October 25, 2025 • 29 mins
In this episode of Chats with GiGi, host GiGi Diaz welcomes Alexis Becerra, a trauma-trained licensed therapist and leadership coach, to discuss the unique challenges and workplace trauma faced by Latina professionals.
Alexis shares her journey as a first-generation Mexican American and how she helps Latinas heal from workplace trauma, reclaim their voice, and lead with confidence and authenticity. They explore the impact of toxic workplaces on identity, the necessity of healing for effective leadership, and offer practical advice for Latina women to choose themselves first and establish healthy boundaries.
Whether you’re an entrepreneur or navigating a corporate environment, this episode is packed with insights and strategies to help you thrive.
00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview
00:18 Meet Alexis: Trauma Therapist and Leadership Coach
01:57 Healing from Workplace Trauma
03:37 Recognizing and Addressing Workplace Abuse
06:47 Steps to Combat Toxic Work Environments
10:51 Impact of Toxic Workplaces on Identity
14:32 Building Healthy Workspaces as Entrepreneurs
23:23 Leadership and Latina Women
27:48 Conclusion and Contact Information
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I know you're excited to hear from our guests, but
before we start today's episode, I gotta share something with you.
In today's workplaces, too many Latina professionals are overworked, overlooked,
and undervalued, and they carry the weight of survival instead
of the power of purpose. That's where Alexis Beserra comes in.
As a trauma trained licensed therapist and leadership coach with
(00:24):
over a decade of experience, Alexis helps Latinas heal from
workplace trauma, reclaim their voice, and lead with confidence, clarity,
and authenticity. She's a first generation Mexican American who's lived
what she teaches, blending mental health education and leadership expertise
into a coaching approach that's both trauma informed and culturally rooted.
(00:46):
Her mission to help Latinas like us Latina change makers,
stop shrinking to fit systems that were never built for
them and start leading from a place of wholeness, purpose,
and power. You can find her on Instagram at It's
Alexis Becerra, where she shares real talk, healing tools, and
leadership insights for Latinas ready to rise. This is Chats
(01:11):
with GG, a podcast for women who are ready to
step into their power, get unstuck and create more freedom
in all areas of life. I'm your host, GGDAZ, certified
life and business coach, Media personality and multi passionate entrepreneur.
I've helped hundreds of women find the necessary clarity, confidence,
(01:35):
and courage to build their dream life and achieve success
with less stress. If you're seeking weekly motivation, practical and
spiritual advice, and tangible resources to scale in life and
in business, then you're in the right place. Are you ready?
Here we go, Let's get right into it, Alexis. I
(01:58):
am so excited to you on the podcast to go
even deeper on being able to heal from you know,
workplace trauma and that can come on so many different levels.
And when we had you on stage at mbg UH
this year, you were just so good at diving into
the way that this can impact the way we build
(02:19):
our own teams, the way that we show up when
we're working in other people's teams, and really getting into
how do we shift these these beliefs and these behaviors
really that become ingrained in us because it's just the
way it's always been right. It's one of those things
(02:40):
that we kind of just walk into and you just
pick up the pace right and you just start, you know,
moving as it is because it's how it's been. But
before we get into that, I want to know what
brought you to this particular practice.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Yeah, so, first off to you, thank you for having me.
I'm soas like, I am beyond excited to have this
conversation with you and just to share more about the
work I'm doing. What ultimately led to me doing this
work was I have over a decade working in schools
in the Bay Area as a licensed mental health leader,
(03:17):
and so as part of the part of my focus
is also in relationship abuse, and it was really geared
towards helping adolescents know the signs and recognize because, as
we know, teen dating violence happens starts a really early on, right,
It's not later in their thirties and forties, and when
people think things are happening, it starts really early on.
And so in my work experience as a Latina first
(03:40):
gen leader in these spaces, I've really started to recognize
that these signs that are around, like relationship abuse, are
really happening in the workplace. And I myself had firsthand
experience navigating these systems and recognizing like is this normal?
Is this not? It's because like as you said, as
you said, like this becomes so very normal and just
(04:03):
what we're expected, and so we don't really understand it.
And when we're talking about abuse, we oftentimes don't talk
about it from the lens of work. We talk about
it from the lens of like romantic relationships. But many
of the characteristics are very mirrored to each other. And
so my first hand experience, I was like, how do
(04:23):
I use all my knowledge as a trauma trained expert
with the specialty and relationship with use, and how do
I use this to help support women moving forward in
their lives and their careers, Because the biggest thing I
kept on encountering was women feeling completely alone and you
do feel loon you think you're the only one encountering this.
(04:44):
And as I started asking more questions, I was like,
this is happening and no one is talking about this.
So that's really what led me to jump in, what
are some of those parallels of relationship abuse? Yeah? Yeah,
So there's a lot of gas lighting that in ends
up happening, a lot of blame on you versus like
the system itself. And this can happen when you're looking
(05:07):
at a relationship abuse right, like the person who is
the person who is causing the harm will often blame you,
like you made me do this, it was your fault, right,
And in work, what that might look like is your
bosses might actually be well, you should have stepped up more,
you should have done this, X, Y, and C. Differently,
you should have without recognizing their own on how they're
(05:28):
communicating to you, but also how they're projecting all of
their falls on you. Sometimes you might even recognize like
your work is being stolen from you and other people
are taking credit for you. And in relationships this happens too,
like oh it's me, I'm the one maintaining the house.
I'm the one So you're not even getting credit for
(05:49):
how you are showing up, not only as a partner
but as a work worker. So therese are a couple examples.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Would you say that because this I believe that this
is very commonplace. I believe that toxic workplaces are more
common than non toxic ones, And I feel like there
is a certain sense of acceptance made employees. You know,
(06:17):
you go into corporate and you expect it to be
that way, and so because you expect it to be
toxic and exhausting and demanding, that it can become difficult
to even acknowledge that it actually should not be that way.
(06:38):
And when we believe that that the wrong is the norm,
it can take a minute to snap out of it
and be like whoa, whoa. So what would you say
are the things to look are the steps to take?
Because you've given us, You've given us things to look
out for, but the steps to take to I would
(06:59):
almost say, first, build up that courage to say this
isn't right right and to go against the giant machine
and say something's got to give. And then what are
the right steps to take that uh, that won't jeopardize
your job, because I also feel like that's a huge
fear that people might have. It's like, well, I'm going
(07:19):
to go up against the machine that's always done it
this way. Everybody else is accepting the beating right, and
then I'm going to speak up and I'm just going
to be the one that gets fired. So I just
got to you know kaya that. So what would you
say are some of the steps that can be taken?
Speaker 2 (07:35):
I think first and foremost, you have to one acknowledge
acknowledge right that this is not normal. And because first
the first thing is acknowledging like I'm in a space
that is unhealthy and not okay, and recognizing you are
going up against a beast and one person is not
going to be able to take that beast down. And
what is your role going to look like as you're
(07:55):
taking trying to take down this beast if that's what
you decide to do, right, because it's going to be exhausting.
You're going to be battling this. A lot of people
are going to have fear around, you know, using their
voice to speak out. And also recognizing you don't have
to battle the beast, but you can take care of
yourself and how you show up every day. And what
I often tell my clients is the first thing is
(08:16):
you have to choose yourself first. You have to choose
yourself first, because in the grand scheme of things, like
if you got fired or you left, they're going to
your job is going to be on the market within
less than twenty four hours, guaranteed, you know, because yeah,
And so choosing yourself first and what does that look
like for you? And how are you going to start
taking care of yourself because this beating that ends up
(08:40):
happening in toxic workplaces is it's more than I just
go to work, this happens and I show up in
my day to day life. Fine, no you don't, because
that you spend more of your time of your day
at work than you do even at home at times,
and so that shows up in all aspects of your
life and recognizing how do I want to show up
for the people that I love for myself because I
(09:02):
love myself more than this work, right, this job? And
what is that going to start to look like? And
what are the boundaries going to start to look like
for yourself? Right? How are you going to slowly stop
taking work home with you? How are you going to
set different boundaries around emails and meetings and you know,
telling yourself, I'm going to put this wellness recharge on
(09:23):
my schedule and not doing it. No, you're going to
start doing it. You're going to start showing up for
yourself and you're going to start recognizing that. But what
comes with that is really having to take care of
our nervous system, because our nervous system has been so
hijacked at this aspect of like, this is how it
should function, and this is the grind, and this is
(09:44):
normal to experience this type of toxic abuse. That is
recognizing that you are safe, because when you are feeling
safe again in yourself, that's when you're able to take
courageous steps forward.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
I feel like that safety element is so important because
it's it's a biological response to circumstances that we don't
always consciously think about, but it's happening, whether or not
we are intentionally choosing to become aware of that. Our
nervous system will change our the literal chemical composition of
(10:26):
our body when we feel unsafe. And I've been at
jobs where you know, it's like come Friday, everyone's just
waiting to see if their heads on the shopping board
or not, you know, and that's just no way to live.
It's like that shit will drive you crazy, right, And
so I want to hear more about how these toxic
(10:50):
work environments can impact our identity, even because it goes
so much deeper than just I'm uncomfortable here. It's kind
of tough. I you know, I would rather go somewhere else,
but the pay is good. But I'm just gonna like,
you know, what's the word compartmentalize it, and it's toxic.
(11:12):
Workplaces can get really really deep into your skin and
truly impact and affect your identity and how you view yourself.
And I'd love for you to shine some light on that.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Yeah, thank you for asking that. ToJ it is it
is so much more deeper into your core, and this
idea to compartmentalize, you can't. You can't. I mean there's
many people who said, well, just leave work, be work.
You're like, well, sure, but if you're literally your identity
is being beaten down in these spaces, then that's how
(11:45):
you're showing up in different spaces, right. And so though,
the biggest way I've seen how it affects people is
they don't see themselves for the greatness that they have anymore. Right,
They really have lost touch with that. And they might
have they might be the rock star, but they don't
see themselves as the rock star, and they don't see
(12:07):
themselves anywhere else than in that space because it's really
made them feel like they're inadequate to maybe try new endeavors.
They might even like look for new jobs or step
into spaces of leadership that might be bigger than they
have ever imagined, but are so worthy of and so deserving.
(12:27):
They just don't see that. They absolutely can't see that
because what they've seen is in toxic workplaces, you are
more likely being told what you're doing wrong versus what
you're doing right. And it's this idea to break you down, right,
And so that's what they're focused on, and then they'll
even look at it from this lens of a scarcity mindset. No, no, no,
(12:50):
Like I have a job, I have to be grateful
for this. I am making a lot of money. The
golden handcuffs are real. They're absolutely real, especially in our
American society. This idea that you have benefits, this is
what we're living for, right, benefits for one k, et cetera.
(13:10):
But it's deeper than that, because all those things don't
matter if you're not okay. The reality like you are
not going to access for one K and retire if
you are already unhealthy from the toxic work environment, if
you're living under chronic stress, if you're having heart health issues.
You know, like those things don't truly matter if you're
(13:33):
not okay.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
I love that you mentioned that, because it's almost like
I'm preparing for a future I may not make it
too yeah, right, And at that point it's like, and
then what was it all for? We have a lot
of entrepreneurs and straddling entrepreneurs that listen to this podcast,
and I wanted to start with the specifics of the
toxic work environments and of these workplace experiences because I
(14:02):
feel like the majority of the listeners of this show
are familiar with that. And then many have had the
courage to leave and are building their own workspaces. Others
are in the straddling space, right, so they're still in corporate,
(14:22):
but they've already launched their businesses and they're using their
corporate job to fund the growth of their business, which
is brilliant.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Right.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
They're preparing their exit strategies and all that stuff. But
I want to talk about how just leaving isn't going
to guarantee that we don't build the same exact thing
in our own new workspace that we are developing. Can
you shine some light on that.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Yeah, One thing I say is a new job boame
savior and starting your own business isn't going to say
pep either, right. And I actually had a friend ask
me why to say that, like it's it's so much
more the new job, the new workplace, You're going to
have new colleagues, a new environment, but the internal narratives
that we have already like internalized, and whether it's from
(15:12):
like our gopura like that a lot of value, our
value comes from our work, right, but also these narratives
that we are not worthy enough. It really ends up
defining how we show up in a new job, but
also how we show up as business owners and to
those types of narratives that really need to be dismantled
(15:33):
figured out, like where is this coming from? Dismantled shred
through and creating new ones for ourselves and how we're
going to want to show up. And one thing I
think about is, and I've seen this already come up
multiple times with some of my clients, is you know
they are literally running their businesses exactly how they felt
ran when they like left corporate and and from even
(15:57):
like the lack of boundaries and call at eleven pm
at night and feeling accessible to their clients at any
point in time because they paid them a contract, so
therefore they feel like they have to and it's like,
let's start setting boundaries and what does that look like?
Put it in your contract. Hey, I'm available from nine
(16:17):
to five and after that, I'll get back to you
in twenty four hours, you know, or twenty four to
forty eight hours, or even some of the educational leaders
that I work with, like the high peak seasons are
start and end of the year school years and feeling
like they have to be on call, and it's like,
let's send auto respond to emails so that they know, hey,
I'm going to get back to you and twenty four
(16:38):
to forty eight hours right seventy two, So they that
feeling of having to jump, which is very like, very
like a part of where we came from. Feeling like
we had to jump, we had to run, we had
to like put out all these fires right away, ends
up transferring over into these new spaces because we're not recognizing, hey,
(17:01):
like this isn't normal and I don't want to lead
this way and I don't want to show up this
way in my business because I created my business for freedom,
for flexibility, right, and so it's been it's an interesting
thing to see, but it's also so beautiful to see
when they're able to have that awareness and create those
(17:23):
pivots and changes for themselves.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
And it's interesting how you mentioned that they are in
these in their new workspaces right in their business, allowing
the lack of boundaries and the excessive reach and the
high demands of clients. Let's talk about the other side
now too, when you create these workspaces without healing from
the workplace trauma that you're carrying with you, and you're
(17:48):
building a team, and you are now the leader, You're
the person in charge, and you're the one that is
responsible for creating a culture where your team is going
to have both very high standards because ultimately we want
to lead a nice, strong, functioning, profitable team, right, but
(18:11):
also a team that's going to not feel like you're
leading them in a toxic way. If we haven't healed
from how we were led, how do we become better leaders?
Speaker 2 (18:23):
If you haven't healed from how you've led, how do
you become a better leader?
Speaker 1 (18:27):
Yeah, Like it's hard. Healing is necessary. You have to
under It's almost I feel like it's it's very It
almost mirrors parenting. You know a lot of times we
we think, you know, well, I didn't like the way
that my mom raised me in this and that way, right,
(18:48):
like she was too strong or she was too soft,
or you know whatever it is. But then we have
kids and we just replicate the behavior and we just
become the same exact parent that our parents were. And
if we don't stop and say, hold on a second,
which part of the parenting experience on the receiving end
worked and which didn't, and how do I need to
(19:09):
unlearn that style of parenting to have better results. It's
a lot of work. As a mom of a two
year old, I'll tell you it is freaking exhausting to
do this work because you have to do it all
the time, on a daily sometimes moment to moment for
a whole day.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Right.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
But I feel like it mirrors leadership when you're leaving
a toxic work environment and you're you know, you're go
into corporate and now it's time to build that team.
Now it's time to hire somebody you know in tiny
department of this and your tiny department of that. But
those tiny departments begin to scale and begin to grow,
and now you have, you know, a five to ten
(19:47):
person team or a fifteen to thirty person team, and
you know, it's important that we don't replicate the leadership
that was toxic in the first place, And so what
do we need to look out for as leaders and
as team as team leaders specifically founders who are hiring
and trying to create a culture. How do we walk
(20:09):
that line of I want to be understanding, I want
to be kind, I want to lead with my heart,
but I also need my employees to show up and
I need them to sell like I want them to
be more passionate than I am about getting this business
off the ground. How do we walk that line?
Speaker 2 (20:29):
I think first and foremost is having the awareness, right
like you you're self saying it's exhausting having to adapt
into change and to take in what worked and what
you want to carry over versus what you don't. Right
as a mom, and so as a leader as well,
is recognizing the first is awareness what did work and
what didn't work? And what do I want to change
and how do I want to change this and truly
(20:49):
heal this identity of leadership right like, I think that's
what's absolutely beautiful of being a leader but also being
a business owner is that you get to heal what
leadership looks like moving forward. And so that for first
and foremost, right and also this idea of really knowing
(21:10):
your why and why you're doing this, Right, is it
just to make money or is it truly to make
an impact and change? And having this idea of your
purpose is really really instrumental, especially when it comes to hiring,
because anybody can do the work, but do they have
the same passion of around your purpose, around the why
of the work that you are leading. That's first and
(21:31):
foremost going to change the type of people you're bringing on.
Because it's one to actually do the technical training. It's
another to have the heart and the passion behind the work.
Because the technical skills, a lot of them, those can
be taught or they're learned on the job, But the
heart and the passion and the purpose behind the work
is something that has to already come from Modin. And
(21:55):
the other thing you start to notice is if you're
supporting your staff members and recognizing that hey like because
within the dynamics of the staff that there can be
some toxic traits. Right there might be one person who
might be talking bad about other people, who might be
purposefully sabotaging other teams at the sake of their own advancement. Right,
(22:16):
if you start noticing this and people start coming to
you and you're not addressing it. The instant thing that
you're doing is creating a lack of safety on your team.
It creates resentment, it creates the lack of trust as
for you as a leader, as a business owner. And
so as uncomfortable as these situations may feel and may be,
(22:38):
you have to address it. You have to. And that
person can be an all star on the team, but
at the cost of what and if they are harming
the greater good of the team, you have to be
aware of when it's time to let people go, you know,
because that's not a type of person that you're going
to want to ensure to keep that going. Because as
(23:01):
I've talked about before, it's like this ripple effect, right,
so that one person is slowly going to start seeping
that toxicity seeps into different aspects. And the last thing
you need to have as a leader as a business
owner is having a team that doesn't trust you. They're
not going to show up for you the way you
think there doing. Yeah, they're not.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
Absolutely How would you say that all of this is
extra relevant to Latino women?
Speaker 2 (23:32):
How do I feel this is extra relevant.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Latino women to Latino women because the elements of leadership.
I'd love to hear your take on this, but I
believe that the elements of leadership seep into every part
of our life. When you're a leader, you're a leader
as a person, and you lead period on the clock
(23:57):
or off the clock. Yeah, but you're leading in Who
you're leading might change depending on what role you're playing
in that moment. But leadership as a whole is you're
either a leader or you're not. And I feel like
leadership is an expectation that is put on Latina women
(24:20):
from the start. Either way. At the very least, you're
expected to lead a family, right, Nobody ever asked you
if you wanted to have kids. You're expected to have them,
be the best mom, clean the house, do all the things.
You know, everybody's going to be happy. All of that
that is leadership, you know. I feel like being a
(24:40):
homemaker is probably the most important leadership role that we
have as women, because we are creating the little humans
that are going to go off into the world and
be in these spaces and be the ones that are
either going to speak up or not right. And so
when we are leaders at the home, and we are
leaders at work, and when we are leaders in our
(25:03):
businesses and in our teams, and sometimes even in our
own families and in the marriages of our parents, sometimes
we are also the leaders of the people who are like,
all right, guys, stop acting like teenagers.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Right?
Speaker 1 (25:13):
How would you say that the healing of workplace trauma
is especially important for us as Latina.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
Women because it runs deep. As you're mentioning that you
know and I as you were talking, and I was
thinking how we grew up with this, and you said
at the beginning, right, And so that also that idea
that although we might be taking stances in certain ways,
that in the back of our head is always there. Right.
(25:40):
We were told this since we were a child, that
you shouldn't speak up, you shouldn't do things even though
you know things need to be done differently, even though
you're seen and you're trying to create voys. But there's
also this idea that you're doing something wrong because it's
internalized in our cultura. And so I think as as
(26:01):
and when it comes to workplace trauma, like we have
to heal this part of us because it's, like I
mentioned it, it ends up showing up in other spaces,
as you said, like in the home, and how we
show up with our parents, how we show up with
our friends in different spaces, Because if we're feeling beaten
down and battered from this workspace, how do you think
we're showing up as a mom? How do you think
(26:22):
you might be showing up as a friend, as a sister,
as as a daughter. Right, how do you feel like
you're showing up in all these other realms? Not to
the best of your ability, because you're continuing to carry
this weight as you've always carried, but not with a
nervous system that feels healed and ready to take on
different challenges that our life in general. Right, not with
(26:45):
the confidence in this ability to know that the decisions
you are making, whether it's for your children, for your team,
for yourself, are good and strong, and that you know
that it should have hit the wall, you're going to
know that you're going to fall back on who you
your core, your ability to feel strong in these moments.
(27:08):
And that is incredibly important because as Latina women, we're
not given these tools. We were never given these tools.
And it's funny because media just we're firing and feisty
and we're these ways, and in some ways we are,
but you know, there's this other part of us that
has been told to stay quiet and submissive, and you're
(27:30):
going to do this work regardless. And so it's incredibly
empowering and impactful for how we show up when we
have these spaces healed, so that we show up as
the badass women that we are, and all these.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
Spaces alexis it is always such a treat to chat
with you. How can our listeners reach out to you
and work together with you?
Speaker 2 (27:57):
So currently you can find me quite frequently on Instagram
and so you can follow me at It's Alexispaseta and
my website is also www dot It's alexispasd dot dot
com and on there you can find all the resources
to work with me, whether it's with private coaching, group group,
professional development work, or speaking. And so I'd love to connect.
(28:21):
If these are any things that you'd love to learn
more about, whether it's working one on one or how
can I come in and help support your team, I
would love to connect.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
Thank you so much for listening to this episode of
the Chats with ggpodcast. If you loved what you heard,
it would light me up. Inside. If you rate, review,
and share this episode with a business bestie who you
think will benefit from tuning in. Sharing this podcast is
the best way to help it grow and to continue
(28:52):
to grow our tribe as well. In the meantime, join
me on Instagram at ggdas live, or check out our
latest course and programs for personal and business growth at
seizinghappy dot com.
I know you're excited to hear from our guests, but
before we start today's episode, I gotta share something with you.
In today's workplaces, too many Latina professionals are overworked, overlooked,
and undervalued, and they carry the weight of survival instead
of the power of purpose. That's where Alexis Beserra comes in.
As a trauma trained licensed therapist and leadership coach with
(00:24):
over a decade of experience, Alexis helps Latinas heal from
workplace trauma, reclaim their voice, and lead with confidence, clarity,
and authenticity. She's a first generation Mexican American who's lived
what she teaches, blending mental health education and leadership expertise
into a coaching approach that's both trauma informed and culturally rooted.
(00:46):
Her mission to help Latinas like us Latina change makers,
stop shrinking to fit systems that were never built for
them and start leading from a place of wholeness, purpose,
and power. You can find her on Instagram at It's
Alexis Becerra, where she shares real talk, healing tools, and
leadership insights for Latinas ready to rise. This is Chats
(01:11):
with GG, a podcast for women who are ready to
step into their power, get unstuck and create more freedom
in all areas of life. I'm your host, GGDAZ, certified
life and business coach, Media personality and multi passionate entrepreneur.
I've helped hundreds of women find the necessary clarity, confidence,
(01:35):
and courage to build their dream life and achieve success
with less stress. If you're seeking weekly motivation, practical and
spiritual advice, and tangible resources to scale in life and
in business, then you're in the right place. Are you ready?
Here we go, Let's get right into it, Alexis. I
(01:58):
am so excited to you on the podcast to go
even deeper on being able to heal from you know,
workplace trauma and that can come on so many different levels.
And when we had you on stage at mbg UH
this year, you were just so good at diving into
the way that this can impact the way we build
(02:19):
our own teams, the way that we show up when
we're working in other people's teams, and really getting into
how do we shift these these beliefs and these behaviors
really that become ingrained in us because it's just the
way it's always been right. It's one of those things
(02:40):
that we kind of just walk into and you just
pick up the pace right and you just start, you know,
moving as it is because it's how it's been. But
before we get into that, I want to know what
brought you to this particular practice.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Yeah, so, first off to you, thank you for having me.
I'm soas like, I am beyond excited to have this
conversation with you and just to share more about the
work I'm doing. What ultimately led to me doing this
work was I have over a decade working in schools
in the Bay Area as a licensed mental health leader,
(03:17):
and so as part of the part of my focus
is also in relationship abuse, and it was really geared
towards helping adolescents know the signs and recognize because, as
we know, teen dating violence happens starts a really early on, right,
It's not later in their thirties and forties, and when
people think things are happening, it starts really early on.
And so in my work experience as a Latina first
(03:40):
gen leader in these spaces, I've really started to recognize
that these signs that are around, like relationship abuse, are
really happening in the workplace. And I myself had firsthand
experience navigating these systems and recognizing like is this normal?
Is this not? It's because like as you said, as
you said, like this becomes so very normal and just
(04:03):
what we're expected, and so we don't really understand it.
And when we're talking about abuse, we oftentimes don't talk
about it from the lens of work. We talk about
it from the lens of like romantic relationships. But many
of the characteristics are very mirrored to each other. And
so my first hand experience, I was like, how do
(04:23):
I use all my knowledge as a trauma trained expert
with the specialty and relationship with use, and how do
I use this to help support women moving forward in
their lives and their careers, Because the biggest thing I
kept on encountering was women feeling completely alone and you
do feel loon you think you're the only one encountering this.
(04:44):
And as I started asking more questions, I was like,
this is happening and no one is talking about this.
So that's really what led me to jump in, what
are some of those parallels of relationship abuse? Yeah? Yeah,
So there's a lot of gas lighting that in ends
up happening, a lot of blame on you versus like
the system itself. And this can happen when you're looking
(05:07):
at a relationship abuse right, like the person who is
the person who is causing the harm will often blame you,
like you made me do this, it was your fault, right,
And in work, what that might look like is your
bosses might actually be well, you should have stepped up more,
you should have done this, X, Y, and C. Differently,
you should have without recognizing their own on how they're
(05:28):
communicating to you, but also how they're projecting all of
their falls on you. Sometimes you might even recognize like
your work is being stolen from you and other people
are taking credit for you. And in relationships this happens too,
like oh it's me, I'm the one maintaining the house.
I'm the one So you're not even getting credit for
(05:49):
how you are showing up, not only as a partner
but as a work worker. So therese are a couple examples.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Would you say that because this I believe that this
is very commonplace. I believe that toxic workplaces are more
common than non toxic ones, And I feel like there
is a certain sense of acceptance made employees. You know,
(06:17):
you go into corporate and you expect it to be
that way, and so because you expect it to be
toxic and exhausting and demanding, that it can become difficult
to even acknowledge that it actually should not be that way.
(06:38):
And when we believe that that the wrong is the norm,
it can take a minute to snap out of it
and be like whoa, whoa. So what would you say
are the things to look are the steps to take?
Because you've given us, You've given us things to look
out for, but the steps to take to I would
(06:59):
almost say, first, build up that courage to say this
isn't right right and to go against the giant machine
and say something's got to give. And then what are
the right steps to take that uh, that won't jeopardize
your job, because I also feel like that's a huge
fear that people might have. It's like, well, I'm going
(07:19):
to go up against the machine that's always done it
this way. Everybody else is accepting the beating right, and
then I'm going to speak up and I'm just going
to be the one that gets fired. So I just
got to you know kaya that. So what would you
say are some of the steps that can be taken?
Speaker 2 (07:35):
I think first and foremost, you have to one acknowledge
acknowledge right that this is not normal. And because first
the first thing is acknowledging like I'm in a space
that is unhealthy and not okay, and recognizing you are
going up against a beast and one person is not
going to be able to take that beast down. And
what is your role going to look like as you're
(07:55):
taking trying to take down this beast if that's what
you decide to do, right, because it's going to be exhausting.
You're going to be battling this. A lot of people
are going to have fear around, you know, using their
voice to speak out. And also recognizing you don't have
to battle the beast, but you can take care of
yourself and how you show up every day. And what
I often tell my clients is the first thing is
(08:16):
you have to choose yourself first. You have to choose
yourself first, because in the grand scheme of things, like
if you got fired or you left, they're going to
your job is going to be on the market within
less than twenty four hours, guaranteed, you know, because yeah,
And so choosing yourself first and what does that look
like for you? And how are you going to start
taking care of yourself because this beating that ends up
(08:40):
happening in toxic workplaces is it's more than I just
go to work, this happens and I show up in
my day to day life. Fine, no you don't, because
that you spend more of your time of your day
at work than you do even at home at times,
and so that shows up in all aspects of your
life and recognizing how do I want to show up
for the people that I love for myself because I
(09:02):
love myself more than this work, right, this job? And
what is that going to start to look like? And
what are the boundaries going to start to look like
for yourself? Right? How are you going to slowly stop
taking work home with you? How are you going to
set different boundaries around emails and meetings and you know,
telling yourself, I'm going to put this wellness recharge on
(09:23):
my schedule and not doing it. No, you're going to
start doing it. You're going to start showing up for
yourself and you're going to start recognizing that. But what
comes with that is really having to take care of
our nervous system, because our nervous system has been so
hijacked at this aspect of like, this is how it
should function, and this is the grind, and this is
(09:44):
normal to experience this type of toxic abuse. That is
recognizing that you are safe, because when you are feeling
safe again in yourself, that's when you're able to take
courageous steps forward.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
I feel like that safety element is so important because
it's it's a biological response to circumstances that we don't
always consciously think about, but it's happening, whether or not
we are intentionally choosing to become aware of that. Our
nervous system will change our the literal chemical composition of
(10:26):
our body when we feel unsafe. And I've been at
jobs where you know, it's like come Friday, everyone's just
waiting to see if their heads on the shopping board
or not, you know, and that's just no way to live.
It's like that shit will drive you crazy, right, And
so I want to hear more about how these toxic
(10:50):
work environments can impact our identity, even because it goes
so much deeper than just I'm uncomfortable here. It's kind
of tough. I you know, I would rather go somewhere else,
but the pay is good. But I'm just gonna like,
you know, what's the word compartmentalize it, and it's toxic.
(11:12):
Workplaces can get really really deep into your skin and
truly impact and affect your identity and how you view yourself.
And I'd love for you to shine some light on that.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Yeah, thank you for asking that. ToJ it is it
is so much more deeper into your core, and this
idea to compartmentalize, you can't. You can't. I mean there's
many people who said, well, just leave work, be work.
You're like, well, sure, but if you're literally your identity
is being beaten down in these spaces, then that's how
(11:45):
you're showing up in different spaces, right. And so though,
the biggest way I've seen how it affects people is
they don't see themselves for the greatness that they have anymore. Right,
They really have lost touch with that. And they might
have they might be the rock star, but they don't
see themselves as the rock star, and they don't see
(12:07):
themselves anywhere else than in that space because it's really
made them feel like they're inadequate to maybe try new endeavors.
They might even like look for new jobs or step
into spaces of leadership that might be bigger than they
have ever imagined, but are so worthy of and so deserving.
(12:27):
They just don't see that. They absolutely can't see that
because what they've seen is in toxic workplaces, you are
more likely being told what you're doing wrong versus what
you're doing right. And it's this idea to break you down, right,
And so that's what they're focused on, and then they'll
even look at it from this lens of a scarcity mindset. No, no, no,
(12:50):
Like I have a job, I have to be grateful
for this. I am making a lot of money. The
golden handcuffs are real. They're absolutely real, especially in our
American society. This idea that you have benefits, this is
what we're living for, right, benefits for one k, et cetera.
(13:10):
But it's deeper than that, because all those things don't
matter if you're not okay. The reality like you are
not going to access for one K and retire if
you are already unhealthy from the toxic work environment, if
you're living under chronic stress, if you're having heart health issues.
You know, like those things don't truly matter if you're
(13:33):
not okay.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
I love that you mentioned that, because it's almost like
I'm preparing for a future I may not make it
too yeah, right, And at that point it's like, and
then what was it all for? We have a lot
of entrepreneurs and straddling entrepreneurs that listen to this podcast,
and I wanted to start with the specifics of the
toxic work environments and of these workplace experiences because I
(14:02):
feel like the majority of the listeners of this show
are familiar with that. And then many have had the
courage to leave and are building their own workspaces. Others
are in the straddling space, right, so they're still in corporate,
(14:22):
but they've already launched their businesses and they're using their
corporate job to fund the growth of their business, which
is brilliant.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Right.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
They're preparing their exit strategies and all that stuff. But
I want to talk about how just leaving isn't going
to guarantee that we don't build the same exact thing
in our own new workspace that we are developing. Can
you shine some light on that.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Yeah, One thing I say is a new job boame
savior and starting your own business isn't going to say
pep either, right. And I actually had a friend ask
me why to say that, like it's it's so much
more the new job, the new workplace, You're going to
have new colleagues, a new environment, but the internal narratives
that we have already like internalized, and whether it's from
(15:12):
like our gopura like that a lot of value, our
value comes from our work, right, but also these narratives
that we are not worthy enough. It really ends up
defining how we show up in a new job, but
also how we show up as business owners and to
those types of narratives that really need to be dismantled
(15:33):
figured out, like where is this coming from? Dismantled shred
through and creating new ones for ourselves and how we're
going to want to show up. And one thing I
think about is, and I've seen this already come up
multiple times with some of my clients, is you know
they are literally running their businesses exactly how they felt
ran when they like left corporate and and from even
(15:57):
like the lack of boundaries and call at eleven pm
at night and feeling accessible to their clients at any
point in time because they paid them a contract, so
therefore they feel like they have to and it's like,
let's start setting boundaries and what does that look like?
Put it in your contract. Hey, I'm available from nine
(16:17):
to five and after that, I'll get back to you
in twenty four hours, you know, or twenty four to
forty eight hours, or even some of the educational leaders
that I work with, like the high peak seasons are
start and end of the year school years and feeling
like they have to be on call, and it's like,
let's send auto respond to emails so that they know, hey,
I'm going to get back to you and twenty four
(16:38):
to forty eight hours right seventy two, So they that
feeling of having to jump, which is very like, very
like a part of where we came from. Feeling like
we had to jump, we had to run, we had
to like put out all these fires right away, ends
up transferring over into these new spaces because we're not recognizing, hey,
(17:01):
like this isn't normal and I don't want to lead
this way and I don't want to show up this
way in my business because I created my business for freedom,
for flexibility, right, and so it's been it's an interesting
thing to see, but it's also so beautiful to see
when they're able to have that awareness and create those
(17:23):
pivots and changes for themselves.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
And it's interesting how you mentioned that they are in
these in their new workspaces right in their business, allowing
the lack of boundaries and the excessive reach and the
high demands of clients. Let's talk about the other side
now too, when you create these workspaces without healing from
the workplace trauma that you're carrying with you, and you're
(17:48):
building a team, and you are now the leader, You're
the person in charge, and you're the one that is
responsible for creating a culture where your team is going
to have both very high standards because ultimately we want
to lead a nice, strong, functioning, profitable team, right, but
(18:11):
also a team that's going to not feel like you're
leading them in a toxic way. If we haven't healed
from how we were led, how do we become better leaders?
Speaker 2 (18:23):
If you haven't healed from how you've led, how do
you become a better leader?
Speaker 1 (18:27):
Yeah, Like it's hard. Healing is necessary. You have to
under It's almost I feel like it's it's very It
almost mirrors parenting. You know a lot of times we
we think, you know, well, I didn't like the way
that my mom raised me in this and that way, right,
(18:48):
like she was too strong or she was too soft,
or you know whatever it is. But then we have
kids and we just replicate the behavior and we just
become the same exact parent that our parents were. And
if we don't stop and say, hold on a second,
which part of the parenting experience on the receiving end
worked and which didn't, and how do I need to
(19:09):
unlearn that style of parenting to have better results. It's
a lot of work. As a mom of a two
year old, I'll tell you it is freaking exhausting to
do this work because you have to do it all
the time, on a daily sometimes moment to moment for
a whole day.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Right.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
But I feel like it mirrors leadership when you're leaving
a toxic work environment and you're you know, you're go
into corporate and now it's time to build that team.
Now it's time to hire somebody you know in tiny
department of this and your tiny department of that. But
those tiny departments begin to scale and begin to grow,
and now you have, you know, a five to ten
(19:47):
person team or a fifteen to thirty person team, and
you know, it's important that we don't replicate the leadership
that was toxic in the first place, And so what
do we need to look out for as leaders and
as team as team leaders specifically founders who are hiring
and trying to create a culture. How do we walk
(20:09):
that line of I want to be understanding, I want
to be kind, I want to lead with my heart,
but I also need my employees to show up and
I need them to sell like I want them to
be more passionate than I am about getting this business
off the ground. How do we walk that line?
Speaker 2 (20:29):
I think first and foremost is having the awareness, right
like you you're self saying it's exhausting having to adapt
into change and to take in what worked and what
you want to carry over versus what you don't. Right
as a mom, and so as a leader as well,
is recognizing the first is awareness what did work and
what didn't work? And what do I want to change
and how do I want to change this and truly
(20:49):
heal this identity of leadership right like, I think that's
what's absolutely beautiful of being a leader but also being
a business owner is that you get to heal what
leadership looks like moving forward. And so that for first
and foremost, right and also this idea of really knowing
(21:10):
your why and why you're doing this, Right, is it
just to make money or is it truly to make
an impact and change? And having this idea of your
purpose is really really instrumental, especially when it comes to hiring,
because anybody can do the work, but do they have
the same passion of around your purpose, around the why
of the work that you are leading. That's first and
(21:31):
foremost going to change the type of people you're bringing on.
Because it's one to actually do the technical training. It's
another to have the heart and the passion behind the work.
Because the technical skills, a lot of them, those can
be taught or they're learned on the job, But the
heart and the passion and the purpose behind the work
is something that has to already come from Modin. And
(21:55):
the other thing you start to notice is if you're
supporting your staff members and recognizing that hey like because
within the dynamics of the staff that there can be
some toxic traits. Right there might be one person who
might be talking bad about other people, who might be
purposefully sabotaging other teams at the sake of their own advancement. Right,
(22:16):
if you start noticing this and people start coming to
you and you're not addressing it. The instant thing that
you're doing is creating a lack of safety on your team.
It creates resentment, it creates the lack of trust as
for you as a leader, as a business owner. And
so as uncomfortable as these situations may feel and may be,
(22:38):
you have to address it. You have to. And that
person can be an all star on the team, but
at the cost of what and if they are harming
the greater good of the team, you have to be
aware of when it's time to let people go, you know,
because that's not a type of person that you're going
to want to ensure to keep that going. Because as
(23:01):
I've talked about before, it's like this ripple effect, right,
so that one person is slowly going to start seeping
that toxicity seeps into different aspects. And the last thing
you need to have as a leader as a business
owner is having a team that doesn't trust you. They're
not going to show up for you the way you
think there doing. Yeah, they're not.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
Absolutely How would you say that all of this is
extra relevant to Latino women?
Speaker 2 (23:32):
How do I feel this is extra relevant.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Latino women to Latino women because the elements of leadership.
I'd love to hear your take on this, but I
believe that the elements of leadership seep into every part
of our life. When you're a leader, you're a leader
as a person, and you lead period on the clock
(23:57):
or off the clock. Yeah, but you're leading in Who
you're leading might change depending on what role you're playing
in that moment. But leadership as a whole is you're
either a leader or you're not. And I feel like
leadership is an expectation that is put on Latina women
(24:20):
from the start. Either way. At the very least, you're
expected to lead a family, right, Nobody ever asked you
if you wanted to have kids. You're expected to have them,
be the best mom, clean the house, do all the things.
You know, everybody's going to be happy. All of that
that is leadership, you know. I feel like being a
(24:40):
homemaker is probably the most important leadership role that we
have as women, because we are creating the little humans
that are going to go off into the world and
be in these spaces and be the ones that are
either going to speak up or not right. And so
when we are leaders at the home, and we are
leaders at work, and when we are leaders in our
(25:03):
businesses and in our teams, and sometimes even in our
own families and in the marriages of our parents, sometimes
we are also the leaders of the people who are like,
all right, guys, stop acting like teenagers.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Right?
Speaker 1 (25:13):
How would you say that the healing of workplace trauma
is especially important for us as Latina.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
Women because it runs deep. As you're mentioning that you
know and I as you were talking, and I was
thinking how we grew up with this, and you said
at the beginning, right, And so that also that idea
that although we might be taking stances in certain ways,
that in the back of our head is always there. Right.
(25:40):
We were told this since we were a child, that
you shouldn't speak up, you shouldn't do things even though
you know things need to be done differently, even though
you're seen and you're trying to create voys. But there's
also this idea that you're doing something wrong because it's
internalized in our cultura. And so I think as as
(26:01):
and when it comes to workplace trauma, like we have
to heal this part of us because it's, like I
mentioned it, it ends up showing up in other spaces,
as you said, like in the home, and how we
show up with our parents, how we show up with
our friends in different spaces, Because if we're feeling beaten
down and battered from this workspace, how do you think
we're showing up as a mom? How do you think
(26:22):
you might be showing up as a friend, as a sister,
as as a daughter. Right, how do you feel like
you're showing up in all these other realms? Not to
the best of your ability, because you're continuing to carry
this weight as you've always carried, but not with a
nervous system that feels healed and ready to take on
different challenges that our life in general. Right, not with
(26:45):
the confidence in this ability to know that the decisions
you are making, whether it's for your children, for your team,
for yourself, are good and strong, and that you know
that it should have hit the wall, you're going to
know that you're going to fall back on who you
your core, your ability to feel strong in these moments.
(27:08):
And that is incredibly important because as Latina women, we're
not given these tools. We were never given these tools.
And it's funny because media just we're firing and feisty
and we're these ways, and in some ways we are,
but you know, there's this other part of us that
has been told to stay quiet and submissive, and you're
(27:30):
going to do this work regardless. And so it's incredibly
empowering and impactful for how we show up when we
have these spaces healed, so that we show up as
the badass women that we are, and all these.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
Spaces alexis it is always such a treat to chat
with you. How can our listeners reach out to you
and work together with you?
Speaker 2 (27:57):
So currently you can find me quite frequently on Instagram
and so you can follow me at It's Alexispaseta and
my website is also www dot It's alexispasd dot dot
com and on there you can find all the resources
to work with me, whether it's with private coaching, group group,
professional development work, or speaking. And so I'd love to connect.
(28:21):
If these are any things that you'd love to learn
more about, whether it's working one on one or how
can I come in and help support your team, I
would love to connect.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
Thank you so much for listening to this episode of
the Chats with ggpodcast. If you loved what you heard,
it would light me up. Inside. If you rate, review,
and share this episode with a business bestie who you
think will benefit from tuning in. Sharing this podcast is
the best way to help it grow and to continue
(28:52):
to grow our tribe as well. In the meantime, join
me on Instagram at ggdas live, or check out our
latest course and programs for personal and business growth at
seizinghappy dot com.
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