Episode Transcript
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The following is a paid podcast.iHeartRadio's hosting of this podcast constitutes neither an
endorsement of the products offered or theideas expressed. Welcome to Becoming the Journey.
This show will be a series ofconversations that will inspire listeners along their
life's journey. This show's mission isto cultivate a community of mentorship by sharing
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our experiences in our life's journey.Nobody's journey is a straight line, so
no matter where you are in yours, this show is for you. Meet
Grace Lobray, Hi listeners, andthanks for tuning into Becoming the Journey.
On war seventeen iHeartRadio. Today,I have a guest that I had on
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my show on June twenty five,so anyone who wants to listen to that
show please be my guest. Itis Hillary Diceesar. She hosts the Relaunch
podcast I'm a Little Tired, Littlejet Legged, and she has written a
book, Hold Relaunch, Spark YourHeart to Ignite Your Life. And last
time she was on the show,we talked about relaunching into three HQ HQ,
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But today I think I'm going totake it a little different because we
don't want to be boring and repeatthe same show. So she called me
a little off guard less time.So maybe I'm going to catch her a
little off this time. Before wedo that, tell us a little bit
about yourself, Hillary, Well again, it's so nice to always be with
you, and love being in studiowith you where I get to see you.
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It is a rarity these days,right with all the zooms and all
the other things we're doing. Soyes, I'm out of the Silicon Valley.
Was there my entire career and then, you know it was a high
tech corporate girl living in a crazyworld and with all the relaunches the transitions
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that happen. I all of asudden woke up one day and I hadn't
seen my kids all week, andI thought, what am I really doing?
You know, there's always that pointwhere you're where you say like,
is this really my purpose? Isthis really my passion? And I'm like
it was screaming, no, it'snot. And so I ended up going
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into I was called by the formerpresident of Oracle and he said, Hey,
I'm over at Kleiner Perkins a VC, and would you come over and
help our executives that have been givenmoney and raised money, would you help
them kind of up level their business, scale their business? And I thought
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to myself as I was holding mynewborn third child, I said to him,
my name was Raylan, and Isaid, ray you got to give
me at least another few weeks becausebefore I do that, I need to
be present. Like this was soimportant to me. So I ended up
hiring a nanny and she brought mybaby Rosie over with me and I did
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this three day scrub session and thenI would go and have these like wonderful
half an hour to forty five minutetimes with women with my babies. I
had three of them, and Iended up loving it. I loved everything
about It was called consulting. Youknow now it's called coaching. It opened
up this world of being able tostart businesses, and I thought, you
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know, I had After I didthe coaching business, I started my first
business around helping entrepreneurs. Did thatfor about five years, and then it
really hit me, I need tostart my own business. I need to
impact people. And I really focusedon kids. I wanted to keep kids
safe online and it was a highsecurity company and I did it for probably
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about you know, four or fiveyears, we got an acquisition offer and
ended up moving into a bigger space, and all of a sudden came to
be like, all right, thisis what I really should be doing.
And then my board member did aPonzi scheme with my company and brought down
the company. But I didn't knowwhat was really going on. My intuition
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was screaming literally like oh my gosh. And there was a situation we could
talk about where I'm at Niagara Falls, and I thought it was that was
going to be the end of mydays. And it ended up that the
day he took the company down,and he legitimately did it because I wasn't
willing to fund his ventures anymore andI wanted to go out on my own.
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He ended up, you know,kind of smirking. I remember the
last day and the FECs, thef the Federal Commissioner Exchange, the f
F, FCCC. Thank you.I'm probably a little tired to from the
fly. In ten hours yesterday theycalled and said, Hillary, we have
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a problem and would you be willingto help us. Can you give us
any information on this guy? AndI said, take my hard drive.
Just take it and there's a lotthere and he ended up going to federal
prison for three years. I wantto take you back, okay to that,
I'll call it aha moment when yougot into the Silicon Valley sector.
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Why. Well, I had goneto college premed. My dad was a
doctor, my grandfather was a doctor, and I thought that is what I'm
going to do. And within myfirst year it was not what I wanted
to do. I did not enjoyany of those classes. And I called
my dad and said, it's notmy path, this isn't my journey.
And he said, well, you'reout of state. I'm not willing to
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pay more than four years of outof state tuition, So figure out what
you're going to do and just makeit, make it be available to you
that you're done in the four years. So I went to my advisor and
he said, we have two choices. With all the medical classes you've taken,
you can either be an anthropology ora psychology major. And so I
said, well, let's go withpsychology. And I ended up I'm loving
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it. I mean loving it.But right when I was ready to graduate,
my stepmom, who I was incrediblyclose to, she got multiple sclerosis
and a form of cancer of theuniverse Uterus and it was just one of
these like oh my gosh. Sothere was this like call for me to
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go back home and that led meto the Bay Area versus where I thought
I was going to go, whichwas Los Angeles. And it was during
that time that I thought, Okay, now what Now I'm here, this
wasn't my plan. And so Igot into Xerox, the good old days
of Xerox, and I was therefor about a year and a half and
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this opportunity opened up at Oracle.But did you love it? So here's
the thing. I did not.But I had a gift for sales,
and so the money and I keptmoving up the ladder and I was getting
positions that were I'm really hard tocome by as a female, and so
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I thought, well, this isthis is what I'm supposed to be doing.
And literally almost ten years later iswhen it hit me like I don't
want this anymore. So I knowyou've said in one of your interviews that
if you've when you speak to otherpeople, ask them, is there anything
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in your past that you regret You'veYou've never heard anybody say no, but
talk to yourself, to talk toyour young self today and tell me would
you would you still go through thatpath or would you be a little bit
more conscious as to the decisions youmight have made? So you're right.
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On my podcast, either on airoff air, I always say, you
know, with all the relaunches,would you ever go back and redo or
would you want to do something verydifferent? And everyone's like, nope,
I'd have it exactly the way itwas because I am who I am today
because of it. And there hasbeen a tremendous amount of relaunches, and
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you know, there's always that takingit from when you were at that point
deciding on the relaunch or when you'reninety and you're looking back, right,
And I have to say, andI've had some really hard I mean,
there's a reason that I have theRelaunch Company, there's a reason I wrote
the book Relaunch. But I stillfeel incredibly blessed. I still feel so
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grateful at the way my life hasrolled out and the turns along the way,
the path that I had no ideathis business of, like, you
know, really putting that path andmaking sure you're very aware of it.
Like my dad used to always say, what is your two year plan,
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your five year plan your ten yearplan, and I have to say I'm
as I'm not as prone to dothose two and five and ten year plans
anymore because I do know what lifethrows at you, and there really isn't
anything. I mean, I've beenthrough a big divorce, I've raised three
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small kids. I've found love again, truly my soulmate. I was able
to launch another company after that,you know, situation with the board member,
and so what I have realized isthat you really have the ability to
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bounce back. We are so resilientand at the time when you're going through
a relaunch, it feels like theweight of the world old, but there
is even with the passing of mymom suddenly from cancer and then my right
when the book came out, itwas a lot of my mom's stories,
you know, two days before thebook launched, my dad died. And
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I still look at that and thatwas just a few years ago. As
I always think about what's the meaning, what's the purpose? Why am I
having to go through those things?And the journey is challenging, like there's
no doubt it is. It hasnot been easy, But I also look
at where I am today and thefact I mean, look what I'm doing
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right now with you, I'm ableto share that you can get through,
like the things that you just feellike you're stuck in that quicksand and you're
sinking. Remember they always say allyou need is the little teeny branch that
won't break right. It doesn't haveto be a big branch. Is it
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a matter of you you can getthrough or you really have to get through?
Yeah, you have to get throughbecause life goes on and as painful
as it is. You know.I read something recently that's said, through
the suffering, find the little goldentreasures. And I don't know how often
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people do that. They kind ofgo through life, oh poor me,
or putting the blame. Instead ofsolving the problem, they put the blame.
And so in this age of COVIDthat we had a lot of people
that don't talking about relaunching. They'vereinvented themselves. I would imagine that's the
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same thought process is reinventing themselves.I read a book recently where in the
book it's said, it's easier toregret than act. M What do you
think, Oh, I think thatwe definitely are hardwired for negativity and If
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you look at the six thousand,two hundred and fifty thoughts that we have
every day, eighty five percent arenegative. And why is that? Our
brain? You know, everything ismoving at lightning speed right now, right
You've got AI coming in that's nowtaking it to a whole new level.
But there's something in your brain calledthe amygdala, and the amygdala which is
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the fight flight freeze center deep insideyour brain. It hasn't evolved. It
still is trying to keep you safeand familiar and let's not have that cybertooth
tiger jump out from behind the rockand you know, kill you. But
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the problem is today's stresses, today'slike oh my gosh moments that happen to
you throughout the day are the sametype of stresses that the amygdala. When
it gets triggered, what happens theprefrontal cortex turns off. And so at
that point that's your thinking brain.So when you're thinking about being you know,
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intelligent and being you know, stepsand procedures and trying to figure things
out, and that part of thebrain is not working. Even creativity isn't
working. All of a sudden,you start to realize why you've got the
negative thoughts like why are we It'shardwired in our brain, and so for
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people that are on the quest forhappiness, joy fulfillment, and yet everything
is coming at us to keep usback in that negative mindset, all of
a sudden you realize, well,now I understand. So we can all
just say right now, okay,take a big deep breath and sigh out
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and say, okay, it's notme, it's how I was wired.
And so now you have and Italk about this with you know, a
process that I created, a frameworkcalled three HQ. We touched on at
the beginning, the head, heart, highest self. Then you start to
realize that there is a way toconnect back with not being in that negativity
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but the fifteen percent. And whenyou start to harness that the head is
where your thoughts are, your identityis, It's where your belief system right,
limiting beliefs and empowering beliefs. Thisis where you have the conscious awareness
to actually say, this is whatI'm going to focus in on. This
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is the I call it the relaunch, flip of the negative to the positive.
You have the ability to actually dothis, And last time we talked,
it was so interesting. You saidthe mind and the body connection,
and where does this fit into threeHQ mind and body. I read something
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really interesting the other day that wetry to separate our mind from the body.
Yet seratonin serotonin, which is thatyou know, the happy like let's
get happy, that is actually createdninety five percent in your gut. So
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with that set, all of asudden, you're like, Okay, it's
not all head mind based. Itis a body thing. So when I
talk about head heart, those twoaren't separate. They're actually needing to be
an alignment to get to that highestself again, what is the highest self,
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best version of you? Best versionof you? So when you think
about today's world and we're all lookingfor kind of like life is short and
we're looking for some type of peace. We're looking for some type of like
how do I make sense of everythingthat's going on? And when you think
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about really siloing off your head right, a lot of times we're just like
I just want to focus on thistoday. That's very head based. And
sometimes to get through relaunches you gotto be head based. You just gotta
like power through it. But youremotional side will always rise up, right,
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It's not necessarily when people say,you know, I'm so mad,
I'm so depressed. I am statementsthat's head based, I am, but
you're not. It's that you're havingfeelings of being mad, or feelings of
being sad or anxious or depressed.And so when you can start to really
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think about headheart highest self as workingtogether, there's almost this like relief that
comes out and you're like, Okay, I don't have to try to be
operating in that best version of meall the time, because that's exhausting.
I think last time I called itemotional intelligence and informational intelligence. Yeah,
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head heart. And the other partof that I think is really confidence.
I mean, you have to startout being confident with yourself before you can
feel that higher self. And alot of people talk about leadership today and
you know your better self, andbut how do you define if you want
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to relaunch, how do you define? How do you get back to knowing
at some point what your better selfcan be? Like you have to have
a there has to be something therethat says this is what I want to
be. And I believe in livingin the present. So you know,
when you start thinking of the past, although we learn from it and you
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start thinking of the future. Beforeyou know it, you've got ten novella's
going on in your head. SoI believe I tell my story in the
present, okay, and I tryto be my best self in that present.
But if you're relaunching, okay,if you've gone through trauma or bad
habits, bad thoughts, whatever itis, how do you know what your
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best self is or what you wantyour best self to be? M This
is such a great question because you'resubconscious doesn't know the difference between, as
you just said, habits, goodhabits or bad habits. It doesn't know
the difference between what is your storyand my story. It's just your story,
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that's your reality, right. AndI often say to people when they
say you know well, I loveit when they say you know well,
I come from an Italian family.All of us eat too much, we
all do this, we all doThese are all stories, right, Oh
we're all hot tempered. Oh we'reall you know, we're impulsive. I
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mean, it's just so funny becausethose are stories around what you think you
are. But what is the reality? What's the reality is something that most
people don't actually ever push. Where'dyou get that story? Where'd that come
from? And a lot of timesmoney stories that's a big one for people,
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right and I'm sure right now ifI ask your audience to really think
back on when you were young,what were the stories around money and your
family. Mine was you gotta workhard and then you can play hard.
And oh the big one, youknow, well, money doesn't grow on
trees or you know, there's thisidea of you know, you gotta save,
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save, save, you know,if you spend, and then there
are those that say, you know, you gotta spend money to make money,
and then there's ones that you gotto save money in order to have
money. I mean, there's somany different money stories. And so when
you start to think about, oh, I think you got to earn before
you can save. So let's startwith earn, then save, then invest,
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and then donate. Those are myfour. Those are my four.
And and just to to go alittle bit elaborate a little bit more on
what you just said about money.I find today, because I do mentor
for in financial literacy, I findtoday a lot of young people. First
of all, they don't it's notlike that old Italian family where every Sunday
you got together you sat at thetable and you had pasta and and you
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talked everyone's running around today, who'sgot sports, who's got this, who's
got that? So they don't reallysit down. But I find a lot
of parents today don't share their moneythoughts. They have financial situations with their
kids. So and they go outon a limb to pay for sports and
this and that, but they don't, you know, they'll put themselves in
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hawk for that, which I thinkis a little bit crazy, because they
need to sit down with their kidsand explain to them, Look, we're
having some problems right now, andyou need to understand that, and why
are we're having problems? And kidsgrow up knowing that and knowing what to
do and what not to do.We don't do that today, No we
don't. And that is such avalid point. And it's actually a chapter
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in my book, and it's thechapter that is called Painting the House,
and it starts with I walk aroundthe corner. We're living in a home
in bel Air, California, rightso on the outside things look really good.
And I come around the corner andI hear my stepdad and my mom
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talking, and my mom is saying, Bill, I really want to paint
the house. We've never painted it. It's like literally brown, it's peeling
off. And he says, Judy, we don't have any money to paint
the house. And I remember stoppingin my tracks. I'm like, what,
like, we don't have enough moneyto paint the house. This is
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like what's going on? And Iremember turning around really quickly and racing up
the stairs so that they wouldn't knowI was standing there, because this was
a conversation that clearly they didn't wantme to know about. So the next
week, I was heading out oftown to go see my dad, who
lived in northern California, and Iwould spend the summers with my dad.
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It was a divorce family, sowe're back and forth. When I come
back, my mom picks me upat Lax. We're driving up our driveway
and I looked to the right andthere's a ladder and there's a paint hand
and a paintbrush and I'm like,yes, we're painting the house. This
is so great, Mom, thisis so great. And she looks at
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me and says, no, Hillary, we aren't. I am, and
my chin hit. I mean,I remember, like, wait, what
you have no idea how to painta house and what are you doing?
And again, I'm a teenager,so it sounds obnoxious even as I say
it right now, but let mejust share this. It took my mom
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two years. She was out thereevery day unless it was raining. Took
her two years, almost a yearand a half just to do the front
because she really didn't know what shewas doing, and then another six months
to do the back. The dayafter the house was done, we had
to put it on the market.Watching her, seeing her initially, you
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know, there was that. Forme, there was the embarrassment of oh
my god, my friends are goingto drop me off and they're going to
see my mom painting the house.And I asked her, I said,
are you Are you worried about yourfriends driving by and seeing you out there
and kind of the looks and andshe said no, because that's not how
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I'm viewing myself right now. Andyou talk about confidence, I saw my
mom over this period become far moreconfident than she ever had been. She
was open to discussing, yeah,I'm painting the house because we don't have
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the money, and we don't havethe money for this, and for that
and the only way you're going tostay in the private school, according to
your dad, who doesn't live here, he lives in northern California, is
you need get at a minimum,you know, at that point of be
average, or you're not going tobe in that school either. So we
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all are going to learn something here. And so my mom, my mom,
that was her Mount Everest, thatwas her point where she showed me
what could be done. And Iasked her when we had to sell the
house, and the house sold veryquickly. I said, aren't you so
disappointed now that you don't get tolive in this house? This is what
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you wanted the whole time? Andshe said, much like everyone that I
interview, as you discussed on thepodcast, the Relaunch podcast, she said,
no, it was a journey Ineeded to go through. And the
person I am today is so muchbetter. I'm so much more proud of
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the person today than I was ofthe person two years ago. Well,
accomplishment always does that if you justtune in, and if not, you
are listening to becoming the Journey.And my guest today is Hillary Disesar and
we're on my favorite radio station,Wrvenen. I want to go back to
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young people today. And I knowyou coach women, you coach them in
leadership, but I want to goback to the younger generation. Okay,
And I know you mentioned before youhad that initiative with children. I am
passionate about children's education. I speakon panels about the children's education. I
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am the co founder of an educationplatform. And so today's young generation is
restless, to say the least.They're raised to resist conformity and turned loose
on an age of an abundance ofdrugs. How do you coach them?
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How do we get to them?Okay, when your parents believe that the
only way to solve something is bycontest and protest. So where are we
missing out right now? On youngpeople? We're you know, we talk
about empowering women and you know,seat at the table, and I'm over
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that. I'm really over all thatI got where I am, you know,
just being who I am and notfalling into the old boys club.
And I think every woman has alreadybeen empowered, they just never used it.
And so but it's the young peoplethat are struggling and we need to
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reach them. How does someone likeyou where they're not even relaunching yet get
to them. So first off,as you know, I have been on
the board of cal Poly in Sandlois, EPISPO for over five years and I
have as you know, you andI are cut from the same cloth with
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passion of kids and making sure thatwe really put the focus where it needs
to be. I do believe kidsat a very young age begin their relaunch
journey. I look at kids thatare going through divorce. I look at
kids that are moving parents. Financialsituation is causing them disrupt world, pandemics
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cause them disrupts. Those would allbe those macro relaunches. When we start
to think about these kids, it'sgiving them tools that they can use,
that they want to use. Andso what I am so excited about is
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that I hired an in turn aboutfive months ago and had her and she's
from New York and I had herwork with me to create out of three
HQ. There is a very quickpower tool. I took you through it
last time. For those that haven'theard about it, go listen because it
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is so powerful, not just foradults but for kids. And so working
with this twenty year old woman thatwas she still is in college, we
came up with a three HQ tunein the tool. The process is a
four steps, super simple process,and we created a mini class for kids
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to be able to use tune in. And what's important impactful about it is
we're such we're in a world,as you said, that there's so many
things coming at them and it's soeasy for them to tune out drugs,
run away, like just get awayfrom any of the problems. But with
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tune in, the tune in process, the very first step is what's the
challenge you've got right now? It'sawareness that it's okay to have something that's
not right for you. It's bringingit up to the surface. It's taking
it from the amygdala and no longergiving it the weight because you're now saying,
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I'm onto you. I know thisis a challenge I'm having. So
that's the first step, and wego through it in this hole and we're
about to launch it, and we'relaunching it with this fantastic kid that now
has a podcast and he's like,I want to help everyone. I'm like,
I got you, I got andwe're gonna it's free. It's free
for anybody who needs it. Butthen the second step is the most important
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music. And we've discussed this musicand this idea of tuning in and changing
your channel from that lower level frombeing pissed off and angry and you know,
really looking at it from where amI right now with my emotions,
with my heart and tapping into asong. And the greatest part, it
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can be like ETM, it canbe rap, it can be like whatever
music. These kids resonate with anything, and that's how we elevate them.
And it's known that it neurow logicallyneurow with you everything in your body.
It can change them from being atthis lower state. So all of a
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sudden they're like, all right,that's the challenge. But then step three
they go through it and they comeup with, well, what if they
didn't have that challenge? What wouldit look like? And too many kids
these days aren't given an opportunity toactually think about the opposite. We're so
as we discussed at the very beginning, we're so focused on the negatives that
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kids don't know this isn't stuff that'staught in school that they actually have the
ability to change the outcome, andthey think, we'll no, you know,
I can't do that, And again, stories from the family financial stories.
I'm from, you know this side. We're not rich, we're not
this, we're not that, andthat just propagates this whole idea that they
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stay where they are. So instead, Step three gives them this opportunity with
some like pretty cool little triggers andanchors to highlight and you know, and
we've we've done massive amounts of testingand research, and people at that age
from the you know, from thetween until college, they want to be
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stars, they want to be influencers. So what we do in step three
is we create them being the starof their own movie. And so we
hit them again with what's important forthem, and then we go into the
final step four, which is thatmicroaction allowing them not to feel like,
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here's another you know, this isa course and you know it's going to
take me weeks to be able toyou know, step one through step eight
hundred and seventy. Instead, it'sthat what's one small thing, that microaction,
And again it has so much neuroscience, and neuroscience is taking off in
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the last two years. There's beenso many things that have been debunked and
things that we thought had been true. And I've even had to call some
of my mentors and say, hey, have you heard there's new research here.
So for the kids, it givesthem hope, it gives them something
fun, and it gives them somethingthat they can do immediately. They can
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become masters at tuning in, atthe tune in process, which gives them
the confidence, as we discuss,the confidence to feel like life is so
it's not as overwhelming as I thoughtit was. And as soon as I
can break into just a little bitof that crack that outer shell, then
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and it's like the you know,the nesting dolls. That outer shell is
always the toughest one, and asyou turn it, it makes that horrible
noise like chalk on a chalkboard,and it's like and all of a sudden
you break through. And at everylevel they can start to break through more
and more. Do you think thatwe lack things like that in the school
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system? I mean, I knowwe already know. We don't teach financial
literacy, and that's that's a joke, because there's condoms in the bathroom,
there's sex education, but financial literacywhere you know they to use constantly.
They don't teach that. They don'tteach emotional diversity either, which we've learned
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through COVID that a lot of youngpeople cannot deal on an emotional level.
And so it's amazing what you're whatyou're thinking, what you're doing. But
how do we get to the masseson this, How do we even the
five year old, you know,how do we start to get them to
(35:28):
think outside the box and be imaginative? And you mentioned AI. I have
an issue with AI and I knowyou said it's it's a good way for
them to ask questions and be creative. The problem with AI in my mind
is it's great to ask the questionusing it as a tool, but that
doesn't mean the answer shouldn't be checked. And maybe in your own mind say
(35:57):
okay, well that's that answer,But how it how would I think?
How would I do it? Ihave a feeling that AI is going to
be misused a lot and it scaresme. It scares me, and even
with your program to get them totune in. So I'm working with a
(36:19):
gentleman who has a school in Atlantathat teaches through hip hop who love and
Bruce Springsteen's van ZANDT is now inNew York bringing music teaching through music the
platform and the co founder of isteaching through art, and so we've also
(36:42):
just signed on. By the way, I have to say this, the
UN has just partnered with us fora Global environmental Global Climate Initiative for young
children, and so we're trying.But I think this AI and the Internet
(37:02):
is sort of like two steps forward, one step back. I mean,
how how do you see that?I know you love AI, but I
know this, well, here's gottabe an issue you know about. Okay,
So why do I love AI?I am a small business owner and
I love AI because it gets mestarted on different projects, different ways to
(37:29):
be able to begin to just havean outline. Right, it gets me
going. But here's the things inlieu of psilocybin. So the thing that
I have to say though, isthat and I teach this in my six
month business course that you know thereare five hundred thousand new entrepreneurs entering into
(37:53):
the space every month. Okay,having AI, having the the high level,
here's the here's you know, howyou're going to be able to roll
out let's say this course, thisprogram, this book, this whatever.
And by the way, A Iwas not there when I wrote my book
and so but what I what Iteach is this, and you'll when you
(38:16):
read the book, you'll understand it'sstorytelling. It's what differentiates you as your
stories. I mean, it's thepainting the house story, It's how you
know your money stories. It's that'swhat makes you unique. That's what gives
your connection to others. It's theAI is never going to be able to
(38:43):
go into your brain at least notyet and be able to tell you,
hey, this is a great storyfrom when you were seven that could be
impactful for other people. Right.There's not a day that goes by that
I don't write in my notes.Wow, it just took me ten hours
to get here from Denver yesterday.Wow, there was a sideways rainbow from
(39:06):
the plane that literally on September eleventhwas shining down on where the twin towers
were. I mean, those storiesare what bring our businesses to life.
So that's the first thing. AndI know, having you know, been
on this board as I am,that there is always the abuse situations,
(39:28):
right, people abuse. So nowit's about we launch this back in December,
no end of November December of twentytwenty two, and it took off
and we did it prematurely. Wedidn't put parameters around it. We just
it was out there. And nextthing you know, kids are being accused
(39:50):
of cheating. I mean left andright, kids are being expelled, they're
being suspended. That's happening right now. But I have to say that,
remember in our day when the EncyclopediaBritannica was around and we could I actually
still have the full collection. Doesn'tmake me old, but I do.
(40:15):
That's so brilliant, Okay, SoI love that. I love that you
have that. And when I firststarted it, Oracle, I went to
the library and I got the twelvebooks on computer science and read all twelve
of them, right, because therewasn't this like just give me the quick
and dirty, the cliff notes,the spark notes. There was like you
(40:37):
had to go deep. But thenyou also think about the library and the
Dewey decimal system, and you know, I talked to my kids, I'm
like, you know, when wasthis time you went to the library and
they use it to go study,right, It's like, but what are
they really doing. It's community ofbeing in the same place doing the same
(40:59):
thing. That's why they're really atthe library. They're not like checking out
the books. They're not doing anyof that. But my point is this
that as we move forward with anytype of technology, and this is just
the beginning. I mean, mygosh, I follow this, I do.
There's you know, a hundred newrelevant AI tools for specifically entrepreneurs launching
(41:24):
scaling, and that like hundred isturning into a thousand, the next day,
a million. It's just it's startingto just massively grow. So it's
still about and your ma, yourmain point that I want to really hit
on before we have to wrap upis that schools, it's still about the
(41:46):
headspace that the steps, the procedures, and until we actually bring in the
heart and the highest self, we'remissing we're missing the connection that really is
relevant. We're missing the idea aroundyou know, what can we do with
(42:06):
AI that would allow us to putparameters around it for growth for kids in
a positive way because tech is notthe villain, but it is a really
amazing way for them to continue toask questions. That's the thing. And
(42:29):
we want these kids asking questions,we want them thinking because you know,
Einstein says, you know, it'sit's the level of the questions you ask
get you that the answers. Wewant people asking those questions, but what
we don't want is they get theanswer and that's what they put on the
to the you know report, andthat's what they submit. Well, I've
(42:50):
said this so many times before.It's knowledge is getting the answer, but
wisdom is knowing what that answer means. And that's what I'm afraid of is
they're just going to get the answer, but they're not going to be creative
or imaginative enough to know what doesthat answer mean? And how can I
how can I elaborate on that andwhere would I put myself in that situation?
(43:12):
And that's why I try encourage youngpeople to read more, and not
digitally, but to read more andput themselves in the place of the character
in that book, because that journey, even though it's not their journey per
se, it's the author's journey ofthat character. Putting themselves in that character
(43:36):
does give them a journey and teachesthem problem solving and how to be emotional,
how to be human. And youknow that, that's my fear is
that I don't want technology to takeover the humanity of it. I met
a guy recently in Copenhagen that goesinto the indigenous communities and records their stories,
(44:00):
the elder stories for the younger people. And I thought that was so
absolutely amazing, those those stories fromelders that will carry on and mean something.
I don't think we do that oftenenough now, and I think that
(44:21):
there are some companies that are trulyembracing this charity. Water is one of
them. And the CEO, Scott, talks about how he went to a
village and really understood what happened toa woman. And the story goes like
(44:42):
this, she had this big thingof water where she was carrying it for
hours upon hours from the river upto the village, and one day she
slipped, dropped the water and itbroke, you know, all of the
pieces and the water went everywhere.And the story goes and it was told
(45:04):
by a villager that this woman endedup taking her life and hung herself from
the tree. And Scott said,you know what, I can't even imagine,
like what is you know, whydid she do that? And so
he went over to really hear thestory from the family and to really get
(45:24):
that first perspective of what it reallywas. And when he got there,
he realized it wasn't a woman.It was a thirteen year old girl who
had done this, and she hadwas so upset that she wasn't going to
be able to get water to hervillage. She thought she'd let them down.
So he created this initiative around cleanwater, and he went and told
(45:50):
the story to his church, andthere was a little girl who was in
the audience who was about to turnnine, and she said, well,
for my birthday, I want toraise two hundred and forty dollars so that
I can donate this money instead ofgetting gifts that I don't need. So
(46:13):
unfortunately, she ended up being ina terrible fatal car crash and they brought
it back to the church and openedup because she hadn't quite hit her goal
yet, and they opened it upand she ended up raising all this I
mean like the program took off.It became like in throughout the entire world
(46:35):
and charity water really and it wasthe stories around the impact of what you
can do with just a small asmall amount of that we talked about.
You said emotional, You know thatthat's when you realize that and kids need
to understand this that a small likepeople want to make massive impact. Stop.
(47:01):
Small impact leads to massive impact.Right, That's why this whole tune
in program becomes so impactful. Let'ssay you tuned in one time a day
and you did it just during thework days, right or the school days.
That's five small actions towards your goal. You do that for the month,
(47:23):
that's twenty. Let's say you doit twice a day, twice and
again it takes less than a minute. That's forty. That changes the way
a child thinks of him or herself. It's incredible. These are the things
that are not taught in school.These are the things that we want to
(47:45):
highlight that will absolutely make the difference. Because there are this fantastic book I'm
only halfway through it Hardwired for Happiness, Hardwired for Happiness, and it's a
really great book. A shaik AShake as the person's first name, and
(48:06):
he talks about that we have theability to control our happiness. And it's
this idea of you wake up inthe morning and you're in a bad mood,
mood versus your thoughts. A thoughtis sixty to ninety seconds that happens.
(48:27):
A mood can be a day,a week, a month, right,
but you have the choice of beingglass half full, as he says,
or glass half empty. And it'ssuch a brilliant way to really be
thinking about it. But unless you'remade aware of these types of changes that
(48:50):
you can have, we go intothe spiral of negativity. We go into
that, we feed the mood,We feed the mood, and we feel
the Yes, that's it, andI get it. And so in tuning
in, you can't tune in witha negative thought process. You have to
tune in with a positive thought process. And that's where we have to get
(49:15):
people too, because sometimes when you'retuning into yourself, you tend to go
back to that h this and andthe negative and the trauma and that.
Right, But if you say,okay, I'm putting that in this bucket,
let me open up this bucket nowand see how I can swim around
(49:38):
in that bucket of positivity and kindof take the negativity out of it.
If you were standing in a classroomof young people, okay, how would
you explain success to those young people? This is so funny because I was
just recently doing this in one ofthe classes that I teach, and I
(50:04):
say that success is defined as alifestyle of success and what does that mean.
It means that grace your level ofsuccess, my level of success,
everyone else is. It's defined byyou. And you need to really think
(50:24):
about would you could you if yougot what you ultimately want, would that
make you happy? Because success andI've seen it, people that have sold
their businesses for two hundred million dollarsand they're not happy. I've seen people
(50:45):
that have gotten to where they thoughtthey should be and they don't have a
spouse that loves them anymore. They'retalking about divorce, they're not talking to
their kids. We want to makesure that we're setting ourselves up for what
we want, not what social normssay. And if you give yourself an
(51:07):
opportunity to sit there and really maybejust five minutes, five minutes a day
for five days, just think aboutwhat do you really? What lights you
up? What makes you happy?And all of a sudden, when you
get there, you're not chasing thisdream that is not it's not what lights
(51:31):
you up. We want you tohave the spark before we end this conversation,
and you're gonna come back because youand I could go on forever.
We do love our conversation. Wedo I talking about want, I don't
use that word much. It's it'sreally if I have what I need,
then the wants come without without expectation. So yes, as long as I
(51:59):
have what I need, that's what'simportant. And what is need? That's
what I look at, like,what is it that one needs to survive
to be happy? Of course theessentials are always important, But do you
need love? Some people don't needlove, Some people want to stay single,
some people don't want children. Thatneed is different than that want.
(52:23):
And so that's the way I lookat it. I don't know if you
look at it. But when Italk to young people, I usually say
to them, failure is success.I agree. If you fail, it's
not that you're bad person or youshouldn't be depressed about it, because that
(52:44):
is a learning curve to where youwant to be the next time. It's
one step close, it's one stepMy god. I love to fail because
then I don't have to do thatagain. Right, we have one minute
left. Leave us with a thought, all right? I think the thought
is this that you have a choiceright now, that's what you do.
(53:05):
Have the choice to tune in ortune out. And the title of your
book. It's relaunched spark your heartto ignite your life. And today the
audible is now available so you canlisten as you're doing all of those fun
things, well those multi tasking andjust listen. But again, read the
book you concentrate Betta. Thank you, Hillary, I truly appreciated come back.
(53:30):
I would love it. Thanks again. Okay, you are listening to
Becoming the Journey on WOAR seven teniHeart Radio. Keep tuning in. It's
the best I can tell you,I hope. So if you have any
topics that you want me to discuss, or you even want to be on
iHeart because you have an amazing journey, good or bed let me know.
(53:50):
Thanks. You have been listening toBecoming the Journey hosted by Grace Lavray.
Tune in weekly to hear more conversationsthat will inspire listeners on their life's journey.
The proceeding was a paid podcast.iHeartRadio's hosting of this podcast constitutes neither
an endorsement of the products offered orthe ideas expressed
The following is a paid podcast.iHeartRadio's hosting of this podcast constitutes neither an
endorsement of the products offered or theideas expressed. Welcome to Becoming the Journey.
This show will be a series ofconversations that will inspire listeners along their
life's journey. This show's mission isto cultivate a community of mentorship by sharing
(00:21):
our experiences in our life's journey.Nobody's journey is a straight line, so
no matter where you are in yours, this show is for you. Meet
Grace Lobray, Hi listeners, andthanks for tuning into Becoming the Journey.
On war seventeen iHeartRadio. Today,I have a guest that I had on
(00:41):
my show on June twenty five,so anyone who wants to listen to that
show please be my guest. Itis Hillary Diceesar. She hosts the Relaunch
podcast I'm a Little Tired, Littlejet Legged, and she has written a
book, Hold Relaunch, Spark YourHeart to Ignite Your Life. And last
time she was on the show,we talked about relaunching into three HQ HQ,
(01:07):
But today I think I'm going totake it a little different because we
don't want to be boring and repeatthe same show. So she called me
a little off guard less time.So maybe I'm going to catch her a
little off this time. Before wedo that, tell us a little bit
about yourself, Hillary, Well again, it's so nice to always be with
you, and love being in studiowith you where I get to see you.
(01:32):
It is a rarity these days,right with all the zooms and all
the other things we're doing. Soyes, I'm out of the Silicon Valley.
Was there my entire career and then, you know it was a high
tech corporate girl living in a crazyworld and with all the relaunches the transitions
(01:52):
that happen. I all of asudden woke up one day and I hadn't
seen my kids all week, andI thought, what am I really doing?
You know, there's always that pointwhere you're where you say like,
is this really my purpose? Isthis really my passion? And I'm like
it was screaming, no, it'snot. And so I ended up going
(02:15):
into I was called by the formerpresident of Oracle and he said, Hey,
I'm over at Kleiner Perkins a VC, and would you come over and
help our executives that have been givenmoney and raised money, would you help
them kind of up level their business, scale their business? And I thought
(02:36):
to myself as I was holding mynewborn third child, I said to him,
my name was Raylan, and Isaid, ray you got to give
me at least another few weeks becausebefore I do that, I need to
be present. Like this was soimportant to me. So I ended up
hiring a nanny and she brought mybaby Rosie over with me and I did
(02:57):
this three day scrub session and thenI would go and have these like wonderful
half an hour to forty five minutetimes with women with my babies. I
had three of them, and Iended up loving it. I loved everything
about It was called consulting. Youknow now it's called coaching. It opened
up this world of being able tostart businesses, and I thought, you
(03:19):
know, I had After I didthe coaching business, I started my first
business around helping entrepreneurs. Did thatfor about five years, and then it
really hit me, I need tostart my own business. I need to
impact people. And I really focusedon kids. I wanted to keep kids
safe online and it was a highsecurity company and I did it for probably
(03:45):
about you know, four or fiveyears, we got an acquisition offer and
ended up moving into a bigger space, and all of a sudden came to
be like, all right, thisis what I really should be doing.
And then my board member did aPonzi scheme with my company and brought down
the company. But I didn't knowwhat was really going on. My intuition
(04:10):
was screaming literally like oh my gosh. And there was a situation we could
talk about where I'm at Niagara Falls, and I thought it was that was
going to be the end of mydays. And it ended up that the
day he took the company down,and he legitimately did it because I wasn't
willing to fund his ventures anymore andI wanted to go out on my own.
(04:30):
He ended up, you know,kind of smirking. I remember the
last day and the FECs, thef the Federal Commissioner Exchange, the f
F, FCCC. Thank you.I'm probably a little tired to from the
fly. In ten hours yesterday theycalled and said, Hillary, we have
(04:53):
a problem and would you be willingto help us. Can you give us
any information on this guy? AndI said, take my hard drive.
Just take it and there's a lotthere and he ended up going to federal
prison for three years. I wantto take you back, okay to that,
I'll call it aha moment when yougot into the Silicon Valley sector.
(05:16):
Why. Well, I had goneto college premed. My dad was a
doctor, my grandfather was a doctor, and I thought that is what I'm
going to do. And within myfirst year it was not what I wanted
to do. I did not enjoyany of those classes. And I called
my dad and said, it's notmy path, this isn't my journey.
And he said, well, you'reout of state. I'm not willing to
(05:39):
pay more than four years of outof state tuition, So figure out what
you're going to do and just makeit, make it be available to you
that you're done in the four years. So I went to my advisor and
he said, we have two choices. With all the medical classes you've taken,
you can either be an anthropology ora psychology major. And so I
said, well, let's go withpsychology. And I ended up I'm loving
(06:04):
it. I mean loving it.But right when I was ready to graduate,
my stepmom, who I was incrediblyclose to, she got multiple sclerosis
and a form of cancer of theuniverse Uterus and it was just one of
these like oh my gosh. Sothere was this like call for me to
(06:27):
go back home and that led meto the Bay Area versus where I thought
I was going to go, whichwas Los Angeles. And it was during
that time that I thought, Okay, now what Now I'm here, this
wasn't my plan. And so Igot into Xerox, the good old days
of Xerox, and I was therefor about a year and a half and
(06:48):
this opportunity opened up at Oracle.But did you love it? So here's
the thing. I did not.But I had a gift for sales,
and so the money and I keptmoving up the ladder and I was getting
positions that were I'm really hard tocome by as a female, and so
(07:11):
I thought, well, this isthis is what I'm supposed to be doing.
And literally almost ten years later iswhen it hit me like I don't
want this anymore. So I knowyou've said in one of your interviews that
if you've when you speak to otherpeople, ask them, is there anything
(07:32):
in your past that you regret You'veYou've never heard anybody say no, but
talk to yourself, to talk toyour young self today and tell me would
you would you still go through thatpath or would you be a little bit
more conscious as to the decisions youmight have made? So you're right.
(07:58):
On my podcast, either on airoff air, I always say, you
know, with all the relaunches,would you ever go back and redo or
would you want to do something verydifferent? And everyone's like, nope,
I'd have it exactly the way itwas because I am who I am today
because of it. And there hasbeen a tremendous amount of relaunches, and
(08:22):
you know, there's always that takingit from when you were at that point
deciding on the relaunch or when you'reninety and you're looking back, right,
And I have to say, andI've had some really hard I mean,
there's a reason that I have theRelaunch Company, there's a reason I wrote
the book Relaunch. But I stillfeel incredibly blessed. I still feel so
(08:48):
grateful at the way my life hasrolled out and the turns along the way,
the path that I had no ideathis business of, like, you
know, really putting that path andmaking sure you're very aware of it.
Like my dad used to always say, what is your two year plan,
(09:09):
your five year plan your ten yearplan, and I have to say I'm
as I'm not as prone to dothose two and five and ten year plans
anymore because I do know what lifethrows at you, and there really isn't
anything. I mean, I've beenthrough a big divorce, I've raised three
(09:31):
small kids. I've found love again, truly my soulmate. I was able
to launch another company after that,you know, situation with the board member,
and so what I have realized isthat you really have the ability to
(09:52):
bounce back. We are so resilientand at the time when you're going through
a relaunch, it feels like theweight of the world old, but there
is even with the passing of mymom suddenly from cancer and then my right
when the book came out, itwas a lot of my mom's stories,
you know, two days before thebook launched, my dad died. And
(10:13):
I still look at that and thatwas just a few years ago. As
I always think about what's the meaning, what's the purpose? Why am I
having to go through those things?And the journey is challenging, like there's
no doubt it is. It hasnot been easy, But I also look
at where I am today and thefact I mean, look what I'm doing
(10:35):
right now with you, I'm ableto share that you can get through,
like the things that you just feellike you're stuck in that quicksand and you're
sinking. Remember they always say allyou need is the little teeny branch that
won't break right. It doesn't haveto be a big branch. Is it
(10:56):
a matter of you you can getthrough or you really have to get through?
Yeah, you have to get throughbecause life goes on and as painful
as it is. You know.I read something recently that's said, through
the suffering, find the little goldentreasures. And I don't know how often
(11:18):
people do that. They kind ofgo through life, oh poor me,
or putting the blame. Instead ofsolving the problem, they put the blame.
And so in this age of COVIDthat we had a lot of people
that don't talking about relaunching. They'vereinvented themselves. I would imagine that's the
(11:39):
same thought process is reinventing themselves.I read a book recently where in the
book it's said, it's easier toregret than act. M What do you
think, Oh, I think thatwe definitely are hardwired for negativity and If
(12:01):
you look at the six thousand,two hundred and fifty thoughts that we have
every day, eighty five percent arenegative. And why is that? Our
brain? You know, everything ismoving at lightning speed right now, right
You've got AI coming in that's nowtaking it to a whole new level.
But there's something in your brain calledthe amygdala, and the amygdala which is
(12:26):
the fight flight freeze center deep insideyour brain. It hasn't evolved. It
still is trying to keep you safeand familiar and let's not have that cybertooth
tiger jump out from behind the rockand you know, kill you. But
(12:48):
the problem is today's stresses, today'slike oh my gosh moments that happen to
you throughout the day are the sametype of stresses that the amygdala. When
it gets triggered, what happens theprefrontal cortex turns off. And so at
that point that's your thinking brain.So when you're thinking about being you know,
(13:11):
intelligent and being you know, stepsand procedures and trying to figure things
out, and that part of thebrain is not working. Even creativity isn't
working. All of a sudden,you start to realize why you've got the
negative thoughts like why are we It'shardwired in our brain, and so for
(13:33):
people that are on the quest forhappiness, joy fulfillment, and yet everything
is coming at us to keep usback in that negative mindset, all of
a sudden you realize, well,now I understand. So we can all
just say right now, okay,take a big deep breath and sigh out
(13:54):
and say, okay, it's notme, it's how I was wired.
And so now you have and Italk about this with you know, a
process that I created, a frameworkcalled three HQ. We touched on at
the beginning, the head, heart, highest self. Then you start to
realize that there is a way toconnect back with not being in that negativity
(14:18):
but the fifteen percent. And whenyou start to harness that the head is
where your thoughts are, your identityis, It's where your belief system right,
limiting beliefs and empowering beliefs. Thisis where you have the conscious awareness
to actually say, this is whatI'm going to focus in on. This
(14:41):
is the I call it the relaunch, flip of the negative to the positive.
You have the ability to actually dothis, And last time we talked,
it was so interesting. You saidthe mind and the body connection,
and where does this fit into threeHQ mind and body. I read something
(15:05):
really interesting the other day that wetry to separate our mind from the body.
Yet seratonin serotonin, which is thatyou know, the happy like let's
get happy, that is actually createdninety five percent in your gut. So
(15:26):
with that set, all of asudden, you're like, Okay, it's
not all head mind based. Itis a body thing. So when I
talk about head heart, those twoaren't separate. They're actually needing to be
an alignment to get to that highestself again, what is the highest self,
(15:46):
best version of you? Best versionof you? So when you think
about today's world and we're all lookingfor kind of like life is short and
we're looking for some type of peace. We're looking for some type of like
how do I make sense of everythingthat's going on? And when you think
(16:08):
about really siloing off your head right, a lot of times we're just like
I just want to focus on thistoday. That's very head based. And
sometimes to get through relaunches you gotto be head based. You just gotta
like power through it. But youremotional side will always rise up, right,
(16:29):
It's not necessarily when people say,you know, I'm so mad,
I'm so depressed. I am statementsthat's head based, I am, but
you're not. It's that you're havingfeelings of being mad, or feelings of
being sad or anxious or depressed.And so when you can start to really
(16:55):
think about headheart highest self as workingtogether, there's almost this like relief that
comes out and you're like, Okay, I don't have to try to be
operating in that best version of meall the time, because that's exhausting.
I think last time I called itemotional intelligence and informational intelligence. Yeah,
(17:21):
head heart. And the other partof that I think is really confidence.
I mean, you have to startout being confident with yourself before you can
feel that higher self. And alot of people talk about leadership today and
you know your better self, andbut how do you define if you want
(17:45):
to relaunch, how do you define? How do you get back to knowing
at some point what your better selfcan be? Like you have to have
a there has to be something therethat says this is what I want to
be. And I believe in livingin the present. So you know,
when you start thinking of the past, although we learn from it and you
(18:08):
start thinking of the future. Beforeyou know it, you've got ten novella's
going on in your head. SoI believe I tell my story in the
present, okay, and I tryto be my best self in that present.
But if you're relaunching, okay,if you've gone through trauma or bad
habits, bad thoughts, whatever itis, how do you know what your
(18:33):
best self is or what you wantyour best self to be? M This
is such a great question because you'resubconscious doesn't know the difference between, as
you just said, habits, goodhabits or bad habits. It doesn't know
the difference between what is your storyand my story. It's just your story,
(18:53):
that's your reality, right. AndI often say to people when they
say you know well, I loveit when they say you know well,
I come from an Italian family.All of us eat too much, we
all do this, we all doThese are all stories, right, Oh
we're all hot tempered. Oh we'reall you know, we're impulsive. I
(19:15):
mean, it's just so funny becausethose are stories around what you think you
are. But what is the reality? What's the reality is something that most
people don't actually ever push. Where'dyou get that story? Where'd that come
from? And a lot of timesmoney stories that's a big one for people,
(19:41):
right and I'm sure right now ifI ask your audience to really think
back on when you were young,what were the stories around money and your
family. Mine was you gotta workhard and then you can play hard.
And oh the big one, youknow, well, money doesn't grow on
trees or you know, there's thisidea of you know, you gotta save,
(20:06):
save, save, you know,if you spend, and then there
are those that say, you know, you gotta spend money to make money,
and then there's ones that you gotto save money in order to have
money. I mean, there's somany different money stories. And so when
you start to think about, oh, I think you got to earn before
you can save. So let's startwith earn, then save, then invest,
(20:29):
and then donate. Those are myfour. Those are my four.
And and just to to go alittle bit elaborate a little bit more on
what you just said about money.I find today, because I do mentor
for in financial literacy, I findtoday a lot of young people. First
of all, they don't it's notlike that old Italian family where every Sunday
you got together you sat at thetable and you had pasta and and you
(20:52):
talked everyone's running around today, who'sgot sports, who's got this, who's
got that? So they don't reallysit down. But I find a lot
of parents today don't share their moneythoughts. They have financial situations with their
kids. So and they go outon a limb to pay for sports and
this and that, but they don't, you know, they'll put themselves in
(21:15):
hawk for that, which I thinkis a little bit crazy, because they
need to sit down with their kidsand explain to them, Look, we're
having some problems right now, andyou need to understand that, and why
are we're having problems? And kidsgrow up knowing that and knowing what to
do and what not to do.We don't do that today, No we
don't. And that is such avalid point. And it's actually a chapter
(21:40):
in my book, and it's thechapter that is called Painting the House,
and it starts with I walk aroundthe corner. We're living in a home
in bel Air, California, rightso on the outside things look really good.
And I come around the corner andI hear my stepdad and my mom
(22:00):
talking, and my mom is saying, Bill, I really want to paint
the house. We've never painted it. It's like literally brown, it's peeling
off. And he says, Judy, we don't have any money to paint
the house. And I remember stoppingin my tracks. I'm like, what,
like, we don't have enough moneyto paint the house. This is
(22:23):
like what's going on? And Iremember turning around really quickly and racing up
the stairs so that they wouldn't knowI was standing there, because this was
a conversation that clearly they didn't wantme to know about. So the next
week, I was heading out oftown to go see my dad, who
lived in northern California, and Iwould spend the summers with my dad.
(22:45):
It was a divorce family, sowe're back and forth. When I come
back, my mom picks me upat Lax. We're driving up our driveway
and I looked to the right andthere's a ladder and there's a paint hand
and a paintbrush and I'm like,yes, we're painting the house. This
is so great, Mom, thisis so great. And she looks at
(23:07):
me and says, no, Hillary, we aren't. I am, and
my chin hit. I mean,I remember, like, wait, what
you have no idea how to painta house and what are you doing?
And again, I'm a teenager,so it sounds obnoxious even as I say
it right now, but let mejust share this. It took my mom
(23:33):
two years. She was out thereevery day unless it was raining. Took
her two years, almost a yearand a half just to do the front
because she really didn't know what shewas doing, and then another six months
to do the back. The dayafter the house was done, we had
to put it on the market.Watching her, seeing her initially, you
(24:03):
know, there was that. Forme, there was the embarrassment of oh
my god, my friends are goingto drop me off and they're going to
see my mom painting the house.And I asked her, I said,
are you Are you worried about yourfriends driving by and seeing you out there
and kind of the looks and andshe said no, because that's not how
(24:23):
I'm viewing myself right now. Andyou talk about confidence, I saw my
mom over this period become far moreconfident than she ever had been. She
was open to discussing, yeah,I'm painting the house because we don't have
(24:45):
the money, and we don't havethe money for this, and for that
and the only way you're going tostay in the private school, according to
your dad, who doesn't live here, he lives in northern California, is
you need get at a minimum,you know, at that point of be
average, or you're not going tobe in that school either. So we
(25:07):
all are going to learn something here. And so my mom, my mom,
that was her Mount Everest, thatwas her point where she showed me
what could be done. And Iasked her when we had to sell the
house, and the house sold veryquickly. I said, aren't you so
disappointed now that you don't get tolive in this house? This is what
(25:30):
you wanted the whole time? Andshe said, much like everyone that I
interview, as you discussed on thepodcast, the Relaunch podcast, she said,
no, it was a journey Ineeded to go through. And the
person I am today is so muchbetter. I'm so much more proud of
(25:52):
the person today than I was ofthe person two years ago. Well,
accomplishment always does that if you justtune in, and if not, you
are listening to becoming the Journey.And my guest today is Hillary Disesar and
we're on my favorite radio station,Wrvenen. I want to go back to
(26:15):
young people today. And I knowyou coach women, you coach them in
leadership, but I want to goback to the younger generation. Okay,
And I know you mentioned before youhad that initiative with children. I am
passionate about children's education. I speakon panels about the children's education. I
(26:37):
am the co founder of an educationplatform. And so today's young generation is
restless, to say the least.They're raised to resist conformity and turned loose
on an age of an abundance ofdrugs. How do you coach them?
(27:00):
How do we get to them?Okay, when your parents believe that the
only way to solve something is bycontest and protest. So where are we
missing out right now? On youngpeople? We're you know, we talk
about empowering women and you know,seat at the table, and I'm over
(27:25):
that. I'm really over all thatI got where I am, you know,
just being who I am and notfalling into the old boys club.
And I think every woman has alreadybeen empowered, they just never used it.
And so but it's the young peoplethat are struggling and we need to
(27:45):
reach them. How does someone likeyou where they're not even relaunching yet get
to them. So first off,as you know, I have been on
the board of cal Poly in Sandlois, EPISPO for over five years and I
have as you know, you andI are cut from the same cloth with
(28:07):
passion of kids and making sure thatwe really put the focus where it needs
to be. I do believe kidsat a very young age begin their relaunch
journey. I look at kids thatare going through divorce. I look at
kids that are moving parents. Financialsituation is causing them disrupt world, pandemics
(28:37):
cause them disrupts. Those would allbe those macro relaunches. When we start
to think about these kids, it'sgiving them tools that they can use,
that they want to use. Andso what I am so excited about is
(28:57):
that I hired an in turn aboutfive months ago and had her and she's
from New York and I had herwork with me to create out of three
HQ. There is a very quickpower tool. I took you through it
last time. For those that haven'theard about it, go listen because it
(29:22):
is so powerful, not just foradults but for kids. And so working
with this twenty year old woman thatwas she still is in college, we
came up with a three HQ tunein the tool. The process is a
four steps, super simple process,and we created a mini class for kids
(29:48):
to be able to use tune in. And what's important impactful about it is
we're such we're in a world,as you said, that there's so many
things coming at them and it's soeasy for them to tune out drugs,
run away, like just get awayfrom any of the problems. But with
(30:11):
tune in, the tune in process, the very first step is what's the
challenge you've got right now? It'sawareness that it's okay to have something that's
not right for you. It's bringingit up to the surface. It's taking
it from the amygdala and no longergiving it the weight because you're now saying,
(30:33):
I'm onto you. I know thisis a challenge I'm having. So
that's the first step, and wego through it in this hole and we're
about to launch it, and we'relaunching it with this fantastic kid that now
has a podcast and he's like,I want to help everyone. I'm like,
I got you, I got andwe're gonna it's free. It's free
for anybody who needs it. Butthen the second step is the most important
(31:00):
music. And we've discussed this musicand this idea of tuning in and changing
your channel from that lower level frombeing pissed off and angry and you know,
really looking at it from where amI right now with my emotions,
with my heart and tapping into asong. And the greatest part, it
(31:22):
can be like ETM, it canbe rap, it can be like whatever
music. These kids resonate with anything, and that's how we elevate them.
And it's known that it neurow logicallyneurow with you everything in your body.
It can change them from being atthis lower state. So all of a
(31:45):
sudden they're like, all right,that's the challenge. But then step three
they go through it and they comeup with, well, what if they
didn't have that challenge? What wouldit look like? And too many kids
these days aren't given an opportunity toactually think about the opposite. We're so
as we discussed at the very beginning, we're so focused on the negatives that
(32:07):
kids don't know this isn't stuff that'staught in school that they actually have the
ability to change the outcome, andthey think, we'll no, you know,
I can't do that, And again, stories from the family financial stories.
I'm from, you know this side. We're not rich, we're not
this, we're not that, andthat just propagates this whole idea that they
(32:30):
stay where they are. So instead, Step three gives them this opportunity with
some like pretty cool little triggers andanchors to highlight and you know, and
we've we've done massive amounts of testingand research, and people at that age
from the you know, from thetween until college, they want to be
(32:53):
stars, they want to be influencers. So what we do in step three
is we create them being the starof their own movie. And so we
hit them again with what's important forthem, and then we go into the
final step four, which is thatmicroaction allowing them not to feel like,
(33:15):
here's another you know, this isa course and you know it's going to
take me weeks to be able toyou know, step one through step eight
hundred and seventy. Instead, it'sthat what's one small thing, that microaction,
And again it has so much neuroscience, and neuroscience is taking off in
(33:36):
the last two years. There's beenso many things that have been debunked and
things that we thought had been true. And I've even had to call some
of my mentors and say, hey, have you heard there's new research here.
So for the kids, it givesthem hope, it gives them something
fun, and it gives them somethingthat they can do immediately. They can
(33:58):
become masters at tuning in, atthe tune in process, which gives them
the confidence, as we discuss,the confidence to feel like life is so
it's not as overwhelming as I thoughtit was. And as soon as I
can break into just a little bitof that crack that outer shell, then
(34:21):
and it's like the you know,the nesting dolls. That outer shell is
always the toughest one, and asyou turn it, it makes that horrible
noise like chalk on a chalkboard,and it's like and all of a sudden
you break through. And at everylevel they can start to break through more
and more. Do you think thatwe lack things like that in the school
(34:45):
system? I mean, I knowwe already know. We don't teach financial
literacy, and that's that's a joke, because there's condoms in the bathroom,
there's sex education, but financial literacywhere you know they to use constantly.
They don't teach that. They don'tteach emotional diversity either, which we've learned
(35:07):
through COVID that a lot of youngpeople cannot deal on an emotional level.
And so it's amazing what you're whatyou're thinking, what you're doing. But
how do we get to the masseson this, How do we even the
five year old, you know,how do we start to get them to
(35:28):
think outside the box and be imaginative? And you mentioned AI. I have
an issue with AI and I knowyou said it's it's a good way for
them to ask questions and be creative. The problem with AI in my mind
is it's great to ask the questionusing it as a tool, but that
doesn't mean the answer shouldn't be checked. And maybe in your own mind say
(35:57):
okay, well that's that answer,But how it how would I think?
How would I do it? Ihave a feeling that AI is going to
be misused a lot and it scaresme. It scares me, and even
with your program to get them totune in. So I'm working with a
(36:19):
gentleman who has a school in Atlantathat teaches through hip hop who love and
Bruce Springsteen's van ZANDT is now inNew York bringing music teaching through music the
platform and the co founder of isteaching through art, and so we've also
(36:42):
just signed on. By the way, I have to say this, the
UN has just partnered with us fora Global environmental Global Climate Initiative for young
children, and so we're trying.But I think this AI and the Internet
(37:02):
is sort of like two steps forward, one step back. I mean,
how how do you see that?I know you love AI, but I
know this, well, here's gottabe an issue you know about. Okay,
So why do I love AI?I am a small business owner and
I love AI because it gets mestarted on different projects, different ways to
(37:29):
be able to begin to just havean outline. Right, it gets me
going. But here's the things inlieu of psilocybin. So the thing that
I have to say though, isthat and I teach this in my six
month business course that you know thereare five hundred thousand new entrepreneurs entering into
(37:53):
the space every month. Okay,having AI, having the the high level,
here's the here's you know, howyou're going to be able to roll
out let's say this course, thisprogram, this book, this whatever.
And by the way, A Iwas not there when I wrote my book
and so but what I what Iteach is this, and you'll when you
(38:16):
read the book, you'll understand it'sstorytelling. It's what differentiates you as your
stories. I mean, it's thepainting the house story, It's how you
know your money stories. It's that'swhat makes you unique. That's what gives
your connection to others. It's theAI is never going to be able to
(38:43):
go into your brain at least notyet and be able to tell you,
hey, this is a great storyfrom when you were seven that could be
impactful for other people. Right.There's not a day that goes by that
I don't write in my notes.Wow, it just took me ten hours
to get here from Denver yesterday.Wow, there was a sideways rainbow from
(39:06):
the plane that literally on September eleventhwas shining down on where the twin towers
were. I mean, those storiesare what bring our businesses to life.
So that's the first thing. AndI know, having you know, been
on this board as I am,that there is always the abuse situations,
(39:28):
right, people abuse. So nowit's about we launch this back in December,
no end of November December of twentytwenty two, and it took off
and we did it prematurely. Wedidn't put parameters around it. We just
it was out there. And nextthing you know, kids are being accused
(39:50):
of cheating. I mean left andright, kids are being expelled, they're
being suspended. That's happening right now. But I have to say that,
remember in our day when the EncyclopediaBritannica was around and we could I actually
still have the full collection. Doesn'tmake me old, but I do.
(40:15):
That's so brilliant, Okay, SoI love that. I love that you
have that. And when I firststarted it, Oracle, I went to
the library and I got the twelvebooks on computer science and read all twelve
of them, right, because therewasn't this like just give me the quick
and dirty, the cliff notes,the spark notes. There was like you
(40:37):
had to go deep. But thenyou also think about the library and the
Dewey decimal system, and you know, I talked to my kids, I'm
like, you know, when wasthis time you went to the library and
they use it to go study,right, It's like, but what are
they really doing. It's community ofbeing in the same place doing the same
(40:59):
thing. That's why they're really atthe library. They're not like checking out
the books. They're not doing anyof that. But my point is this
that as we move forward with anytype of technology, and this is just
the beginning. I mean, mygosh, I follow this, I do.
There's you know, a hundred newrelevant AI tools for specifically entrepreneurs launching
(41:24):
scaling, and that like hundred isturning into a thousand, the next day,
a million. It's just it's startingto just massively grow. So it's
still about and your ma, yourmain point that I want to really hit
on before we have to wrap upis that schools, it's still about the
(41:46):
headspace that the steps, the procedures, and until we actually bring in the
heart and the highest self, we'remissing we're missing the connection that really is
relevant. We're missing the idea aroundyou know, what can we do with
(42:06):
AI that would allow us to putparameters around it for growth for kids in
a positive way because tech is notthe villain, but it is a really
amazing way for them to continue toask questions. That's the thing. And
(42:29):
we want these kids asking questions,we want them thinking because you know,
Einstein says, you know, it'sit's the level of the questions you ask
get you that the answers. Wewant people asking those questions, but what
we don't want is they get theanswer and that's what they put on the
to the you know report, andthat's what they submit. Well, I've
(42:50):
said this so many times before.It's knowledge is getting the answer, but
wisdom is knowing what that answer means. And that's what I'm afraid of is
they're just going to get the answer, but they're not going to be creative
or imaginative enough to know what doesthat answer mean? And how can I
how can I elaborate on that andwhere would I put myself in that situation?
(43:12):
And that's why I try encourage youngpeople to read more, and not
digitally, but to read more andput themselves in the place of the character
in that book, because that journey, even though it's not their journey per
se, it's the author's journey ofthat character. Putting themselves in that character
(43:36):
does give them a journey and teachesthem problem solving and how to be emotional,
how to be human. And youknow that, that's my fear is
that I don't want technology to takeover the humanity of it. I met
a guy recently in Copenhagen that goesinto the indigenous communities and records their stories,
(44:00):
the elder stories for the younger people. And I thought that was so
absolutely amazing, those those stories fromelders that will carry on and mean something.
I don't think we do that oftenenough now, and I think that
(44:21):
there are some companies that are trulyembracing this charity. Water is one of
them. And the CEO, Scott, talks about how he went to a
village and really understood what happened toa woman. And the story goes like
(44:42):
this, she had this big thingof water where she was carrying it for
hours upon hours from the river upto the village, and one day she
slipped, dropped the water and itbroke, you know, all of the
pieces and the water went everywhere.And the story goes and it was told
(45:04):
by a villager that this woman endedup taking her life and hung herself from
the tree. And Scott said,you know what, I can't even imagine,
like what is you know, whydid she do that? And so
he went over to really hear thestory from the family and to really get
(45:24):
that first perspective of what it reallywas. And when he got there,
he realized it wasn't a woman.It was a thirteen year old girl who
had done this, and she hadwas so upset that she wasn't going to
be able to get water to hervillage. She thought she'd let them down.
So he created this initiative around cleanwater, and he went and told
(45:50):
the story to his church, andthere was a little girl who was in
the audience who was about to turnnine, and she said, well,
for my birthday, I want toraise two hundred and forty dollars so that
I can donate this money instead ofgetting gifts that I don't need. So
(46:13):
unfortunately, she ended up being ina terrible fatal car crash and they brought
it back to the church and openedup because she hadn't quite hit her goal
yet, and they opened it upand she ended up raising all this I
mean like the program took off.It became like in throughout the entire world
(46:35):
and charity water really and it wasthe stories around the impact of what you
can do with just a small asmall amount of that we talked about.
You said emotional, You know thatthat's when you realize that and kids need
to understand this that a small likepeople want to make massive impact. Stop.
(47:01):
Small impact leads to massive impact.Right, That's why this whole tune
in program becomes so impactful. Let'ssay you tuned in one time a day
and you did it just during thework days, right or the school days.
That's five small actions towards your goal. You do that for the month,
(47:23):
that's twenty. Let's say you doit twice a day, twice and
again it takes less than a minute. That's forty. That changes the way
a child thinks of him or herself. It's incredible. These are the things
that are not taught in school.These are the things that we want to
(47:45):
highlight that will absolutely make the difference. Because there are this fantastic book I'm
only halfway through it Hardwired for Happiness, Hardwired for Happiness, and it's a
really great book. A shaik AShake as the person's first name, and
(48:06):
he talks about that we have theability to control our happiness. And it's
this idea of you wake up inthe morning and you're in a bad mood,
mood versus your thoughts. A thoughtis sixty to ninety seconds that happens.
(48:27):
A mood can be a day,a week, a month, right,
but you have the choice of beingglass half full, as he says,
or glass half empty. And it'ssuch a brilliant way to really be
thinking about it. But unless you'remade aware of these types of changes that
(48:50):
you can have, we go intothe spiral of negativity. We go into
that, we feed the mood,We feed the mood, and we feel
the Yes, that's it, andI get it. And so in tuning
in, you can't tune in witha negative thought process. You have to
tune in with a positive thought process. And that's where we have to get
(49:15):
people too, because sometimes when you'retuning into yourself, you tend to go
back to that h this and andthe negative and the trauma and that.
Right, But if you say,okay, I'm putting that in this bucket,
let me open up this bucket nowand see how I can swim around
(49:38):
in that bucket of positivity and kindof take the negativity out of it.
If you were standing in a classroomof young people, okay, how would
you explain success to those young people? This is so funny because I was
just recently doing this in one ofthe classes that I teach, and I
(50:04):
say that success is defined as alifestyle of success and what does that mean.
It means that grace your level ofsuccess, my level of success,
everyone else is. It's defined byyou. And you need to really think
(50:24):
about would you could you if yougot what you ultimately want, would that
make you happy? Because success andI've seen it, people that have sold
their businesses for two hundred million dollarsand they're not happy. I've seen people
(50:45):
that have gotten to where they thoughtthey should be and they don't have a
spouse that loves them anymore. They'retalking about divorce, they're not talking to
their kids. We want to makesure that we're setting ourselves up for what
we want, not what social normssay. And if you give yourself an
(51:07):
opportunity to sit there and really maybejust five minutes, five minutes a day
for five days, just think aboutwhat do you really? What lights you
up? What makes you happy?And all of a sudden, when you
get there, you're not chasing thisdream that is not it's not what lights
(51:31):
you up. We want you tohave the spark before we end this conversation,
and you're gonna come back because youand I could go on forever.
We do love our conversation. Wedo I talking about want, I don't
use that word much. It's it'sreally if I have what I need,
then the wants come without without expectation. So yes, as long as I
(51:59):
have what I need, that's what'simportant. And what is need? That's
what I look at, like,what is it that one needs to survive
to be happy? Of course theessentials are always important, But do you
need love? Some people don't needlove, Some people want to stay single,
some people don't want children. Thatneed is different than that want.
(52:23):
And so that's the way I lookat it. I don't know if you
look at it. But when Italk to young people, I usually say
to them, failure is success.I agree. If you fail, it's
not that you're bad person or youshouldn't be depressed about it, because that
(52:44):
is a learning curve to where youwant to be the next time. It's
one step close, it's one stepMy god. I love to fail because
then I don't have to do thatagain. Right, we have one minute
left. Leave us with a thought, all right? I think the thought
is this that you have a choiceright now, that's what you do.
(53:05):
Have the choice to tune in ortune out. And the title of your
book. It's relaunched spark your heartto ignite your life. And today the
audible is now available so you canlisten as you're doing all of those fun
things, well those multi tasking andjust listen. But again, read the
book you concentrate Betta. Thank you, Hillary, I truly appreciated come back.
(53:30):
I would love it. Thanks again. Okay, you are listening to
Becoming the Journey on WOAR seven teniHeart Radio. Keep tuning in. It's
the best I can tell you,I hope. So if you have any
topics that you want me to discuss, or you even want to be on
iHeart because you have an amazing journey, good or bed let me know.
(53:50):
Thanks. You have been listening toBecoming the Journey hosted by Grace Lavray.
Tune in weekly to hear more conversationsthat will inspire listeners on their life's journey.
The proceeding was a paid podcast.iHeartRadio's hosting of this podcast constitutes neither
an endorsement of the products offered orthe ideas expressed
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!