EPISODE 2 - Rabbi Responds*

Michael Barclay is the founding Rabbi of the Temple Ner Simcha in Westlake Village, California. He was asked by organizers to speak at the protest against the Los Angeles Dodgers and the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. Rabbi Barclay also weighs in on the introduction of LGBTQ+ curriculum in the schools.

Episode Transcript

(00:08):
Robot. You wrote an article forPJ Media about your experience with the Dodger
Stadium and the recent sort of,for lack of a better word, kerfuffle,
if you will. But the Sistersof Perpetual Indulgence, they're not only
their parents there, but the Dodgerseffort to honor them for their community service.

(00:32):
And just to start with initial reactionto all of that, and then
we'll go from there. Well,let me back up a little bit,
because I actually wrote an article beforethat event a few weeks back morehand,
where I had I had written anarticle about when the Dodgers actions. And
I think it's really important to understandwhat my article is about and what my

(00:56):
beliefs on this are. So theDodgers invited this group, Sisters of Perpetual
Indulgence, and then they disinvited them, and then they reinvited them, and
then I wrote an article that weshould boycott major League Baseball, the Dodgers
specifically in all of baseball, becausethey could have stopped this as well.
And the reason I wrote that articlehas nothing to do with sexual proclivities.

(01:23):
It has nothing to do with PrideNight, has nothing to do with any
of that the Sisters of Perpetual Adultsare a group of men who are clearly
an act anti Catholic. They dressup as nuns, they do all sorts
of acts that are really offensive toCatholics, to people of religion. And

(01:49):
my point on it was in writingthis article, was that an attack on
any religion is an attack on allreligion. And I would hope the Catholics,
Christians, anyone would stand up forany other religion if they were being
attacked. They said, I wouldhope they would stand up for Judaism,

(02:12):
and so I feel it was necessaryto say, you know what, we
should all stand up for the Catholics, because while nuns are not part of
my faith tradition, I know howimportant they are to my Catholic brothers and
sisters. So I wrote this article, and then a couple of days before
the event at Dodger Stadium, Igot a phone call from a friend who

(02:34):
is a devout Catholic. The said, rally, are you aware that your
article is all over the Catholic blogosphereand that the organization that is sponsoring the
event at Dodger Stadium is actually usingquotes from your article in the promotional material,
which I had no idea. Ihad no clue about you write an
article and you have no idea what'sgoing to happen to it or how it
will be used. And so Icontacted the people organizing the if I would

(03:00):
come speak, and so I did. It was and again, this has
nothing to do with Five Night.There have been nine other Pride Knights.
Certainly I can't speak for other people, but I have no issue with them,
but this was very specific. Theywere honoring a group that hates Catholics,
that hates Catholicism, that demonstrates itover and over, and you're honoring

(03:24):
them with the Hero Awards. SoI want to go speak and talked about
a rabbinic teaching that is incredibly powerfulfrom Rabbi Hillel over two thousand years ago.
And the teaching is, if I'mnot for myself, who will be
for me? If I'm only formyself, what am I? And if
not now? When? And it'sreally important to me to stand up when

(03:46):
something is being done that I reallybelieve is ethically wrong. To stand up
because if I'm only for myself,what am I? So I talked about
that and that's what I was therefor. It it was. It was
a really interesting and powerful event.I have to say. At Dodger Stadium
there were five thousand people that hadgathered to say, look, we just

(04:09):
don't think this is right to behonoring a group that is so anti Catholic.
Okay, So that said the groupitself. Had you been aware of
who they are and what they've donein the past, or did you have
any knowledge about them? Now,I knew nothing about these these guys until
I had read an article about themand read you know, when they first

(04:30):
were invited and then disinvited, AndI knew nothing about them at that point.
And I love baseball, and Itruly love baseball all when my kids
love baseball, and so I foundout about them, and it was really
distressing and disturbing. And again,it's not about how they dressed. It's

(04:50):
not about what their proclivities are,whatever that may be. It just doesn't
It was so anti Catholic to takeon and dress up like nuns and perform
fake sexual acts with crucifixes and icons, and it's you know, it was
if to me. It was asif someone had decided to dress up like

(05:13):
Orthodox rabbis and do the same kindof thing. It just was very anti
religion, and that's that's really myissue with with that group, and and
the issue with the Dodgers supporting thatgroup and succumbing to that kind of pressure
and enviting them and especially to geta Hero awards. It was really distasteful.

(05:33):
So if you you called for aboycott, then are you participating in
that? Where are you no longergoing to baseball games? We no longer
go to baseball games. We don'twatch baseball in our house. Um,
it's a good thing. My childrenare passionate about golf, but we don't.
We don't do any of anything withbaseball at this point, and won't

(05:55):
by the way, until Major LeagueBaseball stops honoring any group like that.
You know, Judius, we havea concept called shuva to fix a mistake
we've made, whether it's conscious orunconscious, and we all make mistakes,
and one of those things, youknow that there's multiple steps to making shuva,
and one is first recognize that whatyou did was wrong, whether it

(06:15):
was on purpose or by accident.The next step is to apologize. The
next step is to fix it andthen not to do it again. So
I look forward to the day whenwe can return to the Dodger games,
because the Dodgers saying, you knowwhat, that wasn't the right thing to
do and we're sorry and we're notgoing to do it again. And again,
this is not about and I thinkthis is important. This is not
about Pride Night. This was atenth Pride Night, and this one was

(06:41):
was qualitatively different because they were honoringa group that was so anti religion.
And I really do believe it.If you're anti if you're going after one
religion, you're going after all peopleat things. And we have an obligation
and prilige and a blessing to standup for each other. Okay, well,
now while I have let's talk aboutsome of the other issues that have
been going on in the news sortof indirectly related. And that's um.

(07:06):
You know, if memory serves,didn't you tell me once that you homeschool
your children? We do, yeah, we do. So do you have
a view of how things are goingrecently with the chaos going on at school
board meetings in front of school campusesabout this, uh, you know,
this topic of introducing LGBTQ plus curriculumor even that even the lifestyle into the

(07:31):
curriculum, you know, drag queensdoing story time, reading hour, things
of that nature. Do you doyou have anything to weigh in on that.
It depends on what the venue isand how it's being done. So,
first of all, I don't wantmy kids. We're homeschooling for a
number of reasons, and one ofthem has involved with the extracute activities and

(07:55):
my kids do in terms of whatI want them learning and things like tom
to Jewish studies as well as theirpassions around their their golf sport and their
instruments, but also because what wasbeing taught has really been to the lowest
common denominator, and I want tokids to have better education so in our
local schools. That's why we're homeschooling, okay, And that's that's our purpose

(08:18):
in it. I have a beliefand it comes from Jewish teachings and Pipko
boats and other things that school shouldbe to learn and the younger, especially
the younger as you get as youget, you know, into elementary school
and middle school. It really it'sto learn the basics, to learn information,

(08:39):
to learn to think properly, tocritically think. And I don't want
any agenda in a school system.Personally, I don't want drag queen story
time, nor do I want poledancing stripper story time. The kids be
kids, So while that's not ourmain purpose in why we homeschool, and

(09:03):
they said we homeschool so they canget a stronger education, which they're getting,
thank God. If there are placeswhere things belong in places where they
don't, and I really think thatwe should leave the space for kids to
be kids. We don't need topush an agenda, any socio political agenda
on any children. I mean,that's just my opinion, and that's harmonious

(09:26):
and consonate with a classic Jewish opinionof education. And we really want to
educate our children so they can thinkcritically and we don't have to place our
agenda on them. As a parent, though, at what point in the
development of your child should they startlearning about alternate lifestyles. I think that's

(09:50):
up to every parent. I don'tthink I have Well, I'll make an
analogy, okay. I have abelief in God. I have a great
love for God. Um. Ibelieve that if God accepts how we all
pray, we all should accept eachother. I believe that every human being

(10:11):
is a child of God, andso I, obviously, in the Son
of God, promote that. Butthat doesn't have a place in the public
schools for me. I don't thinkI've been I've been asked to come into
different school systems throughout the years andspeak about the history of Judaism or the

(10:35):
Jewish roots of this nation, becausethere's there's a great integration between Jewish values
and Jewish roots and Jews and Judaismin the formation and the founding of this
nation. I've come and I've beenasked to come in and speak about that.
I've been asked to come in andspeak about what is the you know,

(10:56):
what's the mental argumentation system of Talmudand how do we have critical thinking?
But it's not my place to evergo in. And I do it
as an academic, you know,I used to teach a literally Marymount University,
and as a professor, I doit as an academic. I don't
think it's my place to go inand say, hey, you know what,

(11:16):
this is what Judaism is, andthis is our theology and this is
our beliefs and you really should thinkabout being this and maybe you know you're
a Jew at heart. I don'tthink I have that place. So that's
the parents' choice certainly, well theminers, and so I'm not a big
fan of any school pushing any agendaother than pure education. I mean,

(11:39):
our kids are not doing well intheir basic scores of math and reading,
comprehension. There's so much to learnhistory that I don't think we need to
have any socio political agenda in ourschool system. Have you had you always
homeschooled your children? No? No, we actually so. We started them

(12:01):
off in their preschool in a Jewishday school, and I did not want
them to grow up in a worldthat was only Jewish. I wanted them
to be in a Jewish preschool sothat they would know Judaism's not just daddy's
business, so to speak. Wemoved them to public school because we wanted
them to grow up in a moreintegrated environment where they were interacting were not

(12:22):
just with Jews. And then whenwhen COVID hit and all that started happening,
it was really disturbing what they werenot learning. The zoom concept really
was horrific for them. They weren'tthey just weren't learning. It was the
classes were being taught to focused onthe lowest common denominator, as I said,

(12:46):
so that they weren't getting an education. They were going over things they
had already learned two, three,four years earlier. And so we started
homeschooling then and we just kept wekept homeschooling there, and there's no homeschoo
pods, and so they do getinteraction with other kids, and it's not
like they're just staying at home withmommy doing school. They go to classes

(13:09):
and it's just with other homeschoolers.They do social length with other homeschoolers.
And you know, the big partfor me is education. They were studying
their entering eighth grade godling this year, and last year they were studying trigonometry.
Well, they wouldn't getting that tillthe tenth or eleventh grade in the
public school system, god willing.In the next year or two, they'll

(13:31):
be taking classes at junior colleges.So that's why we're doing it. That's
really our main main goals to ourkids really get a good education. Didn't
Is it fair to say that youthink there's a deterioration of public schools from
when I was a student. Absolutely, But I was a student of a
long time ago student. You knowme, so you know, you know

(13:52):
I was back at going back toschool. You know, I went to
school when there was you had towalk up hill in the snow both ways,
and they didn't have indoor plumbing.So yeah, there had been certainly
since in the last couple of decades, there's been a deteriation in schools.
We don't have public schools. Mostof them are not offering arts programs anymore.
They're not offering music programs. Idon't know about you, but I

(14:13):
grew up where you had music programsand you had orchestras, and you had
bands. You had to take classesin art and other things in a shop.
That's not happening in public schools anymore. So I do believe there's a
deterioration in the public school system.We have two sides of an issue here.

(14:33):
We have parents who don't want theirkids being exposed to certain lifestyles and
they don't feel like the state needsto intervene and give the kids the power
and the independence to make life alteringdecisions about their bodies as a juvenile.
And parents are on the other sideof this saying, you know that that's
the stuff that I should be handlingin my home. Is there a happy

(14:58):
medium here, so to speak?Is there is there a compromise in all
of this in your opinion, I'mnot through the question to forgive me.
Okay, yeah, okay. Sowe have a group of parents who are
very concerned about districts that want tointroduce certain lifestyle curriculums or certain access to

(15:22):
LGBTQ and alternate lifestyle information through counselorsor whatever. And some of this is
done without parental knowledge. And thereare legislators that are supporting this and pushing
this through as law that the kidsthat juveniles in middle and high school have

(15:43):
the say over their bodies and havesay over their direction without a parental knowledge.
But then you've got parents on theother side of this saying, you
know, stay out of my home, stay away from my kids and their
development. Just teach them how toread, write, and speak and leave
us alone. Is there a happymedium in there to where kids that seek

(16:06):
help to learn about their their bodiesand their sexuality and their identities, because
apparently that's an issue. Where doesthat compromise happen between the rights of a
child and the rights of a parent. So, Steve, I think you're
going to get a much longer answerthan your anticipation. That's fine. Apologize
for the editing you need to do, you may need to do, and

(16:30):
I hope you're respectful of that.I think the question you're asking is and
I don't mean this to be rude, I think throwing question, okay,
And let me explain why I saythat. You're conflating in that question.
A number of issues and this isone of the challenges we have in culture
and what's going on in the cultureand in this push and all this promotion

(16:55):
of different lifestyles, as you putit. But you conflated in when you
talk about lifestyles, sexual choices andbeing in charge of their body and physical
choices, and those are two differentissues. They really are. So let
me back up a little bit interms of understanding the issues around gender dysphoria,

(17:19):
being the concept of being uncomfortable thatsomeone is born it doesn't matter their
child and an adults that they're borninto a physical body, but they feel
as if they are of the otherbody. A gender dyspory okay. And
that was a classic term that wasused for it. It affects less than
one tenth of one percent of peopleworld. Why that's been the classic understanding

(17:41):
what the studies have shown for decades. Okay, we're talking about transgender,
we're talking about in the culture gendermodification and gender identification. But in doing
so, one of the things that'shappening is we're conflating three different things and
making into one point. So there'syour gender, your sex, you're plumbing

(18:04):
your chromosomes. That doesn't change,Okay, that you can't add one or
take away a y chromosome. Okay, So that's one issue. We have
the issue of your sexuality. Maybeyou're straight, gay, by asexual,
whatever it may be, and that'sby choice or by birth. That could
be either one, but it canchange over time. But it's it's a

(18:26):
it's a personal choice what you wantto do. And then you have the
third issue of energy, feminine versusmasculine energy. So feminine energy pulls in,
masculine energy goes out. You're justlooking at this objectively from from a
viewpoint. So a wolf is theepitome of hunting with male energy, it
goes out to hunt spiders the epitomeof female energy. It pulls into hunting.

(18:51):
But we don't call a male spidersheet and we don't call a female
wolf heat. It's three different issues. The sex or genre is one ensue,
the sexuality is one issue, andthe energy is one issue. And
I think part of the big challengethat is happening in our culture and in
society is we've conflated these three issuesinto one. So a man, whether

(19:15):
it's a young man or an olderman, has a lot of feminine energy
pulls in, you know, andhas that classic in the energy, that
feminine energy that has nothing to dowith their sexual choice. It has nothing
to do with their gender. Andsimilarly, a female who has strong male
energies out there and then actually inthat way has nothing to do with for

(19:40):
sexual choices and has nothing to dowith her gender. So we've conflated those
three. And then a question yourselfand the question you just asked, you've
conflated those three together. You've usedinterchangeably the idea of sexuality and gender,
and they are two different things.So it's one thing to educate people about
sexuality and say this is explorations orwhatever. This is a percentage of the

(20:07):
population. Maybe you're part of this, maybe you're not. It's one thing
to talk about energy. We allhave male and female energy. The whole
other thing to say let's modify ourbodies, that's an entirely different issue.
And you are given the plasticity ofour brains up until we're twenty seven twenty
eight years old, given the amountof hormones that are going on in every

(20:33):
preteen and teenager. And I've dealtwith young people who are going through gender
dysphoria. They feel that they arein the wrong body, and after having
long conversations with them, then they'vecome to the place of saying, Okay,
you know what, Rabbi, You'reright. And I'm still growing and
learning, and I don't want tomake any changes that could affect me down

(20:56):
the road. I'm going to waituntil I'm in my mid to late twenties
determined, really do I want tomake changes in terms of modifying my body.
I don't think that we want tobe encouraging children to modify their body
period because the choice is changed.I mean, I think about who I

(21:18):
was at seven or ten or fifteen. I'm sure you can think about who
you were at seven or ten orfifteen and who we are today. And
a lot of things. We wereso certain of it fourteen years old.
We're not so certain of what werealize we're wrong. So I'm very recounsel
trant to in any way suggest thatanyone should be involved in the decision making

(21:41):
for someone's body except the family numbers, the parents specifically with the minors,
with their minor children. And Ithink there's a qualitative difference between having a
conversation about gender and general dystoria asopposed to a conversation about sexuality. And
you know, again, I reallygive a lot more. I give a

(22:03):
lot more respect to parents and familiesso that they can have the dialogues with
their children. I don't think that'sthe place for the state to be involved
in and say, you know it, go explore this. Suddenly, the
statistics are that rather than one inten thousand people having gender dysphoria, that

(22:26):
now it's over five percent. Inthe last couple of years. The UCLA
studies show that that's how much it'sgrown. That's a pretty radical increase.
And either they weren't being reported beforehand, things have changed, or there's an
agenda going on. And I reallytry to keep the educational the schools.

(22:47):
I want our kids to learn whilethey still can't. I want them to
learn about Shakespeare, and I wantthem to learn about trigonometry, and I
want them to learn about science andhistory and for May of this nation and
all those kind of things, becauseonce they're in their twenties, they're probably
not going to be studying. Mostpeople don't continue studying and developing their intellect

(23:12):
after they're denal with school. SoI would really hope that the school system
would be focusing on those kinds ofthings and leaving other decisions to the family,
and certainly not not ever encouraging anyyoung person to do anything with their
body, because that you can't changethat. So I'm very accouncilorant to two

(23:36):
supported schools doing that. Again,that's not why we're home schooling, but
I think that it's it's important thatthe schools teach, and there's only so
many hours in a day, andthere's an encouragement for a social or political
agenda of any sort that takes awayfrom the hours that they could be learning
more of a classic education of mathematics, so that our math scores could get

(24:00):
higher than they are. I understandthat California masks coorts although than they've ever
been. Now, at what pointdoes a kid get independence and protection to
find out information like that without theirparents' knowledge? And then does the parent
have a right to know all ofthat? Where the conflict in there where
a parent has a right to knoweverything about their juvenile or minor child,

(24:22):
but where does the kid? Wheredo the rights of the kid come in?
I think that you know thirteen inour traditional a young person becomes a
bar about mits. That means thatthey're the beginning of manhood or a womanhood
as the beginning of their adulthood.And that doesn't mean that they have all
the knowledge or wisdom of an adult, but that they're starting to reidentify as

(24:48):
an adulthood. I think that's thebig identification that needs to come before looking
at body modification, is a selfidentification of responsibility and being an adult.
And that's the first piece. Ithink is important that parents should be involved
and should and everything going on withtheir minor children. Sadly that many of
us is going on in all sortsof things, and the parents hopefully have

(25:14):
a relationship with their child where theirchild will come and speak with them about
anything. But I think it's importantthat we give that, we give space,
but we also were the parents.I have a higher stake and interest
in the well being of my childrenthan any professional ever will, than any
school teacher or counselor ever will.And I know them better than any counselor

(25:38):
ever will. So I think thereis a place of it, and there's
a qualitative difference again between saying,look, if you want to know information,
if you're having a challenge, comehere, and I'll give another analogy
if I may. Years ago,I was teaching at Loyal and Merriment University
and at the time there were threeand a half girls to every guy at

(26:03):
the school. There was an HPVpandemic of which both men and women can
can get, but only women's show. So what was going on at the
school because there were so many girlsas opposed to guys, is you know
Johnny would say? The young manwould say, you know, to this
girl, I love you, Let'shave unprotected sex at seven o'clock, and

(26:26):
then you have another date at teno'clock and say the exact same thing to
another girl, you know, nineteenyear old kid. And so it was
being passed all around the campus.And I had the same conversation five times
with the young students, you know, young nineteen twenty twenty one year old
young women. I would say,Rabbit, I want to talk to you.
I don't know what to do.I've been diagnosed, I have HPV.

(26:48):
I don't want to talk to myparents. They never had me take
the vaccine before that because they assumedI was a good little Catholic girl who
would ever have sex. I'm scaredto talk to them. What should I
do? Should I know? Andasking me for medical advice or anything else.
And my conversation with all of them, and all of them did this,
and all of them were happy theydid, was look, your parents

(27:08):
love you. Go be honest withthem, Go have dialogue with them.
Tell they don't don't hide this fromyour parents. Go be honest because God
forbid of a turnance to cervical cancer. Go have a dialogue with your parents
and have it now. And theyall did, and it was all beneficial
for all of them and for theirfamilies. And I think that a good

(27:30):
school counselor, if a young personis coming and saying they have gender dysphoria,
that the good school counselor is notgoing to encourage them act on that,
but rather say, you know what, there's some information to go give
your parents. Go to have adialogue with your parents. Go make this
something that you can bond with yourparents about. I know a young family

(27:52):
and and the young girl you knowfelt she was a boy and so and
she's living as a boy at thispoint, tenage boy. But she came
to her parents and and then theybrought me in a couple of times to
spend time with them and helped negotiatein terms of, you know, how
to communicate with each other. Butthey're as close or closer as a family

(28:18):
unit, and that includes with hersiblings, with his siblings than they were
before all this. So I thinkthat the school's responsibilities to educate with information
and when an issue like this comesup, rather than saying, well do
this, or go have body modification, or go start taking harmless, I
think that's psive. I think thatthe school should instead be saying, go,

(28:40):
how talk with your family. We'rehere to help if if you want
to have if you all want tocome in, We're here to help in
it whatever way it's for your communicationto build the family dynamic. Because the
reality is that that young person who'sgoing through the gender dysphoria is going to
get out of that school. They'regoing to graduate that school, not gonna
have anything to do with that counselor. Again, the odds aren't if their

(29:03):
parents are always going to be intheir lives. And what's really important is
not for the counselor or the schoolofficial or the state to say this is
what you should do, but ratherfor the school counselor state, the school
itself to say, you know,how can we help your family to communicate
better with each other? I thinkif if if the schools did that,

(29:26):
I think you'd have people across theward in a healthier and better place as
individuals and as families. Because thetwo people, two young people you're just
referred to, wouldn't it have beenbetter if they'd been able to talk at
all out with their parents without theirparents judging them, coming down on them,
but really with guidance to to talkabout it. I know, a

(29:48):
young family and the young girl,you know, its going through whatever wh
she actually said to dysphoria, whetherlet's trendy whatever, maybe and came home
after being told by a counselor,well, maybe you're a boy came out
of the counselor's mouth. So let'stry living as a boy in school for

(30:08):
two months and then we'll tell yourparents if you think that you're a boy.
And the parents were shocked. Theydidn't know anything about this. You
know, they would give a closerelationship with their child, and they want
to talk to the school counselor andthe school counselors And this is a quote
from what they've told me. Theschool counselor said, then will you have
a choice? You can have alive son or a dead daughter. That's

(30:32):
not a school counselor's place, asopposed to saying, you know, let's
talk about you know, how canI help you talk as the family and
deal with what's going on in yourfamily so that everyone's healthy. And I
think the teenagers you spoke with,how much healthier and how much better would
they have felt if when they firststarted feeling this stuff, instead of hiding

(30:53):
it from their parents, they wereencouraged to go speak with their parents,
and their parents were encouraged to reallylisten to their kids. And communication is
so important because we always have tobe extremely careful. There is a small
percentage of people who really are goingand have always gone through this, and

(31:15):
we need to be careful and considerateand respectful and supportive of those people.
We don't need to have an agendain the schools. I think the agenda
should be to educate and to encouragebetter relationships between more open and communicative relationships
between young people and their parents.Do you have to ask you something real

(31:37):
quick before I let you go?You said something? Would you rather have
a live son or a dead daughter? Where did you get that from?
It's a horrible story. This isa family. The daughter was born,
a daughter identified as a boy.She had her first menstrual cycle and made
her very uncomfortable. She was tomboy, made her a very uncomfortable. She

(32:01):
want to talk to a counselor abouther. Counselor said, maybe you're actually
a boy. So let's do thisfor two months. We're going to call
you by the boys, the maleversion of your name. So this is
not the right name, but ifthe name had been Diane calling her down
or Dan for that two months andlet's see how you feel not talking.

(32:21):
Don't talk to your parents about it. We've taught our kids. Anyone says,
don't talk to your parents, something'sup, because you can talk to
us about anything, right. Soshe does, and two months later she
says, I'm a boy and Iwant you to call me Dan. And
the parents, who did not seeany of this coming because it was all
hidden from them, they never haddialogue, went to the counselor who had

(32:43):
suggested the whole process, and thecounselor said to the parents, well,
you have a choice because your childis actually a boy in a girl's body,
So you have a choice. Youcan have a live style or a
dead dog. Wow. And youknow this is just over a year ago.

(33:06):
Yeah, and this story happened intwenty nineteen, twenty twenty. I'm
sorry, twenty twenty two. Soum, you know, I just don't
think that's a that counselor. Theirlife moves on that school principle you're referring
to, their life moves on kidgraduates and kids out of their consciousness.

(33:30):
But this is everything for the parentsand to to to ever encourage. I've
had a lot of opportunities a rabbiand as a college professor, trust me,
I've had a lot of opportunities tosay, well, let's just keep
this between us and not talk toyour family. Family, don't talk to
your parents. And I have onehundred percent of the time said you know

(33:50):
what, I will help you ifyou need help in talking to your parents
and your family. But you shouldbe talking with your parents and your family
about them so that it can itcan build the relationships, it can strengthen
the relationships because they may be feelinghowever they're feeling at fifteen and at twenty
five realize, oh, you know, I'm in a huge mistake. I

(34:15):
can't come back from And the peoplewho are going to be there's not their
high school counselor from when they werefifteen. A person is going to be
there are their families, their parents, And I really think it's important that
you know when it comes to thiskind of counseling, this kind of guidance.

(34:35):
I think it's really really important thatthat schools and the state rather than
saying this is our opinion, thisis what you should do. Instead,
they should be saying, you know, how can we help you communicate with
your family? We want to encourageyou to communicate with your family and will
help with that if you want usto, will give your family resources.

(34:59):
It's not a good idea for usto ever replace the parents with the state.
That doesn't historically happen in any culture. The culture doesn't thrive or succeed
long term. Family units always thebasic unity. And those cultures that have
and societies that have surrendered the familysupport system in favor of the state,

(35:23):
have across the board fail long termthroughout history. So it's a wonderful thing
to say we need a tribe,we need a village to raise a family.
But the and there's a truth tothat, because there are things I
can't teach my son. They needto have other mentors teach them. But

(35:45):
God forbid any of those mentors areto the exclusion of the family. People
that there are mentors. You wantgood mentors who are in conjunction and in
addition to the family unit, notin replacement pens and planting the family.
And I think that's incredibly dangerous togo down that path. So, you

(36:06):
know, I think it's it's greatif someone will go to their mentor their
therapists, their school counts or whomeverand stay. You know, it's a
young person says I'm experiencing gender dysphoria. Okay, then I think the appropriate
and ethical answers to say, Okay, how can I help you communicate that
with your family, not hide itfrom your family, and then just help

(36:28):
them. I think that's just dangerousand unhealthy. Again, It's why I
focused on the issue of Dodger Stadium. That for me and for most of
the people there was about the antiCatholic issue, not about the the fetish
proclivity sexual issue. It's about theanti Catholic. Now. I'll tell you
that the Dodgers game an event.There were some people there who they were

(36:52):
upset because they felt the Dodgers werehonoring people who had, you know,
sexuality basis that are there's antithetical,they're understanding Atholicism. But that's not why
was there. That's not why mostof the people were there. Um,
you know, there have been noprotests or the other probe nights, and
I think we need to keep that, you know, clear, and we

(37:13):
also need to recognize again with theDodger Stadium issue. I don't know individually
the members of the Sisters the PerpetualConvulgence. I do know their actions demonstrate
without questions that there's an anti catholicate. But I don't know what your sexuality
is. I have no idea thatjust because the guy dresses up in a

(37:37):
in a nun's habit, you couldbe straight for all I know. It
just like stressing up right. Idon't know. So the issue I think
there again was the anti religion.I think we need to kind of keep
in our in our lanes and inour boundaries. And that's why I'm thinking,
you know again, why why Istay at schools and the state.

(37:59):
The jobs should be to help thefamily, not tear it apart, not
push their agenda on the young person. Yeah. And by the way,
it's Steve. I feel the sameway with religious institutions. Really, if
absolutely the young person comes to meand says, Rabbi, And I think

(38:22):
there's a real parallel here. Theyoung person comes to me and says,
Rabbi, I feel great when Ipray and when I study, and I
want to become a really, reallyobservant Orthodox Jew. I know my parents
are really really reform and secular,and they don't approve of it, but
I really want to do that.Will you study with me in private and

(38:43):
hide it from my kid from myparents? My answers, no, I
won't. What I will do issit with you and try and help your
parents understand why this is important foryou, and if if you all would
like me to help the study,to teach and to you guys to learn,
hopefully the family, not just asan individual. I'm here, but

(39:05):
I'm not. If someone says,you know, I really want to go
down a path to become an Orthodoxrabbi and my parents are really against it,
and they're fourteen, fifteen, sixteenyears old, my answer is,
before you decide to go down thatpath, why don't we talk with your
parents. I want to talk tothe family, with your siblings. I'll
spend the time and talk with youall and tell you the upside, the

(39:27):
downside, the advantages, the disadvantages, and we can talk about this is
passionate, not my place to startteaching the kid secretly from the parents.
So and I think that is analogousto what's going on in the schools in
some way, isn't it. Yeah, that you're absolutely right. I didn't
even really think about that, becausea lot of people seek out similar advice

(39:51):
from their religious leaders they as theydo from a school counselor sometimes maybe even
more personal. And I'm involved inthe kids life a lot longer than a
school counselor Sure right, I mayhave been involved in the baby naming or
Brith and the bar mitza and thewedding, and beyond right, so and
the grandparents' funerals or whatever else itmay be. And yet I don't say,

(40:16):
Okay, let's talk about this andlet's exclude your family. I think
that's irresponsible. I do the exactopposite. My answer is, well,
let's talk with your family about this. Let's use this as an opportunity to
build communication, to deepen your relationships, because they are going to always be

(40:36):
with you, whether you want themor not. Your parents are always going
to be with you, and they'realways going to be concerned about you,
and so I you know, asa rabbi, I don't overstep that boundary.
Sure I would never say to theyoung person, yeah, let's do
this and keep it a secret fromyour parents. I would I don't in

(40:59):
my entire life. I mean,I am pretty darnashun and I'm sixty years
old, and in my entire life, I don't think I have ever said
to any young person, let's keepthis as a secret between you and you're
you know, from you and yourparents. Wow, that doesn't help.

(41:19):
Yeah, oh no, absolutely,it's you know, I'm not going to
reveal your secret for you. Andthis has happened where a young person has
said, well, I don't wantto talk to my parents about it?
Are you going to talk to them? Now? I'm not going to reveal
it to you, but I'm notgoing to have these you know, if
this is how you feel, andI will encourage for them to begin the
dialogue with their parents and then I'llhelp you with that. But I'm not

(41:43):
going to keep going down a pathI wanted to say, Okay, I'm
gonna you want to become an OrthodoxJew, you want to become a reservant
Jew. I'm going to start,you know, tell your parents that you're
you're studying, You're going to schoolan hour early, and you can come
over and we're gonna wrap the filling. I're gonna say morning, Chris.
I would never do that. Yeah. I want everything to deepen the relationships
with the families, and I thinkwhen anyone gets in between the family,

(42:07):
it's never good for anybody. Hesaid, She said. They Said is
a production of the KFI News departmentfor iHeartMedia. Los Angeles and is produced
by Steve Gregory and Jacob Gonzalez.The associate producer is Nick Paliocchini and the
field engineer is Tony Sarantino.