March 16, 2023 • 46 mins
Actress, writer and former supermodel Paulina Porizkova has been trying to date and, well, it’s even hard for her. No matter who you are or where you’ve been, the middle age dating scene is unfortunately no feast of riches. It’s actually, she says, more like a lunch buffet right before it gets closed down and everything is cold and dry. Ouch. But her outlook has gotten better and the main thing that changed it is her relationship with herself. She says writing her memoir No Filter (which touches on aging, beauty, heartbreak and grief) helped her reconnect to the most important relationship of all.
And Ali answers a listener’s question.
If you have questions or guest suggestions, Ali would love to hear from you. Call or text her at (323) 364-6356. Or email go-ask-ali-podcast-at-gmail.com. (No dashes)
**Go Ask Ali has been nominated for a Webby Award for Best Interview/Talk Show Episode! Please vote for her and the whole team at https://bit.ly/415e8uN by April 20, 2023!
Links of Interest:
Paulina’s Newest Book: No Filter: The Good, the Bad, and the Beautiful
Credits:
Executive Producers: Sandie Bailey, Alex Alcheh, Lauren Hohman, Tyler Klang & Gabrielle Collins
Producer & Editor: Brooke Peterson-Bell
Associate Producer: Akiya McKnight
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to Go ask Ali, a production of Shonda Land
Audio and partnership with iHeartRadio. I think like vaginas have
a lot to say. I think we should let them
stay out of it and they'll just talk. Yes, one
of the hardest things to absorb for those who are
new to these kinds of fights. Again, if we want
all of them, we wouldn't be here. If you see
(00:21):
a monster, don't try to run away, step right up
to it and say, what do you have to teach me?
Why are you? In my mind, I want to be
the person who has cancer and doesn't run a marathon,
Like do I have to work that hard? No, it's
the best excuse not to run a marathon. Welcome to
(00:42):
go ask Alli. I'm Ali Wentworth Today. My guest is
Paulina Portzkova, the beautiful Paulina, And when I say beautiful,
I mean inside and out. Now. I met Paulina about
thirty years ago. We both did a TV pilot together
and I instantly clicked with her and remained very close
friends since she's the godmother of my youngest daughter. She
(01:04):
held my hand during my pregnancy where I had hyporemesis
and threw up all the time, we have had quite
a journey, so Covid was not kind to Paulina Portskova.
Paulina went through the death of a husband, a change
of home, and quite a lot of public scrutiny. But
now having gone through a few very difficult years, she's
(01:27):
building herself back up. She's starting over, and she's putting
herself out there into the world, particularly the dating world,
and seeing if she can find love again. Paulina Portskova
is a writer, model and actress. A top model in
the eighties, she was the first Central European woman to
win the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue in
(01:49):
nineteen eighty four, and then in nineteen eighty eight she
became the face of St. Lauder and one of the
highest paid models in the world. Paulina has since performed
in dozens of movies and TV shows. She's written two books.
Her recent one is a memoir called No Filter, which
explores heartbreak, grief, beauty, aging, and much more. I can't
(02:14):
believe that I'm talking to you and you look so beautiful,
and you are surrounded by flowers behind you. Yes, I'm
surrounded by self help books. So I'm excited to dive
into this subject with you, because, as you know, I've
been married for a million years and I missed the
whole dating app thing. I've missed all of it and
(02:36):
the only date I ever went on was with my
now husband, so which I remember, Well, I know you do.
I was there, I know you were. So I'm first
of all, I'm just going to clear up what I
know women that are listening to this podcast are going
to say, and we're just going to nip it in
the butt, which is, oh my gosh. If Paulina port
(03:00):
Skova isn't taken off the market in a few seconds,
how is there any hope for me? Because Paulina, you're
a very beautiful woman. Why thank you famously so globally.
You're also incredibly smart with a great sense of humor.
The idea that you're single is laughable, but you are.
(03:23):
You are single, You're dating? I am, I am dating? Correct,
But yeah, I am. I'm still a single. Yeah, So
tell us a little bit about your backstory for those
people that have been living under a rock, why you
are single, and then we're going to dive into this
whole world of which I'm going to vicariously live through
(03:44):
with you. Oh my god, and you're gonna be so
happy to be married, even if your marriage was boring
as shit, You're gonna really appreciate being married. That's a
good news for all of you who are married. Yeah.
So what happened was that I was married to somebody
for a very long time, for thirty years actually, and
(04:07):
towards the end of our well, the marriage was failing
and so we were going to get a divorce. We separated,
and then he died. So yeah, that kind of spit
me out on a market, pretty bluntly and pretty quickly.
I was also in a relationship at the time, actually
(04:29):
with someone who I don't care to name anymore. But
he walked away right in the middle of COVID the
day I sold my house because he, I guess, found
me too difficult to be with. He picked a good
moment to leave, I have to say. And by the way,
anybody in that position who isn't being difficult has no
(04:51):
emotional life. So yeah, one days a little lacking in empathy,
you know, But so it kind of an end, you know,
he left with You know, if you're leaving somebody, you're
going to point out all their flaws. So he made
me feel very inadequate. I was crazy, and I was old,
and there was a whole host of things that he
(05:13):
said old. Yeah, he didn't actually say old. He just
said thank you for getting me over older women, and
then promptly went out with somebody much younger. Oh my god. Now,
if that doesn't make you run to a you know,
dirm to get a face full of botox and fillers,
I don't know what does. Yeah. So that was fun. Oh,
(05:37):
I can imagine what a ride well, but what it
leaves you with, right is being completely unsure of who
you are as a woman. Now. So I'm like fifty
five and I've just been rejected by the two men
that I've loved, and so I was feeling super insecure
(05:58):
about myself, about my age, about the way I looked
about who I was. Apparently I was not only, you know,
an older woman, but I was also crazy. And as
the saying goes, the best way to get over somebody
is to get under somebody else. Oh I've never heard
that saying, Wow, you've been married too long, alec, I
(06:20):
love it. It's a good saying unless you're going through
COVID A COVID pandemic, which shuts down the entire universe.
So you're thrown into the single world with your heartbroken
in a million pieces, and you're grieving the death of
a relationship and the heartbreak of another and now it's COVID,
(06:43):
so you can't even slip under somebody even to Jesus God,
thank you for being so empathetic. It was a It
was a really it was a really, really sad and
horrible time. So I went through about three months of
being isolated up in my house in the country, being
(07:07):
somewhat touicidal kind of, you know, managing to pick myself
up a little bit enough to start dating apps. Okay,
so take me through that. Because I don't know anything
about the dating app, I wouldn't know what to do.
I'm sure I would swipe the wrong direction. So first
of all, how did you even start? Did somebody say, Paulino,
(07:28):
you need to be on an app, Like, how did
you even get started? Well? I actually got started on
I downloaded two dating apps when my husband and I
split up, like when we when we separated, Because again,
like you, I was gedu. I was just curious. I
just wanted to know what this thing was like, and
I would. Course, I went on two dating apps. I
(07:50):
went on Riyah, which is for that famous people. However,
there's quite a few dentists and real estate developers these
days that cool. Maybe they're famous dentists and really, and
do you have to be accepted on Raya? Like do
you almost apply to be on the app and then
they say yea or nay? Yeah Riya. I mean in
(08:13):
the olden days of like two years ago, I think
you had to have like a certain amount of Instagram
followers to get in, and then you had to be
recommended by one or two other Riya members. And so
I reached out to a couple that I knew were
on it, and they recommended me, and so I got
in fairly quickly. Hinge. I put my name up and
(08:34):
I immediately got shut down as false account. Why because
Paulina Proskova obviously would never be using Hinge, therefore I
was not real. Oh my god, Oh my god. And
I signed myself up under my nickname with a friend's
(08:56):
telephone number, and then I just kind of let them
sit there and I'm this other guy, you know, on
a on a dinner party. So I I never actually
like use the apps. I would just kind of go
on once in a while just because it's fun fun,
right when like when you have dealt with it. Yeah,
I mean just like looking at all the guys and
you go, oh, he's on Rya. Oh he's on Riya.
(09:17):
Oh you don't say, oh he's on Rya. Oh. Interesting.
But by the way, that's also happening about you. I'm
sure there were men going Jesus Christ pauling up Portscoba's
on a dating app click or swipe or whatever they do. Well, yeah,
it depends from app to app. But the funny thing
is that on on Hinge, most people either didn't know
(09:42):
who I was or kind of thought it might be me,
but they weren't short because I was also not on
there as pauling up Portscoba and on Rya, people assume
that you are who you are because you are kind
of verified. But on Rya, the men on Rya are
not looking for fifty five year olds. There look king
for women much younger, and there is plenty of pickens
(10:04):
of hot young things. And so I think I slept
with the three guys available on Riyah. Oh okay, yeah,
and so okay before we before we again slide underneath.
So walk me through the first date you had off
of a dating app. Oh well, actually the first date
(10:24):
I had off of a dating app was Riyah, and
it was a We started texting as one does. One
starts texting when you first text through the app, so
that you don't have each other's phone number until you
figure out if you trust this person enough. And of
course it's like middle of COVID, so it's kind of
hard to me because you can't really go anywhere, and
(10:47):
also you have to trust this person is going to
be as isolated as you are, so you don't obviously
want to go out with somebody that's like COVID doesn't exist,
I don't care. So that was the first hurdle. But yeah,
I found this guy who was actually really sweet. We're
still kind of in contact today as as friends. Yeah,
(11:08):
and he sort of got me out of that headspace
of feeling vastly unattractive and undesirable and too complicated to want.
So it was it was a nice, little, fairly short
lived affair. And so did you meet in a restaurant? Like?
How did when you first It's like I always imagine
(11:31):
that people on these apps, and I've had we have
a mutual friend that was talking to somebody and zooming
during COVID and playing you know, chesss online and like
they had this whole relationship during COVID, and then when
they finally met, she was like, he was not physically
at all what he appeared to be on zoom, which
(11:53):
I don't know. I mean, I don't know if it
was a hype thing, but she said that she wasn't
physically atracted to him in person. So I'm curious how
you have that sort of zoom relationship text relationship and
then you meet in person. You know what, I never
actually zoomed with any of my prospective dates. I would
(12:13):
text with them and if they seemed smart and witty,
I thought, but that's enough. That's fine with me, because
you know, I'm not looks and height. I really don't care.
Like to me, if they can make me laugh and
if they're really smart, I can find them attractive. It
(12:33):
doesn't really matter what they look like physically. And the
guy who I first went out with looked exactly like
his pictures did on Riyah, so that was good. He
wasn't pretending to be something else, so it was a
good first experience off a dating app actually, and then
oh god, and then I went to Hinge because Rya
(12:56):
sort of dried up, you know. Like I said, there
were like three guys that wanted to meet me on Ryah.
I met them all and then they all just disappeared.
Then there was no more guys. So I walked over
to Hinge. Why I swiped over to Hinge an incredible
amount of photos with men holding up dead fish? What? Why?
(13:21):
What the hell does that symbolize? I'd like to know
that too. Do you have any ideas because I am baffled. Well,
I mean, you can't help, but parallel the dick, like
you know what I mean, Like, look at this twenty
pounds salmon. This is what my dick looks like. That's
my only guess. You mean limp and cold? Yeah, awesome, Yeah,
(13:45):
I think the intent is, Look, I can hunt, I
am a provider. I can feed you. Oh Jesus, look
I catch my own food. Okay, So you need to
get yourself in waiters and rubber boots and hold up
like a great white shark over your head and got
like I'm fine, thank you. Also a lot of men
(14:08):
on motorcycles because you know they're oh because they're bad boys.
They're bad boys. I mean they you know, they can
take you out on that road. It's the freedom thing.
And during COVID, unsurprisingly, most of those men did not
believe in wearing masks or that COVID was a thing.
So it was a good way to eliminate themselves right
(14:28):
right off the bat. Gotcha, gotcha? Okay, So with Raya.
So it's all famous people. Isn't that kind of weird
because you all kind of know who each other is.
You can Google each other. You know, they could see
you in a bikini and Daily Mail. I mean, it's
all kind of out there. Yes, it feels a little naked,
(14:52):
you know, well, because you're sort of dipping into the
pool that you know. I mean, you some of those people.
You know a lot of the people you know who
they are. You assume they know you. But actually, weirdly,
it's easier for a celebrity to be there rather than
(15:13):
the what some of my girlfriends called the normals. Yeah,
this is not supposed to be demeaning in any way,
but it says, you know, the guys that are just yeah, well,
you know whatever, Because it turns out that once you
go on at a hinge date where you're not known
as pulling up for a scova, but somebody has just
(15:35):
you know, swiped on you. You had a little text threat.
Oh you know, he seems cute. You set a date
in a restaurant in January outside. Yeah. I was frostbitten
on most of my dates. That's how desperate I was.
I was willing to take the frostbite not to be
alone protocol. Yeah, And so I would arrive into the
(15:55):
place wrapped in my big, gigantic Normacmali sleeping back coat,
which of course makes me look like a tutsie roll.
And then I would proceed to under the heat lamps,
take off my Russian fur hat and my mask, and
the men would sit across a table and go heure Paulina.
(16:20):
I was like, oh, oh, he didn't know. Oh woh
my god. It's like unwrapping a gift. And were they excited?
They must have lost their mind. They kind of lost
their minds. It's the problem. Yeah, they might have been excited,
but then they weren't able to speak for the rest
of the dinner. Yeah, I'm sure either. They weren't capable
of speech. They got so intimidated, or they would just
(16:43):
need to sort of equalize the tables, the balance between
us by speaking exclusively about themselves. Oh god, that's sexy.
But I would imagine that they were also they couldn't
kind of couldn't believe their luck. And then my next
question is if you go to bed with them, I mean,
aren't you worried you could be going to bed with
(17:04):
a stalker or somebody that had like your sports illustrated
poster on their wall at some point? Sure, but that's
I mean, you know, as desperate as I was, I
wasn't going to bed them on the first night out.
And I can assure you I feel you know, I'm
very sex positive. If I really like somebody, you know,
why not. But those kind of dates were most of
(17:26):
them were a one time kind of a deal, like
got it, we got dinner. Sometimes I even paid because
I felt so sorry for it. Oh my god. I
mean there's so many stories, and actually, you know what
the cool thing about really bad dates is it makes
great stories. Well, I have so many good stories. I mean,
I think you have a third book in you. If
(17:49):
I can just say, yeah, I just have to figure
out how to be gentle to all those souls that
I would let down or reveal in some way. You
just change their names. Oh yeah, change their names and
their physiques. Oh yeah, okay, all right, thanks Ali. I mean, yeah, well,
I've written about old boyfriends in my books, and you know,
George had to read through them and make sure I
(18:10):
couldn't get sued. He was like, I don't think you
should call this person an alcoholic. It's very obvious who
they are. Like, okay, I'll change it. There's a lot
more to come after the short break and we're back. Okay.
(18:32):
So COVID's kind of opened up a little bit. How's
that dating change for you because people are less cautious
and precious about it? Well, you know, so, I mean, unfortunately,
the way it happened for me is that when I
was really desperate to date was to sort of get
over my heartbreak and to just you know, feel affirmed
(18:52):
as a woman and that I was still viable and
that somebody would still want me. And so I was
kind of rather desperate that first year during COVID the
worst time. But actually that's the year that I also
met Aaron Sorkin, and so that was a six month
little thing which was lovely and was that that wasn't
(19:13):
from a dating app though, that was not a dating app.
That was Ashley Banfield actually who introduced us, and that
was that was a really sweet six months. It was
a really lovely time and that sort of got me
over the feeling, you know, unwanted and undesirable because Aaron
made me feel really good about myself. It's my vacation
from heartbreak. Yeah, well, which is by the way, those
(19:34):
people are really important in one's life. You know that
the fact that I'm just assuming you guys are still friends,
but that he came in at a time and you know,
made you feel the way you should feel about yourself.
And also just as a normal watching you know, I
saw these pictures of you and him, and you know,
(19:55):
you just you both looked amazing. You looked like, you know,
missus Oscar in your gold dressed and you look genuinely happy.
It looked like, oh, it looks like she's getting a
little break here. Yeah, that's exactly what it was. I
got a little break and it was restorative and it
was lovely. So that sort of tied me over. And
then after Aaron, I didn't feel so bad about myself,
(20:18):
and so then I could be a little bit more selective. Ah, exactly. So,
and then because the world was opening up, I didn't
have to just rely on the dating apps. I could
also go out to dinners and go to parties and
see if i'd meet somebody there. And you know, I've
met like one or two people just you know, from
(20:38):
going out. Were people setting you up besides Aaron, where
other people like I want to introduce you to my brother,
to my friend. Nope, never got set up with anybody else. Actually,
I just I just realized, too intimidating, I bet, well
that's what Aaron said. Aaron said, I was intimidating. Well,
just you're this whole package of amazing things. I would
(21:00):
see why that would be intimidating, because I know when
I was went on this blind date with George, George
had been he basically dated the island of Manhattan and
only the cream of the island of Manhattan. Oh no,
don't make me name names. But he was, you know,
telling me what dating was like and how you know,
(21:22):
he had mostly only one dates, Like having a second
date was like a big leap, and he was sort
of taking me through this whole dating world. And he
said at the time he was really open to be
set up. He said, he told people set me up,
set me up. And he said if he hadn't, he
wouldn't have met me, because you know, and he was
(21:44):
very famous at the time, and you know, he had
to sort of alie. He kind of still is. He
still is, but you know, he had to be careful.
So the only way that he could do it was
by being set up by somebody else. Yeah, and I
I needed that too. It's just that nobody has anybody
to set up with women my age. It's like it's bonkers.
(22:07):
Either people are happily married, which is great because you
know those are the good ones, and they're friends that
could be potential setups with you. Like my good girlfriends
are like, yeah, now you don't want them. I'm like, okay.
The pickings were pretty slim, I must say. But then
(22:28):
last year I did a lot less dating because I
was writing my book and then I was traveling a lot,
and I was kind of getting my career and my
life in order, and I didn't feel so shitty about myself,
and so I didn't feel like I didn't really need
the validation anymore. And it's amazing how much I grew
up from the year before that, when I was desperate
(22:49):
for the validation to last year when I was like, hey,
you know what, I think I'm pretty cool and one
day somebody will think that too, and I'm kind of
willing to wait. I'm not desperable. Well, I think I
think that that comes from you going out and writing
your book and sort of taking care of yourself, basically
(23:12):
being in a love affair with yourself, because no man
will give you that. That has to come from you.
And it's funny because you know, yesterday I did the
view and Joy Behart said to me, because it was
Valentine's Day, she said, how come you didn't take George's
last name? And I said, well, because I was sort
(23:33):
of established and who I was. I don't mean like
my brand, but you know, I was Ali Wentworth. I didn't.
It didn't feel right to me at you know, thirty
five to take his last name, which I thought it
was such a kind of old fashioned question. But but
the bigger meeting for me was listen. I had had
a lot of relationships, I had had a depression, I
(23:57):
had bought a house, I had finally then been alone
own and really worked on myself so that I was
able to be a good partner. You know, when I
met George, and I think, I think for you, and
from what I see, you seem to be in a
much better place and getting stronger every day. And I
(24:17):
think that's when the door opens and somebody comes in
and you make the right choice as opposed to the
guy who said you're crazy and you're old, which wasn't
the right choice. You know how to pick them well,
but it makes sense at that time in your life.
You know whoever you bumped into that was going to
(24:39):
give you a little attention. You know, it was like
you were you were in the middle of a desert
and you had no water, and somebody exactly. I mean,
you remember this time because we spend a lot of
time together, and you remember how very very unhappy I
was in my marriage and how desperate and lonely I
felt so like literally and I mean I even at
(25:00):
one point said to my husband, I was like, I
am so lonely and so desperate. My heart is so
empty that literally anybody that wants to woo me will
just get me. Like if the uber driver asks for
for a date. I'll go out on a date with him.
Anybody can enter my heart, including you. His response at
that time was okay, I will woo you, and I thought, fantastic,
(25:25):
I've gotten through to him. That was the last we
ever spoke of it. And if his way of wooing
me was by not paying any attention to me, then
he did a great job. Do you ever regret not
leaving him earlier? Do you feel like, oh, if I
had left him and I was in my forties, I
you know, maybe i'd be remarried now, or maybe i'd
be here or there. I kind of did at times,
(25:48):
and certainly after the whole will fiasco. Yeah, there there
were moments where I regretted that I hadn't left earlier,
But now, in red respect, I think, no, I'm glad
that I stayed for as long as I did because
I loved him very very much, and I wanted to
(26:10):
exhaust every single possibility that we couldn't make it together.
And I did. I mean I did, raping the bottom
of that barrel. Yeah, and I knew there was like
the at the point where I called it, there was
nothing left. There was nowhere else to go, and I
knew it, and so I feel like I can be
at peace that I didn't you know that I didn't
(26:34):
cut things to easily, that I wasn't you know that
I that I was unreliable in some way, or that
I could have done more. I could have done more,
and you know that no, you couldn't have. And you
can't even second guess yourself. You know what I mean.
You you the sponge was dry. You know there was
nothing else to squeeze out of that. That is clear.
(26:56):
And then, and for my listeners, when you bring up
the will, I'm just going to quickly what that is
is when her husband died, he cut Paulina out of
his will and very publicly said that she abandoned him,
which was not true. So that again is part of
the horrible heartbreak and the things that she had to
deal with them with after he died. So, yes, So
(27:19):
a man comes along and is interested in you, and you,
of course throw yourself into his arms, and I'm like,
oh my god, you want me, You get me? Yeah, yours, yeah,
I get it. Any I mean, so many people relate
to that, no matter how old you are, you know,
And my next question is, so now you're stronger you.
(27:43):
You know, you've really built some scaffolding around you. You
have this amazing book, and you're going on dates. Please
tell me what some of the things you're seeing when
you date. You have told me one thing, which I
think is hilarious and scary. But tell me some of
the trends, as we'll call it, that you've seen dating
(28:03):
men in your fifties. Well, a really big trend with
men in their middle age that have been divorced or
have been through relationships is And of course I always
ask like, what went wrong in your relationship because I
would like for them to be a little self aware
perhaps you know and know what went wrong, so they're
not going to do it again. Seventy five percent and
(28:27):
I kid you not will sit down look at me
and say, well, my wife has order personality disorder. Oh god,
so the wife is crazy. The wife is crazy. I
did everything I could and what you know, what could
I do? I mean she was crazy? Wow? And then
(28:48):
I would go so was she diagnosed with a borderline disorder?
And they go, well, you know, my therapist said, he
totally thought so. And then some will go well I
read an article where you know, it sounded just like her. Well,
your yoga teacher set that she totally has it. I mean,
I can't. Not very many of those wives were actually
(29:09):
diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. But men there are men
had them diagnosed like this isn't that crazy? How? I mean,
talk about how unself aware and blaming and oh they're horrible.
So I mean, you must leave immediately at seventy five
percent of the dating pool, which is already tiny because
(29:33):
men my age will mostly try to date women ten
or twenty years younger. So the ones that are in
their fifties or sixties, you know already there's not that
many of them that are willing to date an older woman,
it seems. And then so you go into a restaurant
you get to this part, and from most of the
dates I've been on, I would just they would say it,
(29:54):
and I would just go okay, And now I'm just
going to have to do deep breathing until check arrives
and then I'm out of here. But I'm very proud
of myself because the last time this happened, this was
like right after our cocktails arrived, guy told me his
wife had border personality disorder, and I just stood up
and I said, thank you. I hope you find a
(30:17):
sane woman. You managed to find a sane woman. Goodbye,
And I just walked out. Good for you. Yes, And
they don't they don't ever mix it up and say
like bipolar or schizophrenia. They stay with borderline personality disorder.
There's a lot of borderline personality disorder because I think
it's the hardest one to diagnose. Okay, that makes sense,
(30:39):
and also the one that's technically incurable because you can't
really drug it. And you know, so there's been a
couple of you know, I expect my wife is bipolar,
but no, it's like borderline personality disorder is like the
catch all. Like every man that doesn't want to take
(31:00):
responsibility for his shit has an insane wife who can't
be properly diagnosed or medicated. That is terrifying. Also, by
the way, it's not a borderline personality disorder. She's crying
all the time because she's miserable in this exactly, it's
not a psychosy. She's angry because you you know, you
(31:21):
didn't bring food home when she asked you. When she's
like beleaguered by the children and she needs some help Meanwhile,
you're like you know, in your men k playing video games.
Maybe that's what it is exactly, but watching porn. Well, yeah,
of course, and it's time for a short break. Welcome
(31:49):
back to go ask Alli. So when you look at
like Jerry Hall who married Rupert Murdoch, do you go
oh uh, I guess at a girl? I get it?
Or do you go, oh my god, Jerry, come on
now passing zero judgments because after my experiences in the
(32:12):
dating poll Rupert murdochistan, don't you look pretty good? Okay, okay,
so let's let's let's I'm gonna try a different approach.
What to you right now? If you had to fill
out a form, Paulina, really, what are you looking for? What?
At your age, at your point in your life, what
(32:34):
seems desirable to you? So and it's actually much less
complicated than it seems. I just made a post on
Instagram the other day about I was using this little
bit from this book by Neil Stevenson where he's talking
about a fictional Queen of Netherlands who is a small
plane pilot and she is now she has been widowed,
(32:55):
and she's now evaluating men through a completely different lens
and when she was a teenager or when you know
again like a cool haircut was enough to get you
into bed with him. So now she's sort of you know,
she has higher standards, and so she's starting to evaluate
men through the lens of a small plane pilot, which
would be the lift and drag ratio of a wing.
(33:16):
So the drag, you know, being for example, a very
high drag would be he's married, that's a that's a problem.
That's a lot of big drag, right. Low drag would be, hey,
he's available, he's got money, there's like, there's no big
problems in the way. And then lift, how big is
the lift? You know, is it a low lift you're
(33:37):
not really that excited about him. Is it a medium
lift where you're like, oh, you know, maybe something can
grow out of this. Or is it a high lift
where you're like, oh, butterflies, this guy's hot. So I
would like a medium drag high lift. Those are those
are the T shirts you should be selling when I
(33:59):
go to business one. Making yes and for you, a
sense of humor, like you said earlier, is really important
to you. Okay, So if we're and then if we're
talking like really if we're really talking about what does
Paulina really want? Yeah, we're really talking about that. What
gives me the high lift? Yeah, what gives me the
high lift is being really smart. They have to be
(34:22):
intellectually curious. I think that's you know, that's the the
number one intellectually curious. They have to be funny. If
they're not funny, I will wilt at some point and
just kind of getting disinterested. I do find a man
with a talent extremely sexy. I find talent so much
(34:43):
hotter than looks. So if he if he's got talent,
he's hot to me. And when you say talent, like
in any arena, Yes, but he's got to be really
really good at it. Oh, Which doesn't mean that he's
got to be the number one premier potter in you know,
the universe, but it means yeah, I mean it's not
somebody who's like, you know, making like ashtrays, Yeah, as
(35:06):
a hobby after they come home. No, that that doesn't
exactly he's got a show in a gallery, I get it. Yeah, yeah,
Or he's a fantastic chef or you know whatever. It
doesn't like what they're really talented at is not that
important although I do find myself over and over drawn
to writers, I do like them writers. And of course
I can't remember was it you who said that your
(35:29):
shrink said never date somebody who's a comedian or a writer,
that that's like the the bottom of the poll of satisfaction.
It wasn't me, because I wasn't dated a lot of comedians.
Well and see, and then you didn't marry them. Now, no,
but if George had taken that advice, you wouldn't be
with me. So yeah, I think it works differently for women. Yeah, anyway, Yeah,
(35:52):
that's unfortunately kind of what I keep being attracted to.
But self awareness is a must, like serious self aware
us and a desire to explore the world. And again
that kind of goes back to being intellectually curious. So
that's it, right, It's not that much. It's not that
much that I ask for medium drag. I'll even accept
(36:15):
medium drag high lift. Yeah, and would you say you're
pretty optimistic now? I would say that I seriously, honestly,
And I don't even know why. Maybe it was a
good horoscope that day. I woke up on January first
this year and I went, it's gonna happen. It's gonna
happen now this spring. I feel it, and meaning what's
(36:37):
gonna happen is like I'm ready. I think the person
that I need to meet is coming into my life.
I can feel it. Wow, that's fantastic, that's exciting. Yeah,
and I told everybody, I told my therapist. I was like, wow,
I feel like I feel like it's my time. I
(36:59):
feel like this is it. And so well, spring Awakening,
Spring Awakening. I'm excited to see what happens with Paulina. Well,
you're gonna have to go out to dinner with them.
I can't. Well, he's got he's got to pass my test.
But and I'm glad I'm not dating right now because
it seems really daunting to me. Okay, so this is
like my take on what it's like to date. This
(37:22):
is like my little metaphor for dating in middle age.
It's a breakfast buffet in a hotel towards the very end,
you know, the breakfast buffet closes at eleven and they
let in the middle aged women at like ten forty five.
So the eggs are cold, the sausages are limp, all
the good stuff is gone. And I thought you know,
(37:43):
the good for you stuff people don't touch because it's
not as shiny, and it's not as obvious, and it's
not as upfront like the brand muffins. Right, you know,
they're stuck away on the sides, and people are like
brand muffin, they leave them. I'm totally up for a
brand muffin. I'm looking for a brand muffin. I love that.
That is a great metaphor. Thank you. That is a
(38:06):
great metaphor. All right, all right, So in my podcast,
I just bombarded you with a million questions. But now
you can ask me a question about anything. Well, you know,
we're talking about men, and we were talking about dating,
and yeah, you have been married for like a hundred years.
(38:26):
But I used to be married for a hundred years too,
so you were So here's my question, in case that
person is coming into my life sometime soon, how do
you keep up the interest for sex in a long
term relationship. I think that the interest comes with what
you were saying before that if you have such off
(38:50):
for them, if they have a talent that is so
incredible that that turns you on. You know, George's brain
turns me on so smart. I mean, for some people,
maybe it's a scruffy beard or a swagger. For me.
You know, he starts explaining the GOP in this next term,
and it's like where I ripped my clothes off. So
(39:16):
for you, it's the same. It's like the respect for
your men. Yes, yes, and it's not you know, it's
not a necessarily a physical thing. Although I'm very attracted
to him. It's a it's it's bigger than that, and
it's sort of ethereal, And it's like the person that
he is I have such respect for, and I'm in
(39:38):
such awe of that that keeps it going, you know.
I listen. I think if when people you know, connect
because they're hot for them because like oh their body
or their this, or that, it does not sustain itself.
I've talked to a lot of beautiful people that have
told me that it doesn't sustain itself, so it has
(39:58):
to be the other stuff, you know. And I also
think we're different enough people like for you, I hope
that this person that's coming into my life tiptoeing through
the Toolip Simpto is gonna be different enough so that
you will both sort of enjoy the original people that
(40:20):
you both are you know what I mean? You don't
want same same I mean across the board, I don't think.
I hope not, because I would make me a complete
and utter narcissist right to just like, no, can you
just spit out another me so I can fall in
love with it. That would not bode well for me
(40:41):
or for anybody. I think. I think that same same
doesn't necessarily translate into a long term relationship. I think
I think it's so fascinating, though, I hope for you
it's somebody that makes you laugh really hard, because you
love to laugh and you're very funny. So I think
that's why I'm your friend, Yeah, because you make me laugh,
(41:04):
but yours you like George, you're such a your great audience.
Also you have, of course your moments of being hilariously funny.
But there's something about making somebody laugh that is such
an aphrodisiact from on both sides, I totally agree. I'm
still actually kind of taking in your response about finding
(41:27):
George really hot, like being sexually inspired by by him
knowing something that you don't, by being like you know,
there's like a it's like a challenging aspect almost. It's
like being able to look up to somebody a little
bit and respect, respect being that really, really big thing.
(41:49):
And in my marriage, I lost respect from my husband
a fair you know, long before we separated. And I
think the dude that I fell in love with after,
I'm not sure they ever had respect for him and
didn't even know that that was a problem. Now I do. Yeah, yeah,
because when you lose respect, there's there's nothing left. You
(42:11):
don't want to have sex. There's contempt. Well, yes, there's
only something left. There's contempt. Contempt is fun to live in. Yeah, yeah, right,
oh Pee, thank you, You're very welcome. Thank you for
sharing this journey. It's interesting for me anyway, and I
know for my listeners that are predominantly women to think
(42:34):
or to be dating at our age and it's got
to be a slippery slope. But again, I think the
biggest takeaway from this conversation is when you found yourself,
you know, when you wrote your book, when you felt
steady on your own two legs. Is when you really
can invite people in that are worthy of your of
(42:56):
your partnership, that is perfectly set. Because it's when I
stopped needing the validation that I was still worthy, and
I found that worth in myself. And it sounds so cliches, allie,
I kind of I sort of hate the way it sounds,
but it's nevertheless the truth. It's the true. And sometimes
(43:16):
cliches or cliches because they're the truth and they've been
said over and over. I love cliches. Yeah, yeah, it's
they're the most true things. Yeah. I find myself now
saying what used to people used to always say to
me when my kids were little. They'd say, oh, it
happened so fast, they grow up so fast. And I
was like, yeah, shut up, like you know, trying to
mix formula. And now I find myself saying that to
(43:38):
other people who have little kids. Oh it goes by
so fast. But it's true. It's these are cliches that
are true, the time tested, time worn, time proven, and
yes it's the truth. Yea. Yeah, So find your worth
and then go dating, and then stand up at any
table where a wife ex wife is diagnosed with any
(44:00):
sort of mental disease. Yes, stay away from that fish.
Yes that's my advice. Oh god, so much. Takeaway. Thank you, Paulina.
Welcome to Ali Fuddy. I think Paulina personifies somebody who
has taken care of herself inside and out and has
(44:21):
made herself a priority, and look at all the wisdom
and growth, and my God, she is more beautiful than ever.
And the last thing is if you happen to be
single and you go on a date with somebody who
says his marriage fell about because the woman had a
borderline personality disorder, take a clue from Paulina Portskova and
(44:42):
get up and walk out. We also have a listener question.
Our listener asked, I'm really interested in Ali's menopause group
that she mentioned on the February ninth episode. I'd love
to start one and model it after hers. Do you
have any more information? Here's the It is really a
therapy group, but we call it a menopause group because
(45:04):
basically the therapy is needed because of the menopausal symptoms.
This is what you do. You get a small group
of women together who are also going through menopause, and
you meet once a month at somebody's house. You can
change it every month, and basically you sit around and
you have wine or ice tea or ice cream, whatever
(45:25):
it is, and you bitch about menopause, and you talk
about symptoms and you talk about heat flashes and whatever
hormonal cream you're using. You know, obviously it gets into
marriages and kids and mortality, but you know it starts
with menopause. For more info and what you've heard in
(45:45):
this episode, check out our show notes. Be sure to subscribe,
rate and review, go us Galley, and follow me on
social media on Instagram at the Real Ali Wentworth Now.
If you'd like to ask me a question or suggest
a guest or topic to dig into, I would love
to hear from you, and there's a bunch of ways
you can do it. You can call or text to
me at three two three three six four six three
five six, or you can email a voice memo right
(46:07):
from your phone to Go Ask Gali podcast at gmail
dot com. And if you leave a question, you just
might hear it. I'm go Ask Gali. Go Ask Gali
(46:29):
is a production of Shondaland Audio and partnership with iHeartRadio.
For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Welcome to Go ask Ali, a production of Shonda Land
Audio and partnership with iHeartRadio. I think like vaginas have
a lot to say. I think we should let them
stay out of it and they'll just talk. Yes, one
of the hardest things to absorb for those who are
new to these kinds of fights. Again, if we want
all of them, we wouldn't be here. If you see
(00:21):
a monster, don't try to run away, step right up
to it and say, what do you have to teach me?
Why are you? In my mind, I want to be
the person who has cancer and doesn't run a marathon,
Like do I have to work that hard? No, it's
the best excuse not to run a marathon. Welcome to
(00:42):
go ask Alli. I'm Ali Wentworth Today. My guest is
Paulina Portzkova, the beautiful Paulina, And when I say beautiful,
I mean inside and out. Now. I met Paulina about
thirty years ago. We both did a TV pilot together
and I instantly clicked with her and remained very close
friends since she's the godmother of my youngest daughter. She
(01:04):
held my hand during my pregnancy where I had hyporemesis
and threw up all the time, we have had quite
a journey, so Covid was not kind to Paulina Portskova.
Paulina went through the death of a husband, a change
of home, and quite a lot of public scrutiny. But
now having gone through a few very difficult years, she's
(01:27):
building herself back up. She's starting over, and she's putting
herself out there into the world, particularly the dating world,
and seeing if she can find love again. Paulina Portskova
is a writer, model and actress. A top model in
the eighties, she was the first Central European woman to
win the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue in
(01:49):
nineteen eighty four, and then in nineteen eighty eight she
became the face of St. Lauder and one of the
highest paid models in the world. Paulina has since performed
in dozens of movies and TV shows. She's written two books.
Her recent one is a memoir called No Filter, which
explores heartbreak, grief, beauty, aging, and much more. I can't
(02:14):
believe that I'm talking to you and you look so beautiful,
and you are surrounded by flowers behind you. Yes, I'm
surrounded by self help books. So I'm excited to dive
into this subject with you, because, as you know, I've
been married for a million years and I missed the
whole dating app thing. I've missed all of it and
(02:36):
the only date I ever went on was with my
now husband, so which I remember, Well, I know you do.
I was there, I know you were. So I'm first
of all, I'm just going to clear up what I
know women that are listening to this podcast are going
to say, and we're just going to nip it in
the butt, which is, oh my gosh. If Paulina port
(03:00):
Skova isn't taken off the market in a few seconds,
how is there any hope for me? Because Paulina, you're
a very beautiful woman. Why thank you famously so globally.
You're also incredibly smart with a great sense of humor.
The idea that you're single is laughable, but you are.
(03:23):
You are single, You're dating? I am, I am dating? Correct,
But yeah, I am. I'm still a single. Yeah, So
tell us a little bit about your backstory for those
people that have been living under a rock, why you
are single, and then we're going to dive into this
whole world of which I'm going to vicariously live through
(03:44):
with you. Oh my god, and you're gonna be so
happy to be married, even if your marriage was boring
as shit, You're gonna really appreciate being married. That's a
good news for all of you who are married. Yeah.
So what happened was that I was married to somebody
for a very long time, for thirty years actually, and
(04:07):
towards the end of our well, the marriage was failing
and so we were going to get a divorce. We separated,
and then he died. So yeah, that kind of spit
me out on a market, pretty bluntly and pretty quickly.
I was also in a relationship at the time, actually
(04:29):
with someone who I don't care to name anymore. But
he walked away right in the middle of COVID the
day I sold my house because he, I guess, found
me too difficult to be with. He picked a good
moment to leave, I have to say. And by the way,
anybody in that position who isn't being difficult has no
(04:51):
emotional life. So yeah, one days a little lacking in empathy,
you know, But so it kind of an end, you know,
he left with You know, if you're leaving somebody, you're
going to point out all their flaws. So he made
me feel very inadequate. I was crazy, and I was old,
and there was a whole host of things that he
(05:13):
said old. Yeah, he didn't actually say old. He just
said thank you for getting me over older women, and
then promptly went out with somebody much younger. Oh my god. Now,
if that doesn't make you run to a you know,
dirm to get a face full of botox and fillers,
I don't know what does. Yeah. So that was fun. Oh,
(05:37):
I can imagine what a ride well, but what it
leaves you with, right is being completely unsure of who
you are as a woman. Now. So I'm like fifty
five and I've just been rejected by the two men
that I've loved, and so I was feeling super insecure
(05:58):
about myself, about my age, about the way I looked
about who I was. Apparently I was not only, you know,
an older woman, but I was also crazy. And as
the saying goes, the best way to get over somebody
is to get under somebody else. Oh I've never heard
that saying, Wow, you've been married too long, alec, I
(06:20):
love it. It's a good saying unless you're going through
COVID A COVID pandemic, which shuts down the entire universe.
So you're thrown into the single world with your heartbroken
in a million pieces, and you're grieving the death of
a relationship and the heartbreak of another and now it's COVID,
(06:43):
so you can't even slip under somebody even to Jesus God,
thank you for being so empathetic. It was a It
was a really it was a really, really sad and
horrible time. So I went through about three months of
being isolated up in my house in the country, being
(07:07):
somewhat touicidal kind of, you know, managing to pick myself
up a little bit enough to start dating apps. Okay,
so take me through that. Because I don't know anything
about the dating app, I wouldn't know what to do.
I'm sure I would swipe the wrong direction. So first
of all, how did you even start? Did somebody say, Paulino,
(07:28):
you need to be on an app, Like, how did
you even get started? Well? I actually got started on
I downloaded two dating apps when my husband and I
split up, like when we when we separated, Because again,
like you, I was gedu. I was just curious. I
just wanted to know what this thing was like, and
I would. Course, I went on two dating apps. I
(07:50):
went on Riyah, which is for that famous people. However,
there's quite a few dentists and real estate developers these
days that cool. Maybe they're famous dentists and really, and
do you have to be accepted on Raya? Like do
you almost apply to be on the app and then
they say yea or nay? Yeah Riya. I mean in
(08:13):
the olden days of like two years ago, I think
you had to have like a certain amount of Instagram
followers to get in, and then you had to be
recommended by one or two other Riya members. And so
I reached out to a couple that I knew were
on it, and they recommended me, and so I got
in fairly quickly. Hinge. I put my name up and
(08:34):
I immediately got shut down as false account. Why because
Paulina Proskova obviously would never be using Hinge, therefore I
was not real. Oh my god, Oh my god. And
I signed myself up under my nickname with a friend's
(08:56):
telephone number, and then I just kind of let them
sit there and I'm this other guy, you know, on
a on a dinner party. So I I never actually
like use the apps. I would just kind of go
on once in a while just because it's fun fun,
right when like when you have dealt with it. Yeah,
I mean just like looking at all the guys and
you go, oh, he's on Rya. Oh he's on Riya.
(09:17):
Oh you don't say, oh he's on Rya. Oh. Interesting.
But by the way, that's also happening about you. I'm
sure there were men going Jesus Christ pauling up Portscoba's
on a dating app click or swipe or whatever they do. Well, yeah,
it depends from app to app. But the funny thing
is that on on Hinge, most people either didn't know
(09:42):
who I was or kind of thought it might be me,
but they weren't short because I was also not on
there as pauling up Portscoba and on Rya, people assume
that you are who you are because you are kind
of verified. But on Rya, the men on Rya are
not looking for fifty five year olds. There look king
for women much younger, and there is plenty of pickens
(10:04):
of hot young things. And so I think I slept
with the three guys available on Riyah. Oh okay, yeah,
and so okay before we before we again slide underneath.
So walk me through the first date you had off
of a dating app. Oh well, actually the first date
(10:24):
I had off of a dating app was Riyah, and
it was a We started texting as one does. One
starts texting when you first text through the app, so
that you don't have each other's phone number until you
figure out if you trust this person enough. And of
course it's like middle of COVID, so it's kind of
hard to me because you can't really go anywhere, and
(10:47):
also you have to trust this person is going to
be as isolated as you are, so you don't obviously
want to go out with somebody that's like COVID doesn't exist,
I don't care. So that was the first hurdle. But yeah,
I found this guy who was actually really sweet. We're
still kind of in contact today as as friends. Yeah,
(11:08):
and he sort of got me out of that headspace
of feeling vastly unattractive and undesirable and too complicated to want.
So it was it was a nice, little, fairly short
lived affair. And so did you meet in a restaurant? Like?
How did when you first It's like I always imagine
(11:31):
that people on these apps, and I've had we have
a mutual friend that was talking to somebody and zooming
during COVID and playing you know, chesss online and like
they had this whole relationship during COVID, and then when
they finally met, she was like, he was not physically
at all what he appeared to be on zoom, which
(11:53):
I don't know. I mean, I don't know if it
was a hype thing, but she said that she wasn't
physically atracted to him in person. So I'm curious how
you have that sort of zoom relationship text relationship and
then you meet in person. You know what, I never
actually zoomed with any of my prospective dates. I would
(12:13):
text with them and if they seemed smart and witty,
I thought, but that's enough. That's fine with me, because
you know, I'm not looks and height. I really don't care.
Like to me, if they can make me laugh and
if they're really smart, I can find them attractive. It
(12:33):
doesn't really matter what they look like physically. And the
guy who I first went out with looked exactly like
his pictures did on Riyah, so that was good. He
wasn't pretending to be something else, so it was a
good first experience off a dating app actually, and then
oh god, and then I went to Hinge because Rya
(12:56):
sort of dried up, you know. Like I said, there
were like three guys that wanted to meet me on Ryah.
I met them all and then they all just disappeared.
Then there was no more guys. So I walked over
to Hinge. Why I swiped over to Hinge an incredible
amount of photos with men holding up dead fish? What? Why?
(13:21):
What the hell does that symbolize? I'd like to know
that too. Do you have any ideas because I am baffled. Well,
I mean, you can't help, but parallel the dick, like
you know what I mean, Like, look at this twenty
pounds salmon. This is what my dick looks like. That's
my only guess. You mean limp and cold? Yeah, awesome, Yeah,
(13:45):
I think the intent is, Look, I can hunt, I
am a provider. I can feed you. Oh Jesus, look
I catch my own food. Okay, So you need to
get yourself in waiters and rubber boots and hold up
like a great white shark over your head and got
like I'm fine, thank you. Also a lot of men
(14:08):
on motorcycles because you know they're oh because they're bad boys.
They're bad boys. I mean they you know, they can
take you out on that road. It's the freedom thing.
And during COVID, unsurprisingly, most of those men did not
believe in wearing masks or that COVID was a thing.
So it was a good way to eliminate themselves right
(14:28):
right off the bat. Gotcha, gotcha? Okay, So with Raya.
So it's all famous people. Isn't that kind of weird
because you all kind of know who each other is.
You can Google each other. You know, they could see
you in a bikini and Daily Mail. I mean, it's
all kind of out there. Yes, it feels a little naked,
(14:52):
you know, well, because you're sort of dipping into the
pool that you know. I mean, you some of those people.
You know a lot of the people you know who
they are. You assume they know you. But actually, weirdly,
it's easier for a celebrity to be there rather than
(15:13):
the what some of my girlfriends called the normals. Yeah,
this is not supposed to be demeaning in any way,
but it says, you know, the guys that are just yeah, well,
you know whatever, Because it turns out that once you
go on at a hinge date where you're not known
as pulling up for a scova, but somebody has just
(15:35):
you know, swiped on you. You had a little text threat.
Oh you know, he seems cute. You set a date
in a restaurant in January outside. Yeah. I was frostbitten
on most of my dates. That's how desperate I was.
I was willing to take the frostbite not to be
alone protocol. Yeah, And so I would arrive into the
(15:55):
place wrapped in my big, gigantic Normacmali sleeping back coat,
which of course makes me look like a tutsie roll.
And then I would proceed to under the heat lamps,
take off my Russian fur hat and my mask, and
the men would sit across a table and go heure Paulina.
(16:20):
I was like, oh, oh, he didn't know. Oh woh
my god. It's like unwrapping a gift. And were they excited?
They must have lost their mind. They kind of lost
their minds. It's the problem. Yeah, they might have been excited,
but then they weren't able to speak for the rest
of the dinner. Yeah, I'm sure either. They weren't capable
of speech. They got so intimidated, or they would just
(16:43):
need to sort of equalize the tables, the balance between
us by speaking exclusively about themselves. Oh god, that's sexy.
But I would imagine that they were also they couldn't
kind of couldn't believe their luck. And then my next
question is if you go to bed with them, I mean,
aren't you worried you could be going to bed with
(17:04):
a stalker or somebody that had like your sports illustrated
poster on their wall at some point? Sure, but that's
I mean, you know, as desperate as I was, I
wasn't going to bed them on the first night out.
And I can assure you I feel you know, I'm
very sex positive. If I really like somebody, you know,
why not. But those kind of dates were most of
(17:26):
them were a one time kind of a deal, like
got it, we got dinner. Sometimes I even paid because
I felt so sorry for it. Oh my god. I
mean there's so many stories, and actually, you know what
the cool thing about really bad dates is it makes
great stories. Well, I have so many good stories. I mean,
I think you have a third book in you. If
(17:49):
I can just say, yeah, I just have to figure
out how to be gentle to all those souls that
I would let down or reveal in some way. You
just change their names. Oh yeah, change their names and
their physiques. Oh yeah, okay, all right, thanks Ali. I mean, yeah, well,
I've written about old boyfriends in my books, and you know,
George had to read through them and make sure I
(18:10):
couldn't get sued. He was like, I don't think you
should call this person an alcoholic. It's very obvious who
they are. Like, okay, I'll change it. There's a lot
more to come after the short break and we're back. Okay.
(18:32):
So COVID's kind of opened up a little bit. How's
that dating change for you because people are less cautious
and precious about it? Well, you know, so, I mean, unfortunately,
the way it happened for me is that when I
was really desperate to date was to sort of get
over my heartbreak and to just you know, feel affirmed
(18:52):
as a woman and that I was still viable and
that somebody would still want me. And so I was
kind of rather desperate that first year during COVID the
worst time. But actually that's the year that I also
met Aaron Sorkin, and so that was a six month
little thing which was lovely and was that that wasn't
(19:13):
from a dating app though, that was not a dating app.
That was Ashley Banfield actually who introduced us, and that
was that was a really sweet six months. It was
a really lovely time and that sort of got me
over the feeling, you know, unwanted and undesirable because Aaron
made me feel really good about myself. It's my vacation
from heartbreak. Yeah, well, which is by the way, those
(19:34):
people are really important in one's life. You know that
the fact that I'm just assuming you guys are still friends,
but that he came in at a time and you know,
made you feel the way you should feel about yourself.
And also just as a normal watching you know, I
saw these pictures of you and him, and you know,
(19:55):
you just you both looked amazing. You looked like, you know,
missus Oscar in your gold dressed and you look genuinely happy.
It looked like, oh, it looks like she's getting a
little break here. Yeah, that's exactly what it was. I
got a little break and it was restorative and it
was lovely. So that sort of tied me over. And
then after Aaron, I didn't feel so bad about myself,
(20:18):
and so then I could be a little bit more selective. Ah, exactly. So,
and then because the world was opening up, I didn't
have to just rely on the dating apps. I could
also go out to dinners and go to parties and
see if i'd meet somebody there. And you know, I've
met like one or two people just you know, from
(20:38):
going out. Were people setting you up besides Aaron, where
other people like I want to introduce you to my brother,
to my friend. Nope, never got set up with anybody else. Actually,
I just I just realized, too intimidating, I bet, well
that's what Aaron said. Aaron said, I was intimidating. Well,
just you're this whole package of amazing things. I would
(21:00):
see why that would be intimidating, because I know when
I was went on this blind date with George, George
had been he basically dated the island of Manhattan and
only the cream of the island of Manhattan. Oh no,
don't make me name names. But he was, you know,
telling me what dating was like and how you know,
(21:22):
he had mostly only one dates, Like having a second
date was like a big leap, and he was sort
of taking me through this whole dating world. And he
said at the time he was really open to be
set up. He said, he told people set me up,
set me up. And he said if he hadn't, he
wouldn't have met me, because you know, and he was
(21:44):
very famous at the time, and you know, he had
to sort of alie. He kind of still is. He
still is, but you know, he had to be careful.
So the only way that he could do it was
by being set up by somebody else. Yeah, and I
I needed that too. It's just that nobody has anybody
to set up with women my age. It's like it's bonkers.
(22:07):
Either people are happily married, which is great because you
know those are the good ones, and they're friends that
could be potential setups with you. Like my good girlfriends
are like, yeah, now you don't want them. I'm like, okay.
The pickings were pretty slim, I must say. But then
(22:28):
last year I did a lot less dating because I
was writing my book and then I was traveling a lot,
and I was kind of getting my career and my
life in order, and I didn't feel so shitty about myself,
and so I didn't feel like I didn't really need
the validation anymore. And it's amazing how much I grew
up from the year before that, when I was desperate
(22:49):
for the validation to last year when I was like, hey,
you know what, I think I'm pretty cool and one
day somebody will think that too, and I'm kind of
willing to wait. I'm not desperable. Well, I think I
think that that comes from you going out and writing
your book and sort of taking care of yourself, basically
(23:12):
being in a love affair with yourself, because no man
will give you that. That has to come from you.
And it's funny because you know, yesterday I did the
view and Joy Behart said to me, because it was
Valentine's Day, she said, how come you didn't take George's
last name? And I said, well, because I was sort
(23:33):
of established and who I was. I don't mean like
my brand, but you know, I was Ali Wentworth. I didn't.
It didn't feel right to me at you know, thirty
five to take his last name, which I thought it
was such a kind of old fashioned question. But but
the bigger meeting for me was listen. I had had
a lot of relationships, I had had a depression, I
(23:57):
had bought a house, I had finally then been alone
own and really worked on myself so that I was
able to be a good partner. You know, when I
met George, and I think, I think for you, and
from what I see, you seem to be in a
much better place and getting stronger every day. And I
(24:17):
think that's when the door opens and somebody comes in
and you make the right choice as opposed to the
guy who said you're crazy and you're old, which wasn't
the right choice. You know how to pick them well,
but it makes sense at that time in your life.
You know whoever you bumped into that was going to
(24:39):
give you a little attention. You know, it was like
you were you were in the middle of a desert
and you had no water, and somebody exactly. I mean,
you remember this time because we spend a lot of
time together, and you remember how very very unhappy I
was in my marriage and how desperate and lonely I
felt so like literally and I mean I even at
(25:00):
one point said to my husband, I was like, I
am so lonely and so desperate. My heart is so
empty that literally anybody that wants to woo me will
just get me. Like if the uber driver asks for
for a date. I'll go out on a date with him.
Anybody can enter my heart, including you. His response at
that time was okay, I will woo you, and I thought, fantastic,
(25:25):
I've gotten through to him. That was the last we
ever spoke of it. And if his way of wooing
me was by not paying any attention to me, then
he did a great job. Do you ever regret not
leaving him earlier? Do you feel like, oh, if I
had left him and I was in my forties, I
you know, maybe i'd be remarried now, or maybe i'd
be here or there. I kind of did at times,
(25:48):
and certainly after the whole will fiasco. Yeah, there there
were moments where I regretted that I hadn't left earlier,
But now, in red respect, I think, no, I'm glad
that I stayed for as long as I did because
I loved him very very much, and I wanted to
(26:10):
exhaust every single possibility that we couldn't make it together.
And I did. I mean I did, raping the bottom
of that barrel. Yeah, and I knew there was like
the at the point where I called it, there was
nothing left. There was nowhere else to go, and I
knew it, and so I feel like I can be
at peace that I didn't you know that I didn't
(26:34):
cut things to easily, that I wasn't you know that
I that I was unreliable in some way, or that
I could have done more. I could have done more,
and you know that no, you couldn't have. And you
can't even second guess yourself. You know what I mean.
You you the sponge was dry. You know there was
nothing else to squeeze out of that. That is clear.
(26:56):
And then, and for my listeners, when you bring up
the will, I'm just going to quickly what that is
is when her husband died, he cut Paulina out of
his will and very publicly said that she abandoned him,
which was not true. So that again is part of
the horrible heartbreak and the things that she had to
deal with them with after he died. So, yes, So
(27:19):
a man comes along and is interested in you, and you,
of course throw yourself into his arms, and I'm like,
oh my god, you want me, You get me? Yeah, yours, yeah,
I get it. Any I mean, so many people relate
to that, no matter how old you are, you know,
And my next question is, so now you're stronger you.
(27:43):
You know, you've really built some scaffolding around you. You
have this amazing book, and you're going on dates. Please
tell me what some of the things you're seeing when
you date. You have told me one thing, which I
think is hilarious and scary. But tell me some of
the trends, as we'll call it, that you've seen dating
(28:03):
men in your fifties. Well, a really big trend with
men in their middle age that have been divorced or
have been through relationships is And of course I always
ask like, what went wrong in your relationship because I
would like for them to be a little self aware
perhaps you know and know what went wrong, so they're
not going to do it again. Seventy five percent and
(28:27):
I kid you not will sit down look at me
and say, well, my wife has order personality disorder. Oh god,
so the wife is crazy. The wife is crazy. I
did everything I could and what you know, what could
I do? I mean she was crazy? Wow? And then
(28:48):
I would go so was she diagnosed with a borderline disorder?
And they go, well, you know, my therapist said, he
totally thought so. And then some will go well I
read an article where you know, it sounded just like her. Well,
your yoga teacher set that she totally has it. I mean,
I can't. Not very many of those wives were actually
(29:09):
diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. But men there are men
had them diagnosed like this isn't that crazy? How? I mean,
talk about how unself aware and blaming and oh they're horrible.
So I mean, you must leave immediately at seventy five
percent of the dating pool, which is already tiny because
(29:33):
men my age will mostly try to date women ten
or twenty years younger. So the ones that are in
their fifties or sixties, you know already there's not that
many of them that are willing to date an older woman,
it seems. And then so you go into a restaurant
you get to this part, and from most of the
dates I've been on, I would just they would say it,
(29:54):
and I would just go okay, And now I'm just
going to have to do deep breathing until check arrives
and then I'm out of here. But I'm very proud
of myself because the last time this happened, this was
like right after our cocktails arrived, guy told me his
wife had border personality disorder, and I just stood up
and I said, thank you. I hope you find a
(30:17):
sane woman. You managed to find a sane woman. Goodbye,
And I just walked out. Good for you. Yes, And
they don't they don't ever mix it up and say
like bipolar or schizophrenia. They stay with borderline personality disorder.
There's a lot of borderline personality disorder because I think
it's the hardest one to diagnose. Okay, that makes sense,
(30:39):
and also the one that's technically incurable because you can't
really drug it. And you know, so there's been a
couple of you know, I expect my wife is bipolar,
but no, it's like borderline personality disorder is like the
catch all. Like every man that doesn't want to take
(31:00):
responsibility for his shit has an insane wife who can't
be properly diagnosed or medicated. That is terrifying. Also, by
the way, it's not a borderline personality disorder. She's crying
all the time because she's miserable in this exactly, it's
not a psychosy. She's angry because you you know, you
(31:21):
didn't bring food home when she asked you. When she's
like beleaguered by the children and she needs some help Meanwhile,
you're like you know, in your men k playing video games.
Maybe that's what it is exactly, but watching porn. Well, yeah,
of course, and it's time for a short break. Welcome
(31:49):
back to go ask Alli. So when you look at
like Jerry Hall who married Rupert Murdoch, do you go
oh uh, I guess at a girl? I get it?
Or do you go, oh my god, Jerry, come on
now passing zero judgments because after my experiences in the
(32:12):
dating poll Rupert murdochistan, don't you look pretty good? Okay, okay,
so let's let's let's I'm gonna try a different approach.
What to you right now? If you had to fill
out a form, Paulina, really, what are you looking for? What?
At your age, at your point in your life, what
(32:34):
seems desirable to you? So and it's actually much less
complicated than it seems. I just made a post on
Instagram the other day about I was using this little
bit from this book by Neil Stevenson where he's talking
about a fictional Queen of Netherlands who is a small
plane pilot and she is now she has been widowed,
(32:55):
and she's now evaluating men through a completely different lens
and when she was a teenager or when you know
again like a cool haircut was enough to get you
into bed with him. So now she's sort of you know,
she has higher standards, and so she's starting to evaluate
men through the lens of a small plane pilot, which
would be the lift and drag ratio of a wing.
(33:16):
So the drag, you know, being for example, a very
high drag would be he's married, that's a that's a problem.
That's a lot of big drag, right. Low drag would be, hey,
he's available, he's got money, there's like, there's no big
problems in the way. And then lift, how big is
the lift? You know, is it a low lift you're
(33:37):
not really that excited about him. Is it a medium
lift where you're like, oh, you know, maybe something can
grow out of this. Or is it a high lift
where you're like, oh, butterflies, this guy's hot. So I
would like a medium drag high lift. Those are those
are the T shirts you should be selling when I
(33:59):
go to business one. Making yes and for you, a
sense of humor, like you said earlier, is really important
to you. Okay, So if we're and then if we're
talking like really if we're really talking about what does
Paulina really want? Yeah, we're really talking about that. What
gives me the high lift? Yeah, what gives me the
high lift is being really smart. They have to be
(34:22):
intellectually curious. I think that's you know, that's the the
number one intellectually curious. They have to be funny. If
they're not funny, I will wilt at some point and
just kind of getting disinterested. I do find a man
with a talent extremely sexy. I find talent so much
(34:43):
hotter than looks. So if he if he's got talent,
he's hot to me. And when you say talent, like
in any arena, Yes, but he's got to be really
really good at it. Oh, Which doesn't mean that he's
got to be the number one premier potter in you know,
the universe, but it means yeah, I mean it's not
somebody who's like, you know, making like ashtrays, Yeah, as
(35:06):
a hobby after they come home. No, that that doesn't
exactly he's got a show in a gallery, I get it. Yeah, yeah,
Or he's a fantastic chef or you know whatever. It
doesn't like what they're really talented at is not that
important although I do find myself over and over drawn
to writers, I do like them writers. And of course
I can't remember was it you who said that your
(35:29):
shrink said never date somebody who's a comedian or a writer,
that that's like the the bottom of the poll of satisfaction.
It wasn't me, because I wasn't dated a lot of comedians.
Well and see, and then you didn't marry them. Now, no,
but if George had taken that advice, you wouldn't be
with me. So yeah, I think it works differently for women. Yeah, anyway, Yeah,
(35:52):
that's unfortunately kind of what I keep being attracted to.
But self awareness is a must, like serious self aware
us and a desire to explore the world. And again
that kind of goes back to being intellectually curious. So
that's it, right, It's not that much. It's not that
much that I ask for medium drag. I'll even accept
(36:15):
medium drag high lift. Yeah, and would you say you're
pretty optimistic now? I would say that I seriously, honestly,
And I don't even know why. Maybe it was a
good horoscope that day. I woke up on January first
this year and I went, it's gonna happen. It's gonna
happen now this spring. I feel it, and meaning what's
(36:37):
gonna happen is like I'm ready. I think the person
that I need to meet is coming into my life.
I can feel it. Wow, that's fantastic, that's exciting. Yeah,
and I told everybody, I told my therapist. I was like, wow,
I feel like I feel like it's my time. I
(36:59):
feel like this is it. And so well, spring Awakening,
Spring Awakening. I'm excited to see what happens with Paulina. Well,
you're gonna have to go out to dinner with them.
I can't. Well, he's got he's got to pass my test.
But and I'm glad I'm not dating right now because
it seems really daunting to me. Okay, so this is
like my take on what it's like to date. This
(37:22):
is like my little metaphor for dating in middle age.
It's a breakfast buffet in a hotel towards the very end,
you know, the breakfast buffet closes at eleven and they
let in the middle aged women at like ten forty five.
So the eggs are cold, the sausages are limp, all
the good stuff is gone. And I thought you know,
(37:43):
the good for you stuff people don't touch because it's
not as shiny, and it's not as obvious, and it's
not as upfront like the brand muffins. Right, you know,
they're stuck away on the sides, and people are like
brand muffin, they leave them. I'm totally up for a
brand muffin. I'm looking for a brand muffin. I love that.
That is a great metaphor. Thank you. That is a
(38:06):
great metaphor. All right, all right, So in my podcast,
I just bombarded you with a million questions. But now
you can ask me a question about anything. Well, you know,
we're talking about men, and we were talking about dating,
and yeah, you have been married for like a hundred years.
(38:26):
But I used to be married for a hundred years too,
so you were So here's my question, in case that
person is coming into my life sometime soon, how do
you keep up the interest for sex in a long
term relationship. I think that the interest comes with what
you were saying before that if you have such off
(38:50):
for them, if they have a talent that is so
incredible that that turns you on. You know, George's brain
turns me on so smart. I mean, for some people,
maybe it's a scruffy beard or a swagger. For me.
You know, he starts explaining the GOP in this next term,
and it's like where I ripped my clothes off. So
(39:16):
for you, it's the same. It's like the respect for
your men. Yes, yes, and it's not you know, it's
not a necessarily a physical thing. Although I'm very attracted
to him. It's a it's it's bigger than that, and
it's sort of ethereal, And it's like the person that
he is I have such respect for, and I'm in
(39:38):
such awe of that that keeps it going, you know.
I listen. I think if when people you know, connect
because they're hot for them because like oh their body
or their this, or that, it does not sustain itself.
I've talked to a lot of beautiful people that have
told me that it doesn't sustain itself, so it has
(39:58):
to be the other stuff, you know. And I also
think we're different enough people like for you, I hope
that this person that's coming into my life tiptoeing through
the Toolip Simpto is gonna be different enough so that
you will both sort of enjoy the original people that
(40:20):
you both are you know what I mean? You don't
want same same I mean across the board, I don't think.
I hope not, because I would make me a complete
and utter narcissist right to just like, no, can you
just spit out another me so I can fall in
love with it. That would not bode well for me
(40:41):
or for anybody. I think. I think that same same
doesn't necessarily translate into a long term relationship. I think
I think it's so fascinating, though, I hope for you
it's somebody that makes you laugh really hard, because you
love to laugh and you're very funny. So I think
that's why I'm your friend, Yeah, because you make me laugh,
(41:04):
but yours you like George, you're such a your great audience.
Also you have, of course your moments of being hilariously funny.
But there's something about making somebody laugh that is such
an aphrodisiact from on both sides, I totally agree. I'm
still actually kind of taking in your response about finding
(41:27):
George really hot, like being sexually inspired by by him
knowing something that you don't, by being like you know,
there's like a it's like a challenging aspect almost. It's
like being able to look up to somebody a little
bit and respect, respect being that really, really big thing.
(41:49):
And in my marriage, I lost respect from my husband
a fair you know, long before we separated. And I
think the dude that I fell in love with after,
I'm not sure they ever had respect for him and
didn't even know that that was a problem. Now I do. Yeah, yeah,
because when you lose respect, there's there's nothing left. You
(42:11):
don't want to have sex. There's contempt. Well, yes, there's
only something left. There's contempt. Contempt is fun to live in. Yeah, yeah, right,
oh Pee, thank you, You're very welcome. Thank you for
sharing this journey. It's interesting for me anyway, and I
know for my listeners that are predominantly women to think
(42:34):
or to be dating at our age and it's got
to be a slippery slope. But again, I think the
biggest takeaway from this conversation is when you found yourself,
you know, when you wrote your book, when you felt
steady on your own two legs. Is when you really
can invite people in that are worthy of your of
(42:56):
your partnership, that is perfectly set. Because it's when I
stopped needing the validation that I was still worthy, and
I found that worth in myself. And it sounds so cliches, allie,
I kind of I sort of hate the way it sounds,
but it's nevertheless the truth. It's the true. And sometimes
(43:16):
cliches or cliches because they're the truth and they've been
said over and over. I love cliches. Yeah, yeah, it's
they're the most true things. Yeah. I find myself now
saying what used to people used to always say to
me when my kids were little. They'd say, oh, it
happened so fast, they grow up so fast. And I
was like, yeah, shut up, like you know, trying to
mix formula. And now I find myself saying that to
(43:38):
other people who have little kids. Oh it goes by
so fast. But it's true. It's these are cliches that
are true, the time tested, time worn, time proven, and
yes it's the truth. Yea. Yeah, So find your worth
and then go dating, and then stand up at any
table where a wife ex wife is diagnosed with any
(44:00):
sort of mental disease. Yes, stay away from that fish.
Yes that's my advice. Oh god, so much. Takeaway. Thank you, Paulina.
Welcome to Ali Fuddy. I think Paulina personifies somebody who
has taken care of herself inside and out and has
(44:21):
made herself a priority, and look at all the wisdom
and growth, and my God, she is more beautiful than ever.
And the last thing is if you happen to be
single and you go on a date with somebody who
says his marriage fell about because the woman had a
borderline personality disorder, take a clue from Paulina Portskova and
(44:42):
get up and walk out. We also have a listener question.
Our listener asked, I'm really interested in Ali's menopause group
that she mentioned on the February ninth episode. I'd love
to start one and model it after hers. Do you
have any more information? Here's the It is really a
therapy group, but we call it a menopause group because
(45:04):
basically the therapy is needed because of the menopausal symptoms.
This is what you do. You get a small group
of women together who are also going through menopause, and
you meet once a month at somebody's house. You can
change it every month, and basically you sit around and
you have wine or ice tea or ice cream, whatever
(45:25):
it is, and you bitch about menopause, and you talk
about symptoms and you talk about heat flashes and whatever
hormonal cream you're using. You know, obviously it gets into
marriages and kids and mortality, but you know it starts
with menopause. For more info and what you've heard in
(45:45):
this episode, check out our show notes. Be sure to subscribe,
rate and review, go us Galley, and follow me on
social media on Instagram at the Real Ali Wentworth Now.
If you'd like to ask me a question or suggest
a guest or topic to dig into, I would love
to hear from you, and there's a bunch of ways
you can do it. You can call or text to
me at three two three three six four six three
five six, or you can email a voice memo right
(46:07):
from your phone to Go Ask Gali podcast at gmail
dot com. And if you leave a question, you just
might hear it. I'm go Ask Gali. Go Ask Gali
(46:29):
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Ridiculous History
History is beautiful, brutal and, often, ridiculous. Join Ben Bowlin and Noel Brown as they dive into some of the weirdest stories from across the span of human civilization in Ridiculous History, a podcast by iHeartRadio.