June 13, 2023 • 26 mins
Adoptions From The Heart is a private, 501 C-3 non-profit, non-sectarian adoption agency, licensed in Pennsylvania, New Jersey, New York, Delaware, Virginia and Connecticut.
Let us help you build the family you’ve been dreaming of. Adoptions from the Heart has placed over 6,000 infants and toddlers in loving homes since our founding in 1985.
https://afth.org
Let us help you build the family you’ve been dreaming of. Adoptions from the Heart has placed over 6,000 infants and toddlers in loving homes since our founding in 1985.
https://afth.org
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:05):
Hey, welcome in. This isthe CEOs You Should Know podcast. I'm
your host, Johnny Hartwell, let'ssay hello to Jones Smith, the district
supervisor of Adoptions from the Heart.Thank you for joining me. Thank you,
Johnny, I appreciate being here.All right, So tell us everything
we need to know about Adoptions fromthe Heart. Adoptions from the Heart has
been around since nineteen eighty five.We are a full service, nonprofit adoption
(00:30):
agency. We work with birth parentsadoptive parents in making an adoption plan for
the child. We were founded byan adoptee who wanted to have an agency
that practiced more open adoptions. Soopen adoption is something that we pride ourselves
on for the benefit of the childto know where he or she came from.
(00:56):
All right, So you started innineteen eighty five. Can you give
us a little more details on thehistory of the organization. Sure, we
were actually started by Our founder wasMaxine Chalker, who is an adoptee adopted
many years ago in a closed adoption. She wanted to start an agency that
(01:17):
practiced open adoption because she, asan adoptee, knew the benefits of knowing
where she came from. And shehad to struggle to find her birth family.
She did not want that same thingto happen with current adoptees. So
we were one of the first onthe Eastern Seaboard, one of the first
adoption agencies to practice open adoption.So she started in the basement of her
(01:41):
home in nineteen eighty five and theagency grew and kept growing. We are
now in six states, Pennsylvania andfive other surrounding states. So we do
domestic adoption strictly, which is anyadoptions within the US. We have in
the past did international adoptions as well, but we focus now on domestic.
(02:06):
We have done over seven thousand Ithink it's seventy two hundred adoptions since our
inception. So we have offices throughoutthe state of Pennsylvania, and each office
has a group of social workers thatare available. We are on call twenty
four to seven, so that ifsomeone calls in and they are maybe at
(02:30):
the hospital delivering a baby and wantsome assistance in making an adoption plan,
we do it. We can goout immediately and help birth parents make an
adoption plan to their liking. It'sall based on the wishes of the expectant
or birth parents in making this adoptionplan. All right, So I hate
(02:52):
to kind of backtrack a little bit, But for those who aren't familiar with
the definitions of open and closed adoptions, can you be a little more specific?
Sure, A closed adoption is morethe traditional the way adoption was many
years ago, where a birth parentplaced a baby and knew nothing of what
happened to that baby after placement.There was no contact between adoptive and birth
(03:15):
parents. Open adoption, there aredifferent levels of adoption, but they are
open means that there is some typeof contact between the adoptive parents and the
birth parents. For instance, birthparents can choose the adoptive parents that they
wish to raise their child. That'sone form of the openness. They will
(03:39):
actually be able to choose the parentsthat they feel a connection to. And
then there is a certain amount ofcommunication ongoing, whether it be pictures and
letters from the adoptive parents to thebirth parents, It could be visits between
the two entities, can be phoneexchanges, texting emails. So open is
(04:04):
meetings a lot of things. Itmay not be completely open where birth parents
and adoptive parents actually share their lastnames and their addresses, but it can
be, but there's different levels semiopen, you know, sharing pictures and
letters and having visits a couple oftimes a year. That's more of a
(04:26):
semi open, which is pretty muchthe bulk of the placements that we do.
But it goes by what the birthparents desire. If they come to
us and they tell us what kindof contact they're looking for, we can
make it happen. We will makesure that they are shown adoptive families to
pick from that want the same amountof openness that they do. So it's
(04:50):
it can mean a lot of things, right, it's kind of a continuum,
you know, but this is alldone open adoption is important. It's
done for the child because the childis going to want to know where they
came from, who do they looklike, you know, which birth parent,
and just having their medical backgrounds.Years ago you didn't have that kind
(05:13):
of medical background. This is somethingwhere you know, and we have ongoing
communication with birth parents as the agencyas well birth parents and adoptive parents because
if there's a change in health status, maybe the birth parent finds out that
something runs in their family and theywant to let the adoptive parents know because
their child should be tested for something. So it's it's all to benefit the
(05:38):
child. But again it's it's thebirth parents that come to us that make
a decision. Maybe some still wishto have a closed adoption, and that's
okay too, they can have aclosed adoption. We encourage the openness for
the child. All right, Soyou mentioned birth parents and coming to you.
What is the process? How doyou meet the you know, I'm
(06:01):
I'm assuming that the woman all isalready pregnant when they when they when they
contact you? And so what isthe process. So birth parents or i
say expected parents because they may theymay be pregnant when they're contacting us.
UM, so they're expecting their child. They can call us. UM.
We have twenty four to seven UMphone you know phone service that they can
(06:26):
call us anytime of the day ornight. They can text us if they
prefer. They are calling us tellingus that they they want more information.
They may want to make an adoptionplan. What we do is we talk
to them about their options because maybeadoption isn't the right thing for them it.
We like to give them all theiroptions. UM. Maybe parenting with
(06:48):
some community resources is something that theyneed. Maybe it's not adoption um,
but maybe adoption will work for them. We tell them about the process of
to expect, so they are callingus and asking us for information. We
explain the adoption process. An adoptioncounselor will see them in person. We
(07:13):
want to sit down talk to themand explain what their rights are as a
birth parent because laws, and youknow, laws in every state are a
little bit different, so we wantto make sure they understand all of their
options and their legal rights. Andthen once we get we like to get
their background information, like their healthinformation, anything that they can tell us,
(07:38):
and what kind of openness they want, because that will allow us to
give them a group of adoptive familiesto look at. And they're looking at
what we call an adoption profile.All of our adoptive parents have profiles that
with pictures and information about themselves togive the birth parents an idea of who
(08:00):
they are. So birth parents willreview these profiles and from there can choose
a family, and then we encouragethem to have a meeting. We can
set up a meeting where the adoptiveparents will come to their area and the
social worker will be present and theyget to meet the adoptive family before they
ever go into labor. That's kindof traditionally what we do. So birth
(08:24):
partents call us. Now we getreferrals also from pregnancy centers. Maybe a
woman is at a pregnancy center,found out she's pregnant, wants to know
her options, so the pregnancy center, we do outreach to all of the
pregnancy centers hospitals, they'll have ourinformation. Birth parents, though, will
(08:45):
call us directly from there if theywould like more information. One thing that's
really important is for everyone, anybirth parent looking at calling us wanting information
that does not obligate them in anyway, shape or form to continue it,
to make a plan with us,an adoption plan. It's simply them
(09:07):
gathering information. They're not obligated.They can go through the process, they
can meet us, fill out paperwork, they're still not obligated. That is
something that is so important I thinkfor everyone to know is that they're just
getting information. It's nothing is setin stone. This is a big decision,
(09:28):
very hard decision. We want themto think about it. Even if
they go as far as to picka family, meet the family, they
still have the option of not proceedingwith adoption. We always get asked expected
parents even when they're at the hospitaland they're in labor and delivery, do
you still want to proceed with this, because that's a very difficult thing,
(09:50):
and especially once baby is born,they may not be able to proceed with
this, and that's their option,and I think it's important to know that
we are not. It's not somethingwhere you know, we tell you you
have to place your baby, No, you don't, and we are going
to express that because we want thisto be a voluntary thing. It is
(10:13):
very difficult and we don't want toproceed if a birth parent just can't do
it and they for whatever reason,you know, it's not something that we
question them about or we put anypressure. We want someone that truly is
making this plan voluntarily and wants toproceed. So with that said, that's
(10:35):
how we get many of our calls. But sometimes a birth parent could call
us from the hospital. They maynever have called us before, and they're
at the hospital, they're in labor, or maybe they gave birth and it's
the next day and they realize Ijust can't do this, I need I
want to place for adoption. Theycan call us at that point. It's
(10:56):
never too late. We can stilldo the same process, and we get
many of our calls are what wecall these emergency placements because obviously it has
to be done within a couple ofdays, because if babies healthy and can
be discharged, it might be twodays, you know, after birth.
(11:16):
So we get calls like that andwe go out immediately and meet with the
birth parent and help them formulate aplan. So I guess I can stress
it's never too early and it's nevertoo late to call us if you would
like information about placing your baby.Wow, so there's no pressure, there's
(11:37):
no pressure on the birth parents.But what else, what else do you
do to support the birth parents?Okay, so so initially upon a call,
we do what we call a needsassessment, which is basically things like
do you need help with getting tothe doctor for prenatal appointments? Do you
(12:01):
have medical insurance? Do you needhelp in applying for Medicaid or some kind
of insurance? So things like thatthat we figure out what kind of help
do you need? And this helpis given irregardless if they ever place their
baby for adoption. These are thingsthat we do to help out the situation
(12:22):
because maybe an expected parent will realizeyou know, with a little bit of
help, Hey, I can parent. And ultimately our goal is to have
this baby in a safe place,and if it's with its birth parents,
then that's a good thing. Andif if birth parents feel that they cannot
proceed to be parents, then wecan help them formulate an adoption plan.
(12:46):
We have support groups for expected parentsor birth parents, so if it's when
they're trying to decide, you know, I want to talk to other birth
parents who have been through this,maybe some that have placed their baby.
How do they feel about the process. We can connect them. So we
have a lot of birth parents fromover the years that have gone through the
(13:09):
adoption process. They know the painthat birth parents feel in doing this.
They know the good points, theyknow some of the bad points, you
know, and it's important for birthparent and expected parents to realize all of
this because it's not an easy decisionand at no point are we going to
candy code it. It's not.It's very it's very difficult, and we
(13:33):
want them to talk to someone elsethat's been through it if they would like,
so that they can get a feelfrom someone that's been there, done
that. And then if they choose, like if they're in our adoption program,
they place their baby, there willbe ongoing support groups. In fact,
now we hold them by zoom.We used to hold them in the
(13:56):
offices, but now with COVID righteverything is zoom, so that we have
birthparents from all over and coming ontothe zoom and it's easy for them too.
They you know, you just zoomin. So we have support groups.
We offer free workshops on workshops couldbe oh maybe some topics we've had
in the past, where how tobudget, how to make a budget,
(14:18):
how to write a resume, forinstance, things like that. So we
do hold workshops that are free toall birth parents, and we have a
mentoring program where you know, olderbirth parents that have placed can can help
the a birth parent or expected parentsthat's thinking about placing. So it's ongoing
(14:41):
support and the support doesn't end.It doesn't end even let's say for the
eighteen years you know, while yourbaby becomes a young adult. It continues
beyond that. We still get callsfrom people that have placed a long time
ago and just with various questions.Maybe they need help with some things.
So it's something that we pride ourselveson because we want them to know that
(15:03):
we are here to support them,and it doesn't stop, it continues.
All right. You talked a littlebit about, you know, birth parents.
Let's flip the coin and talk aboutthe adoptive parents. What's the process
there? Okay, adoptive parents.It is a pretty hard process for them.
They have to go through a lotto get approved. And we do
(15:26):
that because we want to make surethey're prepared and they're ready to parent a
child through adoption. So they gothrough a process called a home study process,
which is a series of meetings,educational trainings, and courses that they
will go through, and we lookat their whole backgrounds there, their medical
(15:50):
backgrounds, are they healthy enough toadopt? Financial backgrounds are they you know,
are they healthy enough financially to supporta child. It's a whole list
of things, but it takes them. They have a lot of paperwork to
do with it. It may takethem four months or five months to get
through this home study process. Andthat home study what we need is they
(16:15):
prove successfully and be approved to adoptin from their particular state. In our
case it's Pennsylvania. So they getwe write their home study approved them for
adoption, and then they go througha process where they create a profile for
the birth parents, profile, pictures, information that they want birth parents to
(16:36):
know about them. They create thisprofile and then they wait, and they
are waiting for any amount of time. It's unpredictable because the expected parents or
birth parents are choosing them, sowe don't have a hand in that.
It's it's birth parents that are doingthe choosing. And then once they're chosen
(16:57):
and it were at the hospital,we place the baby with them with the
birth parents permission. Then the agencyfollows up with them until they finalize the
adoption. So they are going throughvisits from their social worker. We're making
sure that they are taking good careof baby, taking baby to medical appointments
(17:18):
and so forth. These are thingsthat we submit to the courts because ultimately
it ends in a finalization court hearingwhere they are approved by the courts to
finalize this adoption. So it's aprocess and it can take a varying amount
of time. But we are herealso to support them in their communication with
(17:40):
our birth parents and you know,whether it be they're sending us pictures and
letters, scheduling visits were involved duringat least during the first eighteen years and
then after that it's usually usually bythat time birth parents and adoptive parents have
performed some kind of relationship. Butwe still get calls from people with kids
(18:02):
in their twenties and maybe they wantto connect with birth parents that never wanted
to actually connect. They wanted aclosed adoption. So we can reach out
to birth parents and see if they'reopen to meeting their child, even if
they've never met them. So we'vedone things like that, so it's really
full circle. Sounds like the processis very overwhelming for both sides. So
(18:25):
your role is to kind of explainand hold the hands on both sides and
try to make a match, soto speak. Right, right, it
really is because we our goal isthe focus is on the child, right.
We want the best for the child, whether that be staying with the
birth parents or whether that be placingfor adoption. Adoption is not easy from
(18:51):
any end, including the child,right, but we promote. I mean,
one thing we want parents to knowis that they want to tell their
child they're adopted from from when they'revery very young, because they need to
know. Even though the little kidscan't understand what that means, they need
to understand that they have another setof parents and it's a good thing.
(19:14):
It's not presented in a negative light. It's a good thing you have four
parents instead of two. So wepromote that we do a lot of education
on that because that can be adifficult thing for both parties, you know,
but it is. It's not aneasy process. But I have to
say, when you're dealing with ushumans on any level, we're very complex,
(19:37):
right, So so it's nothing's goingto be easy, and there's a
lot of emotions going through and wejust want to do right by the child.
We want a happy, healthy childthat if they have any questions they
can always come to us as well. And we do get adoptees. We've
done some reunions with adoptees that arein their fifties with they're birth parents if
(20:02):
they're still alive, right, Sowe can do adoption searches. We have
a specialist that does searches for peoplethat call that maybe we're inclosed adoptions.
So that's that's another one of theservices that we do. What's your biggest
challenge. Biggest challenge, I wouldsay that it is when we have adopted
(20:26):
parents that are afraid of contact.It is scary, and I get that
sometimes they are afraid because they're alwaysafraid that maybe the birth parents going to
take their child back, or it'ssimply they've waited so long to become parents,
and it's hard. It's hard toshare your child. And I think
(20:47):
that is difficult until you realize that, you know, the reason that,
as an adopted parent you were giventhis child is your birth parents. So
you have to realize that, andit's not somebody taking away your child.
It's looking at it is you justhave more people to love your child.
And it's hard. I think it'shard as an adoptive parent to make peace
(21:12):
with that. It's just difficult,right because when you have a child biologically,
it's your child, right, It'skind of this thing of ownership,
I think, you know, andnone of us own each other, but
it is that, it is thatstep. Adoptive parents do have a lot
of loss if they can't have abiological child, and sometimes it's coming to
(21:34):
terms with that. And I dothink that over the years they do realize
that, but sometimes it's hard.It's hard for new parents to realize that
and it can be a challenge,and I get it, you know,
we all get it working with them. It is difficult, but it is
something that you have to think ofyour child and what's best for them.
(21:57):
And the more knowledge that a childbiode has about their whole background, the
better they can become. You know, it's it's all important, you know,
we all want to know. Ithink it's you know, if if
you're not adopted, right, you'realways told you look like Aunt Susie or
uncle Jimmy, right, and soa children that are adopted don't have that,
(22:19):
they don't hear that same thing,and they need to hear that.
I mean we all do so,so you don't want to take anything away
from them. They need to knowtheir full history and their full background,
and sometimes that can really be achallenge. All Right. You talked about
a little bit about the process,But if somebody wants more information on either
(22:41):
adopting or going through the you knowas a birthparent, what's the first step?
What do they need to know?What is it that that you want
that? What's the process? Isit going to your website? First?
They go to our website, whichis AFT dot org. Go to our
website. There are many things thatyou can read and find out more information.
(23:04):
You can fill out a simple form. Whether you are an expected parent
or an adopted parent, fill outa form and it'll get routed to the
appropriate office immediately. They can call. They can call their local number.
We do have a toll free numberthat is staffed twenty four to seven.
(23:26):
I can give you that number.It is eight hundred three to five five
fifty five hundred. There is alsoa number where you can just text,
and I think that more and morepeople prefer the texting, So there is
a twenty four seven texting number aswell. That number is six one zero
(23:49):
seven eight seven two four five three. You can get a text day or
night on that number. We havesocial workers that are on call twenty four
to seven so that we can getthat call, especially with an emergency call.
If something's going on you need anemergency call back, then you want
(24:10):
a text or call that number andyou will get a social work or calling
you back. We covered a lotof ground, but is there anything that
we missed that you want people toknow. I think the most important thing
is don't be afraid to call.Whether you're an adoptive parent or an expected
parent, don't be afraid to call, ask information, Ask for information.
(24:30):
Ask any question. We want youto know everything there is to know,
so no question is stupid. It'squestions that probably we've all asked. I
am an adoptive parent from twenty fouryears ago, so I know what I
went through and asking questions, andso ask questions. Call. We want
(24:52):
you to understand the process, andfor expected parents in particular, call us.
Ask us anything you're thinking, anyfears that you have, ask us
about it, and we will answeryou honestly, and know that there is
no pressure. If you call andthen you decide never to call us back,
that's fine. We're We're not gonnabug you and call you. It's
(25:17):
up to you to call us ifyou want that information. So don't be
afraid to call. And know thateven through the process, if you're meeting
with a social worker and then yousuddenly decide I can't move forward with this
process, just tell us. Don'tbe afraid to tell us. We're not
going to second guess you. Wewant you to be sure. It's a
(25:37):
hard process. We want you tobe sure and ask any questions that you
want that you want information on.Once again, the website is AFT dot
org. Jones Smith the District Supervisorof Adoptions from a Heart, thank you
so much for your time. Thishas been fun. Thank you, Johnny.
This has been the CEOs you ShouldKnow podcast, showcasing businesses that are
(26:00):
driving our regional economy. Part ofiHeartMedia's commitment to the communities we serve.
I'm Johnny Hartwell, thank you somuch for listen.
Hey, welcome in. This isthe CEOs You Should Know podcast. I'm
your host, Johnny Hartwell, let'ssay hello to Jones Smith, the district
supervisor of Adoptions from the Heart.Thank you for joining me. Thank you,
Johnny, I appreciate being here.All right, So tell us everything
we need to know about Adoptions fromthe Heart. Adoptions from the Heart has
been around since nineteen eighty five.We are a full service, nonprofit adoption
(00:30):
agency. We work with birth parentsadoptive parents in making an adoption plan for
the child. We were founded byan adoptee who wanted to have an agency
that practiced more open adoptions. Soopen adoption is something that we pride ourselves
on for the benefit of the childto know where he or she came from.
(00:56):
All right, So you started innineteen eighty five. Can you give
us a little more details on thehistory of the organization. Sure, we
were actually started by Our founder wasMaxine Chalker, who is an adoptee adopted
many years ago in a closed adoption. She wanted to start an agency that
(01:17):
practiced open adoption because she, asan adoptee, knew the benefits of knowing
where she came from. And shehad to struggle to find her birth family.
She did not want that same thingto happen with current adoptees. So
we were one of the first onthe Eastern Seaboard, one of the first
adoption agencies to practice open adoption.So she started in the basement of her
(01:41):
home in nineteen eighty five and theagency grew and kept growing. We are
now in six states, Pennsylvania andfive other surrounding states. So we do
domestic adoption strictly, which is anyadoptions within the US. We have in
the past did international adoptions as well, but we focus now on domestic.
(02:06):
We have done over seven thousand Ithink it's seventy two hundred adoptions since our
inception. So we have offices throughoutthe state of Pennsylvania, and each office
has a group of social workers thatare available. We are on call twenty
four to seven, so that ifsomeone calls in and they are maybe at
(02:30):
the hospital delivering a baby and wantsome assistance in making an adoption plan,
we do it. We can goout immediately and help birth parents make an
adoption plan to their liking. It'sall based on the wishes of the expectant
or birth parents in making this adoptionplan. All right, So I hate
(02:52):
to kind of backtrack a little bit, But for those who aren't familiar with
the definitions of open and closed adoptions, can you be a little more specific?
Sure, A closed adoption is morethe traditional the way adoption was many
years ago, where a birth parentplaced a baby and knew nothing of what
happened to that baby after placement.There was no contact between adoptive and birth
(03:15):
parents. Open adoption, there aredifferent levels of adoption, but they are
open means that there is some typeof contact between the adoptive parents and the
birth parents. For instance, birthparents can choose the adoptive parents that they
wish to raise their child. That'sone form of the openness. They will
(03:39):
actually be able to choose the parentsthat they feel a connection to. And
then there is a certain amount ofcommunication ongoing, whether it be pictures and
letters from the adoptive parents to thebirth parents, It could be visits between
the two entities, can be phoneexchanges, texting emails. So open is
(04:04):
meetings a lot of things. Itmay not be completely open where birth parents
and adoptive parents actually share their lastnames and their addresses, but it can
be, but there's different levels semiopen, you know, sharing pictures and
letters and having visits a couple oftimes a year. That's more of a
(04:26):
semi open, which is pretty muchthe bulk of the placements that we do.
But it goes by what the birthparents desire. If they come to
us and they tell us what kindof contact they're looking for, we can
make it happen. We will makesure that they are shown adoptive families to
pick from that want the same amountof openness that they do. So it's
(04:50):
it can mean a lot of things, right, it's kind of a continuum,
you know, but this is alldone open adoption is important. It's
done for the child because the childis going to want to know where they
came from, who do they looklike, you know, which birth parent,
and just having their medical backgrounds.Years ago you didn't have that kind
(05:13):
of medical background. This is somethingwhere you know, and we have ongoing
communication with birth parents as the agencyas well birth parents and adoptive parents because
if there's a change in health status, maybe the birth parent finds out that
something runs in their family and theywant to let the adoptive parents know because
their child should be tested for something. So it's it's all to benefit the
(05:38):
child. But again it's it's thebirth parents that come to us that make
a decision. Maybe some still wishto have a closed adoption, and that's
okay too, they can have aclosed adoption. We encourage the openness for
the child. All right, Soyou mentioned birth parents and coming to you.
What is the process? How doyou meet the you know, I'm
(06:01):
I'm assuming that the woman all isalready pregnant when they when they when they
contact you? And so what isthe process. So birth parents or i
say expected parents because they may theymay be pregnant when they're contacting us.
UM, so they're expecting their child. They can call us. UM.
We have twenty four to seven UMphone you know phone service that they can
(06:26):
call us anytime of the day ornight. They can text us if they
prefer. They are calling us tellingus that they they want more information.
They may want to make an adoptionplan. What we do is we talk
to them about their options because maybeadoption isn't the right thing for them it.
We like to give them all theiroptions. UM. Maybe parenting with
(06:48):
some community resources is something that theyneed. Maybe it's not adoption um,
but maybe adoption will work for them. We tell them about the process of
to expect, so they are callingus and asking us for information. We
explain the adoption process. An adoptioncounselor will see them in person. We
(07:13):
want to sit down talk to themand explain what their rights are as a
birth parent because laws, and youknow, laws in every state are a
little bit different, so we wantto make sure they understand all of their
options and their legal rights. Andthen once we get we like to get
their background information, like their healthinformation, anything that they can tell us,
(07:38):
and what kind of openness they want, because that will allow us to
give them a group of adoptive familiesto look at. And they're looking at
what we call an adoption profile.All of our adoptive parents have profiles that
with pictures and information about themselves togive the birth parents an idea of who
(08:00):
they are. So birth parents willreview these profiles and from there can choose
a family, and then we encouragethem to have a meeting. We can
set up a meeting where the adoptiveparents will come to their area and the
social worker will be present and theyget to meet the adoptive family before they
ever go into labor. That's kindof traditionally what we do. So birth
(08:24):
partents call us. Now we getreferrals also from pregnancy centers. Maybe a
woman is at a pregnancy center,found out she's pregnant, wants to know
her options, so the pregnancy center, we do outreach to all of the
pregnancy centers hospitals, they'll have ourinformation. Birth parents, though, will
(08:45):
call us directly from there if theywould like more information. One thing that's
really important is for everyone, anybirth parent looking at calling us wanting information
that does not obligate them in anyway, shape or form to continue it,
to make a plan with us,an adoption plan. It's simply them
(09:07):
gathering information. They're not obligated.They can go through the process, they
can meet us, fill out paperwork, they're still not obligated. That is
something that is so important I thinkfor everyone to know is that they're just
getting information. It's nothing is setin stone. This is a big decision,
(09:28):
very hard decision. We want themto think about it. Even if
they go as far as to picka family, meet the family, they
still have the option of not proceedingwith adoption. We always get asked expected
parents even when they're at the hospitaland they're in labor and delivery, do
you still want to proceed with this, because that's a very difficult thing,
(09:50):
and especially once baby is born,they may not be able to proceed with
this, and that's their option,and I think it's important to know that
we are not. It's not somethingwhere you know, we tell you you
have to place your baby, No, you don't, and we are going
to express that because we want thisto be a voluntary thing. It is
(10:13):
very difficult and we don't want toproceed if a birth parent just can't do
it and they for whatever reason,you know, it's not something that we
question them about or we put anypressure. We want someone that truly is
making this plan voluntarily and wants toproceed. So with that said, that's
(10:35):
how we get many of our calls. But sometimes a birth parent could call
us from the hospital. They maynever have called us before, and they're
at the hospital, they're in labor, or maybe they gave birth and it's
the next day and they realize Ijust can't do this, I need I
want to place for adoption. Theycan call us at that point. It's
(10:56):
never too late. We can stilldo the same process, and we get
many of our calls are what wecall these emergency placements because obviously it has
to be done within a couple ofdays, because if babies healthy and can
be discharged, it might be twodays, you know, after birth.
(11:16):
So we get calls like that andwe go out immediately and meet with the
birth parent and help them formulate aplan. So I guess I can stress
it's never too early and it's nevertoo late to call us if you would
like information about placing your baby.Wow, so there's no pressure, there's
(11:37):
no pressure on the birth parents.But what else, what else do you
do to support the birth parents?Okay, so so initially upon a call,
we do what we call a needsassessment, which is basically things like
do you need help with getting tothe doctor for prenatal appointments? Do you
(12:01):
have medical insurance? Do you needhelp in applying for Medicaid or some kind
of insurance? So things like thatthat we figure out what kind of help
do you need? And this helpis given irregardless if they ever place their
baby for adoption. These are thingsthat we do to help out the situation
(12:22):
because maybe an expected parent will realizeyou know, with a little bit of
help, Hey, I can parent. And ultimately our goal is to have
this baby in a safe place,and if it's with its birth parents,
then that's a good thing. Andif if birth parents feel that they cannot
proceed to be parents, then wecan help them formulate an adoption plan.
(12:46):
We have support groups for expected parentsor birth parents, so if it's when
they're trying to decide, you know, I want to talk to other birth
parents who have been through this,maybe some that have placed their baby.
How do they feel about the process. We can connect them. So we
have a lot of birth parents fromover the years that have gone through the
(13:09):
adoption process. They know the painthat birth parents feel in doing this.
They know the good points, theyknow some of the bad points, you
know, and it's important for birthparent and expected parents to realize all of
this because it's not an easy decisionand at no point are we going to
candy code it. It's not.It's very it's very difficult, and we
(13:33):
want them to talk to someone elsethat's been through it if they would like,
so that they can get a feelfrom someone that's been there, done
that. And then if they choose, like if they're in our adoption program,
they place their baby, there willbe ongoing support groups. In fact,
now we hold them by zoom.We used to hold them in the
(13:56):
offices, but now with COVID righteverything is zoom, so that we have
birthparents from all over and coming ontothe zoom and it's easy for them too.
They you know, you just zoomin. So we have support groups.
We offer free workshops on workshops couldbe oh maybe some topics we've had
in the past, where how tobudget, how to make a budget,
(14:18):
how to write a resume, forinstance, things like that. So we
do hold workshops that are free toall birth parents, and we have a
mentoring program where you know, olderbirth parents that have placed can can help
the a birth parent or expected parentsthat's thinking about placing. So it's ongoing
(14:41):
support and the support doesn't end.It doesn't end even let's say for the
eighteen years you know, while yourbaby becomes a young adult. It continues
beyond that. We still get callsfrom people that have placed a long time
ago and just with various questions.Maybe they need help with some things.
So it's something that we pride ourselveson because we want them to know that
(15:03):
we are here to support them,and it doesn't stop, it continues.
All right. You talked a littlebit about, you know, birth parents.
Let's flip the coin and talk aboutthe adoptive parents. What's the process
there? Okay, adoptive parents.It is a pretty hard process for them.
They have to go through a lotto get approved. And we do
(15:26):
that because we want to make surethey're prepared and they're ready to parent a
child through adoption. So they gothrough a process called a home study process,
which is a series of meetings,educational trainings, and courses that they
will go through, and we lookat their whole backgrounds there, their medical
(15:50):
backgrounds, are they healthy enough toadopt? Financial backgrounds are they you know,
are they healthy enough financially to supporta child. It's a whole list
of things, but it takes them. They have a lot of paperwork to
do with it. It may takethem four months or five months to get
through this home study process. Andthat home study what we need is they
(16:15):
prove successfully and be approved to adoptin from their particular state. In our
case it's Pennsylvania. So they getwe write their home study approved them for
adoption, and then they go througha process where they create a profile for
the birth parents, profile, pictures, information that they want birth parents to
(16:36):
know about them. They create thisprofile and then they wait, and they
are waiting for any amount of time. It's unpredictable because the expected parents or
birth parents are choosing them, sowe don't have a hand in that.
It's it's birth parents that are doingthe choosing. And then once they're chosen
(16:57):
and it were at the hospital,we place the baby with them with the
birth parents permission. Then the agencyfollows up with them until they finalize the
adoption. So they are going throughvisits from their social worker. We're making
sure that they are taking good careof baby, taking baby to medical appointments
(17:18):
and so forth. These are thingsthat we submit to the courts because ultimately
it ends in a finalization court hearingwhere they are approved by the courts to
finalize this adoption. So it's aprocess and it can take a varying amount
of time. But we are herealso to support them in their communication with
(17:40):
our birth parents and you know,whether it be they're sending us pictures and
letters, scheduling visits were involved duringat least during the first eighteen years and
then after that it's usually usually bythat time birth parents and adoptive parents have
performed some kind of relationship. Butwe still get calls from people with kids
(18:02):
in their twenties and maybe they wantto connect with birth parents that never wanted
to actually connect. They wanted aclosed adoption. So we can reach out
to birth parents and see if they'reopen to meeting their child, even if
they've never met them. So we'vedone things like that, so it's really
full circle. Sounds like the processis very overwhelming for both sides. So
(18:25):
your role is to kind of explainand hold the hands on both sides and
try to make a match, soto speak. Right, right, it
really is because we our goal isthe focus is on the child, right.
We want the best for the child, whether that be staying with the
birth parents or whether that be placingfor adoption. Adoption is not easy from
(18:51):
any end, including the child,right, but we promote. I mean,
one thing we want parents to knowis that they want to tell their
child they're adopted from from when they'revery very young, because they need to
know. Even though the little kidscan't understand what that means, they need
to understand that they have another setof parents and it's a good thing.
(19:14):
It's not presented in a negative light. It's a good thing you have four
parents instead of two. So wepromote that we do a lot of education
on that because that can be adifficult thing for both parties, you know,
but it is. It's not aneasy process. But I have to
say, when you're dealing with ushumans on any level, we're very complex,
(19:37):
right, So so it's nothing's goingto be easy, and there's a
lot of emotions going through and wejust want to do right by the child.
We want a happy, healthy childthat if they have any questions they
can always come to us as well. And we do get adoptees. We've
done some reunions with adoptees that arein their fifties with they're birth parents if
(20:02):
they're still alive, right, Sowe can do adoption searches. We have
a specialist that does searches for peoplethat call that maybe we're inclosed adoptions.
So that's that's another one of theservices that we do. What's your biggest
challenge. Biggest challenge, I wouldsay that it is when we have adopted
(20:26):
parents that are afraid of contact.It is scary, and I get that
sometimes they are afraid because they're alwaysafraid that maybe the birth parents going to
take their child back, or it'ssimply they've waited so long to become parents,
and it's hard. It's hard toshare your child. And I think
(20:47):
that is difficult until you realize that, you know, the reason that,
as an adopted parent you were giventhis child is your birth parents. So
you have to realize that, andit's not somebody taking away your child.
It's looking at it is you justhave more people to love your child.
And it's hard. I think it'shard as an adoptive parent to make peace
(21:12):
with that. It's just difficult,right because when you have a child biologically,
it's your child, right, It'skind of this thing of ownership,
I think, you know, andnone of us own each other, but
it is that, it is thatstep. Adoptive parents do have a lot
of loss if they can't have abiological child, and sometimes it's coming to
(21:34):
terms with that. And I dothink that over the years they do realize
that, but sometimes it's hard.It's hard for new parents to realize that
and it can be a challenge,and I get it, you know,
we all get it working with them. It is difficult, but it is
something that you have to think ofyour child and what's best for them.
(21:57):
And the more knowledge that a childbiode has about their whole background, the
better they can become. You know, it's it's all important, you know,
we all want to know. Ithink it's you know, if if
you're not adopted, right, you'realways told you look like Aunt Susie or
uncle Jimmy, right, and soa children that are adopted don't have that,
(22:19):
they don't hear that same thing,and they need to hear that.
I mean we all do so,so you don't want to take anything away
from them. They need to knowtheir full history and their full background,
and sometimes that can really be achallenge. All Right. You talked about
a little bit about the process,But if somebody wants more information on either
(22:41):
adopting or going through the you knowas a birthparent, what's the first step?
What do they need to know?What is it that that you want
that? What's the process? Isit going to your website? First?
They go to our website, whichis AFT dot org. Go to our
website. There are many things thatyou can read and find out more information.
(23:04):
You can fill out a simple form. Whether you are an expected parent
or an adopted parent, fill outa form and it'll get routed to the
appropriate office immediately. They can call. They can call their local number.
We do have a toll free numberthat is staffed twenty four to seven.
(23:26):
I can give you that number.It is eight hundred three to five five
fifty five hundred. There is alsoa number where you can just text,
and I think that more and morepeople prefer the texting, So there is
a twenty four seven texting number aswell. That number is six one zero
(23:49):
seven eight seven two four five three. You can get a text day or
night on that number. We havesocial workers that are on call twenty four
to seven so that we can getthat call, especially with an emergency call.
If something's going on you need anemergency call back, then you want
(24:10):
a text or call that number andyou will get a social work or calling
you back. We covered a lotof ground, but is there anything that
we missed that you want people toknow. I think the most important thing
is don't be afraid to call.Whether you're an adoptive parent or an expected
parent, don't be afraid to call, ask information, Ask for information.
(24:30):
Ask any question. We want youto know everything there is to know,
so no question is stupid. It'squestions that probably we've all asked. I
am an adoptive parent from twenty fouryears ago, so I know what I
went through and asking questions, andso ask questions. Call. We want
(24:52):
you to understand the process, andfor expected parents in particular, call us.
Ask us anything you're thinking, anyfears that you have, ask us
about it, and we will answeryou honestly, and know that there is
no pressure. If you call andthen you decide never to call us back,
that's fine. We're We're not gonnabug you and call you. It's
(25:17):
up to you to call us ifyou want that information. So don't be
afraid to call. And know thateven through the process, if you're meeting
with a social worker and then yousuddenly decide I can't move forward with this
process, just tell us. Don'tbe afraid to tell us. We're not
going to second guess you. Wewant you to be sure. It's a
(25:37):
hard process. We want you tobe sure and ask any questions that you
want that you want information on.Once again, the website is AFT dot
org. Jones Smith the District Supervisorof Adoptions from a Heart, thank you
so much for your time. Thishas been fun. Thank you, Johnny.
This has been the CEOs you ShouldKnow podcast, showcasing businesses that are
(26:00):
driving our regional economy. Part ofiHeartMedia's commitment to the communities we serve.
I'm Johnny Hartwell, thank you somuch for listen.
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