhood don't do that.

(42:08):
What would your friends think? Like, Wow, you know what are
my friends going to think? Iwas so into my own way, right,
I'm fifteen years old and she's outthere painting the house. And so
what I want to kind of bringhome here is that three HQ. And
as you said, purpose passion,and you think about spark your heart to

(42:30):
ignite your life. You have incredible, incredible life stories that maybe you haven't
assessed, maybe you haven't really thoughtabout, maybe you haven't thought about the
teaching lesson. Because remember even eventhe biggest hardships, even my mom's passing

(42:51):
fourteen months later from colon cancer,where the women in my life, my
grandmother, my great grandmother, greatgreat grandmother all lived into their early hundreds.
So my identity, I'm going tolive forever, and all of a
sudden Mom is gone. It's seventyeight. And so as you reassess those
stories you take as an adult,you can take out of it what is

(43:16):
really impactful, What do you wantto carry forward? What is the story
that you're going to rewrite for thefuture, and then you can bring it
into your business, your family life, your romantic life, your overall relationship
with self, which is really becomingthe master of three HQ. Well,

(43:40):
relationship with yourself is the first relationshipshould never have And I get that.
But so you talked about fear andwe've all had fear, whether we carry
that with us for the rest ofour life or we overcome that fear by
challenging ourselves to do what caused thatfear. But there is a difference between

(44:04):
fear and caution. I try toteach my grandchildren not to be afraid,
but to be caution. And sois that part of the emotional Is it
part of the mind? Is itpart of the heart that caution that you
kind of instill in them to becareful? That's one question. And then

(44:29):
the other one is you talk aboutthe subconscious and you say everything is equal
in the subconscious, But isn't thatwhat talks to you a lot. Don't
you take all that baggage and allthat stuff and put it back in that
subconscious And every once in a while, when you really sit down and have

(44:49):
a lone time, that subconscious kindthat comes around into your conscious part,
and those are the things that youfear, Those are the things the trauma
is those are and you can't reallypush them away. So when you think
about fear, fear as defined issomething in the future that hasn't even happened.

(45:14):
Okay, And we've got if Iremember reading an article that said there
are over five hundred phobias and thereare fifty plus genuine types of fears.
I would even say that these daysthere are so many fears of everything that
I think that we're not even includingsome of the major ones these day,

(45:35):
and we have to really be thinkingabout that. But what you're saying,
which I think is so relevant tothis discussion, is the subconscious. The
subconscious is not aware that something isgood or bad. So you're teaching your
grandkids how to be cautious, likeyou know, hey, hot stove,
don't put your hand on it.But what we have to realize is the

(46:00):
subconscious has, for better or worse, created habits. Right, ninety five
percent of what you do is automatic. And why is that Because we have
six two hundred and fifty thoughts thatgo through our head every day, and
if we had to assimilate and figureout each and everyone, you would be

(46:22):
flat out on your back because itwould take too much energy. So instead,
what your subconscious does is it automatesthings, makes them super fast.
You don't even have to think aboutit. You just do it, just
do, do do. And sowe create habits, habits around everything,
good and bad. But who's determiningif that's a good or a bad habit?

(46:43):
You are right. Some may sayit's a great habit to have two
glasses of wine in the evening.Some may say, oh, so bad,
you should not do that. Ifyou have two glasses a day,
you know you're on the brink ofbeing an alcoholic. Right, everybody would
depends on what your habits say whatyou say. But the best part is

(47:05):
that your subconscious doesn't know a goodhabit or a bad habit. So what
we have to do when we're thinkingabout getting your business from a six to
seven to eight figure business, weneed to determine what we believe are the
habits of the identity of the personwho would have that business, or the
identity of the person who would havethat really solid relationship with a you know,

(47:31):
whether it's a husband, a wife, or a partner. And so
you have to determine what are thehabits and look at your habits, like
look at what you did today,already classify them. Is this habit getting
you further away from your goal orcloser? And start to create new habits,

(47:55):
because then what you're doing is muchlike beliefs, creating empowering beliefs.
Empowering beliefs around your habits. Right, So, if you're living with the
fears that I'm not good enough,I'm not worthy, I'm not lovable,
I'm not safe, those are themajor ones that every other fear kind of

(48:20):
trickles into. I'm not safe wouldbe that like, be cautious, don't
put your hand here, don't runin front of a car. Don't you
know do those things that could injureyou. Don't spend too much money.
You're not going to be able topay your mortgage. What I think that
we have to be really looking at, and it's really critical, is to
decide today the habits that you wanttomorrow. Because people say, well,

(48:45):
gosh, I tried so hard,but at two o'clock in the afternoon,
I just have to eat that donut. In my book, I talk about
my chip problem I've got. Ilove chips, chips, and guacamal.
You put them in front of meand I will definitely eat them. I
cannot say no. And so whatyou have to realize is that's a bad

(49:06):
habit that I think I really needto stop. But maybe somebody else who
owns a chip company, who hasto have chips in the afternoon because they
have to check quality assurance. Itdoesn't. So you have to be the
gatekeeper for your own habits. Andonce you realize, hey, that's really
not getting me to where I wantto go, then you can start to

(49:29):
change the habit. But remember alot of times people try to cold turkey
the habit and it doesn't work.What you need to be able to do
is tune in micro action step numberfour and start to gradually get there.
Oh. I get people that areyou know, I haven't worked out in
so long, and then they goand they try to hit the gym and

(49:52):
you know, they hit an hourthree times a week, and next thing
you know, their body is killingthem and they're like, whoa. But
if they they did a little tostart off that microaction, it's amazing that
you can build up to what you'reactually trying to do, which is the
habit, the good habit of workingout X amount of times per week.

(50:16):
So we talk about the good habitthe bad habit. I like to think
that people have two sides within them, the good side the bad side,
and I always say whatever side comesout, that's the side you're feeding and
So that's what we do, iswe feed. We have the capability of

(50:39):
feeding either side. So which sideare you going to choose? And talk
about habits. I have a funnystory. My partner decided to go cold
turk and quit smoking. And afterthe third day I handed him a pack
of cigarettes and I said, you'rebehaving like a serial killer. Please smoke

(51:00):
a cigarette or put a patch on, do something. But cold turkey does
not work for you. So Iunderstand that that whole cold turkey. There
are many books out there, andI'm sure you know them all, Grene
Brown, Glennon Doyle, Adam grandTony Robbins, on and on and on.

(51:21):
You go to the library, there'stons of self help. How does
one know what will work for them? How did you read them all and
pick little pieces of them? Chapters? Whatever? How do we et influences?
Let's go into the whole influences.You go on TikTok and whatever,
and everybody's got a story, amotto of the day, a saying of

(51:44):
the day. It's like becoming kindof obsessive at this point. So how
do you know what fits you?What's you have to first understand what needs
fixing? But how do you fiso what I have always done, I've
been an avid reader forever. Ilove it. But I look at the

(52:07):
ones that have wasted time, right, and there's a reason they have thinking
grow rich the wisdom of Florence Scovillshin nineteen thirties. This was you know,
both of these were written. Andwhen you go back and you look
at that and you realize, Okay, we are now one hundred years later,

(52:31):
and there's really nothing new. It'sall there what they wrote. It's
just people are tweaking it, makinga different, you know way, it's
making it sound different. But thecore, the core is there. And
so I love to always go backto the basics, like what do you
need to manifest success? And asyou said, it's what you're thinking will

(52:57):
show up on the outside. Andif you want to know what you're thinking
about financially, look at your bankaccount. If you want to know what's
going on inside of you in termsof relationships with yourself, you can look
on the outside because that's a directindicator of how you are processing and thinking
about things. Hillary, I cannotthank you enough, and thank you everyone

(53:22):
for listening to this episode of Becomingthe Journey. Love you to keep tuning
in on WOR seven ten iHeartRadio andfollow us on Instagram at Becoming the Journey.
There's a topic you would like meto touch on message me and,
as my producer says, if fivestar rating wouldn't be a bad thought,

(53:43):
Hillary, Thanks. You have beenlistening to Becoming the Journey hosted by Grace
Lovery. Tune in weekly to hearmore conversations that will inspire listeners along their
life's journey. The proceeding was apaid podcast. iHeartRadio's hosting of this podcast
constitutes neither an endorsement of the productsoffered or the ideas expressed