Episode Transcript
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The following is a paid podcast.iHeartRadio's hosting of this podcast constitutes neither an
endorsement of the products offered or theideas expressed. Welcome to Becoming the Journey.
This show will be a series ofconversations that will inspire listeners along their
life's journey. This show's mission isto cultivate a community of mentorship by sharing
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our experiences in our life's journey.Nobody's journey is a straight line, so
no matter where you are in yours, this show is for you. Meet
Grace Lovrey, Hi, listeners,thanks for tuning into Becoming the Journey on
WR seven ten iHeartRadio. My guesttoday is Hillary Dissar. She is the
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host of the Relaunch podcast and RadioAmerica is the relaunched Live. Hillary is
an award winning Silicon Valley CEO,international best selling author, certified Master Neuroscience
Coach, and a loyal lanthropist.She's been featured on ABC, NBC,
Forbes, Coaches Council, and YahooFinance, just to name a few.
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Doctor John Gray, the author ofMen Are From Mars, Women Are from
Venus, says about Hillary's book Relaunch, Spark your Heart to Adnite your life,
I quote, a powerful accelerator ortransformation, both personally and professionally.
Welcome Hillary, so great to behere and I appreciate it. And just
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for our listeners, we are actuallyat iHeart Studios. Okay, relaunch not
an easy undertaking. Explain relaunch well, as you said in this opening,
it's not a straight line, isit. And it's many times so circuitous.
And relaunches can be not only thenegative, right the things that we
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think about, Oh, you've gotdivorce, or you've got big impactful health
issues, You've got things that arehappening in your life, but they're also
the positives. There's also the marriagesand the promotions and the launching of businesses.
And when you think about all ofthe relaunches and you go back,
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and I always like to have peoplego back through decades, right, start
with where you are and chronicle yourrelaunches, the significant ones, the ones
that are even like the micro themacro, and when you start to see
all that you've been through, themost important part, and what I talk
about on my podcast so often isthat when you can look at some of
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the ones that you consider not aspositive and you can spin them and you
can look at them from a positiveperspective, like what was the lesson learned?
And I've now probably had two onehundred interviews and I ask the question,
either on air or off, I'llsay, if you could go back
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and change something in that relaunch thatthey have discussed, would you, And
to date, I have never hadone person say I would go back and
change it. And so relaunching hasnow become because of the world relaunches that
we've had, because of professional relaunches, hybrid workplace relaunches, more people going
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into entrepreneurship relaunches. It's now becomemore of a common word than it ever
has. And so what we're tryingto do, what I'm trying to do
in the mission is help people gothrough relaunches and feel away a framework that
you can use to successfully, topeacefully, to gracefully go through them.
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So let's touch on a few ofthe things that you mentioned. And while
we eating your book, I kindof got the idea that relaunching is relaunching
ourselves by sinking mind, heart andbody. You say your higher self,
headheart, higher self, right,But I think the body is all part
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of all of that. And thefirst thing you touch on is three HQ
and that is heart head and higherself or what you call the internal arsenal
et lain. Explain what you meanand you can give me a small synopsis
of what heart head and then highyourself and how they all mingle. So,
if you think about the sixties,seventies, and eighties, it was
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all about IQ, how intelligent youare, very head driven problem solving,
steps, procedures, systems. Andthen in the nineties that became all about
EQ emotional quotation. How emotionally connectedare you, What is the passion behind
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what you're doing? How how connectedare you with the people around you that
you're working with. Well, thenwe had the world change and all of
a sudden, today's world it's notabout a new it's not about a new
normal, it's about a new different. Things have incredibly changed. And Cheryl
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Sandberg wrote the book lean In Andalthough it has been proven that the philosophy
of lean in and even she's comeout and said this she again CEO of
Facebook Meta CEO. Excuse me now, she's officially stepped down. But here's
the most important part of that.She put herself out there to say this
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is something that all women should beable to do is lean in, get
a seat at the table. Well, people did, and I being one
of them, and it didn't workout so great, right. We ended
up getting things that we didn't necessarilywant that didn't work out the way that
we thought they would. And that'swhy I thought about this. And after
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working in the Silicon Valley at ahigh tech company for almost ten years and
then I literally have been coaching whatwas actually called twenty three years ago when
I started consulting, and I realizedthat where have we come? And as
you said, the body, thebody and the mind, and there's all
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these different ways to kind of putit together, but where's the framework that
we can we can actually use inour daily lives. And as I was
writing this book relaunch, based onsome pretty significant relaunches that really changed my
world, I realized that three HQis head capturing that head element, your
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identity, your belief systems, whetherthey're limiting beliefs or empowering beliefs. And
then you've got that heart segment ofyour why, your passion, and you
also have emotional blocks there too thatsometimes we try to avoid and gloss over.
And then there is this other thing. And let me tell you,
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when I was at Oracle, wedid not talk about anything higher self.
You do not go down that path, right, And so when you start
thinking higher self, people would say, oh, it's spiritual or I believe
in God. I don't believe inGod. I believe this. I believe
that. And to me, thehigher self is your best version of you.
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It's where your energy is at itshighest level. It's when you're in
alignment, when you just know whatI call the G zone. Your G
zone is your growth zone, yourgratitude zone, your great zone, and
it's also that growth zone of whenyou continue to be the best version.
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Interview. And so today what Iam now out and so passionate about is
bringing the three HQ framework into personaland professional lies and you can use it
every single day. And there's asuper interesting, super fast I call it
the pocket tool that I would loveto share with you, and if you're
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up for it, run you throughit, and you certainly can do that.
I do have a comment, though, So you talk about three HQ
and I get it, and it'skind of head to heart and then head
to heart goes to your higher self. And I did not get anything spiritual
out of that, because usually whenthere's something spiritual, they talk about your
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higher power. So to me,I looked at it as emotional intelligence versus
informational intelligence, the mind and theheart, but it all comes down to
human intelligence, which is really encompassesall of that. And I don't know
that was my thought process on it. I don't know how you feel about
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that, but is that the wayI should be thinking? Oh? I
love that, especially in today's worldwhere AI has become so important in all
of our lives, and how areyou going to use it in the fear
of you know, should I embracethis now? Can I be a you
know, there's always the innovators andthen there's the laggards that want to,
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you know, kind of slowly puttheir toe in the water. And I
have to say, in today's worldwith AI, you have to jump in
fast because this thing is like abullet train. It is taking off.
And so where I like to gowith three HQ is much like what you
said that it is this human intelligence. There is this capacity in your head,
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especially as a business owner an entrepreneur. I know you've recently gotten into
franchise. You know this you're learningsteps that you didn't know before, which
means you have to be open tonew ways of doing things. Right,
I'm seeing you nod and you're like, okay, yeah, absolutely. But
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when I look at AI, I'mlooking at it also from the head.
It's more steps that we're going tobe learning. But what it's also doing
is it's allowing you to use aform of technology to ask yourself better questions.
It gets you to keep thinking.And so I found with you know,
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the thousands of people that I've coachedentrepreneurs, that I actually have them
while they're on a call with meor one on one coaching or group coaching.
I'll have them on the computer asthey're actually like answering questions and saying,
okay, put that in there.What would be the question that you
would ask? And then of courseyou'd get back and answer. But it
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makes you think more. And soas you talk about this human intelligence and
you've got your heart, you've gotintuition, And I go back to my
oracle days in the Silicon Valley,where I never trusted my intuition. Then
it wasn't something like I could eversay, well, I just had that
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you know that gut feeling. Ijust knew, I just had this,
you know, I had this sense. People would have looked at me like
she's gone crazy. But now asI teach people to actually lean into their
intuition, that I teach them tounderstand it is a power source inside of
you. Your three HQ is soincredible because it's something you don't need to
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try to go somewhere else to figureout off and say. In order to
show up in the physical world inthe visible sense, you need to go
and be invisible first. And whenyou've read the book, I talk about
the pause principle, the idea thatwe're racing through everything, and so many
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times you hear things, right,you hear this little voice that says,
hey, maybe try this or dothat, but you're like, all right,
you don't listen to it, right, We think that, oh,
let me go check, let mego ask ten other people what they think,
and then you get caught up inthis feeling of being stuck or overwhelmed
or underwhelmed, and you don't moveforward versus you hear that, and initially
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you start to do it very youknow, like quietly, and you're listening
and you're maybe pausing in your officeon a walk and you're just letting whatever
comes in be able to come in. And people often ask, how do
you start to even incorporate three HQinto your life? What is this framework?
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It seems like, oh gosh,there's just there's so much, And
I say, first and foremost,you got to tune in. Tune in
is the process, and it's actuallya very simple four step process. In
the book, I share that neurologically, neuroscience, there is a sixty day
process to completely eliminate a limiting belief. But people today we want fast action,
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we want silver bullets, we wantthings to happen now, and so
the tune in process allows things tohappen immediately. And so can I take
you through the process, absolutely,Okay, go for it. So it's
four steps and everyone can become amaster at this. That's the best part.
I keep it simple and I letyou become the master of you.
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So step one and Grace, Iwant you to think about what is the
biggest challenge that you have right nowin your business. That is a good
question. I think it probably isgoing out of my comfort zone and do
and working on these franchises I've beenin the investment world for many years,
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made tons of investments, been onboards, and but this is hands on
and I will actually be operating somethingtotally responsible. And I think that is
my biggest business challenge right now.Oh I love that And I just got
chills for you. Like growth,when you think about it, comes from
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being uncomfortable, right, So kudosto you. Now. There are sometimes
in step one where let's say,it's not a business challenge per se as
we think of challenges as the negative. What if challenges could also be really
exciting new adventures, pushing yourself theintention to do something really well. So
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Step one can be a challenge thatyou think of in the sense of I
got a real struggle and I gotto work to get through it, or
it can be an intention. Steptwo is change your channel. And what
do I mean by that? WhatI mean is Einstein said you can't solve
a problem at the level it wascreated at that energetic level. When you're
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stuck, when you're feeling shame orblame, you're kind of at a low
vibrational level. There's actually levels too, emotions, there's vibrations, and that
could be at a twenty or athirty. On the vibrational scale, fear
is at a hundred. But whenyou start to get above that, which
is where you need to be tomake sure that you have a comfort level,
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you're like fired up to go inand learn these new steps, new
procedures. Knew everything in this franchisebusiness because you've had such great success with
the investment side, the finance side. This is where you need to realize,
I got to change my channel.I can't figure out and solve my
problem at a level right. Soin the step two, I change your
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channel by having you tune in toa song that lights you up, to
a song that when you hear itgrace, you can't help but move your
body. So, is there asong that when you hear it you love
it? Is there like a genre? Is there are songs specifically what would
be your go to song right nowthat would light you up? Oh my
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god. I'm an absolute music fanatic. So I've got so many songs that
just you know, for any differentmood. And that's the greatest part.
And they're scientific, they're scientific dataaround the arts, around music. And
so let me just give you anexample, and I just I've done this
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probably five times today already had peoplego through this program so or this tune
in process. So let's just sayyou liked the song happy. Do you
like that song? Okay, notreally one of your favorites? What would
be one of your favorites? Ijust can't think right now. You really
caught me off guard here. Andthis is very good because I mean,
I've got so many songs whirling aroundin my head. I don't really settle
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on one. There is one bya composer called Luke Sital Singh. In
fact, I love his songs calledum It's killing Me and and it's it's
so perfect. It is just agreat song because the interpretation is is that
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he missed out on something with thisperson. But he's trying to explain to
her that even though he's happy andhe's sharing time with his grandchildren and he's
moved on in his life and he'sgone out into the world and discovered all
different wonders, that his heart isstill with her. And I just thought
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it was a beautiful. Yes,I thought it was beautiful. So it's
killing me. I want you toliterally think of it now. I thought
you're gonna say, sing it now? I won't. I won't. I
won't make you do that. Buthere's the thing, Grace, if you
are by yourself and not in iHeartstudio right now with all of us,
I would say, if you're byyourself, you put it on your phone,
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you put it on your stereo,and you stand up and you start
moving. You change your state bylistening. All right, But since we're
here and this is not being recordedlike you know live in terms of a
video on you, I want youto shut your eyes and I want you
to hear it's killing me. AndI want you to take it from your
head to your toes, move yourbody, change your state, get into
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it's killing me. Okay, thisis changing your channel, and you have
to do it for twenty seconds,Grace. I don't think it's loud enough.
Turn it up. So now asyou're letting it go through your body,
you're moving your tapping your foot.I can see you smiling, you
got your head bobbing away. Imean, this is so good. Now
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we move into step three, andstep three is where you're going to visualize.
You are going to create a minimovie in your mind, a mini
movie in your mind, and we'regoing to incorporate neuroscience into this part of
it. And the way we're goingto do it is, I want you
to see yourself really as I callit a relaunch, flip, the flip
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side of your challenge. When youunderstand the processes you are starting to just
you go into it. You're like, I'm doing it. Dumplings. It's
a dumplings Brooklyn dumpling shop. Yes, and I wish you had brought some.
I love a good dumpling. Butanyway, so I want you to
now think of yourself and you're walkingin and it is humming, and things
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are happening for you. Close youreyes. I want you to tune in
again to it's killing me, andI want you to think about that image.
Is there a color that comes tomind right now? Is there a
color you're saying blue? Blue?I want you to ten xt that blue.
I want you to intensify that blue, make it so bright? Is
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it bright? It's okay. Nowyou're emotionally charging this mini movie of your
mind up. You are like givingit a life of its own. And
now the last part of part threein this step is I'm going to ask
you as you're closing your eyes I'mgoing to ask you too. With the
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word click, you are going toopen and close your eyes very quickly,
taking an internal picture in your mind, an internal picture of what you're envisioning
with that blue and you're standing thereand things are happening and your emotions are
going. Are you ready? You'renot focused on the outside, You're focused
on the inside. Click click,click. You have now just taken an
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image in your mind. You've takenthe best picture you could ever have.
You're gonna put it in the photoalbum that will always be available for you.
Now we're gonna step four, andstep four is again tune in.
It's killing me. You're leveling yourselfup again. You're thinking about your photo
album in your mind, that photo. And then the last step is your
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microstep, the microstep that you cando right now to lead yourself get into
the momentum of getting to that image. What would that be that you could
do right after we are done withthis show that you could move forward with,
because remember everything that you are thinkingand creating the universe, love's momentum.
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And when you say I'll do ittomorrow, it's like like it just
shuts it down. So what canyou do by tuning back in. It's
killing me. I'm now looking atthat image. What could you do right
now to move it forward? Ina micro action? Move forward the image
of creation, creation creating that image. I'm the queen of creation. Oh
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so, let's hear it. I'mconstantly creating things in my head and projecting.
That is one thing I do do. I tell a story before it's
even happening, because it kind ofgives me an idea of where I want
to be. Absolutely so, Idon't know if that's being creative or not.
You are lighting up your right sideof the brain, and I always
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do that. I just you know. I read a book recently called Chattabay.
I think it's Ethan Cross, andhe tells you to come out of
yourself and become a third party inyour life and talk to yourself that way.
And I constantly do that. Andso I play both parts, the
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good the bad, and I lovethat because what you're doing with the mini
movie in your mind is that's exactlywhat you're able to do. You're able
to go back and say that's whereI'm going to be, that's already existing,
that's already done, and when youcome at it from it's already done.
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Then that micro step, which I'mstill going to push you on.
Since I am a coach, Iwant to hear, what is that micro
step that you're going to take graceafter, finish here after something small that
would move you towards feeling not likeyou're overwhelmed by new steps and new procedures,
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but like you got this. Whatcould you do? Well, I
know what I am going to do. Okay, well that's good enough for
me. That's it. I'm goingout to dinner with a friend I haven't
seen in many moons and just I'mtruly looking forward to that. And so
that's really pretty much. I don'tknow if it's so creative. I might
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be creative with the meal, butI think so. I'm going to keep
going here because one of the thingsI do not ever let people do is,
especially when they're tuning in, startto tune out, and you're starting
to tune out with I got dinnerand I've got this person. I want
you to come back to me.And step four is a microstep to get
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you closer to achieving that picture inyour mind. And that picture was around
the challenge, the opposite of thechallenge of you actually coming into your store,
getting on a call, doing somethingwhere you have that level of confidence
that you have with your investments,with your finance, all of that.
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What could you do? And nowthis is where this is great. Want
you to tune back in to thesong because again we're elevating your energy because
you can't solve a problem. Youcan't think of a microstep if you are
down at that lower level. Allright, okay, so what would that
be? What would a microstep betowards feeling like you really have mastered this
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franchise business. I just think feelingI've mastered it? So could you when
we're done, could you just takea moment a pause and say how will
it feel when I actually have it? It's your vision of vision two?
Right, it was a third step, and that's when you can sit here
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and maybe what you do is youwrite down that this is ultimately what I'm
going for, this is what Iwant, this is how I want to
feel, this is what success meansto me. And by doing that,
you now are saying, all right, this, I'm taking that first step.
And then tomorrow when you jump ona call to discuss this, you
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tune back into this exact same process, same song. You look at that
image and maybe the next time youdo it, you put a different image
in there, you add to yourphoto album, and you keep bringing back
this thought of absolute success. Andso the tune in process again is step
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one, you look at what's achallenge or an intention. Step two,
you change the channel by tuning intoa song, letting it wave through you
for twenty seconds. Step three,you visualize that movie of the mind.
You intensify the colors, the feelings, and then you take that internal click
image three times. And then thefourth step, microstep, what is the
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one thing always tuning back into thatsong? Actually, it's always kind of
going back to a positive attitude.And that's probably what you're saying right now.
If my listeners have just tuned in, or if you're tuning in and
you're not listening before. I'm herewith Hillary Dissar. Okay, and we're
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talking about relaunching ourselves. Okay,I have a question and maybe it's deep,
I don't know, but you're programming. Okay, Well, we're programming
ourselves to relaunch. And I'm goingto use the word personality because personality plays
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a very important part in all thisbecause we're programmed from young to be who
we are, or we accept howwe're being programmed to be who we are.
How do we reach the younger peopletoday to help them to think more
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outside the box, imagine be emotionmore emotionally diverse. How do we go
back there? I mean, wecan take a forty year old and say
relaunch yourself and open up a boutique. That's great stuff. But what about
the twelve year old and the thirteenyear old who's not quite molded yet,
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to get them to learn how toconstantly relaunch, because it's not one relaunch,
it's a constant relaunch. And Ioften talk about on the show about
a self audit coming from a financialbackground, and I always say, you
need to look back at yourself,see what you did, see what you
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should have done, examine it andjust and move forward with it, learn
from it and move forward with it. So how do we reach younger people?
This is something that I agree withyou that everybody has constant relaunches.
Right, It's the child who hadparents get divorced, who had health issues,
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who had you know, some traumathat happened to them, and as
I explained in the book, traumais in the eye of the beholder,
and so doesn't matter the big thesmall trauma can happen. And so how
do we allow for children, tweens, teens, college students to be able
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to leverage three HQ, to beable to move away from the understanding that
everything that people are doing is basedaround your belief system. Right, it's
your parents might have said something toyou. Your money stories come from when
you were young, your relationship storiescome from when you were young. And
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right now, I'm actually creating atune in course for college students because I
think it is so important that peoplehave had such a traumatic last few years
that we're all struggling. It's ait's a mass struggle across relaunches. When
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you think about conditioning, and youthink about when you have a pet,
right and you train a pet todo, you know, sit, go
fetch the ball, That's what we'vedone with our children, right, It's
our belief system. We're putting themon you. It's generational belief systems.
And really when kids start to realizeand they wake up is when they moved
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to college. That's when they're like, wait a second, like, I'm
not just hearing this one way ofdoing things. I'm getting exposure to a
lot more kids, a lot morebelief systems. And it's at this point
where I want these eighteen to twentytwo year olds to be able to have
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a framework to fall back on,because it rocks people's worlds, like all
of a sudden, you're like,wait a second, not everyone believes that,
like what's going on? And sothe best part of why I came
up with the pocket tool tune inwas because I wanted to keep it super,
super simple, super interesting and relevant. Right. I mean, I'd
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say I think I've only met acouple of people who said I hate music
literally in like the thousands of tunein processes I've done, and I'm like,
okay, pick a piece of art. I can work with you there
too. But and if they sayI don't like art, then I'm like,
okay, you know, I'm notmic dropping, I'm Mike out of
here. So probably an accountant,Yeah, you'll have to. You're gonna
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have to help me understand from thefinance world, ask what other But you
know, it's super important that wegive kids the ability to at their level
where they are, and the youngerkids are still in the homes of their
parents, and the parents are notgoing to be like, you know,
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hey, when when my mom died, my two daughters decided to go out
and get tattoos, and they usedto. My mom lived in right near
Disneyland, and so they called herGrandma Disney. But my mom hated Disneyland.
I know everyone out there who lovesDisneyland. How could any woman ever
hate Disneyland? But she did.And it was the biggest joke because we'd
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go and visit her and the kidswould be like, I want to see
Grandma Disney. Grandma Disney. Well, she ended up loving the name right
for for the love that it gaveher. But when she passed, and
I talk about her in the book, the girls went and got tattoos,
and I'm like, that's a littleaggressive, right, But it's what they
did together as this support system ofremembering my mom. And it's that that,
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you know, they had gone tocollege, so they were, you
know, officially out of like myhome, but had they been, they
would have been like, can Ido it? She's gonna get mad,
as you know, am I goingto be in trouble? And That's why
I say college is really the timeto start to share with people, opening
up their minds, that it's okayto start thinking on your own, it's
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okay to start challenging the stories thatyou have been just living by, and
that none of us are domesticated tosuch a degree that again, that's a
story of how we You know,this is just the way I am.
I have friends that say, oh, well, you know, we always
eat pizza on Sunday, and ourfamily we always cook together and we always
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eat too much, or oh god, we get this group together and we
all drink way too much. It'slike these stories that we have of our
family or about our businesses. Right, Oh, Q three is terrible.
It's always my worst quarter or mybusiness. It's a roller coaster. I
get one good, one bad.These stories need to be challenged throughout all
of our lives, and so I'msuper excited. I hired an intern who
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is right in the age space ofthe college years, and I said,
I want for your summer internship tocreate the tune in course. Together,
we'll bring this out. And soat the end of summer, you know,
when Loser draw it's coming out,and it's going to be not perfect,
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it's going to be good enough.And that is another thing that we
try to make sure people know thatthe relaunch process, it's not about perfectionism.
It's not about procrastination, which isa form of perfectionism. It's about
momentum. It's about moving forward andrealizing what's your lifestyle of success that you're
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going for. Because yours, mine, his, hers, everyone has a
different foundation, and it's based onit's based on childhood. I have a
great story if I can just reallyquickly. I had a client who came
to me and he was very interestedin selling his business. And he said,
(35:35):
you know, I'm so excited Iwant to sell it. And he
had in numbers that I want tosell it for a hundred million dollars or
more. And you know that's mylike, that's what I've always wanted.
And I said, Okay, let'smake it happen. But what do you
want to do once you've done it, Like what's the end goal? Like
why, like what's the why behindit? He said, well, you
know, I really want to geta boat and sail it around the world.
(36:00):
I'm like, wow, you lovesailing and he kind of paused he's
like, no, I don't.I don't love sailing. I'm like,
then, why would you want toget a boat and have it go across
the world, Like why do youwant to do that? And he's like,
that's a really interesting question. I'vealways said this, but I've never
thought about my why behind it.And he said, I got it.
(36:22):
When I was young. Bob,my dad's best friend, came over and
Bob had sold his business and Bobbought a boat and he went and sailed
it across the world, around theworld, and so I thought that was
the coolest thing. And then hepaused. He was like, I don't
want I don't want to buy aboat and I don't want to do this.
And so I looked at him andI said, what do you really
(36:45):
want to do? And he saidI got to come back to you on
that. I don't know what Ireally want to do. And I said,
what are you passionate about? Andhe said, I really I think
I want to go build houses inAfrica and like keep people with water and
all this stuff. And I'm like, okay, now that's something, and
(37:05):
immediately he lit up. He gotthat fire in his belly, and that's
what we all want. We wantto be able to not feel like we're,
well, I'm doing this because thisis the way it's always been.
Doesn't that come down to purpose,passion and purpose? Passion and purpose.
I lived my life with purpose.I just think that if I don't do
(37:30):
something that has a purpose to it, then it's meaningless to me. So
I think purpose is extremely important.And I know you talk about that in
your book. You You've said inyour book that the journey that your mom
took is what made you write thisbook and start this relaunch, and which
tells me that the relaunch was moremore not what you were doing for yourself,
(37:55):
but how you were influenced by someoneelse to do that. Is that
important to be influenced by to takeit in from all places and experiences of
other people to sort of form whatyour real launch might look like. So
when I was I had just turnedfifty, had a big birthday up at
(38:16):
our cabin Silver Lake in the Sierras, and my mom was there four days
after. I hadn't even seen thepictures yet. I was still, like,
you know, on a high.And I get the call from my
mom and she says, Hilary I'vegot thirteen lesions. And it was the
flattest voice I've ever heard. AndI'm like, what does that mean?
(38:37):
Like, what are you talking about? Mom? And I had already been
through melanoma. I had been throughmy grandparents were in a terrible, massive
car crash and died when I wastwelve years old. And I had a
near death experience, and you know, my kids had been said. I
mean, I had how all thesedivorce you know, young mom, all
these different things, and yet atthat moment it hit me. It felt
(39:00):
like, you know, my kneesjust came out and just crumbled to the
ground. And the reason that Ihad to write the book Relaunched, Spark
Your Heart, to Ignite Your Lifeis that it was the beginning. Like
two months later, COVID hit andall of a sudden, all I wanted
to do Elizabeth Gilbert, you pray, love, get the hell out of
(39:21):
dodge, like move like, let'sdo this, Let's go somewhere. I
couldn't. I couldn't escape this apartmentin San Francisco in a high rise at
that time. I couldn't even goto you know, the wild right and
start hiking around because at that pointyou couldn't go anywhere, or that the
parks were closed everything, and I'mlike, I was screaming in my head.
So it made me do a fullassessment on how my mom had shaped
(39:45):
who I became and where I startedto notice that I deviated, that I
tried to become my own self onlyto kind of fall back into who I
was. As you said, personality. But then there's character, right,
(40:07):
and a lot of times we've gotgenerations that come out and you find that
you know, you've got these thingsthat are innate within you that oh my
god, I sound like her,I know, do this mannerism like her?
And so what really happened as Istarted to look back on our life
and I had a lot of time, right, we all did in those
(40:27):
you know, small rooms that you'relike looking around and are like huh.
And so I got to just startwriting stories down and the stories turned into
wow, now that I'm not goingto keep going with that story that was
her story. I learned a lotand three HQ came out of that because
my mom did everything with this heartsent her like push. There's a story
(40:52):
in there about we lived in belAir, California, and you know the
outside reception is reality. The outsideeverything looked great, but on the inside
of the house, my dad,my stepdad had just lost his job and
my mom needed felt like she reallyneeded to have the house painted, and
(41:16):
my stepdad said, no money.She's like no money, like no money.
And I remember hearing from around thecorner and I was listening and I'm
like, what, I can't evenafford to paint the house. Well,
what happened was she ended up whenI was visiting my dad and my stepmom,
she started to paint the house.So I got home and she was
(41:38):
painting the outside of our house.And I remember pulling up and I'm like,
what has happened? This is likethe craziest thing. And yeah,
from the outside, it was thecraziest thing. But that turned into a
huge life lesson for me, andit brought me, not at the time,
(41:59):
to understanding that your head sometimes takesover and you can't do that.
People in this neighborhood don't do that. What would your friends think? Like,
Wow, you know what are myfriends going to think? I was
so into my own way, right, I'm fifteen years old and she's out
there painting the house, and sowhat I want to kind of bring home
(42:22):
here is that three HQ. Andas you said, purpose passion, and
you think about spark your heart toignite your life. You have incredible,
incredible life stories that maybe you haven'tassessed, maybe you haven't really thought about,
maybe you haven't thought about the teachinglesson. Because remember even even the
(42:47):
biggest hardships, even my mom's passingfourteen months later from colon cancer, where
the women in my life, mygrandmother, my great grandmother, great great
grandmath all lived into their early hundreds. So my identity, I'm going to
live forever and all of a sudden, Mom is gone at seventy eight.
(43:08):
And so as you reassess those storiesyou take as an adult, you can
take out of it what is reallyimpactful, What do you want to carry
forward? What is the story thatyou're going to rewrite for the future,
and then you can bring it intoyour business, your family life, your
(43:30):
romantic life, your overall relationship withself, which is really becoming the master
of three HQ. Well, relationshipwith yourself is the first relationship should never
have And I get that. Butso you talked about fear, and we've
(43:50):
all had fear, whether we carrythat with us for the rest of our
life, or we overcome that fearby challenging ourselves to do what caused that
fear. But there is a differencebetween fear and caution. I try to
teach my grandchildren not to be afraid, but to be caution. And so
(44:15):
is that part of the emotional isit part of the mind? Is it
part of the heart that caution thatyou kind of instill in them to be
careful? That's one question. Andthen the other one is you talk about
the subconscious and you say everything isequal in the subconscious, But isn't that
(44:37):
what talks to you a lot.Don't you take all that baggage and all
that stuff and put it back inthat subconscious And every once in a while,
when you really sit down and havea lone time, that subconscious kind
that comes around into your conscious part. And those are the things that you
fear. Those are the things thetraumas, those are and you can't really
(45:02):
push them away. So when youthink about fear, fear as defined is
something in the future that hasn't evenhappened. Okay, and we've got if
you. I remember reading an articlethat said there are over five hundred phobias,
and there are fifty plus genuine typesof fears. I would even say
(45:27):
that these days there are so manyfears of everything that I think that we're
not even including some of the majorones. These days, we have to
really be thinking about that. Butwhat you're saying, which I think is
so relevant to this discussion, isthe subconscious. The subconscious is not aware
that something is good or bad.So you're teaching your grandkids how to be
(45:52):
cautious, like you know, hey, hot stove, don't put your hand
on it. But what we haveto realize is the subconscious has, for
better or worse, created habits.Right, ninety five percent of what you
do is automatic. And why isthat? Because we have six thousand,
(46:14):
two hundred and fifty thoughts that gothrough our head every day, and if
we had to assimilate and figure outeach and everyone, you would be flat
out on your back because it wouldtake too much energy. So instead,
what your subconscious does is it automatesthings, makes them super faster. You
don't even have to think about it, You just do it, just do,
do do. And so we createhabits, habits around everything good and
(46:38):
bad. But who's determining if that'sa good or a bad habit. You
are right. Some may say it'sa great habit to have two glasses of
wine in the evening. Some maysay, oh, so bad, you
should not do that. If youhave two glasses a day, you know
you're on the brink of being analcoholic. Right, everybody depends on what
(47:00):
your habits say what you say.But the best part is that your subconscious
doesn't know a good habit or abad habit. So what we have to
do when we're thinking about getting yourbusiness from a six to seven to eight
figure business, we need to determinewhat we believe are the habits of the
(47:22):
identity of the person who would havethat business, or the identity of the
person who would have that really solidrelationship with a you know, whether it's
a husband, a wife, ora partner. And so you have to
determine what are the habits and lookat your habits, like look at what
(47:42):
you did today, already, classifythem. Is this habit getting you further
away from your goal or closer?And start to create new habits, because
then what you're doing is much likebeliefs. You're creating empowering beliefs empowering beliefs
around your habits. Right, So, if you're living with the fears that
(48:09):
I'm not good enough, I'm notworthy, I'm not lovable, I'm not
safe, those are the major onesthat every other fear kind of trickles into.
I'm not safe would be that like, be cautious, don't put your
hand here, don't run in frontof a car. Don't you know do
those things that could injure you.Don't spend too much money. You're not
(48:30):
going to be able to pay yourmortgage. What I think that we have
to be really looking at, andit's really critical, is to decide today
the habits that you want tomorrow.Because people say, well, gosh,
I tried so hard, but attwo o'clock in the afternoon, I just
(48:51):
have to eat that donut. Inmy book, I talk about my chip
problem I've got. I love chips, chips and guacamali. You put them
in front of me and I willdefinitely eat them. Cannot say no.
And so what you have to realizeis that's a bad habit that I think
I really need to stop. Butmaybe somebody else who owns a chip company,
(49:13):
who has to have chips in theafternoon because they have to check quality
assurance. It doesn't. So youhave to be the gatekeeper for your own
habits. And once you realize,hey, that's really not getting me to
where I want to go, thenyou can start to change the habit.
But remember a lot of times peopletry to cold turkey the habit and it
(49:36):
doesn't work. What you need tobe able to do is tune in micro
action step number four and start togradually get there. Oh. I get
people that are you know, Ihaven't worked out in so long, and
then they go and they try tohit the gym, and you know,
they hit an hour three times aweek and next thing you know, their
body is killing them and they're likeRUA. But if they did a little
(50:00):
to start off that microaction, it'samazing. Then you can build up to
what you're actually trying to do,which is the habit, the good habit
of working out X amount of timesper week. So we talk about the
good habit the bad habit. Ilike to think that people have two sides
(50:22):
within them, the good side thebad side, and I always say,
whatever side comes out, that's theside you're feeding. And so that's what
we do is we feed. Wehave the capability of feeding either side.
So which side are you going tochoose? And talk a bad habits.
(50:45):
I have a funny story. Mypartner decided to go cold turk and quit
smoking. And after the third dayI handed him a pack of cigarettes and
I said, you're behaving like aserial killer. Please smoke a cigarette or
put a patch on, do something. But could turkey does not work for
(51:05):
you? So I understand that thatwhole cold turkey. There are many books
out there, and I'm sure youknow them all, Brunet, Brown,
Glenn and Doyle, Adam, grandTony Robbins, on and on and on.
You go to the library, there'stons of self help. How does
one know what will work for them? How did you read them all and
(51:30):
pick little pieces of them? Chapters? Whatever? How do we influences?
Let's go into the whole influences.You go on TikTok and whatever, and
everybody's got a story, a mottoof the day, a saying of the
day. It's like becoming kind ofobsessive at this point. So how do
(51:50):
you know what fits you? What? You have to first understand what needs
fixing? But how do you fixthat. So what I have always done,
I've been an avid reader forever.I love it. But I look
at the ones that have wasted time, right, and there's a reason they
(52:14):
have thinking grow rich the wisdom ofFlorence Scovill shin nineteen thirties. This was
you know, both of these werewritten. And when you go back and
you look at that and you realize, okay, we are now a hundred
years later, and there's really nothingnew. It's all there what they wrote.
(52:37):
It's just people are tweaking it,making a different way. It's making
it sound different. But the core, the core is there, And so
I love to always go back tothe basics, like what do you need
to manifest success? And as yousaid, it's what you're thinking. We'll
(52:57):
show up on the outside. Andif you want to know what you're thinking
about financially, look at your bankaccount. If you want to know what's
going on inside of you in termsof relationships with yourself, you could look
on the outside because that's a directindicator of how you are processing and thinking
about things. Hillary, I cannotthank you enough, and thank you everyone
(53:22):
for listening to this episode of Becomingthe Journey. I love you to keep
tuning in on WR seven ten HeartRadio and follow us on Instagram at Becoming
the Journey. There's a topic youwould like me to touch on? Message
me and, as my producer says, if five star rating wouldn't be a
(53:42):
bad thought. Hillary, Thanks,you have been listening to Becoming the Journey
hosted by Grace Lavrey. Tune inweekly to hear more conversations that will inspire
listeners along their life's journey. Theproceeding was a paid podcast. I Heart
Radio's hosting of this podcast constitutes neitheran endorsement of the products offered or the ideas expressed
The following is a paid podcast.iHeartRadio's hosting of this podcast constitutes neither an
endorsement of the products offered or theideas expressed. Welcome to Becoming the Journey.
This show will be a series ofconversations that will inspire listeners along their
life's journey. This show's mission isto cultivate a community of mentorship by sharing
(00:21):
our experiences in our life's journey.Nobody's journey is a straight line, so
no matter where you are in yours, this show is for you. Meet
Grace Lovrey, Hi, listeners,thanks for tuning into Becoming the Journey on
WR seven ten iHeartRadio. My guesttoday is Hillary Dissar. She is the
(00:43):
host of the Relaunch podcast and RadioAmerica is the relaunched Live. Hillary is
an award winning Silicon Valley CEO,international best selling author, certified Master Neuroscience
Coach, and a loyal lanthropist.She's been featured on ABC, NBC,
Forbes, Coaches Council, and YahooFinance, just to name a few.
(01:08):
Doctor John Gray, the author ofMen Are From Mars, Women Are from
Venus, says about Hillary's book Relaunch, Spark your Heart to Adnite your life,
I quote, a powerful accelerator ortransformation, both personally and professionally.
Welcome Hillary, so great to behere and I appreciate it. And just
(01:32):
for our listeners, we are actuallyat iHeart Studios. Okay, relaunch not
an easy undertaking. Explain relaunch well, as you said in this opening,
it's not a straight line, isit. And it's many times so circuitous.
And relaunches can be not only thenegative, right the things that we
(01:56):
think about, Oh, you've gotdivorce, or you've got big impactful health
issues, You've got things that arehappening in your life, but they're also
the positives. There's also the marriagesand the promotions and the launching of businesses.
And when you think about all ofthe relaunches and you go back,
(02:19):
and I always like to have peoplego back through decades, right, start
with where you are and chronicle yourrelaunches, the significant ones, the ones
that are even like the micro themacro, and when you start to see
all that you've been through, themost important part, and what I talk
about on my podcast so often isthat when you can look at some of
(02:45):
the ones that you consider not aspositive and you can spin them and you
can look at them from a positiveperspective, like what was the lesson learned?
And I've now probably had two onehundred interviews and I ask the question,
either on air or off, I'llsay, if you could go back
(03:06):
and change something in that relaunch thatthey have discussed, would you, And
to date, I have never hadone person say I would go back and
change it. And so relaunching hasnow become because of the world relaunches that
we've had, because of professional relaunches, hybrid workplace relaunches, more people going
(03:29):
into entrepreneurship relaunches. It's now becomemore of a common word than it ever
has. And so what we're tryingto do, what I'm trying to do
in the mission is help people gothrough relaunches and feel away a framework that
you can use to successfully, topeacefully, to gracefully go through them.
(03:54):
So let's touch on a few ofthe things that you mentioned. And while
we eating your book, I kindof got the idea that relaunching is relaunching
ourselves by sinking mind, heart andbody. You say your higher self,
headheart, higher self, right,But I think the body is all part
(04:15):
of all of that. And thefirst thing you touch on is three HQ
and that is heart head and higherself or what you call the internal arsenal
et lain. Explain what you meanand you can give me a small synopsis
of what heart head and then highyourself and how they all mingle. So,
if you think about the sixties,seventies, and eighties, it was
(04:38):
all about IQ, how intelligent youare, very head driven problem solving,
steps, procedures, systems. Andthen in the nineties that became all about
EQ emotional quotation. How emotionally connectedare you, What is the passion behind
(04:58):
what you're doing? How how connectedare you with the people around you that
you're working with. Well, thenwe had the world change and all of
a sudden, today's world it's notabout a new it's not about a new
normal, it's about a new different. Things have incredibly changed. And Cheryl
(05:20):
Sandberg wrote the book lean In Andalthough it has been proven that the philosophy
of lean in and even she's comeout and said this she again CEO of
Facebook Meta CEO. Excuse me now, she's officially stepped down. But here's
the most important part of that.She put herself out there to say this
(05:45):
is something that all women should beable to do is lean in, get
a seat at the table. Well, people did, and I being one
of them, and it didn't workout so great, right. We ended
up getting things that we didn't necessarilywant that didn't work out the way that
we thought they would. And that'swhy I thought about this. And after
(06:06):
working in the Silicon Valley at ahigh tech company for almost ten years and
then I literally have been coaching whatwas actually called twenty three years ago when
I started consulting, and I realizedthat where have we come? And as
you said, the body, thebody and the mind, and there's all
(06:28):
these different ways to kind of putit together, but where's the framework that
we can we can actually use inour daily lives. And as I was
writing this book relaunch, based onsome pretty significant relaunches that really changed my
world, I realized that three HQis head capturing that head element, your
(06:55):
identity, your belief systems, whetherthey're limiting beliefs or empowering beliefs. And
then you've got that heart segment ofyour why, your passion, and you
also have emotional blocks there too thatsometimes we try to avoid and gloss over.
And then there is this other thing. And let me tell you,
(07:16):
when I was at Oracle, wedid not talk about anything higher self.
You do not go down that path, right, And so when you start
thinking higher self, people would say, oh, it's spiritual or I believe
in God. I don't believe inGod. I believe this. I believe
that. And to me, thehigher self is your best version of you.
(07:38):
It's where your energy is at itshighest level. It's when you're in
alignment, when you just know whatI call the G zone. Your G
zone is your growth zone, yourgratitude zone, your great zone, and
it's also that growth zone of whenyou continue to be the best version.
(08:00):
Interview. And so today what Iam now out and so passionate about is
bringing the three HQ framework into personaland professional lies and you can use it
every single day. And there's asuper interesting, super fast I call it
the pocket tool that I would loveto share with you, and if you're
(08:22):
up for it, run you throughit, and you certainly can do that.
I do have a comment, though, So you talk about three HQ
and I get it, and it'skind of head to heart and then head
to heart goes to your higher self. And I did not get anything spiritual
out of that, because usually whenthere's something spiritual, they talk about your
(08:43):
higher power. So to me,I looked at it as emotional intelligence versus
informational intelligence, the mind and theheart, but it all comes down to
human intelligence, which is really encompassesall of that. And I don't know
that was my thought process on it. I don't know how you feel about
(09:05):
that, but is that the wayI should be thinking? Oh? I
love that, especially in today's worldwhere AI has become so important in all
of our lives, and how areyou going to use it in the fear
of you know, should I embracethis now? Can I be a you
know, there's always the innovators andthen there's the laggards that want to,
(09:26):
you know, kind of slowly puttheir toe in the water. And I
have to say, in today's worldwith AI, you have to jump in
fast because this thing is like abullet train. It is taking off.
And so where I like to gowith three HQ is much like what you
said that it is this human intelligence. There is this capacity in your head,
(09:52):
especially as a business owner an entrepreneur. I know you've recently gotten into
franchise. You know this you're learningsteps that you didn't know before, which
means you have to be open tonew ways of doing things. Right,
I'm seeing you nod and you're like, okay, yeah, absolutely. But
(10:13):
when I look at AI, I'mlooking at it also from the head.
It's more steps that we're going tobe learning. But what it's also doing
is it's allowing you to use aform of technology to ask yourself better questions.
It gets you to keep thinking.And so I found with you know,
(10:37):
the thousands of people that I've coachedentrepreneurs, that I actually have them
while they're on a call with meor one on one coaching or group coaching.
I'll have them on the computer asthey're actually like answering questions and saying,
okay, put that in there.What would be the question that you
would ask? And then of courseyou'd get back and answer. But it
(11:00):
makes you think more. And soas you talk about this human intelligence and
you've got your heart, you've gotintuition, And I go back to my
oracle days in the Silicon Valley,where I never trusted my intuition. Then
it wasn't something like I could eversay, well, I just had that
(11:22):
you know that gut feeling. Ijust knew, I just had this,
you know, I had this sense. People would have looked at me like
she's gone crazy. But now asI teach people to actually lean into their
intuition, that I teach them tounderstand it is a power source inside of
you. Your three HQ is soincredible because it's something you don't need to
(11:48):
try to go somewhere else to figureout off and say. In order to
show up in the physical world inthe visible sense, you need to go
and be invisible first. And whenyou've read the book, I talk about
the pause principle, the idea thatwe're racing through everything, and so many
(12:09):
times you hear things, right,you hear this little voice that says,
hey, maybe try this or dothat, but you're like, all right,
you don't listen to it, right, We think that, oh,
let me go check, let mego ask ten other people what they think,
and then you get caught up inthis feeling of being stuck or overwhelmed
or underwhelmed, and you don't moveforward versus you hear that, and initially
(12:35):
you start to do it very youknow, like quietly, and you're listening
and you're maybe pausing in your officeon a walk and you're just letting whatever
comes in be able to come in. And people often ask, how do
you start to even incorporate three HQinto your life? What is this framework?
(12:58):
It seems like, oh gosh,there's just there's so much, And
I say, first and foremost,you got to tune in. Tune in
is the process, and it's actuallya very simple four step process. In
the book, I share that neurologically, neuroscience, there is a sixty day
process to completely eliminate a limiting belief. But people today we want fast action,
(13:24):
we want silver bullets, we wantthings to happen now, and so
the tune in process allows things tohappen immediately. And so can I take
you through the process, absolutely,Okay, go for it. So it's
four steps and everyone can become amaster at this. That's the best part.
I keep it simple and I letyou become the master of you.
(13:48):
So step one and Grace, Iwant you to think about what is the
biggest challenge that you have right nowin your business. That is a good
question. I think it probably isgoing out of my comfort zone and do
and working on these franchises I've beenin the investment world for many years,
(14:11):
made tons of investments, been onboards, and but this is hands on
and I will actually be operating somethingtotally responsible. And I think that is
my biggest business challenge right now.Oh I love that And I just got
chills for you. Like growth,when you think about it, comes from
(14:33):
being uncomfortable, right, So kudosto you. Now. There are sometimes
in step one where let's say,it's not a business challenge per se as
we think of challenges as the negative. What if challenges could also be really
exciting new adventures, pushing yourself theintention to do something really well. So
(14:54):
Step one can be a challenge thatyou think of in the sense of I
got a real struggle and I gotto work to get through it, or
it can be an intention. Steptwo is change your channel. And what
do I mean by that? WhatI mean is Einstein said you can't solve
a problem at the level it wascreated at that energetic level. When you're
(15:16):
stuck, when you're feeling shame orblame, you're kind of at a low
vibrational level. There's actually levels too, emotions, there's vibrations, and that
could be at a twenty or athirty. On the vibrational scale, fear
is at a hundred. But whenyou start to get above that, which
is where you need to be tomake sure that you have a comfort level,
(15:41):
you're like fired up to go inand learn these new steps, new
procedures. Knew everything in this franchisebusiness because you've had such great success with
the investment side, the finance side. This is where you need to realize,
I got to change my channel.I can't figure out and solve my
problem at a level right. Soin the step two, I change your
(16:03):
channel by having you tune in toa song that lights you up, to
a song that when you hear itgrace, you can't help but move your
body. So, is there asong that when you hear it you love
it? Is there like a genre? Is there are songs specifically what would
be your go to song right nowthat would light you up? Oh my
(16:26):
god. I'm an absolute music fanatic. So I've got so many songs that
just you know, for any differentmood. And that's the greatest part.
And they're scientific, they're scientific dataaround the arts, around music. And
so let me just give you anexample, and I just I've done this
(16:48):
probably five times today already had peoplego through this program so or this tune
in process. So let's just sayyou liked the song happy. Do you
like that song? Okay, notreally one of your favorites? What would
be one of your favorites? Ijust can't think right now. You really
caught me off guard here. Andthis is very good because I mean,
I've got so many songs whirling aroundin my head. I don't really settle
(17:12):
on one. There is one bya composer called Luke Sital Singh. In
fact, I love his songs calledum It's killing Me and and it's it's
so perfect. It is just agreat song because the interpretation is is that
(17:34):
he missed out on something with thisperson. But he's trying to explain to
her that even though he's happy andhe's sharing time with his grandchildren and he's
moved on in his life and he'sgone out into the world and discovered all
different wonders, that his heart isstill with her. And I just thought
(17:56):
it was a beautiful. Yes,I thought it was beautiful. So it's
killing me. I want you toliterally think of it now. I thought
you're gonna say, sing it now? I won't. I won't. I
won't make you do that. Buthere's the thing, Grace, if you
are by yourself and not in iHeartstudio right now with all of us,
I would say, if you're byyourself, you put it on your phone,
(18:18):
you put it on your stereo,and you stand up and you start
moving. You change your state bylistening. All right, But since we're
here and this is not being recordedlike you know live in terms of a
video on you, I want youto shut your eyes and I want you
to hear it's killing me. AndI want you to take it from your
head to your toes, move yourbody, change your state, get into
(18:44):
it's killing me. Okay, thisis changing your channel, and you have
to do it for twenty seconds,Grace. I don't think it's loud enough.
Turn it up. So now asyou're letting it go through your body,
you're moving your tapping your foot.I can see you smiling, you
got your head bobbing away. Imean, this is so good. Now
(19:06):
we move into step three, andstep three is where you're going to visualize.
You are going to create a minimovie in your mind, a mini
movie in your mind, and we'regoing to incorporate neuroscience into this part of
it. And the way we're goingto do it is, I want you
to see yourself really as I callit a relaunch, flip, the flip
(19:33):
side of your challenge. When youunderstand the processes you are starting to just
you go into it. You're like, I'm doing it. Dumplings. It's
a dumplings Brooklyn dumpling shop. Yes, and I wish you had brought some.
I love a good dumpling. Butanyway, so I want you to
now think of yourself and you're walkingin and it is humming, and things
(19:57):
are happening for you. Close youreyes. I want you to tune in
again to it's killing me, andI want you to think about that image.
Is there a color that comes tomind right now? Is there a
color you're saying blue? Blue?I want you to ten xt that blue.
I want you to intensify that blue, make it so bright? Is
(20:19):
it bright? It's okay. Nowyou're emotionally charging this mini movie of your
mind up. You are like givingit a life of its own. And
now the last part of part threein this step is I'm going to ask
you as you're closing your eyes I'mgoing to ask you too. With the
(20:41):
word click, you are going toopen and close your eyes very quickly,
taking an internal picture in your mind, an internal picture of what you're envisioning
with that blue and you're standing thereand things are happening and your emotions are
going. Are you ready? You'renot focused on the outside, You're focused
on the inside. Click click,click. You have now just taken an
(21:07):
image in your mind. You've takenthe best picture you could ever have.
You're gonna put it in the photoalbum that will always be available for you.
Now we're gonna step four, andstep four is again tune in.
It's killing me. You're leveling yourselfup again. You're thinking about your photo
album in your mind, that photo. And then the last step is your
(21:30):
microstep, the microstep that you cando right now to lead yourself get into
the momentum of getting to that image. What would that be that you could
do right after we are done withthis show that you could move forward with,
because remember everything that you are thinkingand creating the universe, love's momentum.
(21:59):
And when you say I'll do ittomorrow, it's like like it just
shuts it down. So what canyou do by tuning back in. It's
killing me. I'm now looking atthat image. What could you do right
now to move it forward? Ina micro action? Move forward the image
of creation, creation creating that image. I'm the queen of creation. Oh
(22:23):
so, let's hear it. I'mconstantly creating things in my head and projecting.
That is one thing I do do. I tell a story before it's
even happening, because it kind ofgives me an idea of where I want
to be. Absolutely so, Idon't know if that's being creative or not.
You are lighting up your right sideof the brain, and I always
(22:45):
do that. I just you know. I read a book recently called Chattabay.
I think it's Ethan Cross, andhe tells you to come out of
yourself and become a third party inyour life and talk to yourself that way.
And I constantly do that. Andso I play both parts, the
(23:06):
good the bad, and I lovethat because what you're doing with the mini
movie in your mind is that's exactlywhat you're able to do. You're able
to go back and say that's whereI'm going to be, that's already existing,
that's already done, and when youcome at it from it's already done.
(23:26):
Then that micro step, which I'mstill going to push you on.
Since I am a coach, Iwant to hear, what is that micro
step that you're going to take graceafter, finish here after something small that
would move you towards feeling not likeyou're overwhelmed by new steps and new procedures,
(23:48):
but like you got this. Whatcould you do? Well, I
know what I am going to do. Okay, well that's good enough for
me. That's it. I'm goingout to dinner with a friend I haven't
seen in many moons and just I'mtruly looking forward to that. And so
that's really pretty much. I don'tknow if it's so creative. I might
(24:10):
be creative with the meal, butI think so. I'm going to keep
going here because one of the thingsI do not ever let people do is,
especially when they're tuning in, startto tune out, and you're starting
to tune out with I got dinnerand I've got this person. I want
you to come back to me.And step four is a microstep to get
(24:32):
you closer to achieving that picture inyour mind. And that picture was around
the challenge, the opposite of thechallenge of you actually coming into your store,
getting on a call, doing somethingwhere you have that level of confidence
that you have with your investments,with your finance, all of that.
(24:56):
What could you do? And nowthis is where this is great. Want
you to tune back in to thesong because again we're elevating your energy because
you can't solve a problem. Youcan't think of a microstep if you are
down at that lower level. Allright, okay, so what would that
be? What would a microstep betowards feeling like you really have mastered this
(25:25):
franchise business. I just think feelingI've mastered it? So could you when
we're done, could you just takea moment a pause and say how will
it feel when I actually have it? It's your vision of vision two?
Right, it was a third step, and that's when you can sit here
(25:48):
and maybe what you do is youwrite down that this is ultimately what I'm
going for, this is what Iwant, this is how I want to
feel, this is what success meansto me. And by doing that,
you now are saying, all right, this, I'm taking that first step.
And then tomorrow when you jump ona call to discuss this, you
(26:11):
tune back into this exact same process, same song. You look at that
image and maybe the next time youdo it, you put a different image
in there, you add to yourphoto album, and you keep bringing back
this thought of absolute success. Andso the tune in process again is step
(26:32):
one, you look at what's achallenge or an intention. Step two,
you change the channel by tuning intoa song, letting it wave through you
for twenty seconds. Step three,you visualize that movie of the mind.
You intensify the colors, the feelings, and then you take that internal click
image three times. And then thefourth step, microstep, what is the
(26:55):
one thing always tuning back into thatsong? Actually, it's always kind of
going back to a positive attitude.And that's probably what you're saying right now.
If my listeners have just tuned in, or if you're tuning in and
you're not listening before. I'm herewith Hillary Dissar. Okay, and we're
(27:22):
talking about relaunching ourselves. Okay,I have a question and maybe it's deep,
I don't know, but you're programming. Okay, Well, we're programming
ourselves to relaunch. And I'm goingto use the word personality because personality plays
(27:45):
a very important part in all thisbecause we're programmed from young to be who
we are, or we accept howwe're being programmed to be who we are.
How do we reach the younger peopletoday to help them to think more
(28:07):
outside the box, imagine be emotionmore emotionally diverse. How do we go
back there? I mean, wecan take a forty year old and say
relaunch yourself and open up a boutique. That's great stuff. But what about
the twelve year old and the thirteenyear old who's not quite molded yet,
(28:33):
to get them to learn how toconstantly relaunch, because it's not one relaunch,
it's a constant relaunch. And Ioften talk about on the show about
a self audit coming from a financialbackground, and I always say, you
need to look back at yourself,see what you did, see what you
(28:56):
should have done, examine it andjust and move forward with it, learn
from it and move forward with it. So how do we reach younger people?
This is something that I agree withyou that everybody has constant relaunches.
Right, It's the child who hadparents get divorced, who had health issues,
(29:19):
who had you know, some traumathat happened to them, and as
I explained in the book, traumais in the eye of the beholder,
and so doesn't matter the big thesmall trauma can happen. And so how
do we allow for children, tweens, teens, college students to be able
(29:41):
to leverage three HQ, to beable to move away from the understanding that
everything that people are doing is basedaround your belief system. Right, it's
your parents might have said something toyou. Your money stories come from when
you were young, your relationship storiescome from when you were young. And
(30:06):
right now, I'm actually creating atune in course for college students because I
think it is so important that peoplehave had such a traumatic last few years
that we're all struggling. It's ait's a mass struggle across relaunches. When
(30:29):
you think about conditioning, and youthink about when you have a pet,
right and you train a pet todo, you know, sit, go
fetch the ball, That's what we'vedone with our children, right, It's
our belief system. We're putting themon you. It's generational belief systems.
And really when kids start to realizeand they wake up is when they moved
(30:56):
to college. That's when they're like, wait a second, like, I'm
not just hearing this one way ofdoing things. I'm getting exposure to a
lot more kids, a lot morebelief systems. And it's at this point
where I want these eighteen to twentytwo year olds to be able to have
(31:19):
a framework to fall back on,because it rocks people's worlds, like all
of a sudden, you're like,wait a second, not everyone believes that,
like what's going on? And sothe best part of why I came
up with the pocket tool tune inwas because I wanted to keep it super,
super simple, super interesting and relevant. Right. I mean, I'd
(31:45):
say I think I've only met acouple of people who said I hate music
literally in like the thousands of tunein processes I've done, and I'm like,
okay, pick a piece of art. I can work with you there
too. But and if they sayI don't like art, then I'm like,
okay, you know, I'm notmic dropping, I'm Mike out of
here. So probably an accountant,Yeah, you'll have to. You're gonna
(32:07):
have to help me understand from thefinance world, ask what other But you
know, it's super important that wegive kids the ability to at their level
where they are, and the youngerkids are still in the homes of their
parents, and the parents are notgoing to be like, you know,
(32:29):
hey, when when my mom died, my two daughters decided to go out
and get tattoos, and they usedto. My mom lived in right near
Disneyland, and so they called herGrandma Disney. But my mom hated Disneyland.
I know everyone out there who lovesDisneyland. How could any woman ever
hate Disneyland? But she did.And it was the biggest joke because we'd
(32:50):
go and visit her and the kidswould be like, I want to see
Grandma Disney. Grandma Disney. Well, she ended up loving the name right
for for the love that it gaveher. But when she passed, and
I talk about her in the book, the girls went and got tattoos,
and I'm like, that's a littleaggressive, right, But it's what they
did together as this support system ofremembering my mom. And it's that that,
(33:19):
you know, they had gone tocollege, so they were, you
know, officially out of like myhome, but had they been, they
would have been like, can Ido it? She's gonna get mad,
as you know, am I goingto be in trouble? And That's why
I say college is really the timeto start to share with people, opening
up their minds, that it's okayto start thinking on your own, it's
(33:43):
okay to start challenging the stories thatyou have been just living by, and
that none of us are domesticated tosuch a degree that again, that's a
story of how we You know,this is just the way I am.
I have friends that say, oh, well, you know, we always
eat pizza on Sunday, and ourfamily we always cook together and we always
(34:06):
eat too much, or oh god, we get this group together and we
all drink way too much. It'slike these stories that we have of our
family or about our businesses. Right, Oh, Q three is terrible.
It's always my worst quarter or mybusiness. It's a roller coaster. I
get one good, one bad.These stories need to be challenged throughout all
of our lives, and so I'msuper excited. I hired an intern who
(34:31):
is right in the age space ofthe college years, and I said,
I want for your summer internship tocreate the tune in course. Together,
we'll bring this out. And soat the end of summer, you know,
when Loser draw it's coming out,and it's going to be not perfect,
(34:52):
it's going to be good enough.And that is another thing that we
try to make sure people know thatthe relaunch process, it's not about perfectionism.
It's not about procrastination, which isa form of perfectionism. It's about
momentum. It's about moving forward andrealizing what's your lifestyle of success that you're
(35:15):
going for. Because yours, mine, his, hers, everyone has a
different foundation, and it's based onit's based on childhood. I have a
great story if I can just reallyquickly. I had a client who came
to me and he was very interestedin selling his business. And he said,
(35:35):
you know, I'm so excited Iwant to sell it. And he
had in numbers that I want tosell it for a hundred million dollars or
more. And you know that's mylike, that's what I've always wanted.
And I said, Okay, let'smake it happen. But what do you
want to do once you've done it, Like what's the end goal? Like
why, like what's the why behindit? He said, well, you
know, I really want to geta boat and sail it around the world.
(36:00):
I'm like, wow, you lovesailing and he kind of paused he's
like, no, I don't.I don't love sailing. I'm like,
then, why would you want toget a boat and have it go across
the world, Like why do youwant to do that? And he's like,
that's a really interesting question. I'vealways said this, but I've never
thought about my why behind it.And he said, I got it.
(36:22):
When I was young. Bob,my dad's best friend, came over and
Bob had sold his business and Bobbought a boat and he went and sailed
it across the world, around theworld, and so I thought that was
the coolest thing. And then hepaused. He was like, I don't
want I don't want to buy aboat and I don't want to do this.
And so I looked at him andI said, what do you really
(36:45):
want to do? And he saidI got to come back to you on
that. I don't know what Ireally want to do. And I said,
what are you passionate about? Andhe said, I really I think
I want to go build houses inAfrica and like keep people with water and
all this stuff. And I'm like, okay, now that's something, and
(37:05):
immediately he lit up. He gotthat fire in his belly, and that's
what we all want. We wantto be able to not feel like we're,
well, I'm doing this because thisis the way it's always been.
Doesn't that come down to purpose,passion and purpose? Passion and purpose.
I lived my life with purpose.I just think that if I don't do
(37:30):
something that has a purpose to it, then it's meaningless to me. So
I think purpose is extremely important.And I know you talk about that in
your book. You You've said inyour book that the journey that your mom
took is what made you write thisbook and start this relaunch, and which
tells me that the relaunch was moremore not what you were doing for yourself,
(37:55):
but how you were influenced by someoneelse to do that. Is that
important to be influenced by to takeit in from all places and experiences of
other people to sort of form whatyour real launch might look like. So
when I was I had just turnedfifty, had a big birthday up at
(38:16):
our cabin Silver Lake in the Sierras, and my mom was there four days
after. I hadn't even seen thepictures yet. I was still, like,
you know, on a high.And I get the call from my
mom and she says, Hilary I'vegot thirteen lesions. And it was the
flattest voice I've ever heard. AndI'm like, what does that mean?
(38:37):
Like, what are you talking about? Mom? And I had already been
through melanoma. I had been throughmy grandparents were in a terrible, massive
car crash and died when I wastwelve years old. And I had a
near death experience, and you know, my kids had been said. I
mean, I had how all thesedivorce you know, young mom, all
these different things, and yet atthat moment it hit me. It felt
(39:00):
like, you know, my kneesjust came out and just crumbled to the
ground. And the reason that Ihad to write the book Relaunched, Spark
Your Heart, to Ignite Your Lifeis that it was the beginning. Like
two months later, COVID hit andall of a sudden, all I wanted
to do Elizabeth Gilbert, you pray, love, get the hell out of
(39:21):
dodge, like move like, let'sdo this, Let's go somewhere. I
couldn't. I couldn't escape this apartmentin San Francisco in a high rise at
that time. I couldn't even goto you know, the wild right and
start hiking around because at that pointyou couldn't go anywhere, or that the
parks were closed everything, and I'mlike, I was screaming in my head.
So it made me do a fullassessment on how my mom had shaped
(39:45):
who I became and where I startedto notice that I deviated, that I
tried to become my own self onlyto kind of fall back into who I
was. As you said, personality. But then there's character, right,
(40:07):
and a lot of times we've gotgenerations that come out and you find that
you know, you've got these thingsthat are innate within you that oh my
god, I sound like her,I know, do this mannerism like her?
And so what really happened as Istarted to look back on our life
and I had a lot of time, right, we all did in those
(40:27):
you know, small rooms that you'relike looking around and are like huh.
And so I got to just startwriting stories down and the stories turned into
wow, now that I'm not goingto keep going with that story that was
her story. I learned a lotand three HQ came out of that because
my mom did everything with this heartsent her like push. There's a story
(40:52):
in there about we lived in belAir, California, and you know the
outside reception is reality. The outsideeverything looked great, but on the inside
of the house, my dad,my stepdad had just lost his job and
my mom needed felt like she reallyneeded to have the house painted, and
(41:16):
my stepdad said, no money.She's like no money, like no money.
And I remember hearing from around thecorner and I was listening and I'm
like, what, I can't evenafford to paint the house. Well,
what happened was she ended up whenI was visiting my dad and my stepmom,
she started to paint the house.So I got home and she was
(41:38):
painting the outside of our house.And I remember pulling up and I'm like,
what has happened? This is likethe craziest thing. And yeah,
from the outside, it was thecraziest thing. But that turned into a
huge life lesson for me, andit brought me, not at the time,
(41:59):
to understanding that your head sometimes takesover and you can't do that.
People in this neighborhood don't do that. What would your friends think? Like,
Wow, you know what are myfriends going to think? I was
so into my own way, right, I'm fifteen years old and she's out
there painting the house, and sowhat I want to kind of bring home
(42:22):
here is that three HQ. Andas you said, purpose passion, and
you think about spark your heart toignite your life. You have incredible,
incredible life stories that maybe you haven'tassessed, maybe you haven't really thought about,
maybe you haven't thought about the teachinglesson. Because remember even even the
(42:47):
biggest hardships, even my mom's passingfourteen months later from colon cancer, where
the women in my life, mygrandmother, my great grandmother, great great
grandmath all lived into their early hundreds. So my identity, I'm going to
live forever and all of a sudden, Mom is gone at seventy eight.
(43:08):
And so as you reassess those storiesyou take as an adult, you can
take out of it what is reallyimpactful, What do you want to carry
forward? What is the story thatyou're going to rewrite for the future,
and then you can bring it intoyour business, your family life, your
(43:30):
romantic life, your overall relationship withself, which is really becoming the master
of three HQ. Well, relationshipwith yourself is the first relationship should never
have And I get that. Butso you talked about fear, and we've
(43:50):
all had fear, whether we carrythat with us for the rest of our
life, or we overcome that fearby challenging ourselves to do what caused that
fear. But there is a differencebetween fear and caution. I try to
teach my grandchildren not to be afraid, but to be caution. And so
(44:15):
is that part of the emotional isit part of the mind? Is it
part of the heart that caution thatyou kind of instill in them to be
careful? That's one question. Andthen the other one is you talk about
the subconscious and you say everything isequal in the subconscious, But isn't that
(44:37):
what talks to you a lot.Don't you take all that baggage and all
that stuff and put it back inthat subconscious And every once in a while,
when you really sit down and havea lone time, that subconscious kind
that comes around into your conscious part. And those are the things that you
fear. Those are the things thetraumas, those are and you can't really
(45:02):
push them away. So when youthink about fear, fear as defined is
something in the future that hasn't evenhappened. Okay, and we've got if
you. I remember reading an articlethat said there are over five hundred phobias,
and there are fifty plus genuine typesof fears. I would even say
(45:27):
that these days there are so manyfears of everything that I think that we're
not even including some of the majorones. These days, we have to
really be thinking about that. Butwhat you're saying, which I think is
so relevant to this discussion, isthe subconscious. The subconscious is not aware
that something is good or bad.So you're teaching your grandkids how to be
(45:52):
cautious, like you know, hey, hot stove, don't put your hand
on it. But what we haveto realize is the subconscious has, for
better or worse, created habits.Right, ninety five percent of what you
do is automatic. And why isthat? Because we have six thousand,
(46:14):
two hundred and fifty thoughts that gothrough our head every day, and if
we had to assimilate and figure outeach and everyone, you would be flat
out on your back because it wouldtake too much energy. So instead,
what your subconscious does is it automatesthings, makes them super faster. You
don't even have to think about it, You just do it, just do,
do do. And so we createhabits, habits around everything good and
(46:38):
bad. But who's determining if that'sa good or a bad habit. You
are right. Some may say it'sa great habit to have two glasses of
wine in the evening. Some maysay, oh, so bad, you
should not do that. If youhave two glasses a day, you know
you're on the brink of being analcoholic. Right, everybody depends on what
(47:00):
your habits say what you say.But the best part is that your subconscious
doesn't know a good habit or abad habit. So what we have to
do when we're thinking about getting yourbusiness from a six to seven to eight
figure business, we need to determinewhat we believe are the habits of the
(47:22):
identity of the person who would havethat business, or the identity of the
person who would have that really solidrelationship with a you know, whether it's
a husband, a wife, ora partner. And so you have to
determine what are the habits and lookat your habits, like look at what
(47:42):
you did today, already, classifythem. Is this habit getting you further
away from your goal or closer?And start to create new habits, because
then what you're doing is much likebeliefs. You're creating empowering beliefs empowering beliefs
around your habits. Right, So, if you're living with the fears that
(48:09):
I'm not good enough, I'm notworthy, I'm not lovable, I'm not
safe, those are the major onesthat every other fear kind of trickles into.
I'm not safe would be that like, be cautious, don't put your
hand here, don't run in frontof a car. Don't you know do
those things that could injure you.Don't spend too much money. You're not
(48:30):
going to be able to pay yourmortgage. What I think that we have
to be really looking at, andit's really critical, is to decide today
the habits that you want tomorrow.Because people say, well, gosh,
I tried so hard, but attwo o'clock in the afternoon, I just
(48:51):
have to eat that donut. Inmy book, I talk about my chip
problem I've got. I love chips, chips and guacamali. You put them
in front of me and I willdefinitely eat them. Cannot say no.
And so what you have to realizeis that's a bad habit that I think
I really need to stop. Butmaybe somebody else who owns a chip company,
(49:13):
who has to have chips in theafternoon because they have to check quality
assurance. It doesn't. So youhave to be the gatekeeper for your own
habits. And once you realize,hey, that's really not getting me to
where I want to go, thenyou can start to change the habit.
But remember a lot of times peopletry to cold turkey the habit and it
(49:36):
doesn't work. What you need tobe able to do is tune in micro
action step number four and start togradually get there. Oh. I get
people that are you know, Ihaven't worked out in so long, and
then they go and they try tohit the gym, and you know,
they hit an hour three times aweek and next thing you know, their
body is killing them and they're likeRUA. But if they did a little
(50:00):
to start off that microaction, it'samazing. Then you can build up to
what you're actually trying to do,which is the habit, the good habit
of working out X amount of timesper week. So we talk about the
good habit the bad habit. Ilike to think that people have two sides
(50:22):
within them, the good side thebad side, and I always say,
whatever side comes out, that's theside you're feeding. And so that's what
we do is we feed. Wehave the capability of feeding either side.
So which side are you going tochoose? And talk a bad habits.
(50:45):
I have a funny story. Mypartner decided to go cold turk and quit
smoking. And after the third dayI handed him a pack of cigarettes and
I said, you're behaving like aserial killer. Please smoke a cigarette or
put a patch on, do something. But could turkey does not work for
(51:05):
you? So I understand that thatwhole cold turkey. There are many books
out there, and I'm sure youknow them all, Brunet, Brown,
Glenn and Doyle, Adam, grandTony Robbins, on and on and on.
You go to the library, there'stons of self help. How does
one know what will work for them? How did you read them all and
(51:30):
pick little pieces of them? Chapters? Whatever? How do we influences?
Let's go into the whole influences.You go on TikTok and whatever, and
everybody's got a story, a mottoof the day, a saying of the
day. It's like becoming kind ofobsessive at this point. So how do
(51:50):
you know what fits you? What? You have to first understand what needs
fixing? But how do you fixthat. So what I have always done,
I've been an avid reader forever.I love it. But I look
at the ones that have wasted time, right, and there's a reason they
(52:14):
have thinking grow rich the wisdom ofFlorence Scovill shin nineteen thirties. This was
you know, both of these werewritten. And when you go back and
you look at that and you realize, okay, we are now a hundred
years later, and there's really nothingnew. It's all there what they wrote.
(52:37):
It's just people are tweaking it,making a different way. It's making
it sound different. But the core, the core is there, And so
I love to always go back tothe basics, like what do you need
to manifest success? And as yousaid, it's what you're thinking. We'll
(52:57):
show up on the outside. Andif you want to know what you're thinking
about financially, look at your bankaccount. If you want to know what's
going on inside of you in termsof relationships with yourself, you could look
on the outside because that's a directindicator of how you are processing and thinking
about things. Hillary, I cannotthank you enough, and thank you everyone
(53:22):
for listening to this episode of Becomingthe Journey. I love you to keep
tuning in on WR seven ten HeartRadio and follow us on Instagram at Becoming
the Journey. There's a topic youwould like me to touch on? Message
me and, as my producer says, if five star rating wouldn't be a
(53:42):
bad thought. Hillary, Thanks,you have been listening to Becoming the Journey
hosted by Grace Lavrey. Tune inweekly to hear more conversations that will inspire
listeners along their life's journey. Theproceeding was a paid podcast. I Heart
Radio's hosting of this podcast constitutes neitheran endorsement of the products offered or the ideas expressed
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